In Loving Memory
TRIBUTES TO OUR LOVED ONES
Helping children triumph over grief
Children are amazingly perceptive. They sense when adults around them are stressed, sad or keeping a secret. While you may beinclined to shield children from grief, this can actually lead to confusion and anger.
Wherever possible, children should be prepared for the passing of a loved one. In the event of a terminal illness, children should beprepared for the passing just as an adult would be. Death should be approached openly and honestly. Remember that children are accustomed to adults providing solutions and will have difficulty understanding why their loved one can’t be made well again. Explaining the process of death, perhaps with the assistance of suitable books, is a healthier approach than denying the tragedy. Although naturally resilient, it should not be assumed that children will be unaffected by death. They may experience any or all of the following:
Anger
Children, like adults, may feel rage at the deceased person, other relatives or themselves. They may even resent acquaintances who have not had to suffer through the anguish of losing a loved one.
Fear
Whenever a loss occurs, people affected are reminded that they, too, will die. It is no different in children, although it may be their first time realizing the permanence of death. They may fear their own death, or the death of others. If the deceased person was a parent, they may begin to fear that other caregivers will pass away too.
Sadness
Children experience deep sadness and even depression. They may not have experienced this level of pain before, making their feelings unrecognizable to them. Grief also manifests in physical
symptoms such as stomach pain, headaches and fatigue.
Confusion
Children may not understand where the deceased person has gone and why, especially if they are too young to understand the concept of death. They may also have trouble adjusting to life without the person who has passed away, especially if that person was part of their day-to-day.
Guilt
Guilt is a natural part of grief. Children may worry that something they did or said caused the death. They could also regret not spending more time with the deceased before they passed away.
Level of involvement
Older children should be allowed to choose their level of involvement with regards to attending the funeral. They may want to write a poem, say a few words, lay a rose on the coff in, scatter ashes or wear a favorite outfit. This should be allowed wherever possible, even if it is not in keeping with the ideals of the funeral service.
Viewing of the body should be a personal decision and is probably not suited to younger children. It may be best if the loved one is remembered as when they were alive. If it is decided that the
opportunities for peace.
Involve older children in decisions surrounding the death of a close friend or relative. They may want a special keepsake and should not be overlooked when belongings are being given away. Keeping to familiar routine, especially for younger children, can be helpful but care should be taken not to push children into situations until they are ready. Allow older children suff icient time to grieve and avoid returning them to school too soon.
child will view the body, they should be carefully briefed as to what to expect.
Grasping the concept of death
Caregivers should take care to avoid talking about death as if it is “like sleeping” or “going to sleep” because this can make a young child fearful of going to bed at night. They may believe that they will not wake again in the morning. Euphemisms such as this ultimately do more harm than good. It can be stressful for guardians to cope with young children at such a solemn time. If children are attending the funeral, it is important that they are made aware of the process and what is expected of them. It should also be explained that there will be many sad people inattendance. Observing grieving adults can have a profound effect: children may be reluctant to see those people again at a later stage. Itis important to explain that although people are sad now, they won’t always be unhappy.
Letting
them grieve, their way
If it is decided that children should not attend the funeral, encourage them to say goodbye in their own way, perhaps by planting aspecial tree in the garden or letting go of a balloon covered with messages and drawings. For a close relationship, creating a special, private place where the child can go to remember the person who died can provide enduring
Encourage the child to talk about their feelings. Older children may find internet support groups helpful but online activity should becarefully monitored at this vulnerable time. If those closest are unable to provide support due to their own grief, the child should becomforted by a close adult friend, perhaps a favorite aunt or uncle. Wherever applicable, the school counselor may be able to provide advice and indeed, the school should be kept informed so that allowances can be made for changes in behavior and grades. Understand that the child who has recently been confronted by death may regress for a short while – perhaps wanting a childhood toy or adopting attention-seeking behavior. Help children release their anger appropriately. One approach could be to encourage hitting cushions. Another could be to have the child write a letter, or draw a picture to describe their anger. This can then be torn up or burnt.
