The Whitby 2022

THE WHITBY

Academic Journal

St Hilda’s College

The University of Melbourne Second Edition 2022

St Hilda’s College acknowledges the Wurundjeri people, Traditional Custodians of the Kulin nation, the land on which our college lies upon today, and pays respects to their Elders past present and emerging.

Editors Note

The Whitby is an annual accumulation of essays, research papers, poetry and art crafted by the talented members of our College. This year, as the pandemic settled and we found our new normal, the excitement of studying on campus was a new challenge for first, second and third year students alike. This year’s Whitby is a timestamp of the drive and inspiration that these unique circumstances brought us, as we more than ever appreciated the opportunity to collaborate and interact with our peers.

The Whitby was designed and edited by students, and all works are presented as they were submitted.

Bess Hamshaw Academic Convenor

Acknowledgements

Editor in Chief: Bess Hamshaw

Cover Art: Lucca Harvey

We wish to acknowledge and thank the talented contributors of this journal:

Isabelle Auld

Imogen Quilty

Lucca Harvey

Zodie Bolic

Hannah Lilford

Ally Hardy

Georgie Macho

Hanah Denison

Finlay Etkins

Anoushka John

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy healthiness

Imogen Quilty

Essay examining a fictional ‘Agouti’ virus and uses it as a lens to look at how low socioeconomic status is impacted by and perpetuates disease, medicinally, ecologically, psychologically, and geographically.

Despite rapid social development in the 20th century, poverty and its burden of disease still play a prominent part in today’s world, continuing to threaten the poor and vulnerable. The recent Agouti virus outbreak can be classed as a pandemic. Its wide geographic expansion from East Asia to South America and Australia has already shown its capacity for intercontinental spread. Infection leads to severe disease with a fatality of 20%, which is particularly concerning given the virus’ high attack rates. In addition, the novelty of the disease combined with its high mutation rate allows it to spread so rapidly, as populations have minimal immunity (Morens et al., 2009). While Agouti may pose a risk on a global scale, this threat however cannot be applied to every country and population in equal measure. Global inequality continues to widen, the United Nation’s 2020 World social report finding that more than 70% of the world’s population is living in countries with an increasing wealth gap. This has serious impacts on the wellbeing of those with low social-economic status, which corresponds to lower rates of education, employment opportunities and wealth, and ultimately leads to poor health outcomes (Smith, 2005). Therefore, the spread of infectious disease can be contemporarily viewed as an indication for

social inequality, with countries with lower economic prosperity taking the brunt of these infections (Singh, 2008). This phenomenon can be inspected through a multidisciplinary lens understanding how low socio-economic status is impacted by and perpetuates disease, medicinally, ecologically, psychologically, and geographically. Displaying the historical and contemporary idea that disease and poverty have a cyclical compounding relationship, as succinctly summarized by a Liberian epidemiologist during the 2014 Ebola outbreak, “those that didn't have basic sanitation, who had the most distrust of institutions they also had the most disease.” (Eisenstein, 2016).

Agouti is known to be a highly virulent zoonotic virus. Viruses are obligate intracellular parasites that consist of nucleic acid genome surrounded by a capsid protein coat (FRCPath et al., 2012). The Agouti virus enters the body through exposure to infected dust, saliva, faeces and urine. Upon infecting a cell, the virus is able to hijack the cell’s machinery in order to replicate and produce more copies of itself. As a zoonotic disease this means that its transmission occurs between animals and humans, allowing for reservoirs of animal populations to be infected with the virus (Ramachandran &

Aggarwal, 2020). In the case of Agouti, wild rodent populations are the primary sources of infection. Therefore, rural, and semi-rural communities with high rates of interaction between animal and human populations are where the disease will stem from. This concept underlines a key aspect in how not just Agouti, but other zoonotic diseases are more likely to impact rural and agricultural areas. This is of concern as rural communities globally are often critically underfunded and understaffed in terms of healthcare (Strasser, 2003) leading to both increased infection rates as well a lower baseline for general health of the community. Due to the fact the disease spreads through fecaloral transmission, this creates an opportunity for outbreaks in underprivileged communities with poor sanitation infrastructure. The origin point of Agouti is in East Asia where typically there is a lack of sanitation infrastructure (Chakravarty, et al., 2017) often due to water management issues (Asit, 2013). Therefore, dense, and highly mobile populations, such as slums, where inhabitants have poor access to public health are the perfect breeding grounds for this type of infectious disease (Eisenstein, 2016), allowing for rapid growth of the virus within communities of lower-socio economic standing.

Social inequality is by no means a new concept, it something that has been seen in civilizations since ancient times (Milanovic, 2007). It is theorized to have originated when humanity first made the shift from a hunter-gatherer lifestyle to organized societies, deemed the first epidemiological transition (Armelagos, et al., 2005). Which refers to a drastic shift in

disease ecology, with the introduction of social stratification, increased population size and cultivation of plant and animals as livestock. While this transition laid the foundations for social hierarchy that threatens the poor and underprivileged today, the second epidemiological transmission is much more pertinent to problems arising from the current Agouti threat. Predicted in the late 1960’s, the second epidemiological transition was said to be the largescale shift from prevalence of infectious diseases to “chronic” diseases (McKeown, 2009). This sentiment created a general belief in the Western world that pandemics were a problem of the past and initiated the shifting of reasources to battling lifestyle diseases (Armelagos, et al., 2005). However, in recent year this theorized transition has come under scrutiny, with many pointing out that it fails to recognize the significance of disease epidemiology, cultural and social beliefs and values, political influences, and health policy in developing countries (Defo & Barthélémy, 2014). This is in addition to added threats, such as the emergence of novel disease, i.e., Agouti, reemergence of historic diseases and double burden of communicable and noncommunicable diseases (Defo & Barthélémy, 2014). This shift of focus away from infectious disease late last century has led to the underestimation of infectious disease outbreaks, which has manifested in a lack of preparedness for pandemics. While Agouti is still in the early stages of spread, it can be predicted by looking at outbreaks such as COVID19, that authorities do not possess the infrastructure needed for tackling a pandemic level threat. Almost unanimously countries globally were

unable to provide an effective response to the COVID-19 pandemic, with many failing to rapidly perceive the threat that COVID-19 possessed (Villa, et al., 2020). This once again most impacted those of vulnerable low-income countries, with their inadequate health system capacities (Josephson, et al., 2021). From this comparison we can conclude that the Agouti threat would have a similar response, with poorer areas bearing the brunt of the impact. Not only are there physical health factors to bear in mind, but also many psychological factors to consider in the context of Agouti. These primarily include the set of beliefs held populations around the world that provide hurdles to overcoming a pandemic threat. These ideas are heavily intertwined within social hierarchies of cultures and incorporate their socio-political-economic factors. When focusing on dynamics within impoverished groups, it can be noted that there is a correlation between lower socioeconomic status and increased levels of governmental distrust (Eisenstein, 2016) (Shoff, 2012). Simultaneously it can be observed that higher levels of governmental distrust correspond to lower health outcomes, (Blair, et al., 2017) (Lee, et al., 2016) i.e., increased mortality rates in a pandemic context. This occurrence of distrust can be linked to the presence of historical systematic discrimination present in low socio-economic groups (Taylor-Clark, et al., 2005) producing lower levels of compliance with governmental regulations. This was witnessed with the 2014 Ebola outbreak in Liberia, where Liberians who distrusted government took fewer precautions against Ebola (Blair, et al., 2017). Similarly, in the

US during the 2003 childhood vaccination program, parents with higher governmental distrust government were seen to be more likely to doubt vaccine advice and seek alternative medicine (Lee, et al., 2016). This depicts a global trend that transcends geographic barrier, making it easy to denote a similar tendency in the emerging Agouti response. Furthermore, examination of external beliefs is also pertinent in understanding the psychological Agouti impact. As due to the origin point of the virus in East Asia and its tendency to affect rural and semirural communities, there is the high likelihood of the virus adopting stigmatization on global and national levels. This impact can be understood as the social burden of illness, resulting in exclusion, rejection, blame, or devaluation towards people or groups identified with a particular health problem (Weiss & Ramakrishna, 2006). The propensity for this behavior can be witnessed in the influx of racially motivated hate crimes against Asian people in the US, due to the similarly East Asian originating COVID19 virus (Gover & Harper & Langton, 2019). The impact of this behavior is still being examined but the potentially traumatic effects of these anti-Asian sentiments are likely to impact population mental health in profound ways (Misra, et al., 2020). However, already research shows that racial discrimination has been clearly linked to lower mental health, increasing likelihood of disorders such as depression, and anxiety (Vines, et al., 2017), allowing for the possible projection of negative mental impacts on Asian populaces globally due to Agouti future impact.

A key aspect of understanding any disease is to observe how the geographical environment interacts with pathogens, vectors and hosts, and their dynamic equilibrium (Mayer, 2000). Agouti is a virus that has originated in East Asia, where a recent La Niña event has caused an abundance of natural food sources (insects, vegetation) for the wild rodent reservoirs of Agouti. This abundance of food increased the wild rat population by ten-fold, allowing for the rapid growth and transmission of the virus within the animal population that lead to the human-animal zoonotic interaction. The frequency of extreme weather events such as this one is on the rise, with the rate of La Niña years projected to double from 1 every 23 years up to 1 every 13 (Cai, et al., 2015). This is a direct response of increasing greenhouse gas levels their exacerbated effects on climate change, primarily effecting already vulnerable tropic and subtropic regions by increasing the frequency and magnitude of flood events (Eccles, et al., 2019). For tropical regions such as Southern and Eastern Asia that are already prone to disruptive weather patterns such as monsoons and typhoons this increase could prove catastrophic. These impacts include not only the mortality rate after the initial event, but also its destruction of agriculture, livelihoods, and infrastructure (Ebi, et al., 2021). Essential infrastructure such as public health facilities, roads and trains, energy grids, and water treatment could be destroyed or rendered inaccessible during the initial incident and then unable to be reconstructed due to resultant economic losses (Bell, et al., 2018). The resulting lack of infrastructure can cause the outbreak and spread of a potential disease such as Agouti, as lack of

sanitation and unclean drinking water will produce more infections, that will then be unable to be treated due to destruction of public health services. This downward spiral not only creates more Agouti cases but also produces increasing severity of future outbreaks, contributing to the intensified devastation on these concentrated regions.

The emerging zoonotic Agouti virus is a current pandemic that, starting in East Asia, has spread intercontinentally to South Africa and Australia. The spread and impact of this disease has devastating impacts for principally those of low socioeconomic standing. This unequal burden is a global trend that manifests medically, ecologically, psychologically, and geographically. Increased rates of transmission occur in rural and semi-rural communities, as higher human-animal interactions are present. This is of critical concern as this rural healthcare is consistently found to be lacking in terms of funding, staffing and infrastructure, producing sizeable disease growth in low wealth communities (Eisenstein, 2016) This lack of infrastructure can be viewed as a systematic and historical process and are results of missteps such as the “second epidemiological transition”, when healthcare systems shifted priority to prevention of chronic diseases rather than infectious. Systematic issues also prevail to produce phycological impacts that heighten the spread of the virus. As it is observed that low socioeconomic status can be a product of historical discrimination which manifests in resistance to governmental procedures, contributing to a lower overall health baseline for impoverished communities. In

addition to this, stigmatization of groups associated with the virus can face negative psychological ramifications, specifically people of Asian decent due to Agouti’s origin point. Lastly, an observation was made concerning the increasing impacts of natural disasters in the tropics due to climate change. The economic loss and destruction of key infrastructure compounds the aforementioned scarcity of healthcare increasing transmission and mortality of the virus. From this multidisciplinary analysis of inequality, it becomes clear that addressing infectious pandemics like Agouti in a more holistic manner it is paramount to our survival not just as individuals, but on a global scale. As the wealth gap widens, more and more of our world will fall into the gaping chasm of poverty, falling ill and staying ill with no exit but mortality. We look towards structural and lasting change from the ground up, that will have cascading effects that improve wellbeing on an international scale.

Art X Nature

Lucca Harvey

Visual Analysis Using Gillian Rose’s Framework

Anonymous Visual imagery, more than ever, is embedded into every aspect of the world around us. Analysis of visual imagery can therefore provide critical insight into the current cultural, political, and economic landscape of our society. Gillian Rose has developed a framework for such interpretation. Central to the concept of her framework is the suggestion that there is no single way to interpret the plethora of visual stimulus that we encounter (Rose, 2016). The meaning of images is instead fluid through time, space, cultures, and audiences. Rose suggests a framework that evaluates four different sites at which meaning is made within the cycle of an image becoming part of our visual culture (Rose, 2016). These are the context in which the image is created (production), the content and composition of the image itself (image), the way in which the image is transmitted amongst its audience (circulation), and finally, the way in which it is received and interpreted (audiencing). Rose’s work further

suggests that at each site, three modalities of meaning making are at play. These are technological, compositional, and social (Rose, 2016). Through use of this framework, we can better understand the past, present, and future cultures of societies across the world.

On June 11th, 1997, tech entrepreneur Phillippe Kahn waited patiently in the Sutter Maternity Centre for the arrival of his daughter. As he waited, he devised a plan to create a system that would send a photograph of his newborn daughter to family and friends directly from the maternity ward. He connected a personal camera to his mobile phone using the speakerphone from his car. He then connected this device via a long wire to his laptop, which was connected to the server at his home. Shortly after, 2000 of his family and friends received a photograph via email, the first ever to be sent from a mobile phone (Nicholls, 2022).

Production

Friedrich Kittler argued that the technology used in the production of an image defines its form, meaning and effect (Jefferies, 2011). In this case, the photo itself was taken on a Casio QV, which was the first ever consumer-grade digital camera (Baguley, 2013). Given the technology available at the time, the camera specs were limited, captured at a resolution of 320 by 240 pixels. The images were also heavily compressed into JPEGS to save memory space, as the camera’s memory capacity was approximately two megabytes (Baguley, 2013). Given the development in camera technology since, this image would now be perceived as very low quality. The QV also had a split body which allowed the lens portion to rotate so the live image on the screen could be seen while shooting a self-portrait (Baguley, 2013). It is this feature that defined the form of the photograph, as Phillippe held the camera in one hand and his daughter in the other as the shutter snapped (Nicholls, 2022). This feature also predated the selfie trend that would come nearly two decades later.

In accordance with Kittler’s theory, beyond form, the meaning and effect of the image can also be defined by the technology used to produce it (Jefferies, 2011). Positivism is an approach to studying societies that gives validity and objectivity to empirical evidence (Ray, 2021). Positivistic naturalism regards the photograph as a mechanical copy of a scene, which requires minimal human interference. Those who view images from this perspective would perceive this photograph as containing an objective truthfulness that is not as prominent in other forms of imagery such as paintings (McQuire, 2018). Phillippe’s use of his Motorola StarTAC flip phone and Toshiba 430CDT laptop to immediately send the image compounds this effect on its audience (Nicholls, 2022). By reducing the time and human interference between when the shot was taken and when the audience received it, a positivist may perceive the technology

to be producing a more truthful representation of the natural scene. This use of the camera phone in this way established a certain trust between the audience and the photographer, therefore enhancing the gravity of the image.

Image

The content of the image itself carries vastly different meaning across different contexts and times (Rose, 2016). Roland Barthes work in semiotics primarily concerned how different signs within images can be interpreted differently across time and culture (Rose, 2016). He interpreted signs and signification as dynamic elements of the social and cultural fabric of societies. He further made the distinction between denotation, the literal meaning of a sign, and connotation, the secondary, cultural meanings of signs. While Barthes’ theory argued that as members of the same culture, we draw upon the same cultural codes to interpret images, it can be argued that there are even differences in how images are interpreted between individuals. For this reason, John Fiske argued that the audience is the most prominent site of meaning production, which directly opposed the previously accepted auteur theory (Mambrol, 2019).

This image, for example, may carry great significance for those to whom it is private. For the child’s parents, family and family friends, the context of the child’s birth is known and influential on their lives, and therefore the image representing this birth is significant to them. To others who do not know the context of this child’s birth, the image may carry its own personal connotations relative to the individual’s personal experiences. For example, to a woman is who trying to get pregnant but is having difficulty, the image may be a source of sadness and grief. Contrastingly, for parents who have recently become empty nesters, the photo may evoke nostalgia. The signs of the image thus convey a different meaning amongst different individuals.

