Multiple Matters Summer 2019

SUMMER ISSUE \ JUNE 2019

T H E

O F F I C I A L

matters

M A G A Z I N E

Exhausting, exhilarating

The surrogacy journey of a new dad

O F

T A M B A

Better outcomes

Tamba’s world-first maternity programme

Forty ways

Mark our 40th by spreading the word

Along came three

How to toddle with triplets

PLUS: NEW DISCOUNTERS • PHOTO GALLERY • NEWS AND MORE

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What’s inside: Summer 2019

Welcome letter from the chief executive

With age comes wisdom, and hopefully this is true of your charity as it celebrates its 40th anniversary in 2019. While we still focus on the original aims - parent-to-parent support, good information and raising awareness - how we do that is changing.

For instance, I was once told by a hard-pressed health worker that they didn’t need charities shouting from the sidelines telling them what to do: they already knew that. What they needed was a reserve to come onto the pitch and help. And that’s what we’ve been doing, working directly with 30 maternity units to fantastic effect (see pages 6-7). When we started, we thought we’d be passing the work to the NHS. But we now know that we need to continue directly helping teams to reduce babies’ deaths and neonatal admissions to have a greater impact.

Our classes and resources for expectant families help prepare families for the challenges ahead. But many want support online.

That’s why we are rebuilding our website and forums so they are easier to use and more relevant than other platforms. We are also looking at how our hands-on help in the home can continue to deliver for families in dire need.

One thing remains central to our work: our volunteers. It was lovely to kickstart our 40th celebrations with them and thank them in person (page 26). We rely on your good will, so if you want to help your charity improve lives, there are 40 ways to do so on page 30!

Keith Reed @Tamba_KeithReed keithreed@tamba.org.uk

ESSENTIAL CONTACTS:

Tamba office: Manor House, Manor Park, Church Hill, Aldershot, Hampshire, GU12 4JU T: 01252 332344 E: enquiries@tamba.org.uk W: www.tamba.org.uk Office hours: Monday to Friday 9:30am to 4pm Twinline freephone helpline: 0800 1380509 (10am-1pm and 7pm to 10pm, seven days a week) Family support team: support-team@tamba.org.uk Twinline and support groups co-ordinator: louisebowman@tamba.org.uk Courses: katevalentine@tamba.org.uk Advertising and fundraising: luciewigley@tamba.org.uk Membership enquiries: membership@tamba.org.uk Tamba in Northern Ireland: Kelly McDonald T: 07525 117010 E: kellymcdonald@tamba.org.uk Tamba in Scotland: Helen Peck T: 01786 465744 E: helenpeck@tamba.org.uk Magazine editorial: multiplematters@hotmail.co.uk

MULTIPLE MATTERS - ISSN 2049-5765

Charity number 1076478, Scottish Charity Number SC041055, company number 3 688825.

Regulars NEWS AND CAMPAIGNS

Awards and recognition for outstanding work ........04

FUNDRAISING

How to make employers work for Tamba ............... 16

PHOTO GALLERY

Borrowing mummy’s make-up …............................. 28

NOTICEBOARD

Save money with Tamba’s discounter deals ............. 31

Features BETTER CARE, BETTER OUTCOMES

Tamba’s world-first maternity programme ............. 06

A HERO? THAT’S ME!

On newborns and other challenges ....................... 09

EXHAUSTING, EXHILARATING

The surrogacy journey of a new dad ........................ 10

TAKING STOCK

Hip dysplasia and surgery ........................................13

ALONG CAME THREE

How to toddle with triplets ...................................... 14

LISTEN AND LEARN...

Results from our membership survey ......................19

PLAYING SAFE

Keeping one twin safe from allergies ......................20

CONNECTED AND SEPARATE

Nurturing bonds and individuality ........................... 22

TESTING TIMES

Getting multiples through GCSEs ............................25

LET'S HEAR IT!

A jamboree for Tamba’s volunteers .......................26

78 YEARS APART

On long-lost twins being reunited.............................27

FORTY WAYS TO SAY IT

Mark our birthday by spreading the word .................30

Our Summer cover stars are Graeme (left) and Simon with their twins Calder and Alexandra Tamba’s individuality policy encourages the development of multiples’ individual identities, for example by dressing them differently. Whenever possible we use photographs that promote this policy.

News: Campaigns

LATEST ROUND-UP With news of your charity and our friends, members and supporters

A Helping Hand from over the pond Tamba award recognises exceptional Norlander. By Alyson Chorley A volunteer who continues to support Tamba whilst living in New York has won an award from us in recognition of her unstinting efforts to help families in crisis and her continuing dedication to the cause.

Jo Bennet’s caring nature and can-do attitude has made a huge difference to the nine families she has supported so far. Her mum, Gill, collected the award on her behalf at the Norland College graduation ceremony, where it was presented by Tamba’s president, Judi Linney.

Norland has been supporting multiple birth families facing especially tough times through Tamba’s Helping Hands programme since 2014, when it launched. Under the scheme, supportive and qualified Norlanders go into people’s homes to help families who are in crisis because of serious illness, bereavement or mental health needs.

Over the past five years, Norlanders have volunteered almost 3,000 hours in support and practical care to families who are in desperate need, all in their spare time.

And the support doesn’t stop there.

Norlanders have been raising vital funds on which the service relies in order to

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Jo supported nine families with fifty hours of her time, and raised £660 to keep Helping Hands going

continue supporting families in crisis.

In August last year Norlander Emily Hamilton swam the English Channel in relay with two teammates in 14 hours.

Another Norlander, Meghan Fearne, completed the three-peaks challenge to climb the highest mountains in England, Scotland and Wales in under 24 hours.

We are incredibly grateful to Emily and Meghan, who, along with other Norlanders, have raised over £4,000 for Helping Hands this year.

She is clearly very talented and knowledgeable and gave us really valuable, relevant advice And our award recipient Jo has been supporting families in need since her graduation in 2016. She has offered her time to, amongst others, a family who needed an extra pair of hands while a

parent was undergoing treatment for cancer, a family where mum was struggling with postnatal depression, and a family with triplets one of whom had a serious illness.

One of her clients told us: ‘She was fantastic. So friendly, personable and made me feel at ease.

‘She is clearly very talented and knowledgeable and gave us really valuable, relevant advice. And above all she made me realise that how I’m feeling and the worries I have are very common being a new mum - and of multiples. She is caring, passionate and dedicated.’

Not only has Jo supported these families with fifty hours of her time, she completed the British 10k run, raising £660 for Helping Hands, and continues to offer advice and support within our Tamba special needs support group. Even though she is now in New York, Jo still helps Helping Hands families with phone support in her free time. A special thanks to Jo, and to all the brilliant Norlander volunteers.

News: Campaigns

Double twin mum scoops business award Kate Ball honoured for commitment to better working practices Leeds-based twin mum Kate Ball has been named in the 2019 Power 50 awards, a roll call of 50 powerful executives in the UK who all happen to work part-time or flexibly.

The 2019 Timewise Power 50 Awards have been compiled by flexible working specialists Timewise to provide a snapshot of modern working practices and challenge the belief that part-time work can’t mean ambitious, can’t mean highly successful and can’t mean senior. A fresh list has been published annually since 2012.

I’m delighted to be part of the movement pressing for change for more flexible working Kate Ball, the founder and director of Mini First Aid, works three days a week, balancing her family life with six children

- including two sets of twins - with her fast-growing specialist paediatric first aid training company. Kate had previously worked for Mars Incorporated, and launched Mini First Aid in her hometown of Leeds in 2014 with a desire to provide short accessible first aid classes for parents and carers of babies and young children.

The business now has over 50 franchises training over 1,000 families a week in first aid across the UK. Each of the franchise owners works flexibly.

Kate leads the business with her husband Matt and a small team of specialist freelancers, who also work flexibly. Kate and Mini First Aid have won numerous awards both for the products and classes and for the business development and growth.

Kate told us: ‘I often get asked as a twin mum “how do you do it?” - even more so now I have two sets! But we just do, our life is utterly crazy with six children.

