Multiple Matters Autumn 2019

AUTUMN ISSUE \ SEPTEMBER 2019

T H E

O F F I C I A L

matters

M A G A Z I N E

O F

T A M B A

Let it go...

Starting school is a big moment

Forty years on Tamba’s founder on birthing multiples then and now

Loud and messy

Life with two sets of teenage twins

One of a kind

An adult triplet on growing up identical

PLUS: NEW DISCOUNTERS • PHOTO GALLERY • NEWS AND MORE

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What’s inside: Autumn 2019

Welcome letter from the chief executive

Your money is precious and we don’t want to waste it. That’s why we are working with other charities who share your interests so we can do more for less.

As chair of the 16 charities in the Pregnancy and Baby Charities Network, we’ve issued a joint manifesto in preparation for a general election, asking a future government to: 1 Make England the safest country in the world to have a baby.

2 Guarantee to women that their pregnancy and birth journey will be personalised and meet their needs.

3 Give sick and premature babies the best chance of survival and quality of life.

4 Provide every family with the bereavement care they need after pregnancy or baby loss.

We’ve raised these priorities with ministers, the Conservative and Liberal Democrat leadership candidates, and opposition parties. We’re encouraged by how well they have responded to us speaking with one voice. Meanwhile, NHS officials have been seeing how they can incorporate these priorities into work programmes. (Read more at ectopic. org.uk/news/pregnancy-baby-charities-network.)

Closer to home, this magazine features some lovely articles showing what a positive impact your charity has had in the past 40 years. The excitement is building as we get ready to launch new projects and programmes at the end of this year and into 2020. I’m sworn to secrecy but so excited. What a terrible tease.

Keith Reed @Tamba_KeithReed keithreed@tamba.org.uk

Regulars NEWS AND CAMPAIGNS

New treatment combats cerebral palsy ..................04

FUNDRAISING

A giant Thank You to all our supporters ..................16

LETTERS

On twin differences and celebrating clubs .............20

ASK TWINLINE

Competition and a ‘left behind’ triplet ..................22

PHOTO GALLERY

The summers of fun ..................................................28

NOTICEBOARD

Save money with our discounter scheme ..............31

Features BUMP IN THE NIGHT

A surprise natural delivery ........................................06

TWICE AS NICE

Safe sleeping and bringing newborns home ........08

AND RELAX

Encouraging good food habits .................................11

DUMMY ADDICTS

Weening preschoolers off dummies .......................13

LET IT GO...

Starting school is a big moment for everyone .......14

LOUD, MESSY…

Life with two sets of teenage twins .......................18

FORTY YEARS ON

How birthing multiples has changed ....................24

ONE OF A KIND

An adult triplet on growing up identical ................26

ESSENTIAL CONTACTS:

MULTIPLE MATTERS - ISSN 2049-5765

Charity number 1076478, Scottish Charity Number SC041055, company number 3 688825.

Hermione Tipton

Tamba office: Manor House, Manor Park, Church Hill, Aldershot, Hampshire, GU12 4JU T: 01252 332344 E: enquiries@tamba.org.uk W: www.tamba.org.uk Office hours: Monday to Friday 9:30am to 4pm Twinline freephone helpline: 0800 1380509 (10am-1pm and 7pm to 10pm, Monday to Friday) Family support team: support-team@tamba.org.uk Twinline and support groups co-ordinator: louisebowman@tamba.org.uk Courses: katevalentine@tamba.org.uk Advertising and fundraising: luciewigley@tamba.org.uk Membership enquiries: membership@tamba.org.uk Tamba in Northern Ireland: Kelly McDonald T: 07525 117010 E: kellymcdonald@tamba.org.uk Tamba in Scotland: Helen Peck T: 01786 465744 E: helenpeck@tamba.org.uk Magazine editorial: multiplematters@hotmail.co.uk

Cover stars Isabelle and Charlotte Keen on a family day out at Sudbury Hall, Derbyshire Tamba’s individuality policy encourages the development of multiples’ individual identities, for example by dressing them differently. Whenever possible we use photographs that promote this policy.

News: Campaigns

LATEST ROUND-UP With news of your charity’s ongoing work for multiple birth families

New treatment combats cerebral palsy Tamba backs ‘PReCePT’ pregnancy initiative Tamba is backing PReCePT, a nationwide initiative aimed at helping to reduce the number of premature babies who develop cerebral palsy. PReCePT stands for the Prevention of Cerebral Palsy in PreTerm Labour.

Every year, more than 8,500 women in the UK give birth early because of complications with their pregnancy.

Twins and triplets are often born prematurely; the average delivery date for twins is 37 weeks, and just 33 weeks for triplets. If women go into labour at less than 30 weeks, there is an increased risk that their baby could develop cerebral palsy.

PReCePT is turning this around by working with midwives, obstetricians and neonatologists in every maternity unit in England to ensure mothers going into preterm labour before 30 weeks are offered a dose of magnesium

A £1 dose of magnesium sulphate reduces the risk of cerebral palsy by 30 percent

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sulphate to help protect their unborn baby. A dose of magnesium sulphate, which reduces the risk of cerebral palsy by 30 percent, costs from just £1.

It’s completely up to the pregnant woman whether or not to take magnesium sulphate, and parents-to-be should talk to their doctor and midwife for more information on preterm labour, the medication and what this means for the baby or babies.

The programme was originally developed by the West of England Academic Health Science Network (AHSN) in collaboration with University Hospitals Bristol NHS Foundation Trust, and involved both patients and staff. It is now funded by NHS England to be delivered across the England by the AHSN Network. You can find out more at www.weahsn.net/our-work/ transforming-services-and-systems/ precept.

Tamba improves leave for early births No news yet if government supports better provision for premature babies

Tamba has become the first charity to sign up to a new initiative enhancing rights to maternity and paternity leave for parents of premature, sick and multiple babies.

Our changed policy will apply to any staff whose baby or babies are born prematurely or in need of neonatal care in hospital.

Whilst not UK law, we were the first charity to sign up to the initiative from the Smallest Things, the premature baby charity, and join them in encouraging employers to provide extended leave to parents of premature babies.

Many multiple birth children arrive early and require extra care. Enhancing leave will give parents precious time to bond with their babies outside the hospital environment, and take care of them at home for longer.

We are now working with the Smallest Things and Bliss, the charity for premature and very poorly babies, to work towards a change in policy, and have contributed to a government internal review of the provision for parents of premature babies and sick babies and those experiencing multiple births.

Unfortunately, we recently heard that the Department for Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy has finished its internal review for the purposes of providing advice to ministers, but that there are no plans to publish this advice. Collectively, we are pressing the minister on this, supported by David Linden MP and Rachel Reeves MP.

News: Campaigns

Tamba marks Baby Loss Awareness Week

Quads come to the Cobbles Avid Coronation Street fans may be aware that the popular character Gemma Winter (played by Dolly-Rose Campbell) is pregnant with quads.

Viewers found out at her scan, along with screen Dad Chesney (Sam Aston), that Gemma has twins in the family – but finding four tiny heartbeats came as a huge shock to the young on/off couple.

News of the quads has already provided viewers with some humorous moments, as well as highlighting some of the challenges parents of multiples face. We’re intrigued to see how quads are portrayed for the first time in soap land - and how filming will go with four babies on the set at one time!

G I V E AWAYS & WINNERS

It's a giveaway...

We have two Scruff-a-Luvs Families to give to our lucky winners. All their new owners need do is wash, dry and groom them to find out whether they’re harbouring twins or triplets, and to reveal 10 surprises along the way. To win, email your name, address and membership number to giveaways@tamba.org.uk with ‘Scruff-a-Luvs’ in the subject line by 30 September. Winners are the first out of the hat after the deadline.

‘Wave of Light’ commemorates lost lives

Photo: ITV

Quad facts

• The chances of having quads is one in 800,000, and the average weight for a quad born at 31 weeks is 3lbs.

