RESTORE // EMPOWER WIN // IMPROVE Nourish // NOURISH // and AND DEVELOP MARRIAGEMarriage WINTER 2019 Restore, Empower, Win,// Improve, Develop
MILLENNIAL MARRIAGE
21-Day
financial fast Take the challenge
MAKING IT WORK
HIS VOICE
Young, saved, single and in ministry
MARRIED AT
first sight or not?
Married
TO LEADERSHIP
RE W IN D M A GAZ I N E
- 1 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
6
Ways To
Divorce Proof Your marriage
CONTACT US REWIND MAG A Z I N E
06 M ARRI ED a t FI RST SI G H T O R NOT?
P.O. Box 919 Randallstown, MD 21133
A Christian Perspective By Tamara Hundley
P: 410-205-9213 W: www.rewindmarriage.com
EDITORIAL TAMARA HUN DLEY Publisher / Editor In Chief TERRAN C E HUN DLEY General Manager LATO N YA MO O RE Editor RO SALYN HALL Marketing Director
CONTRIBUTORS Pamela Bell, LaTonya Moore,
8
Zelma Allen, Tamara Hundley Terrance Hundley, Marcus Brown
PRINT & PRODUCTION TAMARA HUN DLEY
10 WAYS TO E A S E
Production Manager
THE TENSION IN
info@rewindmarriage.com
M A R R I AG E WH E N T H I N G S G E T TO U G H
ALL IN Q UIRIES info@rewindmarriage.com
SUBSCRIBTIONS SUB SC RIB E O N LINE www.rewindmarriage.com/subscribe
11 M A RRIED to L EAD ERSH IP By LaTonya Moore
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 2 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
TABLE OF CONTENTS
—
WORD SEARCH Page 26 THINGS MARRIED COUPLES
14
ENJOY DOING TOGETHER
2 1 DAY
Page 27
F INANC IAL FA ST
BECOMING A PROFESSIONAL
—
READER’S CORNER
LOVER: A WEEKLY DEVOTIONAL Take The Challenge
FOR LEARNING TO LOVE GOD’S WAY
By Zelma Allen
by Claude Jr and Jocelyn Thomas & Patrice Thomas Conwell
18
—
6 Ways
TO DI VO RC E PRO O F YO UR MARRIAGE
20 M I L L ENI AL M A RRIAG E Making It Work with Mary Sams By Tamara Hundley
24 YO UN G, SAVED, SIN GLE & IN MIN ISTRY An interview with CHRISTOPHER BRISCO
RE W IN D M A GAZ I N E
- 3 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
WELCOME to REWIND 2019 — “And Two Shall Become One Flesh” As couples, we constantly change, grow and learn. Hence, the reality of becoming one flesh is a lifetime process. However, because Marriage is a covenant between you, your spouse and God — God already views you and your spouse as one flesh. So as you change, grow and learn let your responses reflect how God sees you — ONE FLESH.
restore • empower • Win • Improve • Nourish • develop MARRIAGE
ADVERTISE WITH US
Make our readers aware of your business or event. We have over 8000 readers including both subscribers and online viewers. For more information visit www.rewindmarriage.com or
email: info@rewindmarriage.com
TAMARA HUNDL EY Publisher - info@rewindmarriage.com
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 4 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
THE MUSIC & WORSHIP ARTS MINISTRY presents...
