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No. 600

Friday December 18,1981

Free!


Sir Y o u have been revealed as a s c a n d a l a n d a rogue at last. " A s p e c i a l t h a n k y o u to P a t r i c k (guest w r i t e r ! ) " refers to none other than Patrick Coll, a reprobate if ever I h e a r d of one. It was not for n o t h i n g that he p i c k e d u p the n i c k n a m e " h a t c h e t j o b " . N o t content w i t h his nefarious activities last year, his a t t r o c i o u s w o r k on the I C U H a n d b o o k a n d the d e p r a v e d R a g M a g , he has sought to " g o out w i t h a b a n g " to use his o w n words. Is it not true that he n o w goes around London reciting a selection of extremely indecent poems about C a p t a i n L i n d l e y , t h e Least d i s g u s t i n g o f w h i c h begins: " I l a u g h e d on the d a y that the Captain, W a s j a b b e d u p the arse w i t h a hatpin...." It is clear from y o u r conduct, s i r , t h a t f a r f r o m s e e k i n g to d i s c o u r a g e h i m f r o m these activities, you have given h i m h e l p a n d active support. Y o u b o t h ought to be t h o r o u ghly a s h a m e d of yourselves. Yours truly M i k e Thomas Sir It w i l l be a dangerous precedent for I C to encourage 'positive d i s c r i m i n a t i o n ' . I n d o i n g so I C lays itself open to legal a c t i o n u n d e r the R a c e R e l a t i o n s A c t , a n d the p u b l i c i t y g i v e n to such a court case w i l l do n o t h i n g to e n h a n c e the r e p u t a t i o n of the College. W i t h this issue a n d the p r o p osed m e r g e r w i t h Q E C one w o n d e r s i f L o r d F l o w e r s is c o n c e r n e d about p r e s e r v i n g the high academic standards and r e p u t a t i o n of I C . Yours P. S i m i o n Maths 1

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Dear Sir I w o u l d l i k e to t a k e t h i s o p p o r t u n i t y to c o n g r a t u l a t e you on y o u r recent feat of m e d i a m a n i p u l a t i o n . I refer, of course, to y o u r treatment of the R a g M a g saga. F E L I X e n t e r e d the a r e n a w i t h a fa rc i a 1 letters page w h e r e i n the E d i t o r took it u p o n h i m s e l f to be r i d i c u l o u s l y p e d antic a n d after e x a l t i n g people to. c o n t r i b u t e , treated serious letters w i t h a b a n d o n in a m a n n e r fully intended to insult. F E L I X was a l s o p a r t i a l l y r e s p o n s i b l e for c r e a t i n g the m y t h of a huge C h a p l a i n c y block vote, d e c r y i n g t h e i r a u d a c i t y to v o i c e a n o p i n i o n . It was said that those w h o voted against the R a g M a g were responsible lor the loss ol revenue a n d that they were the sort of people w h o never d i d a n y t h i n g to help the C h a r i t i e s . It s h o u l d be c l e a r l y p o i n t e d out that the responsibility for a loss of r e v e n u e w o u l d l i e w i t h those r e s p o n s i b l e for p r o d u c i n g the Rag Mag. F i n a l l y , I find myself a s k i n g three questions: 1) A r e we g o i n g to see a repeat of last year's dire e d i t o r i a l rantings w i t h the C h a p l a i n c y r e p l a c i n g D a v e A l b l a b i as the pel hate? 2) A r e E d i t o r s so i n c a p a b l e of presenting l u c i d arguments that they must Find some aspect ol their opponent's nature on w h i c h to base a slur c a m p a i g n ? 3) Does the E d i t o r really feel that he s h o u l d base his style on that of Goebbels? I ours D o n a l D o n a t C o n o r B r a d lev Froliche Weinachlen!- Ed Suit makes me feel sick that the people w h o voted to recirculate the R a g M a g c l a i m e d that they were d o i n g it in the n a m e of c h a r i t y . I a m quite c e r t a i n that none of those hypocrites care at all about the deaf c h i l d r e n , as t h e y e v i d e n t l y d o n ' t c a r e for anyone suffering from a n y other k i n d of h a n d i c a p . A t the e n d of the previous U G M , a c o l l e c t i o n was taken to r e c o u p loss c a u s e d by the b a n n i n g of the m a g a z i n e . A s it is n o w back i n c i r c u l a t i o n , I w o u l d like m y money back, as I i n t e n d to give it to some other c h a r i t y one w h i c h raises m o n e y by less d u b i o u s means T h e r e are m a n y things that the h a n d i c a p p e d need more t h a n money, such as s y m p a t h y a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g , w h i c h the R a g M a g is t r y i n g to destroy. N o a m o u n t of money can ever compensate people for the loss of that. If anyone wants to k n o w about charities w h i c h need a c t u a l help, please contact me, especially if you w i l l be here over X m a s week. } ours Fiona Sinclair Aero P G

