http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_2002/2002_1232_A by Ravi Pall

\ MP 20 M a r c h 2002 Issue 1232

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The Stud Student Newspaper for Imperial College

te\ IX

IC / SAAL REFERENCE COLLECTION

http://www.union.ic.ac.uk/felix/

More schoolgirls? Sounds Heaven Sent to me. (Page 22)

The new and improved Spring LEQs are here. Sort of like a Union cat food. (Page 4)

LEQS

Imperial Students Reject NUS The students of Imperial College have overwhelmingly voted to remain outside the National U n i o n of Students.

year's c a m p a i g n h a d provided "significant m o m e n t u m " for Imperial's association w i t h the NUS. It is conceivable that C ouncil may order a second referendum as early as next year, a s s u m i n g support exists.

The referendum enjoyed a large turnout of over 28% of Imperial's student population, a n d almost three times that usually seen for the election of Imperial's U n i o n President. The final count took place on Saturday, w i t h 766 votes i n favour of joining the NUS facing a n enormous 1983 votes. The result w i l l be a b l o w to the N U S , w h i c h had h i g h hopes for obtaining Imperial College as a member. The count looked set to be delayed after the close of voting o n Friday w h e n David Francis, head of the 'Yes' campaign, h a d refused to s i g n the document declaring that he thought the referendum h a d been fairly a n d constitutionally run. This ceremony occurs after every important U n i o n election a n d helps prevent unnecessary c h a l l e n g e s from c a n d i d a t e s once t h e results are announced. C o u n t i n g could finally proceed at 3 p m on Saturday once a n e w document h a d

A n d they did... been prepared. The n e w version outlined a number of problems that the 'Yes' camp a i g n had found w i t h the regulations governing U n i o n elections, but these were not intended as a formal complaint. They were signed b y the returning officer as w e l l as M r Francis i n addition to the standard agreement documents. While the result is the most significant rejection of NUS affiliation since 1956, this may not be the last current students w i l l see of referenda on the issue. M r Francis stated that the 'Yes' campaigners "didn't expect to get it first time," a n d that this

The original decision to r u n an N U S referendum attracted significant opposition at the C ouncil meeting w h i c h ordered it. M a n y of the referendum's primary opponents ended up w o r k i n g for the 'No' camp a i g n , w i t h the notable e x c e p t i o n of U n i o n President a n d n a s c e n t College celebrity Sen Ganesh, w h o supported the 'No' vote but originally proposed that the ballot should take place. The h i g h turn-out i n this vote indicates that Imperial students m a y finally have found a political debate to get their teeth into. Certainly, greater student involvement i n U n i o n issues w o u l d be w i d e l y w e l c o m e d by all those involved.

"How pedestrian!" screamed one reviewer, as the team began to get very high on sugar. Two Creme Eggs is never enough" insisted another... - m m 8*11 i ! lllli How do you eat yours?

Alisdair

college news

Council Were Efficient The most efficient meeting of Union C o u n c i l this year took place on Thursday, w h i c h finally resolved debate over the n e w constitution and controversy about the recent sabbatical elections. The U n i o n Exists The s a b b a t i c a l t e a m a n d Union Council have spent m u c h of the recent months w r i t i n g a n d approving a n e w constitution, w h i c h w i l l b r i n g the U n i o n i n line with College's n e w faculty structure. D i s c u s s i o n of t h i s paper, w h i c h must be p a s s e d b y t w o consecutive C o u n c i l meetings, has lasted hours i n the past but on this occasion w a s hampered b y only t w o points. The first objection related to the departmental representatives' place on Council, w h i l e the

second proved more unusual, w h e n Mustafa Arif, President of the City & Guilds C o n s t i t u e n t College U n i o n , proposed a n amendment to abolish the body of C o u n c i l itself. The idea w a s to replace C ounci l meetings w i t h larger student g e n e r a l meetings, w h i c h w o u l d be attended b y more 'non-hack' students. However, many argued that there w o u l d be persistent failure to get anything done due to suspected l o w turnout. Eventually, C o u n c i l failed to self-destruct along the lines of the Royal College of Science Union, a n d declined to pass M r A r i f ' s amendment. The n e w constitution a n d regulations n o w have only to get College's final approval before coming into full effect at the b e g i n n i n g of the next academic year.

Sykes Quits G S K Sir Richard Sykes has announced that he is to s t a n d d o w n as non-executive chairm a n of G l a x o S m i t h K l i n e i n May. H e took u p his post as College Rector i n J a n u a r y 2001, but retained the position on the board of the pharmaceutical giant.

G l a x o Laboratories i n 1993. Under his leadership the comp a n y sealed mergers w i t h the Wellcome Foundation i n 1995 and then w i t h SmithKline B e e c h a m five years later to

H i s retirement w i l l a l l o w him to focus more on his w o r k at the College, w h i c h includes efforts to boost its profile a n d the large-scale changes to its structure currently being implemented. Sir R i c h a r d w a s i n i t i a l l y appointed chief executive of

It is believed that his successor as non-executive chairm a n w i l l be Sir Christopher Hogg, w h o w a s appointed to the boar d of S m i t h K l i n e B e e c h a m i n 1993 a n d also holds the post of chairman at media empire Reuters. John S

b e c o m e the s e c o n d d r u g s manufacturer world.

largest i n the

I n a c c u r a c y i n Issue 1231: " E l e c t i o n R e s u l t U n c e r t a i n t y " Sellotape w a s not, i n fact, u s e d to deliver a complaint to the Returning Officer b y I C S M S U President Shazia Munir. The complaint w a s delivered electronically and required the use of no stationery products whatsoever.

Elections A g a i n The Committee in charge of this year's s a b b a t i c a l elections also submitted their final report to Council. C o m p l a i n t s made b y M s M u n i r (see Felix 1131) h a d been previously overturned b y a very close margin at U n i o n Executive, but they d i d not make their e x p e c t e d reappearance at Council, w h e n she decided not to appeal the decision. There w a s some consternation w h e n a Council member pointed out that Wye students h a d not been given t w o days' voting, but after a brief break, C o u n c i l heard that no complaint had been intended and the report w a s passed. It n o w looks far less likely that any complaints w i l l overturn the election results, a n d as s u c h they w i l l become fixed on Monday.

Issue 1232 20

March 2 0 0 2

Editor: w i l l Dugdale Deputy Editor: A l i Wren N e w s : J o h n Stratford M u s i c : Dave E d w a r d s Books: J o n M a t t h e w s Sport: A l e x C o b y A r t s : J o n Brenner Film: Darius N i k b i n C r o s s w o r d : Dr. Hot Fudge Comic: J W i t h Thanks To: Everyone Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB Tel: 020 7594 8072 E m a i l : felix@ic.ac.uk Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 Copyright ÂŠ Felix 2002 Printed by: M C P Litho Limited

News In Brief R A G Week B a l l o o n Race A balloon released from the Queen's L a w n at the e n d of R A G w e e k travelled 533 miles to Eschweiler, Germany. The balloon belonged to H e r s h a M i s t r y of C E C , Sherfield Building, a n d took just one day to cross m u c h of continental Europe. Of the 500 balloons released, three stopped off at Canterbury, nine travelled as far as B e l g i u m a n d t w o reached Germany. University Challenge Imperial were narrowly defeated by Sommerville College Oxford i n the final of University Challenge, broadcast last week, by 200 points to 185. After a catastrophic start, the team were consoled b y

quizmaster Jeremy Paxman, who said t h e m that they were " s t o r m i n g back b y the e n d and almost d i d it." N e w H e a d of C h e m i s t r y Professor Richard Templer has been appointed as the next h e a d of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e ' s Chemistry department. He w i l l take u p the position i n September, shortly after the department becomes part of the n e w Faculty of Physical Sciences. U L U Elections Rob Davenport, this year's D e p u t y President for C l u b s and Societies, w a s elected as U L U ' s V i c e President for Sports last w e e k w i t h a mandate of 250 votes. John S

E n d of term Easter Party! Three floors of f u n and frolics i n fane? dress for Bunnies, B u f f Boys and their Escorts.

Friday, March 22 obtj 8—2am, A d m i s s i o n by ticket on

Concert I l a II 8pm— 10pm and 11pm—2am: Cheesy Dance music from the Union DJs 10pm—11pm: Live music from Jamie Benson (previously of Hepburn) 8pm—1:30am: Cool C h i l l Out Sounds and B a r

dBs Bar 8pm—2am: Commercial R n B , Indy Rock and Commercial Dance 'tickets bought in advance will receive either Bunny-Tails and Fars or a How Tie. (While stocks last.) h'KKK Jelly Belly beans and a F R E E shot, of Bacardi on the night with every ticket PHIZES provided by Odcon Cinema, 11 igh St reel Kensington, tor I lie Best Fancy Dress Costumes.

imperial • college

ODEON CINEMAS

Friday Night Out Supported by

BACARDI

T h r o e F l o o r s of P u n i n the U n i o n B u i l d i n g , B e i t Q u a d , P r i n c e Consort R o a d , S W 7

spring LEQ

LEQs - The Spring Edition W h a t is the S p r i n g T e r m L E Q ? This is the opportunity for undergraduates to evaluate the lecturers w h o taught them d u r i n g the past t e r m b y compl et i ng a w e b b a s e d q u e s t i o n n a i r e on e a c h course attended. W h e n is the S p r i n g T e r m L E Q open? From the 18 M a r c h 2002 to 31 M a r c h 200 W h a t p a s s w o r d do s t u d e n t s use to access the L E Q w e b site? For the A u t u m n t e r m L E Q , an i n d i v i d u a l p a s s w o r d w a s e m a i l e d to each student. This w a s a temporary but unsatisfactory expedient a n d for this term's L E Q , the p a s s w o r d w i l l be the student's CID num ber. The next u p d a t e of the O R A C L E software w h i c h u n d e r p i n s the L E Q w i l l permit a student's n o r m a l College p a s s w o r d to be u s e d but the software w i l l not be installed i n t i me for this term's survey. It w i l l be ready for the survey due i n the autumn t e r m 2002. Note that students c a n change their p a s s w o r d from their CID number to one of their choosing once they have logged on.

W h y s h o u l d students complete the LEQ? This is an important opportunity for students to make their voice heard and tell the Departments h o w good their good lecturers are a n d h o w b a d their b a d lecturers are. The more students complete the L E Q the more D e p a r t m e n t s take notice. Departments do actually w e l c o m e constructive feedback and encourage students to provide this. The student participation rate across the College for the autumn term w a s a disappointing 20% overall though some Departments managed 30 + %. However some Departments were as low as 9% and both the U S C and I C U w i s h to encourage students to dramatically improve this participation rate. Departments w i l l take more notice of student's c o m m e n t s i n this survey, the greater the number of participants. A r e the results a n o n y m o u s ? Yes, only statistical results are released to Directors of Undergraduate Studies a n d Departmental Student Representatives, w h o w i l l have no idea w h i c h students have responded.

• Students have sufficient time to contribute constructive textual comments. • Less work required by the Departmental a n d College staff. • No involvement of academic staff from a student's home d e p a r t m e n t i n the process therefore greater anonymity for student. • Q u i c k t u r n - a r o u n d of the responses thus e n a b l i n g prompt a c t i o n b y Departments if necessary. • Quick a n d accurate turn-around of the textual comments made by students. • Excellent flexibility: once established it w i l l be possible to customise the questions a n d arrange for the survey to be carried out at a convenient time for any section of the College. A r e the L E Q q u e s t i o n s o l d fashioned? Some of the questions are old fashioned and this is the last survey i n w h i c h the questions w i l l be u s e d i n the current format. A U S C w o r k i n g party w i l l be reviewi n g a n d revising the questions for future incarnations. W h e n w i l l the results be available? The results are released simultaneously

What about the other problems w i t h last e l e c t r o n i c L E Q ? Those problems reported to the L E Q project t e a m involved students forgetting or losing their p a s s w o r d s , finding no courses to evaluate or h a v i n g access problems to the site itself. V i r t u a l l y all the problems reported were r a p i d l y solved. There are also three students, as I type, attacking the system; g i v i n g constructive feedback. Is the L E Q site a c c e s s i b l e f r o m anywhere? The site is not currently accessible from outside the College but s h o u l d be accessible from anywhere w i t h i n the College including other c a m p u s e s a n d most halls of r e s i de nc e. Unfortunately, it is not a c c e s s i b l e from P C s w h i c h h a v e the Konqueror browser thojight to be particularly popular in the Computing Department.

W h a t about the free f o r m t e x t u a l c o m m e n t s t h a t students c a n a d d to each L E Q ?

to DUG's a n d Dep reps shortly after the closure of the survey period. Is there a n i nc e nt i ve for participating?

These also remain anonymous a n d are released, collated i n anonymised form and linked to the relevant lecturer, to Directors of Undergraduate Studies and Dep reps w i t h the statistical results.

There are 10 prizes of £25.00 each for students w h o participate i n the L E Q a n d w h o opt to be i n c l u d e d i n the prize draw. Individual Departments may also provide local incentives.

W h y not use paper? A r e there a n y c h a n g e s to t h e L E Q Paper b a s e d L E Q are labour intensive, e n v i r o n m e n t a l l y unfriendly, c o m p l e t e d

since t h e a u t u m n t e r m ?

only by those present at the lecture w h e n distributed a n d c a n pass through several hands before the results are p u b l i c i s e d . The U S C and I C U have determined that electronic L E Q ' s are the w a y forward as they have the following advantages over papere

There have been some cosmetic changes responding to student comments a n d the system has been road tested by a few student volunteers.

• A l l students have the opportunity to respond not just those that h a p p e n to be a t t e n d i n g the p a r t i c u l a r lecture w h e n a paper-based L E Q is offered.

A l l undergraduates except those i n the School of M e d i c i n e . We hope to extend the survey to include m e d i c a l students by the autumn.

W h o is eligible to c o m p l e t e t h e L E Q ?

You've attended the classes, listened to the lecturers, now tell us what you think.