Barthes’ theory that images are interpreted differently over time, however, can be used to further understand the meaning of this photograph. At the time it was taken using this new technology, the image was a source of curiosity for those who did not understand how it was possible. Decades later, the image is symbolic of the birth of a technology that would be carried daily by billions worldwide and transform the media landscape (McQuire, 2018). Of course, this interpretation of historical significance is dependent on if the context of the image is given. The linguistic text that can be seen underneath the image therefore plays a fundamental role in shaping it’s meaning. Barthes refers to this captioning as ‘anchorage’, as the text somewhat fixes the meaning of the image crosscontextually.

Circulation and Audience

The meaning of this photograph can further be drawn from its mode of circulation (Rose, 2016). Shortly after it was taken, the image was sent digitally to the emails of 2000 of Phillippe’s family and friends. Walter Benjamin highlighted that by the 1930’s, people were more likely to encounter an image in a newspaper or book than in a gallery (Shaw, 2021). In this case, the original recipients of the image are not only not viewing it in a gallery but are likely viewing it on a small screen within their own homes. Marshall McLuhan’s theory that the medium is the message provides a useful way to interpret how this affects the meaning of the image. McLuhan argues that the medium through which content is carried is fundamental to how it is perceived (McLuhan, 1973). When viewing an image in an art gallery, there are certain conventions that are followed such as not eating, remaining quiet, taking time to absorb the image, and viewing the image in a form that is of a certain quality. In the case of a family photograph such as this, it would have once been conventionally received while on the wall of someone’s home, where different specific set of spectating conventions apply. When receiving this photograph via email instead, such conventions are

removed. This greatly affects how the image is interpreted as elements of the home that would have once contextualized the image are no longer present. This mode of reception also renders recipients more prone to distractions, such as notifications on the device, which may impact their capacity for interpretation.

While mass image sharing can be argued to reduce the quality of an image and degrade the viewers ability to interpret it, it also must be acknowledged that this mode of reception has drastically broadened the audience that can see an image. Where the act of visiting art galleries was once a sport of the upper classes, this novel mode of circulation meant anyone with a digital device could immediately receive images at the same time as everyone else (Bourdieu & Darbel, 1997). This ultimately opens the image up to a greater range of interpretations across different cultures which may be seen to enhance its overall meaning. This digital circulation further facilitates the audience’s much more active role in contemporary art practice, compared to the very passive act of viewing images in galleries or on the walls of family homes. Thus, the way this photo circulated can be perceived as symbolic of the birth of increased autonomy for the everyday person to capture and circulate images on their own accord. This ultimately led to a mass shift of power from large media conglomerates to the public, allowing them to share their perspectives and thus help to shape the narrative on political and social issues. This increased flexibility in the organization of production techniques is described by David Harvey as the visual representation of a move away from the postmodernist orbit (Rose, 2016).

In 2016, TIME magazine included this photo in their 100 most influential images of all time. What may be initially interpreted as a mundane example of everyday photography has transformed into an image of great historical significance for what it represents in terms of the birth of autonomous and instantaneous image sharing

practices. Gillian Rose’s framework allows us to understand this transformation of meaning as we analyse the images movement through the sites of production, composition, circulation, and reception (Rose, 2016). The framework is particularly useful as it considers images in their social, economic, and technological contexts. Therefore, the interpretation gathered through use of this tool is never stagnant and would likely produce a different outcome over time and across different cultures. For example,

while this image may now represent the autonomy that image sharing has afforded us, in the future, it may carry connotations of a shift toward a world that is over reliant on digital technology and lacking authentic human connection. Such exemplifies the process of the evolution of meaning of visual images and highlights why visual analysis is so fundamental to understanding societies.

Father Time I

Georgie Macho

Stretched out from his mother’s womb, Kronos wielded a scythe a blade brandished in moonlight, sharp enough to cut even the godliest golden flesh. It had been a gift from his mother, perhaps she too had wished he would unleash the weapon on his father. With one swift swing, Kronos struck Ouranos, castrating him. The act of a vengeful son.

A final blow from son to father left Ouranos a still corpse, and in the chaos of the fight, the castrated scraps of masculinity were flung into nearby water. His flesh fizzled and foamed. Out of its bubbling trail, a woman arose. One of such otherworldly beauty, time itself stopped to watch her birth.

Yet nothing can truly stop time. And as it passed, the heroic titan fell victim to the fate of Ouranos. Cursed with the same plague of paranoia, he devoured his six children. Each one buried within the pits of his bottomless stomach, alive and well they waited for the trickery of Rhea and Zeus to rescue them.

History repeated itself. Yet again did son battle a tyrannous father and succeed. Though Kronos’ fate was one worse than death. Banished to Tartarus for eternity in unending suffering. But Father Time lives on, stealing the lives from the unexpecting.

Father Time II

Georgie Macho

Days in the sun freckle our faces memories carve wrinkles in my mother’s skin years of happiness frame her smile in gentle grooves, reminders of time unpromised.

How do you know when you will be taken? Sent to drown in the river of souls. Will the midnight tick of the corpus clock be my last?

Steady streams of sand flow, slip through gaps of greedy fingers that try to hold on. I coat my hands in honey to try and retrieve all the grains But I can’t get it all. I can’t bring back the moments I’ve lost I can’t hold onto the present.

If I go today, have I wasted my time worrying about just that? Do I accept destiny and fall into the cradling arms of death?

Father Time have mercy, I cannot go yet, for I have not lived.

Growing an Australian seed: Graeme Murphy and Sydney Dance Company

Zodie Bolic

How do we come to know dance and what are the social, political and cultural forces that influence what dances survive and come to be appreciated as part of a dance canon?

G Graeme Murphy is arguably Australia’s foremost choreographer, working across ballet, contemporary dance, musicals, film and even ice-skating. Appointed at just 26 as Artistic Director of Sydney Dance Company (then named Dance Company (NSW)), it was his 30 years of leadership that guided Sydney Dance Company to the very forefront of Australian dance and allowed him to develop both his talent and his reputation as a choreographer. Murphy reflects on his time with the company and his career with great eloquence, describing the Australian dance industry as an Australian plant. While imported dance trends are pretty, like a rose garden from overseas, they will fail to survive the first ‘harsh attack of the elements’ because they are not suited to the Australian context (Murphy, Graeme Murphy interviewed by Hazel de Berg in the Hazel de Berg collection, 1981) Murphy asserts that for dance to survive in Australia, it must reflect this country and be of this country. In this essay, I will argue that Murphy himself has survived in the Australian dance industry because of his willingness to cultivate an Australian seed, being his own Australian dance idiom. I will illustrate this by discussing Murphy’s ability and willingness to collaborate with other Australian artists and his dancers, his influence on other Australian choreographers, his ability to

situate work in Australian contexts by discussing his adaption of The Nutcracker, alongside some of his other works, and the effort he has put in to documenting his works and processes for the future.

Murphy’s work with Sydney Dance Company shows a great reliance on Australian creatives, and this reliance is an integral part of Murphy’s success as an Australian choreographer. Murphy’s first full length work at Sydney Dance Company, 1978’s Poppy (based on the life and art of Jean Cocteau), has been described as a ‘landmark’ in Murphy’s use of Australian composers, with the work being performed to an original score by Carl Vine (Murphy, Interview by Martin Portus, 2016). Vine had been the Company’s rehearsal pianist before Murphy asked him to compose, and thus was deeply familiar with the company and its dancers (Murphy, Interview by Martin Portus, 2016). Vine would remain a close collaborator of Murphy’s during his time at the helm of Sydney Dance Company, with his music being utilised multiple times, up until Murphy’s resignation in 2007 (Murphy, Interview by Martin Portus, 2016) (Stell, 2009). Another musical collaborator of Murphy’s is Michael Askill, of the percussion group Synergy. Featured in Synergy with

Synergy, and Free Radicals, Askill is a true Australian artist with an Australian career (Daly, 1997). Kristen Fredrikson (born Frederick John Sams) was another favoured collaborator, and despite his New Zealand birth and citizenship, had a very Australian career (Murphy, Interview by Martin Portus, 2016). Fredrikson worked with Murphy on many works, but to notable acclaim on 1985’s After Venice, 2001’s Tivoli and 2002’s Swan Lake (Murphy, The Heritage Collection, 2022) It is these collaborations with Australian artists that makes Murphy’s work so uniquely Australian. Rather than ‘kangaroos or beer cans’, Murphy’s work is Australian because of the Australians he works with (Daly, 1997). Murphy himself stated that ‘the Australian Opera are so world class because its artists, its singers, its designers, its directors, are all Australian’, and Sydney Dance Company under Murphy’s leadership therefore can be no different (Stell, 2009). Jill Sykes (2007) writes that Murphy’s work ‘emerges from an Australian sensibility’ because Murphy himself knew he would survive if he focused on originality. The originality of Murphy’s work is its Australianness. Thus, through his collaboration with Australian artists, Murphy makes his work uniquely Australian, setting himself apart from his overseas contemporaries and ensures a legacy in the Australian dance world.

Under Murphy’s directorship, the dancers are equally as important to this collaboration as the designers are, and therefore the dancers’ Australianness is just as key as Murphy’s designers. Murphy remarked that dancers should be ‘contributing artists’, rather than just the ‘instrument’ of the choreographer

(Sparshott, 1995). Good dance collaboration between dancer and choreographer, rather than prescription (Stell, 2009). Therefore, we see this ‘Australia sensibility’ emerge again, due to Murphy’s use of homegrown dancing talent (Sykes, 2007). Sydney Dance Company’s ranks under Murphy were representative of Australian talent and multiculturalism (Sykes, 2007). Murphy rejected ballet’s conventions in terms of appearance, taking on talent no matter the shape and size. Murphy even remarks that while not all his company dancers (in the early stages at least) were necessarily the most technically profit, they were ‘creatively sublime’, and, Australian (Murphy, Interview by Martin Portus, 2016) (Murphy, An Interview by Paul Taylor, 1980). Therefore, when involved in the creative process, as Murphy wished his dancers to be, their innate Australianness influences the work, and nurtures the idea of this Australian plant.

In a 1980 interview with Paul Taylor, Murphy asserts that Australian dancers are ‘easily picked’, due to their ‘virility’ (Murphy, An Interview by Paul Taylor, 1980). Murphy exploits this virility throughout his works, adding another layer to his work that makes it uniquely Australian. If virility is a characteristic American dancers do not possess, they therefore cannot dance any dance that is built around it (Murphy, An Interview by Paul Taylor, 1980). This results in another layer of originality for Murphy’s works, and further cements him as Murphy as an original, Australian choreographic voice. Graeme Murphy has remained a relevant cultural force in Australia because of his willingness to be Australian, and work closely with Australian talent of all kinds.

Murphy’s willingness to nurture other creatives has also resulted in him remaining a force in Australia’s dance scene. Under Graeme Murphy’s leadership, Sydney Dance Company welcomed many artists who would go on to become leaders in Australia’s cultural scene. Gideon Obarzanek (founder of Chunky Move and current chair of Melbourne Fringe), Stephen Page (Artistic Director of Bangarra Dance Theatre from 1991-2021) and Paul Mercurio (star of Baz Luhrmann’s Strictly Ballroom and founder of Australian Choreographic Ensemble Hastings) all danced at Sydney Dance Company at the early stages of their careers. Murphy supported his dancers to explore their own choreographic pursuits, providing opportunities through Sydney Dance Company for the staging of their works (Murphy, Interview by Martin Portus, 2016) (Sykes, 2007). These opportunities provided by Sydney Dance Company under Murphy’s leadership speak to his willingness to nurture Australian talent. It is then of course, clear why Murphy has remained so at large within the Australian world. If so many of Australia’s modern-day artists can be linked back to Murphy’s Sydney Dance Company, it is clear that Sydney Dance Company and Murphy provided an environment rich for collaboration and growth. Murphy’s long history of collaborations with the Australian Ballet and the Australian Opera have also allowed his work to survive (Murphy, Interview by Martin Portus, 2016). With multiple opportunities for the display of his art, Murphy ensures that he will remain a force in the Australian Arts industry simply because his work is everywhere, and not easily escapable.

Graeme Murphy’s 1992 work Nutcracker: The Story of Clara (created for the Australian Ballet) shows Murphy’s success in creating work for Australian audiences, and thus his ability to last as a choreographer and artist and nurture this ‘Australian seed’. In Murphy’s work, he recontextualises the classic ballet to become a quintessential Australian tale. In his version, Clara is an aging Russian ballerina who once danced in the Imperial Ballet (Potter, New Narratives from Old Texts: Contemporary Ballet in Australia, 2021). Murphy takes us back in time to trace her life, witnessing her early ballet training and her career, before her life is changed by the Russian Revolution. Her lover leaves for war, and his death shatters Clara. She departs Russia for the Ballet Russes, which eventually leads her to Australia (Potter, New Narratives from Old Texts: Contemporary Ballet in Australia, 2021). As the 2nd World War ends, Clara joins the newly established Borovansky Ballet, the company which was the foundation for the establishment of the Australian Ballet. Murphy’s radical adaption has been called the ‘gumnutcracker’ for its unique Australianness, as Murphy has undeniably made an Australian text (Potter, New Narratives from Old Texts: Contemporary Ballet in Australia, 2021). Despite it’s Australianness, the work still holds universal appeal in its themes (Potter, New Narratives from Old Texts: Contemporary Ballet in Australia, 2021). While Nutcracker is perhaps the most obvious example, all of Murphy’s work show his deep understanding and ability to appeal to Australian audiences. For Murphy, there is no point in simply recreating what had been done before (Murphy, Interview by

Martin Portus, 2016). Work had to appeal to specific audience to be successful, and Murphy’s audience was Australia (Murphy, Interview by Martin Portus, 2016). Another of Murphy’s work that clearly establishes an Australian context is his Rumours trilogy, in which we see an exploration of Sydney that is both ‘serious and sensitive’, and instantly recognisable to Sydney audiences. (Sykes, 2007) Rumours provides a study of the Sydney lifestyle in great clarity, and therefore holds great appeal for a Sydney audience. While not all of Murphy’s work is as blatant as Rumours or Nutcracker in its portrayal of Australia, all his work is inescapably Australian. 1982’s Homelands is never explicit in its setting, but the harsh landscape that is depicted evokes feelings of the Australian bush all the same (Sykes, 2007). Yet again, it maintains a universal appeal with its tale of longing and fragility. It is Murphy’s willingness to create work specifically for his Australian audiences that has allowed him to maintain a career here. By feeding his Australian plant with Australian work, it is nurtured and grows, however his work also succeeds on its own merits because of the universality of its theme and content.

Like a plant or a flower, Murphy demonstrates his own interest in his and his work’s survival through his own efforts to immortalise him and his work. Murphy is one of Australia’s most documented dance figurers, but much of this documentation is the fruition of Murphy’s own efforts. Notably Murphy presents The Heritage Collection (with the support of filmmaker Philippe Charluet), which documents most of his career prior to 2007 (Murphy, The Heritage Collection, 2022)

This collection is extremely rich, featuring remastered videos of works, links to reviews and the original compositions. It also provides a work’s synopsis, any choreographer’s and music’s notes if available, a complete credit list and photo gallery (Murphy, The Heritage Collection, 2022). Amongst Australian dance figures, it is possibly the most complete, and easily accessible collection. Many of Murphy’s works are available to study now, with more coming soon. Murphy is also the subject of many interviews, demonstrating a willingness to speak about his career to anyone who may be interested. Without the desire of Murphy to share and preserve his work, it is questionable Murphy would remain in Australia’s memory. However, because he has done so and to such a high quality, Murphy has all but guaranteed the continued existence and influence of his work long into the future. When a young choreographer can look up Murphy’s work with ease, Murphy cements a legacy of his work through those to come. Murphy’s success in preserving his work guarantees it will remain an influence in Australia dance scene, and therefore illustrates to us how Murphy intends his dance to survive.

