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Issue #24

Volume 81

The Last One *mic drop*

My First Year at Uni: An African Perspective – 18 Sex in the Hub Erotica Competition Winner – 22 Final Review – 26 How Are You Spending Your Uni Break? – 28

EDITOR'S LETTER 3 NEWS News 4 Politics 13 *News* 14 Informative Distractions 15 LETTERS & NOTICES 16 FEATURES My First Year at Uni: An African Perspective 18 Sex in the Hub Erotica Competition Winner 22 Final Review 26 How Are You Spending Your Uni Break? 28 CENTREFOLD 24 COLUMNS Presidential Address 30 VUWSA 30 Philosoraptor 31 SWAT 32 NT: Te Ara Tauira 32 From the Archives 33 Mauri Ora 34 Access Denied 34 Talking to my Dad About Sex 35 POEM 36 REVIEWS Books 37 Films 38 Food 39 Music 40 Podcast 41 Television 42 Art 43 ENTERTAINMENT Triggerfin 44 Horoscope 45 Distractions 46

Editor's Letter Endings and Beginnings It’s my last editorial for Salient ever. Crazy huh, it’s already been a year. Someone told me once that you experience time as a proportion of the number of years you have lived, and even though I have absolutely nothing to back it up with, I’m gonna keep repeating this statement to everyone I know because it makes sense to me.

I’m Kii, the big kid from Kaitaia that has his name mispronounced more than the word “GIF”. This year I managed Salient FM and I’ve written a few feature articles for Salient like “Why I Gotta Be Misogynistic”, “Denim Overalls are my One Weakness” and the writing on the bathroom walls that ask you the deepest “would you rather” questions. Last night I made tiramisu for dinner, and I often forget to eat breakfast before 10AM. Four years ago I came into Salient on the back of charisma and a fake mixtape, and they still haven’t noticed that I’m not meant to be here.

I’m excited to announce to you all the 2019 Salient editors — Taylor Galmiche and Kii Small. Taylor took over as News Editor at the start of Tri 2. Chucked in the deep end, she’s done a stellar job at keeping her shit together in what must have been some crazy chaotic waters. Kii’s been one of our radio managers this year, and in addition to keeping the station afloat with far too much work for far too little pay, he also managed to find the time to write us a bunch of features and shit news. Salient’s blessed to have the two of you. Next year’s gonna be a good one.

And I’m Taylor, an uprooted New Orleans girl questioning the validity of VooDoo, vegan baked goods, and twerking (I rate two of the three). I entered the Salient game mid 2018. I’ve edited your news section, and learned a lot about Vic in the process. Y’all deal with a lot of shit, and I hope that Kii and I can make Salient a safe place for your own civil discourse and paces to selfactualisation. Love yourself this summer. Spend some time with humans (and dogs) that make you want to be your best self.

A massive thank you to all our writers, volunteers, and everyone else in between. Salient, quite literally, would not exist without you. All you section editors, columnists, crossword gurus, horoscope writers — some of whom I’ve never actually met in person — your reliability and constant quality content is what keeps us ticking along. All you writers who bared your soul on the page, gotten into sticky situations for the sake of writing, stayed up til early hours getting shit done, crammed us in between assignments and work, stressed, cared, took part — thank you.

This year, we’ve teamed up to bring you Salient Mag in 2019. Interested in a paid editorial role? We’ve got heaps. We need a sub, a news and a few section (film, podcast, etc) editors for 2019. We’re also looking for three feature writers to bring in the academic year with a bang. Flick us an email at

Well, I’m out. Bye, sending you all good vibes. Here’s Kii and Taylor here to say hello.

LOUISE LIN Editor '18


The News MONDAY 15 OCTOBER 2018

Halls: More Students Come Forward LOUISE LIN CW: attempted suicide, mental health *Names of students have been changed to protect their privacy Several more students have come forward with their own stories of being asked to leave halls of residence. Anna* was asked to leave Katharine Jermyn hall towards the end of 2017 following what was perceived to be a suicide attempt. She said her head of hall used the word “evicted”. “They gave me four days in the hall and at the end of the four days I had to leave.” At that point there were only three or four weeks left in her contract with the hall. “Part of me was like if i can stay four days what’s the difference to staying three, four, weeks? Like there’s just as much risk in those four days as in the three or four weeks of something happening.” At the time, Anna asked her Residential Life Manager not to contact her parents. She had not been in touch with them for two years, as they have a history of verbal and emotional abuse. Her parents were unsupportive of her mental health, going as far as banning her from seeing her counsellor in high school. She said. “I just remember being really upset and scared because I knew if my parents were coming they were gonna tell me I’m just being stupid.” Her Residential Life Manager said that the matter was out of her control. Rainsforth Dix, Director of Student and Campus Living, said that “Students nominate an emergency contact person when they enter a hall and this is almost always a parent or parents, or another close relative.” She added, “on occasion, we may contact parents against the student’s wishes, because of the severity of the risk to the student.” Anna then asked if her chosen support person could be involved. Her Residential Life Manager replied “no”, as “we don’t discuss things with people outside this hall”. In a statement to Salient, Dix said that “students are able to involve an independent support person, who does not have to be a family member, in the decision-making,” adding, “but there may be occasions for a range of reasons when the person they have chosen as their support person is inappropriate”. Anna said that at the meeting where she was asked to leave, she felt blamed for the situation. She said that she was told her staying there wasn’t fair on hall staff. “I felt like I was in trouble for something that was pretty much out of my control.” She remembers saying to the hall “I’ll do anything to stay”. She said in her hall, she was “surrounded by my friends, by the people who were supporting me”. “They were taking me out of that supportive environment where I was comfortable, and where I felt safe.” Gerard Hoffman, Head of Student Counselling, said that he believes halls are an unsuitable environment for a student in the aftermath of a suicide attempt. “For some students it’s not safe and supportive… there will invariably be some social pressure going on.” But where is a student to go when they are asked to leave a hall? Most students we talked to went back to their family. Hoffman believes that staying with family would be better

for a student’s recovery, as “a family system would be more mindful”. However, that wasn’t what happened to Anna. After she left the hall, she stayed with her friends’ family. “My parents, they don’t really care, they were just like ‘go wherever’.” She felt guilty for imposing on her friend, as “it was a big ask” to look after her. In the end she moved in with her grandparents who lived out of town. As a result of constantly moving around, Anna couldn’t sit her end of year exams. “It was very stressful,” she said. She applied for aegrotat, which she said was “not the ideal”. “Preferably I would have liked to sit them,” she said. “I had just done all this hard work all semester.” “It’s not a nice way to explain. You got a G, why? Ah you know, got kicked out of my hall for my mental health!” Anna said that when she was asked to leave, she wanted to speak out against what happened but at the same time she “felt ashamed”. She said that the hall’s actions made her feel like she “was a bad person”. “After I heard about this other girl I realised it was okay, we can’t help it. If someone was really sick in the hall, had the flu, would you have kicked them out?” “I think they handled it very badly, and it sends a bad message to other people.” Gerard said that if students are feeling silenced, the University needs to come up with a strong message, saying “it’s okay to ask for help, it’s positive to ask for help, no one’s gonna be evicted from a hall for having mental health needs”. Janice* was asked to leave Cumberland Hall at the end of 2013, with four weeks left before the end of the year. She says she understands the reasons for being asked to leave, and looking back, she could see she was not safe at the hall. However she believes “the way they handled it was really bad”. She said that she wasn’t given any notice. “It was less of a meeting and more of I was going there and picking up my stuff and [the head of hall] just talked to me in the office briefly, and was like sorry you can’t stay here anymore.” She said she wished that it had been a conversation between her and the hall rather than a one sided decision. She said she felt “pretty hurt,” when her Hall Manager told her she had to leave. “It didn’t feel like they really cared about me, it just felt like i was an inconvenience.” She said she was “lucky” she could go straight home to her parents. “Other people might not have family environments that are very safe for them and that was something that Cumberland didn’t really care about.” She contrasts her 2013 Cumberland experience with her 2008 Weir experience. She said Weir “worked really hard to make sure I felt part of the community and I felt welcome and I had the support that I needed.” At Weir, their live-in manager 4



parents requested one. However, Janice wasn’t given a refund. “I was unwell anyway so I had bigger things on my mind, but it was pretty shit of them [to not refund me].” Dix said “The University does provide refunds where requested, dependent on the circumstances and time of year”. Gerard Hoffman, Head of Student Counselling, defended the University’s decision to ask suicidal students to leave halls of residence. Allowing students to stay in halls, he said, is “highly dangerous, highly irresponsible”. He said that being in a hall, around the same triggers, might make students continue to be suicidal. “For some students the hall is a very lonely isolating pressure inducing place.” “I think it would be a very poor decision if someone had tried to kill themselves and was discharged from hospital and went straight back into a hall. I would be more angry with the University if they allowed that.” He said halls don’t have the resources to deliver the service to care for suicidal students. Salient have requested to view the Hall of Residence Critical Incident Manual, which details the hall’s policies surrounding a suicide attempt. However our request has been denied, as the manual is currently “under revision”. When we asked if we could review the latest copy of the manual prior to the revision, we were told once again that it is under revision. Dix said “we are deeply concerned that these individuals feel something went wrong in their interactions with the University and we invite and encourage them to come and talk to us. We are willing to listen and learn."

would check in on her regularly, as would the Student Support Coordinator (SSC), who worked for that hall full time. Cumberland 2013, on the other hand, did the “bare minimum, if anything,” in terms of supporting her. Currently, the SSCs look after around three halls each. Janice believes that having one SSC per hall would be beneficial for students, and “within the scope of what the University could do”. Rainsforth Dix said the SSC model, which is unique to Victoria, “is considered to be operating well”. Blaise* was asked to leave Helen Lowry at the end of 2013. He hadn’t attempted suicide; however he was depressed and self harming. He was given two week’s notice. He said he felt “absolutely terrified” about having to find somewhere else to live. “I didn’t know what I was going to do or where I was going to go.” He agreed that getting out of the hall environment was ultimately good for him. However, he felt like his situation could have been “better handled”. Blaise said his parents weren’t contacted at all. “They had to hear it from me calling them and telling them I’d been kicked out.” He said he had disclosed self harm to Student Counselling, who then told his hall. He said he would have preferred that Student Counselling had contacted his parents, who were his emergency contacts. Anna and Blaise were both given a refund after they or their

5 News Stories You Missed This Year SHANTI MATHIAS the point that the population of the city is dropping even as tourism soars. Legislation has passed to discourage visitors from lingering. In Amsterdam, residents complain that services like libraries are neglected. This has been going on for a few years, but has become particularly vociferous recently. Brazilian Elections On 8th October, Jair Bolsanoro secured almost 47% of the vote in the first round of Brazil’s presidential election. Pro-torture, supportive of dictatorships, anti LGBTQIA+, anti indigenous rights, Bolanoro is a paragon of the far-right. If he had got more than 50% of the vote, his victory would have been assured. He is up against Fernando Haddad, a centrist, who must quickly form alliances in Brazil’s volatile political landscape if he is to have any chance of victory. Famine in Yemen Yemen, which has had significant civil unrest since 2014, is still at war. This is preventing food from being grown or imported, causing a deadly ongoing famine. The war is between Shia rebels and soldiers loyal to the president, with Saudi Arabia trying to support those fighting for the president, and Iran accused of supporting the rebels. Fighting around key ports like Houthi, and the inefficacy of attempted peace talks, mean that the famine is likely to continue. Tokelau Finances Escalate Tension With NZ Tokelau is an island in the Pacific which is a dependency of New Zealand, which means that it uses NZ currency and some governance structures. Millions of dollars were spent on helicopters and property without proper authorisation, and this has not been investigated as many of the financial records were unaudited. This continues tensions over how NZ and Tokelau will negotiate their relationship to govern the state as best as they can.

While you were studying, “studying”, or generally letting your own life consume your attention this year, things were happening in the world. Some larger themes — the US is a mess, the UK is tangled in Brexit, New Zealand is relatively functional, but is far from perfect — may have percolated through to you. In an effort to counter Western-centric news coverage, Salient is rounding up some important things that you might not have heard of, so you can impress your friends and family with your knowledge of the globe this summer. A New Leader in Ethiopia On 2nd April, the surprise resignation of Ethiopia’s previous leader meant that Abiy Ahmed became the country’s Prime Minister. He’s the first Oromo leader of Ethiopia, even though the Oromo are the largest ethnic group in Ethiopia. His leadership is mainly seen as a victory for democracy in Ethiopia, which has been under a pseudo democratic, but really autocratic regime for the last two and a half decades. Since becoming leader, Ahmed has lifted a state of emergency in Ethiopia, negotiated a peace treaty with Eritrea, and welcomed political dissidents to return to the nation. He is enormously popular, particularly with other Oromo people. However, his popularity may not last forever — he has recently arrested several thousand people on suspicion of inciting violence. Anti-tourism Movements in Europe Europe has some of the most iconic monuments in the world, and so each year cities like Paris, Barcelona, Venice, Rome, and Amsterdam are flooded with tourists. Avaricious developers have snapped up central city properties to rent out on Airbnb, driving rent up; many residents of these cities feel like the tourists are driving them out of their own homes. Groups in Barcelona emblazon posters with “#tourists go home”; in Venice, people occupy abandoned houses to make 5



“Stick with Vic” Makes “Insulting” and “Upsetting” Comments LOUISE LIN chatting politics with attractive young women. ;)” Christina responded, saying “I’d prefer to keep personal remarks like that out of the conversation”. Ross then apologised, saying that the comment was meant “as a light-hearted joke”. Christina said the comment “upset” her. “I felt undermined and creeped out, to be frank,” she said. “One moment you think you’re being taken seriously as a journalist. The next your dignity is ripped from you with a ‘minor’ comment.” Ross believes this comment was also “taken out of context”. He said that it was not intended to offend. At the end of August, the “Stick with Vic” facebook page contacted VUWSA asking them to share content. VUWSA denied that request. Matt Tucker, VUWSA CEO, said that they had been contacted by some students about concerns they had with the discussions being had on the Stick with Vic page. He said VUWSA chose not to work with Stick with Vic because they didn’t believe Stick With Vic “lived up to [VUWSA] values”. He added that VUWSA will be doing a submission to Chris Hipkins opposing the name change, based on feedback from students. Ross has given us permission to publish his statements on the condition that it will be published in its entirety. We have printed his statement below.

