Student Rag Issue 19 Edinburgh

20% OFF

use discount code: SR20 www.macbackpackers.com

Student Rag Edinburgh Edition #19

FreshersGuide FashionPlebs HealthBeauty Competitions CityGuide IslandHopping FitnessMore

Freshers 2014

FREE

IT’S A SCROTAL NIGHTMARE!

SCAN ME

SANDWICHES l SALADS l SOUPS l COFFEES

0131 668 1055

to Queens Hall – 2 mins from 75 Clerk St ( nextEdinburgh Uni/Pollock Halls) )

onelife oneclub

membership from only

per month!

**

Join online NOW at

join.bannatyne.co.uk

o N ct contra

s ership !* b m e m able l i a v a also

43 Queen Street, Edinburgh

0844 248 3748 sales.edinburgh@bannatyne.co.uk *T&C’s apply.**Based on a 12 month initial agreement.

4-12

contents TREND SETTER

Autumn fashion.............4-12

CITY PICKERS Glasgow or Edinburgh?.....14-16

YOU’RE HAVING A LAUGH Anna Devitt...............18-19

LOOKIN’ GOOD / FEELIN’ GOOD Fitness, health & beauty..22-30

ROMAN IN THE GLOAMIN’ Plebs’ Ryan Sampson.......32-34

GIVE US A MINUTE James Acaster................35

RISING STAR Ben Montague..............36-38

BEAR HUG Eliza & the Bear..........40-41

SEE HERE Scottish island hopping...42-44

COVER STARS Scrotal Recall............46-48

COUNTRY LIVING Glue’s Tommy McDonnell.......53

ON TOUR Daniel James.................54

WHATEVER NEXT

3234

4648

Who’s coming to town?.....56-57

THE FOOL PICTURE Idiot’s guide to Freshers.58-60

FRESH 14 The ultimate freshers fair...62

56-57

Editor: Debbie McInnes. edinburgh@student-rag.co.uk Design: Calvin Douglas.

Contributors: Alice Cruickshank, Alice Murray, Richard Jones, Susie Daniels, Stephen Butchard, Katie Campbell.

www.student-rag.co.uk Published by Track 10 Media. All rights reserved.

Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is strictly prohibited. Student Rag Magazine takes no responsibility for claims made by advertisements in this publication.

three

fashion

Go from gloom t SO it’s that time of year again:The leaves are falling, temperatures and dropping and the days are getting shorter.

But amidst all this doom and gloom there is one positive – time for a new wardrobe!

Whether you want to totally reinvent your look or just expand on your fabulous style from last year, autumn 2014 has trends to suit everyone.

ALICE CRUICKSHANK guides you through the season...

outstanding outerwear AS the temperature drops, base your look around statement outerwear.

While parkas, trench coats and car coats remain stylish, this season’s key look is made by flowy silhouettes and waterfall cuts.

This was a trend particularly showcased by the New York designers, such as DKNY, Tom Ford and Ralph Lauren so you are sure to channel Manhattan cool

this autumn. Of course, these billowy shapes and exaggerated layers are all very fine and well on the catwalks, but how does the real girl work this trend?

What you want is to turn to the trusty cape.

For hundreds of years ladies have put their faith in cape coats and they are making a big come back.

The best thing about it?

Simply throw your cape on over a simple jumper and jeans and you’ll look instantly stylish.

If you prefer something more streamlined, the waterfall jacket is your new best friend.

The soft line flatters all body shapes and this style can be dressed up or down.

How to wear

STAR BUY

Black cape @www.next.co.uk £65

four

l To uni:Throw a Camel cape over a long-sleeved black tee and your favourite jeans for a fashionable look in a flash l At a family meal: A waterfall jacket over a simple lace dress will be an instant hit

STAR BUY

Lillis Lightweight Waterfall Blazer @www.boohoo.com £20

fashion

m to va va voom! folk tales Looking for the perfect transitional trend?

Look no further.

The bohemian look was a festival essential and now, with just a few minor adaptations, it will become your new autumn favourite too.

Top designers clearly agree as this folky look was spotted on the catwalks of Alexander McQueen, Dolce and Gabbana and Etro to

name a few. So how can you work this trend for autumn?

Simple. Folk-print skater dresses are made cosy by adding a fleece or faux fur gilet, while an on-trend fedora adds a bohemian touch to any outfit.

This is a really easy trend to wear- think autumnal colours and ethnic prints and you’re there.

How to wear STAR BUY

l On a Ecru boucle gilet shopping @www.next.com trip: A Sherpa £30 gilet over a long-sleeved skater dress with cowboy boots will look effortlessly stylish l Relaxing at home: summer’s festival style can be adapted by wearing thick wool tights under shorts and swapping the kimono for a draped cardi.

STAR BUY

Black wool hat @ www.hm.com £14.99

five

fashion

keep it cosy THE best thing about the colder weather is the chance to wear your favourite knitwear again.

Last year’s fluffy knits are making a return for 2014, while draped cuts and waterfall edges provide a new season update that looks as good as it feels.

These trends may be hot buys for now, but you may prefer to invest in a piece you’ll wear for years to come.

Why not treat yourself to a cashmere or cashmere mix jumper?

Not only is this one of the most luxurious fibres in the world

but if cared for carefully, your cashmere will last for decades to come. Cashmere pieces from the top designers retail for several hundreds of pounds, but thankfully for students with limited funds, Marks and Spencer and other High Street stores offer great value alternatives.

STAR BUY

Waterfall belted cardigan @www.next.co.uk £45

STAR BUY

Pure cashmere scoop neck jumper @www.marksand spencer.com £69

How to wear l To Uni: Wear a slim fitting wool or cashmere jumper in your favourite colour tucked into a skater skirt with pretty ankle boots for simple sophistication l Meeting friends for coffee: A soft draped jumper or cardigan is comfy and cosy worn over skinny jeans with some statement accessories

NEW SEASON STYLE ICONS: Fearne Cotton Ever Since THAT wedding dress (we’re still in awe!) all eyes are on our favourite DJ’s style choices for autumn.

Fearne’s gathered quite a fashion following over the years with her indie style and she frequently tops the bestdressed list at Glastonbury. six

The classic laid-back look that has been the DJ’s uniform for the past few years is starting to evolve into an elegant, feminine style and we especially love her award-ceremony looks.

Fearne’s latest collection for Very confirms her style-

icon status. Her a/w drop is full of gorgeous prints and quirky dresses and with prices starting at £25, what’s not to love?

If you really can’t get enough of Ms Cotton’s eye for design, her new home collection is pretty awesome too.

STAR BUY

Drape back jumper @www.asos.com £21

TAR BUY

back jumper w.asos.com £21

fashion

well plaid IF there’s one trend that just won’t budge from the High Street’s autumn/winter repertoire it’s tartan.

The good news is that you can re-wear your favourite plaid pieces from last season.

However, if you want to reinvent this classic for 2014, look for skorts, capes and other must-have pieces in your favourite tartan.

Tartan trousers (or trews up here in Scotland) are no longer the reserve of little old ladies and wedding guests not keen for the full kilt attire.

Wear them high-wasited with a roll neck jumper or crop top for a contemporary silhouette.

STAR BUY

Red check cigarette pants @www.riverisland.com £40

How to wear l On a shopping trip: A tartan skort paired with a leather jacket will look très now l To the pub: complement a sequin Aztec mini skirt with strappy sandals

STAR BUY

Navy Tartan Pleat Front Smart Shorts @www.riverisland.com £30

seven

fashion

rich pickings This season, opulence is key. Think sequins, crystals and metallic galore and release your inner princess.

What’s not to love? This may seem like a nighttime only trend, but why not be brave and embrace this trend for day?

An embellished cami can be dressed down with some skinny jeans, boots and a biker jacket.

Metallics were a catwalk favourite and these are also a great way to inject a bit of glitz into your daytime look.

Try a metallic midi with a plain jumper for wearable glamour.

STAR BUY

Shell pink sateen jewel embellished t-shirt @www.newlook. com £24.99

How to wear l On a night out: Team an embellished bralet with a midi skirt and barely-there sandals for a sexy, contemporary look l Dinner with friends: A pleated metallic midi looks edgy teamed with a ribbed crop top

STAR BUY

Midi skirt in pleated metallic @asos.com £21

NEW SEASON STYLE ICONS: Iggy Azelea Iggy’s look can be described in one word – fierce. Our fave Aussie always impresses with her funky two-pieces, bold bodysuits and trademark hotpants.

While we probably won’t be working this look personally, we just can’t wait to see what she’s going to wear next.

We’re clearly not the only ones lusting after Iggy’s style, as she’s set to host MTV’s newly revamped House of Style.

Not only will the singer give us behind-thescenes access to the styling on her video shoots, but she’ll also be giving us a tour of LA’s vintage shopping hotspots.

We’ll definitely be series-recording this one!

Iggy’s a big fan of designer labels, but if you do want to imitate her style it is possible on a student budget.

Missguided is the perfect place to buy fabulous two pieces that would make Ms Azalea proud and her favourite pointed-toe courts are all over the High Street this season.

fashion

feeling green THE word ‘trend’ can be a daunting thought for guys, as the looks on the catwalks can be over the top, unpractical and, quite frankly, bizarre.

Don’t worry, lads because one of the biggest trends this season is also one of the most wearable – green.

Turn to the army for inspiration, as khaki is the most versatile hue of autumn’s It Colour as it can be worn with almost anything.

Why not go for green chinos instead of beige, or a khaki t-shirt with dark jeans?

And who said being stylish was hard?

STAR BUY

How to wear l To uni: Create a military vibe with a khaki tee, dark jeans and chunky arm boots l On a night out: Work forest green chinos with a black tee and pointed toe shoes

Illustrated People Gurr t-shirt @topman.com £25

STAR BUY

Khaki slim fit turn-up chinos@newlook.com £19.99

be a beatnik THE Beatles loved them, James Bond loved them… polo necks are back, baby.

To keep the look youthful, make sure yours is well fitted to show off that gym body (ahem…maybe).

Another great beatnik inspired trend that looks just as great today is a stripe tee with your favourite jacket.

Want to further work the 60s trend? Invest in some short-sleeved shirts.

These are an excellent transitional piece and are a smart alternative to wearing a t-shirt to Black and white stripe t-shirt@riverisland.com a club. £12

STAR BUY

How to wear l To a family meal: Wear a black polo neck jumper over beige chinos with a smart jacket to channel timeless sophistication l To the pub: A stripe tee over well-fitting jeans is comfy and cool

STAR BUY

Black roll neck jumper @newlook.com £14.99

nine

fashion

perfect tee Looking for an easy way to look current? Treat yourselves to some new statement tees.

A guy can never have too many t-shirts, and for autumn the High Street does not disappoint.

This season, go for a bold slogan or bright print then when the weather gets cooler, throw on a blazer for an effortlessly stylish look.

STAR BUY

White Ombre wing print t-shirt @riverisland.com £20

How to wear l To a concert: Wear your favourite band tee with pride – they are big news right now l On a night out: A colour block tshirt with chinos is simple and stylish

sweat it out Good news for the lazy among you- sweatpants are suddenly cool.

Yep, now there’s no need to even get dressed before going out.

Don’t think those old holey ones at the back of the drawer will do though – new season joggers are tapered and edgy.

Finish the outfit with your favourite hightops and a musthave bomber jacket True grit joggers and this sporty look @Superdry.com will take you seam£49.99 lessly from summer to autumn.

STAR BUY

ten

STAR BUY

Black check print t-shirt @newlook.com £16.99

How to wear l To Uni: Your favourite slimline joggers are now socially acceptable- just throw over a quilted or bomber jacket to smarten up the look l To the pub: Smart sweatpants from shops such as Superdry are a comfy and stylish alternative to chinos

STAR BUY

Skinny waffle trousers @boohoo.com £20

fashion

layer up IS your old reliable jacket looking past its best? Invest in a new one this season.

Last season’s basketball jackets remain popular and are the perfect transitional piece as the weather turns colder.

STAR BUY

2014’s new hero cover up, however, is the biker jacket.

Bellfield Rex jacket To keep the look more off-duty @topman.com rockstar and less Danny Zucko, £60 pair yours with some dark skinny jeans and worn-in converse.

How to wear l On a night out: A biker jacket thrown over pretty much anything equals effortless cool l To Uni: When the temperature drops, wear your biker over a shirt and jumper combo for a contemporary twist on a classic look

STAR BUY

YOUR NEW SEASO N SHOPPING DESTI NATIONS

Black leather-look quilted panel bikers jacket @riverisland.com £70

Have you ever heard of Uniqlo? The Japanese retailer might not be your top shopping destination, but we seriously recommend you check it out.

How does an on-trend check shirt for £19.90 sound?

Or one of their quirky UT t shirts for less than £1 3?

Uniqlo has casual-cool at bargain prices nailed.

Meanwhile, old favourite Boohoo has plenty of on-trend looks to choose from, wi th many styles for under £20.

We especially love their new-season jea ns and great value high-tops.

twelve

SPRZ graphic t-shirt uniqlo.com £12.90

Skinny fit biker style jeans boohoo.com £25

feature

Now’s the time to make the most of your city life...

Ah, university. Sweet, sweet university.

You’d think even the mere mention of another looming semester would see young people all over the country quivering in their bedrooms, terrified they’ll soon be suffocated under a pile of shockingly overpriced textbooks.

