Page 1

ssue 924

31 January 1992

Holiday Rip-Off Students l i v i n g in C o l l e g e H a l l s o f Residence could be charged ÂŁ I % per day it they require a room during the Easter vacation. The state of vacation accommodation has been made worse by a letter distributed this week by Loretta O ' C a l l a g h a n . C o l l e g e A c c o m m o d a t i o n Officer, stating that storage facilities for the holiday c ould not be guaranteed to all students, even though they would have to pay increased rates to keep their room during Easter. In an interview with the Student T e l e v i s i o n o f Imperial C o l l e g e ( S T O I C ) . M s O ' C a l l a g h a n said that it is highly unlikely that any storage facilities w i l l be available for students in areas used for business purposes'. These include W e e k s .

Linstead and Southside Halls o f Residence w h i c h are used as conference accommodation during the holidays. In previous years, one room has been set aside per approximately 25 students to store personal belongings over Easter and this year Jean H a r r i e s . Southside H a l l s Housekeeper, said 'the utmost w i l l be done to provide facilities but there can be no guarantee o f storage'. G r a h a m D a n i e l s . Residences A r e a M a n a g e r , said p r o v i s i o n for storage w i l l be the same as in the last few years, but said he could not comment about any increase in accommodation prices as it was not what he dealt with.

Radio Petition Imperial C o l l e g e Radio launched a petition on 22nd January to try to gel support for an F M licence. T h e licence would allow the station to broadcast up to three miles from its studios which would include E v e l y n Gardens as well as a l l Southside residences. M r David Lane. I C Radio Station Manager, said an F M licence would give better sound quality and that response from listeners to a test l i c e n c e three years ago was a m a z i n g ' . T h e Department o f Trade and Industry, w h o award Radio licences, did not award a full licence for unknown reasons. M r

Lane continued that I C R a d i o had m o r e e q u i p m e n t than 'many professional stations' and could broadcast on F M as soon as a licence was granted. H e c l a i m e d this would give the U n i o n better value for the ÂŁ 2 5 , 0 0 0 that has been invested in the Radio Station over the past ten years. M r Lane was not optimistic about r e c e i v i n g a l i c e n c e , as many politicians are caught up with the forthcoming general elections, but the prospects were good for the station to get a licence within the next three years.

WC Closed Westfield C o l l e g e , the Hampstead. site o f Queen M a r y and Westfield College ( Q M W C ) in L o n d o n , is to finally close at the end o f this academic year. Jo Fisher. Q M W C M i l e E n d Road site V i c e President, told F e l i x that the C o l l e g e was building more accomodation to house the expected 450 to 500 new

students. She added that all o f them should be able to continue their degrees without hinderance. but that students from Westfield C o l l e g e were 'very bothered' about the move. T h i s comes at the end over over t w o years o f negotiations. QMWC). (Cub.

Penguin dies for charity? Rag Chairman plays dead in Cluedo, event taking place on Saturday. See page 4.

a Rag

EGM Plug The Extraordinary General Meeting ( E G M ) on Thursday 6 February could see women banned from the U n i o n B a r . The motion has been proposed by E m m a H o l m e s ( C h e m I) w h o suggested that as only 2 3 % o f Imperial students are female, the masculine majority s h o u l d be allowed their o w n watering hole in w h i c h rugby players and the like w i l l be able to w a l l o w . M i s s Holmes believes this w i l l be a great attraction to prospective students. U n i o n President Z o e H e l l i n g e r w i l l propose that Departmental Representatives should regain the right to vote on the U n i o n C o u n c i l . This right was removed in 1991 when the new U n i o n B y e - L a w s

were passed by the Governing Body of the C o l l e g e , whereupon they became permanent observers. Other motions w i l l include the affiliation to the A n t i - N a z i League and a proposal concerning student hardship. T h i s meeting w i l l also see the voting-in o f a new R a g C h a i r m a n . The candidates are M a r c E l l i s (Physics II). who is currently acting c h a i r m a n, and A l e d Fenner ( C i v Eng II), w h o is currently the National Association of Rag representative. Y o u must b r i n g y o u r union c a r d to vote. The E G M - w i l l be held at 1.00pm on Thursday 6 February in the Junior C o m m o n R o o m ( J C R ) .


Credit that Dear Adam. ' A Very Select Committee' 1 suppose that our sophisticated students need little guidance on the c r e d e n c e to be p l a c e d u p o n statements by M e m b e r s o f Parliament, but y o u r report last week on the student loan issue "his daughter had got it within 24 hours of application in Nottingham...It was suggested that the delay was due to C o l l e g e processes', must surely raise a credulous eyebrow. The R e g i s t r y ' s involvement in student loans is to confirm a student's eligibility for a loan—i.e. that the student is under 50. a U K student on a designated course, and that the required date about bank account numbers etc has been entered on the eligibility form correctly by the student. In order that we can provide this confirmation we have to inspect particular bits o f documentation, e.g. birth certificate. L E A A w a r d letter, passport etc. W h e n the eligibility certificate is completed we keep two copies, and two copies are taken by the student who goes away and decides whether or not to pursue an application for a loan. W e keep one copy o f the eligibility certificate for our records -and despatch the other copy to the

31 January 1992

Felix 924


Student Loans C o m p a n y in Glasgow. E l i g i b i l i t y certificates are posted by Registry to G l a s g o w after every d a y ' s i n t e r v i e w i n g has been completed i.e. within 24 hours o f the interview. Nothing else happens until the student actually applies direct to the S L C . If everything is in order the S L C reckon on 21 days to get the money into a student's account. But as the o f f i c i a l blurb says "Once the C o m p a n y has r e c e i v e d y o u r application form and a matching confirmation from your college thai you are eligible, it w i l l draw up a formal loan agreement and send it to y o u . The agreement w i l l include an authorisation for a direct debit to be made from your account after you leave your course in order to repay the loan. Y o u should sign this agreement and return it to the C o m p a n y . Payments w i l l then be credited directly into your account.' So the 2 4 h o u r s c l a i m is nonsense. T h e S L C promise 21 days i f everything goes w e l l . A n d no money w i l l appear until the application form has gone in and the agreement form signed and returned to the S L C . Yours sincerely. P.E. Mee.

Dear Adam. Thought y o u might like to know that International Night is againaround the corner. This year. International Night is being held on Friday 28th February and we promise lots o f food, fun and entertainment. The highlight of the evening is the c u l t u r a l show with traditional dances and music. W e need a l l

those out there with hidden talents to come forward. There w i l l be a meeting on Tuesday 4th February 1992 ( E E . R o o m 4 0 3 , 12.30pm). Otherwise, please contact me v i a my pigeonhole before the 7th Feb. Thanks a lot! Yours sincerely. Nee Phua. Maths Events' Officer.


The mouse that roared D e a r Sir. Please may I congratulate the person or persons responsible for the new security system operating in the U n i o n B u i l d i n g on Wednesday and Friday evenings. I was so pleased to hear that the violent incidents perpetrated last term by I C students had sparked a r e - e v a l u a t i o n o f the s e c u r i t y measures. The new policy o f a l l o w i n g students into the building only after producing a valid Union membership card w i l l obviously deter the vandals and hooligans who are from outside College—i.e. none of them. A n d the policy o f having to sign guests in w i l l enable those causing trouble to be identified and banned from a U n i o n B u i l d i n g that they would never have visited again anyway. What a stroke o f genius, don't y o u agree?

incident on Friday the 17th January, in which several students dismantled a piano and a sabbatical was banned from the building due to irresponsible behaviour, we ought to keep the new system i f only as a source of great amusement to those o f us who haven't been sucked into the complex power politics o f a students' union. M a y I also suggest that M r Steve Newhouse, duty officer on Wednesday evenings, have the w o r d i n g on his identification card changed from 'authorised to enter any area' to 'authorised to enter any anal passage belonging to a senior member o f the U n i o n and lick entirely clean". I hope to G o d he doesn't stand for a sabbatical position! Pours faithfully. Christopher Adams. Management Science.

O n a more serious note, after the

Lobo to me D e a r Adam. O n reading the review o f Don't Tell Her It's Me by A G e r b i l in Bloated Sheep's C l o t h i n g (Felix

923). I would like to k n o w ; what is so funny about the name L o b o ? Yours. Antoneta Lobo. Mcch Eng 3.

In-joke The t w o main U n i o n activities cropping up this term (as being h o n o r a r y secretary goes) are Elections and C o l o u r s . Elections shouldn't need too m u c h o f an e x p l a n a t i o n . A l l sabbatical and officer posts are elected across campus or at the U G M on 12th M a r c h . If y o u wish to stand for any post then go and see the present holder for details. For the sabbatical elections, voting is across all departments on 9th and 10th o f M a r c h . So i f you want to earn ÂŁ 3 an hour by sitting on a ballot box. come and see me.

The other item was ' C o l o u r s ' . These are awards made by the U n i o n to anybody w h o the U n i o n considers has been o f great help o r useful to its running. A n y o n e can nominate anyone else for colours awards. If y o u wish to nominate someone then pass on the relevant details (their name, yours and why they deserve them) to me by M o n d a y 16th M a r c h at 5.30pm. The E G M is in the J C R on Thursday at 1pm the prime reason is to elect a new R a g C h a i r m a n but there is some other business.

31 January 1992

Free speech is an unpredictable animal. It is dangerous, often brutal and often messy. It also has a tendency to bite the user. There is the belief in this country that free speech is acceptable, but always with the unwritten caveat unless it attacks me. This is w h y certain C o l l e g e people get so irate when something appears in Felix of which they do not approve - i f y o u , the reader, want F e l i x to comment o n the running o f the C o l l e g e , the U n i o n or the Government, y o u . the reader, have to put up w i t h comments y o u do not approve of. For instance. and totally hypothetically, i f one o f the U n i o n clubs o r societies acquires a piece of extremely expensive equipment, thus reducing the budget for other clubs or societies, is the first loyalty of this newspaper to the club with the expensive equipment? Publicising the fact may attract the attention o f thieves, it may damage the U n i o n , and some w o u l d say by so doing student's interests are damaged. Equally, is loyalty due to other clubs w h o now cannot buy what they wanted? O r is it to the

What is this 1 hear around C o l l e g e that I a m none other than the red headed lady o f the night. M s Sam C o x . I would just like to say that these rumours are totally unfounded and that although she is one o f my main informants she and I are not one. A s to the revealing o f m y true identity. I am M a r g e , there is no one else i n v o l v e d .

Felix 924

general student populace? In truth, there is no loyalty factor. If it is news, it should be publicised, irrespective o f the effect, as it cannot be ascertained beforehand what the effect is. This is, o f course, an ideal, as F e l i x in no way publicises e v e r y t h i n g , though aiming for some ideal is better than drifting. What appears in F e l i x is an expression o f free speech - take it or leave it, agree o r disagree, respond o r remain in a miffed silence, but I w i l l not entertain the notion that anything in Felix should not have gone i n . If mistakes are made, then you should help correct them - o r even better, help us avoid them by telling us what y o u k n o w . News Integration. T o aid the integration o f news stories coverage within College, I C R a d i o , S T O I C (television) and F e l i x have agreed to interchange news on a regular basis. T h e structure o f this integration has been arranged mainly by Jonty B e a v a n, the F e l i x news editor, D e c l a n C u r r y . I C R a d i o ' s answer to Jorn C o r l at Wastminsterrr and Dave



H e n d e r s o n - B , S T O I C business manager. They have also given it a provisional name - the C o l l e g e News N e t w o r k , or C N N . They w i l l not go d o w n in history as the w o r l d ' s greatest punners, but this co-operation is long overdue, I sincerely hope it continues. In a similar manner, the first edition o f the D i r e c t o r y o f B r i t i s h Student Newspapers is now o n sale at ÂŁ 6 . 5 0 a copy. T h i s is the result o f a survey conducted over about 180 student unions in the country, to which about sixty responded, asking for information into their student newspapers. It is to be hoped that this w i l l aid integration o f current affairs relevant to students across a wider area. A p o l o g i e s are due in respect o f the delay in the travel special. This is because a few articles came in late, and I c ould not arrange 24 pages to be printed in time. I p a r t i c u l a r l y a p o l o g i s e to the societies from the far east to w h o m I promised a double page spread this week - it w i l l go in next week, and I think it w i l l look g o o d .

