South East Swindon Link June 2023

No 80 June 2023 GPS-tracked delivery to over 42,000 homes across Swindon with Est. overall readership of 105,000

Swindon

LINK Your Community Magazine

South & East Edition

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Swindon celebrates the King’s Coronation p6

Editor’s Note

Tribute unveiled to architect who shaped some of Swindon’s most iconic buildings

By Jamie Hill Jamie@positive-media.co.uk By Barrie Hudson barrie@positive-media.co.uk A Victorian architect who changed the face of Swindon has been honoured with a plaque and portrait at one of his buildings.

Descendants of prominent Swindon families of the era were among the guests who It’s all been a bit of a gathered at Sanford House political earthquake in to honour Brightwen Binyon.

Swindon with the borough Sanford House, formerly turning from blue to red.

Sanford Street School, is On page 4 we hear home to several charities, from new council leader and the unveiling was Jim Robbins, who will be hosted by Voluntary Action telling us Labour’s plans Swindon and organised by now they’re in control of the local historian, author and borough council, and we researcher Martin Robbins. hear from Gary Sumner, Binyon designed the the new leader of the striking building, along opposition on the Tory side. with the Town Hall and the One thing that always expansion of the Mechanics’ sticks in my craw are Institute in the early 1890s. those seemingly intelligent Alumni of the school people who say ‘I don’t vote included Swindon Town because politicians are all and England player Harold the same.’

Fleming, building company This huge generalisation founder Edward William displays stupidity in Beard, who worked beyond abundance. Most local his 100th birthday, and councillors, whatever their GWR Chief Mechanical political affiliation, are Engineer Frederick there for the right reasons Hawksworth. and are good people just The inscription on the trying to help. We should plaque reads: “Renowned always remember that.

Group Editor and Owner: Jamie Hill Deputy Editor: Barrie Hudson Reporter: Jessica Durston Sales: Dave Stewart and Rosy Presley Accounts Manager: Karen Randall Contributors: Tyler Ody, Becky Cox, Maurice Spillane and Alfie Howlett

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Quaker architect who was a passionate campaigner for Christian education of the working class.

“He designed Swindon Town Hall, an extension to the Mechanics’ Institution, and various Swindon Schools including Sanford Street School.

“His wider works including, Sunderland Town Hall, is said to have inspired his grandson Sir Bernard Feilden who was one of the most important international conservation architects of the 20th Century.”

The School was named after Charlotte Sanford (1824-1910) of the Sanford family of Nynehead Court, Somerset, who married

into the prominent Swindon Goddard family.

The unveiling, pictured, was performed by Edward Sanford, a descendant of Charlotte. A member of the Goddard family, Milly Goddard, was also present.

A talk about Brightwen Binyon’s life and achievements was delivered by conservation architect Michael Gray, who said Binyon had a knack of producing excellent buildings economically.

The school, Mr Gray said, was designed to accommodate 794 boys at all age levels, and he showed an original design for the structure by Binyon.

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LINK POLITICS

New era at borough council

The result of the local elections at the beginning of May saw Swindon Borough Council change political hands for the first time since the Conservatives gained control in June of 2004. The turnout was 35 percent.

Labour now has 33 seats, the Conservatives 22 and the Liberal Democrats one. Leader David Renard lost his Haydon Wick seat and Labour Group leader Cllr Jim Robbins became council leader. Former deputy leader Cllr Gary Sumner became Conservative leader. Here Cllrs Robbins and Sumner reveal their plans.

Council leader pledges a better Swindon open to fresh ideas We know that we won’t be able to do everything that we want to do straight away, but we are keen to I want to say a massive thank make some early changes you to everyone who supportthat we hope will improve ed Labour in the recent local the town and demonstrate elections. the direction we want to It was humbling to receive travel in. such incredible support and The first change we have we achieved one of the most made is to some of the interdecisive results in Swindon’s nal committees in the council. history, winning 16 of the 19 We have got rid of some seats up for grabs. overview committees which We know that we have a appeared to be talking huge job to do to overcome shops and replaced them the mess left by the last with three delivery commitadministration and build the tees focused on developing better Swindon that we prompolicy in three key areas. ised, and we are determined These are Combating to do so.

Inequality, Building a Better I’m overwhelmed by the Swindon and Achieving Net amazing messages of support Zero, our three over arching and congratulations, and missions which are the three certainly noticed a theme in areas we want to really them – ‘You’ve got your work focus on. cut out!’

We want to make sure that everyone in Swindon reaches their potential, make sure that we have the buildings and infrastructure necessary for the next 30 years and ensure that Swindon more than plays its part in fighting climate change and ensuring we have a sustainable future.

We know that, whilst the Labour team have plenty of big ideas to transform the town, we don’t have the monopoly on good ideas, and we invite all residents to feed into these groups.

Finally, the Labour group were stunned and very sad to hear the news of the death of one of our councillors, Pam Adams of St Margaret & South Marston ward.

Her death was very

I am now the Leader of the Opposition on Swindon Borough Council.

It will be a difficult few years ahead, but the Conservatives will hold Labour councillors to deliver on the promises they made during the election.

As Deputy Leader of the council, I spent several years holding public meetings with residents about how Swindon grows over the next 15 years.

I insisted on infrastructure before housing, and I have not always been popular

break meetings, but the Conservatives got it over the line.

The town centre has £100 million in projects to lift the value of the town centre and unlock sites for redevelopment.

This has been successful, with residential sites agreed at Kimmerfields, First Investments spending £7.5m on the former Tricentre to create new Grade A offices, and the new Zurich headquarters - a £38m office building which is statement of support in

A column by Swindon Borough Council Leader Jim Robbins

sudden, and I had been speaking to her in the days beforehand planning her role in the new administration.

We all send our best wishes to her family and friends. She was a big figure in the Labour group, as well as being a much-loved former teacher in the town.

I know that many pupils from Churchfields, now Lawn Manor Academy, used to stop her to let her know how they were getting on and introducing her to their children and grandchildren.

New Conservative Group leader Gary Sumner will promote town

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because of this.

I headed up the delivery of £200m of road upgrades and left Swindon in a better place to accommodate new homes and businesses.

I supported Amazon, £400m of investment and 2,000 jobs.

I championed the redevelopment of the Honda site which will bring 12,000 jobs to Swindon, more than when Honda was open. A £700m investment and a £1.2bn boost to Swindon over 10 years.

We had many make or

our town, and an income investment for SBC, bringing in much needed profit to the council’s budget.

