South Florida Family Life September 2020

COMPLIMENTARY

SEPTEMBER 2020

online

LEARNING TOP TIPS TO KEEP KIDS ON THE PATH TO SUCCESS

after-school

ADVENTURES CHOOSING THE PERFECT ENRICHMENT ACTIVITIES

pandemic

PARENTING

STEERING YOUR FAMILY THROUGH UNCHARTED WATERS

Ariana, who was born with a heart defect, with her family, pre-COVID-19

2020-21

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contents

SEPTEMBER 2020

departments

8

SOUTH FLORIDA SPOTLIGHT Staying in touch with the people, places and events in our community.

18

FAMILY MATTERS Parenting during a pandemic doesn’t have to be pandemonium.

20

TODAY’S GRANDPARENTS Connecting with the grandkids across the miles.

22

WORDS OF WISDOM When parents stop hovering, the soaring begins.

features

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4

12

MASTERING DISTANCE LEARNING

PURSUING PASSIONS

Keeping kids on a straight path to academic success.

After-school activities boost the body and mind.

S O U T H F L O R I D A F A M I LY L I F E

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You’ll both feel safe in our care.

Our integrated maternity program is designed to take care of you and your baby before, during, and even after your pregnancy. Committed to following your birth plan, but ready with one of the most advanced newborn ICU programs in the country should your baby ever need it. Stay at one of our spa-like Little Miracles maternity suites. Let us focus on your every need, so you can simply focus on your little one.

We are proud to be designated a Baby-Friendly Hospital for giving mothers the skills and support needed to feed and bond with their child.

Jackson Memorial Hospital Jackson North Medical Center Jackson South Medical Center Designated 2017 – 2022

For a tour or to find a physician, call 305-585-4MOM or visit JacksonMaternity.org.

ll R a E a u T u N rrtt E i i C V V ON

E R C RE

ATI

Our mission is to enrich family life in South Florida by offering the highest quality publication and an unparalleled commitment to our readers and our community.

PUBLISHER Lisa Goodlin ASSOCIATE PUBLISHER Stacey Jacques EXECUTIVE EDITOR Michelle Liem ASSISTANT EDITOR Shannon Pease-Severance DIGITAL & SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Jennifer Jhon

The Town of Davie has created

the Play Davie VREC to you with online activities, resources and virtual while our programs and facilities are temporarily

provide events closed.

Stay Active, Stay Connected, Stay Informed

Visit

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STAFF WRITER Greg Carannante SENIOR ACCOUNT MANAGERS Suzy Miguelez • Sheila Ranson Rick Charnack CREATIVE DIRECTOR Carrie B. Weeks PRODUCTION ASSISTANTS Toni Kirkland • Linda Seavey DIGITAL DEVELOPMENT MANAGER Tom Gonzales CONTACT US: 4611 S. University Drive, #224 Davie, FL 33328 Phone (954) 424-7405 info@familylifemediagroup.com

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South Florida Family Life is published twelve times per year

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Copyright 2020 by Family Life Media Group.

All rights reserved.

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THE INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE DIPLOMA PROGRAM: THE GOLD STANDARD OF LEARNING • Encourages students to think critically and challenge assumptions • Focuses on both personal and academic achievement • Gives students the power to control their learning and education process • Prepares students for success in college and beyond CONTACT US TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE IB DIFFERENCE (954) 247-0179 nbps.org

SOUTH FLORIDA spotlight

Live virtual visits MEET THE MINDS BEHIND THE BOOKS

C

hildren, teens and families are invited to participate in Broward County Library’s 15th Annual Children’s BookFest online through Sept. 24. This Author & Illustrator Series for grades K-12 includes live virtual visits with featured guests as well as fun and engaging book discussions presented by popular Broward County Library staff.

The series focuses on a different book each week, with Bookopoly (a book talk enhanced with games and challenges) at 2 p.m. every Wednesday and author/illustrator online visits at 2 p.m. every Thursday.

