MSU - 3/29/12 - v06i11 by The Black Sheep

The Black Sheep

F the ree.. re! .like Oh th wa at it.. doll . it ar b 's a ill poo righ dol t lar .

• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •

Volume 6, Issue 11 3/28/12 - 4/4/12

theblacksheeponline.com @MSUBlackSheep

Pranking Through the Ages at MSU phil keller wrote this Happy April 1st, fools! In light of this foolish holiday, The Black Sheep has compiled a timeline of MSU’s greatest pranks throughout history. Ready, set, prank! October 18, 1856: Inaugural cow tipping. This marks the beginning of a long tradition at MSU: Getting drunk and knocking things over. February 26, 1867: Man farts in Case Hall. This is the first ever intentional fart on record, executed explicitly for the sake of humor. The perpetrator, a secessionist Latin professor by the coincidental name of Dr. Luther W. Fart, admits to the deed by saying that he “definitely pushed extra hard.” One witness claimed that the fart was “the loudest he'd ever heard” and went on to assert that it was “smellier than my girlfriend’s lady part farts.” September 18, 1924: Female dormitories are established on campus. The first panty raid, then called a “garter-sally,” occurred the following week. It was considered a minor tragedy, leaving several injured and burning down a large portion of campus. Fires, like garter-sallys, happened all the time in the 1920s. That’s history. November 8, 1976: The field choreographer for the marching band, Ava Tit, is fed up with her rival, Lance Ass, a tyrannical band director, and decides to quit with a bang. The night before homecoming, Tit calls an extra practice to add some last-minute changes to the band’s routine. Needless to say, the audience was in for a bigger surprise than Watergate. Cheers turned quickly to gasps as the dreaded “c word” took shape on the fifty-yard line with a capital C. If you have any doubts, it rhymes with punt and sums up Rick Santorum pretty well. No? Okay, it’s cunt. April 22, 1994: Mysterious vandal Bedazzles the Sparty Statue. A Shrinky Dink of the Michigan “M” is found at the scene and it reeks of nerd. Graduation Day, May 5, 1998: A disgruntled ex-girlfriend sneaks a boner pill into the valedictorian's breakfast cereal before the ceremony. He gives the speech at full mast. It was, by all accounts, “less than decent.” Picture the opposite of The Vagina Monologues. If you can’t picture The Vagina Monologues, it’s about vaginas. He did the best that he could under the circumstances. Like the old saying goes, “It's hard to do just about anything else when you’re busy pitching a tent.”

Other stuff

Inside

May 3, 2003: Frustrated by a parking police force high on the Patriot Act, a group of students grab a P.A.C.E employee ticketing a Jeep and tie him to a tree. The assailants then parked his truck in a handicapped spot, where it was eventually towed and impounded, pelting the officer with loose change all the while. When witnesses were asked why they participated, they claimed that, “P.A.C.E. workers are cocks,” and searched their pockets for more coins. Present: The New Art Museum - How much more expensive is it to build a museum with only acute angles? I'm pretty sure it’s a lot more expensive. In fact, I'm $45 million positive. Any nerd on the block would design a house that looks like a Jawa Sandcrawler if it weren't cost prohibitive. It took a lot of balls on the university’s part to pull off a prank of this magnitude. Sprinkling campus with twisted metal scraps covered in paint and calling it art is one thing, but this monument to all things pointy is crossing the line.

Present: The ANGEL Website. This maze of glitchy nonsense makes Charlie Sheen look stable. It has to be a prank. I know this because when I try to log in, a little window tells me to use a shittier browser than the one I’m using because it works better with this shitty site. Somebody high-up is behind this, somebody who cackles with laughter as they shut ANGEL down on Sunday nights. At least it knows it sucks and warns you beforehand. Unless that means it’s self-aware. Like if the Terminator were to not submit an online exam that you definitely told it to submit. Probably best to be safe and trash it now, while we still can. Future: Someday, many years from now, we will find out that all of those tuition increases were a prank. Silly Lou Anna K. Simon will have a Spartan-wide Skype session to tell us the news and we’ll all be refunded thousands of dollars. …Psych! Happy April Fool’s Day!

Get out of the tub of Cheetos for starters, chubby.

we've got some serious questions, and we need some answers.

because mother nature wasn't a huge bitch this winter!

see page 7

see page 10

see page 15

A Diet Plan for Out-Of-Shape Spartans

MSU's Most Curious Mysteries

Spring's Sacred Beauty: A Poem

page three

pic of the week >>> the best things in life are free.

the second best are cheap drinks. download our free app for iphone and android spend less. get more. what's not to love?

Search: Black Sheep Mobile got party pics? we really, really want to see them. really. pics@theblacksheeponline.com

No, Eve! Not the forbidden juice! Think your caption is good enough for Page Three? Psh, we’d like to see it! Send your caption to

caption@theblacksheeponline.com

sexy anagrams >>> last week’s answers

ashely greene & daniel dae kim

Can you guess these hotties?

Send your answers to celebs@theblacksheeponline.com

The first 5 right answers win prizes!

word of the week >>> Inexdickable

Encircles Hero Zing

Quail Sieges Rein

submit your own word at word@theblacksheeponline.com if you think you’re so clever.

Definition: One’s inability to understand the reasoning behind a hook-up the next day. Days later, Molly couldn’t figure out why she had slept with Kevin; it was inexdickable.

THe top ten Things Rush Limbaugh Thinks is a Slut 10) Me: I love eating sausage, popsicles and bananas. Slowly. Most phallic foods, really. My 2nd favorite place in the world is my bed, right after any guy’s. I heard those were the main criteria in being a slut, in which case I’m fucked. 9) You: Don’t act so innocent…like we don’t know what’s going on in the bathroom. I hear your ass-slapping noises coming from the community shower and I can see your jizzstained regrets from across the classroom. It makes me want to put on some rain boots, latex gloves,and a Hazmat suit dunked in anything that kills sperm. 8) Spayed dogs: They don’t have any chance of getting pregnant, and therefore, can bang EVERY MINUTE OF EVERY DAY. I’d like to say I’m envious, but I’m also glad that I’m not constantly getting rear-ended by a random guy who only gets with me because I don’t smell like a dumpster.

a call for chaos teddy baum cox wrote this The other day, our stuck-up and nerdy counterparts at The State News ran an opinion piece declaring that MSU Men's Basketball, warm weather, and St. Patrick's Day are not valid excuses to be destructive. As usual, Michigan State University’s backup paper has completely missed the point. In fact, I would argue that the lack of chaos on campus is sufficient reason to create even more chaos. This is the home of the Spartans. When you’re here, there are certain expectations to live up to. We shit with the door open because the lock is broken from every possible form of inappropriate behavior. We party hard no matter what the occasion, and when the time calls for it, we start breaking shit. If there’s ever been a time to wreak havoc around campus, you can bet every flammable mattress in town that it’s now. Allow me to tell you why.

out on the reg, passionately stroking us in the hope that we release our own inner fire. I can tell that you’re getting excited, so let me pump your rod or other improvised riot weapon some more. When King Leonidas faced the big-ass Persian army, did he sit around and go, “Boy, what will everybody else think of me?” Nope. He went ahead and built a wall ‘o bodies. If the very people we draw our mascot from can build a corpse-fortress, we should honor them by going ape-shit ourselves during times of celebration and partying. At the very least.

