Seed Spring 2024

This publication is published by New York University students and NYU is not responsible for its contents.

Photo by Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza

LETTER FROM THE EDITORS

We, the Editors-in-Chief of NYU’s Seed and The Columbia Witness, are thrilled to co-publish our first joint issue! For this publication, we chose to focus on common ground—literally. Contributors were invited to share their perspectives of New York City, from uptown Morningside Heights to downtown Washington Square Park, in the hopes of bridging the distance between our campuses. In the process, we have come to appreciate how the city uniquely colors our lives.

As Christians, we are often tempted to only see the differences between ourselves and the city. Biblically, cities have taken on the role of corruptors, centers of idolatry, and multipliers of wickedness. But upon a closer reading, the narrative reveals a redemptive tale, ending with a New Jerusalem in which there will be “no more death or mourning or crying or pain” (Revelation 21:4 NIV). We are called, in a similar fashion, to be “a city on a hill” (Matthew 5:14). As inhabitants of the most famous (and infamous) city in the world, we can’t help but ask: “God, why did you guide my path to New York City? What do you have planned for me here?”

Although we do not yet know the answers to these questions, we continue to search for them by making this city our home. There is immense joy to be found in every day we spend here, whether we are walking in Prospect Park or getting halal cart meals with friends. It may be that one day, years from now, we will be rummaging through old stacks of photos and happen upon a cheerful memory from these years, and only then will it be clear what God was working in our lives through the city.

For now, we look to our city with hope as we pray for it to be supernaturally transformed into a life-giving haven reminiscent of Eden. The following pages contain our praises, laments, and prayers for New York City, seeing it for what it is and what it can be.

Ben and Maria, Editors-in-Chief

EDITORS IN CHIEF

Benjamin Kelley

Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza

CONTRIBUTORS

Ardaschir Arguelles

Olivia Cox

Joanna Cuatlayo

Benjamin Kelley

Ashley Kim

Abigail Lee

Laura Ann Lesley

Madison Li

Zi Yi Li

Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza

Yejin Park

Yvette Shin

Nicholas Vasilakopoulos-Kostopoulos

Alison Yelsma

EDITING & LAYOUT

Joanna Cuatlayo

Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza

Melody Qian

Rebekah Shin

Yvette Shin

Annalie Ying

COVER ART

Melody Qian

CONTENTS

BRIGHT LIGHTS, BIG CITY, PROMISED LAND Yvette Shin

REFLECTIONS IN THE CITY Madison Li

WHAT WAS I MADE FOR?

Laura Ann Lesley

LAMENT Alison Yelsma

THROUGH CHANGE, GRACE REMAINS Olivia Cox

THE HIDDEN STORY Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza

NYC PERSPECTIVES Benjamin Kelley, Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza, Ardaschir Arguelles, Abigail Lee, Joanna Cuatlayo, Zi Yi Li, Nicholas VasilakopoulosKostopoulos, Alison Yelsma, Ashley Kim, Yejin Park

Bright Lights, Big City, Promised Land

Yvette Shin

Ihave walked by the Row NYC hotel several times in the past few months to meet friends, grab a slice of pizza, or see a Broadway show, and there is always a crowd of people outside waiting. Not waiting for a taxi or a friend. Just waiting.

When I learned that this was one of two locations in the city housing recently arrived migrants from the southern border, I didn’t know how to feel. As a child of immigrant parents, I understand the desperation to find a better life. But I also feel for those who are already here, struggling to survive in an overcrowded metropolis with an aging infrastructure and limited resources.

New York City is, no question, today’s Promised Land. NYU shamelessly hypes it as their own: “the city is our campus.” Every commencement ceremony ends with students singing the university’s adopted anthem, Empire State of Mind, promising dreams fulfilled and endless inspiration:

Concrete jungle where dreams are made of There’s nothing you can’t do Now you’re in New York

These streets will make you feel brand-new

Big lights will inspire you Hear it for New York, New York, New York …

But Promised Land doesn’t mean “paradise.” When the Israelites first stepped foot in the Promised Land, they entered an era of conflict and unrest that began nearly 3,500 years ago and persists to this day.