Ross McComish, an alumnus of Victoria University, created the “Stick With Vic” Facebook page, a page “for all the people… who see no reason to change Vic’s name”. On a comments thread on the “Stick With Vic” page, Te Rangi Waaka, a student, commented “[the name] needs to change. Loose [sic] that colonial baggage”. In the ensuing conversation, Ross, writing as “Stick With Vic”, called Te Rangi by his first name, Zane, which Te Rangi does not use. He does this repeatedly, after being asked to stop. He then goes on to call Te Rangi “the Vice-Chancellor’s little lapdog”, adding “you can lick whatever you want to lick — but some of us are getting tired of hearing you yapping”. Te Rangi said that using his first name was an attempt to “de-Māorify” him. “Zane” is not on Te Rangi’s profile, and Ross would have had to scroll through his Facebook feed to find it. Ross said that he believes the exchange was being characterised as “racist and hurtful to a student” because it had been “taken out of context”. He said he was simply “flaming” Te Rangi, because he believed Te Rangi was “laying down what appeared to be flamebait”. Te Rangi believes that nothing he said gave anyone license to repeatedly insult him. At the end of August, Salient reporter Christina (pseudonym used for privacy purposes) messaged Ross on Facebook to talk about the “Stick with Vic” movement. In the messages, Ross said “you know what us old retired geezers are like — plenty of time on our hands and love

Ross McComish's Reply ROSS MCCOMISH claims, seeking to resolve the matter. That was six weeks ago. I still haven’t had a reply, or even an acknowledgement, of that email. The Christina Carter comment was just one phrase in a much wider discussion. The words are taken out of context. She expressed an interest in interviewing Clive Thorp about his submission that had just been made public. I offered to put her in touch with him and, by way of encouraging her, I told her that I didn’t think he’d mind talking to her “because us old retired geezers . . .” It was an off the cuff comment, intended to encourage her to approach Clive, and I assure you that it was not in any way intended to offend. When she reacted negatively to it, I immediately withdrew the remark, apologised for it, and explained what I meant by it. I understood her to accept both the explanation and the apology. She assured me that it wouldn’t affect her attitude to the interview and we spent about an hour in constructive discussion. Until your message I have believed that my misjudgement had been cleared up and that was the end of the matter. If she is still offended, please convey my apology again. There has for some time been a sustained campaign, both intimidatory and at times defamatory, conducted against students, alumni, and staff who have taken a stand against the university management. Are you also looking into those much more serious matters?”

TW: Content may be upsetting Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reply to the matters concerning me that will be discussed in an article you intend to publish in Salient. My response to the points raised in your message to me is below. I am sending it to you on the understanding that you will publish it in its entirety or not at all. Please note that I reserve my rights in the event that your article breaches any of my legal rights. “I established the Facebook page and have throughout controlled its content and contributed some of it. I was not acting as a representative of anyone else. Both I and the Facebook page should be judged for the entirety of the content. Te Rangi Waaka, who is also known on the social media as Zane Te Waaka Mita, appeared on Stick With Vic after it had been going for four days and had gained just 200 followers, most of whom were friends of mine. He started commenting on posts in a derisory and disrespectful way, which, coupled with what appeared to be his use of an assumed name (Te Rangi Waaka literally means Skywalker) led me to believe that he was trolling. As he was laying down what appeared to be flamebait, I flamed him. It didn’t seem to bother him at the time and I thought no more about it. When it was drawn to my attention much later that this exchange, taken out of context, was being characterised as racist and hurtful to a student I immediately emailed the VUWSA officer who had made those 6



Onzo Rolls Out Bike Share in Wellington LIAM POWELL Hundreds of black and yellow bikes can be seen on the streets of Wellington as the city starts a six month trial of a bike share scheme. The trail includes 200 single-speed bikes, which is operated by Auckland bike-sharing company Onzo. The bikes cost 25 cents to operate for 15 minutes and are activated through a free mobile app. Helmets are included with the rental. Each bike is monitored by GPS, which informs riders and Onzo staff of the bike’s location, and provides statistics to riders. The trial began on the 6th of October and follows a Onzo's successful implementation in Auckland. Onzo in Auckland currently offers 1,541 bikes, and plans to expand with two and a half thousand e-scooters. Mayor of Wellington Justin Lester is pleased with the initial uptake of the service, and says it should prove useful for students, particularly those at the sea-level campuses. He noted that students at Kelburn may have more difficulty, though he quipped that “downhill will be great”. Students seem to have echoed this sentiment. Holly Williams, a second-year student at Pipitea and Kelburn, said that the bikes seemed to be “a cheap and easy way to get around the city”. An unofficial Onzo race up Mt Victoria, posted as a Facebook event, has attracted over 700 people. The trial seems to have been received more warmly than other public transport schemes in Wellington. Despite concerns of vandalism raised online, Williams noted “the cheesy grins of everyone using the bikes for the first time were pretty wholesome”.

Photo by Benji Hartfield

“Wexpo” Mobilizes Protestors

comply with laws protecting rights for the freedom of speech such as the Human Rights Act.” PNCC plans to set up staffed checkpoints, which will monitor everyone entering the perimeter of the forum. “To start locking down blocks of a city, I think that means that things are changing. Our ability to protest is being reduced,” said Sheldon Levet of Peace Action Wellington. “We recognise that elements of these protest groups have ideological opposition […] Preventing delegates from entering and attending a conference, denies those delegates the same freedoms and rights the protesters claim to protect,” said Ford. “Weapons companies and the NZDIA are only interested in dialogue that allows them to continue to make money from war. We are there to promote the kaupapa of peace,” said Laura Drew of PAW. Ford said that the forum ensures that “NZ companies have the best opportunity to compete for those public contracts such that taxpayer revenue is returned through NZ companies to NZ employees and ultimately for the benefit of NZ communities”. Lockheed Martin, the principal sponsor of the Weapons Expo, is the biggest producer of nuclear weapons worldwide and one of the top contractors for the US. In August, its cage number was found on a remnants from a “MK82 laser guided-precision bomb” dropped on a busy market in Yemen. Weighing at half a tonne, the bomb killed over 40 children. “Their weapons are being used by the US — Saudi coalition to kill children in Yemen. Have they stopped sales there? Dialogue is only of interest to them when it doesn't affect their profits," said Drew. The three day forum costs $2,100 for non-members, and $1,100 for members. It will take place in the Central Energy Trust Arena.

TAYLOR GALMICHE On 31 October the New Zealand Defence Industry Association (NZDIA) will host its annual New Zealand Defence and Industry Forum at a Palmerston North City Council (PNCC) venue, and protesters are mobilising against it. Every year, protesters from around New Zealand rally together to disrupt the “weapons expo” or “wexpo”, which is criticised for war-profiteering. Peace Action Manawatū is coordinating this year’s opposition, alongside several faith groups. 20 years ago the forum started in Palmerston North, which is home to the RNZAF Base Ohakea and NZ Army Base Linton in the region, as well as Massey University Centre for Defence and Security Studies. “On the 20th anniversary the NZDIA felt that it should return to its start point.” said NZDIA chairman Andrew Ford. The forum has taken place in Wellington in previous years. With pressure from Peace Action Wellington, Mayor Justin Lester banned the forum from Wellington City Council venues. “It wasn’t something we felt was appropriate for the Wellington Council venues given the protests that were occuring” Lester told Salient. Palmerston North Deputy Mayor Tangi Utikere said their council has “seen significant support online for our city in hosting the event”. “The event meets our current venue hire policies which also 7



New Zealand’s First Rainbow Crossing is Here (and Queer) LAURA SUTHERLAND Wellington’s new rainbow pedestrian crossing, at the intersection of Cuba and Dixon street, was unveiled in a ceremony last Wednesday. Hundreds of Wellingtonians came out for the launch event, which featured drag performances, rainbow popcorn, and an abundance of glitter. Prompted by a petition with nearly 3000 signatures in February, planning for the crossing started earlier this year. The Wellington City Council urban design team consulted with local LGBTQIA+ leaders in August to plan the crossing, along with future queer-focused projects. The council hopes the crossing will make Cuba Street “a more visibly rainbow-friendly precinct”. Wellington Mayor Justin Lester cut the rainbow ribbon to officially open the crossing. He was confident that it would become a “permanent symbol” of Wellington’s commitment to inclusivity. “We're inclusive, we're diverse, we celebrate diversity, and we're a very tolerant place." The opening ceremony also marked the birthday of transgender icon Carmen Rupe, who would have been 82. Carmen’s International Coffee Lounge and the Balcony strip club were pioneering queer spaces in Wellington, and InsideOut national coordinator Tabby Besley hoped that the crossing would inspire a variety of queer venues.

Photo by Laura Sutherland

“The community said loud and clear that we want a physical space, a community centre, we wanna bring back the times when Carmen and her friends had a cafe and those kinds of things, a space where we can meet that isn’t just fuelled around alcohol.” The opening of the crossing comes ahead of the 40th International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA) World Conference, which will be held in Wellington in March next year.

Queer Coverage: Local, National, and International LGBTQIA+ News ERIN PAGE Taiwan to Hold Referendum on Same-sex Marriage On 24 November Taiwan will hold a referendum on samesex marriage, a year after the constitutional court ruled that same-sex couples must have the right to marry. However, if the referendum results are in favour of legalising same sex marriage, any reforms may create a segregated form of legal union for same-sex couples, while keeping the existing law on marriage for “a man and a woman”. LGBTQIA+ activists fear that couples might end up with a “discriminatory” form of union as opposed to the right to marry. The Premier of Taiwan said that he supports the idea that if two people love each they should have the right to be together. LGBTQIA+ activists are hopeful that Taiwan will become the first country in Asia to legalise same-sex marriage. Taiwan has until May 2019 to settle the proposal. Tokyo to Ban LGBTQIA+ Discrimination in Build Up to 2020 Summer Olympics An anti-discrimination ordinance has been approved by the Tokyo Metropolitan Assembly and will come into effect in April 2019. It is aimed at “[regulating] the use of public spaces, such as city parks, to prevent anti-LGBTQIA+ groups from promoting discriminatory rhetoric. It will also improve access for same-sex couples in situations such as hospital visits”. The ordinance is also aimed at tackling hate-speech. MP and lawmaker for the Liberal Democratic Party in Japan, Mio Sugita, sparked a backlash earlier in the year for making anti-LGBTQIA+ comments, including writing that same-sex relationships will

eventually destroy society. However, in Japan, eight cities and city wards including Fukuoka and Sapporo legally recognising same-sex unions. Gender neutral uniforms are being introduced into schools throughout the country. Record Number of Transgender Candidates Run for Office in Brazil 54 transgender people have put themselves forward for positions in state and federal offices in Brazil, a record-breaking number, as only five trans people put their names forward in the 2014 election. Overshadowing this is the fact that Jair Bolsonaro of the Social Liberal Party is currently leading polls in the run for the presidency. Bolsonaro is openly anti-LGBTQIA+, going so far as to state he’d rather have a dead son than a gay son. Tifanny Abreu, a transgender woman who made history when she began playing in Brazil’s female volleyball premier league, is now running as a candidate for the conservative ruling party, Brazilian Democratic Movement Party (PMDB). She said, “I don’t want my nieces and nephews, or any young people in Brazil, to go through what I went through… people like me need to occupy spaces in national politics in order to govern in LGBT people’s interests and also to reverse the stigma about trans people.” Transgender Brazilians have had legal rights to change gender since 2009. While Brazil is progressive in some laws, the amount of violence against trans people, particularly trans women, and violence against the LGBTQIA+ community, continues to be very high.




Chloe Has a Yarn About Mental Health CAROLINE ROY & JESS POTTER be on holiday at inconvenient times. Other students said they felt pushed towards medication when they needed additional counselling. Some felt that the side effects of prescribed medicines weren’t fully discussed, leading to major distress and disruptions in treatment. Student Health Manager Gerard Hoffman attended the hui and says that in order to truly make services more effective, the government needs to fund programs that meet individual needs. “Many students get overwhelmed and very anxious and distressed, but a relatively brief and timely input of skilled support can make a huge difference. And then there is a smaller group who really need regular and ongoing care and counselling and medical care who have much more serious mental ill health,” Hoffman said. According to many of the speakers, the way we treat mental illness in an academic environment is crucial to solving the problem. Looking at mental illness through a eurocentric lens can exclude racial minorities from the conversation, and often negative stigmas surrounding the topic keep people from speaking openly about their struggles. Swarbrick knows that open conversation is an important step towards addressing the prevalence of mental illness. “I will fight tooth and nail for this,” she said. “I will end my career on delivering this stuff.”

Green Party MP Chlöe Swarbrick partnered with VUWSA to host a hui on Friday afternoon, where students and faculty shared their experiences with mental health and discussed ways to improve campus resources. The Green Party recently assigned Swarbrick to the mental health portfolio. In the past, she’s been open about her personal struggle with mental illness, and now she’s gathering direct input from students about the challenges and flaws of Vic’s mental health services. “I see my psychologist regularly. I have a history of anxiety and depression,” she said to Health Central. “I'm the one-in-six New Zealand adults who has been diagnosed with a common mental disorder at some point in their lives.” Students at the hui were invited to speak at an open mic, while the problems they raised were recorded on one white board. Possible solutions to these problems were written on an adjacent whiteboard. These testimonies come after the Green Party’s Confidence and Supply Agreement, which guarantees free access to mental healthcare for university students and those under 25. Many of the student speakers said that they faced long wait times before they could get an appointment at Student Health, including one student who waited two months for a counseling session. Other speakers suggested that this could be the result of a lack of staff member availability, or that staff members can

VUWSA Creates Sustainability Day JOANNA LI Vic’s first Sustainability Day took place in the Hub last Wednesday, as a follow-up from Sustainability Week earlier in the year. The clubs reconvened months after the week of events in May. They have since been formalised into the Sustainability Committee, and last week’s event was done in conjunction with VUWSA as a further promotion of sustainable living, and to wrap up a year of events done by the clubs. It was a couple of hours full of stalls with clothes, food, and people willing to talk about being ethical and non-wasteful consumers, and how to best live in an environmentally-friendly way. Groups included the Victoria Development Society, who were gathering signatures for a petition to get the university fairtrade accredited. They also had an interactive painted map of the Pacific where people could write quotes about climate change. Co-president Katharine Woolrych said that they were hoping VUWSA would make the event annual, and that “it would be awesome to have more of the environmental clubs onboard next year too”. Wā Collective was also present – a social enterprise which aimed to reduce period taboo, period poverty, and period waste. They sold subsidised menstrual cups for $15, which proved to be extremely popular. In the courtyard outside, food trucks had long lines, the fruit market had (tiny) $1 avocados (or six for $4), and Trap Lordz brought along artist Theo Arraj, who created a trap art installation with the aim to educate on the importance of keeping New Zealand predator free. Weights anchored the installation as southerly winds brew through the courtyard.