"by destroying perfectly good couches and buying new ones, we're actually stimulating the economy."

Our basketball team made it pretty damn far this year. Should we have lost when we did? No. Does that matter now? No. We still love our Spartans and we need to support them the best way we know how: Rioting. If not only for the basketball team, we also owe it to our football team who have faced the dreaded Wolverines and firmly bitch-slapped them where it hurts most (the left nipple) for the past four years. Even more importantly, we only have a few weeks to go before school ends, and it’s been far too calm around East Lansing for my tastes. St. Patrick’s Day has come and vanished like a prematurely ejaculating Leprechaun. But our passion should never die. The snow and cold of winter made us party indoors while repressing our excitement, not unlike the Holocaust. But now the sun’s been

Now don’t get me wrong here; I’m not suggesting that you go out there and smash bottles across M.A.C. Pedestrians use that. But if you really want to trash some couches, go ahead and do it. (Safety first.) Hell,we’re in a recession anyways. By destroying perfectly good couches and buying new ones, we’re actually stimulating the economy. Not to mention those broken 40s end up as free bottle deposits for the state. If anything, we should be praised for our time-honored tradition of raging face across this quaint little town. There are precious few moments in our lives when we can get away with being animals. So when we go up big (whatever that means),when the right holiday comes around, hell, whenever you hook up with someone way out of your league: I urge you to go buck-wild. Respect the cops, because they’ll book your ass, but remember: This is our school, so let’s show the rest of the world what true school spirit is: Pure chaos.

7) All women of childbearing age who don’t want kids yet: Rush Limbaugh thinks you shouldn’t have any benefits concerning birth control, so us women better practice that whole “aspirin between the knees” thing or make enough money to afford the pill. God knows no one else should have to pay for you to be a smelly, pirate hooker with your longterm boyfriend! 6) Sparty: It wouldn’t come as a surprise if Sparty seemed slutty to Rush. Think about it—he’s a hot muscle-y dude wearing a skirt..It might even make him uncomfortable and sweaty; make him feel the need to pull at his collar a little… At least that’s what Sparty does to me. 5) The pie Jason Biggs had sex with: I’ll still never know what compelled him to bang an apple pie, but it’s obviously the dessert’s fault. It shouldn’t have been sitting there, so tempting and available. Just asking for it. It used its feminine sorcery witch-magic to make a good man do a bad thing. So, Rush, please— don’t blame the guy. Blame the pie. 4) Little girls: Little girls will eventually grow into teens with boobs. Those breast-laden young women will eventually go to college. While in college, they will experiment. When those educated, former little girls experiment, they’ll want to protect themselves from potential consequences, thereby making them slutty. 3) His wife and previous wives: From the extensive “Rush research” I’ve been conducting, it’s come to light that he’s been married 4 times, yet has no children. Unless he’s shooting blanks or simply never made it through the gate, some form of contraception was being used. Rush was more grossed out that his wives wanted to take pills than they were when he served them his crème de Rush. 2) The Black Sheep staff: At least we can openly admit to being sluts. It’s in our blood, and makes us the sexual seduction experts that we are. Our animalistic drive is kept tame with our hobbies, which include sleeping, eating, farting, drinking, laughing and banging. Subtract one, and an orgy spontaneously occurs. 1) Rush Limbaugh: I assume that Rush has used marriage as an excuse to “ethically” bang the four women he’s been hitched to. Ironically, this view of marriage somewhat resembles the “wife=slave” ideology of the Taliban, the only thing he hates worse than sluts. Clearly he is jealous, and thus a slut himself.

black betty wrote this

www.theblacksheeponline.com

From 'da Streets Got a question you want us to ask? FTS@theblacksheeponline.com!

What's the worst insult you can think of? "Telling a girl she's ugly is about as bad as it gets." - Sam, Sophomore

the breakfast club justin gawel wrote this From the fanciest boy to the most urine-soaked homeless man, who doesn’t love a good breakfast? Due to its unique position in the day, breakfast has the opportunity to be the incident that can set the pace for an awesome day or a depressingly shitty downer. So, without delay, let me present my breakfast hierarchy so that we can all strive to start our days off right, because Lord knows there has to be more to a good morning than me taking a dump, looking at Twitter, and jerking off four times. Tier Zero: No Breakfast: Not fun, not fun at all. Come on, people—this is America, we don’t deprive ourselves of things here. In this country, if it feels good, you do it. I don’t mean to say we’re all chronic masturbators, but I think you catch my Tokyo Drift. Not eating breakfast might be acceptable if this were Uganda and you were part of Joseph Kony’s army (although I have heard that he keeps them well-fed with plenty of Kony dogs. Yes, I know, I’m disappointed in myself for that one too.)

doesn’t cover much else. Tier Three: Eggs, Pancakes, Meats, Potatoes: Finally, we have reached the level of non-depressing breakfasts. If you want to treat yo-self, fry the whole pound of bacon, slather those pancakes in syrup and butter, and eat that second yolk-only omelet. This is Michigan, after all; we don’t eat to live, we live to eat. So, go ahead and pack your hot, little pink mouth with so much meat that you could literally measure the time it will take off of your life. If we only get one life, why not spend most of it eating? Tier Four: Go Out to Breakfast: All the payoff and none of the clean-up/cooking/ woman’s work that goes along with making food at your place! If you have the money, why not pay someone to do things for you? Like walking your dog, getting a massage, or representing me in court for that time I threw up on that old Jewish woman and she fell and broke her face. Life is easy and awesome when everyone just does everything for you. That’s one thing where slave-owners and I are on the same page.

"this is michigan after all; we don't eat to live, we live to eat."