& m p 0 3 : 7 19 L I R st 9:45am P A Y A 1 D 2 I L R I F PR A Y A D N U S R E T S A E TH
DON’T MISS THESE TWO FIRE PACKED PERFORMANCES
THE CHURCH OF THE REDEEMED OF THE LORD 4321 Old York Road • Baltimore, MD 21212 410.433.0426 • www.crlministries.com Bishop Jerome Stokes, Sr., Pastor Eld. Steven Ford, Music & Worship Arts Director RE W IN D M A GAZ I N E - 5 - WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
Married at
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 6 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
-MARRIAGE MATTERS-
first sight or Not? When did marriage become an experiment instead of a covenant? When did marriage become and experiment instead of a covenant? Yes, times have changed affecting everything, including the way couples meet. No longer are couples limited to meeting at various social gatherings, or through mutual friends. Now, with social networks, online dating sites and reality TV shows, individuals have the opportunity to meet potential spouses all over the world —unrestricting their options. Additionally, these new options allow individuals to find out information, including criminal backgrounds, prior to going on dates. With that said, an argument could definitely be made for the benefits of these new options. However, when it comes to marriage, does anyone have the right or authority to redefine the terms or the commitment requirement ordained by God? Returning for its eighth season, the popular reality show, Married At First Sight, seeks out singles who agree to legally marry strangers – meeting their future spouses for the very first time at the altar. According to several reputable news sites, participants of the show, like other reality shows, receive financial compensation for their six-week commitment to the marriage and the show. For this experiment, a panel of experts, including a psychologist, sociologist, marriage counselor and yes…even a pastor, preselect the individuals and match the espoused couple. Additionally, the expert panel mentors the preselected/matched couples. Each couple agrees to have their lives recorded, beginning with the wedding, including the honeymoon (where they consummate the marriage) and several weeks into their new married lives. After completing the six-week commitment, each couple decides whether or not they will stay together or end the marriage in divorce. It is important to note here that only 2 of the 9 Married at First Sight couples are still together — giving the experiment a very low 22 percent success rate. The Selection Process Ads posted at www.mylifetime.com read similar to this: NOW CASTING: MARRIED AT FIRST SITE, then the name of city where the casting call takes place. The ad asks the following questions: Single and Brave? Appear Between 26 to 40? Exhausted All Dating Options? Ready to find the love of your life? Then we want to hear from you.
God’s Plan vs. Man’s God ordained marriage and His plan is perfect: Genesis 1:26-28, 2:18, 24 Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground. So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground. The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him and they shall be one flesh”. Based on this scripture, God ordained marriage to mirror His image – reflecting His glory. For this reason, marriage is not something to enter into with a stranger because it is not something one enters intending to escape. Having that intention from the start blurs the image of marriage, rendering it unrecognizable – with no reflection of His image. Also, according to scripture, the Lord hates divorce. Malachi 2:16, “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” As Christians, we must choose to follow God’s word and His plan over man’s plan. Choosing to enter into a sacred covenant for money, fame or a mere experiment, without any real intention for permanent commitment violates God’s plan for marriage. Although there are many instances in the Bible where couples were placed together, those arrangements were for God’s Will and His purpose. As such, those couples did not enter those prearranged marriages looking for a way out for frivolous reasons. Unlike the couples participating in this reality show, the commitment to the covenant went along with the marital arrangement. Knowing how God feels about divorce, yet entering a marriage with the intent to divorce for reasons other than what His word permits, violates His Word and makes mockery of the marital covenant. By Tamara Hundley
RE W IN D M A GAZ I N E
- 7 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
Ways to ease the tension in marriage when THINGS GET TOUGH
LIGHTEN THE MOMENT
4
COMMUNICATE
REMEMBER
1
3
It’s not just a saying — communication is key. Take the initiative and be the first one to break the silence in a respectful and caring manner.
Apologize
Your spouse is a part of the solution and not the problem. Keep the proper perspective.
2 Even if it’s not your fault, simply say “I’m sorry we’re dealing with this tension.” Let your apology start a deeper conversation.
Say or do something that makes your spouse smile or even laugh — a cheerful heart is good medicine.
TOUCH
5 Research has proven when couples touch or are in close proximity of one another, a real transfer of energy takes place.
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 8 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
GO GET SOME ICE CREAM
9
FORGIVE
6
or any food that reminds you of a lighter time. This is not an attempt to avoid the conversation, but the change in atmosphere can lighten the conversation.
Couples who practice forgiveness can rid themselves of the toxic hurt and shame that holds them back from feeling connected to each other Dr. John Gottman
PRESS PAUSE
GIVE IN AND GIVE UP
7
8 You don't have to be right. Take a metaphorical loss for the sake of the relationship.
Take a moment alone and think about what you can do to relieve the tension. In most instances it’s best to think before you act.
RE W IN D M A GAZ I N E
- 9 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
PRAY
10 Marriage is a covenant between God, husband and wife. Talk to each other,but always talk to God. Keep your marriage grounded in prayer.