Taking care of physical health
Physical health is often forgotten or given a lower priority. However, ensuring their physical needs are attended to will provide them with a sense of safety and comfort. Ensure they have enough time to rest. Encourage children to eat and drink well. Exercise and playcan be the perfect way to release frustration, anger and anxiety. Above all, ensure that children understand that although this time is difficult to deal with and the loss will always be with them, the grief will pass.
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Twyla Acosta 1950-2024
Claremont, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Keith W. Armbruster 1945-2024
Upland, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Robert Lloyd Adams 1929-2024
Ontario
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Gilvin A. Ayers, Jr. 1938-2024
Larry G. Barron, Jr. 1968-2024
Fontana, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Nancy (Wiese) Blacksher 1949-2024
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
La Verne, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Richard Bell 1941-2024 Upland, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Wayne David Alvarez 1954-2024
Rialto, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Gerald Amende 1944-2024 Corona, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Wiley Amick 1927-2024 Richmond, TX
Cathy Brostrand 1945-2024
Walnut Creek, CA
Howard (Skip) Blila 1943-2023 Hemet, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Angela Caterina Brown 1979-2024
Newport Beach, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Dolores Frances (Carroll) Balding 1942-2024
Sun City, AZ
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Derek Bellefeuille 1956-2024
Highland, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Adam Bouvet 1974-2024
Murrieta, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Bradley Bullard 1982-2024
Cristina Merie Barbarin 1978-2024 Riverside, CA
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Sharon (Goerke) Biber 1946-2024 Saginaw, MI
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
William (Bill) Branch 1931-2024
Lampertheim, Germany
Redlands, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Edgar W Butler 1929-2024
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Bobby Barnett 1951-2024 Redlands, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Michael C. Billings 1940-2024 Riverside, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Lucille (Lucia) Carlos Breckenridge 1936-2024
Riverside, CA
Riverside, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Michael Jay Butterfield Sr. 1951-2024 Riverside, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Donna Cadwallader 1934-2024
Mentone, CA
Beverly Joyce Coloma 1942-2024
Mindy Caretto 1948-2024
Moreno Valley, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Michael Deegan 1948-2024
Santa Rosa, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Temecula, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
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Herman Carpenter Jr. 1957-2024
Murl Nelson Craft 2024 Riverside, CA
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Margaret DeLaRosa 1932-2024 Colton, CA
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
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Rachelann Thompson Daniel 1925-224
CA
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Manuel R. Delgado 2024 San Bernardino, CA
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Dale Casados 1933-2024 Riverside, CA
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George De Boer 1926-2024 Ontario, CA
Jane Casados (nee Warnock) 2024 Riverside, CA
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Robert Michael Deviny 1943-2024 Resident of Riverside, CA
Kenneth Dwane Dean 1948-2024 Ontario, CA
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Rose Marie Dewey 1936-2024 Riverside, CA
Andrew Diaz 1930-2024 Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Eleanor “Jiggs” Ems 1926-2024 Monument, CO In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Anthony Joseph DiNardo 1941-2024 Upland, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Marilyn Hazel Engelke (née Morrill) 1945-2024 Claremont, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
G. Keith Dolan 1927-2024 Upland, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
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Gerald Wayne Dow 1932-2024 Walnut Creek, CA
William Leonard Esquerre 1955-2024 Ontario, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
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Gregory Burke Estel 1959-2024 Pomona, CA
Elizabeth Lee (Francis) Elliott 1927-2024 Mannington, WV In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Chris Eugenias 1933-2024 Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Evelyn
How to support a friend who has lost a loved One
It is never easy for someone who has lost a member of the family, even when it comes at the end of a long life or a prolonged illness. The loss is always deeply felt and followed by a period of grief. Considering this, how can you help support a friend who has suffered such a loss? Here are seven simple suggestions.
1. Be there for your friend
Expressing your support by being physically present with your friend is perhaps the single most appreciated action you can take. Because of the sensitive nature of the situation, many friends fail at this most basic task. Be sure to devote some time to spend with your friend in the days and weeks following the loss.