Credits. Jonty. Scott. Stef. A n d y . M a r g e Innal. S i m o n . T o b y . Steve F . Rose. P o d d y , Jeremy, C h r i s P . Stuart R . D a v e H B . James. K h u r r u m . Ian. Sam. T h e A m a z i n g F l y i n g Sumit and Matts. Catherine. Steve N . R u b i n a . R i c h a rd F o r e m a n . T r o y Tempest and last but least, the M a n g y Knapsack Pale and Various Fergies. A n d I extend my apologies to a l l those I have forgotten.


On to the subject o f gossip around College, well let me think. A h yes. the party at T r i g and C o s flat. W e l l , well Poddy. I didn't think you had it in y o u me o l d mucker, and with a damn yank to boot. Slightly hypocritical don't y o u think, mind you beggars can't be choosers can they. O h and as an after thought. Trigger the reason they don't go for you but chose people like Poddy is clear. It's the mystery, y o u make it clear that y o u want a shag, he makes it clear that he wants to talk about it for an hour o r t w o first. (Slightly in-joke there, apologies.) A s to everything else. I think there are a few people around C o l l e g e w h o are rather upset that Steve ' H o n Sec' Farrant got off scot free from his mindless attempt at asserting his authority the other F r i d a y , and I don't mean certain F e l i x staff o r casual employees o f the U n i o n . Lets face it. i f a student had performed such a mindless act d u r i n g a bar extension and inebriated to the same level that I understand M r . Farrant was. they


I t h o r o u g h l y r e c o m m e n d the readership to go and see ' G r e a s e ' in the Great H a l l tonight and over the weekend. Y o u w i l l not be able to tell how good o r .bad it is unles you have seen it and though there were problems o n the opening night, there is the possibility that these w i l l be ironed out by n o w . The tickets are only ÂŁ 4 with an I C student card. I hope the c r e w and cast are enjoying the experience.

Auntie Marge inflicts the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. would have been banned from the U n i o n building for at least a term if not having to face a disciplinary at the same time. It brings into light the old saying 'look after your o w n ' (Joesn't it? A n d talking o f l o o k i n g after your o w n . W h y should the only person w h o has kept the bar running over the last few months been the one who has had to resign? Surely it is time for the U n i o n to take a good look at itself and decide


once and for all what they are there for. T o care for the students o r to care for themselves. I have just heard from a reliable source that a certain G u i l d s person has taken to watching hard core porn videos. M i s s K a t e . B . the roving eye has caught y o u out! A n d a cryptic message to M i s s A . M . - owhasnt boutannie othbeen nobvious hethis loorfortnight?



Felix 924 So you survived Monopoly, so you survived The Great L o n d o n Sightseeing T o u r , w e l l ; this time play with death: Penguin is dead. W h o dunnit, where, with what a n d . . . W h y ? B e c c y . his m o u r n i n g wife is offering thousands o f prizes to teams that w i l l help her in the quest to find the murderer, so get your arse into gear and play C l u e d o tomorrow (or be square and watch a spot o f T V ) . If you haven't been hungover for the whole week, y o u should have noticed the odd dead body outline around Imperial College. If your IQ is positive (in I C ? ) , you mught have

3'1 January 1992

associated them with this term's Greatest. Meanest. Coolest. Grooviest. Excessive. Wild. Freaky. M o s t D r u n k e n rag event yet.

a bit o f dosh for Rag w o u l d be welcome. The money you collect goes to W i n g e d F e l l o w s h i p , a charity that gives disabled people a chance to participate in activities So what's all this hype? and, . that we take for granted such as an come to think o f it, what's C l u e d o afternoon o f horse-riding or beach anyway? Remember M o n o p o l y ? trips. Furthermore, those nice W e l l Cluedo uses the same concept, people at the charity with the nice take a small fry board game and logo (see above) are offering a make it b i g . very b i g . L o n d o n B i g ! computer to the Rag that raise the C l u e d o is based on the well k n o w n most dough (no pun intended). Thus board game...Cluedo. Those of you there w i l l be millions o f other Rags who have never played C l u e d o can around that will come to the simply go home, or rather come and k i c k i n ' party for all collectors later redeem yourself this Saturday. The that evening in the union. This also main aim o f our C l u e d o is for you means that altough we will be by far to have fun, however, as a side-line. the largest Rag around, we need you to do some mean collecting! O n the subject o f prizes, here is just a taste of what's on offer for Y O U !

Us A Cluedo

A dinner for two goes to the best collector. A free first pint—probably—to every member o f the w i n n i n g team (pointwise) on the O x f a m F i r k i n s Pub Leap (on 29th Feb). A R a g m a g to e v e r y b o d y collecting over a pound! A n d (if Scrooge pulls his finger out!!) many more pressies. T i d d l y w i n k s was big but it hurt your fingers. M o n o p o l y was bigger but not gory enough. The Great Sightseeing Challenge was large but where were the mascots? A n s w e r : they were w a r m i n g up for the biggest event o f t h e m a l l , CLUEDO! Be there, meet death, meet Theta, Davey and S & B . meet the C l u e d o characters in the flesh (and get their autograph), see T a m s i n ' s sexy legs (Again!!) and avenge the death o f the flat-footed-flightless-fiend (Penguin). C o n v i n c e d yet? O K , here is what you do: T u r n up in Beit Q u a d as soon as possible after 10am on Saturday with a team o f about four or six people. A t this point you w i l l be given a collecting tin and a clue sheet. The object o f the game is to visit the nine locations around L o n d o n that are relevant to the rooms on the Cluedo board. The catch here is the fact that you have to work out. from the clues, where these locations actually are. F o r example the library might be the British L i b r a r y (it's not!). The rooms are: Billiards R o o m Dining Room Conservatory Ballroom Kitchen Library Lounge . Study Hall

31 January 1992

Felix 924


The characters are: M i s s Peacock Blue M i s s Scarlett Red Mrs White Guess Colonel Mustard Yellow Agent Orange Y o u w i l l know him when y o u see h i m Prof. P l u m Purple G r i m Reaper Black Rev Green Green D r Black Black The weapons are: Revolver Dagger Rope Lead Pipe Theta Spanner Spanner & Bolt Candlestick Davy A n y w a y at each o f the locations there w i l l be either one o f the characters or one o f the weapons. W h e n y o u think that y o u have spotted one o f them ask them. ' D o you need roll-on deodorant?'. If you

Winged Fellowship H o l i d a y s for disabled


have the right person then you w i l l get a signature on your clue sheet and a clue as to W H Y the murder happened. The bearer o f any o f the weapons w i l l give y o u a signature but no clue. I f y o u don't have the right person... There w i l l be a 'Secret Passage' mini-bus d r i v i n g around between the various locations. The path that it takes w i l l be totally at the discretion o f the dri ve r. O h . by the way. i f you are having trouble w o r k i n g out the clues, the marshalls are eminently bribeable (currency units being 1 pint). If y o u find D r B l a c k (the dead guy) cavorting with the G r i m Reaper then y o u have found the scene o f the c r i m e . T o find w h o dunnit and using what weapon you have to visit every location on the board and work out which character and which weapon are missing. I should mention at this point that

none o f the C C U mascots were involved. They w i l l be m a k i n g an a p p e a r a n c e at s o m e random location at some random time and if you happen to be there at the same time as one o f them, you get bonus points. D i d I mention treasure? W h e n you think y o u k n o w w h y Penguin was assassinated (jealousy is not sufficient) then your team can act out a short sketch illustrating your

brainwave. If y o u have collected any relevant 'treasure' (no not traffic cones or shopping trolleys) along the way y o u w i l l get extra points for using them as props.

25pts—for right place 50pts—for right assassin Points are double for a full set o f signatures M a x 50 pts for sketch

O n the subject o f points; here is how they w o r k : lpt—for each pound collected (divided by team size) lOpts—for each location signature (50 i f mascot was there)

There w i l l be separate prizes for most points and highest collector. F i n a l l y ; don't forget to collect lots o f money along the way. G e t out there and have a party! Chris Pease. Stuart Rison.


Clubs & Societies

Icicle Balloon Meet D i d y o u see a copy o f The Sunday T i m e s on January 5th? W e l l i f you d i d y o u m a y have seen the photograph o f the 'Icicle B a l l o o n M e e t ' in the sports section, w h i c h pictured the Imperial C o l l e g e Hot A i r balloon alongside the Cadbury's Creme E g g balloon.

The college balloon club attends

Rugby IC R u g b y ' s 1st X V progressed to the last sixteen o f the U A U Championship on Wednesday after a c o n v i n c i n g w i n over the L o n d o n School o f E c o n o m i c s . Such a commanding w i n was long overdue after some disappointing performances before Christmas. Bicknell maintained his impressive try scoring record with 4 tries in this 78-9 thrashing. Others scorers included Botton (3 tries). Pearson (2) and D F l e m m i n g . T h e 1 st X V n o w face Reading at home and hope to reverse the result o f their encounter earlier in the season.

M e m b e r s o f the I C B a l l o o n club attended the 20th ' I c i c l e B a l l o o n M e e t ' held at M a r s h B e n h a m near Newbury and enjoyed the unexpected flying. It was only o n the Friday evening that the weather reports were mentioning gales. Therefore it was with surprise that we arrived at the field at sunrise, along with about 80 other balloons and their crews, and realised that the w i n d had completely dropped. At the briefing the organisers suggested that it was likely to get w i n d y again later in the m o r n i n g and so everyone inflated their balloons and took off without much delay. Those who weren't in the balloon followed it along the country lanes towards the village o f H e r m i l a g e where o u r balloon landed. T h e balloon had been flying generally in a north-easterly direction, that o f the p r e d o m i n a n t w i n d . After visiting the farmer w h o o w n e d the grass field where the b a l l o o n landed, packing away the balloon and refuelling the gas tanks, we then headed off for breakfast. After lunch the weather was still c a l m, so we flew again, along with many o f the other balloons.

31 January 1992

Felix 924

The 2nd X V lost 12-4 to Q M C W after injuries to both their team as well as being weakened by players being promoted to the 1st X V squad. P S : D a v i d F l e m m i n g w o u l d like to know w h o made the mess in his pants while he was wearing them on Wednesday 22nd January in o r around Southside B a r .

Solar T h e ultimate student project: A small solar sail w h i c h could easily be stowed on board the space shuttle to be unfurled into space. T h e sail c ould be tracked across the Solar System, leading to the possibility o f a Whitbread round M a r s race at some point in time. many large meets held all over the country, as well as flying regularly near N e w b u r y . S o i f y o u are interested in finding out more about H o t A i r B a l l o o n i n g , come along to the Thursday lunchtime meetings in

the Southside Upper Lounge (above the bar) at 1pm where you can sign up for the next trip. Helen L u c u s , C i v E n g

C o l i n Jack, whose company is championing the idea, w i l l discuss the project o n Saturday February 1st, beginning 7.30pm, i n E l ec E n g 4 0 3 B . A l l are w e l c o m e . Kevin Higgs. Chair S E D S

Malaysian Sports Carniva O n Saturday 18th January members o f the Imperial C o l l e g e M a l a y s i a Society travelled down to Nottingham U n i v e r s i t y as part o f the University o f London contingent for the Nottingham Sports Carnival. This annual event was attended by t we l ve p a r t i c i p a t i n g M a l a y s i a n Societies from a l l over the U K . The day began as early as 8am in the morning as a coach load o f Malaysians crept out o f sleepy L o n d o n . T h e t wo and a half hour journey was spent either catching up on lost sleep o r watching the action thriller ' N i c o ' o n the video. It was about 1 l a m when the coach pulled up next to the N o t t i n g h a m University Sports Centre. C o a c h loads o f M a l a y s i a n s had already arrived from all everywhere and the place was c r a w l i n g with Malaysians. The air was filled with

strange greetings in Barasa M a l a y s i a (national language o f M a l a y s i a ) c o u p l e d w i t h the a c c o m m o d a t i n g B r i t i s h accent which virtually everyone had pitched onto by now. T h e scene in the sports centre itself was like one out as ' K o t a r a y a ' (a famous mall in M a l a y s i a where young people hang out).

football were already well u n d e r w a y . I n squash a l l the Londoners made it through to the s e c o n d r o u n d . L a t e r i n the tournament, K a n n a r u d i n ( L S E ) clinched the title for L o n d o n . Football however proved to be a bit o f a disappointment as the L o n d o n team crashed out in the early rounds.

