Vol. 1 8 No. 1 // Spring 2022
LETTER from the EDITOR This issue of Seed is a celebration of transition and transformation. Change can be difficult. But without it, there is no growth. Jesus said, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48 NIV), which is not a command to be faultless but to strive for maturity. Just as winter turns into spring and stormy skies produce rainbows, in Christ, change is an opportunity to become better. As we transition into a post-COVID existence, we ponder the transformations that have occurred and that we hope to occur—within us and around us.
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A WALK IN THE PARK Joseph Shin PSALM 23 Claudia Sindoni Bonilla REDISCOVERING FAITH Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza REDEEMING LOVE Abigail Lee THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN THIS Ye Jin Park MY PhD Temistocles Molinar, Jr. THE LITTLE PRINCE Petra Choi THIRSTY Yvette Shin
This publication is published by New York University students and NYU is not responsible for its contents.
A Walk in the Park Joseph Shin
The summer of 2020 in New York City could be distilled into a paradox: Although the collective fear of a very contagious COVID-19 virus was still rampant in the air, due partly to its hellish apex mere months prior, the collective need (or want) to go out for a walk and breathe in said air couldn’t have been any more adamant. What goes up must come down, and what goes in, stays in, and is locked in, must come out. New York City streets were filled once again, though not with droves of tourists or hasty commuters, but with protestors, essential workers, and those who simply wanted to stretch their legs and get some much-needed steps in. As the avenues roared with unrest, Central Park became a haven for the latter.
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I’m a homebody, so an enforced quarantine wasn’t a death sentence. The spring of 2020 was both rote and dreamlike: wake up, do work, kill some time reading, writing, or playing games, do more work, eat my one meal, do a little more work, then sleep. It was the most boring kind of relaxing, but it was still relaxing. Occasionally, I would feel restless and think back to the good old days when I could take the 80-minute walk back home from work. As the weather warmed and hopes for a traditional summer fluctuated, that restlessness gestated, and I decided to brave the great outdoors and go for a walk in Central Park. I remember walking near Strawberry Fields on a brisk May day and feeling utterly surrounded. People were out with their children, couples walked hand-in-hand, dogs sprinted, and joggers zipped around them all. It was so nice seeing people smile in New York City. An actual love for others filled me, and I understood them as I understood myself: human beings faced with a global predicament, harboring the same fears and uncertainties, trying to keep our loved ones safe, and desperate for a little cardio. The future was uncertain as this Angel of Death swept through each doorstep, and we all hoped and prayed that the blood on our doors might mitigate its wrath. During those trying months of the pandemic’s peak, I reflected on empathy—the supernatural ability to not mischaracterize, disregard, or simplify an individual and their suffering. It goes so far as to require that one feels what another feels across the
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spectrum of emotion. I feel that the weight of the pandemic, and everything that occurred within it, compelled all of us to demonstrate empathy for those we didn’t know, which can be a gargantuan task. While there are a myriad of examples of those whose empathy was splintered, I can’t ignore the reality that we were all doing our best to be above ourselves, like Jesus, because we needed to. I think back to that summer, and in navigating the paradox of endless suffering and endless grace, I arrive at the encouraging and hopeful premise that Jesus is working in us to come out of ourselves and be with others.
“It was so nice seeing people smile in New York City. An actual love for others filled me, and I understood them as I understood myself.” 55
Psalm 23 Claudia Sindoni Bonilla
Psalm 23 begins, “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want” (KJV). It continues with, “He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.” I had always assumed the author envisioned lush, rolling hills and plentiful streams as he wrote those opening lines. But it's more likely that he had envisioned something far less generous: Imagine a dry desert, speckled by the occasional patch of green and water, instead. When I imagine this mostly barren wasteland—where the shepherd leads His flock through long stretches of dry, hot earth and to occasional and distant dips of warm water or small tufts of grass—I 66
have a really hard time believing that “I shall not want” or even, as the author continues in the psalm, that “I will fear no evil.” Because if leading a flock through a wasteland and to occasional relief (just enough food and water) makes a shepherd good, then what does it look like for God to be good to me? What does it look like for God to give me His version of goodness? Would it mean having just enough money to get by, to learn to place my trust in Him and not myself? Would it mean having friends and family who are mostly good, only to show me that God is the only one who is always good? Would it mean being with people who are imperfect to remind me that He is perfect? Quite honestly, at times I’m really afraid of how God will do the work of being good to me. I don’t doubt that, if necessary, He will topple my entire world—education, money, appearance, and relationships—to remind me that it’s all one big balancing act and that I should lean on Him. But even though I am afraid, I am finding peace. I would gladly have my greatest idea of life shattered in order to have what appears to be God’s shabbiest idea of life. I trust Him because He sees what I cannot, the way the Maker can see certain things His creation never could. Psalm 23 ends: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.” And so even if, in being good to me, God leads me through “still waters” and “green pastures” which aren’t quite what I expected, I know that they will be what He has deemed good and right for me. No matter where He leads, it will have been worth it in the end. 77
