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University of Wisconsin-Madison

Since 1892

Monday, April 28, 2014


ASM strives for improved diversity plan By Emily Gerber THE DAILY CARDINAL


Bump it with a trumpet

The University of Wisconsin-Madison ‘Varsity’ band performed their 40th annual spring concert Thursday, Friday and Saturday at the Kohl Center. They played Wisconsin favorites including James Bond, The Beatles and The Phantom of the Opera. + Photo by Tommy Yonash

Despite the April 23 Associated Students of Madison vote against the proposed Diversity Plan Framework, students are still working with the draft to ensure the future implementation of enhanced diversity efforts on campus. In 2012, the University of Wisconsin-Madison charged an Ad Hoc Diversity Planning Committee with creating a new diversity plan, a task that had not been addressed since the university’s Plan 2008, the previous campus diversity plan. With the aid of campus engagement sessions and input from various shared governance groups, the committee compiled a working framework that outlined potential areas of implementation.

Ron Kind announces plans to reduce student loan debt U.S. Rep. Ron Kind, D-Wis., announced Thursday his plan to reduce student loan debt at a press conference at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. The outline calls for congressional approval of five separate pieces of legislation introduced by Kind and other representatives. Kind said in a statement the legislation would solve a growing economic problem in the U.S. “Wisconsin students graduate from college and enter the job market with over $28,000 in debt on average, creating a huge financial strain that can last for years,” Kind said in the statement. “More than ever, we have an immediate need to reform student loan repayment programs so that students aren’t punished for seeking higher education.” Kind said in the plan he introduced a bill to direct federal profits from student loan programs into Pell Grant programs, adding that

the federal government should not profit from student loan debt. The plan includes legislation sponsored by U.S. Rep. Mark Pocan, D-Wis., that would allow students to refinance loans for higher education when interest rates drop, similar to the framework allowing homeowners to refinance mortgages. Kind’s plan supports the Investing in Student Success Act recently introduced by U.S. Reps. Tom Petri, R-Wis., and Marco Rubio, R-Fla., which would allow individuals or organizations to provide funds for students’ education and be repaid with a percentage of the students’ income for a predetermined amount of time. In addition, the plan includes measures to reduce interest rates for student loans and increase the minimum tax deduction for student loan interest for low and middle-income families. —Andrew Hahn

ASM Chair David Gardner said despite encouraging progress for change, he and other Student Council members were discouraged by the lack of a solidified campus plan. By only establishing a “framework” of recommendations, Gardner said there is not enough strength in support of the committee’s initial charge to enact concrete changes. “This plan needs to have teeth. It needs to really impact our campus in a way that’s clear and specific,” Gardner said. The students’ approval of the plan hinges on the addition of seven areas ASM felt needed a place in the document, including the cre-

diversity page 3


Reveling on Levin’s level: preparing for music festival By Adelina Yankova THE DAILY CARDINAL


UW-Madison sophomore Josh Levin serves as executive director of Revelry Music and Arts Festival.

Though he usually puts in long hours as Revelry Music and Arts Festival’s executive director, University of Wisconsin-Madison sophomore Josh Levin occasionally gets a break. Earlier this month, for instance, he had what he described as a “light week” consisting of 13 hour-long meetings. As the leader of Revelry’s executive planning committee since September 2013, Levin’s main responsibilities include managing various subcommittees, overseeing marketing and logistics and collaborating with a talent-buying company to book all performing acts for the festival. Levin has been involved with Revelry since its inception last year,

profile page 3

Madison police still searching for teenage suspects in cell phone theft incident Thursday An 18-year-old Madison man lost his cell phone to a teen suspect in a theft scheme Thursday morning. The victim told Madison police he was walking down Ash

Street at approximately 11:15 a.m. when the suspect approached him. The teen told the victim he needed to borrow a cell phone to “call his mother,” according to Public Information Officer Joel

Danny Brown at Majestic Madman, sensitive introvert at the +ARTS, page 4 same damn time

DeSpain in an incident report. When the victim attempted to retrieve his phone from the suspect, a second teenage suspect interfered. The Madison man told police the other suspect reached into

a backpack and pulled out what he believed was a gun. The victim decided not to pursue his phone any further and backed away from the two teenage suspects. Madison police encourage

Cardinal victorious, again Helps Herald finish its keg

+ASS WAXING, page 8

citizens to call the Madison Area Crime Stoppers hotline at (608)266-6014 with any information on the suspects. Descriptions of the suspects were not provided.


@dailycardinal The Daily Cardinal

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hi 47º / lo 43º

Tuesday: thunderstorms hi 62º / lo 44º

Monday, April 28, 2014

An independent student newspaper, serving the University of Wisconsin-Madison community since 1892 Volume 123, Issue 106

2142 Vilas Communication Hall 821 University Avenue Madison, Wis., 53706-1497 (608) 262-8000 • fax (608) 262-8100

News and Editorial

tODAY: rainy

Editor-in-Chief Abigail Becker

Managing Editor Mara Jezior

News Team News Manager Sam Cusick Campus Editor Adelina Yankova College Editor Emily Gerber City Editor Patricia Johnson State Editor Eoin Cottrell Associate News Editor Dana Kampa Features Editor Melissa Howison Opinion Editors Haleigh Amant • Ryan Bullen Editorial Board Chair Anna Duffin Arts Editors Cheyenne Langkamp • Sean Reichard Sports Editors Brett Bachman • Jonah Beleckis Almanac Editors Andy Holsteen • Kane Kaiman Photo Editors Courtney Kessler • Jane Thompson Graphics Editors Mikaela Albright • Haley Henschel Multimedia Editors Amy Gruntner • Grey Satterfield Science Editor Nia Sathiamoorthi Life & Style Editor Katy Hertel Special Pages Editor Samy Moskol Social Media Manager Rachel Wanat Copy Chiefs Vince Huth • Justine Jones Maya Miller • Kayla Schmidt

Business and Advertising Business Manager Tyler Reindl Advertising Manager Jordan Laeyendecker Assistant Advertising Manager Corissa Pennow Account Executives Brianna Albee • Erin Aubrey Michael Metzler • Dan Shanahan Elisa Wiseman Marketing Director Cooper Boland

