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University of Wisconsin-Madison

Complete campus coverage since 1892


Police: shots fired near campus drug related By Erik Thiel The Daily Cardinal

The University of Wisconsin Police Department revealed at a meeting Tuesday that last week’s shooting at University Houses apartments in Eagle Heights resulted from a drug deal dispute. The shooting occurred at approximately 9:30 p.m. last Tuesday and no injuries were reported, according to UWPD Chief Susan Riseling. There were two cars involved in a drug deal when a third car came, interested in buying drugs, according to Riseling. Residents, who are primarily UW graduate students, reported four to five shots “rapidly fired” from the first two cars outside apartment number 10, according to Riseling. Police later recovered bullet shells, but did not find a weapon. Riseling said she does not believe the weapon ever left the car.

UWPD arrested three suspects from the third car on the way to purchase drugs, but the suspects in the other two cars have not been apprehended or identified, according to Riseling. Riseling named the suspects as Jurell Hilliard, Cortez Braxton and Gavin Pyle. She said Hilliard and Braxton are being held for violating their probation, but police released Pyle because he was not on probation and there was no evidence to keep him in custody. Community members at the meeting also had an opportunity to voice their concerns and ask the police questions about the incident. Eagle Heights resident Heather McLean said she is satisfied with the security police placed around the area in the way of frequent patrols, but is confused about how officials found shell casings outside

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erik thiel/the daily cardinal

UWPD Chief Susan Riseling speaks to Eagle Heights residents about a shooting in the area last week.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Panel discusses how state budget could affect UW By Justin Williams The Daily Cardinal

Wil gibb/the daily cardinal

The Frequency banned hip-hop shows after a shooting outside the venue earlier this year.

Committee to address hip-hop in Madison By Morgan Haefner The Daily Cardinal

The Madison Arts Commission established a subcommittee to preserve the local hip-hop community at its meeting Tuesday following backlash about local venue owners restricting the types of shows they are willing to host. The subcommittee, to be chaired by MAC member Anthony Brown II, is to be in place for one year and will “[present] hiphop music in the community that shows not all hip-hop music is negative, aggressive or hard edged as it has been characterized by mass media,” according to Brown. He proposed the subcommittee to assist local artists in transforming negative attitudes toward the genre after several instances of violence at local shows. Most recently, The Frequency announced it would no longer host hiphop artists after a fight that began in the venue escalated into shots fired outside, although no one was injured. Madison has a contentious history with hip-hop. In 2009, the Brink Lounge discontinued hip-hop shows after a fight broke out, and two violent events at The Majestic Theatre and High Noon Saloon in recent years caused tension in the music community, although

neither venue officially banned hip-hop acts from performing. Brown requested the subcommittee include arts commission members, Madison Police Department personnel and local artists, highlighting the importance of collaboration between these different entities. Brown, who is also a hip-hop artist and performs under the stage name, “A.L,” said he and other local artists have limited performing space in Madison. “It’s frustrating to local hip-hop artists … It’s frustrating when you don’t feel welcome in Madison,” he said. The next step is to “figure out ways for hiphop music to exist and keep events safe for individuals,” according to Brown, who said venue owners, artists and media need to work together to figure out why the public has a negative opinion of hip-hop. “My goal is to shed positive light on hip-hop,” he said. Brown also hopes to involve University of Wisconsin-Madison students in the subcommittee’s discussions. “I think it would be great to have undergraduates who are involved in the hip-hop community and who love to listen to hip-hop music to become consultants,” he said.

A voluntary, nonprofit organization representing University of Wisconsin-Madison faculty held a state budget forum Tuesday to discuss Gov. Scott Walker’s new biennial budget and its effects on state and campus affairs. The forum, hosted by PROFS, included experts on various portions of the budget, including Darrell Bazzell, the UW-Madison Vice Chancellor for Finance and Administration and Andrew Reschovsky, a UW-Madison professor of public affairs and applied economics. The speakers presented their analyses of the proposed budget plan, highlighting its future effects on higher education, Medicare and job creation. The proposed biennial budget, which would take effect this July if approved by the state legislature, would give a $181 million funding increase to the UW System in the upcoming biennium, following a $315 million cut two years ago. The state would give the UW System funding through a newly formatted block grant,

which gives the universities more flexibility on how to spend their money. Bazzell said that while the new budget plan increases university funding, there are still some funding issues under the current proposal, because it does not increase need-based financial aid. Additionally, he said the budget in its current form would remove the tuition cap schools in the UW System currently must abide by when calculating tuition for the upcoming year. However, student representatives from UW-Madison have said they would work with state government to try to re-establish a tuition cap within the budget. The current tuition cap for UW-Madison prevents the university from increasing the school’s tuition by more than 5.5 percent of what it currently is, but student representatives have said they would like the cap lowered to between 3 and 4 percent. Additionally, the budget is designed to grant the university new flexibilities with its pay plan, which provides salary increases

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Police report woman sexually assaulted on Mifflin Street Three men sexually assaulted a 22-year-old female Madison resident on West Mifflin Street early Saturday morning, according to a police report. The woman was walking home alone at approximately 1 a.m. after drinking at a downtown bar when three men approached her on the 200 block of West Mifflin St., according to the report. Madison Police Department spokesperson Joel DeSpain said the

woman recognized the men and believes they followed her from the bar. One of the three men allegedly pushed her to the ground and groped her over her clothing, which DeSpain said constitutes a fourth-degree sexual assault of “indecent-type touching.” DeSpain said the woman remembered falling down and a man touching her inappropriately but could not recall other details when she was found on the sidewalk.

