The Arbiter 12/06/2010

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December 06, 2010

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Nobel Prize winner urges peace Questions from the audience What motivates world leaders?

“Preserving the system and security of the nation.

These leaders have their own ideology that drives them, but then some primarily do it for ego.”

It’s time to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

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Why didn’t the United States sign the landmine treaty?

“Starting a new weapons

“(Bill) Clinton was intimidated by the military, he feared them. This is the reason for the U.S. not signing the treaty. I was extremely disappointed that Clinton backed down to the Commander in Chief. The U.S hasn’t used landmines since 1992 and there are only 3 million left out of the 11 million that used to be active so why wouldn’t we sign it?”

simply that one person hears and feels what I’m saying and goes out to change the world.”

Williams explains she had no idea what to do with her life as a young adult. She graduated with a degree in psychology, then went to become a surgeon’s assistant, temp. secretary and then entered a paralegal program in D.C. “I’m a normal human just like everybody else, but I couldn’t just sit back,” said Williams. “I had to get off my butt and actually do something in the world.”

Since then, she has been to 75 countries, and says the pressure is phenomenal, but realizes she is a representative of thousands of people who are changing the world.

William’s hope is to spread peace and encourage students to do something in the world that helps others. She said individuals often get overwhelmed with the amount of poverty, disease and other large issues and forget about the small changes that can really make a difference.

“Close down Facebook for an hour a month and volunteer,” said Williams, “change happened because all of us gave as much as we could.”

The Distinguished Lecture Series was started in 2001 to “enlighten, inspire and bring a wider view of the world” to campus. It aims to open students to the discussion of important issues in social or political topics.

What has made this treaty succeed?

Culture

campaign, I am very interested in drones and robotics.”

“That it still exists! We were able to be an example and that is a great feeling.”

What do you hope to accomplish in the future?

Mitch Esplin/THE ARBITER

Jody Williams talks to guests in the Morrison Center Wednesday night about her work banning land mines. Williams is the 10th woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize for her work in founding the International Committee to Ban Landmines.

Special edition Dirty Potato takes satirical view of campus life.

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Online Go to arbiteronline.com to take a poll about Don’t ask, Don’t tell.

Jody Williams, Nobel Peace Prize winner spoke at the Morrison Center Wednesday about her work in banning land mines and life after the award Marina Hunley Journalist

Jodi Williams, a dedicated activist, lectured at the Morrison Center at Boise State to give a

speech on peace, which discussed her achievements including receiving the Nobel Peace Prize.

In 1997, she became the 10th woman to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for serving as the founding coordinator of the International Campaign to Ban Landmines. The committee succeeded in achieving an international treaty banning anti-personnel landmines.

“The day the treaty was signed was the most exquisite day of my political life,” said Williams.

Williams helped establish the Nobel Women’s Initiative (NWI)

that brought together six of the seven female Nobel Peace Prize recipients to help support women and equality around the world.

The organization began in 2006 and since then Williams serves as chair of the NWI and was recently named by Forbes magazine as one of the 100 Most Powerful Women in the World.

After receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, Williams said suddenly people start to think everything she would say was a pearl of wisdom.

“I didn’t turn into Mother Theresa,” Williams said. “My hope is

Five professors pluck Golden Apples Smoking policy creates Suzanne Craig Journalist

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Social sciences professor Lori Hausegger and junior Brandie Vanorder embrace after Hausegger received the Golden Apple award Friday. The Golden Apple honors professors from each department for outstanding work with students.

Five instructors won Golden Apple Awards Friday Dec. 3. The instructors received certificates and their students’ thanks.

The 25th Golden Apple Award winners are: Matt Wilkerson, from the College of Business Economics.

Lori Hausegger, from the College of Social Sciences and Public Affairs.

David Haws, from the College of Engineering.

Michael Humphrey, from the College of Education.

Don Warner, from the College of Arts and Sciences.

“I think my students appreciate the multiple avenues of communication that I make available to them,” Wilkerson said. “I won’t say that I answer emails 24/7, but it is pretty close, and I think that students appreciate that.”

“I find her really inspiring and she’s inspired me to do better and give my all. Her dedication to her students is wonderful,” said Senator Sarah Tatischeff, one of two students who nominated Lori Hausegger, said.

“This award is wonderful -- the fact that it is student-given makes it that much more meaningful,” Hausseger said. “Teaching really is one of the more under-appreciated professions, and being acknowledged by students is great.”

“I work really hard to try to be a good teacher -- to the students in my classes and to the students who are doing research in my chemistry lab -- so I was really excited to even be nominated, let alone win,” Warner said.

Humprey said he thinks the award is an excellent accolade for all faculty and instructors.

“The nominations are solely student-initiated, and that makes this award all the more prestigious,” he said.

“As I see the educational process, education is not about accumulations -- as in gathering course credits, degrees or even books,” Haws said. “Education is about synthesis -- the goal is not to know, or even to appear to know. The goal is to create.”

The College of Health Sciences did not have a nominee, so the number of winners was down an award from previous years.

After announcing the winners and presenting them with their awards, the recipients, nominees and guests were welcomed to stay, chat and enjoy refreshments.

debate on enforcement

Samantha Royce Journalist

Students, staff and faculty gathered Tuesday at the Brava Stage in the Student Union Building to share opinions on the campus-wide smoking ban.

The event, Smoking Policy Enforcement Open Forum, encouraged members of the Boise State community to share ideas on how to enforce the policy.

“The point of this policy was to create an environment conducive to learning,” University Health Services health educator Jennifer Summers said.

Summers played an important role in creating and passing the no-smoking policy.

Many students said they liked the ban,

Personally, I’m not a big fan of waiting

around for the bowl ... I would love to play Utah. That would be awesome. An

early game like that and cool to play in Vegas. — Ryan Winterswyk

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but felt it needed to be better enforced.

The smoking ban, which went into effect in the fall of 2009, bars anyone from smoking anywhere on campus. However, not everyone follows the rule.

Other people will go onto non-campus property like churches or residential areas to get their nicotine fix.

Several forum participants suggested designated smoking areas as a good compromise. Taco Bell Arena has designated smoking areas for fans during games.

One staff member noted that students are paying customers, and should be allowed to have designated smoking areas.

Another participant pointed out that Boise State doesn’t have any serious sanctions in place for those who break the ban.

According to the University of Arkansas at Little Rock website, anyone caught smoking on their campus is fined at least $100. The fine can go as high as $500.

Other campuses have lower fines and some, like Boise State, have none at all.

