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The Sentinella Costa West Edition

The Little Mag that fits in your bag...

January 2010 Nº20 E E R F

BE SEEN … i n R i v i e r a D e l S o l , C a l a h o n d a , C a b o p i n o , Elvir i a , Rosario, M a r b e l l a , P u e r to B a n u s , Nu eva A n d a l u c i a , San Pedro, G u a d a l m i n a , B e n a v i s t a, Cancelada, E s t e p o n a , C a s a res, Sabinillas, La D u q u e s a , M a n i l v a , To r r e g u a d i a r o , S o t o g r a n d e , P u e b l o N u e v o , L a A l c a i d e s a , J i m e n a d e l a Fr o n t e r a , San Roque & Ronda.


From the Ed ...

Due to the current climate, there is an abundance of helpful and very kn o w l e d g e a b l e p e o p l e w i l l i n g to e x c h a n g e ideas and services in order to help us all get through the challenging times together.

Errmm, well, for those of you who know me, you may find it hard to believe that I am really not sure how to start here...

So, don´t be scared. Go with your ideas. What do you have to lose? If you don´t give it a go you will a l w a ys wonder “what if”?

How do you welcome another year, a new beginning, another step forward into the future?

And, if it does all go t*ts up, it will soon be another New Year and you can put it all down to experience, blame it on the “current climate” , and move onto something new...

Do we talk about all the things we were unhappy about in 2009? Do we make all kinds of resolutions that we know we have no or very little hope of sticking to? Or, do we simply crack on with it, put our best foot forward and w e l c o m e 2010 with open arms, ready to embrace all the new c h a l l e n g e s and opportunities that she may bring? Option three please! I normally fill this page talking about all the great ideas and p ro j e cts we, The Sentinella Costa West Edition, have planned for the coming months. But for a change let´s talk about you... How many new and exciting plans and goals do you have for 2010? Have you taken the necessary steps to put all your ideas into a c t i o n ? Have you spoken to p e o p l e who can help and advise you?

So, GOOD LUCK to us all, may 2010 be BIGGER & BETTER t h a n ever and make sure to include us in your new ideas......

.. Enjoy. isa Ed & L

2010

Here We Come ...! Deposito Legal MA-333-2008

No part of this publication, including pictures may be copied, used or reproduced without our prior written consent. The Sentinella accepts no responsibility for alterations to events listed, claims made by our advertisers or information provided by our contributors. So there! The Sentinella is eternally dedicated to Colin Checkley, the founder and editor of The Sentinel Magazine. May he rest in peace. (Born: 1960 Died: 2004)


A Taste of What’s Inside: Book review ............................Page 12 ED´s Adventure ......................Page 18 Twin Geeks.............................Page 20 A Helping Hand.......................Page 23 Sosmedicos24h ..................... Page 24 Caption Competition ...............Page 26 From Ronda Today ................Page 32 For The Guys ........................ Page 39 Fame Games Teen Page ...... Page 41 Kiddies Corner.........................Page 42 Sentinella Yellow Pages..........Page 44 .... and much much more!

See YOUR Business in The Sentinella, Costa West Edition in

2010 ... limited availability!

Contact Us.... Lisa Sadleir .... 608 840 692 Ed Sadleir .... 608 832 770 Email:

costawest@thesentinella.com Follow us on:

www.twitter.com/costawest 4

Farewell to A Friend Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in b u r e a u cr a ti c r e d ta p e . He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: - Knowing when to come in out of the rain; - Why the early bird gets the worm; - Life isn't always fair; - and maybe it was my fault. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not c h i l d r e n , a r e i n ch a r g e ) . His health began to deteriorate r a p i d l y when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens s u s p e n d e d from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a t e a c h e r fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their u n r u l y children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer su n l o ti o n o r a n a sp i ri n to a


student; but could not inform par e n t s when a student became p r e g n a n t and wanted to have an abortion.

death,by his parents ,Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better t r e a t m e n t than their victims. C o m m o n Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim Not many attended his funeral b e c a u s e so few realised he was gone.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of c o ffe e was hot. She spilled a little in her lap , and was promptly a w a r d e d a huge settlement. Common Sense was preceded in

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NEVER miss an edition of our little mag ... read it WHEREVER & WHENEVER! To receive a FREE copy of The Sentinella, Costa West Edition every month, simply email the word “NEWSLETTER� to costawest@thesentinella.com


Grrrrrrrrrrr... for The Girls Ever thought what you’d like to be in your next life,if there is one?

and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs.