Almost 15 years since his departure from Sydney Dance Company, Murphy still looms large over Australia’s dance scene. Whether it is a comparison of Murphy’s Swan Lake to the recently opened Australian production of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s Cinderella, a solo by Isaac Clark in Sydney Choreographic Ensemble’s Galileo recalling Murphy, or a return season of Murphy’s adaption of Madama Butterfly, Murphy casts a shadow no one can escape. Because of Murphy’s

utilisation of Australian designers and dancers, his work is uniquely Australian, and therefore original. His nurturing of other Australian creatives through opportunities at Sydney Dance Company have made him a key part of other’s legacies, and therefore ensures he survives if they survive. Furthermore, Murphy’s ability to create dance for his Australian audience and utilise Australian context also sets him apart, as well as creating a large appeal for his audiences. Finally, Murphy’s willingness to document his work himself in detail ensures he remains a source of knowledge for Australia’s dance industry, and therefore he ensures his place as an influence for the future. All this combined show how Murphy has cultivated an Australian plant through a uniquely Australian career, and thus ensured he and his dance survive as a force in Australia’s dance industry.

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Urban Design Techniques: Ohonua Tonga

Philippa McWilliams

Urban Context and Site Analysis Existing Neighbourhood Context Analysis

Spatial Analysis: Movement

2. Distance from a Local Household

1. School Bus Route

4. Current Road Conditions - Accessibility

3. Road Quality

Stakeholder Analysis Report

Vision

Our vision will support a socially and environmentally resilient response within the volatile site. Our project in blocks 4 and 5 of Ohonua, Eua will allow local residents to feel they can live safely and sustainably whilst celebrating their cultural traditions. The community will feel proud of their invigorated residential area and spend quality time in the new public open spaces. A locally specific design will respond to the small scale and agricultural setting. Our vision will aim to support a resilient yet attainable proposition within a volatile natural environment

Design Principle 1: Restoration of Roadways

The restoration of roadways will help contribute to safe travelling and accessibility. Due to the 2022 tsunami and weathering, current road conditions are unreliable. Mitigation of potholes, rocks and extreme terrain differences will alleviate damage to vehicles, and aid in effective and efficient road transportation.

This benefits the overall community, especially elders who may rely on vehicle transportation to navigate the island

Design Principle 2: Increase Accessibility Through the Construction of Bike Paths and Pavements

As a small town, the reliance on efficient walkability is crucial for day-to-day life, hence the development of bike paths and pavements aids in a green method of movement. The degraded condition of ‘Ohonua’s roads create an unsafe environment for cyclists. Dirt roads and uneven land can deter residents from utilising certain routes, affecting travelling time and ease of movement when commuting to jobs, school, or other areas of the island. The construction of defined bike lanes upon concrete paving promotes

active and eco-friendly transportation around the area, allowing locals in previously unreachable areas to now have accessibility. Furthermore, define bike lanes and walking pavements create a sense of safety, as the threat of automobiles is now mitigated.

Conceptual Plan

Due to the small scale of the town of ‘Ohonua, many residents navigate the area by foot or bike. With poor road quality evident in ground images, many areas present hazardous conditions to all modes of transport. Hence implementation of a concrete road systems is needed for a functioning community

Effective transportation systems also aid those living on the island with mobility issues. With limited resources available on the island, elders and people with disabilities can have more accessibility to various areas of the island previously unobtainable

Replacing the grassland outside of the property, pavements allow for defined walking areas, as well as the ensured safety from bikes and cars. Having raised pavements further set boundaries for vehicles, providing safety to those travelling around the island by foot.

Concrete is a reliable material. Its longevity allows for 20 to 40 years of usage and is a much greener option than asphalt. Moisture within the soil and rain

are unable to penetrate the concrete, hence resistant to deterioration, especially in Tonga’s humid and wet climate

Drawbacks

Drawbacks include the cost of concrete as it requires heavy machinery and labour to implement. Furthermore, repairs are costly due to the entire slab needing to be replaced, as opposed to just filling a pothole

Analysis of the features and applications of 1080 (Sodium fluroacetate) as a pest poison

Bess Hamshaw

Introduction

Sodium fluoroacetate (FCH2CO2Na) is an organofluorine that is colloquially referred to as ‘1080’, which designates the catalogue number of the colourless, tasteless poison. 1 Sodium fluoroacetate is used as a pesticide to control invasive species including foxes in countries including Australia and New Zealand.2 It is found in flowering plants of the genus Gastrolobium which are native to Africa and Brazil, but are most abundant in Australia.3 Notably, Indigenous Australian animals including Trichosurus vulpecula (Brush-tailed possum) and Macropus fuliginosus (Western grey kangaroo) have no adverse response to consuming plants containing sodium fluoroacetate2. In introduced species however, sodium fluoroacetate causes metabolic inhibition when either consumed directly or through secondary poisoning.4 Therefore, through being relatively species specific along with odourless and tasteless, 1080 has been considered an effective and efficient means for controlling introduced species. However, due to the methods by which 1080 is distributed, unintentional poisoning of non-target species, notably domestic and working dogs is unfortunately common. This ramification along with the features and alternative solutions to invasive species will be discussed in this report.

Features of sodium fluoroacetate and method of implementation

Fluoroacetate has a similar chemical structure to acetate, a molecule which is used in cellular respiration to combine with coenzyme A to form acetyl-CoA. 3 If 1080 is consumed, fluoroacetate will instead bind with coenzyme A, resulting in fluoroacetyl CoA. This molecule will then enter the tricarboxylic acid cycle, resulting in the allosteric inhibition of aconitase and the cycle being inhibited.3 As oxidative metabolism is impaired, this results in decreased energy production and restriction of gluconeogenesis, generally leading to the death of the consumer within 6-48 hours.5 In addition to being relatively fasting acting and species specific, 1080 is a favoured toxin due to being water soluble, meaning the likelihood of bioaccumulation and secondary poising is reduced.1 Additionally, through acting to decrease the number of invasive species in habitats, adverse effects such as environmental degradation and loss of biodiversity are decreased. Moreover, sodium fluoroacetate is dispersed through baiting programs, whereby small pellets containing 1080 combined with carbohydrates and proteins are distributed via methods like helicopter drops.2 As a result, the toxin can be quite easily dispersed in large areas, targeting high numbers of pests.

The repercussions for domestic and working dogs and why this occurs Different animals have different sensitivities to 1080 and this is reflected by

the LD50 or the dose that produces a lethal effect in 50% of the population.3 In particular, vertebrate, introduced animals are very sensitive to sodium fluoroacetate and this is why the toxin is a means of targeting non-native species. However, as a result of the method of distribution, sodium fluoroacetate has large risks for non-targeted species, notably dogs. Species within the family Canidae are particularly sensitive to the toxin and have a lower LD50 than other species such as birds and aquatic animals. 5As dogs and foxes are both members of the family Canidae, this presents concerning disadvantages for the use of 1080 as a means of invasive species control. Dogs have a very low LD50 of 0.06 mg/kg, meaning only a small quantity of 1080 is required to induce death. 5 This, combined with the fact that the toxin itself is embedded within easily consumed and appealing pellets means the risk of dogs consuming the pellets is serious.

Upon consumption of 1080 in dogs, symptoms including muscle contractions, seizures, vomiting and rigor mortis are common to occur before an almost certain death.6 These symptoms are generally synonymous between species, which presents another issue of if this poison is humane for even targeted species, as these symptoms can continue for many hours and up to two days.5

Even with early detection, it is unlikely for a dog to recover from 1080 due to the rapid onset of symptoms and lack of antidote.6 As a result, sodium fluoroacetate has an approximate 75% mortality rate in dogs.4 In areas where 1080 has been distributed, this has had devastating effects

on domestic and working dogs, both emotionally and financially.

Alternatives to sodium fluoroacetate

To address the detriments caused by the use of 1080 as a pesticide, alternative solutions to combat invasive species should be considered. One option for this, is the use of immunocontraception or controlling pests through fertility. 7 This focuses on inhibiting the ability for invasive species to reproduce rather than mortality and often uses a vector to transmit a pathogen which will damage the animal’s fertility.7 This method however, is extremely complex and expensive due to the need for large amounts of research. Another alternative is using cyanide as a toxin. Cyanide is more fast acting than 1080, with the mean time between consumption and death being 18 minutes, compared to 1080 which is 11.5 hours.4 It is also rapidly broken down by the animal, and hence the risk of secondary poisoning is very low. 8However, cyanide does not specifically target species and so there is still a high risk of non-target species ingesting the poison. A final alternative is trapping. An advantage of trapping is that it is easier to target particular animals through being able to select the type of trap, bait, pheromones and the location. 9Additionally, traps kill animals quickly and can be monitored remotely due to wireless connection. However, it can be challenging to implement in rural areas and is expensive.2

Conclusion

Sodium fluoroacetate is a toxin used to control vertebrate invasive species, and inhibits aerobic metabolism through

allosterically inhibiting a key enzyme in the tricarboxylic acid cycle.3 It is a odorless and tasteless substance which is often distributed in pellets, combined with macronutrients such as carbohydrates and proteins to appeal to pests.2 However, due to this distribution method, LD50 distribution is non specific and often results in the death of non-target species such as dogs.6 This repercussion, along with the inhumane death which results from ingestion indicate that it is important that the ramifications of its use be mitigated. Due to the specificity and cost effectiveness of 1080, it is suggested

therefore to implement stricter restrictions on the use of Sodium fluoroacetate due to the lack of better alternatives. These could include better warning to communities, restricting where it is distributed, placing the pellets individually in specific locations and collecting the bodies of animals that have died from poisoning. These changes would aid in reducing the detriments of sodium fluoroacetate so that the benefits can be utilised to manage the growing issue of invasive species and the environmental, ecological and economic impacts they incur.

Romanticism

Anonymous

I wasn’t sure why I did that. Why I got attached and invested so quickly. I think I just romanticised it. The same way I romanticised everything.

Created a story of how I wanted it to be. Laid this in the place of what it was. Ignored the truth, Preferred to enjoy those moments of utter fiction.

A beautiful lie crafted Gently, perfectly, idealistically In my hopeless, dreamer mind. I wished I would stop doing it.

For there is not much worse than that cold Kiss of reality when dawn comes.

Shining a cruel light through my pretty façade, And presenting the world in all of its’ loneliness.

Always wept.

Anonymous

For the joy of reclaimed kingdoms And happy endings and The dread of returning To my world of mundanity.

Of the evil being more Surreptitious and underhand Than is possible to reveal Let alone overcome.

And the princesses who didn’t Really fight wars and save kingdoms, But cried in rooms over stupid boys Who weren’t knights after all.

This place where reality Threatened to crush me, If I dared remove my nose from Between those crisp, white pages.

Justice for Extinction

Ally Hardy

What duties of justice, if any, are owed in the present as a function of harms done in the past to people now dead, or future interests of people not yet born?

The extinction of species due to direct and indirect human actions has increased substantially in the last century, causing necessary reflection around what kinds of justice, if any, are owed and to whom. Using the case study of the passenger pigeon, this essay will argue that duties of justice ought to be owed to living members of species for extinctions that otherwise could have been avoided. This expands upon John Rawl’s Theory of Justice and marries the disciplines of environmental justice and political theory to extend justice to non-human animals, as well as ruminate on responsibility for historical injustices. The first section will outline Rawl’s conceptualisation of the “original position” and then situate this with non-human animals (henceforth animals). The next section will pair the original position with species extinction and demonstrate how duties of justice necessarily arise from this. Then, in section three, I will briefly introduce the passenger pigeon and argue that duties of justice ought to be owed because of the severity and precedence of the multiple harms committed. In light of this, the fourth section will examine to whom these duties are owed and what form these duties take, questioning whether the harm reflects the need to use restorative justice like deep de-extinction. The final section will present two counterarguments against de-extinction and instead offer reparative justice for current individuals of

species as a more reflective duty of justice for the harm caused. I, therefore, reiterate that humans alive today ought to owe reparative justice towards current members of species as a function of injustice committed to the extinction of species as a result of direct human harm.

While John Rawls’ Theory of Justice does not include animals as benefactors of principles of justice, the idea of the “original position” can and should extend to non-human members of society. Rawls’ (2004, p. 13) defines justice as a socially ordering principle by which members of society ought to be given what they are due. This is conditional on two key caveats: that citizens are (1) moral equals and (2) can freely agree upon basic principles of a fair society, ie. principles of justice. Once satisfied, citizens are asked to decide upon society’s basic principles but must do so unclouded by “circumstances of the existing basic structure”, assuming the “original position” (Rawls 2004, p. 18). This thought experiment removes one’s background and identity and asks what a fair and just structure of society would be without this information. At face value, the original position has considerable merit for theorising some kind of universal idea of equality for many members of society, especially for those that are marginalised under current institutions. Yet, from the first caveat, animals have their membership

excluded from these considerations. As Plunkett (2016, p. 14) contends, while animals may have ethical status, they “do not have the same ethical standing” as human beings and so, they are not morally equal. This means that they are naturally excluded from participation or even consideration in the original position. Many scholars, Rawls included, have stood by this conclusion as the end of discussion around justice for animals. However, the original position itself provides the necessary framework to extend Rawlsian justice to animals.

Casting away the two caveats for a moment, the original position offers an appropriate theoretical basis for conceptualising duties of justice for animals. In removing the awareness of one’s situation in the real world, Elliot (1984, p. 100) surmises that citizens might, upon revealing their actual position, “find that they are animals”. The original position only requires participants to be rational, self-interested beings, not necessarily human, with some knowledge of what the world could hold for them. Rawls’ (1971, p. 137) original contention disagrees with this as it purposely sets out that participants “know the general facts about human society”. However, such a statement does not remove the possibility of information concerning animal interests and desires to be interjected into the original position (Gardener 2010, p. 5). We can understand their ability to feel pain and pleasure – their sentience – as reason enough for them to be appropriate objects of moral concern and so, know what the world would entail (Valentini 2013, p. 39). Additionally, Rawls’ (1971, p. 448-9) himself outlined that he does not believe a “capacity for a sense of justice” is necessary to be owed duties of justice and be included

in the original position. Subscribing to such a belief would mean the exclusion of humans incapable of this from justice such as infants and those that are cognitively impaired. The original position necessarily includes those without that capacity to ensure all beings with ethical status are owed duties of justice despite being unable to reciprocate the same principles. In this light, it would be unjust to exclude animals from the original position. Therefore, the original position applicability to nonhuman beings suggests that duties of justice can and ought to be extended to animals.

Now that animals are afforded duties of justice, what happens in the context of entire species where these duties have been harmed in the past? There are multiple variables at play so for the sake of narrowing the scope, the focus will be on duties of justice owed to extinct species that were directly harmed by avoidable human activities. Regarding what the duties of justice could look like, Valentini (2013, p. 39) outlines the two universal duties that are generally acknowledged: the first a “very stringent” duty to not harm others and the second, a duty to help when others are in need. The former is most suitable to discuss justice in the case of extinction. If animals are included in the original position, which we believe they are, then individual animals are afforded the duty to be not harmed by other citizens in society. So, in the case of extinction caused by avoidable human harm, it would appear that such a duty is easily transferable and constitutes an injustice on behalf of that species. Yet, species are not individuals and therefore, do not have the same sentience that the original position and duties of justice are predicated on (Rolston 1985, p. 723). This would suggest that species cannot be wronged the

same way that an individual animal can be wronged. But, as Rolston (1985, p. 721) indicates, species are “living historical form, propagated in individual organisms, that flows dynamically over generations”. So, an injustice committed against one individual where there is identifiable and consequential harm to other members of the same species would constitute an injustice against the whole species. Weinhues (2020, p. 149) echoes this point, suggesting that “extinction of a species indicates … that severe injustice has been done [to individuals] by heavily impeding their flourishing and ability of survival” and resulting in the species termination. It is thus apparent that although duties of justice do not arise for species per se, harms committed against individuals that ultimately lead to the extinction of a species is an injustice that deserves subsequent duties. This understanding is best represented through the case study of the passenger pigeon.