‘Sometimes Matt and I go to bed thinking what we’d give for a less pressured

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Family friendly: Kate and her husband Matt with their baby twins Amelia and Poppy, Grace (6), Olivia (2), Alfie (8) and Emily (2)

business, but then we keep getting emails from parents who have administered first aid in a crisis thanks to our training, or from one of our trainers who is finding their job so rewarding and loving the balance with family life, and it is the most rewarding thing in the world.

‘Leeds has a very good and supportive twin community, and one of the regular conversations is around returning to work, or flexible working. Winning the Power 50 award was just amazing, and I’m delighted to be part of the movement pressing for change for more flexible working. All our Mini First Aid franchisees work flexibly - we have four trainers with twins too - our head office team work flexibly and the businesses we partner with all embrace flexible working.’

Goodbye and thanks Award-winning midwife Sandra Bosman, a Tamba honorary consultant and national midwife of the year, is retiring from the NHS after eighteen years providing specialist midwifery care for women having multiple births.

Sandra got involved with Tamba in 2007 when her charity, More Than One, invited Tamba CEO Keith Reed to tell people about Tamba. ‘We had the same aim: supporting families with multiples,’ she said. ‘That started a long and happy relationship.’

Her latest venture, twinsandmorewithsandrabosman.com, aims to support struggling multiple birth mums during the antenatal, breastfeeding and postnatal periods.

www.tamba.org.uk

05

Pregnancy: Antenatal care

Better care, better outcomes Our three-year project to improve maternity care has had spectacular results. If only it could roll out nationally

Our pioneering Maternity Engagement Project has been praised by obstetricians, midwives, sonographers and parents, and if expanded could save babies’ lives while cutting costs for the NHS. It has also won the support of Baroness Cumberlege, who has led a major NHS review of maternity services.

The Maternity Engagement Project, which has just reached the end of its three-year programme, saw fewer neonatal admissions and fewer emergency C-sections in just 12 months amongst multiple birth families.

Delegates at our end-of-project conference, held on 6 April at the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists in London, heard what could happen within a year if all maternity units in England followed the project and implemented similar changes: • Neonatal admissions in multiples could be reduced by 1,308.

• Emergency C-sections could be reduced by 634.

• The NHS could save £8m through reduced neonatal admissions.

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/ SUMMER 2019

After five years of nationwide implementation, up to 100 stillbirths could be prevented each year across the UK. The project, which was funded by the Department of Health, ran in 30 maternity units across England. It was set up to ensure that women expecting twins, triplets or more were treated in line with the NICE (National Institute for Care and Excellence) multiple pregnancy guidance.

This guidance, published in 2013 as Quality Standard 46 (QS46), contains eight statements aimed at improving the quality and consistency of clinical antenatal care provided in multiple birth pregnancies.

But research by Tamba had showed that expectant mums of twins or more were being treated differently at maternity units across the country.

One mum told us: ‘The many consultants we saw couldn’t answer our questions, it was only the penultimate visit when we saw the twins specialist that we were informed accurately of how the pregnancy was progressing.

‘Numerous conversations with different

consultants made my pregnancy very stressful. I saw many sonographers – some had an idea, some didn’t.’

We were already working closely with the team at St George’s Hospital in London on other research projects and had been monitoring their early adherence to NICE QS46, which had produced excellent results.

It was because of the encouraging results from St George’s and our own knowledge that care differed throughout the country that the Maternity Engagement Project was born.

Women have fewer, more streamlined appointments and a named contact.

It’s good for continuity of care

Pregnancy: Antenatal care

Latest data shows that multiple birth pregnancies are still more than one and a half times more likely to end in a stillbirth and over three times more likely to end with a neonatal death. Previous publications highlight that these pregnancies are still six times more likely to result in a brain injury and contribute towards 10 percent of clinical negligence claims.

If this were implemented across the UK, up to 100 stillbirths could be prevented each year Throughout our three-year project, specialist multiple birth midwives and Tamba staff have supported NHS staff to implement the NICE guidance. Units were audited and then revisited 12 months later to assess the changes made and their impact.

Taking into account the requirements in the Saving Babies’ Lives Care Bundle, which aims to cut stillbirths by 50 percent by 2025 and now include specific references to multiple births, Tamba CEO Keith Reed says it is even more important to follow the NICE guidance in order for the government to achieve its ambition. This is especially true as it has now been included as a requirement of the NHS Standard Contract 2019/20.

‘We know, and now have the evidence to prove, that following NICE guidance on multiple pregnancies works,’ said Keith.

‘We urge the NHS to ensure local maternity teams are aware that this project can make a considerable contribution to meeting the government’s ambition to reduce stillbirths, neonatal deaths and preterm births.

‘Evidence shows that whilst units know they should follow this guidance, they often find it difficult and can face barriers without a third party assisting.

‘As an independent third party with specialist multiple midwives, staff at the units we worked with were keen to become involved, and the results speak for themselves.’

The final report showed that in just 12 months there were 200 fewer neonatal admissions and 105 fewer emergency C-sections. It also made 40 “statistically significant” positive findings which demonstrate that Tamba’s support

throughout the process and Tamba’s Maternity the NICE guidelines clearly Engagement Project was funded by the Department of Health during 2016-2019 and work. Every unit which engaged has been working with 30 maternity units across England to improve outcomes for multiple pregnancy families with us increased their overall adherence to QS46, and the Multiple pregnancies are NICE works! In just units that made the biggest high risk. They are: 12 months our project saw: changes saw the greatest level of 5.8% 1½x improvements.

3.1% In an independent evaluation 3x 100 % of the project, 90 percent of respondents said they ‘would 7x 70% not have achieved as much Just look at what in stillbirths could be achieved in just 5 years positive change’ without it.

The evaluation also showed Neonatal 100 admissions could be that 81 percent of units found babies’ lives If all units reduced by …and all could be 1,308 followed that continuity of care for of this could saved NICE QS46 every year save the NHS women expecting multiples across million England: every had improved, and 69 percent year said team working between 634 obstetricians, midwives and % All units need to start making sonographers had improved GET IN TOUCH improvements now to meet TODAY the targets set in the Saving – both identified as priorities Babies’ Lives Care Bundle Maternity by the NHS Maternity Engagement Tamba has a team Project to help you Transformation team.

Three quarters of the units involved agreed that the The evidence is in: Tamba’s Maternity Maternity Engagement Project was the Engagement Programme has made a big catalyst for positive change and that their difference to the health and wellbeing of understanding of what is required to deliver newborns and their families the best possible care to multiple pregnancy families had improved.

As part of the project, Tamba created a pregnancy care pathway tool that helps healthcare professionals implement the multiple birth NICE guidelines. This process form, which has been endorsed by NICE, should be used throughout a multiple birth pregnancy.

Other units introduced or tightened their specialist multiples clinics and at Basildon PREGNANCY and Thurrock University Hospitals NHS Foundation Trust, the benefits of a dedicated • Find out what antenatal care you should have on our website at www.tamba.org.uk multiples clinic with a specialist midwife and watch our experts answer your FAQs and deputy, and a specialist obstetrician are around pregnancy in online videos being seen. Advanced specialist audit and research midwife Donna Southam said: ‘It • Book a place on our antenatal courses feels like a team, they work well together. It’s or our Practical Preparing for Parenthood class on 01252 332344 or via the website co-ordinated. The midwife can bring forward appointments with the consultant if she • Talk to expectant parents on Tamba’s has any concerns. Women have fewer, more dedicated Facebook page online or visit streamlined appointments and a named the Twins Club page on our website to find contact. It’s good for continuity of care.’ She your nearest club – expectant parents are described Tamba’s approach as ‘a low-cost always welcome intervention that leads to a smarter way of • Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone working’. listening service, to discuss any concerns on With the funding now at an end, we are 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm looking at ways to enable the project to to 10pm daily continue. more likely to be stillborn than singletons

more likely to result in neonatal death

a

reduction in neonatal admissions

a

reduction in emergency C-sections

of units improved their adherence to NICE QS46

…and one unit saw a significant reduction in neonatal deaths

more likely to need neonatal care

Over a longer term… a HUGE

FALL

St. George’s University Hospital was an early adopter of NICE QS46. They witnessed a 70% drop in stillbirths amongst twins in five years.

every year

*

Emergency C-sections could be reduced by

90

of professionals say they could not have achieved what they did without Tamba’s

every year

£8

*this figure is UK wide

maternityengagement@ tamba.org.uk www.tamba.org.uk

Help and info

www.tamba.org.uk

07

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Baby: Maternity leave

A hero?