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

When you're a bear, you get to h i b e r n a t e . You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're s u p p o se d to eat yourself stupid.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPEC TS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

I could deal with that too. When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts ) while you are sleeping

Yup, I'm gonna be a bear!

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Ode to January... 'Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse. The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd tasted At the holiday parties had gone to my waist. When I got on the scales there arose such a number! When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber). I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared; The gravies and sa u ce s and beef nicely rared, The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese. And the way I'd never said, 'No thank you, p l e a se .' As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt And prepared once again to do battle with dirt I said to myself, as I only can 'You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!' So - away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip Every last bit of food that I like must be banished 'Till all the a d d i ti o n a l ounces have vanished. I won't have a cookie - not even a lick. I'l l w a n t o n l y to ch e w o n a l o n g c e l e ry sti ck. I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie, I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry. I' m h u n g r y , I ' m l o n e s o m e , a n d l i fe i s a b o re Bu t i sn 't th a t w h a t Ja n u a ry i s fo r? Unable to giggle, no longer a riot. Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet! by Alicia Morris


Beep Beep Beep... A mother took her five-year-old son with her to the bank on a busy lunchtime. They got behind a very very fat woman wearing a business suit complete with pager........

The fat woman turned around and glared at the little boy. The mother gave him a good telling off, and told him to be quiet. After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the queue.

Afte r w a i ti n g p a ti e n tl y fo r a fe w m i n u te s, the little boy said loudly, "Wow, she's fat!

Just then her pager began to emit a "beep, beep, beep"

The mother bent down and whispered in the little boy's ear to be quiet......

The little boy yelled out, "Run for your life, she's reversing!!"

A couple more minutes passed by and the little boy stretched his arms o u t a s fa r a s th e y w o u l d g o a n d announced; "I'll bet her bum is this wide!"

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3 Little Ducks ... Three little ducks go into a Bar... "Say, what's your name?" the b a r te n d e r asked the first duck. "Huey," was the reply. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been,Dewey ?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"

"N o ," sh e sa i d , b a tti n g h e r e ye l a sh e s. My name is Puddles."

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The New Language of Europe ... to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other p o ssi b i l i ty.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

As p a r t o f th e n e g o ti a ti o n s, th e Br i ti sh Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is d i sgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people wil be r e s e p ti v to steps such as replasing "th" w i th "z " a n d "w " w i th "v".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza.

There will be growing publik e n t h u s i a s m in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse o f the new spelling kan be expekted

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Línea Directa, a company designed to assist your needs ... Línea Directa is aware of the difficulties that a foreigner can experience when residing in Spain, such as, li t t l e or no knowledge of the l a n g u a g e , Spanish legislation, legal requirements and procedures. For this reason, Línea Directa seek to ensure that matters related to car insurance are made easier, particularly during the handling of an insurance claim. As Línea Directa is based on a direct service without a middleman (intermediary), it is able to learn and understand first-hand about their customers’ problems and concerns and offer practical solutions to help address their c u s to m e r s’ r e q u i r e m e n ts . Thanks to the excellent service provided by Línea Directa, their customers can proceed to report an accident in a direct and simple manner, in English or German, and having at their disposal a breakdown vehicle (tow truck), usually within one hour of the accident occurring. Other interesting advantages that Línea Directa can provide to their clients, include: - Assistance to drivers under the age of 26. This gives free assistance for those drivers under 26 years old, who have consumed alcolhol,

or find themselves indisposed to drive. It allows for their vehicle to be towed back to the driver’s house and a taxi provided for the driver back to his or her place of residence, at no additional cost. This service is provided as long as the pick-up area and the driver’s place of residence is located within a distance of 2 5 ki l o m e tr e s, and operates from midnight to 07.00 a.m., seven days a week. - In te g r a te d M e d i ca l Tr e a tm e n t: T o w a r d s th e e n d o f 2 0 0 4 L ín e a D i r e c t a launched the Integrated Medical Treatment for all policyholders. Working through a network of p r i v a t e medical practices, it g u a r a n t e e s that customers who have experienced personal injuries during a car accident, are offered a complete medical check-up. This is a to ta l l y fr e e se r vi ce a n d a t th e d i s p o s a l of both the driver of the insured vehicle and any passengers inside the vehicle at the time of the accident, irrespective of whether the driver is the innocent or r e s p o n s i b l e party in the accident. For more information on these services and insurance, phone Línea D i r e c t a on 902 123 104.