“…the great state University of Wisconsin should ever encourage that continual and fearless sifting and winnowing by which alone the truth can be found.”

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tODAY: partly sunny hi 32º / lo 16º

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

An independent student newspaper, serving the University of Wisconsin-Madison community since 1892 Volume 122, Issue 103

thursday: snow

hi 35º / lo 24º

Wednesday Morning Hangover

2142 Vilas Communication Hall 821 University Avenue Madison, Wis., 53706-1497 (608) 262-8000 • fax (608) 262-8100

News and Editorial Editor in Chief Scott Girard

Managing Editor Alex DiTullio

News Team News Manager Taylor Harvey Campus Editor Sam Cusick College Editor Cheyenne Langkamp City Editor Melissa Howison State Editor Jack Casey Enterprise Editor Samy Moskol Associate News Editor Meghan Chua Features Editor Ben Siegel Opinion Editors David Ruiz • Nikki Stout Editorial Board Chair Matt Beaty Arts Editors Cameron Graff • Andy Holsteen Sports Editors Vince Huth • Matt Masterson Page Two Editors Rachel Schulze • Alex Tucker Life & Style Editor Rebecca Alt Photo Editors Grey Satterfield • Abigail Waldo Graphics Editors Angel Lee • Dylan Moriarty Multimedia Editors Dani Golub Science Editor Matthew Kleist Diversity Editor Aarushi Agni Copy Chiefs Brett Bachman • Molly Hayman Matthew Kleist • Rachel Wanat Copy Editors Caitlin Hottinger • Maya Miller Kayla Schmidt

Business and Advertising Business Manager Jacob Sattler Office Manager Emily Rosenbaum Advertising Managers Erin Aubrey • Dan Shanahan Senior Account Executives Philip Aciman • Jade Likely Account Executives Jordan Laeyendecker Elissa Hersh • Madi Fair Tessa Coan • Lyndsay Bloomfield Zachary Hanlon • Paulina Kovalo Hannah Klein • Danny Mahlum Eric O’Neil • Will Huberty Ali Syverson • Catherine Rashid Alyssa Boczkicwicz Web Director Eric Harris Public Relations Manager Alexis Vargas Marketing Manager Caitlin Furin Events Manager Andrew Straus Creative Director Claire Silverstein Copywriters Dustin Bui • Bob Sixsmith The Daily Cardinal is a nonprofit organization run by its staff members and elected editors. It receives no funds from the university. Operating revenue is generated from advertising and subscription sales. The Daily Cardinal is published weekdays and distributed at the University of WisconsinMadison and its surrounding community with a circulation of 10,000. Capital Newspapers, Inc. is the Cardinal’s printer. The Daily Cardinal is printed on recycled paper. The Cardinal is a member of the Associated Collegiate Press and the Wisconsin Newspaper Association. All copy, photographs and graphics appearing in The Daily Cardinal are the sole property of the Cardinal and may not be reproduced without written permission of the editor in chief. The Daily Cardinal accepts advertising representing a wide range of views. This acceptance does not imply agreement with the views expressed. The Cardinal reserves the right to reject advertisements judged offensive based on imagery, wording or both. Complaints: News and editorial complaints should be presented to the editor in chief. Business and advertising complaints should be presented to the business manager. Letters Policy: Letters must be word processed and must include contact information. No anonymous letters will be printed. All letters to the editor will be printed at the discretion of The Daily Cardinal. Letters may be sent to opinion@

Editorial Board Matt Beaty • Alex DiTullio Anna Duffin • Nick Fritz • Scott Girard David Ruiz • Nikki Stout

Board of Directors Jenny Sereno, President Scott Girard • Alex DiTullio Emily Rosenbaum • John Surdyk Erin Aubrey • Dan Shanahan Jacob Sattler • Melissa Anderson Stephen DiTullio • Herman Baumann Don Miner • Chris Drosner Jason Stein • Nancy Sandy Tina Zavoral © 2013, The Daily Cardinal Media Corporation ISSN 0011-5398

For the record Corrections or clarifications? Call The Daily Cardinal office at 608-262-8000 or send an email to

graphic by angel lee

kiddie sports movies are full of lies First-World Hate of the week

adam wolf howlin’ mad


aylight saving time returned this weekend to remind you how useless it is. I did some research, and it turns out Ben Franklin came up with the idea, thinking extending the daylight hours would increase productivity. Ben Franklin also didn’t have a phone on which he could play unlimited games of Temple Run. Stick to flying your kite, Benny Boy, and quit messing with our clocks.

Movie from your childhood that still kicks ass “Rookie of the Year” (1993)—I don’t care what medical science tells me; I will always believe that you can break your arm, have your tendons heal too tightly and be able to throw 95 miles per hour, then get signed by the Cubs and lead them to the World Series. In hindsight, there were probably too many sports films in the ’90s that had kids or animals dominating at sports, giving 8-year-olds like me delusional dreams about their future sports careers. The first organized sport I played was flag football. The coaches put me at offensive line, which sucked because I never got to touch the ball. There is no glory in playing in the trenches. I just wanted to catch touchdown passes like Air Bud.

Small victory that salvages an otherwise shitty week I routinely walk by the DoubleTree Hotel on my way to class, and some mornings the building emits a cloud of steam onto the sidewalk. (Or is it a cloud of condensation? Evaporation? This explains why I got a BC in Weather & Climate.) Anyway, does it ever feel awesome to walk through a cloud of steam! I like to imagine myself walking out of the tunnel of steam at the Super Bowl while a raucous crowd chants my name. So euphoric. Then, 10 seconds later, I realize I’m just another dipshit college kid headed to a mindless power lecture. School is a cruel, soulless jerk that will kill all your magnificent daydreams.

