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The Booze News
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• a college newspaper that’s actually about college •
Volume 20, Issue 2 1/26/12 - 2/1/12
theblacksheeponline.com
Gentlemen, welcome to the arc byrnes after reading wrote this
Now that the spring semester has started, it is evident that many, many people thought they were all of the sudden “out of shape” when they ate that last piece of Christmas fudge or had one too many New Year's toasts. First, ladies and gentlemen, you're not out of shape! It's not like you got the diabetes! Secondly, are you really going to stick with it, even with all of the syllabus week celebratory Keystone Lights? I think not! But hey, I'm an optimist, so go juice up and hit the weights! I realize that most of those who drunkenly promise themselves to finally walk into the ARC to get active, seeing as how it is the last semester they'll be here (yeah, talking to you), will be unfamiliar with the layout of the place and what kind of creatures they'll encounter. Let me fill you in. You are going to arrive near the corner of 1st Street and Peabody, bringing back a lot of good and bad - but mostly bad - memories from freshman year. Remember that time when you got diarrhea in the opposite sex’s bathroom at Weston? Good times. Anyways, walk in through the unusually slowly reacting automatic doors and move toward the iCard checker. He will either be very polite or extremely pissed off. There is no in between. You can wander around to the left and right and find all of the basketball/volleyball courts and pools, but forget that—you are there to get yolked, not play around like summer camp. If you are just trying out the ARC, i.e. looking for poon tang, guys will want to stick with the ground floor and 2nd floor. There you will find plenty of ladies working on their cardio, lightly working the treadmill, stationary bike, or elliptical, as well as all kinds of core work. Sexy, right? Oh yeah. For the daring ladies who want a big bulky meat machine to pick them up should head down to the weight room all the way in the basement. Now, a word of caution: If you think it is a good a idea to go down there and start talking to all the guys because that is what you are there to do, do not. Guys like to get sweaty with each other and give mean looks. It is hostile territory, and you may get in someone's way. Once you are finally ready for some physical activity, many options will appear. The first thing you should do is hit the weights. Notice the fellas near the dumbbell section, bunch of wimpy sad sacks, eh? The legitimate dudes are on the benches doing presses, rows, and all kinds of good stuff. Beware, however, of the narcissistic curlers, those guys just working and working and working their biceps, checking themselves out
Other stuff
Inside
in the giant mirror without batting an eyelash as if they are actually watching their arms get bigger. How are your legs feeling? Sore? No? Makes sense. Maybe the weights just aren't for you, and you would rather just go for a jog (pronounced yog), but you cannot run in place. You need to be moving! Check out the onefifth mile track upstairs; it is pretty sweet. While there, say hello to that foreign guy running around in khakis and a polo, because apparently they do not tell you that gym shorts and t-shirts exist when you get off the boat. Jesus, wear a fucking undershirt! No one needs to see that chest hair. The run was not satisfying? Eh, that's okay. You know what? May as well get back to White Horse and grab a brew! It is not like beer is going to give you the diabetes. CHEERS!
Somos las Ovejas Negras, y nosotros no habla bueno español.
after three and a half years, this dude won't bro no 'mo.
There’s no shame in demanding to share a shower with your roommate.
see page 6
see page 9
see page 19
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Becoming A Creep In Your Own Home