To help students and staff who want to quit smoking, Boise State Health Services offers smoking cessation classes. However, this solution does not help in situations where people continue to smoke on campus.

Forum participants agreed that unless Boise State either creates harsher punishments or creates designated areas, there will always be some smokers who violate the policy. Almost everyone suggested designated smoking areas as a good compromise.

Photos by Mitch Esplin/THE ARBITER

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December 06, 2010

Business and economics students will need GPA’s bumped to enroll in 2012

Former SuperValu HR director to become new VP for human resources

Arbiter Staff The College of Business and Economics at Boise State University has set new admission standards for degree-seeking students.

The majority of internationally accredited business schools, and several other colleges and programs at Boise State, require minimum admission standards from students, according to Pat Shannon, dean of the College of Business and Economics.

“The College of Business and Economics continues to rise to new heights with its strong reputation, exceptional faculty and high-quality student population,” Shannon said. “Creating an undergraduate admission standard not only will improve the educational experience for all of our students, it also will raise the level of prestige, expectation and value of a degree from the College of Business and Economics.”

Beginning spring semester 2012, students who want to take upperdivision courses in the college must have completed required lower division courses and have a cumulative GPA of 2.5 or higher. Students must apply by Oct. 1, 2011, for spring 2012 semester.

Students who have completed 80 credits -- at least 12 credits of

COURTESY/UNIVERSITY NEWS

Students wanting to take upper-division courses in spring 2012 must have a cumulative GPA of at least 2.5. upper-division business or economics classes with a grade of C-minus or better -- can apply in February 2011 to become legacy students and be exempt from the new admission criteria.

For more information, contact the college’s student services office at 426-3859 or visit the website, cobe.boisestate/studentadvising.edu.

The College of Business and Economics holds the gold standard of accreditation. About six percent of all the business programs in the world and 26 percent in the United States have the Association to Advance Collegiate Schools of Business accreditation. Boise State’s is the only one in the Treasure Valley.

PABLO COBLENTZ

Gabrielle Brandini Journalist

Linda Yanke to be awarded Silver Medallion Arbiter Staff Boise State University will award a Silver Medallion to longtime supporter Linda Yanke at its Winter Commencement Ceremony 10 a.m. Friday, Dec. 17, in Taco Bell Arena. The Silver Medallion is Boise State’s highest recognition of service to the university.

Yanke has long been an ardent supporter of Boise State’s goals as an emerging metropolitan research university. Her late husband, Ron,

was a student who, while still a teenager, had already taken over management of Yanke Machine Shop, founded by his father in 1942. Ron was one of three initial investors in Micron Technology.

As their business assets grew, so did the Yankes’ capacity to support the community, including investments in the Boys and Girls Club of Boise, the Peregrine Fund and the observatory at Bruneau Sand Dunes State Park.

Their contributions are associ-

ated with the Centennial Ampitheatre, the Nicholson Yanke Athletic Center and the Capitol Village office complex.

Following Ron’s death in 2004, Linda continued his legacy with a gift in support of the CavenWilliams Indoor Practice Facility and another donation toward the Ron and Linda Yanke Family Research Park.

In partnership with her daughters, she helped create the Homecourt YMCA facility in Meridian.

Yanke serves as secretary for the Boise State University Foundation.

A total of 1,428 students are eligible to earn 1,513 degrees and certificates at this year’s ceremony, which recognizes students who have completed degree requirements since May 2010.

More information about Commencement can be found at the Winter Commencement website: http://Academics.boisestate. edu/provost/commencement.

Pablo Coblentz will become Boise State’s new assistant vice president for Human Resource services Dec. 13.

Prior to his current position as a human resources consultant for the J.R. Simplot Company, Coblentz was the former human resources director for both Albertsons and SuperValu. He led the HR function for SuperValu’s first international information technology operation in Bangalore, India.

At Boise State, Coblentz will make certain changes in human resources operations, and will manage key human

resources technology and data initiatives.

Coblentz has 11 years of experience in human resources, specifically in strategic planning, succession planning, Six Sigma quality methodology and process improvement, performance management, compensation and benefit plan design, talent acquisition and management, change management and PeopleSoft HR systems administration and implementation.

Coblentz holds a bachelor of science degree in business management from University of Phoenix and is certified in Six Sigma, a business management strategy. He is certified as a senior professional in human resources (SPHR) from the Human Resources Certification Institute.

HR Resources Administration Building Room 218 Telephone: 426-1616 Main Fax: 426-3100 Email: pablocoblentz @boisestate.edu

Amazon’s best Two English professors grab spots on Amazon’s best literature, fiction list for 2010 Two professors in the Boise State University Department of English have been recognized by e-commerce giant Amazon.com. A list of the year’s 10 best literature and fiction books by editors of Amazon include works by associate professor Brady Udall (No. 10, “The Lonely Polygamist”) and adjunct professor Anthony Doerr (No. 9, “Memory Wall”).

Other picks include Pulitzer Prize finalist Jonathan Franzen (No. 2, “Freedom”).

Assosciate professor Brady Udall

Udall’s “The Lonely Polygamist” is an epic, tragicomic novel about the extremes of human relationships, embodied by a strangely familiar American family that includes four wives and 28 children. He is also the author of the critically-acclaimed short story collection “Letting Loose the Hounds” and the internationally bestselling novel “The Miracle Life of Edgar Mint.” His work has appeared in The Paris Review, Playboy, GQ and Esquire, and his stories and essays have been featured on National Public Radio’s “This American Life.”

Adjunct professor Anthony Doerr

Doerr’s “Memory Wall” explores the power of memory in short stories and novellas set across the world and concerning the struggle to forget, remember and reconcile the past. He is the author of three other books: “The Shell Collector,” “About Grace” and “Four Seasons in Rome.” His distinctions include Guggenheim and NEA fellowships to O. Henry and Pushcart prizes and the National Magazine Award for Fiction. His book reviews have appeared in The New York Times, and he writes a regular column on science books for The Boston Globe.

Udall and Doerr both teach in the Master of Fine Arts Program in Creative Writing. More about their recommended books is available at tinyurl. com/boiseamazon.

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December 06, 2010

The time is right to repeal ‘Don’t Ask’ Our government is currently “up in arms” over whether or not soldiers should be able to engage enemies in combat while their brains are corrupted with homosexual thoughts.