Alma and How She Got Her Name and its author, Juana Martinez-Neal, will be featured Sept. 2-3. Other books include Monday’s Not Coming, You Don’t Know Everything Jilly P! and The Jumbies.

Just Ask! by Sonia Sotomayor kicked off the series on Aug. 26.

Materials for Bookopoly programs, such as ebooks, audio books or physical books, can be downloaded or checked out and picked up at the library.

Learn more and register at https:/www.broward.org/ Library/Events/Pages/ChildrensBookFest.aspx.

Calling all ghost hunters The Deering Estate is reviving its Historic Ghost Tour of the estate, allowing guests to hear stories of Deering’s previous residents and of the paranormal activity that has been experienced by staff and visitors on the grounds.

Starting Sept. 3, guests ages 6 and older can tour the historic homes at night, walking the same areas that Native Americans and Miami’s early pioneers walked. Parents, please note, the tour may contain mature subject matter, and face masks are required for all guests.

Ghost hunting equipment, such as pendulums, dowsing rods, EMF meters and cameras, are welcome. Guests are also asked to wear closed-toe shoes and bring a flashlight. Mosquito repellent is recommended.

Ghost tours are offered Thursday and Saturday nights for $35 per person.

Schedule a tour online at https://deeringestate.org/events/category/ miami-nature-eco-tours/ or call 305-235-1668, press 9, then dial ext. 233.

Space is limited, so early reservations are recommended.

For those looking to see the Deering Estate at night without the paranormal, the estate also offers a monthly Herp Tour to give guests a good look at the snakes, amphibians and reptiles that live in the restricted natural areas on the estate. Call or go online for reservations.

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ARTISTIC FAMILY OUTINGS Families can get out together and work on a STEAM-based art-making activity, plus enjoy free admission to the galleries at the Art and Culture Center in Hollywood, on the third Sunday of every month.

The center’s monthly Free Arts! Family Day “encourages creativity and collaboration among families and friends” with its all-ages art-making program from noon to 4 p.m. The next Family Day on Sept. 20 will also allow visitors to tour the 12th annual Exposed exhibition and fundraiser, which features more than 70 contemporary artists.

This summer’s Free Arts! activities have included making your own monster and making felt bonsai trees. Videos of past art-making activities as well as future Free Arts!

Family Day dates are online at https://www. artandculturecenter.org/ free-arts-family-day.

The Art and Culture Center is at 1650 Harrison St. in Hollywood. Masks are required for all visitors over the age of 2.

e c n a t s i D MASTERING

LEARNING TIPS TO KEEP KIDS ON THE PATH TO SUCCESS

BY CAROLINE KNORR

I

f you have one of those kids who jumps out of bed, eager to get started on whatever kind of learning is on the agenda, whether it be online-only or a hybrid of remote and in-person, then read no further. If, on the other hand, your kid is just as dazed and confused as you are by what this school year will bring and needs some inspiration to stay motivated — stay here.

The fear and uncertainty surrounding this back-to-school season isn’t the way any family wants to start the year. But kids are amazingly resilient, and they like learning new things.

When you can tap into what motivates them, all you need to do is watch them fly. It may take some trial and error to find out what your kid responds to best. Just remember: Your goal is to support them in making progress in their own goals and aspirations. Save the honor-roll pressure for when things get back to normal. This year, let the joy of learning be your guide.

GETTING STARTED Check in. Kids may be motivated by different things than they were last year. Your type A kid may no longer work for gold stars, and your slowpoke may speed through work just to get it over with. Don’t make assumptions on what’s going to work. Instead, ask questions: See how they’re holding up, ask how they feel, determine what they want to accomplish, and figure out what you can do to support them.

Lead by example. Your energy will wax and wane, but keep your attitude positive and your approach consistent. If you sense your kid is flagging, find role models –from movies, books, or real life — whose grit may inspire them.

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Build their work ethic. Yes, we all want this to be over with, but remember that learning is a lifelong goal. When discussing schoolwork, focus on the skills kids are building, the value of seeing things through, and the feeling of accomplishment.

