ESSENTIALS OF BUSINESS COMMUNICATION 10TH EDITION GUFFEY
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CHAPTER 7 SOLUTIONS
Writing Improvement Exercises
Passive-Voice Verbs (Obj. 3)
16. Free shipping is unavailable for orders under $100. OR: Free shipping is available on all orders over $100.
17. Patients cannot be admitted until after their insurance coverage is verified. OR: Patients can be admitted after verification of their insurance coverage.
18. Because visitors are no longer covered by our liability insurance coverage, company tours must be postponed indefinitely.
19. Large SUVs are not covered by your car rental insurance.
20. Health and dental benefits are offered only after employees have been on the job for 12 months.
Subordinating Bad News (Obj. 3)
21. Although your complete order cannot be shipped at this time, two corner workstations should arrive within five days.
22. Although flowers could not be shipped the week before Mother's Day, we apologize and invite you to try again with free shipping for the next week.
23. Although sustainability goals prevent us from mailing print catalogs, we now offer all of our catalog choices at our website, which is always current.
24. Although an employment offer cannot be extended at this time, we appreciate your interest in our organization.
25. Although your last order was delayed, we have improved our shipping process and we promise that your next order will arrive within a week.
Implying Bad News (Obj. 3)
26. All our present funds are needed to lease equipment and offices for our new branch in Hartford. However, we hope to be able to support this commendable endeavor in the future.
27. We have your fresh fruit basket ready and will ship it as soon as you call us with your credit card number.
28. Because our billboard space was completely filled during the holidays, we hope to display your message, as promised, next month.
© 2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part, except for use as permitted in a license distributed with a certain product or service or otherwise on a password-protected website or school-approved learning management system for classroom use.
7.1 Radical Rewrite Request Refusal Bitter Taste of the Beach Weaknesses
a. Fails to develop a positive tone with a gracious opening and closing.
b. Instead of opening bluntly, the writer should have started with positive remarks about the popularity of this recurring summer event and his enjoyment at past participation.
c. Emphasizes the refusal instead of softening it throughout and suggesting an alternate benefit.
d. Could have softened the bad news by implying it or by inserting it into a subordinating clause followed by a benefit (Although major remodeling prevents us from participating this year, we can offer a free dinner . . . ).
e. Closes with a negative statement instead of emphasizing a benefit and looking forward positively.
Revision
Current date
Ms. Diane Hinchcliffe
Taste of the Beach
310 Ocean Avenue, Suite 304
Carmel-by-the-Sea, CA 93521
Dear Ms. Hinchcliffe:
Taste of the Beach has always been a popular summer charity event here in Carmel-by-the-Sea. I’m glad to hear that this year’s event will combine new and established food, wine, music, and artistic offerings from prized vintners, renowned chefs, and performing artists.
Earlier in the year I had agreed to participate by providing a selection of tasty hors d’oeuvres from my restaurant, The Zodiac. In the past we have enjoyed being able to participate by contributing other small dishes from my restaurant and being present to greet friends and neighbors who tried our delicacies.
Not only is it a festive event, but Taste of the Beach supports an admirable charity, Big Brothers Big Sisters of America. This wonderful youth mentoring organization directly impacts children’s lives with measurable results. Although major remodeling of our kitchen prevents us from participating this year, we can offer a free dinner for two at our restaurant when we complete our renovations in October.
To offer this coupon for your silent raffle, let me know by calling 622-3300. This year’s event sounds as if it will be outstanding, and The Zodiac hopes to be able to participate in this worthwhile affair in the future.
Sincerely,
© 2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part, except for use as permitted in a license distributed with a certain product or service or otherwise on a password-protected website or school-approved learning management system for classroom use.