Arizona Republican Sen. John McCain, a former Navy pilot, has fought against repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, which allows citizens to serve in the military only if they are not openly gay. McCain said allowing gay citizens to openly serve would disrupt units’ ability to fight on the battlefield. He molded this argument around a study conducted by the Pentagon which showed 60 percent of all-male Marine combat units would rather not work alongside openly gay soldiers.

Clearly, this stems from logical scientific processes examining homosexuality.

Although there is no study to prove this, it must be common knowledge that a gay man will not be able to shoot his gun straight in the middle of open combat because he will be too busy trying to inadvertently look at his compadre’s “little rifle.” It has nothing to do with homophobia, or anything equally irrational.

The same study McCain cites, which took the Pentagon 10 months to conduct and included nearly 200,000 military service members, concluded 70 percent of all service members would “have a positive, mixed, or no effect” if gay citizens were allowed to serve alongside them.

This information has been a cornerstone in the debate over the (homo)sexual tension in the military.

Allowing members of the LGBT community to serve our country isn’t a radical new idea and will likely be talked about in future classrooms as a stepping stone for the minority group.

While military heads -- the honorable, not gay ones -support repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, they disagree on when the change should take place. Army Times reported the Navy’s top officer supports an immediate repeal of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, while the generals of the Army, Marine Corps and Air Force agree it’s better not to throw a ratchet into the system now and wait until 2012 to mandate changes, when the United States’ involvement in overseas war will settle down, according to intelligence pro-

Refocusing Christmas Jana Hoffman Columnist

Tweet that sums it all up: urbancouturetx Normally I love shopping but during the holidays I’d rather cut my arm off #bahhumbug

mct campus

jections.

“We see within the Navy a positive to neutral effect from this,” Chief of Naval Operations Adm. Gary Roughead told the Army Times. “With the exception of moderate risk associated with projected retention in some Navy irregular warfare specialties, I assess the risk to readiness, effectiveness and cohesion of the Navy to be low. Accordingly, based on my professional and informed inputs from our navy, I recommend ... repeal.”

These generals, who are all in favor of repealing Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, acknowledge

e L tt er

concerns within the different military branches about sharing bathroom facilities, but officially stated to the Pentagon they do not support using more funds to create separate facilities.

“It should also be recognized that commanders already have the tools -- from counseling, to non-judicial punishment, to UCMJ prosecution -- to deal with misbehavior in either living quarters or showers, whether the person who engages in the misconduct is gay or straight,” military leaders stated in a letter from the Pentagon.

If a citizen decides to dis-

to

Defining plagiarism We as students have been taught not to plagiarize since at least middle school. Boise State’s policy (found in the Student Code of Conduct, Article 4, Section 1) has been listed on every one of my syllabuses. Yet it still seems to be a problem, and it’s an upsetting one.

Over the last couple of weeks I have heard of numerous incidents of students being accused of plagiarism, something which could lead to suspension or expulsion from the university.

A couple of my concerned professors

have even cautioned me to “just cite everything!”

Are we as students really being so stupid as to copy things and not cite them? Maybe a few of us, but I don’t think that’s the core problem.

The Student Code of Conduct says that assignments submitted by a student “must represent his/her own ideas, concepts, and current understanding or must cite the original source.” The problem is when these two things overlap: when I have an idea that someone else has already

close their sexual orientation, whether they declare gay or straight, they will not lose their job or get a promotion as a direct result of their disclosure.

“I think a lot of people think there is going to be this big ‘outing’ and people flaunting their gayness, but they forget that we’re in the military. That stuff isn’t supposed to be done during duty hours regardless if you’re gay or straight,” an anonymous source told the Pentagon during the 10-month study.

The truth is, there are gay and lesbian Americans serving in the military now, and

the Pentagon acknowledges it. It is time for McCain and fellow nay-sayers to embrace their brothers and sisters in arms and stop denying them the right to defend their country while simultaneously defending what they believe in.

“The way we see it” is based on the majority opinions of The Arbiter’s editorial board. Members of the board are Bob Beers, editor-in-chief; Kirk Bell, managing editor; Haley Robinson, opinion editor; Andrew Ford, news editor; Josh Gamble, online editor; Rebecca De León, culture editor; and Jessica Swider, opinion producer.

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written about. As a student, is it my responsibility to research and make sure nobody else has had my idea before I write about it in a paper?

To me, this is one of those “gray areas” -- but it gets turned to black and white the instant a student hands in a paper. As undergraduate researchers most of us are learning our disciplines, not adding to the field (but to those of you who are -- kudos). Almost anything we write is based off of someone else’s work, and even our “original” ideas are usually closely related to something that has already been published.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with this; there are just challenges that must be acknowledged. Professors, I

challenge you to give your students some credit. Don’t accuse a student of plagiarism until you have a real conversation about where their ideas came from.

Students, our challenge is to search for scholars with the same idea, and then try to build on it, or even argue against it. The ability to engage in scholarly debate is a sign of a developed writer and academician.

I hope that we aren’t frantically inserting citations “just in case,” but rather striving for academic excellence, even if it does mean a couple of extra hours in the library.

Brandie VanOrder is a junior majoring in political science.

E ditorial S taff E ditor - in -C hief Bob Beers

M anaging E ditor Kirk Bell

M edia M anager Zach Ganschow

P hoto E ditor

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Christmas paraphernalia went on sale right along aside discounted day-after Halloween loot. It’s like shoppers aren’t allowed revel in the NOW. They are expected to obsess their way through Halloween and Thanksgiving for a morning when friends and relatives tear open gifts they mostly don’t need, and sometimes don’t even want.

Bah humbug is right.

In America, Christmas ‘tis the season for retailers to implant visions of cheap plastic and batteries into the brains of wee children. ‘Tis the season for people to buy loads of unnecessary atrocities like “Snuggies” and the slippers that match them.

Retailers tell us that everybody needs a gift.

Then they let us know that they have all the gifts we need to buy, and that -just in time for the holidays- they are on sale. Then they strategically place random luxuries in spots that can’t be avoided, like the middle of aisles. These companies have mastered the art of seduction. Anyone who can leave a store during holiday shopping with only the items on his or her list is a Grand Master of Christmas.

It is obvious that Christmas spirit has little to do with the aforementioned. Individuals possessed by the great ghoul of the holidays do a great deal of good. They often give bigger tips, drop coinage in The Salvation Army can, and buy a couple “Toys for Tots.” This is all good stuff. It’s what the holidays are all about.

Yet, the materialistic pressure to buy, buy, buy taints it all. Enough is enough. There must be a better way.

‘Tis time to do something different-- something really great that will make Christmas amazingly memorable.