Photo by Taylor Galmiche

Other groups such as Forest and Bird, Generation Zero, and Kaibosh Food Rescue promoted ways to create change from both political and activist standpoints in regards to achieving a net zero carbon emissions in New Zealand by 2050, as well as in reducing food waste in one’s own life. Plastic Diet/Waste Watchers were present, busy washing cups, as there was free tea and coffee offered from various stands throughout the day. VUWSA’s Wellbeing and Sustainability officer Ella Hughes, who works closely with the Sustainability Committee, was manning the clothes swap stall throughout the event, where all items were $1. She said that there had been quite a bit of interaction throughout the day, and “even those who just walk through without interacting, it’s good to just occupy the space and remind people of the importance of sustainable living and being ethical consumers”. 9



Election Promises VS. Reality

President Marlon Drake • • • •

End sexual violence Healthy flats and a housing warrant of fitness Student deals app Helping mental health services

Marlon feels like he achieved all of his campaign promises in one way or another — all, that is, except the student deals app, which “is there in terms of the fact that it has been planned out and there are people who want to see it happen, but what it needs is investment”. The student deals app would just be one means of making students feel more connected with their city, offering incentives to buy local. The March on Midland and #metoo blog have helped address sexual violence, as well as “safe Zone in Town” (during O-Week) and “Don’t Guess the Yes”. For mental health, Marlon lobbied to get a Queer Support Coordinator, which he is “fucking stoked” about. The role will take more pressure off of main mental health services too. The Presidential role involves a lot of lobbying — Marlon said his advocacy has helped end letting fees (by December 12) and raise “cross party” awareness of student’s housing concerns. He said the flat warrant of fitness is close to fruition, as well. “Mental health was a tough one for me,” Marlon said; it’s an issue he cares greatly about. Like most other exec members, he found the workload massive. “This role is the most demanding, crazy thing that anyone could ever do. It’s been actually nuts, it’s been more than I expected in every single way.” Personally, he is most proud of “seeing my team building a platform” and bringing back the Route 18 bus. As his role winds up, Marlon wants to focus on better liaising with PSC (the Pasifika Students Council), V-ISA (international students), and Ngāi Tauira (Māori Students), who he thinks he could have done a better job of representing.

Academic Vice President Simran Rughani (Resigned) • •

Increase equity, transparency and partnership Decreasing the price of printing

Simran believes she fulfilled her campaign promises. For increasing equity: “I introduced a student Equity and Diversity Representative on the Student Academic Committee, which increased equity,” a move she is proud of. For increasing partnership: “I worked with the Pasifika Students’ Council and Ngāi Tauira reps at Academic Board to help them with the jargon and ensured that there was a rep whenever possible.” For increasing equity, transparency, and partnership: “I consulted with uni in partnership with the aegrotat process, being a part of the review and learning about the process and trying to communicate that to students.” She said under her watch the price of colour printing was reduced to 20c from 25c. “Some of the goals I had initially set were a bit broad and there were too many to accomplish fully in my time at VUWSA.” She’s also proud of improving consultation processes through the year. Her day to day consists of “lots of emails, reading agenda items, meeting with staff”. She said the challenges of her role include “attempting to do it to the best of your ability while also studying to the best of the ability”. She said her health deteriorated and she felt isolated because she was always either “working studying or sleeping”. She adds that it’s important to “have social connections, look after yourself, eat healthy, get out in nature, and make sure you look after you before trying to look after everyone else”.


Treasurer/Secretary Jack Donovan Jack couldn’t remember what his campaign promises were. “I think I just said accountability, transparency, minimising expense.” He felt like he had largely fulfilled his election promises. “I’m working on some of them still, the stuff around transparency – I’m rewriting the work report policy because I don’t think it’s very good.” At the end of the interview, he suddenly remembered another promise he had made – to invest more in student initiatives. However, student initiatives are “wild”, and as a risk averse organisation, the gamble versus potential rewards was not a viable idea. Treasurer-Secretary is a 10 hour a week role. “But like all roles in VUWSA, 10 hours a week is 15, sometimes 20.” Because it’s largely an internal role, much of what Jack does is invisible, like going through VUWSA’s invoices and checking them every week. He’s tried “to be the devil’s advocate in the room [...] It’s very easy to say yes to everything but you have to think critically”. He has also supported other exec members with their programmes, whether that’s with administration, planning, or other forms of support. “I have fingers in lots of pies,” he said. Like other exec members, he’s found that he cannot escape VUWSA when out of the office. “I was drunk in Sal’s once and these freshers came up to me and were like ‘oh you’re the VUWSA dude, man the name change is gonna suck!’ It’s 1am, let me eat my greasy pizza please!”


• •

Create time banks to encourage volunteering Have clothing bins on campus to limit impact of fast fashion Have a map of sustainable options on campus to limit passive environmental degradation

Ella did not manage to do any of these things, telling Salient “I’m gonna get roasted”. Time banking requires “a massive amount of admin,” which is not something she’s good at. The clothing bins “would have required a lot of student labour for very minimal yearly engagement”. Instead, VUWSA hosted a number of op shops on campus and a clothing swap. The map “would have been a lot of hours for a not very tangible result”. Going through university staff members always takes a lot of time, and that was particularly a limiting factor. Ella also gets a “lot of shit” for the community garden “which is dead”. There is a plan of action – it just requires a lot of admin. She said she has learned not to make any promises because they’re so hard to keep. Instead, Ella focused on sexual violence. She said that of all her accomplishments in the year, she was most proud of the March on Midland and Sex in the Hub, a pilot event that she hopes continues. Wellbeing and Sustainability Officer is a 10 hour a week role, but ends up being more than that, she said. “The workload here is insane [but] it’s kind of optional.” Ella said that the hard working environment of VUWSA inspires the executive to put in their time. Also, “every staff member or even students expect that all of your part time hours will be directed in one space and suddenly you have 20 or thirty hours a week and you’re like ‘aw gawd’”. One thing that work reports don’t account for is how VUWSA work mingles with your social life. Ella said that outside of work hours, many people wanted to talk to her about sexual violence. “I was at a BYO the other night and someone brought [sexual violence] up and I was like I’m happy to talk to you about this because I’m used to this but Jesus Christ I’m drunk and this is emotionally heavy.”


Education Officer Rhianna Morar

Wellbeing & Sustainability Officer Ella Hughes •

• •

Whakawhanuangatanga – closer relationships between university staff, support services, students, and peers Make PASS available for both competitive and non-competitive courses Train class reps to be more advocacy focused, and make students more aware that class reps are available for advocacy

Rhianna said she managed to keep most of her promises, though sometimes it was through different mediums. She said she worked closely with the Student Representation Co-ordinator, class representatives,, and faculty delegates on providing student consultation for programme/ course amendments to faculty boards and Academic Committee. She also proposed strategies to change the faculty representation system for some faculties. “There is no such thing as an average work day at VUWSA,” she said. She said she had to take a lot of extra responsibility after the Student Support Coordinator and the Academic Vice President both resigned. “This resulted in my role being much larger and more time consuming than anticipated, and has taken quite a bit of time from my study.” She said she rose to the occasion by stepping into a Vice President role, the NZUSA project team and taking a lead on “The Wait is Over”. During the Wait is Over campaign, Rhi said she worked 10am-10pm days to get everything ready for the rally for two weeks. She thinks that she could have “learn[ed] to say no and put my studies first,” when she had VUWSA work to do.


Equity Officer Paddy Miller • • •

Put a spotlight on student representative groups Promote Thursdays in Black and help students feel safe from sexual assault on campus. A campaign against subtle racism

Paddy also wanted to learn how VUWSA works, which she definitely managed to do. Though Thursdays in Black wasn’t such a big priority, VUWSA did considerable work on sexual violence, and Paddy thinks that she was good at supporting the rep groups. The campaign against low key racism didn’t end up happening because “issues of sexual violence and assault were the issues that students were truly passionate about.” Because Equity Officer is just a 10 hour role, there wasn’t enough time. However, she hopes that next year’s Equity Officer can look more into this. “The most important thing I learned is that the role of Equity Officer changes year to year depending on what the rep groups need from you,” Paddy told Salient. In 2018, a lot of that was administrative and financial support, which was more or less what she expected. Paddy is also very proud of Body Positivity Day, an event she created, which took place on 21 August. “Students were really engaged and particularly the video that I made with Salient TV turned out awesome.” “I think I could have handled the stress a bit better,” Paddy said. Intensive campaigns like March on Midland were especially full on. “My mental health is a top priority and in whatever I do I need to take that into account.” Like Ella, Paddy found that stories of sexual violence “carrie[d] over into [her] personal life.” She said writing and sharing personal stories of sexual assault (like the ones published in Salient) was incredibly powerful but also exhausting.


• • •

Welfare Vice President Bethany Paterson

Campaigns Officer Geo Robrigado

Create welcoming environment Tackle sexual violence Tackle mental health

Geo didn’t set specific goals for this year, just overall broad goals, because “one year on the job won’t get you too much, that’s [why] I made sure that I campaigned on broad strokes”. He says that VUWSA was able to carry out those promises but there’s still a lot of work to be done. He’s most proud of being the first Filipino to be elected into VUWSA. He says when he ran for the position, he “didn’t want to present myself as the first Filipino in VUWSA because I didn’t want that to be just tokenistic, and I wanted to be known more for what I can do, my merits and my skills”. Instead, he focused on experience and credentials and just let the first Filipino narrative speak for itself. However, recently he says he “realised that being the first Filipino in VUWSA was both a strength and an achievement on its own… I was actually able to break the glass ceiling and pave the way for other Filipinos and migrants to become more engaged in the university”. While he’s excited to be next year’s Academic VP and to see what the next executive is going to do, the biggest thing he really wants to happen is to get into second year law. “I’m sure a lot of fellow first year law students have the same question in mind,” he laughed.

Beth says that she spent almost all of her time tackling sexual violence — which isn’t a bad thing. “I thought I could either half-ass a lot of things, or whole-ass one thing. We had a unique opportunity to really slam home our work on sexual violence prevention, and I chose to spend my hours taking that opportunity.” Beth has been a mobilising force behind many of the VUWSA events this year — Stress Free Study Week, Sex in the Hub, the March on Midland, and the launching of the #metoo blog. She says that she is most proud of their organisation of law school after the reports of sexual misconduct at Russell McVeagh. “We leapt to action so fast and mobilised the rally within about a week.” In the end, the welfare team created a portfolio of how-to-do sexual violence prevention work at Vic. Of course, the hard grind doesn’t come without its less glamorous moments. Beth says that over the course of the year, Ella and her have had to develop methods to cope with thinking and talking about sexual violence all the time. “If we’d known some of these things at the start of the year, it would’ve made handling situations in this space a lot easier. We found that dance breaks, for example, are excellent in most stressful times.”

Work Report System is Pretty Screwed


Clubs & Activities Officer Connor Macleod •

Shifting clubs back to VUWSA

A lot of the responsibilities of this position is dealing with admin: emails, meetings, and ensuring that any activities occurring at VUWSA are supported. While clubs has not been shifted from Vic Rec back to VUWSA, there has been quite a bit more talk and stir about it. Connor acknowledged getting clubs back will be a multi-year process. “Getting clubs back turned out to not be black and white.” That’s not to say that all of his work this year has been for nothing – the survey sent out to clubs asking whether they would prefer to be held under Vic Rec or VUWSA came back overwhelmingly in favour of VUWSA. Connor said that this proved that there is a greater need for clubs services. Throughout the year, once he realised that this was not something that could be done in one year, his goals changed to more long term, in “ensuring that once I am no longer in the role, the changes can still occur”. He said that getting a clubs services review in the first place was a challenge. “In the meeting to argue for the change, I said there would be a shift of reputational risk for the University if VUWSA ran clubs, and got absolutely shredded for it. There was a lot of opposition for even just a review, and when it finally started, I was elated.”

reading the work reports to publicly make fun of the spelling errors in them. Donovan has said the reason why the work reports haven’t been uploaded is because there is “no deadline”, and he’s working on reforming the system. “I’m still seeing all the work reports, so I know people are doing a good job and people are keeping up with their hours and stuff, but it’s showing it off to the world [that’s important],” Donovan said. Donovan says that change is on the way for the work report system. Under his new scheme which has yet to be passed by the exec, “the idea is that the deadline would the be seventh of the next month, so that the January reports have to be uploaded by February.” A monthly (rather than biweekly) deadline with “a bit more description” will be more “interesting” said Donovan. The work reports could not be passed at VUWSA’s AGM last month because they hadn’t been made publicly available.

SHANTI MATHIAS After months of hounding by Salient, and despite VUWSA Treasurer-Secretary Jack Donovan’s many promises, the VUWSA work reports are still not available on the VUWSA website. As a result, students have no way of holding their student union executive accountable. The work reports are a written record of the hours and the work that the VUWSA executive have done. They are supposed to be written biweekly and uploaded to the VUWSA website so that any interested party can see what the exec have been doing. Salient is very disappointed, as we had been planning on 12

Politics MONDAY 15 OCTOBER 2018

Post Cab Round Up

The Party Line

It was Jacinda’s first Post Cab press conference since returning from her trip. Last Monday the PM offered a critique of fuel companies. She brought along Ministers Megan Woods and Chris Faafoi to help her answer questions.

This year, the defence industry's annual Defence Industry and National Security Forum will take place at a Palmerston North Council venue. Protestors are pressuring the council to cancel the event for its "truly vile weapons" and "blood money". Should local councils have the right to restrict controversial forums? Why?