Zelma Allen
Realtors - Realists Multiple - Listing Certified Approval
Sales Consultant
S. LEE MARTIN & CO.
Mobile: 443-791-3726 Office: 410-367-6500 Home: 410-323-1182
Mobile 443-791-3726 Office 410-367-6500 Home 410-323-1183
4809 Liberty Heights Avenue Baltimore, Maryland 21207
4809 Liberty Heights Avenue Baltimore, Maryland 21207
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 10 -
WI N T ER - 2 0 1 9
MARRIED TO LEADERSHIP THE ROLE OF “LEADER” COMES WITH A VARIETY OF RESPONSIBILITIES AND EXPECTATIONS.
by LaTonya Moore
The role of “leader” comes with a variety of responsibilities and expectations. Among them is the responsibility of caring for the well-being of a company/organization and its employees/customers. Additionally, leaders must cope with the expectation that they either have the answer or know the best way to implement some discovered solution. Leaders are leaders because they have, in some way, displayed the aptitude for this work and have consequently been awarded this position of authority and honor. They’ve earned it and are rightly praised for it. Unfortunately, the glare of their success can occasionally cause temporary blindness to their failures and deficiencies. Unwatched, unmanaged and left unchecked these opportunities for improvement can become monsters destined to destroy vital relationships – especially marriages. The spouses of leaders have the precarious job of unRE W IN D M AGA Z I N E
- 11 -
derstanding the stress, coping with the deficiencies, and maintaining peace while leaders seemingly lavish in the accolades of employees, customers, and community affiliates. Here is where the masking begins for many spouses of leaders. Not wanting to be an additional source of stress or to shine a negative light on their partner, spouses of leaders often cope with the leader’s deficiencies without ever directly addressing them. Everyone else sees the leaders as great successes, while the spouses only see the burden of maintaining an image. Further exacerbating the tension is the reality that most innate leaders seem to commandeer that role in the home as well. As a result, their spouses often relinquish their careers and life paths to follow the leaders. Consequently, the spouse is not only burdened with the responsibility of maintaining an image but buying into the image also. WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
- MARRIAGE MATTERS -
“How can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3 HOW DOES A LEADER INSULATE HIS/HER MARRIAGE IN THE FACE OF SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES?
3. Be Sure Your Paths Cross
“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall” Proverbs 16:18. “But He giveth more grace. Wherefore He saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble” – James 4:6
Ensuring that your paths cross is actually something all engaged persons should do prior to marriage. Two whole and mature people, having knowledge of who they are and who they are destined to become are better qualified for long-term compatibility versus short-term gratification. However, if this did not happen preemptively that does not mean the marriage is doomed. Partners who find themselves on divergent paths should purposely set out to discuss and discover each other’s strengths for the purpose of identifying places where one’s strength compliments of compensates for the other’s. However, during these investigative discussions, the natural born leader must be careful not to relegate their spouse’s strength to supporting cast roles. Valuing their strengths as both independently essential as well as essential to your family’s success will keep a couple from wandering separately through life.
2. GET HELP
“How can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3
1. Tell Yourself the Truth About You It is right for good leaders to be celebrated and honored for the work they do. However, that does not give leaders permission to become arrogant and prideful. We all have opportunities for improvement. Leaders shouldn’t ignore theirs or think their greatness compensates for their deficiencies. It does not. We all have the responsibility to consistently better ourselves. Betterment requires the acknowledgement of faults. Have a healthy self-esteem, but also have a healthy dose of reality – no one is perfect
Not wanting to dispel the image of personal sufficiency, leaders and their spouses often refuse the help they need. Maintaining an image in favor of getting help for your real needs will ultimately result in the loss of both the image and the reality. It is simply not worth it. Remember, one of the main characteristics of a good leader is knowing how to implement a discovered solution. Leaders don’t always have the answer, but they know where to go to get it.
Engage in Exposing and Extending Grace Join
“But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick” Matthew 9:12. “Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees; and make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the ay; but rather be healed” Hebrews 12:11-13
Are you looking for a community of believers committed to pursuing purpose with passion? Then partner with us as we Partner with God in the matters of His heart. ENGAGE @ www.graceministries-ex.com Participate in our current passion projects and partner with us for future endeavors.