So what was the original promise of the Promised Land? God told a newly appointed Joshua,

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9 NIV).

More than the promise of land, God promised His presence to be with them wherever they go And since God had already shown Himself to be a mobile God (unlike the gods of the Near East who were tied to specific locations) by guiding them through the wilderness, He could fulfill this promise anywhere.

For whatever reason we pilgrimage to New York—a better life, more opportunity, or a degree from a prestigious university—the truth is that wherever God is, there is the Promised Land.

Sacrifices

Parents make the most of these, unable for themselves.

No, where priorities come to die. Where we are not able to go safely, danger, stabbing pain, but all sacrifice.

Sleep, the lack thereof. Health, the lack thereof. Mental, the lack thereof.

Happiness – the lack of what?

The inability to — the wretched —

Why? It’s all gone and yet

You only truly lose what you mourn for.

In despair, in hopes of it returning because Rest In Peace to you who it who we who are lost in space in the back of your mind.

Dug up and never truly forgotten, but a loss, inexplicable meaning,

What more is there?

Why the sacrifice?

Why now?

The effervescent longing for a prolonged death, inexplicably… forgotten.

She who once was is still ever more enthusiastic, happy to be in your presence.

But she is also tired, not knowing how much more she can take from it all.

But she tries to remember the happy moments of what once was.

And making, remembering, what joy they brought,

so much laughter, so much spunk, She too remains here, it’s just hard to find sometimes.

Red

A color of wealth, health, it complements this skin which has been criminalized, I feel it.

Deep from within, rich in many and all that it was and is to come.

Red nails, red bag, red shirt, red shoes, red book, girl in red.

Rebellion, independence, boldness, forever and ultimately, a loner.

Red heart.

She who stands firm and stands alone, is not yet abandoned.

Prayer 1

O dear Lord, Almighty provider, keeper of all lost and known,

I love you, thank you for your compassion and understanding in my life, I love you.

You have given my heart rest from notices, events that I falter in, You give me re-direction,

You are the lover of my heart.

There is no wrong I can do that would make you upset to the point of abandonment, because it is You, oh God, who has saved me, and died for all my nasty and disrespectful sins that are not of You.

Teach me how to be more like You, O Lord, show me what You have to do in my life and all that it is.

Show me. All of it. Although, I am a woman of unrest and uncertainty.

Failing

It feels like

Failing? No, you have done well my daughter.

You are no failure, you are my pride and joy,

for I who have created you in My image, I say you are perfect the way you are, let no one’s opinion affect you otherwise. I love you.

For I am always with you.

Why does validation affect you so much? For whose opinion other than mine matters?

For I am yours and you are mine.

What Was I Made For?

Laura Ann Lesley

Billie Eilish’s summer hit—accompanied by the release of the Barbie Movie—had people all over the world questioning their purpose, image, and achievement and asking the ultimate question: “What was I made for?” This resonates deeply with many of us, as we constantly find ourselves asking, “Who will I be?” and “What will I do?” In a city like New York, and at schools like Columbia and NYU, our purpose is pulled in a thousand different directions. Classes, careers, extracurriculars, friendships, and the pressure of finding a community are constantly competing for our attention, and we are in a unique position: we are at the stage of life in which we are laying the foundation for the rest of our lives. We get to choose who and what we invest our time, energy, and efforts in. As “New Yorkers,” we are steeped in culture, in opportunity, and in diversity of all kinds. And New York draws all kinds of people from all different backgrounds, but I think I can safely say that in our search for purpose we share one thing: we are hungry.