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Book Review: Sol Searching... by Keidi Keating Sol Searching – A Fun-Filled Tale of a Modern Girl’s Move to the Costa del Sol – tells of Keidi K e a t i n g ’ s quest to make friends, meet the man of her dreams and find a job (starting this wonderful magazine)! An excerpt from Sol Searching below is printed below: Taken from the chapter entitled Bad Luck “As my relationship with Dave the mountain climber progressed I l e a r n t more about what made him tick. I found it hard to fathom his obsession with the temperature. He r e c o r d e d th e m o r n i n g a n d a fte r n o o n degrees Celsius every day onto a graph on his computer. “Why do you that?” I asked. “It’s really so that if anyone says it’s definitely colder now than it was this time last year, I can check my graph and tell them that actually they’re wrong.” He went on to say that last year in Lanjarón the t e m p e r a t u r e was under thirty d e g re e s for X amount of days and over thirty degrees for Y number of days. The information darted in one ear and out the other.

12

“I also make a note of the wind speed” he said. After an adequate pause the conversation continued, this time broaching a different s u b j e c t . “I’ve made a mosquito r e p e l l e n t ” he said, a tad too e xci te d .

“Great!” I said, trying to sound e n th u si a sti c . “It’s a secret recipe so I won’t tell you what’s in it, but it really works. I rubbed it all over me earlier. A mosquito landed on me for just a second or two then flew away. It takes a while to make though. I’ve had it sitting here in the sun for a week or so.” ‘Why don’t you just go and buy some,’ I thought. ‘Much quicker and much less hassle.’ “It sounds really cool” I said. “You’ll have to show me when I see you next.” At the time I didn’t realise that would mean smothering my entire body in the smelly, greasy concoction. “Go on, rub it all over,” he said as we sat around his swimming pool. “You won’t get bitten, it’s a proven formula. I’ve been testing it all week.” By the end of it I felt like I had been rolling around in an oil-rig and I sure didn’t smell too hot; a cross between a mouldy garlic clove and a bottle of vinegar. Dave had some odd traits, but I put them down to his age. Maybe when I reached forty-three, I would start recording the temperature every morning and inventing strange concoctions too.” Sol Searching can be purchased online via www.Amazon.co.uk or win a signed copy (see page 26).


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A Winter Warmer Recipe.... Estofado - (Beef and Potato Stew )

Preparation:

Estofado or Beef Stew is a great hearty meal to have on a cold winter's day or evening as it will warm you through.

Heat half the oil in a large, flameproof cooking pot. Put the meat in the hot oil and brown. In a small frying pan heat the rest of the oil, add the onion and garlic and fry for about 5 minutes. Add the flour and the paprika and fry for 5 minutes more being careful not to burn this mix.

Estofado ingredients: 3 tablespoons of olive oil 500g stewing beef 250g carrots peeled and cut into large chunks 1 medium onion chopped 3 tomatoes skinned and chopped 1 small tin of peas or a handful of fresh peas 1 tablespoon of paprika 2 cloves of garlic finely chopped 1 teaspoon of flour 500g of potatoes peeled and cut into large chunks 1 glass of white wine 250ml of beef stock 150ml of water salt freshly ground black pepper saffron (optional for colour!)

Add the onion mix to the meat pot, add the white wine, stock and water and bring to the boil. Cook this for about an hour and a half. Add the carrots, chopped tomatoes and a little saffron or a teaspoon of yellow food colouring to the pot and cook for about 25 minutes. Then add the potatoes, the peas a little more beef stock if necessary and cook for another 20 -25 minutes until the potatoes are cooked. Serve it with some crusty bread.

Politically Speaking.... A British politician was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.

14

'If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, a n d i n f l a m e s s i n n e r s , then I'm against it.

But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against w i n te r chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public c o f f e r s to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise.'


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Nag, Nag, Nag ... A police officer pulls over a sp e e d i n g ca r . The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.' The driver says, 'Christ, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, p e r h a p s your radar gun needs ca l i b r a ti n g .'

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Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.' As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?' The wife smiles demurely and says, ! 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.' As the officer makes out the s e c o n d ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'F**k it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?' The officer frowns and says, And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic 75 pound fine The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

16

continued...

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.' And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T You shut the f**k up??' The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your h u s b a n d always talk to you this way, Ma'am?' I love this part.... : 'Only when he's pi**ed .'