The Lecturer Evaluation Questionaires can be found on www.leq.ic.ac.uk/. You will be able to log on from any computer, including from halls. There are tighter security measures and log on procedures explained on the site.

The LEQs must be completed within the time period,

Monday-18.3 until Tuesday-26.3

easter eggs

Easter Egg Reviews Snickers

A Celebrations "Creamy and delightful" w as one description of this thickly built egg. The bonus here w a s some miniature bars, disa p p o i n t i n g l y not w r a p p e d inside the egg. "Too many bloody S n i c k e r s " expressed the team's response to the little chocolates.

This got a luke-warm response from our t e a m w h o thought it rather average, if " a bit sweet." A s a bonus, you get t w o Snickers bars. "They were... well, Snickers b a r s " and "I hate peanuts" c o m m e n t e d the team, but they liked the football theme.

i s * * •::,

Flake

•

Rolo • The egg didn't go d o w n w e l l

More s t a n d a r d fayre from C a d b u r y ' s - "creamy but not so rich." The egg h a d a pretty picture of a c h i c k e n on it, though. U n s u r p r i s i n g l y , w e got t w o whole bars of Flake w i t h our egg w h i c h w a s "woman seducingly nice", apparently.

with our team: " B l e u g h " , " b o r i n g " and "too thin" described the chocolate from the egg. A s the bonus, w e got some Rolos, unexpectedly w e thought. "The only nice Rolo is the last one" summed up the team's reaction. •A O r g a n i c D a r k

A Dairy Milk

"Tastes like a cocktail of rubber dissolved i a W D 4 0 " wrote one of J t l rig team.

Some dischord in our tasting panel, d e c l a r i n g it " b l a n d " w h i l e others c l a i m e d that "you can't beat it!" The egg w a s a little samey - it even h a d the same picture of a chicken on it - but most w e l comed the chance to get rid of the Organic Dark taste!

" N a s t y /wrtaste" id "the most disgusting thing I have ever put in mjr m o u t h " were also included in the reports. There w a s no bonus gift at all, either.

• ••••

KitKat

•

M i n i Eggs

The egg itself w a s generally found to have an unpleasant p o w d e r y texture, " a bit like cotton w o o l " remarked one taster. The bonus here w a s two KitKat C h u n k y bars. One of the team noted that " i t ' d really piss off the N U S " b y featuring a Nestle product.

•

The chocolate w a s C a d b u r y ' s yet again, but " c r e a m y " and " m i l k y " as it was, one panel member w a s getting "very bored w i t h that d a m n chicke n " embossed on the surface of the egg. A "nice b i g b a g " of M i n i E g g s w a s included, though. Q u a l i t y Street The chocolate had a pleasant, nutty aftertaste, w i t h unintere s t i n g crenellations on the egg itself. Quality Street dist i n g u i s h e d themselves by i n c l u d i n g their bonus gift inside the egg - the only egg so far to have done so - giving us a selection of chocolates.

WKm

A After Eight This e g g received s p o n t a neous a p p l a u s e as it w a s brought to the tasting table. The egg w a s " m i n t y and nicely bitter", but one member usefully observed that it " d i d n't go w e l l w i t h B a c a r d i Breezers." A generous box of wafer mints w a s included.

eggs easter A n i n t r e p i d t e a m of taste-testers f r o m the F e l i x editoral a n d r e p o r t i n g c r e w u n d e r t o o k to test t w e n t y of the best-selling Easter Eggs to h e l p y o u decide w h i c h y o u r loved-ones w o u l d receive t h i s Easter. Taste, toys a n d p a c k a g i n g w e r e s c r u t i n i s e d carefully, a n d the results are l a i d out below. It w a s a t o u g h job, but s o m e b o d y h a d to do it. M a l t e s e r s (Favourite) The egg w a s distinguished by the presence of little honeycomb pieces embedded in the shell. W a i e this was generally w< ived, one member ,oted thai it looked like "chocolate ac»e." Two bags of Maltesers completed this favourite choice.

A Minstrels "I don't like the foil on t h a t " exclaimed one expert, complaining the blue w a s a bit garish. There were t w o small eggs rather t h a n a single b i g one, and two p a c k s of M i n s t r e l s . O p i n i o n s ranged from "says 'H a p p y Easter'" to "not very nice at a l l . "

Organic M i l k • This d i d little better t h a n the Organic Dark egg - "tastes of fish" and "vomitescent s m e g " sprung to the lips of our reviewers. Other chocolate also sprung to their lips as they struggled to get rid of the taste. No bonus again miserable!

Guylain • "The only t h i n g I k n o w that's worse d i p p e d i n beer" s a i d one taster, the others complaining that the chocolate was a bit dull - " U h ! U h ! Yuk!" wrote one. A box of chocolates w a s i n c l u d e d , w h i c h one taster loved, and the others d i s m i s s e d as "vomit." Creme Egg " H o w pedestrian!" screamed one reviewer, as the t e a m began to get very h i g h on sugar. "Two Creme E g g s is never enough" insisted another, w h i l e one taster p o i n t e d out that the eggs were a bit dryer than usual. Another picture of a chicken. Smarties • A number of reviewers were unable to stop g i g g l i n g at this point as sugar o v e r w h e l m e d their brains. The e g g w a s nice, if a little bland, and the tubes of Smarties were good. We got t w o letter 'N's on our lids. The foil on the egg w a s also "very pretty."

•4 A e r o " D u l l , " "cardboardy and artificial" exclaimed the panel. "Too m u c h air and not enough chocolate" also summed up the team's worries about the amount of bubbles in the bars w h i c h accompanied the egg. It w a s all m u c h like " s u n bake d concrete," apparently. Caramel • "I feel s i c k " s t a t e d one reviewer before this egg w a s even opened, probably due to excessive chocolate consumption. This egg w a s generally a bit average, a n d nobody w a s in the mood for the run-of-the-mill two bars of C a d b u r y ' s Caramel.

A Mars The egg w a s nice, but one reviewer exclaimed "please let me out of here," while others declared themselves incapable of w r i t i n g any coherent sentences w i t h this m u c h sugar in their bloodstreams. The M a r s bars didn't go anywhere quickly.

Orange Mini-Segments Easily in second place, this w a s also the last egg to be tasted. Despite severe illness s w e e p i n g the tasting team, the (admittedly limited) orangey segments went d o w n vere w i l l w i t h a delici ously smooth orangeflavoured egg, if a bit soft.

felix talk

IC Radio T H E M E D I C I N E is a w e e k l y IC R a d i o broadcast administered by Dr. Doomkinder & Surgeon Grim Calditz on b e h a l f of t h e A l t e r n a t i v e M u s i c Society. A M a g i c B u l l e t f u s e d from electronica, post-rock, abstract hiphop, UK/US independent music, riot g r r l ! , s p a c e - r o c k , h a r d c o r e , d r o n e , emo, a l t - c o u n t r y , lo-fi, g l i t c h c o r e a n d J a p a n e s e n o i s e is y o u r p r e s c r i p t i o n . The dose m u s t be r e p e a t e d every M o n d a y at 8 p m o t h e r w i s e s y m p t o m s will worsen (past remedies and m i s s e d p i l l s m a y b e d o w n l o a d e d from www.icradio.com). T H E M E D I C I N E is a n o n - e l i t i s t cure for m u s i c a l t e d i u m a n d p r e v e n t s t h e i n v a s i o n of y o u r b r a i n b y i r r i t a t i n g m u s i c a l p a t h o g e n s . Dr. D o o m k i n d e r is qualified in all melodic practices, a c h i e v i n g a P h D i n s l i n t from R e p h l e x University and s p e c i a l i s i n g in melt banana diagnostics, whilst Surgeon G r i m C a l d i t z is h i g h l y r e s p e c t e d i n his f i e l d for g r o u n d - b r e a k i n g r e s e a r c h into A n t i c o n t r a n s p l a n t a t i o n and M o g w a i transfusion. Live session vaccinations have been conduct e d by the infectious Luna

t u r i n g as a l i v e d o s e o n T H E M E D I C I N E , t h e n book a c o n s u l t a t i o n at the Alternative M u s i c Society Meetings, e v e r y M o n d a y a n d T h u r s d a y from 5 p m i n the U n i o n (or e m a i l t h o s e b e l o w ) .

The spirits of the deceased s t i l l l i n g e r a r o u n d the o p e r a t i n g table...

T H E M E D I C I N E is u n s u i t a b l e for t h o s e of a n e r v o u s d i s p o s i t i o n or t h o s e o p e r a t i n g h e a v y m a c h i n e r y , as it m a y c a u s e r i g h t e o u s d e a t h . T H E M E D I C I N E is o t h e r w i s e s u i t a b l e for a l l , i n c l u d i n g y o u . If s y m p t o m s p e r s i s t l i s t e n to T H E M E D I C I N E a g a i n . O n l y l i s t e n to T H E M E D I C I N E i n a p l a c e b e l o w 25°C. Keep T H E M E D I C I N E w i t h i n reach of c h i l d r e n . Do e x c e e d t h e s t a t e d dose. For f u r t h e r i n f o r m a t i o n a s k y o u r G P for a r e f e r r a l to C h r i s t o p h e r . t i p t o n or graham.calderbank@ic.ac.uk. T H E M E D I C I N E c a n be t a k e n l i v e at 8 p m M o n d a y s or d o w n l o a d e d later on IC R a d i o : 999Mhz A M & www.icradio.com.

The practicioners at w o r k . Kave,

w h i l s t Zan Lyons

a n d The

Of Travolta axe b e i n g b o t t l e d v i a l s for future t r e a t m e n t s as w e v e r s e If a n y b a n d s / u n i t s r e a d i n g c o m m u n i c a t i o n are i n t e r e s t e d i n

Rock into conthis fea-

icradio

Summer Ball Yes it is d e f i n i t e ly o n a n d it w i l l be b i g ger a n d better t h a n last year. So n o w w e have cleared t h a t u p a f e w m o r e questions... W h a t is a S u m m e r Ball? Well other than state the obvious (rumour has it that Imperial contains intelligent people!), it is an opportunity for over 1,500 students to get together, dress up and have a good time. This year's extravaganza w i l l be the biggest ever h e l d in college. So w h e n is it h a p p e n i n g ? O n June 8, the Imperial College grounds w i l l be transformed into a top class entertainment venue that w i l l include an outdoor stage on the Queen's L a w n , as w e l l as a fairground and a number of indoor dance arenas. But before you all start emailing me

complaining that its smack b a n g in the middle of your exams this date has been chosen because it's the only time that there are no exams on a Friday near the Queens L a w n . One d i s a d v a n t a g e of b r i n g i n g a m a s s i v e stage onto the Queens L a w n means that it takes a day to set up and results in a lot of noise. A l l I can say is that you n o w k n o w the date ages in advance and it might be a good time to take a day off w o r k i n g and use the Summer Ball as a break. W h a t w i l l I be able to do? Last year's entertainments included a fairground, numerous bars and the James Taylor Quartet. We are going to stick w i t h a similar successful formula but expect things to be even better this year. More information w i l l be released closer to the time.

So n o w that I w a n t to go, h o w m u c h w i l l it cost me? To transform college into a venue suitable for the ball costs a fair bit of money (surprising I know, as most people I speak to think college epitomises the ultimate party atmosphere), however college have generously donated £20,000 so that the ball can go ahead. G i v e n this donation the tickets w i l l be sold at the same price as last year £25 for the evening's entertainments and £50 for a formal dinner plus all the entertainments. What N o w So all you need to remember n o w is the 8th June. If any of you w i s h to get involved or have ideas for the event then please email me w i t h your details. Chirag Patel - Summer Ball Chair chiragl.patel@ic.ac.uk

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Hindu Society's SEWA S E W A l i t e r a l l y m e a n s "serv ice" a n d that's exactly w h a t • IC H i n d u Society d i d f r o m F r i d a y 2 2 n d F e b r u a r y to F r i d a y 1st M a r c h . A s a t e a m , m a n y m e m b e r s of o u r societ y c a m e t o g e t h e r to h e l p raise m o n e y for S E W A intern a t i o n a l . A l l t h e H i n d u societies a c r o s s t h e c o u n t r y come together as p a r t of a n a t i o n a l c a m p a i g n w i t h 'The National H i n d u Students Forum' S E W A International is a charity group w h o have several principle roles, w h i c h include: • To relieve poverty, disease and help the needy, the w e a k a n d those affected b y natural calamities, disasters a n d other suffering. • To educate a n d propagate a n d principles as enunciated in H i n d u D h a r m a w i t h particular reference to serving the poor, sick, needy and weak. • To help in the education and training of the poor, sick, d i s a b l e d and socially backw a r d students and assist them financially. Over this week, many of us took our time to organise and participate i n various events, to help the victims of the volcano eruption i n G o m a , Congo and help those i n Gujarat, India after the earthquake. The sheer variety of events w a s enormous and included: • Friday 22nd Feb - Wet Sponge t h r o w i n g - On a cloudy Friday lunchtime, Sunil Pala and myself decided to get soaked to the bone by various students oi -' college, all in the name of charity, as a w a r m - u p start to Se Week. After Sunil got dreriched, yours truly h a d 2 buckets of cold water poured over him, a n d got sponges bashed i n my face from j all angles. It w a s great fun to w a t c h a n d to see me a n d Sunil suffer ( A s h a n d Jital, it w i l l be your turn next year). • Sunday - W o r k i n g i n the IC Soup Ki t chen - w e w ent w i t h the soup k i t c h e n , i n a p a c k e d minibus, to Holborn a n d distributed sandwiches, hot drinks and blankets to the homeless. It gave

H i n d u a n d Indian societies, put themselves u p for auction in the B M S Student U n i o n room. The stage w a s set a n d b i d d i n g began. Upto £50 w a s b i d for just one person!! T h e total r a i s e d from this event alone w a s a staggering £270. • Wednesday - 5-a-side football t o u r n a m e n t - O n c e again, a cloudy day bleaked over Hyde Park, yet this d i d not d a m p e n our hopes for a 5-a-side football tournament. We h a d thirteen teams from a l l over London, w h o comp e t e d w i t h a l l their might against one another, to become S E W A champions. IC H i n d u Soc us a l l a chance to understand the life lost their three games, but the fun of playhomeless people lead and the daily diffiing i n s u c h a tournament w a s w o r t h culty of living on the streets of London. every moment. The champions were a The IC C o m m u n i t y A c t i o n G r o u p are mixture of the Sikh Society of Imperial doing a wonderful job of helping the College and the C i t y G u i l d s Squad, so our homeless, a n d I urge you, as w h e n you congratulations to them. It w a s great that can, to go and help them. teams from U C L , City a n d Q M W came • M o n d a y - Bollywood F i l m Night - For d o w n to support the needs of S E W A . • Thursday - Individual Events - Today, this event, w e managed to obtain a lecw e all decided to do something individuture theatre, and w e were able to show ally to raise money for S E W A . M a n y activthe Oscar nominated film, Lagaan (which ities included a 24 hour silence, 24 hour is 4 hours long), w h i c h I'm sure w e k n o w fast a n d 24 hour mobi le free day. is all about the game of cricket! We had a However, the highlight w a s the painful fairly good attendance, whilst Deepti and leg w a x i n g of various members of H i n d u Sheena slaved a w a y at m a k i n g some and Indian Society. Sunil, Nikhil, A n i l and amazing popcorn ! • Tuesday - Slave A u c t i o n - Trishul Darji A m a r d e e p from S S C a l l got their legs w a x e d by various members. Jital a n d h a d some radical idea of organising a Pranati made the guys suffer b y slowly slave auction, w h i c h w a s extremely lucrayet notoriously removing the wax. Some tive to many of us i n the college. A t of the guys were o n the verge of crying lunchtime, 10 members from both IC whilst others quoted "Mummy" (Jital gave me the quotes).