Hungry to see the world, hungry for new experiences, hungry for material things, hungry for friendship, for peace, for love, and, overall, for purpose. There is a deep longing for “more” that comes from deep within us—I feel it, and I think you feel it too. It is what leads us to so many of the things that we do, all in search of satiating the hunger that lies deep within us. It is what drove me

to move from a small Southern town to New York City and what keeps us peeking around corners, looking for the next most exciting thing. But so often we are left feeling empty: alone in our endeavors, disappointed when the ecstasy we get from the world slips through our fingers like smoke. Why do we constantly face this? Why is nothing we experience ever enough? Why do social scenes become anxiety-inducing and academia a source of feeling insufficient?

Perhaps we are not meant to be satiated by the world at all because we are called for a deep relationship with God. We desire this depth but cannot name it because the true relationship with God is deeper and more filling than anything that we can experience in the world. This is not to say that having a passion for life is wrong. In fact, in Psalm 51:12, the author calls out for God to restore his passion for life, “tasting joy in every breakthrough [God brings] to [him]” (TPT). And while it is one thing to build lives that we enjoy and that honor God, it is another thing entirely when we stop framing these lives around the One who created us and begin to derive our worth and self-image from fleeting things of the world. Then, the foundation shifts, our confidence falls away, and the once beautiful things become a void that we hunger to fill. We may have a gift of intelligence, but this gift becomes a hole when we stop pursuing knowledge

for the sake of furthering the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth and begin to find our only worth in our academic achievements. We may have a gift of sociability, but this gift becomes a hole when we stop using our relationships to bring life into the world and instead feed our own image based on how we are perceived by others. And the only way these holes may be filled is by the work of a loving Father, who moves in and speaks to us.

The only time in my life when I’ve felt as though I truly heard the voice of God was when I was feeling deficient, exhausted, and alone in early 2022. I was sitting on my bedroom floor, crying, praying and fearful that I was insufficient because I had not grown up in a dual-parent household. I had no words for God, just a deep frustration with my situation and feeling of lack. Suddenly, a booming voice sent the statement “I will fill every hole” resonating throughout my body and soul, shaking me to my core. I instantly felt peace and reassurance, and I knew that there was a God who loved me, gave His Son for me, and was planning and interceding on my behalf (Jeremiah 29:11).

I kept this promise close to my heart, but months later, I told this story to my mother, and she immediately broke down into tears. “Before you were born, your heart wasn’t fully formed: there was a hole. And I just kept praying to God for Him to fill all of the holes.” I was rocked again—I had heard of the power of prayer and intercession before, but for a specific phrase, a specific promise, to be carried across generations, was too powerful for me to comprehend. But as I sit now in University, I am constantly reminded of how this promise carries over into all areas of our lives. Just as He fills the gaps in our own imperfections, God also fills the holes in our lives: when earthly euphoria fails us and no bucket list is enough, He fills. When we lose sight of our identity in Him and begin to lean on an image, He is there to fill. And not only does He fill to the brim, but He promises to fill us with good and lovely things, as much as we

When we allow ourselves to be filled by God, it opens us up not to a hunger of purpose, but of passion, and drives us to joyfully serve the world we were placed into and experience all of the beauty that God created. So stay hungry, New York.

open our hearts to Him (Psalm 81:10).

So when I think about purpose, about hunger, I think about holes. The depth of this hunger, the vastness of it, is a chasm that is not only filled by the infinitude of God but also one that can only truly be satisfied by a deep and intimate relationship with a God more powerful than we can ever comprehend. Relationship with God and joy in the salvation of Jesus is what restores our joy, as it gives us the hope that we need to navigate the difficulties of this world. Additionally, all of the beautiful things of this world, as well as all of the gifts that we have, are from God. He is not only Holy and Omniscient, but He is also Abba (Father) and Adonai (Lord). He is our Father, and He restores in us the strength of joy (Nehemiah 8:10). When we allow ourselves to be filled by God, it opens us up not to a hunger of purpose, but of passion, and drives us to joyfully serve the world we were placed into and experience all of the beauty that God created. So stay hungry, New York. May we keep delighting in the creation of God, treating others with love, and conducting ourselves with joy. But, when the party’s over, the relationship ends, or we fail an assignment, may we remember that there is only One who can truly satisfy us. There is only One that we were made for.