This week’s hate is reserved for beer commercials, all of which seem to be governed by some stupid bro-macho creed. These commercials are so goddamn insufferable. Corona had one that aired all the time during the NFL season. In the commercial, a guy dressed in a nice suit joins his group at a table, presumably coming from an interview. His group asks, “Oh, how’d it go?” He pauses dramatically and responds, “CRUSHED IT.” It didn’t just go well; he like, SLAYED IT. Just fucking slaughtered it, bro. And now he’s going to pound five Coronas and get a blowjob in the bathroom because he’s living it up, while you’re sitting there with a Mike’s Hard and your thumb up your ass because you’re not as awesome as he is. This is what the creatives at MillerCoors and Budweiser think appeals to

you, the American beer consumer. God, somebody needs to CRUSH them. Bro.

Song that will make you wet your pants with excitement “Message in a Bottle” (The Police, 1979)—If you don’t like this song, you probably have an actual life and didn’t spend an unhealthy number of your teenage years playing “Guitar Hero II.” But for those of us who don’t have lives, does “Message in a Bottle” ever evoke sweet memories! The song has seen its popularity surge recently for the comparisons it has drawn to Bruno Mars’ hit song, “Locked Out of Heaven,” as both songs have new-wave and reggae influence. (Full disclosure: I think Bruno Mars is a urinal mint and his lyrics are ass. I realize this is somewhat hypocritical considering The Police have a song called “De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da,” but I

stand by my convictions.) I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when Sting sang “Locked Out of Heaven” with Bruno Mars at the Grammys. It was like watching Daniel DayLewis make a cameo in an Adam Sandler film.

Unedited moronic facebook status from a kid from my high school “Im a proud NRA Member and Im against anybody who is pro gun ban. so if you have a problem with that, why don’t you burn in hell cause i sure as hell won’t use my gun to protect you. have a nice day you bastard” Wait, how would your gun protect me from the third-degree burns I’m getting from Satan anyway? Is your gun a Super Soaker?

Email Adam your thoughts on the DoubleTree steam at


Report shows binge drinking cost state $6.8 billion in 2012

Committee talks domestic abuse initiatives Madison’s Public Safety Review Committee met Tuesday with domestic abuse experts to discuss issues in the community after the city Council passed a resolution seeking more funding for domestic violence programs March 5. The resolution calls for continuing funding of the Law Enforcement Advocate Partnership, which piloted in 2011, and established a referral system between the Madison Police Department and Domestic Abuse Intervention Services. LEAP allows police officers to provide DAIS with the necessary information for a staff member to follow up directly with a victim of domestic violence, instead of waiting for the victim to reach out for support. Ald. Jill Johnson, District 16, sponsored the resolution and said the PSRC will meet in the future to discuss policies aimed at preventing domestic abuse. “The programs that were spoken about tonight are things we should all be interested in supporting,” Johnson said. The council also met with DAIS Executive Director Shannon Barry to discuss current domestic violence programs in Madison. According to Barry, city funding for abuse services is not keeping up with the “skyrocketing” demand for them, adding Madison has the fewest domestic violence shelters per capita in the state.

“Domestic violence is something we all need to be aware of.” Jill Johnson alderperson District 16

The Women’s Care Center in Madison always operates at full capacity due to its size, and often has a waitlist of up to 50 people, according to Barry. Johnson said the PSRC is committed to bringing the community’s attention to domestic violence. “Domestic violence is something we all need to be aware of,” Johnson said. “With a lot of social issues, the core goal is increase awareness and education.” —Molly O’neill

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james lanser/the daily cardinal

HR Design project leader Bob Lavigna says the redesign plan will include employee feedback.

Human Resources design team hears employee input By Melissa Howison The Daily Cardinal

University officials discussed the new human resources personnel structure with the campus community at a forum Tuesday as part of an ongoing effort to elicit feedback from employees about the redesign before its official implementation in July 2013. The human resources strategic design plan focuses on developing new employee compensation and benefits programs as well as eliminating overlaps in job titles. The current discrepancies are due to state-designed personnel systems, according to the Human Resources Design Project website, and are a reason why UW-Madison has been vying for more flexibility in the application of its human resources policies for years. Office of Human Resources administrators have been working with representatives from various governance groups on campus since a provision in the 2011-’13 biennial state budget allowed the university to independently redesign its personnel structures to meet the unique human resource needs of a public research institution. HR Design project team leader Bob Lavigna said university workers will no longer be governed under Wisconsin’s Office of State Employment Relations, but will remain “state

employees,” and will therefore be covered under the state systems for retirement, health insurance and life insurance. Employees questioned their level of input in the design of the benefits and compensation packages, to which Lavigna said the process will rely heavily on feedback from employees and governance bodies. “[The] initial step will be communication to make sure everybody understands what this process is going to be and what their roles are,” Lavigna said. “I can’t say that every employee will be directly involved ... but fundamental to a project like this is [collecting] data from the people who are doing the work.” Employees also inquired about how the new plan will alleviate the current “perceived” hierarchy between “classified” staff, who occupy positions created for statewide agencies, and “unclassified” staff, who are in positions with similar job descriptions but are governed under different rules because they occupy positions the state tailored to fit UW-Madison’s needs. “It makes more sense to put people who do similar kinds of work in the same departments, and by implementing this change we’re going to do away with the perceived hierarchy,” Lavigna said.