In reality, however, what university beginning again really means is copious amounts of clubbing, lazy Tuesday mornings watching Jeremy Kyle and the resumption – or the start – of some of the greatest times you’ll ever have.

Unless of course you happen to be studying law, in which case the textbook thing really does apply.

Every silver lining has a cloud, however, and with all the bright-eyed optimism of another year at uni comes a genuine fear that you might not be getting the most out of your #unay experience.

Don’t worry though, RICHARD JONES has quite cleverly come up with a whole host of amazing things you can get up to when you go back to – or begin – university or college.

Now, because he refuses to be responsible for another West Coast / East Coast feud (RIP Tupac), he has opted to break this down into two sections, namely Scotland’s two largest cities; Glasgow and Edinburgh.

Simples!

East Side is de Best IF you have opted to set up camp as a student in Edinburgh, then you’ve made a phenomenal choice.

Edinburgh is one of the best cities in the UK, filled with coffee shops, culture, and more tourists than you could ever possibly explain the phrase “I’m not exactly sure where that is” to in a lifetime.

And the Edinburgh accent is hilarious, a fact you’ll acknowledge just as soon as you find yourself saying the word ‘ken’ once every three seconds.

While you’re a student in the capital, you have zero excuses to ever be bored. And here’s why; BEAN THERE, DONE THAT One of the best things to do in Edinburgh is go for coffee.

Even Edinburgh University’s Freshers Week hosts coffee crawls for new students. Yeah. That’s how many coffee shops there is in Edinburgh.

And I’m not just talking about Costa and Starbucks. One of the best things about the east coast is the apparent popularity of independent businesses.

As a student in Edinburgh, you have a responsibility to support these many coffee shops by spending a full day in the back of a one drinking mocha after mocha while you read a textbook cover to cover.

Getting hammered is an option everywhere IF coffee isn’t your thing (it will be eventually), then another of Edinburgh’s top notch intricacies is the relaxed and diverse bar scene.

On George Street (sooooooo posh) you’ll find piano and jazz bars, filled with happenin’ young professionals slowly sipping their £11 cocktails.

On Grassmarket, just below the

Castle there’s a line of brilliantly old fashioned pubs to choose from.

Edinburgh also plays host to a variety of themed bars and pubs – think along thelines of Frankestein’s Pub and you get the idea.

The capital also has a few hidden speakeasies – pubs which are hidden from the public by having a fronted entrance disguised as another building.

A mate of mine recently reviewed one which you enter through a barber shop. I have no idea where the place is, but I imagine hunting it down is part of the fun.

I don’t care that I look like a tourist IF you ever tire of spending all your money on beer/wine – and I’m starting to wonder if anyone ever has – then Edinburgh is a haven for the sightseeing kind.

Some of the city’s churches are beyond-words-beautiful, and even after three years I can’t quite believe how much fun exploring random boutique shops and book stores is.

The best way to enjoy Edinburgh is to wander aimlessly around for hours, every so often forgetting you haven’t accidently entered a Harry Potter novel.

I recently completed the final touristy thing on my list – climbing Arthur’s Seat. The hill (I think that’s correct? It’s hardly a mountain) rises right above the Parliament buildings of Holyrood and has some truly special views of the city.

If nothing else it’s a good excuse to finally use panoramic mode on your iPhone’s camera. Totally worth the extra £5 a month with 02 to upgrade.

Did someone say road trip?

If you want to get out of the city and do some exploring around about Edinburgh, then pay attention now.

Rosslyn Chapel is – predictably

enough – in Roslin (don’t question the spelling, just go with it), just a few miles outside the city.

The Chapel is apparently connected with the Freemasons and Templars, which for some reason meant it had a whole page devoted to it in The Da Vince Code. History isn’t really my strongpoint but I’ve heard it’s worth the £2 for the bus.

Recently, my flatmates and I took a daytrip out to North Berwick in East Lothian.

It only took us about 20 mins by car from our flat in the city centre, and by god it was amazing.

It was 26 degrees or so, and we got fish and chips and had a handstand competition on the beach.

Think Brighton but fancy. The East Coast is really nice.

G-Town SO you go to University in Glasgow?

Brilliant choice. Fun fact: Scotland’s top nine most dangerous streets are all in Glasgow!

I joke, though. Glasgow for many is still the best city in Scotland and it’s not too difficult to see why.

All you had to do was take a glance at how great this year’s Commonwealth Games were to see all that the West Si-ide has to offer.

Check out these amazing things you can do as you blatantly ignore the ever growing pile of essay assignments clogging up your e-mails: Free Culture, you say?

ASK someone who isn’t from Glasgow what springs to mind when they think of the city, you’ll probably get one of a few pretty standard responses.

The whole football issue we’ve got going on will likely be pretty high up on the list.

Failing that it’s hard to imagine many responses that aren’t to do with violent crime or that cone on top of the Duke

fifteen

feature of Wellington statue in Royal Exchange Square.

Those images are iconic for a reason – but what most people don’t realise about Scotland’s biggest city is the incredible amount of free culture on offer.

And I’m not even talking football culture here. Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum in the West End is a free and outrageously massive venue which you could spend days in and not see everything.

My friend and I once spent a hungover morning/afternoon lounging around on (surprisingly comfy) couches at an art exhibition at the gallery.

If you’re feeling slightly less broken, however, they also have a dinosaur section and a bit with swords.

And the free learning doesn’t stop there. The new(ish) Riverside Museum down by the Clyde is about 7 million times better than the old transport museum it replaced.

All shiny metal and glass, it makes for a decent place to visit, if only just to see the 50 or so cars they have hanging way above head height on the wall.

Other touristy/cultural expeditions in the city include the stunning Glasgow Cathedral.

Right next to the Cathedral is the quite scary Glasgow Necropolis, which has an underground network of tombs just like in the Da Vinci code. I’ve never actually been but I’m informed it’s brilliantly creepy and just like being in A Nightmare Before Christmas.

What is this fresh air and where did it all come from?

Glasgow isn’t renowned for its outdoorsy attitude.

We’ve worked hard for that reputation – in no other city on earth can you find more chip shops than people.

However, if you’re willing to travel ever so slightly (which of course you are) then there’s plenty of options if you want to go all Into-the-Wild about it.

Loch Lomond and the Trossachs national park is around a 30-minute drive from the city centre. My friend has the greatest job ever driving people around the Loch on speedboats, and I can attest to it being a seriously fun daytrip.

Glasgow also happens to be surrounded by tonnes of mountains and hills. The Campsies are aren’t particularly big hills, which is good because if you’re like me and alarmingly unfit after years of vodka then you should be able to make it up alive.

Plus, you get to view the city from way up high like you’re on a first date in an American teen film.

There’s always getting hammered Going to University is a great place to learn new things and improve yourself. It’s a place where you meet lots of new friends, mature and set yourself up for a successful career.

Uni is also a wonderful opportunity to go out almost every night of the week. For me, nightlife doesn’t get too much better than in Glasgow.

Sauchiehall Street is pretty much the only street in the world outside of Ibiza which is busier at 3am than at 9 in the morning.

Aside from all the clubbing, there’s also a seemingly endless list of independent venues in G Town. Most notably King Tut’s in the city centre hosts both big and small artists throughout the year.

While you’re a student in the city, The Sub Crawl is a legendary challenge you can’t shy away from. As the name somewhat suggests, it’s a subway pub crawl.

Glasgow’s underground has 15 stops, which means 15 pubs. Finding a worthy establishment close by each stop and consuming 15 pints in one night could prove a logistical and physical challenge, but just like my granny always says; nothing worth doing is ever easy.

I’m not sure if she necessarily meant the phrase to apply to pub crawls, but I like to think it did.

The Daily News Morning edition

Very reasonably priced

Bagel mania hits Edinburgh – See Page 5 for full story

Just don’t forget to come back!

DOUGH FOR IT: Elephants and Bagels in Nicolson Square – the scene of countless delicious bagels over the past 16 years

FOR people in the know, Elephants and Bagels is regarded as something of an Edinburgh institution.

Situated on Nicolson Square, right in the very heart of “studentsville”, this is a quirky cafe which has remarkable staying power. In a city which sees new eateries and coffee shops pop up and close down almost overnight, Elephants and Bagels has remained a popular choice amongst students and locals alike for an astonishing sixteen years.

It seems that Edinburgh folk, like elephants, have excellent memories, and never forget a good bagel...

As soon as you visit you can understand why this has remained a steadfast favourite. With its cosy, laidback atmosphere, unique elephant artwork covering the walls, and friendly vibe, it is no wonder that this has long been favoured as a great student hangout.

Not forgetting, of course, the all important bagels. The choice of at least twelve different types, along with an incalculable amount of toppings, can seem a little overwhelming upon a first visit – fear not, for help is at hand in the form of the friendly and knowledgeable staff, who will prevent you from heading

n by BRIE CHUTNEY

towards bagel disaster! Toppings range from the classic smoked salmon and cream cheese, Deli-style pastrami or the humble tuna melt, to the more unusual offerings of bacon, brie and chutney.

My personal favourite? Salami, melted mozzarella, pesto, and sun-dried tomato – a savoury sensation!

There is plenty to choose from if you are vegetarian; at least one third of all bagel toppings are suitable for vegetarians, with some lovely combinations on offer.

There are choices also for vegans, with all bagels except the cheese and jalapeño being suitable; and gluten-free bagels on offer too if you ask.

If you prefer the sweeter things in life, there are cakes and cookies a plenty, and several sweet bagel options.

Why not give a cinnamon and raisin

bagel topped with honey and granola cream cheese a try, for a tasty breakfast treat? And it is rumoured that the scrambled egg, bacon and tomato bagel is the best hangover cure in Edinburgh!

Elephants and Bagels is also a popular watering-hole; whether for a quick coffee on the go or a relaxing break or a catch up with friends.

Cappuccinos, lattes and the usual coffees are available, along with a wide variety of herbal teas; but perhaps you’d like to indulge in a Mallow Delight?

A delicious assembly of hot chocolate, marshmallows whipped cream. Or why not try a Moo? Hot milk flavoured with your choice of the many syrups on offer, be it hazelnut, Irish cream or simply vanilla.

With free Wi-Fi, student discount, and comfortable space in which to while away an hour or two away from the city hustle and bustle, Elephants and Bagels is no place for a one-off visit.

gton Berti n i l r u e B Late

b tled b ot Sp Live

nse

with ANNA DEVITT

box e k Ju 0 £2.5

Lice

eer M a lt o f th e M

or t

ome £2.7 nt 5 Sin g £5.0 0 D o le uble

Festival & Christmas opening ‘til 3am 7 days a week open 11am - 1am 11-13 Tarvit Street EH3 9LB

You become M&S’s autumn season model and you have a signature look that you choose yourself – what is it?

Jammies!!!! Fluffy hoodie on top with fluffy bottoms, neon pink with sparkles! Or an elegant long dress with tummy hiding features.

Or just shoes, who cares about the outfits it’s all about the shoes in my world! Big bold, heels to the skies, sparkly outragous shoes! With your name on them in crystals!

Aye. That’s it. Shoes. Call the De’vit range of foot heaven...

You’re on the Titanic and have the option to pick up an orphaned child, lie and say you are the parent so you can gain passage to safety on one of the few remaining lifeboats. What do you do and do you have another option to survive which is more heroic and less cowardly?

I would pick up the orphaned child and get them on a boat to safety and attempt to get my self off the boat, not using them but by myself.

Had I been on the Titanic, I would have tried to find something that floated – or just found the bar and waited it out there.

I don’t want to think about those poor people – this is a horrible question!

Find the Union of Genius soupmobile George Square Mon-Fri 11am-3pm Soup • Street-food • Snacks Meat • Veggie • Vegan • Gluten-free Fancy a wee sit down?

Visit our cafe at 8 Forrest Road

www.unionofgenius.com | care@unionofgenius.com /UnionofGeniusStreet

AN ex-boyfriend trashes you on Facebook and then you later bump into him with his girlfriend. What do you say that has the girlfriend quickly making excuses and leaving and the ex in tears?

Where have you been? You owe me six weeks’ child payments!

IT’S the French Revolution and you’re about to be beheaded at the guillotine but you read a poem and it has everyone laughing so much they pardon you and make you the royal joke-writer and jester.

What’s your poem?

(Copyright Anna Hopewell) Here lies the body of our Anna, Sentenced to Death by a Banana.

It wasn’t the fruit that laid her Low, But the Skin of the thing that made her go!

(It’s in a cermetery in Enosburg Falls, Vermont.)

Get the best soup in Scotland

ADVERT_1.indd 1

YOU’RE HAVING A LAUGH

@UoGStreet

10/07/2014 13:18

You’re in bed on a ferry sharing a bunk, you on the top and a complete stranger on the bottom when you fall through the gap between the bed and cabin wall and into the lower bunk tightly squeezed cheek to cheek with the stranger. What do you say to break the ice?

I broke the bed, sorry. You want to be the big spoon or the wee spoon?

YOU get a job as a features journalist travelling with the rollercoaster club.

What and where’s the best rollercoaster in the world and how could you add to it to guarantee it’s the most terrifying in the world?

Blackpool – Pepsi Max. It is terrifying. To add to the fear I would make everyone do it blind folded!

interview

You’re stuck at night in a theme park and the only place to sleep is in the Haunted House. What thoughts creep through your mind keeping you awake most of the night?

