AUGUST 2016
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AUGUST
Explore what's inside this issue! Publisher Benjamin D. Schooley ben@hillcountryexplore.com
10 From the Publisher
Operations Manager Michelle Hans michelle@smvtexas.vom
12 Calendar 16 TROUBADOUR
Creative Director Benjamin N. Weber ben.weber@smvtexas.com
Black Ribbons Part 2
Assistant Creative Director Kayla Davisson kayla@smvtexas.com
30 ART OF
40 Spiritual
34 food
46 Old Timer
Jewelry
22 History
Don’t believe everything you read on the internet
The cure for the bbq recipe blues
stupid smelly people
ADVERTISING SALES 210-507-5250 sales@hillcountryexplore.com
The legend Continues
EXPLORE magazine is published by Schooley Media Ventures in Boerne, TX. EXPLORE Magazine and Schooley Media Ventures are not responsible for any inaccuracies, erroneous information, or typographical errors contained in this publication submitted by advertisers. Opinions expressed do not necessarily reflect the opinions of EXPLORE and/or Schooley Media Ventures. Copyright 2015 Schooley Media Ventures, 930 E. Blanco, Ste. 200, Boerne, TX 78006
Contributing Writers
Marjorie Hagy History
Rene Villanueva Music
Kendall D. Aaron Spiritual
Old Timer Just Old Timer
MARJORIE is a bibliophile, a history nut and an insomniac, among several other conditions, both diagnosed and otherwise. When she's not working tirelessly to avoid getting a real job, she nurses an obsession with her grandson and is involved in passing legislation restricting the wearing of socks with sandals. She is an aspiring pet hoarder who enjoys vicious games of Scrabble, reading Agatha Christie, and sitting around doing nothing while claiming to be thinking deeply. Marjorie has five grown children, a poodle to whom she is inordinately devoted in spite of his breath, and holds an Explore record for never having submitted an article on time. She's been writing for us for five years now.
Rene Villanueva is the lead singer/bass player for the band Hacienda. Having toured worldwide, hacienda has also been featured on several late night shows, including Late Show with David Letterman. Rene and his wife Rachel live in Boerne, TX and just welcomed thier first child.
I’m just a normal guy. I’m not a theology student, I don’t preach in church, and I’ve never written a book. I’m just a normal guy that thinks, and feels, and is on a never-ending journey attempting to be the best person I can be. I fail frequently at this quest, yet each day, the quest continues. I’ve lived in Boerne since the late ‘80s, I’ve got a most beautiful wife, three wonderful children, and just really, really love God. Thanks for going on my spiritual journey with me.
The Old Timer tells us he's been a resident of Boerne since about 1965. He enjoys telling people what he doesn't like. When not bust'n punks he can be found feeding the ducks just off Main St. or wandering aimlessly in the newly expanded HEB. Despite his rough and sometimes brash persona, Old Timer is really a wise and thoughtful individual. If you can sort through the BS.
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EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
PUBLISHER
DEAREST EXPLORE READER, This one might be a little interesting, as I’m currently looking out the window of room 305 of the Methodist Hospital where I have been for the past four days. I’m sitting in the bed, TV muted on the wall above me, with a bedpan lying on the floor to my right. My left foot is heavily bandaged, my IV machine is methodically dripping antibiotics into my body (along with morphine) and I don’t think I’ve shaved in 4 days.
much for the fact that my foot works today. I’m really thankful for that.”? Nope. I did what all of us do, and I took it all for granted. And then came my little friend, the stick, and it took my mobility, my foot, and my freedom to sleep in my own bed from me.
Car crash? Awful motorcycling incident? Knife fight with pirates? What great calamity brought me to this humbled state, you ask?
My eyes work. My ears work. My hands are functioning. I have one good working foot. My heart is beating, my children are healthy, and my bills are paid. I still have my parents, the grass is green at my house, my AC works, and my truck starts every time. I could go on and endless list of naming the mundane things that I take for granted, and so could you. When those mundane things fail, or break, or get poked with a stick, we moan ever so loudly at the injustice of it all.
A stick. That’s right – the perfect stick planted in the perfect location in the Rockport mud, angled at the precise degree to inflict maximum damage on this poor soul’s foot when he stood upon it with his full body weight. A stick. A lousy, pointed stick. One minute I laugh at the ridiculous hilarity that a stick could do as much damage as it has done, and then I just clinch my fists at the frustration of it all. I mean, seriously? I can’t even walk along a beach at the coast without ending up in a multi-day hospital stay that renders me completely crippled for the foreseeable future? Sheesh. So here I sit, staring out a window overlooking a parking garage under construction, and I have nothing but time to think. That’s both a good thing and a bad thing, as at some point, you tire of the round and round discussions you have in your head and pray for something to destroy the monotony of it all. My roommate in here is a younger guy with lots of tattoos. We chit-chatted a bit here and there, and after I got done whining about how I had been in the hospital for THREE WHOLE DAYS, he said “Yeah man, I feel ya. I’ve been here for two months.” I shut up quickly. He went on to explain that he had some sort of incurable stomach malady that rendered him unable to eat and so he had to stay here so that he could be fed via IV. Ultimately, he was HOPING for some sort of surgery that had the off-chance of helping him somewhat. One of my nurses is a heavy-set black woman, and we make small talk while she pokes me with some new torture device she brings in every few hours. She is in her late 30s, a single mom, and had just graduated from nursing school, FINALLY realizing her lifelong dream of being a nurse. She is older than all the other rookie nurses by almost 20 years, but she made it. I was handed a college education as an 18 year old, and she had to struggle mightily for hers. My foot worked on Thursday, but not on Friday. I was healthy and laughing on Thursday, but was writhing in pain on Friday. I was whole, and then I was not. Did I ever stop to recognize the fact that I was healthy? Did I stop and say a prayer, “Hey God – thanks so
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And it gets me thinking.
But there is someone in your life who is blind. Or deaf. Or is paralyzed. Their grass is brown and dead, the AC is always on the fritz, and they rely on rides to and fro because their car hasn’t started in months. They’re behind on bills, their parents are gone, and they recently lost a child. Yet they arise each day, just like you, and try to find something to be thankful for. I’m sitting in room 305 at Methodist Hospital, listening to IV drips, construction vehicles outside my window, and staring at a muted TV hanging on the wall. My brother died of cancer in 2013 and probably spent a combined year in the hospital throughout his fight. I have a hurt foot. I’ll get up in the next day or two and be wheeled out of here, I’ll heal, and it will be nothing but a really funny story I’ll tell over a beer in the coming months and years. The point is that I will be WHOLE again, and that’s something that not everybody gets to say. And for that, I’m most assuredly thankful. Welcome to August. May you take a deep breath, close your eyes, and catalog the almost endless number of blessings that exist in your life. EXPLORE your life, smile ceaselessly, and give thanks. Life is much easier that way. Smiling,
ben@hillcountryexplore.com
EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
- Texas Monthly Magazine, August 2016
51 8 RIVER ROAD, B OER NE, T X | w w w. l i ttl e g re t e l .com | 8 3 0 -3 3 1 -1 3 6 8
AUGUST
Get out and enjoy the great Texas Hill Country! The most comprehensive events calendar. Send submissions to info@hillcountryexplore.com
BANDERA
GRUENE
August 2 Cowboy Capital Opry Silver Sage, 803 Buck Creek. www.silversagecorral.org
August 14 Gospel Brunch with a Texas Twist Serves awe-inspiring gospel music coupled with a mouthwatering buffet from 10:30 a.m.-noon. Advance tickets recommended. Gruene Hall. GrueneHall.com
August 6 Bandera Market Days Find arts and crafts vendors. Courthouse Lawn, 500 Main St. www.banderatexasbusiness.com August 6, 13, 20, 27 Flying L Ranch Chuck Wagon Dinner Includes barbecue, wagon rides, roping lessons, hat and pistol branding, archery, old-fashioned photos, a cowboy stage show, gunslingers, line dancing and other entertainment. Flying L Ranch, 566 Flying L Drive. www.flyingl.com August 14 Frontier Times Museum Cowboy Camp Enjoy cowboy music, or bring a guitar and join in the song circle. Frontier Times Museum. www.frontiertimesmuseum.org
COMFORT August 18 Music in the Park Comfort Park. www.gaddischurch.org
FREDERICKSBURG August 5 First Friday Art Walk Tour fine art galleries offering demonstrations, refreshments and Various locations. www.ffawf.com
special exhibits, extended hours.