• Almost all quads are delivered by C-section as a vaginal delivery is considered too stressful.

• Only five sets of quadruplets or more were born in England and Wales in 2017.

Tamba is once again taking part in Baby Loss Awareness Week (#BLAW2019), which brings bereaved parents together with their families and friends to commemorate the lives of babies lost during pregnancy, at or soon after birth and in infancy.

The week, from October 9-15, is also a platform to call for improvements in research, care and policy around bereavement support, and highlights what is already on offer.

You can join families on 15 October at 7pm in a Global Wave of Light by lighting a candle, or join in virtually by posting a photo of your candle with the Twitter handle #WaveOfLight.

Tamba Bereavement Support is here for all parents of multiple birth babies who have experienced loss during pregnancy, birth or later. Visit www.tamba.org.uk/ bereavement to find out more.

We have winners!

Results are in from our Grand Raffle draw Many congratulations to the winner of this year’s Grand Raffle, Zoe Aucott, who won a holiday with Eurocamp, and to our many runners-up who also scooped holidays and fabulous prizes.

Jill Birnie, who won our second prize, told us: “When I got the phone call I was almost speechless! A family break with Forest Holidays is an amazing prize and we are so delighted.

“We’ve been Tamba members since we found out we were expecting twins... We already had our beautiful daughter Elspeth, but twins seemed liked a much more daunting prospect. Lachlan and Eachann arrived in August 2017 and we quickly appreciated all the advice and guidance we had received from the Tamba antenatal class and the webinars.

“I’ll be honest, I did think about putting the raffle tickets in the bin since we are already involved with fundraising for

Jill will be taking her family on a Forest Holidays adventure

lots of local groups, but I thought for a minute about how if every member bought 10 tickets, Tamba could do some pretty amazing things for families with multiples. So I wrote a cheque and sent it away, never once thinking that I would actually win anything. Thank you Tamba and thank you Forest Holidays!”

CONGRATULATIONS to our Easy2Name giveaway winners Francesca Crump, Kerry Green and Claudia Belardo.

www.tamba.org.uk

05

Pregnancy: Natural birth

Bump in the night Just because multiple pregnancies are labelled ‘high risk’ doesn’t mean birth can’t be straightforward. By Alyson Chorley Hampshire mum Clair Howard had it all planned out in the run-up to 31 October last year. And not only because it was Halloween.

“My friend was going to come over and paint my belly orange like a pumpkin, take a photo, then after the twins were born via C-section I was going to announce that my big pumpkin was now Zachary and Annabelle,” said Clair. “But of course, it didn’t quite work out like that.”

I asked for pethidine, but was told it was too late - I was 10cms dilated and ready to push!

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Instead, just two days earlier, Clair’s waters broke during the night. She didn’t realise what it was at first, not having experienced her waters breaking with the birth of her older daughter, so she lay in bed for a few minutes before getting up. When she did, she was under no illusion as to what was happening.

“I made it to the loo, then had to get downstairs to wake my husband Steve, who by this time was sleeping on the sofa as I was so large, and phone my mum to come round,” said Clair.

“Because it was the early hours of the morning and the fact that we weren’t really expecting anything like this to happen, it took a while to rouse my mum and my husbands’ sister.

“As Steve doesn’t drive, Mum had to take us to hospital, but we still got there

Clair had been expecting her twins to arrive by C-section on Halloween, but they had other ideas

Pregnancy: Natural birth

by 5am. I could barely walk at this point and contractions were coming in thicker and faster.”

Clair was assessed and rushed to the delivery suite. She was quickly surrounded by medical staff who hooked her and the babies up to monitors.

“There were so many questions coming at me, everything seemed a little frantic. I asked for pethidine, but was told it was too late. I was 10cms dilated and ready to push.

“Zachary’s heartbeat was all over the place and I needed to have a ventouse delivery with him. He came out screaming, but was perfect and weighed 4lbs 5oz.

“Annabelle decided to become a starfish as she had more room to move inside my belly and midwives had to make sure she didn’t come out arm first!

“She was born just a few minutes later at 6lb 2oz. Again, perfect and happy.”

The family were able to stay in the delivery suite for a while before being moved into a private room just off the main ward. But Clair and her babies were home within 36 hours.

“I still remember the day we were told we were expecting twins. It did come as a huge shock. We did all the usual worrying about cars, money and buggies,” said Clair.

“Then my eldest daughter got quite upset when we told her it was twins because she thought she’d have to give up her bedroom.

“Lots of people didn’t believe us at first.

My mother-in-law said someone on that

side of the family was a twin, but no one on my side, so it was a shock!

“But it has been fantastic. Even when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at the start of the pregnancy, which didn’t come as a shock because I’d had it before, I decided to control it by diet, and that worked.

“I received brilliant care at Frimley Park Hospital, lots of appointments and scans. Some of the appointments were coordinated for the same day, most weren’t so I did feel I was there an awful lot but it was worth it.”

Now Clair has got into a routine and goes to her local twins club. “I didn’t know anyone with twins so it is lovely to have made some new friends.

“I am enjoying them so much. They both have their own individual personality.

Annabelle is still a lot bigger than Zachary, but I am sure he’ll catch up.

“Funnily enough, the other day when I was out with them someone asked me what the age difference was. I said ‘about 14 minutes!’ She was stunned as she thought I’d had them just very close together.”

Below: newborns Annabelle and Zachary were home within 36 hours of their arrival. Above: the new family

Annabelle decided to become a starfish as she had more room to move inside my belly Help and info PREGNANCY • Find out what antenatal care you

should have on our website at www. tamba.org.uk and watch our experts answer your FAQs around pregnancy in online videos. You can also download guides on healthy pregnancy, Practical Preparing for Parenthood, Breastfeeding, Neonatal Care, TTTS and Postnatal Depression

• Book a place on our antenatal courses or our Practical Preparing for Parenthood class on 01252 332344 or via the website • Talk to expectant parents on Tamba’s dedicated Facebook page online or visit the Twins Club page on our website to find your nearest club – expectant parents are always welcome • Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am1pm and 7pm-10pm, Monday to Friday www.tamba.org.uk

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Babies: Newborns

Twice as nice Getting home from hospital with newborns is a big and sometimes daunting moment, but there’s lots of help out there. By Tamba’s Kate Valentine Many parents find their emotions are all over the place when they first bring their babies home from hospital. Relief can be tinged with anxiety following a difficult birth, or after time spent in the neonatal intensive care unit. Or it could simply be the fact of having more than one baby to look after.

The main thing is not to panic. Have confidence that you will establish your own way of doing things as you get to know, understand and learn to take care of your babies.

Tamba is here to ensure you feel fully supported and prepared for the arrival of your twins, triplets or more.

One of our most popular resources for parents is our “Preparing for Parenthood” guide – 78 pages of brilliant information and tips, from multiple birth parents and for multiple birth parents.

Information on our website, including live webinars and the classes we run throughout the country, is intended to compliment the guidance from your midwife or doctor – but one thing we do know is that we are best placed to share with you the realities of what life will be

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like with twins, triplets or more.

Our “Practical Parenting for Multiples” classes take place throughout the country and are unique, as they are all delivered by parents of twins or triplets.

Andrea Joseph runs Tamba’s classes in Swansea. She told us: “When I first found I was pregnant with twins, I quickly discovered that there was no multiplespecific support, advice or guidance in my local area.

“I would have loved to have these classes on offer when I was having my twins, especially as they were my first babies.

“I was lucky in that I had a good pregnancy and my twins were born with no complications, but I knew from being a Tamba member that it certainly wasn’t the case for everyone.

“I’ve always thought Tamba does great work and I felt it would be a privilege to volunteer for the charity.”

Andrea ran her first class in July 2018, and has since run a second.