Sir O n M o n d a y l u n c h t i m e a large g r o u p of stalf a n d students from the Life Sciences D i v i s i o n t u r n e d u p to a hastily a r r a n g e d m e e t i n g lo hear the R e c t o r speak about the proposed merger of QF2C B i o l o g i c a l Sciences D e p t a n d that of I C . O E C has about 500 biology students. I C has only 200, with a f u r t h e r 250 B i o c h e m i s t s . T h i s merger is thus not a s w a m p i n g by I C . T h e merger was a p o p u l a r o p t i o n amonst Q E C staff w h e n they were offered several ideas for e n s u r i n g the college's s u r v i v a l i n a recent ballot. T h i s act of " c h a r i t y " on the part of the R e c t o r is not seen as such by L i f e Scientists. T h e r e has been no c o n s u l t a t i o n w i t h s t u d e n t s or staIT u n t i l t h i s m e e t i n g a n d we were given o n l y 2 d a v s to say if we a g r e e d in p r i n c i p l e w i t h the idea (though what w o u l d h a p p e n if we d i d n ' t he would, not say). W i t h o n ly 10 days to the end of t e r m , it w o u l d be difficult to change the draft proposals. Several questioners asked whether Life Sciences w o u l d have any say in its o w n future. T h e R e c t o r w o u l d o n ly reply " S i n c e w h e n have we done things by f o r m a l b a l l o t ? " So it seems that L i f e Sciences is indeed to be sacrificed in order to placate the U G G w h e n we have b e e n a s k e d to i n c r e a s e o u r n u m b e r s (a move w h i c h the dept took as m e a n i n g a s t r e n g h t e n i n g of the new a n d v i t a l aspects of biology at I C ) . T h e Rector mentioned an increase i n income " U p to ÂŁ4.5 m i l l i o n " - Q E C ' s current budget. H o w e v e r , as t h e b i o l o g i c a l s c i e n c e s is o n l y h a l f o f t h e c o l l e g e ' s a c t i v i t i e s a n d the r e m a i n i n g ÂŁ1 m i l l i o n w o u l d betaken care of by " t h e c u t s " it is difficult to find justification l o r this statement. W i l l L i f e Sciences be a l l o w e d a voice in its o w n future? } ours V M a r k Exley Biochem 3 P . S . W h y was N i c k M o r t o n absent from such a n i m p o r t a n t m e e t i n g , e s p e c i a l l y as he has nearly l i n e d up post doc w o r k for himself for after his sabbatical? Dear Editor I feel I must clarify one or two points that a p p e a r i n y o u r article ' G e t t i n g together w i t h Q . E . C . ' of 20th N o v e m b e r . F i r s t l y the factual mistakes. The m a i n b u i l d i n g of our C o l l e g e houses Physics, Food Science and P h y s i o l o g y a n d not M i c r o b i o l o g y a n d N u t r i t i o n as you i n c o r r e c t l y stated.. The Atkins b u i l d i n g houses the r e m a i n i n g d e p a r t ments of C h e m i s t r y , B i o l o g y , Biochemistry, M i c r o biology, N u t r i t i o n , M a t h s etc. T h e r e is no U . G . C . Budget for

FELIX, December 18,

1981

Q . E . C . as y o u have stated i n your third paiagaraph. The 2 . 7 4 m is t h e a l l o c a t i o n f o r Q . E . C . f r o m the c o u r t o f the U n i v e r s i t y . T h i s is 13.9% less t h a n was received f r o m the court of the U n i v e r s i t y i n the previous year. O u r students take great exception to b e i n g l a b e l l e d as pretty left w i n g ' . W e merely feel strongly about the future of o u r c o l l e g e a n d o b j e c t to r a d i c a l decisions b e i n g m a d e above o u r heads w i t h o u t c o n s u l t a t i o n . T h e E d u c a t i o n C u t s are affecting us s e v e r e l y a n d (as w e b e l i e v e ) u n f a i r l y . It is a n u n f o r t u n a t e state ol affairs w h e n ' a c t i v i t y ' becomes l a b e l l e d as ' l e f t - w i n g ' a n d a p a t h y , as ' r i g h t - w i n g ' . Q . E . C . S . U . is o n l y p r o - N . U . S . because it is the o n l y w a y o u r s t u d e n t s c a n get t h e i r v i e w s voiced o n s u b s t a n t i a l issues at a regional or n a t i o n a l level. W e o b j e c t s t r o n g l y to the r a t h e r biased a t t i t u d e to N . l ' . S . a n d o u r i n v o l v e m e n t w i t h that o r g a n i s a t i o n . W e c e r t a i n l y are not a n t a g o n i s t i c ' , but i n a totally d i l l e r e n t e n v i r o n m e n t to the average I . C . student. I w o u l d ask y o u a n d y o u r students to bear this i n m i n d . I f a merger s h o u l d arise then it is i m p o r t a n t that bot h Student U n i o n s d o their best to protect t h e i r m e m b e r s h i p from unnecessary inconvenience. The somewhat devisive a t t i t u d e expressed i n y o u r a r t i c l e does n o t h i n g to p r o m o t e o p e n m i n d edness a m o n g y o u r mem!)ers (or ours for that matter). Y o u r c l o s i n g statement that ' a d e c i s i o n w h e t h e r o r n o l to c o l l a b o r a t e w i l l be taken by the g o v e r n i n g b o d y by about D e c ember" t o t a l l y u n d e r plays the seriousness of the s i t u a t i o n . I honestly wonder if Imperial College students have any sensible views at a l l , because if they have they ought to start expressing t h e m o r the w h o l e business w i l l IK- d o n e Ix-ibre a student v i e w is considered. I hope that this letter m a y p r o v o k e some of y o u r students to consider the s i t u a t i o n i n a m o r e c r i t i c a l but o p e n - m i n d e d fashion. T h e p r o b l e m s o f affiliation to N . U . S . a r c s e c o n d a r y to the i m m e d i a t e issue at stake a n d its implications. lours sincerely C h r i s Sale President o f Q u e e n F^Iizabeth College Students' U n i o n Dear Sir I have h e a r d it r u m o u r e d that N . U . S . stands for N a s t y U n washed Students. P e r h a p s y o u c o u l d let m e k n o w w h e t h e r o r not this r u m o u r is u n f o u n d e d . Yours faithfully Ivan Itch E d ' s N o t e : I a l w a y s thought that it stood for N a t i o n a l U n i o n o f S e m e n , but m a y b e y o u ' r e right. A n y o t h e r suggestions?