August 18 Come and Taste It Try wine and craft beer while enjoying live music and giveaways. The Grapevine. August 20-21 Old Gruene Market Days Nearly 100 vendors offer uniquely crafted items and packaged Texas foods. Gruene Historic District. www.GrueneMarketDays.com
INGRAM August 5-27 “Pump Boys and Dinettes” The Pump Boys, who sell high octane, and Prudie and Rhetta Cupp, who run the diner next door, create an evening of country songs. Hill Country Arts Foundation Indoor Theater. www.hcaf.com
August 11-13 Blanco County Fair and Rodeo Annual county fair and rodeo featuring music, vendors, food, arts and crafts. Blanco County Fairgrounds. www.bcfra.org
August 12 Four Square Friday Enjoy shopping, food, live music and art from 6–9 p.m. Downtown. www.visituvalde.com
August 13-14 Grape Stomp Texas Hills Vineyard. www.texashillsvineyard.com
WIMBERLEY
August 12-13 Hill Country Fair Association Summer Classic Annual summer event featuring a rodeo, dance, parade and car show. FM 2169. www.junctiontexas.com
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August 5-7 Hotter Than Hell 100 Mile Yard Sale Stretches from Castroville to Brackettville. www.visituvalde.com
JOHNSON CITY
August 13-14, 27-28 Live Pari-Mutuel Horse Racing See live quarter horse and thoroughbred races. Gillespie County Fairgrounds. www.gillespiefair.com
August 25-28 Gillespie County Fair and Parade The oldest continuously running fair in Texas includes displays of agriculture, livestock and home skills, plus horse racing, concerts, dances, carnival and midway games. Gillespie County Fairgrounds. www.gillespiefair.com
August 12-14 LakeFest Drag Boat Races See boats race down the liquid quarter-mile track at speeds up to 250 mph. Lakeside Park www.marblefallslakefest.com/
August 5 Uvalde County Stargazing Just after sunset, the public is invited to view the season’s stars, constellations, planets and deep sky objects. Historic Fort Inge. www.visituvalde.com
August 27-28 Market Days U.S. 290 at Avenue G. www.lbjcountry.com
August 19-21 Fredericksburg Trade Days At 355 Sunday Farms Road. www.fbgtradedays.com
MARBLE FALLS
UVALDE
August 12-21 “A Grand Night for Singing” Presented by Fredericksburg Theatre Company. Steve W. Shepherd Theater, 1668 U.S. 87 S. www.fredericksburgtheater.org
August 14 PCAA Concert in the Park Featuring the Almost Patsy Cline Band. Marktplatz. www.tex-fest.com
August 20 Kerrville Kids Off-Road Triathlon Includes swimming, biking and running events for children from pre-K to 18 years old. Singing Wind Park. www.kerrville.org
JUNCTION
KERRVILLE August 5 First Friday Wine Share Bring one bottle of wine per two people and your own wine glass Kerr County Hill Country Youth Event Center. www.storkcountry.com
August 4-13 Shakespeare Under The Stars: “A Midsummer Night’s Dream” Nightly, except Sunday, at 8:15 p.m. EmilyAnn Theatre and Gardens. www.emilyann.org August 6 Wimberley Lions Market Days Stroll along a shaded path to browse more than 475 booths. At 601 F.M. 2325. www.shopmarketdays.com August 13 Second Saturday Gallery Trail More than a dozen galleries offer wine, snacks and art displays from 4–7 p.m. www.facebook.com/SecondSaturdayGalleryTrail August 18 Susanna’s Kitchen Coffeehouse Concert Series Ranch-to-Market 12 at County Road 1492. www.wimberleyumc.org
August 12-14 “Once Upon a Mattress” Cailloux Theater. www.caillouxtheater.com August 19-September 4 “Always a Bridesmaid” Playhouse 2000 VK Garage Theater. www.playhouse2000.com
EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
Freshly prepared foods Personalized customer service FritzesBBQ.com
I NTR OD U C ING BUSINESS LUNCH BOXES
LOCAL | HEALTHY | FRESH
Designed as a convenience for businesses that want to provide a healthy and easy lunch for their employees, volunteers, management or customers on short notice. Each Lunch Box contains a sandwich, wrap or salad, along with a side dish and dessert.
COMPANY PARTIES • BUSINESS MEETINGS • CONFERENCES Tastings by appointment (Dan) Catering Team: 210.867.5236 Email: eat@fritzesbbq.com
Come play with us! IT’S FLOATIN’ FUN!!
Our water park is where all the action is at on Boerne City Lake!
BEE Water Park is serious about fun and full of all kinds of AWESOME – water slides, trampolines, climbers, splash zones, and our crowd favorite: THE BLOB. This is an ideal place to plan your next adventure, host your next birthday party, or book your next summer camp activity. Our water park offers an out of this world, FUN, experience for everyone!
All ages – BIG FUN!! Climb, slide, jump or lounge... It’s a playground on water for the whole family.
BIRTHDAY PARTIES & EVENTS - BEE Water Park is the perfect place to bring your group for a celebration. Along with birthday parties, we regularly welcome school groups, camps, non-profits, family reunions, corporate team building events and more. Private Events Available!
w w w. b e e w a t e r p a r k . c o m | 2 1 0 . 8 1 6 . 2 F U N | b e e w a t e r p a r k @ g m a i l . c o m | f i n d u s o n f a c e b o o k a n d i n s t a g r a m
AUGUST 2016
www.hillcountryexplore.com
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EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
TROUBADOUR
BLACK RIBBONS: PART 2 By Rene Villanueva
The next twenty minutes found me standing outside the motel. Making a few calls on the phone down my list: Dad, girlfriend, friends back home, and finally anything I was missing for work. I was in the middle of texting my girlfriend about what she did last night when the driver pulled up. “Ruh-ne?” he yelled out his passenger window phonetically, stretching my name out to its recognizable limits. When I grabbed my case, he popped the trunk and pointed his thumb, before tapping the Bluetooth connected to his ear. He was mid-way through a sentence when he turned around quickly and asked, “The Metro?” “Yeah,” And he was back on the phone, as we took off. “I’m just tired of it man. She thinks...” he paused for a minute, listening to the other person as we wove through the city, “Yeah, yeah. The sh** she thinks she can just take from me. Take. Take. Take. All she’s ever f*in done.”
