Michigan State Fall Issue 1 - 8/29/12

The Black Sheep FR

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... l to ike "s you to r p t fir he st bu tri rn p t in o o g. lin "

• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 7, Issue 1 8/30/12 - 9/05/12

theblacksheeponline.com @TheBlackSheepMSU

6 THINGS THAT SEPARATE UPPERCLASSMEN FROM LOWER CLASSMEN Alex Everard wrote this

Hey, you! Yes, you— the 21-year-old kid in an adult body.

You’re an upperclassman/lady this fall, eh? Well aren’t you just the shit? If some freshman asks for directions, you know campus like the back of your hand and you can confidently point them in the polar opposite direction! Local delivery drivers know you on a smokedown basis and you’ve mastered the art of the one-hour post-tailgate rally nap. Well, congrats! Sadly, now there are a few things that are socially unacceptable for you to do. Let’s breakdown the exact perks and pitfalls of upperclassmanhood.

- You can go to the bars now. Cool. You’re either 21, or 20 and on your fifth fake. Either way, you’ve experienced Pizza Palooza, Taco Tuesday and a slightly embarrassing litany of other food-related bar gimmicks. Take this responsibility with a grain of salt, or a double-shot, or a White Gummy Bear, or a Long Island … you get the idea.

Basically, just don’t become that person who spends $100 a week to get sloppy and Instagram a Menna’s order at 3:00 a.m.

- You (hopefully) know what you want to do with your life. Fuck salt; take this one with a stiff drink, for sure. This means internships, “career choices,” and thinking before you get blackout tattoos. You know how old people say, “Oh, you twenty-somethings sure know how to rip shots of vodka out of half gallons!” Well, you bet your bottomshelf-liquor-drinking-ass that 25-year-olds think about their last years of college every day. Every day, while they drive in their “luxury sedan.” To their “job,” where they “work.” Every day.

time to start getting adventurous. First couple to bang in front of the new scoreboard wins season tickets and a trip to Cozumel. The new scoreboard produces a lot of light.

- Freshmen: Don’t do them. Just don’t. This campus is literally covered with nice people your own age who won’t drag you to a frat party and cry in between barf sessions on the walk home. Why not “sexually liberate” yourself by making sure you can handle dating one adult before trying to score with as many lanyard-wearing lolitas as you possibly can?

- You’re well aware of the perks of befriending the locals. For example, take Kenny, the guy who drives around a white van and sometimes gives you salmon filets in exchange for cans. And of course, there’s Willie.

He’s never given anyone anything but drab and long conversations about his past, but wherever Willie goes the party will follow. Or Willie follows the party to collect cans. Either way – cool dude.

-Speaking of freshmen, you know that totally raging bucket list you made when you were one? Well now is the

- You know how to avoid the fuzz. Just because you’re

the route to the title

what’s inside

legal to drink doesn’t mean you can’t get arrested for pissing on a church or taking a swig from a fifth of Seagram’s outside Pancheros at 2 a.m. If you’re not yet “of age,” you know exactly when to bail on a party because you’ve either received a couple MIPs or hidden in your fair share of garages.

If you’re an upperclassman, this list should sound about right: You’re more “in” with the scene, you know what East Lansing has to offer, and you’re still on the fence about going to Harper’s. If you’re an underclassman, look at all this great stuff you have to look forward to! So what are you waiting for? Get out there and bask in the glory of being a higher-ranking member of college society.

the top ten

fall fashion guide

it's as smooth as denard robinson's baby ballsack.

reasons it's better to attend msu than boise state.

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page 5

you won't find food, sex and depression on many other fashion guides.

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! k e e W e h t f o c i P

Shame on you. Do you realize what you’ve done? You’ve just picked up the one newspaper that nobody wants you to read. Seriously, your mom would be disgusted if she caught you with this. Why, you ask? Because we publish the truth about life at State. Will McAvoy would be horrified, as you’ll rarely find a real “news” story in here. Instead, you’ll be reading the uncensored advice, reflections, and opinions of college students just like you. And a fall fashion guide, among other topics.

Just like you, we’ve done a lot of different things while in college. Some of them were hot; some of them were not…so hot. But we did them.

And, yes, we’re ashamed. You might feel a little tingle too, as you peruse our pages. Don’t worry: This is normal. Writing honest things about the average student’s experience has the tendency to make both writer and reader blush. But you, the reader, are extra special because you’re privy to all of our cuh-razy, disgusting, and regretful experiences and decisions, and get to keep all of yours to yourself. It’s like being on the other end of a confessional or therapy session! Frankly, we’re kind of wondering who got the better end of the deal here.

Anyways, we’re sure you’ll look forward to picking us up every week.

Welcome back Spartans!

And— for real, please don’t show this to your mom.

Sincerely, Ziev Beresh Justin Gawel Managing Editors

Sexy Anagrams

Waif Lost Try Caned Pore Row

Do you know who these hotties are?

Send your answers to anagrams@theblacksheeponline.com First five right answers get a prize!

Topless Tuesdays just took an awkward turn...

(Want to be humiliated next week? Awesome.)

Send us your pic of the week at pics@theblacksheeponline.com

word of the week Highjack:

To steal while under the influence of marijuana.

“The fifteen-year-old quit Taco Bell after his manager berated him over letting some stoner highjack Baja Blast Mountain Dew with a water cup.”