graceministries.ex@gmail.com R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 12 -
WI N T ER - 2 0 1 9
RE WI N D M A GA ZI N E
- 13 -
WI N T E R - 2019
14 MARY SAMS sha res WHAT SHE IS DOING TO HELP MARR IED WO MEN OF ALL AGES . P h oto s by: Matthew Sams
MILLENNIAL MARRIAGE MAKING IT WORK Marriage and challenges go hand in hand. However, in today’s society, couples that decide to marry at a young age face a new set of challenges. COMMUNICATION Mary Sams, a 25-year old who is happily married to Matthew Sams (25), shares what she decided to do to face some of these challenges head on. She tells REWIND that one of the greatest challenges she and her husband of 2 years (May 2019), have faced is communication. “As a millennial, I find that social media, phones, games and computers all train youth to be so entertained that it causes us to lack in communication. Talking is important! We have to learn to shut down our phones, turn off our televisions and simply talk to each other.” To Mary’s point regarding social media, a recent study, published in Computers in Human Behavior, found a link between social media use and decreased marriage quality. According to the study, a 20% annual increase in Facebook enrollment had a direct correlation with a 2.18% to 4.32% increase in divorce rates. Additionally, the study’s results predict that individuals who do not use social media are 11% happier in their marriages than those who regularly use social media. This is not to say that couples should not use social media or that social media is the blame for failing marriages; however, it does strongly suggest that social media boundaries should be set by couples in an efR E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
fort to safeguard marriages against any negative results from its use. Another suggestion Mary has for young married couples, which also applies to couples in general is, “Be intentional with having time just to communicate. Sometimes, even at dinner, it’s easy to scroll through your phone. Shut down your phones and social media for specific times; like dinner. Communicate with eye-to-eye contact. Ask each other questions like: ‘How was your day? How are you doing?’ and actually tune in to hear the response, without distractions from social media, phones or games — this forces you to communicate and open up about issues you need to discuss with your spouse.” Although scores of millennials use social media and gaming, it is a known fact that people of all ages engage in social media use and, consequently, it affects couples of all ages: millennials, middle-aged and senior couples. So, whether you’ve been married one year or 50-plus years, it is important to set apart time; shut social media down; shut your phones down; and, as Mary advocates, “simply talk to each other.” WIVES & BRIDES GROUP In addition to shutting down social media, gaming and phones to improve communication, Mary found another way to acquire wisdom and guidance for her millennial marriage. She recently organized a group of married and engaged women of all ages for - 14 -
WI N T ER - 2 0 1 9
“
“
God just randomly downloaded this idea to me one day while I was praying.
a Chat and Chew — another form of communication. “I thought it was necessary, being a millennial and being married, but not having many married couples my age around me. I felt it would be great to have an open forum where women of different ages could come together and discuss marriage and encourage one another,” she said. Mary adds that the group discussed several pertinent topics including: What Are the Expectations in Marriage? What Is It That I Should or Shouldn’t Be Doing? Finances, Intimacy and more… Continuing to express why young married couples should seek out guidance for their relationships, Mary says, “Marriage is more than just walking down the aisle
in a beautiful gown. The very second you say ‘I DO’ your marriage begins — and it is so much more than that.” According to Mary, many of the women who attended the chat and chew expressed how much they gained from this type of setting. She added, “Just getting that encouraging word from other married women that this can be done means a lot.” When asked if the group has a name, Mary replied, “No. God just randomly downloaded this idea to me one day while I was praying.” She said she was instructed do a wives and brides chat and chew. In terms of moving forward with the group Mary said, “Initially this was something that would
be small and intimate; a place where women could open up and discuss whatever they were going through. For that reason, I wanted to keep it at 50 women or less. I have had such great feedback, so I am now seeking God for direction moving forward.” Women who are interested in getting additional information can follow Mary’s Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/mary. lee.524381 by Tamara Hundley
CHAT AND CHEW WOMEN’S GROUP
RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E
- 15 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
NO CHAOS ALLOWED
A Practical Guide To Effective Church Administration defines and looks at the Biblical origin of church administration. It explores the characteristics of good church administrators and leaders by pointing out key qualities mandated by scripture.
ORDER TODAY AT www.amazon.com or www.createspace.com R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 16 -
WI N T ER - 2 0 1 9
WI N T E R - 2019 - 17 RE WI N D M A GA ZI N E
• Distinctive Homes • Commercial & Industrial Property • Honesty, Integrity and Quality Workmanship
- 18 - WI N T E R - 2019 RE WI N D M A GA ZI N E
6 WAYS TO
DIVORCE PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE In the beginning, God created a marriage. Not a government. Not a school. Not a committee. A marriage. This intimate relationship is the foundation on which God chose to build all other human relationships. God performed the first marriage, and from one marriage came the world’s inhabitants. But as with all the holy and precious things God creates, the enemy is quick to level crushing attacks against it, and your marriage is no different. Even if your marriage is near perfect, it’s important that you go out of your way to protect this most sacred of relationships, which is only second to your relationship with God Himself. First Peter 5:8 says, “Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” Indeed, the enemy relishes any opportunity to devour marriage, as it is the foundation of all human relationships. So, how can you “stay alert” in regard to your marriage? Here are six practical truths that can help divorceproof your marriage. Remove Divorce From Your Language “Avoid worthless, foolish talk that only leads to more godless behavior.” –2 Timothy 2:16 “The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” –Proverbs 18:21 The Bible reminds us constantly that our words hold great power, and just like with anything else, the power of life or death for your marriage is in your tongue. Don’t even joke about divorce, don’t use it as a threat, and certainly don’t entertain divorce as a “Plan B” or an escape route. While it may seem inconsequential, when you speak words about the death of your marriage, which is divorce, you give the ‘divorce weed’ a chance to take root in your marriage. Rip it from your vocabulary like you would a weed growing in your garden.