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EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
We hit a red light. I tried looking out the window, block after block of tinted windows, banks, law firms, basically ‘Nothing to look at,’ I sighed. I didn’t want to listen, but there wasn’t much else going on. “Ok, Ok, but listen to this. Remember last Christmas? We did a whole cross promotion thing, and I’m set up for the interview and she’s gone man. I mean vanished from the building...” “Yeah... and it’s not a big deal, I’m thinking, they need this done... exactly, let’s get this over with.” He turns the corner slowly and we hit another batch of traffic. I’m waiting for a text from Rachel - you won’t believe this car ride I’m on babe. “So I do the interview they give me gift bags to give to the team. And they give me this extra camera like one big bonus for doing the interview. Yeah, so later I give everybody their bags and don’t think anything of it until like 8 months later... The car comes to a sudden halt. The guy turns around still talking to his friend, and points up ahead at the line of cars and mouths “2 more blocks” as his friend is talking “almost.” “Then guess what? She’s on about the camera after a meeting... She says she deserved the camera. And I’m just thinking, “What the hell are you talking about? You are serious about a stupid digital camera... Yeah, don’t you have a phone that can do all this? Just real dumb stuff like that all the time.” “And, and, and,” he stumbles, “the real thing is, I don’t care about the camera. It’s not like I stole it from her. Just, yeah it never even registered that this would be a thing. You know... This?” We creep up for two more agonizing blocks, as he goes on and on about this fight he is having with a coworker. Though I eventually learn somewhere just past the start of the 2nd block that they were more than coworkers. It’s a mercy when he finally sets the car in park. I pay him. He doesn’t look at me. I start walking away from the car towards the venue when I remember the bass is in the truck. For a second I start to run back, but I see him there. Still yelling about his fight to his friend. I tap on his window, “I forgot,” I didn’t even finish the line while I’m pointing to the trunk. And the driver gets startled. I don’t know if he didn’t recognize me or maybe it was too unexpected. Little things. Unaware. So many problems come from little things. To be continued… P.S. As always, if you want to talk you can reach me on thewordisabell.blogspot.com, YouTube (idyllgreen), Facebook (haciendamusic), and Twitter (@hacienda_tx).
A son of South-Texas, and two of the most beautiful souls I’ll ever know. Writer, dreamer, singer of songs, bass player, and professional observer. Toured the world with my band of “real-bloodtied” brothers, and friends as Hacienda/Fast-five. Recorded three albums, written countless songs, played countless shows, including two national tv late-night extravaganzas, festivals, throwdowns, parties, and hoot-nights. Lover of books, vinyl, dancing, people who laugh loud, walking, vintage craftsmanship, and my home in Boerne.
AUGUST 2016
www.hillcountryexplore.com
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Coffee I Tea I Smoothies Bubble Tea I Pastries I BAGELS Organic & Gluten Free Snacks Meetings I Parties I Live Music
215 W. Bandera, Suite 115 Boerne, TX 78006
830.331.2272
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EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
Rehabilitate in Boerne, One Step Closer to Home
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EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
CONCERNED ABOUT RETIREMENT?
HUNGRY FOR AN EDUCATION?
Join us for a free educational dinner held weekly at Bob’s, Ruth’s Chris, or Maggianos. RSVP at 210-255-3040 Texas License Number 1490984
507 E. Blanco Rd.
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Boerne, TX
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210-255-3040
HISTORY
By Marjorie Hagy
ight off the bat this month, I feel like a disclaimer is in order so that you, my readers, might better understand the humor in which I find myself. Here goes: I’ve just spent a half-hour or so trying to find a really cutting quote about people who purposely misrepresent history. I spent a good thirty minutes, as I said, in seeking that elusive perfect quote to express my dismay and disgust at a certain shameless purveyor of nonsensical balderdash (who is unknown to me). In the interest of full disclosure, I really feel compelled to admit that a full twenty minutes of that time was spent down an internet rabbit hole where I discovered a handful of submissions for the Bulwer-Lytton Prize, in which writers vie for the dubious honor of penning the opening sentence for the “worst of all possible novels”. As it happens, this was the best possible kismet, since I enjoyed the entries so much that my irritation entirely dissipated, particularly upon reading this contribution by Shannon Wedge: ‘Leopold looked up at the arrow piercing the skin of the dirigible with a sort of wondrous dismay – the wheezy shriek was just the sort of sound he always imagined a baby moose being beaten with a pair of accordions might make.’ So now I’m in a better mood. But still. Here’s what’s up: This local real estate company is doing a social media marketing campaign kind-of-thing, in which they post little snippets of Boerne history. So far so good - I mean, it sounds like the kinda thing that’d blow my skirt up, right? The problem is - it’s all wrong! I don’t know where they’re getting their information from, but it’s seriously flawed, and everybody assumes it’s the real deal because, you know, it’s on the internet and all. Even my own family has tagged me in these posts with comments like ‘Wow, did you know this?!’ and then I’m forced to go off into a closet and cuss like Yosemite Sam used to have to do. Ok, so I should address this right here and now. I’m not so far along into my delusion that I don’t realize that this isn’t a pressing concern for a whole lot of people. I do realize that some charlatan misreporting Boerne history isn’t exactly Woodward and Bernstein stuff, but all the same, I can’t help thinking that it does matter! Full disclosure, again (this seems to be my day for it): My formal education ended when I graduated Boerne High School in some remote era when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, so I’m not really an official historian, but I’ve gotten into Boerne history and know a lot about it and (obviously) I write about it. That’s the whole reason why we’re here together today, right? I’m gonna get serious for just a sec. Here goes: I feel like there’s kind of an inherent responsibility, when writing about history, to report it as truthfully as possible, and when you don’t know something or can’t find out anything about it, you have to report that, too. All this stuff might not matter to a whole lot of people, but it does matter. What you write is going out into the universe to become part of the permanent record,
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you know? If enough people see it (like, for instance, on the internet), then it’s going to become their truth - whether or not it’s actually true. Whether it’s a great big huge thing, like the official account of a pivotal battle or some really important quote from the president or something, or something seemingly inconsequent, relating an incident in the history of a small town in the Texas Hill Country, you should always be as honest and as thorough in your research and your reporting as you possibly can. One of the most egregiously misreported events in Boerne history is the tale of the founding of St. Peter’s Catholic Church on a hill across Main Street from the old Military Plaza. Legend has it - and I use the word ‘legend’ advisedly - that the first settlers of Boerne were so violently anti-church that they refused to allow this first church to be built within the city limits, and even went so far as to post a sign on the outskirts of town that read ‘Preachers, don’t let the sun go down on you in this town’. Utter and complete poppycock. Malarkey, bunkum and twaddle! (If you’d like me to provide more antiquated, vaguely British synonyms to express my disdain, hit me up on messenger.) Somebody took a thing that really happened, rearranged it, left out a lot of stuff and