Tier One: Dirty Leftovers: The staple breakfast of the divorced middle-aged man. Yes, the kids who call him “Weekend-Dad” might find it awesome that he lets them eat pizza for breakfast, but in reality it’s because there is literally nothing in his dirty apartment besides stains, mail for overdue child support, bowling trophies, and cigarettes. Tier Two: Dry Cereal, Oatmeal, or Toast: If you are over the age of ten and no longer enthralled by sugary cereals or have already solved all the mazes and puzzles on the back of the box like I did, then this is a boring breakfast that you should not subject yourself to. Yes, you “technically” ate breakfast in the same way that women’s basketball is “technically” a sport, but remember— the only “champions” who eat Wheaties everyday are the champion gas pumpers and champion bag boys. Their $7.40/hr

Tier Five: Breakfast in Bed: The less work I have to do, the better. Winning money instead of earning it, being on the bottom during sex, and getting a 4.0 because the professor died are all things that give you the same result with much less work. So, yes, who wouldn’t love to be awoken to someone serving them food in their already (presumably) crumb-riddled bed? Beware though; many surprise attempts at breakfast in bed have been derailed by a wacky thing called “morning-wood.” Throughout your life you’ve heard that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Stop settling for less and Grape Nut up, people. We have dead animals to eat.

"You're not cut out to be in the medical field.' A professor said this to an international student in class." - Arturo, Sophomore

"That's so mainstream." - Chelsea, Sophomore

S E R U T C I P K E E W E OF TH

Send in your pics to pics@theblacksheeponline or upload them at theblacksheeponline.com

View AND Send Pics from our iPhone & Android App!

www.theblacksheeponline.com

A Diet Plan for the

Out-of-Shape Spartan Samantha Shaughnessy wrote this Are you a long-time porker? Do you ever feel like one of the pathetic backup “dancers” in a Richard Simmons special? Or maybe you’ve recently run into a “Regina George” phase and sweatpants are all that fit you right now. Well, fear not my little sausage roll! The Black Sheep has a solution for you: A diet plan. Day One: Now’s the time to start making some serious sacrifices. While eating an entire sleeve of Girl Scout cookies may typically pass as a snack for you, it is quite the opposite. Not to mention it’s something skinny people don’t do. From now on, there’s no more “Fourth Meal,” no midnight snacks, and no whimsically relating to Monique in Phat Girlz. To break out of these regular routines, swallow copious amounts of sleeping pills after dinner. You’ll pass out before getting hungry again around 8:30 p.m. Additionally, stock up on protein shakes and coffee. Not only do they curb your appetite, but they also give you a forever-imminent shit that feels like a brick in your stomach. But it’s not a brick. It’s shit. Day Four: Be physical without actually working out. Don’t worry, no need to take up parkour. Instead, try doubleclicking the mouse twice for a total of four clicks, even if only one is necessary. Feel the burn yet? If not, try a new sex position…like being on top. Reverse cowgirl was once

out of the question due to the terrifying sight of chins flapping around an exhausted, sweaty face (that’s why they call it “cow” girl),but now that you have some initiative, straddle that sonovabitch and make yo’ belly-fruit bounce. Another option is to attempt a walk to the gym. Hey, it’s a start. Getting there is only the first hurdle, and it’s already more than a workout for you, lard ass. Day Eight: Start a tanning regimen. There may be the obvious risks of skin cancer, liver spots and wrinkles, but being tan hides one’s fatty bits and cellulite. Why do you think all the sorority girls bake to a crisp? Because it makes them look a whole lot skinnier. They know the game. Can’t afford to tan? Undress and roll around a bag of Cheetos. Here’s another trick they don’t teach you at Gamma Oompa Loompa: Buy a pair of slimming, high-waisted, belly-sucking underwear. You’ll lose that pooch instantly! With your new tan and granny panties, you’ll start looking more like the Belle of the ball, rather than the Beast. Day Twelve: If all else fails, and taking the stairs still results in heavy breathing and ass-applause, try the easy route. With this method, you have several options. One includes starving yourself. A fool-proof plan, but difficult to

open until SINCE 1967 • EAST LANSING

4am!

332-0858 | 332-BELL (2355) TheBellsPizza.com | facebook.com/bellspizza

We Accept Sparty Cash

EAT IN • TAKE OUT • DELIVERY • CATERING

SUNDAY FUNDAY

MY DAY MONDAY

FAT TUESDAY

Buy 1, Get 2nd 1/2 off (11am - 8pm)

Gyro with fries or salad and drink $699 (11am - 8pm)

Spaghetti with garlic bread 99 $5 + $1 for meat (11am - 8pm)

THIRSTY THURSDAY

EVERY DAY AFTER MIDNIGHT

WILD WEDNESDAY $1 Pizza Slices Plus $0.25 per item (11am - 8pm)

Free Soda with $5 purchase

Large Pizza with Cheese or Pepperoni - $8

execute because doing it will eventually execute you. Then, there are the totes obvious weight-loss pills like TrimSpa, Hydroxycut and Zantrex-3 (better known as over-the-counter speed), or if you’re a ballerina: Breakfast. Last and definitely least, you could just stop trying. Give up and embrace the fact that you’ll be a fatty fat-fat for the rest of college and probably very far beyond.Then find another lardo to embrace you for you. Maybe one day you’ll be on The Biggest Loser together. Maybe you’ll both die young.

VOTED #1 PLACE TO TAN! OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK | FREE PARKING WE ACCEPT SPARTY CASH!

VIPTANNING.COM FIND US ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER!

Available Here!

1215 EAST GRAND RIVER AVENUE | EAST LANSING | (517) 332-4847

The Bar Grid

January 2010 Happy Hour: Monday – Friday 3-6pm. $2.00: Domestic Pints $2.50: Well Drinks ½ Off: Potato Skins, Onion Rings, and Hush Puppies.

THURSDAY: 4 - 8PM: Burger Bash! THURSDAY: Half Off All Drinks, Pure Promotions Fire/Ice Party $1 Burgers, $1 Waffle Fries DnW Sound & DJ Donnie D Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Daily Specials: After 8PM: $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors $10031 Cash Prize for1 Red or Blue Dress 2 Monday 9pm-Close DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) Global Village No Cover w/ Red/Blue Dress or Before 10 $2.50 - PintsLight, Rolling Rock Bottles DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $2.50 – Call Drinks $3.50 Draft Pints & Little Black $2.50 Call Drinks, SoCo Lime and TuesdayKamikazes! 9pm-Close Dress Vodkas, $3.00 Well Liquor 9 $3.50 Long Islands 6 7 8

SPECIAL NIGHT

1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells $4 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells, $4 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

BURGERAMA! 3pm-9pm BURGERS $1.50

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour FREE TACO BAR $3 Corona, Sol, Land Shark Bottles $2 Rolling Rock Bottles $4 Loaded Land Shark Bottles $4 Dirty Corona Bottles $3 Shot Of Well Tequila & SoCo Limes $6 Margarita/Daiquiri Mini Pitchers

Friday Fish Fry $7.50 All you can eat fish fry!

$3.50 Pints of Coors Lt, Miller Lite, Labatt Blue Light $3.50 Well Liquor DJ Donnie D

Saturday Happy Hour $4 Domestic Pitchers $1 Off All Wines $2 Single Wells

Take a break and come in!