I will always be positive always promoting Swindon always with an open door.

Swindon people turned out in their thousands to celebrate Coronation

By Barrie Hudson barrie@positive-media.co.uk People throughout the Swindon area took part in special events to mark the Coronation of King Charles III. From street parties to more private gatherings, and from concerts to sampling tasty food from local businesses, revellers celebrated the special day in their own way.

Our images show (top) Jellytots Playgroup, (middle) a Coronation Concert in the Town Gardens and an open air party in Wood Street and (bottom) White Lodge Care Home.

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Swindon people can remember someone special with Prospect’s ‘Remember Me’ roses Each limited edition rose,

By Jessica Durston

available in a selection of four colours will bear the name of Finding a special way to the person being remembered mark the life of someone we and will be displayed in love is often difficult and can the hospice’s gardens at also feel lonely but Prospect the charity’s garden fete on Hospice is offering the Saturday 9 September. community the opportunity to Carolyn Bell, director of come together and remember patient services said: “We those who are no longer with support many members of us with a new temporary art our community each year who installation. are grieving after the death rose dedications can be found not need to have worked in Prospect Hospice will be of someone close to them at www.prospect-hospice.net/ end-of-life care before as the hosting its ‘Remember Me’ and they often want to find roses hospice offers training and roses art installation in their a small but significant way to The Prospect team would development. Attendees will gardens in September to remember them. also like to add that nurses receive a tour of the hospice, celebrate the lives and honour “Our ‘Remember Me’ roses or healthcare assistants including the gardens, and the memory of loved ones. community art installation is looking for new opportunities colleagues will be on hand to The charity is inviting the opportunity for everyone available to them, can attend talk about the opportunities anyone in the community who in our community to come their upcoming Prospect open available. Those interested in would like to be involved to together and celebrate the events. joining the team can register dedicate a rose, handcrafted lives of those who are no The first will be held on interest ahead of time at from recycled metal, in longer with us.”

Thurs 15 June (5-8pm), and www.prospect-hospice.net/ memory of someone they More information about the second on Sat 17 June openday or drop in on the would like to honour in return the ‘Remember Me’ roses, (10am - 2pm). Individuals do day of the open events. for a donation to the hospice. supported by Arval UK, and

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Thousands of participants raise over £200,000 for this year’s Race For Life

By Jessica Durston

research.

2023 is the 30th year of Over 2,000 people took part Race for Life and participants in Cancer Research UK’s Race got a special medal to mark for Life fundraising event this the milestone.

May at Lydiard Park.

Money raised at Race for Cancer Research UK’s Race Life enables scientists to for Life, in partnership with find new ways to prevent, headline sponsor Standard diagnose and treat cancer Life, saw people dressed up - helping to save more lives. in some amazing costumes Organisers say funds are also to take part in an inspiring still coming in even after the series of 3k, 5k, 10k, Pretty event.

Muddy and Pretty Muddy There were many people Kids events. who had been through cancer There were Super Mario treatment themselves taking costumes, a giant pink poodle, part, supported by friends an inflatable crocodile, and family. a giant strawberry and There was even a hen banana, and all helped to party who decided to enter, raise thousands of pounds complete with bride’s veil to help beat cancer, along and a bouquet of flowers as with supporters who enjoyed the hen-friends took to the 5k the carnival atmosphere course to enjoy their big day. at Lydiard Park, and did Event organiser Georgina their part in funding crucial Ainsworth, said: “We had the

best day where people really own journey with cancer. The went to town in celebrating day was amazing and the what is a popular event at weather was kind to us.”

Lydiard Park.

Entries are still open for Race “There were groups of school for Life events across the South friends, brides, Spiderman West of England. and lots of familiar faces To enter Race for Life for who turn up year after year future events,, people can go to take part in memory of a to raceforlife.org or call 0300 loved one or to mark their 123 0770.

The South Swindon Parish Council column

By Cllr Neil Hopkins - Chair of South Swindon Parish Council

Parish Council Chair I am writing this article for the first time after being elected as the Chair of South Swindon Parish Council.

I am incredibly proud and honoured to have been elected as chair of the parish and would like to thank all parish councillors who voted for me to lead the parish through the next period of its history.

Although there is a change of chair, residents can expect to see the same number of projects being delivered by the parish council and the same direction of travel.

In my first article as parish chair, I would like to thank the outgoing chair, Cllr Chris 8

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Watts, who stood down as parish chair after 6 years of leading the parish council.

Chris has been a colossus for South Swindon Parish Council, steering it from its conception with only two members of staff to an organisation delivering multiple services with more than 50 staff.

He was liked and respected by parish councillors of all political parties, by the parish officers and by local residents he worked with.

Chris is someone who will be hugely missed on the parish and we wish him well as a newly elected borough councillor for Old Town & East Wichel Ward.

Parish Council Elections On 4 May the parish council held its elections with all parish councillors up for re-

election for the first time in 4 years.

The election result was that Labour won all 23 Parish Council seats. For more information on your new elected parish councillors, including their contact details, visit: www. southswindon-pc.gov.uk/ council/councillors. Thank you to everybody who voted and had their voice heard.

Badbury Park Community Hub I’m delighted to say that from 1 July a new community facility will be opened in the parish.

Located at Homington Avenue opposite the new Coop, the Badbury Park Community Hub will be a new space for the community to come together for meetings, events and activities.

It will also be the venue for Swindon’s first new public library in more than 20 years. Building on the success of the parish’s management of Old Town Library, we will be managing a new library for Badbury Park which will be open on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays.

The library will primarily be focussed on children and young people however there will also be books for adults As a newly elected borough councillor for Badbury Park, I’m really pleased that the parish council will be opening a new community facility for the benefit of residents and look forward to formally opening the the community hub alongside Badbury Park’s parish councillors on 1 July at 10am.

Morris Minor in major fundraiser The 2023 rally of the North Wiltshire Branch of the Morris Minor Owners Club will be held on Sunday, 11June from 10am to 3pm at Swindon and Cricklade Railway.

There will be a very special guest in the form of a specially wrapped example which is touring the country to raise funds for the Marie Curie cancer charity.

The car will also be at Swindon Summer Festival on the Parks on Saturday, 24 June from 10am to 3pm.

To date the Marie Curie car has raised more than £100,000 for the charity.

People can make a donation by visiting www. justgiving.com/page/ meetingmirandaminor and a calendar of locations and events can be found at miranda.mmoc.org.uk/ calendar Further information about the owners club can be found at www. northwiltsmmoc.co.uk

All systems go for Swindon’s Famous Duck Race

By Barrie Hudson barrie@positive-media.co.uk Momentum and excitement is growing for the approaching 2023 annual Rotary Club of Swindon Old Town Duck race.