The PM’s Week Ahead On Tuesday, Jacinda Ardern travelled to the Wairarapa with Minister of Agriculture Damien O’Connor and provided an update into the government’s work in tackling the outbreak of Mycoplasma bovis, a disease causing a range of health problems for cattle. As of 5 October, 38 farms in New Zealand were affected by this disease. On Wednesday, she joined Commerce and Consumer Affairs Minister Chris Faafoi in Auckland to announce new crackdowns on independent lending groups. Budgeting groups welcomed the announcement by the government, saying that a fine of $600,000 would be a huge deterrent for loan sharks. On Thursday, she launched the new Strategy for Women and Girls in Sport, with Sport and Recreation Minister Grant Robertson at Eden Park in Auckland. Friday’s Auckland agenda was a mix, with various meetings and announcements. The Insane Fuel Prices Jacinda dedicated most of the Press Conference clarifying to the press about the state of the fuel prices and taxes. Fuel in New Zealand has the highest pre-tax prices in the OECD. In 2008 we were one of the lowest. This year, fuel prices have rose almost 39c a litre. The PM has said that the high fuel prices are the result of NZers being “fleeced” by fuel companies. She prioritised the passing of the government’s Commerce Amendment Bill, which is currently at the select committee stage. The bill would require fuel companies to cooperate with the government to investigate fuel pricing. “This bill will create the ability to undertake market studies and will compel companies to produce information to the Commerce Commission to fully understand how markets are functioning.” Ardern acknowledged this bill was necessary, as fuel companies have refused to cooperate with Government before. - Thomas Campbell

VICLABOUR Let’s remember why the expo is happening in Palmerston North in the first place. Last year the “weapon’s expo” was held in Wellington and after the great opposition that was displayed, our Labour mayor, Justin Lester, refused to allow city council venues to be used for the industry trade fair in the future. In Palmerston North, Labour Councillor Lorna Johnson has been vocal about reviewing the policy of venue use, due to the protests against the event. Councils are allowed to restrict controversial forums if they encourage negative behaviour and enact harm onto the city. This is not dissimilar to Auckland City Council forbidding Lauren Southern and Stephen Molyneux because of their vile stances that the people of their city do not support. Wellington City Council has done it, Palmerston North City Council can do it, and any other city council can do it too. VICNATS No. Unless the event advocates against or breaks New Zealand law, it is not the position of councils to pass judgement on the content of an event. - Grahame Woods GREENS AT VIC Non-violence is at the core of Green politics; it is one of our party’s central charter principles. The expo is a forum for manufacturers to sell destructive capability to nations; in short, it facilitates war, and it facilitates profit from war. If Aotearoa sees itself as a peaceful, nonviolent nation, then we cannot allow unethical forums to take place on our soil. Greens@Vic believes that just as we oppose nuclear weapons, we should also oppose cluster bombs, land mines, drone strikes, machine guns, and all forms of state-sanctioned violence. Kia 13

kaha to Peace Action Manawatū, and all of the local leaders fighting for peace on the ground; kaua e mate wheke mate ururoa. - Zachary Rose ACT ON CAMPUS People will always find something to protest about. ACT believes that defence is very important to our country. Private venues have the right to decide who they allow to use the space however council venues should be impartial.





Water Whirler Destruction Actually Council Funded Performance Art DANIEL SMITH A council source who wishes to remain anonymous, but let slip that their name rhymes with “Bustin Kester”, has recently contacted the Salient offices to inform the editorial staff that the destruction of Len Lye’s sculpture was actually a savvy display of council funded performance art. The sculpture, which at the time of installation cost Wellington Council over $300,000, was broken last Tuesday after being swung on by brazen daredevil Hunter Macdonald. Many members of the public simply assumed Mr. Macdonald to be a local idiot doing something dumb. But the anonymous source, who insinuated that they are very high up in the WCC, has proved otherwise. The anonymous source, hereafter referred to as Mr. Kester, has said that the whole thing was “just a bit of performance art”. Mr. Kester has said that the council was approached by Mr.

Macdonald, an up and coming performance artist, and they were extremely excited by the concept. He says that, “Len Lye made no secret of the fact that the water whirler was meant to represent a gigantic ejaculating penis, flopping around in ecstatic climax. But those were different times back then. The patriarchy is a bit subtler now. So when we heard the idea for Hunter to climb up and break the, you know, the cock. Well we jumped on board straight away”. The performance set the Wellington City Council back $200,000 dollars. Mr. Kester expressed surprise and derision towards the Wellington public saying they are “pretty stupid for not getting it”. He states, “What’s so bloody hard to understand? Break the cock. It’s a feminist message. Women should be loving it”. Len Lye could not be reached for comment.

It's Fall in my Heart

Tears Fall, and Sea Levels Rise

SHANTI MATHIAS White North American girls across Wellington have joined to form a “Spring Solidarity” support group, to cope with missing autumn in the Northern Hemisphere. The group meets in Starbucks every Tuesday afternoon to sip pumpkin spice lattes and flip through Instagram photos of their antipodal friends. “#decorativegourd, #fallenleaves, #octobervibes...I’m missing out on all of that,” said Taylor Webb, from Ontario, oblivious to the blossoms around her. “It’s a trying time.” “Kiwis treat pumpkin like it’s a savory vegetable. It’s not right,” said Caroline Methods, who is from Wisconsin. She has tried to decorate her room with leaves dehydrated in hole-inthe-ozone-layer sun, but “it’s just not the same”. The group agrees that the pumpkin spice lattes in New Zealand aren’t the same, but “together we can get through this”, according to the convener Abigail Freeman. By bonding with people who know that October is for falling leaves, not water glittering in sunlight, these girls are able to pine a little less for their place of origin. “And don’t get me started on Halloween,” said Freeman.

KII SMALL This month, for the seventh straight month in a row, the latest climate change report has been released to remind us that we’re fucked if we don’t act now. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) released their report last Sunday that explains how much global warming is actually “not here to play your little game”. In the next twenty years, it appears as if we will do irreversible damage to the earth. Not only will nature be destroyed and anarchy descend onto the human race, but your chances to play your childhood games from 2002 will deplete day-by-day. When asked about his opinion on the matter, Callum Turnbull said, “Fuck, that’s a really intense question to walk into”. Following up to that question, we asked Turnbull if he would give up meat and dairy to save the world from global warming? “I guess my girlfriend was right again,” Turnbull exclaimed as tears fell from his coconut oil drenched skin. According to scientists we’re not good enough to mention, global warming is apparently close to impossible to stop at this point. This is the seventh year in a row this has been a headline and it is clear as a human race we need to be reminded that we made some bad decisions and it's too late to say sorry. I interviewed some other students on how they felt about this news but could not transcribe any of the screams or words choked out through hysteric bawling.

Updates on Kylie Jenner's Baby Kylie Jenner and her baby are “on a roll”, a line Salient has shamelessly stolen from Us Weekly. Salient would hereby like to acknowledge the debt we owe to Kylie Jenner and the publications that cover her continuing existence and that of the baby. Though we do not care about the baby for itself, the consistency of content has kept us sane in a desperate world, and reminded us of who we don’t want to be.


Week in Tweets “Controversial but correct opinion: the breaking of the Len Lye water-whirler is Wellington's shredded Banksy, it is worth more destroyed than working” - @JeromeChandra

“Traveling around to all the soda fountains and penny arcades in the area and pointing my crossbow at millennials who haven't registered to vote” - @IntegrityGuy

“using dark magicks to alchemise a growth potion so that i can pick the len lye water whirler out of its pier five days before repairs end and use it as a toothpick” - @AdamGoodallYes

“I'll just be minding my own business and Gaga's voice in my head will be like AAAaaaaAAAGHHahhaahaaa AAHhhhAAHHHHHH” - @jpbrammer

“what Venom SHOULD be: a psychosexual thriller where Tom Hardy gets vored by a slimy monster. what Venom actually looks like: a generic action movie about Some Guy.” - @Hello_ Tailor

“Lady Gaga sings ONE time at a bar and a hot guy falls in love with her. Yet I sing “Funkytown” by Lipps Inc unprompted almost every weekend and no one loves me” - @GraceSpelman

“It must be really depressing to be a method actor and completely throw yourself into like 30 different roles, staying in character for months at a time, and do a shitty job at every single one of them. Not gonna mention any names but it rhymes with jared leto” - @mikefossey “Hopefully they let us use our Kiwisaver to put a deposit on a seat on the Ark when we finish cooking the planet” - @ KurtMatthes “I’m having sad feelings for the birds who didn’t get many votes. I am not tough enough for #BirdOfTheYear - I just want to make a huge nest and hold every bird close and tell them they’re perfect. - @mifflangstone

“scifi tv show where one character says “fuck” and “shit” instead of “fruk” and “shoop” or whatever and the rest of them roll their eyes bc they think it’s a made up affectation” - @griph "Job application for Kaffe Eis relying on the fact that I'm 6'3" and so can reach things high up" - @johaganbrebner "What if the auctioneer *is* Banksy?" - @keith_ng “i have a question for the people i see wandering around at night in shorts and a t-shirt. the question is this: what the fuck? what the hell do you think you are doing” - @staurtfdrake “why do people want an "edit tweet" button so bad. if you do a typo just do the tweet again. or don't. Who gives a shit it's fuckin twitter” - @Pizza_Suplex


World Facts

1. Who designed the $300,000 Wellington sculpture, Water Whirler, that was snapped in two when a man attempted to climb it?

1. Certain types of moth will drink the tears of sleeping birds.

6. 1 in 8 Americans have worked at a McDonalds.

2. The Shoreham Nuclear Power Plant on Long Island was shut down because it would be impossible to evacuate residents in the case of a nuclear accident.

7. Monty Python’s “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” is the most-played song at funerals in the United Kingdom.

3. After an impressive comeback by the All Blacks, what was the final score of their most recent game against the Springboks? 4. Moments after being auctioned for NZ$2.1 million, a work by which artist was partially destroyed by a shredder, hidden in its frame? 5. Donald Trump likes which musician’s music “about 25% less” after they endorsed the Democratic candidates in their home state of Tennessee?

3. The Pentagon has a 26 page brownie recipe. 4. The first Western-made film broadcasted on TV in North Korea was Bend It Like Beckham. 5. Pontevedra, Spain banned all but essential traffic in 1999 and saw a 70% decrease in CO2 emissions.

World Facts by Courtney Powell, Week in Tweets by Emma Maguire & Quiz by Alister Hughes

8. Cheese is the most shoplifted food in the world. 9. Being “tongue-tied” is a medical condition. 10. Wish is the biggest advertiser on Facebook and spends $500mil USD a year on ads.

Quiz Answers 1. Len Lye 2. $5.5 billion 3. Meka Whaitiri 4. 28 years 5. Nelson Mandela Peace Summit

2. Despite consistent criticism of their fiscal plans from the Opposition, the Labour-led coalition announced an economic surplus of how much?


Send your letters to

To whom it may concern, It seems that the article in this weeks salient by Emma Sidnam is making a wide generalisation on babyboomers, while criticisng the so called older generation for doing the exact same thing. The title "hypocrisy of the older generation" is rather ironic. Not all young people are lazy, materialistic, shallow and frivolous no, but baby boomers are not all complaining drunks. Its seems many of the salients articles point finger at today's society, when they too are committing the same prejudices. As a millennial myself I can respect those of any age without making ridiculous generalisations. Let's not assume that the older generation who paved the way for marriage equality and many freedoms we take for granted are all complaining drunks. Large generalisations, although great for generating a healthy debate, seem too be taking us back in time rather then progressing forward. Regards


Dear Editor, As all present and former both students and graduates know Vice Chancellor Grant Gilford and his Board have voted almost unanimously to change the moniker of Victoria University of Wellington, to the University of Wellington. I am a former Graduate. But if our incumbent Minister of Education the Honourable Chris Hipkins approves this name change, it won't be kosha, because as a former graduate, he has a glaring conflict of interest! The approval must be signed off by the Associate Minister of Education, the Honourable Jenny Salesa. If this does not occur the name change procedure must be started again! Yours faithfully, Brian Collins,

Send your notices to

Team Vic Netball: Nominations Open for Committee Roles Being on committee is an awesome experience, it is a great way to give back to the Vic Uni community, it looks great on your CV AND it counts towards Vic Plus! Our Club has over 230 members so we need all hands on deck to make 2019 a stellar season. More info can be found on our website We have a range of roles available that can be adjusted or shared depending on how much time you have available, these include: Social Officer, Secretary, Fundraising and Sponsorship Officer and many more...

Rotaract Wellington Movie Fundraiser Rotaract Wellington are running a movie fundraiser for Women's Refuge and End Polio Now! - a screening of the 2015 film ‘Suffragette’ starring Carey Mulligan and Meryl Streep. As it has been 125 years since Women's Suffrage in New Zealand and 24th of October is World Polio Day we felt they’re both important causes to support. When? Tuesday 23rd October, 5-8pm (6pm movie start) Where? Nga Taonga Sound and Vision Tickets $12 (search “Suffragette Film Fundraiser” on Facebook or Eventbrite to secure a seat), includes a FREE raffle entry, with more entries available to purchase before 6pm. #Suffrage125 #endpolio


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SALIENT 2019 Salient wants (and needs) you! (pls) Do you have ideas? How about a burning desire to join the 2019 Salient team? Flick us an email at editor@ Paid roles include sub editor, news editor, distributor and three feature writers.

We’re also looking for faithful volunteer roles, including columnists, section editors, news writers (to spread truths and hold our community accountable) and centrefold artwork entrants. If there's anything that you think Salient is missing, pitch us your ideas!

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My First Year at Uni: An African Perspective BY VICTOR KOFI OWUSU-ANSAH

I come from a tiny country called Ghana, situated along the west coast of Africa. Three years ago, I made the life-changing decision to immigrate to New Zealand with my partner. At the time, going back to university was the last thing on my mind. After all, I was armed with a Communications Degree, majoring in public relations and journalism, the latter of which I had practised for close to a decade.

Blackboard was a lifesaver in first year. Without it, I probably would not have made the cut for second year law school. The recorded lectures and powerpoint slides, along with tutorials, made all the difference for me. However, not all the lectures were recorded, and it took me a couple of weeks, or even months to fully apprise myself with the university’s online interface. I grew up in a country where a lot of the teaching and learning is done the old-fashioned way; through books. I learnt about computers, but I didn’t even know how to use the damn thing till I hit my early twenties, and didn’t own a smartphone or laptop till my mid-twenties.

However, after a year without making any headway in the job market, my partner and I began to reassess our priorities, and it made sense to go back to school and upskill. I decided to study law, and after applying, was duly admitted to the law school here at Victoria last year.

Navigating the campuses for my lecture theatres and tutorial rooms in the first few weeks was a herculean task, and mastering public transport was essential to effectively juggling work and school. During the first half of the year, I was juggling two jobs and law school, and sometimes had to go back and forth between jobs, lectures, and tutorials up to three or four times a day. What would have been an inconvenience for most was a nightmare for me.

It was a bit of a culture shock. Almost everything was different, from the size of the lecture theatres to the different approaches to teaching and learning. For me, the first task was trying to even understand what the lecturers were saying. Not only were the accents different to what I was used to, the slang, jargon, and the context around which lectures were based were all alien to me. References were often made to New Zealand’s historical, political, and cultural contexts which I knew nothing about. I spent endless nights playing the recorded lectures over and over, making note after note. Sometimes, I ended up with five different notes on the same material.

I seriously began to question if it was all worth it; the time, the effort, the money. It was only on the advice of my tutors that I decided not to seek extra tuition because I was told they could be counterproductive. At the end of my first trimester, I passed my Media Communications and International Relations papers quite comfortably, but barely made the pass grade for second trimester law. 19

My First Year at Uni: An African Perspective Of all the challenges I faced in my first year, none so irked me as the need to constantly defend misconceptions about the African continent and its people. I wouldn’t exactly call it racism, but when in the twenty-first century, and with all the knowledge at our fingertips, people still have a warped perception of what everyday normal life is in most parts of the continent, it gets annoying.