Just Like That... Thomas Frederick "Tommy" Cooper (19 March 1921 – 15 April 1984)

A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor said, 'It's old a g e .' Th e w o m a n sa i d , 'I w a n t a se co n d opinion.' The doctor says, 'OK. You're ugly as well.' "You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time " The man replied "I know I've been ill"

"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'" Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant. "So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' "So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"


Ed´s Adventure... Watch this space .... We´ve got a Ticket to Ride and we have some for our readers too... The Sentinella Costa West Edition has joined up with Ticket-to-Ride & The Safari Shop.com in P u e r t o Ba n u s w h o o ffe r so m e g r e a t fu n excursions and a c t i v i t i e s i n t h e S i e r r a d e L a s N i e v e s and surrounding areas. Over the next few months we will be going on 4x4 jeep safaris, quad adventures, canoeing & kayaking, and not forgetting a fantastic s i g h t s e e i n g trip on the unique electric powered “Dragon Gondola” on Lake Istan. For more information about what’s on offer check out their website: www.marbellatop100.com or call 609 517 517 / 633 292 408.

SPECIAL OFFER... Would YOU like to take part in Ed´s Advernture and come along with us, as our guest, on the Ticket to Ride excursions, totally FREE of charge? Too good to be true? Just contact us at costawest@thesentinella.com or call 608 840 692. LIMITED SPACES!

NEW World Record.. Diversnight 2009. December 3. , 8:09pm local time The official number of divers in the water was: 2749 Number of divesites was: 218 Countries participating: 20

“We want to say a big thanks to all people who made it possible that the World Record of Divers having a night dive at the same time in the water was bettered this year with a total number of 2479 divers, 218 dive sites and 20 countries” . More info at: www.diversnight.com Our local night dive in Estepona at:

18

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYD NqqSsJCg


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Tips from Twin Geeks... TOPIC THE T OPIC OF T HE MONTH: MONTH: Pirates! Pirates! Minvova to End Illegal T Torrents orrents Mininova are one of the largest BitTorrent BitTorrent indexing sites. For those that don’t know,, BitTorrent know BitTorrent is a peer to peer protocol that allows people to share data DFURVVWKHLQWHUQHW XVXDOO\ODUJHSLHFHVRIGDWDOLNHPXVLFRUÀOPV  Mininova have fallen in line with all other major BitTorrent BitTorrent websites by removing all copyright protected material. Also on this note, lawyers in the UK are apparently targeting people that are sharing games and movies on-line. Around 15,000 people will be receiving OHWWHUVIURPD8.VROLFLWRUҋVÀUPDVNLQJWKHPWRVHWWOHRXWRIFRXUWIRU´VHYHUDO hundreds of pounds�. 6RWKRVHRI\RXRXWWKHUHWKDWOLNHWRGRZQORDGPXVLFDQGÀOPVPD\ÀQGWKDW However,, Which? magazine are it’s going to get harder and harder to do so. However claiming that the technology that is being used to target people’s IP address is unreliable, and that many people are being targeted who have never KHDUGRISHHUWRSHHUÀOHVKDULQJ,VXVSHFWWKDWWKHVHFDVHVZLOOEHWHVW cases before any Spanish ISP decides to go down the same route. NEWS: TAIWANESE HUNK LURES WOMEN NE WS: TA T AIWANESE H UNK LUR ES 20 W OMEN INTO INTO BED BED Taiwan A 55 year old man in T aiwan has been caught for allegedly posing RQOLQHDVD´\RXWKIXOPDOHPRGHO¾ and convincing women that his 55 suffering year old father was suf fering from prostate cancer which is a condition that needed constant sex to stay alive!

The obliging women applied the lifeTaipei saving treatment in various T aipei hotels, until one of the women hired investigator,, who in turn, a private investigator revealed that pop and son were actually the same person!

WEBSITE WEB SITE OF THE THE MONTH MONTH This month’s website is There are hundreds of items on the ´7KHUH,)L[HG,W¾ site, but, as far as I can see, there and the address is is no index, so you just have to KWWSWKHUHLÀ[HGLWFRP browse. It’s a gallery of photos of people’s But underneath each item there weird and wonderful solutions to are several keywords. Click on one DIY jobs – usually hilarious and of these to see pictures of related often dangerous! subjects. 7ZLQJHHNVJRHVRXWOLYHRQ7DON5DGLR(XURSHDWSP &RVWDGHO6RO(DVWIPRU&RVWDGHO6RO:HVWIP

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Visit www.twingeeks.fm V isit www .twingeeks.fm to join in or make any suggestions for your favourite website or anything else! The T win Geeks run a web design business called red-enet. Feel free to visit our website at www .red-enet.com Twin www.red-enet.com

www.red-enet.com www .red-enet.com 20

To BE SEEN in The Sentinella call 608 840 692


Naughty ... Did you hear about the look-a-like competition in China? Everybody won. * What's the ideal weight for a m o th e r - i n - l a w ? About 2.3 pounds including the urn. * Was so depressed last night that I rang the Samaritans.G o t t h r o u g h to a ca l l ce n tr e i n Pa ki sta n .Told th e m I w a s su i ci d a l , th e y g o t a l l e x c i t e d and asked if I could fly a plane...... * A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving. 'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think you are the father of one of my kids' she says. The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says 'Are you the bird I sha**ed on my stag night' 'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!'

