Surrey Women's Centre Shoutout for Change 2016

FACES OF COURAGE SHOUTOUT FOR CHANGE SURREY WOMEN’S CENTRE | 2016

FACES OF COURAGE: ANNA, MELANIE & ALLISON

FACES OF COURAGE: SHOUTOUT FOR CHANGE To mark National Victims of Crime Awareness Week, we are sharing words of courage and giving a #ShoutOut4Survivors who share their stories of pain, resilience and healing.

Faces of Courage: Shoutout for Change is a tribute to the voices of all survivors and a reminder that it’s never your fault.

The stories for this year’s campaign centered around the questions: “Who was the first person you told? And why?” It is our hope that these stories will encourage survivors to come forward and know they are not alone.

Sharing your story and bearing witness to the stories of others are acts of courage. Survivors cannot begin to get the help they need to heal if they do not tell someone what happened, whether a service provider like Surrey Women’s Centre, or trusted friends and family members.

We would like to thank the courageous women who participated in this project. Their stories demonstrate the acts people take every day to speak out against sexual assault. Thank you all for lending your voices for change. Together we are building a better future for women and girls.

It takes the dedication of many to bring a project of this scope together.

Many thanks for the “behind-the-scenes” talents of our very own Jacqueline and Amanda, in making this year’s Faces of Courage campaign such a big success.

JACQUELINE & AMANDA

Share these stories with family and friends as part of your commitment to being a voice for change!

Special thanks to the Department of Justice Canada for making this project possible.

Anna, Melanie, Allison, Jacqueline & Amanda On behalf of all of us at Surrey Women’s Centre.

To learn more about Surrey Women’s Centre and our partners please visit www.surreywomenscentre.ca

ANNA

I told her.

Although I had fears that she might judge me I didn’t expect any judgments from her.

And I was right.

She listened quietly. Without judgment. The hot and prickly feeling faded a bit.

Finally, someone else knew that he raped me.

I knew it was a crime. I believed the only way to get help was to call the police.

But he wasn’t who I thought a rapist would be.

He was someone I was dating and the assault completely caught me off guard. I cared about him. He was very remorseful. And I was just as confused about my choice to continue dating him after the assault.

It left me feeling very anxious, shamed, and humiliated. But I also knew that I didn’t want to go to the police.

Now I wish someone had told me that I could go to a women’s centre, or get some other help without reporting the assault.

Part of my healing was telling someone what happened, even though it was really hard to do.

There are women who came before me who paved for me the way to get the help I needed to heal – by sharing their stories and speaking out against sexual assault.

I am now one of those women.

I am strong. I am resilient. I believe in myself.

FACE OF COURAGE: ANNA

FACE OF COURAGE: MELANIE

MELANIE

I told my mom. I don’t remember what I said, or how I felt. I just needed to tell her.

I had lied to my mom the night of the assault. I had said that I would be at my friend’s, but I was actually out drinking. I only told my mom about the assault so that I wouldn’t get in trouble.

We went to the hospital on the advice of our neighbour. I remember being asked a lot of questions about where I was and what I had been doing. But not about what had been done to me, so I denied any sexual assault. We did not talk about reporting options because it was assumed nothing had really happened.

I didn’t really think of myself as having been sexually assaulted. I was thinking more about what I had done and the choices I made to put myself in that situation.

I was ashamed.

I always thought I had just made some bad choices until I started to work with other survivors. I recall hearing a nurse tell a young woman that no one has the right to take advantage of others when they’re vulnerable.

I realized that what had happened to me wasn’t my fault and that I couldn’t have changed the situation, what happened was on him.

That was a big relief.

But I still remember the shame that came with admitting something had happened, and not being able to recall details.

If survivors come forward - even if they’ve only told one person - they’re probably a lot stronger than they think they are.

Because even that takes a lot of courage to do.

ALLISON

The only number I remembered was my ex’s. He was the only person I trusted.

I had been unconscious, and when I came to, it was surreal. I couldn’t tell if I was waking up into reality or waking up into a dream. Things were very foggy, they were coming in and out of my vision until I saw this guy lying there, and that’s when I realized something bad had happened. I didn’t know him. I didn’t have a clue.