2. Don’t talk; listen
Your friend is likely experiencing a number of thoughts regarding the deceased, and you can be their sounding board. It is appropriatefor you to offer the occasional comment in order to share personal recollections, express sympathy, and provide encouragement, but most of the time you should just listen to what they have to say, and empathize with the feelings they share.
Allow your friend to work through volatile emotions, freely express grief without fear of judgment, and tell you how the deceased had an impact on his or her life.
3. Provide childcare
If your friend has children, volunteer to take care of them for an afternoon or evening. Particularly if your friend has to make funeral arrangements to handle, your offer can allow them to focus on those responsibilities without the hassle of arranging for a babysitter.
4. Drop off a meal
Prepare a home cooked meal and deliver it to your friend. There are enough things demanding their attention—preparing meals doesn’t have to be one of them. However, don’t pressure your friend to invite you to stay to share the meal. Rather than intruding on family time, simply drop the meal off and leave.
5. Show up for visitation and for the funeral
A day or two prior to many funerals, there are times designated for visitation. Often called a wake, this is an opportunity for people togather to view the body and to express their condolences to the family. Show up for at least a few minutes during one of these times,and then do your best to attend the funeral itself. If you are unable to attend the funeral in person, at least check in periodically over the phone or online.
6. Offer to help out with the reception
If your friend is responsible for organizing a reception following the funeral, volunteer your services. There are a variety of ways you can help out. For instance, you can offer your home as a possible location. You could also help with preparations if the reception is to be held at another location. If sandwiches or sweets are desired, you could offer to prepare some. During the reception, you could assist as a host. Afterward, stick around to help clean up.
7. Check in
Grief doesn’t simply end after the funeral. In fact, after the funeral is when the journey through grief truly begins. Check in with your friend regularly after the death. Remember the anniversary of the loss and ask your friend how you can support them on this day. Offer your company, assistance and support through the months and years to come.
Allow your friend to relax and show honest emotions. Losing a loved one can be an intensely stressful and exhausting experience. Your friend should not have to put on a brave face or attend to your needs. Give them the space and freedom they need to process the loss, even if it extends well beyond the date of the funeral.
By being sensitive to your friend’s mental and emotional state—and by taking some responsibilities upon yourself—you can help remove some of the weight from their shoulders. Your support in these ways will go a long way toward helping your friend through this time of loss.
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Felix Fenenoz 1931-2024
San Bernardino, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Philip Gericke 1936-2024
Lake Havasu City, AZ
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Professor Mark Hanson 1938-2024
Riverside, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Ellen Hewitt 1928-2024
Tehachapi, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Gisela Kase 1936-2024
Cathedral City, CA
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In
Sharon Kaye Ferraro (Schnepp) 1953-2024
Highland, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Patricia Gonzalez 1924-2024
Pomona, CA
Lois E. Harris (nee Miller) 1935-2024
Cottonwood, AZ In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Howard Alfred Hietala 1933-2024
Corona, CA
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Victor Kazarian 1955-2024
Redlands, CA
In
In
Loving Memory
Loving Memory
Judith Ann Florey 1949-2024
Sarasota, FL
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Dusty Graham 1928-2024 Hemet, CA
Lawrence Richard Harvill 1935-2024
Redlands, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Patricia Ann Jay Satoski Holloway 1933-2024
Riverside, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Susan J. Kleszewski, LCSW 1942-2024
Corona, CA
Mercy R Garcia 1942-2024 Ontario, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Helen Yanichko Gasdick 1926-2024
Upland, CA
Joann Haar 1942-2024 Upland, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Joan Catherine Hatton 1941-2024
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Steven Gene Haas 1952-2024
Riverside, CA
San Bernardino, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Gladys Ruth Human (Brooks) “Gladi” 1951-2020
Riverside, CA
Steven Hendrickson 1938-2024
Norco, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Lenore Jacobs 1928-2024
Henrico, VA
Kenneth Lynn Kloepfer 1942-2024 Upland, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
David Lantz 1940-2024 Moreno Valley, CA
Steps to take when filing a will
As with being born and having to pay taxes, we all face the prospect of our own death. If you plan on living to a ripe old age, it’s important to make things easier on those you leave behind by preparing a proper last will and testament.