None, I would have called a mate to collect me or booked into the nearest hotel. Not a chance I am sleeping in any haunted place. Not One. Or I would just stay up all night on a rollercoaster until I was sick and fell asleep through exhaustion.

‘I AM from Glasgow and do stand-up.’

What else do you add to make yourself sound more exciting and desirable than Megan Fox? Ha! I am from Glasgow I do stand up, I pole dance to stay fit so could strangle you with my thighs! ;) Your partner reveals your personal habits on Facebook which means you can’t leave your house or you will be hounded. What are the habits?

Farting. That’s the worst habit I have, and blaming it usually on dogs, furniture or children.

I would still leave my house, though, cause everyone has little fairy puffs now and again!

YOU invite your partner round for your family Xmas dinner which is quite the eye opener. Why must they be sworn to secrecy…what happens at the family Xmas dinner that stays at the family Xmas dinner?

My Xmas Dinners usually end up in a dance off or karaoke – I would just make them join in so they were part of the madness and therefore they would not want to tell the world they done a strip tease to ‘You Can Leave Your Hat On’ for a vodka shot!

AT Xmas time what after-dinner games do you play that you know you can beat everyone at?

Karaoke or Dance off. The one my family play a lot is called “I have a dog and it’s name is....” you say your name and then a rhyme.

For example, I have a dog and it’s name is Lucy, It’s big and hairy with drools that are juicy! I always win it as I am good at rhyming!

YOU have an imaginary friend you speak to? Who is it, what do you get up to together and why haven’t you told anyone about it?

When I was little I had two Claudia & Formea, they used to follow me on the bus with their horses and when we got home we would have tea parties, me,

them and the barbie dolls. Sometimes we would have adventures in the bin sheds to discover clues for crimes!

I was a strange child! I haven’t told people because rummaging through bins and jumping in the air attempting to mount an invisible horse is never an easily explained situation!

YOU have been asked to be the designer of the 2018 Commonwealth in the Gold Coast. What’s the main theme and what do you do to upstage Kylie?

My theme would be sparkles - loads of fireworks and dancers. You can’t upstage Kylie. LOOK AT HER. You just can’t and why would you want to? Everyone is fabulous in their own right I would just be me and do my best.

You’ve planned a break after your America tour to get away from it all.

Where do you go, what do you do and why doesn’t it go to plan?

Stay in America – hit NEW YORK. I shop in every shoe shop and buy

every item from Victoria’s Secret I can possible carry.

The only thing that wouldn’t go to plan is my yearly budget for my money – I would blow it all on shoes and Victoria’s Secret!

In the future anyone with talking tummies are believed to be demi-gods and allowed to rule every city in the world.

What city would you rule and what laws would you pass?

Whoop Whoop I am a demi God! Brilliant – today is a good day! I would rule Glasgow because I love this City.

My rules would be: If it is above 25 degrees its a day off for everyone. I would give out free holidays to people who were affected by mental health issues and depression as I believe a week in the sunshine would be more beneficial than drugs.

I would bring back kids being allowed to be kids! Have them back in the parks and out playing – I would ban iPads, phones and any other devices from social events, so people actually spoke and got to be SOCIABLE!

ANNA DEVITT will be compering at this year’s FRESH 14 Freshers Festival. The event takes place on September 19 at the Barrowland Ballroom in Glasgow. More info: www.student-rag.co.uk/category/fresh14

14

twenty-five nineteen

WIN

FAKE BAKE FAUX GLO SPRAY TAN

Erin Gavin founded the agency in 2004. Erin Gavin Agency represents elite talent. EGA UK represents elite Models, Celebrities, Dancers, Unique Entertainers & artists for film background, Corporate Model Hosts and Presenters.

Fake Bake United have sponsored EGA’s Elite Dance/ Model team named The Score Angels.

Fake Bake is one of the World’s leading beauty brands.

We’ve got FIVE one-month supplies of Fake Bake Faux Glo instant tan spray to give away. For a chance to win one, answer the question: WHAT IS THE NAME OF EGA’S ELITE DANCE/MODEL TEAM? Text your answer FREE along with your name, phone number and email address to 07746-792724 or email competitions@ student-rag.co.uk Closing date Sep 31. Editor’s decision is final.

Visit us... www.fakebake.co.uk www.eringavinagency.com

WIN

A 6-PACK OF MUGSHOT GLASSES MUGSHOT Glasses can put any image and up to 4 lines of text onto a shot glass.Using their website it takes less than two minutes to create a personalised shot glass.

Glasses used are virtually unbreakable polycarbonate shot glasses, making them safe in any environment.

We’ve got THREE packs of Mugshot Glasses – each containing SIX glasses – to give away. For a chance to win one, answer the question: HOW MANY LINES OF TEXT CAN MUGSHOT GLASSES PUT ON TO A SHOT GLASS? Text your answer FREE along with your name, phone number and email address to 07746-792724 or email competitions@ student-rag.co.uk Closing date Sep 31. Editor’s decision is final.

www.mugshotglasses.co.uk

Edinburgh Art Shop fair drawing a crowd Edinburgh Art Shop is based in the Tollcross area of Edinburgh, selling a wide range of art and craft supplies.

We are open 7 days a week to help out with the last minute hand in folks out there.

We cater for technical drawing, painting, model making, sketching, portfolios, easels, spray painting, illustrating and more.

We can order in all sorts

of supplies specially for you that we can’t cram into our shop floor.

Students (with a valid id) get up to 15% off most items and we run some competitions throughout the year, helping artists to get their work noticed.

We also sell gift vouchers for those that are more tricky to buy for.

Our staff are friendly and helpful so don’t hesitate to ask.

Edinburgh Art Shop 129 Lauriston Place 0131 2291809 www.edinburghartshop.com

fitness

Drop like a s CXWORX Who doesn’t want toned, shapely abs? We sure do!

This new class is one of the most effective ways to get a tummy to rival Michelle Keegan’s or David Beckham’s.

Don’t expect it to be easy. This is a short, sharp, workout that will intensely work your abs, back and bum.

While this is technically a low-impact class, you can definitely expect to be tired!

Alice X According to research, the average student gains TWO STONE in their first year of university.

Don’t want to gain serious freshers’ flab? Luckily, there are lots of exciting and innovative new exercise classes out there to help keep the weight off.

Insanity

Powerhoop

You’ve probably already heard of the infamous home workout.

Did you know that it’s now in exercise class form? According to the Daily Mail, this fitness craze can help you burn 1,000 calories in 45 minutes.

This is a whole-body workout that will burn fat and build muscle fast… but at a price.

Prepare to be thoroughly put through your paces and make sure you eat plenty of healthy calories to get you through.

Take it back to your childhood days with this fun new trend. Hoola hooping is a great way to shape your waist and this popular class uses a weighted hoop to shrink away the inches.

According to research at Canada’s Waterloo University, participants lost weight over their whole body but this was most noticeable at the waistmeaning a coveted hourglass figure.

With this sort of research behind it, it’s definitely worth a try.

Sh’Bam SAY hello to your new favourite dance class. Simple, sassy moves are paired to the top club tunes you love.

Even the most physically-challenged individuals can give this class a go.

Best of all, you and your friends can learn killer routines to really make an impression on a night out.

Find out what classes are on in your area, go to Glasgow: www.glasgowlife.org.uk/sport/fitnessclasses Edinburgh: www.edinburghleisure.co.uk

DVDs 30 Day Shred Jillian Michael’s renowned workout plan promises to help you shift those extra pounds by doing 20 minutes of exercise a day but boy, prepare to work hard for those 20 minutes.

Tabata 20 minutes still too much? Well the tabata system requires participants to exercise for just four minutes – and promises better results than would normally be achieved in an hour.

Basic Ab Workout for Dummies Everyone has the potential to get a lean, toned tummy with this step-by-step guide to the most effective exercises that will help target even the deepest layers of ab muscle. twenty-two

fitness

stone!

Stephen I’M not in very good shape.

At all. I get out of breath ‑run‑ ning up stairs, I have bigger breasts than my girlfriend and I’m almost certain my blood‑ type is Fanta Fruit Twist.

I’ve got some ideas on how to shape up, though, and I’m sharing them with you...

The ZUU ZUU is a workout class made for those who are bored of lifting dumbbells or plodding along on a treadmill, and it promises a fun team building experience as well as a killer of a workout.

The Austrailian craze, which has just reached these shores through Virgin Active gyms, focuses on primal movement patterns and high intensity muscle workouts, with moves such as the ‘frog’ and the ‘gorilla’ testing muscles that wouldn’t be tested in everyday life.

ZUU embraces its zany USP by encouraging a sense of fun and enthusiasm that other classes can’t offer. And the class boasts the chance to burn 600 calories in a 30 minute session.

SleekTechnique.com

Sleek Technique is perfect for those looking for a solid workout without the embarrassment of being an unfit mess in public, with its online dance class that claim to help obtain the perfect dancers body.

Classes are streamed online via webcam with an instructor, but can also be downloaded onto your computer, meaning you can exercise at a time that suits you.

Many subscribers are pulled in by the fun, one-to-one feel of the sessions that could tempt even those not interested in dance.

twenty-three

healthy eating Fed up of Weightwatchers? 5:2 not your thing?

Here are the latest diet trends that really are more than a fad – they are scientifically shown to work.

The Honey Diet This diet claims to help you drop a dress size in a week, largely by consuming lots of honey. Seriously!

The idea is to trade the sugar in your life for the natural sweetener honey and consuming a big spoonful before bed to rev up your metabolism. OK, dieters are also expected to give up refined carbs, but this is definitely a less painful diet than most for those with a sweet tooth.

The reason this regime is meant to be so effective is because your body has the capacity to burn even more calories when you are sleeping than when you are exercising (which is something every student will be happy to hear).

Also, by swapping refined sugars for natural ones, dieters can put an end to the sugar cravings many of us are prone to.

There is bad news,

Alice X

though. This diet does not allow potatoes in any format. Whether it’s crisps, chips, boiled, mashed or baked, all potatoes are a no-go on this diet because of their blood

FIT-

The Alkaline Diet

Many eating regimes right now are designed to ease digestion, hence reduce bloating and inflammation.

The principle of the alkaline diet is to eat foods with a pH rating between 7.35 and 7.45 (that means they are the opposite of acidic for all you who didn’t take chemistry) as this is when your body functions best.

This way of eating can be a little complicated, as you need to figure out whether foods are high alkaline or acidic, but as a principle raw vegetables, nuts and dates are a yes, while dairy and alcohol are big nos.

While meat may technically be acidic, eating it in moderation is the best way to get the most out of

FROM the classic Weightwatchers to the radical fads it seems impossible to know which will be the best for you and what actually works. However, I’ve found a couple of the most promising, popular, and most importantly, healthy out there.

Stephen

EDINBURGH ZUMBA

Zumba and Insanity classes with Nadia First class half-price for students. Please email edinburghzumba@hotmail.co.uk and quote Student Rag. Males and females welcome.

www.zumbaedinburgh.net

this plan. If in doubt, there’s a handy iPhone app to help you out.

The Mediterranean Diet It’s widely known that Italians are some of the healthiest eaters in the world and by adopting their lifestyle you can be too.

Unfortunately this does not mean living off pizza and pasta – real Italian grub is much more wholesome and natural than that.

Think all natural foods; rich tomatoes, succulent grilled meat, lashings of olive oil…it’s hard to see anything wrong with this way of eating.

There are no faddy foods or complex eating rituals associated with this diet, just meals that are both delicious and nutritious.

The other plusses?

All the healthy fats work wonders on your skin, plus studies have shown that this diet can help decrease the risk of cancer and heart disease.

TLC THIS diet has been around for a while, but that means that it’s a tried and tested method for keeping healthy.

It’s a government endorsed diet backed by the American Heart Association as well as nutritionists across the world.

It focuses on cutting out saturated fats, and its simple approach means that you won’t be tempted to crawl back to your usual diet, as with more extreme methods.

Its low calorie options aim at keeping healthy whilst losing weight, meaning for sustained health benefits rather than just a two week bikini body.

Watchfit A much newer dieting tool is Watchfit, a dieting and fitness app designed with a clever social aspect to give dieting an interactive element.

For those who find dieting a painful slog, this tool might help boost enthusiasm, thanks to its user friendly design, how-to articles and workout videos, along with the option to share a picture of each meal you eat with your social networks.

Its calorie counting feature also helps keep you on track as you log what you eat.

The App is free to download with prices varying from £.4.999.99 for specific plans.

beauty Eye Shadow

HIGH END Vichy Idealia Smoothing and Illuminating Cream £22

HIGH END Naked 3 Palette £37

Beauty bloggers are constantly crediting the Naked eyeshadow palettes as THE best in the business, but why spend nearly £40 when you can spend five?

This cheeky copycat from

W7 offers almost identical colours to Naked 3 and the pigmentation and staying power is incredible for a product of this price.

Snap it up quick before there is a lawsuit!

BETTER BUY In the Buff Palette around £5, Amazon

HIGH END Dior Addict Lip Glow £23.50

Moisturiser

Even sensitive skin can glow with these gentle moisturisers.

Vichy Idealia cream smells amazing, but is it worth an extra £14? We reckon no. Simple’s radiant day cream is equally great and provides skin with a light shimmer.