I began to see the bruises that were forming on me, and realized that I couldn’t swallow.

I was scared. I was scared for my life.

I didn’t want anyone to know that anything bad had happened to me. I didn’t want anyone to see me in a vulnerable position. I had to push

past shame and guilt to be able to actually tell someone. I called my ex-husband and he called me a cab.

I made the decision to tell in split seconds, because I wanted to be safe.

I wanted to get out of there alive.

Telling someone else about what had happened made me realize that it’s all right to ask for help. I learned that it’s OK to be vulnerable.

It doesn’t make me a weak woman. It actually makes me more empowered.

FACE OF COURAGE: ALLISON

FACE OF COURAGE: SHARIE

SHARIE

As you read our stories you may recognize yourself or a loved one. Recognition is important – story-telling connects us.

But what happens for women who do not recognize themselves in the stories we tell?

They feel alone. They are silenced.

For women of colour sexual assault is both an attack on their gender and their racial identity.

They may feel, or have experienced, that there is no safe place to break their silence.

Women of colour, women with disabilities, lesbian and trans women are less likely to seek medical care, report to the police or reach out to social services.

We are so thankful to Shari who came forward so more women could recognize themselves and reach out for the same help she has received. Her beautiful face and her remarkable story told in her own words reminds us of the unique struggle so many women face.

We hope Shari’s participation empowers more women to tell their story.

A #ShoutOut4Survivors who fear coming forward because of their race, sexual identity, sexual orientation, class, ability or size.

You deserve to have your story told too.

You are brave. You are resilient. You are seen.

CHEYENNE

It felt like I was drowning.

I’ll never forget the bus ride after the assault.

It just felt like there was no way I could ever explain myself or tell someone what had really happened.

When I went to school on Monday this lady who was a school counselor and a friend of mine had heard things in the hallways about something going on between me and this boy, so she came up to me and asked what was going on.

I told her that I had said no.

She told me that what had happened was very wrong. It was validating to hear somebody say that it was wrong before I said it.

I was very lucky that the staff at my school were so supportive, because I don’t know if I would have told anyone if I hadn’t had that relationship with someone there.

I want to give a shout out to the girls who are very scared and very nervous and don’t know who to tell. I know what that’s like. I know what it’s like to think life will never be simple and happy again.

But it does happen. It’s a different timeframe and a different journey for everyone.

There’s justice in sticking up for yourself.

FACE OF COURAGE: CHEYENNE

FACE OF COURAGE: GILLIAN

GILLIAN

Telling someone for the first time was the best thing I could do for myself.

It opened the door to a community of support that helped me to feel safe so that I did not feel alone with the thoughts that I was having. As I am a sociable person, I was lucky enough to have many people that were there for me.

But I was thinking, what if this happens to someone that is not as sociable or has no one to turn to?

I wanted to help create supports at my school like the supports that were there for me.

I got into activism on my university campus around sexual assault. I started by speaking to the president of our marketing association, and within a week she had a team together for me.

As word of our efforts spread, more students wanted to be involved.

We gathered feedback from students to see what they knew about sexual assault, and if they would know what to do if it happened to them or someone else. Then we took steps to apply the ideas that came out of that with the school.

We are in the process of creating online and in person campus resources for students to turn to, giving students ways to disclose and get support anonymously if they want.

I was brought up to fight for what I believe in. So when I knew that what happened to me was not right, I had to do something.

This is my version of a baseball bat to that guy’s face.

This is my form of justice.

All photos ©Liz Dungate

“Surrey Women’s Centre is very close to my heart; I’m so grateful that my role at Tugboat Group allows me to devote time and energy ‘beyond the brief’, furthering a cause we are all passionate about.”

Liz Dungate, designer/photographer, Tugboat Group

“We are proud to help our great friends at Surrey Women’s Centre matter more to all who support them and their monumental efforts.”

Steve Gallagher, CEO, Tugboat Group

Faces of Courage is produced by tugboatgroup.com

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