The extinction of the passenger pigeon provides the perfect example of a historical injustice where duties of justice ought to be owed. Regional to the eastern parts of North America, the passenger pigeon was a species so abundant in size that is numbered in the billions (Guiry 2020). Yet, by the turn of the 20th century, there were only a few hundred in captivity. Bucher (1992, p. 23) believes this to be a result of “mainly habitat destruction and fragmentation, coupled with the initial intense human predation”. If this is true, it would appear that the harm was largely unavoidable because the moral concern of human resources would have outweighed the moral concern for trees and the species relying on those trees for food. This follows Welchman’s (2021, p. 520) argument that

when there is no certainty around injuring a wild animal’s life prospects, “we cannot be obliged to avoid harming them” or owe them justice for harms committed. However, Bucher’s account differs significantly from more contemporary research by Guiry (2020) where it was found that the unregulated commercial pigeon industry and sport hunting were the most “important drivers” behind the passenger pigeon’s extinction. This would suggest direct avoidable harm was taken against individuals within the species which culled their population to a size no longer recoverable. To this end, duties of justice ought to be owed for the extinction as it was direct avoidable harm on individuals’ capacities to pass on genetic information and contribute to the continuation of the species. But to whom are these duties owed? And what should they look like?

As duties of justice are highly contextual and require different remediations depending on the harm, to whom the duties are owed and what they are must adequately reflect the injustice committed. Regarding this case and what has previously been argued, one would assume that the duties’ recipients ought to be the individuals who were harmed, and those that committed the harms must pay forward. Yet, the historical nature of the injustice makes it especially hard to owe those duties because “none of the parties directly involved remain alive” (Welchman 2021, p. 522). This, however, does not remove the severity of the injustice and the kind of precedence it sets for current and future generations.

One possible restorative duty that could reflect the severity and moral obligation could be deep de-extinction. Sherkow and

Greely (2013, p. 32) describe deep deextinction as an umbrella term for three main scientific techniques aimed at ‘bringing back’ species: “Back-breeding, cloning, and genetic engineering”. This type of duty is advocated for on the premise that humans “have done something wrong” to cause the extinction and if we have the technology to do so then current generations owe it to extinct species to bring them back (Sandler 2014, p. 355). This position is further accentuated in cases where direct, avoidable human activity was the main reason for the extinction and so, the species would still be alive today if that injustice had not been caused. Hence, deextinction appears to ‘right the wrong’ and make it so that the species was never extinct in the first place.

While de-extinction appeals to the severity and the moral obligation of the harms, there are many reasons why de-extinction does not directly address the injustice caused. The two main reasons are (1) the ramifications it will have for individuals ‘brought back’ and (2) how it attempts to owe justice directly to the extinct species, rather than the individuals. Firstly, those animals born from the de-extinction process “could end up suffering” either from the process itself or the genomic variation they end up with (Sherkow & Greely 2013, p. 32). In both circumstances, there is a compromise on the duty to not harm other individuals for the sake of the rebirth of the species. And, as stated before, a species cannot be afforded duties of justice because it is not a rational, selfinterested being – only individuals within said species are afforded justice. To this, Welchman (2021, p. 529) argues that duties to extinct species should be “owed to living individuals of other species, not the extinct

species itself”. This not only satisfies the historical nature of the injustice but also shifts the narrative away from the past harm and instead, towards remedying the precedence the injustice sets. This adopts a “repatriation and rehabilitation” approach to justice, focusing attention on the very practices and institutions which continue to allow these same harms to occur (Sandler 2014, p. 356). Thus, the current human population owes a duty of justice to living individuals of species who suffer the precedence of the passenger pigeon’s extinction.

Anthropogenic activity on Earth continues to place animals in situations of direct and indirect harm. Many Rawlsian scholars do not recognize this harm as constituting an injustice because they do not equate nonhuman animals as moral equals and so, excluded them from the original position. Yet, the original position, with its inclusion of all rational and self-interested beings, provides the necessary framework for extending justice to animals. Following this line of thought, humans owe a duty to not harm other individuals, especially concerning direct and avoidable harm. So, if this has been breached, which is the case for the extinction of the passenger pigeon, there is a duty of justice owed. But for such historical injustices, the duties of justice must reflect the severity of the harm while also understanding the intergenerational nature of the injustice. A restorative duty like deep de-extension considers the seriousness but does not address justice for individuals, rather solely looks at justice for the species which cannot be afforded. A more satisfactory justice approach sees duties owed to current living individuals of other species and aims to address the institutional harms resulting in the

passenger pigeon’s extinction. I, therefore, conclude that duties of justice ought to be owed to present animals as a function of the

multiple avoidable harms committed against extinct species.

Geology of the Buchan Valley

Luella Drinnan

Abstract:

The Buchan Valley is a synclinorium featuring volcanic bedrock and overlying sediments formed as early as the Late Silurian period. Sedimentary and karstification processes are still occuring in the landscape, although many of the sedimentary units were formed during the Devonian period. Fossils indicate the environmental conditions of each unit, ranging from deep marine to coastal lagoon ecosystems. The Buchan Valley area has experienced stress and tension resulting in folding and faulting within in multiple units. The analysis of fossils, traits, structural features, relative stratigraphy and location of the units suggest that the Buchan Valley area experienced fluctuating coastlines, environmental conditions and biotic diversity, tectonic stress and intrusive magmatic processes with continued experience of sedimentary and karstification processes.

Introduction:

This report discusses geology in the Buchan Valley in East Gippsland, Victoria (Fig 1) and interprets the observations taken in the field on a week-long study in June 2022. Direct field observations were taken from Area 2 (Fig 2), with data in the broader Buchan Valley Area taken by fellow geologists on the field trip.

Figure 1 The red marker shows the location of Buchan in Victoria.

Figure 2. The broader Buchan Valley area ranging from Buchan to Murrindal. Area 2 study area was located in the northern area around Murrindal.

Stratigraphy:

The Buchan District features volcanic bedrock with overlying sedimentary units, displayed in the Figure 3. Each unit is described below in stratigraphic order.

Diagram of the stratigraphy in the Buchan Valley.

Snowy River Volcanics: Early Devonian - Late Silurian, 425-407mya

The Snowy River Volcanics unit is the underlying unit in the Buchan Valley region (Fig 4). It is an extrusive volcanic rock, erupted from violent, predominantly subaqueous composite volcanoes. The Volcanics consist of hard, erosion-resistant rhyolite with small black feldspar specs and small quartz crystals in a pink-tinged

Spring Creek Member: Early Devonian - Mid Devonian, 420-392 mya

The Spring Creek Member is a mixed layer stratigraphically between the Snowy River Volcanics and the Buchan Caves Limestone, representative of the transition from early lacrustine volcanism and sedimentation to marine sedimentation in the late Early Devonian. It features nonfossiliferous carbonate nodules of dark grey, secondary dolomite within a matrix of orange-yellow, coarse-grained, clastic but soft non-carbonate clay (Fig 7).

Ignimbrites consist of very soft, lightcoloured ash beds featuring small, rounded, elongated fiamme pits (Fig 6), porous pumice clasts that have undergone diagenic compaction. The light colour of the beds indicates high silica content, characteristic of high-energy stratovolcano eruptions. Subaqueous formation is demonstrated by graded bedding.

Figure 7 cutting.

Buchan Caves Limestone: Upper EarlyLower Middle Devonian, 407-387 mya

Buchan Caves Limestone lies directly above the Snowy River Volcanics and beneath the Pyramids Marl (Fig 8). The Buchan Caves Limestone group features a

Figure 4. Snowy River Volcanics.

A fractured 5cm piece of rhyolite from the Snowy River Volcanics unit.

Figure 6. 0.5cm fiamme pits in the Snowy River Volcanics ignimbrites

dark grey, calcitic limestone. The Buchan Caves Limestone is relatively soft has a fine grain size without crystals. Buchan Caves Limestone at the Buchan Caves Reserves strikes north-south and has significant dip (Fig 9).

Figure 9. The strata of the Buchan Caves Limestone strikes North-South and has a significant dip. Strata feature fluctuating presence of brachiopods, some disarticulated and overturned

Fossils found in the Buchan Caves Limestone included rugose corals (Fig 10 & 11), brachiopods (Fig 12), particularly Chalcidophyllum and Spinella buchanensis, and gastropods. The lack of tabulate coral fossils distinguishes the earlier and deeper-deposited Buchan Caves Limestone from the more recently deposited McLarty Limestone and Rocky Camp Limestone units. Relative dating of its Acrospifier buchanensis brachiopods with the similar European Acrospirifer laevicosta indentifies the Buchan Caves Limestone as Middle Devonian.

Figure 10. A rugose coral fossil, likely Chalcidophyllum, in Buchan Caves Limestone. The fossil, approximately 6m in length, shows a segment of the radial-shaped rugose corals.

Figure 11. A small (approximately 1cm in diameter) rugose coral with fringing texture on its circumference.

Figure 8. Buchan Caves Limestone has a finegrained texture, fine strata and a dark grey colour.

These fossils are found predominantly in the middle and upper layers of the Buchan Caves Limestone. The intermittent fossiliferous and non-fossiliferous beds represent environmental changes. Layers with brachiopods upturned and dearticluated represent mass extinction from storms and other natural disasters.

The Buchan Caves Limestone in the Buchan Caves Reserve features abundant fossils, primarily brachiopods (Fig 13) and rugose corals, particularly Spinella buchanensis and the conical-shaped Chalcidophyllum respectively, as well as some gastropods and ostracods (Fig 14) preserved with calcite in mudstone. A fish head was also found preserved with calc

Dolomite:

Dolomite is a form of limestone where the calcium in the calcium carbonate has partially been replaced with magnesium through dissolution and reprecipitation. This often occurs in hypersaline lakes and marine settings.

Figure 12. Spinella buchanensis brachiopods.

Figure 13. Spinella buchanensis brachiopod fossils up to 1.5cm in diameter preserved in Buchan Caves Limestone.

Figure 14. An ostrocod found in the Buchan Caves Reserve.

Figure 15. A fish head preserved with calcite

Primary dolomitisation occurs in the same temporal and spatial setting as deposition while secondary dolomitisation occurs diagenically with perculation of permeable rock, through fractures and faultlines or via metamorphism with heated and pressurised limestone and magnesium-rich fluids.

Buchan Caves Limestone primary dolomite appears similar to sandstone with a yellow-brown tinge and with a slightly coarser grain size than non-dolomitised limestone. It also features large, white calcite crystals. There were no fossils seen in the primary dolomite, indicating a poor environment for marine biota, likely due to hypersalinity. Secondary dolomite appeared a dark grey colour with a leatherlike surface and deformation fractures (Fig 16).

17 & 18) with poor outcropping and some calcite veining. Fossils in the Marl’s limestone nodules included rugose corals (Fig 19), burrows, brachiopods (Fig 20) and pteropods Styliolina and Tentaculites

The general lack of fossils indicate a harsh environment for biota.

Figure

Pyramids Marl: Lower Middle Devonian, 393-387 mya

The Pyramids Marl lies stratigraphically between the Buchan Caves Limestone and the McLarty Limestone. It contains dark fossiliferous limestone nodules within a clay matrix, sometimes featuring compression folding. The soil of the Pyramids Marl appears reddish brown (Fig

16. An outcrop of Buchan Caves Limestone which has undergone secondary dolomitisation, giving a leather-like appearance.

Figure 17. The soil of Pyramids Marl along the Buchan Road is a reddish brown colour.

Figure 18. The dipping strata of the Pyramids Marl.

McLarty Limestone: Lower Middle Devonian, 393-287 mya

The McLarty Limestone is a grey, soft and fossiliferous carbonate-rich limestone which lies between the Pyramids Marl and the Rocky Camp Limestone. The unit is very fine grained and has no crystals, although can feature calcite and quartzite veining. The McLarty Limestone also features stylolites from pressure deformation of soluable minerals in the

limestone (Fig 21). The unclear boundary between the McLarty and Rocky Camp Limestones indicate that the McLarty Limestone was still being cemetented and lithified at the time of Rocky Camp Limestone formation.

The McLarty Limestone is highly fossiliferous. Tabulate corals Syringopora Favosites are very common and distinguish the McLarty Limestone from the Buchan Caves Limestone (Fig 22) while its lack of Receptaculites distiguish it from the new Rocky Camp Limestone. Other fossils in the Limestone include rugose corals (Fig 23), brachiopods, crinoids and gastropods, which show a significant improvement of the intertidal and shallow marine environmental conditions since the deposition of the Pyrmaids Marl.

Figure 19. Rugose corals in limestone nodules of the Pyramids Marl, approximately 8cm in diameter.

Figure 20. 1cm brachiopods found in a limetone nodule of Pyramids Marl.

Figure 21. Stylolite pressure dissolution fractures in McLarty Limestone.

Rocky Camp Limestone: Middle Upper Devonian, 387-382 mya

Rocky Camp Limestone is a fine-grained, crystalless and bedless limestone ppearing stratigrpahically above the McLarty Limestone. It is fossiliferous and displays decent outcropping. Rocky Camp Limestone is very soft and has a high calcium carbonate content.

coral, likely Xystriphyllum, approximately 7cm.

Figure 22. A radial

Figure 23. A tabulate coral approximately 10cm. Note the structure of the coral is non-radial but rather with a flowing appearance.

Fossils identified in the Rocky Camp Limestone included brachiopods, nortiloids, crinoids (Fig 24), tabulate corals such as Favosites, gastropods and algae Receptaculites (Fig 25 and 26), which is characteristic only of Rocky Camp Limestone. Some brachiopod fossils were calcified, leaving a protruding texture on the limestone surface.

rugose

Figure 24. 7cm crinoid fossil in Rocky Camp Limestone. Note the pale white colour of the hyperpure limestone.

The abundance of well-preseved fossils, particularly of the fragile atromataporoids, and presence of photosynthesising algae Receptaculites (Fig 27) suggests a calm, shallow depositional environment, likely witha depth less than five meters. Stromactis voids cemented with calcite and marine cements suggest that the Rocky Camp Limestone outcrops were previously mudmounds with high biodiversity.

The lack of bedding and pale white colour indicate that sediment was continuously precipitated by marine biota during its formation and contains largely calcium carbonate with very little other organic contaminants. The Rocky Camp Limestone likely formed in a coastal lagoon or shallow, low-energy marine embayment. This reflects the location of

the shoreline in the middle Devonian period of the Buchan Valley.

Figure 27. 1-2cm crinoids and a 4cm diameter tabulate coral preserved in Rocky Camp Limestone.

Taravale Marl: Middle Devonian, 390382 mya

The Taravale Marl is a gravel-like marl with poor outcropping sitting stratigraphically above the McLarty Limestone and Rocky Camp Limestone. Taravale Marl observed in a roadside cutting (Fig 28) was very soft and could be crumbled manually while the limestone nodules could be scratched easily with a pick hammer. The Marl had cleavage which was parallel to the axis of its folds and vegetated brown soil at its surface.

Figure 25 and 26.10cm and 7cm Receptaculites 10cm fossils in Rocky Camp Limestone.

The fossils found in Taravale Marl include abundant pteropods and brachiopods as well as rugose corals, tabulate coral and nautiloids. The Taravale Marl has a distinct lack of shallow-marine algae and an abundance of nautiloids and brachiopods, reflecting the deep marine depositional environment of the unit.

Cephalopod fossils in the Taravale Marl are helpful in determining the age of the unit. Gyroceratites was present during the upper Early and Middle Devonian while Lobobacrites was present in the Middle and lower Late Devonian. The presence of both these cephalopods in the unit date the Taravale Marl to the Middle Devonian.

Tertiary Gravel: Tertiary, 66-2.6 mya

The Tertiary Gravel is a nodulous mixture of limestone and pyrite deposited in the Tertiary period. The Gravel is likely a mix of Snowy River Volcanics, Buchan Caves Limestone and McLarty Limestone with a Pyramids Marl and Taravale Marl clay matrix. The deposit of Tertiary Gravel was likely the result of a landslide, which fractured limestone and pyrite rocks settling in what was the Murrindal River

when its course was 150m higher and in a more western location. Gravel with arge, fractured, pyritic boulders are present uphill while Gravel with rounded limestone nodules are present downhill, suggesting the Murrindal River’s previous presence with the limestone nodules weathered and deposited in the low energy downstream environment.