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S E W A w e e k w a s extremely successful, a n d w e managed to help raise a substantial amount of money to help these innocent victims. We also h a d a great deal of fun in seeing others suffer, a l l i n the name of charity: many of us w i l l not forget l e g w a x i n g in particular. IC H i n d u Society w o u l d like to take this o p p o r t u n i t y to thank everybody w h o participated and donated for S E W A .

felix talk

Chaplaincy - The Eden Project Over the w e e k e n d , of 1-3 M a r c h t h e Chaplaincy Centre organised a visit to the E d e n Project i n C o r n w a l l . It w a s also a chance to reflect u p o n related questions. These included personal and community responses to g l o b a l environmental threats; different perceptions of nature; and the contemporary use of the texts and images of creation.

the nightmare of Jurassic Park chaos of m a n being destroyed b y his creation, can it really work? Inside both the domes, the plant life of different regions of our planet are displayed side b y side. The paying customer can amble through the tropics of South A m e r i c a before heading past humidifiers to the tropics of the Pacific and on into Africa.

Gillian Straine, a post-graduate studying atmospheric physics, offers her reactions to the latest environmental a n d engineering w o n d e r of the w o r l d .

The array of plants is stunning. The history of the plants and our use of them are clearly displayed. It is a living, w o r k i n g experiment having only been opened for one year. But can it work?

"The E d e n Project is without a doubt a fantastic conception, built i n w h a t w o u l d have been an ugly quarry pit. There are

The guide says they embrace the ideas

In my research I use computer models to simulate the atmosphere of Earth. Yet for a l l the computing power w e can't come close to recreating our weather and climate. We end up making large assumptions and achieve a rough idea, the system being so complex. So, again, can the E d e n project work?

and outlook of the y o u n g but, says the cynic, has the w i s d o m of the old been taken into consideration? L e a v i n g aside

Insects aren't welcome so some of the plants have to be artificially pollinated. A n d of course, there isn't any weather i n

t w o huge M a r t i a n bio-domes, w i t h a Tracy island type construction straddling them containing the essential restaurant and gift shop. The w h o l e place seemingly operates on uncommonly good ethics.

the domes so they have to get the hoses out a n d create a monsoon at the right time. For many species the flowering season is extended for the visitors. Our guide told us she w a s nearly hit b y a falling tree that had not formed roots. They hadn't got a d u d plant, or the w r o n g soil. There w a s just no w i n d to shake the tree enough for it to have to form them. A n d that is probably only the t i p of the iceberg. You can recreate the right temperature and y o u c a n get the native plants but w i t h so m u c h that you can't get the system w i l l start to diverge from reality. Not that w e won't learn a great deal o n the way. I praise E d e n a n d think w e need more exciting ambitious projects where the w a y s of the past are challenged. But as for recreating such a complex beast as our planet's whole diverse flora environment in t w o greenhouses, it just can't be that easy." To see pictures of E d e n and the trip visit www.chaplaincy.ic.ac.uk

PhotoSoc Exhibition 2002

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A Display of Photographic Art and Talent

Tuesday 12 March -End of Term

5 Floor Sherfield Building, Blyth Art Space. th

Opening Night Tuesday 1 2 J March. •

All welcome!

imperial • • college

6.30pm Blyth Art Space www.su.ic.ac.uk/photosoc

u n i o n

1 H E UNION i f l R

6 Beers on tap Regular beers f r o m Bass, Brakspear, Carlsberg, Tetley a n d Youngs plus Specials f r o m many smaller breweries.

Special £1.85 bottle

Mon-Fri: 12-2/5-close Sat: c l o s e d / S u n : 6-close

Wednesday Thursday Friday, March 22 21st s o u n o Last Cheese of the Term

E a s t e r P a r t y ! Three floors of fun and frolics. r

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Admission £5

SUPPORT BflNDlTickets available in advance from the ' from 8pm £1/pint Tetleys o r j j g j ^ Carlsberg while beer lasts from 5pm (dBs only) Plus extra seating for DaVincVs Cafe

Union Beception, first floor Beit Quad. Prizes provided by Odeon Cinema., for the Best Fancy Dress Costumes. F R E E Jelly BeUy beans and a F R E E shot of Bacardi and mixer on the night for alL

MOi EILV on stage from 10pm

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8pm-2am £1 Union/£1.50 Guests Barbeque in the Quad 7:30pm/FREE@the union

BACARDI

3/22

Union Building Beit Q u a d R . O . A . R .

— Cafe W •— O p e n n o o n - 1 1 p m Saturdays a n d noon-10:30pm Sundays

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union talk

Viva El Presidente! The U n i o n is l i s t e n i n g

also allow the union to target more resources towards these specialist nights.

Following a lot of comments about the Union services, I hosted an open meeting last week to look at entertainments provided b y the U n i o n a n d h o w w e c a n improve things. It proved very useful in getting, first hand, some of the views of students using the U n i o n a n d I thought I w o u l d share some of them here.

Another key topic that w a s brought up w a s bar promotions. There w a s a desire to have more offers at the bar on a greater

One of the key themes that came from the meeting is the desire for more Cheese. Although I am not a great lover of cheese it seems that is w h a t students want. There also appears to be confusion between the different nights at the Union. Students d i d not k n o w what w a s happening. There w a s a strong call for a singularly themed Friday and Wednesday nights. This w o u l d mean that there w o u l d be the same basic format for all Wednesday and Friday evenings. This w o u l d allow more specialist nights such as School Disco or b a n d nights to happen on a monthly basis. This w o u l d

Most people seemed happy w i t h the prices the Union charges for entry. We are after all one of the cheapest Unions in London and some even suggested increasing it to allow for more bar promotions and specialised nights. If you agree or disagree w i t h any of this, or have any other views or suggestions, please email feedback@ic.ac.uk. So what is the next step? The Union w i l l take these recommendations and hope to have things in place soon. Following its success, I plan to expand these open meetings and apply it to other areas of the Union.

variety of drinks. The Union has a limited number of drink promotions, the ÂŁl-a-pint on Wednesday night being the most popular. There were suggestions to extend it to have a happy hour or promotions on selected lines of beer and "alcopops".

This is the start of a wider process to ensure that the Union starts listening to its members and delivers the services they want. Shortly w e hope to have online anonymous feedback forms. There w i l l also be a series of market research initiatives a n d development of a strategy to ensure that w e continue to meet the needs of our members. Sen Ganesh

Editorial Rantings quite an arse (sorry David), but surely the I found this picture, and I look so cheeky, I plan should be to make the Union a better thought I'd give myself an editorial just so I can publish pictures of m y o w n m u g . place, and better run. Arrogant, you might say, and you could be right. But that's not w h a t I brought you here to talk about. Well it was, actually, but I've already run out of steam on that subject, so I'll move onto another. What is going on in the Union? Is it just me, or has the entire thing just degenerated into a bitch-slapping, bodice-ripping, mud-wrestling, ego-wank-fest? I think that w a s the best sentence ever written. Let's look at the evidence. Elections. O h dear. They go all wrong, a n d from what I can gather, instead of anyone really caring, there seems to be t w o camps. Those w h o don't think it w a s really that bad, a n d those w h o w a n t to bi t c h- s l ap D a v i d Francis, w h o w a s the returning officer. I fully agree that it w a s all done rather haphazardly, but the main aim seems n o w not to make sure it doesn't happen again, but Maybe I'm being a bit naive. After all, do just to publ i cly humiliate David. I can you see me running for President to sort it understand that desire, because he can be all out? No, because I'm not a nutter, and I

don't want to have to go through all this type of shit myself, but I think there is something w r o n g w i t h the system if people use the power given to them b y you (apparently, but from the inside you see it's quite a nepotistic regime) just to take out personal grudges. N o w maybe I'm being a cynic. It is certainly possible that some people truly believe that the election w a s undemocratic, but if w e re-run these elections, no-one w i l l vote. Everyone knows this. We have enough trouble w i t h voting in the first place. So w e re-run the elections, a n d only one department votes, because the rest of College is so disillusioned by the whole farce that they reckon w h a t ' s the point. A n d I'm inclined to agree, because I am guilty of abusing that system myself. I certainly h a d an unfair advantage this year, because through my job I have met the 'movers and shakers' of the Union, w h o are the people w h o then 'advise' their friends, a n d their friends, how to vote. M y point? Democracy my b i g fat arse, frankly. will

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Inkwell: Tanaka's Gift Inkwell is back (after a brief period in that barren landscape k n o w n as "catchi ng up w i t h school work") and my quill today takes me to the very front gates of this fine institution where work has begun on the Prestigious N e w Entrance that Imperial College is soon to have. The Exhibition Road entrance is n o w little more than a monstrous pile of brick, rubble and unsightly heavy-duty machinery. A l l part of the lovely 25 million pound package from IC alumnus and millionaire philanthropist Dr. G a r y Tanaka. Now, on paper it all seems s w e l l and honky dory. Oh h o w wonderful, h o w very benevolent of an Imperial alumni to spread the seeds of his success on his academic roots. After all, w i t h continuous threats from the higher education funding council towards substantially cutting funding for University Departments, an extra ÂŁ25million quid in the bank isn't that bad. Or is it? You see naturally the question-O-meter in my head has again risen to critical point and a few issues have continued to oscillate to and fro w i t h i n the inner walls of the ol' Nate Evuarherhe cranium. First Quesch: Does Imperial College real-

ly need a "Prestigious N e w Entrance"? In w h a t w a y does a P N E facilitate the Imperial College quest to gain global recognition as a world-class institution? M y answer, none what so ever. There exists a fine line between spending for a useful purpose and squandering millions on what appears on the surface to be a fine investment but is little more than a display of sound and fury signifying nothing. After all, even the least perceptive of us w i l l notice that there are numerous other areas of far greater importance that are desperately in need of funding. Every year for instance, hundreds of second year students (like my humble self) are disgorged from the relative comfort of Halls of Residence into a city that empties the old student coffer quicker than you can say T A N A K A ! Would an investment towards the provision of more halls of residence not serve a more useful purpose? The planned refurbishment of South-side Halls, the re-construction of the Beit Halls, and the grand feature of architectural wizardry that is the Bio-medical Science building are all worthy of praise, for these have proved to be world class facilities that

serve to enhance the IC position as a top flight institution both at home and abroad. A n entrance, on the other hand is simply. .. an entrance. It's rather like a designer shirt. It's pretty. It's expensive. But what does it say about the true nature of the wearer's character? Nothing at all! A visitor to IC, or a passer-by might say, " O h what a prestigious n e w entrance they've got". But apart from that w h a t purpose does it serve? It won't make student life any less difficult than it already is. It won't improve the teaching quality of our lecturers. A n d it certainly won't shoot Imperial College three places up the league table. So w h y is the exhibition road entrance looking the w a y it is now? It seems to me to be another sad case of The Golden Rule. i.e. He who has the gold makes the rule! Gary Tanaka's gift is appreciated and very much welcome. I do however think all the money could have been better spent on something more important and less superficial that a Prestigious New Entrance. Nate

Evuarherhe

talk back L E Q s : The R e t u r n will, I w o u l d like to add fuel to the debate about the L E Q that has been c h u r n i n g a w a y over most of this term. O n first hearing of the idea for L E Q I w a s p l e a s a n t l y surprised - a good idea, I thought. That'll save time, I thought. H o w gullible I w a s . If you have ever tried to enter information on these forms (a task in itself, as I h a d to email the administrator t w i c e regarding a non-working password), you'll find that it takes easily as long as the paper version. This is partly to do w i t h the fiddlyness of the bloomin' buttons - but mostly c a u s e d by the torrent of abuse I felt compelled to write at the end, i n the 'comments' box. While this w a s obviously optional, I just had to do it as the first part w a s so tricky. To add to this, w a s the fact that I had 15 of the bloody things to fill i n . I gave up after six. A better system must be obtained, that is agreed, but can w e have one that doesn't take up nine tenths of our free time. Time for a return to paper, I feel. Yours etc. E d Bradford (Mech E n g III) You may also like to know that the electronic LEQ system is making a triumphant return at the end of this term too!