Why yes, that’s me

Twin mum Anna on newborns, new standards, and learning how to take a compliment When I went back to work in January, I had taken nine months of a possible 12 months of maternity leave. It had been wonderful, but it had also included some of the hardest moments I’ve experienced.

The thing is, I didn’t feel prepared at all for what maternity leave with twins would be like.

Firstly, it had been physically hard. Our identical boys, Charlie and Archie, were born six weeks early. People say the first three months are the hardest, and this meant we had 50 percent more time being shattered.

The days were emotionally tough, too.

My adrenaline ran out between three and six months and I really struggled. The boys didn’t nap as much and wanted to be in my arms all the time. After hours spent babyjuggling - an official sport, I assure you - I would eventually resort to leaving them to cry. But that’s emotionally draining, too.

Then there’s the logistical challenges.

While my singleton mum friends would head into town with just a sling, I’d have to take a route twice as long because stepfree access is poor. Or, while they’d enjoy lunch with babies in their laps, I’d have to baby-juggle and go for quick walks, leaving my coffee and food to go cold while barely hearing or joining the conversation.

But it wasn’t all bad. Once I accepted that the reality would not be as I’d imagined it -

Now when people tell me I’m a hero I thank them, let them compliment me a bit more, and go on my way stronger

and I admitted to myself that at times I wished I’d only had one baby, and let myself complain a little - then I was able to create happy times too.

Firstly, I invested in equipment and toys and I got into a routine that suited my current reality: often not dressed until midday, consuming way too much chocolate and coffee, and taking a break from any exercise. These were my treats. It wasn’t at all what I had in mind, it’s not at all ‘who I am’ (or was?), but it’s what I needed to do to be happier.

I also learned to accept people’s compliments and even build on their positive energy. Now, whenever people look in amazement at the boys, or tell me I’m a hero for being their mother, I thank them, tell them just how hard it is, let them compliment me some more, and then go on my way a little stronger.

And once I realised that people are very forgiving to twin parents, I decided to do whatever I wanted. I enjoyed many baby cinema trips, even if my boys definitely cried for longer than everyone else’s.

So, to anyone reading this who is expecting multiples, I hope you make the most of your maternity leave. And if you find it hard and occasionally wish you’d only had one baby, it’s OK, you’re not alone.

Bringing up two or more babies in one go is nothing short of exceptional.

A twin mum once told me I’d be jealous of my singleton mum friends for the first year, but after that, while they all started to think about number two, I would be the smug one, with my boys sleeping through and playing together. I’ve held on to that wisdom - it has helped me make the most of my maternity leave as best I could.

You can find Anna on Instagram: overtaken__by_charchie

Anna with Charlie and Archie: ‘Once I realised that people are very forgiving to twin parents, I decided to do whatever I wanted!’

Help and info BABIES • Visit www.tamba.org.uk/Pregnancy/ Work-and-finance for more on maternity leave, work and childcare. You can also download free guides on Breastfeeding, Preparing for Parenthood and Postnatal Depression and view FAQ video clips, or watch Tamba’s webinar on babies’ sleep • Chat with other parents via Tamba’s Facebook page, or join a twins club in your area by searching Tamba’s website under ‘Clubs’ • Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to talk over any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to 10pm daily www.tamba.org.uk

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Focus: Surrogacy

Caption

Terrifying, exhausting, exhilarating Tamba trustee Simon Berney-Edwards recalls the surrogacy journey that led to the birth of his twins Surrogacy: at times it is easy to forget what a journey it was. It’s only really when we talk to someone else about it that we remember how long it all took.

Originally, we had decided to pursue adoption. But after a particularly nasty experience with our social worker, we decided to investigate surrogacy.

As we reviewed our options, we found key differences in the legal frameworks around surrogacy in different countries.

We decided to pursue surrogacy in Canada because it offers greater assurance to intended parents. Canada allows you to put a contract in place and, after a week’s cooling off period, you can apply for the child’s birth certificate, on which you will be named.

In the UK, you cannot have a contract and when the child is born, it is the surrogate who is listed on the birth certificate, and, if she is married, her husband who is listed as the father - even if they have no genetic link to the child.

In the UK, parental responsibility is not

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reassigned until the parental order is in place. You cannot apply for this until seven weeks have passed, and if, in this time, the surrogate changes her mind about handing over the baby, you have no legal protection.

We worked with Surrogacy in Canada Online to find our wonderful surrogate, Meg, and decided to have our fertility treatment in the United States as there we could pay for an egg donor, which would expedite our journey.

The surrogacy agency works a bit like a dating agency. Intended parents and surrogates have an online profile and contact each other. Because of demand, the owner makes profiles available to surrogates before their profile goes live, to give them a chance to review in advance.

Meg said she was so keen on our profile

In at the birth: Graeme (left) and Simon flew to Canada to be there for the arrival of Calder and Alexandra

The sonographer confirmed the news: cue elation, tears, and genuine concern. What had we done?

Focus: Surrogacy

We flew to Canada for the 19-week scan, a fantastic opportunity to spend time with Meg and her boys

that she waited until we made contact before responding to anyone else. We had a Skype call later that day and matched immediately.

I sometimes liken surrogacy to two gestational periods. The first is the time that it takes to get to a point when you are pregnant. In this time there are medical checks, the creation of embryos, legal contracts to be written, medical insurance to be sourced, and so on. Following this, Meg was finally able to start her rigorous regime of injections to prepare herself for the transfer.

Nearly a year after we had decided to start our journey, Meg flew down to Las Vegas for the transfer. We watched via Skype as they did the procedure. And whilst we couldn’t really see anything, it was exciting to be ‘present’ and to be able to speak to Meg. We transferred two embryos. Both had the same egg donor, but one was fertilised by my husband, Graeme, and the other by me.

A little over a week later we had the fantastic news that she was pregnant and, a couple of weeks on from that, sat nervously at our kitchen table watching her first ultrasound. Holding our breath, the sonographer confirmed the news we had wanted to hear. We were having twins. Cue elation, tears, and genuine concern. What had we done?

The pregnancy went very smoothly.

We went out to Canada for the 19-week scan, which was a fantastic opportunity to spend time with Meg and her boys and, of course, feel our babies moving for the first time. Whilst we had attended all other

appointments via Facetime, being present for the ultrasound was truly wonderful.

Back in the UK, we ramped up preparations for the arrival of the children.

We attended an NCT antenatal course and a Tamba Preparing for Parenthood course.

We also started packing the children’s baggage.

We had planned to fly out at week 32, but at week 31 we had a call on Friday at teatime to say that Meg was in suspected labour. It was a tense night and at 2am on Saturday we decided we would have to fly out early. Fortunately, it was the first of many false alarms that we would have over the coming weeks.

Meg was finally induced on 25 June 2017, at week 37. Alexandra arrived first, weighing in at 6lbs 10oz, and Calder joined her seven minutes later weighing 7lbs 3oz.

We remained in Canada for seven weeks after the birth to give us time to complete the necessary paperwork and get their Canadian passports. On returning to the UK, we still had to complete the UK parental order, which was finally granted on 26 March 2018.

Becoming a parent has been the most amazing, terrifying, exciting, exhausting, exhilarating thing ever to happen to us. The children have brought so much joy and we love our little family unit. It was quite a journey, but so worth it.

Meg, pictured above with her own children, found Simon and Graeme through a surrogacy agency

www.tamba.org.uk

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Preschool: Surgery

Taking stock

When her daughter faced major surgery, Caroline Nicholas was determined to make it a positive experience Emma and Sophie both needed a stint in the neonatal ward when they were born at 33 weeks, but that didn’t stop them growing up happy and healthy, reaching all the usual milestones.

Sophie started to walk first, and apart from a slight wobble we had no concerns.

As she got older, though, I noticed she had a strut and favoured weight bearing on one leg more.

No one else noticed anything unless I pointed it out. But when I took Sophie to our GP in January last year I was told she had one leg longer than the other. We were referred to orthopaedic paediatrics, and found out Sophie had a condition called developmental dysplasia of the hip (DDH), where the ball-shaped part of the end of the thighbone and the socket don’t fit together.