Homemade gifting Nothing says love like taking time to make a gift for some one else. Crafty ones save some money by investing thoughtfulness and time.

The time factor is a deal breaker for a lot of people. Here’s a compromise. Make gifts for friends, and purchase gifts for family... or visa versa.

Start working on the gifts well in advance, and the time investment won’t feel as daunting. Do a little at a time, all year round. An extra special touch would be to hand deliver the presents locally. Take some time to stop by and chat over a hot cup of co-coa. Again, it takes time.

Collaborative donating Instead of buying gifts for one another, pool your resources and donate to organizations that represent people or issues your family cares most about. For instance, Angel Tree provides gifts to children of incarcerated individuals.

There’s nothing worse than having a parent away at Christmas, let alone not having any gifts under the tree.

The Heifer Project creates sustainable livelihood for impoverished communities through out the world by purchasing livestock for villagers with limited resources. Recipients of the livestock get a source of nourishment and an opportunity to start a small business. It’s an organization of hope.

Of course, there are many, many more. The bittersweet opportunity to forego personal gifts and give to others will bring a family together like nothing else.

Simplistic celebration If nothing else, focus on slowing down. Focus on giving gifts that express appreciation. Be a little more specific when writing messages in Christmas cards. Be nice even when it’s easier to be jerk.

Above all else-- avoid the mall.

Follow Jana on Twitter and she will follow you back!

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December 06, 2010

Finish on a high note Broncos prepare for bowl season after stomping Aggies Managing Editor BOISE, Idaho -- The No. 11 Boise State Broncos (11-1, 7-1 Western Athletic Conference) 18 seniors strutted individually onto Lyle Smith Field, otherwise known to fans and players as “The Blue,” for the last time Saturday to face their final in-conference WAC foe in Utah State (4-8, 2-6 WAC).

It would have been cliché to say the Broncos needed to shake off the hangover from their loss to No. 17 Nevada (11-1, 7-1 WAC).

But BSU did just that with a 5014 shellacking on Senior Day to shut down their 2010 regular season campaign that started with a 31-yard interception returned for a touchdown by senior linebacker Darrell Acrey on the first play of the game. The win gave the Broncos a piece of the WAC Championship, eight in total.

“It was exciting,” Acrey said.

“The first play, family is here, it’s senior day, all the emotions come together and then that happens.

I had my mom, my brother, and friends from high school and kids I grew up with so it was good.

Then when I ran off the sideline, my mom was still there and it felt good.”

Acrey’s interception was the fourth of his career and the first returned for a touchdown during his tenure at BSU.

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Momentum would stay on the Broncos side, gaining 453 total yards on offense. The mark was the11th straight 400-yard or better offensive performance for BSU this season.

Junior tight end Kyle Efaw caught five passes and scored two touchdowns to lead the Bronco receiving corps -- both in the first half of play. His effort was credit to the stellar seasonal performance by senior wide receivers Austin Pettis and Titus Young, who were both played close throughout the game.

“Certainly in the red zone, we got Kyle going with a couple big plays there,” junior quarterback Kellen Moore said. “That was pretty good.”

Both touchdowns -- the first from 12 yards and the second from 2 yards -- were the initial offensive scores that got the BSU offense rolling.

Young and Pettis both hauled in four receptions apiece with Pettis scoring the lone touchdown between the two on a 4-yard lob from Moore to the corner of the end zone toward the end of the half.

“It’s important to get the adrenaline rolling and get the momentum back on our side and get things flowing and I think we’re pretty good when we get that going,” Moore said.

The Broncos rushed for three touchdowns, two coming on the

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Kirk Bell

The relationships that we have (it’s what I’ll take with me). I can go through every senior and name something I have with them…this is a special team.

—Jeremy Avery

ROBBY MILO/THE ARBITER

Senior Michael Coughlin scored on a one-yard quarterback sneak against the Aggies on senior day. legs of seniors.

Running back Jeremy Avery found the end zone on a 13 yard dash to cap his senior year season with a score. He described it as a dream come true to get the opportunity for a score on Senior Day. “The relationships that we have (it’s what I’ll take with me),” Avery said. “I can go through every senior and name something I have with them…this is a special team.”

Senior quarterback Mike Coughlin came in during the fourth quarter score the final touchdown of the day with a

goal line dive into the end zone to complete his senior tenure at Bronco Stadium.

“On top of being good players they’re good kids,” head coach Chris Petersen said. “We had 18 of them at the team meeting last night all lined up and you’re looking at them and everyone of them are good guys. We’re going to miss those guys.”

The Broncos’ defense held the Aggies to 291 yards, 250 of them on the ground. Petersen attributes their defensive success to making USU one dimensional.

“They ran the ball a little bit more than we wanted them to,

but the bottom line is always points,” Petersen said. “I thought they played hard and I thought they played well.”

Aggies’ senior quarterback Diondre Borel was sacked four times by the BSU defense for 21 yards lost. The Broncos were relentless in their attack of Borel, forcing them to revert to the rushing attack.

“It’s great to rush the ball for (250) yards against a very, very good defense, but at the end of the day you have to have some sort of balance,” USU head coach Gary Andersen said.

With its victory, BSU finished

this decade in the WAC with a 75-5 record, 40-0 against opponents faced at home, by far the most dominant team in WAC history.

The MWC will welcome BSU into their conference starting the 2011 regular season. Fresno State and Nevada join in 2012.

The Broncos await their bowl invite, most likely the Las Vegas Bowl held Dec. 22 in Las Vegas, Nev. where BSU would take on No. 20 Utah (10-2, 7-1 Mountain West Conference). Senior Ryan Winterswyk favors the bowl game. No invite has been verified by press time.

End of an era

Broncos win final WAC game, wait to hear on bowl game Trent Lootens Sports Editor

BOISE, Idaho -- As the Broncos held up the Western Athletic Conference Championship trophy in the locker room after their 50-14 drubbing of Utah State on Saturday, head coach Chris Petersen noticed how surprisingly unexcited his team was.

Having to third the championship with Nevada and Hawai’i couldn’t have helped the teams’ mood any either.

“They’re (BSU players) excited about it, but in some ways that’s just what they’ve done.

It wasn’t this unbelievable excitement, and in some ways it should’ve been,” Petersen said.

“For year after year of what they’ve been able to get done.”

Boise State ends its WAC run with eight championships, a 75-5 all-time record in conference play and an unbelievable 40-0 home conference record during the 10-season WAC stretch.

Now, it’s time for BSU (11-1, 7-1 WAC) to begin a new era in the Mountain West Conference.