Known as Swindon’s Famous Duck Race, it will be held on Bank Holiday Monday, 29 May. There will also be an associated dog show, organised by Lucy Pet Carer and Red Lodge Canine Splash, along with many other activities, charity stalls and refreshments, and a good family day out is promised.

It will take place as usual at the Westcott Recreation Ground, opposite the Runner Pub, as it has done for the past 20 plus years, and

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holder will receive £1000 and there will be six runners up prizes of £100 each.

All money raised from the event will be donated to a range of well-deserving charities.

This is the club’s biggest annual fundraiser for charities.

Admission is free, and all are welcome to come and join in the fun.

Veteran Swindon Festival of Literature organiser steps down

Stalwart promoter of arts and culture Matt Holland has confirmed that the 30th Swindon Festival of Literature was his last as organiser.

He announced his decision in a speech during the finale Haydon Wick Hero of this year’s festival, which winners announced was by turns poignant and light-hearted.

Haydon Wick Parish Council Mr Holland, pictured here celebrated local people at a previous festival, has who make the community organised it since it began, a better place with its and in the early days some Haydon Wick Heroes civic commentators wrongly awards. doubted that such an event This year’s heroes are could ever be successful.

Volunteer of the Year He said: “What I am about Rachael Maslin, Young to say next might commonly Achiever Kaylee Weaving be called a resignation and Community Group of speech. the Year Haydon Wick “As things stand, next year Memory Cafe. the Swindon Festival of All were praised and Literature as we have known thanked by the council for it, all the way from Dawn their dedication to helping Chorus to a Festival Finale, others.

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preparations are well under way.

There will be three race categories - a Sponsored Business Drake Race, the Schools’ Duck Race and the biggest race, the main Duck Race.

The fun events will run from 11am to 4pm, with all welcome to attend.

Tickets are on sale at £1 a duck. The winning duck ticket

will not be organised by me.

“It is, I think, time for me to hang up my organiser’s hat.”

He added: “Notwithstanding the fact that it’s been a brilliant festival this year, for which I thank you all for your help and support, and even though running and organising a festival is not the hardest job in the world, nothing like, say, being a King, or harder still, being a mother, I have occasionally felt ever-widening cracks

appearing in my ageing and formerly impenetrable armour.”

Mr Holland now plans to spend more time with his growing grand-family, put his massive collection of books in order - and perhaps make some of his own writing ready for publication.

A major focus will be on working to help up-andcoming Swindon authors at the acclaimed Lower Shaw Farm arts venue.

Fairford Book Fest to welcome Dom Joly, Paul Martin and more

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2023 marks local funeral service’s 100th anniversary

By Jessica Durston

the main office from 55 Victoria Road to 170 Hillier Funeral Services’ first Victoria Road in 1993. He funeral dates back to 1923. also established Hilliers’ The Fairford Festival Book It has remained a familyunique Bereavement Care Fest is set to be a best seller run company since, now in its service and extended and across 9 and 10 June, with fourth generation. another line up of popular The company was set up by modernised the chapels at authors, children’s authors Harold Hillier when he turned The Broadway.

In 2014, Mark’s daughter and TV stars. his hand to funerals after the Rebecca (pictured with It is being held in a Great Depression. He also ran Michael and Mark) joined marquee at the ground of a building company. our head office to Kingshill the business.

Looking at the Fairford Cricket Club An office was set up in House, as well as making the ever-changing funeral (GL7 4JJ), along with its own Victoria Road. Coffins were improvements to our website, book shop. prepared by hand from butts industry, she has adapted internal systems, products and the business’ ways of Tickets are priced at £4 of oak and elm and the first the services we offer.” working to best suit the per child and £10 per motor hearse was bought in To celebrate their centenary, needs of clients, and adult.

1933. the team decided to set Information and a Harold’s son Michael joined constantly looks to improve up ‘The Hillier Community programme can be found the business in 1944, and took their services.

Fund’ which aims to support She said: “One thing that at fairfordfestival.org.uk/ control when Harold retired local charities. As a business has remained constant fairford-book-fest in 1952. Michael (now 96) Hillier’s will put £1,000 into throughout the 100 years, still takes a keen interest in the fund for every year they Buckhurst Family Fun the business and conducts the is the service we provide have been running, and year to families which has made Day to return in June occasional funeral. on year, will continue to add us a firmly established Michael’s son Mark joined The free Buckhurst Family to the fund. the business in 1980, building and integral part of the Fun Day will be held again They made the first community. In the last five on the family tradition of this year on Saturday 3 donations from the fund at years we have opened our providing a professional June from 11am - 4pm at their centenary dinner in May. Highworth branch, moved caring service. He moved Buckhurst Field.

There will be music, dance and gymnastic Promise that £7.5m Newbridge Square project will be sustainable performances, a magic show, skateboard and scooter workshops, FI Real Estate Management charging and inflatables, a youth zone and project partners Loop cycle storage. with fete games, a raffle, Interiors and Alphacello Dominic balloon modelling and have outlined their top 10 Knowles, Head more. sustainability goals for of Offices 1 Newbridge Square in at FI Estate Brighter Futures Family Swindon.

Management, Fun Day set for this The project’s key said: “Our vision sustainability goals include: for the building August A BREEAM (Building is to deliver a A fundraising fun day event Research Establishment healthy, resilient, will be held by Brighter Environmental Assessment and positive grade A office space, with Futures on Sunday 6 August Method) Excellent Rating, place for people to work, flexible floorplates available at the Coleview Community Life Cycle Carbon built responsibly, showcasing up to 24,000sqft.

Centre, between noon and Assessment, Fitwel leadership.