Rambling Thoughts: Rediscovering Faith Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza The point has been reached; my hand has been let go. There are no longer any directions to follow, no rules to obey. Mom and Dad now act as companions, observers. It is time for me to think for myself. I am rediscovering every single aspect of my life, looking inside and trying to understand and sort which parts within me are truly mine and How do I know it which are what others have just passed on to me. is really me behind I am rediscovering my interests, reforming my the wheel? values, and, most importantly, reevaluating my beliefs. Growing up in a Catholic household has been a blessing. Going to church each Sunday with my family, praying with my grandparents, and learning from all of them about religion Whom do I has allowed me to grow closer to them. God has turn to for been the common ground on which we reunite, advice? share experiences, and spend time together. Since leaving home, no one is physically here to tell me what I should do in terms of my faith. Now, everything is blurry, like fog on a road. I am confused about whether or not I truly believe in God. I have reached the end of the straight road, and ahead of me is a roundabout: It is time for me to decide if I will continue with my faith. My mind is conflicted by a constant spawning of rambling thoughts. I am stuck in the roundabout. Dizzy, I am unable to choose which road to take. Which is the best option? How can I know if it is something I really want? 8
When will I decide to stop going in circles? Will the doubt about making the right decision ever disappear? Should I just take the exit, though not fully convinced, and just trust that along the way I will discover myself in my faith?
“I have reached the end of the straight road, and ahead of me is a roundabout: It is time for me to decide if I will What do I lose if continue with my faith.” I choose not to continue with my religion?
Should I discover myself before following God? After a few too many turns, I arrived at a conclusion: The road could not exist without the fog. Uncertainty is part of the path. The road is rocky yet stable enough for me to go on. Is this what faith is? This is my first time actually experiencing it. Making the decision to continue in it has shown me, for the first time, what a leap of faith truly feels like. I cannot expect to come to know myself without God, as He is part of me. He is a constant that will never need sorting. Maybe the way is still foggy, and I still don’t fully understand who I am. But if I keep waiting for clarity—for all doubt to disappear and for perfectly clear weather—I will forever be stuck on the roundabout. 9
Redeeming Love Abigail Lee
Redeeming Love, an adaptation of Francine River’s bestselling novel, hit the big screen in January 2022. The novel is loosely inspired by the biblical tale of Hosea and Gomer and set in the backdrop of the California Gold Rush. Redeeming Love focuses on a romance between a prostitute, Angel, and a farmer, Michael. But the ultimate love is displayed by God’s heart for the broken and outcast. Upon release, the movie was embroiled in controversy within the Christian community. Some complained that the message of Christ was watered down, but the loudest critiques were aimed at the film’s sexually explicit scenes. For instance, Angel and Michael finally consummate their marriage after he eases her into a trusting relationship and she, in turn, falls in love with him. While the film shied away from graphic nudity, the sensuality of the scenes left some Christian viewers squirming in their seats. Reviewers claimed that such “unnecessary” scenes overshadow the film’s message and may cause viewers to stumble. Citing the Bible, ChristianAnswers.Net argued that Christians should guard their eyes, warning that the film would only inflame their fleshly
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desires. The Gospel Coalition raised concerns about the actors who had to simulate physical intimacy for the screen. Francine Rivers responded to the criticism, saying that every scene is integral to the story, and the explicit scenes are not about sex but rather “the beautiful intimacy of marriage” and “making love within the proper boundaries.” She emphasized, “Intercourse within marriage is a gift from God. It is not just for procreation. It is for our pleasure. It is to bond us even more fully to one another.” Perhaps film critic Joseph Holmes, of Religion Unplugged, best summarized the overarching controversy: “When religion and sex are not integrated, we get a religious culture that oppresses sexuality and a secular culture that treats sex as something meaningless.” And how do we, as Christian creators, navigate the line between safe and gritty/realistic? Holmes offers this solution: “The answer, as with anything, is to keep trying. The more writers, filmmakers and creatives work to tell stories that integrate these important parts of the human experience together, the more likely we will have stories that do so well, which can then be a model for other artists and the culture at large. And our imaginations and world will be better for it.”
