FIRE AND BRIMSTONE INCORPORATED

FIRE AND BRIMSTONE INCORPORATED

Zoe Stanton-Savitz Welcome to Fire and Brimstone Incorporated. Step into my office. I know it’s a little hot in here, but really that’s hard to avoid. No AC down here. My name is Belial and I’ll be your go-to guy for any of your employee needs — managing paychecks, scheduling, tending to any on-site injuries — former employees have had some issues with burn scars. I’ll be your right hand man, your aide-de-camp. Except for PR. We don’t have that here so if you have any complaints about workplace misconduct I’d suggest you take a swim in the River Lethe. Now, you’re the new babysitter, right? So, the boss has to eat every other hour or else he gets cranky and when he gets cranky he throws a temper tantrum. He doesn’t like to bathe so if he throws a fit just light a match or squirt a splash of “Envy” or “Lust” in the tub to lure him in and calm him down. He likes playing games — Twister, Sorry, Trading Souls — but he gets very competitive so don’t make any bets. And you should let him win because if he loses

he’ll throw a temper tantrum. His next snack should be in fifteen minutes and there are some fresh babies in the pantry — nice and crunchy the way he likes. Be sure to cut off the feet or he won’t eat them and he’ll probably throw a temper tantrum. If he throws a tantrum, worst case, he opens up an earthly pit into the depths of hell and swallows some humans. That rarely happens. He might, however, conjure a hellhound or a thousand tarantulas to burrow into your flesh, or maybe create a world-wide famine or a plague of locusts. That one really sucks. The last guy left the job because the boss scooped out his eyeballs and ate them with a spoon. So maybe confiscate any kitchen utensils? Anyway, I’m off to my weekly bridge match. If I’m late I’ll never win back my soul. Good luck!