Work is due to be 5pm. accreditation, Low Zero “We want to leverage completed by the end of this Members of the public Carbon PV Installation, An the project’s sustainability year. are invited to attend EPC (Energy Performance strategy, and decarbonize Cushman & Wakefield, and help raise money for Certificate) A rating, local the refurbishment of the Loveday, and Smethurst are GWH’s Dove Unit cancer procurement of low carbon building to create a climateacting as joint agents for the patient garden. Donations materials where possible, positive asset.” office space. can also be made online reusing strip-out materials to 1 Newbridge Square More info can be found at brighterfutures.enthuse. avoid waste, highly efficient will create a total of at fi-rem.com/property/1com/pf/nicola-knightly LED lighting and onsite EV 100,000sqft of high-quality newbridge-square/

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Art exhibition at local library a celebration of children’s creativity

By Lucia Kenna

Dan Clarke, Executive Headteacher of Brookfield An exhibit of art from Blue Primary School, who Kite Academy Trust pupils can thanked the staff and the be viewed at North Swindon children, praised them for Library. their creativity, before The exhibition features handing over to children’s pieces from local children author Neil Griffiths, who from various schools in the spoke about the inspiration Trust, all inspired by the word behind the theme of the ‘Journey’. It will run until 5 exhibit, and about his June. book, ‘The Journey’. He The art projects use varying ended his address with a forms of media, from promise to drop a copy of sculptures and digital art to his book to every school in watercolours and collages. the Trust.

The event was attended Gary Evans, CEO of

by North Swindon MP Justin the Blue Kite Academy Tomlinson, children’s author Trust, said: “All of these and illustrator, Neil Griffiths children that have worked and Judith Blake, and the on the exhibition are now young artists themselves. All published artists. Their 11 schools within the Blue Kite work is displayed here in Trust contributed, resulting in a public place for people a brilliant collection of work to come and have a look. spanning five year groups.

This not only drives their A speech was given by confidence, but their skill

level too. can host events like this every “Some of these young artists year. You can see how hard all are five years old, some are the children have worked and seven, some are 11, so you’ve the artwork is amazing and got a number of different skill really varied. I have been most levels. They’ve also used a impressed by all the different variety of different mediums techniques the young artists to express themselves. have used.

“We’re looking forward to “We would love to see as doing many more things like many people as possible this.” coming into the library to see Michelle Drew, Library the exhibition, and we hope to Manager, said: “I hope we work with Blue Kite Trust again.” at North Swindon Library,

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Much-loved community gym doomed unless it can find new home

By Barrie Hudson barrie@positive-media.co.uk Swindon’s Scrappers Gym must find a new home or close.

The boxing gym and community fitness centre has until 30 June to find new premises.

It currently operates from part of the ground floor of Sensor House in Langley Road, Hillmead, but the landlord has served notice.

The gym is one of many community projects under the umbrella of Swindon Children’s Scrapstore, whose head, Olivia McCann, is appealing for organisations and individuals to come forward if they can help to provide an alternative venue. She would also welcome information about any available council

premises.

Olivia said: “Scrappers Boxing Gym and Community Fitness Centre is set up to benefit the local community.

“We run sessions for people aged eight to 14, sessions for people with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression, sessions for people with disabilities and sessions for the general public.

“Anybody can come along and use the gym.”

Last year saw 1,234 young people and 1,678 adults attend the volunteer-run sessions. Although the main focus is on boxing-related training and exercise, there is no obligation for users to box.

For some users, the gym has been a gateway to amateur boxing.

Olivia said: “We’re

probably going to have to massively downsize because we have four rings.

“My focus is on making sure we can find somewhere where we can continue the sessions for young people, people with mental health issues and people with disabilities.

“No other gyms offer what

we offer.

“We’re unique because we’re a community gym and not a commercial gym.”

Anybody who can help or suggest a way to save the gym is asked to contact Olivia on 01793 513982, on 0773 902 3290 or by email at olivia@scrapstore. co.uk

Swindon counselling and training service wins Wiltshire Life’s Charity of the Year Award

recent Wiltshire Life awards.

We are so proud of the work that we do, and so grateful Swindon-based charity and thankful for the support organisation Willows Counselling & Training were and recognition that we have received. the winners of this year’s Charity of the Year category “We are passionate at at the Wiltshire Life Awards Willows about providing quality and in-depth training 2023. for the counsellors of the The awards scheme The Willows future, as well as providing an team organised by Wiltshire’s affordable counselling service leading county magazine this, training courses began and national grant-awarding Wiltshire Life - seeks to raise for the local community, in 1989/90 and in 1995 bodies to help cover the costs the profile and awareness of especially in these recent the first cohort of trained of providing counselling, worthy profitable businesses difficult times. counsellors started working maintaining the building, and “Thank you to the whole and also charities and with clients. As a registered investing in capital projects. team at Wiltshire Life, and community groups. to the wonderful team at Gel charity, Willows is dependent None of the agency’s funding The 2023 Charity of the on various streams of financial comes from the NHS or local Year category was sponsored Studios who sponsored the support. Some comes from authority. category.” by the local full-service clients who pay towards their More information about creative agency GEL Studios. Willows Counselling and Willows can be found online Training Service was founded therapy on a sliding scale Denise Brent and Amanda dependent on income, and at www.willowscounselling.org. in response to a request by Cook, Co-CEOs of Willows some from churches and other uk. Those wishing to donate Counselling & Training, said: local GPs to the ‘Churches Swindon organisations. can do so at localgiving.org/ “We are absolutely humbled Together’ partnership to set In addition, applications are donation/swindonwillows/ up a professional counselling and delighted to have won made by the team to local start service. In order to achieve Charity of the Year at the

By Jessica Durston

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Free art tours to be hosted at the Civic Offices - the new home of the Swindon Museum & Art Gallery Swindon Museum and Art Gallery is holding a series of free lunchtime tours of the artworks on show at its new location the Civic Offices in Euclid Street.

Visitors at the Civic Offices will have the opportunity to learn more about the objects and artworks in the Museum and Art Gallery’s new Landscape and Longing exhibition.

Landscape and Longing is described as an exhibition exploring the relationships between human beings and nature, through paintings, ceramics and natural sciences collections.

A spokesperson added: “Together, they consider how creativity and collecting reflect a human longing to connect with the natural world.”

The exhibition includes the latest paintings to come into the Swindon Museum and Art Gallery collections through the Contemporary Art Society.

The artworks are displayed on the Ground Floor of the Civic Offices, in the inner foyer and Committee Room 3. These temporary display spaces are in use while Swindon Museum and Art Gallery relocates to the First Floor of the Civic Offices.

Members of the public are welcome to view the exhibition at the museum’s new location, Monday to Friday between 9am - 5pm (excluding Bank Holidays).

Frances Yeo, Swindon Museums Manager, said: “I’m

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delighted that we’re able to offer such an interesting range of tours for our latest exhibition Landscape and Longing.

“The exhibition really is a ‘must see’, and the new tours will help bring to life the themes behind the exhibition, and enable visitors to focus on the stories of some of the works featured.”