Sunday All Day $1 Off All Kraft Beers $3 23 oz Domestic Drafts

6:00pm - 10:00pm Taco Trio with drink purchase 3 beef tacos $2.75 3 chicken tacos $2.75

$2.00 – Well Drinks DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) The Whirly Birds $3.00 – Premium Drafts DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $4.00 - Irish Car Bombs Wednesday 9pm-Close 13 14 15 16 $2.00 – Domestic Drafts DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) $2.50 – Well Drinks DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) The Ice Boxers $3.00 – Bombs Thursday 9pm-Close $2.50 – Pints 20 21 22 23 $2.50 – Call Drinks DJ Beats (Front Bar) DJ Beats (Front Bar) STAR FARM Friday 9pm-Close DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) $3.50 – All Pints 4 - 8PM: Burger Bash! Pure Promotions Fire/Ice Party $3.00 – Well Drinks Half Off All Drinks, DnW Sound & DJ Donnie D Saturday 9pm-Close 27 28 29 30 $3.50 – All Pints $1 Burgers, $1 Waffle Fries DJ Beats (Front Bar) $100 Cash Prize for BEST DJ Beats (Front Bar) $3.00 – Well Drinks After 8PM: $2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Red or Blue DJ Beats Dress DJ Minze (Back Bar) DJ Minze (Back Bar) Sunday All Day No Cover w/ Red/Blue Dress or Before 10 Light, Rolling $3.00 –Bloody Mary & MimosasRock Bottles $3.00 – Pints $3.50 Draft Pints & Little Black $2.50 Call Drinks, SoCo Lime and $8.00 – Burger, Fries & Pint Dress Vodkas, $3.00 Well Liquor Kamikazes! $3.50 Long Islands Every Day $3.00 – Kamikaze Shots Dublin Square Irish Pub $4.00 – Pinnacle Bombs 327 Abbott Rd East Lansing MI 48823 9pm – Close Every Day

$2.50 Bottles of Bud & Bud Light $3 Rumpleminz White Gummy Bears $2 Well Drinks or $4 Doubles

WED, 3/28 THURS, 3/29

4 - 7PM: 1/2 Off All Drinks All you can eat nachos! ½ Off –After Potato Skins 7PM: $3 Jack Daniels, Hush Puppies Onion Rings All&Pints and Drafts, SoCo Lime, and Kamikazes

FRI, 3/30

1/2 Off Almost Everything DJ Juan Trevino

$3.50 Pints of Coors Lt, Miller Lite, Labatt Blue Light For More Information Contact Us: $3.50 Well Liquor (517) 3512222 www.dublinsquare.net DJ Beats Or Text: “Dublin Square” to 839863 for specials & updates.

*Ladies Night~ Every Thursday!

SAT, 3/31

Monday-Thursday Happy Hour 4-8 $3 Well Drinks $3.50 Tall Domestic Drafts $1 Off All Wines $1 Off All Appetizers

$3.50 Captain & Flavored Vodkas $3 SoCo Lime and Kamikazes $3 Domestic Bottles

SUN, 4/01

So tired..at home sleeping...

$3.00 Bloody Marys $3.00 Mimosas $3.00 Draft Pints $8.00 Burger and Draft Pint

MON, 4/02

$5 Premium Pitchers $4.50 Labbatt's Pitchers $4 Domestic Pitchers

$2 Bottles of Miller Lite, Coors Lt, Labatt Blue Light $2 Wells

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour 8pm – 2am: $3 Double Wells $4 23oz Domestic Drafts $3.50 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

Half-off all food, ALL DAY

TUES, 4/03

$2.50 Miller Lite, Coors Light, Rolling Rock Bottles $2.50 Call Drinks, SoCo Lime and Kamikazes! $3.50 Long Islands

$2.50 Call Liquor $2.50 Draft Pints DJ Juan Trevino

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour $4.99 Burger Combo! 8pm – 2am: $3 Double Wells $4 23oz Domestic Drafts $3.50 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

Taco Tuesday Taco Trio with drink purchase, ALL DAY!

WED, 4/04

$2.50 Bottles of Bud & Bud Light $3 Rumpleminz White Gummy Bears $2 Well Drinks or $4 Doubles

1/2 Off Almost Everything DJ Juan Trevino

4pm – 8pm: Happy Hour 8pm – 2am $3 Double Wells $4 23oz Domestics $3 Choice Shots, $2 Kamikaze

1/2 OFF Wednesday Half-off all food, ALL DAY!

For People, Not Profit.

Michigan State University Student Housing Cooperative

BECOME A PART OF A COMMUNITY... Fifteen Historic Houses Democratically Run

FOR MORE INFO:

Student Owned and Operated msu.coop | (517) 355-8313 514 E Grand River Ave (Campus Town Mall)

Great Locations

The Bar Grid SATURDAY: Beer Fest! $1 PINTS 3-12am + $3.50 Pitchers 12-close All day! BURGERS+ totts and PITCHER = $5

FRIDAY: Happy Hour 4PM - 7PM: $0.25 Off Bottles and Drafts $0.50 Off Cocktails $1 Off Large Pitchers

Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close Sunday - Friday: $1.00 off ALL tall Drafts, $3 Smirnoff® flavors, Crown Royal®, Captain Morgan®, Jack Daniel’s®, SoCo®, Jameson Irish Whiskey® & $2 Select Shots PLUS $3 select appetizers

HAPPY HOUR! Mon - Fri, 4-7 1/2 Off Drinks and Drafts

Great Specials All Day, All Night, Every Day, Every Night!

SPECIAL NIGHT

18+ Night! DJ SouthPaw and Special Guests New Menu!

$1.50 Off 60oz Pitchers of Labatt Blue, Miller Lite, Sam Adams, Blue Moon, Leinie's Seasonal, Guiness

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Red Wings vs. Blue Jackets at 730PM

Wipeout Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine

$2 Off Pitchers Of Beer $5 16oz Sicilian Long Islands $6 Oasis Sangria Pitchers $3 All Mediterranean Beer & Booze, $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our Mediterranean Wines $2.49 Falafel Sandwiches $5.99 Mediterranean Pizzas

WED, 3/28

3-8pm: BURGERS+totts and PITCHER = $5! NEW! 2 dart boards, 2 arcades, 2 pool tables, new menu & new hours 8-Close: LADIES NIGHT $3 u call it's, express entry & no cover 4 ladies

$2.75 Bottles of Corona and Sierra Nevada $2.75 Shots of Curevo Gold

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 55-cent boneless wings

Thirstygirl Thursday DJ EC3 – NO Cover $1.95 You Call It Wells, Calls & Beers

$2 Domestic Pints & Wells $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Pints $3.50 Beef Schawarma Sandwiches, $5.50 Falafel Salads & $6 Chicken Schawarma Salads

THUR, 3/29

Happy Hour 4PM - 7PM: $0.25 Off Bottles and Drafts $0.50 Off Cocktails $1 Off Large Pitchers

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Red Wings vs. Predators at 730PM

TGIF $2.50 Pints & Bombs $2.50 Captain Drinks $2.50 Jack Drinks

$2 Domestic Pints & $4 Bombs $3 Captain & Bacardi Drinks (All Flavors) $2 Washington Apple Shots Cheeseburger Combo/Falafurger Combo W/Pitcher $11 Dom/$13 Craft

FRI, 3/30 SAT, 3/31

Fish Fry Fridays 6-close

Perch n totts basket + Pitcher = $5!