Tertiary Volcanics: Tertiary and Pleistocene, 66-0.0117 mya

Basalt is a fine-grained volcanic rock with mafic components rich in iron and magnesium originating from the inner mantle. A Tertiary Volcanics intrusion, colloquially called ‘The Blob’, was found at Locality 19/Stop 10 in a roadside cutting, where a basalt dyke cuts through a layer of Pyramids Marl (Fig 29), therefore younger than the Marl.

Figure 29. The triangular basaltic dyke “The Blob” cuts through Pyramids Marl.

Karst Formations: Upper Early Devonian - Present, 407-0 mya

Karst systems with caves and sinkholes form gradually and continually by percolation and dissolution of limestone from carbonic acid, which can then precipitate into speleothems such as

Figure 28. Taravale Marl visible in a roadside cutting.

stalagmites, stalactites, curtains, columns, flowstones and capillary tubes. The largest and oldest karst formations are located nearest to the earth’s surface and the smallest and youngest karst formations at greater depth.

A large sinkhole was observed at in the McLarty limestone and cave systems are present in the south of the valley at the Buchan Caves Reserve in the Buchan Caves Limestone.

The Buchan Caves has multiple chambers with many speleothems including curtains, stalactites, stalagmites, flowstones and capillary tubes (Fig 30 and 31). Water dripping from stalactites and capillary tubes onto a forming stalagmite showed the ongoing karst formation. Dense deposits of Spinella buchanensis brachiopods were found in various locations within the Caves.

Fig 31. Curtain stalactite formations in the Buchan Caves.

Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium: Quaternary, 2.58-0 mya

The Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium is very -grained silt that has been fluvially eroded from both volcanic and sedimentary units. Its mineral composition, flat elevation and close proximity to the Murrindal River (Fig 32) make the Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium quality farmland for both cropping and livestock.

Fig 30. Stalagmites, stalactites, capillary tubes and columns in the Buchan Caves.

Figure 32. Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium downhill from Locality 19 has flat, level elevation and lies behind a meander of the Murrindal River with cows grazing on its vegetated surface.

The Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium was identified on the point bars of the Murrindal River, sitting between the Snowy River Volcanics and the Buchan Caves Limestone. Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium was also found by other fluvial systems in the broader Buchan Valley area.

Structure and Geomorphology:

The Buchan Valley area features faulting, folding, thrusting and varying dips and strikes. The broader area is considered a bowl-like synclinorium (Fig 33), with the sides of the bowl at the east and west sides and the deepest area in the middle filled with thicker sedimentary layers. The area has endured geological stress and tension particularly during the Tabberabberan Orogeny, which occurred during the Middle Devonian, resulting in fractures and faults in the more brittle units and folding in the more ductile sedimentary units.

The western edge of the Buchan Valley features a reverse fault referred to as the Emu Egg Fault. Here the Snowy River Volcanics has been thrust upwards and the sediments bedside it have been thrust downward.

Faulting also occurs in the south-west Buchan Valley, where two parallel faults result in a repetition of Buchan Caves Limestone and Pyramids Marl layers between the Snowy River Volcanics and Taravale Marl, with Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium overlying (Fig 36). A complex pattern of diamond-shaped fractures was also recorded in the south-east area of the valley, as well as the Buchan Thrust, a 45° angle reverse fault with a zig-zigged fracture pattern and anticline to the west occuring on the Buchan-Orbost Road (Fig 34 and 35). The centre of the valley lacks faults and fractures but has prominent folding, particularly in the more ductile Pyramids Marl and Taravale Marl.

Cross Section between points A and B in Area 2. The cross section shows the synclinorium shape present in the wider Buchan Valley region.

Fig 35. Diagram of the Buchan Thrust showing the reverse fault, zig-zag drag folding and anticline

In non-faulted areas, the units appear in stratigraphic order. Many sedimentary limestone units are dependent on either coastal or deep marine ecosystems and are deposited relative to the marine transgressions and regressions throughout the Devonian period. This explains the stratigraphically higher, deep marine Taravale Marl’s presence at a lower elevation than the stratigraphically lower coastal McLarty Limestone at a higher elevation.

The general, the Buchan Valley area plunges south due to tectonic activity postdeposition, resulting in the Buchan Group sediments having an overall north-south strike dipping southwards.

Due to the relatively shallow dip angle, particularly in Area 2 (Fig 37), sedimentary stratigraphy closely follows the topography of the region. The exception to this is the Taravale Marl occurring at low elevations in the Buchan Valley, as it is stratigraphically the highest Devonian unit due to its more recent deposition but was deposited deep marine environment.

Fig 34. The Buchan Thrust with Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium in the foreground.

Key for Figure 31 and 34

Unit Name Colour

Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium

Tertiary Gravel

Tertiary Basalt

Taravale Marl

Rocky Camp Limestone McLarty Limestone

Pyramids Marl Buchan Caves Limestone

Dolomite D D D

Snowy River Volcanics

Fig 36. Geological map of the Buchan Valley region.

Area 2 Geomorphology:

The geological structure in Area 2 of the Buchan Valley is relatively simple. The middle and eastern sides of the area follow expected stratigraphy with no faults or fractures (Fig 33). The middle of Area 2 is the lowest point of the synclinorium stratigraphically and has no folds and a shallow dip angle (Fig 37).

Fig 37. A shallow dip present in the McLarty Limestone.

The mid-eastern area just west of the Murrindal River shows prominent folding in the transition between the Pyramids Marl and the McLarty Limestone. Here a pattern of multiple anticlines and synclines in the Pyramids Marl gives variable dip measurements all striking near north-south (Table 1). The folding pattern on this stretch of road demonstrates compression of the Pyramids Marl.

Table 1. Strike and Dip Measurements from Area 2

Strike (True Degrees)

19 006° 18°W Pyramids MarlMcLarty Limestone Boundary 19 012° 3°W Pyramids MarlMcLarty Limestone Boundary 19 018° 30°W Pyramids MarlMcLarty Limestone Boundary 9 023° 18°W Buchan Caves Limestone 8 002° 4°W Buchan Caves Limestone 2 013° 2°E Secondary Dolomite 5 018° - Buchan Caves Limestone

The western side of the broader Buchan Valley features the large reverse Emu Egg Fault (Fig 38). The Emu Egg Fault dips westward with the Snowy River Volcanics rising above the McLarty Limestone, slightly accentuating the curves of the contours. With decreasing elevation, the McLarty Limestone is replaced with Pyramids Marl. The Fault explains the direct contact between the Snowy River Volcanics and the McLarty Limestone and Pyramids Marl.

Summary:

Figure 38. Geological map of Area 2, featuring the Emu Egg Fault on the left (west) side.

The Buchan Valley is a synclinorium featuring volcanic bedrock formed as early as the Late Silurian period 425 mya and overlying sediments largely forming in the Early to Middle Devonian period 420-382 mya. Sedimentary processes are still occuring in the Quaternary Fluvial Alluvium near the Murrindal and Buchan Rivers and karstification processes still occurs in the Buchan Caves Limestone at the Buchan Caves. The fossils preserved in the limestone indicate the environmental conditions of each unit; the nonphotosynthesising biota reflect a deep marine environment while the photosynthesising corals and algae reflect shallow marine and coastal lagoon environments.

More recently, the Buchan Valley area has experienced stress and tension from tectonic activity, demonstrated by the folding present in the softer marl units and faulting present in the more brittle volcanic and limestone units. Analysis and interpretation of these fossils, traits, structural features, relative stratigraphy and location of the units, suggests that the Buchan Valley area experienced fluctuating coastlines, environmental conditions and biotic diversity, tectonic stress and intrusive magmatic processes with continued experience of sedimentary and karstification processes.

eighteen

Anonymous the circle of life endless the ebb and flow of the tide pushing and pulling of the ground remnants of a thousand lives recycling of experience and emotion the birth and death of every being to have ever graced this planet earth it’s a wonder to have made it this far. but have I really made it anywhere at all? this mere existence a ripple in the ocean of years this world has to give eighteen so wise and experienced at this game of life but a mere stitch in the tapestry lost among the thread a blip in time as quick and miss-able as a falling star at nearly a quarter point of the way through my allocated time in this world I wonder why I wasted so much waiting to grow up I wish to live those golden years of joy and innocence more than a memory the glow fading into the distance So now here I stand head tilted to the stars so as not to miss the moment of light burning across the sky that I call my youth

Interdisciplinary Examination of a Biomedical Advancement: Embryonic Stem Cell Therapy

Hanah Denison

Stem cell therapy has become an exciting and popular technology for the scientific community, generating interest from policymakers, researchers and the widerpublic alike. With the knowledge that each human is first derived from a singular cell at fertilisation, it makes sense that the human embryo has become the starting point for stem cell research (Grabel & Gruen 2006, p. 2162). Hence, human embryonic stem cells (hESC) have become a fast-growing area of research because of its promising prospects for future medical therapies (Grabel & Gruen 2006, p. 2165). Embryonic stem cells are pluripotent cell lines that are taken during the blastocyst stage in the early mammalian embryo (Gepstein, L 2002, p. 866). In vitro, these embryonic stem cells can develop into specialized somatic cells which are any type of cell in the human body (Grabel & Gruen 2006, p. 2165). By having the ability to manipulate this differentiation process it is now becoming possible to farm stem cells and regenerate specific cell types that have been injured or have lost function for patients (Grabel & Gruen 2006, p. 2163). However, for this technology to cross-over into a clinical setting, the ethical implications must be considered.

As a result of the exciting prospects of this research and its potential applications, this technology has sparked the interest of many societal and political spheres. A political implication of this technology is payment for participation in these studies (Grabel &

Gruen 2006, p. 2162). In other areas of research, payment is widely practiced (Grabel & Gruen 2006, p. 2164). However, in this context, participation would entail an invasive, time-consuming, and disruptive surgery for the retrieval of a viable blastocyst (Grabel & Gruen 2006, p. 2164). This exchange walks a fine line between the requirement to compensate people for their participation in research and the commodification of human beings (Robertson 1999, p. 115). This is an example of the importance of continued, critical ethical monitoring of practices that surround hESC therapy.

Human embryonic stem cells have the potential to have immense advantageous impact on medical therapies if scientific development continues its current trajectory (Gerecht-Nir & Itskovitx-Eldor 2004, p. 204). The promise and hope that is associated with hESC research is impossible to ignore and certainly not unfounded. While transplantation of healthy, functional, and propagating cells for those who possess non-functional deficient tissue may have once sounded farfetched, this prospect is closer than ever (Gerecht-Nir & Itskovitx-Eldor 2004, p. 205). An example of its impact being treatment of patients suffering heart injuries. Researchers have identified ‘beating areas’ which resemble early-stage cardiomyocytes within these hES cells (Woodcock & Matkovich, 2005, p. 1747). Cardiomyocytes are terminally differentiated muscular cells that allow

contractile activity (Woodcock & Matkovich, 2005, p. 1747). When patients experience heart injuries, for example when the heart experiences hypoxia (oxygen deficiency), cells die and are unable to regenerate (Woodcock & Matkovich, 2005, p. 1747). As a result, it is very difficult to recover from this type of injury and the patient increases their susceptibility to myocardial infarction (Woodcock & Matkovich, 2005, p. 1747). With this new treatment, these same patients would be able to receive transplants of these crucial cardiomyocytes, allowing them to fully restore normal function and thereby greatly improving quality of life, this being just one of the applications of this research (Woodcock & Matkovich, 2005, p. 1747).

However, in concurrence to these possibilities come the ethical implications of these discoveries. Most concerns culminate to one philosophical concept: the fundamental question of the moral standing of human embryos (Solomon & BrockmanLee 2008, p. 4). To undergo research relating to hSE cells, samples must be derived from human aborted foetuses or preimplantation embryos (Solomon & Brockman-Lee 2008, p. 5). Regardless of the immediate legal and ethical conflicts that are associated with acquiring these cells via aborted foetuses, the use of embryos has posed a complex moral question: Is using and destroying cells that have the potential for human life in the name of science justifiable? Such questions are contentious and do not possess a concrete answer as they are so wholly rooted in ethical theory (Solomon & Brockman-Lee 2008, p. 5). The utilitarian would argue that the destruction of embryos is permissible due to the net-good that this treatment would no doubt have on society

and those affected with disease, no matter the perceived ‘immoral’ nature of the destruction of human cells (Mandal, Ponnambath & Parija, 2016, p. 6). In contrast to this, in line with the deontologist’s duty-based approach to ethics, such actions are seen as impermissible given the risk of harm to the embryo (Mandal, Ponnambath & Parija, 2016, p. 7). This poses a difficult moral dilemma as these questions are unable to answered impartially and without bias.

For successful integration of hES cells into clinical medicine, an interdisciplinary perspective is crucial. The life-changing results that this therapy could bring to those suffering with disease is indisputable however, the ethical implications of its derivation cannot be ignored. Nonetheless, it is important to understand that the moral dilemmas that are posed in this pursuit require a solid base of scientific knowledge regarding these hSE cells. This is as the complexity of such science is what allows us to make distinctions about the ‘moral standard of human embryos’ (Solomon & Brockman-Lee 2008, p. 4). An example of this lies within the distinction between onecell human embryos and pluripotent cells. One-cell human embryos are unique in that they can not only generate all cells required for the human body, but they are also able to organize these cells into a functional, human body which is where pluripotent cells fall short (Solomon & Brockman-Lee 2008, p. 5). This key scientific differentiation between the two cell types demonstrates how crucial the interplay between science and ethics is in full understanding of the implications of new knowledge with this small difference completely changing the laws and ethics surrounding their usage.

Among the scientific community it is widely agreed that even amongst these ethical concerns that the continuation of this research is still necessary. Some describe the arguments against these advancements as ‘arbitrary’ or ‘unsustainable’, claiming that these concepts threaten the scientific freedoms

and future of medical research (Solomon & Brockman-Lee 2008, p. 5). However, no matter how great the possible positive impact of this technology it is important that ethical discussion continues throughout every step of this advancement to ensure that the least amount of harm is inflicted while also continuing to progress hESC therapy.

Electronic Dance Classical Music Mix

Finlay Etkins

Final project for the subject ‘Electronic Dance Music Technique’.

Hume’s Critique of Descartes Innate Ideas

Anoushka John

In Meditation 3, Descartes affirms that we have three kinds of ideas: innate ideas, adventitious ideas, and imagination. Hume denies that we have innate ideas. Explain why Descartes thinks we must have innate ideas and why Hume denies this. Who do you think is more convincing? Make sure you explain all relevant terms and give reasons for your view.

Through Meditations 3, Descartes arises to the conclusion of three different types of ideas, including innate ideas taking a nativist approach. This theory is a philosophical doctrine that states that we are born with innate ideas hence not being a blank slate. Descartes believes we must have innate ideas through observing the idea of God. In response to this theory, Hume denies that we have innate ideas and takes an empiricist approach as he believes that ideas are based on the impression that we experience. From Humes critique of Descartes's views on innate ideas, I think Humes empiricist views are more convincing.

In meditations 3, Descartes states that three types of ideas appear to him, innate, adventitious and imaginary (Rorty, 1986). Because of this, Desecrate is considered a nativist as he believes that abilities, developmental processes, mental structures and capacities, are hardwired at birth. He describes that we have the power from our will to be convinced of things, thoughts and truths. However, if we were to "[hear] a noise,… [see] the sun, or …[feel] the heat", these sensations were provided through objects "existing out of" ourselves, thus those ideas being derived from our experiences in the world (Schmaltz,1977). Descartes claimed these types of ideas

adventitious. Imaginary ideas are those envisioned or invented in our minds. Innate ideas are not dependent on our will, arguing that innate ideas are clear and perceptible conceptions of reality, unlike adventitious and imaginary ideas and are within us since birth (Smith, 2005). Descartes believes that we must have innate ideas because of the existence of God (Schmaltz,1977). Through his idea of God, Descartes discovers that God is an innate idea. God is not adventitious as we cannot experience any sensory feeling of God such as sound or touch (Schmaltz,1977). God is not imaginary as God is not something his mind could manufacture from other ideas such as infinity or the perfect being. Through this analysis, he concludes innate ideas like the idea of God being an infinitely perfect being are placed in our minds by God himself. Additionally, Descartes describes innate ideas as already living with us even if we don't know them yet. He emphasises that experiences act as a catalyst in unlocking these ideas (Rorty, 1986). However, it is not the source of the knowledge itself. Meaning that ideas are not derived from peoples experiences. Due to his arguments for innate ideas, Descartes is considered a nativist. I disagree with Descartes thinking as I do not believe that the idea of God is innate but is placed on us throughout our life.