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The Route to the Title

theblacksheeponline.com

Garrison Rasmussen wrote this Citizens of East Lansing, we have a dogfight ahead of us. Those “lauded” Big Ten beat writers have decided to go ahead and crown the creatures from Ann Arrogance as preseason Big Ten Champs. Right, because that‘s about as likely as Denard Robinson winning a foot race against Usain Bolt.

Oh Denard, the esteemed running back from Michigan. The same man that always finds himself on the Maxwell watch list; that is, until he actually starts playing against teams from the Big Ten, not the minor league scrubs like Massachusetts. Even against the better scrubs, the Zack Braffs if you will, Denard was shaky last year, throwing for a paltry 98 and 95 yards against Western Michigan and Eastern Michigan. Odd that the pundits at ESPN still find the need to talk about Denard as a Heisman contender with numbers like that, but we suppose they have to create buzz about other shitty quarterbacks besides Tim Tebow.

The Spartans have their work cut out for them, but rest assured we will be the true victors at the end of the day. Here’s how our schedule breaks down: Week 1-Boise State: Sparty will crush the Broncos’ dreams early. Andrew Maxwell will show why the offensive trophy was named after him and Le’Veon Bell will buck the Broncos off his back as he charges into the end zone. Fans from Boise will subsequently flood the suicide hotlines.

Week 2- @ Central Michigan: Central scores about

as much as that awkward kid with the pickup line about dragons does with a dime piece sorority girl.

Spartans win in a shutout and the town of Mt. Pleasant is destroyed beyond recognition.

Week 3-Notre Dame: Sparty does its best potato famine impersonation this week and easily destroys the Irish. Afterward, Tommy Rees gets drunk and is beaten to a bloody pulp by the city of East Lansing.

Week 4-Eastern Michigan: Hey, we have two bye weeks this year!

Week 5-Ohio State: Urban Meyer and Mark Dantonio have a heart attack-off as Le’Veon runs like crazy on O-H-I-O as most of the Buckeye fans leave the game early to go get tattoos.

Week 6- @ Indiana: Indiana’s beat the Spartans a whopping total of fourteen times since this “rivalry” started in 1922. Expect the same. We’ll raise the “Old Brass Spittoon” victoriously, just like Uncle Cleatus would’a wanted.

Week 7- Iowa: East Lansing isn’t sure what’s more boring: Hawkeye fans talking about their adorable party school ranking or the 49-3 clinic we put on at the expense of Herky.

Week 8- @ Michigan: Sparty wreaks havoc this week where the football team dashes Michigan’s title hopes; our student body travels to Ann Arbor and destroys any notion that Wolverines can drink as well as Spartans.

Week 9- @ Wisconsion: Montee Ball shows his badger lacks honey as the Spartans' front seven pound him into the ground. Barry Alvarez chokes Brett Bielema to death with hamburger farts after the game.

Week 10- Nebraska: Taylor Martinez is a horrific quarterback who actually throws the ball out of bounds more frequently than Denard Robinson. This shall be another easy win.

Weeks 12 and 13- Northwestern and @ Minnesota: Ah, victory over bottom-feeder Big Ten teams. The last two weeks will be a time for Sparty to pick on nerds and ex-hockey players that were somehow tricked into playing football.

Barring another referee’s mess-up, MSU will easily win the conference title en route to the Rose Bowl, a game in which they will successfully stop the USC Trojans in a smackdown so demoralizing that the Trojans will be hiding in their giant, wooden horse by the end of the game. Sparty on!

The Black Sheep Fall Drink Guide Cody manthei wrote this In my time as a student at the prestigious Florence Higher-Learning Facility of Booze and Motorcycle Repair, I was always told the importance of seasons when it comes to picking the right alcoholic beverage. For instance: Stouts are not the ideal summer beer, ginger ale as a mixer is always in season, and scotch mixed with bile induces vomiting no matter when you drink it. I bring this up for two reasons. First, to inform you uncultured ruffian-types of my credentials, thus ensuring my authority on the topic at hand. Second, in the hope that my sophisticated taste buds will one day get me laid. But enough delusional thoughts from Fantasy Island, for the time being just sit back, relax, and enjoy some of these delectable fall drinks.

The first drink on the list goes by, “The Apple Captain,” “Stankay Cider” and “Snow White’s Demise”— but let’s get real and call a spade a spade, it’s fucking Captain and apple cider. Nothing hits the palate like a mug of warm spiced cider with a splash of spiced rum, or for you alcoholics out there masking your problem with the label of “college binge drinker,” spiced rum with a splash of warm cider. Most people would add a hint of cinnamon with this tasty treat, but I suggest a pinch of Tabasco.

Generally, I leave the wheat beers and action movies for summer and move to the heavier stouts, porters, and Oscar-worthy flicks once fall hits. No more. Short’s

Brewing Company has a fantastic wheat ale perfect for game days. A beer with a taste so memorable you might remember it even after blacking out at your family’s tailgate and hitting on your ultra-conservative, virgin cousin, you sick, sick fuck. (You know who you are and what you did to Millie). This beer is called Nicie Spicie and it will blow your mind right out of your face hole.

The first sip reveals a hint of citrus - lemon and lime, but not in an overwhelmingly fruity, Summer Shandy kind of way. Right when you think the flavor explosion of Nicie Spicie is over this beer hits you with a powerful taste of peppercorn. It’s indeed both nicie and spicie! Thanks, Short’s Brewing Co.! True beer lovers salute you.