Try our GIGANTIC NACHO (feeds 3 men) $3 Double Wells, $2 Cans $3 Long Islands

Beer Fest! $1 PINTS 3-12am + $3.50 Pitchers 12-close All day! BURGERS+totts and PITCHER = $5 Try our GIGANTIC NACHO (feeds 3 men)

Come Try East Lansing's Best Olive Burger

Come Watch the Final Four on Our Big Screens!

$2 Pints $3 Calls

$5 Domestic & $7 Craft/Premium Pitchers, $5 16oz Long Islands 22oz Dead Guy Ales, $2 SoCo Limes $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses All Our "Other" Wines Great Food Specials All Day/Night!

NEW HOURS, NEW DART BOARDS, NEW POOL TABLES, NEW ARCADE GAMES & NEW MENU

$2.50 Bottles of Labatt Blue, Labatt Blue Light, Molson Golden and Molson Canadian AND FREE PARKING!

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Red Wings vs. Panthers at 4PM

SUNDAY SCHOOL NO Cover $1.75 Pints, 1/2 Off Pizza Until 7PM 1/2 Off Adult Beverages 7 - Close

$3 Managers Choice Craft Beer Pints $3 16oz Oasis Bloody Marys & Mimosas $6 Oasis Margarita Pitchers $3.50 Oasis Margarita Glasses $2 Well Whiskey Drinks $5 Off Kabob Combos For Two & $2 Off Veggie Sampler Appetizers

SUN, 4/01

NEW HOURS, NEW DART BOARDS, NEW POOL TABLES, NEW ARCADE GAMES & NEW MENU

$2.50 Bottles of Miller Lite and Miller Genuine Draft $2.75 Shots of Jack Daniels

Late Night Happy Hour 9 pm – Close 55- cent boneless wings NCAA Championship!

$1.75 Pints $3.50 Pitchers

$2 Domestic Bottles $3 Premium/Micro/Craft Bottles $4 Featured Martinis $2.50 Glasses of House Wine $6 1/2 Lbs. Cheeseburger & Falafurger Combo

MON, 4/02

1/2 OFF NIGHT! LIVE BANDS AND ELECTRONIC DJ'S

$2.75 24oz Drafts of Labatt Blue, and Miller Light $3.70 24oz Drafts of Blue Moon and Sam Adams $4.90 24oz Drafts of Guinness

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close 45-cent traditional wings

Taco Tuesdays FREE Taco Buffet 7PM – 10PM $1.75 Wells $3.00 Well Doubles $2.50 Margaritas $8.50 Buckets of Coronas

$3 Made-in-Michigan Beers (Bottles and Pints) $5 Off Bottles & $1 Off Glasses of All Our Made in Michigan Wines $6 Pitchers of Oasis Mai Tai's $3.50 Glasses of Oasis Mai Tai's $3 Off Select Appetizers

TUES, 4/03

18+ Night! DJ SouthPaw and Special Guests New Menu!

$1.50 Off 60oz Pitchers of Labatt Blue, Miller Lite, Sam Adams, Blue Moon, Leinie's Seasonal, Guiness

Late Night Happy Hour 9pm – Close Join us for FREE trivia starting at 10pm!

Wipeout Wednesday 1/2 Off Food 1/2 Off Drinks 1/2 Off Beers 1/2 Off Bottles of Wine

WED, 4/04

www.theblacksheeponline.com

MSU’s Most Curious Mysteries bailey walsh wrote this

Michigan State University is a beautiful school full of beautiful people with big, throbbing hearts. When I think about MSU, my heart gets really excited and feels like it’s swelling up. But, like all things, MSU has its flaws. It also has mysteries— it has intrigue. Sometimes, though, when I think about bad or inexplicable things at MSU, my heart feels sad, and shrivels up; and other times it feels curious, and just the tip gets pumping. While these heart palpitations may be a sign of a serious disease, they’re also triggered by my deepest questions about MSU: Why doesn't Rick's have a real toilet in the men's bathroom? Is Tom Izzo addicted to winning? Why do Abbott Place and multiple other businesses spell Abott with 2 Ts when the original Abbot Rd. only uses one? Will any business ever succeed in the location next to Starbucks?

What percentage of luxury cars on campus are owned by nonforeigners?

What is the schedule of T.J. Duckett's beard? And can it be posted on the university’s website? Please?

Will the new art museum double as a spaceship? Will the entire campus eventually be remodeled to look and act as a space station that would give some students the opportunity to study abroad and beyond? Could MSU be the first space college?

How does one park in East Lansing?

What does an RCAH major do? Do RCAH majors even know what they do?

Why is the library trying to melt us? And how long, on average, does an air conditioner take to install? Is Jerry Sprague everywhere? Why is Vanhoosen the only dorm with balconies? And who generally lives in Vanhoosen, for that matter? Turfgrass management majors? Is ANGEL actually the Devil? Do P.A.C.E. workers have souls? Is Lou Anna K. Simon an alien?

Who constructed the smoking teepee behind Holmes and can someone give him/her an award? Has anyone ever been given a correct diagnosis at Olin? Approximately how many minors get into Rick’s on a standard Thursday night? How many of those minors go on to make terrible and often life-deprecating decisions? Why do we pay $5 for The State News? Can we stop doing that?

Why doesn't East Lansing have a Trader Joe's? Why doesn’t East Lansing put a Trader Joe’s in the empty building on Grand River (and in our hearts) where Barnes & Noble used to be? How did Zeke the Wonder Dog become so… wonderful? Why do the automatic doors at OHB move so slowly? Why does the Beaumont Tower have a camera recording all the time with a live feed streaming online? It’s possible that you and I will never know the answers to these questions, but, maybe that’s the point—if you know all the answers all the time, your life will be shit. Well, no. I guess I can’t really think of a scenario where that applies. Hmm. Okay. Stay curious, readers.

the best sports bar in east lansing! s o b m o C h c n u L 9 .9 6 $

! g n o L k e e W l l A GYRO COMBO MONDAY & WEDNESDAY: URGER COMBO TUESDAY & THURSDAY: B ICH COMBO FRIDAY: CHICKEN SANDW

DON'T FORGET TO LIKE US ON FACEBOOK AND FOLLOW US ON TWITTER!