Benefits of creating a last will and testament
When you file a will, your final wishes are laid out in black and white, leaving no ambiguity about how you want your assets divided. By creating a will that is watertight, you can make your death less stressful for your survivors. You should also have peace of mind knowing your survivors will be taken care of when you are gone. Although it’s unsettling to think of your own death and the world without you in it, consider how you’d like your assets to be distributed once you are gone. Typically people contemplate how they’d like to leave their children, spouse, favorite charities and other loved onesin the event of their death.
When is a good time to start planning your final wishes?
Consider preparing a last will and testament once you’ve acquired assets or dependents. If you work full time, have a spouse orchildren, own a home, or have savings, it’s the right time to start planning.
Preparing the will
Don’t know how to get started? Follow these steps to begin planning your final wishes.
1. Account for all of your assets and debts
Create a comprehensive list of everything you own or are entitled to. This includes, but is not limited to:
• Real estate holdings
• Life insurance policies
• Vehicles
• Cars
• Boats
• Recreational vehicles
• Financial investments
• Owned businesses
• 401(k)
• RRSPs
• Home equity
• Stocks
• Bonds
• Pensions
• Other retirement savings and portfolios
• Debts and liabilities
2. Assign a trustee
A trustee, or executor, is the person who you assign to carry out the instructions held in your last will and testament. Their duties can include the distribution of assets, funeral planning, death announcement, services, cremation or care of your final remains, and distribution of your assets as set out in your will.
want your body to be cremated and your ashes scattered over your favorite lake, ski hill, ocean vista or other special place. Your wishes are yours alone, andcan be as personal as you like. Whatever they may be, ensure your requests are clearly identified in your will.
5. Make it legal
Ensure that the person you select to administer your estate is okay with being appointed as such before assigning them. The job of anexecutor or trustee is complex and stressful, usually taking months or years to conclude. Make sure they are up to the task.
3. List all beneficiaries
Construct a list of relatives, friends and charities that you would like to remember in your will. This can include your spouse, children, siblings, parents and in-laws, charities you support, and any other people or organizations that you want to leave some of your accumulated wealth to. Write down the exact assets or percentage of the total estate that each person or organization will receive.
4. Final wishes for your bodily remains
Perhaps you want to be interred in a tomb, with a simple grave, or extravagant headstone. Or maybe you
Contact a lawyer that specializes in estate law. They know the current rules and regulations regarding wills, how they may affect your wishes, and the best ways to take care of those left behind. It’s better to be safe than sorry. There is no substitute for a legal will. Writing a letter or informal statement about how you’d like your assets divided might be a nice gesture to your survivors, but does not take the place of a will. Don’t risk your financial legacy being mismanaged. Don’t jeopardize the understanding of your final wishes. You can purchase a kit to create a will yourself. This will be less expensive than using a lawyer, but may not be as binding and watertightas you might like. If your will has complex instructions, it’s best to consult a lawyer.
Maintaining your wishes
Divorces, new marriages, new children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, favorite charities or new circumstances may raise the need to change your will, to either include new entries to your will, or have some taken out of it. After having your last will and testament written up, signed and witnessed, you will have to make changes to it as your life unfolds.
Make it a habit to revisit your final wishes when life changes occur, or every few years. That way, you can rest assured loved ones will be taken care of when you are gone.