The last drink on my list of fantastic fall drinks is called the “Spood”. Rightfully named because the spoon you’re looking for to stir it will magically transform into a “Spood” after a couple tumblers in this melting pot from hell. This drink takes some work. The first step is to find all the booze in your house. Check the fridge! Check the whiskey cabinet! Check your underwear drawer, you secret indulgers! And don’t forget the shelves in your shower for your forgotten shower beers. Once you’ve compiled all the loose alcohol around your house, pour a little bit of each into a tall glass. Then for the final touch, add some Sprite! Just about a shot glass worth’s though, you don’t want to dilute all the tasty treats with the joke of a soda. Chase with a bowl of some NyQuil-laced

catnip and presto; you’ll be putting plenty of distance between you and the nearest coherent thought.

Although this is only a short list, and fall drinks are certainly more extensive than this, I included only the top three. One for the liquor lovers, the beer lovers, and the lovers of anything that will get them fucked up. If any of these drinks don’t tickle your fancy, I have one word: drink. Just drink. It doesn’t matter what, but do it. We all know the old adage, and it is one to live by: “A beer a day is nothing! Have five!”

the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android

the freshmen guide to the first week of college Andrew rickerman wrote this The dorm is where your college career begins. It plays a critical role in who you socialize with and whose naughty places you attempt to touch. Hopefully for your sake, the luck of the draw is on your side. Statements like, “Feel free to stop by room 243!,” “Let’s go to the girl’s side!,” and “Whoa, you like Fifa too!?” will ring through the halls. There’s no avoiding meeting your floormates, even your suitemate and his toenail collection.

The key to dealing with this new environment is being open to others. You have a lot more in common with these people than you think and as long as you aren’t a dick, some of them will become lifelong friends. You have plenty of time to hang out with fellow degenerates from your high school.

Don’t mess up this opportunity to show a little maturity, and possibly make a friend who isn’t another clone of you.

So you’ve cheated just enough through high school to get accepted to college. Congratulations! Your decision to befriend the kid who smelled like gravy and loved his calculator as much as he loved his porn really paid off.

Now you find yourself stuffed in the backseat of your mother’s minivan – along with every possession you’ve ever owned – on your way to campus. Mom is already crying, dad is pissed about all of the shit he is forced to lug up six flights of stairs, and your anxiety builds as the mile markers pass. At this point, you probably have a lot of questions racing through your mind. How long can a set of bed sheets really last until man finds them hospitable? Will my RA look as weird in person as he does on Facebook? And finally, how the hell do I get through the first week of college? The Black Sheep can’t help you with the first two questions. You’ll have to learn those answers the hard way like everyone else.

However, we can offer some insight about those few gleeful days – filled with drunken debauchery – commonly known as “Welcome Week.”

You will soon learn that college is a never-ending orgy of booze, sex, and drugs (though in our case, sex doesn’t apply very often) sprinkled in with short amounts of time in lecture halls and being groomed into “a productive member of society.” Getting a degree and setting yourself up for a soul-crushing career is nice and all, but let’s not kid ourselves, you decided to attend school for the first three things we mentioned. Luckily for you, the first week always contains all of them, on steroids.

The Dorms: Sure they look like ominous housing projects from afar, but this is your home now, and one day they will be the source of nostalgic memories. You’ll never forget the time you pissed all over the study lounge or the time you left your friend passed out in the elevator because it was “funny.” Good times.

Going Out: Welcome to the shit list, people. If you’re a freshman guy, you are now the scum of campus. Freshmen girls, you're in luck, you’re now the main targets of sexual exploitation. Sounds promising, right?

Our only advice for this subject is to do one thing: start walking. If you don’t have older siblings or older friends on campus you are left fending for yourself when searching for alcohol and parties to attend.

Although this blows, it provides a great opportunity to explore. So you heard from your suitemate’s friend, who “kinda-sorta” knows this junior who lives on Beal Street, that there may be a party? Fuck it. Put your face on, make the half-hour trek from South Complex, and show up. So what if there are only 3 people on the porch. Get your ass in there and start embarrassing yourself and attempt to make friends.

They will love your presence, we’re sure.

If having conversations that don’t go past, “Hey, what’s your name again?” and anonymous finger-blasting are among your interests, then we recommend checking out frat parties.

These are easy to find and lots of other freshmen with nothing to do will be there. But in order to get in you need to bring some girls (challenging, we know). They can be a lot of fun with a good group of friends, but if you’re still attending these parties next year, you’re doing college wrong. Your first year at school should be spent creating a decent network of interesting individuals in an effort to avoid places like these, cloaked in superficiality.

Conclusion: Hopefully you found this advice to be helpful, or at the very least mildly entertaining. No matter how much shit you may get for being a freshman, deep down, everyone wishes they were in your shoes again. Now prepare yourself, because you are about to participate in one of the most sacred holidays known to man, Welcome Week.

The Top ten

Reasons It’s Better to Attend MSU than Boise State Ladies and gentlemen of East Lansing, it’s no shocker as to why our lovely Michigan State is better than Potato State (cloaked in the fancy, vaguely French name of “Boise”). Existing in Idaho, a state that resembles an awkward twelve-year-old’s boner, there is not a lot to like about Boise State University.

10) Boise State’s mascot is a pony: Now, I’m not the epitome of manly men, so I can tell when your mascot resembles a My Little Pony. Our mascot is a MAN, with a big helmet. He’d literally ride that pony up and down the street (and Sparty plans to, I’m sure).