“At my first class I had a group of ten, almost half of whom were first time parents, and it was brilliant to be able to

chat through the top tips with them, listen to their concerns and answer questions.

“It was also great to see them chatting to each other, as the classes are a great way of meeting other expectant multiple parents, particularly if there are no twin groups in your area.

“You have so many questions running around your mind when having multiples and it’s reassuring to meet with others in the same position and to talk it all through with people who understand what it’s like.

“And I love telling every expectant parent that I meet not to listen to what people say - it’s not double trouble at all, it’s twice as nice!”

Naomi Richardson delivers Tamba’s courses in Wokingham. She already had one child when her twins arrived and spent time in the hospital’s special care baby unit.

Naomi said: “Lots of the attendees come up to me afterwards to say thank you and that they feel a little less overwhelmed by the prospect of their imminent arrivals, and many of them say they find the sections on establishing routines, preparation and feeding most helpful.”

Babies: Newborns

How to

SAFE SLEEPING

Sleep safety hit the headlines recently when the Lullaby Trust, a campaign group, issued a warning to new parents about safe sleeping practices after several cases of celebrities sharing images of their babies that unintentionally promoted unsafe practices or products.

Some photos featured products that are not recommended, such as pods or nests. Others showed sleeping babies wearing hats, headbands or with loose covers around them - all of which are not considered safe.

The number of babies dying from SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) has fallen from around 1,600 each year in the 1980s to around 200 now, largely because of safer sleeping practices.

So what constitutes safe sleeping?

Here’s a list of pointers from Tamba’s “Practical Parenting Guide” (available online):

✓ Put babies to sleep on their backs. ✓ For the first six months, have your babies in a cot or cots in the same room as you. ✓ Keep the room temperature between 16 and 20 degrees ✓ Keep cots free of toys, bumpers and loose bedding ✓ Use a firm, flat mattress protected by a waterproof cover. ✓ Do not cover babies’ heads with anything at all ✓ SIDS risk (sudden infant death syndrome) is halved in babies who are breastfed for at least two months, but breastfeeding even for a short time can be protective.

Premature babies sometimes sleep on their front in hospital for special medical reasons. When they are getting ready to go home, these babies should always sleep on their back.

It is fine for twins, triplets or more to share a cot as long as the safer sleep guidelines are followed. Read more about it in the full guide. For more information visit www.lullabytrust.org.uk.

✓

✓

Help and info BABIES • Visit www.tamba.org.uk to watch

Tamba’s webinar on babies’ sleep, and read our factsheet on safe sleeping with multiples.

• You can also find info on common concerns such as crying and colic, free guides on breastfeeding, preparing for parenthood and postnatal depression, and view video clips on parents’ FAQs. • Chat with other parents via Tamba’s Facebook page, or join a twins club in your area by searching Tamba’s website under ‘Clubs’.

• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am1pm and 7pm-10pm, Monday to Friday

www.tamba.org.uk

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Focus: Surrogacy

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Preschool: Food

And relax!

Dietician Frances Healer on encouraging children to have a healthy relationship with food How to nurture a healthy attitude around food is of enormous importance to me as a dietitian. And as a parent of twins, it’s important to me to raise my daughters to have a healthy relationship with food and their bodies, and to enjoy a wide variety of foods. So how to go about it?

The way parents handle feeding with their infants and children is guided by health messages, but these are often conflicting. Parents can end up feeling there is a right and wrong approach, and the fear of getting it wrong can lead to unhelpful anxiety.

It is important to think ahead, but it’s also important that parents and carers don’t feel guilty around feeding just because it isn’t deemed perfect. If children are offered a wide variety of food, their nutrition will even out over a few days.

Even rewards and praise can be felt by a child as pressure Feeding children and infants responsively is the key to establishing a positive relationship. It also helps the attachment between children and their care-givers, and supports a child’s innate ability to feed according to their appetite.

Responding to our infants’ hunger and fullness cues is important. Children are able to regulate their own appetites from birth.

Feeding in a way that supports infants and children to trust their own body cues will make life easier for everyone involved. It can build confidence, helping children become more aware of their thoughts and appetite, and encouraging them to respect their bodies.

By contrast, outlawing certain foods seen as unhealthy (not the same as limiting them) can be counterproductive. Children have an innate ability to regulate their appetite, but overly restrictive feeding can

cause them to override this and eat in the absence of hunger. They may start eating in secret or eating in response to negative emotions.

Putting pressure on children to clear their plate or eat all their vegetables actually makes it more likely they will become fussy eaters, plus it makes mealtimes stressful.

Tricks like encouraging them to take two bites can backfire if the environment is tense. Even rewards and praise can be felt by a child as pressure.

So how can you support a positive feeding experience?

Aim for a pleasant and positive experience at mealtimes. Follow your children’s leads, allowing them to set the pace, and respond appropriately to their cues as to when they are full and when they are still hungry.

Offer fingers foods from early on in the weaning process. Try to allow mess, so they can explore tastes and textures in their own way. It’s best to limit distractions such as telly, tablets, phones and toys when eating.

Try not to reward children for eating their food, nor criticise when they don’t.

Allow children to eat at their own pace and try not to focus all your attention on their eating. Respond to their cues: if a toddler is trying to get more off another plate, they probably want more. But pleading or negotiating with them to eat more is tiring and not productive. Try to create a positive mealtime - have a little fun and conversation.

As parents we should provide a varied, balanced and appropriate diet. This means the diet quality is within our control. What our babies or children choose, or how much they eat, is up to them.

Healthy attitude: Frances with her daughters

Help and info PRESCHOOLERS • Visit www.tamba.org. uk to read more on behaviour, language and development in preschoolers and to view video clips and our webinar on weaning • For a comprehensive list of twins clubs registered with Tamba and to find your nearest one, visit our website and search under ‘Clubs’ • Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm, Monday to Friday

www.tamba.org.uk

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H OT E L A N D S PA

FAMILY H O LI DAYS I N COR N WA LL You play, relax and catch up on some sleep. We’ll take care of the rest.

KIDS CLUB

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Preschool: Dummies

They agreed the ‘dummy fairy’ would be coming soon, but the reality was harder

Dummy addicts

Anna Taptiklis finds that some habits are really, really hard to break

My two girls were addicted to dummies hook, line and sinker for nearly four years.

When I first gave them dummies as newborns because of reflux, I had no idea it would become such a challenge to ween them off. Over the last year especially it became so tricky to take the dummies away that the screams when we were out and about and they were tired overrode my determination to kick the habit.

At which point, I’ll let you into a secret: I am a speech and language therapist.

From the off, I didn’t want to use dummies because I know the effects it can have on the palate, teeth and speech when used in toddlerhood and beyond.

Delays in language and speech sounds can be increased if dummies are extensively used as

routine when the child is otherwise happy and settled and not showing signs of needing comfort. Constant dummy use decreases opportunities to talk, and can start to change the shape of the mouth, impacting the teeth and jaw. It can also lead to more ear infections (the advice is to sterilise them often and don’t use the same dummy for too long).

So what to do when my twins turned three and wouldn’t let their dummies go?

I bought all the books on the market.

By then, the girls were old enough to say the right things. They agreed that dummies would make their teeth stick out, so the dummy fairy would be coming to take them away soon to give them to babies - the girls even drew pictures of the dummy fairy.

But the reality was harder.

Such was the strength of the association between sucking and sleep that the howling lasted long stretches into the night.

Nor were the days always better. With two or more, scooping them into your arms to offer comfort isn’t always easy or possible. On one occasion, my daughter started screaming blue murder for a dummy in the supermarket. As my girls are

tall and can pass for a year older, I was all too aware of how it looked to outsiders.

The other joined in as I hot-footed it out with two screaming three-year-olds hurling themselves around the place.

We did get there, eventually - in our case by rewarding them with little gifts.