7.2 Radical Rewrite Bad News to Customers—Hackers Hijack E-Mail Addresses
Weaknesses
a. Begins weakly with a general statement leaving receivers wondering why the message was written.
b. Includes a long lead-in (This is just to let you know that).
c. Fails to explain exactly what happened and when the security breach took place.
d. Places the promise to guard privacy in the first paragraph when it would be more logical in the last paragraph.
e. Includes many dangling modifiers (as a customer of Princeton, your privacy . . .; Taking your privacy very seriously, e-mail addresses . . .; To provide even more information about this incident, the U.S. postal service . . .).
f. Suffers from lack of agreement (the user is now required to enter their e-mail address and their password before they can . . .) and other grammar faults.
g. Fails to organize the message logically with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
h. Concludes with neither customer assurance nor mention of a letter coming with more info.
Revision
To: Kara Khalial [kkhalial@coastal.net]
From: Justin Small [jsmall@princetonpayment.org]
Subject: Customer Security Incident at Princeton Payment Systems
Cc:
Bcc:
You are receiving this e-mail because of a recent incident at Princeton Payment Systems resulting in the release of some customer e-mail addresses.
On November 12 we learned that computer hackers had maliciously exploited a function designed to make our log-in process faster. The hackers deliberately went to great lengths to extract customer e-mail addresses. However, within hours we had disabled the mechanism and established a new procedure that requires users to enter both their e-mail addresses and their passwords. I want to assure you that the only information revealed was your e-mail address. Your password, account information, and any other personal information were never at risk.
Because the attack was limited to e-mail addresses, we encourage you to be alert to scams that could attempt to use this information to obtain other data or send you unwanted e-mail. You can learn more about “phishing” at http://www.fdic.gov/consumers/consumer/alerts/phishing.html.
We take your privacy very seriously and do not tolerate unauthorized access to our customers’ information. We promise to continue working around the clock to keep your information safe. Thanks very much for being a Princeton customer. In the next few days, you will receive more information about this incident via U.S. mail.
Sincerely,
[Full contact information]
© 2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part, except for use as permitted in a license distributed with a certain product or service or otherwise on a password-protected website or school-approved learning management system for classroom use.
7.3 Radical Rewrite Claim Denial Warranty Does Not Mean a New Device Weaknesses
a. Begins with a long lead-in (This letter is being sent to you to inform you that).
b. Delivers the bad news bluntly with no effort to soften the blow.
c. Heaps blame on the customer and chastises her for not handling the smartphone properly.
d. Emphasizes the bad news by repeating it in the middle of the letter.
e. Fails to present the reasons logically or positively.
f. Presents the options to the reader poorly without much effort to promote the product or renew good feelings.
g. Does not conclude with a way for the customer to get in touch with the writer easily.
Revision
Current date
Ms. Haley Tranquillo
501 Westhampton Way
Richmond, VA 23173
Dear Ms. Tranquillo:
Many of our customers purchase the Peace of Mind Plan to insure their valuable smartphones against theft, loss, and malfunction as you have done. The low fee of $5.99 a month is a wise investment in protecting your expensive device.
Although fairly sturdy, today’s smartphones are very sophisticated electronic gadgets that require proper care and handling. The Peace of Mind Plan is designed for the most common incidents smartphone owners’ experience, such as when their devices are stolen, lost, or defective. In addition, all our cellular phones are backed by a one-year manufacturer’s warranty against manufacturing defects. Under the Peace of Mind Plan, we gladly replace smartphones as long as they have not been exposed to liquids or have not sustained physical damage. Our service technicians discovered that the dot indicating liquid intrusion inside the device had turned bright red. In addition, the smartphone casing showed signs of blunt force.
Although the one-year manufacturer’s warranty has expired by now, you have options, Ms. Tranquillo. You may want to purchase a low-cost remanufactured Droid for $49 plus tax. Alternatively, you could buy any of our newest cell phones at full retail cost. Furthermore, your two-year contract is nearing Month 20. This means that you will be able to choose from a number of free or inexpensive models with a new two-year contract.
Please visit any of our retail outlets for a personalized consultation, or go to www.alphawireless.com to browse new calling plans, view current smartphones, and order your product or service online.