Election Complaint Dear Felix, I w a s saddened to see that Felix has d e p a r t e d from its usual high standards of journalism in the front-page article of issue 1231. I suggest in future you should confirm your

sources more rigorously as the article w a s littered w i t h factual inaccuracies. Your readers may be interested to learn that the formal complaint, w h i c h I made in response to many grievances expressed by the students I represent, w a s in fact sent to the returning officer by email as required, before the count commenced on Saturday m o r n i n g . Sellotape w a s not involved at any time. Nor w a s Blu-Tac, c h e w i n g gum, staples or any other adhesive. M y sole argument is w i t h the procedure of the election, mainly proxy voting, and the difficulties this created for those w a n t i n g to vote. These include medical students, whose interests are my responsibility. M r Francis w a s not implicitly criticised in my complaint, nor w a s that conclusion intended to be d r a w n from the statement I put forw a r d . The sceptics among you may believe that my complaint w a s "sour grapes" on behalf of Idris Harding, who happens to be a medical student. This is simply not the case. I am voicing the complaints of a number of students who felt disenfranchised during the voting procedure. The tone of the article suggests that the re-running the election w i l l be an extravagant w a s t e of money that c o u l d be u s e d for student activities. E n s u r i n g democracy at Imperial is money w e l l spent, even if it costs more than a set of rugby jerseys. Yours, Shazia (ICSM S U President) PS - Where d i d you get that awful photo?! You imply that a single, trivial inaccuracy renders the article 'littered' with lies. It seems the only fact you dispute regards how your complaint was deliv-

ered. We certainly don't like to get our facts wrong, so we have apologised on Page 2. We did not, in fact, say that you had submitted your complaint due to "sour grapes". However, it is important to point out that at least ten members of Council (excluding sabbaticals, of course) said that they believe this to be the case and it was these allegations that were reported. You d i d implicitly criticise Mr Francis in your complaint. You questioned the actions of the Returning Officer (Mr Francis) and those of the Election Committee (chaired by Mr Francis). You also questioned whether or not the election was run properly (an election run by Mr Francis), though admittedly stopped short of questioning his adherence to the constitution. In answer to your final question, we got that awful photo from our photo archives. It is locked in a cupboard in a basement, so quite some explosive charge will be required before we're rendered unable to reuse it. We thought the hat rather suited you ÂŠ AW

Garden Hall Dear Felix, Firstly f o l l o w i ng the letter from the Garden residents last week, I took up their kind offer to tour Garden Hall and I must say it very nice indeed. It is clear w h y the residents are very proud of the hall. I w a n t to address the key issues relating to the proposed sale of Garden Hall and w h a t the U n i o n has been doing in general with respect to accommodation. The Union has w o r k e d w i t h residences to u n d e r t a k e a comprehensive price review of halls and the recommenda-

tions w i l l be t a k e n to the Rector. In the review, the Union has been successful in ensuring price cuts for Linstead, Weeks and Southside. In total over third of rooms w i l l have a price cut next year. It is clear that there has been under-investment in halls of residence over the last few years a n d the U n i o n has w o r k e d w i t h College to ensure that the refurbishment of Halls is made top priority. We have commitment from the Rector that Southside refurbishment w i l l commence next year. Unfortunately as an asset Garden Hall (with a total of 82 residences) is w o r t h a lot of money (over ÂŁ10M) and given the current financial position of College it is necessary to " s w e a t " our assets to improve services for all. This money w i l l be u s e d to pay for development and refurbishment of Southside w h i c h w i l l benefit more than 350 students. There are no easy choices. Ultimately I believe in the long run w e w i l l have facilities to match some of the best institutions i n the w o r l d . The Union believes that w e must have good quality affordable accommodation that is easily accessible to College, but it w i l l take time. There have been too m a n y short t e r m fixes and it is time to engage a long-term strategy that w i l l benefit all students. Sen Ganesh, President Imperial College U n i o n

East Meets West Dear Felix, Following a letter about the E a s t M e e t s W e s t show, I thought it w o u l d be appropriate to reply. Whilst I do not intend to respond to the per-

back talk sonal remarks made against me, I thought it w a s appropriate to outline some of the decisions taken and the reasons behind them. (a) The Indian Society Committee were made fully aware of the fire capacity i n advance and confirmed in a meeting a w e e k before their event. The fact is that there were 640 people in the audience and 150 performers, g i v i n g a total of 790 people. The capacity of the M D H is 400. Despite several requests, a second overfill room w a s not booked. The U n i o n h a d to intervene a n d p u t a b o o k i n g for the J C R to ensure that there was space to cater for the excess. (b) There

w e r e professional Door Staff w o r k i n g on the night u s i n g clickers, and to claim that they miscounted is serious allegation. By law, the fire capacity cannot be e x c e e d e d a n d it w o u l d be c r i m i n a l offence to do so.

(c) The Indian Society nearly breached the License agreement by p l a n n i n g to advertise in national m e d i a . The U n i o n a g a i n i n t e r v e n e d to p u l l the advertising and stop the authorities from c l o s i n g d o w n the event. I take offence to the allegations made in the letter, I totally refute the c l a i m that the Union had persecuted Indian Society. The truth of the matter is that if the U n i o n h a d not stepped in, the s h o w w o u l d have been shut d o w n due the difficulties experienced by the organisers. We acted i n the best interest of our members and took action to ensure the safety of all guests. I w o u l d like to congratulate the Indian Society Committee on organising a very success-

ful event. We work w i t h societies to continually improve our procedures and services, but the U n i o n a l w a y s w e l comes constructive criticism that a l l o w s us to improve things for all. Sen G a n e s h , President, Imperial College Union

Carry-on NUS Dear Felix,

ing around distributing flyers all day instead of fighting on students' behalves, is it really the kind of organisation that w e should be joining? This referendum is being held amongst Imperial College students, so surely they are the only ones who should try to influence the outcome - yet another example of the NUS sticking its nose in where it's not w a n t e d I guess. Regards, Neil M a n s o n (Materials I)

A sudden and happy thought came to me. It occurred to me that there exist t w o similar, yet very different organisations. B o t h of t h e m are spent as political forces, though they aspire to hold the clout that they d i d 15 years ago. Both have changed from powerful organisations sticking up for their customers, to t w o c l a p p e d out, desperate collections of uninspired r i g h t w i n g gents. Both of them are as useless to the public as they are good at eating up people's money. One of them is a tabloid rag, the other is a national student body. A n d their names are anagrams of each other. - can you guess w h a t they are?

Eoghan

Dear Felix, I'm just w r i t i n g to express my general disgust that members of the N U S executive have been around college (though noticeably not on college or union grounds) this week, foll o w i n g the debate in the great hall, d i s t r i b u t i n g flyers to everyone that walks past. Do these people not have jobs to do? If the N U S can afford to have its key players wander-

A n d , Finally... Dear William, Far away from the evils of capi t a l i s m and u n i o n officers, there's one small thing that's b u g g i n g me about College I w i s h I'd pointed out last year.

Why does virtually every student talk to catering staff as if they're h u m a n - s h a p e d vending m a c h i n e s ? In the best cases, students seem to grunt acknowledgement, in the worst case ignore them altogether. W h e n you're paying for your food or someone's cleared your table for you, is a simple " T h a n k s " too m u c h to ask? I kno w I'm starting to sound like a Daily M a i l reader, but while students can seem to get away w i t h treating service staff as s u b - h u m a n here, before you k n o w it you'll all be acting like that in cafes and restaurants - and I kno w for a fact if you're rude in places like that they W I L L spit in your food! Just trying to make the world (and more hygienic) a better place. John Clifford (Physics III)

This Week

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music reviews

Busta Rhymes Genesis

Vex Red Start With A...

Biffy Clyro Blackened Sky

Out now on J records

Out now on Virgin

Out now on Beggars Banquet

Like almost a l l hip-hop albums these days, w i t h the honourable exception of Jay-Z's The Blueprint, this n e w release from Busta Rhymes is w a y too long. A s this is pretty m u c h endemic to the genre, I find it best to r e v i e w each album as a compilation. O n this level, you're free to simply pick a n d choose b e t w e e n the tracks, a n d suddenly Genesis becomes much more admirable. There's Dre's excellent Break Ya Neck, featuring a typically frenetic vocal from Rhymes ("Break y a fuckin' neck, b i t c h es!"), and Bounce (Let Me See Ya Throw It) w i t h some great s t a b b i n g strings and a rumbling bass. The Neptunes turn in a couple of excellent joints - As I Come Back sounds like Busta literally g r o w l i n g over the best bass-driven N e pt unes p r o d u c t i o n I've heard in quite a while, a n d What It Is features Kelis on the last verse. The title track is also w o r t h y of a mention, w i t h the k i n d of spare background u s u a l l y a s s o c i a t e d w i t h early R Z A efforts. T h e n there's Shut 'Em Down 2002, Pete Rock's r e w o r k i ng of the Public Enemy classic, w h i c h has Busta rapping away over the top. This track is Rhymes at his best, the stripped-down b a c k i n g contrasting w i t h his larger than life persona. It's easy to judge an a l b u m like Genesis by its guest appearances, and to concentrate on the production over the supposed star of the show. Busta, w i t h his sheer force of personality, manages to avoid this, a n d the result is one of the best rap albums of the last couple of years.

Toby G

records

[The full title is Start With A Strong And

This Kilmarnock-based trio are going to

Persistent Desire]

be very important - they not only take rock to places that rock hasn't been before, but they take it first class on Concorde, complete w i t h champagne a n d caviar a n d those little screens i n the backs of the seats. E v e r y single member of t h e b a n d sings, meaning that there is no apparent "front m a n " , but as all the boys seem to have similar voices, this doesn't detract at all from the music.

Vex R e d are from Aldershot. That's not very rock 'n' roll, is it? What is rock 'n' roll is the w a y they were signed - Ross Robinson (who produces Slipknot, Korn, A t The Drive-in a n d A m e n ) called the boys up one day while they were w a t c h ing a video, and signed them after hearing one demo tape. Vex Red must be a bit special, then, as must Start With A Strong And Persistent Desire, the debut album from this delightfully charismatic and charming band. A t its best, this album is amazing. Tracks w h i c h spring to m i n d as masterpieces include the recent single Can't Smile, w i t h its gritty, low-pitched samp l i n g a n d amazing guitar riff, a n d the slow, smooth Untitled. Sadly, some of the other tracks on the album are found w a n t i n g . In particular, Clone Jesus a n d The Closest s o u n d strangely empty, despite the fact that they are both quite rocky, w i t h heavy guitar riffs and d r u m beats. That said, fans of Vex R e d w i l l be pleased w i t h this debut effort. The five have sidestepped the temptation to simply make a collection of excellent tracks, and have chosen instead to make an album w h i c h flows w e l l , like a piece of poetry or a good story.

The opening track is the pleasantly functional Joy. Discovery. Invention, w h i c h begins w i t h a quiet twelve-note guitar riff a n d finishes w i t h an all-out rocking chorus. Justboy a n d the rather brilliantly titled Kill The Old, Torture Their Young follow, both c o m b i n i n g some of the best aspects of M u s e and A t The Drive-in. It's hard to pick out the outstanding tracks on this C D , because there are so many instantly memorable, completely singable rock anthems. But Scary Mary is probably the best track, a sweet, melancholy, heartfelt c o l l e c t i on of thoughts about a broken relationship: "You made patterns i n my face, you painted pictures w i t h my tears".

Start w i t h a strong a n d persistent desire? Vex R e d certainly seem to have done just that, a n d good luck to them. Not that they need it - h o w many other bands can you name that got signed and got this far on the basis of one cheap demo tape?

Unfortunately, there's a problem w i t h the album. The clean-cut sound of Biffy Clyro is sometimes slightly m as ke d w i t h feedback a n d other little niggly sounds that were blatantly added i n post-production. Someone should find whoever produced this and convince h i m to take up a n e w career as a Buddhist monk i n Tibet. Then maybe w e can listen to Biffy Clyro, perfect and unmarred, in peace.

Jess

reviews music

HAMMONDfSl STREET NWS

mm.

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Sahara Hotnights Jennie Bomb

Remy Zero The Golden Hum

Various Hammond Street

Out now on RCA records

Out now on Eastwest/Electra

Out now on Acid Jazz

To quote the b a n d ' s publicity material, Sahara H o t n i g h t s w e r e formed i n Northern S w e d e n w h e n "four [female] friends, u n i t e d b y a m u t u a l love for Nirvana, coupled w i t h the boredom that a small t o w n existence inspires, decided to pool their collective m u s i c a l talents into chasing the rock ' n ' roll d r e a m " . I'd guess that they still like Nirvana, a n d that they're still c h a s i n g that rock 'n' roll dream. But n o w they're the ones inspiring boredom.

Remy Zero - a strange name, but I like it. In fact, without m u c h knowledge of their music, it's the main reason w h y I decided to review this album, and I'm pleased I went w i t h my gut feeling. The first track is one of those intros that make y o u forget you've put some music on at all. It's long and quiet, but picks up eventually and gradually builds up into The Golden Hum, w h i c h has a nice lead guitar piece a n d a catchy chorus. The album continues w i t h the same vibrant feeling, changing the pace, slipp i n g off into melodic moments of harmony, and then coming back w i t h choruses that have y o u singing along and playing air guitar.

Sahara Hotnights are a "proper, good old-fashioned" b a n d , i n the sense that North By Northwest is a "proper" film, and the E t o n Wall G a m e is a "good oldfashioned" sport. There are no frills a n d no messing about. O n Jennie Bomb, their second album, the guitars have only got one setting (punk-heavy), the drummer only plays one beat (punk-heavy) and the largely u n i n s p i r i n g lyrics c a n only be described as, er, p u n k and heavy. However, I must admit that w h a t they do, they do w e l l . M a r i a A n d e r s s o n ' s voice is faultless, a n d w i t h song titles like Alright Alright (Here's My Fist Where's The Fight?), you k n o w that their hearts are in the right place. A n d they've been nominated for a couple of S w e d i s h Grammy awards too, so maybe u p in Scandinavia they appreciate good punk a little more t h a n I do. But I'm going to stand b y m y conclusion. The Hotnights are clearly influenced b y most of the great punk acts, plus of course the N i r v a n a method of w r i t i n g songs around one good hook. The problem is, if the hooks aren't m u c h good, then neither is the band.