My Kiwi friends and colleagues, bless them, and even friends back home are always pestering me with questions like: “Oh! How is the African Community on campus like?” And I know they are genuinely interested in the community, which is nice, but I am always at a loss to explain to them that I don’t fraternise with the African Community on campus, and don’t really see the need to.

Beyond the odd jokes about living in huts, doing bone dances and travelling on boats, the commonest assumption many people make at a cursory glance is that you must be a refugee or come from a refugee background. There was a funny incident in a Wellington pub about a year and half ago when this lovely bloke came up to me to express his profound admiration for the work I was doing to “save my people” after he heard I was a political reporter from some African country. It was clear he’d conveniently assumed that I was from some war-ravaged country, risking my life to tell the story “suffering masses” at the hands of corrupt government officials and dangerous rebels. After a long thought I decided it was neither the time nor place to begin to explain to this nice fella that where I come from in Africa, I had never seen conflict. Ghana was the first African country south of the Sahara to gain independence, and the only major conflict I know of is the one my ancestors fought against British rule. We have a democratic system of governance and government changes hands, quite rapidly I might add, not through the bullet but the ballot.

First of all, there are not that many Africans on campus. The last time I checked, there were only around thirty Ghanaians registered with the Ghanaian Community in Wellington. Of this, less than half are students, almost all of whom are PhD scholarship holders, who will leave after their studies. Most of the other “African students” are actually Kiwis, with African parentage. The issues that concern these two groups are different from the issues that concern me, and the numbers don’t exactly make for a sustainable peer group. But do I really need to go out there and find “my kind” to be friends with? I don’t think so. When I first moved to New Zealand three years ago, what first struck me was the nuclear nature of families and an almost individualistic approach to socio-economic and political life. Sure, the people are friendly, the friendliest bunch, second only to Ghanaians if you ask me! Yet, every soul seems cocooned in their little bodies. To understand my perspective on this, you need to understand that I come from a country with a relatively similar landmass to New Zealand and yet, a population exceeding thirty million. English is our official language, but there are thousands of other local dialects that people speak. Everybody grows up learning to speak three or four of these dialects to be able to interact with their friends and neighbours. There are numerous ethnicities and religions, yet, many marriages across ethnic and religious divides. We are taught from a young age not to exist in isolation, because the self cannot survive without the community. However, it is different here. There are all these little pockets of social groupings, and again I must maintain the students are generally friendly, but there is a lack of sense of camaraderie, the type that transcends religious, political, and quite possibly racial lines.

Sure, Ghana is no paradise. We have almost the same major challenges with our infrastructure, economy, and other areas of development like much of the developing world, but our cause is not helped by the constant negative assumptions that continue to fuel ignorance about the continent. In fact, sometimes I was at pains having to explain that Africa is not a country but a continent made up of over fifty countries, each with its own socio-economic, cultural, and political dynamics. I have had classmates ask me where I learnt to speak and write such good English, or if I grew up in some European country. I always have to remind them that English is my official language. Sure, not everybody in Ghana speaks fluent English, but over ninety per cent of New Zealanders can’t speak at least two of the three official languages of their country either; English, Māori, and Sign Language.

So has it all been gloom and doom this past year? Not exactly. For each bad experience there are about ten good experiences that make my decision to go back to uni worthwhile. What I would say though is that moving forward, there needs to be more integration. Students exist in their own little pockets, and while there has been no cause for alarm yet, isolated social groups are the very seeds that have sown discord among student communities in many a university.


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Ravished by the Living Embodiment of all our University Woes really doesn’t give me that much in return.

It is hard living in these times. From infrastructure to scheduling to dropping lecturers like stones, it is a time of change in the world of Victoria, and I’m not so sure if I like it.

“You know how much I love spending money on you.” He purrs, and it’s a powerful aphrodisiac, going straight to my core (located in an abandoned copy of Salient somewhere in the Hub).

I might just be the soul living in the depths of Hunter, but I feel the years rush past me like water over stones, watch students grow wan, get old and die, and I wonder — what am I aside from a remnant of a colonial past? Am I too long-established for an uncertain future?

I tremble under the heat of his gaze, my soul undulating around me — though that might just be an earthquake, I can never really tell. “Mmm, take me. Make me yours!” “Oh, Victoria —” He says, sliding home, “You want me to raise uni fees, don’t you?”

“Vic,” They call me. “Victoria.” Sometimes even “#VicUniWgtn,” but I am less sure about what that one means.

It’s painful and pleasurable, like it always is. Maybe I’m a masochist, but I can never stop myself asking for more. “Yes! Raise them! The boost to our local economy — that’s so fucking hot!”

There is a disturbance these days. A rumbling. An anger.

“Don’t you want wait times at Mauri Ora to be longer? And appointments to be harder to get?”

From within my walls — which have seen so much debate, and salacity, and inebriation — I sense a change coming. Someone familiar. Not new, exactly, but different.

I do. Really and truly. “Harder! Yes, so much harder. Oh fuck, get inside me. Change vital parts of my infrastructure. Make me feel so good.”

He visits me one day, dressed in the trappings of the overworld — from the beard, to the glasses, to the strawberry milkshake-flavoured cloud of smoke around him — but he has the eyes of an elder, and the ideals of one too.

I’m a creature possessed, I’m agreeing to things I don’t even really believe in. Maybe it’s the look in his deep, dark British Racing Green eyes. Or maybe it’s the promise of changes to come. I need this. I always need this. He promises so much — one day it’ll all surely come.

“You should change your name.” He says, dark gaze locked on mine. “You have no idea how often I try to think of you and get confused by all the other Vics I’ve had.”

But then he stiffens, grunts, and leaves me covered, like the Tim Beaglehole Courtyard after the pigeons have had at it.

“How... romantic.” I reply. “But I think that’s a you problem.”

Oh, for fuck’s sake. I’m not even sure if that was spiritually fulfilling. Talk about being fucked over.

He growls, deep in his throat, and as much as I try to resist, I’m reminded of that one night, sat in that tree at the top of the Cable Car many years ago, where he’d brushed a thumb along my cheek and said, “God, I can’t wait until I get rid of your Gender Studies degrees.”

“Fantastic.” He says, and stands up. “Same time next week?” “What about all of your promises? There’s people in need, right now. Don’t you care about them?”

Though it hadn’t made much sense at the time, the thought is sobering, yet somehow arousing. That night had been electric, despite the slight asbestosy feeling clogging my pores ever since.

“Ha.” He laughs. “Should have gotten them in writing.” He leaves, presumably to terrorise the tuataras, and I’m left wanting. As usual.

“Oh fuck,” I cry, “Strip away my low-cost lunch options!”

But I don’t think I can stop. He’s a poison in my veins, my corridors, my heart, but I keep coming back. Promises are better than nothing at all.

And he lays me out bare in front of him. I’m drawn in by his eyebrows and his laxidasical acquiring and spending of wealth. I’d call him a sugar daddy, but he 23

Final Review James Hurle Initially I wanted to start off writing about humor. Turns out that’s a lot harder than it looks because there’s really too much to say about it in 1000 words. Also, I’m not an expert in comedy. To be honest, I’m not really much of an expert in anything.

down the digestive tract of my nervous system, to be pinched from the tips of my fingers into the keyboard, were really, really bad. I tried to change tack. “The oldest known joke told (un)surprisingly is a Sumerian joke, dating between 1900-1600 BC.” Nope. I started to write about “Aotearoa’s special relationship with comedy”, how laconic and deadpan we all are when we’re overseas, and how Flight of the Conchords and Taika Waititi have “enshrined New Zealand comedy as a hotly demanded creative export”. It was at this point that I realised A) a lot of great comedy and stand-ups have come out in New Zealand before, during and (I’m optimistic) after Flight of the Conchords and Taika Waititi and, as a follow on from A), B) I didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about. I didn’t have the artistic pedigree of someone who’s lived and breathed comedy throughout their adult life, to be able to think beyond the “Flight of the Conchords and Taika Waititi” box. I think if I want to be a reliable reviewer then that may be problematic.

I first graduated in 2013 with a BA majoring in International Relations and Political Science. I’d dropped out of lLaw after 3 years (one more year than the expected norm of two). I then proceeded to work for the Earthquake Commission for almost five years. You can fill in the necessary gaps of a life that has been lived like that as you please. My point is that I haven’t always sought my own opportunities. In my first year at what was then (and I am unsure if it still called this at the time of writing this) Victoria University of Wellington, I missed my opportunity to write for a student magazine. I had always liked writing at high school but was too afraid to put anything out there once I was at University. Now I’m older, I don’t care as much, even if I’m shit at it. I like doing it, and everybody needs to be able to do at least one thing that they like doing. Whatever your passion is, it isn’t always stumbled upon; you sometimes have to seek it out. This is a lesson that pays better dividends the earlier you learn it.

However, it’s more problematic if I just give up. I do like comedy and I do want to get better at writing. This may not necessarily make my reviews compelling or interesting, but I’m writing for myself as much as I am for any audience. If you ever thought about writing or doing anything creative where a leap of faith is required, for me at least, learning you have the ability to jump is infinitely more valuable than where you end up landing.

So, I have reviewed three comedy shows (two live and one Netflix special), for Salient this year. I tried to be honest about the shows that I reviewed. I think that I was, but as it turns out, it’s difficult to review the things you like. You need to think about what it is that you enjoyed about them, why you think you enjoyed them, and you then need to convince yourself that the reasons for this enjoyment are compelling enough to share with others (a difficult step for many of us). Finally you put pen to paper (the impossible step for almost all of of us).

Insofar as comedy is concerned, the only real credential I could offer is what I find funny. If you agree with me, then maybe I’m on the right track with reviewing things. When I was in my first week in my Year 9 English class, a boy bent over and farted in to another boys face in such a profoundly penetrative way, that I was sure there was going to be a fight. The boy who was farted on quietly put down his work, stared into the eyes of the farter, and as if talking about the weather, calmly asked, “Why would you do that?” “I don’t know. . . Sorry?” the first boy replied. They both laughed.

I felt this sense of impossibility more than ever when originally trying to write this piece. The gaps in my knowledge of all things comedy become very apparent to me, and trying to write about “humor” in any way that I could actually stomach seemed totally beyond me. Encircled by dirty mugs filled with teabags in varying states of decay, my despair had reached its nightly high. I’d reached a point writing this thing about farting in a boy’s face when I was at school and just thought; this is “utter, actual shit”. Not “actually utter shit”, no, “utter, actual shit”. As in the thoughts that were beginning in my head, then flying

I remember that story so vividly, primarily because it was my face that got farted into, and in a lot of ways my sense of humor hasn’t changed much. 26

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How Are You Spending Your Uni Break? With the school year coming to a close, it’s time to start making some radikool holiday plans with your besties! To find out how you’ll be spending your sexy Summer, take this 100% certified personality quiz by Katie Meadows, who has a 100% certified personality disorder! That’s hot!

What’s your perfect date?

What does your before-bed routine consist of?

A. That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25th, because it’s not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket B. Hotel Bristol for a game of pool, accompanied by banter that consists entirely of Borat quotes C. Catch something French at the Film Festival, then a bike home through the botanical gardens while listening to SoundCloud rips through an iPhone speaker D. Mother does not allow me to date until I am 35 years of age

A. First I remove my makeup with Micellar water, then cleanse, tone, moisturize, and apply pimple cream — a hydrating mask if I’m feeling fancy B. Messaging every former hook-up on my phone with “u up?” and getting no response C. A benzodiazepine and a mug of rooibos D. I literally do not sleep and am so tired that I have come to see Christian Bale’s character in The Machinist as something to aspire to

Be honest - what are your thoughts on the university name change?

What are you listening to during a late night study sesh?

A. I hate it! That money should be used to clone Phoebe the tuatara B. It was a good choice, which I am willing to state publicly for a higher grade on my final paper C. I couldn’t care less, but only because this institution has made me so apathetic D. I am angry they did not accept my suggestion of “Mr Toad’s Wild Ride”

A. Whatever Taylor Swift album I have in my Bratz boombox! B. The Joe Rogan Experience while I snort research chemicals I bought online from Russia C. lofi hip hop beats to study/relax to 24/7 live stream, for ultimate efficiency D. Recordings I have made of myself crying, because it harmonises with my current crying

Who is getting your vote for Bird of the Year 2018? A. Kiwi, because it’s a classic, like Marilyn Monroe, and Friends, and dads disappointing you B. Tūī, because that is a beer, and I like beer, but not so much birds, but if I had to pick one C. Kererū, so I can post online about how they get drunk all the time and caption it “#same” D. The rats in my ceiling, because they listen to me

What do you hope to get out of your degree? A. A nice job, a nice partner, and a nice baby, out of which I hopefully only hate two of three B. Cs get degrees lads, and I’m going into politics C. A good barista job that pays the living wage D. A reason to live, and the validation I’ve always wanted but never received


How Are You Spending Your Uni Break?

Where is your fave on-campus lunch spot between classes?

What movie could you watch over and over again?

A. Vic Books, because I have finally flirted enough with the barista to get a reasonable discount B. The library, talking loudly on my phone and eating three pies in a row while I disregard the people around me who are trying to study C. The women’s room, because it is always empty for some reason D. The graveyard, because I am dead inside

A. To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before - Noah Centineo is looking like a snack! B. Fight Club - it’s cool when the men fight the other men. Haha, masculinity is such a prison C. Inception - it makes you like, really think and I also like that one noise that goes “BWAHHH” D. Flower of Flesh & Blood - the Japanese horror film that Charlie Sheen watched on heaps of cocaine and thought was a real snuff film and reported to the FBI in 1991

If you’re indulging in a bit of retail therapy, where are you headed? It’s Saturday night — where are you sure to hit up for a dance?

A. Emporium: I was born in the wrong decade, y’know? Because back then this ironic t-shirt would definitely be at least half this price B. Good As Gold: trendy branded dad hats, $90 keyrings, and printed long-sleeves that are sure to impress my peers/several niche subreddits C. Kowtow: clean shapes combined with breezy linens makes for versatile looks for joining any number of religious sects D. I’ve actually been working on the most amazing suit made out of human skin

A. 121, because I’m on pingers and I want to lose my phone, ID, and wallet tonight B. Estab, because I’m on pingers and I want to yell across the room at other heterosexuals C. Caroline, because I’m on pingers and I want to hook up with one of my Twitter mutuals D. I do not go outside and will be staying at home with my collection of skulls, also what is a pinger

Mostly As: The Sex and the City character you are most like is Charlotte! The Marvel Cinematic Universe Chris of your dreams is Chris Pine! If you were a comfort food, you’d be lasagne! If Garfield were real, he’d eat that lasagne! He’d eat you alive! And you’d be like, stop, no, it’s me, I’m the lasagne! But Garfield can’t hear you! Don’t worry about that now; relax, have a glass of vino and enjoy your uni break. Garfield’s not real. But if he were, you’d be dead.