Soon everyone was split up as the various games were being played simultaneously. Scrabble and badminton were among the first events to be played. In both events the L o n d o n team made its way to the semi-finals and quarter-finals respectively before being narrowly beaten. In the badminton the IC pair o f E L Tan and H a k i m put up a good fight before going d o w n in the quarter-finals. M e a n w h i l e squash

and indoor


A s the games were going on there was lots o f time for catching up with old friends and acquaintances. A wide variety o f M a l a y s i a n cuisine was also on sale at reasonable prices for those craving for a taste o f home food, indeed a pleasant change from ones o w n c o o k i n g . A m o n g the last o f the events was the volleyball matches which can be said to be the highlight event o f the day. T h e Londoners put up a tremendous effort and stayed in the

event right up to the semi-finals, before l o s i n g n a r r o w l y to the Nottingham team in a close match. Though disappointed. the Londoners took the results (11-10) in good spirits. A f t e r e x c h a n g i n g addresses, telephone numbers and such, we bade farewell to o u r hosts and fellow M a l a y s i a n s before o u r long ride back to L o n d o n . It was almost 2am Sunday morning as we queued for the night buses in Trafalgar Square before heading our respective ways. Overall it can be said a successful outing and a good laugh was had by a l l . A n enjoyable weekend with a couple o f blisters and a few pulled-muscles. Sang. C i v E n g I

31 January 1992

Felix 924

Clubs & Societies

Permi, all is forgiven! Having beaten all in their path, the Dribblers now faced R H B N C in the quarter-finals o f the U L C u p on Saturday (25th January). H o w e v e r they started shakily with goalie E m m a b u l l d o z i n g the opposition's forwards to concede a penalty, and soon found themselves in the unusual position o f being 1-0 down. Undeterred, the team regrouped and equalised seconds later to show R H B N C that they meant business. F r o m then on the Dribblers were on their w a y . After b e i n g 6-1 u p . star midfielder Rachel was stretchered off the pitch, her face dripping with b l o o d . W i t h o n l y 10 players remaining R H B N C were allowed a consolation g o a l, to finish losers 6-2. But true to their f o r m , the Dribblers thrashed them in the boat

race! T h i s result comfortably put them through to the semi-finals to face K i n g s C o l l e g e . The next day at 11am only 6 players had turned up with the semifinal b e c k o n i n g . B y noon the Dribblers had managed to scrape together 9 (2 o f w h o m were a b s o l u t e b e g i n n e r s ) a n d had arranged to meet 2 more at W i m b l e d o n station. True to f o r m , goalie E m m a kept us all in suspense and arrived just as the train was about to depart. A t last they had a full team, and the captain c ould breathe a premature sigh o f relief. H o w e v e r on a r r i v a l , the team found to their horror a ground more suitable to mud wrestling than for football. Ignoring the inadequacies of the pitch, the Dribblers began w e l l , especially in defence against


a vicious attack but seemed to be lacking something up front (Permi maybe ?). W i t h an excellent goal line clearance from Rachel and E m m a tipping one shot over the bar in spectacular fashion, the Dribblers prevented the opposition from scoring. Therefore at half time, they were unlucky to be 1-0 d o w n .

they only had 10 players. After conceding 2 unlucky goals in the lirst half, the Dribblers fought back valiantly.

A f t e r a team t a l k , which everybody chose to ignore, disaster struck in the second half. W i t h enthusiasm lacking plus a series o f injuries and fatigue problems from the previous days quarter-final game, the Dribblers faded grimly and ended up losing 6-0.

The weather was freezing - with showers to match. T o d r o w n their sorrows all had bevvies on the way back which nearly resulted in the dri ver being overcome by the fumes. Thanks to Sharon who drove with speed and efficiency - what a star. A n d the D r i b b l e r s would like to say hello to Sharon's m u m !

Sorry P e r m i . we tried our best! Previously, the Dribblers has played East A n g l i a in the U A U C u p . T h e game was played on a c o l d , wet and dreary day and when


WOMEN'S F O O T B A L L U L CUP Quarter Finals Dribblers 6 - 2 R H B N C Semi Finals Dribblers 0 - 6 Kings College UAU D r i b b l e r s 0 - 2 East A n g l i a RUGBY UAU 1st X V 7 8 - 9 L S E 2nd X V 4 - 1 2 Q M C W

Snooker Doubles Y e s . snooker is back this term (did it ever go away'.'). A n d the lights are w o r k i n g as the electricians have fixed the fuses. So to celebrate this magnificent achievement, the I C Billiards and Snooker C l u b are proud to present the February Doubles K n o c k - O u t Tournament. A l l y o u have to do is find a partner who is ten times better than yourself and then fork out the enormous amount o f £1 each. ( F o r those who have difficulty with their


mathematics, that is £ 2 per pair). A l l the entrance money w i l l go towards cash prizes for the winners and runner-ups. So i f y o u are l i c k i n g your lips with glee, come along to the Snooker room (it's still on the top floor o f the U n i o n Building) at any lunchtime to enlist. The closing date for a l l entries is F r i d a y 7th February, with the competition c o m m e n c i n g on M o n d a y 10th February.

Whist & Board Games The Whist and Board Games C l u b has just been formed. If y o u like playing board games or simple card games, however seriously, then we're the club for you! W e meet on Wednesday afternoons between

l - 3 p m in Elec E n g 403a. Feel free to bring along y o u o w n games. If you are interested, just turn up or contact Antoneta L o b o v i a the M e c h E n g U G pigeonholes.

This Thursday 6th February, the Cornflake Shop is opening its doors after hours exclusively for the I C A u d i o Society. Me m b e rs have been invited to the shops premises to audition equipment o f their choice. T h i s is just the latest chapter in the l o n g r u n n i n g r e l a t i o n s h i p between the C o r n f l a k e Shop and A u d i o S o c . C o r n f l a k e ' s founders, Steve M o o r e and C h r i s Storch are both former members o f I C and during their time became A u d i o Society chairman and treasurer respectively. Those members w h o want to go should either meet the committee in Southside U p p e r Lounge at 7pm or make their o w n way to 37 W i n d m i l l Street o f f Tottenham Court R o a d , lo arrive by 7 . 3 0 p m .

— 7—

T h e defence were a m a z i n g , especially L i n d a w h o even saved a near home goal from Arlene. It was a moral v i c t o r y , even though they lost 2-0!

Despite all these losses, the Dribblers are still top o f the league, so all is not lost (yet?).

Jumping N o w that Christmas is over and grant cheques and student loans have put a new lease o f life into your massive overdraft, this is the time to do your most challenging feat yet - a parachute jump! A v i d readers o f t his illustrious publication w i l l already know that Rag are organising sponsored jumps in aid o f M e n c a p . but for all those people w h o d i d n U t k n o w o r w h o were too lazy to do anything about it. now is your chance to make up. The club is running a training weekend in Peterborough over Saturday 22 February and anyone interested in doing a sponsored jump for M e n c a p , or any other charity, however large or small are more than welcome. F o r the less public spirited people there is also the simple option o f handing over £85 to get all the training needed and first flight up. F o r the rich people, or those with very generous friends there is the even more exciting option o f d o i n g free fall from 10000 feet!! T h i s is dead (no pun intended) simple and just involves strapping y o u r s e l f to a b i g butch (fully q u a l i f i e d ) parachutist.As y o u are paying for his expertise this unfortunately costs £ 1 2 5 . but can be done by raising money for Barnardos. A n y o n e w h o is interested in any o f these propositions, o r has other suggestions, or is already a fully Hedged parachutist should come to a short video presentation in the Brown Committee R o o m at 6.30 on Thusday 6th February, or come along to any Parachute meeting at 12.30 on M o n d a y s in the B r o w n Committee R o o m

Felix 924


My Life Story - Marquee

Manic Street Preachers - You Love Us This is a piece o f pop-astical v i n y l history. A landmark in the evolution of the senses, it sends y o u places that y o u d r e a m about w h e n s o m e t h i n g else has sent y o u somewhere. Y o u will lifted, m o v e d , stirred, agitated, aerated. W h e n the needle reached the end. the finality, o f the record, and the arm was swinging slowly back on its majestic path I felt like a blind person that could suddenly see and realised that an orange is called an

orange because it is orange. L y i n g on my bed 1 d i d not want to move. Y o u can't help feeling that people w i l l be talking about the seriality o f this record, its all encompassing the d e e p , deep roundness, blackness, and the little hole in the middle that is a portal to another dimension, letting shaft o f light pass from the higher plane to our mortal d o m a i n . 1 w i l l remember this experience for the rest o f my Earth b o u n d d a y s . T h e magnificent beauty o f the enigma w i l l live forever. r

O . K . . it was quite good. Pebbles


Magic Box - The Revenge I w o u l d first like to take this opportunity to deny a l l allegations made in the Dear M a r g e c o l u m n this week. I w o u l d like to say they're not true. Onto this w e e k ' s outstanding selection o f bands. T h e y ' r e not particularly outstanding actually, but I ' d feel guilty if y o u didn't have anywhere to go. Starting at the top this week, we have 2 Lost Sons, fresh and frantic after a L i s e Yates interview, and she says " I ' d advise you to go and see t h e m . " What further recommendation could y o u desire? Y e a h , you'r e p r o b ' l y right, but I think y o u ' d better just listen to her. Redd Kross? See the review elsewhere. But on vinyl they're not at all bad. They Might Be Giants. They might not, they might just have one or two hit singles, not to put too fine a point on it, not Constantinople. T h e y m i g h t be p l a y i n g the B l o o m s b u r y Theatre this week Poddy Music E d .

31 January 1992

TONIGHT 2 Lost Sons, Walk O n Water, V Bull A n d Gate, £ 3 . 5 0 T u r n right on out o f the Kentish T o w n tube (Northern L i n e . Barnet branch), walk up the road and take the left fork. It's on the left. MONDAY R e d d Kross, Family GoTown Powerhaus, £ 5 A n g e l tube (Northern L i n e . Bank branch), turn right, right at the crossroads, cross the road, turn left up the major road, and it's on your left. TUESDAY, WEDNESDAY They Might Be Giants, etc Bloomsbury Theatre. Euston Square tube ( C i r c l e line), turn right along Euston Road, first road on your right (Gordon St)

The first band o f the night were so tedious I slept through them. T h i s is becoming a habit. I suspect I may have contracted sleeping sickness the last time I went a b r o ad (Coventry). The second band were much better, an effective c u r e for drowsiness, in the EMF Jesus Jones mode. After they finished their set. I asked the bloke next to me w h o they were, and he said " T r a s h . " After spotting my bamboozled look, he explained that Trash is their name, and they released a single on Captain Sensible's record label about 18 months ago. and they're about to release another. N o t a particularly prolific rale o f w o r k , but their live set certainly shows that practice makes quite good. Ladies and Ge nt l e m e n, My Lite excellent opening light show, a great line in inter song banter.. .My Life Story are an eight piece set up: Jake, the singer, w h o

probably has delusions o f W o n d e r Stuff- ness. a bassist, keyboardsampler person, a d r u m m e r , and a four piece multi- faceted orchestral section capable o f turning their • hands to violins, violas and flutes amongst other things. A n d together they produce a sort o f orchestral Smiths. M o r r i s s e y meets the M u n i c h P h i l h a r m o n i c i f y o u like, s i m i l a r in a way to T e r r y H a l l ' s T e r r y . B l a i r . A n o u c h k a project, i f y o u ' v e heard o f them. My Life Story have a veritable range o f truly excellent ( T e d ) so n g s , w h i c h , us far as m y detoxified mind can remember, included Theme from Checkmate ( supposedly about an as yet unmade f i l m ! ), T h e A n g e l ( tube station ), The Laughing C l o c k . A Short Song About E v e r y t h i n g , and Y o u D o n ' t Sparkle. But they do sparkle. T h e y shine. This is the best gig I 'v e seen so far this year, and it's going to take some beating. Lise Yates • M y L i f e Story play Tufnell Park D o m e , February 27th.