9) Boise State’s school color is cerulean: For those who aren’t art majors because they want to have real jobs someday, cerulean lies next to the shade of your grandmother’s blue sweater that has outlasted five presidents. Our majestic forest green will always stand triumphant over freaking cerulean.

8) Boise State isn’t even the coolest university in Idaho: You can either have the Boise State Ponies or you can have the Idaho Vandals. Tell me, world, what is more menacing, a vandal pillaging and roughing up townies, or a wee pony disappointing children at a birthday party? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

7) 55% of Michigan State consists of girls: Boise State has four girls altogether and they’re all starting linewomen on the team.

6) Speaking of the team, Michigan State had a football team before 2005: Yes, they’ve had good teams for the past seven-ish years, but we’re not Michigan fans, so we won’t selectively choose which seasons we pay attention to. Though, if we could, we totally beat Michigan the past four years, so yeah!

But seriously, Boise State was irrelevant for nearly the entirety of its existence.

5) BOISE STATE IS LOCATED IN FUCKING IDAHO: Do you know what they do for fun in Idaho? They talk about farming and play a little game called “Who’s Going to Die First.”

4) Michigan State has a particle accelerator AND some nuclear power thingy: Boise State’s highest technological advancement is a potato grinder and a computer that runs Windows 95.

3) “So, you have potatoes, Idaho? Awesome, thanks for the cholesterol and carbs.” –Said no one, ever, besides me: Because I’m lonely and fries make me feel powerful.

2) Zero: Not only is it the average attractivenesslevel of the aforementioned Boise State girls, but this would also be the amount of postseason basketball games that Boise State has won.

1) The Black Sheep resides at Michigan State University: Not only is it awesome that we simply exist, our readers exist too (hopefully), and you guys are just as relevant. Duh, you’re the ones who’ll be there when Sparty dominates under the lights on Friday!

Garrison Rasmussen wrote this

From the Streets

[PartyPics]

Got a question you want us to ask?

FTS@theblacksheeponline.com

What’s your best advice for incoming freshmen?

"Check yo’ email.”

- Olivia K., junior.

“Don’t wear a lanyard.”

- Brendon W., sophomore.

“Just fuck it.”

- Chris B., senior.

send your party pics to pics@theblacksheeponline.com

(View and Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App! Search black sheep mobile)

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the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android

Fall 2012 Fashion Guide Hannah borland wrote this Are you still rocking those Ugg boots and leggings like you’re not putting your camel toe and panty line on display for your entire ISS class? Have you ever thought to yourself, “Wow, I wish I didn’t look like such sloppy, post-rocky road cock today”? Then bitch, it's time to work it like your pimp stole your welfare check this month! Here at The Black Sheep, we care about your self-esteem and want to bring your sweatpants-wearing, beer-bloated ass only the best in fashion- and we’ve studied it for months, bro. Get your cameras out and actually take a shower before your 8 a.m., because we’ve got “I’m Too Sexy” in our heads, “Sexy and I Know It” in our hearts, and we’re ready to give you three credits of what’s hot and what’s not.

Trend - Getting Down with the Football Team. With the Michigan-Michigan State rivalry at the most intense it’s ever been, one way to show your unwavering support of green and white, and stick it to those maize and blue (ball) Wolverines, is to let this choo-choo run through you. We’ve watched this trend slowly build over the last year and predict that it will reach its moan-inducing climax this fall, with both males and females jumping on this fashion express to Orgasm Town.

Hot or Not? HOT! What’s sexier than school spirit, even if it gets a little gooey?

Trend - Crippling Depression. This overwhelming feeling of plain-old ickyness has spread like crabs at a frat house on this campus. Experts say that the prevalence of this new ‘tude can be credited to that savvy and sophisticated maven known as higher tuition rates, who teamed up this season with State’s brand spanking new faux-modern-art-museum-building-thingy to bring this style to life.

Hot or Not? NOT! You know what goes with not showering before your 8 a.m.? Not having the will to get out of bed in the morning.

Trend: Eating Food to be Political. This rising fashion star has been getting a lot of recognition lately thanks to Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, where thousands of people who love chicken and the Bible came out to finally celebrate the two together. However, this diamond in the rough has actually flown under the radar for years, with vegans not eating animal products to stick it to the man, so-called “locavores” eating only home-grown foods to stick it to the corporations, and lactose-intolerants not ingesting dairy to stick it to shitty genetics.

Hot or Not? HOT! Finally, we can feel good about our reasons to eat when we’re not hungry.

Trend: Tramp Stamp Removal Scars. For ladies who got inked in the nineties and your everyday skank who just realized how cliché lower back tattoos are there’s laser removal scars! Let me tell you, these treads on the ass’s backyard are in this year. Now that the typical female tattoo has migrated about two feet north to the back of the neck, we’re expecting to see a lot more rose vines, inspirational words, and shame disappearing this season.

Hot or Not? HOT! This look just screams, “I wanted to be an extra on the fourth season of Sons of Anarchy.”

Are you in this season, or are you just another lame-ass who insists on being an “individual”?

Don’t kid yourself; you’ll probably never be either. But you can get off your Wal-Mart issue futon, wash off the smell of bong water, and follow our bitchin’ fashion tips. At least then everyone will know you’re cool enough to follow fashion advice given by people who know jack about fashion. Or advice.

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January 2010 Happy Hour: Monday – Friday 3-6pm.

$2.00: Domestic Pints $2.50: Well Drinks ½ Off: Potato Skins, Onion Rings, and Hush Puppies.