added a bunch of other stuff that never happened and voila! Now, instead of the true story, you’ve got people believing some claptrap you just made up - and that ain’t right. Don’t believe a word of it. To unravel this load of moonshine, we’ve got to go back a long way. See, what you simply have to understand is that TWO communities were established along the Cibolo Creek near the Pinta Trail within three years of one another, one in 1849 and the other in 1852. These were two different places, settled by different people for different reasons. Over time one of the little villages simply fizzled out and ceased to be, while the other one held on, striving for life in a harsh wilderness, and then finally thrived. The one never became the other - they were two little villages, side by side, and one survived while the other one didn’t. That’s crucial to any understanding of our own history here in Boerne. Over the past hundred and sixty or seventy years, that single important fact has been glossed over, blurred out and forgotten, but it’s there, it’s true, and it’s important! It’s like this: In the 1840s, conditions in Germany were in upheaval for various reasons and there was a spirit of revolution in the air, and (wow, this is really making a long story short y’all) out of all that business grew a group of forty young men at a certain university. Their purpose: to establish a number of learned communist utopias over here in Texas - the so-called Latin colonies. They failed once in a settlement they called Bettina up on the Llano River, but they were still determined to see their vision become a reality, so they came back - this time, to the Cibolo Valley, to try it all again. These dudes were radicals and liberals in keeping with everything that was happening back in the Fatherland. Some of them were Freethinkers, who believed in freedom of religion as well as freedom from religion, and that the state shouldn’t dictate to her citizens what
EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
and whether to believe, and things like that. That was it. Not even all of the Fortier’s were Freethinkers - one was even a preacher, and presumably, these matters of church and God and worship were some of the things they debated in Latin late into the night, in their Latin colonies. Certainly not all Germans were Freethinkers, either, as you can imagine. There were a lot of Germans, maybe even most, who jeered at the Freethinkers and trolled their Facebook pages and called them “libtards” and “sheeple” and all that - you know how it is. ANYhoo, eight guys got here to this bucolic Eden in the Cibolo Valley, and started setting up their socialist camp on the Cibolo, which they called Tusculum. That’s right Tusculum - founded in 1849. There was no Boerne down the street, not at all. You wanna know what was down the street? More woods, more creek, and hostile Indians, but no Boerne. As far as the dudes who were busy founding Tusculum were concerned, Boerne was just some weird pronunciation of the name of a hero of theirs, a dead Jewish political writer and satirist named Karl Ludwig Börne. So now, let’s forget everything I just told you for a little bit, just wipe that slate clean. We good? Now here’s another dry-erase board, and here’s this whole new guy you haven’t heard of before, just a whole new character. A fella’ by the name of John James, and he’s not even German or anything; he’s from Nova Scotia, which is in Canada I think (it really is in Canada.) This character, he’d read so much about Texas and her struggle for independence from Mexico that he headed down here as soon as he turned seventeen in order to help in the fight. But he got sick and didn’t get here on time, showing up in 1837 when all the fun was over, and Texas had become an independent country. Pretty soon this John James started learning the land business by practical experience - locating, surveying, and perfecting title to vast territories of land up north and west of San Antonio up Tusculum way. He got to be so good at it that first he was appointed assistant, and later the chief surveyor in Bexar County. His biggest achievement in there was probably the time he re-surveyed and re-established the boundaries of SA from the original grant from the king of Spain. He also surveyed Henri Castro’s Alsatian colony of Castroville, as well as D’Hanis, Quihi, and Bandera.
Having acquired this choice property in the lush Cibolo Valley, the two men knew they were onto a good thing, and set out, post haste, to survey the land and to lay it out into city lots and farm sections, all for sale to the first comers. The fact that the first comers, and many other buyers, happened to be Germans was just a matter of there being lots of Germans in the neighborhood. It was a German kind of time, with refugees and ousted radicals coming over to Texas after a failed revolution attempt back in the Fatherland. That may have actually been the reason James’ and Theissen’s new commercial development was dubbed Boerne - it may just have been a matter of putting out the vibe to attract expatriate Germans to town to buy land. Honestly, though, people of German extraction made up only about three-quarters of the new citizens in town, while the rest were people from other countries - Ireland, France and Scotland were represented - and many from other mostly southern United States. So in 1852 - three years after the eight men first set up camp at Tusculum John James and Gustav Theissen began selling town lots in this freshly laidout berg, and it looked like a good venture. It was a beautiful place where this new town was situated. Beautiful rolling, wooded hills. That famous, healthful mountain air. And a perfect location, being a day’s distance from San Antonio along the road to just about anywhere west you might want to go. You can bet that neither one of these two guys were throwing around arbitrary rules about whether or not churches were allowed, nor were there any noises coming from this mixed-bag of settlers about keeping churches out of their village. Gustav Theissen does seem to have been a Freethinker himself, but he wasn’t discouraging newcomers from spending their money by talking up his weird hippie views in a town he was trying to promote. In fact, Theissen appears to have been the more silent partner, as James took a more active role in shaping out the town. Back in Tusculum, things that had been limping along had now more or less slowed to a crawl. It’s just a sad, simple truth that utopian societies are easier to dream than to live, after all. Founders were moving away from
And Boerne. He surveyed and laid out the town of Boerne, too. See, among all of these vast tracts of land that John James amassed, there was this swath of land in the Cibolo Valley lying along a spur of the Pinta Trail, the old military road, and ribboned through by that crystal clear Cibolo Creek. By one way and another, James and his partner, a guy named Gustav Theissen, got ahold of pretty much all of the land there except the parcel where Tusculum was - and the men camping there, they kept plugging away, trying to make it work. Meanwhile, James and Theissen set out to make some serious money. You see, the town of Boerne wasn’t founded as a German colony by Germans set out to recreate a little slice of Hesse - or Darmstadt or Bavaria or whatever in the New World. (New Braunfels and Fredericksburg were like that - they were planned and laid out by the Adelsverein still in Germany, as colonies in Texas.) John James wasn’t even German, for Pete’s sake. Boerne didn’t grow organically, like a lot of other little towns - you know, like Bergheim, which was established because the cedar choppers needed a place to trade, get mail, etc. Many little towns were created out of the need of area farmers and ranchers and landowners for somewhere to do business, their banking, and go to church, and all that. Boerne sure didn’t come about as a vision of an ideal socialist society in the middle of the wilderness, like Sisterdale and Tusculum. Boerne was from the beginning, purely and simply, a business venture and a way for its founders to turn a buck. Both John James and Gustav Theissen were on their way to becoming what Daffy Duck termed ‘fabulously well-to-do’, and they didn’t do it by chasing wild-eyed radical rainbows and ideals - they did it by dint of a series of hard-headed business deals, and Boerne, Texas, was one.
