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Volume 20, Issue 9 3/14/12 - 3/28/12
The University of Illinois: Undisputed Champs of Administrative Issues
Landon Mills wrote this
As you’ve probably already heard, last week the University of Illinois' Board of Trustees officially asked President Michael Hogan to resign. The Board’s request comes following growing complaints from faculty members over the President’s leadership abilities. The concerns are partly based on harshly-worded emails sent by Hogan to Phyllis Wise, Vice President and Chancellor of the university. The request to change leadership comes only two years after a clout scandal regarding the prioritized admissions of students with close connections to former board members of the University.
ing of the president's reputation with the faculty. I for one commend this professor for her ability to refrain from giving an actual example of one of these specific concerns. Why should the faculty give any specific reasons for wanting this guy out of town, when they could just stick to broad claims of disagreeing over leadership style and autonomy? Everyone loves a well-thought out and empty statement like this. It allows people with quiet and meaningless voices to refrain from forming a statement that someone might disagree with. But I get it, I really do.
I'm going to go ahead and propose that we simply set a term limit of no more than two years for the presidency position of our university. That way, when they inevitably screw up and are forced out of office, we can avoid becoming the institutional butt of the joke that we currently are. We’ve won the award three years running! Word has it that since we’re destined to win again next year, they’re going to change the trophy into a miniature version of our Alma Mater with a wad of twentys and a sideways glock in each of her outstretched arms.
As a child, I too would sometimes throw a tantrum before I even knew what it was that I actually wanted. And besides, words like "autonomy" let everyone else know that you’re a proud owner of a thoroughly used thesaurus. Christopher Kennedy, Chairman of the Board, stated he let Hogan know that he needed, "Our people to change," or else he'd need, "Change in our people.” It's good to know that even the head of the snake is fluent in platitude.
Looking at this from the Board of Trustees' perspective, I can see why they’d be upset with Hogan's performance so far. The last president let the board’s kids pass through admissions like an old white lady through airport security. Blocking any future chance of clout scandals regarding the children of the Board of Trustees seems to be the only thing the new guy cares about. How can anyone blame them for politely asking that this guy burn himself at the stake? It’s hard for me to sit here and disagree with the faculty’s decision to publicly humiliate the institution rather than attempt to solve this problem discreetly. Stomping your feet like a child in a grocery store is much more effective and to the point. Acting like a functional, real-world human being doesn’t get you candy immediately enough. “Bad press is better than no press at all,” is a phrase that has yet to be refuted at this university, as we haven’t had any good press to fully test this theory. One professor stated that, "A public response to the faculty's specific concerns would be appropriate," concerning the aid-
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What's so difficult about this situation is that I can’t understand where both sides are coming from. So a bitch stepped out of line and the guy used a strongly worded string of emails to put her back in her place; everyone makes mistakes. Maybe he can learn from this, and instead next time he can bitch her out through a form of communication that can’t be forwarded for everyone to see. The guy didn’t think before hitting “send.” Everyone needs to calm down and just be thankful it wasn’t a high-angled pic of his new Crocs. Like President Hogan, I too am occasionally compelled to opt out from my real world pressures and hide under my desk. Responsibility can be a total bitch some, if not most, of the time. If I had a cozy, high-perched office and people were demanding that I change my leadership style, I'd probably stick to the shadows as well. Don't people understand that a man nearing the age of 70 is against changing his underwear, let alone his approach to working? Right now, President Hogan must be absolutely baffled as to why this is all happening. He’s yet to be caught accepting bribes, giving special privileges to friends or relatives, or partaking in sexual deviancy with a coworker, student, or even a minor. He hasn't done anything! Nor has he done anything wrong!
When Hogan spoke after last week's emergency closed door meeting, he basically stated that the meeting helped him to examine his role in running the university. We should be very excited that our President finally understands what his job actually entails. Just imagine the amount of work and responsibility he’ll be able to dodge when he knows what’s coming. So the guy is unaware that he’s an asshole to his coworkers, hides under his desk, and doesn’t actually know what his job entails. Big deal. Maybe the Board of Trustees should have thought a little harder before they hired George Costanza as President of the University of Illinois. But in all seriousness, the sad truth of the matter is that it’s the students—former, current, and future—who will continue to pay for all of this immaturity and scandal. Based on recent patterns, the worth of our degrees from the University of Illinois will continue to take a considerable hit every two years. At this rate, in ten years we’ll be hoping potential employers will mistake University of Illinois for Southern Illinois. Okay, that may have been an exaggeration. Especially considering SIU will have long been labeled a toxic wasteland before things at U of I get that bad in the next twelve years. If there’s anything to be learned in all of this, it’s that it is totally possible to “right-click—synonyms” your way through the work-world, just be sure to stay within the field of education and the cornfields of Illinois.
STAY OUT OF OUR COUNTRY!
Women’s volleyball! Men’s tennis! Feel the excitement!
Kiss the Cook for the Last Time.
see page 6
see page 8
see page 9
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U of I: A Disappointing Big Ten Athletic Experience
Bruce Away From the Grill