Most kids can push themselves when it’s something they love, like creating a successful game or mastering dance choreography.

Ask them to call on the same skills that drive them in other areas.

Praise effort. Maybe they got a problem wrong but asked the right questions. Maybe they breezed through the day’s reading assignment when yesterday’s was tough. Now, more than ever, taking notice of and commenting positively on how your kid is growing and progressing can really give them forward momentum.

MOTIVATIONAL STRATEGIES Establish structure and routine. Sticking to a schedule provides the stability kids need to keep plugging away. Plus, it minimizes their instincts to go rogue. When expectations are set, it’s more likely they’ll be met. You can try digital tools like to-do lists, site blockers, and screen-limit settings when kids need help staying on task.

Maintain accountability. Maybe you can’t motivate your kid, but their best friend can. Have them schedule daily check-ins with a friend either by text or on social media. Accountability helps kids realize they’re not alone and gives them a tangible reason to work hard.

Incentivize. Kids may be motivated by rewards, but you want to make it feel as though they’ve earned their treat (or you’ll end up in a vicious cycle). If they finish one packet, they can choose a board game to play; two packets, they get to make that brownie mix you’ve been saving.

MAKE IT SPECIAL Mark the occasion. This school year kids won’t get to have Friday pizza parties and dances. But you can still give them something to look forward to. Plan a celebration (online) with family and friends, like a virtual class party, a Zoom dance, trivia night or a movie to watch together.

Let them see progress. Some kids respond well to visual cues. Use a calendar or another visual aid to mark time so they can see how much they’ve accomplished and how much more there is to go.

Do a related activity. A positive aspect of remote learning is the flexibility to go deep on topics kids really love. Build upon and extend what they’re learning with a natural connection. If they’re learning about the solar system, let them stay up late on a weekend night and use an astronomy app to map the night sky.

MIX IT UP Be willing to experiment. If a kid is struggling with reading a book, turn it into a read-aloud or get an audiobook. If math is “too boring,” do the problems on a whiteboard or outside using sidewalk chalk.

A change of scenery can do wonders for a kid’s motivation.

Break up the day. If you have some control over when they do the work, break things up a little. Let them have a slower-paced morning and do their work after lunch. Make an agreement in advance: “If you take the morning off, you still have to get your schoolwork done before you can play online with your friends later today.”

Change the timing. There’s nothing magical about the hours of 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. -- that’s just when we’re all used to school happening. Of course, if your kids are in online classes, you have to accommodate those schedules. But for things like working through a packet of assignments from a teacher, there’s no harm in experimenting with different times of day. Sometimes the change is all it takes.

TROUBLESHOOTING Appeal to a favorite teacher. A word of encouragement, such as a recorded video message, text or an email, from a beloved teacher can be just the thing. Your kid wouldn’t want to let the teacher down.

Rule out other issues. Sometimes what looks like a lack of motivation is actually a kid covering up for a problem. Probe for underlying issues and address them.

Adjust expectations. If we’ve learned anything during this crisis, it’s to expect the unexpected. Your kid may not take to the new learning environment. Insist on the bare minimum (completion of all assignments), and set up natural consequences for noncompliance (maybe they miss out on an online play date). Empathize with your child’s feelings and move on. Allow yourself a moment to gather your strength and recharge. Celebrate the little victories, and start tomorrow with fresh eyes.

This story was reprinted with permission from Common Sense Media.

Want more ideas?

For helpful tips from local teachers and parents, go to www.southfloridafamilylife.com

September 2020 | S O U T H F L O R I D A F A M I LY L I F E 11

PURSUING PASSIONS How to find the right enrichment program for your child

BY DENISE MORRISON YEARIAN

K

After-school Adventures ids’ interests and activities are as diverse as the children themselves.

Just as the right activity can build

self-esteem and provide hours of enjoyment, the wrong one can lead to feelings of failure, frustration and fatigue. So, how do you find the right extracurricular activity for your child?

Watch him play.

Consider his interests, temperament and personality. Does he like constant physical activity or quieter experiences?

