to deepen and grow. According to Catherine Steiner-Adair, EdD, therapist and author of The Big Disconnect, technology has changed the basic construct of relationships. “It has triangulated our connections with each other, becoming the ubiquitous third party in our conversations, sometimes connecting us, but often interrupting us and ultimately disconnecting us.”
Every time we choose technology over being fully present, we send a message that whatever is happening on our devices is more important than the people we’re with. Children who repeatedly absorb this message learn to seek connection and affirmation elsewhere—often turning to more technology themselves. Over time, this pattern results in lower selfesteem, an inability to self-regulate emotions like boredom or loneliness, and ultimately, a distance between loved ones that isn’t easy to overcome. Kids need uninterrupted family time to learn and grow. Especially important is eye contact, which researchers say is vital for emotional development. We’re far more likely to miss the opportunity for eye contact if we’re all looking at a screen while waiting for a meal at a restaurant (or waiting for anything at all). These moments for potential connection are moments we can’t get back. For more on this topic, read “8 Simple Secrets of Happy Families” at www.sandiegofamily.com/parenting/ big-kid/8-simple-secrets-of-happyfamilies.
How to Tame Tech in Your Family Create a family philosophy around tech that prioritizes your values and sets boundaries for everyone, not just kids. Limiting screen time as a family helps children feel less like limits are a punishment, but are part of a healthy, balanced life that prioritizes face-toface relationships.
Model healthy habits that demonstrate what you value. If you’re always looking at your phone, kids learn that it must be interesting, fun and essential to look at, and they will follow suit. Putting down your device and giving each other undivided attention sends a powerful message about what matters. Verbalize your feelings when tempted to reach for your phone; talk about alternatives to help children learn to identify feelings and healthy habits. Say something like, “Waiting is hard. Let’s play a game to pass the time,” to show kids how to connect during downtime moments. Ask each other silly questions, play a game or simply enjoy a few quiet minutes together. Brainstorm how to develop a healthy, balanced, realistic approach to tech use as a family. Schedule no-tech or lowtech time to connect and play. Provide plenty of offline opportunities to spend time together doing things outdoors such as hiking, walking at the beach or playing at the park.
Power Down Technology to Power Up Your Family While technology keeps us connected to the world of work, school and entertainment, it turns our attention away from people who are present. It can disconnect us from the comfort, trust and security that come from strong family bonds. “The one eternal and incontrovertible truth about families,” says Steiner-Adair, “is that children need their parents’ time and attention. Families thrive when parents have strong, healthy relationships with their children.” When families set intentional guidelines around technology use (and follow through), they grow deep and lasting relationships where each member benefits from real-life loving connections. v Jody Lee Cates is a local mom and award-winning writer who blogs about healthy family relationships at www.jodyleecates.com.
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a new way to experience kelp
Hold Fast, an immersive art exhibition, explores local kelp forests and climate change through the lens of three local scientists and artists. Opens February 2024
January 2024 • SanDiegofamily.com • 25