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WED, 8/29 THURS, 8/30 FRI, 8/31

TUES: Ladies Night w/ DJ KING $2.50 You Call It's Wednesday $2.50 Miller Lt, Coors Lt, Daily Specials:

Monday 9pm-Close Rolling Rock Bottles

$2.50 - Pints $3.50 $2.50 – Call Long Drinks Islands Tuesday 9pm-Close $2.50 Soco Lime & Kamikaze Shots

6 $2.00 – Well Drinks

$3.00 – Premium Drafts

$4.00 - Irish Car Bombs Wednesday 9pm-Close 13 $2.00 – Domestic Drafts

$2.50 – Well Drinks $3.00 – Bombs Thursday 9pm-Close $2.50 – Pints 20

$2.50 – Call Drinks

Friday 9pm-Close

$3.50 – All Pints 3PM BURGER BASH $3.00-–8PM Well Drinks $1 Burgers Fries 1/2 OFF Drinks Saturday$1 9pm-Close 27 $3.50 – All Pints (excludes top shelf liqours)

$3.00 – Well Drinks 8PM - Close: Ladies Night w/ DJ KING

Sunday All Day $2.50 You Call It's, $2.50 $3.00 –Bloody Mary & Miller MimosasLt, Coors Lt, $3.00 – Pints Rolling Rock Bottles, $3.50 Long Islands Shots $8.00 – Burger, Fries & Pint

$2.50 Soco Lime & Kamikaze Every Day

$3.00 – Kamikaze Shots

$4.00 – Pinnacle Bombs

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FRIDAY NIGHT UNDER THE 9pm – Close EveryLIGHTS Day ½ITS Off – A Potato Skins GREAT DAY Hush Puppies & Onion Rings TO BE A SPARTAN OPEN EARLY!!!!!!

SUNDAY: $3 Bloody Marys Thursday Friday Saturday $3 Mimosas 31 1 2 DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) Global Village $3.00 ALL Draft Pints DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $8 Burger and Pint Special 7

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The Ice Boxers

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$3.50 Pints of Coors Lt, Miller Lite, Labatt Blue Light $3.50 Well Liquor DJ Beats

Happy Hour 3pm - 7pm: $5 Domestic Pitchers, $1 Off All Wines, $3 Single Wells 9pm - 2am: $6 32oz Mini Buckets (exl. Red Bull), $1 off all Draft Beers, $3 Flavored Vodka Bombs, $3 Soco Limes & Washington Apple Shots 11am - 4pm: $3.50 23oz Domestic Drafts | Bloody Mary Bar! Happy Hour 3pm -7pm: $1 off all Kraft Beers, $3.50 23oz Domestic Drafts 9pm - 2am: $1 off all Kraft Beers $3 23oz Domestic Drafts

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$3 Bloody Marys $3 Mimosas $3.00 ALL Draft Pints $8 Burger and Pint Special

MON, 9/03

$4 Domestic Pitchers $5 Premium Pitchers $3 Shot Special DJ KING

$2 Bottles of Miller Lite, Coors Lt, Labatt Blue Light $2 Wells

Happy Hour: 3pm - 7pm!

9pm to 2am: $3.50 Dbl. Well Drinks, $4 23oz Domestic Drafts, $3 Shot Special, $2 Kamikaze Shots

TUES, 9/04

Ladies Night w/ DJ KING $2.50 You Call It's $2.50 Miller Lt, Coors Lt, Rolling Rock Bottles $3.50 Long Islands $2.50 Soco Lime & Kamikaze Shots

$2.50 Call Liquor $3 All Pints DJ Juan Trevino

Happy Hour: 3pm - 7pm!

9pm to 2am: $3.50 Dbl. Well Drinks, $4 23oz Domestic Drafts $3 Shot Special, $2 Kamikaze Shots

WED, 9/05

$2 Well Drinks $2.50 Bud & Bud Light Bottles $3 Bud Lt Platinum $3 White Gummy Bear Shots DJ BIG MIKE

1/2 Off Night DJ Juan Trevino

Happy Hour: 3pm - 7pm!

9pm to 2am: $3.50 Dbl. Well Drinks, $4 23oz Domestic Drafts, $3 Shot Special, $2 Kamikaze Shots

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WED, 8/29

Ladies Night!

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$2.75 Bottles of Corona and Sierra Nevada $2.75 Shots of Curevo Gold

$2 Domestic Pints & Wells $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints $3.50 Beef Schawarma Sandwiches, $5.50 Falafel Salads & $6 Chicken Schawarma Salads

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FRI, 8/31

All Out Saturdays $3 Long Island $2 PBR and Keystone Drafts Late Night French Toast Sticks

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SUN, 9/02

$2.50 Bottles of Miller Lite and Miller Genuine Draft $2.75 Shots of Jack Daniels

Closed, See You Tomorrow!

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18+ Night!

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The Bar Grid

page 10

How To Avoid the Freshman Fifteen

theblacksheeponline.com

zoe kremke wrote this

Lurking in the dark corners of campus, this predator seeks weak freshman. It rips them apart, attacking them both physically and emotionally, until they can no longer bear the thought of wearing anything but sweatpants. That’s right, it’s the feared Freshman Fifteen.