Derek

records

W i t h more than the occasional reference to Travis and Semisonic, this a l b u m may not be particularly novel, but it's a good listen nonetheless. I instantly recognise track six as the theme from the T V series Smallville - a song that I like at the moment, but w i l l b e g i n to hate w i t h venom as soon as it's overplayed. Later songs include I'm Not Afraid, w h i c h w i l l feature i n the next series of Dawson's Creek, and the faster, more upbeat Impossibility. There is a hidden track too, but it's nothing special. H a v i n g noticed a w e b address on the album sampler, I discovered that Remy Zero were hand-picked b y Radiohead to open their latter OK Computer shows, and that they've toured w i t h Semisonic and Travis (which h a d no effect on their musical style whatsoever of course). Overall, a good third album, a n d I expect to hear a lot more from Remy Zero in the future.

Toby B

records

What exactly is " a c i d jazz"? I guess it means, roughly, music that is a bit like jazz in the sense that it may contain some i m p r o v i s a t i o n a n d u s e s i m i l a r instruments, but has a steadier, rockier beat a n d is intended to be danceable. There's nothing w r o n g w i t h having jazz records that y o u can dance to, but much of what is labelled " a c i d jazz" c a n often be b l a n d and uninteresting. So it is w i t h several of the tracks on this compilation, all of w h i c h feature the H a m m o n d organ. Personally, I'm a fan of the Hammond, but it is an instrument capable of producing both a cool, exciti n g s o u n d a n d a very corny s o u n d . Unfortunately, m u c h of this record falls into the latter category. Nearly all of the tracks are very recent, w i t h a couple of oldies t h r o w n i n court e s y of R e u b e n W i l s o n a n d J i m m y McGriff. These seem to s t a n d out above the dross, particularly Wilson's track, w h i c h is m u c h more "straight-ahead" than the rest of the b u n c h . Of the newer tracks, the Sugarman Three effort stands out for its simplicity: a solid groove a n d messy organ over a repeated sax riff and sampled bar crowd sounds. The James Taylor track also chugs a w a y at a fairly rocky pace. Unfortunately, that's about it - the rest of the tracks t e n d to lack any real substance or groove. The truth is that there is a lot of great H a m m o n d - b a s e d m u s i c out there, i n many different styles. Potential H a m m o n d fans w o u l d perhaps be better spending their hard-earned loan on the music of J i m m y Smith, M i c h a e l Brecker or M e d e s k i , M a r t i n and Wood.

Russ

music reviews INTERVIEW with Didz from The Cooper Temple Clause You k n o w as w e l l as I do that The Cooper Temple Clause are the Next B i g T h i n g . Their music captures the best aspects of electronica, grunge, rock and indie, puts them i n a blender and makes the tastiest m u s i c a l smoothie you'll drink this year. , M

Unfortunately, there's no guarantee that any of the information in this interview is correct - the b a n d are w e l l k n o w n for attempting to spread rumours about themselves that are, quite frankly, false. A n d considering that this interview w a s conducted by 'phone, w e l l , there's no telling... F E L I X : So, y o u r n e w single h i t t h e top t w e n t y last w e e k - h o w does that feel? DIDZ: It w as good, the nicest part of it w a s being able to do music shows on the telly, p l a y i n g for all those kids who like A l and stuff. It's not like I've got something against A l , it's just that they were on right before us on Top Of The Pops. C a n y o u give u s a good r e a s o n to b u y y o u r a l b u m ? I think because we're not really like anything else out there. I mean, some people say we're like M u s e , but that's because they're not afraid to experiment w i t h sounds either. W h a t inspires y o u r l y r i c s ? A lot of it is just unoriginal stuff, like boy meets girl kind of thing, and that's really important, it's a good thing to write about. But some of it is just about personal or emotional situations, events, scenarios, contemplating suicide, you know. W h a t k i n d of stuff d i d y o u l i s t e n to as a k i d ? Well, w e all listened to grunge and brit-pop, but after a while w e realised there w a s n ' t anything n e w out there that w e wanted to listen to, so w e decided to get together and make our own. W h a t do y o u l i s t e n to n o w ? Quite a lot of stuff, I think if you listen to our album you can get quite a good idea. Quite a lot of electronica and indie stuff, M u s e and Radiohead.

LIVE: The Charlatans + The Cooper Temple Clause + Minuteman @ Astoria It seemed, from the size of the c r o w d this evening, that M i n u t e m a n are not a particularly w e l l - k n o w n b a n d . The fourpiece launched into a pretty indiscriminate indie-guitar set, w h i c h w a s entirely forgettable apart from a h a u n t i n g feeling that someone had just done a cover version of Radiohead's True Love Waits. Which, strangely enough, nobody had.

A s always, The Cooper Temple C l a u se (pic above) were on top form. They played through the whole range of emotions - from the crazed stalker (Film Maker) to the lonely, suicidal m a n (Murder Song). Didz, as is customary, w a l t z e d on t w o minutes late, and Ben managed to break at least t w o tambourines by the end of the forty-minute set. Nothing n e w there, then.

People say y o u ' r e q u i t e s i m i l a r to R a d i o h e a d - do y o u take that as a c o m p l i m e n t ? Well, Radiohead are a great b a n d . They're probably one of our favourite bands, collectively. Definitely in the top... three. So yeah, definitely a compliment. W h o d i d y o u w a n t to w i n Pop Idol?

This b a n d are completely in love w i t h music, and all they're doing is allowing other people to appreciate that. Perhaps that's something that the hundred or so heckling Charlatans fans should have thought about.

I don't care, it's shit. It's really stupid, it's like dangling a carrot under the kids' noses to give them something n e w to drool over. I suppose Darius has got a bit of talent. We played football against h i m once, I think he w a s in goal. He w a s rubbish. H a v e y o u b e e n to a n y good gigs recently? Yeah, w e w e n t to a good g i g a couple of days ago, w e went to see ...Trail Of D e a d at the Ast ori a, that w a s absolutely incredible. In fact, me a n d Tom, w h e n w e go to a gig w i t h a decent band and a decent-sized venue, w e always go d o w n the front and try a bit of crowd-surfing.

that this Reading six-piece can unleash is simply amazing.

Jess There's loads more to this, but I just couldn't fit it all in. Go to www.union.ic.ac.uk/felix for the full interview. You'll also find full versions of several other interviews we've done recently. Dave

If you get a chance to see the Coopers, t h e n do. They're w e l l w o r t h it, time and time again, for the sheer amount of energy

I'm sorry. The C h a r l a t a n s were completely up s t a g e d by their support. After hearing The Cooper Temple Clause play their set, w e could only manage four Charlatans songs before w a l k i n g out in disgust at the lack of anything even remotely interesting. A few of the more intelligent people in the c r o w d followed suit. We pieced together the information w e had, and decided t h e y ' d definitely played their best song, Love Is The Key, A s people poured out of the Astoria, w e heard tales of Burgess juggling and the set being good. Believe w h a t you

that first. Tim will.

Jess

reviews music OUT THIS WEEK ALBUMS B U S T A R H Y M E S - Genesis C A P I T O L K - Island Row DESERT H E A R T S - Let's Get Worse R E M Y Z E R O - The Golden H u m T H E STREETS - Original Pirate M a t e r i a l SINGLES E N G E R I C A - M y Demise G E O R G E M I C H A E L - Freeek! RIVAL S C H O O L S - U s e d For Glue S E A F O O D - Western Battle SI F U T U R E S - Eurostar

LIVE: Kosheen @ Pacha

Singles Roundup

This w a s quite simply unbelievable. Think of going to a gig at a five star hotel. Think of a fantastic band, playing ten tracks of the finest live dance music you've heard i n a long, long time. You're not even close.

R I V A L S C H O O L S - U s e d For G l u e Rival Schools prove that it is possible to be deadly serious whilst also being fun to listen to, and this is probably the best cut from their mostly excellent debut album. The p o u n d i n g central riff makes Used For Glue a genuinely adrenalising track. Oh, and the chorus is bigger than the E a r t h - fact! Buy three copies.

Pacha, located a mere stone's t hrow from Victoria tube station, is w e l l w o r t h a visit, although one suspects that it's usually fairly pricey if you don't have the luxury of a press pass. I really don't exaggerate w h e n I compare it w i t h a hotel - there were chandeliers, plants, leather sofas, w o o d panelling, and people w a l k i n g around w i t h trays of w i n e glasses. We were even treated to some free food courtesy of Poseidon. Kosheen, arriving on stage a mere half-hour late, were absolutely superb, p l a y i n g tracks from their debut album Resist and grabbing our attention from the off w i t h (Slip & Slide) Suicide. Sian E v a n s ' distinctive powerful vocals were complemented perfectly b y guitar, bass, drums, keyboards and a guy playing a sort of electronic 'cello. Playing live, Kosheen manage to add extra tion to their music without losing the polished The central theme w a s d r u m 'n' bass, of changes in mood, style, rhythm and speed effective.

energy and emofeel of the album. course, but the were more than

Kosheen are n o w u s e d to p l a y i n g the b i g arenas, and so it w a s a real privilege to be part of an audience of only around 200, especially at s u c h a classy venue. We stood right at the front, making eye contact w i t h the performers, and the only real l o w point w a s w h e n the hour-long set came to its conclusion and the b a n d left the stage.

B8BSB

Dave

COMPETITION WINNER The w i n n e r of the A l i c i a Keys competition from Issue 1230 is the gloriously n a m e d A n t h o n y J u d e Rodrigues of E E E 4. He w i n s the album Songs In A Minor and the single A Woman's Worth. A l i c i a Keys w a s nominated for t w o Brit awards - Best International Female and Best International A l b u m .

SBBBB

Kunal

S E A F O O D - W e s t e r n Battle This up-to-date rock song is another strong offering from Seafood. It has a more serious sound t h a n their previous single, the excellent Splinter, but it's not quite as good. That's not to say it isn't catchy - some parts of the song are very memorable, especially the chorus.

Robin A L F I E - A W o r d In Your E a r A smart and clever pop song. Quiet guitars, percussion and sweet vocals combine on this beautiful track w h i c h ends by adding several instruments (keyboards, strings, chorus) but still staying under control. Definitely the best song they've ever done. I look forward to the next album.

09988

Frangois

M O Q S H A - M o k s h a The D e s t r o y e r vs D u b z i l l a M o q s h a are four blokes out of college w h o like t w i d d l i n g knobs and a girl who can just about hit the notes. This, their debut release, is a " m i n i - a l b u m " , available for the price of a single. The first four tracks, remixes of the title track and of Super Massive Black Holes, are uninspired Bristol scene bandwagonism. Respite comes w i t h Judas, a dark, broody atmospheric track, and, to a lesser extent, w i t h Inspector Morse, w h i c h drags out the idea a bit too much.

98DDO

Robert

clubbing reviews

London Xpress 93 Feet East

INTERVIEW with Red Snapper

London Xpress once again puts on a lineup that is just that little bit different. With headline sets from Rob Birch of

Red Snapper are Richard Thair, A l i Friend and David Ayers. They came together in the early nineties to produce their calling card blend of jazz, funk and hip-hop. After seven years, they have recently announced that Red Snapper is to come to an end.

Stereo M C s fame and Richard Thair, formerly of Red Snapper, this is definitely a night that stands out from the rest on the clubbing calendar. The c r o w d is rather different from the

o w n stuff, I'll be producing up and coming bands and artists. W e l l that's the future, but i n y o u r t i m e as Snapper, do y o u feel t h a t y o u d i d e v e r y t h i n g y o u w a n t e d to do? Richard: We didn't start out w i t h a plan, so everything that h a p p e n e d w a s a complete surprise.

usual menagerie of posers, pillheads and beerboys that you might expect at a club in London. There is an air of sophistication about the place, an air of culture, of self-knowing cool. But that doesn't mean they don't enjoy a little boogie. Indeed, there are three whole rooms to shake your t h a n g to: the dark and slightly industrial m a i n room is perfectly complimented by the casual, party-esque side bar and the smart and stylish loft bar w i t h adjoining terrace.

F E L I X : A s y o u are a l l here together, I guess the e n d of R e d Snapper has been quite a n amicable one? R i c h a r d : Yes, w e ' r e all really good friends, so w e never let it get to a situation where w e all fall out - we're really not that sort of people. Our motivation had always been to write and perform unusual music, and maybe w e had just gone as far as w e could as a threesome

album!"

The side bar is like a decompression chamber - s i t t i n g here a n d c h a t t i n g whlist listening to the Nuphonic label's very o w n Jools Butterfield allowed me to release all that inner city madness and get ready for the m a i n room.

A n d i n w h a t w a y s are y o u each g o i n g

So is there a n y chance t h a t y o u g u y s are g o i n g to collaborate a g a i n o n a n y future projects?

R i c h a r d T h a i r ' s h e a v y - d u t y m i x of jazzy, soulful b a s s a n d t r i b a l d r u m s brought hints of the R e d Snapper sound, but also indicated his n e w m u s i c a l direction. This intense and heady set certainly got my approval, and n o w that Thair has moved to Bristol, I c a n only look forw a r d to the next time he plays London. Due to an unfortunate cold, I didn't make it to closing time, or even to the Rob Birch set. Damn. Ordinarily, I find that this club seems to finish too early, closing its doors at 2am. But I guess it is always better to go out on a high. Every

4th Saturday

Doors open at

8pm.

Patrick

A l i : It w a s

to do y o u r o w n t h i n g ? Richard: I'm D J i n g quite a lot and I've started a band called Toob, I'll be doing the live drums for that. It's much more electronic than Snapper - w e didn't ever use a lot of percussion in Snapper, so there's quite a lot of that. A l i : I'm w o r k i n g w i t h Ted Barnes: the two of us write w i t h Beth Orton. We've done some stuff for her n e w album as w e l l as setting up our o w n thing w h i c h w i l l hopefully turn out to be a live band. It's going to be a lot more melody-based. David: I have a studio that I run alongside my partners Felix Todd - he's a producer - and A l a n M c G e e , and the three of us have just started up a venture called Creation studios. So in addition to my

like " W h o a ,

it's

another

David: I'm proud of all the albums w e made. We made music that w e are really proud of and w e got to play a lot of great gigs, see some of the w o r l d and have a good time.