Remember That Marriage Is Not Intended to Complete You “You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.” –Psalm 63:1 (NIV) “On the last day, the climax of the festival, Jesus stood and shouted to the crowds, ‘Anyone who is thirsty may come to me! Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, “‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.”’” –John 7:37-39 Constantly expecting a marriage relationship to make you whole puts undue burdens and unrealistic expectations on you and your partner. Only God fully completes us and satisfies us. Take a step back and examine your desires and expectations for your spouse. Are you expecting your spouse to fulfill a role that only God can fill? If so, it’s time to adjust those expectations to line up with God’s Word. Begin by looking to God, and only Him, to fill the dry and parched places of your heart with the Living Water of His Spirit. Believe the Best About Each Other “She bears up under everything; believes the best in all; there is no limit to her hope, and never will she fall.” –1 Corinthians 13:7 (ISV) Many marriage battles are fought in the mind before they ever manifest in tangible words and actions. Errant thoughts shoot into the mind like flaming arrows, and if they aren’t dealt with immediately, they can cause mass destruction. Thoughts like, Did he really just say that? Doesn’t he know how much that irritates me? That’s just like her to do that. A guy can’t catch a break.
“
Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.” –1 Peter 5:8
Sound familiar? In most circumstances, your spouse isn’t out to “get you.” Always assuming the worst about your spouse over a misunderstanding is a tiring way to live, and the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:7 that love “believes the best in all.” If you married your spouse in good conscience that this was indeed who God had for you, why would you assume the worst about him or her? Your spouse, just like you, isn’t always going to be perfect, a fact that isn’t going to change this side of heaven. Our lives follow our words (and thoughts!), so what if our first reaction over a misunderstanding with our spouse is to tell ourselves, “Well, this wasn’t what I was expecting to happen, but I trust their heart toward me”? How might our relationships improve? Further communication and resolution may still need to happen, but how much healthier will our attitudes be toward our spouses? And how much more prepared will we be the next time the enemy launches an attack against us if we always believe the best? Tackle Tough Conversations “The mouth of the righteous speaks wisdom, and his tongue talks of justice.” –Psalm 37:30 (NKJV) “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” –Proverbs 27:17 While it is important to believe the best about each other, tough topics like purity, children, money, failures and weaknesses can’t be avoided. To be an adult is to have the courage and grace to hold those tough conversations. But here’s the benefit: Small conversations in the present build bridges for future problem-solving. Such talks build trust, encourage openness and strengthen the bonds between husband and wife. If you and your spouse rarely circle back to these topics, or if you never even had the conversations to begin with, then it will be much tougher to address them when problems do arise.
“
able [dynamic in its working].” –James 5:16 (AMPC) Building a solid prayer life has its challenges. But there is one person you should remember to pray for every day—your spouse. Shower your spouse in prayer. Prayer accomplishes exponentially more than you can see or imagine. Prayer has the power to align your will with God’s, to change your attitude toward your spouse, and to defend against the enemy’s attacks. Whether in a calm season or a stormy season, set a hedge of prayer around your marriage. “Every time I think of you, I give thanks to my God” (Philippians 1:3). Set Appropriate Boundaries “Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.” –Hebrews 13:4 Did you think that boundaries are only for dating couples? Think again! Whether it’s technology, money, time or friends, every couple has areas that threaten to weaken the marriage. Because of the time invested in holding those tough conversations, you should know which areas are struggles for you and your spouse. Own up to those areas, and place some lifegiving boundaries in your marriage. Boundaries used in the right way don’t restrict life, but open it up for more love and freedom. Put these six steps in place to help you stay alert to the attacks of the enemy, and you’re on your way to divorce-proofing your marriage. A marriage takes constant care to carry it through all of the seasons of life. If you find yourself in a joyous season in your marriage, may this encouragement further strengthen and deepen your roots. But if you find yourself walking through a dark season, do not give up! With God anything is possible! Read our article, 4 Faith Truths That Can Save Your Marriage. Surround yourself with the Word of God, with prayer and with those who will stand in faith with you. Your marriage is worth it!
