Freedom, rights, choices--we all want them and should have them. But how often do we think of them in terms of dying? Do I really have choices at the end of life; do I really have the right to choose and the freedom to do so? One day I asked myself, ‘Self, why don’t we take the time to think about the choices we have surrounding dying, before I’m dying?’ Thirty years of educating expectant mothers that they have choices in childbirth, choices in their care for themselves and unborn child made me ponder this question even more. The childbirth organization I was certified to teach through, International Childbirth Education Association, has a motto: ‘Freedom of choice, based on the knowledge of alternatives.’ Then it struck me, well not literally… “Why haven’t I looked at approaching end of life issues as I’ve taught hundreds of women to approach birth?’ Being in a position in which I provide education on end of life, I’d started thinking about what all this really means. Specifically, what are the choices and alternatives and how does a person make sure that they’re followed through at the end of their life? During the winter it’s dark early, which can cause depression at any age. Watch for signs of what’s called “Sundowners”, or loved ones who like to wander. It can be very typical to get lost, resulting in wandering in frigid cold temperatures. With memory issues, your loved one may also run the risk of locking themselves out of the car or house. Along with safety and socialization, make sure that they’re taking their medication as directed and going to doctor appointments.” He continues, “It’s important to remember this: Don’t feel guilty. You’ll feel far less guilty if you avoid the problems that are compounded by waiting to act. You’re not taking away something, but rather, you’re giving them a better quality of life. It’s comfortable. It makes sense for them. They’re not likely to feel like they’re ‘different’ in an environment where they are surrounded by others who are at similar points in their lives and share common ground. There’s nothing wrong with being different as we age. It’s okay. To be in an atmosphere that’s safe, engaging, loving and inviting is a gift to your loved one. They may not be receiving that at home anymore. Particularly in a memory care facility, the staff is trained to meet them where they’re at, moment to moment. There are no expectations of them to “function up”—the staff accepts them just the way they are. Residents at the Legacy Arbors share the same experiences, so they have a lot of conversations. They may be over and over again, but they share the same memories. That socialization is critical for any senior as it keeps them engaged and active. Above all, consult people who know what they’re doing. With every parent or older adult, it’s different. At Legacy Retirement Communities, we get to know the families so that they are always part of the conversation, even if they can’t be there.” Approaching any major life decision is not to be done without careful consideration, that’s for sure. Rhonda Saunders of Hospice Community Care of Nebraska also provides the following insight on navigating the journey that comes as a result of aging: “As quoted from Margaret Mitchell’s classic novel, Gone with the Wind (1936)—‘Death, taxes and childbirth! There’s never any convenient time for any of them.’ For seniors, hopefully their time for thinking about childbirth is long in the past, like the Civil War. However, taxes and death are still before us. As painful as all three are, they are a part of life. The Bible says, ‘For everything there is a season’; life too has its seasons, like tax season. We prepare for our taxes, young mothers prepare for their child’s birth, but how many of us prepare for our deaths? We all know it’s unavoidable and we do all sorts of things to delay it, but the fact is we don’t want to think or talk about it because it’s unpleasant! So we don’t. Rhonda Saunders Hospice Community Care of Nebraska
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For example: • Do I want or have a DNR? Do I really know what this means and how it impacts my body? • What is tube feeding and what are the advantages and disadvantages of this? Do I still get to eat? • What types of medications can be used to keep me comfortable at the end of life and how might they impact me? • What are the things that are most important to me at the end of life? • Can I stay in my home? What if I need more care, what are my options? What might my surroundings include to make me feel physically and emotionally comfortable? Flowers, a favorite pillow, blanket, pictures, windows, lighting, sound, smells, etc.? • How involved do I want my family and friends? And what does that look like? • And most importantly, who will make sure my wishes are followed? The time to think about these things is now! The time to tell your family, friends, physician… is now! Talk, really talk, about choices, options and YOUR preferences surrounding YOUR end of life NOW. Then, until that time comes, you can live your life in mental and emotional peace knowing you’ve made decisions based on the knowledge of your alternatives. Until then you only have to look forward to paying your taxes! If you’d like to schedule a time to visit and find out more information, feel free to contact me directly at (402) 405-1797 or via email at rsaunders@hospicenebraska.com.”
With so much for seniors and their loved ones to consider, it truly does help to simply have someone to talk to about anything, big or small. As with most other things in life, it’s all about using the available resources to your advantage. There are certainly plenty within our community, and there’s no time like to the present to begin familiarizing yourself with what’s out there. Planning for the future encompasses what might happen tomorrow or next month as well as years down the line, and often our decisions now impact those that we will face later on, so with that in mind it’s never too early to ask the important questions and search for what the right answers are for you and your family as you continue down your path in life.