Dear Mark, or may I call,you 'Sir'? In reply to M r . R i c h a r d s o n ' s letter re p r i c i n g . M a y I point out that a very s m a l l percentage of o u r stock is classified as non-net,a n d even those are sold at the r e c o m m e n d e d price. T h e terms N E T or N O N N E T o n l y a p p l y to the B r i t i s h Isles. W i t h r e g a r d to o u r discount, as the profits m a d e by the bookshop are used to i m prove the students' facilities, I w o u l d be m o s t g r a t e f u l i f he c o u l d s u p p l y o u r needs even at 35% let alone 40%, a n d please c o u l d we have 90 days to pay instead of the n o r m a l 30 days. T h e r e is a di r e c t o r y of B r i t i s h publishers a n d g l a n c i n g t h r o u g h this, I c a n at this time o n l y find one p u b l i s h e r w h o gives 40%. B u t , y o u have to order a m i n i m u m of 300 of each title, a n d they only p u b l i s h R o m a n t i c Fiction. W i t h regard pricing in p e n c i l as a lot ol books c o m e w i t h no price, we p u t the price in p e n c i l as o u r stickers r u i n one's l i n g e r nails w h e n t r y i n g to peel t h e m off. Tour humble servant Roy Hicks Bookshop M a n a g e r

the lengths to w h i c h they have gone to m a k e life difficult for us. If this is the general attitude towards fellow students, then the I C - Q E C merger hasn't got a cat in hell's chance. Tours disgustedly Duncan Reid Dear Mark I w o u l d l i k e to d r a w the a t t e n t i o n of y o u r readers to some recent incidents i n one of the student houses i n E v e l y n G a r dens. T w o residents of R o o m 4 G 4 i n B e r n a r d S u n l e y H o u s e have just been fined £15 each for d a m a g e to t h e i r r o o m . T h e y h a d a d o r n e d the w a l l s w i t h w r i t i n g a n d d r a w i n g s i n b l a c k m a r k e r pen. T h e w a r d e n of the house discovered this, p u r e l y by chance, early last week. H e e x p l a i n e d to t h e m that they h a d c o m m i t t e d a very serious offence a n d left w i t h the message that he w o u l d c o m e back to t h e m o n the matter. T h e f o l l o w i n g day, the s t u d ents spent several hours c l e a n i n g the walls a n d there is. n o w no m a r k to be seen. I n d e e d , it is qu i t e impossible to tell that there ever was a n y graflitti. T h e w a r d e n has seen the w a l l s , a n d a c k n o w l e d g e s that the students have done a n efficient

Dear Mark I w i s h to protest most strongly jobabout the sentiments expressed in N e v e r t h e l e s s , he h a s s t i l l W i l l i a m K i n g ' s letter two weeks i m p o s e d the £15 fine ( w h i c h is ago c o n c e r n i n g Ian Paisley, a h a l f s u s p e n d e d i . e . £ 7 . 5 0 is m a n w h o shames the godfearing r e t u r n a b l e at the e n d of the year, p e o p l e of the six c o u n t r i e s by his p r o v i d i n g there is no b r e a c h of existence, a n d y o u r c o m m e n t o n regulations by these students). it. It is h i g h l y u n l i k e l y that the The Times stated qu i te u n e q u i - D i s c i p l i n a r y C o m m i t t e e w o u l d v o c a l l y last week that the " R e v r e p e a l t h e f i n e s h o u l d t h e y D r ' s " o n l y q u a l i f i c a t i o n is a a p p e a l against it. d i p l o m a from B a l l y m e n a T e c h . , D o y o u t h i n k that it is fair to so there. It is w e l l k n o w n in impose such a heavy fine for journalistic circles that The Times d a m a g e w h i c h has been c o m p cannot be a r g u e d w i t h on such letely repaired? matters. Paisley's reported C o m m e n t s i n r e p l y w o u l d be e l e c t i o n successes s h o w h o w appreciated. s t u p i d " t h e m a j o r i t y " o f his yours electorate are. J . Humphreys 1 ours etc E d ' s N o t e : It s h o u l d have been G a m O w e n £20! M e r r y C h r i s t m a s !

Dear Mark I a m w r i t i n g to i n f o r m y o u of a very d i s t u r b i n g occurence. I a m a resident in G a r d e n H a l l a n d since the b e g i n n i n g of t e r m we have h a d no l a u n d r y facilities, as o u r w a s h i n g m a c h i n e is i n the process of b e i n g m o v e d . T h i s has meant a weekly t r i p to Weeks H a l l to use theirs, a n a r r a n g e m e n t consented to by the W a r den. W e have always endeavo u r e d to use the l a u n d r y at the least busy times to cause the m i n i m u m of inconvenience. H o w e v e r , this week we a r r i v e d to find that the students (not the W a r d e n ) h a d asked for the lock to t h e l a u n d r y d o o r to be c h a n g e d to prevent us f r o m u s i n g it. I find this a t t i t u d e towards fellow students i n need totally disgusting a n d a m a p p a l l e d by

,Sir Y o u r current campaignag a i n s t M r . N i c k M o r t o n is disgraceful. S o m e of the things y o u have said i n it are tanta m o u n t to suggesting that not o n l y is he President of I C U , but t h a t he r e g u l a r l y c r a w l s t o College. L i v i n g in Princes G a r d e n s myself I c a n assure y o u that he r e g u l a r l y walks. 1 ours Pettifogger Jarnoyce B S c

E d ' s N o t e : It's so good to see that the spirit of b e n c v o l a n t good w i l l , tolerance a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g w h i c h has been so m u c h in evidence o n the letters page this t e r m has at last r e a c h e d a crescendo this week. Please, no more praise!

Emergency UGM IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION GENERAL TWEETING TO BE HELD ON 17TH IN MECH. ENG.