AUGUST 2016
the camp and into town, or back to Germany, or elsewhere - wherever their destinies took them. Remember, these were young men, students, and scions of some of the wealthier families back in their homeland. When this one experiment in utopian living failed, they had the drive and the means to go in search of it elsewhere. The guy who now owned the land upon which Tusculum was built - what little was ever built - let the diehard Tusculumites stay on and camp out on that section of his property. People actually did live there up into the early 19th century, but it never did grow and prosper. Another thing it never did, that little reminder of a dream Tusculum - it never did relocate to Boerne. It never did exactly give up and join Boerne. It was eventually swallowed up as Boerne grew and as the true believers wandered away, but it never did actually become Boerne. The town of Boerne, somewhere along the way, somehow appropriated Tusculum’s
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founding date, collectively forgetting that it wasn’t established in 1849, but three years later, in 1852. Yet everybody accepted the lie for the truth, and after a few years everyone forgot it was ever a lie in the first place. As for the new settlers in the new town of Boerne, though, they weren’t Freethinkers. They just weren’t. A few of them might have been. One or two might have even been wild-eyed crazies who harbored strong anti-religious feelings, but at no time was Boerne ever a hotbed of Freethinkers and liberals. Comfort was. Sisterdale and the founders of Tusculum were, but never, ever Boerne. Boerne people, from wherever they came, turned out by-and-large to be stolid, sturdy working people, sensible and businesslike, ready to put nose to the grindstone and do the work of building a town. They weren’t student radicals. They weren’t violently anti-religious and they didn’t post a sign on the outskirts of town warning preachers to stay out of town. That stuff is all made up by someone who doesn’t have a very good grasp of the two separate villages and the people who lived in them - it’s just poorly-researched tripe invented for the purpose of inclusion into a tourist brochure. You know what it reminds me of? The Boerne Star always had the police blotter in the paper, in the old days, and it would report the usual things, including people shoplifting, DUIs – and, yes - escaped livestock, which was important stuff because this was a farm town after all. Yet in the 1990s, when people started moving into this adorable little town, suddenly the police blotter got cute. It changed so that instead of a report of what the cops had been up to that week, it became a ‘Look at what a silly little place I live!’ thing to clip out of the paper and send to your green-withenvy friends who don’t live here. It was awful in its tween-ess. Lord help me. Somebody even dabbled in alliteration, thus: A queue of cute calves cavorted at the crossroads. (My face, as I write this, is painfully hot and my whole soul is mortified.) Anyway, that’s what this awful fiction about the founding of the Catholic Church reminds me of: just shameful pandering to make this town seem fun enough and oddball enough to make you want to drop two hundred bucks on a bucket, or a couple million more on a house. By the way, yes, I’m getting to the Catholic Church. See, the townspeople of Boerne, so far from being aggressively anti-religion, were keeping the itinerant priests busy whenever they ventured out into the wild northwest of San Antonio from San Fernando Cathedral, having them into their homes to celebrate Mass whenever they could get ahold of them. The very first church in Boerne, in fact, wasn’t even St Peter’s on the hill - it was a rough log chapel built with materials from a cedar brake at Post Oak Springs ranch, by George Wilkins Kendall for his French bride Adeline de Valcourt Kendall. A certain Father Claude Dubois, who would soon become the Bishop of Galveston, had himself visited with the scattered and isolated people of the Hill Country in order to celebrate the sacraments in their homes with them and saw the need for spiritual nurture. In 1860, Father Dubois decided that the time had come for him to send someone to build a brick-and-mortar Catholic Church building here. He chose a very young man named Emil LJ Fleury, the very first priest to be assigned to Boerne, and Brother Fleury certainly didn’t face any hatred or opposition from the townspeople. In fact, he was gratefully welcomed to town and greatly helped in his work by many of Boerne’s leading citizens, including the Phillip family, the Staffel’s, Dienger’s, Sueltenfuss’, O’Grady’s, Kunz’s, Riley’s and Kaiser’s, as well as many Hispanic families, and by the two most famous citizens of all, George Wilkins Kendall and Dr. Ferdinand Herff. About the Bishop’s choice of young Fleury, one church historian explained that ‘by sending the young and inexperienced deacon to this outpost to build a church, Bishop Dubois sought to test his sincerity. The Bishop promised Fleury that if he succeeded in establishing a church in the community, he would see to the young man’s education and priesthood. Fleury did not return until he had completed his task - admirably. He presented a completed church to the Bishop, debt-free.’ Ok, so here are some things I have to point out, as I have an irritating habit of doing which was why my kids refused to watch Breaking Bad with me: First, do you notice when young Father Fleury came to town, how early in the history of our little Boerne the need for a community worship place was felt? In 1860, when Fleury arrived, Boerne had only been around for eight years and the place was just barely limping along, but they were still hurting for a church.
other horrors it visited on the country, made everybody broke as church mice, especially people in the South who’d turned all their money into Confederate scrip which became worthless. These guys worked on the church building all through the war as they had the money and manpower, and nobody had any dough. Still this German-speaking French guy, this Fleury, brought it all in debt-free. That’s pretty impressive. So how’d he do it? First of all, Fleury managed to raise two hundred bucks toward the building fund, a feat that surely would have been impossible in the atmosphere of hostility which some stooge claims prevailed at the time. He was also able to rely on the help of a whole lot of volunteers - again, not a thing that suggests that the townsfolk were set against the venture. The building of this church really was a community project, and so many people threw their very material support behind the task, as did Deacon Fleury, who busted his hump right along with the others. Yet, another plus was the fact that Fleury not only had a little construction experience himself, he had a head on his shoulders. He lit out for Fredericksburg where he heard there were some guys who’d teach him how to make lime for mortar, and where he also hired a couple of expert stone masons. Fleury must’ve explained to the masons that he was working with a shoestring budget because they agreed to do the job in exchange for their room and board - that way, they figured, even if Fleury couldn’t manage to pay them in the end, they still wouldn’t be out any cash - ‘all they would be out,’ they reasoned, ‘would be their time.’ The preacher arranged for their food and lodging with the Phillip House inn next door to the church property, on credit. And what about all that eyewash about Fleury having to build his church outside city limits because no churches were allowed in town? What really happened was that Emil Fleury fell in love with that location on the hill, from which one could look down across the whole village and the Cibolo Creek laid out below. It was also cheaper to buy an ‘outlot’ - a bigger piece of land located outside the town limits and designed for farming - than it was a to buy a lot in town. Fleury and his workers quarried the limestone for the church from both Herff’s and Kendall’s ranches, and the men hauled the rock over rough roads to the site and the lime kiln they built for the mortar on top of Kronkosky Hill, on the back of the church property. A well was hand-dug right next to the church’s building-site for the use not only of the workers, but later for the use of the rectory and for the worshippers and their horses who carried them to church. Fleury cut costs, too, by refusing to stay in lodging alongside the rock masons, camping out on a pallet inside the church building. One night, though, an exhausted Fleury, too tired to schlepp all the way back to his bed, passed out on the scaffolding instead. That night there was an Indian raid, and Fleury’s poor horse tied up behind Phillip House, was killed. Fleury’s own blanket, covering his sleeping pallet, was also shot through with arrows. Surely the attackers must’ve believed they’d shot the young deacon dead, but God was protecting his own that night - as he lay on the scaffold and slept through it all. The church was finished in 1866, a year after the end of the bloodiest war the US has ever known, and St Peter’s parish in Boerne was born. Emil Fleury, after presenting Bishop Dubois with a beautiful little debt-free limestone church, took off to begin his studies - as Father Dubois had promised - at the seminary in San Antonio. He was ordained in January of 1868, and took his place as the first resident priest of St Peter’s Church soon after. Father Emil lived in the tiny sacristy behind the altar of the beloved church that had grown beneath his hands. So far from being the hated and bitterly contested institution that dumb story would make you think, St Peter’s became the beloved heart of the village almost at once, and attracted congregants of all kinds - from the German Texans to the Native Americans who’d embraced the Christianity of the Spanish missionary priests; from the Tejanos to the Anglos; from the Mexicans to the Spaniards; from the IrishAmerican O’Grady’s and the French-American Kendall’s. And THAT, my sisters and brothers, is the true story. Oh, and I finally found that quote I was looking for: Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. -Karl Ludwig Börne