The Daily Cardinal is a nonprofit organization run by its staff members and elected editors. It receives no funds from the university. Operating revenue is generated from advertising and subscription sales. The Daily Cardinal is published weekdays and distributed at the University of WisconsinMadison and its surrounding community with a circulation of 10,000. Capital Newspapers, Inc. is the Cardinal’s printer. The Daily Cardinal is printed on recycled paper. The Cardinal is a member of the Associated Collegiate Press and the Wisconsin Newspaper Association. All copy, photographs and graphics appearing in The Daily Cardinal are the sole property of the Cardinal and may not be reproduced without written permission of the editor in chief. The Daily Cardinal accepts advertising representing a wide range of views. This acceptance does not imply agreement with the views expressed. The Cardinal reserves the right to reject advertisements judged offensive based on imagery, wording or both. Complaints: News and editorial complaints should be presented to the editor in chief. Business and advertising complaints should be presented to the business manager. Letters Policy: Letters must be word processed and must include contact information. No anonymous letters will be printed. All letters to the editor will be printed at the discretion of The Daily Cardinal Letters may be sent to opinion@

Editorial Board Haleigh Amant • Abigail Becker Ryan Bullen •Anna Duffin Mara Jezior • Cheyenne Langkamp Tyler Nickerson • Michael Penn Nikki Stout l

Board of Directors Herman Baumann, President Abigail Becker • Mara Jezior Jennifer Sereno • Stephen DiTullio Jacob Sattler • Janet Larson Don Miner • Phil Brinkman Jason Stein • Nancy Sandy Tina Zavoral

© 2014, The Daily Cardinal Media Corporation ISSN 0011-5398

For the record Corrections or clarifications? Call The Daily Cardinal office at 608-262-8000 or send an email to

The Dirty Bird

sex and the student body Unsheathing mysteries of the American circumcision debate Michael Podgers sex columnist


icks come in all shapes, sizes and colors, and sometimes have the last name Cheney. Sometimes they’re circumcised and other times they’re not. While we’re very familiar with the range of dicks first mentioned in American culture, uncircumcised penises, which have an intact foreskin, are less familiar to us Americans. This is the result of the simple fact that many people with penises in the United States are circumcised at birth. Although the exact number has been changing over time, since the 1970s more than 50 percent of all people with penises had the procedure performed after birth. While those numbers are going down, the low over the last few decades, 2007, was still as high as 55 percent. Our collective understanding of circumcision: What it means, why we do it and what it’s like when a penis isn’t circumcised are all shaped by media. It’s presented as the norm; and in porn, uncut dicks usually aren’t represented in media produced in the United States (but that Hungarian stuff—it’s there!). This is a quirk of American culture, but in many other places, circumcision isn’t the norm. In Latin America and Europe, most people with penises are uncut. Other cultural or religious practices can shape rates of male circumcision. In

some cultures, circumcision is performed on boys when they reach puberty as an initiation rite, while for others it’s a symbolic practice. In Judaism, circumcision is performed shortly after birth and is a symbol of the Jewish community’s covenant with God. It’s also a common practice in Muslim communities.

As of now though, more parents are choosing to leave the foreskin intact and not circumcise their children.

We in the good ol’ U.S. of A do it a whole lot too. For Americans it’s the consequence of the medical community’s belief that circumcision has health benefits. For quite some time, the belief has been circumcision has health benefits—it’s more hygienic and it helps to lower the risk of coming into contact with STIs because of the increased amount of mucous membrane on the foreskin— that outweigh the risks. This feeling has changed over time. The medical community has a tendency to change its mind, and since the 1970s, it has regularly shifted between the opinions that circumcision is worth it or not worth it—leading to rising and lowering rates. As of now though, more parents are choosing to leave the foreskin intact and not circumcise their children. This might be because of a cultural shift.

On this day in history... 1 789 — Three-headed Fletcher Christian leads the Mutanty on the HMS Bounty. 1847—George B. Vashon becomes the first African-American to enter the New York State Bar. He is accompanied by a priest and a rabbi. 1914—W. H. Carrier patents the air conditioner. One hundred years later, Madison Property Management still refuses to install his invention at 222 N. Carter. 1994—Aldrich Ames, former CIA officer, and his wife plead guilty to spying, but only after being thoroughly waterboarded.

A lot more people are taking sexual pleasure into consideration as a part of overall sexual health. The foreskin keeps the glans of the penis (or the head) moist and many people report increased pleasure; however, that’s wicked hard to quantify. Not too many people get cut on a whim just to report the difference in sexual pleasure. Part of this pleasure revolves around the fact that much of the frenulum, the area on the backside of the penis where the foreskin connects to the shaft, may be removed during circumcision. Regardless, the foreskin definitely changes sexual pleasure and how we approach playing with a penis. It definitely makes a hand job easier, because the foreskin is like a built-in masturbation sleeve. We may want to be aware of the extra skin during a blowjob. Or utilize it! Tug on it or nibble it a little bit like we would our partner’s lips when making out. Foreskin adds a new visual element to the penis. As an acquaintance once said to me, “It’s like a wonderful wrapper with a surprise underneath.” Pull back the foreskin and reveal the glans. It will be like, “Surprise!” A lot of people may be a little taken aback after seeing an uncut dick for the first time. But it shouldn’t be something to turn us off. While we may have a preference one way or another, a dick is a dick and whether cut or uncut, we should embrace it if that’s what we’re into. Have any further questions for Michael about circumcision or sex in general? Send all inquiries to

Monday morning checklist Whip all accumulated carry-out containers in dirction of garbage so the rats living in the attic don’t get cute Look for clean clothes Put on dirty clothes Brush sleep from eyes Go back to bed Compile elaborate list of goals for the day Eat butter, straight Organize Pokémon card collecton, again Find weirdly accurate checklist/transcript of your life in student newspaper Freak out Go back to bed


Monday, April 28, 2014 3


County mining ordinance enters negotiation stages


With the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s journey to the NCAA Final Four game, national attention was placed on not only the university, but specifically the athletic department.