Sincerely,
© 2016 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part, except for use as permitted in a license distributed with a certain product or service or otherwise on a password-protected website or school-approved learning management system for classroom use.
Activities and Cases
7.4 Request Refusal: Advocating for Abused Children
Current date
Mrs. Paulina Ramirez
4382 Congress Avenue Austin, TX 78701
Dear Mrs. Ramirez:
Let me commend you on the fine work you are doing as a volunteer with CASA. Its programs to recruit, train, and support volunteers to work with abused children deserve the high praise it receives from local and national communities. My heart goes out to those children who have been mistreated and whose futures are determined by the courts. CASA performs an invaluable service in helping these children find adoptive homes and escape the child welfare system.
In the past my company was able to make generous contributions. This fiscal year, however, has been difficult for us and for many other financial services organizations. Although funds are unavailable for charitable donations this year, we hope to be able to continue our support of CASA when the economy picks up and the future looks brighter.
Sincerely,
7.5 Request Refusal: Pink Dragons Sink Application
To: Josephine Rosa <jrosa@pinkdragons.org>
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Your Request for Adobe Sponsorship
Cc: Bcc:
Dear Josephine:
We enjoyed learning about the fascinating sport of dragon boat racing and about the role it plays in the lives of many active breast cancer survivors. Your team is to be commended for its competitive spirit and positive attitude.
Our company supports a variety of great causes, breast cancer among them. We receive requests for sponsorships daily; therefore, we have decided to streamline the application process by asking that proposals be submitted on our website (the link is listed below). Although we would like to accommodate every request, our sponsorship funds are finite. We must evaluate each organization’s purpose, the audiences served by the sponsorship, and any potential benefits Adobe will receive from the sponsorship. To have enough time to assess the merit of each application, we require submissions at least six weeks before the event for which the sponsorship is being requested. Although the deadline for the upcoming dragon boat festival has already passed, we encourage you to apply again in the future and give us at least six weeks before your event to respond.
Josephine, we wish your team much success and hope that the dragon boat festival in San Diego next month will be a hit with participants and spectators alike.
Best regards,
Your Name [Full contact information]
Sponsorship request form: http://www.adobe.com/aboutadobe/pressroom/sponsorship.html
7.6 Request Refusal: No Favors for Jamba Juice
Current date
Mr. Joe Wong, Vice President Product DevelopmentJamba Inc.
450 Golden Gate Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94102
Dear Joe:
It’s good to learn that Jamba Inc. is expanding its menu with drinks that are more substantial and could substitute for a meal. In today’s fast-paced world, people have less time for sit-down meals, and a hearty, healthful smoothie would be perfect for nutrition-conscious folks on the move.
Like you, we at Mainstream Software have been expanding our workforce. We have many employees, but we have no dedicated cafeteria. Instead we have a lunchroom where employees may eat lunches they bring from home. It is quite small and provides no amenities such as would be needed to offer the experimental drinks on which you have been working. Although we can’t help you by installing a Jamba Juice booth bar here at Mainstream, I am personally interested in sampling your experimental concoctions. Is there any way I could try out some of your drinks and give you my feedback?
I am definitely a Jamba Juice fan and have tried nearly all the drinks you now offer. Please let me know how I can act as a guinea pig for you. Go Jamba!
Sincerely,
7.7 Request Refusal: Loud Music Bothers Tenant Neighbor
Current date
Mr. Manuel Quinones, CPA Suite 300, Two Buckhead Plaza 3050 Peachtree Road, NW Atlanta, GA 30305
Dear Mr. Quinones:
Subject: Your Recent Inquiry About a Neighboring Tenant
Thank you for bringing up your concerns about the loud music coming from Mr. Eslan’s office. I can understand how frustrating the noise must be, especially when you are conducting business with clients.
Leasing commercial property is frequently a challenge, as the working environments of tenants are invariably diverse. A commercial tenancy is different from a residential tenancy. A lease for an apartment can include specific language regarding issues such as noise, but a standard commercial lease may not. Because Mr. Eslan has not broken any of the covenants in his lease, he is entitled to conduct business in the building.