NEXT

DECEMBER,

1981

220 AT l.OOPM.

UGM

TO BE HELD ON JANUARY 26TH IN GREAT HALL AT l.OOPM.

THE

DEADLINE FOR MOTIONS TO APPEAR IN FELIX 12.30 THURSDAY, 14TH JANUARY.

MOTION ON PROPOSED IC/QEC MERGER Proposed

by:

E x t e r n a l A f f a i r s Committee.

ICU

Notes:

1.

The d r a f t statement of i n t e n t i s s u e d j o i n t l y by the Rector of Imperial C o l l e g e and the P r i n c i p a l of Queen E l i z a b e t h C o l l e g e on 2nd December 1981.

2.

That t h i s d r a f t statement of i n t e n t c a l l s f o r a merger of Imperial C o l l e g e and QEC b i o s c i e n c e s , the e x t r a departments t o be accommodated i n a new b u i l d i n g on the I.C. s i t e .

3.

That the statement c a l l s f o r a l l the b i o s c i e n c e departments ( i n c l u d i n g those c u r r e n t l y p a r t of the Royal C o l l e g e of Science) to become a f o u r t h c o n s t i t u e n t c o l l e g e , Queen E l i z a b e t h C o l l e g e .

4.

That the statement c a l l s f o r c l o s e r c o l l a b o r a t i o n between the c o l l e g e s and e s p e c i a l l y between the departments concerned over the next f o u r t o f i v e years b e f o r e the merger takes p l a c e i n 1986.

ICU B e l i e v e s : 1.

That the proposed merger i s i n general a c c e p t a b l e . The expansion of the c o l l e g e with the p r o v i s i o n of a new b u i l d i n g and new f i e l d s of study w i t h i n b i o s c i e n c e s can s t r e n g t h e n the c o l l e g e .

2.

That the proposed merger would become unacceptable i f there were no new b u i l d i n g on the IC s i t e to accommodate those p a r t s of QEC which were t o come here and i t were.to r e s u l t i n a s p l i t s i t e college.

3.

That a l l the p h y s i c a l s c i e n c e s s t a f f and students must be accommodated elsewhere i n the u n i v e r s i t y . There must be no attempt to b r i n g them to I.C. under the guise of b e i n g ' b i o s c i e n c e related'.

4.

That the concept of a f o u r t h a l l - b i o s c i e n c e s c o n s t i t u e n t c o l l e g e has no h i s t o r i c a l precedent, nor i s i t a p r a c t i c a l p r o p o s i t i o n . A l l p a r t s of QEC which i t i s . p r o p o s e d t o merge w i t h I.C. must become part of the D i v i s i o n of L i f e Sciences which must remain an i n t e g r a l part of the Royal C o l l e g e of S c i e n c e .

5.

That assurances must be given that a) the s t a t u s of Silwood Park w i l l remain unchanged; b) the H a l l of Residence at QEC w i l l be maintained and come under the I.C. Student S e r v i c e s O f f i c e ; c) that students w i l l be adequately c o n s u l t e d at each stage of the merger process and s h a l l be r e p r e s e n t e d on the J o i n t P l a n n i n g Committee which i t i s proposed t o set up.

6.

That f u r t h e r assurances must be g i v e n as to the maintenance of academic standards and e n t r y standards i n a l l p a r t s of I.C., and the maintenance of student numbers i n the u n i v e r s i t y as a whole.

ICU Resolves: 1.

To r e a f f i r m i t s p o l i c y on e d u c a t i o n c u t s .

2.

To p l a y a f u l l p a r t i n the c o n t i n u i n g n e g o t i a t i o n s surrounding the merger.

ICU

Instructs:

1.

A l l Union O f f i c e r s , the Student Observers on Governing Body and the Student Members of Board of S t u d i e s t o pres s f o r changes i n the d r a f t statement of i n t e n t i n l i n e with the above p o l i c y , w i t h guidance from the Union C o u n c i l .

2.

That i n the event of the views of the Union as o u t l i n e d above being d i s r e g a r d e d i n the f o r m u l a t i o n of p l a n s f o r a merger, the E x t e r n a l A f f a i r s Committee t o r e f e r the matter back t o a UGM.

FEUX, December

18,

1981

Page 3


!

_5J

Strewth! What a bore! I C U C o u n c i l m e t o n M o n d a y o f this week. T h e m e e t i n g w a s even l o n g e r a n d m o r e a r d u o u s t h a n u s u a l w i t h the p r o p o s e d IC Q E C m e r g e r t a k i n g u p w e l l over a n h o u r . T h e s a b b a t i c a l s w e r e a l s o c e n s u r e d b y the m e e t i n g f o r b e i n g 20 m i n u t e s late. By shortly alter 6:00pm a p p r o x i m a t e l y 30 members of C o u n c i l h a d assembled i n the S C R , but the C h a i r m a n , N i c k M o r t o n a n d the D e p u t y President a n d H o n Sec were not i n attendance. The m e e t i n g was opened at 6:15pm a n d a m o t i o n o f censure proposed by M a r t i n T a y l o r was passed by a n o v e r w h e l m i n g m a j o r i t y . W h e n the sabbaticals e v e n t u a l l y a r r i v e d the m e e t i n g heard reports f r o m most U n i o n Officers a n d then passed o n to the I C Q E C m o t i o n . T h i s was proposed by M a r t i n T a y l o r , E x t e r n a l Affairs Officer, w h o . after m a k i n g a proposal speech, h a d to answer a l o n g series of questions. A n a m e n d m e n t to delete a l l ol the m o t i o n a n d s i m p l y oppose the merger was defeated. A f t e r one a n d a q u a r t e r hours the m o t i o n was e v e n t u a l l y passed by a substantial m a j o r i t y . The m e e t i n g also discussed the purchase of a new baby g r a n d p i a n o for the C o n c e r t H a l l . S o m e member s felt that the e x p e n d i t u r e o f / 2 , 6 0 0 had been m a d e w i t h o u t adequate consultations. A l t e r finally a p p r o v i n g the E x e c u t i v e a n d other committee meetings, the m e e t i n g e v e n t u a l l y finished at 10:20pm.