Lament

Alison Yelsma

Oh daughter, oh scholar, Oh shopper, oh muse.

Hallowed be thy answer. His kingdom calls. Her will—yet falls.

Give them a night to share the toils Of foreign affairs and lovers lost. Forgive the gossip and material spoils From lips glossed and legs uncrossed.

Oh, Ophelia-esque socialite.

Lured by diplomats, bankers, and musicians. Befriended by artists, lawyers, and physicians. Organic black apricot tea.

Tickets for Verdi’s Requiem

Convince her mind everything will be alright.

In familial tradition and aesthetic accord, Delay the notes of white lily—Oh Lord!

Strengthen the storytellers And distract the enablers.

For thine holds all beauty above and here. On the rose line, we hold you near.

Hallowed be thy redeemer.

Through Change, Grace Remains

Olivia Cox

Lord, will you be there?

If I don’t feel your presence

I will no longer ask For you to be my direction and All I want is A dependable counsel

A trustworthy friend

A loving father

Because you are Hidden from me Lord And I know you will not be There to comfort my longing heart For in this new place you will be Absent

And my own strength will be the only thing I can rely on

Because your power is all Out of reach

Your hand will no longer be Extending before me

As I step out on the water In pursuit of your voice saying “come” I walk

Though the storm rages around me I’m sinking

And it’s no longer true that You’ll catch me

Because I know My faith is too weak

So I won’t be able to say that You are here And Your grace is evident When you ask me Why did I doubt?

The Hidden Story

Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza

The Hidden Story of everyone, of no one, of them, of me, of none. Currents: of people, ideas, beings, bodies: wind. New air, new currents encapsulate me.

Used to a city of home and warmth, “empapada” with everything that made me myself.

Known patterns, currents: temperate weather and predictable factors. But now, sundry air rushes into my lungs, new air, new currents encapsulating me.

Swung by a destined chance. Placed into an unknown environment.

17-year being: everything was so tall. The scale was too big for the reality to sink.

Floating around not anchoring, “naufrago” of the wind wishing the chance was wrong, later to learn He never is.

Clusters forming yet time variant and independent.

How is one supposed to swim in the wind?

I got these paper bags and I got these treats. I forced myself to get them and carry it just in case.

The rain got to me and I walk through the scaffolding temporal shelter while going elsewhere but here.

The crowd is coming for me now, pushing me over the edge, against the door. Float around me, but please leave me out of it.

Please don’t follow me, no one follow me home, as I do not know up from down, green from blue, yellow from gray: Seeing double, blurry vision, double vision, double life. No wind, no house: swallowed.

Is my density enough for it to be significant? Is the current surrounding me, encapsulating me, absorbed or traversing me? What image will I project? Will anything be projected at all? Muology for ideas of no one, everyone, all, none ... yet:

“ (...) no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:13 ESV).

Please tell me who I am, let me turn myself inside out. Tell me who you are loving so I can too. Tell me who my neighbor is, so I know where I live.

Expose me to myself so I can realize which is true and which is not. Let me transverse my shell so I can see what it is.

Taint my steps and mark my sounds, tag my actions so I can look back. Depressurize my lungs so I can inhale, change compositions to fit the air. Who must I become to be seen and observed.

We are all in the body of Christ, but is mine correctly assigned? And when the wind goes stale, what am I to be?

When there is no current to carry me, what am I to do?

Who am I to be? How can I be defined?

Is there even a story to hide away? Is it meaningful enough to be kept in a space?

No story to be told, no one to be or become, nowhere to be or arrive, no current to flow.