Mr. Quinones, as one of my most valued tenants, you can be sure that I will work with you to resolve this matter. I suggest that we meet with Mr. Eslan to discuss an equitable resolution to the problem. We might consider sharing the cost of soundproofing. I will set up a meeting for later this week.
Sincerely,
7.8 Claim Denial: Lost in Flight
Current date
Ms. Genna Frymoyer-Morris1805 Panorama Drive
Bakersfield, CA 93305
Dear Ms. Frymoyer-Morris:
We can imagine that the loss of your glasses on our flight from Washington, DC, to Los Angeles with a stopover at Denver International Airport must be truly frustrating.
Our flight attendants are instructed to remind passengers that the cabins will be cleaned during brief layovers. Most passengers leave the plane and do not return because they are catching connecting flights. During these brief layovers, cleaning crews must work swiftly as they pass through the cabins picking up discarded newspapers and other items. However, they should have recognized your glasses and given them to an attendant.
We regret your loss, and we will definitely review our instructions to crews about warning passengers to remove their personal belongings if they deplane. Although the cost of the glasses cannot be refunded, we can offer you an equivalent value in travel vouchers on our planes between any destinations they serve.
Thank you for flying National Airlines, and we hope to see you soon as you use the enclosed travel vouchers.
Sincerely,
Enclosure7.9 Claim Denial: Going Ape After Botched Gorilla Party
To: Paul Littleton <plittleton@outlook.com>From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Gorilla Costume Inquiry
Cc: Bcc:
Dear Mr. Littleton:
Thank you for telling us of the late arrival of your Gorilla Blinky Eye With Chest costume. Like you, we are disappointed that it did not arrive in time for your Halloween party.
In checking our records, we note that your order arrived five days before Halloween. This is the busiest time of the year for us, and our staff grows from 60 core employees to over 300 during this season. We were, nevertheless, able to ship your order the next day, which is our promise to all customers. We shipped your order according to the option you noted: Standard Shipping. This option requires three to six business days for arrival. Because the package was traveling from Wisconsin to Buffalo, New York, that apparently was not enough time.
We understand how disappointed you were at not having the gorilla costume for your Halloween party. Although the costs of the party cannot be reimbursed, we will be happy to allow you to return the costume for a full refund of $139.99. Be sure it is returned in its original packaging. In addition, we enclose a $20 coupon toward the purchase of your next costume from BuyCostumes.
We are dedicated to providing the best possible service to our customers. If you need a costume by a specific date, please call our Customer Care Department (800-123-4567) to see if it’s possible for us to deliver it in time. We invite you to visit our online catalog at buycostumes.com to see the exciting new costumes we are receiving daily.
Although BuyCostumes is the world’s largest online costume and accessories retailer, we value personal relationships with customers like you, and we look forward to serving you again for all your costume needs.
Sincerely,
Your
Name [Full contact information]7.10 Claim Denial: Raising a Stink About a Charge for Smoking in the Room
Current date Mr. Trevor H. Taylor 580 Lottie Street Bellingham, WA 98225
Dear Mr. Taylor:
Metropol Grand Hotel is committed to providing an attractive setting and comfortable surroundings for every guest’s visit. We realize that our guests have high expectations, and to meet or exceed those expectations we recently completed a two-year plan to refurbish many rooms with new carpets, upholstery, finishes, and draperies.
You stayed in one of our renovated nonsmoking rooms. That room was clearly marked as a “Nonsmoking Room.” In addition to the notice inside the room, guests are given a handout detailing our nonsmoking policy for selected rooms. The handout says that guests who disregard our nonsmoking policy will have a fee of $150 charged to their accounts.
Your business is very important to us. We hold each guest in the highest regard and are truly thankful for your patronage. On your next visit to the Metropol Grand Hotel, we would be happy to reserve for you a smoking room.