Binge drinking cost the state of Wisconsin approximately $6.8 billion in 2012, including areas like motor vehicle classes and law enforcement costs, according to a report released Tuesday from the Wisconsin Public Health Institute at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Wisconsin has the highest proportion of binge drinkers in the country with 2.65 percent of the state population over 18 years old saying they drink an average of nine drinks in a sitting when they consume alcohol, according to the report. Binge drinking, which is defined as men having five or more drinks each time they consume alcohol and women having 4 or more, is a major public health problem in the state. The report estimated the cost of binge drinking to the state in 2012 by multiplying the population percentage of binge drinkers in the state by the

national cost estimate for binge drinking nationwide, which is $257 billion. When the total cost of binge drinking is broken down, approximately $2.9 billion of the $6.8 billion came from lost productivity at work, $2 billion resulted from premature mortality costs, $749 million came from healthcare costs, $649 million came from law enforcement costs and $418 million resulted from motor vehicle repairs after car crashes. The overall cost of binge drinking, which breaks down to about $1,198 per state resident, is paid for through state tax revenue. However, Wisconsin collected only $70 million, or 1 percent of the $6.8 billion cost, in alcohol tax revenue in 2011, meaning the vast majority of money used to pay for binge drinking costs came from tax revenue unrelated to alcohol funds. —Jack Casey

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gun from inside the car and the shells merely flew out the window. University Apartments Community Officer Michael Eckhardt told residents to look out for suspicious activity, but warned against calling the police just because of someone they did not recognize. “A person is never suspicious, in a jacket, a hoodie, a hat—none of that is suspicious,” Eckhardt said. “Behavior is suspicious.”

the apartments while maintaining the gun never left the car. “I think that just because [UWPD] can’t reveal everything about the investigation, people are maybe still a little unsettled about some of the details,” McLean said. “Particularly [about] the gun.” However, Riseling still maintains that the suspects fired the

budget from page 1 to well performing employees, as well as the ability to create its own Human Resources system, according to Bazzell. He

said the HR redesign, which would develop new employee compensation and benefits programs and eliminate overlap in employee job titles, is expected to take place by July.

State appeals court denies stay in Act 10 lawsuit The Wisconsin Court of Appeals unanimously ruled to deny a stay on a lower court’s ruling that some portions of Gov. Scott Walker’s controversial Act 10 legislation, which limited public workers’ collective bargaining rights, are unconstitutional. Judge Juan Colas, who sits on the Dane County Circuit Court ruled in a September 2012 deci-

sion that certain portions of Act 10 were unconstitutional, including those pertaining to workers’ rights to collectively bargain over wages and workplace safety. The recent ruling prohibits the state from enforcing the portions of the law deemed unconstitutional until a final decision is made in the appeals process. However, the state can continue

to fully enforce the parts of Act 10 not deemed unconstitutional. The state, which is listed as the defendant in the case, initially filed for the stay to avoid confusion on which portions of the law were still enforceable in Wisconsin. The stay would have allowed the state to fully enforce Act 10’s provisions until the lengthy court process concludes.

jane thompson/the daily cardinal

UW-Madison professor Andrew Reschovsky speaks during a university-sponsored event discussing the state budget.

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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

view Cardinal View editorials represent The Daily Cardinal’s organizational opinion. Each editorial is crafted independent of news coverage.

Vote yes for new ASM constitution If you have not voted in the Associated Students of Madison elections, take this as your last second reminder. Read some of the statements and take part, because the people you elect are in control of your dollars and deserve your scrutiny. Pick wisely and take more than 30 seconds to make your decision. Now that bit of preachiness is over, it is time to get on the soapbox

and talk about the proposed new ASM constitution. The changes in the new constitution will simplify the process for student organizations to get funded, create cohesion between the different student governments on campus and make the general workings of ASM simpler. Needless to say, this board hopes students vote to pass the new version of the constitution. One of the things ASM needs

to do well is dole out student funds to organizations. This requires the representatives to be competent— nay knowledgeable and fluent—in topics of budgeting and finance. Currently, Student Council can overturn finance committee recommendations, and because of the little training Student Council has, this can end up wasting money. Take for example the case of Student Council increasing UW-Homecoming’s funding on the request of student pressure only to see much of the money not used. This wastes student funds and takes away funding from other groups.

Take the time to read the constitution when you vote—you are going to vote right?—and see for yourself. The new constitution would lessen the chance of this by putting all financial powers in the hands of an appropriations branch. These students would be highly trained and will lead to better spending of student funds. This would also help student organizations by taking away the more political aspects of funding by reserving all decisions to one, appropriately trained body rather than an overly politicized body such as student council. Besides funding, this constitution is beneficial because it would give all student governments on campus visibility in ASM. Yes, there is more than one student council on our campus, and the fact that many students do not know that is why this constitution should be passed. Under the new constitution, all student government presidents would have a say, along with popularly elected officials, in ASM. This would allow students from the medical, lettters and science, business and other schools to have the voice they deserve in ASM. If the presidents choose to use their ability to voice their opinions in the potentially new student senate,

it could allow them to improve their respective schools even more than they could now. There are other changes, like a president’s council that would unite student leaders. This is important as well, and it follows the general trend of making student leaders organize their communication better to eventually make smarter decisions. The changes proposed are modest, but effective. Students would still be able to get groups funded. There would be changes, and they would only help students. Funding would just be easier and less politicized. It would increase the ability for other, lesser-known governments to have a say. Take the time to read the constitution when you vote—you are going to vote right?—and see for yourself. This constitution is a modest change, but vastly needed to improve the way our student government works. Please send all feedback to