For years the Freshman Fifteen has been an unavoidable enemy that nearly every new college student tries (and fails) to escape. But not this year. This is the year that, together, we slay the beast. Let’s face facts; college is filled with new experiences. Be it partying or selecting three donuts topped with frosting as your breakfast every day for the first month of school, choices need to be made. Sadly, some of these choices may lead to the loss of your cheerleader figure. Welcome to the real world, a place where you’re punished for your bad health decisions with a slowing metabolism and the inevitable weight gain, as well as the resulting cankles Luckily, you have this handy-dandy little kick in the pants to help you avoid the previously-mentioned Double-F.

First thing’s first— get off your ass. Do a push up. Go ahead; I’ll spot you. See, was that really as hard as you thought it was going to be? You can actually be a totally normal person and hit the gym once, twice a week. There’s no unwritten rule that everyone who belongs to a gym has to be a buff guy with an ego bigger than his massive triceps. Mind-blowing, right? But hey, not all of us have the balls to bare our flabby, Jello Jiggler-esque arms in an openly “fit” setting. That’s cool. Go for a jog, a walk, a bike ride. Anything that requires movement is a literal “step” in the right direction. No, playing video games doesn’t count.

Just because you really worked up a sweat during that last round of COD doesn’t mean anything except that you’re in terrible shape.

the more you need to come up with them. You aren’t smart enough to get creative, and really, you can’t just keep saying you’re going to “study” instead. We all know that’s not true, so get off your high horse.

All right, you’ve taken the first step and went for a walk around campus. And hey, while you were out, you noticed that there is actually a lot to do besides sit in your room and update your Netflix queue. A whole world opens up to you when you aren’t a social recluse anymore. So put down the bag of Cheetos and get out there. Maybe try a salad while you’re at it. Because, you know, vegetables are typically considered to be good for you when they A second bit of unsolicited advice: don’t make excuses. Even if you’re not directing your aren’t prepared “Michigan Style”(that’s fried and covered in ranch dressing). Just a thought. poorly-formed lies towards a potential workout-buddy, it’s still not a good habit. Lying to yourself is worse because that shit burns a hole in your conscience faster than cigarettes Keep fighting the good fight against the F^2, freshman. Maybe, just maybe, this will be rolled by orphans. Plus, the thing about excuses is that they have a tendency to get lamer the year we show it who wears the pants with the non-elastic waistband in this relationship.

page 11

the black sheep mobile | for iphone & android

bartender of the week Doug r. Dublin Square Age: 29

What’s your favorite Michigan brew?: Bell’s Two Hearted or Short’s Soft Parade.

Class: N/A Major: Certified as a personal trainer.

What’s your ideal pre-drinking meal?: Bacon cheeseburger.

Relationship Status: Single (forever)

Turn on?: I love all women- tall and blonde.

Nickname: “Fresh”

Turn offs?: One turn off is a shitty attitude.

If you were to have a drink named after you, what would it be called?: The Angry Dragon- Bacardi O/ Bacardi Dragon Berry/ Torch Cherry with a little cranberry juice and a splash of sour mix.

Pepsi or Coke?: Uh, I don’t drink pop.

What’s the best bar sing-a-long? Do you ever join?: There’s mostly bass and lasers, so no.

Who was the last person you drunk dialed?: My mom.

the drinking game

Flip Cup Bananagrams Whether you like it or not, school is here. Since you’ve drank yourself silly this summer and need a little brain boost, here’s a way to wipe those cobwebs from your noggin and get Tipsy Russell at the same time.

What You’ll Need: 50 cups, beer, Bananagrams or Scrabble letter tiles, and vodka.

Number of Players: No more than five. Good thing you don’t have many friends.

Level of Intoxication: Pukin’ in the banana bag.

How to Play: - Set up 50 cups on a table.

- Fill 35 with beer and 15 with vodka. Make sure the vodka cups are randomly dispersed among the beer cups.

- Give every player 15 Bananagram pieces, face down.

- All players must flip their pieces over at the same time.

- Players individually begin creating words in a crossword-like fashion.

- Players may trade letters with their opponents.

- When a player uses all of her letters, he or she says “Peel!” and every player must choose one cup and flip it on the table.

- If the cup doesn’t land facedown, that player must toss back another cup. This continues until a player successfully lands a cup upside down.

- If a player has letters that are impossible to place in their crossword, that player can call out “Dump!” and exchange the letter for more letters depending on how many cups he or she drinks (for example, if the player drinks two cups, he or she can take two new letters).

- Once someone uses all of their letters, they say “Bananagrams!” and every other player must take a shot.

The Game Ends When: Someone gets “Bananagrams!” Refill all cups and start over.

download our app for all of our drinking games!

What is your favorite welcome week activity?: People watching.

What is the worst pickup line you’ve heard at last call?: Why not?

Favorite Olympic event?: Basketball Did you play any Olympic drinking games?: Yeah, I participated in the bar Olympics.

Recipe for Disaster

S’mores Puppy Chow S’mores-flavored puppy chow, need we say more? Get s’more deliciousness without the pain-in-the-ass task of building, maintaining and extinguishing a bonfire.

Where can one build a roaring campfire on a college campus, anyway? This grub is so delicious you might need a clean pair of pants afterwards. You’re welcome.

What You’ll Need: Golden Grahams, chocolate chips, and mini-marshmallows.

Cook Time: 30 minutes.

Fatty Factor: Your stomach won’t grow outward, your teeth will just cave in.

They’re totally worth it, though.

Let’s Get Baked: - Microwave the chocolate chips in a bowl until fully melted. Don’t burn ‘em or it’ll stink up your apartment.

- Stir the chocolate until all the lumps and bubbles are gone.

- Pour your Golden Grahams into a bowl.