Pray for Each Other “Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips, your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power availRE W IN D M AGA Z I N E
- 19 -
Article Courtesy of Kenneth Copeland Ministries
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
21-DAY
financial fast —
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 20 -
WI N T ER - 2 0 1 9
- FINANCES IN MARRIAGE -
TAKE THE CHALLENGE by Zelma Allen & Terrance Hundley If many of us would be honest when it comes to our spending habits we would realize that we are not doing as well as we could. Many of us are spending money we don’t have and have no idea what we spent it on. Poor spending habits result from a number of factors and can imprison us to a lifestyle that will not be conducive or beneficial to the financial freedom God intended for us to have. If you want to get out of a financial mess God’s way, I challenge you to go on a 21-Day Financial Fast. A 21Day Financial Fast is a fast that requires you to not use your credit cards or do any unnecessary shopping for 21 days. It includes a vow of freedom from money problems and an acknowledgment of your dependence on God. Participating in such a fast will help you grow spiritually and further your desire to give freely. Think of this 21-day fast as the money equivalent of a fatbusting juice cleanse. This fast is meant to shock you out of your financial rut and put you on a path to better spending habits that will last forever. Sunday is a good day to start your 21-Day Financial Fast. Use the weekends to tackle long-range goals, and complete doable satisfying challenges on the weekdays. At the end of the 21 days, you should have a solid budget, way less money stress, and money to put in your savings account or the reduction of bill balances. Like any cleanse, you will see results and if you don’t, it will be because you did not follow the program. Consider taking this PLEDGE: During the next twenty-one days, I will be on a spending diet. I will not shop for anything except necessities. I will not use my credit card. I will limit or eliminate the use of my debit card. I will use cash for purchases I make during the fast. I will work hard to break the chains that keep me from achieving financial freedom. All of us need to be set free from the bondage of bad spending habits that hold our lives captive. Read this scripture every day: Is not this the fast that I have chosen? To loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke? Isaiah 58:6 KJV For those use to spending freely, this 21-day fast is not going to be easy. It will take a lot of discipline as it forces you to turn your focus away from the things of the world (such as unnecessary spending and credit usage) and reach out to God. It is all about self-denial. For many who are in financial ruin, pursuing wants and desires have caused significant financial pain. This fast is definitely for all who are at their wits end, living RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E
from paycheck to paycheck, and unable meet day to day responsibilities. The 21-day fast is a perfectly reasonable period of time to cut back on your wants and focus only on your needs. If you shorten this fast time, you may not really absorb the benefits of this fast and the transformative effects it can have on your financial habits. It is definitely for all who are at their wits end, living from paycheck to paycheck, and unable to meet day-to-day responsibilities.
LISTED BELOW ARE THE ITEMS YOU CAN BUY AND THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT DO: List of items you can buy on the 21-Day Financial Fast: 1. Necessary items such as food and medications. 2. Necessary personal hygiene items. 3. Necessary items for the family, such as school supplies. 4. Necessary items for your home, such as cleaning products. This does not include buying new linen, window treatments, kitchen items and furniture unless the old ones are completely worn out or broken. 5. Clothing items that would be required for your job such as work shoes, or work clothes (do not purchase new clothing because you think you need a new outfit - that is a no, no). 6. Brown bag your lunch and abstain from buying your lunch out. Get into the brown bag habit and you will be less compelled to eat out every day. 7. Do your own hair and nails. - 21 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
- FINANCES IN MARRIAGE List of what you should not do while you are on the 21-day financial fast:
KEYS TO REMEMBER: While you are making these financial sacrifices, please take a moment to reflect on all that God has blessed you with and learn to be content with what you have.
1. You and your children should not go to the mall or hang out there. Encourage your spouse to participate in the fast and ask him/her to avoid the mall too. 2. No window shopping. One of the reasons for this fast is to stop using shopping as a form of entertainment.
Don’t complain about what you cannot buy during the 21-Day Financial Fast, but be thankful for all the things that God has already blessed you to possess.
3. No online shopping. Avoid browsing through retail catalogs. Put them away for the twenty-one day fast so they will not tempt you. 4. Do not buy meals outside (restaurants).
Fasting should be a time of prayer to seek God’s will and his direction in your life. Therefore; engage with God as much as possible throughout your 21-Day Financial Fast. This will make prayer the cornerstone of all your decisions.