Richard: Personally, I'm sure of it. There'll always be bits of music that each of us w i l l do that'll need some guitar or something - in that w a y w e c a n collaborate on things... David: It's just that it might not be called Red Snapper. These guys are still the best musicians I k n o w so I w o u l d definitely w a n t to work w i t h them. A l i : The whole point w i t h us is that w e do different things - that's w h a t Snapper was all about. Hopefully that's what we're all about as individuals. Bed

Snapper's

is out this week

final on

EP, Heavy

Petting,

Nuphonic.

Patrick

reviews clubbing

Mixmag @ Cargo

Heaven Scent @ Po Na Na

Bedrock @ Heaven

Cargo is one of the n e w - i s h clubs that have sprung up in the trendy area east of Old Street. Set in a r a i l w a y arch, it doesn't look too glam from the outside, but as you approach, you notice the arty graffiti

This night is run in conjunction w i t h Roehampton Students' Union. Roehampton, I hear you cry, never heard

H e a d l i n i n g at Bedrock is usually John D i g w e e d (sometimes accompanied by his c h u m Sasha), ably supported by Phil

of it. Well Roehampton, while not exactly famed as a hotbed for great intellectuals, seems to have a fairly impressive number of students of the fairer sex, making a welcome change from IC.

Thompson, w i t h randoms in the other rooms. The m a i n room p l a y s progressive house, the first floor room plays breakbeat and d r u m 'n' bass, a n d the mezzanine room plays harder house. We were some of the first in there, so the atmosphere w a s muted, but you could feel tension b u i l d i n g underneath the l o w rhythm of Thompson's set. There were some fantasic violence/reaction sociology study visuals that stayed i n tune w i t h the music.

and the glass doors and realise that this is full-on Hoxton. Once past the snooty door staff, the interior is d e c k e d out in w o o d a n d leather, w i t h cute d e s i g n features w h i p p e d out of the pages of Wallpaper. There are large screens around the venue d i s p l a y i n g trrppy v i s u a l s . Cargo isn't huge, so it retains some cosiness and makes it easy to find friends that have wandered off. It also describes itself as a "zero tolerance" venue, so keep those bifters subtle or you'll be out. Back to the e v e n i n g . A g e n t Sumo played some funky house w h i c h w a s bearable but nothing special. A friend absolutely loved it though, so w h a t do I know? L i s a Lashes w a s up next w i t h a banging, eclectic set, p l a y i n g everything from breakbeat to electro, through hard house and hip-hop. This got the dance floor heaving, w i t h many a punter t r y i n g to get a better look at L i s a ' s decks. Lashes w a s the highlight for me (and if you care, the l o w point w a s probably c l u b b i n g editor A l e x puking, at a bus stop at 2am). The last D J w a s J u d g e "won't b u d g e " Jules, t a k i n g a bit of a diversion from his usual hard trance style w i t h some funkier house after midnight. The sound system w a s great - b i g and bassy, without getting too muffled and w i t h no dead spots either. If you are a house fan or you just like to look cool, then this night is for you. Every third Wednesday. 7pm - lam. ÂŁ5.

TomX

The event was, in fact, a school disco. I'm sure most of you have been to one by now, and if not then you'll probably be familiar w i t h the concept. It's on once a month, but there are different themes every Tuesday including dressing up as movie stars and the infamous Shag Tag nights. While many may feel that the School Disco phenomenon has moved rather rapidly from cult to cliche, it is definitely all the better for being a student night. Obviously it's cheaper, at just ÂŁ3, and you get away from any dreaded 30-something office party ambience. I c o u l d talk about the m u s i c , but there's no point really w i t h this sort of night - you k n o w full w e l l that come l a m you'll be d a n c i n g like a muppet to Come On Eileen next to some young girl in stockings a n d s u s p e n d e r s . After all, that's w h y one attends such wonderful events. Or if you're the esteemed clubb i n g editor, y o u ' l l nip b e h i n d the metaphorical bike sheds w i t h a real tenpinter. But enough of such frivolity, for what remains is a w o r d for the venue. It is colossal, b i g enough even for the largest of congas, a n d better still, it w a s absolutely rammed come midnight. So if you w a n t a fun, cheesy and inexpensive night out anytime soon, there can't be many better than this.

B B B B B

Rocco Siffredi

The Bedrock c r o w d were relaxed and casual, w i t h a "here to d a n c e " attitude and none of the well-documented lack of atmosphere that typifies most other L o n d o n clubs. A quick tour of the other rooms turned up some fairly good stuff, but w e soon tired of this and returned to the large room for D i g w e e d ' s set. The c r o w d w a s heaving, and the m a n didn't disappoint. The basslines were hard and funky, and during the breakdowns w h e n w e didn't think he could come back w i t h anything better, D i g w e e d p u l l e d another stormer out of the bag. The strobe lights were out in force, the noise w a s deafening, the rhythm w a s pulsating, and the experience w a s awesome. We rocked 'til the early hours, and the dance floor w a s p a c k e d until the final tune. The c r o w d bayed for more, and were rewarded w i t h a grand finale of a Come With Us remix. Tired but content, w e joined the bun-fight for the cloakroom and c r a w l e d out of the club. Every first Thursday

B B B B B

of the month.

Tom F

film reviews

Monty Python & the Holy Grail 24 Hour Party People DVD release 4th March released 5th April 2002 We Were Soldiers is the latest Vietninterpretation from the m a n who wrote screenplay for the likes of the historically inaccurate Braveheart (1995) a n d the a w a r d - w i n n i n g Pearl Harbour (2001). Randall Wallace directs the story of one of the most savage battles m U.S. history, w h e n 400 brave Ameri cans were surrounded b y 2,037 North Vietnamese soldiers. They fought for freedom, and to free the free w o r l d . . . This is just silly. The w i s e K i n g A r t h u r a n d his most trustworthy servant Patsy set out on a quest ordained u p o n them b y almighty G o d to find the exultant Holy Grail. A n d soforth on their w a y they join forces w i t h Sir Lancelot "The Brave", Sir Robin "The Not-QuiteSo-Brave-as-Sir Lancelot", Sir G a l a h a d "The Pure", Sir G a w a i n , and Sir Bedevere. Their adventures are chronicled i n legendary Monty Python And The Holy Grail (1975). These were the days w h e n British comedy w a s funny a n d M o n t y Python ruled the E a r t h . Terry Gilliam, Terry Jones, John Cleese, Eric Idle, M i c h a e l Palin, a n d G r a h a m Chapman, were the funniest people on the planet. They w ent on to make The Life Of Brian (1979), but their greatest achievement has to be the movie they made on a shoestring budget of ÂŁ150,000. Most of their other w o r k often seems to Palin comparison.

Manchester 1976. Tony Wilson, the future co-founder of factory records, owner of the notorious H a c i e n d a n i g h t c l u b , a n d Granada T V presenter, is attending a n early Sex Pistols gig. There are no more than 42 people attending a n event that changes the course of British music forever. Sitting at the front in the audience, Bernard Sumner a n d Peter Hook, soon to become Warsaw, then Joy Division, and finally N e w Order. The quiet little ginger-nut in the corner, that's M i c k Hucknall. A n d there's a stretford school kid, Morissey. These are the opening scenes of a movie that tells the story of the biggest pop culture explosions in recent music history. Movements w h i c h o w e a great deal to the creative vibrancy and energy of Manchester. We have i n this movie the birth of Punk, the explosion onto the scene of rave-culture, and the history of the legendary Hacienda nightclub. 24 Hour Party People is told from the perspective of the aforementioned Tony Wilson, w h o w a s there throughout. He is played brilliantly and at times hilariously b y the best charactercomedian in the world, Steve Coogan. Forget The Parole Officer, this is Coogan's element. There's a memorable scene where Tony Wilson is presenting a second-rate G r a n a d a T V feature about canals, w h i c h is just pure Tm Alan Partridge.

The DVD is a must for a l l fans a n d non-fans. In fact, everyThe director, M i c h a e l Winterbottom, maker of the Palm D'Or body. There is no perceivable reason for not b u y i n g this, except nominated Welcome To Sarajevo (1997), chose to shoot the if you have no sense of humour, no D V D player, or if you think movie entirely on hand-held D V camera. But his m a i n achievethat DVDs are too expensive - w h i c h is w h y I'm not b u y i n g it. â&#x20AC;˘ ment has been to bring to life larger-than-life characters like the But I'm getting my mate, Recho, to thief it from Budget Records, H a p p y M o n d a y ' s Ryder brothers, Bez, Ian Curtis, a n d M a r t i n C a m d e n H i g h Street. Hannet. Characters w h o contributed to the music that tried to The extras feature a fifty-minute documentary where Terry turn the rest of the w o r l d into Mad-chester. Jones and M i c h a e l Palin go back to Holy G r a i l set location a n d nostalgiasise, or perhaps more accurately, reminisce about the making of the movie. There's also a short M o n t y Python i n Lego animation made b y a couple of geeks. There are subtitles i n English, French, G e r m a n , Spanish, a n d for Those-Who-Don'tLike-The-Film. A n i m a t e d menus. A n 18-minute behind-thescenes report by the B B C from 1974. A n d Loads of other funny stuff. A l l a d d i n g u p to make an terrific D V D package.

Coogan's performance is just one of the highlights of a movie w h i c h impresses in almost every department. It is funny, at times touching, informative, a n d very entertaining. The only drawback being the music scenes, w h i c h w i l l t e n d to gravitate to fans of the music as opposed to your average viewer. Setting that aside, 24 hour party people is a very ambitious film w h i c h in the e n d succeeds.

Darius

reviews film

2001: A Space Odyssey at the Bfi I MAX

The Royal Tenenbaums released 15th March

Don't read this expecting me to explain what it's is all about. Because I haven't a clue. Is it about the existence of an extra-terrestrial creator? Is it about the irresolvable conflict between science and religion? Or mankind's timeless aspiration to self-overcoming and the unattainable?

Starring: Gene Hackman, Ben Stiller, A n j e l i c a Huston, Luke W i l son, G w y n e t h Paltrow, Danny Glover, and Bill Murray. Co-written and directed by Wes A n d e r s o n , who is most famous for the excellent Rushmore (1998).

A l l you and I kno w is that anybody who claims to know what it's all about is a liar. Its genius is in that it is a question-provoking philosophical trip into the pre-history and future of mankind. Some, perhaps, most people claim that it is utterly meaningless and like its maker, intellectually vain and pretentious. But I w o u l d say otherwise. What it means is what you make of it, the meaning you give to it. If you don't, then from the momentous start to the unfathomable finale, you w i l l tell yourself that it is meaningless. Then there's 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). Partly based on Arthur C. Clarke's short story, The Sentinal. Co-written and directed by the late Stanley Kubrick. Arguably, the greatest movie of alltime, w a y ahead of its time, and without a shadow of a monolith, a masterpiece. A s an audio-visual experience it set a landmark in the film industry. It resonated in the era of psychedelic drugs, counter-culture, and all-round confusion; and still continues to amaze our twenty-first century audiences. Most of us have watched it on T V but 2001 is one of those films you have to w a t c h in the cinema to appreciate Kubrick's audio-visuals. Even though it is over thirty years old it looks more authentic than most of today's sci-fi. Every penny of the ÂŁ6m budget w as spent in giving the viewer an experience as close as possible to actually being in space. In every moment of 2001: A Space Odyssey you're sampling the wonder of the space age. The best works of art are those w h i c h don't fill in the gaps in your knowledge. They open up n e w arenas for thought. Give you a different perspective. A s I sat there, watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, I asked myself several questions: Will mankind ever find a purpose? Is the answer out there in the vast expanse of the universe? Will the local K F C still be open after this? If not, what about the Kebab King? I'm quite hungry.

Darius

Royal Tenenbaum (Hackman) and his wife Etheline (Huston) had three children, Chas (Stiller), Richie (Wilson), and Margot (Paltrow), all child prodigies. Chas w a s a real estate and finance genius. Margot w a s an a w a r d - w i n n i n g playwright. Richie w a s a junior champion tennis player. Two decades of betrayal, failure, and disaster subsequently erased all memory of the young Tenenbaums brilliance. Most of this w a s generally considered to be their father's fault. The Royal Tenenbaums is the story of the family's sudden, unexpected reunion one recent winter. It is about success and failure, taking responsibilty for your life, growing-up; all universal themes that w i l l strike a chord w i t h everyone, partly explaining the film's popularity amongst critics and audiences alike in the U.S.. Highly original and witty The Royal Tenebaums is guaranteed to be one of the better films this year.

BflBBBO

2 0 0 1 COMPETITION This week's Felix O n F i l m competition gives you an exclusive opportunity to O B T A I N ! ! ! tickets to see Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey on the b i g screen. Not just any b i g screen. The Bfi's I M A X theatre boasts the largest screen in Europe. We have t w o tickets for a screening at 9 p m o n S u n d a y 24th M a r c h . You can be there if you answer the following question correctly: In w h i c h country w a s A r t h u r C. Clarke born? a) E n g l a n d b) U n i t e d States c) A u s t r a l i a A n s w e r s to film.felix@ic.ac.uk 2001: A Space Odyssey will be shown at the Bfi IMAX, Waterloo, on Friday 22nd, Saturday 23rd, Sunday 24th March, at 21:00. For information and booking call: 020 7902 1234

coffee break

The Final GFQQ... for now Fudge

by B o b b y C y c l o p s & Dr. Hot Number of players: It's the last G F Q Q . . . I promised myself I wouldn't cry... Anyway, at the time of w r i t i n g w e have received only one entry for last w e e k ' s edition, so either you're getting lazy, or the quotes got harder. In any case there w i l l be a clear and undisputed winner, and they w i l l be announced in the first edition of Felix next term. The final deadline is the last day of term: 26th M a r c h . The prize w i l l be a top of the range DVD player. Well done to everyone w h o took part, Fudge and I hope you enjoyed it - w e w i l l continue next term w i t h a non-competitive G F Q Q just for fun, and hopefully next year w e w i l l return w i t h an all-new G F Q Q mk. 2 w i t h another glittering prize at the end of it all! Good-luck Packer's - see you next term. Bobby

Cyclops

B o n u s Questions for t h e F i n a l G F Q Q B o n u s Q u e s t i o n 1. Who was the original voice of Unicron in B o n u s Q u e s t i o n 2. Who turned down the role of Maverick

Transformers?

in Top Gun to star in a Kubrick

masterpiece? B o n u s Q u e s t i o n 3. Who was cast as Marty McFly before MichaelJ.