If things do not have to lead somewhere for them to be meaningful, why is there a current?

Photo by Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza

PERSPECTIVES NYC

This semester, pen pals from the Columbia Witness and Seed at NYU corresponded about their unique experiences, personal struggles, and spiritual revelations while living and studying in the Big Apple. We invite you to see the city through our eyes, from uptown and downtown perspectives.

Greetings from Uptown BEN

Downtown MARIA

Columbia/NYU Pen Pal Project

Hi, Maria! My name is Ben and I am a junior at Columbia. I’ve been in The Columbia Witness for three years now, and I’m really excited to get to meet the folks at NYU’s journal. Since we share New York, let me share a little with you about my experience here. Although NYC is a far cry from the small town where I grew up, I didn’t find the transition to be difficult. I love the hustle and bustle of the city. There is always an exciting event, performance, or spectacle happening nearby. My favorite feature of New York, however, is that I can walk to almost anywhere I want to go. School is definitely stressful, and this semester I’ve felt pretty exhausted, but this is my home and I feel incredibly blessed to be here.

Hi Maria,

Share

I loved hearing about your difficulty with the order of events. Your encouragement to not be anxious was powerful. I wonder what it must be like to lead Seed without a clear sense of a timeline. Kudos to you for managing that!

Recently, I found myself going to H-Mart to grab a warm meal at the end of a pretty long day. It was a revealing moment for me. I had never had Korean food before I came to the East Coast, and now it is a regular enough part of my life that it is one of the things that I turn to by default. I like to think that this complex, crazy, diverse city has made me more diverse, in many strange, small ways, as well. I hope to hear about how it has shaped you as well.

It’s been a pleasure to work with you, Ben

Image by Freepik.com

Icon by Freepik

Icon by UIcons

Hi! from Downtown MARIA

Hello Ben,

I am so glad to hear that you are really liking Columbia. It is really surprising for me to see the differences and similarities of our campuses. I definitely agree that being able to walk everywhere is the best part of the city. I also share the same experience with food, as craving NYC’s dishes when I’m away is when New York feels like my new home.

When I came to the city, I also came up with habits to enjoy myself. Recently, it has been

coffee and Thai food. I order or go to the same restaurant by my old dorm and it makes my day so much better.

NYC has allowed me to get so immersed in other cultures that by soley being on campus and talking to people, you can learn so much. This has helped me mature as a person, as I have more points of view to base a decision around.

Glad we got to work together, Maria

Hello, Gail!

My name is Ardaschir, and I’m a senior double-majoring in Classics and East Asian Studies. I grew up in five different countries, and so if I had to list foods that bring back childhood memories, kimchi fried rice, chicken biryani, shawarma, and bak kwa—a type of sweetish beef jerky I had in Singapore— would feature among them.

Heading into my last semester at Columbia, I’m struck both by how much I’ve grown in my years here, and by how much I have yet to experience of this college, and of this city. There are tunnels under Columbia I haven’t yet explored, and buildings I haven’t yet visited.

Perhaps cities like New York make it easier to let go, because on one level everything is always coming and going, always in flux. But then the charm of the city comes in no small part from those oases of stability when we find them. Why else do we seek out the museums, the old-fashioned delis, the quirky little stores that have “always been there,” except out of a wish for constancy, an unexpressed hope that, since these places have kept, they may always keep?

So as I leave New York, I will keep my memories, of things that have kept, and of things that keep changing—of gazing out over the Hudson by evening from Riverside Park; of getting stranded in Queens on a rainy March day following a shutdown on the 7 line; of looking out from my dorm window at sunset and realizing what I should always have known, that there were mountains to the west.

Uptown ARDASCHIR

Downtown ABIGAIL

Hi, Ardaschir!

My name is Gail and I am a senior majoring in Teaching Social Studies, Grades 7-12. I also happen to be a commuter student who takes the LIRR and subway to get to my classes. This semester I have to wake up extra early because I am currently student teaching at a high school in the Upper West Side.