In comparison, Hume is widely considered an empiricist, meaning he believes that ideas are based on people's experiences rather than innate (Wright, 1991). He states that ideas of the mind originate with expertise. This leads to our minds having exponential potential ideas as ideas are all lead by experiences which I believe is a more convincing theory than Descartes. Hume believed ideas resided with impressions, whereas Desecrate believed in innate and only brought forth by impressions. He believed that human thinking could be divided into two kinds, "matters of fact", which acknowledges the dependence on experiences and "relation of ideas", which marks the foundation of human thought (Hume, 1739). Hume states that "we… divide … perceptions of the mind into two classes" (Hume, 1739), impressions which are forcible like hearing and less coercive ideas that arise from impressions. We understand that Hume believes that "All our ideas … are copies of our impressions" through the Copy Principle (Hume, 1739). He states that impression follows an idea that resembles the particular impression varying in only force and vivacity. Additionally, he says that simple ideas are impressions, and complex ideas are made of simple ideas (Hume, 1739). Hence all ideas can be watered down to simples ideas. Hume argues that people with disabilities of sensations like blindness lack complete understanding of the equivalent ideas. This is noted in his idea regarding shades of blue (Hume, 1739). He imagines that a person who has seen every shade of blue but one . Hume believes that it is plausible that this person could envision the idea of the missing shade without an impression using complex ideas

and breaking them down (Hume, 1739). Hence, Hume does not believe in innate ideas as he states that one should realise that all ideas are based on previous experiences. This is proven in the results of research on intuitive physics. Janese Silvey used the example of "a glass of milk falls off a table, a person will try to catch the cup but not the liquid spilling out (EPFL, 2021). That person is reacting rather than consciously thinking about what to do." Through Humes theory, we can say that people try to catch the cup based on previous experiences where the liquid spilt forming impressions in their mind. Through this example I believe that Hume’s theory is more plausible as I think an infant would be unable to cultivate this idea if ideas were innate. Thus, making me find Humes's theory of ideas more convincing than Descartes.

Hume denies the premises of Descartes argument of innateness because of his focus on thoughts in general rather than specific thinking. Hume suggests that "everything that exists is particular" and should have "several particular perceptions" that constitute the mind (Hume, 1739). Additionally, he notes a difference between ideas composing the mentality rather than belonging to it, displaying his disagreement with the nativist theory. Hume states, "We have no idea of substance … since we have no idea but what is derived from some impression" (Hume, 1739). Hence we have no impression of any substance at all and know nothing other than certain perceptions. To me, Humes statements on ideas are logical in their explanation rather than Descartes. This is displayed in the observation of 1+1=2 (Kurt, 2021). Hume as an empiricist, would argue that we only

understand the problem only because we have seen it continuously. By gaining this knowledge, we then learn maths and progress in our knowledge and ideas. Thus displaying how observing the world around us allows us to continue to form new ideas. This is because the relation between impressions leads to the formation of simple ideas that comprise complex ideas. Hume's theory is coherent to the though that not being born with ideas makes sense as there is nothing to base them on when we are born. Thus making Hume's theory of ideas is more

readily acceptable and comprehensible than Descartes.

In conclusion, Descartes uses the ideology of God to display that innate idea through a nativist perspective. However, in my opinion, Humes critiques of Descartes is more of a convincing argument on how ideas are created. This is because Hume states that ideas are born within the impressions we experience, allowing us to grow our ideas. Thus causing me to be more convinced by Humes theory of id

The Curious Case of Canine Cannabidiol

Imogen Quilty

Canine CBD oil, is the hot new product on the global pet market, being marketed to help with just about every ailment your pet can possess. Now due to new legislation it is legal for over-the-counter sales in Australia, but how much of these claims are fact or fiction?

The medicinal history for the use of cannabinoid (CB) products is long and winding. Spanning from its first recorded instance in 2800BC by the Chinese Emperor, Shen Nung, where it was noted in his revolutionary Pharmacopoeia. Later, to use by ancient Indian Hindus, Assyrians, Romans, and Greeks, in their medicinal, religious, and recreational practices (Sumler, 2018). Then finally, to its burgeoning place in modern-day medical research (University of Sydney, 2022) where breakthroughs in treatment for chronic pain (Bekker, 2020), epilepsy and mental conditions (University of Sydney, 2022) have been topics of vast discourse.

The past few years have seen a simultaneous global boom in not just cannabinoid products but also companion animal demand. In part, this can be seen as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic response, as unprecedented time at home left many to look to companion animals for company (Ho et al., 2021).

Concurrently, marijuana legalisation gained record momentum socially and politically; the global market responded and exhibited a 50.92% growth in 2020 (Fortune Business Insight, 2021). This is demonstrated by market reports from 2021, where the CBD-based (cannabidiol) segment of this market accounted for the highest revenue share (BusinessWire, 2022). These two trends have cumulated in the increased market interest for more alternative therapy products for canines (Morris et al., 2020), creating the perfect environment for canine CBD to really bloom in the market.

CBD oil has been legal in Australia since 2015 but was classed as prescriptiononly medication. Though as of February 1st, 2021, in Australia low-dose CBD oil is currently legal without a prescription at pharmacies (Bracken, 2021). While this legislation has been approved, there has been a delay in brands that have been approved by the FDA to have their products on shelves. Despite this, many companies in Australia sell CBD oil directly to consumers online through the domestic “green market” (Sheehan, 2021). However, this market, while remaining operational is an unregulated legal grey area. Publications have been made, such as the Australian 2019 documentary ‘Green Light’, to show the legitimacy of companies aiming to meet medical needs, when government processes are often too costly or hard to navigate (Triple J, 2019). But the upregulated nature of this market can be hazardous to consumers due to legal and safety issues

CBD (Cannabidiol) oil is a nonpsychoactive derivative of cannabis, that importantly does not contain the THC (tetrahydrocannabinol) component which produces the mental ‘high’ typically associated with cannabis. (Mayo Clinic, 2020). Due to this, CBD oil is one of the most utilised cannabinoids (Larsen & Shahinas, 2020), and has been shown to have a wide variety of therapeutic applications in anti-inflammatory and immunomodulatory, antipsychotic, analgesic, and antiepileptic conditions in both humans and dogs (Larsen & Shahinas, 2020) (Jones, 2022)

CBD oil is typically administered to dogs orally, sublingually or ingested through mixing with food (Kindynis, 2022). However, it can be also applied in a topical cream form, particularly for inflammatory issues, however it is unknown how effective absorption through transdermal application is (Kindynis, 2022). Dosages for dogs vary depending on what issue the product is treating, the weight of the dog and the potency of the CBD product (Jones, 2022). But one study, Vaughn et al., 2020, found that when administering an escalating CBD dose, dogs could tolerate a large window of dosage, from ~2–62 mg/kg.

First isolated in 1940, and chemically determined in 1963 (Ujváry & Hanuš, 2016) CBD interacts with the dog’s endocannabinoid system (Zou, & Kumar, 2018). This system is a complex chain of cell signalling that operates largely to deal with the dog’s own ‘cannabinoid-like’ molecules that it produces called endocannabinoids. These molecules bind to two main receptors called CB1, found mainly in the central nervous system, and CB2, found in the peripheral nervous system, specifically on immune cells. These receptors perform a large array of functions but can be generalised to CB1 being mainly involved in pain response and CB2 in the immune-inflammatory response (Raypole, 2019). The dampening of these two responses often required in the treatment of chronic illnesses.

How exactly CBD functions on the dog’s systems is largely unknown, as while the effects of the product have been well documented the mechanisms are still under analysis. As of now, it is understood that Cannabidiol works as a weak CB1 and CB2 receptor agonist. CB1 and CB2 are the receptors that THC binds strongly to, and it is theorised that CBD’s low affinity for these receptors is what gives it its nonpsychoactive nature (Pisanti, et al., 2017). Additionally, the partial binding that CBD can produce on the CB2 receptor, through an inverse agonist effect, has been linked to in part explaining the know antiinflammatory effects of CBD, but more data is needed to clarify this (Pisanti, et al., 2017). Other theories for the action of CBD include, that it prevents endocannabinoid degradation resulting in a prolonged effect, or that there is an undiscovered receptor to which CBD binds (Raypole, 2019).

The endocannabinoid system is possessed by all mammals, therefore the similarities between the human and canine responses to CBD oil are abundant (Silver, 2019). All the main components of the system are consistent across both species, with dogs’ bodies naturally producing endocannabinoids, as well as, containing CB1 and CB2 receptors. However, dogs have been shown to possess a higher number of CB receptors compared to humans (Morris et al., 2020).

Due to this increased number of CB receptors, it is theorised that it causes dogs to find the administration of concentrated THC toxic. As consumption has been shown to result in marijuana poisoning and mortality when consumed in high doses (Johnstone, 2021). However, as mentioned before, the key differentiation between cannabis and CBD oil is its lack of THC. Therefore, it can be theorised canine tolerance of CBD is due to its low affinity binding with CB receptors, consequently not producing the overactivation of CB receptors (Morris et al., 2020)

However, we see consistently across sources that the main three benefits of canine CBD are claimed to be (1) pain relief, (2) anxiolytic (calming) effects and (3) anti-inflammatory properties.

The benefits of CBD oil to dogs are numerous, with many considering it a preferable alternative to conventional therapies (Morris et al., 2020). The American Kennel Club notes its use for its “anti-inflammatory properties, cardiac benefits, anti-nausea effects, appetite stimulation, pain relief, anti-anxiety impact, and possible anti-cancer benefits”. But while these benefits are often listed extensively and are certainly present in anecdotal evidence, there is a lack of completely conclusive data making it difficult to determine which health claims are legitimate (American Kennel Club, 2021).

(1) Pain management is a huge sector for the use of CBD, whether it be cancerinduced, chronic, or otherwise. Despite being so readily sought out by consumers for this benefit, as of last year, there had only ever been 5 studies total on CBD oil use for chronic canine pain (Yu & Rupasinghe, 2021). While there was a slight deviation in the method, all studies administered the oil through oral ingestion and sought pain relief for chronic osteoarthritic (OA) pain (Yu & Rupasinghe, 2021). Four of these studies found that there is enough statistical significance to conclude that CBD administration did make an impact on the OA pain, improving both comfort and quality of life for the dogs. The fifth study however, (Mejia et al., 2021) was a double-blinded, crossover, placebocontrolled study that found no observable difference in the control group outcome to the target group. The CBD administration even inducing side effects elevation in liver enzymes and vomiting (Mejia et al., 2021). Therefore, while there are some preliminary findings on the use of CBD for pain management in dogs, the results are inconclusive and at times, inconsistent

2) Dog anxiety is a problem that affects all dog breeds, often resulting in aggressive, depressive, or restless behaviour (Kriss, 2021). This anxiety can be induced by several stimuli, but the most common occur as a fear-response to unfamiliar people/dogs/places, loud noises, or separation anxiety (Yu & Rupasinghe, 2021). While anti-anxiety medication is present on the market under veterinary prescription, many owners prefer to purchase alternative therapies due to perception of them as more “natural” with decreased side effects (Morris et al., 2020). A study, Morris et al., 2020, examined the administration of CBD containing treats for dogs’ fearresponse to loud noises. The study concluded that there was no significant reduction in anxiety for the dogs’ responses but stated that an increased dosage could clarify results in future studies. Conversely, another study, Corsetti et al., 2021, which aimed at reducing aggressive behaviour towards humans in shelter dogs, found that there was a reduction in aggression posttreatment. However this reduction was not statistically significant from the control group for the findings to be conclusive, with a similar recommendation for further research being given. This leads to the conclusion that, currently, there is not enough substantial evidence to pertain to CBD having anxiolytic benefits.

(3) Inflammation is a natural part of the body’s immune response; however, it can also lead to the pathogenesis of many diseases due to a chronic inflammatory response (Hartsel et al., 2019). Due to the presence of CB2 receptors on the surface of immune cells and the endocannabinoid system’s role in immune regulation (Hartsel et al., 2019) CBD interacts with a wide array of immunological mechanisms. Its effects include dampening pro-inflammatory molecules (cytokines, chemokines), inducing T cell apoptosis, reducing T cell proliferation, and increasing T-regulatory cells (Yu & Rupasinghe, 2021). While these effects would normally be seen as a risk in a normal functioning immune system, if a dog is suffering from chronic inflammation, this dampening is required to stop the dog’s body from harming itself. However, while this has been well documented in humans there has currently only been one study, Gugliandolo, et al., 2021, that aimed to investigate the antiinflammatory effects of CBD on canines. The study used an ex vivo model in stimulated whole dog blood and measured the output of the major proinflammatory molecules (cytokines). Positive findings were produced, with overall reduced levels of cytokines in the stimulated sample. However due to the lack of other supporting studies and limitation of an ex vivo model, researchers encouraged further studies before any definitive statements could be made.

These discoveries show that while some preliminary findings are positive, all possible benefits are underpinned by the critical need for more research. As while there is considerable literature on its effects using human and rodent models, there is a lack of database for canine models (Morris et al., 2020). Even when examining the studies that do exist, without other literature to compare against, we run the risk of inaccurate or biased studies. Therefore, making the limitations of an objective review clear, as the use of additional sources from the media is imperative to a review of a commercially retailed product. These sources however must be viewed with a critical lens as there is a clear motive behind many sources wishing to show CBD in a positive light to produce a monetary gain for themselves. There is also the issue of extreme and sometimes inaccurate statements being made by media outlets to gain public attention or ‘views’ that also translate to monetary gain.

Additionally, while CBD is a drug with a high protective index (a large gap between therapeutic and toxic dosages) (Samara, 1998), caution must still be exhibited with product consumption.

Studies in the US have found that inaccurate labelling of products that contain CBD and THC are a problem due to a lack of regulation in production and distribution (VanDolah, et al., 2019). This is along with potential drug interactions associated with CBD use (Morris, et al., 2020) and increased liver enzymes and vomiting as side effects (Mejia et al., 2021). The novelty of the product to the market also is an area of concern, as it highlights a very clear deficit in long-term dosing studies, which are highly necessary to ensure complete safety of the product (Lodes, 2020). This novelty could also pose an issue due to the lack of public education on differences between CBD and THC, and the stigmatisation of cannabinoids.

Underpinning the entirety of the investigation into this product, is the lack of solid and conclusive findings on the benefits and risks of the product. While there are positive preliminary findings and anecdotal evidence, there must be more studies, specifically long-term in vivo studies before this product can be recommended. However, due to CBD’s precarious legal situation, much of the market is stalled, leading to lack of available resources for these studies to come from. I recommend a re-evaluation of this product in the future once the global and domestic market are in a much more stable position

Til Death Do Us Part

Georgie Macho

My footsteps click rhythmically against the brown, tiled floor of the hallway. Left, right, left, right, each one heavier than the last.

My studio is tucked away into the corner. A workshop, one might call it. The smooth vinyl flooring sticks to the soles of my shoes as I step in. The harsh stench of bleach lingers in the room, singeing the hairs off the inside of my nose. I take a deep breath in, burning my throat. A thrilling pain. Full shelves cover the walls, stacked with textbooks and diagrams displaying the anatomical art of the human body. Detailed scribbles turn pen strokes to life as thin lines come together to form muscles, organs, and veins.

Yet there is no comparison to the three dimensional.