Look at strengths and weaknesses.

Would she like to fine-tune those strengths or are there areas of weakness that could be improved with instruction?

Explore through exposure.

Expose him to various activities and events. Within this, provide him with a balance of both group and individual activities. Ask for his feedback and follow his lead.

Get a physical.

When the school day is done, there are a variety of programs that allow kids to pursue a passion, fine-tune skills, or try something totally new. Here’s a sampling of places that offer extra-curricular activities, both on-site and virtually. Due to the ever-changing COVID-19 situation, please be sure to confirm details with the program of your choice.

Area Stage Company 5701 Sunset Dr., Miami 305-666-2078 www.areastage.org Barb Koster’s Riding Academy 14401 W. Palomino Dr., Southwest Ranches 754-234-5981 www.barbkostersridingacademy.com Bright & Smart Engineering Skills for Kids 101 E. Commercial Blvd., Oakland Park 954-816-3346 www.brightandsmart.com Broward Center for the Performing Arts 201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale 954-414-6904 www.browardcenter.org/programs Camp Live Oak at Hugh Taylor Birch State Park 3109 E. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale 954-563-4880 www.campliveoakfl.com

Before starting any athletic program, take your child for a physical exam to detect vision or hearing problems or other medical conditions that may make it difficult to participate in the activity.

David Posnack JCC 5850 S. Pine Island Rd., Davie 954-434-0499 www.dpjcc.org

Consider time commitments.

Florida Children’s Theatre 2542B E. Sunrise Blvd., Fort Lauderdale 954-763-6882 www.flct.org

How much family time is committed now? How much will this activity entail?

Will personal practice time be expected?

Count the cost.

Think about uniforms, trips and other expenses not covered in the initial fee.

Get recommendations.

Talk with your child’s school administration. If you are looking for a physical activity, the PE teacher may have some ideas. If it’s a music program, the school’s music teacher might give you a lead. The guidance counselor may be of assistance too. Also, get feedback from friends and family members regarding programs their children have been in. Are they happy with it? Is there anything they don’t like about it? How often are practices, lessons or meetings? Is there any one-on-one instruction?

Find a good match.

Look for a program that aligns with your goals and objectives. Consider class size, instructors’ experience, curriculum, philosophy, and frequency and duration of lessons, practices or meetings.

Stop in.

If the program has ongoing instruction, ask if you can stop by for a visit. Sit in on a session and observe it in progress. Does the instructor interact with the students? Does he use positive reinforcement? Are the students listening continued on page 16

German-American School of Fort Lauderdale 4200 N. 65 Ave., Davie 954-288-7599 www.germanschoolfl.com Huntington Learning Center 5200 N. Federal Highway, Fort Lauderdale 954-488-2222 www.huntingtonhelps.com Minds of Tomorrow 344 NE 61 St., Miami 305-792-8879 www.mindsoftomorrow.com Museum of Discovery and Science 401 SW Second St., Fort Lauderdale 954-467-6637 www.mods.org Phillip and Patricia Frost Museum of Science 1101 Biscayne Blvd., Miami 305-434-9600 www.frostscience.org YMCA of South Florida Association Office 900 SE Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale 954-334-9622 www.ymcasouthflorida.org

W

ant to raise a kid who excels at school and beyond? Think outside the classroom. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, extracurricular activities boost kids’ community connections and are linked to better grades and school attendance. But finding the right fit for your child isn’t always easy. What’s the right age to begin after-school classes? How can families choose activities that will enrich children’s lives without added pressure, conflict, or unrealistic expectations? And how and when should parents encourage kids to persist — or decide when it’s time for a graceful exit? Read on for age-by-age guidance on finding extracurricular pursuits that round out your child’s education without ramping up stress.

have a sense of control over their time outside of school, which is a good thing,” she says. “But parents should put financial and time parameters on their choices.” Allowing kids to select from a short list of activities — whittled down by parents based on the family’s schedule and budget — helps kids think through their choices and prevents them from jumping into a popular pastime simply because lots of friends are doing the same. Using phrases like “you can choose soccer or ballet, but not both” or “It looks like gymnastics, dance, piano and softball will fit in our family schedule, so choose two of those,” and marking time commitments on a shared family calendar (color-coding with one color per child is helpful) helps kids see their activity fits into the family’s bigger picture.