Free shuttle ! us p m a c m o r f / o t

16800 Chandler Road

text lou has to 22828 and get o n ou mailing lis r t!

East lansing, mi | 517.351.0899 louandharryssportsbar.com

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Bartender

of the

Week Nickname: Prius Age: 20 Major: Pre-vet, Physiology, and Psychology. Relationship Status: Single... I guess. Shot: Johnny Vegas. Drink: Raspberry Vodka with Peach Schnapps, Melon, Sweet & Sour Mix, and Cranberry.

Priyaharpers drinking game:

Describe yourself in 3 words: Feisty, blunt, and vulgar.

Pursuit

There’s no escape. There’s an enemy to your right and another to your left. Across from you is your opponent. Didn’t these people used to be your friends? What You Need: A trivia game (ex: Trivial Pursuit), beer, hard liquor. Number of Players: At least four. Intoxication Level: The film crew from Cops will be hot on your tail. How to Play: -The game begins with one player designated the runner and another player the chaser. These players should be positioned on opposite sides of the table. -The object of the game is for the chaser to catch the runner by answering a series of trivia questions correctly. The runner can prevent this by answering the same questions before the chaser. -The player sitting to the left of the chaser asks the questions. -A round begins with one participant asking one question out loud to both the runner and the chaser. Each player is allowed one guess. Whoever answers correctly first is the winner of the round. -If the runner guesses correctly, the chaser must drink for ten seconds, and the chaser is forced into another round of trivia with the runner. -If the chaser guesses correctly, the runner must drink for five seconds. The player to the chaser’s left becomes the new chaser. A new round of trivia begins. -If no player answers correctly, no player drinks and a new round with the same runner and chaser begins. -When the player directly to the runner’s right becomes the chaser and answers a trivia question correctly, the runner must take a shot. At this point the current chaser becomes the runner, the runner becomes the chaser and a new round begins. The Game Ends When: You run out of chasers.

Thirsty for More?

theblacksheeponline.com

What's the best prank you've ever pulled: In the dorms, I took 30 rolls of toilet paper and toilet papered my neighbor's room. And then colored a tampon red and taped it to the door. Do you have any tattoos: Yes, 4. Some butterfly action, roses, birds and flowers, and a peacock feather. What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten: Indian food. What's the worst thing you did as a kid: I don't know, I did a lot of things as a

child- I was a shit-dick. Who's your favorite reality star: Drita from Mob Wives. What's the most you've drank in one night: 6 beers and 1/2 a bottle of wine in an hour on an empty stomach, or 10 shots on an empty stomach. If you wrote an autobiography, what would the title be: Prius Hybrid. Turn-ons: Good-looking people. Turn-offs: If you're ugly and rude, then get the fuck out.

recipe for disaster:

Pop Tartilla

If you love authentic Mexican food (read: Taco Bell) then you’re going to love the Pop Tartilla. Hey, if you’re only eating food loaded with preservatives, then you’ll probably live forever. Makes sense, right? What You’ll Need: Tortilla, fruit-flavored Pop Tart, peanut butter, jelly. Cook Time: Five minutes? I’m starving now! Fatty Factor: Somewhere between eating a whole pizza and going to bed hungry. Let’s Get Baked: -Put a saucepan on your stovetop and set a burner to medium. -Place a Pop Tart in your toaster. Heat to desired level. -When the Pop Tart is in the toaster, place a large tortilla in the saucepan, warm it until soft. -When the tortilla is warm and the Pop Tart is finished, remove both. Place the Pop Tart in the middle of the tortilla. -Slather the Pop Tart with jelly and peanut butter. -Wrap up the tortilla until the Pop Tart is no longer visible. When your roommate comes home and asks you what the hell you’re eating, don’t get all worked up. Just look them in the eye and politely ask them to stop insulting your heritage. God, when did everyone get so racist around here?

Sweeps Season: With sweeps season upon us we decided to highlight the best, the worst and the rest of first-season shows the only way we know how: In the most juvenile way possible.

Happy Endings (ABC)

Marry, Bang, Kill Edition

Marry!

In a sentence: Attractive twenty-somethings act like attractive twenty-somethings.

Why we’re proposing: Sure, you may not like Zooey Deschanel. “She’s too purposely quirky!” you say. “Even when she’s supposed to be upset, she comes off like a sad koala!” says another person. “Her acting skills are ruff at best!” says the dog TV critic.

Happy Endings is ridiculous in how ridiculous it isn’t. The show refuses to get by on lame comedy gags and overdone tropes, and manages to find humor in having the characters act in a way that people actually act, but funnier.

To you we say, “Who gives a shit?”

That’s Happy Endings now. It shows how goofy assumedly normal people can be in their private lives. Not all investment bankers are huge dicks? You don’t say! A food truck owner that doesn’t The show is full of plausible scenarios execut- have to be some overly-quirky buffoon hell-bend on remaining that way? Zuh? ed in funny ways. Remember early episodes of How I Met Your Mother, before you just A comedy based in reality, teased out to be wanted the damn show to end so Ted Mosby hilarious? Well, we’ll be damned. could just get on with his miserable life?

Person of Interest (CBS) Ba ng! In a sentence: The weird guy from Lost hires Jesus to kick some ass and take some names.

Which of the following shows maintains a more likely premise:

Well-endowed lesbian nuns fly armed-to-theteeth cyborg dragons through space in an attempt to rid the universe of alien pedophiles.

It’s certainly a lot closer than one would think. Yet, the show kinda-sorta works. Person of Interest sticks closely to its premise, is well-casted, and presents interesting scenarios with each new episode. It’s not perfect, but there are a lot of hours to fill in a programming schedule, and to fill them without making the viewer want to throw their remote through the TV with disgust is certain worthy of some praise.?

But strip those cast members away and look at where Up All Night stands right now. Eh. Maybe it’s the subject matter—it’s hard to relate to the perils of child rearing when you haven’t done it yourself. Like a clown falling off the Empire State Building, we know that the situations the couple is led into should be funny, but when face meets pavement it’s a sad, empty feeling more than it is a laugh.

Kill!

Bang!

In a sentence: Hey look, someone thought the fat guy from Lost deserved his own TV show!

That may sound a little harsh, but the show is truly an affront to whichever god you worship.

One can easily picture the writing room, a bunch of suits lording over feeble, weakwilled writers willing to put pen to paper for a quick paycheck. Every time a writer submits a draft, it’s sent back moments later with notes littered with impossible-to-decipher demands like, “needs more intrigue” or “lacking techno mumbo-jumbo.”

