Το μέσο To the MKW truck; You are such a bitch! You run people over, metaphorically speaking. You’re an a-hole to all. Have a good life. Never see you again. You’re best friend is a dickhead who does gymnastics. Only guy fags do gymnastics. Stop trying to fuck all the fucking girls in the dorm you’re a queer. To the 2nd floor of Lippincott - is it really that hard to walk down/up one fucking flight of stairs? I have to wait for your lazy asses to take the elevator down one floor.. suck it up and walk. love, 3rd & 4th floor To the dumb blonde at OIT who forgot to wear a bra; I deeply enjoyed that glimpse of your boobs when you bent over. Nothing like a look at a decent pair of tits to start off the day. Thank you. To the kid on the LX who was hitting on a girl by recounting his knowledge of Supreme Court Cases: Really? Do you think the girl is going to get wet when you express your disdain for the ruling in Plessey v. Ferguson? Is your idea of dirty talk reading Amicus Curaie Briefs? For once, I am asking a man who is hitting on a chick to speak about how much weight they can bench and how much beer they can hold in their system. In fact, I give you permission to do so!
PERSONALS
Wednesday, October 28th, 2009
“Westboro Baptist Church; Populating Hell with inbreeds since 1955.” To my dumbass house mate that nobody likes; You are a bitch and your fat assboyfriend is a bitch too. The world does not revole around you and your cottage cheese legs. Your attitude is about as bad as your haircut, and your a selfish bitch who can’t take responsibility for your actions. you’re lucky I didn’t press charges on your ugly ass, and your ruining everyone’s good time in the house. Please get sterilized. Thank you. (Cottage Cheese Legs. Awesome dude. Awesome.) To the shit stain in LX; Quit advertising your millimeter tweener by dominating an entire seat for each of your lanky ass legs. Pull up your pants, shut your legs and move the fuck over. Your junk doesn’t need much room. (Sounds like all of the Livingston buses are full of complete assholes this semester....and shit stains apparently. That is just really gross....and annoying. Buses suck enough. They don’t need help.)
To the annoying Muslim bitch with the smelly ass head shawl right in front of me in Chem; Stop laughing at every other fucking word the professor says. GREAT DEPRESSION TEEHEE. How about you shut your fucking mouth and try to suck less professor dick. Maybe you should make a new head shawl to covTo the Ginger on the L bus er your annoying fucking Thursday night. To think mouth. that some one would drop Dear obvously awesome their phone in throw up on personal poster/writer, the bus then wipe it on a poor I just want to thank you girl’s leg is disgusting. Then for publishing my personal go on to criticize how she has submission (this was my throw up on her leg. I wonder first post and I am happy who put it there? Asshole. I to see it in print) and I am gave up my seat for her to get also extremely happy to away from you. Come find have seen that you used the me you piece of shit and pick phrase “Twat Waffle” in on someone your own size. this issue as well. Both of (Sounds like a real winner.) these things totally made my day/week/month/etc. Dear News Editor, You Because of this I may befucking suck! I wrote and come a regular Personal article 2 weeks ago and Writer so watch out!!! all I ever see is the shit you write that just fucking (Why thank you. That’s why I write for this page. sucks. Asshole. At least some people think (Sounds like you;re writing to that all of aren’t a bunch of wrong section, but thanks for assholes/ Keep the personthe lovely little rant anyway!) als coming!)
To that fucking asshole in the elevator of north tower: We WERE talking about you, you douchebag. You’re real smart for trying to start a fight in a fucking elevator when you’re outnumbered 4-1. You’re scrawny. Your earring is ugly. To the guy who called me a lesbian because I turned him down, stop coming into my room in the middle of the night. GROW A COCK you gigantic vagina! (What an asshole. Maybe he’s a lesbian....)
Dear assholes in physics 227: Shut the fuck up. We all know she’s a shitty lecturer but some of us actually need to listen in class to learn. Stop bitching about how class sucks so much. Maybe if you would shut the fuck up and let her teach you’d learn something. Also, we all know you can use the back of the seat in front of you as a foot-rest in the physics lecture hall, but for fucks sake don’t. My back is NOT your footrest! Stop kicking me in the back of the head every lecture assholes. (Or you can just solve all your problems and kick those annoying douches in the head yourself....) To the person that called out the orgo professor last week for hiding the average score of the orgo exams in a hidden problem in emails; I salute you! On that note,dear orgo professor, No one is impressed with your asshatery. You are a deuchenozzle! I bite my thumb at you sir!
To the guy in my EPA class that says DISAPPOINTED every fucking class, you’re fucking gay highlights are a DISAPPOINTMENT. SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND Let me try to listen to this tard of a teacher. To the idiots on Central; you play the worst music ever! Every weekend my ears bleed from the shit you play. Maybe if you knew how to dj and all of you werent so ugly you can get some pussy. (Maybe not. They just really suck.)
We the brotherhood of Kappa Sigma, are writing this letter in thanks to your years hard work. We cannot properly express our gratitude towards the dedication you have placed into watching our house over the last couple of years. You have kept the building in such exemplary conditions, during the period of out short sabbatical, that we are all tremendously excited to live within its walls next year. Thank you for all your time and hard work. Sincerely, Kappa Sigma To the short fugly bitch on the F two weeks ago; You were talking so loud on your phone and I wanted to shove your Blackberry down your throat to shut you the fuck up. When I requested a stop at the Public Safety Building, the bus door swung open and smacked you in the back of the head. Thank God. I left my book at Douglass earlier that day. Thanks for making my day cunt! (Why doesn’t this happen more often??? I fucking hate those people.)
To the jerk I dated for a week who lives on my floor: Stop telling people I’m a crazy bitch, or I really will rip your fucking hair out! To the girl who was next to me on the bus today, I could “feel” you reading over my shoulder while I was reading my Medium. The reason I’m writing this though is because you were dumb enough to tell me, “I never want to be in that newspaper.” after you had read the Personals. To all the stupid fucks who are parking like complete assholes in the Douglass Deck: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHO THE FUCK TAUGHT YOU TO DRIVE? RAY FUCKING CHARLES? Seriousely, the point is to park in between the two lines you cunt licking cum slurping pieces of shit! this is Slutgers, right? Let me try to explain this in terms you dirty fucking whores will understand: When youre fucking a girl you stick it in her cunt, and when your giving head you shove it down your throat. To the hot RUPD officer; I usually don’t say this, but you can tazer me anytime. Getting kicked out of Rutgers would be totally worth it. Dear Rutgers, Fuck you for making my bus stop at the visitors center on Busch that no one ever wants to fucking get off at. Dammit. To the fake ass Jew that lives above me. Go die. To the mother fucker who came into my house while i was so graciously allowing you to get drunk on my premises and stole blue original longboard. I WILL FUCKING DANCE ON YOUR FACE when I see you riding that shit. Thats right DANCE ON IT! To Mike & The Medium, I just felt I had to say thanks for the backpage article on Hillel & The Westboro Baptist Church, I think you said it better than anyone else. Plus, when The Medium says something you know it must be serious.
Bitch on bitches! personals@themedium. net