Pass the sick bag, Alice! The R a g C h a i r m a n . B i l l D u r o d i e , has resigned, it was a n n o u n c e d at C o u n c i l on M o n d a y . R o n a n M c D o n a l d , R a g S e c r e t a r y , is to become a c t i n g R a g C h a i r m a n u n t i l a n election is h e l d . B i l l D u r o d i e . i n his letter o f r e s i g n a t i o n , said that he felt it was better for R a g if he left the post n o w r a t h e r t h a n at the e n d o f t h e y e a r , i n o r d e r to let s o m e o n e else take over. H e d e n i e d that it h a d a n y t h i n g to d o w i t h R a g ' s f a i l u r e to o b t a i n c o l l e c t i o n licences, for w h i c h he has been m u c h c r i t i c i z e d .

Page 4

Shaky

a-

H o r d e s of m e r r y students c r a m m e d - every a v a i l a b l e space i n C o l l e g e earlier i n the week to enjoy the unexpected spell of good weather. T h e h a p p y revellers pelted each other w i t h snowballs a n d built s n o w m e n . A g r o u p effort by C i v E n g 2 p r o d u c e d the excellent " s n o w l i o n " (above) alongside the real lions at the b o t t o m of the Q u e e n s T o w e r .

Barney's grand new baby D e p u t y President B a r n e y M c C a b e , recently purchased a b r a n d new baby g r a n d p i a n o for the U n i o n C o n c e r t H a l l . T h e p i a n o , w h i c h cost ^ÂŁ2,635 a n d was purchased from H a r r o d s , has become the subject o f some controversy. A m e e t i n g of H o u s e C o m m i t t e e a p p r o v e d the money for the piano. H o w e v e r , discussions about a replacement for the present p i a n o , w h i c h is i n a n a p p a l l i n g state, have been t a k i n g place between the D P a n d interested groups (such as M u s i c Society a n d O p e r a t i c Society) for some time. These groups h a d advised that a r e c o n d i t i o n e d lull-size g r a n d p i a n o should have been bought, at a p p r o x i m a t e l y the same cost. By the time they heard that their a d v i c e was to be disregarded the new p i a n o h a d a l r e a d y been p a i d for a n d it was too late lor objections to be raised. M e m b e r s of C o u n c i l w h o disagreed w i t h the purchase were s i m i l a r l y u n a b l e to reverse the decision, due to a rare e x a m p l e of efficiency a n d swift a c t i o n o n the part of the D e p u t y President.

Chair

A recent report i n ,\'ni' Scientist stated that I C was i n danger of losing its gift of a L e v e r h u l m e grant to fund a c h a i r i n b i o t e c h nology. T h e report (.Xen Scientist. D e c 3 ) suggested that I C c o u l d not " c o m e u p w i t h the new posts the c h a i r r e q u i r e s " a n d that the L e v e r h u l m e T r u s t m i g h t have to place its m o n e y elsewhere. In fact, the difficulty lies i n f u n d i n g the b a c k - u p facilities ( i n c l u d i n g research stall) since the grant w i l l o n l y cover the new Professor's salary'.

STOP PRESS A n y o n e paying rent over the vacation could try a p p l y i n g for Supplementary Benefit even if they will be going home, since it is strongly rumoured that students will not be asked to sign on d u r i n g the three week period. F i n a n c i a l assistance for M a l a y s i a n students suffering from financial h a r dship available. For further information contact Student Services. Buy Life M e m b e r s h i p N O W . It goes up in J a n u a r y .

FELIX, December

18, 1981


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FROM THURSDAY

DECEMBER

17th

classic] classic] classic IODBONI ODIONl ODEON HAYMARKET I OXFORD STREET

CHELSEA FELIX,

KENSINGTON December

18, 1981

I SWISS COTTAGE WESTBOURNE GROVE Page 5


The Birth of FELIX O n the occasion

of the 600th issue, we

T h e first issue of F E L I X was published on Friday, D e c e m b e r 9, 1949 in the form of a 14 page roneoed newspaper. The opening words were: The need has been felt for some time for a frequently published journal to comment upon the affairs of the College whilst they are still topical, and to bring to the attention of its members the activities of clubs and societies. The introduction went on to mention The Phoenix and how F E L I X may complement, if not compliment, the literary magazine in the future. T h i s indeed happened and it could be said that the cat has now got the better of the bird.

The

Christening

C o n c e r n i n g the title of the newspaper, the first edition included the following: A debt of gratitude is owed to F.C. Ewels for his suggestion of a title. He should be rewarded with a saucer of milk. T h e paper remained in its original format throughout the 49/50 session and averaged a r o u n d 10 pages. T h e first Editor E . M . Hughes pr o du c e d nine issues at fortnightly intervals and charged a price of 3d. Six hundred copies of the first edition sold out fast, as indeed did the second of one thousand. Indeed, there

look back at the

were reports of a thriving black market where copies exchanged hands at twice their face value. Issue 10 heralded a new format at the start of a new academic year. O n l y four pages were produced, although the reduced type size allowed the content to remain at its previous level. That year saw 15 F E L I C E S , some of 6 pages. During the first year of production, only issues 8 and 9 carried cover stories, while regular items such as a regular character profile and T h e Drinking M a n ' s G u i d e to L o n d o n were established. Topics of interest back in 1950 included refectories and The Phoenix, but undoubtedly the main source of news was the activities of students themselves. Their frequent illegal activities and subsequent run-ins with the police formed the basis of many fascinating columns. O t h e r unusual items included the cover story of issue 9, which concerned the sacking of M r Sellars, butler in the Dining Hall! A l s o , it may be of interest that in 1950 the C o m m e m o r a t i o n D a y B a l l was h e l d in the G r o s v e n o r House Hotel at a cost of 17/6d each. Reading through earlier copies of F E L I X makes one realise how m u c h some things have c h a n g e d , while o t h e r s r e m a i n e x a c t l y the same. F o r instance, J . V . Bramley, advisory

history

of

FELIX.

editor in 1956/7, said in the classic Christmas arid 100th issue: The impression one gets from earlier issues is that the College was more alive than now.