For the first three nights I stroked their hair to help them settle, plus I offered lots of positive reinforcement, praising them whenever they were not using a dummy (rather than using negative language when they were).

After a week or so, my twins finally forgot that they needed the dummies to sleep, and even talked about how “only babies have dummies”. A visit to the dentist helped: I asked him to show them pictures of what would happen to their teeth if they continued to use dummies.

Luckily none of this seems to have affected my children’s speech and language skills. (They did have tongue thrusts, where their tongues naturally rested slightly further forward in their mouths, and after six months without dummies this definitely improved.)

Different strategies work for different children. To any other parent struggling with this one, I’d say as long as you give children plenty of opportunities to talk, and encourage them to remove dummies to communicate, you can be safe in the knowledge that you’re doing all you can.

Anna's daughters having a snooze...

www.tamba.org.uk

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Primary: Starting school

Let it go...

Whether you’re punching the air or weeping into the sink, Twinline co-ordinator Louise Bowman offers tips on a good start at school

School veteran: nine-year-old Daisy with little sisters Scarlett and Connie

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Primary: Starting school

I wasn’t prepared for the emotions I would feel when Scarlett and Connie started school last September.

Having an older daughter, Daisy, we weren’t worried about it as we knew the school routine and knew they were ready.

But I work part-time and for the past 10 years had always had someone to look after and do things with on my days off.

The thought of my girls starting school was exciting - finally I would get some time to myself. But on that first drop-off, walking home alone felt very strange, like I had entered the next stage of our lives.

But as well as feeling that my babies were growing up, I also felt pride that we had made it to five years with twins, and that they were ready for the next step.

After a couple of weeks, knowing they were settled and happy, I began to really enjoy the time I now have to myself.

Sometimes when my husband has the day off too, we enjoy a breakfast date after the school drop-off.

The girls settled well into their new school life. But having multiples start school was different to my singleton, so I’d like to share some of my top tips…

for each of the girls and only talk about that child for the allocated time, but we also add a few extra minutes at the end to talk about their relationship, as it’s just as important.

Together or apart?

I worried about one girl being ill and the other having to go to school on her own, but it was not as bad as I expected. The first time it happened, it was Connie who was poorly. Scarlett wasn’t happy about going to school, but she did, and was praised for it and seemed to accept that sometimes it will happen. It underlined the importance of them not always having been together - even from a young age we would try to occasionally separate the girls, taking one out, in order to have one-on-one time.

After reading documents on the Tamba website and speaking with the girls and their preschool, we decided to keep them together in the same class. Our decision was supported by the school.

When the teachers came to do the home visit we made sure we discussed each child individually, but we also dedicated some time to talking about their twin relationship, because that’s important too. I gave the teachers Tamba’s guide for teachers and the individuality factsheet, and discussed how important it was to treat them as Scarlett and Connie, and never “the twins”.

Parents evening

Ensure you get a separate appointment for each child. I have heard of some schools that offer one appointment for a set of twins - it would not happen with other siblings!

With our school, we have an appointment

Friendships

Our girls took longer to make friends with other children than our older daughter did. To begin with they relied on each other as friends at playtime, but once they had settled they began to branch out and play with different people.

It is hard having playdates, but we have taken a few opportunities to have different children round to play. The girls have also been round to friends’ houses separately to play - Connie one week and Scarlett the next. This helped them understand they don’t do everything together.

If one gets invited out to play but the other doesn’t, it’s best to embrace it rather than take it to heart. Use it as an opportunity to have some time with the child at home and do something special together.

Illness

Comparing

It is hard not to compare twins or triplets: same-age children doing the same thing at the same time. But it is important not to as they are still individuals.

It is important to recognise that children learn at different rates and in different styles. Instead of comparing them, I try to notice and comment on the progress they each make individually, and encourage

Walking home alone felt very strange, like I had entered the next stage of our lives

them to say “I am good at…” In our family, Scarlett is on a higher reading level to Connie and is progressing well with phonics, while Connie struggles with forming some letters and has been refereed to our speech and language team. We do discuss this with the girls as Connie has some one-to-one time each day with a teaching assistant, but we never compare them with one another over their learning. There are things Connie finds easier too - she’s a fast runner and more confident speaking to people. It’s easy to fall into the trap of who is the clever twin, who is the mischievous one and so on, but if we resist that and set a good example then hopefully it can stop other people doing it too.

If your children are just about to start on this journey then do embrace it, but know that if there are hurdles along the way, Tamba is here to support you.

Help and info PRIMARY SCHOOL • Check out our factsheet on getting your twins, triplets or more ready for school life at www.tamba.org.uk. You can also read more about the primary school years, from handling parents’ evenings to supporting social development, and download Tamba’s Schools Admissions and Appeals pack

• To apply for a referral to our honorary consultants, please complete the referral form at www.tamba.org.uk/Support/ Honorary-Consultants • Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm, Monday to Friday www.tamba.org.uk

15

Fundraising: Our members

A giant thank you!

Here are just some of those who have run, baked, trekked, swum and even jumped out of airplanes to support Tamba’s work for multiple birth families over the past year.

A huge thank you for all that you do - we wish we could have fitted in all your fantastic pictures!

COULD YOU FUNDRAISE FOR TAMBA?

No matter how big or small the challenge, drop Lucie a line at LucieWigley@tamba.org.uk!

Andrew Burns, Cardiff 10k: “I know Tamba would be there if we needed them.”

Elizabeth and Colin Tidy and Hugh Macleod: Blenheim Palace Triathlon, raising funds for TTTS research.

Norland Nanny Emily Hamilton swam the English Channel in August to raise almost £1,700 for Tamba’s Helping Hands project - a lifeline for parents in severe crisis.

Christopher Coulter, Great North Run: “Although our TTTS journey ended well, we do know many other twin parents who haven’t been so lucky. Tamba supports research into twin pregnancies to make more happy endings for families.”

Jenny Livy, British 10K: Jenny is running with her two daughters both of whom have twins. And her son has triplets!

Ria Palmer, Skydive for Research Rocks: “I was so lucky with my pregnancy and birth. My twins are happy and healthy but I know so many people for whom this isn’t the case.”

Marc Bradfield, British 10K: Marc nearly lost his five-year-old twins as babies, and - “it is only thanks to organisations such as Tamba, who constantly fundraise for important equipment and research, that Juliette and Fleur are here with us now”.

Susanna Moan, Oxford Half Marathon: “Tamba is leading research to help reduce risks associated with multiple pregnancies. I feel incredibly fortunate every day that our two-year-old identical triplets, Hermione, Phoebe and Jemima, arrived safely and are happy, healthy little girls.”

Jo Bennet, British 10K: the exHelping Hands volunteer is raising money to support this scheme for families in crisis.

Mark Pozzobon, British 10K: “It’s time for this new proud Daddy of twins to get back into running and give a little back to Tamba!”

Max Sheppard, South Coast Challenge 100km Walk: “We were incredibly lucky and both [our twins] were born naturally and healthy.”

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Fundraising: Our members

Katherine Corbett, Great North Run: “As the boys have gotten older I have experienced new challenges and been able to seek help and support through Tamba… You don’t feel alone.”

Jenny Robinson, Great North Run: “I’m doing anything I can to get out of the house!… Tamba has been a great help to me over the past seven years.”

Emma Dutton, Great Midlands Fun Run: “We are raising money for TTTS research so hopefully, in time, no other parents have to lose their babies, and no other brothers or sisters have to grow up without their twin.”

Kim Tucker, British 10K: “It was an honour to run for such an important charity to us.”

Gemma Howley, whose friend lost twin girls to TTTS, did a threeday, 60km trek through one of the planet’s most volcanic regions in Iceland, navigating lava fields and plunging fjords - to raise funds to save more babies’ lives.

John Burns, pictured with Eilidh and Keira, took on the Edinburgh Marathon Festival and Kids Kilometre for Tamba.