The first day I officially started my student teaching, the students did a presentation about the songs that connected them to their culture. Many came from immigrant backgrounds. There were students who came from Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Barbados, Albania, and so on. As they were presenting, this made me think about which songs I would have chosen if I were to present.

I was born in South Korea, then moved to Queens, New York, when I was two years old. My parents were missionaries who wanted to serve in the New York campus ministries. My early years consisted of Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, and numerous conferences. Our church band would play Hillsong, Bethel, and Jesus Culture. When I thought about music that connects me to my culture, Christian music popped up first. My current favorite song is “Our Father” by Bethel. The lyrics are taken directly from the Lord’s Prayer, and I love how the song progresses as the singers worship God’s glory. It helps me to focus on God, especially when I’m barely awake in the early morning.

Do you have a song that you can connect to God with?

It’s great to hear your story, Gail, and it was good to meet you the other weekend. I was especially interested to hear about your background and your experiences teaching at the high school.

I would definitely have to think about which songs I would pick to represent my culture, but I appreciate how you end up going back to music that points us to God—and I think it’s great that you start your day off with worship.

If I had to pick a song I connect to God with, I’m a fan of some older hymns, especially ones that focus on the love of God revealed for us in the cross. One of my favorites is “When I Survey the Wondrous Cross.” It’s definitely not the most energetic song, but it really urges us to contemplate the love Jesus shows us and what He calls us to.

–Ardaschir

The best part of waking up early for my commute is watching the sunrise. May you enjoy beautiful sunrises wherever God leads you after graduation, Ardaschir!

–Abigail

JOANNA ZI YI

Hey, Zi Yi!

My name is Joanna and I’m a sophomore studying computer science and public health. Born and raised in The Bronx, New York, it’s fair to say there is nothing new about me being in the city. I love going to school in the same place I grew up and found Christ in! It’s crazy that the same place I spent getting wet by the fire hydrants in the summer is also the same place I get to pursue a higher education.

Getting into Columbia is a testimony of God’s faithfulness in my life. Columbia truly is its own world. I can spend hours cranking out work only to see that the sun had gone down hours ago. Living here has taught me how to stay on my feet, rely on God, and learn how to go through the motions of life.

NYC is all I have ever known. I love the culture, the diversity, and the beautiful scenery. It’s not until recently that I started seeing other parts of the United States, and it has been a blessing. No matter how far I go, I know I can always return to the place I call home—Christ and NYC.

Dear Joanna,

Hi! I’m Zi Yi and I’m a sophomore at NYU. I immigrated to the United States when I was two and grew up in New York City, specifically, in Brooklyn. I now dorm in Manhattan to be close to campus and to work. (I work at P.S. 142 in the Lower East Side).

The one thing I love the most about being away from home is the agency I have. It’s almost exhilarating that I can go out at 12 a.m. for ice cream (though I probably shouldn’t).

I think it’s true that being alone in New York City can be quite isolating. At NYU, chances are that you won’t recognize a single person on your way to campus even though you pass by hundreds or thousands of people.

My walk to class everyday is like my daily newspaper. Some days I notice the grand opening of a new store, and other days I see cardboard homes erected under scaffolding and bodies huddled into a ball to keep warm in the freezing temperatures. It’s my daily dose of New York City reality.

My roommate got robbed a few days ago on the streets in plain daylight. Thankfully, she was not hurt, but New York City is no dream. The most accurate description of it is “diverse.” It’s where people worlds apart live inches away from one another.

I took this photograph last year. I think it’s a good representation of New York City. What do you think?

Dear Zi Yi,

We both grew up in New York— that’s pretty dope, especially since many people tend to leave once they get the chance. Learning to fall in love with the city has been a beautiful experience. Although your roommate getting robbed isn’t the best reflection of that (praying she continues to be okay).