One, two, three, four, five full strides to the centre of the room. I stand in front of the neatly made bed, sheets tucked in suffocatingly tight. The events of yesterday stripped from the room. Almost. A blur of reddish brown in my peripheral vision catches my attention. A drip on the metal framework of the bed, dried in motion. I bend down and brush my finger along the rough shape that lies against the chilling, smooth metal. Using my thumbnail, I scrape upward, letting the crusted blood break off into tiny delicate pieces to dust the floor. A short puff of air sends them flying in every which way, disappearing into the air. I brush my hands together as I straighten up and walk to the bench to sanitise my hands. An exact half-

teaspoon sized amount, in the middle of my palm. I count twenty seconds while I rub my hands together, not missing a single patch of skin. Next, I pull on two latex gloves so thin, like a second skin.

On my workbench, everything is meticulously placed. My tools are lined up on my left in order of use, from the large, blunt mallet on one side, to the small and delicate screwdriver on the other. Being the length of my little finger, it is a fiddly tool to use.

To my right, I have my cart. Easily moveable, it rests upon four wheels, holding my materials. Various metals lay in stacked heaps, an array of shades of silver, with organised piles of screws and cogs in between.

My hands hover above the trays, fingers slightly shaking. I force them to steady. Straightening up my tools so they lay just so, I close my eyes and take a long breath.

I’m ready.

I start first with titanium. It’s strong, durable, it will hold together nicely. I bend and mould it to shape, making an imperfect cylinder, unbalanced with a large opening on one side, and a narrow one on the other. Slight divots from past projects mar the surface. I run my fingers from end to end, caressing the chill metal. Slowly, I make another of the same shape, a pair. Side by side they sit, almost identical. My focus sharp as a blade, it doesn’t take long to finish the two pieces. Legs, just as long as his once were. As I

hold them, I don’t feel the cold metal biting my skin, I feel him beneath my fingertips, the warm skin and a dusting of hair. I continue to twist, shape, and hammer the pieces, screwing them together until a metallic skeleton is before me. On the bed he lies, and I see him properly for the first time in a while.

On the day before his surgery, we were lying in the park, prickly patches of grass tickling our backs, laughing till our throats hurt. Fingers laced together, our hands were puzzle pieces and his smile the picture it made. Ropes of hair flopped over my face as I turned to look at him. I didn’t know how the following day would turn out, but I memorised his face anyway. The constellation of freckles scattered across his cheeks, the faded pink scar on the bridge of his nose, the stark blue eyes that felt like they looked right into your soul. I knew him so well, I could recreate him.

As your wife, I may have vowed ‘Till death do us part’, but we’ve been apart for mere months, and I can’t let death stand between us for any longer. With the body complete, there is only one thing left. Out of the cooler, I pull his frozen heart. The phantom beat of his love pulses in my hands as I cradle it gently. Carefully, I place the delicate muscle in the carved-out shell of metal. I thread wires through it, making a map to carry electricity through arteries and chambers alike.

A single tear falls and rolls down my cheek. I ignore it.

My hands shake and I place the final metal sheet atop the now filled cavity, locking the door to his heart. I retreat to the switch. Any wrong movement could destroy this.

Anticipation killing me slowly, I grab hold of the lever and pull the switch. Electricity sparks and sizzles, flashes of light dance visibly along his body. Metal glows with heat, charging him with life. The chest jolts upward.

Shelled metal eyelids flutter, tips of fingers and toes twitch. His heart softly pulses. Once. Twice. A steady pace continues, beating in time with my own.

I step toward him with caution. My brain doesn’t yet believe what my heart so desperately wants. Tears fill my eyes, threatening to flood over the edge. My palm feels the still humming metal of his hands as I lace my fingers through his. Despite the smooth titanium beneath my touch, my heart can still feel the roughness of his palms, spotted with calluses and patches of hardened skin. The memory of it makes me shiver.

I hold my breath as my eyes go to his, waiting for them flick open, to stay open. One, two, three seconds pass, and I’m finally put out of my misery. His eyes connect with mine, the same spark still there. Never faded, never dulled. I pull him gently to sit up and grasp either side of his face with both hands. I finally let my tears fall as I rub my thumb back and forth along his cheek. Cold metal covers the backs of my hands as he cradles mine to his face. I can’t help but collapse into him. Holding his body to mine, so tight, fitting together like a key in a lock. Each pair made specifically for one another.

I lose control of myself, tears never ending, breathing rugged and haphazard. My entire being rattles with desperation to never let him go again.

He holds my head to him and shushes into my hair, comforting me. The whisper of

his voice tickles its way down my spine. It’s exactly the way I remember, somehow both soft and rough at the same time. It crawls all over me, leaving goosebumps in its trail.

I pull back to look at him again, touching his arms, his face, his chest, still in disbelief. I open my mouth to speak, but only a whimper comes out.

I try again, “You. You’re really awake. I can’t-”, I choke on the last few words. I cannot believe he’s truly in my arms once again. Maybe he may not feel or look exactly the same to my eyes or beneath my fingers.

But he feels the same in heart and soul.

“I’ve got you,” He responds, tilting my chin up to look at him. Unnoticed before, the gleam of his metal skin finally catches his eye. He jolts back, alarmed. His hands drop from my face as if scared to touch me. His eyes wander along his body in confusion.

“What happened to me?” He breathes out, concern cracks in his voice. His eyes dart around the room, all of it unfamiliar to him, and finally land back on me. When I reach my hand out to him to calm him, he shifts backward on the bed. Fear evident behind the stoic mask only I can see past. I push through the nauseous feeling his reaction stirs in me and gently lower my hand.

“It’s okay.” I lift my hands in a surrendering pose, palms facing him, in an attempt to reassure him, “I brought you back. Everything is going to be okay now.”

“What do you mean you ‘brought me back’? What happened to me?” His voice low and strong, he stands up from the bed

and backs away, stumbling against the wall.

I stay still and drop my gaze to the ground, away from his eyes, not knowing what to say. Once I explain everything to him, he’ll be happier than he is right now. And then we can be together again. It will be like it was before. As if none of this ever hurt us.

“Quinn, look at me,” He demands, “What did you do?”

“I couldn’t keep going without you,” I rasp, “I had to do something, I had to figure out a way to bring you back to me.” “Please just explain this to me.” He looks at his hands as he turns them over, disgusted by what he sees, “Explain what you are talking about. Explain why I’m…metal,” He pleads with me.

I take a deep breath in and look back up at him. “After you went into surgery for your transplant, everything was looking up. The doctors told me they expected a full recovery after the procedure went so well. But when-” I choke up, “When you were still unconscious from the anaesthesia,” I pause, fiddling with my fingers as I relive the memory. “Your body rejected the lungs.” I swallow, “They had you back in the surgical suite and on the table immediately, but… you didn’t make it. You never left the table” A single tear tumbles down my cheek, dropping to the floor.

His brows squeak as they furrow in confusion, “I died?”. He asks so quietly I barely hear it. “They said they did everything they could to save you, but they didn’t,” I spit out, “They were wrong, because look at you,” I raise my voice, “I brought you back. I saved you.”

I step toward him, but he doesn’t look at me, lost in thought as he takes it all in.

“I built you a new body so we could be together again.” I cup his face with my hands, but he pulls out of my grasp, taking my wrists and pulling them down.

“Why did you do this?” He asks.

“What do you mean why? I needed you. I needed us to be together again. Don’t you understand how torturous it was to live without you these past months?” I bark at him before bringing my voice back under control, “I couldn’t keep going on like that,” I say calmly.

“You can’t play God,” He growls. I balk at him, his jaw stiff and eyes riddled with anger. “How could you be so selfish to do something like that, Quinn?”

I’m taken aback, “What?”

“I can’t live like this,” he pries off the metal that covers his heart, opening himself up. “You can’t just bring me back from death because you are grieving-”

“I was dying!” I cut him off and stop his hands from getting any closer to ripping himself apart, “I couldn’t feel life without you. It was like I was in this liminal space between life and death where I wasn’t truly dead, but I might as well have been.”

He looked at me sorrowfully. “You were my life, and without you, it’s like I’m not fully there. It’s like there is this overwhelming, all-consuming nothingness inside me, dragging me deeper and deeper into darkness.” I say softly.

“Quinn,” He pulls me close to him, touching his forehead to mine, “You have to let me go,” He whispers.

“I just needed you back.” I begin to cry again, “If not to be together again, then at least to just be able to say goodbye.”

I pull him tight to me, holding as much of him as I can, and he cradles my head to his chest. He strokes my hair, trying to soothe

me. He pulls back from the embrace and looks me in the eyes. He brings my hands up and wraps them around his naked heart. I look down at his chest briefly, then back up to his face. “You can do it.” He caresses my cheek with his fingers. I lean into his touch. I bite my lip, unconvinced of his certainty and hesitate. He places a hand over mine and nods to me. With a deep breath in, I gently pull out his heart. All is silent but the snapping of threads and wires inside him. His body slumps to the ground in a heap against the wall. My breathing becomes ragged and uncontrolled as I lower onto my knees. His heart rolls onto the floor, out of my hand as I reach out to him one last time.

I sit beside him for hours, holding his still hand in mine. Eyes red and swollen, dried remnants of tears left behind on my cheeks. I hold my knees close to my chest. I sit like that for just a few more minutes before finally getting up. I pick up his heart and gently place in a plastic bag before tying off the end. I place it in the bin on the other side of the room then return to where he lays. I lift him from the floor and will myself to keep it together as I rest him back on the table. Picking up each tool as needed from my bench, I pull him apart. Piece by piece. A messy heap of metal and screws lay atop the bed. I gather it all up, uncaring of its chaos, and carry it with heavy steps to my bedroom. I open the wooden chest that lays at the foot of my bed and carefully lay each piece of him inside.

As I lock the chest, I whisper to him one last time, hoping he might just hear me.

“I’m sorry.”

About Time

Anonymous

oh to slow the pace to calm my heartbeat to balance each gulp of air as it flows lush into my lungs to feel the sharp bite of the cold and the warm crush of a hug from someone I love eyes wide like a child’s in wonder and awe at this world we are blessed to inhabit to dance in the rain spinning and spinning while the cold blue washes away the hurt and dive beneath the waves filling my hair with salt and my soul with joy to see the eyes of strangers’ crinkle with laughter and the shy smiles of a first date the journey home for christmas greeted with shrieks of joy from family staring out the train window at the fields flying by as fleeting and temporary as life the moments of nothing that make up a life of everything cherish the orange of sunset the tears streaming at The Notebook cherish laughing until it hurts cherish the blue of the sky and freedom of summer for at the end it is not the worries or the money or the arguments it is the life experienced the memories made and the people loved that will matter at all

Ukrainians in Melbourne Band Together in Show of Support for Their Home Away from Home

Anonymous When Liana Slipetsky suggested to her grandmother that she wanted to play hockey as a child, she was met with outrage. Saturdays were for Ukrainian school.

“We grew up in a Ukrainian bubble”, Slipetsky says as I catch a glimpse of her fingernails, each one carefully painted in alternating yellow and blue. “We kind of hated it at the start”, she confesses, “but as I got older, I grew to understand and appreciate why my grandparents did it.”

And as Slipetsky explains the sheer magnitude of what her local community has achieved as war rages in their mother country, I too begin to understand why her grandparents insisted on an upbringing saturated with Ukrainian culture.

On Sunday, Prime Minister Scott Morrison announced that Ukrainians who have fled to Australia will be granted temporary humanitarian visas, providing them access to Medicare, employment and education.

Such a breakthrough, though, is preceded by the relentless efforts of an extremely tight-knit and determined diaspora of Ukrainian-Australians. "The people of Ukraine have been defiant, and they've asked for more help”, Morrison said.

One such individual is Liana Slipetsky, President of the Noble Park branch of the Association of Ukrainians in Victoria. As she joins our zoom interview, she straightens a large, handsewn flag behind her. Its two thick strips of blue and yellow form a poignant background as we discuss her role in coordinating the Ukraine effort.

“Our community was a bit in shambles at first,” Slipetsky admits. “The speed and ferocity with which this war happened caught us by surprise. When I looked down at my phone one day and saw from our President the war has started, I was in disbelief.”

Despite her shock, Liana quickly sprang into action. “The first thing I did was say to our committee, we are not going to hold any events. We just have to tread water now and pay our bills and keep our community centre going.”

As the community began to come to terms with what was happening, they gathered to devise a plan. “There was this real need to huddle and just be together,” Slipetsky says. “A lot of people have taken leave from work, and I know one guy who has gone over there [to Ukraine].”

Within just a few weeks, they had organised multiple rallies to lobby the Australian Government to welcome temporarily displaced Ukrainians. The second rally, held on February 27 saw more than five thousand people gather in support. “For a small community of fifteen thousand in Victoria, to organise a rally of that size with impressive speakers such as Mathew Guy and Bill Shorten, is a testament to how people feel,” says Liana.

Amongst those five thousand, stood Hanya Oversby, first-generation UkrainianAustralian, donning traditional Ukrainian dress and a big blue and yellow flag. When I later sat down to speak with her, she shared with me the story of her father’s journey to Australia with immense pride.

“He was walking back from the farm with a rake of his shoulder,” she begins. At the time during World War II, Russians were collecting Ukrainians in trucks to take them to the Russian front. “The trucks were driving off and he knew his brother was on the truck.” Oversby’s father, knowing his epileptic brother would not survive the journey ahead, stopped the truck immediately. “He swapped places with his brother,” she pauses briefly, “that’s the last he saw of his family.”

Her father was eventually taken as a prisoner of war of England, where he later became a citizen before migrating to Australia with his wife and three children. Oversby’s experience growing up here distinctly echoed Slipetsky’s testament to the double-life lived by many firstgeneration Ukrainian-Australians. “You live that nationality and life wherever you’ve immigrated to. I went to Ukrainian

school, Ukrainian church, did Ukrainian scouts, singing and dancing,” Oversby explains.

It's the intense influence of what she refers to as “Ukrainianism” throughout her life that has propelled her and her husband to help during this time. “Now that the war is on, we have all jumped into action,” Oversby says.

Oversby emphasises the immense support they have received from people, even beyond the local community. “My husband, Ben, was the general manager of CH2,” she begins, referencing Australia’s largest integrated distributor of pharmaceutical and medical products. “He rang his general manager who he hasn’t worked for in 10 years and said, ‘I want to talk to you about helping out with the Ukrainian effort.’ [The general manager] said, ‘I’m about to get on a plane. I don’t know what you’re about to ask but the answer is yes.’”

Equally as vital in their efforts has been the Ukrainian way of valuing education and success, explains Oversby. “In the community, we’ve got really smart people,” she says proudly. “Our parents invested in our education… so now we’ve all become something, and we’ve been able to lobby the Australian Government.”

Amongst the community are many doctors, lawyers and ambassadors who have been using their contacts to advocate and garner donations. “Being a Ukrainian, or any ethnic group, everyone goes through a similar experience growing up,” says Oversby. “People come into high-powered positions but if I need to speak to someone

like Mathew Guy who is a Ukrainian, it's just a call.”

“Being a Ukrainian is like being able to text anyone from high school because you grew up together. Everyone knows each other,” she says.

Attesting to her sentiment was her reaction when I mentioned I would be speaking to Liana Slipetsky. “I know Liana. Liana and I grew up together! I know her sisters and her mum and her dad,” Oversby joyfully exclaimed.

While both women emotionally convey the devastating impacts of the Russian invasion on their local community, each also acknowledges that something somewhat incredible has emerged from the heartbreak.

“It’s been amazing the people that have come together in our community. Not everyone gets along,” admits Slipetsky. Despite the occasional conflict, she observes that everyone has put their differences aside for a greater cause. “There’s a truce that we don’t even have to talk about... you let bygones be bygones and everyone comes together.”

Perhaps even more remarkable is how Melbournian Ukrainian and Russian communities have come together during this time; a sentiment shared by both Oversby and Slipetsky.

Slipetsky recalls one Monday morning in primary school where the kids were asked to share about their weekends. “I went to my grandma’s house” and “I went to Lunar Park”, she remembers her peers saying. Slipetsky had stood up and said,

“Well we went to a rally and burned a Russian flag.”

“Ukrainian and Russian communities have not worked together here in Australia. We just couldn’t,” she admits. “These last six weeks though have changed all of that. We’ve stood side by side with Russians.”