Athletic Board reflects on UW’s Final Four experience By Emily Gerber THE DAILY CARDINAL

The University of WisconsinMadison Athletic Board reflected Friday on the university’s journey toward the men’s basketball national championship in March and how UW-Madison was perceived on a national scale. Brian Lucas, Director of Athletic Communications, said Wisconsin’s opportunity to play in the NCAA Final Four game also meant the nation’s eyes would be on the university and, specifically, its athletic department. Lucas cited numerous examples of national media coverage, including a New York Times article commending the Badgers’ focus on academics, as a benefit in shedding light on UW-Madison’s brand. While the game took place in northern Texas, Lucas said both the communications and marketing departments also worked to ensure fans felt as though they

were still part of the experience, no matter where they were watching. “Our fans are, I think, a little different than normal college fans. They like to win, obviously, but I think they also like to know we’re doing it the right way,” Lucas said. “They like to see our kids’ personalities and that’s what we tried to do throughout this.” Within a four-month period, Wisconsin’s social media presence greatly expanded, which aided in nationally distinguishing the university. Board members also addressed the topic of potential NCAA governance restructuring at the meeting, mentioning recent discussion surrounding the possibility of a Northwestern University unionization. Faculty Representative Sheila McGuirk said the NCAA will look to vote on a new structure in August 2014 that will divide responsibilities between a board of directors, charged with over-


Revelry will be held from noon to midnight May 3 and will feature stages on Langdon Street and the Terrace.

profile from page 1 when he served as the event’s operations director. A fan of Madison’s rich music culture, Levin said he has greatly benefitted from the opportunities Revelry has allotted him. “Other than the fact that we get so much great music, the really great thing about the music scene [in Madison] is that it’s

accessible,” he explained. “I’ve become very close with a lot of these promoters and they … do a good job of inviting students to come in and see what real-life talent buying is like and what promoting is like.” Levin added that his work with Revelry has influenced his future career plans and he hopes to expand ‘XXIV,” a live event production company he co-cre-

sight and general direction, and a council, who would have purview over more day-to-day activities. McGuirk said the council would have a voice in the university’s shared governance structure and would house two voting student-athlete members. The Big Ten has prioritized issues it feels should be addressed in a restructure, including the power of student voice in shared government and the balance between athlete and student, in addition to health insurance rights, according to McGuirk. Though a final decision on what will come out of restructuring has yet to be made, Athletic Board Chair Dale Bjorling said he feels as though efforts are being made in the right direction. Bjorling added Chancellor Rebecca Blank will be in attendance at the June 20 board meeting, which will be the last of his tenure as chair. ated during his sophomore year of high school, into “an empire of production.” “If I can go around planning music festivals all around the country for the rest of my life, I would die a happy guy,” he said. Levin said his favorite thing about Revelry is its tendency to appeal to all members of the student body. “What it really offers is … a new angle of camaraderie that the school didn’t have before,” Levin said. “It’s really an opportunity for everybody to get out there and have fun crossing lines of divisions that maybe we have in our social lives sometimes and really just allows everybody to party together, which to me just sounds like an awesome time.” Levin said he has greatly enjoyed helping to create Revelry’s current image, yet he sees the festival’s brand as ever-evolving. While he plans to remain involved in some capacity, he said he intends to step down from the position of executive director in favor of new leadership. “Sometimes visions need to change,” he said. “I think that there’s other great people that we’ve worked with here at the university that have the ability to shape it to be an awesome festival in many other ways.”

An ordinance written by Dane County policy makers to give residents a voice in mining site regulations has now entered the negotiation stage to ensure support from all town representatives. The current ordinance, passed in 1969, cleared approximately 100 locations in Dane County for mining without going through the permitting process that other mines or quarries are required to complete, according to Dane County Executive Assistant Casey Becker in a press release. The new ordinance would mandate 34 of the 100 sites to obtain a conditional use permit. “Well the issue with these is that they’re not being mined,” District 11 Dane County Supervisor Al Matano said. “The worry is that they could be started up at any moment. Essentially they’re dormant sites because once quarried, they could be activated without going through a permitting regime.” Dane County Board officials worry that reactivated dormant sites will pose as a danger for neighboring residences and environments. Sharon Corrigan, County chair, said the conditional use permit grants

residents control over “dust levels, health concerns and noise levels” along with determining who pays for land damage fees as a result of mining. Leland Pan, District 5 Supervisor, said another concern is non-permit sites allowing frac sand mines to open without consent from nearby residents. Frac sand mines are used to obtain sand deposits that are necessary for extracting natural gases when hydrofracking, according to Pan. “There are a lot of health concerns regarding particular sands getting in the air ... and, of course, there are just concerns with promoting the fracking industry in that sort of way,” Pan said. County supervisors are currently consulting with town representatives to negotiate the language of the ordinance and ensure that every town is in compliance. Becker said the process could take months before the county comes to an agreement. “It’s better to have it take longer and find success than to rush it through and have the towns say ‘no’ anyways,” Matano said. “We’re trying to be diplomatic about it.” ­—Patricia Johnson


ASM Chair David Gardner said he hopes to see continued student involvement in diversity efforts on campus.

diversity from page 1 ation of a Diversity Plan Funding Committee to research the plan’s funding sources and establishing yearly accountability check-ins. Without the incorporation of the proposed statements, there will not be complete approval from all shared governance bodies and the plan cannot continue on with implementation, as stated in Wisconsin law. According to Wisconsin State Statute 36.09(5), “Students shall have the primary responsibility for the formulation and review of policies concerning student life, services, and interests,” and students have a voice in the ultimate approval of proposed university changes. “Students have been pointing to the university and asking for the development of a compre-

hensive diversity plan,” Gardner said. “We are frustrated that it has taken them so long to develop a plan and then once we get that plan, we find that it’s incomplete and it really doesn’t address the problems that it needs to address.” Additionally, ad hoc committee co-chair Ryan Adserias told council members both Faculty Senate and University Committee intend on accepting the document at each of their next meetings within the coming weeks and moving forward with the framework. Gardner said ASM and the ad hoc committee are working to finalize an updated version of the plan to include student input, and said he hopes students will continue to stay involved in the ongoing process. “I can guarantee you that this isn’t going to be dropped and that’s going to be critical,” Gardner said.