Wednesday, March 13, 2013



Slow Food Cafe bringing sexy back By Gethsemane HerronCoward the daily cardinal

As I am writing this, we have sprung forward an hour. I am sweating in my knee-length coat as I walk to class and when I get out of class, often at 5 p.m., I swear that it’s possible to see those last vestiges of sunlight decorating the horizon. It’s a beautiful sight y’all. Spring is coming. Does anybody else catch themselves going through metamorphoses when it starts to get warmer? That winter fur, whether on legs or shaggy cosby sweaters—gone. Hidden away in the days of yore, until the rise of the next badger ice age. The clothes and the steps become lighter, people smile more—it’s a beautiful sight! I like to celebrate by changing my music. Goodbye, plaintive Bon Iver song and hello light-hearted fare. I go back to my childhood, to my happy-place music, where things were simpler and new jack swing was bumping from some relative’s boombox. It was with a high step and head phones bumping “Color Me Badd” (no shame) that I walked into Slow Food. I had been here once my fresh-

man year (read: lifetime ago) and that was to support a mentor who was cooking for the Madison community. After getting languidly lost trying to identify exactly what church on University the Slow Food Café was in (note: it’s the one with the Slow Food sign out in front of it, go figure), I slinked down to the basement and put in my order. Slow Food believes in local food and ingredients, learning about where the food we eat comes from, and “offering a level of transparency that educates the customers to eat the good, clean, fair food that upholds the greater Slow Food ideals.” Sounded cool to me. The basement looks like rec room one may see in any church, but there is a real feel of the simplicity Slow Food advertises. The tables are fine, slim glass vials full of water sparkling in the bright sun. The staff is friendly, with nary a cash register in sight—just an iPhone machine that you swipe your card in if you are about that debit life, or hand-to-hand transaction if you are about the cash life. The menu, written in simple script. Each Wednesday, Slow Food

offers two entrees, two sides and a dessert. I chose the sweet potato sandwich with mozzarella and pesto on beet bread, and skipped the sides—both had cheese in them and since my sandwich was already dairy familiar, I decided to spare my classmates of my next class the bubble gut scenario that happens when dairy and I get too familiar. I decided to treat myself to dessert, today a chocolate bread pudding.

“The bread was delicious, soft interior, firm crust, a delightful rose color from the beets in it.” Gethsemane Herron-Coward The Daily Cardinal

Sitting down to the meal was an epic affair. Keith Sweat came on just as I reached for the sandwich and he told me to “Make It Last Forever.” And when Keith Sweat sings, you must heed the call. I didn’t scarf down my food, per usual. I savored it, content to be in the moment with it. To get to know its background, its goals

After bar smart drunchies By Elana Bella The daily cardinal

Just because you’re drunk doesn’t mean you can’t make one smart decision that night. Next time you’re out and you crave that late night snack before you call it a night, use this guide to help you decide what’s worth the calories and what’s not. It’s a fact that when you’re drunk food looks, smells and tastes better; unfortunately it’s not any better for you. There is no good that comes from binge eating after drinking; all you are doing is assuring that the next morning in addition to your killer headache, you will have a killer stomachache and feel gross all day. You never hear someone say, “Wow, eating three slices of mac ’n’ cheese pizza last night at Ian’s Pizza was such a good idea. I feel great!” Avoid the guilt, the regret and the intense workout the next day—just be smart about your drunchies. Before you order what sounds

good at the time, determine whether your night was: solid, decent or rough. Based off of that, here are some options of items on different menus at various late-night restaurants in Madison, ranging from moderately healthy to unhealthy. Keep these suggestions in mind when staring at the menu with your jaw dropped and your mouth watering. If the cravings kick in, there’s no problem in indulging, just be smart. Enjoy the night and when the time comes, use this guide to help you decide. Be healthy, be smart and, most importantly, just remember the saying goes, “you only live once.” *Please drink responsibly. Want more tips on how to navigate various A-bar menus? Email Elana at for helpful hints on how to avoid the regret and shame that accompanies eating a fetus-sized burrito and make semi-reasonable late-night snack decisions instead.

in life, what brought it to a town like this, what its hopes were after college. It said it wanted to join the Peace Corps and spread deliciousness throughout the land. I totally believed it. It’s been my experience that a sandwich usually has that one shining feature that makes it memorable to a patron. Kind of like a love interest—that guy who has amazing eyes, how they shine in the night, and this sandwich which has amazing spread, how it lingers on my mind and taste buds. And some sandwiches (and people) are perfect 10s—they are so easy on the eyes, the palate. They won a Fullbright, volunteer on the weekends, write soulful ballads about days gone by and look at your face when they talk to you. These are introduce-toyour-mama sandwiches. I want to introduce this sandwich to my entire family. The bread was delicious, soft interior, firm crust, a delightful rose color from the beets in it. The sweet-potato patty was decadent, meaty, sweet, creamy. The pesto was REAL pesto. Like somebody grew some basil, chopped it with a knife,

Jimmy Johns

Open: Mon.-Sun. until 3 a.m. Solid Night: Plain Slims-Slim 4 Turkey Breast=401 calories Decent Night: 8” Sub Sandwiches-Turkey Tom=515.76 calories Rough Night: Giant Club SandwichesBootlegger Club=684.3 calories *No matter how bad the night, try not to pair it with a cookie. Both the chocolate chunk and raisin oatmeal cookies have 420 calories. Trust me, tomorrow you will realize this was not worth it. Instead, pair your sandwich with a bag of chips, all of which range from 130-160 calories, or better yet, no sides at all!