Many in the Russian community in Melbourne have declared their opposition to Vladimir Putin’s brutality, something Oversby has seen first-hand. “At Swan St Bridge, there are a group of Russians that stand there every day. They say, ‘we are so embarrassed, and we are so sorry.’”

“At the rally, we were walking to one another and saying thank-you. There was nobody yelling at each other. We all want peace. It was actually really beautiful.”

For now, Melbourne’s Ukrainian community is grateful for the empathy of Australians. “I was driving over the Westgate and there was this billboard with a sign saying ‘We stand with Ukraine’ in blue and yellow. That’s just like, thankyou!” exclaims Oversby as she folds both hands over her heart in gratitude.

Though, many fear that such support may be fleeting. “Our next worry is that this is going to be yesterday’s news… some headline,” says Slipetsky.

Though emphasising that ongoing support from the Federal Government will be vital, Slipetsky remains confident in the strength and spirit of her people. “We’re used to banding together as a group… we’ll get it done,” she declares with certainty.

A Ukrainian trident drapes around her neck and sits at her breastbone. She reads its engrained text aloud:

“Vola” - the Ukrainian word for ‘freedom’.

And if their efforts thus far are anything to go by, it’s clear that nothing will stop this community from achieving just that

Aftermath

Anonymous

The following article contains discussion of sexual assault and suicide. Reader discretion is advised.

It had all felt so strange when I'd awoken the following morning. And waking up had been like one of those times where you think something could've been an awful nightmare. But as you sort out where you are and what day it is from the fog of the morning, your stomach drops, and you recognise how real it was. And then I thought for a moment that I should be dead. Recalled how I hadn't actually expected to wake up at all. I remember accepting it there in that moment, paralysed on a park bench in the middle of nowhere. That I would never go home, never see my parents again, or my siblings. That this was the end for me. And I had just spent every moment of consciousness I had trying to be ok with that.

And then I didn't die. And everything felt so strange, and I think part of me wished I had just died. That this might have been easier. It was like I was in some strange half-life, a ghost of myself floating through it. Like I wasn't meant to be here. I don't know.

her 18th birthday. I was 17 and a half. The half was important- I always included it. It made me sound more grown up. I liked to seem grown up, and I was in such a rush to be an adult. I thought grown-ups kind of had everything figured out. All the ones I had met seemed to. Like they knew what to do all the time no matter what happened.

I think maybe we’re just better, ironically, at playing pretend than children are.

But I had never wished more than I did then to be a kid again. To go back to before.

Apparently everyone else had had a really good time at the party. They were exchanging stories about who was the most drunk and that sort of thing. I guessed maybe no one had noticed my absence for the better part of the evening. But then Alyssa gave me a suggestive look "so... Ben?" "What?"

I tried to ignore the throbbing pain in my back, and elsewhere too. The bruises I knew were everywhere without looking. The rising nausea that was more than just a hangover. My friends were still asleep on various mattresses littering the floor. I stood on unsteady legs, moving carefully between the peacefully resting teenage girls to get to the bathroom. I only felt half real. As did the black and blue marks on my neck. Searching the bathroom drawers, I found concealers to paint a layer atop my ruined one. Hopefully before anyone else woke up. I layered and blended colours on my neck until it looked normal. Like nothing had happened.

Zoe's dad had done a fry up for us. It was

"You got with Ben last night right? He said you guys went to the park." Oh. Oh. He had spoken to them already. Gotten the first word in. I wasn't sure how best to proceed.

"I don't know how you guys managed to get out and get back in. Security wasn’t meant to let anyone back in after they left." Zoe cut in, looking puzzled.

I realised I didn't have an explanation for her. The night was a blurr of blackness. Then, like leaves falling periodically onto a forest floor as Autumn began, I started to remember bits and pieces.

I am still living in this same Autumn. Sometimes I wake after a new leaf drifts down into the forefront of my mind. Maybe

those leaves will never stop falling. Perhaps there will always be another detail to remember. And another, and another. I wish they would stop.

The bouncing motion of being carried in someone’s arms. The particularly large step forward which had seen my arm snap back with enough force that the pain jerked me to consciousness for a moment. The rest, for now, was just the particularly horrifying broken memory fragments where I had become awake and aware in the middle of it.

I forced myself to return to the room of friends I was in. They were looking at me excitedly, awaiting my recount of the night.

I mustered as much bravado as I could manage and leaned back on the bed. "Yeah, I did. It was fun." I smirked back at Alyssa, who grinned. To my relief, Zoe's dad called us for breakfast before anyone could needle me for more details. Her brothers wasted no time in making their little remarks though.

"Good night last night aye?"

"Ben? Legend that man."

They all loved Ben. It made it so much worse. So much harder to make that public accusation. So much harder for them to believe me over him. I blinked back tears and bit down hard on a piece of toast. Then nodded and smiled at them weakly. I wasn't even hungry. There were so many people in this house. It was too loud, too much. I wanted to leave.

I think it was about in that moment that I made my decision. And I guess ultimately I’m not entirely sure why I didn’t want to explain it. I mean, telling them what had happened with their friend would kill the mood, and they might not have believed me. Even if they did, I didn't want them to think I was weak. Or pity me. That would be worse. People always think you're weak after stuff like that. It’s in the word itself'victim'. Feeble, helpless, useless, coward. That was the genre of words people associated with you. Incapable, and in need of protection. They shouldn’t, but they did, I don’t even think it’s a conscious decision. I didn't want that. Didn't want the label. I already felt weak without all that. Ashamed, and embarrassed. That I had allowed myself that easily to be incapacitated and overpowered.

I noticed the couch in the other room, the rug corner on the floor still flipped over from where I had snagged my foot on it. I remembered how I had fallen flat on my face, tunnel visioned and staggering all over the place. Then I had let the black wash over for the first time. Unable to push against it any longer. Hands had gripped under my shoulders and propped me on the couch. I couldn't open my eyes, couldn't move at all. The voice that had spoken to me was faceless, but forever immortalised in my memory. The things it had said, the things it had done.

The other girls had started cleaning. I stood, pushing my chair out of the way without removing my focus from that toofamiliar room. I walked slowly over to the rug and replaced the corner flat on the ground with a trembling hand. I patted down the tassels at the edge to make sure it was just so. Then I fluffed up the couch cushions, straightened the small side table. There. It was all back to normal. And I felt a bit of relief. Maybe I could put

everything back to how it was before. I could… I could fix it. I inhaled sharply and clenched and unclenched my hands a few times, not sure whether it was helping or not.

I had to put my clothes on then. There was something awful about that process. As I picked up each article and pulled it on or zipped it up, I was reminded of how he had shifted and removed those same clothes to accommodate him. And then the nausea rose to a peak, and I emptied my stomach into the toilet.

Zoe's voice came through the door, "You ok girl?"

"Yeah, way better now, just needed to yak"

I bundled my Pyjamas under my arm and unlocked the door.

"I've gotta go I think if that's ok. I told mum I'd be home by 3 so I'm already late."

Between the midday breakfast and the cleaning, it was now 4pm, and the drive back was an hour long.

"Oh yeah, all good. Thanks for coming." She hugged me. I jumped at the touch. "You alright to get home?"

"Yeah it's fine, my car’s still out front."

I grabbed my bag, bid farewell to my friends, and said thanks to Zoe's dad, and walked outside to the car.

I fumbled around in my small black bag for the keys, and found they were missing. Puzzled, I ran back inside to check the house. The girls helped me look. Nothing.

And then I had a rather horrifying realisation, that my bag had not been zipped up last night, and I was pretty sure I knew where my keys were. I said goodbye to the girls again and walked outside, trying to steady myself and square my shoulders. I needed to muster some courage. I found directions to the park Zoe had mentioned, and started walking. It only took me about 2 minutes.

I reached the edge of the grass, and willed strength into my legs, taking a few deep breaths. I tried to stop myself from trembling. My eyes locked on the little, picnic-ready table and benches in the middle of the park under a shelter. There was a strange heat rising in my head and a tightness in my chest. It took an immense amount of control to prevent my breathing from speeding up. Like I was about to hyperventilate. There was just this intense, rising panic that was gluing my feet to the floor. Not wanting to go any closer. Some pure, animalistic instinct. Danger, danger, danger. Run. I shook my head like it might scramble the thoughts away. Trying to reset myself. Then through the blurr of tears now uncontrollably welling in my eyes, I made myself walk up to the table and look on top of it. Nothing. I furrowed my brow. Then I noticed the large gaps between the metal slates of the table, and spied my car keys lying on the concrete slab beneath. I knelt and picked them up, along with a lip liner, balm and gloss which had rolled a fair way away. I tried not to think about the kind of jolting that had dispersed my belongings so widely across the platform. I shoved everything in my bag, and held my head in my hands for a moment, trying to fill my lungs properly. As I stood I noticed some crusted blood on the closest short edge of the table. A deep reddish hue, dried and flaking in the sun. My stomach dropped, my lungs constricted, and I felt faintly sick again.

Then I quickly turned and headed back to my car, closing my eyes tightly shut, clenching my jaw and wrapping my arms around myself. A kind of ringing had started in my ears. A piercing, high pitched sound that made everything seem fuzzy. Put the world mostly on mute. And in slow motion.

I got back to my car, sat down and switched the engine on. It was summer, and so scorching hot that the leather of the steering wheel burned my hands. This was

the first moment I had had to myself since. To just sit, and breathe. Right. Ok. What did I need to do. I knew there were things you were meant to do when stuff like this happened. There were important things. I was trying to remember Sex Ed at school. The main risks: pregnancy, and infections. Ok. I needed plan B and a doctor’s appointment.

remember much so what if I did say yes at some point… It was like this endless internal battle and it didn’t seem like either side would ever actually win. But there was this one important thing he said that my brain held on to. Seemed to pick it as important enough to store despite my limited capacity for memory the night before.

He had spoken to a friend. That same voice, “Nah I’m sober, I’m driving us back.”

And I was just trying really hard to think everything through logically. I didn't want to forget anything. I had always been pretty good at thinking in a crisis. Problem solving. Thank God for that. Yet for some reason, it had never crossed my mind that a trip to the police station might be a good first pit stop. Or, I think maybe it did and I just ignored it. Had ruled it out. Because maybe I kind of felt responsible. Still did sometimes. I don’t know that this will ever stop. Feeling like I am to blame. And for that reason, and a few others, I think I had decided both quickly and finitely in that same moment at the house with Zoe that I didn't want to tell anyone. Ever. Even now.

Because I hadn't thought I would be able to prove it either. Though now I know I could have. I wished someone had taught me that in school. That you can prove these things, that there are medical tests which allow you to legally hold the offender accountable. I thought it would just be my word against his.

And even knowing that… It was like I didn’t want to believe it maybe. That stringing all the information together and actually naming the whole thing.

It made it real. And maybe I would just rather not label it. Maybe that made it too hard. Maybe it was better if I left it all to that one night and never told anyone, or made the accusation, or named it, then it would all just go away. And so instead I just got to live with half my brain telling me it was my fault and enduring all of this guilt and shame. Like a tonne of bricks upon my shoulders. For years.

I was struggling to think through the accusations my brain kept throwing my way. I really wasn't convinced that I wasn't at fault. I had been drinking (but you didn't drink that much), and I obviously had more than I thought (or… that drink he gave you?), and then I can't really

I put my Spotify on the Bluetooth as always. But I don't know what songs played. I wasn't really listening. I drove to the nearest pharmacy and asked for plan B. She was really nice I remember. And I was grateful for her lack of questioning beyond what was legally required. Then I had started the drive home. I had never been more aware of my body. I hated it. It all felt wrong, and foreign, and not mine anymore. I was in so much pain, each breath took a monumentous effort, and made every bruise and sore bit ache.

By the time I got home it was about 5.30pm I came in, patted the dogs, half aware of their excitement at my return and went straight for the shower. I needed to be clean. Needed to try wash it away. I undid my bra and lay it on the side of the sink. Far gentler than he had been when he shoved it up out of his way, toward my neck, where his hands then resumed their position around it. Restricting the air, restraining me. What was the point, I couldn't move anyway.

‘I want to see them.’

I shuddered, and tried to keep my breathing steady. I accidentally caught sight of the deep black and blue splotches across my lower back in the mirror as I was getting into the shower. I turned away quickly and attempted to swallow the lump in my throat. I put the water on, knelt under the warm jet of it, and sobbed violently for the better part of an hour. Only when mum knocked and called for dinner had I gotten up, gotten dressed and gone to the dining room where mum was setting the table.

"Hey bubba! How was the party?"

I had almost forgotten about the party. "Oh yeah, it was really fun." I smiled, trying to make it seem more convincing. Though I knew it didn't meet my eyes. Busy putting down a bowl of spaghetti Bolognese, she didn't notice.

My siblings came in, and my dad. And then there was a blur of conversation about everyone's days. I stared into my bowl and ate as fast as I could. Trying to avoid any other questions that might crumble my fragile façade. Then I got up, took my plate to the kitchen and asked if I could be excused.

"Uh, yep, where are you going?"

"Just to bed."

She was watching me more closely this time, her eyes narrowed slightly.

"Is everything ok?"

I tried to sound enthusiastic, "Yeah! I'm just really tired after last night," I added a smile that probably looked more like a grimace.

The rest of my family, mercifully, were having some argument about who should clean up after dinner, and weren't paying any attention to this exchange at all. Mum was still looking at me.

I wonder if maybe she'd somehow pieced it together. With the absolute lack of information I had provided, it should have been impossible. Sometimes mums are a bit like that though. They just know, even without words, what is going on with their kids. Or at least when there is something quite wrong.

The shift in expressions I was witnessing suggested she at least had an inkling. She looked confused, but also a little sad. Sadfor me, I think. And she kept sort of opening her mouth and closing it like she was trying to decide whether to follow up on it or not. Then she stopped looking confused and her face softened in a way that threatened to buckle my knees.

Then I had to leave because if I looked at her while she was looking at me like that for much longer, I would burst into tears and tell her everything. And I couldn't tell her. I could never tell her. I still couldn't. I needed to be better than that. But then her expression returned to a neutral one. "Ok, Night honey. I'll see you in the morning."

And I was so tired, so drained, that I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. I didn’t dream. I wish I had been more grateful for that at the time. The peace of

sleeping in such a blank sort of exhaustion that even dreams couldn’t penetrate.

~

There was that piercing ringing in my ears for about a week afterwards. I felt like I wasn't even really there. Was just going through the motions of life and trying to act normal. Not knowing what normal was, who I had been before this. How to get her back. And being vaguely scared that I never would, and everything was ruined forever. It felt like I was in slow motion. Every movement, every conversation. It took so much effort, so much concentration. More than what I was able to contribute. Always zoned out, so much quieter. I hadn’t known what to say anymore, what I would have said before. Every time I moved some bruise or dull ache served a painful reminder.

But once the last bruises faded, I felt relieved. Maybe it would be ok. It was kind of like how I'd flipped the corner of the rug back and straightened up that room. It was far easier to pretend something hadn't happened when the evidence wasn’t constantly tugging at the stings of your memory.

Ultimately though I had failed to erase him in so many ways. And that mostly just pissed me off now. I was angry at him. That some stupid boy had such little selfcontrol, such a lack of basic decency, that he had done something which I wasn’t sure would ever be undone. That he lived in my nightmares, even now. Interfered with my sex life. (Or rather lack thereof). My relationships. My sense of self.

And then I was mad at myself too. Because really, I felt like I should be able to block that out. To deal with it. To handle my own

shit. I should be good enough to do that. And I know people say you should be kind to yourself, but I’m rather grateful for that anger. If I were kinder to myself, I think it would have given me a licence to give up. Because I think that would've been a lot easier. More peaceful.

For whatever reason, this pissed off, judgy little voice, which has raged round my head since I was a child, is also what has kept me here. Every time I felt like giving up. When it became too overwhelming and too much. When I just got tired of fighting against the tide all the time. She threw some snide comment my way that made me pull it together. "Oh yeah, easy way out like a coward right?" Or "don't be such a little bitch." And I was proud enough that I had to prove her wrong. Out of spite I think. So I put all my effort into being the opposite of a coward. Because then I won. I didn’t want to end life on a loss, and I just hadn’t proved enough people wrong yet to call it quits

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