Fox took over the role?

The Leader B o a r d - top 15 Score Name 151.5 Chris Ince Simon North 139 Christopher Dent

135

A n t h o n y Rodriques Daniel Sauder John A n d e r s o n

134 127.5 126.5

M i c h a e l Simonds A n d r e w Ince Fred Marquis Chris Toffis

115.5 113.5 108 71

Rebekah Hymas A r o s h a Bandara Gregory M a n n

62.5 61 59.5

Geoff Lay K i m Randell

58 58

A n s w e r s to coffee.felix@ic.ac.uk or to the Felix Office - West W i n g Basement,

B o n u s Q u e s t i o n 4. In no more than 25 words tell us why you should win the quiz, our

Beit Quad.

favourite gets 2 extra points. Answers to last week's quotes: 1. Jackie Gleason/Beaufort T Justice - Smokey a n d the Bandit 2. Roy Scheider/Chief M a r t i n Brody - J a w s 3. 4. 5. 6.

A r n o l d Schwarzenegger/Mark Kami nsky - R a w Deal A n d r e w Divoff/The Djinn (aka Wishmaster) - Wishmaster Kevin Spacey/Lester B u r n h a m - A m e r i c a n Beauty Yokel #2 - The Erotic W i t c h Project

7. Bill Young/Leiutenant - The Matrix 8. J o h n Hurt/S. R. H a d d e n - Contact 9. J o h n Hurt/John Merrick - The Elephant M a n 10. Charlton Heston/Col. George Taylor - Planet of the A p e s (1967) 11. Leslie Neilsen/Frank Drebin - The N a k e d G u n 2 1/2 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20.

J o h n Cusak/Lloyd Dobler - Say A n y t h i n g Steve Martin/Lucky Day - The Three A m i g o s Larry Kenny/Lion-0 - Thundercats the Movie ( + any episode) Richard Dawson/Killian - The R u n n i n g M a n J o h n Cusak/Craig Schwartz - Being J o h n M a l k o v i c h E d d i e M u r p h y - Raw: The Movie Wayne Duvall/Homer Stokes - O Brother, Where A r t Thou? Robin Williams/Sean Maguire - Good W i l l H u n t i n g Norman Alden/Lou - Back to the Future

B o n u s 1. So the movie can be filmed in L A , not C a n a d a B o n u s 2. The Journal of the Whills B o n u s 3. B o n u s 4. B o n u s 5. were the WINNER

M u m m - R a The Everliving and his 'dog' M a - M u t t Optimus Prime Dangling a microphone b e h i n d a television. (TIE fighters sound of race-cars going by on a wet race-track) A N N O U N C E D 1st I S S U E N E X T T E R M ! B.C

break coffee

The Final GFQQ... for now by B o b b y C y c l o p s & Dr. Hot F u d g e 1. "Freeze you diseased rhinoceros

pizzle!"

2. "I've been anxious to experiment with a male Caucasian

brain!"

3. "Chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip, chip - Nanny!" 4. "You wouldn't know a good time if it fell out of the sky, landed on your face and started to wiggle!" 5. "Keep the wheels spinning and the beavers

grinning."

6. "You'd better stop eyeballing me boy or I'll rip out your eyes and skull-fuck you to death!" 7. "Back in the day I was a wild disco sex machine!" 8. "I didn't get a harrumph out of that guy." 9. "I haven't seen a beating like that since someone put a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose!" 10. "Many of you are wondering what's wrong with my pants, well they started running short on materials right before they got to the knees so don't give me any shit. Ah. I look out there on all you wonderful guys and I say to myself 'What I wouldn't give to be 20 years younger... and a woman'. You know, I've personally flown over 194 missions and I was shot down on every one. Come to think of it, I've never landed a plane in my life" 11. "And I got down-hearted everytime that I..." 12. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." â&#x20AC;˘

13. "There are children here somewhere... I can smell them!" 14. "When I sit down at an instrument, I expect to find it in tune." 15. "Well I'm sorry to hear that Felix." 16. "Is it still raining? I hadn't

noticed."

17. "Learned a new word today. Atom bomb. It was like God taking a 18. "Be advised, however, that there are two more, repeat, two more 19. "God help us; we're in the hands of engineers."

photograph." motherhumpers."

coffee break

Crossword by Mummy Huffwell Across 5 Criminally spy on chic clairvoyant. (7) 8.

Bar second

escapee.

(9) 9.

10. 11. 12. 16.

17. 18. 22.

24. A n s w e r to 1231 - A c r o s s : G r a n d s t a n d , F l o p , Because, Chopper, Epaulette, Dildo, Logic, Disaffirm, Followers, Hover, Oasis, Briefings, Eleanor, Orinoco, Suez, Soothsayer. D ow n: Gable, A r c h a n g e l , Double Crossing, Treated, Nucleus, Lapel, Performer, L o r d Of The Flies, Leftovers, Inventory, Embargo, Spin-Out, Suede, Scour.

25.

26.

M o n u m e n t is honour to fifty one Southern Kentuckians. (7) Wide v i e w e d fear over no memory (9) Drug agent to b e n d all y o u n g the same. (7) Neat smells. Extra niceties! (9) Two thousand and one: a p i g hut. This isn't clear. (5) Dodge w o m a n w i t h dead point. (5) Sexual a s s a u l t b y a w o o d e n fish? (9) C l u m s y unimaginative donkey carries royal to the French. (7) Cut, her man squirmed. (9) M i n i s t r y of i n t e l l igence ignited one area for armed force. (7) G i v i n g out again concerns is t a k i n g action. (9)

A n d n o w the end is near... This is it Fudgepackers; the culmination of all 27. M a n w i t h little future. those months of reading this bollocks and attempting the crossword. I'll (7) put this weeks efforts w i t h the others in the tombola and announce the w i nner of the PS2 in the first issue of next term. A n s w e r s w i l l be accepted until the final day of term but after that you can kiss my hariy yellow butt. There'll still be crosswords next term of course, but they w i l l only be for 'fun'. Last w e e k ' s w i n n e r is T o m Wegelius, w e l l done good buddy. Next year there'll be more prizes and more features appearing in the wonderful coffee break section. U n t i l next time Fudgepackers, live the dream.... Dr. Hot Fudge

Down 1. Breathe heavily after sheep is violent and 2. 3. 4. 5.

unchecked. (7) Hot sun amicably reveals wave. (7) Pointless fur is found in cat holidaying. (7) We hear he curses cheeses. (5) C o m p u t e r component goes for a h u n d r e d electrical safety standards, no replacement! (9) Los Angeles top industry found inside bowel gathering together. (9) B a d lout's rain keeps w a r m t h in. (9)

13. Trampled seven reeds right b y water. (9) 14. L e a n over after gong is in top three. (9) 15. N e w York contains a m i x t u r e of cars a n d d r u g s . It's definitely needed! (9) 19. To talk exci tedly sounds like a l i s p i n g person hasn't got bare feet. (7) 20. E u r o p e a n c o m m u n i t y m i r t h mixes heat. (7) 21. L e n g t h plus time equals length. (7) 23. Falsify identification. Solid. (5)

club active

Football-licious! IC V 2 .

.2S.O.PI

A n d so the curtain came d o w n on the long and distinguished careers of the fifth t e a m legends k n o w n as Skippy, Will, Tinny and the Manatee. A s a relatively uneventful first half drew to a close centre-back Tinny - i n his last game as captain - rose at the far post to head home a precise corner from Will, to give the IC boys a one-goal advantage at half time. The second -half b e g a n and the fifths were taken by surprise as an S.O.P kick-off lead to t h e m scoring w i t h i n ten seconds of the restart, without a single IC player even getting a touch. Undeterred

b y this minor

hiccup, IC set about their task

again. After about t w e n t y minutes of sustained pressure, the IC centre-forward was adjudged to have been brought d o w n in the box. There were no celebrations yet however as IC fifths had missed every penalty this season. Despite this J P stepped up and slotted the ball home coolly in true manatee fashion. This made for a tense last twenty minutes as the S.O.P boys were in desperate need of points to fight off relegation worries. Despite some stiff defending by IC, SOP scored w h e n the number 11 pounced on a defensive error. The game ended 2-2 and unfortunately, the retiring boys didn't get the send off that their years of dedication deserved.

Netball-tastic! IC I 28

14 LSE

W i t h Slaps and Sooz m i s s i n g , and Jess injured, it could have gone all w r o ng for our last game, but w e p r o v e d triumphant! We w o n the first quarter 9-3. W i t h Jess suffering, w e brought her off and saved her for the last quarter, in case it all w e n t horribly wrong. It did, however, go worse than that, s h o w i n g w h a t a star player Jess is! We are too used to the beautiful flow in centre court w i t h her there! (Plus me at Centre - w e l l that's really far too much effort - oh go on then, I'll use the excuse I've had 2 concerts in the last 2 nights). Back came Jess for the 3rd quarter w i t h the scores n o w 15-10. Supporters

arrived - H a n n a h returned to the sidelines - and w e pulled it back to 23-12. LSE w o u l d have to do something amazing to w i n n o w w i t h one more quarter to go. Ruthybaby returned to W i n g Attack and w h i l s t everyone w a s tiring, w e made some great interceptions and made the final p u s h for victory. We w o n overall 28 goals to 14. A m a z i n g shooting by the legends that are Beckie and 2nd t e a m captain Jenny! We should finish 5th in the Premier League of U L U ; w e just escaped relegation last season so this is brilliant stuff! A n o t h e r s e a s o n over, a n d that's it for the Dream Team as w e k n o w it. Bring on June w h e n w e hit the shores of B a r b a d o s for our first ever tour....

Ski and Snowboard-acioius! While most of you were probably d o i n g your last m i n u t e Christmas Shopping, 83 Imperial students joined 1000 other students, in the resort of Val Thorens for a w e e k of skiing and boarding at the B U S C Third Event. To celebrate our first night in resort, a 70's Porn Star theme night w a s held at one of the local clubs. Our President, Ben, set the standards for the night by demonstrating that mascara w a s not just for eyelashes - it could be u s e d on your chest hair too! Race C a p t a i n , N e d f o l l o w e d suit and w a s soon seen sporting a hockey skirt, a fluffy yellow top, and rather fetching improv i s e d breasts. Sadly, no one informed the p a i r that the largest gay event in the A l p s that season w a s b e i n g held at the same venue, on the same

night, and consequently they were baffled by the amount of attention they received. After t w o days of fantastic skiing and boarding, it was time for the 'Three Valley Rally' w h e r e rudity, crudity, and nudity w o n prizes. A t various checkpoints along the course, teams had to do anything they c o u l d t h i n k of that they t h o u g h t m i g h t earn t h e m points. Imperial teams mooned, skied topless, d i d a naked Y M C A , and apple b o b b e d in rum in their attempt to w i n . One of our group w a s e v e n h e a r d to cry "But it looked like a w o m a n from a d i s t a n c e " after s n o g g i n g a rather large G e r m a n man. O n W e d n e s d a y night, to keep up the ski club tradition, w e held one of our notorious fondue nights. After a full days skiing, w e met at a restaurant

at the top of a mountain to start drinking. Five hours later, having eaten enough fondue to last a lifetime, and having drunk enough to keep Oliver Reed the w r o n g side of sober for several years, w e began our torch lit descent back d o w n into resort. Fortunately, there were plenty of B U S C reps on h a n d to take the most i n c a p a c i t a t e d punters home by snowmobile. Others insisted that they could make it back safely, only to be later found fast asleep halfway d o w n the piste. Most recovered i n time to be able to appreciate the next evening's entertainment - a School Disco. Races were held in resort on our last day. The morning w a s an o p p o r t u n i t y for anyone interested in taking part and seeing what a slalom course

w a s really like from up close. This w a s open to boarders and skiers of any ability and race training w a s on h a n d too. In the afternoon, w e competed in teams against other universities. Unfortunately our A team and the boarder team were knocked out in the first round, but the B team kicked ass and made it to the finals where w e were finally beaten by Bristol. To celebrate, w e took the last lift up to the top of the mountain where w e enjoyed a few G l u v e i n , before s k i i n g or boarding back to resort. A s it w a s our last night, w e made sure that it w o u l d be a good one and partied in true ski club style, until eventually, one by one, w e dropped from either sheer e x h a u s t i o n or alcohol poisoning and headed to bed for a couple of hours of much needed kip.

club active

Shooting Off On Sunday 10th the Imperial College Rifle a n d Pistol C l u b returned to Bisley's 200 yard Short Siberia range to battle for the Club's J o c e l y n Thorpe C u p for Full Bore Shooting under Service Conditions. The rules were simple: each of the 12 competitors fires 12 rounds at the target w i t h either a 2nd World War British rifle or a 1st W o r l d War A m e r i c a n rifle. The first 2 shots are sighters, they don't count towards the score but allow the gun's sights to be adjusted. The next ten shots can e a c h g i v e a score of b e t w e e n 0 and 5. Everyone did w e l l w i t h most people getting over 25 points, although Uncle Jacob blames his poor score of 3 on the strong w i n d . The w i n d

a n d the r a i n h o w e v e r d i d n o t h i n g to d a m p e n spirits, i n d e e d c o m b i n e d w i t h the poor drainage it served to provide more accurate service conditions as the range came to resemble the Somme, w i t h out the carnage or poetry. In the afternoon Daniel, Ben and R o b i n also d i d some 50m small bore shooting. Daniel beat B e n in one of their rounds, but B e n got best score of the day in another, w h i l e the rest of us d i d some snap fire targets.