I, too, work with students. More in a nontraditional way. I help low-income seniors through the college process. I always enjoy working with people, especially kids and teens. I agree with your perspective of the diverse experiences people

go through based on their status or what they have. Praying to see God move in big ways that let people have the same opportunities and access to basic needs (housing, education, food security).

I also serve as a worship leader, and I have to say I love it! I enjoy leading others in worship to praise God, inviting His presence. My favorite worship song at the moment is “Trust In God” by Elevation Worship. This song has been helping me stand firm in Christ in this current season of my life.

Before I sign off, I would like to respond to your photo … with a photo! Yours is so cool—I love how the colors naturally blur together. It shows the chaotic, yet beautiful, NYC we grew up in. What do you think of my picture? It was taken before the pandemic started, it reminds me of the times before our whole lives changed.

Beautiful photo, Joanna!

Two books I’ve recently read about New York City are Gotham Unbound by Ted Steinberg and Taming Manhattan by Catherine McNeur. The former is an ecological history

of New York City and the latter is an interesting history of Manhattan that factors in the voices of many individuals from different socioeconomic backgrounds. I especially recommend the second one by McNeur as it gives fascinating insights on how health and sanitation were driving motivators for shaping Manhattan and the city structure as we know it today.

I’ll attach to this document a photo of my cat, because I adore her and because she’s a resident of New York City. Her life is pretty much confined to the indoors, which makes me think a lot about the tight living spaces here.

New York City may not be the most beautiful city in the world, but I can agree with you that it’s home.

Miumiu, proud New York City resident.

Uptown NICHOLAS

Hello, Alison!

I’m a freshman majoring in astrophysics, and I also study the violin at Juilliard. You might find it interesting that my full name is Nicholas Alexander Vasilakopoulos-Kostopoulos. Both my parents are Greek-Canadians, and I grew up in Montreal. We moved to Toronto a few years ago so I could attend music school. I originally wanted to play the cello, but my mom rejected the idea because the instrument was “too big.” So that’s why I reverted to the violin. I’m glad I chose it because lugging a cello on a plane is very difficult—you have to buy an extra seat for the instrument.

To put it bluntly, Columbia is fun and stressful at the same time. I enjoy joining clubs and publications like The Witness, Orthodox Christian Fellowship, and the Badminton club. I also look forward to taking astro courses. But the workload is, to say the least, not sustainable. Mental health on campus is a big flop, but finding my faith has strengthened me. Once I graduate, everything will seem like a piece of cake. I learned not to study in Butler or any of the libraries (because that’s where all

the stressed out students go) and to organize my work so I have free time on weekends to enjoy the city and go to church.

The city is also unfamiliar to me. I enjoy it and also don’t. There are several areas in Manhattan that I love visiting: the Financial District, Riverside Park, Columbus Circle.

But I also find the city too busy for my taste. I am curious to explore Queens and Brooklyn, and I love that NYC is very close to other Ivies and big cities.

I look forward to communicating with you,

–Nicholas

Hi Alison!

It’s great to hear from you. I’d say my spot of solitude outside home is my room. I like calling it my 100-square-foot box. It’s where I get away from the commotion of the world. Where I can hear my own thoughts. I can put my feet on my desk and watch shows in bed. It’s definitely my mini-home. I’ve decorated it well; I have my icons on my music stand, and my photos on the wall. I also brought a couple of meaningful books with me. I love sci-fi and dystopia. I’m currently reading Supernova: the MIT Press Essential Knowledge Series and, of course, the Bible.

Regards, Nicholas

Uptown

Hi Yejin,

A S H L E Y Downtown Y J E N I

I’m Ashley, a sophomore at Columbia studying Classics (and either English or Linguistics). I work on the blog at The Witness, and I’ve also written for our print issues. Before this year, I intended to be an English major because I’ve always enjoyed reading and writing—in fifth grade I was determined to be the next Tolkien of our generation.