arts l


Monday, April 28, 2014

FX’s ‘Fargo’ just as worthy as original callie kollenbroich regis and callie


estled among the frozen plains of the snowy American landscape is a locale as foreign to some as it is familiar to my corngrowing, cheese-loving roots. The inhabitants of this region bundle themselves in fur hats and down parkas and express themselves with an abundance of “Oh ya”s and “You betcha”s. Their daily struggles range from whether or not to make meatloaf for dinner to how to best cover up a botched attempt at kidnapping your own wife for ransom. This is the Midwest, or at least the Midwest envisioned by a pair of goofball filmmakers known informally to us as the Coen brothers. Yah der hey. Fargo—which was written, directed, produced and edited by the Coens—is a hilariously dark and endearingly off-kilter

black comedy that was released to widespread critical acclaim in 1996. Hypersaturated with an atmosphere of the upper Midwest and its colorful inhabitants, the film tells the “homespun murder story” of a pregnant policewoman and sleazy car salesman who—after an attempt to get rich quick goes awry—become sucked into the violently absurd world of murder, lies and wood chippers.

The creators at FX were able to do it justice. The series retains all the things I loved most.

Written and produced by Noah Hawley and based loosely on the film of the same name, FX’s “Fargo” once again brings life to the frozen tundra. Though he received the brothers’ blessing to go ahead with a televi-

sion adaptation, the Coens had little to do with its content—the events and characters created by Hawley are unique in their own right. The show is neither a sequel nor an elaboration on the film. That being said, the series presents itself as a true story— though it isn’t—centering on the events that took place in small-town Minnesota circa 2006 after the arrival of mysterious stranger Lorne Malvo (Billy Bob Thornton), an unscrupulous criminal with a soft spot for the underdog. Violence and corruption ensue, proving to us that even good people are capable of doing bad things if pushed over the edge by an endlessly nagging wife. Arguably the most touched by Lorne’s influence is Lester Nygaard (Martin Freeman), a malleable and cowardly insurance salesman who, after a chance encounter with Lorne, is lured into the darkly comedic world of Midwestern crime. Though his accent may have

been lost in translation, the British actor succeeds in making us cringe with pity. After almost 40 years, he’s still being bullied by the schoolyard meathead—and his two meathead sons—and is constantly shamed by his insufferable wife for both his romantic and professional shortcomings. Performing alongside Thornton and Freeman is an eclectic bunch. Bob Odenkirk (“Breaking Bad”), Keith Carradine (“Deadwood”) and Kate Walsh (“Grey’s Anatomy”) all make appearances as local townsfolk. Similarly, Allison Tollman makes her debut from onscreen obscurity as a young policewoman reminiscent of Marge, though she hasn’t fully won me over as the endearing sleuth—all in good time. Not only are the characters convincing in their demeanor, but like the film, the atmosphere of the upper Midwest is ever present. It practically oozes Midwestern hijinks. They drink Faygo, for pete’s

sake. Only a Midwesterner would understand. So is the television version of “Fargo” a success? Oh you betcha. I must admit, I was incredibly skeptical upon hearing the rumors of a smallscreen homage. Being one of America’s most beloved dark comedies from the creative minds of a pair of my favorite directors, a TV version could have been a recipe for disaster. But I must admit that the creators at FX were able to do it justice. The series retains all the things I loved most about the Coen brothers’ screwball masterpiece as well as all the things we love about the great Midwest. The spirit of “Fargo”—including its quirky characters, dark humor, brutal violence and absurdist worldview—is still deeply ingrained, and I can’t wait to see what the rest of the season has to offer. Do you prefer Fargo at the cinema or on the television? Clue Callie in at kollenbroic@

Danny Brown brings hype to raucous Majestic crowd By Cameron Graff The Daily Cardinal

There are two sides to that old Danny Brown. One’s the madman—the cartoon embellishment of all of rap’s biggest tropes, the one who goes “dumb and ignorant when [he’s] on that clitoris”—and the other’s the sensitive introvert—the one who worries over girls who party all the time and who’s “smoking by [his] lonely, by his goddamn self.” The latter, for better or for worse, didn’t make an appearance at Brown’s sold out Majestic show this past weekend—he knew the crowd, knew what they expected, and delivered it in spades. Brown struck an iconoclastic pose, as usual. He came out in a tight dark V-neck, sporting a pair of goofy thrift store glasses with his hair shaved on the sides and his poofy faux afro dyed green on the top. He grinned at the crowd, exposing his signature smile, bereft of top front teeth, and threw up the horns. He didn’t bother introducing himself or even welcoming the swarming masses. Not that he needed to—everyone knew who he was, and most were too messed up to care either way. Instead, he issued out high-fives and

fist bumps to the revved-up front row and then launched into “Break It (Go)” from last year’s exceptional Old and the party immediately kicked into full gear. A-Trak’s production, the real muscle behind Brown’s bizarre post-modern carnival, was given room to flex its more club-friendly qualities. The little quirks that make his work behind the boards (the little violin lead on “Lie4,” the warbling synths on “Handstand,” the brass squelch of “Monopoly”) were drowned out in favor of pummeling beats. Brown himself never sunk under the noise, though—his cartoonish chirp (and every once in a while his more menacing bark) never failed to pierce through.

There are two sides to that old Danny Brown. One’s the madman ... and the other’s the sensitive introvert.