We were told it would take major surgery to correct it.

We had never even heard of hip dysplasia. We learned it can happen to any baby but is more likely in those who were breech during the last months of pregnancy or have a family history of childhood hip problems. In more than half of cases there is no risk factor. Just one or two babies in every 1,000 babies has a hip problem needing treatment.

What this meant for us was that our feisty, gorgeous little girl was going to effectively have her leg broken, her hip socket reconstructed, and be immobile for three months.

We were devastated, and felt incredibly guilty. Had she been in pain all this time?

How would she cope in a cast starting at her waist and covering both legs? How long was recovery? What about washing, toileting, sleeping, sitting, getting around, playing with Emma and her brother, Alex? Could we even cuddle her? How would we cope!

We were encouraged to get in touch with Steps, a national charity for childhood lower limb conditions. We had so many questions and worries and felt very lonely, so we were immediately comforted knowing there were other families going through the same thing. I also met twin mums who had one or both children diagnosed with DDH, who were a great support.

In July last year, Sophie had her operation and was in a body cast for 14 weeks. It was frustrating and overwhelming for all of us,

Getting out and about was important for Sophie, her twin, Emma, and big brother Alex

but I was determined it would be a positive experience we could talk to her about in years to come. We used divide-and-conquer tactics, as we did in the early days when the twins were born, but Sophie was now three and it was like having a giant, grumpy baby who cried a lot, didn’t sleep and resented her siblings. I made a huge effort to find sitting down, indoor activities (Sophie’s favourite was face-painting me!).

Sophie’s determination got her through those months, and we realised just how kind and supportive friends and family could be. She started nursery, we got out of the house more and more, we still went to our local Twins Club, and she even started to walk in her cast.

A year on and Sophie is doing amazingly well. She will need regular check-ups and X-rays, but hopefully won’t need more surgery.

Meanwhile I took on the London Marathon. If Sophie can learn to walk again with pins and plates in her hip and leg, I can run 26.2 miles!

TOP HIP TIPS How to get through trying times

✓ Reach out

To friends, family, and charities such as Steps and Tamba

✓ Take it easy

Like the newborn days, you can’t do it all and may feel extra vulnerable

We were devastated, and felt incredibly guilty.

Had she been in pain all this time?

✓ Keep positive

Hold on to the fact that this gives your child a better future

www.tamba.org.uk

13

Preschool: Triplets

Along came three It’s the question everyone asks when they stop Colette Harris and her four children in the street. So how does she cope?

I don’t know if it’s the sight of the bright yellow ‘choo-choo’ wagon that makes people stop in their tracks, or if it’s simply not often they see triplets, but either way when people stop us - which is every time we go out - they ask a lot of questions.

For the past year we’ve been using a four-carriage wagon, and although it’s way better than any of the triple buggies we’ve used, it does attract a lot of attention.

I don’t generally mind being stopped because people are usually lovely. But we do get asked a lot of questions (some of them rather too personal), including ‘Are they all identical?’ (yes), ‘Are they all girls?’ (nope, they’re all boys), ‘Is it hard to tell them apart?’ (not now, but in the beginning I was so paranoid about mixing them up that I painted their toenails different colours).

Another question that we still get asked every day is ‘How on earth do you cope?!’ My answer has always been that you just have to. But lately I’ve been thinking over the past two years and wondering, actually, how did we do it?

We had been planning a sibling for our daughter, Maya, when life threw us the curve ball that gifted us triplets. Cue a rethink, and we went from winging it with our lovely singleton to moving to a full-on proper routine with our beautiful trio.

We had plenty of time to get our heads

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/ SUMMER 2019

around the idea of multiples because the sonographer found twins at an early scan.

I was worried at first about how we would cope with two babies and a toddler, but after a couple of days I stopped worrying and started to get excited.

To this day I still don’t know what I expected the sonographer to find, but it certainly wasn’t another baby At the 12-week scan, both twins were growing well. We had got towards the end when the sonographer paused and said, ‘Hang on a minute, there’s another one’. ‘Another what?’ To this day I still don’t know what I was expecting her to say, but it certainly wasn’t ‘Another baby!’

Weirdly, I got used to the idea of triplets a lot quicker than I had to the idea of twins.

After all, how different could it be?

Milo, Finn and Charlie were born by planned C-section at 34 weeks and were pretty good weights for their gestation.

Colette was trying for a little sibling for big sister Maya when along came Milo, Finn and Charlie!

Preschool: Triplets

We were incredibly lucky that my pregnancy went without any major issues and the boys were healthy. After a relatively short time being tube-fed they were able to take milk from a bottle. The amounts and gaps between feeds gradually increased, till after two weeks they were able to feed fourhourly.

This was amazing because it meant they were doing well and could come home (but how would we cope with three babies on our own?!). It also meant we would have enough time between night feeds to sleep a little ourselves, and could give Maya the attention she needed and deserved.

We stuck to a routine throughout babyhood, but since the boys became toddlers we have done a whole lot more winging it. I love being spontaneous and it’s good for the kids to be able to mix it up a bit, but when we’ve got a decent routine going then life is easier.

One thing I always do when people stop me in the street is make sure my big girl gets

noticed. She can get overlooked at times, and that makes me sad - she’s such a happy girl and so proud of her brothers.

The other thing I always do is look at my mum, because if it hadn’t been for her coming round pretty much every day, I’m not sure I could have coped half so well.

Her support has meant I’ve been able to take time to truly enjoy these four amazing children who deserve the absolute best life has to offer.

So to answer the question of how on earth we cope, I’d have to say quite a bit of routine, a little bit of winging it, and a whole load of support from family.

I love being spontaneous and it’s good for the kids to be able to mix it up

Help and info TRIPLETS AND MORE • Email support-team@tamba.org.uk for contact details of Tamba’s triplets group and to request joining the closed Facebook group • Visit the Tamba website at www. tamba.org.uk to read factsheets on parenting triplets

• Tamba’s Helping Hands scheme provides a range of support for families of multiples in crisis. Please visit www. tamba.org.uk/helpinghands to find out more

• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open daily 10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm

Are you worried about the shape of your baby’s head?

Being a twin is one of the factors that could lead your baby to have a condition called Positional Plagiocephaly or ‘Flat head syndrome’. If there is no natural improvement by the age of 4/5 months you might want to seek advice. The London Orthotic Consultancy (LOC) offers an initial FREE consultation at its clinics during which your baby’s head shape will be assessed and measured and treatment options discussed. The first option is normally repositioning but if this does not work the LOCband cranial remoulding therapy will produce measurable improvements to head shape.

To speak to a clinician or book a FREE initial appointment at any of our clinics ring 020 8974 9989

Before Treatment

T: 020 8974 9989 E: info@londonorthotics.co.uk W: www.londonorthotics.co.uk

The LOC mark and Emblem are registered trademarks of The London Orthotic Consultancy Ltd

Tamba UPDATE.indd 1

LOC Plagiocephaly treatment clinics.

The LOCband treatment is also available at Hampshire Orthotics in Southampton.

After Treatment

15

21/01/2019 11:31

www.tamba.org.uk

Fundraising: Spotlight on companies

Working it through Emma Dimond fundraised through her employer for Tamba’s TTTS research in memory of her twin daughter When Emma Dimond nominated Tamba to benefit from her workplace fundraising last year, she told us the past few years had been both the worst and best of her life.

‘When I was newly pregnant for the first time I thought my journey into motherhood would be easy, but of course I was wrong,’ Emma said.

‘At my 12-week scan my husband and I found out we were having twins. They could already see a size difference, but we weren’t concerned.

‘After the initial shock of more than one little heartbeat, we were excited for our family to start.

We quickly found out we were having identical twins that share a placenta, and after another scan at 14 weeks our worst fears came true and they were diagnosed with TTTS (Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome).’

TTTS happens in identical pregnancies where one twin gets more blood through the placenta than the other. Tamba has been raising money for research Could your into the rare but serious condition. company take on a Emma was given surgery fundraising challenge? to separate the babies’ blood vessels at 16 Tamba would love to hear from you if your firm has weeks, but was warned a corporate foundation or if they choose a charity of that the chances of the year. Or perhaps there is some other way you could both girls surviving was persuade them to support Tamba? Maybe a fundraising slim. challenge? It could be as simple as a dress-down Friday.