5. Do not go to the movies, plays, shows or spend money on entertainment. 6. Do not use your credit cards, but use cash instead. The importance of this fast is to become connected with your cash. You will be more conscious of the spending process when you actually pay in cash. 7. If a holiday falls within the 21 day fast (i.e. Valentine’s Day) you should not buy anything.
The 21-Day Financial Fast is your declaration of freedom from money problems and acknowledgement of your dependence on God. The 21-Day Financial Fast will help you grow spiritually, trust God and further your desire to give freely.
Consider this list of additional PLEDGES. Read them while you are on the 21-Day Financial Fast as a type of daily confession/ devotional: 1. Before I can find the key to wealth, I must understand that prosperity comes with conditions, and I must follow God’s will and Word for my life. Read Deuteronomy 8:18.
When you complete the 21-Day Financial Fast, celebrate your achievement. Do not over spend, but treat yourself to a small gift. Deposit the rest of your money into a savings account, or use the extra money to pay off a bill. The true celebration of the fast is in taking advantage of the fast’s benefits.
2. I will commit to tithing or recommit to continue to tithe. Read Proverbs 3:9-10. 3. I will not complain about what I do not have. Read 1Timothy 6:6-8. 4. I will develop a budget for every penny that God blesses me to have. Read Proverbs 13:18.
6. My spouse and I will work together to develop a set of rules for how we will handle our money. Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
The 21-Day Financial Fast may sound extreme to you, but it is surprisingly doable. Understanding the rules and incorporating the guidelines makes it possible to go cold turkey and see seriously amazing results. The fast is not a cure all solution for out of control spending, but it can be a step in the right direction. It can set you on a path toward better financial responsibility.
7. I will teach my children what it means to be good stewards over God’s money. Read Proverbs 13:22.
I will leave you with this verse to guide your financial fast:
5. I will set aside a certain amount of every paycheck to put into my savings account. Read Proverbs 21:5.
8. I will look at everything that I own so that I can guard against wanting more. I will make sure I am not pulled into things that will cause me to have greed in my life. 9. I will look at my finances and decide to stop stressing about it. My prayers are that God will bring me peace in that area. Read Job 22:21. 10. I will stop complaining about not having enough money because God has so richly blessed me. Read Proverbs 10:22.
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. Hebrews 13:5 KJV
11. I will make a proclamation, acknowledging that everything I have belongs to God. Read Luke 16:10-11.
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 22 -
WI N T ER - 2 0 1 9
Editorial
www.visionsbiz-online.com info@visionsbiz-online.com
Restore, Empower, Win, Improve, Nourish and Develop Marriage
Terrance & Tamara Hundley Publishers
P.O. Box 41 Owings Mills, MD 21117
Over 8,000 online viewers; several hundred mail subscribers; and currently in several ministries throughout the Baltimore/Metropolitan area.
website: www.rewindmarriage.com EMAIL US TODAY @ email: info@rewindmarriage.com info@rewindmarriage.com RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E
- 23 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
- 24 - WI N T E R - 2019 RE WI N D M A GA ZI N E
his voice LISTEN
—
Young, saved, single and in ministry In a recent interview, REWIND got up close and personal with Christopher Brisco, a 30-year old, single minister. Check out his perspective on being being saved, single and in ministry.
Q: What are some of the challenges you’ve experienced dating as a young, saved, minister? A:
Dating in this society of reality television, Instagram models and YouTube stars is difficult for anyone looking for something “real”. Dating as a young, saved, minister has proven to take difficulty to another level. Morals and standards seem to be nonexistent and to make matters worse, secular attributes have been accepted as a way of life by the church. It is not easy differentiating between those that are saved and a simple church goer. As a young, saved, minister, I am looking for someone with whom I can share, among other things, my love and passion for Jesus and ministry. If Jesus is not the center of her life, there is no way He can be the center of our relationship.
Q: We know that in many instances individuals are attracted to the anointing on the lives of ministers, singers and musicians? With that said, have you experienced this, and if so, how does it make you feel? A:
Although I’ve heard this many times, I cannot say I’ve had any experience in this area. With that being said, it may be important to note that I’ve been told by a few close friends, I tend to be oblivious to those seeking my attention. Somehow, I have the unintended ability to overlook a handshake that lasts longer than it should, an attempt at small talk, a smile directed specifically toward me or a flirtatious laugh at a corny joke I may have made. Because of this profound ability, it is hard to say whether or not I should credit the attention I receive to my effortless charm (one of those corny jokes) or the anointing on my life. At any rate, this is alarming because anointing seekers, as I call them, often appear innocent but have a way of causing you to give up the gift God has given. It makes dating more difficult than it already is.
and do. It is easy to focus on what we as saved individuals “cannot” do. Instead, we need to focus on building our relationship with God and catering our actions to please Him. It is important to make your position known and stand firm. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Possibly the most important thing to note, know your limits and do not put yourself in compromising positions.