Artist Mi Artist Mick ck Elli Elliot's ot's original Watercolours o riginal Wat ercolours make make perfect perfect presents. presents.

Prices P rices start start at at ! !20 20 u unframed nframed a and nd ! !40 40 framed. f ramed. e email mail m mickelliot@me.com ickelliot@me.com or or call call into into his h is sstudio tudio n next ext d door oor tto og galeria aleria 1151 51 (see their ad in this magazine). Next N ext iissue ssue w will ill feature feature another another w watercolour atercolour b by y Mick Mick Elliot Elliot


Woof Woof ... There was a hound dog laying in the yard and an old geezer in o v e r a l l s was sitting on the porch. ''Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?'' a tourist asked. The old man looked up over his newspaper and replied, ''Nope.'' As soon as the tourist stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As the t o u r i s t flailed around in the dust, he yelled, ''I thought you said your dog didn't bite!'' The old man muttered, ''Ain't my dog.''

22


A Helping Hand... ADANA puts animals first For over 20 years ADANA has been rescuing and rehoming abandoned animals from Estepona, Manilva and Casares. In that time the numbers of animals has increased dramatically and the trend shows no sign of reversing. There are usually around 130 dogs in the kennels which are designed to hold 80. The New Year brings an increase when Christmas puppies and kittens lose their novelty value and are o f t e n , l i t e r a l l y , put out with the rubbish.

ADANA relies entirely on public subscription and donations to keep going. Every month we need to raise up to 10.000â‚Ź with no g o v e r n m e n t support. Thanks to a small group of dedicated volunteers and the generosity of the public we keep going because failure to do so is simply not an option.

On Saturday 17 January a large crowd of animals met with their owners in Egg Square in Estepona to receive a blessing from parish priest, Padre Pedro and Anglican priest, Father Maurice Horse.

We start the new decade, ADANA's third, with a blessing of animals in "Egg Square" in Estepona on Sa tu r d a y 16 January at 13.00. All types of animal are welcome. On the second Monday of every month we have a lunch in the Straw Donkey in Puerto de la Duquesa and on the last Friday of the month we hold a coffee morning in Plaza Manilva in Estepona (outside L o n g ma n 's b o o ksh o p ). Throughout the year there is a programme of varied events which always prove to be entertaining as well as raising funds for the animals. Details of all ADANA's work and events can be found on the web site www.adana.es or call 9 5 2 7 9 7 4 0 5 for information.


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What are they saying ???... Send in your captions for our original cartoon by local artist MicK (mickelliot@me.com) and win a signed copy of the popular book SOL SEAR C H IN G by local author, Keidi Keating ... Send your Captions to ... costawest@thesentinella.com.

CONGRATULATIONS to last month´s winner: Jason from Malaga, Centro Historico who sent in his winning caption via www.twitter.com/costawest ...

Last Month´s Winner " "# "

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“Listen Norman, if you are taking this seriously you really need to bulk up”

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New Year Sillies.... New Year Prayer for the Elderly...

New Year's Day Prayer for Alll...

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

Dear Lord So far this year I've done well. I haven't gossiped, I haven't lost my temper, I haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on I'm probably going to need a lot more help. Amen

Peter, at a New Year's party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette. 'I thought you made a New Year's resolution to quit smoking,' Ken responds. 'I'm in the process of quitting,' replies Peter with a grin. 'Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.' 'Phase one?' wonders Ken. 'Yeah,' laughs Peter, 'I've quit buying.'

God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway. The good fortune to run into the ones that I do. And the eyesight to tell the difference.