Hayley Bensberg-Hickmott, British 10K: mum to Dylan and Stanley, wants to “give back to charity that has been invaluable to so many families of multiples”.

Nicola Hasyn, bake-off and silent auction: raised £150 for the TTTS Appeal in memory of Leo and Tyler Brightman.

Meghan Fearn, Three Peaks Challenge with Elizabeth Francis, for Helping Hands: “When I was training I worked with a family with quads and another with twins, experiencing firsthand the joy and demands.”

Helen Smyth, London Marathon: “I hope by raising money I will give something back to this great organisation.”

Nick Collins, the Great Bristol Half Marathon: “We realise how lucky we are to have Zoe and Megan… and hope Tamba’s support for TTTS research can help improve clinical skills and patient care.”

Thom Crabbe, Great North Run: “I have twin brothers (Rich & Ed) and am also Dad to twins (Ellie & Sam)!”

Paul Hill, London Marathon: “Emma and I suffered the heartbreaking loss of our twin boys, Mylo and Stanley, at 31 weeks as a result of TTTS. We were (and still are) devastated… I’m fundraising for the Big Research Project, which Tamba set up to fund research to help prevent TTTS and prematurity and to save precious lives.”

www.tamba.org.uk

17

Teens: Getting on

‘Loud, messy and emotionally charged’ Michelle Gibbs takes time out for a quick Q&A on life with two sets of teenage twins The second time I really wanted to have a natural birth. Aaron, our son, is not mine biologically and the girls were delivered by section so I felt like I had missed out.

It wasn’t to be though, as my blood pressure was high and I had protein in my urine, and they kept me in for rest. It was a very different experience though because I was unwell to start with. They were born at 35+5 weeks and weighed in at a healthy 6lb 3oz each.

It was a huge adjustment to go from one child to three, to five, both practically and emotionally Michelle with Jaimee and Connie, 17, and Jessica-Mae and Yasmin, 15

How old are your kids?

Aaron is 24 (and now a fully qualified chartered accountant!), Jaimee and Connie are almost 17, and Jessica-Mae and Yasmin are 15.

How did you feel when you found out it was twins?

Completely shocked, but also like I had hit the jackpot! I was absolutely fine during early pregnancy – no sickness really – so no idea I could be carrying multiples. I suffered a lot in both pregnancies with SPD (symphysis pubis dysfunction - unstable pelvis), but it wasn’t massively debilitating.

And the second time?

To be honest, it was a huge shock to be pregnant at all as Jaimee and Connie were

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only 18 months at the time. I went to the GP and asked for an early scan but she told me it was completely unnecessary because I wouldn’t be having another set of twins…!

You weren’t told it was likely?

No not at all, though to be honest the time around their birth and afterwards is a bit of blur. If anyone had told me, I’m not sure I would have taken it in.

How were the births?

Jaimee and Connie were mono-amniotic (shared amniotic sac) so I was monitored all the way and the consultant advised delivery at 36 weeks if nothing had started naturally.

I was given the first option of a C-section for 1 April, but declined, and they were born on 3 April! They were 5lb 8oz and 5lb 10oz.

Did you still have your twin baby equipment?

Some of it, but unfortunately not all! I needed a new double buggy to attach a buggy board to, but that didn’t really work as most of them tipped up. I had a whole range of different buggies - there are so many now, but then it was quite limited. I even had an old Emmaljunga pram for four but it was really heavy and difficult to steer.

How did two sets of twins impact your life?

Wow – where to start. It was a huge adjustment to go from one child to three to five, both practically and emotionally.

I worried if I would have enough to give to each child, in terms of my time and attention - that was challenging. Financially too: we had to build an extension, although both sets of twins share a room. On the first floor we have 2:2:1 in the bedrooms and then we have our sanctuary on the second floor.

Teens: Getting on

The girls with their Dad and older brother Aaron

We had to invest in a huge car because I not only needed at least seven seats, but I also need space for the buggies. We ended up with our “A team” van – a navy blue VW Caravelle Limousine that could take all of us plus two double buggies for a while. It’s the best car ever, but very thirsty and there are so few car parking options because of its height and length. It was problematic even going into nearby Kingston because none of the child-friendly undercover car parks were an option.

And having enough hands for things like reins was tricky. Travelling was tricky too, but luckily my parents were fantastic. Trying to teach them to ride bikes was hilarious!

They’re teenagers now. What’s life like in your house?

Hahaha! Do you really want to know?

It’s loud, messy and often emotionally charged. There is always a challenge from one of them, but time together in harmony makes up for that. We like to laugh together, and although opportunities are rare, we cherish them.

Do they all get on? Share clothes? Hang out?

The older girls get on really well and have always been close. They are similar and yet very different. Academically they have always been on a par so there was no competition and they have pursued different subjects – Jaimee did Dance GCSE and Connie took Art. They are both talented

and proud of each other, which is lovely. Jess and Yasmin are polar opposites in every way and that causes conflict regularly.

Were they together at school?

Throughout primary school they were in the same classes, more for practical reasons than any other. Jaimee and Connie have always been quite independent of each other and Jess and Yasmin are like chalk and cheese – one of their nursery teachers didn’t even realise they were related! The same thing happened at secondary school when we went to parents evening: some of the teachers had no idea they were twins.

Are they ever compared academically at school?

The older girls went to one school and the younger two to a different school. They have never been compared to each other results-wise to the best of my knowledge. It has certainly never felt like an issue. Jaimee and Connie had almost identical results all the way through anyway.

Do they have the same friendship groups?

Jaimee and Connie have always had similar friends generally, although as they have got older that has changed a bit. Jess and Yasmin have completely different friends and their friendship groups rarely overlap.

What are their plans after school?

Jaimee is at college and Connie stayed at sixth form for her A levels. Connie is

considering medicine or chemistry and Jaimee remains undecided – though we’ll soon be preparing UCAS applications, so that will force the issue.

You obviously treat them as individuals.

How do you/they ensure others do the same?

We never dressed them the same – sometimes similarly when they were little, but always different colours at least. As they grew up they always chose different things anyway. We never like people referring to them as “the twins” – that did used to annoy me. Luckily they are all girls so “the girls” always felt better somehow.

Help and info THE TEENAGE YEARS • ‘Multiple Birth Siblings as Adolescents’, available at www.tamba. org.uk, has information on topics such as developing at different rates; identity; the detachment phase; friendships with others; support networks; decision making; and working towards adulthood.

• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to discuss any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm, Monday to Friday www.tamba.org.uk

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Postbag: Readers write

Letters...

‘CHALK AND CHEESE’

I’m just reading the latest magazine and noticed that with the new school year looming, the big question is whether to split up your multiples. My twins, Nathan and Ashley, are now 12, and would quite happily not interact with each other at most points during the day.

I split up with my husband three years ago, but had been mostly a full-time single

They didn’t miss each other, and both relished the chance to be singles

mum due to his working hours for the first nine years of their lives. They are nonidentical, and about as alike as chalk and cheese – they have a friend and, if people don’t know the boys, they often choose the wrong two as twins, or think I have my hands full with triplets!

I am in the long process of trying to get the elder one diagnosed on the autistic spectrum; he is very anti-social, whereas his brother is very outgoing.

In primary school we split them up, and they were separated for the first three years of school. We asked for them to be separated in high school, and they have ended up in the same tutor group but on different class schedules. During a recent parents’ evening their English teacher met me twice and was exceptionally confused as, Williams being a

fairly common surname, she hadn’t realised they were twins!

The boys spent last summer apart a lot as I sent them to PGL on separate weeks, and they also stayed with their grandparents separately. They didn’t miss each other, and both relished the chance to be singles. It’s quite sad that they don’t seem to have any “twinstinct”, but their father is an identical twin and he and his brother rarely speak too.

Gail Williams Editor’s note: Thanks for your letter. So’s you know, Tamba runs a closed facebook group for one-parent families and for families with children with special needs.