Sincerely,
7.11 Customer Bad News: Putting the Brakes on Bakery Deliveries
Current date
Mr. Emil Broussard Café Broussard2013 West Lee Drive
Baton Rouge, LA 70820
Dear Mr. Broussard:
We appreciate that you have been a loyal La Boulangerie customer since we opened our bakery almost ten years ago. It has been a pleasure dealing with you and your staff at Café Broussard.
To ensure that your customers receive only the best products, we import high-quality ingredients from around the world. The increasing costs of wheat, sugar, and other ingredients have meant that many of our suppliers have had to increase their prices. As a result, our production costs have grown over 20 percent in the last six months.
As you know, we have been pleased to provide our valued clients with free delivery service since we opened. The soaring price of gas combined with our increased production costs makes it impossible for us to maintain free delivery. Although a nominal delivery charge of $20 must be added to each order, this ensures that you will receive the same personal attention and highquality bakery goods that you have enjoyed over the years. Because you have been a loyal and long-term customer, we invite you to take advantage of a special offer. If you sign up for our preapproved delivery program by April 1, you will save 50 percent of the delivery charge for the next year.
Please contact me at 225-422-7891 to arrange a convenient delivery schedule that would best suit your needs. We look forward to supplying Café Broussard with delicious treats for years to come.
Sincerely,
7.12 Customer Bad News: Blunder in Scheduling Fairytale Cottage Wedding
In a memo students should outline a course of action, such as the following:
• Call each bride-to-be, describe the problem, and apologize.
• Explain why the problem occurred, what you are doing to resolve it, and how you will prevent it from happening again.
• Offer a bonus if one of the brides will switch days.
• Promote goodwill by following up with messages that document the phone calls and provide details of the bonus offer.
Assume that Julie Brehm was able to switch her wedding date to June 4. The following might serve as a follow-up message.
Current date
Ms. Julie Brehm
240 Lakeview Avenue
Atlanta, GA 30305
Dear Ms. Brehm:
Please accept our sincere apology for the disruption of your wedding plans here at Sea Island. We realize how distressing it is to change plans for such an important event in your life.
Normally, I personally schedule all Sea Island weddings. However, while I was gone for two weeks last fall, two weddings were inadvertently scheduled for June 14. I can assure you that this will not happen again as I have installed a new scheduling app that prevents double booking.
Although you will not be using the Cloister Chapel on June 14, we are delighted that you were able to change your wedding date to June 4. We promise to help you plan a perfect ceremony in the enchanting Cloister Chapel followed by a reception in the luxurious Cloister Beach Club. Because you graciously switched dates, we are pleased to offer you one night in our sumptuous bridal suite as the guests of Sea Island Resort.
We look forward to welcoming you and your guests for your wedding on June 4. Please call my private line at 322-995-3011 to allow me to work with you in organizing the details of your magical and joyous event.
Sincerely,
7.13 Customer Bad News: Which Elliptical for Commercial Gym?
To: Rudy Cardenas <rcardenas@24hourfitness.com>
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Your Order for 24-Hour Fitness Equipment
Cc: Bcc:
Dear Mr. Cardenas:
Thank you for your order! Your new Olympic Benches, Stamina Power Towers, and Premier Dumbbells have been shipped and should arrive on May 17 via UPS.
The Titanic 20 Elliptical, which you ordered, is a favorite of many of our home customers. It offers an enjoyable aerobic workout without the harmful impact of running or walking. However, most fitness centers purchase our Titanic 90 because it is larger, safer, and specifically designed for the heavy use and varying needs of fitness customers.
In addition to its sturdier construction, the Titanic 90 Elliptical offers a built-in cooling fan, water bottle holder, and speakers that allow users to hook up to any MP3 player (iPod, etc.) for easy listening. In addition, it comes with a chest-strap heart-rate monitor, has 20 resistance levels, and features a lifetime warranty on its frame. Although the Titanic 90 costs more at $3,100, the machine will withstand the constant pounding your customers will give it. With all of its advanced features, the Titanic 90 is sure to be a favorite among your customers.