28


A Fishing Tale ... Ole & Sven were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. F i n d i n g he had no matches, he asked Ole for a light. "Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter," he replied. Then, reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long. "Yiminy Cricket!" exclaimed Sven, t a k i n g the huge Bic lighter in his hands. "Vere dit yew git dat m o n s te r ? ? " "Vell," replied Ole, "I got it from my Genie." "You haff a Genie?" Sven asked. "Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box," says Ole. "Could I see him?" Ole opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie. Addressing the genie, Sven says, "Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?" "Yes, I will," says the Genie . So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks. The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks. Shortly, the sky darkens & is filled with the sound of a million ducks flying overhead. Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ole. "Yumpin' Yimminy I a ske d fo r a mi l l i o n b u cks, n o t a mi l l i o n d u cks!" Ole answers, "Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"


Meet Little RALPHY.... RALPHY ON MATHS

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little RALPHY. He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.' The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking..' Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?' The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.' To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate..' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.' Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss R o g e r s, you're thinking of a blowjob.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHS (Part 2)

30

Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. 'Why?' asks the father? 'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY. 'But that's right!' says his dad. 'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'' 'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father. 'That's what I said!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR. One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.' 'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teac h e r . She then called on little Michael. 'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully..' She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''


itZabar Full Breakfast Menu Lunch & Snacks Full Evening Menu We recommend...

Tapas 3 for â‚Ź5.00 and Selected Bottled Beer (3 for â‚Ź5.00)

! ood , F t rices a P e t r a G Gre

Near Mercadona, Sabinillas.


So, if you’ve a story you´d like to share with other readers, plesase take the time to send us a quick email.

32


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Visual Art World Live Entertainment at Passion CafĂŠ Th e a rti sts S yl & R i c w i l l b e p e rfo rmi n g th e i r Ar t Sh o w s at Passion CafĂŠ in San Pedro (centro comercial 'La Colonia') on the 30 and 31st of January. The show consists of stunning Audio-Visual presentations with Live Music, about the art of painting across the ages, followed b y a n e xp l o ra ti o n o f th e a rt o f u p si d e - d o w n p a i n ti n g s o r re ve rsi b l e images, illustrated by some of the most consummate artworks of Arcimboldo and Salvador Dali, to name just a few. FREE Entrance For more info www.VisualArtWorld.com - tel: 628 342 317

+3':/78'


Mother to Daughter Advice ...!? -Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

- Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

-Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

- Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

-Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days). - When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. - Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality. - Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

34

- If the shoe fits - buy them in every color. - Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the h a r d e s t. - If it has Tyres or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble - By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a d a u g h te r who thinks she's wrong .


Apex Chimney Services S.C. Professional Chimney Sweeping, Fault Detection, Nest Removal, Smoke Testing. Qualified, Reliable and Fully Insured.

Tel: 696 320 202 Email apexchimneyservices@yahoo.co.uk

A Word of Warning ... Our friends at Apex Chimney S e r v i c e s have advised us that, in the first two weeks of December alone, they were called to two p r o p e r t i e s a fte r th e y h a d b e e n u n fo r tu n a te enough to have had a chimney fire. The Bomberos had to be called and, luckily for the inhabitabts, the result was only significant structural damage to the properties.

In line with the National A s s o c i a t i o n of Chimney Sweeps in the UK, it is advised that a c h i m n e y that is burning wood should be swept at least once a year, twice if in continuous use. If you are renting a property, ask your landlord when it was last swept and ask to see the certificate. Don't wait until you have a fire.

Chimney fires may start simpy b e c a u s e a chimney has not been swept, or has not been properly swept.

For further advice contact:

If you are using your chimney and it hasn't been swept recently be very careful.

Keep warm but also keep safe!

Apex C h i m n e y S e r v i c e s S . C Te l 6 9 6 3 2 0 2 0 2 .

Chirine Ayoubi Jewellery BESPOKE JEWELLER

Repairs Wedding Rings

Engagement Rings Ear Piercing

Remodelling Stone replacement Tel: 952 897 266 email: chirineayoubi@hotmail.com

Las Galerias, Local 9 & 10, Puerto de la Duquesa


36


Cocktail of the Month... By Neale. Cheers Bar Cocktail Lounge in Duquesa Port.