Plus, let’s think about this debt-free business a little bit. You guys, 1860 was just right before the Civil War which, of course in addition to all the
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CRYOTHERAPY BENEFITS Decreases muscle soreness Shortens injury recovery time Reduces pain and swelling Inhibits inflammation Eases chronic pain Increases training intensity and athletic performance Triggers weight loss (burns 500-800 calories per session) Lessens fatigue Speeds surgical recovery Tightens skin Reduces cellulite Improves skin conditions like psoriasis and blemishes Boosts energy
PACKAGES AND PRICING Introductory Session: $45 Single Session: $60 3 Sessions: $165 ($55/session) 6 Sessions: $300 ($50/session) 9 Sessions: $405 ($45/session) 12 Sessions: $480 ($40/session) Unlimited: $199/month Spectrum Physical Therapy patients receive a 15% discount. (Excludes Introductory Session and Unlimited)
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www.boernept.com 1002 E. Blanco Rd., Suite B | Boerne, TX 78006 | 830.331.8420 Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/spectrumphysicaltherapy
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MY TOWN 2 GO Hello, Hill Country! My name is Michelle and I would like to share with you an argument my husband Randy and I have been having since we moved to the sweet town of Boerne almost ten years ago. (ok, maybe “argument” is a little strong…it has been more of a “negotiation” in which one of us looses and becomes disgruntled) It has nothing to do with the political chaos unfolding but something much
HOME
more simple….FOOD. More specifically, who will be the looser of our “negotiation” and have to go pick
OFFICE
up some take out to feed our family of five that seems
HOTEL
we had this issue, surely other families must be in
CATERING AVAILABLE
to be going in five different directions most days. If the same situation. After all these years, we finally realized there was a problem and we could provide a solution. Hill Country and surrounding areas, we bring you My Town 2 Go. We are a restaurant delivery service that will bring you dinner from your favorite
Contact Us At: www.mytown2go.com michelle@mytowntx.com
restaurant and save you the hassle. The process is quite simple…you can place your order online at mytown2go.com or download the app (mytown2go) and order straight from your phone. Choose your restaurant, make your selections, pay and free up a little time to tackle your never ending to-do list while waiting on your meal to come straight to your door. The hardest part will be deciding where to order from! One of the things we are most proud of is the fact that a portion of our proceeds will go to Hill Country Daily Bread to help those less fortunate.
Check back - we’re adding more restaurants every day!
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EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
SOME WAYS TO BEAT THE SUMMER HEAT ARE NOT AS FUN AS OTHERS.
L AW F I R M
507 E. Blanco Rd.
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Boerne, TX
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830-331-2772
ART OF
Morrell Jewelry has been creating beautiful jewelry in Boerne for the past 25 years, and has garnered a reputation as one of the area’s most skilled and respected artisans in the area. Owned and operated for decades by Dave Morrell, ownership was eventually transferred to long-time employee, Jeanette Alcazar. Her own love and passion for jewelry design made her a great candidate, but her love for her customers made her the perfect fit.
Originally from a military family, Alcazar married in ’89 and quickly moved to the Texas Hill Country. She begins, “I actually had two jobs when I was going to college where I worked in a fine jewelry store, and I also was a bookkeeper for many years. I was one of Dave’s loyal customers originally, and he had been asking me to come work for him for a long time, but the timing wasn’t right. I had been with the same company for several years and just wasn’t ready.” However, after the premature birth of her second child and the subsequent time spent at home, perspectives shifted for Alcazar. “My 2nd daughter was premature, and I stayed home with her for almost two years. It changed my perspective on everything. You realize that there are things so much more important than your career. I had registered for a Mother’s Day Out, and walked into Dave’s place and he had clients everywhere and he had no help. I asked him where his help was, and he said he was on his own. I walked behind the counter and just started helping people, and that’s how it all started. After a half hour of doing this he says ‘Sit down – are you ready to come work for me yet?’ He said that he knew he couldn’t afford me, but I said that I’m at a stage in life where that doesn’t matter, but that I needed flexible hours, and he agreed without question.” And with that, Alcazar’s long journey with Morrell Jewelry officially began. While she began as a very part-time employee, it eventually morphed into being the bookkeeper, then to full time, and now ultimately, the owner. Dave had some health troubles, and his family was in North Texas, so he passed the keys to her and said “You ARE Morrell Jewelry.” Alcazar couldn’t be more grateful. “He was the greatest person to work for ever. We are so completely blessed that he had faith that I could take over and continue where he left out, so much so that he let me keep the name. I had been running it without him for a few years, so I have been quite involved for a long time.” However, Alcazar’s new adventure had a bumpy start. She explains, “On May 15 of last year, the store flooded. 12 inches of water. We were displaced for two and a half months. Our customers were freaking out and made sure that we did repairs like crazy just to help keep us in business. It was such a miracle that we survived that flood. In talking to Dave about it, he gave us the best adivice: You and Mark have turned that store completely around. It used to be all repair…but over time I added little bits of inventory. Eventually we were a full retail shop along with the repairs. So he encouraged me to find a spot, re-establish ourselves. So we got back in the space and moved to our new location. Then on January 16 of this year we were burglarized. It was devastating. It crippled us. They completely wiped me out. We were in the middle of remodeling our new location, and we were all set up to be debt free moving into our new place. I eventually dusted myself off, and this place was the vision. We have great vendors, and they gave us great terms on our new inventory and we were able to rebuild yet again.” Since then, Alcazar has focused on not only holding true to the original values of Morrell Jewelry, but growing and reaching more customers that can become part of “the family.” “We have never lost our small town charm. I don’t care what size your purchase is, you’re going to get the same service and I have always kept those principles. My favorite part, though, is that I’m a people person and I like to know their stories because it helps me provide them with the perfect piece of jewelry. I also love taking their unwanted jewelry and turning it into a piece of art that they want to wear every day. The look on their faces is what I love the most. We have generations of customers – we start off with grandparents, and then down the family tree. I have held babies that have come back for their engagement rings. It’s so wonderful. It’s such a reward to be part of people’s lives like that.”
Morrell Jewelry | 134 E Bandera Rd. | Boerne, TX 78006 | 830-249-4092
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AUGUST 2016
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1109 South Main Street
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INFRARED SAUNA | MINERAL NUTRIENT TESTING ORGANIC PROTEIN SHAKES & COFFEE BAR FITNESS CLASSES | JUICES & HEALTHY MEALS | HEALTH COACHING ORGANIC SKIN CARE & MAKE-UP
AUGUST SCHEDULE MONDAY Yoga 10:00am
TUESDAY TRX 8:30am
WEDNESDAY Yoga 10:00am
THURSDAY TRX 8:30am
FRIDAY Holy Yoga/Fusion 9:00am
Express Booty Noon
Personal Coaching Appointments Available 10:00am - 4:00pm
Express Booty Noon
Personal Coaching Appointments Available 10:00am - 4:00pm
SATURDAY More classes/times to come in September
Barre/Pilates 5:15pm Holy Yoga/Fusion 6:00pm
Kids Class 5:00pm Kettlebell 5:30pm Kettlebell 6:30pm
Barre/Pilates 5:15pm Holy Yoga/Fusion 6:00pm
Kids Class 5:00pm Kettlebell 5:30pm Kettlebell 6:30pm
To book classes or find out more information: call, email or go to our website and click on the “join” button. 830.331.9907 | bwell.shoppe@gmail.com | www.bwellshoppe.com
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EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
LIVING
WELL
BOERNE OAKS A P A R T M E N T S
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400 Rosewood Ave | Boerne 78006 | 830-331-2121
FOOD
BBQ doesn’t always have to be about brisket, ribs, and sausage. Here are some dishes to add a bit of interest at your next big summertime shindig... or to just enjoy around the dinner table on a Tuesday evening.