BEYOND BOOK SMART

EARLY YEARS, AGES 0-5 TEEN YEARS, AGES 13-18 Bright beginnings. Parents Quitting time. At some point, shouldn’t rush tots into classes and most teens find themselves at a clubs, says parent educator Tara crossroads with a commitment Egan. Young children enrolled in they’ve made and consider high-quality preschool programs quitting. When a once-enjoyed are likely already participating in pursuit yields more stress than things like art, physical education enjoyment, it’s time for a talk with and music, so adding to their your teen. “If a child is struggling schedule might not yield much with an activity they used to like, additional benefit. If you do want parents should attempt to find to give classes a go, Egan offers a out why,” says Egan. “Is there a

BY MALIA JACOBSON few guidelines for caregivers: First, mismatch between the coach and make sure your child can separate your child? Is there a peer conflict? comfortably from you before you Most issues can be addressed, like register him or her for child-only courses; kids who aren’t quite asking a coach to speak with your child one-on-one, or bringing ready can participate in parent-child gym or swim classes in the a bullying behavior to the attention of the coaching staff.” In meantime. Next, ensure that your child’s coach has experience general, parents should set an expectation that kids will finish out working with very young children. And look for classes that the sports season before quitting, because they’ve committed to don’t require your child to stay up late or miss naptimes or meals, teammates, adds Egan. But, there are some valid reasons to quit, because hungry, tired kids won’t benefit much from any class, too. If your child is exhausted and overscheduled, needs more no matter how much they like the topic or teacher. time to focus on school, or simply wants to explore new horizons, help map an exit strategy that includes how and ELEMENTARY YEARS, AGES 6-12 when to make the change — and includes Decision drama. Grade-schoolers are often ready to play a thanking the coach and letting key larger role in choosing their own extracurricular activities, teammates know of says Karen Petty, professor of family studies at Texas Woman’s the decision.

University. But parents still need to guide kids’ selections with

Choosing extracurriculars that enrich

an eye toward managing the family’s overall schedule and bank account. “Choice-making builds self-efficacy and allows children to

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• Located at the David Posnack JCC 5850 S. Pine Island Rd., Davie, FL 33328

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dpjcc.org/jschooled OPEN TO THE COMMUNITY September 2020 | S O U T H F L O R I D A F A M I LY L I F E 15

Pursuing Passions, continued from page 13

and attentive? Do they seem happy?

Is the program geared for the skill and developmental level of the children?

Ask about introductory classes.

Many ongoing programs offer introductory classes with no commitment. This allows your child to become familiar with the program and serves as a screening process to see if the instructor is running the program at the children’s level.

Review commitments.

Talk with your child about the commitment she is making to the activity before enrollment. Is she willing to go to games, practices, classes or meetings? Will she commit to investing personal practice time, if called for? Will she participate in fundraisers?

Persevering points to ponder.

If your child wants to quit an activity, consider your personal view on making him persevere. Is this a repeated pattern that needs to be addressed? Will it affect the rest of the team or group if he leaves?

Is it detrimental to your child’s health and well-being to continue?

Keep schedules open.

Children need free playtime and downtime as much as they need scheduled activities.

Avoid over scheduling your child with too many activities and watch for signs that she may be too taxed. If this happens, reevaluate current commitments and look for ways to cut back.

Rehash unsuccessful endeavors.

If at first you don’t succeed, talk it over.

Ask your child what he didn’t like about the activity, so you don’t repeat the mistake when choosing a new activity. Is it the instructor? Other kids in the program?

The activity itself?

Try something new.

If your child has taken up an athletic activity but didn’t like it, try a different sport. If he played the saxophone and it wasn’t a good fit, try a new instrument.

Or choose something completely different.