Brown stuck to the bangers for the majority of the set. All his more emotionally invested songs (a number of which deal

with the exact repercussions of, say, doing a shit ton of drugs at a Danny Brown concert) were kicked to the curb in favor of thundering bass and a jubilant Brown ricocheting around the stage. The show only ever slowed to a crawl for a few cuts of grizzly, drugged-up intermission in the form of XXX highlights “Blunt After Blunt” and “Bruiser Brigade,” but even these syrupy, smoky tracks were just too slow and mean to warrant any moshing. But again, Brown knows exactly where he is and what he’s doing. The show’s best moments were during the songs that, for lack of a better phrase, turnt up. XXX ’s “Monopoly” got a blistering reception—you haven’t really had a good time in life until you’ve heard 300 white kids shouting along to “No, really, shit all over your mixtape”—as did “Side B (Dope Song)” and “Kush Coma,” both from Old. The best was saved for last, though, as Brown powered through “25 Bucks” and “Dip,” his two biggest singles to date. The crowd sang along to the Purity Ring sample on the latter as Brown mouthed along and weaved around the stage, and all hell broke loose for the former as Brown chirped praise

graphic by cameron graff

to his drug of choice over rattling percussion. The crowd ate it up: bouncing along, singing every word, a few brave souls even crowd surfing. Danny didn’t come back out for an encore in true punk fashion, but that was fine. Everyone

was sweaty and exhausted and I’m not sure Brown would have been able to top “Dip,” anyway. Well, unless he busted out “Lonely” or “30,” but there’s a time and a place for Brown’s smarter songs and this clearly wasn’t it.


Rainy daze

Today’s Sudoku

Gotta stock up on some lean protein, bruh. Each year, Peruvians eat more than 60 million guinea pigs. Monday, April 28, 2014 • 5

Caved In Classic

By Nick Kryshak

© Puzzles by Pappocom

Eatin’ Cake Classic

By Dylan Moriarty

Solution, tips and computer program available at

Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9.

Better at softball,

Evil Bird Classic

By Caitilin Kirihara

Washington and the Bear Classic

By Derek Sandberg

day-drinking and making a newspaper.

Since 1892. Today’s Crossword Puzzle

Answer key available at

PUDDLE JUMPING ACROSS 1 Recording studio tasks 5 Church engagement announcement 10 Business letter opening 14 Very large-scale 15 Perpendicular to a ship’s length 16 Send off 17 NBC’speacock, e.g. 18 Anchor line’s hole 19 Church’s east end, typically 20 Block of gold 22 Marketing agent, casually 24 Like some cuisine or humor 27 Tex-Mex bite 28 Auto 30 Bring on the decorator 31 Barrel features 34 Eggs, in biology 35 Some beasts of burden 36 Lightened one’s wallet 37 What tired dogs do 39 Atlantic City treat 42 Edible corm 43 Fair attractions 45 Lively spirit

47 Oath 48 New York’s capital 50 It’s made to be broken, proverbially 51 Coast Guard off. 52 A great lake 53 New Hampshire prep school 55 Perform stunningly 58 Pert 61 Common cereal grains 62 Amazon parrot 65 Builder’s work place 66 Indian butter 67 Place to see pro basketball 68 Implement 69 Word on a communal towel? 70 Wren residences 71 PJ fastener DOWN 1 Cold-cuts emporium 2 “Once ___ a time ...” 3 Product improvement slogan 4 Move along quickly 5 Ebenezer’s exclamation 6 Bygone NBA rival 7 Press meetings 8 Space org.

9 Runs a blast furnace 10 Ocean painting, e.g. 11 Beta 2 compared to beta 1 12 Bailiff’s order 13 “Watch your ___!” 21 By way of, for short 23 Enjoys dinner 25 Behind-the-counter call 26 Mental conception 28 Dried coconut meat 29 Be of service to 32 ___ a high note 33 Stores securely 38 Chinese restaurant flowers 40 State of constant change 41 Eli’s school 44 Agitated state 46 Earns, after all 49 Beefeater, for example 54 Some bridge-seat occupants 55 Boots of old 56 Hawaiian “gathering place” 57 Ending for “soft” or “dinner” 59 Classical colonnade 60 Pup’s anguished cry 63 Wee soldier 64 Existed

What in the world is going on in this Daily Cardinal archives photo?! TELL US! Send us your captions to!

We’ll print our favorite answers in Thursday’s issue.

opinion Gender is an oppressive social construct 6


Monday, April 28, 2014

SPENCER LINDSAY opinion columnist


here was an article circulating on the Interwebs this past week regarding sexism in our society, which I think warrants some response. A University of WisconsinMadison grad student, and my current, wonderful TA, Kelly Fox wrote an editorial response to an article on the notion female privilege entitled “Is My Female Privilege Showing?! An Open Letter to Mark Saunders” for . In the article she all but denies that any notion of female privilege could possibly exist, and she is wrong to do so. While admittedly she does make some very good points on combating certain specific notions of female privilege, she is wrong to imply that it altogether does not exist. Female privilege exists in a dysfunctional harmony with male privilage. Let me be clear: I am a feminist. I believe the Western world’s adherence to a patriarchal hierarchy is unethical and harmful to our society

as a whole. I believe our society must act meaningfully to protect and advance the rights of women. I realize that there is a powerful and complicated societal structure, created in part by all of us, working against women, and that this is a force that we must combat. However, to say that women are the only victims of our patriarchic tendencies is an oversimplification. Men are also harmed by our society’s misconstrued constructions of gender roles.

These privileges are created by a social construction of gender which in and of itself works to preserve male dominance.

Each and every one of us has a vested interest in combating our society’s oppression. Systems of oppression are complicated, and they work to harm both the oppressor and the oppressed. It is in everyone’s interest to tear these structures

down. We don’t need them. Women get the short end of the stick; there is absolutely no doubt. However, in their oppression they are granted certain exclusive privileges. These privileges are sometimes used against them in their oppression. For example, a couple of weekends ago a friend of mine chose to wear a dress that sexualized her, because she felt like being sexy. A man does not have the privilege to do such a thing. There is no way for a male to hyper-sexualize himself and be taken seriously in any normal social setting. This is something everyone should have the privilege to do. This privilege, however, was used against her, as a strange man grabbed her butt. The man clearly had no right to do this, and was grossly overstepping a general doctrine of respect that every human being should have for one another. Perhaps, had he been brought up in a society in which men could be hyper-sexualized, he would have a better understanding of this doctrine of respect. I am not, by any means,

denying the existence of male privilege or rape culture. These are two problems that are very real and are clearly much larger than the small privileges that our male-dominated society create for women, however I would argue that they are the product of the same oppressive system of patriarchy. You cannot argue that it is always better to be a man than it is to be a woman, and it would be laughable to suggest the inverse.

