Unoffendable
Session 5 – How to Actually Do This
Welcome
◼ Statements:
o Being unoffendable is a daily journey. We keep on practicing.
o Forgiveness is not easy. But it’s far easier than a life of unforgiveness.
◼ Discuss at your table:
o What is a key insight or takeaway from last week’s session?
o On a scale of one (very little) to ten (very much), to what degree to you worry about what other people think of you? Explain your response.
Video (Feel free to take notes)
◼ The more you become unoffendable, the more you will be willing to forgive people as a lifestyle.
o You won’t be looking for something in people to be disgusted about or be scandalized by them. Instead, you will start to look for things in them that maybe other people don’t see.
o You will start to look at people like artists look at things. You will develop a different way of seeing things that allows you to see the value of people.
o You will be willing to “move the fence” and accept those you might have previously excluded.
Notes:
◼ Viewing people through the lens of forgiveness means seeing them in the way that God sees us.
o One of the wonderful things about being unoffendable is that it frees us up to be less fearful – and be our true selves – because we don’t care what everybody thinks about us anymore.
o There is something about practicing this kind of radical forgiveness that lowers the stakes in our relationships. If other people don’t like us…it’s okay. If we make fools out of ourselves…it’s okay. We’re just doing the next thing that God puts in front of us…and God honors our efforts.
o The beauty of becoming unoffendable is that people begin to pick up on the fact that we not only love them…but that we actually like them.
Notes:
◼ The only thing that allows us to transcend arguments and differing opinions is relationships
o Behavioral psychologists tell us that we are not rational beings. We are emotional beings. We use our rationality to back up what we already want to believe.
o For this reason, it is very difficult for peole to change their minds about anything. Arguments on social media never work because it just degenerates into people yelling at each other.
o The only thing that has been proven to change people’s minds are relationships. When we know another person, and know that person cares about us, we will be open to their opinions.
Notes:
◼ It is our job as followers of Christ to make it plausible for people to believe that God loves them.
o We demonstrate to others that God loves them by the way that we live our lives.
o We embrace forgiveness by putting Calvary at the end of our thoughts – not at the front. Instead of saying, “Yeah, Calvary happened…but they did this,” we say, “Yeah, they did this…but Calvary happened.”
Notes:
◼ Discuss:
o Part of becoming unoffendable means no longer viewing forgiveness as a case-bycase basis. In other words, you no longer pick and choose what person what offenses you will forgive but instead extend forgiveness to everyone. Who is someone in your life who has modeled this for you? What strikes you most about their ability to forgive?
o Living in a lifestyle of forgiveness is counter-cultural. It goes against our basic human instincts and reactions. In your experience, what have been the biggest obstacles that have hindered you from viewing the world through the lens of radical forgiveness?
o When you genuinely love people, you find it much easier to forgive their brokenness –and they find it much easier to let down their guard and connect with you. What does it mean on a practical level to “love” others? What does that look like in your own life?
o Ask someone to read Romans 5:8 aloud. Embracing forgiveness as a lifestyle means seeing other people the way that God sees them. So, how do you think that God sees them? What does this passage say about the depth of God’s love for all people?
32 Two other men, both criminals, were also led out with him to be executed.33 When they came to the place called the Skull, they crucified him there, along with the criminals one on his right, the other on his left. 34 Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”[c] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
35 The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, “He saved others; let him save himself if he is God’s Messiah, the Chosen One.”
36 The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37 and said, “If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself.”
38 There was a written notice above him, which read: this is the king of the jews
39 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”
40 But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? 41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”
42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[d] ”
43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
o In what ways did Jesus demonstrate radical forgiveness while he was on the cross?
o How can you make this kind of forgiveness work in your life? Meaning, in the moments after someone has wronged you, how can you choose to stay focused on the cross and respond appropriately?
o Today’s culture is full of personal attacks and group-based shaming. What opportunities do you have right now to offer a blessing to those who are attempting to insult or defame you?
◼ If you are reading the book:
o Read chapters 21-24 before next week.