Q: Does it make it difficult to tell when someone is genuine or not? A: Again, I cannot speak from experience, but I would answer this question with a resounding yes. This is when it is important to move slowly in a relationship. Anointing seekers often want to test boundaries and see how far they can take you. A genuine attempt at dating comes with its own set of temptations but should also cause you to seek God more.
Q: What do you consider “safe dates” for single, saved individuals?
Q: How can you tell the difference between someone who really has a genuine desire to get to know you, as opposed to someone seeking your attention because of the call on your life to minister?
A:
A:
In my opinion, there is no concrete definition for a “safe date”; I think that is subjective. Of course, dating comes with its own temptations but a “safe date” is one that does not test an individual beyond his/her limits. As individuals, we have to be honest with ourselves and create boundaries that allow us to express ourselves without testing our limits. It is important to remember the purpose of dating is to get to know someone. Although there are times where this can happen in public, during the day, with friends or other places that are usually considered not as romantic or tempestuous; there will be times when dating requires solitude and intimate settings. Thus, the individuals need to first make sure they are in the physical, emotional and spiritual place to successfully date. Those are the makings of a “safe date”.
Q: Do you feel pressured, as a young person in ministry, to get married? If so, why or why not?
Q: Finally, what words of advice would you offer to young people in ministry on dating in general – any do’s or don’ts, or any suggestions on how to make the best of the dating process as a young Christian?
A genuine desire to get to know someone will result in respect for the person as well as the anointing. Although dating comes with its own temptations, someone who has a genuine interest in you will encourage you to draw closer to God. If you find yourself second guessing your stance on the Word of God, your way of life as a Christian and the amount of time and effort you spend working in ministry, that is a good indication the interest is not genuine. Nothing should separate you or draw you away from God.
A:
The pressure to get married, in my experience, comes from society more than being in ministry. There are however, times where it seems that if I were married, being in ministry would be easier. I have a supportive family and loyal friends, but there is a certain level of support and encouragement that marriage seems to provide. Being in ministry has a way of creating a feeling of vulnerability. From the outside looking in, marriage appears to be a cure or protections in those times.
A:
Q: One of the biggest challenges facing saved, single young people is abstinence before marriage. As a young minister, what would you say to young people regarding this? How do they keep themselves for marriage?
My words of advice are simple. Know that being saved does not require you to find a spouse. Being married does not validate the anointing on your life. Be comfortable with having standards and when you find someone in whom you are interested, take it slow. Move forward when you are comfortable, not to please the other person, not to please the church and definitely not to obtain a position in ministry. Date someone of like faith. Dating should not be used as an attempt to try to lead someone to Christ. Most importantly, keep God first in your life and in the center of your relationship. It may seem overly simplified or off topic, but if Christ is first in your life, the decisions you make will be based on your relationship with Him. With Christ as the center of your relationship, you can’t go wrong.
A:
by Tamara hundley
We must remember that being saved is a lifestyle and cannot be compartmentalized. Being saved requires more than just going to church. We cannot live our personal life according to our own strength. The only way to keep ourselves for marriage is to incorporate God in all we say
RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E
- 25 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
Things Married Couples Enjoy Doing Together
WORD SEARCH laughing vacationing watching movies dining skiing swimming playing board games praying praising ice skating
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 26 -
WI N T ER - 2 0 1 9
roller skating sleeping studying home projects bathing showering shopping nothing dancing talking
Reader’s Corner While scrolling through channels one evening I came across an interview with the authors of the book, Becoming A Professional Lover: A Weekly Devotional For Learning to Love God’s Way. Jackie Claude Jr. and Jocelyn Thomas shared how their marital experiences taught them what it means to love your spouse. I was so intrigued that I could not change the channel. I listened intensely as they talked about love and marriage. One of the key points that stood out was their definition of love — utilizing the resources you have available to meet the legitimate needs of another individual. They talked about the sacrifices made for one another and the importance of not being selfish or allowing the other person to be selfish. Check out this weekly devotional on Amazon.com and consider making it part of your library.
AMAZON.COM RE W IN D M AGA Z I N E
- 27 -
WI N T E R - 2 0 1 9
R E WI N D M A GAZ I N E
- 28 -
WI N T ER - 2 0 1 9