- Slowly pour chocolate all over your cereal.

- Mix the cereal until all pieces are covered in chocolate. Add a little more if you’re feeling generous.

- Take the mini marshmallows and mix them into your chocolate-covered cereal.

- Put your final product in the freezer until the chocolate has hardened.

Taste just one handful of this and we promise you’ll never make an old, boring s’more again.

Hungry for More? theblacksheeponline.com

summer's last stand on visiting north coast music festival by: quinn

You’ve been back to school for a few days now, but something is beckoning you to Chicago. Summer is blowing into fall but it’s calling your name for one last day-drinking extravaganza. Sure, your whitebread suburban neighbors threw a nice barbecue to send you off, but it wasn’t the glorious exit you had in mind. Drinking Coronas with your neighbors and playing bags with you high school cousin didn’t quite encapsulate Summer Bro’ 12. You pulled out of town right before its final climax, right before it blew its warm-weather load all over Chicago's Union Park.

Yep, it’s time for North Coast Music Festival.

If you were at Lollapalooza you probably missed out on an entire day of live jams due to the #epicstorm.

That storm left a gaping hole in your musical ego, and sent too many poor molly-riddled bros home with nothing to ignorantly dry hump, nothing to allow the pure MDMA coursing through their veins to release its fury. So they were left to chew gum into dust and talk the ears off of everyone on the L. But alas, as we often say here at The Black Sheep, the Lord taketh away, and the Lord giveth. He has giveth you North Coast, so do your best to channel all the energy lost to that hellish thunderstorm.

Where Stormapalooza left you yearning for dubbedup electronica, North Coast has you covered. Girl Talk, Dan Deacon, Digitalism – if you haven’t seen some of these acts, you’ve seen whatever protégés they have spawned in the last couple years, from

“FRATtling” pseudo DJ’s to forced mash-ups of Radiohead and 8-bit Nintendo theme songs. That being said, these acts are the originals, so you should definitely rub your body against other people’s bodies to your heart’s extent during these shows.

If you’re going into senior year, and feel like the utopia that is college is coming to an end, we suggest catching YACHT, as many of their songs revolve around such an idea. Plus they’re unique and dancey but also laid back, just like you, the chillest senior on campus.

If you are the actual chillest person on campus, there is some serious head bobbin’ to be had at STS9, Umphrey’s McGee, or Gramatik –a DJ, who will give you an easy opportunity to peek your little dreadlocked gourd outside of the jam band realm.

Sure, you’ve just hauled your ass to East Lansing. But look around you, everyone is either wearing festival wristbands or talking about the concerts they went to. And if you don’t care about that, North Coast is a good reason to head back home one last time before diving into the semester.

At the very least, swing by North Coast when you go back to retrieve something at home. Why not have your parents pop out $120 to attend “Summer’s

Last Stand”? At least fork over the $50 for a single day pass. You came back home because you love and miss them, the least they could do is spot you 50 bones to go have some fun FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, GOD MOM.

The fest isn’t quite in the heart of Chicago, so if you’re afraid of being labeled a Impact 89-listenin’ mainstream music downloadin’ ninny muggings, you can be all “I prefer edgier music festivals, literally.”

Union Park is a fine park, and judging by the cartoon characters littered all over North Coast’s website, a very diverse-yet-groovy place. The festival layout is compact and intuitive, which means you don’t have to balls-to-the-wall your way to the front row if you don’t want to. Instead, you can sit back, get silly, and take in the iconic Chicago skyline one last time.

You’ve gotten a taste of being at school and had that “holy shit summer is over,” feeling. Heading down to Chicago will be the perfect send-off to Summer two-oh-one-two. Your brain says school, but your body says summer. It’s so wrong but oh so right. Time to get real nice and sloppy in Chicago, hold back puke on the train one last time, and go nuts on your parents’ fridge one last time. When it comes down to it, you could either be listening to your classmates talk about their boring lives, or you could be listening to STS9 MELT FACES.

the interview

Dan Deacon

Ask someone what they first think of when Baltimore comes to mind, and often the response will be one of two things: Crime or The Wire. Well, there’s also Dan Deacon, people. Part of the vibrant Wham City Collective, Deacon’s brand of music is as weird as it is catchy. His latest album, America, dropped August 27th. Be patriotic and cop that shit. By: Brendan The Black Sheep: I’m not as interested in how you started playing music, but when did it hit you that this is something you wanted to do for a living?

Dan Deacon: Actually, I think the “this is it” moment came in three parts. When I was young and I first heard the trombone, I knew at that moment I was really interested in music. The second step toward my life in music occurred when I first started using MIDI files (Editor’s Note: these are used in making music on a computer.), it showed me how much one could actually toy with sounds, and those sounds became music. It wasn’t until my first tour that I was sure that this was what I wanted to do for a living. I wrapped up a tour and realized that I got paid a little bit of money to play music in parts of the world I didn’t think I was going to see.

TBS: Your live shows are notoriously awesome. Do you plan ahead for them, or is it all spontaneous?

Dan: When I’m playing a live show, a lot of what happens really is playing off the crowd’s energy. I’ll try to introduce one or two new ideas on each tour, but a lot of what happens are spontaneous reactions to the crowd’s energy. Like, if the crowd is going crazy, I’m having a great time up there. If the crowd doesn’t seem like it’s having a good time, I take it in one of two directions, either I’ll try harder to try to win them over, or it’ll be like, “fuck ‘em, I’m doing this anyway.”