More information about the Swindon Museum & Art Gallery can be found on its Facebook page at www. facebook.com/MuseumandArtGallery Further details about collections and displays can be found on the Swindon Museum and Art Gallery website at www.swindonmuseumandartgallery.org.uk

Welcome to Catherine Wayte!

Catherine Wayte Primary School opened on 6 September 2000.

We provide education for pupils aged between 4 11 years of age.

We are a popular and successful school, serving the North Swindon community.

We are also proud to be part of the Blue Kite Trust.

Our Curriculum: - Focused upon high standards in mathematics, reading and writing as well as being broad and balanced, providing plenty of opportunities for enrichment - Inspires children and excites their imaginations - Progressive, ensuring continuity from Reception onwards - Provides a firm foundation for their educational journey and beyond - Relevant to all of our children and our community - Accessible to all children - Underpinned by quality first teaching - Encourages children to make positive contributions to society and to develop skills, qualities and characteristics essential for a happy, healthy and successful life

School Profile: Catherine Wayte Primary School Get to know the schools in your area This issue: Catherine Wayte Primary School Address: Elstree Way, Abbey Meads, Swindon, SN25 4TA Tel: 01793 727405 Email: admin@catherinewayte.swindon.sch.uk Website: www.catherinewayte.swindon.sch.uk

School Ethos:

Catherine Wayte Primary School aims to be a thriving purposeful community of learners where adults and children work together in an environment planned for high quality teaching and learning and where all those involved in the successful development of children work closely together for school improvement and development.

Our children are entitled to high standards of teaching that will help them to achieve their full potential in terms of education and independence.

We are extremely proud of the incredible achievements of our pupils, and their growth into confident and assured young people, and we do our very best to ensure all of our school leavers are ready for the challenges that lie ahead of them.

Safeguarding and Welfare Our school is committed to safeguarding and promoting the welfare of children, and expects all staff and volunteers to share this commitment.

We have a number of policies and procedures in place that contribute to this commitment, including our Child Protection Policy, and these can be viewed within the Key Information section of our website.

Interview: Ben Morris - A young Swindon reporter with a bright future ahead of him with the BBC

By Jessica Durston Ben, a 22-year-old man from Swindon born with Spinal Muscular Atrophy, will be moving to London this September to pursue his career in journalism and broadcasting.

Already overcoming the odds set against his health and survival (he was given a life expectancy of two years when born), Ben has also broken further barriers by successfully earning his place on the BBC’s Advanced Journalism Apprenticeship Scheme 2023. There were around 2,000 applicants and 22 places.

He described what opportunities this apprenticeship could bring his way: “I will be working specifically with BBC News.

I’m not sure what department I’m going to be put in yet – it could be anything.

“I’ll be helping to find stories, to film and edit etc. I probably won’t be able to be on-screen for at least the first year though.”

He added: “It’s a Level 7 apprenticeship - equivalent to a Masters Degree. After that, on my briefing, it says effectively ‘you’ll get a job at the end of this.’”

Before getting this big break, Ben studied Journalism at Winchester University, specialising in broadcasting.

But journalism wasn’t always Ben’s original plan.

He said: “I originally wanted to be a doctor or a scientist, because I was determined to help cure my own condition, which sounds a bit pathetic

– plus I realised I wasn’t the best at Science at school.

So then I was thinking about what other career sectors I had been exposed to, I thought about reporting, as I was used to having reporters around me a lot, and talking to them. I found I had a good idea of what people wanted to read in a story.

“I really played on the whole disability thing when I first started, as I wanted to get the representation for my condition out there.

However, you start doing the stories and realise quickly that it’s not about you – it’s about the people you’re talking to, and writing about.

“It’s the journalist’s job to get the stories out there that wouldn’t normally be told – and if I can get disability representation out there at the same time, then great, but it’s not my main aim!”

Ben has also been working with local organisations to further hone his skills and

gain experience.

He is currently working with the local radio station Swindon 105.5, and undertook some work experience with the Swindon Link team a few years ago.

Ben said: “I’m sort of like the dedicated teacher at Swindon 105.5 at the moment, and I’m helping out the station manager, Shirley Ludford. If a new trainee comes in, I help show them the ropes and teach them what they will need to know.

I also do reporting and editing.

“I’ve found people won’t employ you within the journalism game if you don’t have previous work experience. It’s frustrating as if you can’t get any jobs, you’ll never gain the work experience. Swindon 105.5 are very accepting and just take people on.

“I think these local work experience/volunteering opportunities have really increased my passion for journalism.”

LINK PEOPLE Counting down the months until September, Ben is now turning his attention to getting everything in order for his move to London.

Although exciting, this move will not come without its own challenges for him.

Ben added: “Accommodation is going to be a major issue as I can’t just go on RightMove.

“I’ve had to find specialist agents that deal with accessible accommodation.

“I need to find somewhere that is affordable and accessible at the same time which can be difficult.

Transport to the BBC building needs to be accessible for my wheelchair too.”

Ben said this window of time until his move had also given him time to reflect.

“I think it’s quite interesting that the media and the press are interested in my story. If I could walk, I don’t think newspapers would give as much of a damn. I think through more disability representation, that will sort of fizzle out, but then would that in itself reduce the disability representation? It’s a complex question.

“I also had a bit of a moment the other night where I was questioning whether I was just approved by the BBC because I am disabled, or whether it was due to my skills. But then I thought, any publicity is good publicity, and that it may be a bit of both.

“And working with the BBC will give me the opportunity of a more hands-on approach to helping with disability representation.” swindonlink.com n June 2023

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BUSINESS PROFILE

Business Profile - Just Shutters Business Type - Design and install Plantation Shutters Established - 2006 Telephone number - 01793 378342 Website - www.justshutters.co.uk/swindon/

By Barrie Hudson barrie@positive-media.co.uk The beautiful world of Just Shutters plantation shutters has now come to Swindon with a simple mission: to offer elegant yet entirely practical shutters to homeowners and businesses in the thriving town and surrounding areas.

A company spokesperson said: “Often referred to as plantation blinds or shutter blinds, you can’t fail to notice these stylish shutters behind the windows of a few houses regulate the light and locally.

“Whether your design style temperature in your rooms is traditional or contemporary, “In summer, they screen Just Shutters have the design out harsh sunlight on oppressive heatwave days, solution for you.

“The look is one thing – the keeping your rooms cool… and your soft furnishings usability is another thing and fabrics protected from entirely. fade.