Let me be clear: I am a feminist. I believe the Western world’s adherence to a patriarchal hierarchy is unethical and harmful to our society as a whole.

We should therefore reach an understanding that our social construction of gender roles grants each gender certain privileges and disadvantages and that we should do our best to erode these discrepancies in a general manner that helps

women realize true equality. I entirely agree with the feminist cause, but one cannot be a feminist and expect the man to pay for every meal. The entire structure must go. Some small sliver of female privilege does exist, and it works to oppress men in certain (relatively insignificant) ways. Male privilege works to oppress women and is clearly the much bigger issue. These privileges are created by a social construction of gender, which in and of itself works to preserve male dominance. We all have a vested interest in throwing this system out. We should create a system in which one is free to construct their gender-role in any way they see fit, that recognizes the equality of all and that compels us to always treat others with respect. This is a far cry from what we have now, and we all must do our part to dismantle this patriarchal system of oppression. What is your take on female privilege? Do you agree with Spencer that we should get rid of the social construct of gender? Please send all feedback to

The United States of America: Welcome to the oligarchy TONY CASTAGNOLI opinion columnist


ligarchy is a word you better get used to; because that’s the system of government we have in America today. It’s been a long time coming, and we’ve been far too apathetic to its toxic approach. A government of the corporation, by the corporation, and for the corporation is what we have now. Oligarchy isn’t a pretty picture, unless you enjoy the idea of corporate slavery. Say goodbye to worker’s rights, women’s rights, student’s rights and certainly prisoners’ rights. Keep your mouth shut about the broken system, and don’t question authority! Disregard the principles of physics, because with oligarchy, it’s not gravity that makes the world go round; it’s unfortunately money. But how has it come to this? Well, you have five Supreme Court Justices to thank: John Roberts, Antonin Scalia, Anthony Kennedy, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito. Their rulings, particularly in the most recent case of McCutcheon vs. Federal Election Commission, only make it easier for politicians to be purchased by corporate masters/obnoxiously wealthy

lunatics like the Koch brothers. This has led to much more troubling inequality given the lack of progress with policymaking, all because of five men in robes who hold the idiotic beliefs that money is equal to free speech and that “corporations are people, my friend.” Actually, those were Mitt Romney’s words, but they do reflect the Supreme Court’s horrifying decision. The mainstream media is also perpetuating oligarchy by reporting non-stop on less pressing issues like the missing Malaysian Airlines flight on CNN, Chris Christie’s bridge scandal on MSNBC (I think most Americans get it: He’s a bully) and fake scandals like Benghazi and the IRS on FOX “news.” These massive networks have little to no incentive delivering critical information, because they make more money by keeping you distracted from the real problems. Well-informed voters are not necessary in the mainstream media business model, so if you care about being smart, read a newspaper that isn’t owned by someone like Rupert Murdoch. In fact, why not start with this one? This is why oligarchs who own the mainstream media and the military industrial complex were perfectly content with a puppet in the White House for eight years, and it’s the same reason they despise the man who current-

ly lives there. Dick Cheney, through the “leadership” of Cowboy Dubya, gave oligarchs business by starting wars against unarmed nations and then lowering taxes for these same oligarchs.

We need a constitutional amendment to establish publicly funded elections. it’s the only way to restore our democracy at this point in time.

After all, Bush needed to express his gratitude somehow to those who backed the corporate-loving Supreme Court that decided he would be president instead of Al Gore in 2000, even when we all know who won that popular vote. Barack Obama, on the other hand, warned us that the Citizens United decision in 2009 would “open the floodgates” and guess what: It did. The amount of money going into campaigning for politicians’ elections is larger than ever, which explains the obstruction in Congress we see today. The Republicanmajority Congress, as it is now, only fights among each other and passes no new laws, proving that John Boehner is by far the least accomplished

House speaker in modern times. Yet the frustrations of many Americans are still misdirected toward Obama as if he is somehow responsible for the mess we’re currently in. The only explanation for this is that the right-wing propaganda machines like FOX make money by distorting the image to low-information voters that Obama is a communist homosexual Muslim born in Kenya who has a healthcare law that will kill your grandmother. Sure it’s twisted and wrong, but the media can get away with that kind of disinformation in an oligarchy. If we had a functioning democracy, you would never have seen the reckless government shutdown last October that left millions of people out of work for weeks. Boehner couldn’t control his own party on passing a budget, leaving us literally moments away from the United States government declaring bankruptcy. Had that have happened, all hell would have broken loose in America. In the end, though, we owe a genuine “thank you” to the bipartisan group of women in the Senate who ended the nonsense just in time before the United States would default on its debt and inevitably decline into a third world nation with a full-out system of oligarchy running the policy-making. Speaking of women in politics, I get that liberals and progressives are already dis-

Find the bird on twitter @dailycardinal! #newsworthy #totes

cussing Hillary Clinton for 2016, but what about cleaning the House in 2014? This is an election year, and we need to understand what our votes can do. It must be a common theme in 2014 that any politician who doesn’t state, on the record, that he/she will prioritize campaign finance reform will be voted out of office. Furthermore, we need to demand from them an amendment to constitution that removes money from politics. I honestly would not be surprised if this is one issue that an overwhelming majority of Americans could agree upon, especially once the term “oligarchy” becomes something we can all understand. Still, when you hear people say that our broken society is beyond repair, don’t believe it. That’s not only a defeatist attitude, but it’s a dangerous one. We could talk about the broken system all day long, but if you want to sound like the smartest guy/gal in the room when discussing politics, just say this very simple sentence: We need a constitutional amendment to establish publicly funded elections. It’s the only way to restore our democracy at this point in time. In the 21st century, we should no longer accept puppets as our politicians. Do you agree the United States is becoming an oligarchy? Do we need campaign finance reform? Please send all feedback or responses to

Monday, April 28, 2014




Clippers players deserve better BRETT BACHMAN ready, brett, go



Senior outfielder Mary Massei was one of four seniors honored after Saturday’s Get To Goodman game.