A FELIX first-the page 3 girl from i s s u e 11, October 10, 1950.

The current Deputy President, M r Barney M c C a b e , may feel that his recent "Universal Enjoyment E q u a t i o n " was original, but the idea c r o p p e d up as far back as F E L I X no. 5: The Mathematician's Courtship Let x denote beauty; y, M a n n e r s well-bred; z, Fortune-fThis last is essential). Let L stand for L o v e , our Philosopher said, T h e n L is a function of x, y, and z, Of the kind that is k n o w n as potential. N o w integrate L with respect to dt, (t standing for time and persuasion) T h e n , within proper limits, 'tis easy to see, T h e definitive integral Marriage must be. (A very concise demonstration). A n o t h e r example of early wit included: Stratification Girls at College are in two strata, G i r l s with dates, and those with data.

cover

The of

FELIX

of the first issue which

thirtv-two hundred

appeared

years copies

ago.

were

which sold at 3d each. first

Editor

Hughes, issues.

was

Six made

E.

who produced

The M. nine

1956 produced some very interesting items. T h e Dramatic Society pr o du c ed " T h e Ladies not for B u r n i n g " ; a certain C a r d Fiddler wrote a letter in praise of U L U cards; Sir J o h n Betjemen (later to be Poet Laureate) said "scientists and technologists have far more sense of responsibility than the arts graduate in the problems of aesthetic nature." T h e r e was also a headline " W e l l done M r M o o n e y " w h i c h was meant most sincerely. A s time passed, circulation increased and had reached 1,400 by the summer of 1957. The price remained at 3d, although some extra large editions were 6d and very small ones only I d . H o w e v e r when the price was raised to 4d on the C h a r t e r Jubilee issue (No. 108, Friday M a y 31, 1957) the circulation also rose to 1,500.


Although Friday has been the favourite day for publication, that has not always been so. The freshers' edition of 1957 was published on a Saturday, while A . T . Pawlowicz (1962/3) and D . J . Williams (1965/6) had particular aversions to Fridays (of course M a r k Smith only ever publishes on Fridays). B a s i c a l l y t h e e d i t o r i a l s t y l e of F E L I X remained the same until the last issues of the 58/59 session (nos. 134, 135) when under the editorship of M . R . H o n e r comparisons and correspondence with editors of other student newspapers in L o n d o n began. T h e p r o b l e m w a s s t u d e n t s at I m p e r i a l thought F E L I X was not of the same quality of other student publications and improved printing methods and the higher cost ensued c o u ld only be achieved by capital investment. The only way to achieve this was advertising. The editor totally disagreed with advertising and also asked who would want to advertise in such a paper. T h e dilemma remained until the following editorial appeared in 155:

Edltmiat Comment YOUR

" H E W

LOOK"

four c o l u m n s

5 wide

GUINEAS by half « high. wide by quarter column high.

°NE E I G H T H P A G E Either: twc columns

3 GUINEAS wide by quarter column high.

*!

by

one

column

wide

P

with 3

BARS

t i c k e t s 10s

half

column high.

°NE S I X T E E N T H P A G E One c o l u m n w i d e b y q u a r t e r

30 B h . oolumn high.

JIMl HENDRIX EXPERIENCE supporting

each

groups

FELIX 246, May 10 1967 The first advertisements to appear were small ones (although various hosteleries had been receiving free publicity for years) and Lamleys were the most regular customers. Issue 170 saw a half-page advert by Bristol Siddley Engines and the freshers' edition of 1962 contained a half-page ad from The Times (who were to s u b s c r i b e regularly) and a complete back page ad by Westminster B a n k .

Back to Front

FELIX ADVERTISING RATES.

or:

toi2 m

G R A N D FINALE DANCE

FELIX.

W e l l , here i t i s . Y o u m a y t h i n k i t is rather s m a l l so h e r e a r e a f e w f a c t s a n d figures to e x p l a i n w h y . T h e w e t o f p r i n t ing an e i g h t p a g e F E L I X b y t h e m e t h o d tned before, t h a t i s t h e " o f f s e t " p r o c e s s , was about £18. You, our r e a d e r s , c o n t r i b u t e d r e g u l a r l y shout £ 1 5 towards t h i s ; t h e r e m a i n i n g £ 3 or so b e i n g m a d e u p f r o m s h e U n i o n funds. The paper w h i c h y o u a r e r e a d i n g n o w has cost £28 to p r i n t , a n d o n l y f o u r p a g e s at that I T h i s l e a v e s a d e f i c i t o f £ 1 3 . It is hoped t h a t m o s t o f t h i s w i l l b e r e g a i n e d in future b y s e l l i n g a d v e r t i s i n g s p a c e a t the rates s h o w n e l s e w h e r e , b u t for t h e t i m e being this e x t r a oost i s b e i n g b o r n e b y t h e Union. L i k e a l l b u s i n e s s v e n t u r e s w e n e e d a oertain a m o u n t o f c a p i t a l t o s t a r t t h e ball rolling. S h o u l d o u r f i n a n c i a l t u r n o v e r from a d v e r t i s i n g r e a c h h i g h e r p r o p o r t i o n s then we c a n go a h e a d a n d p r i n t l a r g e r copies of F E L I X , b u t f o r t h e p r e s e n t w e shall have to b e c o n t e n t w i t h t h e s e four pages.