Ce Ce Peniston - Finally

O v e r the Christmas holidays m y sister asked why it was that all the dance music in the charts these days was stuff that anyone could do. I did my best to nobely defend the dance scene and stated that although most o f the stuff in the charts was crap, to actually get anywhere decent it had to be that little bit better than the rest. It is true to say that both Finally and W e got a love thang released by M i s s C e C e Peniston are good songs. They are. in m y opinion, no way great, but they are good. It was on this basis that I was keen to see what the album w o u l d y i e l d . For someone with such a fine voice she has obviously got in with the wrong c r o w d . The a l b u m . Finally, as it says on the promo information sheet, features ten songs from a host o f songwriters and producers'. This is its downfall, il seems like a lot o f mediocre songwriters and producers trying their hand at the type o f chart dance

-8 —

music that my sister thinks anyone c ould d o . The album has ended up a complete hotchpotch with two songs that have made it. a couple that could almost make it and the rest that I w o u l d n ' t listen to again. It's a shame really. One good point is that i f buying (I'm not recommending y o u do. it's just in case) in v i n y l y o u w i l l get a free bonus 12" single featuring six D a v i d Morates (who?) mixes o f Finally. D a v i d Morates must be yet another random trying his hand. A l l five mixes (the original's on as well are basically ' w h i c h instrument shall I remove for two verses, next?'. They all go on for far too long and you're never entirely sure il you've got past the intra, until the song actually stops. Y e p they're that type. I really can't wait for her next album. Hopefully someone high up somewhere should have realised her potential and put it to good use. F i n a l l y , 'cause puns like that don't come along often, i f you liked the singles, buy them again, just don't buy the album. Votef (or Howie!).

31 January 1992

Felix 924

Eat, Candyland - Windsor Old Trout The O l d Trout. Where? W i n d s o r . Where? T r y the promenade, a few minutes walk from the station, or a few minutes walk from the riverside p a r k i n g . L o v e l y . The pub is good. Right d o w n to the proper beer and the groovy train circling the bar. The venue is almost as good... without the proper beer. A n d it's just outside the door. Y e a h , and who heard o f friendly bouncers? The place initially resembles a school c o m m o n r o o m - the student population of W i n d s o r uses it as the h a n g o u t . just w e a r i n g the appropriate T-shirt each w e e k . . . The atmosphere thickens until eventually the Candyland boys


Catherine Wheel - Balloon EP

a r r i v e o n the scene. Crowd participation? Y o u must be j o k i n g . A 7 track session, including a rampant K i n g d o m , renders the best part o f the evening over in my opinion. But not the schoolies. who see them off for their heroes. A n d it has to be said, their heroes were g o o d . But who can go w r o n g with a c r o w d o f adoring fans giving anything for a swig of their mineral water (despite recent h o s p i t a l i s a t i o n . . . ) . A t least it guarantees the band w i l l be caught when they dive - so where's the fun? But g i v i ng credit. Eat gave what was wanted (projectors et al). A n d it was totally lapped up. But Candyland gave the m u s i c , and to no appreciation, w h i c h sums it up. So where's the fault in being resoundingly bitter? M\


Wheel: Next time, can you keep your eyes open? singing the chorus on its o w n for another two minutes over a background o f noises produced by passing the output from your guitar through at least five effects pedals.

Name Is Pat

A guide to making a record, mark one. 1. Write two verses and a chorus, m a k i n g sure the chorus has lots o f long and dreamy words. 2. Sing said verses and chorus for three minutes and then appear to be w i n d i n g d o w n so that the audience (hink y o u ' r e going to stop. 3.





4. F i n a l l y stop after another minute o f feedback and hissing from y o u r amp. At all times the vocal must be just audible but not so loud that y o u can hear the w o r d s . Alternatively, change your name to something crap and hum along to a dated house beat for three minutes and sell millions o f copies. Strangely this is quite g o o d . Really. Pebbles.

Redd Kross - Coventry Poly. Candyland:




Sweet Jesus - Phonefreak Honey

Phonefreak Honey? What is this all about? First listen: What is she on about? Second listen: What is she singing'.' T w o thousand listens later.

I still don't k n o w . I have a fear though, that this band are a group of potential shoegazers. just waiting to leap out and look at their shoes in front of you. They're reminiscent of Lush and Strawberry Switchblade ( R e m e m b e r them? Lush. 1 mean. Everybody remembers Strawberry H a v i n g said that Switchblade.) though, this is certainly one catchy n i n e . . . Phonefreak H o n e y , na. na. nana. na. na. n a n a . . . Lise Yates

C o v e n t r y P o l y ? C o v e n t r y Poly! What on earth is a review o f a g i g at C o v e n t r y Poly doing in this week's F e l i x ? W e l l . I was just passing through, and seeing as Redd Kross hit L o n d o n next week. I thought a review might interest y o u . Redd Kross are a bubblegum psychedelia band. I know. I read the press release. Redd Kross are supporting Teenage Fanclub. Redd Kross are A m e r i c a n . Consequently due to F e l i x music editorial policy section 1(b) " A m e r i c a n s are to referred to as D a m Y a n k s , and to be

9 —

slagged unless absolutely n e c e ssa r y ." I find it hard to justify not slagging them. In fact I slept through half the concert. That must tell y o u how truly engaging this band are. T h e y ' r e not too bad on record m i n d . O h . and by the w a y . C o v e n t r y is the pits o f the earth, it's c o l d , the ring road is harder to drive round than H y d e Park C o r n e r in the rush hour, the w h o l e place is an architectural nightmare, there is only one good shop (reprieved for selling Ermintrude socks) and the polytechnic couldn't organise a g i g to save their lives, they're worse than I C Ents. Incredible but sadly true. I ' m not going N o r t h o f T h e G a p again i f I can help it. Lise Yates.


31 January 1992

Felix 924 'The Phoenix' was the College's o n l \ magazine from its inception during the latter part o f the last century until 1949, when ' F e l i x ' was founded. R u m o u r has it that ' T h e P h o e n i x , ' then k n o w n as the 'Science Schools J o u r n a l . ' was founded b) H G W e l l s , the early science fiction author, whilst he was at the Royal C o l l e g e o f Science studying z o o l o g y . ' T h e P h o e n i x ' performed the same function then as "Felix" does n o w . to inform the College and by so doing g i v i ng it a sense o f identity, and though 'the Phoenix' still exists, c o m i n g out annually, it now contains the literary efforts o f the C o l l e g e staff

31 January 1992

SAPON A play in Three A c t s , and an Epilogue. Place: T h e Organic Laboratory. ACT I - ACID. Lady Esther Butallyl lies imprisoned in a round-bottomed flask. In her rage she assails a piece o f porous earthenware. T h e flask trembles at the impact. She sighs ruefully, and calls unto her faithful Rations. ' G o forth." quoth she. ' i n quest o f m y well-beloved P r i n c e . A l - K h a l i . B i d h i m come hither in

Pages from Phoenix

all haste, for I know not this evil demon w h o devoureth my side." (Exeunt the Rations w i t h much frothing.) A C T II - N E U T R A L . The noble L o r d A l - K h a l i enters through a reflux condenser at the head o f his army o f anions. They fight the demon desperately. F o r a while things look very black, then they look b r o w n , then red. then yellow, green and finally opalescent. ' F o r s o o t h , my w e l l beloved.' sighs Esther, 'though hast comforted m e . T h y very presence inspireth me w i t h confidence; gladly will I take thee as my wedded husband.' (Exit the demon, fuming.)


Felix 924

A C T III - A L K A L I N E . There is much rejoicing; the kations and the anions give a wonderful display o f tautomeric dances. The bride and bridegroom arrive with much bubbling; the flask fluoresces and the anions throw themselves in a flocculent mass at the bridegroom's feet. The couple leave for a refractometer on their honeymoon. EPILOGUE. A year has elapsed, and A l - K h a l i finds his new-born heir. A l K o h o l . ' he sighs. ' Y e a . indeed, my L o r d , and lo! 'tis absolute." (The cast evaporate.) By Cymro . from the May 1923 issue.

T H E NATIONA L UNION O F STUDENTS O F UNIVERSITIES A N D UNIVERSITY C O L L E G E S O F ENGLAND AND WALES Since the last issue the Imperial College has been affiliated to the National U n i o n of Students. A s this organisation is of recent foundation, a brief statement as to its origin and objects w i l l not be out o f place. At the re-opening in 1919 o f the University o f Strasbourg, a French Institution, representatives from the Universities o f A l l i e d and exneutral countries were invited in order to discuss International Student relations. This led to the foundation shortly afterwards, o f the Confederation Internationale des Etudiants. most E u r o p e a n c o u n t r i e s , w i t h the exception o f the Central Powers.

joining immediately. Unfortunately. England had no organisation w h i c h could claim to represent the Students o f this c o u n t r y , and so the E n g l i s h Students were merely allowed to attend the meetings in an unofficial capacity and could not vote.

The objects of the N . U . S . are 'the national and international representation of the Students o f this c o u n t r y . ' In v i e w o f the present chaotic state o f affairs in Europe, it is important that students should have some k n o w l e d g e o f the c o n d i t i o n s and life o f o t h e r nationalities with a view to a better This difficulty was again mutual understanding in the future. experienced at the First C L E . Congress held at Prague in 1921. The fact that the Imperial College when Scotland, whose Students has joined independently has been were officially represented joined instrumental in bringing to the the Confederation independently. notice o f other Universities the position and aims o f the C o l l e g e , The result of this Conference was and it is o f the greatest importance the formation o f the National U n i o n that the Imperial College should not o f Students in February. 1922. be missing from a movement that Most o f the Universtities in the every other U n i v e r s i t y in the country affiliated immediately, and country is taking part. now after less than one year, every University and University C o l l e g e in the country, with one exception, W Randerson and F G Connor, is represented o n the N . U . S . extracts from the January 1923 Council. issue.

Some of the choicer excerpts from the 'Phoenix' of



1922. Oh, the


tragedy when an c5

editor has to pilfer the past to fill up the pages.

and students. T h i s year's Phoenix w i l l be edited by P h i l l i p Henry and entries should be handed in to the F e l i x Office, Beit Q u a d , as soon as possible. Following are excerpts from 'The P h o e n i x ' o f 1922-23, under the editorship o f M r B . D r i n k w a t e r (B.Sc. F.I.C.. A.R.S.M.. A . R . C . S ) . Bear in mind the outside w o r l d - Europe was four years out o f one o f the most hideous wars mankind had ever inflicted o n itself and Imperial C o l l e g e had certainly lost many people in it. There was a general air o f pulling-thingstogether and smiling-in-the-face-ofadversity, w h i c h is often reflected in the writing o f the time. It is interesting to note the writing style. W e live in a pictorially literate age; we are used to images, be it television or full colour newspaper pictures. In 1922 they had no such diversions and all images had to be broadcast through the pen. T h i s led to sentences w h i c h , by today's standards, are immensely long, contorted and picturesque.