If you’d like to join, please contact supportteam@tamba.org.uk

Are you worried about the shape of your baby’s head?

Being a twin is one of the factors that could lead your baby to have a condition called Positional Plagiocephaly or ‘Flat head syndrome’. If there is no natural improvement by the age of 4/5 months you might want to seek advice. The London Orthotic Consultancy (LOC) offers an initial FREE consultation at its clinics during which your baby’s head shape will be assessed and measured and treatment options discussed. The first option is normally repositioning but if this does not work the LOCband cranial remoulding therapy will produce measurable improvements to head shape.

To speak to a clinician or book a FREE initial appointment at any of our clinics ring 020 8974 9989

Before Treatment

T: 020 8974 9989 E: info@londonorthotics.co.uk W: www.londonorthotics.co.uk

The LOC mark and Emblem are registered trademarks of The London Orthotic Consultancy Ltd

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Tamba UPDATE.indd 1

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LOC Plagiocephaly treatment clinics.

The LOCband treatment is also available at Hampshire Orthotics in Southampton.

After Treatment

21/01/2019 11:31

Postbag: Readers write

MARVELLOUS MULTIPLES

We can’t thank Tamba enough for the antental course we did in 2017, as we probably never would have met without it!

Our group of founding mums met at an antenatal class run by Anna in Oxford - the class was excellent and Anna gave us really good, practical advice. The breaks were good too as we got to chat, and swapped emails.

We started meeting as often as we could for coffee dates and chats, which turned into playdates and soft-play meet-ups.

Over time, more mums and toddlers have joined our group, Marvellous Multiples, and we now meet every Friday between 10 and 12 at Snakes and Ladders in Abingdon in the Winter, and Abbey Meadows Park in the Summer. We do whole family events/ picnics at the weekend so other members of the family can get together and chat.

When our babies were newborns we found it really helpful with feeding times, as when one set of twins or triplets had been fed, we could then help the next person.

It was great having all the babies fed and cuddled when they needed it, rather than leaving one to cry while you dealt with the other.

As our babies have grown up they began playing together, and over a year and a half later we have a group of toddlers who will be friends for life.

We definitely have Tamba to thank for that, as we’d probably never have met without that course!

We find our meet-ups so useful and fun, as we’re all going through the same things and can chat about what we find hard, share tips and ideas, and have built a great friendship network too.

More mums have joined us through world of mouth, or spotting us when we’re out and about. We started off with eight families but now have 14 - we still haven’t managed to get everyone together for a group photo, something always comes up with at least one little one!

Carina Phillips

GET IN TOUCH Why not tell us what you think of articles you’ve read in the magazine, what you’d like to read about next, interesting stories you’d like us to report, or anything else important to you that’s happening in the world of multiples.

You can email letters to multiplematters@hotmail.co.uk or post them to Tamba’s office at Manor House, Church Hill, Aldershot, Hants GU12 4JU, marked for the attention of Rachael Claye. Letters may be edited.

Telephone: 01206 26 22 61

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www.tamba.org.uk

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28/06/2019 16:20

Family life: Advice

Ask Twinline The family support team at Tamba answer your questions…

PREGNANT AND ANXIOUS

I am 16 weeks pregnant with identical twins. It was a massive shock and is my first pregnancy. I have a friend who is pregnant and really loving it, however I am feeling so anxious about the outcomes for my babies and how it will be when they arrive. I just want to enjoy being pregnant but don’t know how to get over this feeling.

It is normal to feel a mix of emotions about the future, especially as this is your first pregnancy. We have a huge range of resources for expectant parents to access right from finding out, through the Pregnancy Countdown, to what to expect when the babies arrive. Our Antenatal courses and Practical Preparing for Parenthood courses are specifically for parents expecting multiples, and hopefully these can address some of your worries about the future.

Speaking to other multiples parents can also really help. You could find your local twins club through our website and go along to a meeting - expectant parents are always welcome - or call our listening service, Twinline, which is staffed by parents of multiples.

LEFT-BEHIND TRIPLET

I have six-month-old triplets - two boys and a girl. They were born at 30+4 weeks and spent time in neonatal intensive care before we brought them all home at the same time. It was a struggle when they were tiny, constant feeding and keeping on top of everything, not to mention the worry about weight gain. I had hoped as they grew older this worry would lessen, however it is clear to me that one is developing differently. I know I shouldn’t compare, but people are starting to see a difference. My medical team are not giving me any diagnosis and say I have to wait, but not knowing is really hard and I am struggling to think about the future.

Not all babies, especially multiples, develop at the same rate. Some may start to do things earlier than their co-multiples and this is normal. Indeed, multiples can also encourage and aid each other’s development.

If you feel it is more than this, make an appointment with your health visitor or GP to chat through your concerns and ask any questions.

With triplets it can be hard to spend one-on-one time with each baby, and if one has further needs this becomes even harder. Could you ask friends or family to help out so you can spend one-onone time with each baby? This would also encourage development.

Further support is available through out Triplets and More support group and Special Needs groups on Facebook.

PRAISE PROBLEMS

My three-year-old boy/girl twins have have become so competitive since starting preschool. They are desperate to win and prove they are better than the other, and it’s really starting to get me down. I can’t praise one without the other jumping in and taking over, or praise the other without causing their twin to get upset and withdraw. I really don’t know how best to handle this.

Praise is a difficult thing for some children: some love it and some hate it. For multiples, accepting that their co-multiple can also be praised is a difficult thing, and they are expected to learn it so much earlier than singleton children.

Encourage them individually to tell you something they have done at preschool. Try to make sure each child has their own time to speak. Encourage the other twin to praise their sibling too. You could also reward them jointly with a team pasta jar that they fill up together for a joint reward, taking away the competitiveness and encouraging them to work together to gain rewards and further praise.

It’s important to talk to preschool and find out how they praise them and any strategies they use that you could implement at home.

I just want to enjoy being pregnant but don’t know how to get over this feeling

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Family life: Advice GOT A PROBLEM?

ELEVEN PLUS DILEMMA My identical 10-year-old boys are starting to look around secondary schools. In our area we have selective grammar schools and they are both keen to take the eleven plus exam. However, I am worried that one will pass and the other won’t, as one finds studying much easier, and this could affect my younger twin’s confidence.

I don’t think they will cope with being spilt up. Do I say they both don’t take it, potentially holding one twin back, or let them take it - and then what do I do if only one passes?

individually, asking them what is most important to them: the school, or being together. It could be worry for nothing if they both pass, but it’s worth preparing yourself with all the knowledge so as to provide them both with the best outcome.

Email AskTwinline@tamba.org.uk and our team of experts can help.

We respond to all emails.

I can understand your concern: choosing secondary schools is a huge decision for any parent, especially parents of multiples. Have a look at the resources on our website about this topic. We also produce a booklet that could help.

Make sure you involve the boys in your decision making. Try and talk to them

Twinline Twins, triplets or more?

For expectants, under 1 year, 1 to 4 years, or 5 years + !

Got a question?

Need to talk?

Ask Twinline - asktwinline@tamba.org.uk Twinline is open Mon-Fri from 10am to 1pm and from 7pm to 10pm on freephone:

We are here to help

TWINS & MULTIPLE BIRTHS ASSOCIA TION

0800 138 0509 www.tamba.org.uk

23

Focus: Tamba's impact

Forty years on

Alyson Chorley talks to Tamba’s founder and a more recent twin mum to see how birthing multiples has changed

Ah, the 1970s… Flares, platform shoes, kaftans and cassettes! It was a groovy time to be born so it’s fitting that it was the decade that saw the birth of Tamba in a suburban front room.

Judi Linney was shocked in 1972 when she was told at seven months’ pregnant that she was having twins. Fast forward to November 2018, and Hannah Stevens gave birth to identical twin boys having found out at just ten weeks.