Ian’s Pizza

Open: Mon.-Sat. until bar time, Sun. until 10 p.m. Solid Night: Salad Decent Night: Florentine Pizza (or any vegetable-based pizza) Rough Night: Mac ’n’ Cheese Pizza *Since Ian’s Pizza is a small company,

not a magic bullet (snicker), and threw some love in it. It was only $4.50. Cue next song. “Tony Toni Tone” started singing about a slow wine, something my mother thought inappropriate to listen to. She was probably right, as I was two when it came out, but my older cousins could not care less and were not responsible babysitters. It is the soundtrack to the forbidden, and that’s when the bread pudding came in. So bready. So chocolatey. So warm and gooey and…*fans self…* it was only $1. I think I might have done a body roll of celebration. Y’all just go to Slow Food. Trust me. It’s conscionable and all kinds of sexy. It sings to you, “let me take you to a place so nice and quiet/ there ain’t no one there to interrupt/ ain’t gotta rush/ I just want to take it nice and slow.” Oh wait, that was actually Usher. I’m pretty sure they’re the same thing. Interested in visiting the Slow Food Café with Gethsemane this week? Email her at, and you guys can bask in the delicious, wholesome goodness together.

they do not post their nutritional facts, so use your best judgment when it comes to healthy versus unhealthy. However, they do recommend to stay away from their famous mac ’n’ cheese pizza if you are on a diet and to stick to their scrumptious salads instead! FunFact:WhatmakesIan’sPizzaranch dressing so delicious? Its ingredients include cream and real mayonnaise.


Open:Mon.-Sat.until3a.m., Sun.until2 a.m. Solid Night: Taco Salad (with veggies, no meat)=565 calories Decent Night: Plain Cheese Quesadilla (no sour cream or guacamole)=750 calories RoughNight: Three-Cheese Nachos=925 calories Note: Calorie intake is subject to change depending on additional ingredients. Ergo, prepare for the night and go online at qdoba. com to find out exactly how many calories your craving will be beforehand!

A simple guide to revamping your diet: everything in moderation By Brett Bachman The Daily Cardinal

There’s a lot of misinformation out there about nutrition. Eat this. Don’t eat that. Here’s the deal: There are rarely, if ever, any concretes in life. And while there are a select few things you shouldn’t ever eat (paint chips, home insulation, etc.) nothing truly edible should be completely off limits. When you take something off the market, it means you have to consciously think about that food to avoid it. Whenever you do that, it only serves to make it harder to evade. I’ll let you in on a little secret: It’s all about moderation. If you haven’t started eating right, that’s the first step. But cutting anything out of your diet forever is the wrong way to start. It’s intimidating and off putting. A bowl of ice cream every once in a while isn’t going to hurt you. Just follow these easy steps for a better diet, and don’t sweat the little things:


One of the key aspects to any healthy lifestyle—both for your training and your diet—is balance. Like I said earlier, nothing is going to hurt you exponentially as long as it

makes up the proper part of your life overall. The USDA got it right when they changed the food pyramid to the myplate system: Your meals should be about one fourth vegetables, fruits, grains and protein, along with one serving of dairy. The figurative size of the plate changes for the individual’s needs. It’s simple and easy to visualize.


If you do anything repeatedly in the same fashion, it’s bound to get old after a while. The same goes for your diet. Boredom in terms of the food you eat is an easy thing to avoid. Even if you have some sort of major allergy, such as to gluten, there are still enough options on the market where you can plausibly create enough variety to keep your body satisfied and stay interested enough to stay away from junk foods. Proportion Obviously our country not only has a problem with eating the wrong foods, but with eating too much in general. This is, once again, a fairly easy problem to correct. If you think you’ve been overeating, it’s time to take a good look at your lifestyle and get a rough

idea of how much you should be eating. Your size, your natural metabolism and your activity level all affect the amount of calories you burn in a given day. Plausibly, if you follow those guidelines, your eating habits are pretty solid. There are a few tricks you can remember to keep your diet even sharper, however. If you haven’t already, switch to whole grains. There’s almost no downside to eating something made with whole grains instead of something made with refined grains. Next, I’d make sure to pick the low-fat version of virtually all dairy products when you’re at the grocery store next time. These are, for the most part, better for you, and the processes to remove the fat are very efficient and safe. If you’ve done all of these things and are still looking to improve, the next step I would take is to eat less red meat, ultimately limiting your consumption to a couple times a week. Red meat contains more saturated fat and many types are frequently heavily processed, which makes them less nutritionally

complete than meats like chicken and fish. While the skeptics are still numerous, studies have consistently linked red meat to cancer and heart disease. Those aren’t diseases you want to mess with. Like I said previously, don’t feel bad about eating a steak or a hamburger once in a while. Some bodybuilders have been known to eat big macs occasionally (sometimes splurging is actually good for a diet—it shocks your system into retaining a higher metabolic rate). It’s all about limiting the frequency with which you do so. And finally, before you make any major changes to the way you live your life, get an accurate idea of what your diet should look like. Follow through for a couple weeks, until you know you can adhere to that sort of lifestyle. Then, if and when you ultimately change your activity level, you will only have to play with that variable. Getting overwhelmed is a big problem for people who are looking to become healthier—it’s a huge commitment! Take it slow. Want more tips about how Brett stays fit as a fiddle? Email him your burning questions at

arts l


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Adam P’s TV Guide: ‘Community’ not the show that it used to be Adam Paris SEGA WHAT!?