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In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Jonathan Alan Leach 1944-2024
Redlands, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
PATRICIA ANN LUI
1936-2024
Corona, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Janet Leavitt (Zavela) 1942-2024
San Bernardino, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Carlo Marchese 1934-2024
Daniel McCrea 1958-2024
Upland, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Grand Terrace, CA
Lucie Mae Mitchell 1923-2024
San Bernardino, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Nedra Ann Bergeron Nesbit 1930-2024
Claremont, CA
Stella Lewis 1932-2024
Highland, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Lupe Louise Marquez 1945-2024
San Bernardino, CA
Marlene Anne McPeck 1931-2024 Redlands, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Richard “Dick” Mosher 1935-2024 Colton, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Lori Notes 1961-2023
Upland, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Nathaniel Angel Castro Mendoza 2014-2024
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Angela Moya 1966-2024
San Bernardino, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Geraldina (Dina) Gil Odegard 1938-2024
Murrieta, CA
John Long 1930-2024 Hemet, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Jack Masson 1941-2024 Corona, CA
Annette Lynn Meyers 1966-2024
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Sofia Lopez 1945-2024
La Verne, CA
San Bernardino, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Udom Nelson 1954-2024
Pomona, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Catherine Odell, M.D. 1952-2024 Riverside, CA
Suzanne Lee Mastroianni 1945-2024 Hemet, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Richard Alvin Nesbit 1930-2024
Claremont, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Consuelo Ortega 1930-2024 Riverside, CA
Ellis and Mary Lou Miller 2024
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Raquel Pacheco 1942-2024
San Bernardino, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Gerald Wilbur Pence 1926-2024
La Verne, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Kenneth Paffrath 2024
Riverside, CA
Sesario C. Perez 1934-2024
Ruth Ellen (Talbot) Ray 1930-2024
Riverside, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Adaline Rockwell 1948-2024
Davis, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
David Warren Schmitz 1933-2024
Upland, CA
San Antonio, TX In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Josie P. Regalado 1937-2024 Montclair, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Richard Roth 1928-2024
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In
Albert L. Page 1927-2024
Riverside, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Mary “Barbara” Porter 1929-2024 Pomona, CA
Michele Kristen Kipp Palardy 1982-2024
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Duane Robert Parsons 1940-2024
Sue Potts 1942-2024 San Bernardino, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
San Bernardino, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Helen Pauline Cobb Sholl (Polly) 1938-2024
Redlands, CA
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Phyllis Anne Purcell 1936-2024
Virginia Lee Reidenbaugh 1933-2024
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Richard Leino Rouhe MD 1939-2024
Riverside, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Robin Lou Silverman 1956-2024
Riverside, CA
Sandra Reierson 1944-2024 Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Jose Sanchez Sandoval 2024
San Bernardino, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Sandra Simonson 1943-2024
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Richard Reyna 1947-2024
Yucaipa, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
William “Bill” Schmechel 1952-2024
Riverside, CA
Redlands, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Christian Ray Smith 1962-2024
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Wilbur Allen Snyder 1927-2024
Ventura, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Donald A. Summers 1944-2024
John H. Spencer 1935-2024
Roseburg, OR In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Cor Verkaik 1931-2024
Ontario, CA
Linda Kaye Waltz 1947-224
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Alberta Spickerman 1936-2024
Steve Thompson 1955-2024
San Bernardino, CA
Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Jane Ellen Vosika 1938-2024 Highland, CA
Chino, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Bonnie Stice 1983-2024
Redlands, CA
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Fred Bacon Stieg III 1940-2024
San Bernardino, CA
Joanne Urban 1954-2024 Pueblo, CO In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Ace Waggoner 1948-2024 Riverside, CA
Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Richard L. Varner Jr. 1948-2024 Redlands, CA
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Fernando Vela 1946-2024
Theresa Sarah Waldschmitt 1940-2024 Grand Terrace, CA
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Tina Winscott 1956-2024
Helen L. Webb 1936-2024
Flagstaff, AZ In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Redlands, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Warren “Woody” Wood 1939-2024
Palm Springs, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Everett “Ed” Welcome 1941-2024 Hemet, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Dagmar Welker 1935-2024
Ralph Harrison Woodworth 1934-2024
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Highland, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Terry Allan Walling 1946-2024
Riverside, CA
Riverside, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Marc Yoakum 1965-2024
Honolulu, HI
Frances “Fran” M. Wilbur 1925-2024
Sioux Falls, SD In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
David Ziilch 1947-2024 Redlands, CA In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Jack Delman 2024
Hemet, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Jack Jones 1929-2024
Brea, CA
In Loving Memory In Loving Memory
Joseph Marisco 1956-2024
Newport Beach, CA
May the constant love of caring friends soften your sadness. May cherished memories bring you moments of comfort.