There’s the oddly racist ensemble cast featuring a nerdy Asian, a creepy Eastern European cook and the token black guy. Then there’s the laugh track. Nothing says, “we think the show’s demographic is a group of vegetative-state slapdicks” like a laugh track. It’s like the producers are screaming, “she spilled soup on her tits, laugh, monkeys! Do it now so Chevy will buy some more truckin’ ads!”

sodes, and the moral each story: Premise: The parents cope with traveling with a child for the first time. Moral: Don’t have kids if you like seeing cool shit. Premise: After the baby, the marriage is lacking in sex. Moral: Do you like sex? Don’t have kids. This was supposed to be a comedy, right?

Alcatraz (Fox) Why it should die: Alcatraz is little more than a extravagant mad lib done up with dark undertones and pseudo-science writing in an attempt to lure in a sizable chunk of Lost fans fiending for another psychodrama fix.

There’s the flat premise: Life is hard for two gals just a-tryin to make it in the big city, LOL!

Or, think about it this way: Without Miss. D. New Girl would be terrible. Replace her with Laura Prepon? Horrible. Jenna Fischer? Surely you jest! That one girl from that other thing? No way! The show isn’t terrible, and we can all thank her for that. Heil, er…thanks, Zooey!

Up All Night (NBC)

Why it should die: Though we respect the religious beliefs of others, we find it impossible to come to terms with the idea that one could believe in a higher power in light of 2 Broke Girls’ existence.

There’s the stale jokes: Kat Dennings has big boobs! The other girl is blonde! Creeps! Horn-dogs!

henchmen, hearing of the Hebrew Holocaust. That…uh…didn’t work so we—Zooey Deschanel, everyone!

In a sentence: Wait, someone explain to us why people have children?

Seriously, look at the premise of two epi-

2 Broke Girls (CBS) In a sentence: Hot girls make fun of vaguelydefined stereotypes while looking hot, just like high school!

New Girl is the perfect vehicle for all of Zooey Deschanel’s wild, wacky quirks. She manages to evoke grins, giggles and guffaws in equal doses simply by being herself. Seriously, she’s so stinkin’ adorable that we can’t control our childish choice to chain words together into alliterative sentences. What else does that work with? Let’s find out: The cute and cuddly kitten clawed clumsily at the creased corduroys. How adorable! On the other hand: Hitler happily high-fived his

Why we want to bang it: Will Arnett gets a lifetime pass for Arrested Development, Christina Applegate is above average in everything she stars in, and Maya Rudolph has a strong enough comedy portfolio to make us believe that this show has the potential to go beyond where it is now.

Why we want to bang it: In short, few shows get as much mileage out of willful suspension of disbelief as Person of Interest does.

Or,

Marry!

In a sentence: Aww…Zooey Deschanel!

Why we’re proposing: Yes, we’re kinda cheating with a show that technically debuted a year ago, but the fall schedule offered Happy Endings its first chance at a full-slate season. This is a good thing.

Altruistic genius billionaire conceives of a way to identify villains and victims prior to crimes being committed. As a result, he hires an ex-CIA field officer to take care of his dirty work.

New Girl (FOX)

The end result is a show that just kind of exists for the sake of existing. To make a food

Kill!

allegory that only Hurley could love, it would be like ten chefs trying to cook the same steak. Each one would try to improve the cut of meat in their own way. One would broil it. Another would move it to a grill, someone would try to pan fry it. In the end, it’s a charred husk of its former self. At this point the guests don’t want to eat it, but they’re thinking, “well, we already drove here, why the hell not?”

the music page

the black sheep interviews:

Bad Veins

Bad Veins, a rock duo hailing from lovely Cincinnati, Ohio, are an up-and coming band known for melding a unique sound with pop sensibility. Frontman Benjamin Davis chatted with us about just that prior to the release of their album, The Mess We Made, debuting on April 24th. The Black Sheep: Your new album, The Mess We’ve Made, drops on April 24th. How did, or how does, the creative process work in a band that only has two members? Benjamin Davis: Well, that’s a loaded question. I think that a four-piece band would be a lot different from how we do it. Undeniably, I am a control freak, and I have my hand in everything. That’s even true with [drummer] Sebastien’s work. With just us two, we talk openly about ideas all the time, and I have to try to create room for him to be creative. TBS: Bad Veins was intended to be a solo project for you, but you later found Sebastien and wanted him to be a part of the work, correct? Ben: Yeah. For me, he had the work ethic I was looking for in a bandmate. A lot of people don’t believe that one could be a musician for a living, and they don’t understand the baby steps a group needs to take to get there. There’s that old saying, “The difference between a goal and a dream is a plan.” I feel like most people don’t have that plan, and a lot of other bands think, “Well, we’ll never be big, so why practice?” Sebastien saw that there are achievable goals and wants to put in the work to make it happen. That’s a rare trait in a person.

cd review

ofwgkta the of tape, vol 2 Odd Future delivers yet again, one swear word at a time.

After putting themselves on the map last year and slapping us all in the face with their hardcore beats, OFWGKTA (more simply referred to as Odd Future) has come back to grace our presence with their fourth album, The OF Tape, Vol. 2. Last summer’s emergence of The Odd Future Tape was actually made in 2008, but came to the public's attention (more or less) when they were put on the Pitchfork Music Festival line-up. So, naturally, everyone started freaking out about them. They swear a lot, and "misogynistic" doesn’t even seem like a harsh enough term to describe these dudes who casually rap about graphic rape. But, we’ve had a year to digest their intensity, and I’d like to think we’re all over the initial shock value (primarily brought forth by the infamous, yet bratty frontman, Tyler, the Creator). No, this time around we can really listen to their music, be entertained by their seriously wacky antics and focus less on their shtick. The first single is “Rella,” which came out with an equally entertaining music video. The beat is fast and subtle, with the rap flow as crisp as the lyrics are witty (“Then my dick went limp so, took about

3 pills of Extenzo / Now my dick’s longer than a 5 door limo.”) It’s also nice to see that Frank Ocean is still with the group (after being featured on a few tracks for Kanye and Jay-Z’s mega-collaboration Watch the Throne, I could see Tyler’s bitchass getting pissy about it, but it’s cool to see they’re still “homies” or something). His truly great singing voice is also refreshing to the normally scrappy rapping, especially in “Analog 2.” Just about every song on The OF Tape, Vol. 2. has something about it that makes it different from the one before it, and that’s ultimately what makes this album so great. For some bizarre reason, however, there are two songs, “50” and “We Got Bitches,” that sound as though they were produced differently, or recorded differently, or something. They sound so out of place, so much less… polished—it sounds so thrown together that it’s kind of funny. “We Got Bitches,” especially, is like a throwback to a terrible wannabe rapper who brags way too much about what they’ve got when they really just got an album advance and will be in serious debt in about a year: “We got bitches, we got bitches, we got bitches.

out now

TBS: You talk about having your hand in a lot of the music behind this band, but how has Sebastien’s presence shaped the group? Ben: What Seb brings to the band is incredible, because I would not or could not do what we do without him. I often compare him to the Muppet Animal. They’re both drummers, they’re both crazy and if you add an Animal to your band, you’d have to keep them under control, making sure that they’re fitting into the world you’re working in. TBS: How do you view your new album in light of your other work? Ben: I don’t think that our dynamic has changed between the first two records—we approach making music the same way. On this album, though, I had a lot more attention to detail, and there’s a lot more to listen to—to wrap your brain around—and that’s largely because I spent more time composing and arranging on this album.