It’s important to keep your lips hydrated and a moisturising lip colour is a great way to do this.

Dior’s Lip Glow will certainly give you a pretty pop of colour and kissably soft smackers, but so will Revlon’s bargain version.

BETTER BUY Simple Kind to Skin + Illuminating Radiance Cream £7.99

Lipstick

BETTER BUY Revlon Colour Burst Lip Butter £7.99

These girls are smooth operators The Wax Bar is Edinburgh’s first salon dedicated to precision hot & strip waxing!

As their name suggests, they specialise in creating an individual wax experience.

They use Lycon Wax, created using natural ingredients and essential oils and designed to promote skin hydration and deliver superior results!

Their therapists choose a Lycon oil and wax suited to your own skin and hair type.

The hot wax literally wraps around your hair, without touching the skin, ensuring that all hair is removed properly with no breakages and more importantly, less pain!

Painful waxing really is a thing of the past when you visit the highly skilled girls at The Wax Bar. Their techniques have been perfected and they hold regular waxing workshops to keep on top of the latest products and waxes to ensure they really are the best!

All of their therapists have years of experience and spend all day, you guessed it, WAXING! Who better could you choose for the job?

Although they specialise in waxing, all of their therapists are experienced in full body treatments to have you looking your best from head to toe!

Choose from a wide range of nail treatments, lash and brow treatments including threading and HD Brows or get your makeup done by MAC certified make-up artist Nicci Weston!

There really is something for everyone, and guys don’t feel like you are missing out on the action, they also offer a range of treatments for men.

Located in Edinburgh city centre and open 7 days a week, The Wax Bar is the place to be for all of your waxing and beauty needs!

If that wasn’t enough for you, they also offer a generous 25% student discount on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

The Wax Bar 133b Rose Street, EH2 4LS, 0131 260 9935

beauty Cleanser

This season the must-have skincare product is micellar water, a gentle alternative to make-up remover that can be used all over the face.

This cuts down on make-up removal time after a late night (and is much better for your skin BETTER than wipes!) but the bad HIGH END BUY Micellar Lancome Eau news is it can be pricey.

Cleansing Micellaire Garnier’s version is an Water Douceur excellent buy for those on £4.99 £35.50 a budget.

Alice’s top tips for a splurge....

Nail polish is one area you don’t want to scrimp on as cheap polishes are lucky to last a day without chipping.

The Nails Inc range is one of the best and provides a shade for every outfit as well as NAIL POLISH the latest trend effects.

Nail Inc They do great gift sets From £11 and value packs, too.

Foundation

YSL’s latest foundation offering, based on the success of their Touche Eclat corrector pen, promises ‘dimensional radiance’ and ‘weightless perfection’.

In reality, it is positively mattifying compared to Rimmel’s incredible Wake Me Up range. Skin looks dewy without being overly shiny and a bottle lasts ages.

MASCARA Benefit They’re Real Mascara £19.50

This is one product that deserves all the hype. Lashes are left entirely clump free and visibly lengthened.

BETTER BUY Rimmel Wake Me Up £8.99

HIGH END YSL Le Teint Touche Eclat £30.50

YA BEAUTY! KAHINA Fez Hand and Body Balm £35.00

5 acceptable bloke products

AS an 18-year-old guy, I’m slightly embarrassed to be writing about body scrubs.

But then again, I have to admit that I really, really love them. I frequently steal my girlfriends’ face scrubs, I love a good bath

bomb, and I have far too many receipts from Lush to be acceptable.

Here are a few of my favourites in my quest for silky smooth skin.

Stephen

LUSH Percup massage bar £6.50

Soap & Glory Orangeasm super rich body butter £10.00

Rituals Hammam Body scrub £14.00

Paul & Joe soothing body oil £21.00 (per 100ml)

A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE Improve your CV and experience new cultures whilst making a real difference, on a choice of over 200 volunteer projects across Asia, Africa and Latin America.

Building Community Conservation

Health Education Sports

visit

Wildlife Children Marine

call

or email

info@kayavolunteer.com

beauty

Does it work?

When strolling past the celebrity gossip section in the supermarket, your eyes are sure to find dramatic headlines like ‘Miley’s flat tum secret’s revealed’ or ‘Kim’s bum toning exercises leaked’, and like many, you probably think it’s all just hyperbole.

But it’s easy to wonder – do any of these celebrity beauty secrets actually work?

Stephen Butchard has researched some of the most popular celebrity secrets to judge whether there is any truth behind these headlines.

Shailene Woodley What’s the deal?

Actress Shailene Woodley claims her teeth are so white thanks to ‘oil pulling’ – swilling sesame or coconut oil around your mouth for 20 or so minutes to break down plaque.

Emma Stone What’s the deal?

Emma Stone claims that her beautiful natural tone is in part due to her skincare regime.

She moisturises daily using grapeseed oil, mainly due to allergies, she admits, but many believe it could be the secret to her clear skin.

Does it actually work?

Grapeseed oil is easily absorbed into the skin, and the antioxidants contained within work to help reduce the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.

They also provide protection against free radical damage, and are thought to fight against acne and other skin blemishes, making Stone’s cheap moisturising alternative an effective way to protect skin.

Sandra Bullock

What’s the deal?

Perhaps one of the most famous wacky celebrity beauty tips is Sandra Bullock’s claim – picked up from a make-up artist – that haemorrhoid cream can be used to fight against puffy eyes.

Does it actually work?

Marc Lowenberg, a New York City-based dentist, told US Weekly recently: “The toxins in your body are fat-soluble so they join with the oil and are removed when you spit it out. Since the mouth is loaded with plaque, it makes sense that there would be a reduction.”

Lowenberg recommends oil pulling for 15 to 20 minutes first thing in the morning before you eat or drink anything, then spitting out the oil into a bin and removing the excess oil on your tongue with a tongue scraper.

Does it actually work?

Haemorrhoid cream contains ingredients that shrink blood vessels and can help reduce swelling, tighten up skin and so briefly reduce the appearance of wrinkles.

But the cream is also highly irritating to eyes, so we can’t really recommend this one. There are plenty of wrinkle creams that can target this problem just as effectively.

Miley Cyrus thirty

What’s the deal?

Miley Cyrus praised the success of the Paleo diet (AKA the caveman diet). Paleo is a low carb, zero sugar diet with a focus on eating higher healthy fats.

Dieters eat meats, vegetables, fruits and nuts, and avoid grains and dairy.

The idea is that these are the foods our prehistoric ancestors ate, and so we are programmed to eat similarly.

Does it actually work?

Its creator argues that the agriculture revolution brought with it food types our bodies aren’t used to, and so we have become unhealthy because of it.

But many nutritionists object to the extreme cutting of staples such as dairy and grains.

While the diet may prove successful for shifting the pounds, its long term benefits are questionable.

Live Music EVERY Night!

Late bar to 3am nightly Three Gigs a day - seven days

Funk Soul Jazz Blues Acoustic

The Jazz Jazz Bar, Barr,1a 1aChambers Chambers The Street,Edinburgh, Edinburgh, EH1 EH1 1HR Street, www.thejazzbar.co.uk

interview

P

Pleb’s family h for i

n LEBS star Ryan Sampso infor didn’t have to look far at nbe dow spisration for his onscreen persona.

Turns out hilarious but a is miserable slave Grumio of the ers combination of memb an’s 28-year-old Yorkshirem immediate family! uldn’t Sampson reveals: “I sho very not really admit this and it’s ndmother flattering on my late gra azing am as she was a properly tly par woman but Grumio is based on her. ga “One day we were doin if ‘you said scene (of Plebs) and I and then ’ do that I’ll buy you a hat ught ‘oh tho I went cwawwh! and I !’ my god, that’s my nan and “It’s a mixture of my nan who eal my cousin but I can’t rev about w because they don’t kno w now, kno that…they’re going to

thirty-two

aren’t they!” Plebs was such a hit when it hit our scre ens last year that a second ser ies was a no-brainer.

Filmed in Bulgaria, the main actors – Sampso three n, Rosenthal (Marcus) and TOm (Stylax) – all lived togeth Joel Fry and see each other soc er there ially back home.

Ryan’s sure if the most annoying out of them had be identified then it’s his to which would come up, name although they have all played a han rubbing someone up the d in wrong way on set.

Ryan says: “I’m an ann oyin g person to be around.

“If you can’t name the annoying person in your group the n you’re the one.

“It’s odd to acknowledg because you don’t wan e that t you have negative trai to admit ts.

“The three of us began filming in April on April Fool’s Day this year and when we all arri the hotel we thought it ved at would be hilarious to pretend we all hated each other.

“Not long after we arri ved we had to abandon that bec ause

it was threatening to ruin tion.” duc everything with the pro series Episodes of the second int with promise not to disappo bit of toilet humour and a nice ingrediin slapstick the usual ma lting pot. ents in the comedy me lax Grumio, Marcus and Styin in find themselves yet aga promising various new and uncom positions. of the ampson says: “In one in a k new episodes I’m stuc poo pipe. sewage “As it’s meant to be a d with pipe it was literally fille mixed all coffee, bread and mud be to together that’s meant stunk really diahorrea and it really strongly. n’t “You couldn’t tell it was gag me diahorrea and it made now and then. the film “I had a panic while all couldn’t crew were watching and lly freakrea move my arms. I was eramen! ing out in front of the cam ’s “In another scene Tom orally character’s meant to be for a long stimulating a lady friend ‘it’s not time and the director said ded a nee really working’ as Tom lips to bit more shine round his

S

y has Grumio r improvement

interview

l Ryan with Plebs co-stars Joel Fry and Tom Rosenthal

look like he’d just bee n doing it.

That was a low point.

“There’s a really good episode with a drugs trip where Grumio eats drugs and goes on a hour bender hallucinatin 24g.

“That was weird becaus had to use the green scre e we filming as the things Gru en for mio hallucinating weren’t actu ’s ally in front of me.

“Filming Plebs was gre at we learnt a lot about Rom and an life.

For a start there were so many hazards everywhere.

“When we were filming it was all very high, flam indoors ing torches and a bit of wax came off and was dripping on my head, on my scalp.

“It was sore and hair and makeup were trying to preten d to me there was nothing the re.

“They kept saying ‘no, no we

thirty-three

can’t see anything’ as they tried to cover it up but I knew they were just saying that.

“In the first series it was my actual hair for that look as Grumio with the fringe and they took over an hour and a half to back comb and spray hairspray in but by the end of it my hair was snapping off so for this new series I’m wearing a wig.”

Ryan, who spends most of his time dining in cafes while refurbishing his new flat in fashionable Camberwell in London, insists the Roman tunics he wears on set will not become a staple part of his new wardrobe. e moans: “They’re really cold!

Plebs looks like a fun programme to film but it’s f**king freezing all the time. We filmed it in eastern Europe on top of a mountain in the winter!

“I came up with an invention to wear under the tunic to keep warm.

“The first time round when we filmed and it was so cold I was sewing together lots of knitted things like long johns, pants and vests so it’s like a knitted wetsuit.

“The Expendables and 300: Rise of An Empire were also filmed where we filmed in Bulgaria and there was a crossover in filming where we’re all wearing tunics and look like pale and weedy English lads – I’m only five feet four – and some off the cast from 300 were seven feet tall, amazing looking with bulging muscles and bronzed bodies, dripping and shining with sweat.” Ryan’s clear about what’s

H

good about when in Rome as a slave and what’s not to like.

He says: “The worst thing about olden Roman times was the venereal diseases and I’ll tell you what they did love a good orgy.

“The great thing about being a slave was you don’t have to look your best.

There’s not a lot of pressure about looking your best.

“I have massive, wild eyebrows that try to take over my face, it’s like an army marching down my face and for the role of Grumio it fitted in.” Ryan had

an opportunity to spruce up off-cam last month when he became part of the jet set in Monaco for a travel feature he was writing.

But in true grumbling Grumio style the allure of the ‘it’ crowd doesn’t attract him.

He said. “I took my best friend but I don’t gamble and it’s a tenner for a coffee!”

PLEBS returns to ITV2 in September.

Electric Circus buzzing big-time n by JAMES GORDON Hidden away under North Bridge in the heart of the City Centre, Electric Circus is Edinburgh’s best-kept secret.

Opening in 2009 as Scotland’s first ever dedicated private karaoke venue, Electric Circus quickly became the must go place for discovering the best new music, fun club nights and private functions in Edinburgh.

One of the only venues left in Edinburgh hosting live music almost every day, Electric Circus is a must for new music fans!

Famous

Artists who have performed here before they were famous include Emeli Sande, The Vaccines, Chvrches, Example, Frightened Rabbit, George Ezra, Gabrielle Aplin, The 1975, Peace, Palma Violets and Nina which are free of use; you Nesbitt amongst others. can post photos from your Who could be next? night straight to your FaceTheir private karaoke book or Twitter, or you can rooms can be booked 7 days download them the next day. a week for 4 – 40 people.

Electric Circus is also a Each room is totally unique great location for clubbing and with the recent addition with mid-week wallet friendof photobooths in the rooms

ly nights and retro themed shenanigans at the weekend including Road Trip, Speaker Bite Me, Beep Beep Yeah, Pop Rocks and Magic Nostalgic; a whirly gig of musical genres every half an hour from 90s rave

through to power ballads.