Mostly Cs: Now that you’re done with uni for the year, it’s time to drop out and move to Melbourne, then London, then Berlin. When you’ve spent all your money on drugs and cold brew coffee, it’s back home to New Zealand to live with your parents! Luckily, global warming is going to kill us within 20 years so that won’t last forever, and you won’t even have to worry about your student debt in the end. Always a silver lining.

Mostly Bs: God, I don’t know. You’ll break a bone. You’ll party ‘til you pass out. You’ll go to South East Asia and get a photo for your Tinder profile with a sedated tiger. You’ll probably get in a fight with me on Vic Deals about something stupid. Maybe you will meet someone new and fall in love, but it definitely won’t be because of that photo with the tiger. Seriously, please stop doing this, it is so fucking depressing.

Mostly Ds: You have been reported to the authorities. Following your trial you are likely to be imprisoned, either in a literal prison or a psychological one of your own making, where you will begin to write the next Unabomber manifesto. After amassing a small but loyal cult following for your writings, you will sacrifice your physical body to be eaten by the Wellington Zoo dingoes, while your immortal spirit transcends this astral plane into the next realm. Far out.

Disclaimer: This personality quiz, like all personality quizzes, including astrology which is basically a personality quiz, is not real or accurate, and I would even go so far as to say it is full of shit. 29






And just like that we made it to the end of the year. This is my last column as President, and it’s going to be a squishy emotional one. I’m going to give some thanks. Thanks to my flatmates, Eliza, Jenni, Carter, Tim, and then from my second flat Olly, Cole, and Sophie. You have put up with lots of complaints and rages. Thanks to the whole Springs whānau for keeping me grounded. Thanks to the fantastic University staff that I’ve worked with this year, there are far too many of you to mention but you know who you are! Thanks to Nikky and Aidan from NT, and Andre from PSC. Thank you to AVC Dame Winnie Laban and Gerard for guiding me throughout the year. Thanks Fletch and Harrison and VUWLSS. Thank you to my amazing staff. You don’t get nearly enough credit as you deserve. Thank you to Salient for not roasting me too hard. Thanks Jono and Caity from NZUSA. You kept me sane. Thank you to my amazing exec. We’ve had a hectic year, and we’ve achieved a lot. Though there have been ups and downs, you are still my exec and I have only love for all of you! Leading such an awesome team has been a blessing and we have made some significant changes this year. Finally, a big thanks to you the students. I’ve spent this year being constantly inspired by all of you. We have dealt with massive issues as a community, and we’ve also had a lot of fun. My philosophy has always been that when students speak for themselves, it’s more powerful than anything I or any other exec member can say. I have always believed VUWSA to be a platform for that and nothing more, all the power is in our community, in the hands of our students. It’s been a blast. Good luck to next year’s exec and the big boss Tam. You’re gonna kill it. I’ve got two more years of study here, so I’ll still be round getting amongst the activism. If you want to stay in touch then I got social media everywhere. You know the name (@marlondrake). And remember when you see the giant with glasses, you can always come and say hello.

Well, well, well. Look who gets the last word. Now you all have to indulge me in being nostalgic, as I have my last stretch of VUWSA ahead of me. So before tumbling off, I’d like to prematurely reminisce about some of my favourite things about working at VUWSA: –– I’m 90% guaranteed to have someone ask me if I want a cuppa tea if I come into the office. So thoughtful, I love tea! –– Getting to meet all the students who are working on making their communities better, who aren’t being paid, they just care a bunch. “Students are apathetic”, my ass. –– Yarns with our fabulous staff, who work so hard, and who we wish we could pay more. –– Bringing my gem of a little brother along to just about every VUWSA event and him absolutely killin’ it taking off Thursdays in Black at Massey with such thought, pizzazz and love. –– Having a computer to use in the office means I don’t need to battle other students in the library for one. Doing many ridiculous things. I have painted penises to go on a penis archway. Played “pin the clit on the vulva”. Set up Connor on a blind on-air date. Got up at 4.30am to black-out the entire window opposite Louis. Decided which sex toys should be given to the writers of the best erotica. And as Wellbeing Sustainability Officer, I had to dive into bins which had been mysteriously filled with cabbages. Last but not least, our wee welfare team are generally a delight. Ella and Paddy — you are both so reliable, smart, kind, and beautiful inside and out. And the rest of the exec… you’re alright too ;) I feel very lucky to have been part of VUWSA. It’s the best, but most bizarre, job I’ve had. And while I’m reminiscing, how about you do the same! It feels nice to think about why you’re grateful. Come on, bet you can think of at least one thing. And if ya can’t, no worries, next year will surely turn out better <3


Imagine that you are standing in front of two buttons, deciding which one to press. If you press the first button, a new universe – call it Universe A – will come into existence, in addition to our current universe. If you press the second button, Universe B will come into existence instead. Universe A contains a set of people, each with their own desires, personalities, circumstances, and levels of wellbeing. Universe B contains an entirely different set of people. Assuming that the new universe will be totally independent of our own, which universe should you bring into existence?

B would be 100 + 100 + 100 + 100…. We can justify our intuitive judgement that Universe B is better than Universe A by saying that this is because its infinite sum dominates Universe A’s infinite sum – every term of Universe B’s sum is greater than every term of Universe A’s. But what if Universe A’s infinite sum was 1 + 1 + 101 + 1 + 1 + 101… instead? Now, not all infinite universes will generate these problems, because some infinite sums converge to finite values. For example, a universe whose wellbeing is represented by the infinite sum 1/2 + 1/4 + 1/8 + 1/16… will have a total wellbeing of 1. But these universes have their own special problems. It seems obvious that the moral value of a universe should not depend on the order in which we sum up the wellbeings of its inhabitants. Unfortunately, order matters for infinite sums. Consider the alternating harmonic series, 1 – 1/2 + 1/3 – 1/4…. This series converges to a value of about 0.7. But by rearranging its terms, we can actually get it to converge to any finite value we want!

Here is one simple response: you should bring into existence whichever universe has a higher total wellbeing across all of its inhabitants. This is an appealing solution, but it runs into problems if we allow Universe A and Universe B to be infinitely large. Suppose, for example, that Universe A contains infinitely many people, each with 1 unit of wellbeing. Then the “total wellbeing” in Universe A is undefined – it is infinitely large. If Universe B also contains an infinite amount of wellbeing, how should we compare the two?

At this point things are just getting ridiculously weird. What should we make of a universe that contains people whose levels of wellbeing correspond to the terms of the alternating harmonic series? It seems that it is both better than any finite universe (since we can rearrange it to make its limit bigger than any finite number) and worse than any finite universe (since we can rearrange it to make its limit smaller than any finite number). This is absurd.

One option is to throw up our hands and say “both universes contain infinite amounts of wellbeing, so they are both equally good”. But this leads to absurd judgements in some cases. For example, if Universe A contains infinitely many people each with 1 unit of wellbeing, and Universe B contains infinitely many people each with 100 units of wellbeing, it is clear that Universe B is better than Universe A, despite the fact that both contain infinite amounts of wellbeing.

As these examples have hopefully illustrated, ethics becomes very difficult when applied to infinite universes. We are not yet sure how to approach aggregating infinite amounts of wellbeing. But you can be sure that philosophers are working on the problem.

We can represent the total wellbeing in an infinite universe by using infinite sums. In the example we are considering, the total wellbeing in Universe A would be 1 + 1 + 1 + 1…, and the total wellbeing in Universe 31






It’s that busy time of year again. Uni is full of the preoccupied and the stressed, including me, and probably you too. Nowhere and no time is sacred to the stressors that are University responsibilities. You could be watching Netflix (stressfully), studying (stressfully), even trying to fall asleep (stressfully) – it’s always in the background. Unfortunately, problems arise when we fail to strike a healthy study-life balance. I for one, as an “all or nothing” person, have been at two opposite ends of the scale. I’ve found myself doing the bare minimum, only willing myself to paniccram an hour before tests. I did this not out of laziness, but because the thought of studying made me anxious. I was, however, inadvertently setting myself up for an extreme-extravaganza of stress every time it dawned on me I’d sabotaged myself. At other times, I found myself spending 9 to 14 hours straight studying in the library with no breaks. Only going home when the security guards kicked the remaining stragglers out at midnight. Both of these approaches are obviously less than ideal – both for mental wellbeing, and academic success. Avoiding things which overwhelm you only saves the stress for later and leaves you feeling guilty, while also preventing you from reaching your potential. Ignoring your personal needs and burying yourself in study puts you a risk of burning out, and studying endlessly without breaks prevents you from actually consolidating any information. Do your mental health and academic goals a favour, chunk study into smaller sessions with decent breaks. It gives your brain time to take in what you’ve learned, and allows you to unwind. Think of breaks as a helpful tool rather than an indulgence to shake that persistent stress. You can get your study on and watch your Netflix (un-stressfully) too.

Tēnā tātau, It’s your sis Geo, and as y’all should already know, last week was Mental Health Awareness Week, so I thought it would be fitting to write about thoughts I had during a mental health hui a couple weeks back with Green Party MP Chloe Swarbrick. Let’s just say that upon arriving, my first thought was that if this hui were a condiment, someone better call bestfoods and let them know they’ve been robbed. If you get my drift, when me and my sistas walked in it was like someone dropped a spoon of milo in the sugar jar. As you may know, our mental health has been gaining a lot of traction lately through campaigns like The Wait is Over, which was born out of a dire lack of mental health support services at our whare wānanga. There was a strong Māori and Pasifika presence at that rally thanks to our brothers and sisters from NT and PSC. Given that Māori and Pasifika are leading in suicide statistics and are wayyyy more likely to suffer from depression than Pākehā, you could imagine my surprise and disappointment when the possible futures of our mental health outcomes were being painted by white hands with white paint on a white canvas. Don’t get me wrong, the sis Chloe does MASSIVE mahi, but this raises the question — why isn’t there more urgency to create resources and safe spaces to ensure that our people who are suffering the most have a voice and feel comfortable enough to contribute or even be present during these discussions? Well, your sis is one step ahead of you and is in the process of organising a separate hui for our brown brothers and sisters to make sure ourselves and our cultural values and ways of healing are heard. Stay tuned to Ngāi Tauira Pānui and PSC FB pages for more info! KEEP GRINDING AND REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES!!!!


FROM THE ARCHIVES MAX NICHOL This is the last issue of Volume 81 of Salient. Volume 1 ran in 1938. That’s a really long time for any publication to exist, let alone a student mag that’s always been put together on the smell of an oily rag (there’s more money for student media in next year’s VUWSA budget though, so hey, cool, nice). And it’s actually the youngest student publication of the original four universities – Otago’s Critic Te Arohi, Auckland’s Craccum, and Canterbury’s Canta are all older.

saying it, to fill the pages. It’s that amateur, irreverent spirit that gives Salient its charm. Some of the best writing I’ve read in the last few years has been in Salient. Some of the most half-baked reckons I’ve read in the last few years have also been in Salient. That’s student media, baby. Salient has also been a consistent breeding ground for young journalistic talent. Some of New Zealand’s best journalists cut their teeth in the Salient offices. If you listen to Morning Report you’ve heard 1970s Salient contributor and technical editor Gyles Beckford deliver the business news, and you’ve heard 2010 Salient editor Sarah Robson in her role as Social Issues reporter. If you read The Spinoff, editor Toby Manhire’s editorial career peaked when he took the reins of Salient in 1997. If you read the Herald (and you should read the Herald, and you should definitely stop making tired jokes about how the Herald is bad, don’t @ me) you might have read the work of Simon Wilson (Salient editor, 1978) or Keith Ng (Salient news editor, 2004-2005).

The longevity of Salient, and all student media, is particularly interesting since everyone involved is a rotating cast. The shelf-life of a Salient editor is typically a year, two tops. Contributors might write for Salient for the time they’re at uni, and sometimes for a little longer once they’ve left. The readership moves along with the student body – every four years or so, there’s a totally different cohort of students clamouring, frenzied, to get their hands on those piping hot takes every Monday morning.

Salient has broken some really important stories in and around campus this year. The design and illustrations have been fucking slick. There’s been heaps of fantastic feature writing and columns. It’s done the eighty years of history behind it proud. If you don’t agree, if you think there’s something Salient could be doing better, remember that Salient lives and dies by the efforts of Vic students. Simon Wilson put it well in an editorial seeking contributors in 1978:

Figure 1 Weary Salient staff approaching a deadline, 1978.

There are some consistencies though. Salient has always been put together by editorial staff with little formal training, getting paid far too little to do far too much. It has always relied on volunteer contributors, students with something to say having a crack at 33






“There ain’t no cure for love” Relationship break up is the most common cause of the first depressive episode. Hardly surprising, given our chosen other has rejected us (or fallen short) and our visualised future is shattered. Should we rush to the pill bottle? Lots do. Traces of antidepressants are now found in our oceans. But surely grief is a sign of health. A sign that we have what it takes to be in a relationship. What is this thing called depression? We commonly talk about it as a feeling, but more accurately it’s an absence of feeling — we are “depressing” our feelings. Unsurprising given the pain experienced. Depression is a behaviour rather than a feeling. So, our relationship ends, we experience immense pain, our mind fires thoughts at us like “I’m worthless”; “life isn’t worth living”; “They were my soulmate; I’ll never find another”. We have two choices (and all the shades of grey in between). We can reject or run from our pain, treat our thoughts as facts and let them guide our behaviour — the depressive route. Alternately we can accept our feelings — compassion helps here — and hold onto our thoughts lightly; moving forward in our lives. Whether or not a behaviour is life enhancing rather than depressive is person dependent. I’m not knocking the taking of antidepressants. Anyone who has the guts to give them a go is taking a value based action in the interests of their health. Hold on lightly to the thought that benefits come exclusively from medication though — or exclusively from a counsellor for that matter. 15% of clients improve simply through the act of scheduling an appointment with a counsellor. I’m guessing that reaching out to a fellow human being is part of that. Connection with others is integral to recovery from any breakup. Other people remind us of who we can be, rather than what we have lost. “There ain’t no cure for love,” said Leonard Cohen. Some relief may be found in the present moment. In appreciating beauty. In accepting comfort from others and being compassionate to ourselves. In holding lightly to the contents of our reactive mind. Take one day at a time, as a pathway to peace.