QUARTER P A G E Either: two c o l u m n s

Saturday s

A s time passed the front page began to concentrate more on U n i o n politics with some splendid headlines: Quorate Union Meeting 600 Turn Up No Apathy Here (No 182) Surprise!

Union Meeting NUS

AT

Postponed (No 186)

As m e n t i o n e d above 1958/59 was a traumatic year for publishing in I C U . While the thoughts which were to revamp F E L I X were being b o r n , a controversy arose over the editor of Ph oen ix. T h e winter Phoenix of that year was edited by D . Irving and included a very fascist editorial and an attack on Prof Blackett. H o w e v e r in its defence the magazine was of a high technical standard and profitable. M r Irving then fled the country and was relieved of his post. H o w e v e r he r e t u r n e d to edit a n o t h e r publication, the Carnival Times, but his efforts to include an eight-page supplement of racist and fascist jokes were thwarted.

fftiX WELCOMES FRESHERS

LAST (No 187)

and so o n It may be of interest that in issue 222 (Nov 1965) t h e h e a d l i n e w a s ' F r e e V o t e for Presidency' but the time-span of this article (to the end of 66/67 session) does not include the time when a free election replaced a C o u n c i l v o t e as a m e t h o d of e l e c t i n g t h e n e x t President. T w o of t h e m a j o r e v e n t s c o n c e r n i n g students this year have been the resurgence of C N D , including the m a r c h to H y d e P a r k , and the controversy surrounding the Rag M a g . S u c h events are not new to Imperial. T h e cover story of 168 (Friday, N o v e m b e r 24, 1 9 8 1 ) t o l d of a q u o r a t e U G M a l m o s t unanimously passing a motion "that I C C N D be r e - i n s t a t e d f o r t h w i t h ' . If h a d b e e n disbanded by C o u n c i l the year before. T h e closing sentence of the article was also very pleasing a n d , indeed, surprising. ' T h i s was an usually pleasant and fruitful U n i o n meeting, far better t h a n the p r o c e d u r e - b o u n d slanging matches that we sometimes have to endure'.

fC4iV PACKS PUNCH FRIDAY llt.h NOVEMBER.

N° 15 2

4

s

T h e various structural changes throughout the C o l l e g e are a l s o w e l l d o c u m e n t e d in F E L I X , especially the work of the architect C o l c u t t along Imperial Institute (including the erection of the Q u e e n s Tower), the building of the U n i o n a n d t h e S o u t h s i d e H a l l s of Residence. O n e classic headline was " S l o w Progress: Southside nearing completion asymtotically". Issue 226 included some very interesting topics including " M e c h E n g to go metric", a p h o t o of M i k e b e i n g c a s t a n d the E d i t o r e x p l a i n i n g w h y F E L I X no l o n g e r h a d anonymous columnists! 1966/67 was really the last year of the original F E L I X as the next session's copies were totally different in format. H o w e v e r t h e . " H o p s " organised by the U n i o n were still going strong and advertisements for salesgirls still appeared as it was still a few years before F E L I X was to become a free publication. People in the news even then included P r o f A b d u s S a l a m a n d Prof. Eric Laithwaite. Personally the most exciting thing to emerge from my reading was the advert for the C a r n i v a l w h i c h a p p e a r e d in i s s u e 2 4 6 a n d t h e subsequent photo of Jimi H e n d r i x in 247.

T H E NEWSPAPER O F IMPERIAL C O L L E G E UNION To be continued


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•R.W. c a n ' t y o u s e e I'm m a d a b o u t y o u ,

T o o e m b a r r a s s e d to wear the pixie b o -

even when you're drunk. C . G .

ots? P S - H o p e Radar's a g o o d

•Oeve S o c m e m b e r s h i p still o p e n . If

Love Bri a n d C y .

interested contact

A . Mews.

R m . 34,

W e e k s Hall.

•Leah Phelps c r u n c h e s .

hump.

See A. Barron

C h e m . II f o r d e t a i l s .

• G o Club — If i n t e r e s t e d i n f o r m i n g it

•Oh Shit Mother!

a g a i n this year,

m y g r e e n v e l v e t c u s h i o n ? ! W a s it M V B ?

please

contact

Paul

S c o t t o n Int. 4 3 0 2 . M a r t i n D o u g l a s o n

•This Friday

2424 o r H y o u n g - K y S h i n o n 2175.

again!!!

W h o left t h i s d i c k o n

M i n i n g 3 are o n the piss

•Wanted: p e r s o n t o s h a r e flat, n o r t h

•The adventures of Al: L a s t w e e k ' s e p -

Ken.,

isode

£17.50

p.w. F o r further details,

received m u c h critical a c c l a i m

c o n t a c t N i c k H o p w o o d , E E . letter r a c -

such

ks.

m a j o r c o n t r i b u t i o n to r o a d safety', ' s o d

•Thank you ing

to 17G and

NKR

for r e a c h -

t h r o u g h t h e hole in m y ceiling o n

m y 21st. C . B o u r g o i n g .

•Money Low? R u c k s a c k

a s ' y o u t u r d s ' , 'I b e l i e v e

o f f . C h a p t e r 2: S e c r e t

it is a

Rendezvous.

•The adventures of Al: C h a p t e r 3: Mills and

Boon.

too big? T h e n

•For Sale: l a r g e q u a n t i t i e s of w a s h i n g

how about m ysmaller nylon rucksack

u p l i q u i d . S e e M i k e S t u r g e s s , C h e m II.