In short, Electric Circus has a lot going on – keep up to date by heading to www. theelectriccircus.biz for monthly gig listings, club queue jumps and karaoke offers.

interview

give us a minute Quickfire questions with: JAMES ACASTER YOU played the drums in your band, ‘The Wow! Scenario’ . Why band to comedy?

I was in ‘The Wow Scenario’ from the age of 17 to 22 and they weren’t doing well. I didn’t want to do stand up but my parents said, ‘you should maybe do that because your sister saw you and thought you were funny’.

Normally parents say the opposite about comedy but my parents thought it was more stable than the band. When I first tried stand up it went terribly wrong.

I felt uncomfortable talking about friends and family on stage. I wasn’t clear that people weren’t the butt of the joke and it wasn’t how I really felt about my friends what I was saying.

I wanted the audience to laugh with me rather than at me.

You’ve done the Buzzcocks and Russell Howard’s Good News. If you could have your own comedy show what would the style be?

There’s so many different formats that would suit what I would do. Not overly complicated and quite stripped down and low key with me as an idiot.

Your Radio 4 show ‘James Acaster’s Findings’ is out in October. What can we expect from it?

I’m presenting it. There’s four episodes and it’s my findings on research into nonsense and made up stuff.

The topics are wood, fruit, wheels and paint. It’s just meant to be silly fun and if it’s your sense of humour you’ll find it funny. I wanted to write about things that seemed specific and limited but had a lot of scope.

Nathaniel Metcalfe will be in each show and Bryony Hannah will be on the show too.

You won Best International Show award at the New Zealand Comedy Festival this year. Do these awards feel competitive and does it feel like you deserved it?

You can’t think of it as a competition.

No comedian gets in it to win. There was a lot of heckling and walking out and crowd control at the gig and I didn’t think I’d get the award but you don’t have an opinion either way once you win it.

I know I didn’t feel embarrassed doing my gig and I saw the other shows and they were brilliant. When you don’t win you don’t think, ‘it should have been me’. Comedy’s subjective.

You’ve been in the comedy circuit since 2008 and have met lots of friends.

Who are your friends and who has inspired you?

Bill Cosby. I listened to a lot of his tapes when I was growing up. Ross Noble because he makes comedy look so much fun and exciting what he was doing.

Eddie Izzard. His was the first comedy video I ever saw. Mainly them and Dave Chappelle. I watched him a lot on You Tube especially ‘For What It’s Worth’.

During the Fringe last month I was in a flat with Stuart Goldsmith, Joel Dommett and Nathaniel Metcalfe and there was loads of chat. I’m involved in a music project with my friend Rob Deering.

What was it like starting out in comedy, did you have a formula you followed?

When I started out it was an open spot and you just try all your ideas and try and voice who you are and any ideas you come up with. You can have a formula. I don’t personally have one. I don’t want all my jokes to turn out the same. Once people can second guess what the punchline is that doesn’t work for me.

What did you learn from Josie Long and Milton Jones when you were touring with both of them?

On tour with Josie it was the most exciting thing I’d done.

Watching her do her political show was great and her advice was to try something new. I learnt to keep something that excites and interests you. It was brave of her to go in front of audiences who would clearly turn on her with the political material she used. The main thing I learnt from Milton is his writing is incredibly tight and I hadn’t paid much attention to my writing before so I knuckled down and tightened up in front of Milton’s audience.

You have a long tour from October until December. What will you do to unwind afterwards?

I look forward to the festivals in Melbourne and I’m also working on a new show and writing for TV and radio. I’ll do a lot of writing and then in January I’ll go on holiday.

E PUNCH“ONCE PEOPLE GUESS WHAT TH FOR ME” LINE IS, THAT DOESN’T WORK

Ben exits s

interview

Q&A

ANYTHING embarrassing ever happened to you on stage?

I supported The Wanted in Manchester at the Manchester Arena and as I finished my set I walked of stage I missed the right exit and nearly walked head first off the stage.

It would have been a hell of a drop but luckily I stopped just in time...the crowd all laughed.

Not my finest moment, but very funny!

I mostly get asked to teach them my songs but every now and then I chuck in some music theory ha-ha. Not too much, though.

You offer one-on-one guitar lessons over Skype – why did you decide to start doing that?

Again I was asked by a fan if I taught guitar so as most of my fans are darted all over the UK, I decided Skype was the easiest way for people to still do lessons from the comfort of their own home.

I still do them and love it.

YOU must travel around a lot as a musician. Where’s the coolest place you’ve ever travelled to?

I recently got asked to play in Rome for an event called Hard Rock Live for the Hard Rock Café group.

It was incredible and they inducted me into the Wall of Fame which I was so honoured with.

YOU recently did a Twitcam gig, how was that? Was it a strange experience compared to playing in front of a live audience?

Yeah it is really weird but again nice to do a gig for free that people can tune into and watch in the comfort of their own home.



       

 

s stage lef t Singer-songwriter Ben Montague has hit the road and will be appearing at venues all over the UK and Ireland over the autumn. He took time out to chat to KATIE CAMPBELL...

You’ve supported some absolutely massive artists, like Simple Minds. Who was your favourite and why?

I have loved everyone I have been able to support.

Each act has been so lovely and welcoming to me. This year is a highlight for me supporting Shane Filan from Westlife.

He’s a fantastic singer and lovely guy.

But I did fulfil a lifelong dream, and support the Stereophonics a few years back at F1 Rocks...Kelly Jones is one of my heroes.

WHAT has been your greatest achievement of your career so far?

I think getting Album of the Week on BBC Radio 2 last

year with my album Tales of Flying and Falling. That felt like nothing I have ever felt before.

Your brother Jacob is also a musician – do you think the two of you will ever collaborate?

Yes he is. He is a brilliant DJ. We do chat about it sometimes but we are both very busy with our careers.

Maybe in the future we will.

Imagine you’ve been asked to write the soundtrack for a movie: what kind of movie would it be, and who would be in it?

Good question…I think my sort of music would be best suited to a romcom.

Only as I tend to write love

146 Marchmont Road, Edinburgh

0131 446 9873

Show this advert and receive a 10% discount on your meal!

W W W.TOA S TE D I N B U R G H .CO. U K TST 1407001 148x105mm 4C EN.indd 1

7/2/14 8:23 AM

songs. Maybe a movie like Something About Mary. I love Ben Stiller as an actor... such a funny guy!

HOW do you relax when you’re on tour?

I exercise. Sounds boring but I am pretty dull on tour, it is all work, work, work.

I like to go to the gym of go for a run in the park wherever I am in the country. I can switch off in the gym.

What musician do you feel has had the most profound effect on you and your sound?

The list is endless…

So many great musicians inspired me growing up.

I just love song writing and song writers – people like Noel Gallagher, Elton John, Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Eric Clapton, Kelly Jones, Chris Martin, Gary Barlow...the list goes on and on…how long have you got?

How are you feeling about heading back out on the road?

I’ve done about five tours now in total. But I am the most excited about this one as it is the first time I have done it completely solo.

Also I am debuting some new songs from my new album.

You’ve called your current tour “Feels Like Forever” – what’s the story behind that?

THE ONE & ONLY

MOSQUE KITCHEN CURRY IN A HURRY Delicious freshly prepared curries, samosas and BBQ Kebabs. we also do cater of vegetarians 33 Nicolson Square, Edinburgh EH8 9BX 0131 - 667 4035 Open 7 Days 11:30am-10 pm (Closed 1pm - 1.45 pm for prayer on Friday)

info@mosquekitchen.com

BEN MONTAGU E ON TOUR

Sep 20 King Tut’s, Gl asgow Oct 28 Concert Hall, Motherwell* Oct 29 Music Hall, Ab erdeen* Oct 30 Grand Hall, Kilmarnock* * supporting

Shane Filan

www.benmon

tague.co.uk

I wrote a song called Feels Like Forever on my last EP after I played the Isle of Wight festival.

Just a good upbeat sing along song that involves the crowd participation.

Also I’ve not been on the road touring for about six months so it feels like forever…I cant wait!

You have a real presence on social media, why is being close to your fans so important to you?

They mean everything to me.

Without their support I would not be able to do what I love…write and play music for a living.

They also helped me make this new album… I have used a crowd funding platform called Pledge Music and it has been overwhelming the support thay have given me. www.pledgemusic.com/benmontague What exactly is #montiemonday? How did it come about?

A fan of mine called Nats asked me to do them every Monday. It seemed like a fun idea and it has just stuck. I love doing them.

I get to play new songs, old songs and covers, which they can choose.

Nice to give something back for free.

What are your plans for the future?

I will be releasing my next album in March 2015 and am back out on the road with Shane FIlan in October.

You can keep up to date with me on www.benmontague.co.uk or facebook. com/LikeBenmontague

Student Rag - Fife Zone 2.ai

1

01/08/2014

14:15:33

DESTINATION:

EAST SCOTLAND

Uni presentation? s Student boum travel fr

C

M

Y

CM

MY

ÂŁ3.02 a day*

CY

CMY

K

next stop: buymyunirider.com the student bus ticket that's always in your poc

ket

unlimited STUDENT travel throughout Fife and into Edinburgh on Stagecoach buses.

For zone maps, please visit stagecoachbus.com/eastscotland *Based on Fife zone 2 unirider 13 week ticket at ÂŁ275 valid for 91 days.

interview “WE drive around in this rubbish orange van while we’re on tour”, explains Martin Dukelow, lead guitarist in Eliza and the Bear.

“The group of us each take an album along with us for the journey. A lot of the time, we all enjoy what’s on, but our tastes are so different that it doesn’t always happen.

“We used to have really similar music tastes, but that’s changed a lot recently. A few of the guys are into Alt-J, and Chris is into his punk.

“I brought along a Justin Bieber CD and almost had it flung out the car. I think it’s one for me to play on my own…”

All these colourful influences can be heard in Eliza and the Bear’s music; intensely sugary pop melodies, indie eccentricities and bursts of teenage bombast all come together in the band’s playful songs to generate something that feels joyful and of the moment.

Critics are quick to compare them to the likes of Bastille and Imagine Dragons. They have been labelled ‘Euphoric Indie Pop’

forty

Daydream

by STEPHEN BUTCHARD by some, a tag that Martin is quite pleased about.

“Yeah, ‘Euphoric Indie Pop’” he laughs, as he trips over the words “It’s quite a mouthful isn’t it?

“We never really pay attention to labels or anything like that, as there are lots of different tags out there, and we’d rather not stick to any particular one.

“But I do like that one; it’s quite epic sounding, and I hope people would think that about our music.

“We are quite chilled out when it comes to writing music. We tend to keep our ears close to the ground for what types of sounds are popular right now, and then work off each other.”

The band has been on a dizzying upward trajectory this year, following a batch of successful singles and festival dates. Their latest single Light It Up has been going

down well on the festival circuit.

“It’s a song that we’d been playing for about a month on tour, and it really seemed to be getting a good response,” says Martin.

“I think it’s just because we’ve been working with this feelgood sound that people really seem to enjoy.”

Martin is quick to admit how shocked he was about the scale of their popularity.

“One night after a gig, we travelled about 11 hours all the way to Inverness for a gig at a festival called Belladrum up there,” he says.

“We’d never played that far north, but there were still people singing our songs. The energy of the crowd has been overwhelming everywhere and all of the shows have had a great vibe to it.”

The band’s energetic, feelgood aesthetic in the live setting is something they like to dub ‘The

Eliza experience’. They pride themselves on their no holds barred approach to gigging, and it seems to be working. The band was able to tour with Paramore late last year, leading to a massive increase in exposure, and an experience Martin cites as a high point for the band.

“Paramore are this massive band, and they’ve been smashing it lately,” he explains.

“On tour we were introduced to the band, and they were really nice to us. They’ve got so many stories to tell about their experience, so it was really cool getting to hang out with those guys.

“It’s funny being with a band like that. It’s really not what you’d expect. The conversation was very normal a lot of the time, and we were usually just talking nonsense!

“We only played about seven dates, so It’s a shame we didn’t play more as we could’ve gotten

even closer to the band.” On the tour, though, the band also had the chance to play at Wembley Arena – a gig that Martin sees as his favourite yet.

He recalls: “Wembley was one of the most nerve racking gigs we had ever played.

“It’s a venue that we used to go to when we were younger, and we used to see bands there all the time, so to sell out was something special.

“It’s right where we grew up really, and we even had our family at the gig so it felt like such a special moment.”

Eliza have so much more to look forward to, as they embark on a headline tour around the country this September “There is something special about a headline gig. The people there have paid to see you, and they know all your songs,” says Martin.

Beliebers

It always makes for a good gig.”

Martin admits full-time gigging can be draining, saying that the band’s five week tour back in February was mentally exhausting.

The fact the boys were all mates before forming the band helps the group’s sense of drive through.

The boys grew up a few miles from each other and used to go out drinking together when they were younger, forming bonds that make touring easier.

Martin says: “I went to school and college with a couple of the lads, and we all used to go out drinking together and have a laugh.

“That makes it easier for us as a band as we get on well anyway.”

As well as this though, many of the band’s members have played in bands for the majority of their early teens.

“I think we all went through Screamo and Metal phases when we were in our early teens, and before Eliza, we had both been in other groups separately. What’s funny is, we were actually in two separate bands for a competition, and we played alongside each other at Esquires in Bedford. We’re actually going to be gigging there on our tour, so it will be surreal to go back.”