We’re finally at the end of Trimester 2. Summer is almost here, but instead of frolicking in the sun we’ve all (hopefully) got our heads down studying for exams. CanDo is also busy with upcoming events as the trimester comes to a close. This year, our AGM is from 1:30-2:30pm on the 18 October, in SU217! We will have drinks and Hell Pizza as we finish up the year. Due to our small exec size, we’re looking for people to fill the roles of secretary, treasurer, and more general exec to help out with events. If you’re interested in disability issues and representation, feel free to come along! We also have our ever-popular Lego in the Hub happening during Stress Free Study Week! This year will also have some lovely colouring pages to peruse and decorate if Lego isn’t your thing. I’ve always had a lot of fun with the Lego days, as it’s a great way to destress and flex your creative mind, and build something strange and wonderful. This is also on a Thursday, 1-3pm on the 25th, in the Hub Foyer, Level 2. I’d like to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to ready the CanDo column this year. Hopefully it has given you some new perspectives on disability, and maybe a laugh or two. In the wake of Mental Health Awareness Week, it’s good to look back on our successes and learn from our mistakes as we move forward into summer. Thanks for reading!


Talking With My Dad About Sex Hi I’m Lena. My dad is a sex therapist and I’m studying to be a sex educator – we’re here to talk relationships and sex, so send your queries and worries our way (

Dad says: So many women get into situations like this, and I’m assuming from this message that that is how you identify. If you are going to change this pattern you will need to talk to your partner about what’s going on. But in order to work out what needs to change, you have to try and work out the cause of the pain.

Sex has started to really hurt but I don’t know how to tell my partner because I know he’ll get upset. It only hurt a little at first so I didn’t mind. But now I’m avoiding sex and he’s getting frustrated. But if I tell him he’ll be mortified that he’s been hurting me. What do I do?? Lena says: I think firstly it would be great to figure out how you can talk to your partner. Even if you end up having to go through the medical system and look at physiological causes, you don’t want to be going through that without the support of your partner – or while you continue to be vague about your reasons for not wanting to have sex.

It is worth considering if there are physical reasons. Especially if you previously have had sex that wasn’t painful, try and work out what’s changed. Arousal and lubrication can be affected by many common medications including antidepressants, birth control pills, antihistamines and more. If there’s nothing obvious like that, working out physical causes isn’t always easy and it’s really wise to see a specialist sexual health physician. Common causes can include untreated infections (thrush, herpes, chlamydia, UTIs, etc), endometriosis, scarring, eczema, problems or infections in your pelvis, uterus, ovaries, or cervix.

Emphasise that you know he never meant to hurt you and be honest about why you didn’t speak up (e.g. not wanting to spoil the mood, disappoint him etc). If he perceives your relationship as being caring and honest, he may find it hard to understand why you hadn’t spoken up sooner, so take time to explore what was going on for you with him. There are pressures you may feel around sex that he may not have experienced, so some time might need to be spent talking through those as well.

However before you go off to the doctor, consider this — the MOST common cause for painful sex is relational: Not waiting till you are really turned on and lubricated before penetrative sex. Rushing things is really common, especially if you feel your partner will be frustrated or impatient. Trouble is, if you are moving to intercourse on someone else’s timetable, you are likely to not be ready, and there’s likely to be friction, which hurts (and also is likely to cause microscopic abrasions that make you more prone to infections – meaning that a problem that started out as behavioural can turn medical).

Your hesitance to tell him what has been going on is really normal, but it will likely only grow stronger the longer you avoid having the conversation. You could write out what you would like to say to him before you have the conversation, as this can often make clear to you what the key things are that you want to express. As well as having this conversation, it will be REALLY important going forward that you work on your ability to be honest in the moment about what feels good and what doesn’t, so your partner can feel confident that he will not hurt you again without realising it.

The good news is this most common cause is the easiest to fix. Working out what you need to get really turned on and sharing it with your partner can be a really pleasurable outcome of a difficult situation.


HÄŤnÄ tore Your light cyan eyes catch my gaze, their oxidised inanga gift, swimming into my memory as the light catches the silver of whitebait.

- Leila Morad

submit poems to


was also recommended by Bill Gates, so it's sure to set you on the path to success. I give it 5/5, and not just because I'm a stats nerd <3 - Hattie Plant

One of the key skills I’ve learned at university is the art of delegation, so this week I asked my book club to write this article by hitting me with their top recommendations for summertime reading. Yeah, you read that right: I have a book club. If you’re down for some quality literary banter then please take this article as a sign to get some friends together, whip up a Facebook group, and set your first meeting. It’s wholesome as fuck. On another note, editing for Salient this year has been real. Good luck with the end of the trimester my hunnies, and I hope you find some time to curl up with a book over your well-deserved break (sorry if you’re doing summer school xo).

The Summer Wives by Beatriz Williams

This book is set on an island in the summer time, reminiscent of Mamma Mia, but instead of being a cheerful musical it's a romance/drama/murder mystery. Reasonably well written for a reasonably trashy book. Would be an excellent beach book. - Eleanor West

The Fly Trap by Fredrik Sjöberg

Life, Art, Words by Tove Jansson

This was one of the most unconventional books I've read in a while. On the surface, you wouldn't think the autobiography of an entomologist — someone who stands still in a field day after day to catch hoverflies — would make for a particularly riveting read, but the book reads more like a meditation on life than a personal history. Sjöberg has the most beautiful, lyrical prose, and he really makes you deeply feel how such a trivial, small, unappreciated insect could be worth all the patience in the world. The book is written in a way that invites you to appreciate all the small charming magical moments happening right under your own nose in your own life. I'd give it a 4.5/5 for wholesome quality content (0.5 points detracted for flies because I still wish they didn't exist). - Michael Thomson

If you want to read about a Finnish-Swedish author and artist who becomes incredibly successful writing children’s books and comics, and then spends the rest of her life on an island with her lesbian lover, this is your go to. This book also has some quality passages reminiscent of your high school English teacher trying to find symbolism in a blue curtain. Enjoy xx - Lily Moss-Baker Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli

Ok, I’ll admit I very rarely read books but I was attracted to this one because I felt confident enough to take on its 186 pages. The book follows the story of an eccentric 15-year-old girl who struggles with popularity and non-conformism. Despite being a YA novel, it’s delightful and refreshing. A great way to reminisce about the cruel politics of high school. Also, it’s about to become a film and I don’t think there’s anything that makes me more smug than telling people I’ve read something before it became a movie hit, so there’s that too. - Georgia Kahan

How Not To Be Wrong by Jordan Ellenberg

I'd recommend this book if (like me) you suffered through the boredom of STAT193 and want to know how maths and stats actually apply to your life as a normal human being. It’s funny and interesting enough to make you okay with accidentally learning things! It 37


10: A Simple Favour - Anna Kendrick, Henry Golding and Blake Lively star in this mystery/thriller film with a twist. Full of all the homoeroticism one could ever want (and Linda Cardellini as a queer punk painter — like, blow my mind, won’t you?) — as well as a batshit crazy and exciting plot — Favour is impressively shot and a nice addition to director Paul Feig’s repertoire.

All goes downhill when their relationship is broken apart by a man. Such a bizarre concept is played very well and it’s the sort of relatable Kiwi comedy that we all love. 4: Upgrade - Saw and Insidious’ writer Leigh Wannall brings us a unique new look on the action genre. In the future, a man is implanted with an AI chip called STEM that takes control of his body and makes him into an unstoppable fighting machine. Part bodyhorror, part revenge story, Upgrade has some genuinely disgusting moments, but is fantastically shot and thrilling. Think Venom, but with the modernity the genre deserves.

9: Ideal Home - My first of two great “Paul Rudd trying to be a Dad” movies of the year, Ideal Home gives us Paul (Paul Rudd) and Erasmus (Steve Coogan) as a gay couple on the rocks, who suddenly have to look after Erasmus’ grandchild together. Although this is definitely a comedy, there are some amazing heartfelt moments, and Paul Rudd looks hot with a beard.

3: Disobedience - My top pick of the NZIFF this year, Disobedience is a heavy and heartbreaking story about two women in love within a London Orthodox Jewish community. Rachel McAdams and Rachel Weisz star as two childhood friends trying to find a way to equate their love and their lives within the hold of their religion. It’ll make you cry.

8: The Spy Who Dumped Me - Kate McKinnon and Mila Kunis are a surprisingly strong duo in this buddycop comedy (with a twist). When Audrey’s (Kunis) boyfriend dumps her out of the blue, she and her best friend Morgan are thrown into a wild world of spies that they never knew existed. McKinnon and Kunis have excellent chemistry, and the whole thing is just very fun.

2: Mission Impossible: Fallout - Ethan Hunt has to cancel the end of the world, yet again. There’s been a heist of some plutonium, and Ethan has to get it back before terrorists use it to destroy the world. With incredible stunts (like what the HELL, Tom Cruise, it’s ridiculous), and genuinely likeable characters, Fallout is a great sequel in an already fantastic franchise.

7: Ant-Man and the Wasp - Ant-Man has always been one of my favourite Marvel movies, and the sequel does not disappoint. Stronger, funnier, and with way more women than before, Ant-Man and the Wasp is a powerful superhero film about identity, and will just make you smile.

And finally,

6: Searching - Told entirely through a computer screen, this work is a heart-wrenching thriller that far transcends the bounds of its medium. 102 minutes goes by incredibly fast as David Kim (John Cho) searches fiercely for his missing teen daughter.

1: Ocean’s 8 - If you like heist films and amazingly capable women, this one’s for you. A continuation of the well-known Ocean’s series follows Debbie Ocean, sister of Danny Ocean, as she and her team try to steal a 150 million dollar necklace off the neck of a famous actress. It’s hilarious and exciting, and really just a fantastic story about female friendship.

5: The Breaker-Upperers - The witty local minds of Madeleine Sami and Jackie van Beek bring us this story of the “Breaker-Upperers”, two best friends who run a business that breaks up relationships for money. 38


Roast chicken is a classic Kiwi dinner which was a Sunday night staple in my house growing up. It’s often served to 4-5 people so there’s not many leftovers after the meal, but I usually make it just for myself and split it between a couple of dinners. When frozen whole chickens go for $4 a piece (keep your eyes out for good deals) this is an essential way to make cheap dinners that last. Depending on how you cook the chicken, you may need to butcher it slightly (choose an easier preparation if you get a bit squeamish).

of herbs. Traditionally people mix rosemary, sage, oregano, thyme, or marjoram, but feel free to explore your herbs and spices rack and discover what tastes nice to you. Apply this mix to the outside skin of the chicken liberally. Place the chicken in the oven for 10 mins at 220C to get the roast started. This gives the chicken a beautiful golden brown colour. Then continue roasting at 180c for 45 mins per kg of chicken. Most chicken comes with its weight on the packet, but put it on the scales if you are unsure. While the chicken is roasting peel the garlic and chop the carrot, onion, and kumara. The chicken will certainly take longer than the vegetables, so figure out when the roast will finish and put them in the oven about 40 mins before it ends. Mix the veg with 2 tablespoons of oil and salt and pepper to taste before placing them in the bottom of the roasting dish. Thumb sized pieces of veggies works best.

1 whole chicken - $4 2 lemons - $0.30 5 pinches of herbs dry or fresh 4-5 cloves of garlic - $0.50 25g of butter - $0.20 1 pinch of salt and pepper >$0.10 1 onion - $0.10 1 carrot - $0.20 1 kumara - $0.20

If you have a thermometer, insert it into a thigh or a breast to check doneness. When properly cooked, the chicken will be at 75C. Alternatively you can pierce the thigh of the chicken and look for transparent juices to come out. You should only eat chicken meat you are confident is cooked to the right temperature. At the end of the roast, take all the juices left at the bottom of the pan and cook it at a medium heat in a pot on the stove until it thickens. This is excellent gravy to go with the chicken.

If you buy the chicken frozen, start defrosting it the day before you want to roast it. With either fresh or frozen, remove it from the fridge while you’re preparing the herbs and preheating the oven. This helps it get up to room temperature. Preheat the oven to 220C. Pick out a roasting dish and a wire rack for the chicken to sit on. Start preparing the chicken by wiping down the skin with a paper towel. Place the chicken breasts up onto the wire rack. Try to stretch the legs and wings out, you may need to slice through the “webbed” skin which prevents the limbs from being spread out as far as possible. Grab a bowl and add the juice of the two lemons with 25g of melted butter. When the lemons are squeezed, insert them into your chicken’s cavity or leave in the roasting dish for cooking. Then add your mixture



An attempt at a wrap-up of the year in music – written in October…

is a record that will linger over the summer for me. Looking elsewhere, Wax Chattels, Ha the Unclear, and Neil & Liam Finn delivered wonderful records that showcase the variety of musical exploration in the New Zealand indie scene right now. I think, genrewise, guitar-pop and indie-pop in general have shone through this year big time – which is awesome given the hip-hop/trap climate that seems to be pervasive in mainstream music and in critical circles (Pitchfork has a bias for trap, it’s weird as hell).

2018 has been another wild year in the music world – and we’re not even finished yet. It’s extremely likely that, between the time this article makes its way into the world and the end of the year, we might get some of the year’s biggest releases. Anderson .Paak, Kanye West & Chance the Rapper, Connan Mockasin, Robyn (!!!!) and even bloody Tenacious D have all rumoured or confirmed that they’ll release albums in the later stages of the musical year. I’m sad I won’t get to cover them for Salient, but consider me hyped to hear what these artists produce.

That’s not to say it hasn’t been a strong year for hip-hop either – the growing prominence of hip-hop influence in popular music has reached fever pitch this year, and the genre’s stars are everywhere. It’s probably worth starting with Kanye West. I think he’s a troubled mind who is struggling to navigate mental illness, yet is constantly exploited and pushed forward by yes-men and media tastemakers. His musical output has been pretty strong this year – especially on Pusha T’s DAYTONA and on the Kids See Ghosts project. I disagree with his politics, but I just think he’s battling at the moment. I hope he gets some help soon.

If I’m pushed on the matter, I could give you a rough list of my albums of the year to this point. It would look something like this: Marlon Williams – Make Way For Love The Beths – Future Me Hates Me Noname – Room 25 Estère – My Design, On Others’ Lives Mitski – Be The Cowboy Unknown Mortal Orchestra – Sex & Food Pusha T – DAYTONA Soccer Mommy – Clean Avantdale Bowling Club – Avantdale Bowling Club Saba – Care For Me

I didn’t like the Drake album, and I thought Brockhampton’s iridescence was just okay. However, Noname’s Room 25, Avantdale Bowling Club’s selftitled debut and Saba’s Care For Me were all superb, varied, and personal records that deserve far more attention than they have gotten.