TBS: So what’s it like playing in front of a crowd that’s not into it?

Dan: Oh, I mean, that rarely happens. I’d say nine out of ten times the crowd is really into it. I mean, really, I can’t even remember the last time I played a show and the crowd wasn’t having a good time. Even then, when I say, “fuck ‘em,” it’s more, “I’m going to put on the best show I can, regardless of what they may think about it.”

TBS: Over the past few years electronic music has really came on the scene, though it’s music that’s very different from the stuff that you do. Does that excite you?

Make you wary?

Dan: I’ll just be happy when it’s not considered electronic music anymore. I may not be really into a lot of what people consider electronic music, but I’m really interested in the way artists are able to create sounds that we’ve never seen in music before. Even more than that, many “electronic” musicians add non-electronic elements to their music.

What I don’t want to see is us going backward- music that sounds like music that was popular in the eighties and the nineties.

TBS: When you started to introduce elements like strings into your music again, was that difficult? Was there a learning curve?

Dan: Well, when I started working with acoustic instruments again, it was challenging. I was rusty, having not used them in so long. Creating music isn’t like riding a bike—you don’t just pick it back up right away; it’s like speaking a language, if you don’t practice regularly, then you lose those skills. When I picked up some of the compositions that I had written when I was in college I was sitting there wondering how I had put them together back then.

TBS: What the fuck is “Crystal Cat” about?

Dan: [Laughs] I’ve never heard anyone ask that before. Well, on “Crystal Cat” I took the instrumental part of the song and I just started making nonsense noises that fit with how the song was progressing. After that, I worked on turning those noises into words, which fit with the music.

TBS: Watermelon or cantaloupe?

Dan: I guess it would depend on the situation that I’m in, but nine times out of ten I’m going to choose the watermelon.

TBS: If you could have any mythical creature as a pet, what animal would you choose?

Dan: A dragon.

TBS: What is one thing you want to see or do before you die?

Dan: I’m not sure. Nothing.

the big three

entertainment-y things we’re all excited about.

Animal collective - Centipede hz out september 4 Experimental physco geniuses Animal Collective are out with their latest record Centipede HZ. This being their sixth studio album is supposedly less ambient, and more “live-band” rock, but with still all the screams and sounds that we’ve come to know and love from these Baltimore-natives. cat power - sun out september 4 Cat Power aka Chan Marshall’s latest album Sun is her first alloriginal album in six years and, dammit, we know it’ll be worth the wait. The elusive singer has jumped many hurdles to get to this point, including declaring bankruptcy and a stint in the hospital. She’s a total badass though, and we’re glad to see her back. Check out her latest single “Cherokee.”

Breaking Bad - Season 5, part 1 finale Sunday, september 2 @ 10pm EST Walt (Bryan Cranston) is becoming more and more desperate to stay in the meth business and having an even harder time convincing Jesse (Aaron Paul) to stay aboard. We’re curious to see how part 1 of Season 5 is going to end, and already anxious for Summer 2013 to come so we can see if Walt will finally get caught - and if Skyler will ever stop crying.

the riddle

Send your answers to Riddle@theblacksheeponline.com

the classtime madlib: 1st day of freshman year I’m just reading over my ___1___ entry from yesterday, where I live-blogged my first day of college. Holy ___2___, I am awesome: 8 am: Okay, so I’m getting ready for my first “class” lol. This to-go coffee mug is so perfect for ___3___ and ___4___. Plus I’ll look so ___5___ around the guys. I hope some are wearing ___6___!

10:20 am: Thaaaat was boring. Skipping ___7___ because I don’t even know what I want to be yet.

I’m thinking I could be the next ___8___ because I’m so emotional and creative. Hopefully my roommate is back, she’s from ___9___ but I can tell she’s got a wild side to her, like that bitch ___10___. Maybe she’ll want to rip the ___11___ and go H.A.M. in the caf.

11:30 am: WOW what a ___12___! She said she won’t smoke yet because she usually waits until right before dinner. I wonder if everything is okay?

I found her fifth of ___13___ and I’m just going to have a sip.

1) online blog/journal

11:55am: I just Googled hiccup cure. :/

2) expletive

1:30 pm: So I went to the Caf by myself and spilled a tray of ___14___ all over this cute darkskinned boy. I said “___15___, you ain’t trippin’, I am trippin.’” Everyone laughed at me! Maybe I’ll be the next Chelsea Handler?

2pm: I just ordered an extra-large, double ___16___ pizza, about to carry it down the hall to make some drinkin’ buddies.

4:35 PM: OH MY GOSH I just got this sophomore to buy me alcohol, but she insisted on a 6-pack of ___17___ instead of the 30 rack I hoped for. She goes, “You don’t want to end up like ___18____.”

I was kind of offended, but I took them anyway.

9:30 pm: Wow, I’ve never had a nap like that before! Feels like I’ve been on ___20___ for like three years. I went to the bathroom and saw I had vomit on my ___21____ so that’s cool. Met some girls bonging ___22___ in the bathroom, so I think I’m going to meet up with them now. College is awesome!

3) Cheap liquor 4) unusual mixer 5) adjective for smart 6) type of fabric 7) Entry-level math 8) Trendy author 9) foreign country 10) rowdy celebrity 11) weed smoking device 12) adjective for dork 13) expensive liquor 14) drunk food 15) slang for boy 16) meat topping 17) craft beer 18) celebrity in #10 19) Trashy mtv show 20) Planet 21) Article of clothing 22) cheap beer

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