Joining the MWC will bring BSU the prestige of being part of a more respected conference with harder competition from top to bottom. The travel destinations for fans will be much better, too.

“I’m excited for our fans.

I think they’re going to have something to look at and new places to go to and travel. I think the locations are good and easy to get to,” Petersen said.

The harder competition will be fun for the fans, but Petersen is just fine being able to win big regularly against WAC competition.

“I like it when our guys steamroll and play good,” Petersen said. “It’s going to be more challenging, no question. Other people may enjoy it, but I won’t.”

By defeating Utah State (48, 2-6 WAC) on Saturday, the Broncos pushed their overall home winning-streak to 32-consecutive games, a new school record. Petersen has never lost a game on the blue turf since becoming head coach.

The BSU players don’t believe outsiders who are unfamiliar with the WAC truly understand how hard it is to do what they’ve done.

“It seems that people on the outside of the WAC think it’s easy to win the WAC Championship every year. It’s actually a struggle,” senior defensive end Ryan Winterswyk said. “There’s a lot of teams and a lot of things you have to go through every year to get it done. We’ve been really fortunate and blessed with opportunities to. We’ve had a

From

The Arbiter

good time doing it.”

For Boise State, its only game left to play is one that it doesn’t even know where will be played or who it will be against.

The team has been quiet about its possible bowl destinations and hasn’t come out and said where its preferred destination would be. All except for Winterswyk, who openly said after Saturday’s game that he wants to play in the earlier Maaco Las Vegas Bowl (Dec. 22) than the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl ( Jan. 9). The Utah Utes have already accepted an invitation to the Maaco Las Vegas Bowl.

“Personally, I’m not a big fan of waiting around for the bowl,” Winterswky said. “January 9, that’s a long time…I would love to play Utah. That would be awesome. An early game like that and cool to play in Vegas.”

Senior linebacker Derrell Acrey tried to be comical when asked about where he wanted to play in a bowl game. Acrey asked if the BCS National Championship game was still open for consideration then went on to say anywhere is fine as long as it’s against a quality opponent.

Utah (10-2, 7-1 MWC) fits into the quality opponents category. Boise State should know where and who it’s playing by Sunday morning.

To

ROBBY MILO/THE ARBITER

Junior tight end Kyle Efaw took advantage of his extra redzone looks from Kellen Moore and ended the day with two touchdowns and five receptions.

TE makes it look too easy

Efaw capitalizes on redzone opportunities

Justin Dalme Journalist

On a day when the Utah State’s defense was preoccupied with Austin Pettis and Titus Young, junior tight end Kyle Efaw thrived.

The hometown kid from Capital High School led the team in receptions with five for 76 yards.

His longest reception came in the first quarter on a 30-yard pass from Moore. He also snagged a 29-yarder from Moore in the third.

“Yeah, obviously having (Young) and Pettis to take some attention away from me helps," Efaw said. "Sometimes games just go this way I guess."

Efaw was also able to get into the end zone twice.

Moore connected with him on a 12-yard pass in the middle of the first quarter to put the Broncos up 13-0. Later in the second, Moore found Efaw

again in the end zone on a two-yard pass.

“The second one we have had in for five to six weeks, on the little play action pass, so it was good to finally get it out of the playbook,” Efaw said.

Quarterback Kellen Moore commented that the Utah State defense was able to run well with the receivers in their man coverage play, but Efaw was a nice backup option to utilize.

“Yes, certainly in the red zone we have Kyle going, a couple big plays there, that was pretty good,” Moore said.

Efaw ends the regular season with 23 receptions for 292 yards and five touchdowns.

Honorable mention goes out to senior running backs Jeremy Avery and Jarvis Hodge who were able to rack up a combined total of 119 rushing yards on 18 carries and one touchdown in their final appearance on the blue.

arbiteronline.com

6 Sports

December 06, 2010

Idaho native excels on big stage Cody Lampl represents his home state in a Steelheads uniform Austin Rogerson

Courtesy Idaho Steelheads “A good hockey player plays where the puck is. A great hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.” - Wayne Gretzky Cody Lampl, a hockey enthusiast, dreamed that one day he would be able play professional hockey.

Cody was born in Pennsylvania, but grew up in Ketchum, Idaho where the hockey community was nearly non-existent. Ice skating, on the other hand, was somewhat popular given the location and from a young age Cody and his friends became fond of hockey. During the winter months, the local soccer field at Atkinson Park was frozen over by the city and used for ice skating. Every day after school, Cody and his friends would head over to the park and play hockey

from 2:30 p.m. until dark.

“Our parents would pick us up from the park at night, and we would do it all over again the next day,” Cody said.

It wasn’t enough though for Lampl to simply play in his hometown for his entire life. At the age of 16, Lampl acknowledged that staying in Idaho would hinder his potential to pursue his hockey dream. With his skill acquired through high-school and prior, Lampl left his friends, family and former lifestyle to play in Dallas, Texas with the Dallas Midgets.

After a year of success, he was given the opportunity to play with the USHL Sioux Falls team in South Dakota, the highest tier program for his age in the United States. At the age of 18, Lampl was traded to a top program in Chicago for his age, before being picked up by Colorado

College where he spent his 4-year collegiate career.

“I sent letters to several Division III schools while playing in Idaho, but never heard a word back; and then a year after playing in Chicago I’m being offered full-ride scholarships by Division I schools,” Lampl chuckled.

The popularity and emphasis placed on hockey in places like Illinois, Colorado and South Dakota is similar to that of football in Boise, therefore consistently producing great hockey players.

Lampl grew up around the Steelheads, and watched the second game ever played at Qwest Arena in 1997. He knew very well in his mind what he wanted to accomplish, and that was playing in the East Coast Hockey League.

“I received a call soon after finishing up my career at Colorado

College from Derek Laxdal of the Steelheads saying he wanted to see me play,” Cody recalled.

After proving himself as one of the best, not only did Lampl reach his dream of becoming a professional hockey player, but he became the first player with Idaho roots to skate for the Steelheads.

“Every time I step on the ice I play as hard as I can for my friends, family, teammates,” Lampl says. He highly credits these individuals because for one reason or another they have helped him become the person he is today. “If you want it bad enough, you’ll attain it.”

Cody Lampl believes this and has shown through dedication and hard work that anything is possible.

He is a great individual, fantastic hockey player, and your local Idaho Steelhead.

