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The Black Sheep
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 2, Issue 2 2/29/12 -3/22/12
theblacksheeponline.com @BlackSheep_IU
our guide to a cheap and easy Spring Break Elisabeth Klisser wrote this
You have it all planned out. A week filled with all the booze, boobs, and sun the beaches of Florida have to offer. You’re ready to party the stresses of school away on the spring break trip of your life, when you suddenly realize the cost of your week in paradise is adding up. Even one hotel room split eighteen ways is expensive. Add in the cost of all the alcohol you need to keep your Hoosier tolerance satisfied the entire week, the cost of cover at all those trashy clubs on the beach, and oh shit. You forgot food. Looks like spring break on your budget is not going to happen. Good news, though! Your mother cannot wait to see you. How can you have a spring break that is fun but doesn’t put you into even more debt with your drug dealer? Unfortunately, spending your spring break at home may be the answer. Before you start balling like a UK fan after Watson’s threepointer, take a second to contemplate the perks of spending your spring break on mom and dad’s couch. The golden bronze color of skin is something that separates those who spent their break basking in the Cancun sun from the loser that found himself sitting at home on the couch watching reruns of Entourage. This is why, in order to get the full spring-break-skin-cancer-effect, you definitely need to lay out in the yard. There are some advantages to tanning in the privacy of your own home compared to the beaches of Fort Lauderdale. For one thing, you don’t need to be tan before you get there. Just imagine how embarrassing it is to show up to the beach on the first day of your vacation with hundreds of scantily-clad potential spring break flings, while you’re looking as ghostly as Casper. Instead of worrying about tanning beforehand, feel free to lay your pale self out in your yard. Once you get your bronze on, laying out in the middle of the yard could attract some potential spring break hookups after all. Maybe they won’t be quite as promising as the drunken, slutty one night stands available to you on spring break in Panama City Beach, but your creepy neighbor who just hit puberty could work. Score! Another great part of staying home for spring break is the free booze. Paying for cover at clubs and keeping a constant supply flowing through your beach beer bong can empty your wallet fast. But at home you can mooch off of your parent’s
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high-quality liquor, and not have to pay a dime. Your parents know you drink. They sent you to Indiana University for goodness sake! Confront them about your newfound alcoholism, and let the fun begin! It’s undeniable that you’ll miss going to all those crazy clubs where trashy D-list celebrities are supposedly going to make an appearance. Since it would be pretty hard to find a club in your hometown as dirty and cheap as the ones swarming with horny and drunk college students on the beach, you have no other choice. Make your own! Cover all of the windows
The only logical explanation: Aliens.
see page 4
The Truth Behind LMFAO’s Fame
in your basement with black construction paper, hang some Christmas lights, crank up that mainstream shit, and charge $10 for cover. Also, hire your father as a bouncer. The more exclusive and mysterious your club is, the more freshmen in high school you are going to attract and the more cash you are going to score! So maybe spring break at home won’t be so bad. After spending the week with your ‘rents you will head back to Bloomington with a sexy tan, a great buzz, and a ton of extra cash. Still not convinced? Well, there’s always next year.
We prognosticate on IU, Purdue and learning new, big words.
see page 6
Too Early For March Madness? Never!
like the chelsea handler, that lunatic taking shots at the bar every second
see page 11
Media Stereotypes You Meet on Break