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EXPLORE it! LIVE IT! The REAL Kendall County.
BBQ Chicken Grilled Cheese
3 cups chicken (shredded) 1/2 cup BBQ sauce 8 slices Texas toast bread 6 Tbsps. butter (softened, or more or less, depending on how much you use) BBQ sauce (extra, for drizzling) 4 cups shredded cheese (or more if you need it) In a medium bowl, combine chicken and BBQ sauce, mix well. Spread butter on one side of each slice of bread. To assemble sandwiches: place one slice of bread, butter side down, onto griddle or skillet. Sprinkle with cheddar cheese, a scoop of the chicken mixture, drizzle with more BBQ sauce, and top with some more shredded cheese. Place a piece of bread on top, butter side up. Cook over medium heat until browned, carefully flip over and cook other side until browned.
BBQ Meatballs
meatballs (prepared) 1 onion (thinly sliced) 1 cup ketchup 3/4 cup BBQ sauce (smoky/hickory flavored) 1 Tbsp. sugar 1 cup water 1 ½ Tbsps. cider vinegar 2 tsps. Worcestershire sauce NOTE: If using a homemade recipe for meatballs, prepare them first. If using store-bought meatballs, heat and cook according to directions. Whisk together the ingredients for the sauce in a measuring cup and set aside until needed. Using the same pan that you cooked the meatballs in, begin cooking the onions (medium heat) until they are softened. If you are using a fresh pan, make sure to add a little oil before cooking the onions. Once the onions have softened, add the sauce and combine. Turn up the heat and cook the sauce for about five minutes. Add the meatballs to the sauce and combine. Be careful not to break apart the balls. Turn the heat down and simmer for 15 – 20 minutes uncovered. The sauce should start to thicken as it simmers. Serve over rice, mashed potatoes, or alongside fries or potato wedges as a main course. As an appetizer, serve plated with toothpicks on the side.
BBQ Brisket Nachos
Brisket: 5-10 lb. well-trimmed brisket 1 bottle smoky BBQ sauce salt & pepper Nachos: 3 cups tortilla chips 1 cup cooked and shredded brisket ¼ cup smoky BBQ sauce ½ cup sharp cheddar cheese ¼ cup blue cheese dressing chopped tomato and cilantro sliced black olives and jalapeños Brisket: Trim brisket of all visible fat and place in a large sheet of tin foil. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, then cover in BBQ sauce. Wrap foil around brisket and place in a large slow cooker. Cook on low for at least 8 hours. Let rest at least 10 minutes before slicing. Slice against the grain for a tender slice of meat or shred meat with two forks while still warm. NOTE: If brisket is too large for your slow cooker, cut it into several smaller pieces and wrap it up together. Nachos: On a microwave safe dish (or a small jelly roll pan for the oven), layer the first four items in the order listed. Microwave for 1 – 2 minutes, or heat in an oven at 350*F, until the cheese is melted. Add remaining items and enjoy.
BBQ Cauliflower
½ head cauliflower 1 cup Mexican-style cheese (shredded) 1 egg ¼ cup cornmeal ½ tsp. salt black pepper (fresh, to taste) 2 Tbsps. BBQ sauce (your favorite) Preheat your oven to 400*F. Spray a mini muffin tin with cooking spray. To shred the cauliflower: chop half a head of cauliflower into small pieces, place into a food processor. Pulse until riced. Place in a large bowl and squeeze out excess moisture carefully with a paper towel. Combine the rest of the ingredients into the bowl and stir to combine. Scoop the mixture by spoonful into each tin and press down firmly. Bake for 15 – 20 minutes, or until golden brown. Serve with ketchup or BBQ sauce for dipping! Or, combine half ketchup half BBQ sauce for a delicious dip.
BBQ Shrimp Skewers
1 lb. shrimp (jumbo raw, shelled and deveined, weight after peeled) 2 cloves garlic (crushed) kosher salt pepper 3 Tbsps. BBQ sauce (Kansas City style) Soak the skewers in water at least 20 minutes to prevent them from burning. Combine the shrimp with crushed garlic and season with salt and pepper. You can let this marinate for a while, or even overnight. Heat a clean, lightly-oiled grill to medium heat. When the grill is hot, add the shrimp, careful not to burn the skewers. Grill on both sides for about 6 – 8 minutes total cooking time or until the shrimp is opaque and cooked through. Brush the sauce on during the last minute of cooking and eat right away.
AUGUST 2016
www.hillcountryexplore.com
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NOW OPEN
AUGUST GUESTS RECEIVE 30% OFF MENU PRICES ***excluding drinks
9120 Old Dietz Elkhorn Rd • Boerne • 830.755.5105
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info@theelkhornrestaurant.com
Dr. Sara Stuart, DO
CIBOLO FAMILY MEDICINE Cibolo Family Medicine provides quality care at your convenience a practice without time constraints, with a doctor who is accessible when you need her.
We’re Here For You.
EXCEPTIONAL QUALITY Dr. Stuart spends far more time with you to understand and investigate your concerns. SUPERIOR CONVENIENCE Dr. Stuart can see you today, and is available by email and phone, even after hours. We also offer quality medical care for businesses and their employees.
Schedule a Free Consultation Call 830-428-2500
211 N. Main St. in Boerne
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w w w. c i b o l o f m . c o m
SPIRITUAL
STUPID SMELLY PEOPLE This one is for the person that grew up in the church, became disenchanted because of “church people”, has pretty much given up on their spiritual journey, probably hasn’t attended church in years, and just kind of shrugs their shoulders at the whole notion of GOD and ends the conversation with “I’m a good person and God knows it, so we’re good.” This one is for you. It’s for you because you are where I was. For a long time I was there I’m coming to learn. I suppose that I didn’t really know it, either. I wouldn’t have classified myself as an angry person, but I suppose that I was pretty irritated with the church. Virtually every experience I’ve had in church has furthered my disenchantment with it. Hypocritical people. Cliques. Weird little rituals. The way money is spent grated on me. And I guess that somewhere along the line, I stepped off the playing field onto the sidelines and remained there for a really, really long time. Removed from any sort of Christian fellowship hardened my heart. Without knowing it, you sit down one day and realize that you haven’t really prayed in months. Or years. None of your friends go to church. You don’t know where your Bible is. I saw a plaque one time in a guy’s office that said, “If you were on trial for your faith, would there be enough evidence to convict you?” Hmm. I’d have gotten off scott-free. Something happened for me that changed my perspective, and I pray that it happens for you, too. A few years ago I met someone that is tattooed from head to toe. He wears bandanas, has a goofy looking goatee, and has earrings. He rides a Harley, lives out in the sticks, and has 6 kids. Oh, and he’s a pastor, too. He was a guest speaker at the church that I randomly attended, and I hung on every word, because his message was so “antichurch”. Let me explain. I got to know that pastor pretty well over dozens of lunches. During his sermon he said that he had prepared a sermon, but that God told him that somebody needed to hear something else, so he threw the sermon out and crafted a new message. Over a lunch a few days later, I explained to him that the message was for me. You see, he was the very first “church-person” I had ever met that preached from a position of “You’re a mess. But not as bad as I. So let’s be a mess together and figure out how to be better people.” And that might sound ridiculously simple, but if you are anything like I was, it was also like taking off the blinders to what “religion” and “the church” truly are. “Church” can all too often become praise music full of lights and smoke and screaming guitars. It’s crappy hypocritical people giving testimonies about how wonderful they are, when YOU know that they are blatant liars and thieves. It’s offering plates (and sermons about it).