A NEW EXAMINATION PAPER To the Editor ofTHE PHOENIX students. (3) If the price o f electrical energy is 3d. per cwt.. find the cost D E A R SIR, o f a week's supply o f cats' meat for It is felt that the u s u a l the D y n a m o R o o m , taking Carter Examination papers do not give full Paterson's coefficient, ratio o f scope for individuality and lives/cat as 9. observation, and so. failing the (4) Explain the c o m m o n adoption universally of a phenomenon o f the possession by a phrenological test. I append the student o f t w o d i a m e t r i c a l l y following test-paper, based on the opposed forms o f handwriting, as course w o r k o f a student. instanced in the attendance register I a m . Y o u r s etc., o f lectures. EDUCATIONIST. THIRD YEAR ENGINEERS. (If alive, all the questions may be attempted). (1) E x p l a i n what happens when a cat steps across the bus-bars o f a modern power station. (2) Recount two anecdotes related by your professor during the course o f the lectures. C o m p a r e them (a) W i t h those related by other professors. (b) W i t h those told by other

(5) Define 'soap,' 'cart-grease.' ' a p p a l l i n g , ' 'fed-up.' A p p l y these terms to the U n i o n lunch. (6) Discuss the prospects o f (a) M a r r i a g e (b) Suicide (c) Entering for the B . S c . . and state w h i c h is the worst. (7) E x p l a i n the meaning o f ' s y n o n y m . ' Illustrate your answer by r e f e r e n c e to ' p o o r ' a n d 'electrical engineer.' From the Max 1922 issue.


i v * ll




W e have r e c e i v e d a letter expressing not a little disappointment at the o m i s s i o n from the M e m o r i a l Tablets, shortly to be unveiled in the C o l l e g e s , o f the n a m e s o f t h o s e o f t h e "subordinate staff" (cleaners, labourers and the like), who fell in the c o m m o n cause. W e cannot see that such distinction need to be d r a w n , and consider the grievance a legitimate one. Perhaps it is even now not too late to do something in the matter. Editorial extract. February 1922


£%ftH. 6y


THE ROYAL COLLEGE OF SCIENCE ASSOCIATION W e are pleased to announce that the United Grand Lodge o f England has granted the petition o f about thirty old students and members o f the Staff and G o v e r n i n g Body for the formation o f the Imperial C o l l e g e ' L o d g e o f Free and A c c e p t e d Masons. T h e date o f consecration is not yet fixed. Extract from tlie May 1923 issue.

5 \ R T H O F FX


\ letter reached us a few days back addressed to "The Editor o f the Felix Magazine." W e regret to have lo say that, judged by comparison w ith previous Sessions, our position lo-day hardly justifies such a title in fact, we may say that hardly since the post-War resumption o f publication we have felt less ' f e l i x . ' Whether or not we have submerged in the general depression it is impossible to say; the fact remains that our ' g r i p ' on our readers, at no time a very fixed quantity, has relaxed to an alarming extent. Towards the end o f 1921. we were beginning to say ' E v e r y day. and in e v e n w a y . we are . . . e t c ' T h e reception of our Christmas N u m b e r , however, considerably dented our o p t i m i s m , and o u r enthusiasm has waned steadily since. Briefly, then, the facts are these:- the number o f individuals writing for our M a g a z i n e more o r less regularly scarcely reaches 2 0 , while in the matter o f sales it is a great struggle to make ends meet. A n d this is a C o l l e g e boasting at

least a thousand students. O u r only consolation, i f such it be, lies in the fact that a glance here and there at other 'activities' shows them to be in much the same unsatisfactory position. There is an air o f general apathy afoot (if we may so put it). T o improve matters somewhat, therefore, we have reduced the number o f pages in the issue, and regret that several articles and notices o f books have been held over. Editorial

extract, May 1922.

Someone has remarked, in what the newspaper reporter invaribly terms a few well chosen words," the tendency o f young man's fancy at this period o f the year. A short time time since o u r post-prandial sauntering led us through ther B r o m p t o n C h u r c h y a r d , where we observed a man and maid in earnest consultation. The words referred to above flashed across our recollection. H e r e , surely, was




n ve«r






m a t e r i a l c o n f i r m a t i o n o f the statement. O u r path took us past the couple. What she said w i l l perhaps never be k n o w n - in any case it is not evidence. H i s reply reached her and us almost simultaneously. It was ' Y e s , dear, i f you are on the same wave-length.' W e tell this story, w h i c h is "Nothing but the T r u t h . ' as indicating the firm hold which today's R u l i n g Passion has upon the c o m m u n i t y . W e note the erection o f a workmanlike aerial on the U n i o n premises. Is this a foretaste when lectures w i l l be delivered by the Staff, cosily esconsed in armchairs in the Botany B a y . to the Students, similarly disposed in the main building? The system w i l possess undisputed advantages - to the student, w h o w i l l leave the lecture at w i l l without disturbing the speaker, and to the lecturer, w h o w i l l no longer need to conceal the source o f his information. Thus w i l l H u m a n i t y enter into unostentatiously Education, o n both sides. Editorial extract, Mcrch 1923.


Felix 924

The Fat Lady Sings - Clapham Grand

W e l l then. Y o u weren't there were you? Poddy told you to go. and we were there. W h e r e were you? A n y w a y , we had a great time. I can remember that m u c h . A n d the lead singer had a truly disgusting shirt on. I can remember that too.

They're nor fat,

they're not ladies.

Pele - Megalomania

I just can't seem to remember that m u c h about the c o n c e r t . I remember being filmed during one song, possibly the anthemic single, A r c l i g h t . I remember being frozen stiff for the first hour or so. I remember thinking they were better at Reading. I remember Reading quite w e l l . I remember enjoying myself. I just don't remember that much about the actual performance. It was good though. I k n o w that. Lise Yates

They can

31 January 1992

H a v i n g finally recovered from playing I C . Pele release their second single. In comparison to R a i d The Palace, and their live performances, t his is more r e s t r a i n e d , w i t h none o f the

former's v i t r i o l , none o f its antiaristocracy rant. I think it's just about a relationship. I had expected more. A n d if the debut single can get play listed on Radio One for five weeks and not chart, I can't see this changing that. O f course, this means that now I've said this, it w i l l go to number one lor three years. G o o n . wind me up. buy it. see if 1 care. Lise Yates


Kingmaker - ULU W h e n our illustrious music editor told me he c ould get me into a Kingmaker gig free I jumped at the chance. The chance for a night away from " M u n i c h P h i l h a r m o n i c plays A b b a " w o u l d lead me to go and see a small, squeaky Australian by the name o f M i n o g u e i f it was free! W e l l , maybe I wouldn't go that far. but I like Kingmaker so I jumped at the chance. First up. Blab Happy. The free C D single that I got with my Kingmaker top had a lovely picture o f the band on the front. The C D itself is blue and red. Quite natty really. Haven't listened to it yet. A n y w a y , back to the g i g . F o r a second support, they were really very g o o d , plenty o f people took an interest. They had a good range o f songs, and once they've ironed out the rough edges, they'll make a very good live band. Sensitize. W e l l all I can say is that Ermintrude the cow would probably say 'It all sounds a bit samey to me.'

A n d it did to me too. A l l the songs seemed to run into each other. I was kept interested by the stagediver who managed to push the guitarist into the d r u m k i t , causing a m i n o r amount o f m a y h e m . Apart frofrj that, nothing special. O n to Kingmaker. I ' m trying not to be biased because I like them, so here goes. They were brilliant. O n l y a year since their first e.p. and they are selling out U L U . Not bad, eh? E v e r y time I listen to ' R e a l l y Scrape the S k y ' I am amazed by the bass line. A n d the d r u m m i n g . W e l l that just has to be seen to be believed. They played a hour long set made up o f songs from their current (only!) album and a few 'oldies' from previous E P ' s . topped off with an encore that finished with The Pockets of St. M a l a c h i ' . which always leaves the crowd gasping for breath. W h e n I listen to them, I often try to describe the sound. A n d I don't usually get very far. One o f their songs sounds a bit U2\sh, but that shouldn't put you off. The rest o f them don't. Tonto

World Of Twist - She's A Rainbow

" O n e glaring omission is She's A Rainbow w h i c h is c r i m i n a l . " F e l i x 915. T o l d y o u so. told y o u so. In an effort to get time off for good behaviour. C i r c a have now decided to release She's A Rainbow as a s i n g l e . T h i s is an e x c e l l e n t summery track for c r u i s i n g d o w n Knightsbridge with the roof d o w n .


stereo blaring. Consequently, I am rather w o r r i e d by their decision to release it in February. Fortunately it was sunny last Sunday, so we did it anyway. Unfortunately. Knightsbridge was solid, and in no fit state for cruising along. N e v e r mind. A fine uplifting Rolling Stones cover, baggy and bouncy, the single is the one for World Of Twist. A n d the B-side is one o f the better tracks from Quality Street. Lose My Way. A l l we can hope for is a m i l d winter. Superb. Lise Yates.

31 January 1992 Because some bastard pressed an emergency stop button and the lifts at Russell Square weren't w o r k i n g properly we were nearly half an hour late a rri vi ng at U L U . Puffing and panting, we wandered in and were met and soon ushered into the changing rooms. The Sensitize Interview, part one Paul (the guitarist) and James (the drummer) both come from C u m b r i a , as do the other two members of the band that we had left in the bar. After the rather traditional hard start where both sides are a little edgy we soon got into the flow. 'What do y o u think o f L o n d o n then'.'" was. I thought, an original question. ' W e ' v e lived in L o n d o n for a year and a half, there's no going back", they want to get away from the wilds o f the N o r t h West where they feel there are no people, especially not musically. The desire to break with the nine to five mentality seems almost a prerequisite for being in a band these days.

Felix 924 name. T h e y ' v e had millions o f names: 'Pop City Maniacs' for one. i Y o u send a list of names, the record company send y o u a list o f names and then you negotiate. ' T h e r e ' s a lot o f shit names', 'but i f w e ' d signed as Sensitize we w o u l d probably o f ended up being called Pop C i t y M a n i a c s ' . The first few L o n d o n gigs they d i d they used a different name for every night. They didn't seem that fused about the name: it 'just grows on y o u ' . Then we got onto the real reason for them doing the interview, the current single. Its a nice bouncy melody that does nobody no harm, but what's it all about? 'It's nothing to do with the sleeve', the A n d y W a r h o l serial killers. The real story is that at one gig when they were really crap the lead singer ( M a r k ) was so pissed o f with the sound and the audience that he just said 'fuck this' and dropped (or threw) his guitar which broke in two. The other three had to carry on.

At the precise moment that I thought I was on a r o l l , there was a knock on the door and in came the man from the T-shirt company. After twenty seconds of chat he started talking to me and when he left we had the impression he thought I was in the group. T wouldn't m i n d . . . i s it a good l i f e ? ' . W h i c h brought us onto the more personal side o f the group. The Sensitize three



'The sex. drugs and rock and r o l l ' , ' w h e n w e ' r e on tour we spot trees' offered James. 'Bullshit." W e have debauched lifestyle, we snort c o k e ' countered P a u l . T h e r e then followed a discussion amongst the two group members about wether they take drugs. Paul maintaining that they had the typical myth lifestyle o f a group and James saying that they didn't have enough money to take drugs and all they could do was read books on trees.

' W e shag e v e r y t h i n g ' , was the comment that seemed to shut up James, ' s o r r y , I take that b a c k ' . There then passed a few seconds before the reconciliatory comment 'we shag trees' passed from P a u l ' s lips. They said they were tree lovers and that the favourite tree, the 'tree o f the m o n t h ' was the Scotch Pine. It then degenerated into a general chit-chat and then into us being ushered out into the masses that had started spewing into the halls. What did 1 think o f them? They should do well if. and it is a big if, they can make their material distiguishable from the other 'indie guitar bands' around at the moment. G o o d luck and watch out for those trees.

Pebbles interviews Sensitize.

Not Pop City Maniacs

Being friends at school, even preschool, they seem to be looking for 'a way out o f what we had before, like 'real j o b s ' and the small town existence". It's their prime motivation, although that's not to say they have no a m b i t i o n. They want to go everywhere, they want to 'happen' and they believe they will. T h e y have been s u p p o r t i n g K i n g m a k e r on the 'Idiots at the W h e e l ' tour, so I asked with a k n o w i n g smile, 'what plans have you for the future'. ' W e l l the second single comes out in M a r c h ' , and they are at the moment doing a m i n i headline tour in some o f the smaller clubs. It's just the start o f the hard slog that they need to do to get the fan base, it's the only way to get b r i n g long term success, they feel. At this stage there was a small discussion about what sort o f d r u m sticks the drummer uses on tour and the fact that I've always wanted to learn to d r u m . Stories about covering garages with egg boxes in vain attempts not to annoy the neighbours, all very interesting at the time, but not why we were there. The Sensitize Interview, part two T k n o w its a really crap question, but where did the name come from?" ' W e l l it wasn't from us.' It seems that when y o u sign to F o o d they almost insist that y o u change your



At least one of them is


— 13—


31 January 1992

Felix 924


F o l l o w i n g a shoot out during a raid on a Parisian drugstore, N i k i t a (the title heroine) is given a life sentence for the murder o f a gendarme, instead she finds herself given the choice o f either death or becoming a government assassin, the w o r l d outside has been told that she is dead. She has little choice and so starts training for her new career.

excellent student, and an apparent favourite of her tutor B o b . After the lengthy training she is launched into her new career o f disposing o f targets according to instructions. Her release to the outside w o r l d brings a new identity, boyfriend, fiat and comfortable lifestyle. The happiness brings c o m p l i c a t i o n s including hiding from her boyfriend the true nature o f her w o r k . Each murder that she executes causes increasing anguish and remorse, slow and we witness her deterioration as the double life that she has to lead takes its toll. F i l m e d in the familiar azure glow that is the hallmark o f Besson movies, Nikita is a stylish f i l m that maintains the suspense throughout with a dead sexy star, miss it at your peril.