A hangover Cure ... BLOODY MARY Background: Created by Fernand Petiot in 1921 at Harryâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s New York Bar in Paris, the Bloody Mary is a spiced up version of a vodka and tomato juice, and is a great hangover cure. Variations of a Bloody Mary include Bloody Caesar (with clam juice), Bloody Joseph (with Scotch whisky), Bloody Maria (with tequila) & Bloody Maru (with sake). Recipe: In a cocktail shaker place: 2 cubes of ice 100ml Vodka 200ml Tomato Juice 2 tbspn freshly squeezed lemon juice 8 drops Tabasco sauce 4 dashes Worcestershire Sauce ½ tspn horseradish sauce 25ml Tawny port 2 pinches celery salt 2 pinches black pepper Shake the ingredients to mix and chill the content. Strain into a large tumbler filled with ice, and garnish with a celery stick. Enjoy ...

s e er ! h C ale e N


38


For The Guys... Makes Senseâ&#x20AC;Ś.? Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him. Mick says 'how you doin?' Paddy says ' okay but do us a f a v o u r mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.' Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin d a u g h te r s sitting on their beds. He says 'your dad's sent me up here to have s*x with both of you'. They say 'get away with ya. Prove it.' Mick shouts downstairs 'Paddy, both of em?' Paddy shouts back 'Of course both of em, what's the point of f****n one?' *** M a n l o st i n a h o t a i r b a l l o n o ve r Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer and shouts to him, "Where am I?" The Irish farmer looks up and shouts back "You can't kid me ya b ' stard, you're in that feckin b a sk e t!" *** I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on the train or bus and think " I'm bl**dy having that!"

A little girl walks into her parents' bedroom. " My God" she screams "And YOU want ME to see a doctor about su cki n g m y th u m b ...!! *** Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road. A man asks "What's wrong?" Boy says "Me Ma is dead" "Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O'Riley ?" Wee boy replies"No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now." *** Just had a call from a charity ask i n g me to donate some of m y cl o th e s to the starving people of the world. Told them to " P**s Off". Anyone who fits into my cl o th e s i sn 't sta r vi n g !!! *** Japanese scientists have now cre a te d a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her gob shut. *** Paddy is cleaning his rifle and a c c i d e n t a l l y shoots his wife. He dials 999. Paddy says "It's my wife, I've a c c i d e n t a l l y shot her. I've killed her" Operator "Please calm down sir. Can you first make sure she really is dead?" CLICK, BANG! Paddy "OK, done that, what next?

To BE SEEN in The Sentinella call 608 840 692


Name That Song... A to Z The rules are simple... the artisit (ie. either the group’s name or singer’s surname will begin with the chosen letter.

The Letter “B”

Here are the answers to last month’s Christmas Songs:

“W a i t s a t t h e w i n d o w , w e a r i n g the face that she keeps in a jar by the door, Who is it for?”

“In the meadow we can build a snowman, then pretend that he is Parson Brown” A Winter Wonderland *** “(Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it With a note saying “I love you”, I meant it” Wham , Last Chrisrtmas *** “Does your granny always tell you that the old songs are the best. Then she´s up rock n rollin´with the rest ” Slade, Merry Christmas Everybody

This month...

*** “ Th e te l e x m a ch i n e i s ke p t so cl e a n , As i t ty p e s to a w a i ti n g world” *** “ C o m m e n ci n g co u n td o w n , engines on, C h e ck i g n i ti o n a n d m a y Go d ´ s l o ve b e w i th yo u ”

*** Remember the Answers will be published next month.

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40


To BE SEEN in The Sentinella call 608 840 692


Kiddies Corner...

BARRACUDA BASS BREAM GOLDFISH GROUPER HAKE HALIBUT HERRING MARLIN MULLETT PERCH PIRANHA SALMON SARDINE SHARK TROUT TUNA

Let´s Go Fishing ... how many kinds of fish can YOU find?

This Month’s Silly Jokes ..... from Rafe & Zack from England Q: Why is Cinderella no good at football? A: ‘Cos her coach is a pumpkin! Q. Why is Cinderella no good at playing goalkeeper? A. ‘Cos she keeps running away from the ball!

42

Send us your Silly Jokes and Riddles to costawest@thesentinella.com Don’t forget to include your Name and Age!


Let’s Make It...

A Time Capsule This is a super family project ! Get the kids to make a "time capsule" for the year ahead, and fill it, t o g e t h e r , as the year goes on with photos, ticket stubs, copies of certificates won, birthday cards, writing samples, and anything else You will have a memory-filled co n ta i n e r for each year which you will all treasure in the future. You will need: A used snack tub (ie.Pringles), or biscuit/cookie tin Paint PVA glue Decorations (glitter, ribbons, etc) To Make It: Rinse out your tub / tin . When it is dry, paint it. Tip: Mix a small amount of glue into the paint to help preserve it. When the paint is dry, paint it with a layer of PVA glue. Stick on your decorations. Now you can either fill your time capsule with precious momentos from now (photos etc) or you can keep it open and add to it through out the year (tickets, certificates etc) before putting it away safely to be opened in the future.