Columbia isn’t for everyone—we don’t have school spirit, we’re always studying, and we all have to read The Iliad as freshmen—but I love going here. I didn’t even know what my major was before coming to Columbia, but I’m very grateful to have been introduced to the classical tradition (ancient Greek and Roman literature).

I was born and raised in the suburbs of Los Angeles, but I think New York City is vastly superior. I like New York because of the public transportation, the abundance of food to try, and the diversity of people. Some of my friends from church come from Canada, Hong Kong, Rwanda, Ireland, and Australia! But the main reason I want to stay in New York post-grad is my church: I love their commitment to

love the Lord and love one another. I love singing with them in service; I love being crammed into a tiny New York apartment with twenty or so other members. New York has been good to me because the Lord has graciously revealed himself to me through his church.

Best, Ashley

Greetings, Ashley!

I was telling a friend just this week that imposter syndrome plagues my life. Not just within the domain of academia (I’m a PhD student in Management), but in every other domain. I perpetually feel this gap between how others view me and the woman I see in the mirror.

Coming to NYC has only accentuated this feeling. In a city filled with high status individuals, you’d think working closely with some of the greatest minds in my field would increase my confidence. On the contrary, I feel the gap more.

I’m like Peter in the Bible who looked so bold when, in fact, he was fearful and denied Jesus three times. No one sees the fear inside my heart. Thoughts such as these plague me during the many nights

I spend in front of my PC here in lower Manhattan. But I’m hopeful, and wanted to share two strategies:

First, reframe imposter syndrome as grace. A game changer for me was associating imposter syndrome with the Apostle Paul who surely wrestled with shame and regret that he was free to share the gospel while many believers were languishing in prison because of him. The prospect that the powerful, confident, missionary Paul may have wrestled with imposter syndrome … that’s refreshing. And empowering. Like Paul, my past needs to be redeemed, recontextualized in the frame of God’s grace.

Second, my friend told me that I should preach to my soul. The idea that we should preach to our souls is echoed in Psalm 42:5 (CSB),

“Why, my soul, are you so dejected? Why are you in such turmoil? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise him, my Savior and my God.”

He literally commands his soul to expectantly wait on God. When I feel troubled, I will also speak God’s truth to my soul.

That’s it for me. I’ve taken a leap of faith by sharing an unsightly side of my inner self, but I hope you don’t judge me too harshly.

With hope, Yejin

Yejin, it’s lovely to meet you through your honest and reflective thoughts on imposter syndrome. I’ve definitely struggled with this as well, especially last year as I entered Columbia for the first time and found myself constantly sur-

rounded by articulate people who seemed to already have a wealth of knowledge. My professor, however, reassured me. “You’re in the right place,” he said. “That’s the point: learning is supposed to be for those who don’t know.”

Thank you so much for your empathy and encouragement, Ashley! May God continually speak grace and truth to your soul. –Yejin

I am a beginner in church, as well, because I’m younger than most of my congregation. They have more life experience. They are better able to hold conversations, to empathize with each other’s struggles, to speak wisely and lovingly. I have much to learn and little to share. Yet I think, like you, I have been learning to accept grace.

A friend at church recently told me that it is okay to be in a season of receiving. It is okay to receive undeserved kindness. In my pride, I do not want to be the recipient of grace. But that is not the shape of the gospel:

“What do you have that you did not receive?” (1 Corinthians 4:7 ESV)

Before God I am a wretched sinner who deserves only death. Instead, he has lavished grace upon grace on me—not only forgiveness for my sins, but freedom from the curse of sin and death, fellowship with him as my Father, and an eternal inheritance in the life to come. I am the recipient of recipients; all that I have is from a generous God who gives freely.

I’m grateful for your courage in revealing something vulnerable about yourself. I hope I’ve honored your experiences and thoughts by sharing some of my own.

Grace and peace, Ashley

You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.

Matthew 5:14 ESV