Upcoming games: Wednesday,

Courtesy of Idaho Steelheads

Dec. 15 vs. Victoria Salmon Kings Friday, Dec. 17 vs. Victoria Salmon Kings BSU STUDENT DISCOUNT $11 ticket plus a free small beer or Pepsi.

Present your valid student ID at the Qwest Arena Box Office Limit two per ID. Purchase online at idahosteel-

heads.com/boisestate.

Login: Student Password: Tickets.

The preceding article was written

by Austin Rogerson, a Boise State marketing student participating in the Idaho Steelheads Internship Program presented by the Arbiter.

For additional information, visit idahosteelheads.com/boisestate.

ROBBY MILO/THE ARBITER

BSU started well against the Oregon Ducks but couldn’t keep up in the second half.

Ducks soar over Broncos

Fast-paced Oregon too much for Boise State John Garretson Journalist

Full court presses, an up-tempo offensive scheme, and constant pressure are what left the Boise State Broncos women’s basketball team (5-3, 0-0 in Western Athletic Conference) in the dust against the swift Oregon Ducks (6-1, 0-0 in Pac-10), as they lost 80-64 Friday night in Taco Bell Arena.

From the looks of the first half, the Broncos kept pace with the Ducks, shooting roughly the same percentage from the field and maintaining minimal turnovers as the girls headed into the locker room down by five. Even in the beginning of the second half, Boise State captured it’s first lead of the game since 18:06 let

The Arbiter

in the first half.

Things quickly became a blur when the Ducks sped up the game play, going on an 11-2 scoring drive halfway through the second period, capitalizing off of steals and presses with effortless layups and quick jump shots that let the game get out of hand for Boise State.

Head coach Gordy Presnell recognized the force Oregon was bringing upon his team.

“What happens is that they put someone up on the ball and press at the beginning of each half to get you to throw the ball over the top. They want you to speed the game up, that’s why they average 90 points a game,” Presnell said. “We don’t want to run with them, that’s what they want you to do.”

The mastermind behind Oregon’s

“run-and-gun” offense is Paul Westhead, acclaimed basketball coach who is the only coach to win a NBA and a WNBA championship title, one with the Los Angeles Lakers in 1980 and one with the Phoenix Mercury in 2007, as well as revamping Loyola Marymount’s men’s program in the late ‘80s by making them NCAA contenders.

“Obviously he’s had a legendary career,” Presnell said of Westhead.

Providing the Broncos with some momentum was senior forward Janie Bos, who tallied a double-double, scoring 19 points and going 8-8 from the field while bringing down 13 rebounds.

“If I don’t miss a shot that’s pretty good," Bos said. "I owe that to my teammates for seeing that there is no backside help or seeing that they're playing me so high and giving me the ball. I give all the credits to my guards and anybody that gave me the ball it all goes to them.”

As for the rest of the Broncos, sophomore forward Lauren Lenhardt scored 10 points and seven rebounds, junior guard Katie Isham had 17 points, and freshman guard Cinnamon Lister registered seven points and three assists.

“We knew that they were going to want to play a fast paced game. And we knew that if we can make them play our game, we were going to keep it close,” Bos said. “They started to pull away little by little. We kind of let up a bit, gave them some boards and they got back into it.

arbiteronline.com

Classifieds BLUE TURF

7

December 06, 2010

Sudoku

By M. Mepham

Crossword

The app for the serious Bronco Football fan

download today on iTunes Level: 1

Videos

2

3 4

This weeks video event brought to you by

Boise State Student Media

SOLUTION TO SATURDAY’S PUZZLE

12/6/10

Boise State celebrated 18 seniors prior to the final regular season football game of the 2010 season.

View a video of their final entry to the field.

Complete the grid so each row, column and 3-by-3 box (in bold borders) contains every digit, 1 to 9.

For strategies on how to solve Sudoku, visit

Sell It

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memory foam mattress. Brand new in plastic. Must sell. $225.

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set. Retail $1199. $299. Call 888-1464.

www.sudoku.org.uk © 2010 The Mepham Group. Distributed by Tribune Media Services. All rights reserved.

Calendar Thursday, December 9, 2010

2:00 PM - 5:00 PM HIV Testing Location: University Health Services, Norco Building 4:30 PM - 5:30 PM Nutrition Q & A Location: Student Recreation Center

Sacrifice

King size pillowtop mattress set brand new in bag. Must sell,

$199. Can Deliver. 921-6643.

Friday, December 10, 2010

7:00 AM - 9:00 AM Employee Wellness Screenings Location: UHS Lab Room 111, Norco Building 8:00 PM The Nutcracker Location: Morrison Center

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Work It

10:00 AM - 5:00 PM Clay & Fire Sale Location: Visual Arts Center, Gallery 1, Liberal Arts Building

Other

2:00 PM The Nutcracker Location: Morrison Center

STUDENTPAYOUTS. COM Paid Survey Takers Needed In Boise.

100% FREE To Join! Click On Surveys.

Place Your Ad here!

11/21 - 11/24

6:00 PM - 8:00 PM Holidays Around The World 8:00 PM The Nutcracker Location: Morrison Center

Sunday, December 12, 2010

10:00 AM - 5:00 PM Clay & Fire Sale Location: Visual Arts Center, Gallery 1, Liberal Arts Building See info below

So you wanna place a classified ad?

2:00 PM The Nutcracker Location: Morrison Center

1. Go to www.arbiteronline.com and click on the link to the classifieds section and place your ad online, 24-7.

2. E-mail ad requests to classifieds@arbiteronline.com.

Include your name, phone number and ad text.

Comics

Club Organization Contact classifieds@stumedia.boisestate.edu to place your club’s ad

The Arbiter

arbiteronline.com

All articles on pages 8 and 9 of this issue are completely fictional. Actual names we not used. The context and ideas are completely satirical intended for humorous purposes only.

These are not actual news stories! None of the things mentioned on pages 8 and 9 actually happened.

POTATO

December 6, 2010

Issue 1, Vol. 1

Joy Hanson, 55, ‘couldn’t be happier’ after ditching teal, rolling backpack Andrew Ford

Kentucky Fried Chef Joy Hanson, a sophomore biology major from Kuna, is pumped about something she hasn’t used since her teens: a backpack without wheels.

After enrolling at Boise State as a non-traditional student in the fall of 2009, she quickly prepared herself for the rigors of university life with all the gear she’d need.

Battle-hardened from three children and a 10-year stint as an assistant manager at ShopKo, Hanson wasn’t going to attend college without all the essentials.

“I know a thing or two about managing, and when you’re managing yourself, you’ve got to be prepared,” she said while gesturing to her purse, full of Kleenex, pens, deodorant and “lady savers.”