ELIZA AND THE BEAR ON TOUR

Oct 7 The El ectric Circus, Edinburgh Oct 8 King Tu Oct 9 Lemon t’s, Glasgow Oct 10 Busk Tree, Aberdeen ers, Dundee www.elizaan dthebear.com

travel

ARRAN l Arran

Play, Pie & a Pint Arran is a popular choice for those of us who want to experience the whole islandly vibe without having to drive, swim, hike and almost die to get there.

Arran is just to the West of the Firth of Clyde and you can get there by ferry in about an hour.

It’s essentially a tiny little Scotland and because of its proximity to the mainland you’ll find it to be a little more built-up than many of Scotland’s other islands.

This is extremely handy if you happen to be at all like me and value refreshing your Twitter feed with the same level of importance as taking your next breath.

The population of Arran is relatively healthy – which means it’s well set up for tourism.

You shouldn’t have too many l Islay

forty-two

problems finding a B&B or hostel.

And because we’re in Scotland there’s about 8,000 pubs per square metre, meaning you’ll almost certainly return hoping never to see another pint of 70 Shilling/ plate of fish and chips in your life again. I love Scotland.

If you’re into castles then Arran is way out in front in that respect.

Broderick Castle in the island’s capital, ehm…Broderick, is quite something.

Alternatively there’s also some spooky castle ruins up in Lochranza on the north of the island.

Arran also offers something for the golf enthusiasts. The shortness of this paragraph might show I’m not all that into golf, but I’m duly informed that golf in Arran is, like, good and that. Check it out.

I want to be Leo DiCaprio in The Beach. All I want to do is find a tiny island somewhere and just lounge around all day on a hammock.

I spend much of my time simply thinking about all the things I still want to do away from Scotland.

Yet if you happen to spend all your time thinking about hiking through jungles in Borneo or drinking mojitos in the Seychelles, you tend to miss all the incredible things directly in front of your daydreamy face.

Scotland is home to islands and beaches that more than match some of the most stunning in the world.

I’m RICHARD JONES and we’re going island-hopping...

ISLAY The southernmost island of the Inner Hebrides, is the quite brilliant island of Islay (pronounced I’ll-aa).

This little island is one I have some firsthand experience with so it’s best described in the form of a giant anecdote.

Me and my friend left Glasgow at around 4am. The drive from Glasgow out to Kennacraig – from where you can catch a 40-minute ferry to Islay – takes around three hours, but dear lord in heaven is it worth it.

Luckily it was summertime, so as we reached the west side of Loch Lomond the sun was just beginning to rise on the horizon and find its way through the cracks of the hills which surround the loch.

Never have I quite witnessed beauty like it. As we ventured further north, the night gave way to a heavy fog, lying low in the valleys beneath the windy hillside road.

Nothing really prepared me for how much I would enjoy the road trip up the west coast, before turning almost back on yourself at Inveraray and heading down the peninsula to catch the ferry.

Stunning is an understatement. I’ve been to quite a few places in the world now, and nothing has ever quite made my jaw drop like some of the scenery we have in Scotland.

Islay is best described in movie comparisons. My weekend in Port Ellen, on the island’s south east coast, is best described as being part Wickerman, part Hot Fuzz.

The locals are unlike any group of people I’ve ever met before. Speaking in what is essentially they’re own unique language, they packed out pub after pub on the village’s main street and made it a quite surreal experience.

travel

SKYE

l Portree, Skye

Scots islands?

Hop on baby Never did I think I would see a brawl between 15 wasted islanders ranging in both pension status and gender.

Nature/tourism wise, Islay has a great deal to offer as well. Some of the beaches I visited while I was there were genuinely stunning, and worth just going to the island to walk on them.

Alternatively if you’re a whisky fan then Islay might just be your spiritual home. There’s eight – that’s eight – distilleries on the island which produce some of the best known single malt drams in the world.

I’m also well informed by the Scottish tourism website that Islay is also a wonderful place to go fishing and a birdwatching hotspot.

Each to their own, of course, but if I ever go again I plan to do a whisky crawl.

l Islay

The Isle of Skye is a quite phenomenal place. And I don’t just mean it’s a quite phenomenal place for Scotland.

It’s a phenomenal place by anywhere’s standards.

Even to the point it was – quite recently – voted as the fourth best island in the whole freaking world by Nat Geo. Freedom!

Getting to Skye shouldn’t be too difficult as there’s an actual bridge that runs straight off the mainland and the road continues through Skye, stopping at capital Portree on the east coast and continuing up to Uig in the north.

Alternatively if you, like me, are car-less, then there’s always the train.

In fact forget what I said about driving and just get the train instead.

Hop on one from Glasgow which’ll take you on a jaw-droppingly beautiful ride up the west coast through Fort William.

You’ll be taken up over that big viaduct (Ed: that would be Glenfinnan Viaduct, then) that was in the Harry Potter films and Mallaig where you can jump on a ferry.

No combination of words could accurately describe quite how stunning the scenery is on that journey, so you’ll just have to do it for yourself.

Once you get there, you’re in for a treat. Skye is renowned for it’s distinctly highlandly feel.

Twelve Munros (a mountain over 3,000 ft high) are packed into a tiny area so if you’re travel dream is hiking up a massive mountain then Skye is probably right up your street.

As a disclaimer however, I’m obliged to warn you 3,000 ft is pretty high. I’ve been the idiot who tries to climb mountains in sandals and a short sleeve Hawaiian shirt far too many times.

Because of all the hills and such, Skye will also wow you with its scenery.

Think Mordor on acidonly with more moss and thistles. forty-three

travel l Tobermory, Mull

LEWIS AND HARRIS Welcome to the Outer Hebrides! None of this inner crap, you want to get out there.

Lewis and Harris sit around 30 miles off the mainland. Stornoway, in the north coast of Lewis, is far and away the islands’ largest settlement with around 6,000 inhabitants.

Expect a great deal of fisherman on tiny old boats.

Stornoway is also home to the islands’ only airport, so if you plan on going truly badass about it and flying up there on one of those tiny three person planes then you’ll arrive in Stornoway – unless you plan to parachute out the plane into the Atlantic and just swim.

From time to time in Stornoway – usually in late autumn or early winter – the Northern Lights can be seen off the northern coast.

If you time it right, and get lucky, you might just get to see the Aurora Borealis in all her magnificent greeny, purpley glory.

Away from Stornoway the west coast of Lewis and Harris looks directly out on to the Atlantic Ocean and forty-four

will blow your socks off. Walking along a secluded beach in the middle of nowhere has a certain ring to it for me, and you won’t find much nicer places to do it than in Lewis and Harris.

Rugged coastal landscapes give way to pearly white sand down on sheltered beaches, as enormous Atlantic waves crash in from the west.

If you’re the more adventurous type, and feel a little let down by travelling if you don’t almost die a few times, then visit the north coast of Lewis. There

l Aurora Borealis

you’ll find a host of watersport companies who will facilitate all manner of dangerous surfing with the help of the huge Atlantic swells.

If wind surfing is your thing, the west coast of Lewis and Harris will suit you better; wind, power and kite surfing are extremely popular.

If you’re on Lewis and Harris then it’s imperative you also take a day trip out to St. Kilda.

The ‘island on the edge of the world’ is ranked as one of the world’s top five diving locations.

MULL Mull – a bit like The Garage nightclub in Glasgow – suffers from having a boring name that doesn’t come close to describing how exciting it is.

Unlike The Garage, however, Mull is all about strapping on your hiking boots, taking in the fresh air and getting up close and personal with nature.

The Isle of Mull, to use it’s proper name, sits just off the coast of Oban and is surprisingly accessible given how ridiculously wild the place is.

Mull is popular with walkers and hikers (is there a difference?) mainly due to Ben More – the only Munro on the island and the highest peak in the Inner Hebrides outside of Skye.

There’s a tonne of hill walks and general out-inthe-open type stuff to do on the island’s south half, with reaching the summit of Ben More the most challenging.

There’s also rock arches, enormous cliff faces and intricate cave systems to explore on the south coast.

But the real highlight of Mull is it’s wildlife.

Off the Atlantic Coast, it’s not uncommon to see bottlenose dolphins, minke whales, basking sharks, orcas and something called a risso dolphin.

There’s even a marine life tourist centre in Tobermory, the island’s capital.

Lounging around on the beaches on Mull it’s relatively easy to spot seals and otters, while nowhere else can boast to have such dangerous skies.

A healthy population of sea eagles and rare white tailed eagles mean that Mull is like a bird watcher’s version of T in the Park.

So, while you lay around in your flat this year, trying to justify selling a kidney to pay for flights to Cambodia, I urge you to think of Scotland. Because it’s bloody good.

And there’s better whisky here.

Uncover your Edinburgh by calling into our Edinburgh and Scotland Information Centre. Pick up a free guide to the city or speak to one of our experts to discover world-class attractions, museums and great days out. We can also book tickets for events, activities and transport across Scotland.

Share your unforgettable experiences of this vibrant city with the world using #brilliantmoments

Call in and see us at Princes Mall 3 Princes Street Edinburgh 0845 2255 121

R OU Y H R VE URG O C B UNEDIN

interview

l Scrotal Recall stars Daniel Ings, Antonia Thomas and Johnny Flynn

TransMission Impossible S

EVIE

HE’S just filmed a series about a guy who has to contact all his ex-girlfriends after contracting an STD. But real life has proved stranger than fiction for Scrotal Recall star Antonia Thomas, who was recently contacted about something much, much weirder.

So strange, in fact, that she had to block the person who put out the request on Facebook.

Antonia, famed for her roles in Misfits and Sunshine on Leith, explains: “More than anything else I’ve done people have really responded to my role in Misfits as Alisha.

“I think because Misfits has its comedy, romance, drama and sci-fi looking at that awkward demographic where you don’t know who you are it built up a following.

“I had fans send things and messages and I got a really weird one on Facebook and I had to block them.

“This girl contacted me and asked me to send a photo of me barefoot squashing ants.

“That’s weird and I know ants aren’t big animals but it’s animal cruelty!”

Filmed in various locations in Scotland and England, Scrotal Recall’s story spans six years from the past to present and is told in flashbacks.

Written by Tom Edge, who also penned Series Two of Pramface and Midnight Beast, the story is about a friendship between two guys and a girl who live together.

The Main character Dylan, played

by Johnny Flynn, contracts chlamydia and takes it upon himself to contact everyone he’s ever slept with.

Antonia, who plays friend Evie, says: “I think what’s relatable is the time how the different period changes from mid-teens to early twenties and feeling like a student even when you no longer are one.

“I can’t relate to the STD scenario.

“My character Evie is this very sweet person who is a bit lost and workwise she’s a bit hopeless.

“Tom Edge has done a great job and it’s so well written. We are living in a very sexist society and if Evie had the STD it would be a different thing.

Forthcoming Channel 4 series Scrotal Recall follows Dylan Witter as he contacts all his exgirlfriends to tell them he has an STD. Stars Antonia Thomas, Johnny Flynn and Daniel Ings reveal all...

“Annoyingly Dylan’s character is a hopeless romantic. You don’t think of him as a slag. If it was a girl who’d had lots of partners people might think differently.”

Antonia was nominated for an Empire Award for best female newcomer for her role as a nurse in the musical Sunshine on Leith.

She was up against Margot Robbie who starred in Hollywood heavyweight film Wolf of Wall Street, Lupita Nyongo for her role in Twelve Years a Slave and fellow Sunshine on Leith actress Freya Mavor. ntonia explains: “I was totally shocked that I’d even been considered for it. It’s a dream to do the job you love and then to get a nomination for Sunshine on Leith.

“I was totally chuffed. Winning doesn’t matter. It was just lovely to be in that category. Margo Robbie won for her role in Wolf of Wall Street.

“For the Empire Award nomination I wore a Kate Spade dress. She’s a lovely New York dress designer. She

A

lent me the pink, strappy dress I wore.

I’m really into vintage. I like collecting eighties vintage dresses. It’s really fun to get dolled up.

“Sometimes I get lent dresses. I really like Mulberry and Vivienne Westwood too. I’ve been lucky to be lent to by a lot of designers.”

LUKE

Daniel Ings admits his role as Luke has been enlightening to say the least.

The Pete Versus Life actor, however, hopes he will never have to put his new-found education to practical use!

Daniel explains: “I didn’t know when you have an STD and go to the doctor you are given these written cards to hand out that doesn’t say your name on it but says, ‘You might want to get yourself checked out’. That must be very weird to receive it!

“The main character Dylan, played

by Johnny Flynn, has the opportunity to do that but doesn’t hand out the cards. Instead he actually approaches

forty-seven

each past girlfriend and one night stand. It’s an awkward thing to do but there’s something commendable about Dylan doing it.

“Scrotal Recall has quite a clever script and has a sweet storyline. The title will hook people in.

I immediately warmed to it when I got sent the script. It’s about someone over 30 years-old looking back at their twenties and that’s the main thrust of the story.

“I’m 28 and there’s a period in my life from 18 to 22 – that leaving school/gap year from uni age which was the most awkward one for me.

“From the mid-twenties onwards things get easier. You know what music you like, friends you like.” aniel can’t relate to the main storyline because he’s been in a relationship for ten years but he says it’s not aiming to appeal to lads or promoting promiscuity.