The point is, give your child a variety of experiences and maybe he will find something he truly enjoys.

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September 2020 | S O U T H F L O R I D A F A M I LY L I F E 17

FAMILY matters

Parenting in a pandemic STEERING YOUR FAMILY THROUGH UNCHARTED WATERS

BY TANNI HAAS

T

here’s nothing easy about parenting in a pandemic. Many parents are working from home while at the same time taking care of their kids and supervising their remote learning.

No one knows when the pandemic will be over, so it’s worth thinking about how parents can best support their kids during these new and unprecedented circumstances. Here’s what the experts say: KEEP YOUR REGULAR ROUTINES. The most important thing parents can do is to provide their kids with a sense of safety and security. Experts agree that the best way to do that is to keep as many of their regular routines as possible. “Providing children with a structure is always important,” says Dr. Andrea Giedinghagen, a child psychiatrist, “but during scary times like this it becomes even more essential.” Dr. Giedinghagen notes that “having a set schedule and regular routines provides them with a sense of safety when so much about their world is changing.” Try to maintain your normal routines, especially those that bring you together, like family dinner time, and game or movie nights. … AND CREATE NEW FUN ONES. Create new routines like taking daily breaks from your work to do fun things together. As Dr. Jennifer Malatras, a child psychologist, puts it, “a moment of laughter with your kids is going to be much more impactful and remembered during these times than any math homework.” If the kids are young, get down on the floor and play with them.

If they’re older, spend some time just hanging out and talking about what’s on their minds. “Taking a kind and playful approach to these difficult times,” says Dr. Irina Sharaievska, a family researcher, “can help ensure that two years from now you’ll refer to this time not as a pandemic, but as a time when you finally got to know your family.”

ENCOURAGE SOCIAL INTERACTIONS WITH FRIENDS. It may be tempting to

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insist that your kids be offline during their breaks since they spend so much of their days behind a computer screen, but that’s not necessarily the best idea. One of the things that kids miss the most from their regular school day is the opportunity to interact socially with classmates. Now that they’re at home, let them keep in touch by calling and texting their friends and engaging with them through social media. As Dr. Chelsea Hyde, an educational psychologist, says, “give them a chance to connect with peers during their breaks, like they would during recess and lunch at school.”

| southfloridafamilylife.com

BE FLEXIBLE AND ADAPTABLE. Routines and social breaks are important, but so is staying flexible and adaptable. A structured day “helps kids get through the unusual challenges of this time,” says Annie Schiener, a family therapist, but “your flexibility models an essential coping tool.”

For example, if you receive an important work email in the evening just when you’re about to do something fun with the kids, explain to them that you may have to reschedule it. This will teach them to be flexible and adaptable and may in fact help them cope better with all the constant changes in their lives.

FOCUS ON POSITIVE BEHAVIORS. There’s a tendency to nit-pick and focus on irritating or annoying things that your kids are doing when you’re all cooped up in the house together: try to avoid that.

“What seems like annoying behavior may sometimes be your child’s way of coping,” says Dr. Richa Bhatia, a child psychiatrist, “and is often unintentional.” For example, if the kids are teasing each other, it could be a sign that they’re frustrated and miss their regular interactions with friends from school.

Focus on positive behavior and praise them for it, like getting up early every day, working hard on their schoolwork, and helping out with chores. “Praising your kids and letting them know you appreciate their effort,” say Drs. Leslie Roos and Jessica Flannery, clinical psychologists, “pays over time by promoting more positive behavior and enriching your relationships.”

GIVE LOTS OF HUGS. Everyone feels the effects of social isolation, especially the kids. Comfort them by giving them as many hugs as you can. “When everything is crazy on the outside,” says Rebecca Parlakian of Zero to Three, an organization that promotes healthy child development, “children need love on the inside.” Dr. Giedinghagen agrees: “Physical affection cements feelings of connection and safety for children.”

TEACH THE KIDS LIFE SKILLS. “Every cloud has a silver lining” is an old saying.