sweep from page 8 run home run from freshman catcher Chloe Miller and a Purdue throwing error that allowed Peace to score after she stole third base. Purdue slowly chipped away at Darrah, scoring a run in the second and third innings. In the fifth, the Boilermakers took a 5-4 lead on a three-run home run by senior catcher Danielle Fletcher. Wisconsin wrestled back the lead in the bottom of the inning when Peace scored on another throwing error and Massei hit an RBI single that scored sophomore right fielder Katie Christner. The Badgers went on to win, 6-5. Wisconsin’s 13th straight win moved it to fourth place in the Big Ten standings. The Badgers have an opportunity to climb the standings even further, as their final week of

the regular season will conclude with series against second-place Nebraska and firstplace Michigan. “Those are great teams, and we’re just going to see if we can cause a little havoc against them in the next couple series,” Healy said of Wisconsin’s upcoming schedule. Peace recognizes that the Badgers face an uphill battle if they want to keep the streak alive. “We definitely won’t take them lightly,” Peace said. “We know that we’re going to have to play our best softball coming into the home stretch.” Seniors Darrah, Massei, Mueller and Peace were all honored Saturday before the second annual Get To Goodman game. “I think it’s really awesome that we had a chance to have Get To Goodman on Senior Day,” Massei said. “It’s nice to win in front of all of our fans.”

Women’s golf team takes sixth at Big Ten Championships The Badgers placed sixth at the 2014 Big Ten Championships last Sunday in French Lick, Ind. As a team, No. 49-ranked Wisconsin shot a 50-over par (316-305-293) at the French Lick Resort’s par-72, 6,017-yard Pete Dye course. That 293 was the best third-day score of the tournament. The Badgers were led by freshman Brooke Ferrell, who finished fourth overall at the tournament thanks to a four-under par 68 in the third day. Ferrell’s placing was the best ever for a Wisconsin freshman at the Big Ten Championships and the best overall since 2004. In total, the Badgers placed six golfers in the tournament’s top 50. No. 31-ranked Michigan State and No. 25-ranked Ohio State tied to win the tournament, both with a total of

Freshman Brooke Ferrell placed fourth overall at the tournament. 31-over par (895). Wisconsin will find if its season will continue as the NCAA announces the Division I Women’s Golf Championships on the Golf Channel Monday at 5 p.m. contributed to this report. JACK BAER / THE DAILY CARDINAL

his week, the Los Angeles Clippers find themselves in a bind. Even playoff basketball, this time, may not be enough to distract the 13 players on the Clippers’ playoff roster and their coaching staff from the harsh face of reality. We live in an instant world. In an age of Internet-induced interconnectivity, things happen quickly. This is because things are expected to happen quickly. For those of us who grew up within the issueattention cycle, it’s strange to think of a time when everyone didn’t have an opinion about everything. TMZ occupies the space somewhere between gossip and schadenfreude, with plenty of room for interpretation. The company is a disseminator of information, while social commentary is better left in the deep recesses of the web. Don’t shit where you eat, in other words. Naturally, then, it was no surprise when TMZ pushed Clippers’ owner Donald Sterling, purported racist and more generally hated representative of the affluent, into the spotlight once again Saturday, for more than his team’s shortfalls. It’s a story made in tragedy porn heaven: a team, thrust into controversy while battling for a championship, which has a long history of evading the “lovable losers” across town from the city’s favorite sons, 16-time NBA champion Los Angeles Lakers. The evidence: a tape of an

alleged conversation between Sterling and his girlfriend, with more bigoted comments than there is time to repeat. The jury: everyone who stumbled upon the Internet in the last 48 hours. The executioner: NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. Sterling’s team, an assembly of 11 African-Americans and two Caucasians led by legendary African-American coach Doc Rivers, is furious, and rightly so. The group took off their team jackets at midcourt, turned their warmups insideout to cover up the Clippers’ logo and wore black armbands to protest Sterling’s comments. It is to be a silent protest, however, with Rivers as the only source for team comments on the issue. Athletes, as much as we’d like to imagine they don’t, operate in the same plane of interconnectivity as we do. Players are on Twitter, read newspapers, watch ESPN and are undoubtedly the recipients of more than a few pieces of advice from either side of the argument. Put your opinions as ordinary citizens into perspective: Making it as a professional athlete in 21st century America involves, quite literally, a lifetime of work, regardless of background. At every turn, there exist people on the fringes whose remarks, whether based in reality or not, stand to take these people’s dreams away, whether it be due to ethnicity, socioeconomic status, grades in school, physical size or even personality. Certainly, it is unfair that anyone, after having endured the latent racism in American athletics, should have to play under the auspices of a bigot like Sterling. But tell me, is it more unfair than

a player strike resulting in a total loss of the right to play at all? It now becomes the job of the league and other owners to discipline Sterling and see that this sort of ignorant, backward thinking becomes a thing of the past. The team has stated its stance on the issue. The Clippers’ silent protest let those in charge know how the players and coaching staff feel. Fans must, for right now, hope that Commissioner Silver sees justice done. By ostracizing the Clippers’ organization, we as a society are failing the players and the coaching staff. If the league fails to act, if the league’s sanctions are poorly constructed or executed, if for some reason the racism continues after Sterling is gone, the players should strike, and fans should boycott as well. But by preemptively acting, Sterling wins. Racism wins. Playing in spite of his comments, at least to my eyes, is the ultimate protest. The players did not work their entire lives to let one man ruin the game they love, whether that man be the owner of their team or a random passerby. As they have been their entire lives, the Clippers must play for themselves, not some man sitting in a box. The fans must cheer, not for that man in the box, but for the five players on the court and the eight players sitting on the bench who stuck it out and beat the odds. It’s the right thing to do. It’s the only thing to do. What do you think about the situation in L.A.? How should players and coaches react to Sterling’s comments? Email babachman@ your thoughts.




UW sweeps Purdue, wins 13th straight one of the doubleheader, a position that has been reserved for Darrah for most of the season. “If you’re pitching the first game, you get to be super amped all day,” Stewart said. “At the end of the day, you’re still just getting excited for whatever game you’re throwing.” Healy said Stewart will most likely pitch in the first games of the series against Nebraska and Michigan next week as well. Senior third baseman Michelle Mueller provided all the offense the Badgers would need. She hit a double to right center in the first inning that drove in junior outfielder Maria Van Abel and then added an opposite-field solo home run in the bottom of the fourth inning. Mueller moved her RBI total on the season to 49, which tied UW’s all-time singleseason record.