Daniel says: “My character is loveable but a misogynist and a womaniser and Dylan’s is bumbling and not a lothario. His personality makes the show endearing. It’s not a laddish comedy.

“The subject of the series is giggly because it’s descriptive. It deliberately has funny and awkward settings.

“It doesn’t poke fun at STDs, it allows you to look at the main character Dylan’s previous girlfriends and one night stands and how awkward that can be. There are loads of good moments in it.

“Dylan contacts each ex-girlfriend in alphabetical order and by the end of the first series he has only got halfway through the alphabet.

“It’s a bit in structure like an episode of ‘My Name is Earl’. He makes a list of all the bad things he’s done.

It’s a wicked idea.”

D

Scrotal Recall starts in October on Channel 4.

DYLAN JOHNNY FLYNN might be put out to find Hollywood actress Anne Hathaway has her $4.5million Brooklyn waterfront home up for sale.

The striking actor and singer/songwriter and American actress struck up a friendship on a film set and he still gushes at the mention of her name.

Johnny, frontman of his band Johnny Flynn and the Sussex Wit, reveals: “I stayed at Anne’s home a couple of times when I was touring in America with the band.

“She has a nice house but it’s not insane. It’s a three-bedroom house.

She’s probably just as rich as someone in another business who’s as high up.

“Anne is amazing. She’s really goofy, silly and really down to earth. You forget

the world is aware of her. She hungers for that normality of not being world famous.

She’s really playful and an amazing actress.” way from the Hollywood heights Johnny is back to reality with a script that sees him as the central character Dylan in Scrotal Recall.

“My first thoughts on the script were I was really happy because I was reading the script and it’s quite hard when you first read to imagine it off the page.

“It was really cool to meet Dan and Antonia and get a real sense of it. They’d done the pilot last summer so that was old hat for them but I was coming in feeling ‘oh sh*t, this is my storyline’. The content is really just the premise to tell this story and the whole arc of the show, it’s a story of three old friends.

“In real life I’m married to the girl I was going out with when I was 16 and we will be 15 years married this month (September).

“We broke up a lot of times and went out with other people so I don’t want to upset her or other people by revealing if I’ve been in the same situation as my character!

“The thrust of the show, although there are one or two funny moments, a lot of the time that’s the bit you don’t see, it’s more about the interaction and flashbacks.”

A

WIN TICKETS TO SEE CLEAN BANDIT Closing date September 31.

Editor’s decision is final.

clean bandit are currently touring Europe and America and will be pitching up at the O2 Academy in Glasgow on October 13.

And we’ve got a pair of tickets to give away for the gig.

To be in with a chance of winning the tickets, answer the question:

WHICH MEMBER OF CLEAN BANDIT PLAYS CELLO? Text your answer FREE along with your name, contact phone number and email address to 07746-792724 or email competitions@ student-rag.co.uk

Luke’s helping hand Equalities work has always been one of my passions. It’s a core value of my degree in Community Education at the University of Edinburgh, and so when the opportunity came to do my first placement I applied to the Edinburgh service within LGBT Youth Scotland.

I had an initial meeting with the staff who were very supportive and after an induction and completion of my PVG I was able to volunteer once a week for three months ahead of my full-time placement.

Within LGBT Youth Scotland I was involved in many activities including the youth groups.

They run four regular groups through the week. l Sexual Health and Relationships Youth Team (SHRYT) on a Monday where young people design and deliver workshops, Mystery Shop sexual health clinics and create informative resources. l Beyond Gender is for transgender, non-binary, inter-

LUKE CAMPBELL is a student at Edinburgh University and a volunteer with LGBT Youth Scotland. sex, gender queer and questioning people aged 13-25 l Sound Youth is on a Wednesday for people aged 13-17 l VADA is on a Thursday for LGBT people and their friends 17-25 LGBT Youth Scotland has a range of additional groups and activities to suit all ages 13-25, and offers great volunteering roles too.

I also volunteer at a community group where I help teach English, both these opportunities have offered me the chance to meet so many great people - full time staff, other volun-

teers and the young people coming to the group sessions.

I absolutely loved being able to connect with people with similar goals and to find a meaningful use of my free time around my degree.

It has also built my confidence and developed skills I never knew I had.

I’ve learnt so much from my time helping out and everyone from my class mates and my family my friends and partner always want to learn more about the work I’ve been involved in with.

I would highly recommend volunteering to anyone with a passion for the organisation’s goals and promise you’ll have an amazing time giving something back to your communities. wLGBT Youthwities across Scotland.

www.lgbtyouth.org.uk info@lgbtyouth.org.uk

8

l Ruth

new show

lJanine

l Rob

l Tina

E

VERYONE’S GOT something to hide in E4’s new murder mystery – and some of the actors also have things they’d prefer stayed literally buried.

Glue, a rural Skins meets Broadchurch, is set in Overton, a small village in the English countryside with teenagers who get their kicks from playing chicken on silo machines and have taken parkour (freejumping) to a new level by grain barn jumping.

A local teenage boy is found underneath the wheels of a tractor and it sounds like the suspects are everyone who stars in it!

Tommy McDonnell is one of a host of talented young actors who breathe life into the countryside in this exciting new series.

Tommy – who plays Dominic – reveals: “There’s a lot of wild things going on in my latest role like joyriding which makes the series more exciting.

“It’s the coming of age time between 18 and 21 and it’s such a vital age be-

l Dominic

Something’s rotten down on t’farm! beauty

cause we are teenagers and becoming young adults.

“We’ve all had fun and got drunk for the first time. There’s an array of exciting scenes because it’s set in the horse racing community.

“The wildest I’ve ever been is when I got drunk and I went to Brighton theme park.

“I was on an attraction that was spinning very fast and when I got off it I was throwing up quite profusely and trying to bury what I’d thrown up in the sand.”

That’s something not to shout about but Tommy should be proud of his impressive roles he’s played to date starring in The Crimson Field, Starred Up, Piggy, Law and Order, Call The Midwife and The Great Train Robbery.

Along with Jordan Stephens (Rizzle Kicks), Charlotte Spencer (Carly Kirk in BBC Two’s Line of Duty), Faye Marsay (Candice in Channel 4’s Fresh Meat), Jessie Cave (Lavender Brown in Harry Potter), Billy Howle (Channel 4’s New Worlds) and Waterloo Road actor Tommy Lawrence Knight the stellar cast turn a spotlight on rural life.

Immersing himself in his latest role, Tommy soaked up the stable life spending some days down on t’ farm mucking in with the farmhands.

Tommy says: “I play Dominic, the assistant horse trainer. He acts as if he owns the stables and as if he is the horse trainer.

“He’s very ambitious and he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. My character is also dabbling in something illegal.

“I wouldn’t like to live in the countryside in a reality television sense but I could do it for research purposes. For

filming for Glue I spent a few days in the stables getting up early and understanding the life of an assistant horse trainer.

There was a lot of brushing and grooming. I didn’t see any foals being born but [he teases] you might see that in Glue!

“For the series we spent a lot of filming with locals. It’s filmed in West Berkshire in the lambing country and it is a small village so everyone knows everyone and we all became a small family.” he show is created and written by BAFTA-winning writer Jack Thorne who also wrote This is England, Skins and The Fades.

Like most of the actors Tommy trained at one of the best acting schools – the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland where first-hand actors like James McAvoy return to talk to students who could be the next rising stars.

Though he’s a Londoner, Tommy’s Scottish family are from Houston, Renfrewshire so having a rural view of life isn’t totally new to him.

Tommy chirps: “I’m used to being in vast fields and countryside. Being a London boy it opens your eyes to a new world when you’re filming this.

“I like urban life and the countryside, a bit of both. I’d like to experience more of rural life. It’s nice to escape from the constant rush.”

T

GLUE will hit your screens on E4 in mid-September. fifty-three

I’ll take it as it comes Singer-Songwriter Daniel James has been catching ears with his sincere, soulful brand of acoustic guitar laden pop.

STEPHEN BUTCHARD chats with him about his influences, touring with Sam Smith, and growing up in Belfast.

You have had a very busy year, how have you found 2014?

It’s been nuts! I’ve never really stopped. It’s a little overwhelming really, but it’s been good. It feels like a healthy thing.

ANY highlights?

I was supporting Tom Odell and Kodaline at Belsonic festival in Belfast, and after being away from home for a while it felt good to be playing at home.

Touring with Hozier has been great too. I loved playing in Paris and Berlin.

It was a great experience being able to play in front of a new type of crowd.

You came to prominence last year when you posted a few tracks online. Where you surprised that the reaction you received?

Yeah, a lot of the reaction has been really positive, and I feel really lucky to get this much exposure early on.

Everyone has different music tastes and sounds that they are into, and some people like some of my songs more than others, so I try not to get caught up in what’s trendy or sticking to a genre.

I just play what I think feels right. I like to take every day as it comes.

YOUR dad’s record collection has had a big influence on your music, with the likes of David Bowie and Van Morrison being a big part of your childhood. Tell as a bit about what your experience was like with music growing up? fifty-four

The music we had on in the house was always something I was interested in. It was just this natural thing.

Music was on all the time, but it never felt forced and my dad never pushed his tastes on to me, but I was still influenced a lot by his music.

I don’t even think it’s because it was good, but it was because it was there, and accessible.

WHO are your favourite albums or artists right now?

I love Beck’s new album, Morning Phase. It has a really sombre flow to it.

No tracks seem to pop out as an obvious single, and it just seems to flow together really well.

I love some of the vocal effects he has on it as well.

I’m going to be at a festival that he’s headlining, Electric Picknic, so that’s going to be a really special moment for me.

You’ve had the chance to play gigs with Hozier, Athlete, Tom Odell and more. Have you had the chance to get to know any of your touring partners?

I got to know Hozier quite well, as I travelled on his tour bus. He was a really lovely dude.

I didn’t want to be too invasive though, so I tried to give the acts I worked with a bit of space. I imagine I’d talk quite a lot with other acts if I was a headliner, but I guess you just have to work out the engagement level, because as acts we’re usually really busy.

YOU’RE touring in October with Sam Smith.

How did that come about?

I supported Sam at Shepherd’s bush in February, which was a really special gig, and then I applied alongside loads of other acts to join him on this tour and it just worked out.

I’ve just been really lucky to get where I am!

DO you have any preshow rituals to calm the nerves?

I don’t do anything too weird, but I do like a good Jack Daniel’s after the show. Whisky’s good for the voice!

What’s next?

I’m going to release another EP soon after the tour, but I just want to take things naturally and see how it progresses. I’m going to play my tunes, see how people react to it, and just take it as it comes.

ELEPHANTS and BAGELS

10%

Student Discount 37 Marshall St, Edinburgh, EH8 9BJ 0131 668 4404

COMING SOON TO A PLACE NEAR YOU...

Looking for a gig and don’t know where to go? Never fear, KATIE CAMPBELL has a quick look at what’s a goin’ on...

The Twilight Sad Gloriously miserable Glasgow three-piece The Twilight Sad’s fourth album Nobody Wants to Be Here and Nobody Wants to Leave is out on October 27.

Known for their heavy sound and emotive lyrics, the band will be hoping to repeat the critical acclaim garnered on their three previous efforts, Fourteen Autumns and Fifteen Winters, Forget the Night Ahead and No-One Will Ever Know.

The band recently premiered a taster of the album

on Vice’s website, the album’s first track There’s a Girl in the Corner, which harks back to the heavily processed wall of noise sound that featured heavily on their second album.

The Twilight Sad are embarking on a small tour of Scotland, followed by a longer trip around England and the US with fellow Scots We Were Promised Jetpacks.

You can catch them doing intimate gigs in Aberdeen, Dunkeld and Strathpeffer in mid-September.

Glaswegian electronic duo Conquering Animal Sound – comprised of Anneke Kampman and Jamie Scott – gained widespread recognition when they were nominated for a Scottish Album of the Year Award in 2011 for their debut album Kammerspiel.

They returned in 2013 with On Floating Bodies, produced by veteran Arab Strap and Mogwai producer Paul Savage.

Released on the famed Chemical Underground label, On Floating Bodies made The List’s Top Ten Albums of 2013.

Now in 2014, Conquering

Animal Sound have announced a small UK tour, and to go with it, the limited edition 12” Talking Shapes.

It sees the band take a darker edge on their electro pop sound, especially apparent in the EP’s opening track The Next Day, an intricately layered and occasionally dense number which beautifully sets up the listener for the rest of the album.

You can catch Conquering Animal Sound at Stereo in Glasgow on October 3 or in Edinburgh’s Summerhall on October 4 before they head down south to continue their UK tour.

Conquering Animal Sound

Augustines Previously known as We Are Augustines, the Brooklyn-based indie trio Augustines are set to release the third single Weary Eyes from their second, self-titled album, The single is a testament to both the songwriting ability of the band and veteran producer Peter Katis, who has worked with Interpol on both Turn on the Bright Lights and the critically acclaimed Antics, and The National.

Given that the song’s sweeping, melodic structure sounds so heavily inspired by The National, especially their most well-known album High Violent, it’s a perfect partnership, and brings out the absolute best of the Augustines’ killer single.

Augustines released their eponymous album in February and are touring in support of both the album and Weary Eyes.