The current pandemic is no exception. Use this extra time you suddenly have with the kids to teach them some important life skills. Look for teachable moments during your everyday routine. “Do you need to make dinner? Teach your kids how to cook,” says Dr. Gwen Dewar, a psychologist.

“Got dirty clothes? Teach your kids how to do the laundry.”

BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. Finally, be gentle with and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. As Dr. Giedinghagen sagely puts it, “give yourself permission to do this less-than-perfectly, and to ask for help when you need it. None of us have ever parented through a pandemic before, and none of us have ever been taught how to do it.”

Coming this Fall, to a computer screen near you, is the sequel to our popular Summer-To-School lecture series. These family-friendly seminars (always rated G) continue our effort to bring health experts and expert parents together to produce epic kids.

Join us for two virtual seminars this month: September 3: Learn how to make healthy and delicious lunches while kids are at home due to COVID-19 with celebrity guest chef Ralph Pagano.

September 24: Gain expert advice on how to navigate COVID-19 with kids on the autism spectrum with Dr. Michael Alessandri and Dr. E. Robert Schwartz.

Time: 8 p.m. to 9 p.m.

Visit www.JacksonEvents.org for more information.

Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College.

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TODAY’S grandparents

Keeping connected THE SEVEN 'R's OF GRANDPARENTING FROM A DISTANCE

BY KERRIE MCLOUGHLIN

M

ost long-distance grandparents will agree that you don’t have to live in the same town to play a huge role in the lives of your grandchildren. Yes, you might be

sad that your grandkids don’t live close by — or you may need to maintain social distance right now for safety’s sake — but you certainly can still create a special and lasting relationship with some planning. Here are some ways you can mark National Grandparents Day on Sept. 13 and share your love all year long.

DO YOUR RESEARCH. Joy Candrian of the blog XOXO Grandma suggests: “Research the places where your grandchildren live and when FaceTiming or talking on the phone, ask them intelligent questions about their home, school and the things they have done that week.” Another example might be checking out the latest children’s movie that’s streaming so you can talk about the best parts together.

READ TO THEM AND PLAY GAMES. “Record yourself reading a book and then upload that recording to YouTube so your grandchild can hear your voice and see you reading them a story.

After you’ve got your recorded story online, mail the book to your grandchild so they can follow along while they watch your

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video,” shared Candrian. Buy a blank puzzle at a craft store.

Then, if you are artistic, draw a picture on it. If not, write a message and color in some of the pieces. Your grandchild will have a blast putting it together over and over. Online games are also a fun and educational way to connect.

RECOGNIZE HOLIDAYS AND SPECIAL DATES. Keep track of important dates so you can be there for the big events. Set reminders on your phone or put them on your wall calendar so you can send cards or plan a video chat for birthdays, graduations, sports, spelling bees and more. Candrian offers, “I think giving gifts is such a natural way to show we care, and giving a handmade gift [such as a quilt] shows we care enough to spend our time on those we love. Your grandchild may not understand that now, but as they grow older and wiser, your gifts should help them feel the love you have for them.”

RAISE VIDEO CHATTING AND SOCIAL MEDIA TO A NEW LEVEL. Skype, FaceTime and Zoom make it so much easier to see their faces and keep yours fresh in their memories. Kids grow and change so quickly, so make weekly dates to do things like call up the grandkids and take them on a walk with you, let them watch

you bake something or read to them. One way my 90-year-old grandmother loves to keep up with her grandkids and great-grandkids is to hop on Facebook daily to check out status updates and photos.

REMEMBRANCES. Make sure you have plenty of photos of your grandchildren around your home and send photos of yourself to them as well. You want them to get to know you as well, and it’s so easy these days to create photo books and books of stories from your childhood for them on a site like Mixbook. Check out the Marco Polo app for a FaceTime meets voicemail experience, where you get to leave and receive video messages, and they don’t disappear. You can save them on Marco Polo indefinitely and also save them to your phone or forward them to other family members.

