Susan Donnelly Ultramarathon Trail Runner. Motivational Speaker. http://www.susanruns100s.com
What Do You Have Now? Date : March 30, 2009
In the last week or two, things in my life seem to be breaking. Nothing is safe. Two weeks ago it was my car. I still don’t have it back from the shop and the estimated bill is at least one digit higher than my comfort level. This weekend, it was my camera, my computer mouse and two (yes, two) TVs. One of my cats even got unusually sick after her shot on Friday (as of this morning, she’s better and happily chewing on beer caps and plastic bags like normal). Today, however, was one that really stopped me in my tracks. My dad says that after pursuing the other conceivable options with no luck, he’s considering neck surgery, fusing vertebrae. As expensive and frustrating as the electronic problems are, I’d take them over health problems any day. After a rapid and extensive series of losses in the past few years, I’m a little hyper-sensitive to loss. Even the most remote suggestion now sparks the feeling that I’m slipping in loose, gravelly dirt over the edge of a cliff into a black abyss with nothing to hold on to. Nothing in the world is permanent, but I don’t want to meet up with loss again before I have to. My only way out of this loop is to let go of the panicky future and just be where I am for a moment. Ok. Right now, I have my dad, my family, my friends, and my health. I’m blessed to have found something I adore, trail running, and to be enjoying as much as possible while I can. None of that can be replaced. Cars and TVs can. And no amount of worrying will control what happens tomorrow, good or bad. With so much to be grateful for right now, it’s easy to unclench my futile grip on the cliff and relax. Besides, that amount of worrying takes more energy than I have to spare, so let it go. The cliff disappears. And what do you know, I reached in a jacket pocket and found the favorite necklace I lost somewhere between the car and the two TVs. Maybe my car will be ready tomorrow! How about you? What do you have right now in your life that can’t be replaced?
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