Are you a Family Friendly Company ? Advertise YOUR Business HERE from only 25€ per month Contact: 608 840 692 costawest@thesentinella.com

Is it your Birthday next month? any new borns in your family? send us details & photos & we´ll PRINT your best wishes for free!


The Sentinella Yellow Pages.... page Health & Beauty Hair Magic Hypno Band Hypnotherapy Nutri Cleanse Permanent Makeup Fashion, Gifts & Jewellery Chirine Ayoubi Frock Exchange

9 7 9 17 19

35 7

Animals & Pets Lady Dog Carer has NO VACANCIES Pet Taxi 22 Art, Crafts & Photography Galeria 151 Mick Elliot Visual Art World

8 21 33

page Service & Repairs Advasol Apex Chimney Services Drain & Leak Mosquito Screen Co. South Coast Domestics Doctors & Dentists SOS Medicos 24H

2,24, 25

Business Services Costaworkwear Red-enet Sentinella Business Services Secretarial Solutions The Office

19 31 36 40 16

15 16 10 31

Law, Finance & Insurance Ibex Linea Directa

13 47

TV & Satellite Orbit SL PK Satellite Reece Electronics Sky Shop Spain

Transport & Removals Formula Freight One Way Van Hire Simon Gee

38 17 15

Bars & Restaurants Cheers Bar ItZabar The Irish Fiddler

37 31 6

Sports& Activities Active Scuba Divers Medsports

33 29

Telecoms. / Internet Xtratel

40

For The Children Kangaroo Carers

43

Furniture & Design Big Blue Box The Kitchen Room

33 48

DISTRIBUTION POINTS

WATCH THIS SPACE... 44

26 35 28 34 15


Information Pages.... USEFUL NUMBERS...

BUS TIMETABLES...

General Emergency Medical Emergency National Police Local Police Guardia Civil Fire Brigade

URBAN BUSES. ESTEPONA L1 McDonald’s - Local Police. From 9:21am to 9:00pm every 45 minutes (approx.)

ESTEPONA National Police Guardia Civil Local Police Fire Brigade Red Cross MARBELLA National Police Guardia Civil Local Police Fire Brigade Red Cross

112 061 091 092 062 080

952 798 300 952 801 087 952 808 040 952 804 483 952 806 542 952 762 600 952 770 344 952 899 900 952 774 349 952 861 688

HOSPITALS Costa Del Sol Maternity Serrania de Ronda

952 862 748 951 030 200 951 065 000

TAXI SERVICE Marbella San Pedro Estepona Sabanillas Sotogrande

952 952 952 952 956

764 774 802 892 616

400 488 900 900 078

MARBELLA L1 La Cañada-Town Centre-Puerto Banus From 8:22am to 10:45pm every 15 minutes (approx.) L2 Albarizas-Town Centre-Xarblanca From 7:30am to 9:29pm evey 30min. (approx.) L3 Station-Town Centre-La CañadaStation From 7:00am to 10:15pm every 20 minutes (approx.) BUS STATIONS Marbella 952 San Pedro 952 Estepona 952 Sotogrande 952

360 781 800 450

191 396 249 550

CONSULATES Great Britain 952 Ireland 952 Germany 952 France 952 USA 952 Italy 952 Sweden 952

352 475 363 226 474 306 604

300 108 591 590 891 150 383

TOURIST OFFICES Estepona 952 800 913 Marbella 952 771 442 Ronda 952 871 272

www.thesentinella.com


A Few Last Thoughts... A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, Raised a glass of water and asked 'How heavy is this glass of water?' Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.' He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, s o o n e r or later, As the burden b e c o m e s increasingly heavy, We won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water, You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.' 'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up to mo rro w . Whatever burdens you're carrying now, Let them down for a moment if you can.' So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now.Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

46

Here are some great ways of d e a l i n g with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue. * Always keep your words soft and sweet, Just in case you have to eat them. * Always wear stuff that will make yo u l o o k g o o d , If y o u d i e i n th e m i d d l e o f i t. * Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be "Recalled" by their maker. * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. * If you lend someone â&#x201A;Ź20 and never see that person again, It was probably worth it. * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, Because then you won't have a leg to stand on. * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late. * The second mouse gets the cheese. * When everything's coming your way, You're in the wrong lane. * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. * You may be only one person in the world, But you may also be the world to one person. * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once. * We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box. * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today ...... I did!


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The Sentinella, Costa West Edition - January 2010  

Filled with fun and humor to welcome in 2010. Wishing a fun filled & prosperous New Year to all our readers in the Costa Del Sol, Spain, the...

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