“Plantation shutters beat “Meanwhile, in winter, traditional curtains or blinds they insulate against cold hands-down for practicality and draughts so well; they and life-enhancing benefits. can reduce heat loss by up “Because they’re adjustable to 40%. to almost any desired “Plus, of course, they position, you can accurately allow a versatility in position the louvres to privacy, security and 20

swindonlink.com n June 2023

cleanliness that gives an important sense of serenity.”

The spokesperson added: “Thomas Cater, your local shutter specialist, delivers a friendly, professional consultative service.

“His fundamental design sensibility, and careful understanding and interpretation of what you want to achieve, ultimately result in the ideal shutter solution that will add style and value to your home.”

History of Just Shutters

Just Shutters was initially established as a family business in Dorset in 2006.

Since then it has grown to cover many areas of the UK; today, they are known for being highly respected shutter specialists.

Swindon MD Thomas Cater, pictured above, is a dedicated and highly trained expert in the field.

Just Shutters said: “With his meticulous attention to detail, you can rest assured that your shutters will be designed and installed flawlessly, leaving you delighted with your shutters for years to come.

“If you live in Swindon or the surrounding areas and are looking for high-quality shutters backed by Just Shutters’ lifetime guarantee, exceptional service, and expertise, then look no further than Just Shutters Swindon.”

[Interview] Patti Boulaye OBE talks to the Link ahead of her upcoming Swindon tour date

Words by Jessica Durston

Swindon Link’s Jessica Durston spoke to the exuberant entertainer Patti Boulaye about her ‘I’m Coming Out’ tour that will be visiting Swindon this June. Below is an excerpt from the full interview: Considered a real doyenne within the entertainment field, Patti Boulaye OBE is back touring the UK with her new show.

‘I’m Coming Out’ features a plethora of Diana Ross’ most well-loved tracks along with some humorous comparisons between the veteran performer’s and Diana’s lives – told by Patti herself.

The lady of many talents kindly put time aside to talk to me ahead of her Swindon show.

The performing arts legend has turned her hand to everything – music, television, film, and theatre. She broke into the entertainment industry in the UK after moving from Nigeria in 1970, and has been performing since then.

She lives a happy life, still touring, with support from her husband and manager Steven Komlosy, who had his own illustrious career, representing Motown (and working with artists such as Stevie Wonder, the Supremes, and more) in the UK. In the full interview we also discuss the charity work the pair have been involved in, Patti’s devotion to supporting young people with their education and wellbeing, and what spirituality and faith mean to her - full article at

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swindonlink.com/lifestyle/ patti-boulaye-interviewmay-2023 I wanted to find out what music-lovers could expect from her upcoming Arts Centre performance. What makes this tour special, and why Diana Ross was at the forefront of Patti’s mind when putting her show together? without a secretary. We also Patti’s connection with Diana Patti explained: “It’s a fun provided funds for Prince and why her music is the show and is not just a Diana backbone of this new tour. tribute performance. I will be Harry’s charity Sentebale, She told me she met Diana performing tracks from Diana to help build a school in Lesotho. when she was 19 years of Ross, and the Supremes, and “Following this I decided to age, and had only been some of my own too. These shows on the ‘I’m Coming Out return to what I loved doing over in the UK for three tour’ are about lifting people’s – my singing. I thought what years. can I do that is exciting for Aside from the fact that spirits. I like to involve my me and the audience? It all she and her husband love audience” started when i wrote a show Diana’s poppy, upbeat, and This show is not the first - ‘Billie and Me’ - where I catchy choruses, Patti added: one Patti has put together would perform Billie Holliday “Michael Jackson used to in homage to another great artist. Before the ‘I’m Coming songs and talk about her life. tease me whenever I met “As Billie’s life story is him, and would sing ‘Ain’t No Out’ tour, she also did a show entitled ‘Billie and Me’ (paying really quite a sad tale, and Mountain High Enough’ to her respects to Billie Holliday) some of her songs reflected me, and say that he was sure this, I thought what can I do that if we went way back, I and ‘Aretha and Me’ (for to balance this out and bring would be related to Diana Aretha Franklin). more joyous elements to it.” Ross!

She recalled: “A few years Patti continued: “I then “Also when I did New Faces ago now, my husband and I started writing funny in 1978, Tony Blackburn worked to get three health stories and anecdotes, and compared me to Diana centres built in Nigeria and comparing my life to Billie’s. Ross!”

Cameroon. I set up a charity Patti’s Swindon’s Arts - Support for Africa - and the It gave people a chance to funding for the health centres get to know the real me, and Centre date is Saturday 17 June at 8pm. came from my concerts at the about my life. Audiences swindontheatres.co.uk/ Albert Hall, and from donors. loved it.”

So why Diana Ross this online/tickets-patti-boulayeIt took years, as it was just time? I was curious about swindon-2023 me working from my laptop,

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What's On: Massive music events not to be missed this June!

Diversify 23 at The Victoria The Mid Life Krisis Sound system collective will be returning to The Victoria to host their popular multigenre dance event ‘Diversify’ on Saturday 3 June.

The evening of dance music will run from 8pm - 2am.

The event will include sets from Mrs Magoo, Herbman Shuffle, Toad, DJ Bailey, HeavyD33, Disco Dan, and PhilG. The venue will also be kitted out and decorated with a full sound system, lights, and lasers for attendees to enjoy.

Tickets can be purchased online at www.skiddle.com/ whats-on-beta/Swindon/The-Victoria/Mid-Life-KrisisDIVERSIFY-2023/36307241/ This is an over-18s event.

Oye Santana at Swindon Arts Centre Popular and well-established tribute band Oye Santana will be visiting the Swindon Arts Centre on Friday 16 June.

The band are also currently touring their 10th anniversary tour, making this event all the more special.

The show will start at 7.30pm.

A spokesperson for Oye Santana said: “Based around the exciting dance rhythms of Santana’s Latin music, Oye Santana is no ordinary tribute to Carlos Santana’s music.

“More of a party than a concert, this is a feast of Latin music, superb musicianship and hit songs, faithfully recreating the music of Santana.”

Audience members will be able to hear all their favourite Santana tracks including ‘Maria Maria’, ‘She’s Not There’, ‘Black Magic Woman’, ‘Samba Pa Ti’, and more.

Tickets are priced at £26.50 (not including booking fee) and can be booked online at swindontheatres.co.uk/online/ tickets-oye-santana-swindon-2023.

Rock Choir Live at Swindon Meca This charity choir show will take place at Swindon Meca on Saturday 17 June, and will start at 7.30pm.

150 - 200 Rock Choir members will be performing arrangements of popular rock and pop songs during their two-hour set.