Graphic by angel lee

To ‘e,’ or not to ‘e’: a take on digital books Sean Reichard quip quo pro


don’t buy books in any format, anymore unless I intend to read them more than once. And even on those rare instances, I’m more inclined towards Kindle books than paper ones, unless there’s some latent reason otherwise. Reading here at the university, I can subsist on the library, but public/academic libraries have their limits, if not in breadth, then in location. I can’t say whether or not I’ll want to (or will have to) stay in Madison, which has a very good library system, after I graduate. That’s why I have always envisioned having a personal library in the future. In principle, something small, a shelf or two, something I can take with me without much effort. Not because I plan on having a fleet, itinerant life, not because it would be a best of the best of the best reading in the world. My personal library would be composed of the books I held dearest to my heart. Of course, the time to start consolidating a personal library hasn’t come yet. Not just as an undergrad—glorified squatter of academia—but as someone whose heart still has an atrium or two open for more books in the future. I may well find that I want a house full of books, or that my original idea (the nearest, dearest, etc.) is too discerning and impotent. Whatever the decision, when thinking of a paper

library, I must always consider it in light of the possibilities of digital libraries—the resources offered by eReaders and the Internet. Does the idea of having a library change with the advent of eReaders? Yes and no. It’s a problem one of my former professors, William Cronon, grappled with in an essay for the American Historical Association, “Recollecting My Library… and My Self.” At the moment, he avers, digital libraries are irreconcilable with personal libraries—both physical and what Cronon calls metaphorical “libraries of [the] mind”— because the former are comparably unstructured, devoid of context. I have a deep and abiding respect for this man, having taken his environmental history course last semester, and he reaffirms why I want a library and why I haven’t gone full digital. But there are differences in our opinion that should be addressed, since we’re working in different frames of reference. William Cronon is a historian and professor at UW-Madison. He has decades of experience as a researcher and reader—he has gratefully not ossified into the rank and file of some inexorable “paper only” tradition. He has more on which to look back. I am, for the moment, a 20-year-old squatter of academia, the term of which may well end after I graduate, depending on what I want to do. I have never lived without the Internet, and digital media is knitted so seamlessly to my daily life that I cannot readily picture a time or existence without it. I have more to look forward to.

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Of course, I wasn’t always chummy with eReaders. “Paper disciple” would have been an apt phrase for me. And I had (not in these words) come to view my books, the seeds of a potential library, as a simulacrum of myself, a gateway into my memory and consciousness. Signposts. Paper madeleines. Now, I’m inclined toward something admittedly less sacrosanct, but more pragmatic: In my mind, for what they offer, there is nothing else that equals a paper book, and there’s nothing above it, but there’s also nothing below it. And I’m more optimistic that eReaders will advance to the point where they are more like books insofar as they retain the structure while using a different medium. I’m also optimistic that, if the flux of information the Internet offers is worth a damn, it will be structured as such so it won’t be lost to obscurity or the ether. I keep a tame hope of all that, anyway. I’m inclined to believe a Kindle represents just as much a library as a paper one, and something in me doesn’t want to give up paper books, and one will not eclipse the other. It’s a simplified statement, surely, one that may smack of nostalgia or cloying sentimentality, but it’s the most versatile. Digital libraries cannot be ignored but, as Cronon also pointed out, the conversion of physical to digital at the moment is full of pratfalls and frustrations. In such a transient time, a balance should be struck. So out with my ideal library—itself amorphous, nebulous at the moment—and in with, perhaps another ideal, but one more apt for the world right now. An amalgamation of digital and physical, predicated on optimism that digital media would not remain alien to the past. A library, if not a simulacrum of me, than a simulacrum of Janus, perennially looking both ways. And take note of all this. This problem isn’t limited just to books and scholarly types, you know. What do you think about the eReader revolution? Have a library of your own? Email Sean at


hen Pierce Hawthorne proudly stood before the Greendale student body last season and shouted, “Let’s burn this mother down,” nobody realized the blundering racist was actually semi-prescient. Only two weeks after Pierce’s riotinducing proclamation, NBC fired “Community’s” creator and quasideity Dan Harmon. As the cult of Harmon reacted with a digital fervor generally reserved for actual disasters, David Guarascio and Moses Port (co-creators of “Aliens in America”) were tasked with picking up the show’s fallen ashes. So far, it appears only Harmon’s godlike hands are capable of crafting “Community” with the same precision the study group uses when creating their dioramas. As “Community” nears the midway point of what is probably its final season, the intricacies in structure and dialogue of past seasons are sorely lacking. Although the oddball cast is still intact, the characters seem to be shambling through their established roles as if they just enjoyed a hearty plateful of toxic military rations. While I appreciate the new showrunners trying to expand the characters after the numerous threads Harmon left in last season’s finale, the new storylines haven’t paid off. This week’s confrontation with Jeff’s father was particularly disappointing. Character development in “Community” has always been handled with the minutest of alterations. The jokes carry the episode, but the traditional episode-ending Winger speech always reinforced the sense of togetherness the show both lampoons and sincerely embraces. Jeff has slowly grown into the father figure Abed always envisioned for him, but Harmon recognized Jeff remains a bachelor at heart through moments like the revelation that Jeff and Britta have been making whoopee all of season two. Yet this season has avoided these brief, revealing moments in the favor of broad boomboxbumping elements. As cathartic as seeing Jeff yell at his father was, that confrontation didn’t really reveal anything interesting about his character. The audience learned far more about Jeff when he wrestled with his inner demons in Abed’s documentary of Pierce’s fake death than his on-the-nose speech to Papa Winger last night. The trope-laden approach used this season manifested itself in the season’s opening episode. Abed’s mental escape into the traditional sitcom incarnation of “Community” seemed particularly self-indulgent. In an episode where the humor seemed predicated on sparkly