‘I gave birth by emergency C-section on For more help with company fundraising, please 14 November 2016,’ she contact Shelley Smith, head of fundraising, said.

‘Millie, our smaller on 01252 332344 or email twin, was born at 11.29am ShelleySmith@tamba.org.uk weighing just 1lb 9oz, Belle

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/ SUMMER 2019

followed at 11.31am weighing 2lbs 12oz.

‘On that day the doctors were very concerned about Millie and didn’t know if she was going to make it, but not Belle, she was a good weight considering being 29+4 weeks and doing well. However, that all changed overnight. She had serious complications and passed away at 4.30pm that next afternoon. She was just over 30 hours old.

‘Our journey to get Millie home was a tough one. She spent 12 weeks in hospital and came home on oxygen. We are so lucky to have her in our lives but half of her is missing, her twin Belle. One day she will want to know what happened to Belle, and of course we will tell her, but we don’t want any other families to go through this same heartache. Tamba is constantly researching twin complications such as TTTS and to do this they need funds, funds that we want to help raise.

‘I ran in a Run or Dye event with my mum in the summer (and got covered in paint!).

I also nominated Tamba to receive the proceeds of fundraising from the Estates department where I work at the University of Kent. Staff can nominate a charity for that year’s fundraising, and I was proud to nominate Tamba. A charity is then picked at random for that year and luckily Tamba was picked!

‘We held a number of events throughout the year, from the smallest being bake sales to the largest event, our Christmas raffle.

‘There are also other ways we raise money and this year our maintenance team were replacing all of the shower heads in our student accommodation to more environmental friendly ones, therefore we had over 600 old shower heads containing metal which the team stripped down, and

Fundraising: Spotlight on companies

GRAND RAFFL

Above: Emma (centre) presenting a cheque to Shelley (left) and Lucie (right) from Tamba.

Pictured left: Mum and Dad with TTTS survivor Millie

one of our waste contractors, East Kent Recycling, recycled the scrap metal. We added the rebate to the fundraising total and our waste contractor also doubled it.

‘I would really encourage everyone to explore the possibility of workplace fundraising – it can be great fun and encourage team building as well as being a fantastic way to fundraise. I am thrilled to say that a total of £1,403.37 was raised towards TTTS research in memory of my daughter Belle.’

Tamba would like to say a big Thank You to Emma, and to the Estates Department at the University of Kent, for their fantastic fundraising efforts to help research into TTTS.

Last chance to b uy!

E

There’s still tim e to win one of ou r fabulous prizes with Tamba’s Gr and Raffle, to be draw n 28 June.

Simply complet e the stubs and return with mon ies to the Tamba office before 28 June.

Tickets can be bo ught over the phone on 01252 332344 or onlin e at www.tamba.org .uk/raffle

Tamba Bereavement Support is here for parents of multiples who have experienced loss during pregnancy, birth or later. Visit www.tamba.org.uk/bereavement

Win up to £25,000 with Tamba’s Lottery

Did you know that Tamba runs its own lottery via the nation’s charity lottery, Unity?

For just £1 per week you have the chance to win up to £25,000 and support Tamba’s work at the same time – 50p from every £1 comes directly to Tamba to help improve the lives of families with multiples. The odds of winning a prize are 1 in 63 - nearly the same odds as having twins!

Tamba needs a regular source of income and your £1 per week will help to ensure we can run all our usual services, such as

providing our much-needed listening service, Twinline and Ask Twinline.

Start playing today! Sign up online at www.unitylottery. co.uk/tamba. For more information about the lottery visit our Lottery page on Tamba’s website at www.tamba.org.uk/lottery.

Please also tell family, friends and work colleagues - you don’t need to be a member of Tamba to join the Tamba Lottery!

The small print To take part you must be 16 or over and reside in Great Britain. The promoter of this Lottery is Keith Reed, Twins & Multiple Births Association, Manor House, Church Hill, Aldershot, GU12 4JU. Lottery Registration Number 18/01047/GALOTT. Registered with Rushmoor Borough Council. Unity is operated by Sterling Management Centre Ltd. registered as an External Lottery Manager by the Gambling Commission under the Gambling Act 2005 - www.gamblingcommission.gov.uk. If you have any queries please contact Unity on 0870 050 9240 or visit www.unitylottery.co.uk for a full set of rules. Results can be checked by visiting the Unity website or phoning the Unity winners hotline on 0870 055 2291.

www.tamba.org.uk

17

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Focus: Membership

Listen and learn...

The results are in from this year’s membership survey At Tamba, we always strive to provide the best service for our members. With that in mind we sent out a membership survey at the start of the year to find out what you love about us, but also where we could make improvements.

Thank you to everyone that took the time to complete the survey. We had a huge response and your feedback has been invaluable.

The findings show that almost nine out of ten of our members are using Tamba Discounts, our partnership scheme that entitles you to get money off on everything from holidays to clothes. As for the favourite discounter, according to 72 percent of respondents the clear winner among those who told us is… footwear specialists Clarks! Hardly surprising since in a house with multiples there always seems to be

someone in need of a new pair of shoes.

Most of you already knew about the great savings you can get at JoJo Maman Bebe and Mothercare or on trips to the cinema, but with over 120 discounters it can be hard to keep up with all the opportunities. Our discounters can also get you money off everything from insurance, car hire and airport parking to flower and wine deliveries.

For a full list of the services and shops where you could save money, go to www.tamba.org.uk/members/a-z.

If you click on the ‘Discounts’ link at the top of the screen after logging into the website, you’ll be taken to where the discount codes are listed.

Your membership card

Another finding from the survey is that members prefer having a physical copy of their membership card. We’ve listened, which is why one is provided on the cover sheet that came with this magazine (by the way, it’s also included at the bottom of our monthly Tamba Talk emails).

And another thing…

It was incredibly nice - and very useful - to hear about all the other things you value from your Tamba membership. One respondent told us: ‘At the beginning I used the Tamba helpline, info online and pdfs a lot. Now, the magazine is an excellent way of keeping in touch. There are new discounts all the time and I’ve also used

There are new discounts all the time and I also used the employment webinar – a great range of services

Start saving money!

To view a full list of available discounts go to www.tamba.org.uk/members/a-z To start using the discounts, log in and click on the ‘Discounts’ button at the top of the page. This will take you to our Multiple Savings website, where you can obtain the unique code for each of our discounters.

Need help? For queries about any of our discounters call our helpline on 0333 003 3436 (you’ll find this number on the top of each Multiple Savings page).

If you need help with your membership or getting logged on, then contact the membership team on 01252 332 344 or via membership@tamba.org.uk.

the employment webinar – a great range of services.’

And it was reassuring to be told that membership was ‘still useful… seven years on!’ For some people it was good to have a way to feel connected to the world of multiples: ‘I will keep giving as I still have multiples and you are always going to provide support and do such great work. It’s lovely that the magazine is still relevant too.

I thought it wouldn’t be once they left the baby/toddler stage.’

The importance of continuing membership as a way to support other new parents was a theme for several people.

One parent added: ‘You gave me so much information and support during pregnancy without me being a member – I think it’s amazing you support people whether they can afford to join or not and I therefore am proud to now be a member.’

All in all we learned and listened. Thanks so much to those who took part, and for your continuing support.

www.tamba.org.uk

19

Health: Allergies

Juliet and Shaun’s children are (left to right) Leo, Eliza, Saranna, Aaron and Cerys

Playing safe When twins were born into Juliet Hutchinson’s brood, it was a challenge to keep her highly allergic son safe The most frequent question I get when someone hears that my son has severe food allergies is: ‘But his twin doesn’t?’

No, he doesn’t, and neither do his three big sisters. But being a twin and part of a large family does make it harder to manage.

Leo was the more poorly twin when he and Aaron were born at 32 weeks, but after they were discharged from the neonatal intensive care unit he was actually the slightly healthier of the two, feeding well and putting on weight.

As I breastfed exclusively, his first exposure to dairy wasn’t until weaning at six months. That’s when it became clear that Leo was allergic to multiple foods, with reactions that ranged from mild hives through to full body hives, lip swelling and breathing difficulties.