The event is in aid of NSPCC and the Rock Choir will be joined by guitarists Jamie & Darren Hunt, and singer Charlotte Fox. The show will also include short keynote speeches from the charities involved.

Ticket prices start at £18.00 (plus booking fee) and can be purchased online at www.mecaswindon.co.uk/eventstickets/rock-choir.

More information about the choir can be found on its website at www.rockchoir.com.

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Do You Believe In Ghosts?

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Wyvern Theatre Thursday 20 July An experiential ghost story, unlike anything you have ever experienced before is coming to Swindon’s Wyvern Theatre this July.

Welcome to a haunting night at the theatre if you, as an audience member, are brave enough.

If you are, head to the Wyvern, and you will be told all the secrets of what goes on when the theatre goes dark.

When the only thing to guide you is the Ghost Light - to keep mischievous spirits away – or maybe just to light the way for the ghosts who call it their home.

Follow the rules: keep your hands inside the car (so to speak) and you will be safe, as you will be told the tales that every theatre has to tell.

The ghostly stories of the things that go bump in the night, or the day.

The things that just don’t add up - or do they?

Stories that you have to take away with you. . . or at least try not to.

The show will raise the hairs on your arms and send chills down the back of your neck.

Join the Wyvern for a dark night.

Tickets cost £31.50 and the show is advised for ages 12 years and up. So definitely not for young children.

For tickets visit swindontheatres.co.uk

Studley Grange Not just a garden centre There’s a lot more to Studley grange, found just off Junction 16 of the M4, than you would first think. With great food, soft play, shops galore and even the Butterfly World and Farm Park, it’s definitely a lot more than just a garden centre.

The choice of places to eat is great. There’s the Garden Restaurant & Butterfly Café with freshly made food to order and a selection of cakes made in their own bakery.

And if you fancy taking some treats home visit the farm shop full of edible delights.

There’s also the fully air conditioned soft play area, including separate section for toddlers where there’s refreshments and freshly baked cookies available.

A spokesperson for the attraction said: “We have also recently undergone an extensive building programme. The new extension is now complete and we can offer an even larger selection of giftware, furniture and toys.

“There’s even a dolls house area; where we can offer everything from complete dolls houses and furniture sets to individual figures and items to complete your rooms.

“If you browse our indoor and outdoor plant areas, a member of experienced staff will be able to help you with your selections.

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“And you can treat yourself to a new barbecue or set of garden furniture to relax in and enjoy the sunshine.”

Visitors can also pamper themselves with an onsite hair dresser and nail bar or take part in a bit of retail therapy and buy a new outfit from Klass Clothing, Edinburgh Woollen Mill or Monique Clothing.

The spokesperson added: “We also have a range of concessions to complete your experience, from pottery painting to model railways and a whole lot more.

“Pets are not forgotten here either. We have Pet Shed and World of Water onsite. We also have a section of the restaurant set aside for dogs and their owners.”

At the popular Butterfly World & Farm Park visitors can walk through a tropical setting surrounded by free-flying butterflies or enter the reptile section and see a range of creepy crawlies, before walking through the Zoo area and spotting the Meerkats, Darwin the Otter and Rigby the Raccoon, finishing off at the Farm with the pygmy goats, pigs, cows, alpacas, chickens and geese. Lucky visitors might even get a chance to see the baby pygmy goats and emu chicks. www.studleygrange.co.uk swindonlink.com n June 2023

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FOOD & DRINK

Strawberry Thief a big venue with small venue cosiness

By Barrie Hudson barrie@positive-media.co.uk With more than 400 covers inside and out, Arkell’s Strawberry Thief is one of the venerable Swindon brewery’s biggest venues.

However, a carefullydesigned layout including shelves of old books and assorted vintage objects provides a far more intimate atmosphere than might be expected in such a huge structure.

My colleagues and I, meeting for lunch, found the mood relaxed and friendly, thanks in no small part to the attentive and friendly staff.

Our lunch orders were taken efficiently and food and

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drink arrived promptly and without confusion.

My choice, a 6oz burger (£14.50), was served with 3Bs ketchup and crispy onions, lettuce, tomato and pickles. The meat was succulent and had a good, strong flavour rather than the bland something-and-nothing absence which mars many a pub lunch burger.

Roasted chicken Caesar Salad (£12.50) with Romaine Lettuce, dry aged Parmesan, garlic croutes and smoked bacon was pronounced delicious.

Grilled watermelon, Feta and pickled beetroot salad (£10) was rated summery, tasty and with high-quality ingredients.

My colleagues were The colleague who opted pleased with their choices, for the blackened spiced too. courgette and broad bean Malthouse beer battered tacos (£13) said he enjoyed cod fillet (£17) came with the creativity of the dish crushed peas, Tartare but would personally have Sauce, lemon and chips. The preferred the spices to be recipient, who was especially adjusted a little to provide hungry, enjoyed the size more zing. The dish, he of the portion, the ‘lovely’ added, was crying out for batter and the flavoursome some sourness. smashed peas.

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Coronation poem highlights the good we can do for one another for God and giants should open to let her in.

Maurice Spillane: Of Poetry Swindon

Simon Armitage wrote ‘An Unexpected Gues’ for the Coronation. The concept is an ordinary person witnessing history: She’s treated herself to new shoes, a window seat on the fast train, a hotel for a night.

She’s been to the capital twice before, once to see Tutankhamun when she was nine

and once when it rained.

Crossing The Mall she’s just a person like everyone else but her hand keeps checking the invitation, her thumb strumming the gilded edge of the card, her finger tracing the thread of embossed leaves.

In sight of the great porch she can’t believe the police just step aside, that doors shaped

It’s a poem that jumps boundaries. I’d like to think of her as a volunteer, one of the unassuming masses that get important jobs done without fuss.

If only we could harness the “Unexpected Guests” within our community. Imagine the difference it would make.

I’ve spent decades defending Swindon at poetry festivals when confronted with the negatives. I know the grim buildings are from the fifties, the centre has too many boarded-up shops, the permanent scaffolding around the Mechanics Institute and other eyesores.

On the positive, I extol the green spaces within the town

and inner Wiltshire, lucky to live here.

I was out with volunteers picking up rubbish by the roadside recently. It was grim. Beer bottles and cans, takeaway cartons and unfinished meals, condoms and detritus that would make you gag. We collected a lorry-load, all of it thrown from cars passing through.

I wish they’d stop and talk.

I’d give them Armitage’s poem, invite them to be “Unexpected Guests” next time they pass through. I’m sure it would require no more than that.