Before quitting ShopKo, Hanson swiftly used her employee discount to grab fresh pens, pencils, a gray scientific calculator and an assortment of knitting supplies. Finally, she topped off the cart with something she assumed all university students use, a backpack with wheels.

Hanson said rolling backpacks seemed “very sporty” every time she saw them at work, so she knew they must be all over campus.

“Kids love sporty things, so of course I got one for myself,” Hanson said.

During her third week at Boise State, she began to worry if any of the college students she had anticipated developing friendships with would have rolling backpacks themselves. Hanson said in her evening English 101 class, her eyes were trailing across the ankles of the room. No one else had a backpack with wheels.

“I put my No. 2 pencil down and just kind of sighed,” she said.

According to Hanson, she began to question whether the nickname “Roly Poly” given to her by James Simpson was as playful and inviting as she once thought.

“Oh yeah, Joy. She’s nice. But she always carried around that rolling backpack though. So we called her Roly,” said Simpson, an 18-year-old English major from Star. “I don’t understand the fascination old people have with those things.”

Hanson didn’t feel like she fit in, but her husband, Ron, assured her it was likely because of the age disparity between her and most students. But when Hanson began receiving notes on her car, she became suspicious of the role of her rolling backpack had

Photos by glenn landberg/THE ARBITER

Rolling backpacks, though great for saving a person’s spine, are big, clunky and they always track mud and other crap into classrooms. with her lack of friendships in the classroom.

“Stop talking. Stop rolling.

Please,” read one pink Post-It note left on her white sedan.

Another had “Roll off a cliff,” scribbled onto the back of a flier for a Health Fair inside the Student Union Building.

Jessica Smith, a 19-year-old biology major from Parma, has class with Hanson and knew who wrote the notes, but promised, “It wasn’t me!”

Smith said the students were usually OK with having Hanson in their class, but hated how her rolling backpack would always drag mud into the classroom.

“Look, if she didn’t let that muddy water drag across all our bags, we wouldn’t mind her so much,” Smith said.

Hanson said even though she began to feel uneasy about her rolling backpack, she continued to use it until Thanksgiving, when her daughter gave her a

surprise gift.A red Jansport backpack. Her daughter, Laura, said she got it because she knew that her mom’s rolling backpack was making her mom appear even more out of touch with campus.

“My mom’s 55,” Laura Hanson said with a shrug. “She doesn’t know better. I thought I could help.”

Since ditching her rolling backpack, Hanson said she’s gotten along much better with her classmates.

“I love my new backpack. I couldn’t be happier,” she said.

“I’m thinking about getting one of those long skateboards next.”

Backpack tips: If the wheeled-backpack lifestyle is too hard to relinquish, check out these great tips for making your rolling pack all it can be.

- Turn signals - Studded wheels - F.A.B. antitheft key - Wind spoiler - Rain shield - Bad ass paint job

This article is fake.

Dismayed Bronco fan ponders:

‘What’s the point?’

Bob Beers The man

glenn landberg/THE ARBITER

Darrel Owens mourns the Broncos’ loss like a sad baby. He is a genuine, real-life sissy.

The Arbiter

A fan of the Boise State Broncos for more than 17 months, sophomore communication major Darrel Owens awoke this morning begging the question, “What’s the point?”

“I mean, what’s the point? They lost the game! Who freakin’ cares anymore,” Owens said as he rolled over in bed, still wearing the same clothes from Friday night.

When asked what he meant, Owens furthered his depressed line of thinking.

“If the Broncos don’t have a perfect record and can’t go to a BCS game, why should I get up for class or go to work?

If they couldn’t beat Nevada and their stupid, gimmicky pistol offense, I sure as hell don’t see a need to finish my essay or readings,” Owens said.

Owens exemplifies many characteristics of the new breed of Bronco fan: the pussy. His expressionless face and persistent deep sighs have even begun to push away his girlfriend, Alana Hunts,

a freshman English major.

“He just lays there all day,” she said. “I thought I saw him get up for food once, but it turned out he was just vomiting in the sink.”

Owens used to have goals, according to his girlfriend. He was passionate about life, especially -- she quickly added -- if the Broncos were winning.

“We talked about moving away to Cabo in January to escape the cold winter nights in Boise. We could stroll the beaches and splash in the warm ocean waters together. After the BCS National Championship game, of course. Or maybe the Rose Bowl or even the Sugar Bowl, at least that’s what Darrel used to talk about. Now, he just weeps into this pillow.”

At one point during the morning, Owens mumbled something that sounded like, “Seen my watch, man?” His girlfriend’s heart nearly jumped up her throat from the excitement that Owens might be ready to do something, anything. It turned out however that what he mumbled was, “Stupid Brotzman.”

“I’ve told him a hundred times it’s not all Brotz’s fault,” Hunts said, eyes swelling with frustration. “Brotz is a Lou Groza semifinalist and is the AllTime WAC scoring champion with 425 points, for crying out loud! And don’t even get me started on blowing a 17-point lead against a team that couldn’t even beat Hawai’i! Or how the offense put up only seven second-half points!”

For now, it appears that Owens won’t be leaving the sanctuary of his blue and orange comforter and Kellen Moore body pillow anytime soon.

“Sure, kids would be nice to have someday. And a nice paying job. Oh, or even a nice house and wife and dog. We could donate our time to feed the needy and could all learn another language and travel the world or rent a library of the century’s greatest literature!” Owens said smiling, only to have the smile fade as he slowly concluded, “But if the Broncos aren’t BCS-bowl-bound, who’d want to bring a kid up in that world?”

This article is fake.

arbiteronline.com

9

Potato News

December 06, 2010

Camel packs up naming rights to Taco Bell Arena

zach ganschow/THE ARBITER

Roger McDermy, a marketing representative from R. J. Reynolds, announces Camel’s sponsorship purchase of Taco Bell Arena to a bustling crowd of reporters Sunday in the Great Hatch ballroom. McDermy is “so freaking stoked” to watch Buster Bronco and Joe Camel own the animal mascot world.

Zach Voss

Stud, bad-ass Say farewell to tacos and hello to a Turkish flavor.

The basketball arena was available for bidding from new sponsors since Taco Bell’s title contract for Boise State’s basketball stadium is scheduled to end in fall 2011.

While Wendy’s restaurant or Mountain Dew were anticipated to claim the title, many were surprised when the new sponsor came to light Sunday.