At his worst, it felt like he was reacting to anything and everything, and to trace amounts and through my breastmilk.

We were extremely lucky that we were referred to an amazing consultant

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/ SUMMER 2019

paediatrician who specialised in allergies.

The consultant worked with us to pinpoint Leo’s allergies, which included dairy, eggs, soya, nuts, wheat, lentils, garlic, salmon, strawberries and kiwis. Leo was put on various medications, including epipens, to minimise the impact of any reaction when he did come into contact with his allergens.

Most of our epipen incidents have arisen due to Leo getting hold of Aaron’s food Even with the allergies more under control, life is a constant balancing act between keeping Leo safe and meeting the needs of Aaron and his big sisters Eliza, Saranna and Cerys.

Playgroups and baby classes are full of obstacles, such as trying to find an activity

they both enjoy and is manageable with twins, but that is also suitable for Leo. In practical terms, this means somewhere that either doesn’t allow food, or where snacks are eaten in a different area so I can keep Leo out.

Even then there will always be the odd birthday cake, or a hungry child or toddler smuggling in a half-eaten snack, so I still have to watch Leo like a hawk. This is difficult enough even without a twin brother who likes to push, snatch, climb and escape!

At mealtimes, there is very little shop-bought food that is suitable for Leo.

Health: Allergies

Dairy-free food contains soya, soya-free food contains egg, and so on. I need to shop around to get all Leo’s specialist food.

I end up doing a lot of shopping and cooking from scratch (which would be fun even without toddler twins!), and have an ongoing debate about whether to feed both twins with Leo’s restricted diet, or give them separate foods. So far we have gone for a mixed approach: most of the meals I cook are safe for Leo, but we do let the other children have yogurt, milk, cheese and so on, while keeping our home free of nuts and eggs. It is a hard balance to strike as most of our epipen incidents have arisen due to Leo getting hold of Aaron’s food, but it’s just another aspect of managing the competing needs of twins.

When it comes to childcare, it proved hard enough finding a setting with space for twins, let alone factoring in someone willing and competent to deal with Leo’s allergies. I was supposed to go back to work when the boys were one, but delayed as we couldn’t find suitable childcare. After a number of false starts (I left the first preschool in tears) we have found a brilliant preschool which is committed both to keeping him safe and making sure he gets the most out of his time there. He loves preschool, and I feel happy leaving him there as I know they understand him and his needs. I’m planning to return to work in the next few months, building up gradually.

When I found out I was pregnant with twins, I was so preoccupied worrying how I would cope with five children that it didn’t

occur to me that one might have health problems. It has been a real lesson to me in why it’s a waste of emotional energy to worry about things. Even Leo’s allergies have had their silver lining: I ended up breastfeeding both boys till they were two, and being at home until they were three.

Neither were what I would have planned to do, but it has been really special.

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Primary: Development

Connected and separate Multiples have a special bond growing up, but it can also give them extra work to do in figuring out who they are. By Rebecca George

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/ SUMMER 2019

Parents of twins will be familiar with hearing their children referred to with phrases like ‘two peas in a pod’, ‘doubletrouble’, and even ‘two halves of the one whole’. From the moment they are born, multiple birth children often find themselves lumped together as a unit, especially if they are identical.

But like all children, multiples need to have their individual personalities recognised and learn to function independently of one another. As they grow up, begin to socialise and start school, multiples face the extra challenge of growing away from one another while also trying to establish their own identities.

Research shows that supporting individuality can help children develop better social and language skills and lead to them tolerating separation better. In her book, ‘Twins and Multiple Births’, Tamba

consultant Dr Carol Cooper outlines why individuality is so important for multiples: ‘This process, called individuation, means becoming a complete person, with an ability to form relationships with others.’

Factors such as tiredness, time, finances and a lack of support can make many parents feel as though they are not doing enough to encourage their children’s individuality. The good news is that individuality is not something parents can do to multiples: they are individuals already.

But parents can help to enhance or obscure this individuality.

Helping multiples to develop their separate identities doesn’t need to be a mammoth project. There are many simple ways to build up children’s individuality that won’t run parents ragged. One of the simplest is to make sure you and those around you refer to your multiples by their

Primary: Development

separate names, instead of as ‘the twins’ or ‘the triplets’. Dr Cooper suggests that when multiples are together, parents should try to use one child’s name at the beginning of a sentence so they all know who is being spoken to.

‘Some twins get confused between their name and their twin’s. If this happens a lot, get the child who is addressed to tap himself on the chest when you speak his name,’ suggests Dr Cooper.

Small moments spent with each child individually can also make a difference.

This doesn’t require more than one parent.

When one child is busy, do an activity or have a quick cuddle with the other, and before they go to bed try to sit with each child and ask them about their day.

As they grow up, multiples will develop

their own interests and friendships. If one shows a particular interest in an activity, try to encourage them. But encouraging multiples’ individuality needs to be balanced with acknowledging their special relationship with one another. Dr Cooper warns not to push differences for the sake of it: ‘One wants to play the piano and one wants to play the violin? Great. But maybe they both want to play the piano. Helping children develop as individuals does not mean making them poles apart for the sake of it. It means helping each child choose what to do and who to be.’

Carol Cooper’s book is available from the Tamba shop at www.tamba.org.uk/shop.

A copy of the book also comes free with Tamba gold or silver membership

NURTURING INDIVIDUALITY How you can help Give each child their own space. It doesn’t have to be a whole room, their own corner with their own chest of drawers is enough Encourage the development of individual interests but try not to insist on it. Supporting individuality can mean allowing a multiple birth child to do the same as his or her sibling Find ways to give each child individual time and attention. Try and talk to each child separately about their day, even if just for a couple of minutes Encourage those around you to treat the children as individuals rather than as a pair or group. Challenge others if you feel they are treating the children as one unit

Help and info INDIVIDUALITY • Tamba’s new factsheet, ‘Enhancing Individuality in Multiples’, outlines how children develop, what barriers exist for multiple birth children in developing their own individual identities, and how you can help. Download free at www. tamba.org.uk/Parenting/Preschool-Years/ Encouraging-Individuality • Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to 10pm daily

Breastfeeding

Peer Supporters Tamba has a team of NCT accredited peer supporters who have all breastfed their multiples.

They can offer mother-to-mother information and support to families who wish to breastfeed } their twins, triplets or higher multiples.

To contact the scheme, email: tambabreastfeeding@gmail.com www.tamba.org.uk

23

Family life: Advice

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www.totstotravel.co.uk / SUMMER 2019

Teenage: Exams

Testing times Kate Valentine, Tamba’s courses co-ordinator, on shepherding her twin son and daughter through secondary school, GCSEs, and the choices beyond It seems a cliché to say it, but time does go so fast. It only seems five minutes ago that my twins, Anna and Oliver, were starting infant school, and yet now they are in the midst of GCSEs and hurtling towards the end of secondary school.

Much of Year 11 has consisted of mocks, another set of mocks, revision in lunchtimes and after school.

Anna and Oliver were 16 in May and attend different secondary schools. We made this decision - with them - as Oliver had struggled at primary school. He was assessed for dyslexia and found life at school very frustrating at times, as he compared himself unfavourably to his sister, who found things relatively easy.

We are very lucky where we live in that there are two secondary schools that are walkable from our house. Being at different secondary schools has worked really well for them both - I don’t think many of their teachers even know they have a twin! They have different exam boards for the subjects they share and, apart from Geography, chose different options.

They continue to share mutual friends and attended Scouts and now Explorers together. After a few years of what felt like at times constant bickering, they are now getting on much better and are really supportive of each other.

We have recently spent a lot of time visiting sixth form colleges. There are big decisions to be made and it seems that we are starting on the path to adulthood.

What subjects should they study? What jobs might they like? Which sixth form environment would be best for each one? We are having many grown-up

Time off for good behaviour: Oliver and Anna

conversations, and I am proud of the adults they are starting to become.

They may or may not end up at the same college. Oliver could stay on at his school and the local sixth form college is very large, so despite them saying they don’t want to be in the same classes (two of the subjects they want to study are the same) I don’t think this would happen. And if it did, I would ask for them to be moved.