Before we ship your ellipticals, I want to be sure that we’re sending you the equipment that is best for 24-Hour Fitness. Of course, we’re happy to ship the Titanic 20 if you prefer it. Please call me at 1-800-254-9001 so that we can confirm the Titanic model and ship this part of your order.
Sincerely,
Your Name [Full contact information]7.14 Employee Bad News: Rising Tuition? You’re on Your Own
To: Sabrina Sparks <ssparks@firstfederalbank.com>
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Your Inquiry Regarding Tuition Reimbursement
Cc: Bcc: Sabrina,
We appreciate your thoughtful message requesting that First Federal Bank establish a program to reimburse the costs of college expenses such as tuition and books.
You’re smart, Sabrina, in striving to further your education by returning to school to take additional courses that improve your career skills. Thriving companies are able to offer tuition reimbursement to selected employees when they return to school. These programs are expensive to organizations because they involve not only the actual cost of tuition and books but also the cost of program administration.
As you know, First Federal is facing stiff competition in the banking industry, and our profits have not been strong. Although a tuition reimbursement program cannot be considered at this time, we are hopeful that it might be possible in the future.
Our CEO Christopher Epley joins me in expressing our appreciation for the fine work you are doing at First Federal. We admire your desire to advance your education and wish you all the best.
Sincerely,
Your Name [Full contact information]
7.15 Employee Bad News: Only Employees Can Play
To: Staff Members
From: Your Name <your e-mail address>
Subject: Nonemployees on Intramural Sports Teams
Cc: Bcc:
Several employees recently requested that friends and family members be invited to participate in Portland Paper Company sports teams. Our intramural sports teams are a popular employee social activity that we hope to continue.
Currently, our intramural teams are open to all employees of Portland. The company has eight volleyball, tennis, and softball teams, with over 100 employees participating. Because most team rosters are currently full, adding participants to the teams would require changing the team rosters and game schedules for which employees have already planned. More important, our intramural sports teams give employees regular opportunities to have fun together. Keeping the team rosters “employee-only” ensures that all employees can enjoy the camaraderie of Portland teams.
I hope that employees will invite family and friends to participate as spectators at games and to socialize with us afterwards. Our teams always welcome cheering fans!
Your Name
[Full contact information]
7.16 Employee Bad News: Nixing Facebook at Work
To: Staff Members
From: Darcy M. Diamond <dmdiamond@marketingmatters.com>Subject: Avoiding the Perils of Facebook
Cc:
Bcc:
Most of us would probably agree that sharing information on Facebook can lead to professional networking opportunities. Social media and Web-based collaboration tools such as wikis can increase productivity and create digitally savvy workers. However, by now most workers know that overexposure or inappropriate behavior online can lead to privacy breaches and have very negative consequences, including job loss.
Despite the obvious advantages and even fun aspects of social media such as Facebook, we are highly concerned about the risk of confidential or privileged information leaking via social networking sites. This concern has led us to formulate a detailed social networking policy, which is available on our intranet. Although the use of Facebook and Twitter on company time is prohibited effective immediately, you may continue to use social networks off the clock. Nevertheless, all Facebook and Twitter users should always be cautious about any content posted online, even if it’s just a seemingly harmless comment such as “Rough day at work” or “Talked to the most idiotic client ever!” Such errors of judgment have cost workers their jobs. At the least, privacy settings should be used consistently and extreme caution ought to be exercised when “friending” virtual strangers.
We all benefit if we apply common street smarts online: Don’t talk to strangers and don’t run around intoxicated or improperly dressed. The digital equivalent of these precautions will ensure that no one needs to feel embarrassed or worse. Please review the latest employee handbook, which includes a section on social media. You will find a link to the policy manual prominently displayed on the portal page of our intranet.
Darcy M. Diamond [Full contact information]