This list would likely change by December – the top 3 are especially interchangeable — but it’s a good starting point in considering the best of music in 2018.

In general, it’s been a great year to be a music fan and to have had a stab at sharing my opinions about many of these records. I got to chat to some of my favourite local musicians, and hear a bunch of lifealtering live music too. Don’t let these records slip by, enjoy the best of what 2018 had to offer and, like me, wait with baited breath for Anderson .Paak to inevitably ruin my list.

Firstly, 2018 has been a phenomenal year for New Zealand music. Make Way For Love was an instant classic upon release earlier in the year, and the acclaim has only continued as the year has gone on (culminating with Marlon receiving a Silver Scroll for “Nobody Gets What They Want Anymore”). Future Me Hates Me is a stellar collection of tight, emotionally impactful and fun guitar-pop songs, and 40


“Where are you from? I mean, where are you really from?”

of unrushed, unstructured ease. Snacks and Chats manages to tackle the topic of race in New Zealand, something that is often politically charged and fraught, with a sense of casual, open frankness. The podcast is not an analysis of what it means to be a person of colour in New Zealand. It does not attempt to impose any beliefs on the listener, nor does it purport to be groundbreaking or revolutionary in the insight it offers. It simply seeks to share the stories of individuals.

And so goes the question that people of colour in New Zealand are undoubtedly familiar with. There are so many ways that a question like this can be wielded — for many, it is experienced as an accusation, an interrogation masked as a simple inquiry, a demand that one explain themself. In their podcast series Snacks and Chats, New Zealand creatives Leilani Momoisea Dallas and Ben Lawson reclaim this difficult question, they turn it on its head by switching the dynamic and facilitating a platform through which people of colour can tell their story on their own terms. In this podcast, “where are you from?” becomes an invitation to share experiences, beliefs, and stories, with race and identity as a starting point but not necessarily at the centre.

In terms of interviewees, a couple I was familiar with, some seemed relatively well-known, but most I had never heard of before. But it didn’t matter. This isn’t a podcast you would listen to for the views of celebrities or experts, and this is part of the appeal. The guests are down-to-earth and make no claim to speak for anything other than their own experience. They tell their own story, and you feel as though you are getting true insight into the everyday people that make up your community. Plus, there’s the added bonus that it’s an easy way to get to know more about NZ creatives, the work they are doing, and the art they are creating.

Snacks and Chats is a self-described “serious podcast with a silly name”. Each episode features an interview conducted by Momoisea (with the occasional chip in from Lawson) with a New Zealand “creative” (think performance artists, comedians, writers, and musicians), the first and only pre-determined question being “where are you from?” The laidback tone of the “chat” means it truly feels like one; we are not presented with a series of structured questions, rather a conversation that meanders and changes naturally as it goes along.

This podcast may not resonate with everyone. But, if you are someone for whom the matter of race and identity has never been a straightforward one, I would encourage you to give Snacks and Chats a listen. It is relaxed, understated, and lets you feel closer to the myriad of people that call New Zealand home.

The first episode came out in November 2016 and there have been 14 episodes so far, ranging in length from 25-45 minutes. This is one of the downsides of the podcast — the episodes are sporadic and infrequent. There is no knowing when the next episode will come out and this makes it harder for the series to remain memorable and engaging as a whole. However, there is something about the irregularity that makes each episode feel particularly meaningful, and the interviews themselves have a similar sense 41


Maniac is the newest offering from Netflix to sequester you inside, away from your family, friends, and responsibilities. The mini-series follows Owen (Jonah Hill) and Annie (Emma Stone), two mentally ill twentysomethings thrown together in a mysterious three day drug-trial overseen by a quirky crew of scientists, and a super-computer going through a midlife crisis. It’s offbeat and it’s genre-bending and it’s flashy and it sucks.

I read this quote before I watched Maniac, and my friend asked me if I would’ve viewed the series with the same cynicism if I hadn’t, but I think I would have come to the same conclusions either way. Despite still being written by real human beings (allegedly), the series comes across as the result of a computer generator fed a bunch of hot-takes by people that like to feel smarter than they actually are when they watch television. It became an uncanny valley viewing experience, where I acknowledged I was supposed to like and be impressed by aspects of it but I could never properly buy it as a genuine creative property, and found its distinct lack of actual humanity disconcerting. Like Westworld, Maniac relies on its position as a show that “makes you think” to excuse plot holes and plot-stairways-to-nowhere, which ultimately seems like the opposite of good storytelling to me.

I genuinely hated this show, and I found it hard not to include spoilers in this review because there were so many parts that made me want to scream. Despite its lengthy posturing at understanding how it feels to be mentally ill, I do not believe anyone involved in the writing of this show has an understanding of mental health. I also certainly do not want to be told how to feel about trauma from writer-director Cary Fukanaga, who got kicked off the IT remake because he wanted to include the sewer-based pre-teen group sex scene from the book (this actually happened).

Am I going crazy? I’m not asking to be spoon fed my entertainment, but I am desperately begging to watch something that actually answers its own questions, instead of turning to look at me smugly and whisper, “What? Is it too deep for you?”

I know that I am supposed to like Maniac. It’s a big budget dystopian black comedy with A-list stars and pink and blue lighting. It’s about mental illness and drug addiction and there’s a scene where Louis Theroux’s cousin fucks a virtual reality tentacle babe. I should probably, if not definitely, like all of these things. And it turns out that’s exactly what Maniac was doing. In an interview with GQ, Fukanaga is very upfront about the Netflix algorithm’s dictation of the series’ production:

Watching Maniac was the least cathartic experience I’ve had in a long time. If you liked this show, you’re not necessarily objectively wrong. I’m sure it’s enough for some people. But to me, subjectively, you will be the first to succumb to our eventual AI takeover and I view this as a weakness. The Golden Age of Television has officially jumped the shark.

“Because Netflix is a data company, they know exactly how their viewers watch things, so they can look at something you’re writing and say, we know based on our data that if you do this, we will lose this many viewers. So it’s a different kind of note-giving. It’s not like, let’s discuss this and maybe I’m gonna win. The algorithm’s argument is gonna win at the end of the day.”



There’s a scene in Krzysztof Kieslowski’s Blue (1993), where Julie, filled with gale force grief, drags her knuckles across the rough surface of a stone wall, and the taut skin around them frays. Whenever I walk past a cobbled wall, I gently do the same thing, just to remind myself of that feeling of flesh against stone. Texture is always at the very front of my mind and I have written about it often this year, directly or vaguely, maybe obsessively.

of touch, and found that without somatosensation, you would not be able to even sit up. However, in the gallery space, the combination of Spong’s voice through the soft and cushioned headphones, the feeling of the hard bench seat, the imagery playing out on the screen in front of you, fill in the blank of not being able to thread your own fingers through the curly gate ornamentation. I do not leave her work feeling dissatisfied.

I’ve been thinking a lot about Sriwhana Spong’s work in Can Tame Anything at The Dowse, about the video This Creature (2016) and the explorations into text and font in Moist and Restless (2018), with Sandra Kassenaar.

This sort of by-proxy texture is frequently to the viewing experience of art. It is rare that you can touch the work— museum and gallery protocol always mandates otherwise. So, learning to construct the rhythms of a surface in your own mind, from all of the other senses that you have access to, is important. I think it is untrue to say that without being able to touch, your experience of an object is incomplete. Say the name of the thing out loud, hear the click of your tongue against your teeth, and the gentle resistance of saliva. Think of the way that particular space smells. Where have you felt this way before? I have a note saved on my phone of a bank of sounds and textures that I have encountered, a sort of textural dictionary to help me to articulate things better. Knowledge can be an intimately created wealth— walk home today, plop a tiny rock into your mouth, let it rattle and keep you company like a loose tooth.

Remember being in high school and everyone would scream at the word “moist”? There is a glossy, honeylike glaze over the printed sequence of Moist and Restless. The rows of text read things like mange / ulcer / black stain / blister / weeping she was / a running sore. There is something thick and immensely liquid to all of these things. I can’t escape the connotations of language. Language is a textural thing in itself, and the voice can heighten this. The rounded popping sound of the letter “b” makes all these curvaceous shapes in my mind. There are so many more letters and blends that conjure forms and materials. It is this tactility that makes intersections between art and language so absorbing. Spong’s voice, I assume, is the audio accompanying This Creature. Her tone changes throughout the film, as we watch her hand curl through the wrought iron of a park gate, and cup the stream of a fountain. The texture of her voice, slightly husky at points, then clearer, like mineral water, substitutes for the things that our own hands cannot touch. I wonder if this is a worthy substitution. Touch is always a prioritised sense. I googled what would happen if you lost your sense 43



Horoscope Brutally honest & highly accurate readings from the stars above.

Aries (March 21 - Apr 19) Ever wanted to visit real life dystopia? Visit America! Now that the Supreme Court represents Trump’s America, the injustice and absurdity from your favourite fiction is going to be a reality.

Libra (Sep 23 - Oct 22) Want to be something super scary for halloween? Dress up as the score from the Te Puni v Weir House Rugby match. That wasn’t Weir you belong :’(.

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20) Finding that there’s too much competition for that perfect flat? Pull a Nurmagomedov and start a brawl, your potential opponents will be out of there in no time.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21) Bored out of your mind? Don’t be that dick who breaks a $300,000 sculpture, why not be a productive part of society and do literally anything else?

Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Don’t think you’re going to get that last assessment in on time? Take after Kanye and tell your lecturer you have to go to what is known as Africa for a month to polish it off.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Had your third mental breakdown this week and “accidentally” shredded your assignment? Just say you pulled a Banksy and everyone will regard you as brilliant instead of seeing you as the unstable wreck you are :).

Cancer (June 21 - July 22) Exam pressure getting too much? We can once again turn to our lord and saviour, Kanye West, for advice. Take a social media hiatus and focus on what’s best for you.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 19) This week the stars give you permission to miss assignments and take a breather as we all mourn the only thing that truly gave us memeing to our lives, Bad Memes For Suffering Victoria University Teens.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) Get in that spooktober spirit by drinking a litre of milk each day so your skeleton will be a super strong boi when all-hallows-eve arrives.

Aquarius (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Haven’t studied for exams? Never fear! Just remember, if someone “dies” in the exam, everyone passes ;).

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22) Stop being apathetic, if Taylor Swift can break her vow of silence on her political opinions, so can you. Your opinions are just as valid as the next person, so be proud of your individual and unique voice!

Pisces (Feb 19 - March 20) Congrats! Those of you still reading this are the ones who’ve made it to the end of the year! You’ve proven yourself to be (a), stronger despite uni’s adversity, or (b) a vacant corpse of your former self — you choose!

Distractions CROSSWORD











Words must be at least three letters long, and cannot be proper nouns, abbreviations or contractions. Eh: 20 Wow: 40 Wtf: 60+




ACROSS 1 Heart suited to multi-choice questions (6) 4 David Fincher directed the adaptation of this Gillian Flynn novel (4,4) 10. To make something louder, "these go to 11" (7) 11 Part often found in a table (7) 12 Become one knowing National is toxic, for starters (cryptic) (4) 13 Discovered fortuitously by Fleming in 1928 (10) 15 Scents to be sensed (6) 16 Legumes favoured by Charles M. Schulz (7) 20 Lacking a sense of smell, you don't smell good... (7) 21 Rupert Holmes hit also known as The Pina Colada Song (6) 24 Making your computer faster, it's the SS in SSD (5-5) 26 Sound made to quietly get attention (4) 28 Extreme camping by the sound of it (cryptic) (7) 29 Mini miners (7) 30 Contrary to spite famous dolphin playing in the Hokianga (cryptic) (8) 31 Oxymoronic sporting activity (3,3)

DOWN 1/17 Exclamation uttered on realising that this is the last crossword (5,3,5,4) 2 Southern tropic gets your goat (9) 3 Found T-Rex itching for way out (cryptic) (4) 5 Witty remark about the Titanic perhaps (3-5) 6 Can give a firsthand account, possibly of 1985 Harrison Ford film (10) 7 A deli butcher is perfect (cryptic) (5) 8 Almost full going from flatulent to dormant (cryptic) (6) 9 Mini minors (5) 14 Abraham Lincoln, Vladimir Putin, Marlon Drake (10) 17 See 1 Down 18 A lotion to rub on its skin... (8) 19 Throw overboard, maybe hearing "I Love Rock & Roll" (8) 22 Culturally controversial confectionery item (6) 23 At close inspection, it's time to hit the books (5) 25 Become less 28 Across (3,2) 27 Forbidden, it's the origin of the word "taboo" (4)

Last Week's Answers Across: 1 Paradise, 5 Step Up, 9 Istanbul, 10 Hefner, 12 Salamanca, 13 Amuse, 16 Satsuma, 19 Apropos, 21 Hues, 24/14 Friar Tuck, 25 Abundance, 27 Icarus, 28 Kill Bill, 29 Ersatz, 30 Sinn Fein. Down: 1 Priest, 2 Rattle, 3 Denim, 4 Sputnik, 6 The Castle, 7 Pendulum, 8 Parmesan, 11 Cats, 15 Upper Hutt, 17 Caffeine, 18 Arrivals, 20 Spam, 21 Houdini, 22 Engine, 23 Berlin, 26 Dylan.

The People to Blame Editor Louise Lin

Section Editors Laura Somerset (Books), Tom Hall (Food) Priyanka Roy (Theatre), Josh Ellery (Music) Navneeth Nair (TV), Emma Maguire (Film) Jane Wallace (Art), Hannah Patterson (Podcast)

Designer/Illustrator Ruby Ash News Editor Taylor Galmiche

Centrefold "Valentine" by Alice Fennessy @alicefennessy

Sub Editor Sally Harper Distributor Danica Soich Chief News Reporter Shanti Mathias Feature Writers Victor Kofi Owusu-Ansah Emma Maguire James Hurle Katie Meadows Poem Leila Morad News Writers Liam Powell, Laura Sutherland, Erin Page, Caroline Roy, Jess Potter, Joanna Li, Thomas Campbell

Contributors Daniel Smith, Kii Small, Courtney Powell, Alister Hughes, Shanti Mathias, Marlon Drake, Beth Paterson, Shakked Noy, Portia Lancaster, Georgia Gifford, Max Nichol, John Barclay, Lilli Street, Elena Beets, Gus Mitchell, Ashley Parker, Nathan Hotter FM Station Managers Kii Small & Jazz Kane TV Producers Elise Lanigan & Lauren Spring Contributor of the Week Shanti Mathias <3 Social Media T: @salientmagazine I: @salientgram S: salientmag



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Issue 24 | The Last One *mic drop*  

Issue 24 | The Last One *mic drop*  

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