GRADE A-

We got diamonds, we got diamonds, we got diamonds. We got cars, we got cars, we got cars. We got Jacuzzis, and your bitch be on my dick.” Cool…and original! Bitches, diamonds, cars, Jacuzzis. So, party it’s like it’s 1999? At the end of the day, though, for a group of ambitious and confident rappers who barely qualify as 20-somethings, these dudes have a sweet future in front of them. Last summer it would have been easy to write them off as a one-time deal that were just wilin’ out and got lucky with a few songs, had some laughs, and got into some trouble. The truth is, these guys have talent. And that talent is blatantly apparent on this album. OFWGKTA knows how to draw in fans (by putting Tyler’s face and beautiful long locks as the head of a centaur who also happens to be a fan of coke) and also how to keep them (by continuing to make awesome rap music). Sounds Like: A passive-aggressive man who somehow still has swagger. Download: Rella, Lean, Oldie Listen to it When: You’re fittin’ to get hype.

TBS: How do you strike the balance between doing right by your fans and maintaining a fresh sound? Ben: Seb and I both really love pop music. We like rock—when we’re on tour we’ll have some Zeppelin or some Sabbath—but we’ll also get into Katy Perry or Fleetwood Mac. Anything that has accessibility and pop sensibility we like. I feel like I have to make that music, and coincidentally other people seem to like it. So, the harder I work at my craft, the closer I actually get to pop music. TBS: You won the Target Music Maker Award, as well as a few other accolades. How do you qualify that in your terms of success? Ben: I definitely don’t revel in awards. If anything I’m cursed with the “now what?” syndrome, where I can never enjoy anything because I want to figure out what’s next. Sometimes that’s good—it keeps you going and makes you want to get better, but at the same time you never enjoy it. TBS: When you tour do you find you have a hard time translating your sound? Ben: We use the old binary reel-to-reel tape deck and we place it center stage for a live show. So, while we’re not trying to recreate the album live, the elements of it are there. We don’t try to trick anyone into thinking we’re reproducing the sound ourselves, though. TBS: And what are one of these live shows like? Ben: You should expect to hear things you don’t normally hear, because of the backing tracks we choose to use. Harps, woodwinds, brass, lush arrangements to flesh out the music. Now you don’t see that stuff a lot.

UPCOMING RELEASES Lionel Richie - Tuskegee Madonna - MDNA

Overkill - The Electric Age Flying Colors - Flying Colors

Iron Maiden - En Vivo! Justin Townes Earle - Nothing's Going to Change...

Britt Nocle -Gold Clay Aiken - Steadfast

www.theblacksheeponline.com

Spring’s Sacred Beauty: a poem ziev beresh wrote this

In case you haven’t realized, Spring is finally here. But maybe not “finally,” since it jumped the gun this year. About this time, way back in 2011, snow covered the ground and dark clouds hid the heavens. This made me think that something was out of the norm, Where was that groundhog? Watching gross groundhog porn? EL was seriously dead, there was like, nothing to do, except study, and fart, and feel the winter blues. Once I saw this chick slip on ice mid-stride, I started laughing, but she totally cried. Point of that story: Winter sucks ass. Out of the four seasons, it gives me the worst rash. Now I guess all of that matters no longer. What does? Duh, getting my booty-shorts laundered. Gotta look fresh now that it’s 80 degrees, the sun is out shining, and there’s no more deepfreeze. Frisbees are frizzing, and long boards are boarding, Footballs are flying, and stoners are smoking. The whole world is happy when Mother Nature is kind, and reminds us there’s more to life than just class and the grind. Anyways, no one knows why spring is early for sure… Oh wait— This just in: It’s thanks to Al Gore. Yup, ‘cause of him and the whole climate change crew, East Lansing’s warming up, and our spirits are too. Almost any place you look, people are out and about, and for that, mad props.

Babes are wearing loose shirts, and bros are kickin’ flip-flops. Where were all of these sexy people before? Probably bundling up with every hoodie in their drawers. But let’s take a moment now and get super real, because dammit, this fucking weather’s ideal. I mean— have you seen how nice it is out? Blooming trees and green grass, dawg, that’s what I’m all ‘BOUT. And I dare you to try this sweet trick sometime: Drive east on Albert after smoking a dime. A tunnel of white blooming trees will greet you, you’ll realize it was Mother Nature’s tunnel, by the time you get through. If the sunshine we’re getting has one big effect, It basically makes everyone wanna get wrecked. And party we have, during this time of fine weather, No homo, dude, but it’s bringing us together. I’ve never had so much fun in my entire young life, if it weren’t frowned upon, bro, I’d totes be your wife. But we’re here on the porch and school’s end is near, you look kinda sunburnt, but our mood is clear. Forget homework, forget classy behavior and stress, forget about the future, and stop being depressed. This is college, after all, and we’re supposed to enjoy! And I, for one, refuse to be school’s whipping-boy. So crack open that Natty, and put some Coppertone on your booty, the time has come to appreciate Spring’s sacred beauty.

VOTED #1 PLACE TO TAN!

Where else can you tan for $1 a day? OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK | FREE PARKING SINGLE SESSIONS, MONTH UNLIMITED, MEMBERSHIPS, GROUP PACKAGES AND MORE AVAILABLE WE ACCEPT SPARTY CASH!

Available Here! All beds and stand-ups, 12 minutes or less

VIPTANNING.COM

FIND US ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER!

1215 EAST GRAND RIVER AVENUE EAST LANSING | (517) 332-4847

What are you waiting for?

live close. live college.

LIMITED TIME ONLY!

Come LIve at

APPLY ONLINE & TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR

ZERO SECURITY DEPOSIT SPECIAL

SAVE $200!

abbott place!

free CATA bus pass included + fully furnished apartments + individual leases + resort-style amenities + private bedrooms

free CATA bus pass • resort-style amenities • private bedrooms •individual leases • fully furnished

apply online @ abbottpl.com

we’re filling fast, so don’t wait! APPLYup ONLINE @ ABBOTTPL.COM Text “ABBOTTPL” to 39649

SCAN & LIKE