PLAN REGULAR VISITS AND SPECIAL TRIPS. Carissa Jones, a mom of eight, shares, “Both sets of grandparents take small groups of one to two kids home with them. My parents take the kids to their home for their 10th birthday, and they have a special long weekend together that each kiddo has anticipated in the months leading up to their birthday.”

READY FOR A FUN VISIT. When it’s time for the grandkids to come to your home, make sure you have a stash of games, books and toys so they feel at home. Scout out local venues, nature centers, kid-friendly restaurants and other activities that you can all do together during the visit.

Despite distance, you can form close bonds with your grandchildren and ensure you play a key role in their lives. Carissa Jones sums it up: “I think much like parenting, relationships are built on the foundation of time together and on traditions.”

Book Recommendations • Connect with Your Grandkids: Fun Ways to Bridge the Miles by Cheri Fuller • Long-Distance Grandparenting: Connecting with Your Grandchildren from Afar by Willma Willis Gore • Virtual Grandma: A how-to guide on “virtually connecting” with little ones up to age five using FaceTime, Skype, and other apps by Alison Hillhouse • Long Distance Grandma: Staying Connected Across the Miles by Janet Teitsort • The Long-Distance Grandmother: How to Stay Close to Distant Grandchildren by Selma Wassermann

Kerrie McLoughlin, a writer and mom of five kids, reminds families of one of the most important “Rs” – Relationships.

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WORDS of wisdom

Quit hovering THE BENEFITS OF GIVING KIDS SPACE TO GROW

BY KATHRYN STREETER

I

’m a safety mom. In life, as on a ski slope, I continually find myself helplessly speeding downhill trying to keep up with my tweens, while silently screaming, “Watch out for the trees!”

Releasing control doesn’t come naturally for most. For me, personally, the learning curve for parenting tweens-to-teens has been steeper than I’d expected. I want my kids to mature into independent young adults who can make wise choices on their own. I know that means I must let go. But in practice, I’ve found my convictions tested.

For example, schoolwork used to be a big power struggle around our home. I found myself offering nonstop directives and reminders. By sixth grade, I felt that overseeing assignment deadlines would only enable dependence and laziness. I knew a hands-off approach was the right one, but it still pained me when my kids innocently forgot their homework and received a lower grade. I realized that coddling would only hurt them though.

It’s still hard to stay in the shadows and watch my kids successfully dodge one bad decision, only to perform a dramatic face plant when the next major obstacle reveals itself. But how else will they learn?

Just like with homework, it was also hard to resist micromanaging after-school activities. I knew of an influential couple in Washington, D.C., who required their kid to learn a stringed musical instrument and a foreign language. My eyes lit up at the idea; it sounded like an insurance plan to turn out accomplished, polished children.

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My husband disagreed, and we ended up not taking this approach. In the end, our daughter found her own way.

A natural linguist, she became an advanced French student completely of her own choosing. When she was little, she elected to take piano lessons, but after a few years tearfully confessed that she loved her teacher, not the piano. With our blessing, she quit and later picked up the guitar for fun. Her story ended up including a foreign language and music. Had we forced things, though, she’d possibly have resented us and done less.

Similarly, our son, with no encouragement, has invested hours in educating himself about supercars, affording him an impressive knowledge base. He’s motivated from within, and as his parents, we take absolutely no credit for it. We can’t know now if this will play any part in his future, and that’s not the point. The point is that he chose it for himself.

Giving our kids lots of space to explore electives and hobbies has allowed them to “own” their interests; they haven’t been coerced into satisfying what we put in motion for them. And they have flourished.

Handing over general decision-making authority to my blossoming children has been uncomfortable. But holding on in an effort to keep them on a supposedly safe path would have only hampered their growth and contentment.

It’s true that I am still a safety mom. Sometimes I snowplow. I have been known to hover. But by opening my trembling fists and letting my kids find their own path at their own speed, I’ve given them the freedom to grow up on their own terms. And it’s worth it, no matter how uncomfortable it is for me.

Kathryn Streeter is a freelance writer whose stories have appeared in numerous publications. For her, the soaring begins when the hovering ends.

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