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There is More to Life Than This: Meditations on Morality Ye Jin Park “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.” - John Newton This song, albeit explicitly Christian, is widely sung by Christians and non-Christians, alike. Why the appeal to non-Christians? Perhaps it’s the conversion experience that the lyrics encapsulate. Perhaps it’s the lovely tune that is singable to the masses. But maybe, just maybe, it gets at the common denominator for all humans—regardless of race, gender, and faith—that we are moral creatures designed to thirst for something more than this. What if our identities were works in progress, that this desire for conversion in our souls is what makes us uniquely human? Evolutionary psychology, selfish genes, multilevel selection, primordial soup. Transcendence, growth, enlightenment. Rationality, performance, productivity, profitability. Love, faith, purpose, sacrifice. 12 12
These are the frameworks and lenses through which I see the world. They are the air that I breathe and the tempo of my walk. These contradictory statements battle for my attention, allegiance, and loyalty. In the past, I couldn’t live with a version of myself that could hold multiple identities at once. I needed one identity, and evolution was a toxic word, a taboo phrase, a harmful, antagonistic, and dangerous influence that needed to be thrown outside of my pristine worldview. But I’ve stretched a bit, grown a little taller and wider and deeper, because I put myself to the test—literally. Just last month, I ran experiments on Evangelicals, and as I put myself under a microscope, I began to identify all the inconsistenciesand hypocrisy in the constellation that is me. As a result, I’ve let go of my defensiveness and begun to question the assumptions underlying my faith. For example, I began to ask whether the Christian worldview provides a more comprehensive explanation for sociability, altruism, cooperation, and competition that paradigms devoid of God cannot—not to prove that Christianity is superior, but rather to understand God’s intention continued 13 13
behind them. It has been surprisingly liberating, and I now see that the evolutionary view is not antithetical to the Christian faith. It’s compatible, especially when one chooses to believe that God is sovereign over all, including the evolutionary processes that created the world. This new lens is helping me better integrate science with faith, and even do science better. It has also helped me see when science is inadequate, to know when to take off my cap as a psychologist and be my full self to understand love, meaning, eternity, and morality. Science just doesn’t do justice to the question of why humans care so much about morality. Many try to reduce morality to something purely functional, an ever-evolving survival tool meant to address societal problems. But I am not sure if that explanation does justice to the way our hearts swell when we hear Newton’s tune. I don’t have a good explanation nor any data to back me up, but my gut tells me that our obsession towards morality is not an evolved artifact but a core part of our design. 14
“Science
doesn’t do justice to the question of why humans care so much about morality.”
My PhD Thoughts on My 7-Year Academic Journey Temistocles Molinar, Jr. 115 5
“One would be hardpressed to find a PhD student who did not become a cynic by the end of their degree.”
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Back when I started my PhD in Biology, I heard stories about how draining and soul-crushing earning a PhD can be. Of course, I was naïve at that time and never truly grasped these feelings that were communicated to me by senior PhD students. I was never under the illusion that doing a PhD would be easy, but I also could not see myself in the depths of despair that the students I met appeared to find themselves in. Several years down the road, as I approach the final stages of my PhD, I now understand exactly how those students felt. After so many hours of failed experiments and troubleshooting in the endless quest for data, deep cynicism inevitably began to creep into my attitude toward research. One would be hardpressed to find a PhD student who did not become a cynic by the end of their degree. A quick internet search for “grad school memes” or “PhD memes” will reveal the vast community of disaffected graduate students and researchers conveying their cynicism and finding solidarity
with one another through widely-shared, and often hilarious, internet memes. Such memes are frequently circulated among members of my own lab, and one has become my all-time favorite. On the left is a photo of a very young Daniel Radcliffe as Harry Potter in the first Harry Potter movie. He looks bright-eyed and courageous, and the caption underneath him reads, “Me, Day 1 of my PhD.” On the right is a photo of a much older Daniel Radcliffe on the set of his 2019 movie Guns Akimbo. With unkempt hair and dressed in nothing but underwear, a bathrobe, and gigantic fluffy slippers, he holds two guns above his head and bears a pained, completely insane look on his face. The caption underneath him reads, “Me, Day 869 of my PhD.” Before any prospective PhD students are scared away by this article, let it be known that despite the challenges, doing a PhD has been very rewarding overall, and I know that the same can be said for many others. I was blessed with a great PhD advisor and great coworkers throughout, and I became very passionate about my research projects over the years. I also learned a great deal about research and made some exciting scientific discoveries along the way. I can confidently say that I am a better scientist now than I was when I started nearly seven years ago. I am now continuing on a research-focused career path by doing a postdoc in a research lab. I want to encourage those who are currently in the thick of their PhD studies or are thinking about pursuing a PhD: Do not be dissuaded by the inevitable difficulties that you will face in your research. The advancement of human knowledge has never come without difficulty and toil. Make sure that you find a good advisor and a project that you are passionate about; doing so will help to make the journey that much easier and much more rewarding. 117 7
