The Black Sheep
Fre e upo ...lik nr et et he urn fee ing lin to g yo sc u g hoo et l...
• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 6, Issue 1 1/19/12 - 2/8/12
theblacksheeponline.com
The 12 (Consecutive] booze Reviews from Christmas
sevin ketze wrote this
My editor Bryan called me last night reminding me that my alcohol reviews were due tomorrow. “Yeah, already done,” I lied. So, I stayed up all night doing a break's worth of reviews all at once. This is what I found on my screen the next day. 1. Pinstripe Red Ale: I got this for Christmas in a Friar Tuck's mix-a-sixer. As a fan of ska music, I immediately was drawn in by the checkerboard label, and the skull with a porkpie hat. However, I found the taste to be abrasive. A bitter, overpowering flavor of apples left me disappointed, but it was tolerable enough to finish. 2. Leinenkugel's Honey Weiss: Often snubbed by beer critics, this tasty lager is one of my favorites on a budget. The honey taste is almost nonexistent, but the taste pairs well with any meal, and is delicious in any season. 3. Bailey's Irish Cream: A holiday favorite of many, this thick creamy liqueur is sure to warm even the coldest winter heart. Best served over ice, and maybe with a candy cane or something, to make it look cool. 5. Bailey's Irish Cream: Man, this stuff is good. I'm surprised that I don't see people drinking this more around the year-round more, you know? It's like...drinking...milk booze, with sugar. Awwww yeah. 6. Keystone light: Hahahaha, I can't even taste anything! What the hell is this, hahahha! Smoooooth! Smoooooth like Keith Stone! This is some seriously chuggable shit!!! 7. Some kind of tequilla: GROSS, ugh, dude, I'm gonna....hang on....nevermind, it was just...just some gags, anyway the label is shiny and there's...some kind of lizard or something on it, smells like corn and gasoline, 10/10. oh and I forgot to do #4, it was supposed to be rolling rock I think but whatever, load up another keystone in the bong, that'll count instead 4. Keystone light again: I know i'm doing doubles again, sorry, but I mean give me a break, i'm on break Skol: ill tell you one thing this stuff is cheap but you're not buying it because its good you're buying it because it's cheap!!! it's not that good but it's really cheap beer: my ex girlfriend is so pretty and I love her so much and I just texted her asking if she's
Other stuff
Inside
Woodcarving: Not Nearly As Good As Sex Who would've thought two things involving hard wood could be so different?
see page 4
dtf and I did a winky face, also the beer was good but who cares about that when you're so alone pizza rols: freaking magma but whatever, have you seen the commercials with the kids at the sleepover and that leader kid is like “let's get some fucking pizza rools aiight but we gotta be quiet” and one kid just yells “I LOVE TOTINOS PIZZA ROLLS”, and its like way to go you idiot douhce kid, way to not keep your shit on the DL, now nobody's gonna get any rolls, screw people like that skol: helpful hint: you can take off the plastic thing with your fingernail and it pours faster or makes it easier to chug skol: do you ever wonder whats the point, do you ever wonder if maybe you screwed everything up?? I mean look at me i'm sitting alone in a basement drinking skol straight from the bottel and I puked in a grocery bag next to me and now the cat is eating it haha. I want to get a cat for my apartment but the lease says I can't, whatever, dictator tyrants of sami, you also said i'm not allowed to let trash accumulate inside the apartment but take THAT I just throw my full garbage bags into the back of my closet haHA and you don't even know. I'd take it out but there are possible gang members living all over the place and they might see my non-ragged clothes and take me as their sexual prisoner. Aaaand just gotta fill the rest of the space to make it to 700 words and we're almost almost almost there DONE haha peace out
Personalities to Avoid When Trying to Score Tales from Raging at Home A simple Guide that you should memorize. see page 5
Partying with your parents turned out to be the gift that kept on giving.
see page 7