In our 40th anniversary year, we thought it would be fun to hear how birthing twins has changed since the 1970s, and find out what inspired Judi and others to set up the UK’s first twins charity.

Judi’s story

I was a health visitor in London when I became pregnant. We moved out to live near Woking, Surrey, and I gave up work there was no maternity or paternity leave.

My pregnancy was non-eventful until seven-and-a-half months. My feet starting swelling and I was very big, so I went into hospital for an X-ray - there were no routine scans back then.

Afterwards, I remember hearing the doctor’s voice telling my husband Howard (and not me!) that we were having twins and one “did not look very good”.

I shuffled out of the room and just remember saying, in disbelief, “twins”?

I started worrying about money and that my family were no longer nearby to help.

Judi Linney, who set up Tamba in 1978 when her own twins started school

I didn’t want to get too excited because I was worried about the second, smaller baby.

Valentine’s night 1973 was not a romantic one. My legs were badly swollen and I started labour. I went into hospital still anxious about the second twin. Zareena was born first weighing 6lb 1oz and Shareen was delivered by forceps, weighing 4lb 11oz.

Both were taken immediately into special care, with no opportunity to hold them.

I heard the doctor’s voice telling my husband Howard (and not me!) that we were having twins

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After a few hours, Howard was at home and got a phone call saying it appeared the girls were OK, but I was very ill. My blood pressure had rocketed and I had had a posteclamptic fit. I was sedated for 2-3 days and didn’t see the girls at all. Howard was left to feed them in special care.

It was a very procedure-based existence in hospital and we got little attention.

Lines of communication were poor. I was wheeled in to see the girls after a few days, but there was no encouragement to touch or hold them.

After a week we came home with Zareena, and were relieved to bring Shareen home a couple of weeks later.

I had a visit from a health visitor, then it was up to me to take the girls to clinics.

I found the first few months very isolating. I tried to go out when I could, but I was not allowed to take the pram

Focus: Tamba's impact

into health clinics or shops, so always had to have someone with me. No one I came across had knowledge about caring for twins.

When the girls started school, I went back to work part-time. I started talking to health visitors and midwives about the needs of twins and families. Everyone agreed there was not enough information.

I tried to find twins clubs and wrote to various professionals, including Dr Elizabeth Bryan, a paediatrician working with twin families in York. She wrote back and wanted to help.

The other founding members of what was to become the Twins Clubs Association, later Tamba, were twin mums June Tatch and Sue Wright, along with Carola Zentner, a mother of two sets of twins.

In autumn 1978 we held a meeting attended by representatives from about 12 existing twins clubs. It was covered by the media, and we were inundated with letters. The association started to gain momentum: we became a registered charity, memberships grew, we produced leaflets and 120 twin clubs joined!

The rest, as they say, is history. I am delighted Tamba is still working today to improve the lives of twins, triplets and more, to support families and to campaign for better births and care.

Hannah’s story

I found out I was pregnant early on, then one weekend I had some pain and went for an emergency scan. I was ten weeks’ pregnant. The sonographer said the baby was due Christmas Day, and then she said, “I’ve got a surprise… there’s two!”

I spent the afternoon Googling and wondering how you care for two children at once. We were overwhelmed, and I would say that feeling lasted half the pregnancy - though now we can’t imagine just having one baby!

The care we received was amazing, with fortnightly scans by a twin consultant. In the last few weeks when there was concern that one baby wasn’t growing as well, I was scanned regularly and had monitoring of the babies’ heartbeats every other day.

I was given steroids at 30 weeks to aid development of their lungs.

After the decision was made to induce at 32 weeks, there was four days of daily monitoring and we were able to look around the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), which helped us prepare emotionally.

The boys were delivered 16 minutes apart over two days, and therefore have different birthdays. Thomas Arthur arrived 23.45 on 5 November, and Oscar Louis at 00.01 on 6 November.

Prepared: Thomas and Oscar were born just 16 minutes apart, but managed to arrive on separate days

I felt I was prepared for the birth - as much as you can be. I had read about twin births, downloaded Tamba leaflets, attended the Tamba antenatal course and watched the breastfeeding webinar.

My local area is now doing a specific twin antenatal group (I just missed it), which is really positive.

We didn’t leave hospital until 21 December, so it was a hectic time. A week later our babies were admitted to hospital with viral meningitis, Oscar by ambulance. This was a scary time and one that will stay with us.

But our boys recovered and are doing really well - maternity leave is going too fast! We love watching them grow and the bond between them develop. We are very lucky and blessed.

www.tamba.org.uk

25

Older multiples: Identical triplets

Big brother John with his little sisters Jacky, Sue and Lin

A case of shared identity Sue Brighton on growing up identical and learning how to step out into the world on her own Life has always been about “us” or “we” and not “me”, and to any rational person not experienced in shared births, it still is - probably a little bit too much!

My sisters and I - Jacky at 5lb 8oz, Lin at 5lb 8oz and me at 3lb 5oz - were born identical, by a natural delivery in June of 1964, all within seven minutes in Colchester, Essex - “three peas in a pod”, as they said.

Dad was a scientist for Marconi & Co, and Mum was a housewife. John, my brother, was older by 23 months.

We grew up on a local authority council estate and went to the local primary and comprehensive schools.

As children we were ultra-shy in

public. We had the annual cringe-worthy birthday photo for the local newspaper, the Colchester Standard, with the three of us dressed in colour-coded clothes - not that you’d know it in black and white pictures - and John skulking miserably on the sidelines, allowed to be in only one photo.

Most of what we wore in our first 10 years was knitted by Nan, my Dad’s mum, who lived close by and helped out most days. She always addressed any of us as “Jacky-Linda-Susan”, which became a family joke.

In primary school we were in the same class and the colour coding was limited to our spectacles frames for school purposes

It was always two against one but never the same two, so fights were over quickly. If one cried, we all cried!

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(poor teachers!). We didn’t make friends easily, but we didn’t know that’s what usually happens, and it didn’t seem to matter as we had each other. We were tomboys, and it was always two against one, but never the same two, so fights were over quickly. If one cried, we all cried! We were essentially besties.

Someone decided we needed to be separated at secondary school. I remember the feeling of indignation at this decision.

We went into different forms but were streamed together for most lessons, and spent playtimes together. Kids thought we were a gang, called us twiglets or trip-dips, and stared at us. At the time I just thought of us as freaky enough that no one wanted to be our friends.

After A levels, Jacky went to university and then into a scientific career, spending most of her working life overseas. Lin went into the Post Office – counter work followed by a career in IT and having a child.

I joined ICI Paints (Dulux) as an engineer apprentice, worked through IT jobs and

Older multiples: Identical triplets

retired as a global market research data manager in 2015, married to Charley, a twin.

I had no maternal instinct, so no chance of quads!

Having hit the big 50 a few years back we took the time to reflect on our lives. We haven’t lived together for over 30 years, but when we’re together the years melt away, we sound the same, share many mannerisms, occasionally say the same thing at the same time, and can make each other laugh to tears like nobody else can.

Many of our anecdotes turned into questions of “so who was that – I thought it was me, was it you?”. We were treated as “the girls” and thought of ourselves in the plural so much that our memories have formed that way. I certainly didn’t feel I had my own identity until I was thrust into the world of work and went from being “the one at the back” to being expected to have my own viewpoint on seemingly anything and everything. It took me years to get there, and even today I will “pretend” I’m Jacky if a situation requires boldness and leadership

qualities, or Lin if empathy is required.

Apparently, my role was protecting from behind - “watch out, Mum’s coming!”

My one regret was not bonding with my brother until later in life. I thought he hated me, and I was scared of him. He just felt constantly ignored and left out. We’re all mates now.