Transferred to a gigantic hi-tech warehouse she is trained in the skills o f the trade - including the finer points o f femininity. A t first she is r e b e l l i o u s , but g r a d u a l l y she knuckles d o w n and becomes an

The f i l m w i l l be screened in M e c h E n g 2 2 0 . at 7-30 p m , Thursday 6th February. Entry is 80p for members, and 1-80 for non members, so come along for a great evenings entertainment.

This week. F i l m Society present Nikita. the top French film of 1990. s t a r r i n g the g o r g e o u s Anne Parillaud.


The long awaited opening of Grease w a s . I a m s o r r y to s a y . a disappointment. T w o hours o f nonexistent story later I find myself wondering where £ 8 0 0 0 o f U n i o n money has gone. W h e n the production finally started, fifteen minutes late, we were subjected to random bursts o f feedback d u r i n g the o p e n i n g numbers as microphones were handed around the stage wi l l y-ni l l y. A s the evening progressed we were shocked by the complete lack o f direction on stage. T o o many participants hindered the smooth flow in large dance routines, long scene changes broke up what little plot there was. The set was probably the best part of the production. T h e neon signs, effective 'burger bar' and multilevelled stage, supporting a live band, did add considerable aesthetic appeal, but the lighting never reached its full potential bearing in mind the size o f the lighting r i g . Sandy ( R o w a n Fenner) battled

w i t h p o o r sound management throughout the first act but picked up noticeably after the interval when control o f the sound board changed hands. T h e contribution made by the rest o f the 'pink ladies' was also g o o d . The male chorus was less polished and was vastly o v e r p o w e r e d by the w o m e n ' s voices most o f the time. S a d l y , Danny (Ben Guest), did not meet up to the requirements o f such a demanding lead and was outshone by other members o f the ' B u r g e r Palace B o y s ' , notably Roger ( E d Mulligan). The production needed another full dress rehearsal to remove the final glitches in the performance. However, the band conducted itself most professionally. B y the time you read this r e v i e w . Grease w i l l have had three performances. The cast and c r e w w i l l hopefully have relaxed into their roles and provide stunning final performances on the Friday and Saturday nights. The opening night suffered from technical problems which should be resolved as the show continues although it w o u l d have been more professional i f this had been achieved beforehand. The G o o d , the B a d , the Ugly and the Short.


Somebody's been busy with paste a n d bSush. the p o s t e r s are everywhere around West L o n d o n . All My Sons is set in late 40s A m e r i c a and it's based around the K e l l e r f a m i l y . Jo K e l l e r (Ian Bannen) is the father o f the sons. One of w h i c h , C h r i s , works with him at his factory. The other son, L a r r y , never came back from the war. T h e father and son admit that L a r r y must be dead but the mother is going to keep on waiting. W h e n A n n . Larry's childhood sweetheart, comes to stay, for she is now Chris's g i r l , the initial portrait o f a happy, secure and loving family is gradually dismantled. Jo K e l l e r is a charismatic, j o v i a l and popular man. H e is successful in business and his family is his d r i v e . But we discover what this is based upon and this raises many questions on loyalty. patriotism and responsibility. There are many issues that run through this play and many clever, witty and poignant lines. A s we got

— 14—

closer to the truth o f each character in the play the implications o f the issues w i d e n . Y o u really do see. i f you didn't already k n o w , how easy it is for a family to be held together by lies and fear o f the truth. Matthew M a r s h as C h r i s and Susan Sylvester as A n n were both excellent and carried it for some o f the weaker performances. N a m e l y , Ian Bannen who was sloppy and unconvincing. Unfortunately half the cast had plausible, unobtrusive A m e r i c a n accents and the rest were either over the top. half-hearted or they slipped in and out of different accents. O n the whole though, it's a sensitive and powerful production. The Y o u n g V i c is a friendly and informal theatre and was founded in 1970 to make theatre more accessible to young people and students. It is also theatre in the round w h i c h can make y o u feel more involved in the play. All My Sons runs until February 29th. Tickets are £ 7 . 5 0 with student card and £ 1 3 without. F o r performance times call the B o x Office on 071-633 0 1 3 3 . Darwen.

31 January 1992

Obituary : O r . The Tale O f A n Amazing Flying Gerbil Machine Save for the posthumous review we w i l l release that w i l l go to N u m b e r 1 for eight weeks, we're p u s h i n g up d a i s i e s . Just l i k e Freddy. But F r e d d y ' s dead, isn't he? Dear, dear F r e d d y . Dear, dear Johnnie. D e a d . Johnnie. In 3 D I hear. Johnny Depp. Bastard! So there we were, w a l k i n g d o w n O x f o r d Street one day. but who should appear round the corner but our o l d m u c k e r D a v i d S o u l ! ' H u t c h ! ' , we said. A n d he was w a l k i n g Filthy the D o g ! ' A r t ' ! ' , he said. A n d it came to us - we shall R e v i e w ! A n d D a v i d said, That is G o o d . G o ye my spiritual children and be Fruitful. A n d Filthy said "Art". A n d D a v i d gave us the W o r d , and the W o r d was Shite because it has an arrogant Scouse W a n k e r on it.

Felix 924

palm(tree)'. Great film. A n d so was the sequel. A n d so was the third one. Thanks are due to W i n o n a . A n d to B i l l ' n ' T e d . A n d Eddy The A m a z i n g C o m e d y Underpants. Thanks to Jonty's spandex leopard strides, for much mirth. Thanks to W i l e E . Coyote for not working out the one with the anvil and the rocket skates, and to T i n y C l a n g e r . D o o be do. Thanks also to Jane Badler. Donny O s m o n d deserves an honourable enema, as does the man


The Amazing Flying Gerbil Machine bids a fond farewell to bad singers, potatoes and the world in general in...

The End of an Era stay smeared. Thanks to the K L F for releasing the same record five times. Great whoo whoos lads. N o thanks to C & C whose cover o f an U 2 record is even worse than Brabra D i c k s o n (not a misprint). W h o o whoo. W h o o W h o o . D o o be do. B r o w n i e points to the Puppy and L a w n m o w e r Deth.

A n d so it came to pass that timorously we entered the Office of F e l i x . No-one knew who we were, or what we d i d . and they sayed: ' W h o are you, that doth open all the mail and use sundry paste-up implements?' A n d were it not for our resignation, we w o u l d be there still. (*whip out top hats and canes*) W e used to review lots o f films A n d paste up all the jottings. Now we're dead. So enough said. W e ' l l just lie here rotting. W e used to go watch all the hits A n d try to give an unbalanced view O f all the good and bad bits T r v i n g to rhyme is very hard to do' D o o be do be do be do ( - N B . from Sinatra) (*Soft shoe shuffle*) W e used to do be do be do be do D o be do be do be do But now we do be do be do be do do do be do Putrefaction (do be do) supreme. So. on entry to the F e l i x office we met A d a m o f T i n w o r t h . and verily he said : " I n O n A M o n d a y , Out O n A W e d n e s d a y " D o be do be do. A n d to this m a x i m we have stayed. Save for when it were inconvenient. G o o d old fashioned quality (hrumph) newswork at a price Y O U can afford. N o thanks. N o regrets. N o sleep 'til bedtime. N o guts, no g l o r y . N o m a n ' s l a n d . N o r e t r e a t , no surrender. N o w that was a great movie. W h e r e the kid had to beat the guy who crippled his father in a breakdance/karate fight frenzy after the ghost o f Bruce Lee trains him in 'the way o f the open

A still from one of Matt and Sumit's favourite films; Perter Weinstag and directed by Jon Pertwee. 'Richard', they're all calling R i c h a rd C l a y d e r m a n . Thanks to TeleDisc and Chatback, with w h o m the w o r l d is a sadder place. Thanks to The W h e e l O f Fortune, for the elephant o f luck. A l l round good vibes and happy thorts to L a u r i e P.(ike) and Ronco for the Nasal H a i r Remover. D o o be do be do. (*High kicks from top of staircase*). W i t h thanks to little Doris Schwartz from Fame, thanks for the annual guys, and all merry lovelies to the B B C weathermen without w h o m we

D i e K r o p p e starring

wouldn't have any weather at a l l , ever. Thanks to M a r t i n C r i p p s for his wise words on interfacing and a big M o t o r o l a 68000 to Prof. D o o g i e . B i g unthanks to G a i l B e l l e w , with sympathy to Janet E l l i s . D o n ' t w o r r y Janet love, we won't go back to those big pax. W e know they all say this, but it really werked. Not a chewing-gum white. N o thanks to G a r f i e l d (he's a lazy cat) and definitely sewerage to Bristow (he's a lazy man). A s for M a r m a d u ke (he's a big dog) he can

W e hate everything and d r i n k bleach. Here's a few : Tina Turner, legs like a billiard cue and the gall o f a septic kidney stone combined with the allure o f a nanny-goat's rectal fluid and the dramatic effect o f eight gallons o f elderly pus. I love her really. R o z a l l a . for the power o f love. M i c h a e l B o l t o n, for being more crap than I have words. Simon Bates, for everything but O u r Tune". ( F o r ' O u r T u n e ' he rots in a rectal gibbet for all eternity). G a r y ' O o o h F u c k i n g ' D a v i e s . E l i z a b e t h T a y l o r and Roseanne B a r r . W h e r e is G a r y Coleman? Where is D a n n y Partridge? Y o u really want to k n o w : G a r y ' s a recluse w h o plays all day with his trains. Danny (of the F a m i l y ) is sweating it out o n a charge o f soliciting and assaulting a transvestite prostitute. A x l Rose for his whole life. H e y A x l ! Y o u know those 'faggots w h o beat you u p ' ? . G o o d . N o t bad, 860 words o f pure drivel so far. Robert Robinson for finally p l u c k i n g up the courage to say ' f o r n i c a t i o n ' on telly this afternoon. A n d we think it was a bluff. N i c k Ross, you're shit. W e l l , that's our o p i n i o n , and we can prove it, M r . L i b e l L a w y e r . A l t h o u g h the c r i m e s s h o w n tonight are h o r r i f y i n g , remember that there's little chance o f it happening to y o u . S o sleep w e l l , don't snore and be good to y o u r mother. SuMIt PaUI-ChOudhuRy and M aThew H Y d e P S . A l l the characters in F e l i x are purely fictional. N o resemblance to persons l i v i n g , dead or otherwise is intended or should be inferred.