dresses and ball jokes, the creators offered a glimpse into the “safe” approach representative of the cushy network shows Abed feels comfortable consuming. Symbolic of their belief they saved “Community” from the blorgons at NBC, the showrunners construed the opinion they wanted to hog the glory like Annie’s Boobs loves hoarding pens. The imaginary sitcom seemed blunt and forward for a show predicated on destroying normal television conventions. Father Harmon avoided this pitfall by inverting traditional tropes through flashback episodes with completely new scenes or stressing the importance of the group dynamic by exploring the space-time continuum. Additionally, the season has strayed away from the school in favor of sending the gang to parts previously unseen. Harmon stated he wanted to keep the students at the school the entire first season for the sake of firmly establishing their characters and the setting. This unhealthy fear of change paid off when the group dynamic coalesced into the best comedy on television its last two seasons. Couching the show in the study room created a unique dynamic that remains the backbone of the show. Last season’s “Remedial Chaos Theory” took place at Troy and Abed’s apartment, but it could have just as easily taken place at the school. The group’s departure to Pierce’s mansion and the Inspector Spacetime Convention in particular seemed more like fan service than intriguing locations for group comedy and exploration. Indeed, my favorite portion of the mansion episode came as the characters bantered in the study room, as opposed to the hijinx of Pierce’s mansion complete with an unsurprising sex room. Despite my bleak outlook, there is reason for some optimism. Jeff’s storyline aside, the latest episode, “Cooperative Escapism in Familial Relations” was the season’s highlight so far. Familiarly meta, Abed’s “Shawshank” homage provided an enjoyable escape plan that was refreshingly approachable in a way that Harmon’s self-indulgent “My Dinner with Andre” episode never was. I remain skeptical though. Harmon took a supremely simple premise and crafted a show so incredibly complex in its execution that only his perfectionist tendencies could handle it. Keeping sitcoms funny after several years is one of the hardest tasks in television so it’s impossible to say whether Harmon would have been able to keep the show fresh in its fourth season. That being said, “Community” simply isn’t the same brilliant show as in seasons past. #Sixseasonsandamovie is slowly becoming nothing more than a pipe dream. Think “Community” still rocks the tube? Let Adam know at


Dreaming about eating a hamburger

Today’s Sudoku

Honey badger don’t give a... The skin of a honey badger is so thick that it can withstand mutiple machete blows, arrows and spears. The only way to kill one is with a club to the skull or shooting it. Wednesday, March 13, 2013 • 7

Eatin’ Cake


By Dylan Moriarty

© Puzzles by Pappocom

Caved In

By Nick Kryshak

Solution, tips and computer program available at

Fill in the grid so that every row, every column and every 3x3 box contains the digits 1 through 9.

First In Twenty By Angel Lee

Today’s Crossword Puzzle

Evil Bird Classic

The Produce Aisle

By Caitlin Kirihara

By Jacob Densow

Answer key available at

PINK OF PERFECTION ACROSS 1 Bamboo muncher 6 Gives careful attention to 11 Last name of a famous plane 14 French love 15 Detach by tearing 16 Line that has a ring to it? 17 Certain participant in a chorus line 19 Expunge 20 Org. with crowning achievements? 21 Greek X 22 Spike in production? 23 Allow to deteriorate 27 Full of malice 29 Punk/folk singer DiFranco 30 Bedding item 32 “The Ghost and Mrs. ___” 33 “... ___ a lender be” 34 Bartender’s supply 36 Defeated king of Troy 39 “... o’clock and ___ well” 41 Church council 43 Borderline 44 Vaults for valuables 46 Felt green around the gills 48 “What ___ the chances?”

9 4 51 52 53 56 58 59 60 61 62 68 69 0 7 1 7 72 73

Gather, as grain Divas’ deliveries “Despite that ...” Struck sightless Alters Doctored account “Cash” add-on Half a score ___ Arbor, Mich. Lana Turner was one Firecracker with no fire ___ hole in (rip) Like a hot fudge sundae Back-and-forth curve Auto suggestion? Exercise by Chopin

DOWN 1 Apartment, slangily 2 Org. for doctors 3 Alternative to “smoking” 4 Fit for a nobleman 5 Having the least rainfall 6 Show of affection 7 Twin connected to Chang 8 “Love Story” novelist Segal 9 Currency in the U.A.E. 10 Divide 11 Some aides 12 Farewell abroad

13 Make some music in Interlaken 18 Tex-Mex appetizer 23 Grandmothers, affectionately 24 First name of a famous plane 25 What many young men seek 26 Roberts of TV’s “Charlie’s Angels” 28 Cork is found here 31 Smaller versions 35 What the retina’s cones distinguish 37 Feel the same way 38 Athletic contests 40 “As ___ on TV!” 42 Get rid of, electronically 45 Followers of the cruel Marquis 47 Branch off 50 Teeny-tiny 53 Duelist’s weapon 54 “Peanuts” boy 55 Pre-tax-audit feeling 57 Bar in Fort Knox 63 Palindromic constellation 64 Make into leather 65 Short person’s slip? 66 Suggestion by a sommelier, perhaps 67 Caustic soda

Graphic By Dylan Moriarty

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