We are planning to go away after the exams finish as we can take advantage of cheaper holiday prices. They also have Explorer camp for a week to look forward to, and perhaps even a job to look for…

I know the summer will fly by until we get to results day in August. I have been asked what I’ll say if one does better than the other. The answer is I don’t know what the results will be, but I know that they are both working really hard and deserve to do well, and I hope they both do.

They are each going with friends to get their results so I will be nervously waiting for that call. It will be difficult if one does better, but I will celebrate them both as the individuals they are, and we will move on, as always, in the best way possible.

I will celebrate them both and we will move on, as always, in the best way possible

Help and info THE TEENAGE YEARS • ‘Multiple Birth Siblings as Adolescents’, available at www.tamba.org.uk, has information on topics such as developing at different rates; identity; the detachment phase; friendships with others; support networks; decision making; and working towards adulthood.

• For information on the transition to secondary school, read our booklet ‘Twins, Triplets and More aged 7 to 11’, available at www.tamba.org.uk, where you can also watch videos of our honorary consultants answering your FAQs • Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to 10pm daily

www.tamba.org.uk

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Focus: Volunteers

Let's hear it!

Our annual get together for volunteers celebrated the incredible work they do for multiple birth families On a windy Saturday in March, more than fifty Twinline listeners, befrienders from our Bereavement Support Group (BSG), breastfeeding peer supporters, honorary consultants, Norlanders and course leaders joined staff at Tamba’s annual volunteering day in London, where we celebrated all things multiple.

It was a chance for Tamba staff to pay tribute to everyone’s passion and hard work and allowed us to present awards to those giving many years of voluntary service.

Volunteers from across the country came along, meeting up with other volunteers, sharing stories and listening to the talks we had planned during the day.

During the morning, volunteers heard from Claire Burgess, director and family consultant at Bespoke Family and honorary consultant and volunteer support practitioner for Tamba, about attachment and bonding. Claire provided a fascinating insight into how simple everyday things that everyone can do will lead to meaningful bonding with babies, making them, and their care givers, happy and healthy.

Next came a presentation from the

Maternity Engagement Team about this world-first project which has involved thirty obstetric units in England. It has proved that adherence to NICE guidance when it comes to caring for multiple pregnancies really works, and can lead to fewer stillbirths, fewer neonatal admissions and could potentially save the NHS millions of pounds.

Everyone was fascinated to hear from our founder and president, Judi Linney MBE, about how Tamba started forty years ago. What struck many in the room about her talk was that Tamba grew from a real need within the twin and multiple birth community. There was nothing like it, and still isn’t!

We’re so proud to have reached our fortieth birthday year, and we all enjoyed a piece of anniversary cake made by Gemma, the sister of one of our trustees, Simon Berney-Edwards. Simon gave a fascinating talk during the afternoon about his own surrogacy journey (you can read more about this on pages 10 and 11).

If anyone is interested in learning more about volunteering for Tamba, please email support-team@tamba.org.uk.

Staff joined with more than fifty Twinline listeners, befrienders, peer supporters, honorary consultants and course leaders

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Volunteers heard from Judi Linney, who founded Tamba forty years ago to meet the needs of multiple birth families

Rewarding our volunteers We are so grateful to all the volunteers who give their time to help parents of multiples. To recognise some of this incredible input, we took the opportunity to give out a few awards…

Preparing for parenthood facilitators Anna Missa (5 years) Kat Patrick (5 years) Theresa McDonald (5 years) Carron Charlesworth (5 years) Twinline listeners Louise Ivimey-Cook (10 years) Jane Flint Bridgwater (10 years) Rebecca Saunders (5 years) Jackie Taylor (5 years) BSG Jay Harper (10 years) Jeanne Reilly (18 years) Sam Rumens (7 years) Maria Kontos (5 years)

Adults: Life stories

78 years apart

Elizabeth, left, and Ann’s emotional reunion in California.

Alyson Chorley describes how long-lost twins were reunited after being separated at birth It was a news story widely covered at the time: twins separated at birth in 1936 in Aldershot (where, coincidentally, Tamba has its office) were reunited 78 years later.

Ann Hunt had spent most of her life in the town and died in December 2017, just a few years after meeting her non-identical twin Elizabeth, who lived in California.

Now Ann’s daughter, Samantha, is writing a book about the search and the sisters’ emotional reunion.

The story begins in pre-war Hampshire where domestic cook Alice Lamb gave birth to twin girls. Aged 32 and unmarried, she could not afford to keep the babies and put them up for adoption. Samantha takes up the story: ‘I cannot imagine what Alice was going through at this time. Would she have even known she was pregnant with twins?

‘What is wonderful is that both survive, thrive and go on to marry and have families of their own.

Photo: Matthew Gush

To find her and then lose her was hard.

My mum mourned her deeply

‘My mum, Ann, was adopted very quickly by a local couple and it’s possible Elizabeth might have been difficult to adopt because she suffered curvature of the spine, we just don’t know.

‘We do know that Alice’s family found her and stepped in to say they would help her and Elizabeth.

‘Back in those days, people didn’t think twice about separating twins or siblings or the potential consequences of this.’

Ann discovered she was adopted when she was a teenager, but did not know she had a sibling. She settled in Hampshire with her husband and had three daughters. It wasn’t until her adoptive mum died that she asked Samantha about finding her birth family. ‘Mum was very loyal to Nan,’ said Samantha.

What followed were years of research, newspaper adverts, looking at records, birth and death certificates. Samantha said: ‘When I started the search in 2001 it was the very early days of the internet and things weren’t done that quickly. Also, life gets in the way!’

Samantha found out that Alice had married aged 48 and had a stepson. She wrote to him, and his son wrote back as the stepson had died. He told her his ‘Aunt Alice’ had a daughter who lived in America.

Ann was adopted as a baby

It was now 2013. Samantha got on the internet and says she had a ‘strong feeling’ that her mum had a twin.

‘With the information I had, within a few clicks I found my cousin on Facebook, then saw a picture of my Aunt Elizabeth, my mum’s sister.

‘I wrote a carefully worded letter and as soon as Elizabeth received it she was on the phone. My mum was elated. We all were.’

Elizabeth grew up in Chester but moved to Oregon to marry her American husband and had two sons. Elizabeth knew she had a sister and had wanted to find her, but this was tricky as Ann’s name was changed at adoption.

The two had an emotional reunion in California in May 2014 facilitated by twin expert, psychologist and behavioural geneticist Dr Nancy L Segal. The reunion, covered by the BBC, remains the world record for the longest period twins have been separated.

Samantha says: ‘They were such different characters – but had so much in common, both had even married a man called Jim.’ Sadly Elizabeth died in November 2014, just six months after meeting Ann. Samantha said: ‘To find her and then lose her was hard. My mum mourned her deeply, but she bounced back and was happy to have found her.’ Ann herself died three years later.

Samantha added: ‘We are all still very much in touch and I am writing a book about the whole experience. I would encourage all parents or grandparents of twins, triplets or more, to write about their experiences in order to pass on to future generations.’

www.tamba.org.uk

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Photo gallery: Celebrations

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Isabel and Charlotte, aged seven, meeting the lambs on a friend’s farm

with caught playing aisie, aged two, M d an e bi Ab !

Oops up Mummy’s make-

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Thomas and Samm y turned four in Jan uary

Isobel and Eleanor Shaw, TTTS survivors, are now seven and thriving

d Isabel Superheroes Alice an e to dress up lov d an are three years old

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Post-bath twin cuddles! Lucy and Dylan, aged two

Zion and Tilly Thompson, aged two, playing with best friend Talulah the Cavachon the Pooh d Jackson as Winnie Connor as Tigger an y Da ok Bo rld on Wo

Finn and Poppy celeb rated their fourth birthday in March

Ellie and Rosie

Isobel and James Denham, aged five, at the wedding of some special friends

Joe and Freya, aged eight, enjo ying an early Spring day at Becky Falls in Devon

SEND US Y O U R S NA P

Toby and Xander, 14, on holiday in Switzerland visiting their grandparents

Charlie and Eric playing with the water tra y for the first tim e

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Focus: Your charity

WAYS TO SAY IT! We’ve got a special day coming up and we couldn’t be prouder! Why not help us celebrate…

Did you know Tamba is turning forty later this year? We’ll have some exciting news to share with you all in the Autumn, but in the meantime we’d love you to help us celebrate.