Badgers honor four seniors at annual Get To Goodman game By Jake Powers THE DAILY CARDINAL

There were plenty of reasons to celebrate at Goodman Diamond Saturday. Wisconsin defeated Purdue, 7-3, to complete a sweep over the Boilermakers on Senior Day in front of 1,371 fans, the second-highest attendance in school history. The win was the Badgers’ 13th in a row, which tied the record set last season for UW’s longest win streak.

“At the end of the day, you’re still just getting excited for whatever game you’re throwing.” Taylor-Paige Stewart sophomore pitcher Wisconsin softball

“For this group, they wanted to show that in front of a lot of fans that we can play well, which will be so important down the stretch,” said head coach Yvette Healy. The Badgers (12-5 Big Ten,


Senior pitcher Cassandra Darrah provided four and one-third innings of strong relief Saturday. 30-15 overall) treated fans to a third-inning rally that put them ahead for good. After junior second baseman Megan Tancill led off with a triple and then scored on senior left fielder Mary Massei’s RBI single, senior first baseman Stephanie Peace clubbed a three-run home run that sailed well beyond the left field fence at Goodman Diamond. “I just came up and I was looking for a pitch to drive hard and

happened to get one that I ran into,” Peace said of the towering home run. Purdue (12-8, 25-25-1) managed just one more run the rest of the game against senior pitcher Cassandra Darrah, who relieved sophomore starter Taylor-Paige Stewart after she gave up two runs in two and two-thirds innings of work. “It’s phenomenal,” Healy said of the depth of Wisconsin’s pitching. “To see the two of

them work together like that, I think they just threw great games all weekend.” Stewart had her most impressive performance in game one of the series on Friday in a 2-1 pitcher’s duel against Purdue sophomore Lilly Fecho. She allowed just three hits and one earned run over seven innings of work while pitching in a role that she was not used to. Healy elected to have Stewart throw in game

“For this group, they wanted to show that in front of a lot of fans that we can play well.” Yvette Healy head coach Wisconsin softball

In the second game of the Friday doubleheader, Wisconsin jumped out to a 3-0 lead in the first inning by way of a two-

sweep page 7

Ass Waxing

Cardinal’s seven-run final inning puts nail in Herald coffin By Bonah and Jizaar Moer THE DAILY CARDINAL

To put it simply, winning is The Daily Cardinal way. The Majestic Birds outplayed, outdrank and outlasted The Badger Herald Saturday, winning 10-9 at Vilas Park. To no one’s surprise, the Cardinal won its fourth straight softball game and completed the season sweep after its flag football victory in the fall. After last year’s 12-1 snore fest, the Cardinal decided to make this year a little more interesting. After giving The Badger Herald a six-run cushion, the Majestic Birds showed up in the final inning to do what everyone knew would happen. Brett “Mr. Steal Your Girl” Bachman hit an inside-the-park grand slam in the top of the seventh inning, which caused every Heralder’s pants to smell suspiciously more like piss. “My strategy was to hit it straight up the middle,” Bachman said as he autographed the chests of a few female fans. “They couldn’t field for shit, so hitting it right at them and watching them fall over gave me the best odds.” Manager Jonah Beleckis, who can actually be seen doing a few pushups in the Cardinal’s softball video preview, eloquently expressed his post-game thoughts. “Look at me, cameraman, I’m turnt off Sunkist,” Beleckis said while simultaneously two-step-

ping, salsa dancing and doing the John Wall. “I do it for my momma and I do it for the Cardinal. Fuck with me.” The Herald made one of many questionable decisions in the game’s final inning when it intentionally walked Jim “Big Red” Dayton in a slow-pitch softball game. Yeah, that happened. After the game, Cardinal Editor-in-Chief Abby Becker added her thoughts after trudging through crying Heralders on the field. “Blood,” Becker said. Managing Editor Mara Jezior may have missed the final outs of the game while going to the bathroom, but she did show up in time to help the Herald finish its keg, a pattern for the past three inter-newspaper football and softball games. Herald EIC and resident Harpy Katherine Krueger tried to brush off the loss, but let’s be honest, she felt pretty shitty. Look for her modesty to give way in the form of another full page dedicated to just herself, where she expresses her thoughts in space that would probably be better spent for something remotely journalistic. “I knew my team needed my help, so I did what I do best: struck the fuck out swinging,” she said while shamefully washing “I love the Cardinal” off her face. “I stopped watching half-

way through because I really don’t think these other people should be working at the Herald. I’d do better running this thing into the ground by myself.” Still, the best part of the game was how good the Majestic Birds looked. Herald Arts Editor Erik Sateren spent most of his time totally fangirling the Cardinal squad. His penchant for photo bombing them was just a thinly veiled demonstration of his true allegiance. “I just wanted to feel beautiful for, like, one moment,” he said. “The Cardinalistas have a cer-

tain kind of sexiness I just can’t handle. If they opened their own snuggle house, I would definitely make it over on a regular basis.” Herald Sports Content Editor Dan Corcoran ended up writing a column of his journey home from the softball game, which included his shoe coming untied and a trip to McDonald’s to see if they were still selling Shamrock Shakes. To his dismay, they weren’t. Ultimately, the point is that the Cardinal won. It’s, like, whatever. After losing many gradu-

ating seniors, the Herald tossed around the idea of forfeiting next season’s football and softball matchups in order to “rebuild.” Incoming Cardinal Editor-inChief Jack Casey didn’t think that was a bad idea. “I mean, at this point, we know we don’t face any real competition in news production,” Casey said. “We used to rely on these games on the fields of Vilas Park for that competition, but now apparently the Herald has managed to screw that up as well. Fuck, man.”


The Majestic Birds take flight after their thrilling comeback win over the lowly Herald.

The Daily Cardinal - Monday, April 28, 2014  

The Daily Cardinal - Monday, April 28, 2014

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