They’ll be visiting Glasgow University’s Queen Margaret Union on November 30th. Until then, you can tide yourself over by keeping the fantastic Weary Eyes on repeat.

preview

Nerina Pallot

James

Fresh from their performance at this summer’s T in the Park, veteran Britpop act James are set to return to Scotland on November 15th to play at Glasgow’s Hydro Arena.

James released their 13th album in June, entitled La Petite Mort, and have embarked on

Brit and Ivor Novello Award nominated singer decreed 2014 the year of the EP. She decided to release an EP every month of the year, and has thus far managed to do just that.

With a further four EPs to go, the ever-hardworking Pallot has embarked on a UK tour to promote the mini-albums.

Pallot is best known for her single Sophia from her multi-award nominated album Fires – a release which generated much critical acclaim but failed to attain the commercial

a tour of UK arenas to support the album.Their latest single Curse Curse sees the band following the likes of Coldplay in abandoning their traditional Britpop sound in favour of something more electric, but still retain Tim Booth’s standard tongue-in-cheek lyrical prowess.

recognition it deserved. Since then, Pallot has been working hard to establish herself more fully, releasing albums The Graduate and Year of the Wolf.

She also toured with a number of artists, including James Blunt and Sheryl Crow.

Nerina Pallot will play Oran Mor in Glasgow in the middle of her extensive UK tour on November 2nd in what is a must-see gig for fans of the expert brand of laid-back piano pop at which Pallot is so brilliant.

Support for the gig will be provided by Starsailor, who reformed this year after a five year hiatus.

Starsailor are perhaps best known for their singles Good Souls, In the Crossfire and Four to the Floor.

The gig is a must for those of us who still miss the simpler times of 90s.

FRESHER’S WEEK! THURSDAY

MONDAY Quiz Night from 8pm Hosted by DJ Leah Amazing prizes to be won!

NIGHT

WEDNESDAY Glam-e-oke with Stand-in Karaoke Host Randy Wintersteen from 8pm

HOUSE SPIRITS

With

& special guests

FRIDAY

from £2.30 from £2.50 INCLuDeS mIxeR!!

£1.20 £2.30

SUNDAY Randy’s Karaoke from 8pm Come and show off your talent!

BOTTLED BEER Sunday - Wednesday Thursday - Saturday

Katie’s Bar Glasgow, 17 John Street, Glasgow

£1.25 £2.00 KatiesBarGlasgow

from £1.00 from £1.20

COCKTAILS Glass Bucket Pitcher

SHOTS & BOMBS

HOUSE VODKA Sunday - Wednesday Thursday - Saturday

GLITTERATI Saturdays

Playing all your favourite tracks!

Jam Night with Steff Sera from 8pm.

Glasgow’s Best Jam Night!

PINTS

Sunday - Wednesday Thursday - Saturday

GLITTERATI Saturdays

Anything can happen Thursdays with Sophie & Leah.

Fun, games and comedy.

DRINKS PROMOS Sunday - Wednesday Thursday - Saturday

SATURDAY

From

£1

from £3.75 from £5.75 from £13.00

feature

#1

DON’T CRASH YOUR CAR IMMEDIATELY BEFORE FRESHERS WEEK

THE night before I was due to head to University I crashed my car into quite a large field.

Not a good start. As such, I ended up arriving at my student halls a few hours later than I had planned, having been significantly side-tracked by all the hay and whatnot.

#2

fifty-eight

I burst into my student accommodation at around 7pm, threw my bags into my room and headed to the kitchen to meet my new flatmates.

They had already began preparations for their night out; and when I sat down to join them I felt that all-too-familiar need to catch up.

DON’T DITCH YOUR NEW FLATMATES STRAIGHT AFTER MEETING THEM

To do so, I needed alcohol, and immediately phoned my friend from school (to protect his identity let’s call him…Jamal).

Luckily, Jamal’s flat was the one directly below mine, so I quickly arranged with him to go out and buy booze.

After big Jamal and I had picked up our Buckfast, he wanted to have a walk around the new city we had just moved to. I agreed.

While we were out, Jamal got a call from another of our friends from school (Let’s call him Jafar), who wanted us three to go clubbing together.

I only very briefly returned to my flat to get changed before spending my first ever night out at uni with friends from high school.

DO NOT DO THIS. Looking back, I think I was just overwhelmed by the whole Freshers experience, and I wasn’t nearly as confident in meeting new people back then, so I found it too easy to

just hang out with Jafar and Jamal for the majority of freshers week.

I’ve since realised, however, that one of the best things about going to university is the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends.

When you head to uni for the first time, be ready to sit in a room full of strangers and get to know them all.

If confidence is something you struggle with, then don’t fret.

Chances are, everyone else in the room is just as scared as you are – and like you they’re keen to make new friends. They won’t bite.

If you’ve got friends from school at the same uni, then absolutely do invite them along to things or meet up for a coffee, but don’t use them as a safety net at the expense of making new friends.

feature

Student Rag Presents: THE end of university is careering towards me at a rather alarming pace, so I’ve been thinking a lot about time.

It’s extremely important to make the most of it wherever possible.

As such, I implore you to read on; the following advice should help you make the most of Freshers Week, and indeed your entire first year of university.

#3

An idiot’s guide to Freshers Week * RICHARD JONES, who wrote this

DON’T SPEND MONEY LIKE A MILLIONAIRE. YOU’RE NOT A MILLIONAIRE.

I enjoyed Freshers week so much I spent an absurd amount of money on Playstation games and Nando’s.

Thanks to a very generous- and worryingly unregulated- student funding system, you’ll probably receive around £900 from SAAS during freshers.

You’ll probably open a student bank account as well, which will give you access to an interest free overdraft in the region of thousands of pounds.

If you’re anything like Jamal or myself, you may feel the urge to scream “FREE DRINKS FOR EVERYONE!” at a bar or

order 25 jaeger bombs in a club.

It will feel like a good idea at the time, but I can assure you it is not a good idea.

Nothing will ever make me forget the look in Jamal’s eyes the next morning when he opened up his online banking.

I’ve never seen someone throw anything that hard before.

Another of my friends up in Aberdeen still hasn’t recovered from the £800 he spent during his freshers week.

He still thinks being -£200 is something to be proud of.

article, is definitely NOT an idiot

#4

MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY DAY

Working hard at your course ties in with the whole point of heading to university.

You’re not there to simply make up the numbers.

You’re there to make the most of it.

Time will, inevitably, run out, and over my dead body will you look back on your time in first year and think you would’ve done anything differently.

I was required to attend only SIX hours of university a week in first year.

Yeah – just six. That’s it. I decided that meant I had a year off.

When I wasn’t in lectures or tutorials, I mainly sat around in my room playing computer games or building pyramids with playing cards.

It’s an easy trap to fall into; being a proactive person is far easier said than done, but please, please do your best.

Join a club, or a gym, get a part time job, say yes to everything you can, while you can.

Go for coffee, or to the cin- ema, or a museum.

I spent a lot of my first year in my room wondering what I’d have for lunch, when I should’ve been out Carpe Diem’ing my god damn head off.

fifty-nine

#5

DON’T BE AFRAID OF PEOPLE

ONE of my lasting memories from first year was the kitchen in my halls – and not because of that one time I set fire to it.

No. The reason I will always remember my first year flat is because of how disgustingly messy it became – and stayed.

An entire worktop was completely filled with filthy pots, pans and plates for 11 months. I still don’t fully understand how five people made so much mess.

One time I walked into the kitchen, and my flatmate turned to me and barked very clear orders to “clean my f***ing plates”.

My response was something along the lines of “I don’t think they’re mine, mate”. That was the wrong response.

The moral of that (quite boring) story is that you shouldn’t be afraid to take charge of a situation or tell your flatmates if they do something that annoys you. I

#6

DO NOT GET TOO DRUNK

This seems boring, I know.

But it’s a good point. During my freshers week I accidently got so drunk I forgot where I lived.

I stumbled around Edinburgh for what must’ve been a good few hours, before (somehow) climbing over a 15 foot fence to gain access to a flat block.

I wandered there for a while until I realised I didn’t live there.

I (somehow) climbed back over the

sixty

should’ve spoken to my flatmates about the situation and tried to reach some form of solution.

Instead, I sat in my room playing FIFA and avoided the kitchen at all costs. The world will now generally expect you to act like an adult, and as such you’re well within your rights to tell your flatmates if

fence and from that point onwards my memory is hazy.

In apparent expectation of a wave of hammered teenagers, the council had decided it a good idea to line the fence with anti-vandalism paint. Which is like normal paint, expect it stains your skin black when you touch it. It took quite a few weeks before I finally got it off my arms.

Because of our blasé attitude to alcohol, we Scots tend to think it’s totally fine to chug a 70 of Vodka before hitting the beers.

When you’ve just turned 18, it’s much more likely you’ll just puke everywhere and ruin your night.

That said, I’m also very aware that no great story ever began with ‘So I ate a salad and then…’, however it is important to your future happiness you don’t die of alcohol poisoning.

I’m not advising you not to drink, because that would be absurd, but don’t do what I did and get so drunk you puke on the dancefloor and wake up at 6am wondering how you ended up on a park bench.

they’re in the wrong. It’s worth noting that when doing so you’re veering worryingly close to the ‘being a dick’ line, so try to avoid sounding self-righteous at all costs.

It will be difficult and potentially awkward, of course, but it’s all part of the experience of living with people who aren’t your parents.

#7

DON’T SET SIMPLY PASSING AS A BENCHMARK

Once you’ve become the big man/ woman on campus, met 500 new friends and successfully not drank yourself into oblivion, you’ll have to worry about actually going to uni.

And I’m not referring to the sitting around all day playing Monopoly part of being a student, I mean the attending lectures and submitting coursework part.

I was amazed to find that the only years that counted towards my degree classification were 3rd and 4th year.

That meant that all I needed to do was pass in years 1 and 2. In 1st year, I left every piece of coursework to the night before.

I didn’t go the library, or read anything, or take any interest in achieving anything other than the 40% pass mark.

I joke now that I forgot more in 1st year than I learnt (alcohol helped with that endeavour), but sadly it’s true.

Work hard, go to the library, and strive to achieve good marks in first year.

It’s great practice for when the grades do start to really matter, and who knows – you might actually learn something!

WE PREDICT A GREAT NIGHT OUT Get £10 tix if you’re under26.

Any seat. Any performance.

Cinderella | Inés de Castro Orfeo ed Euridice | Jenůfa | Il trovatore

scottishopera.org.uk Registered in Scotland Number SCO37531 Scottish Charity Number SCO19787

fresh14

19.9.2014 @BARRAS

THE BEST FRESHERS R!*R* FAIR E EV VEE * a realistic prediction made only yesterday by the event’s organisers

THESE GUYS WILL BE SUPPLYING THE FASHION SHOW CLOTHES

THE OFFICIAL (AND RATHER GROOVY) FRESH 14 POSTER!

FREE SUMO WRESTLING AND OTHER ASSORTED POINTLESS ACTIVITIES WILL BE AVAILABLE

19.9.2014 @BARRAS

FREE DRINKS EXACTLY LIKE THE ONES PICTURED BELOW WILL BE SERVED

IF Carlsberg did Freshers Festivals...

We at Student Rag Magazine believe it’s high time Glasgow had a freshers festival with a difference – we know this because YOU told us!

Fresh 14 doesn’t do corporate dullness in generic locations – we prefer to bring a more quirky flavour to our student events and you’ll find out how on September 19.

That’s the day after the nation decides on its future so a bit of chillaxing will be in order after all the political, ahem, madness of the previous days and weeks.

This is the kind of place where you could get spotted by our Model Scotland scouts while enjoying a spot of inflatable Sumo wrestling with your mates – powered by the masses of free food and drink on offer.

Or you could try out a new look in our GLAM Room, where Glasgow’s top hairdressers will be on hand for styling advice and other services.

Rekorderlig will be dispensing samples of their delicious fruit cider and Keglevich have free vodka shots to give out, too.

Hungry from browsing the dozens of stalls? Then kick back with a few mouthfuls of complimentary La Tasca paella, ice cream or chicken bites. That’ll be you suitably fuelled to check out everything else on offer.

We’ve got the cream of the city’s clubs as well as Glasgow’s top bars, restaurants and retailers.

All this is set against an art deco backdrop, with fashion shows featuring collections from Warehouse, River Island and American Apparel as well as dancing displays and DJ sets – all hosted in typically irreverent style by BGT heroine Anna Devitt.

So hop on the free and aptly named ‘Happy Bus’ from your campus which will shuttle you directly to the iconic Glasgow Barras. Oh, and don’t worry if you’re not a first-year student – we won’t ask any questions!

students

25% off all day eVery day At Chiquito Restaurant Bar and Mexican Grill students get 25% off all day, every day!

To take advantage of our great student offer, simply register for your free student card

Visit

www.Chiquito.Co.uk

to apply for your exclusive student card which gives you

Sizzl

ing F ajita S

25% off your food bill all year round stu

s ail Ckt

o lC Coo

de n

off

25% all

d ay

ww

w .C

ts

eVe

u h iq

ry

it o

d ay

.C o

.u k

looks like this!

Chiquito.restaurant @TheChiquito

t&C’s at Chiquito.co.uk

@The_Chiquito

Aberdeen Union Square | Aberdeen Beach | Glasgow Fort | Glasgow Quay Hamilton | Intu Braehead | Edinburgh | Dunfermline | Livingston.