R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company purchased title rights to the structure for $15 million under a five-year contract. The new venue will be named Camel Cigarettes Court, but the local community is anticipated to adapt the name ‘Camel Court.’ As part of the new contract, Boise State will also create smoking-optional classrooms in the Education, Liberal Arts and Business Building.

“We believe this is a progressive decision for the campus,” associate registrar Kris Woods said. “While

there may be students who don’t want smoking to occur during their classes, students will be able to select these preferences when registering on Broncoweb. It will be a simple process, similar to the ‘waitlist’ box, but the box will say ‘non-smoking.’ “ This decision has sparked mixed reactions within the student body.

“I’ve been a closet smoker for quite some time, so this announcement is quite refreshing,” communication senior Winn Gandberg said.

“The current smoking pol-

icy left many students feeling secluded and threatened, so I’m pleased to acquire these smoking privileges,” Gandberg said as he clutched a Camel menthol betwixt his long, slender fingers. The smoke tenderly billowed from his lips, grazing the rich textures of his beard that made one think of merchant ships from the Orient.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” said Burt Lackey, a freshman with an undeclared major. “I feel like this whole story is a joke.”

The press conference an-

nouncing the purchase featured the company’s mascot, Joe Camel, who fired out cigarette packs from a miniature air cannon to reporters and spectators, while radio station BRO 104 amped up the crowd.

“Camel Cigarettes is thrilled about our partnership with Boise State,” said Roger McDermy, a marketing representative from R. J. Reynolds. “The Camel Court will be an ideal location for Boise to savor Bronco athletics and other events.”

The facility will be a full-

smoking environment, excluding a no-smoking perimeter of 20 feet around the court or stage to protect performers. Camel Court will also feature Joe’s Lounge, a full bar and club to be open during events.

“I think that Joe Camel and Buster Bronco will become good friends in the next few years,” McDermy said. “I look forward to seeing them doing high fives and exchanging piggy backs on the sidelines.”

This article is fake.

Bathroom scales fail across campus Bob Beers Nerd, Lover

mct campus

Former prom king now struggles to score date Rebecca de León Femme Fatale

Once the proud ruler of Chief Joseph High School in Moses Lake, Wash., Chad Russell now lives a peaceful life among the commoners at Boise State University. Although his crown still rests proudly on his mother’s mantle, Russell chose to humbly attend school and live a life outside of royalty.

Now, the former king of Chief Joseph’s A Night at the Oscars Prom 2007 finds himself facing challenges he never dealt with during his reign in Washington. The female populace at this university does not bow to His Highness the way it did when he ruled his high school.

“I’m the same guy, but now, I just keep getting shot down,” Russell said.

In high school, if a female attracted Russell’s gaze, all he had to do was send one of his loyal minions to deliver an official message from the king expressing interest. Since it is frowned upon to turn down such a request from His Majesty, it was easy for Russell to have at times even many lady friends.

“That doesn’t really work here,”

The Arbiter

Russell said. “It’s like, nobody even knows I’m king of anything.”

Russell’s mother, Grace Norris, remains loyal to her son and his empire.

“He’ll always be a king to me,” she said. “Especially since he doesn’t take after his father.”

Former students from Chief Joseph High School have mixed feelings about their king’s downfall.

“He was always a douchebag,” said Alex Meeler, who lost the crown to Russell. “And he said I stole his girl, but I wouldn’t touch her with a 10-foot pole. No way.”

The elected prom queen differed.

“He was a gentleman,” Stacy Peterson said. “But I don’t really remember much after the first hour of prom. I think someone spiked the punch.”

Although it seems his reputation does not precede him, Russell valiantly keeps his head up and his spirits high.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he said.

“I mean, I’ve put on a few pounds since then, but it’s what’s inside that really counts, right?”

This article is fake.

The Boise State University Housing Department has received dozens of complaints about bathroom scales on campus clearly not working.

The complaints began sometime in early November, approximately the same time Chick-fil-A opened in the Student Union Building.

“We don’t really understand what’s happening,” University Housing employee Karen Armstrong said. “It appears that there is a massive, campus-wide failure of all bathroom scales that are reading incorrect weights for students.”

One student who issued a complaint is junior geology major Samantha Birmingham.

“Yeah, my scale doesn’t work anymore,” an astute Birmingham said. “When I step on it, the scale says I’m 15 pounds heavier than I should be. In October, I weighed 130 pounds. The stupid scale says I weigh 145 pounds now!”

Birgmingham noted that her diet hasn’t changed that much since October.

“Except for maybe the occasional spicy chicken sandwich or a delicious eight-piece chicken nugget or a moist, smooth chicken deluxe sandwich stuffed with waffle fries and doused with Chick-fil-A sauce, I eat pretty much the same stuff.”

Birmingham held up the scale and shook it for a while before making another attempt to weigh herself. Breathing heavily, she stepped on the mechanism and shook her head in frustration when it read 145 pounds.

“You see! I’m not making this up,” she said looking confused.

According to Armstrong, instances such as this are occurring everywhere.

“We keep getting the same call,” she said.

“Out of breath, frustrated students calling about scales reading bigger weights. Often I have a hard time understanding them ‘cause it sounds like their mouths are full of food when they call. It’s the weirdest thing.”

Wilhelm Disalvo, a senior construction management major said he threw his scale, “out the Goddamn window.”

“That thing sucked,” a disgustedlooking Disalvo said. “I know I don’t weigh 220 pounds. I also threw my pants

glenn landberg/THE ARBITER

Senior construction management major Wilhelm Disalvo from Poland, expresses his disbelief as he weighs himself for the first time in America. Much to his chagrin, the scale reads 220 pounds.

Medvedev later commented, “Mom always told me that food in the New Country was not as nutritious as our yak meat.” out the Goddamn window for shirking three weeks in a row.”

Disalvo also claims to have a consistent diet of six, small “snacks” throughout the day because, “that’s how people are built to eat.”

“As I always have, I eat six meals a day, like I said,” Disalvo said. “It’s easier for food to be processed that way. Instead of eating three big-ass meals a day, I’ll maybe eat six chicken sandwiches, three spicy and three deluxe, spread out from about 10 a.m. through 9 p.m. That way, I can munch on fries and sip on barbecue sauce and not feel so stuffed.”

This article is fake.

The waistlines of students across campus are reeling after stuffing their faces with delicious chicken sandwiches for weeks. They are just so damn crispy and soft. We can surely empathize with their interest and love for such delectable meat. arbiteronline.com

December 06, 2010

The Arbiter

arbiteronline.com