Our relationships with each other have lasted the test of time and distance and we fall quickly back into safe, ultra-comfortable, supportive and open friendships whenever and wherever necessary. It’s great to have two people who you can say anything to, and who will challenge and encourage in equal measure but always be there for you. I look forward to sharing many more years making memories of “us”, including John.

Old age is going to be fun!

Even today I pretend I’m Jacky if I need boldness, or Lin for empathy

Jacky, Lin and Sue

Tamba Courses Designed specifically for parents of multiples Practical preparing for parenthood

Antenatal

Webinars

Breastfeeding

Enquire/book Katevalentine@tamba.org.uk | 01252 332 344

www.tamba.org.uk/courses www.tamba.org.uk

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Photo gallery: Celebrations

s y o j e l p i t Mul ns ty of fun occasio n le p t h g u ro b r Summe our families‌ r fo te ra b le e c to

Edith and Beatrice, 2, enjoying a snack and a rest after playing in a park in Bristol

Florence and George, 2, enjoying a holiday in Lanzarote

ol 8, enjoying a scho George and Lola, y non-uniform da

July!

Lila and Leo - 7 in

James and George Anderson having a great time celebrating their 3rd birthday

Amy, 10, George and Jessica, 7, in Wales - 9 degrees in the sea but loving it!

ing to the Dylan and Noah, 9, rac park run 5km al loc finish at our

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Happy 6th birthday Ava and Isla, from proud big sister Ellie

Lily and Iris Fuller, 2, finding flowers that match their names

ed Maisie and Frankie, ag

Zachary and Finley, 11 months, ready to go home for their nap

10 months

Ewan and Addy, 3, as Chewbacca and a ghost - trashing the house!

Kate and Elizabeth, 6, wearing smart new summer dresses made by Granny

Theo and Heidi on their first birt hday with twin cousins Matthew and Katie, 8

SEND US Y O U R S NA P

Mum to adult twins, Caitlin and Hannah, who turned 18 last July

Ballet shoes! Na talia, 5, with her twin sisters Martina and Estel le, 4

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吀☀䌀ᤠ猀㨀 ㈀ ─ 漀漀 挀漀搀攀 愀瀀瀀氀椀攀猀 琀漀 猀椀渀最氀攀 瀀愀挀欀猀 漀昀 渀愀瀀瀀椀攀猀Ⰰ 戀漀砀攀猀 漀昀 戀愀戀礀 眀椀瀀攀猀Ⰰ 戀愀琀栀 愀渀搀 猀欀椀渀挀愀爀攀 爀愀渀最攀猀 愀渀搀 挀栀愀渀最椀渀最 戀愀最猀⸀ 䔀砀挀氀甀搀攀猀 猀甀戀猀挀爀椀瀀琀椀漀渀 戀甀渀搀氀攀猀 愀渀搀 最椀昀琀 戀漀砀攀猀⸀ 䌀愀渀渀漀琀 戀攀 甀猀攀搀 椀渀 挀漀渀樀甀渀挀琀椀漀渀 眀椀琀栀 愀渀礀 漀琀栀攀爀 漀漀攀爀⸀

Noticeboard: Ads and more

Tamba discounters

Tamba has set up dozens of discounts exclusively for our members.

Just visit the Tamba website at www.tamba.org.uk/discounts for details of discounts on holidays, clothing, equipment and more, and for the codes to claim your money off. And of course, if you know of any organisation wishing to offer discounts to our members then please do ask them to contact luciewigley@tamba.org.uk.

Meanwhile, here are the new deals available to our families plus some of our renewing discounters:

NEW DISCOUNTERS Bshirt

thebshirt.clothing Breastfeed with confidence with Bshirt, made from organic cotton and tailored for tandem feeding, with no ties or clips.

Can be adapted to existing wardrobe. 10% off entire order with Tamba discount.

RENEWING DISCOUNTERS Baa Baby

baababy.co.uk Baa Baby is the home of natural sheepskin and wool products for babies and toddlers. Year round comfort with our fleeces, liners, footmuffs, blankets, toys and accessories. Enter your 10% discount code at the online checkout.

Coombe Mill

coombemill.com Join the daily tractor rides to help feed and care for animals on a 30 acre working farm.

Self-catering cottages and lodges for every budget, play areas, play barn, river, fishing lakes, woodland and gardens to explore… Coombe Mill is run by triplet parents and offers members a £50 off a week’s holiday in any week of the year, plus free cots, high chairs, bed guards and blackout blinds.

Court Farm Holidays

courtfarm-holidays.co.uk Court Farm prides itself on toddler and child-friendly properties and facilities, with soft play, swimming pool, outdoor play area, ponds and woods. Meet and feed the animals each morning.

Child-friendly essentials at no extra cost. Discount on holidays or short breaks with a minimum stay of three nights.

Frugi

welovefrugi.com Frugi makes organic clothing for kids age 0-10 years and stylish maternity and breastfeeding wear. To order ring 01326572828 or visit welovefrugi.com quoting the code and your membership number for 20% discount.

Koala Slings

koalaslings.com Koala Slings can help you find the right baby sling or carrier, from newborn babies through to toddlers. All our slings are safe, comfortable, and stylish, and we’re the experts in carrying twins or more. Tamba members get a 10% discount on all baby slings, baby carriers, toddler slings and carriers, and accessories when spending £30 or more (except the TwinGo). Shipping free.

Magnet Mouse

magnetmouse.co.uk Multiple-award-winning baby and maternity wear with magnets instead of poppers. Tiny hidden magnetic fasteners make dressing and changing a breeze. Proudly made in England. 20% off purchases of two or more sleepsuits for Tamba members.

Peanut and Piglet

peanutandpiglet.co.uk Clever twin products that are functional and fun, including breastfeeding pillow for twins, changing bag and fun tee’s. Designed by a twin mummy, for twin mummies. Tamba members get 10% off.

Sands Resort

sandsresort.co.uk Tamba members receive a complimentary 45 minute session in our Moroc Spa, including the use of the barrel heat room and cedar hot tub as well as the Moroccan lounge. This can be booked to coincide with our complimentary morning childcare session.

Members also receive a free upgrade (subject to availability) to the next grade of family suite when staying at our awardwinning family hotel in Cornwall. No discount during Easter Holidays, Whitsun Half Term or Summer Holidays. Please book by phone or send an email confirming that you are Tamba member to receive the upgrade and childcare session.

Browse our extensive list of discounts at www.tambamultiplesavings.co.uk

Remember to tell your favourite shop to join Tamba’s discounter list!

Start-rite

startriteshoes.com Start-rite footwear has a threeway fit to support healthy development. Members get 15% off full price footwear online.

Discount only available from Start-rite website.

The Bike Club

thebikeclub.co The Bike Club offer pay-monthly children’s bikes from just £3.35 per month. Bike Club bikes are lightweight: perfect for learning, racing and having fun. Simply sign up and choose when you want them delivered. Whenever they grow out of their bikes, just upgrade to the next size. Tamba members receive a free month of membership for each bike potentially over £50 in up-front savings.

The Valley Cottages

thevalleycornwall.co.uk The Valley offers luxury accommodation a few miles from Truro and Falmouth, with heated pools, a restaurant, complimentary baby/toddler equipment including books, toys and DVDs. Call 01872 862194 to book. Tamba members get a 10% discount off holidays outside school holidays and 5% off holidays during the school holidays.

DISCLAIMER: Multiple Matters is published by the Twins and Multiple Births Association, registered charity 1076478, registered company 3688825. Multiple Matters © Tamba 2010. ISSN 0967 – 8867. Tamba would like to point out that items in the magazine are collected from individuals and excerpts from newsletters etc. The views and suggestions are taken in good faith and the opinions expressed are not necessarily endorsed by Tamba. Likewise, advertising or the use of product names does not constitute a recommendation or endorsement by the Association.

www.tamba.org.uk

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converts to a backpack changing mat twin breastfeeding cushion

www.peanutandpiglet.co.uk