You can read the full poem at poetrysociety.org.uk/ poems/an-unexpected-guest www.mauricespillane.co.uk

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STFC starting from scratch Alfie Howlett: Swindon For the first time in a while off final where they were Town FC agonisingly denied in extra Swindon have appointed a writer time. All of these feats were manager with pedigree in achieved on a shoestring. this division. What Michael Another reason I believe Flynn achieved in his first My previous column posed Flynn will be a strong job at Newport is simply an important question - who appointment is due to his incredible. is to blame for Swindon’s personality.

Taking over an Exiles side poor season? Jody Morris or Within hours of being 11 points from safety and Sandro Di Michele? hired, the Welshman was destined for the drop, Flynn The Swindon board have on the pitch to introduce won seven of 12 games to since decided that both men himself to the fans. In a brief seal survival with a game to are culprits with the two interview he made a greater go.

The 42-year-old would being dismissed. interaction with the Swindon build upon that, as his first As is so often the case in faithful than his predecessors, full season at the helm saw football one man’s loss is since Richie Wellens. him mastermind the giant another man’s gain and this Now again it sounds simple, killing of Leeds United in the time the opportunity has but Flynn didn’t have to FA Cup. fallen to Michael Flynn to address the supporters. But The following season Flynn become the 24th Swindon in his words, he ‘gained an continued to defy the odds manager since 2001. There’s impression that he will forge as he and Newport dumped an array of reasons why I a real connection with fans.’ former Premier League believe the Welshman will This connection could be vital winners Leicester City out be one of the more shrewd to push for promotion. of the FA cup, while in the appointments of this century.

STFC are a big club and in league County fell just short The initial reason sounds order for this to be utilised of promotion in the play-off simple but I assure you it is everyone must come together final at Wembley.

In his final the most important. Flynn as one.

I believe that Flynn full seasons, Flynn once again understands the demands of is capable of bringing guided Newport to the playLeague 2.

Cycling: Freedom on three wheels

Monthly column from Becky Cox of Swindon Cycle Campaign This month I’d like to share the story of an amazing lady who I’ve been privileged to support recently on her cycling journey.

Cheryl developed a genetic condition in her 20s which has progressively affected her balance, hearing, and mobility.

Despite fond memories of riding a bike as a child, she considered cycling was beyond her abilities as an adult. That was until a few years ago when Cheryl discovered the Wheel for All cycling sessions at the County Ground Athletics Track.

Cheryl was introduced to an array of adapted cycles to try for people like her who are unable to ride a standard bicycle. She found

a tricycle which sparked a new love of cycling on three wheels, and gave her the sense of freedom and excitement that she hadn’t experienced since cycling as a child.

Having gradually developed her confidence, Cheryl was ready for a new challenge. She worked up the courage to join a short guided ride from the County Ground with ‘Let’s Ride’ on her borrowed bike. Despite being really nervous, she loved it, saying: “It was such an adventure to be out in the real world riding a bike again.”

Cheryl has now purchased her own tricycle, and thanks to the network of trafficfree cycle paths, she is

now exploring from her doorstep. Steep slopes proved a challenge at first, particularly since surgery on her spine had weakened her hips and legs. However, Cheryl wasn’t defeated, and with practice she developed the strength and confidence to climb hills again.

Cheryl said: “I feel like cycling has had such a positive impact on my life.

“When I started, I was convinced I would be the worst and slowest person out there but everyone has been so encouraging and supportive that I really have not looked back.

“It’s helped improve my physical and mental health, I’m getting cardio exercise which I didn’t get before, it

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everyone together - making Swindon a whole. This has been sorely missed of late with the atmosphere at home games being no better example.

Lastly I feel as if Flynn’s intelligence is worth mentioning.

Researching his background, I was impressed with what I read.

To begin with he’s a holder of a UEFA Pro Licence, which is the highest coaching certification available in Europe.

While earning his licence, he worked alongside football elite in Mikel Arteta and Thierry Henry. Interestingly, the Welshman is also friends with Pep Guardiola and has received an invite to Liverpool training from Jurgen Klopp.

Off the pitch Flynn holds a 2:1 BA degree in Sports Journalism and Media Law. This adds further substance to why he is the ideal appointment.

LINK CYCLING Cheryl pictured on her tricycle

has made my legs and core muscles stronger, and improved my stamina.

I feel such a sense of independence and freedom on my trike and joining the group rides has helped improve my social confidence.

“The rides are so friendly and supportive. I would recommend cycling to any disabled person. Try it, you might surprise yourself.” swindonlink.com n June 2023

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AGONY

GIRL

From the pages of Swindon Link's sister publication The Ocelot comes Agony Girl in the form of ten-year-old Amy. We read her the questions and she tells us the answers. To ask Agony Girl a question yourself email us at publisher@ swindonlink.com with 'Agony Girl' in the subject line.

Dear Agony Girl, I sometimes let things get to me and take things to heart. Please can you advise me on how not to worry?

Tyler, Haydon Wick By not caring what anyone thinks about you like I do. And tell them to shut up if someone is being mean to you.

Dear Agony Girl, I’ve taken to growing tomatoes and chillies indoors because of the unreliable British weather.

This involves the use of a special LED light, and the glow can be seen from the street. My partner always said people would think I was growing illegal plants. I didn’t believe her until I caught one of my neighbours, who is a police officer, peering through the window.

Also, the hippy down the street whose dog has a string instead of a lead keeps trying to invite himself

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round for a cup of tea.

How do I reassure everybody that I am not up to anything dodgy? I only want some nice tomatoes for my sandwiches.

Yours confusedly, Barrie, Old Town Put a sign on your front door saying that you’re not a weirdo and you’re only growing tomatoes. And if anyone knocks on your door and they’ve got a dog, get a shovel and whack them round the face with it.

Dear Agony Girl, I’m so annoyed at men. Can’t they just act like normal adult human beings and do what they say they are going to do and not just disappear for days and sometimes weeks on end without a word? How do I find an actual adult man in this minefield that is online dating?

Lisa, Ridgeway Farm

Message my dad because he’s nice. But you might have to wait until he dies and gets reincarnated in his next life as he has a girlfriend.

Dear Agony Girl I was just wandering around Westminster the other day and some bloke in a dress and a lady with a sword grabbed me and put a crown on my head. Now I’m King. What should my first act be?

Charles, Windsor Find a girl called Amy who lives in Swindon and give her a million free pounds and then after that you can tell the boys in my school to stop being annoying.