Felix 924


Student Television of Imperial College (STOIC) has been broadcasting now for twenty t w o years. It's a service run by students for students and it's getting bigger and better all the time, which is why it n o w needs your help. F r o m Mo n d a y 3rd February. S T O I C w i l l be broadcasting every weekday evening. U s i n g live relays o f p r o g r a m m e s a v a i l a b l e o n the S T O I C satellite receiver the idea is to provide an e v e n i n g o f entertainment, every evening, using p r o g r a m m e s that most people w o u l d not be able to watch. S T O I C currently broadcasts to all campus halls o f residence, barring unavoidable technical difficulties,

and programme output is greater than ever before. Last term the news was regularly broadcast on Tuesdays and T h u r s d a y s , and Thursday evening's 'Into the night' brought y o u a diversity^ o f . programmes from the quiz show ' G o i n g for Coppers' to coverage o f the L o r d M a y o r ' s S h o w , in which the C i t y & G u i l d C o l l e g e U n i o n participated. A l s o last term, we saw the i n t r o d u c t i on o f ' N o s t a l g i a Night'. a compilation of programmes from the large S T O I C archive. This term S T O I C is w o r k i n g on many new t e l e v i s i o n shows including 'NEXT!', an improvisation show in the same

Do not Adjust your Sets Are you excited by the glory and glamour of a

vein as ' W h o s e line is it anyway and " M c R u s k y and Starch', a tonuge in cheek seventies police drama. A l s o in the pipeline are a science-fiction drama, a serious quiz to find the ' M a s t e r m i n d ' o f Imperial C o l l e g e , a b i - w e e k l y satirical look at current news and a debating programme. N o w at this point I can here a l l those cynics out there m a k i n g comments about how S T O I C never broadcasts anything decent and no one can watch it anyway. W e l l that is precisely why there are so many changes taking place. O n the technical side o f things, possibilities to enable more and more people to watch S T O I C are continuously being explored. F o r example, the idea o f p u t t i n g t e l e v i s i o n in departmental c o m m o n rooms or induction loops in halls so S T O I C can be received in the individual rooms is being discussed. A l s o , ideas are always being put forward to solve the technical nightmare that would let S T O I C reach E v e l y n Gardens (the technical manager was at one time seriously considering taping c o a x i a l c a b l i n g to the pavement with gaffer tape to do it). Now. the real p r o b l e m is manpower. There simply are not enough members of S T O I C to allow all these ideas to be put into effect. There are even three places on the committee waiting to be filled. People are needed in all fields. Take the two weekly news programmes. A s a new era o f cooperation between the internal media begins there are vacancies for reporters, and editors, script-writers presenters. T h e dramas require production teams to help with set building, directing, filming and post production. The quiz shows require contestants and maintenance needed to keep the network and the studio running as well as the initiation o f special projects like those mentioned above. A n d . o f course, we need people to staff the evening transmissions. In fact there is room for e v e r y o n e at S T O I C (not physically o f course, the premises are actually quite small).

high octane career in television broadcasting ? Then join the BBC.

31 January 1992

But until

normal service resumes....

Therefore, what S T O I C is now asking, is that anyone w h o is even remotely interested in any o f the things mentioned above (yes, even being an audience) comes up to their studio on the third floor o f the U n i o n B u i l d i n g in Beit Quad to have a look around and have a chat. If y o u want to help, y o u w i l l be given a comprehensive instruction in how to use all o f the professional equipment that resides in the S T O I C studio including vision mixers, effects generators, editing machines, sound desks, everything. After that y o u could specialise. M a y b e j o i n just one production

— 16—

31 January 1992

Felix 924

•••• X.


Are those painted


cups I see before me?

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team for one specific programme, that way y o u w o u l d not have to spend too much time at all w o r k i n g for S T O I C — m a y b e as little as an hour every two weeks. If y o u were interested in getting more involved you could apply for one o f the three committee posts that are vacant. The Promotions Officer is responsible for the station's image and g e t t i n g c o n t e s t a n t s a n d audiences for the various shows, the Publicity Officer is responsible for ensuring that Imperial C o l l e g e k n o w s about a l l o f S T O l C ' s transmissions and the A r c h i v i s t ' s brief is to keep all the material S T O I C collects catalogued and stored so as to be easily accessible. These posts w i l l be elected at a general meeting in about ten days. F i n a l l y , to a l l those people in college w h o so easily dismiss S T O I C as being a l o w quality and waste o f time let me say this: it is a broadcasting fact that it takes 2 0 times more time per second to make a television programme than it does a radio programme. Bearing this in mind I think that the few dedicated people w h o run S T O I C are doing an excellent job and it is about time that a few more people appreciated just what was being done for them. If y o u still don't believe me then go to the studio and help to make a programme, then y o u w i l l realise what goes on behind the scenes and how difficult it is to make the shortest, simplest broadcast.



STOIC currently broadcasts to all campus halls of residence.


Felix 924 continent. So we want out o f the C o m m o n Market." (Neil K i n n o c k . Tribune, 5th M a y 1975)

Kinnock s U-turns 'The Watering Down'. IC ConSoc Vice Chair, Richard some quotes from the Labour Party.

O n Share Ownership ' W e w i l l be taking denationalised assets back into public ownership and a l l o w i n g no financial gains to those who have bought the assets under the Tories." ( N e i l K i n n o c k , speech to P O E U , B l a c k p o o l . 5th June 1984). ' Y o u r shares are safe with us, but whether or not people have shares or not they can be sure too, that with L a b o u r (Industry) w i l l give b e t t e r s e r v i c e a n d v a l u e to customers." ( N e i l K i n n o c k , The S u n , 25th A p r i l 1991) O n Trade Unions 'In every region in every industry,

Chapter II: Adjudication (Part 2) by Troy Tempest.


31 January 1992


in every constituency, this U n i o n ( T G W U ) represents the L a b o u r Party. This U n i o n i|> the L a b o u r Party in so many ways." ( N e i l K i n n o c k , D a i l y Telegraph, 11th July 1991) 'There isn't a dependent relationship o f any kind between the L a b o u r P a r t y and the T r a d e Unions." (Neil Kinnock, Director M a g a z i n e . 1st September 1991) On Europe ' W e don't want them to pay over ÂŁ 1 , 0 0 0 m i l l i o n a year in E E C taxes or keep on losing their jobs to the

The trumpets burst out with a trumpet and Stress's ex-guide entered the r o o m , garbed as a j o c k . H e waved to the c r o w d as the dark destroyer spoke. 'Eminent doctors have examined this man and declared h i m brain dead!" T h e gallery groaned under the despaired weight o f the audience. ' D u e to an extreme act o f violence!" Cries o f anguish cut the air. 'That's right folks. I ' m officially deceased." The guide smiled modestly. ' A n d the c u l p r i t . ' The destroyer's monolithic face avalanched d o w n at Stress. 'Is h i m ! ! ! ' The audience howled and roared at Stress, thrashing and gnashing at the small figure in the pit. "WAIT!' A panther's roar swept away the voices o f the c r o w d . The torrential voice of Regenerator boomed out. i WANT A GO.' The people cowered d o w n and waited expectantly. ' S o what that he has k i l l e d h i m ? ! That witness isn't important!' The crowds hung in indecision. The guide's ball bearing voice rolled out. 'But I might have been i f he hadn't killed me!' The scales tipped to spill out redoubled fury against the defendant. Peering from the edge o f the pit Stress watched as. one after another, people he had met came in

' W e want out o f the C o m m o n Market' ( N e i l K i n n o c k . N e w s of the W o r l d . 15th M a y 1983) i have never seen hostility towards the European C o m m u n i t y in the L a b o ur Party." (Neil K i n n o c k , The Independent, 4th February 1988) ' T h e great majority o f the-xLabour Party say 'Europe is the present and the future...let's be shapers instead o f spectators! That is certainly my view." ( N e i l K i n n o c k , B B C R a d i o 4. 'Today' Programme, 7th N o v e m b e r 1990) O n Extremism T must emphasise that there is n o t h i n g in the L a b o u r P a r t y constitution that could or should holding prevent people from with accusations and left with applause. T h e procedure was always the same, the dark destroyer would incite the crowd, Regenerator would knock them into indecision and then the witness w o u l d incite them again. F i n a l l y with trumpets. Stake entered and announced that it was time for the s u m m i n g up.

opinions w h i c h favour LenninistT r o t s k y i s m or just about anything else." (Neil Kinnock. Broad Left A l l i a n c e J o u r n a l . October 1992) ' T h e r e is no r o o m for them (Militant) in this P a r t y . ' ( N e i l K i n n o c k . Independent on Sunday. 11th M a r c h 1990) Other Home Truths... O n Taxation ' W e cannot hope to get through an election i f we are not able to say to people 'this is where the money is coming from' ( K e n Livingstone, B B C T V , 1st October 1990) ' T o fulfil L a b o u r ' s proposals, we w o u l d now need substantially higher b o r r o w i n g and bigger tax increases.' (Austin Mitchell. New Statesman. 5th A p r i l 1991) Richard Foreman, Vice Chair IC ConSoc. T h e gallery exploded into shocked Mobs and splinters. ' W h i c h means.' Stake twisted them with suspense. 'That.' The super heroes loomed over him. 'HE'S GUILTY!!' The crowd collapsed with c h e e r i n g . Regenerator turned

The Inner System 'Well.' Thunder clouds rolled across the voltmeter's forehead. ' W h a t can I say?' The foaming c r o w d slobbered in expectancy. ' H e simply has to d i e . ' The hero's breastplate silently m i r r o r e d the r a b i d g a l l e r y . Regenerator unconciously turned his p o d i u m into a turtle as he sat in thought. 'He.' Rainclouds obscured h i m . ' H a s a pregnant w i f e ? ' The c r o w d jeered at h i m before quieting down as Stake strode to the centre o f the r o o m . ' B r i n g on the clapometer!' A n enormous thermometer was dragged into the room and placed beside the p o d i u m . 'Right then everybody, let's hear it for the defence!' The odd clap was smothered by the mass abuse hurled at Stress. ' A n d for the prosecution!' A n unrestrained cacaphony o f praise fireworked front the gallery. -

himself into a giant lizard and loped off. the Dark Destoyer smote spectators in his zap o f honour and Stress tried to r e m e m b e r his thoughts about death. Stake absorbed the scene before cutting in w i t h . ' A n d now." Stake grinned. 'It's sentence time!!' 'YAAAAAAYYYYYY!!' A bright garish wheel with possible punishments engraved on it was dragged i n . The lights dimmed and with a yank of his hand Stake set the wheel spinning. ' W h e r e w i l l it land?' T h e audience was silent. ' W h a t terrible future awaits this wretch.' The wheel slowed, the clicking of the catch on the segments becoming sharp and clear. 'It's.' The c r o w d suspended. The wheel slid to a stop. Stress gaped. ' D i s c o dancing for life!'

31 January 1992

Felix 924

A n up-to-the-minute guide to events in and around Imperial C o l l e g e . The deadline tor entries tor this page is the M o n d a y p r i o r to publication.

F R I D AY Hang Gliding 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Conservative Soc 12.30pm Physics 737. 12.40pm Rag Meeting Union Lounge. Everyone welcome. 12.45pm 3rd World 1st Southside Upper Lounge. 1.00pm Labour Club Meeting Maths 408. Club members welcome. 1.00pm Friday Prayers Southside Gym. See Islamic Society. kung Fu 4.30pm Union Gym. C . U . Prayer Meeting 5.00pm 413 Maths. RCS Ten Tors Meeting 5.30pm Brown Committee Room. I C U . Anyone who wants to take part should attend. Christian Union Meeting 6.00pm 308 Computing. Swimming 6.30pm Sports Centre. Fencing Club Training 6.40pm Club training. Shaolin Kungfu System Nam - Pai - Chuan 7.30pm Southside Gym. A l l welcome. Water Polo 7.30pm Spoils Centre. Southside Disco 8.30pm Southside Bar.

SATURDAY 4.30pm Kung Fu Club Wu Shu Kwan in Southside Gym. 10.00am IC Shotokan Karate Southside Gym. Ladies Tennis 12.00pm Al college courts. Membership £6. All new members welcome. 10.30am Cycling Club Meel at Beit Arch.

SUNDAY West London Chaplaincy Sunday Service 10.30am Anteroom Sherfield Building. Men's Tennis Team Practise 11.00am College Courts. Players of any ability. Annual membership £6. New members welcome. Catholic Chaplaincy Mass.//.00am 53 Cromwell Road. Wargames UDH. Fitness Club Intermediate. kung Fu Club Wu Shu Kwan in the Union Catholic Mass 53 Cromwell Road.