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The Little Prince Petra Choi
Last February, while hanging out with a friend at a cafe, I received an email advertising a new Broadway show based on the famous novella, The Little Prince. Intrigued, I booked the tickets immediately. On March 30th, I went to the show, which had just opened the night before. As The Little Prince is a fairy tale for adults, the audience consisted of all ages. The production was quick-paced and fascinating. I did my best to focus on every design detail and performance in the show. Though the show was beautiful and memorable, my most vivid memory was of an audience member, a gentleman who seemed to be in his 50s. Because he wore a black coat and had a black briefcase, I got the impression that he was a professor. He came to the show all by himself. Though he did nothing to demand attention, I could feel the prince watch him find his
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seat. I immediately felt a connection with this man. Did he experience the same excitement I did when I decided to book my ticket to this show? What would The Little Prince mean to this middle-aged man? The prince, who left his planet and his one and only rose, learns that there are thousands of roses on other planets. He realizes his own dear rose was just one of countless others. As I meet more people, as I lean more on my intuition, and as I analyze more aspects of my life, I have learned what it means to exist in the world. I have also learned how to set safe limits, recognize the boundaries of my comfort zone, and size up others thoroughly to avoid getting hurt. Like the prince, who encountered many irrational and narrowminded grown-ups on other planets, I have become weary because of my interactions with adults. The world of grownups has made me feel as dry as the desert. Maybe this is what led me to seek the little prince. The prince eventually returns to his planet and to his beloved rose. Because it is the rose which he tamed and was tamed by, he realizes that the rose cannot be replaced by any other. Unconditional love like this is something that should not be taken for granted. Though life can make us cold and jaded, the prince reminds me to cherish what I have, a thought that brings me warmth in this cold winter.
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THIRSTY Yvette Shin
The sun is unusually hot. I busy myself to distract from my discomfort. In vain. Sweat drips like water from my temples and down the back of my neck. Moisture escapes my body against my will. I am thirsty. I am always thirsty. I had hoped to visit the well early, but all morning, chatty women blocked my way. I should have gone in spite of them. I shouldn’t care, but I do. At noon, I collect my bucket and head to the well. Who is this? A man, waiting. And not just a man, a Jew. Samaria is no place for a Jew. Will you give me a drink? Does he not know history? The hate between our peoples runs deep. Once we were all family, but prejudice and religious differences severed those ties long ago. So what if he’s thirsty? We are blood enemies. And blood is thicker than water.
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If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink … whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Beware of men and their gifts. They offer the world and then steal it back with interest. Men have gifted me nothing but grief and empty promises. But I’ll call his bluff. Produce this magical water and spare me my insatiable thirst. Go, call your husband. I am no one if I am not a wife or a daughter. But no one speaks for me. You are right when you say you have no husband … you have had five husbands and the man you now have is not your husband. How does he know me? He says this with no disdain, no judgment. Even I cringe when I think about my past. Who is this man? What else does he know? God is spirit, and His worshippers must worship in the Spirit and in truth. Our peoples quarrel endlessly about the where and the how—unanswerable questions that only divide us from God and one another. But Spirit and truth are untethered to any place or people. Our God simply is who He is. He will be who He will be. He reveals Himself in consuming fire and watery judgment. With His mighty hand He shakes the mountains, causing us to tremble in holy, reverent fear. But His fire also warms the soul, and His water quenches the parched. His mighty arms are a fortress for the righteous, an embrace for His beloved. 22 22
“Spirit and
truth are untethered to any place or people. Our God simply is who He is. He will be who He will be.”
The prophet Elijah heard His delicate whisper on the mountaintop, and he spoke with God. He spoke … with God. I—the one speaking to you—I am He. Neither of us have drunk, but we are both satisfied. The truth of the moment washes over me, a deluge unable to be contained. I leave the jar and head to town, determined to bring them to the well, to Him. I run like a child, the breeze cooling my face, laughter bubbling up from inside. I am drenched in perspiration but strangely, I am not thirsty. For the first time, I am not thirsty.
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Contributors Claudia Sindoni Bonilla Petra Choi Abigail Lee Maria Jose Valbuena Mendoza Temistocles Molinar, Jr. Ye Jin Park Joseph Shin Yvette Shin
Editing & Layout Alyson Ferro Rebekah Shin Yvette Shin
Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. Matthew 5:14 MSG