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By Kendall D. Aaron
But my friend ultimately taught me that NONE of that is what church is about. He made me laugh one time when he painted a picture of church as “a bunch of dusty, smelly dudes that would sit around in a desert and listen to Jesus. That’s what church is. These guys were a bunch of scumbags and yet they showed up to listen to Jesus and talk about what scumbags they are. And all they did was get up when Jesus did, follow him to the next rock in a desert, and sit down to talk again about how stupid they all are. And Jesus loved every one of them, and so if He can love them, then He can love me too. That’s what church is. Broken, stupid people that come together to talk about how bad they are, while sharing the ways that they’re at least trying to do better.” So armed with this perspective, I was able to say, “But friend, I’m struggling with my anger!” And he would say, “Dude, me too!” I would share “Today sucks. Let’s go to happy hour and be stupid!” And he would chuckle and say “Nothing sounds finer. Instead, let’s pray for a minute and then see what God says.” So I’d say, “Blah. My wife is just making me nuts and I’m broke.” He would nod his head and say “Buddy, let me tell you about how irritated I am with my wife!” There were two stupid, smelly dudes having church. We were sitting around complaining about how stupid we were, and then talking with Jesus about it and waiting for Him to speak to us. Welcome to CHURCH. I go to church nowadays. Not every week, but dang it, I do attend now. I still grumble when I see people I don’t like, but I have to remind myself that they don’t like me either. I still roll my eyes at some of the “production” of church, but it doesn’t bother me as much anymore. This building I sit in isn’t “church” to me anymore, it’s simply a rock in the desert where I can sit and listen to Jesus. I’m surrounded by stupid, smelly people and we’re all there for hopefully the same reason. If you’re as I described at the beginning of this, know that you’re not alone. But also know that you don’t have to stay there. There are actually people out there that are just as messed up as you are, and are the first to admit it. Embrace your brokenness, your stupidity, and your smelliness. Find someone that will just say “Man, me too!”. Then pray. And watch what happens.
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OLD TIMER
OLD TIMER After signing off and riding into the sunset… I’M BACK. I became so irritated with this stupid column and with the noise that it had created in my life that I figured it was just easier to walk away. Well, it WOULD be easier just to walk away, but I also had to admit that I enjoyed penning this little piece each month and no asshole out there with a contrary position was going to get me to stop. So I have bellied back up to the desk and will carry on. That said, I’m going to try a new format for a bit. In an attempt to keep this relevant, I want to answer YOUR questions. Yes, I could rattle on about whatever I want to talk about, but I think that perhaps I’d like to use this as more of a section where you (the reader and concerned citizen) can ask questions, and I’ll find answers. Something with the city? Something about a future development happening? Something about the stupid ducks? Whatever. Send me your questions and I’ll do my best to find an answer. If I can’t find an answer, I’ll make up an answer and pawn it off as the honest truth. Deal? To start us off, I’ve put together some of the most common questions I get asked.
You’re always bitching about the number of Mexican food joints in town. So which is the best in your opinion? Depends on what you want. Yoli’s has the best breakfast taco in town, and I don’t care how much business Mary’s does, it can’t hold a candle to Yoli’s. For lunch you hit El Rio. For dinner you go to Little Gretel cause none of the Mexican joints stay open past 2pm. But seriously, how can there be enough business to go around for all these Mexican food joints in a town that screams of their German heritage all the time? Whatever. Old Timer, all you do is complain about stuff around town. Do you just hate it here or what? Oh, shut up. I hate this question yet I get asked it all the time. I’ve lived here for longer than 95% of you out there, and can remember a MUCH different Boerne than you see today. Yes, I know that things can’t always stay as they are, and change is going to happen. HOWEVER, a $21m City Hall building is just asinine. So is multi-million dollar crosswalks. And duck statues. And STAFF PARKING signs all over city buildings. It’s stupid, and you’re damn right I’ll say it’s stupid. I love living here, but if I’m the only one with the guts to say “Hey, that’s just about the stupidest damn thing I’ve seen in a while” then so be it. Now get off my lawn. Are you a real person Old Timer? Or are you just someone having some fun behind a fake name? What difference does it make? I can assure you that I’m sitting here typing this response, so yeah, I guess I’m an actual person. As for my identity, who cares? I’m not going to meet you for lunch to talk city politics, and I don’t care to join your board/committee/group/ church/whatever. I have opinions, and I share ‘em. You’re not going to change my mind, so just leave me to my quiet life and you carry on with your civic goodwill. Does anyone ever take your ideas seriously and do something about them? Like, does the City ever write you and say “Hey, thanks for the idea!” No. Never. And I don’t expect it to ever change. The City government is in love with itself and always will be. I’m just a crotchety old guy with a soapbox according to them. In fact, as we saw with the City Hall article from June, I’m not convinced that they want much input from lowly citizens anyway. As for my ideas, I don’t know how many times I have to beg them to blow up the security hut at the lake or that stupid duck statue before they’ll listen. But I suspect it will be a while.
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Ok, the duck statue on River Road…what is your PROBLEM with it? Easy – it’s the stupidest thing I’ve seen in eons. A duck crosses the road to lay eggs on the Dodging Duck’s yard and gets killed crossing back over the road. So we spend REAL money on erecting a statue in his honor? Do you realize that they wrote a damn poem to the duck that’s at the base of the statue? We have homeless, we have sick, sad, dying people that need help…and we throw good money at a statue for a duck. A duck that got hit by a car. It’s one of the finest examples of misplaced intentions I’ve seen in perhaps my entire life. We have traffic snarled every which way, eroding roads, dwindling water supplies, but by God, we have a great duck statue. One day before the dementia takes me down, I’m going to drape a chain around that duck and drag that sucker into the river just cause it would make me laugh. Longhorns, Aggies, or Raiders? Longhorns are pretentious jerks with too much time on their hands. Aggies are weird cultlike freaks that like to shave heads and yell at each other a lot. Raiders are in Lubbock, which is barely even in Texas. You didn’t ask about the Bears, but they’re hypocritical as hell for being a “Baptist” school. Just watch the Spurs and you’ll be fine. That’s it. Time’s up. Got a question for me? Send to stopbotheringme@hillcountryexplore. com and I’ll answer it with or without your name attached (just let me know).
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