Wet and Wild Last week, the IC s w i m m i n g and Waterpolo club organised a s w i m m i ng gala between England's old rivals, France , themselves and Brunei university. The w e e k e n d got off to a rocky start as the E n g l a n d Rugby team got pounded by the French, but this d i d nothing dampen the already h i g h spirits of the IC club.

A t the end of the competi-

With the promise of booze, the brunel team arrived bushy eyed and bright tailed, also hoping to w h i p some french arse.

tion the results were as foll o w s : K e i t h a n d B e n came equal 4th, Woody came 3rd, B i g M i k e came 2nd and the w i n n e r of the Jocelyn Thorpe C u p w a s Phil w i t h an amazing score of 39 and one "V".

There w e r e some very impressive swims, especially from Julio G e o r g i o u who stormed to an amazing and unprecedented double w h a m my i n the 50m a n d 100m breast stroke. G o o d times

were also posted by J o n Page, Jon Robinson, Chris Haselwandter and Alex Chklar. Unfortunately, due to the d i s t i n c t lack of a n y t h i n g vaguely female at IC, w e had to beg and steal from the elite U L U s q u a d to make up the rest of the numbers, and they helped take the IC team (58 points )to a stonking victory over b o t h the french (28 points) a n d the t e a m from Brunei (33 points). In the near future, a crack squad of swimmers w i l l be travelling over to frarice to w h i p some more french botty a n d get c o p i o u s l y drunk... more results w i l l follow, plus the obligatory victory march through the streets of london! Alexander

Reserve Cup Final IC II 1

2LSE II (aet)

After a storming into the C u p Final w i t h style and panache, and scoring goals for fun along the way, the mighty seconds smelt success a n d glory. We arrived at M o t s p u r Park confident of b r i n g i n g the C u p back to IC, and in the w ords of Sardines h i m s e l f w e w e r e d e t e r m i n e d to do the right things, at the right times, i n the right places. Stepping out onto the p i t c h in the face of a force 10 w i n d proved slightly difficult. We b a t t l e d like t i gers out of defence and m a n a g e d to put together a couple of decent breaks and almost got an early r e w a r d but w e r e u n l u c k y inside the box, but this w a s to be our only clear cut chance of

the half. After twenty minutes the ball b o b b l e d inside the box from a debatable LSEcorner, and an economics muppet fortuitously stuck it in. A t 1-0 d o w n w e kept battling but couldn't produce the football that has brought us so m u c h success and Sardines w a s not a happy bunny at half-time. In patches the magic returned to our boots in the second half a n d w e started to knock the ball around w i t h some notew o r t h y aggression and skill, s h o w n by Bassies from left back and pint-necking maestro J o n Don in the centre. A break d o w n the right flank from M a g i c left the ball at Cartwright's feet, and a beautiful long ball into the channel found Baskett up front.

D espi te the L S E defenders' attempts to find out w h a t underwear Brad w a s wearing, Baskett outstripped h i m and equalised superbly. W i t h the scores level and the phenomenal IC support behind us the tigers roared on to better football and were unfortunate not to get a winner, e s p e c i a l l y having found greater success d o w n our right flank and more penetration all over the pitch. Baskett w a s again released one on one w i t h the keeper and an excellent effort into the bottom corner w a s h a r s h l y ruled out for offside. In extra time IC again dominated our much weaker opponents but after the first period w e were still dead-locked, and at this stage LSE introduced a recently released ex-con up front

who tried to intimidate C a r t w r i g h t and J o n Don w i t h a series of head butts, all of w h i c h the ageing referee and suspiciously young linesman failed to notice. W i t h only ten minutes of the game left to go and IC minds possibly on the penalties w e h a d been practising the last t w o weeks, L S E grabbed a winner. It w a s more than they deserved and despite our s t e r l i n g efforts they held on for victory in a m a t c h that never quite got going for us. So despite all the pre-match hype, expectation and preparation, it w a s not meant to be, and the cup w i l l not be in South Kensington this year, but the mighty seconds roar on and w i l l doubtless be there or thereabouts this time next year. Boost.

club active

IC 6ths Win the Cup I C U A F C 6th XI 2...0 U C L 6th XI This w a s

it, the C u p Final. Motspur Park w a s the venue on a blustery but clear day, w i t h conditions difficult for both teams. Our preparat i ons for this game h a d b e g u n the previous night, w i t h Sugo's setting the scene for a team dinner, foll o w e d that morning w i t h an inspiring teamtalk from coach Colin. We took to the field k n o w i n g our duty, w h a t h a d to be done. The game k i c k e d off, both sides fighting hard i n w h a t w a s for many, the b i g g e s t game of their careers. Initial exchanges were easily dealt with, nervousness evident i n the p a s s i n g of b o t h sides. Then, from nothing, J e r m y n

broke clear of their sluggish back line on the left, and oneon-one w i t h the keeper he finished superbly in the bottom right corner. IC had to w i t h stand the inevitable onslaught and d i d so magnificently, w i t h the offside trap w o r k i n g really w e l l w i t h c r u c i a l tackles made. A

couple

"accidental"

kicks here and there to break u p the opposition's p a s s i n g w e r e w e l l received b y the vocal crowd, w h o spurred us on w i t h classic singing and some proper abuse (kwality lads), though not by the ref. w h o booked W i l s o n for a nice sly hack. W i t h half an hour gone, a succession of throw-ins on the right gave the ball to Hine who, weaving his way

through a group of players, w a s crudely tripped 25 yards out. It w a s a cynical challenge, but the free kick w a s ideally suited for a Warzee special, and the b i g Belgian stepped up and duly delivered a spectacular goal, into the top left corner. N o w to keep a grip on the game, no silly mistakes. The U C L captain, obviously annoyed at his team's performance, suddenly exploded to comments from the IC c r o w d and attempted to headbutt a supporter. He received

the back, w i t h the midfield quartet battling and the strikers p u s h i n g up. A couple of counter attacks were all IC h a d to s h o w for t h i n g s , a l t h o u g h g o o d pressure by Smden and Quaranta gave us a few chances.

a yellow card w h e n many felt he warranted more, disgraceful.

captain Coker lifted the C u p for the first time in 6th team history. A n excellent end to the season, by w h a t w a s definitely a cup team, w i t h irreverent form i n the league, that could always p u l l it out of the b a g for the b i g occasion.

W i t h U C L t h r o w i n g men forw a r d after half time, w e coped w e l l under pressure. H e a d and Nikolich in their final game for the club were w o r k i n g w e l l at

In the final t e n minutes, Drury usefully made an outs t a n d i n g point b l a n k save from a U C L set piece, as a goal then could have been really problematic. The final w h i s t l e w e n t w i t h out any further scares and

Squash The

m a i n o b j e c t i v e of t h e season was achieved on M o n d a y w h e n our first t e a m picked up a narrow and hardfought but ultimately d e s e r v e d v i c t o r y over King's to w i n t h e U L U c h a l l e n g e Cup. S q u a s h is a c t u a l l y p l a y e d in t e a ms of five, e a c h player o p p o s e d to a c o r r e s p o n d i n g r a n k e d player from the other t e a m . We s t a r t e d off really strongly at n u m b e r t w o w i t h Jeff p l a y i n g some a w e s o m e w i d t h s to easi ly b r u s h aside his opponent to c r u i s e to a magnificent 3-0 victory. In the n u m b e r five's g a m e Lazy c r a s h e d out 3-1, d e s p i t e some b r i l l i a n t r u n n i n g a n d a m a s s i v e effort. This w a s the first g a m e he h a d lost a l l s e a s o n a n d the disappointment w a s clearly

v i s i b l e on his face. In the t h i r d m a t c h of the day, C r a i g at n u m b e r three s t a y e d i n total control of his

c o ur t strode K i n g ' s l e t h a l w e a p o n , a six foot s e v e n i n c h giant of a m a n , c a l l e d J o r g e n and originating from

our best p l a y e r - there really w a s n o t h i n g that c o u l d be done against this w i z a r d w h o w a s p u l l i n g out the "nicks" from nowhere, a n d so it w a s a l l d o w n to the last game. R e d d y at n u m b e r four w a s u p a g a i n s t a t o u g h contestant a n d after four closely disp u t e d g a m e s the scores w e r e l evel at 2-2. O n the d e c i s i v e last game, a cool d i s p l a y of c h a m p a g n e s q u a s h from R e d d y secured the final set a n d the m a t c h overall. V i c t o r y w a s finally ours, the free b e e r t a s t e d good...

g a m e to d e m o l i s h his opponent 3-0. U p next w a s the number o n e ' s g a m e , a n d onto the

Denmark, w h o m i g h t as w e l l have been a r u g b y player: He w a s t ruly massive. D espi te a really good effort from A l i N -

That p u t s a n e n d to a really excellent s e a s o n : 2 n d i n B U S A , 1st i n our U L U league a n d this magnificent v i c t o r y in the U L U c h a l l e n g e C u p : b r i n g on next year!

club active

mperial vs The World O n the 1st of M a r c h a small team consolidated from Imperial's three teams (lsts, 2nds and Ladies), took a trip to L e i d e n U n i v e r s i t y (near Amsterdam) for a m u c h prized b a s k e t b a l l t o u r n a m e n t . We chose to travel by bus, w h i c h turned out to be the only b a d decision made all w e e k e n d , on and off the court. A s most people c a n probably imagine b a s k e t b a l l players tend to be on the tall side a n d so c r a m m i n g their 6 ft plus frames into the less t h a n generous 1ft of leg space proved interesting, but despite this w e all s u r v i v e d the trip to Leiden, after a brief stopover in A m s t e r d a m for some recreational activities i n the early e v e n i n g . We r e g i s t e r e d our team, w h i c h consisted of t w o ladies, t w o 1st teams players

and t w o

2nd t e a m

players.

After registering and getting our free T-shirt the games got going pretty m u c h immediatelyAltogether around 36 teams from all over Europe particip a t e d in the event. The tournament itself w a s mixed and as a result w a s adapted to suit. N e w rules enforced i n c l u d e d t w o girls on court at all times, guys weren't a l l o w e d to block girls, the ladies score three per basket to a guys t w o and, dare I say it, N O D U N K I N G . A l l the teams where di v i ded into groups of between 5 and 6 and the top three teams in these groups were then selected for the next group stage. The losers w e separate d into groups of their o w n a n d got to battle it out for 36th

place... yeah! Despite

losing

w i t h unorthodox d e f e n d i n g by 'C.Penguin and Kamal e n s u r e d t h a t the L e g i o n s w o u l d not score early i n the s e c o n d . A Devils b r e a k a w a y rounded-off by Max i n c r e a s e d the l e a d b a c k to a t w o - g o a l m a r g i n . Late i n the s e c o n d , the L e g i o n s hit b a c k to make the scores 3-2 g o i n g i n t o t h e f i n a l p e r i o d . The Legions pressed for an equaliser, but they were once again denied by a series of superb saves b y the Devils goaltender. The silky s k i l l s of V i n c e a n d D m i t r y c o m b i n e d w i t h the presence of T h i e r r y a n d A n d y e n s u r e d that the D e v i l s w o u l d not fold. The p r e s s u r e f i n a l l y r e l e n t e d after Tom s c o r e d w i t h a well-taken chance. The score r e m a i n e d 4-2, and the Devils h a d b e a t e n the Legions. 1

The IC D e v i l s c h a l k e d u p their s e c o n d s u c c e s s i v e w i n in t h i s tense d e r b y m a t c h . A solid t e a m performance c o m b i n e d w i t h an o u t s t a n d i n g goalkeeping d i s p l a y from man-of - t h e - m a t c h A d r i a n Gill, ensured a memorable victory. U n d e r the l e a d e r s h i p of D a n , w i t h David's c a p t a i n cy a n d Terry's t a c t i c a l k n o w l edge, the Devils p r o d u c e d a memorable performance b e l y i n g their relative i n e x p e rience. M a x and S q u a s h i o p e n e d the s c o r i n g i n the first period, before the L e g i o n s finally p u t one p a s t the s e e m i n g l y unbeatable A d r i a n . The score r e m a i n e d 2-1 to the Devils at the e n d of the first. U n d e r heavy-pressure, the c a l m i n g influence of A l e x a n d D a r r e n c o m b i n e d

first

game by a point our team w a s i n good spirits, some more than others, and w e b e g a n to notice that some of the other sides w e borrowing players. While our girls suffered and w e lost another couple of games, this time by slightly larger margins, w e began to cotton on and recruited some rather nice French ladies. This gave our girls a good rest and also improved our results substantially. One of the o u t s t a n d i n g aspects of the t o u r n a m e n t w a s the ability of the ladies. Some of the European girls had serious skills and one had such a hot handle (good ball handler) that she b a s i c a l l y w a l k e d through the opposition. The s e c o n d notable

Live sport on the

Iced Gems IC Devils 4...2 L o n d o n Legions

the

aspect w a s the fact that L o n d o n air must be lacking in the g r o w t h hormones present in European air. A t 6'4" I consider myself tall but I w a s a midget compared to most of the D u t c h p o p u l a t i o n : even some of their lady folk! All things considered Imperial didn't do too badly: our record w a s played 10, lost 5 w o n 5... i n c l u d i n g a storming demolition of a team of girls from Glasgow. of

In addition to this a couple our players - i n c l u d i n g

myself - defected to a French team and made it to the semis only to be knocked out by a poor refereeing decision at the end of over time (he couldn't tell the difference between a male and a female) granting three points to a bearded six footer.

BIG SCREEN

Saturday 8th March Harlequins v London Irish 2.15pm

Newcastle v Arsenal 5.30pm

Sjpoapยง v

4pm

WW>A v FMhmm 7pm

Wednesday 13th March Man Utd v B a y e r n 7.45pm

Sunday 17th March Leeds v Blackburn CiS2|e Villa v A r s e n a l union BARS

2pm 4pm