May lasting peace surround your grieving heart.
Writing a Sympathy Note
Writing a sympathy note is a thoughtful way to express your condolences when someone you know has suffered a recent loss. However, it is essential to strike the right tone and off er your sympathy with sensitivity.
Use this list of do’s and don’ts to guide you as you craft the perfect note of sympathy.
Do
Write that note, even when you feel awkward. Skipping the note might be interpreted as a sign that you don’t care about the family’s sorrow. This is never the message you want to send.
Do
Send the note as soon as you hear about the death. The first days and weeks after a loss are often the worst. This is the time to offer your heartfelt sympathy.
Do
Send a stock printed card if you barely knew the deceased or the family. If the relationship was closer, be sure to write a personal note or letter. When in doubt, send flowers along with your note.
Do
Remember the note is for the living, not the deceased. Even if you didn’t get along with the deceased or didn’t know the person at all, it’s always appropriate to offer sympathy to the family.
Do
Tell them you’re sorry they suffered a loss. This is the essence of your message. It doesn’t need to be fancy, but it always needs to be said. Let them know they’re in your thoughts as they struggle with their grief.
Do
Share a positive memory of thoughtfulness, warmth, or other positive qualities the loved one possessed if
you were also close with the deceased. Gentle humor can be just what the family needs, so it’s fine to share a funny story if it puts the deceased in a good light.
Do
Offer some help. If you’re far away, you might say “I’m here any time you want to talk.” If you live close by, bring a casserole, offer towalk the dog or do some babysitting.
Don’t
Say “Let me know if you need anything.” While this is a popular gesture, it’s essentially an empty one. The bereaved is too busy and in too much pain to think of things for you to do. If you really want to help, offer something specific.
Don’t
Say “Mary’s finally out of pain.” Avoid saying anything that makes it sound like the death was a good thing.
Don’t
Express religious sentiments, unless you’re sure the family shares those beliefs. To non believers, these sentiments might sound empty and make them feel worse.
Condolence notes can be a source of comfort and let sorrowing relatives know they are not alone. With a few simple words, you can let the bereaved know you care and brighten their day.
DIRECTORY
Acheson & Graham Mortuary ..................... www.achesonandgraham.com
Akes Family Funeral Home......................... www.akesfamilyfuneralhome.com
Arlington Mortuary ...................................... www.arlingtonmortuary.com
Bobbitt Memorial Chapel ........................... www.bobbittchapel.com
Cortner Chapel ........................................... www.cortnerchapel.com
Evans Brown Mortuary ............................... www.evans-brownmortuary.com
Final Tribute ................................................ www.finaltribute.net
Forest Lawn Cathedral City ........................ www.flcoachellavalley.com
Ingold Funeral Chapel ................................ www.ingoldfuneralandcremation.com
Inland Memorial, Inc. .................................. www.inlandmemorial.com
McAulay & Wallace Mortuary ..................... www.mcaulaywallace.com
McWane Family Funeral Home .................. www.mcwanefamily.com
Miller-Jones Mortuary................................. www.miller-jones.com
Murrieta Valley Funeral Home .................... www.murrietavalleyfuneralhome.com
Norco Family Funeral Home ....................... www.norcofamilyfuneralhome.com
O’Connor Mortuary .................................... www.oconnormortuary.com
Pierce Bros Mortuary.................................. www.piercebroscrestlawn.com
Preston and Simons Mortuary.................... www.preston-simonsmortuary.com
Rubidoux Mortuary ..................................... www.rubidouxmortuary.com
Sierra Memorial Chapel Mortuary .............. www.thomasmillermortuary.com
Sunset Funeral Care ................................... www.sunsetfuneralcare.com
Thomas Miller Mortuary ............................. www.thomasmillermortuary.com
Todd Memorial Chapel ............................... www.toddmemorialchapel.com
Weaver Mortuary ........................................ www.weaver-mortuary.com
Wiefels & Son Mortuary .............................. www.wiefelsmortuary.com