1.00pm 2.00pni 4J0pm Gym. 6.00pm

MONDAY RockSoc Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Parachute Club 12.30pm Brown Committee Room. Yacht Club Meeting 12.45pm 253 Aeronautics. New members most welcome. Sailing most weekends! Basketball Club 5.30pm Volleyball court. Men's Team. Fitness Club 5.30pm Southside Gym. Beginners. Dance Club 6.00pm JCR. R'n'R/Latin. Adv/Medals. Afro-Carib Meeting 6.00pm Concert Hall. Swimming 6.30pm Sports Centre. Dance Club 7.30pm JCR. Beginners' Rock ' n ' Roll. IC Shotokan karate 7.30pm Southside Gym. Water Polo 7.30pm Sports Centre. Dance Club 8.30pm JCR. Latin Beginners.

TUESDAY C . U . Prayer Meeting 8.30pm Chaplain's Office Riding Club Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Splotsoc Meeting 12.30pm Upper Lounge. Southside. Find out about the tournament in March. Boardsailing 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. AudioSoc Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Cheap records and equipment hire. Radio Modellers 12.30pm Southside Lounge. Cathsoc Mass 12.30pm Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch. Ski Club Meeting ..12.30pm Southside Lounge. Put you name down for this year's ski trip. Sailing Club 12.30pm Southside Lounge. Environmental and Appropriate Tech 12.45pm See club for details. STOIC News 1.00pm PhotoSoc 1.00pm Southside Lounge. . Ents Meeting 1.00pm Ents/Rag Office. Up two flights on the East Staircase, first office on the left. Legs, Bums, Turns 1.00pm Southside Gym. Organised by Fitness Club. W L C Meeting 5.30pm Huxley 308. Dr McGrath. Christianity from the outside. Organised by West London Chaplaincy. Radio Modellers 5.30pm ' M e c h Eng. Fitness Club 5.45pm Southside Gym. Intermediate. Amenesty International 5.30pm Clubs Committee Room. Wine Tasting Soc 6.00pm

Union Dining Hall. Dance Club 6.00pm JCR. Improvers Ballroom and Latin. Canoe Club 6.15pm Beit Quad store or 8.30pm in Southside Upper Lounge. Judo 6.30pm Union Gym. Dance Club 7.00pm JCR. Adv/Medals Ballroom & Latin. Grease Rehearsals 7.30pm Room 308. Huxley Building (terminal room A ) . Yoga 8.00pm Southside G y m . Caving Club Meeting. 8.00pm Southside Upper Lounge.

WEDNESDAY Fitness Club 12.45pm Southside Gym. Intermediate. Bike Club.. 12.45pm Southside Lounge. ICSF 1.00pm Video showing in library. A l l welcome. :1.30pm Cycling Training Meet at Beit Arch. Wargames 1.00pm U D H . A l l welcome. 1.15pm Micro Club Meeting Top floor N W corner Union Building. kung Fu 1.30pm Union Gym. DramSoc Improv Class 2.30pm Union SCR (old Union Office). Professional tuition. Diving 6.30pm Swimming Pool. Shaolin Kungfu System Nam - Pai - Chuan 7.00pm Southside Gym. A l l Welcome. Basketball Club 7J0pm Volleyball court. Kung Fu Club 7.30pm Union Gym. Wu Shu Kwan. Libido 9.30pm Ents Club Night in Union Lounge.

THURSDAY Fencing Training 11.30am Intermediate & advanced coaching. Balloon Club Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Y H A Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Postgrad Lunch 12.30pm Chaplains Office (10 Princes Gardens). Fencing Training 12.30pm Beginners Training. 3rd World 1st 12.45pm Talk by Eithree Grant from C A T H O D in the Clubs Committee Room. Gliding Club Meeting 1.00pm Aero 266. Fencing Training 1.30pm General. STOIC News J.OOpm Fitness Club 5.30pm Southside Gym. Advanced.


What's On Midweek Event 5.30pm Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Gardens). Dance Club 6.00pm JCR. Intermediate/Advanced Ballroom & Latin. Judo Club 6.30pm Gym. STOIC. Into The Night 7.00pm 'Exeptional Evening Entertainment'Dance Club...7.00pm JCR. Beginners Ballroom & Latin. Real Ale Society Meeting 7.30pm Union Lounge. Lots of good booze. IC Shotokan Karate 7.30pm Southside Gym. Dance Club 8.00pm JCR. Improvers Ballroom & Latin. Southside Disco 8.30pm Southside Bar. ICC A G Soup Run 9.15pm Meet Weeks Hall Basement.

Small A d s • S I N G L E R O O M to let. only £ 3 4 / w k (incl bills), use o f large kitchen (and washer-dryer). Situated in C l a y p o n d s . S. E a l i n g . 10 mins from Piccadilly L i n e tube. M o v e in in February. See I C A c c o m m o d a t i o n Office. P r i n c e ' s Gardens.

Careers Info • P L A N Y O U R F U T U R E now. M a n y o f the best jobs may be filled by Easter. D o n ' t miss your ideal career by waiting until after your finals. • I N T E R V I E W S ahead? L e a r n about S e c o n d I n t e r v i e w s a nd Assessment Centres—practise G r o u p Discussions and an In-tray exercise and hear about Psychometric Tests. H u x l e y 408 from 2.30-4.30pm o n Wednesday 5. 12 o r 19 February 1992. E n r o l in the Careers Service. • P O S T G R A D U A T E S . D o you have special needs w h i c h are not being catered for by the present Careers Service programmes? Have you visited the Careers Service? D r o p in and speak to a Careers A d v i s e r between 1.30 and 2 . 3 0 p m or phone 3251 for advice or an appointment. • V A C A T I O N W O R K . Students seeking V a c a t i o n W o r k this summer should visit the Careers Service and study the V a c a t i o n T r a i n i n g S c h e m e files w h i c h include details o f opportunities provided by a number of employers. • MILKROUND—Check your interview time on the Careers notice board. F o r further information come to the Careers Service, R o o m 310 Sherfield—open from 10.00am to 5.00pm M o n d a y to F r i d a y .

Felix 924


Chope Con Junior transport minister Christopher Chope visited I C yesterday at the invitation o f the I C U Conservative Society. H e described the National U n i o n o f Students ( N U S ) as a closed shop which the Conservative party had come close to resolving. H e added that the government had encountered legal problems in their efforts to reform the N U S . M r C h o p e said that membership o f the N U S should be an individual matter and added that students should be able to opt in or out o f their college unions.

college student union, the European court ruled that students' unions formed an integral part o f college life. The minister commented that it was not for the European court to dictate to students' on whether they should be members o f college student unions. A spokesman for the Department of Education and Science told the College News Network ( C N N ) that he could not comment on any of the matters raised by M r . C h o p e . H e pointed out that the B i r m i n g h a m case was not a government matter and that M r . C h o p e was speaking at Imperial College as a C o n s e r v a t i v e , a n d not as a government minister going outside his area o f responsiblility. N U S o f f i c e r s were u n a v a i l a b l e for comment last night. (CNN).

T h e minister's comments appear to be at variance with a recent ruling o f the European court. F o l l o w i n g a dispute in w h i c h t w o students at the B i r m i n g h a m C o l l e g e o f F o o d and T o u r i s m withdrew from the



Free Tickets can still be obtained for the Faraday Lectures to be held in the Barbican Centre on 6th F e b r u a r y . T h e tickets c a n be obtained from the press and public relations office in r o o m 553 o f the Sherfield b u i l d i n g .

A n y o n e w h o has not yet handed in their deposits for the M E N C A P Parachute Jump should do so by the end o f today ( F r i d a y ) . T h i s should be done at R a g meeting in the Ents lounge in the U n i o n at lunchtime or after college hours in the Rag Office (two floors above the U n i o n bar).

Security Silent The Rector. S i r E r i c A s h . has rejected the recommendation by Gordon Marshall, Director of Estates, to contract out C o l l e g e security and messenger services to private tender. After a long period o f discussion among senior College management, a letter was released last F r i d a y stating that changes had to be made to the security and messenger s e r v i c e s . T h e letter said that security should remain in-house i f

a series o f new conditions could be met which included p r o v i d i n g 24 hour security cover and a cost saving. T h e C o l l e g e ' s G o v e r n i n g Body has a l l o w e d a period o f two weeks for differences to be worked out. The letter also stated that a 'discipline o f silence' should the continuing surround negotaitions and because o f this no one wished comment about them.

Parents Pay A report in yesterday m o r n i n g ' s Guardian states that the Committee o f V i c e Chancellors and Principals ( C V C P ) have claimed that 'half o f the parents earning over the national average would be prepared to contribute to their children's college tuition fees'. A M O R I o p i n i o n poll for the C V C P found that half o f the parents questioned w h o earned in excess o f £15.500,(figures quoted from the Guardian) w h i c h is just above the national average, w o u l d be prepared to pay towards tuition fees. The average they were w i l l i n g to pay was £ 1 . 0 0 0 a year. M O R I polled 3.985 people. T h e poll also revealed that 60 percent o f a l l the p a r e n t s i n t e r v i e w e d d i d not s u p p o r t contributing to fees, and those that were w i l l i n g to contribute £ 1 . 0 0 0 actually represented less than 10 percent o f the total. The c l a i m has been criticised for its biased presentation of the results. D i a n a Warwick.^general secretary

There is growing evidence o f fascist activity amongst the British student population. The West M i d l a n d s are c l a i m e d to be an area where the National Front continue to operate, and a student from the R o y a l H o l l o w a y and Bedford N e w College (RHBNC) caused controversy last term when he complained o f 'mongrelisation by ethnic minorities' during a U n i o n General M e e t i n g . It is beleived that the British National Party ( B N P ) is t a r g e t t i n g students i n a n e w recruitment campaign. (Warwick Boar. University of Warwick, and South Egham Sun, RHBNC East Student. SE Area NUS).

The result is seen as a victory for the supporters o f the student loan scheme. U n d e r the o l d grants system, 4% o f students in higher education left their courses early. The recent freezing o f grants and

Students at the R o y a l Veterinary C o l l e g e in L o n d o n are to be charged for lecture handouts. T h i s follows a cut in the budget o f one o f the departments leading to the The National U n i o n o f Students decision by the department that they have stated that the system has led cannot afford free photocopies. to an average student debt o f £ 6 0 0 Each hand out w i l l cost £ 2 . 5 0 . and outside L o n d o n and £ 1 , 4 0 0 within. students at the college are reported One institution estimated that 6 0 % to be w o r r i e d about what else w i l l Student. o f it's students were still in debt the be charged for. (London University of London Union). following October. introduction o f various loan and access funds is seen to have motivated students to w o r k harder for courses that they are paying for from their o w n pockets.

o f the Associ at i on o f U n i v e r s i t y Teachers ( A U T ) . is reported as saying that 'the decision to survey the preparedness of the well-heeled middle class to contribute to tuition costs does nothing to encourage w i d e r p a r t i c i p a t i o n in h i g h e r education.' A l s o , the N a t i o n a l U n i o n o f Students, according to the article, pointed out that a third o f parents do not pay full contributions to student's l i v i n g costs. • The C V C P has been criticised for using students as 'pawns' by Justine McGuiness. University of London U n i o n ( U L U ) Vice-President, as an attempt to gain more government funding. The C V C P have said that they w i l l charge students 'top-up' fees i f they do not get the required funding. A Government spokesman told the L o n d o n Student, the U L U newspaper, that 'the government does not accept that universities are underfunded.' (London Student. ULU).


Drop in Student Vets A recent survey has found that fewer students are dropping out from higher education courses despite increased financial hardship. T h e study, conducted by higher education chiefs, also implies that self-financing students work harder.

31 January 1992

There w i l l be examination stress workshops in operation at the Health Centre in Princes Gardens from the 12th o f February. T h e workshops have been organised by Claudio C a l v i and w i l l run for three Wednesdays until the 2 6 t h February. Anyone wishing to attend is requested to call Jacqueline F a r i d i a n (Practice Manager) in advance. T h e extension number is 3099.


VALENTINES ISSUE February 14th Submissions to be in by Monday 10th Feb ALL



Felix is produced lor and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit. Prince Consort Road. London SW7 2 B B . (Tel: 071-225 8672). Editor: Adam Harrington. Business Manager: Jeremy Burnell. Copyright Felix 1991. ISSN 1040-0711.