Here are forty - yes, forty! - ways you could help. We’ve highlighted our favourites…

1 Organise a party at your Twins Club, and send us photos to include in our December magazine.

2 Why not set up a twins club and register it with Tamba?

3 Share your favourite birthday photo of your twins, triplets or more and tag us on Instagram or Facebook.

4 Could you raise £40 for Tamba?

Hold a sponsored toddle, cake sale, puddle splash.

12 Donate no-longer-needed equipment, such as buggies or bouncy chairs, to your local twins’ group, baby charity or Home Start.

13 Enquire about becoming a volunteer for Tamba.

14 Send us pictures of your multiples that you would be happy for us to use in our publications.

15 Buy a Tamba raffle ticket for a friend.

5 Pass on this magazine to a friend, or give to your local doctor’s surgery.

16 Buy a fellow twin mum or dad a Tamba membership.

6 Visit our website and check out our discounters.

17 Ask your employer to consider Tamba as a charity to support.

7 Tell other multiple parents about Tamba.

18 If you’re turning 40 this year too, then tag Tamba in your birthday celebrations!

8 Let another multiple parent know about a fabulous Tamba resource you have used – factsheet, webinar, booklet etc.

20 Gift Aid your membership.

9 Let us know if you’ve used one of our services and how much it has helped you.

22 Give the gift of membership to someone else.

10 Take some Tamba materials and flyers and put them up in your local area, for example in the GP’s surgery, maternity unit, nursery, playgroup, or a local shop.

11 Share your favourite online resource to your own Facebook, Instagram or Twitter page.

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19 Bring a friend to your local twins club.

21 If you haven’t already, register with us online to make sure you receive Tamba Talk emails.

23 Start playing the Tamba lottery.

28 Commit to a challenge event in aid of Tamba. Colour run? British 10K? Mountain climb? Sponsored swim?

29 Download your membership card to your phone so you always have it.

30 Set up a direct debit for membership so you don’t have to worry about renewals.

31 Show your support by becoming a lifelong member.

32 Take part in payroll giving.

33 Shop through Amazon Smile and choose Tamba as your favourite charity.

34 Tell your hospital, midwife, GP or health visitor about Tamba at your next appointment.

35 Give out Tamba’s Twinline number it’s 0800 138 0509.

36 Pregnant? Download our Healthy Multiple Pregnancy Guide.

24 Ask your favourite retailer if they would like to join our discount scheme.

37 Make a one-off donation of £40 to Tamba.

25 Download one of our PDF leaflets from our website.

38 Tell an expectant parent of multiples about a Tamba course you attended.

26 Commit to tagging Tamba 40 times in your Instagram feed.

39 Forward the Tamba Talk email to a friend.

27 Book onto one of our courses – Practical Preparing for Parenthood, for example.

40 Give your twins, triplets or more 40 kisses!

Noticeboard: Discounters and more

Tamba discounters NEW DISCOUNTERS BeauBaba

beaubaba.co.uk BeauBaba is a family shop selling sustainable, eco, organic and ethical options where possible. Save 20% on purchases of clothing and 10% on toys, nappies, baby carriers and all other non-clothing goods.

Kathryn Stagg IBCLC

kathrynstaggibclc.com Kathryn is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant with over 12 years’ experience of supporting multiple birth families to breastfeed. She supports mums through low milk supply, slow weight gain, breastfeeding challenges, and how to make combination feeding work. 10% discount for Tamba members on all specialist IBCLC postnatal breastfeeding support, either face to face or online.

La La Loop Kids

etsy.com/uk/shop/lalaloopkids La La Loop handmakes organic kids’ clothing and accessories from prem to age 5-6, with some styles up to age 11. 15% discount on purchases of all clothing and accessories.

Mum and You

mumandyou.com Mum and You is run by mums for mums. That’s why we’re offering Tamba members 20% off Mum and You products. Try our ecofriendly and super soft nappies, our 100% biodegradable baby wipes, which are kind to bums and the environment, and our gentle skincare ranges all suitable for sensitive skin.

Nature’s Kids

natureskids.co.uk Nature’s Kids is an online store specialising in eco-friendly, organic cotton children’s clothing. We stock a wide variety of Scandinavian brands.

Members get an exclusive 20% discount. Free UK postage.

Two by Two

livingwithpeas.com Personalised multiples clothing and accessories! Fun, fresh and modern designs are made to celebrate multiples whilst highlighting how special they are as individuals too.

15% discount to members.

RENEWING DISCOUNTERS Ardo Medical

ardobreastpumps.co.uk The Ardo Medical Calypso Double Plus Electric Breastpump is gentle, efficient, and can be used for single or double expression. Discount of £15 on purchases of Calypso Double Plus (currently £134.90).

BTR Direct

btrkids.co.uk BTR Direct offers Tamba members 25% off on a range of baby and children accessories.

These include twin buggy organisers, single buggy organisers, car organiser and changing mat.

Cheeky Rascals

cheekyrascals.co.uk Cheeky Rascals sells practical baby care items and toddler equipment. 20% discount on orders over £30 on our website.

Easy2Name

Easy2Name.com Easy2Name sells waterproof stickers for labelling shoes, lunchboxes and stationery and a choice of clothing labels, including No iron/No sew Stick-Easy clothing labels and the EasyTag system which allows clothes to be labelled quickly and easily with re-usable tags. Our safety wristbands are made from silicone material and can be engraved with a mobile number and medical information.

20% discount for members.

Forest Holidays

forestholidays.co.uk Escape to a luxury self-catering woodland cabin with private hot tub with Forest Holidays and enjoy a 5% discount - the perfect getaway for families. And our pet friendly cabins mean you can bring your dog too!

Polarn O. Pyret

polarnopyret.co.uk Polarn O. Pyret offers clever clothes that grow with your little one, and design features that make life easier. 10% discount plus free postage and packaging if ordering online.

Greenwood Grange

greenwoodgrange.co.uk Award-winning Greenwood Grange in Dorset is open all year, with 17 cottages sleeping from two to 12 people and superb onsite facilities including indoor pool and outdoor play areas.

Many properties are also pet friendly. Phone to book and receive 10% discount.

Glynn Barton Cottages

glynnbarton.co.uk Eight cosy cottages in the perfect

Browse our extensive list of discounts at www.tambamultiplesavings.co.uk

Remember to tell your favourite shop to join Tamba’s discounter list! location for both coastlines and many of Cornwall’s top attractions, plus animal feeding and egg collecting, tennis, soft play, nature trails, forest walks and an indoor pool. 5% discount on seven-night stays taken anytime throughout the year for Tamba members.

In Car Safety Centre

incarsafetycentre.co.uk In Car Safety Centre is the UK and Ireland’s leading children’s car seat specialists, with showrooms in Milton Keynes, Essex and Belfast. Members get 5% off when purchasing two or more seats for twins or triplets. Fitting service at centres, or call Milton Keynes on 01908 220909 to place an order for home delivery

The Roofbox Company

roofbox.co.uk For friendly and knowledgeable advice visit the UK’s specialist roof box and bike rack supplier.

You’ll find a huge choice of products for all budgets. 10% discount off website purchases.

Tiny Shoots Photography

tinyshoots.co.uk/twins Relaxed, bespoke family photography where and when you need it. Covering West London and surrounding areas. As a twin mum I love photographing twins! Contact me at Jenny@TinyShoots.co.uk or 0777 300 10503. Discount of 10% on all full prices sessions and products.

DISCLAIMER: Multiple Matters is published by the Twins and Multiple Births Association, registered charity 1076478, registered company 3688825. Multiple Matters © Tamba 2010. ISSN 0967 – 8867. Tamba would like to point out that items in the magazine are collected from individuals and excerpts from newsletters etc. The views and suggestions are taken in good faith and the opinions expressed are not necessarily endorsed by Tamba. Likewise, advertising or the use of product names does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement by the Association.

www.tamba.org.uk

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· 3 ways to wear · Hidden backpack feature · Wipe clean

· Hidden key & phone pocket · Includes changing mat · x2 insulated bottle holders · Extra roomy!

www.peanutandpiglet.co.uk