(framed) p l u s a few q u i d , for y o u r b i g -

•Wanted: L a r g e q u a n t i t i e s o f w a s h i n g

ger nylon rucksack (framed)? Contact

u p l i q u i d . C o n t a c t A n n D . P h y s i c s II.

Tim

Gilligan Elec. E n g . pigeon

•To anyone

FELIX, December

Mislaid

C o n t a c t J a c k y M e r g e t t s , C h e m . I letter

To ORAC, a l l m y l o v e .

Page 8

last

to g o o d

GE6

For further, information contact: Helen Brookes, Room 303, Sherfield Building, Mike Richardson, City and Guilds Union Office, Mechanical Engineering dept.

1 black, slinky ballgown,

h o m e . A p p r o x . 1 0 w e e k s o l d , v. c u d d l y .

Carlsbro C o b r a lead amp. £145; Boss

This man is an Old Centralian-how about you?

evenings.

(top floor. U n i o n B u i l d i n g ) this F r i d a y

•Guitarists Note:

Chairman of the British Airports Authority since 1977 President of the Western European Airports Association 1975-76 Awarded the OBE in 1956 for work on the development of Gatwick Airport. Fellow of the City and Guilds of London Institute since 1972 Educated at City and Guilds College (Civil Engineering Dept.), 1946-49

condition, £25. Contact Miguel,

Int. 3 1 1 9 o r 9 9 5 - 1 7 3 3

•Lost:

•X-bred Burmese kitten tree

Norman J. Payne CBE FCGI FICE FBIM

•For Sale: B a b y c o t a n d m a t t r e s s , very good

DO

holes.

a b o u t t o travel b y ferry.

N O T start d r i n k i n g l a g e r at 7 . 0 0 a m

•Fiona O.:

L e e P. t h a n k s y o u for t h e

s l e e p i n g a r r a n g e m e n t s o n t h e n i g h t of the C e n t e n n i a l Ball. ( P r e s u m a b l y Trina

I W A R N Y O U . J . M o s s , C h e m II.

L. w a s q u i t e h a p p y t o o . ) W h e n will y o u r

•Fifi & Griffo,

b e d next b e a v a i l a b l e ?

congratulations on your

anniversary! A year since the bed w a s

•Beit Hall Kinks Club w o u l d like to

mended.

thank t w o tasty ladies for a n a f t e r n o o n

•For Sale: a g u t s t r u n g s q u a s h r a c k e t ,

of sticky p l e a s u r e . T h e b a n a n a s

£12.

fu n ,

Contact

J . P e l t o n , C i v . E n g . 3;

S q u a s h C l u b n o t i c e b o a r d (sports c e n -

want

tre).

and

18, 1981

were

the h o n e y r u n n y , but next time we to u s e raspberry ripple. Slurps kisses, the P h a n t o m G o b b l e r s .


The real horror Linstead

of

Linstead Hall is the most recently built of I C ' s a c c o m m o d a t i o n for students and has the best self-catering provision in college halls, particularly in the recent extension, where there is at least one kitchen per ten residents. Despite this, Linstead is the only hall to have a n evening meal served every weekday for which students must pay at the beginning of term with their r o o m fees. T h e meals cost £1.50 each: residents may obtain a refund of slightly less than this for up to two meals per week by signing out.

rarely even apparently clean and are often wet. Leaving aside considerations of hygiene, the meals are very rarely wholly satisfactory to a majority of the residents. M e a t served without sauce a n d fish are usually at best l u k e w a r m : vegetables are uninspiring in general. P o r t i o n s i z e is a n o t h e r s o u r c e of c o m p l a i n t . T h e a m o u n t of meat presented is usually in inverse p r o p o r t i o n to its tolerability, while chips, one of the few items w h i c h are anywhere near regularly acceptable, are always provided in totally inadequate amounts.

T h e r e is widespread dissatisfaction with this s e r v i c e . T h e U n i o n report on the recent refectories questionnaire is noticeably 'soft' o n the college catering services in some areas, but the section on the L i n s t e a d service is headed ' T h e r e a l h o r r o r of L i n s t e a d ' . T h e q u e s t ionnaire results revealed that 'huge majorities felt the meal was not hot enough, badly served and presented and that something was w r o n g with the food itself. T h e r e were complains about 'soggy food', u n d e r c o o k i n g , 'terrible' meat and fish, 'dry m a s h ' , ' o v e r c o o k e d cauliflower', 'soggy pastry', 'melted ice c r e a m ' , as well as about 'the behaviour and appearance of staff; 'obnoxious and filthy' was one'. A c c o r d i n g to the report 'residents do not feel they get value for money', and the last of its eleven conclusions is: 'The food in Linstead is totally unacceptable. T h i s situation must be reviewed immediately'.

Despite the effective financial loss i n c u r r e d , some Linstead residents attend less than three m e a l s p e r w e e k s i m p l y b e c a u s e of t h e unattractiveness of the food. O v e r a l l the meals are often described as 'worse than college refectory food', there being at least a c h o i c e of food in the main college refectories. T h e personal hygiene of some of the catering staff is viewed with suspicion by many r e s i d e n t s ^ Linstead Hall was built with money from an a n o n y m o u s benefactor who stipulated that students should eat in hall; other schools of the University received similar donations at the same time. IC secretary J o h n Smith says the intention of the benefactor was to 'improve the q u a l i t y of s t u d e n t l i f e ' i n L o n d o n b y t h e introduction of this ' O x b r i d g e ' system of meals in hall. W h e n Linstead's extension was built, enquiries were made about the possibility of a change in the system, but these revealed a fairly 'firm attitude' against s u c h a change. H o w e v e r , M r . S m i t h thought that in view of the 'rapidly changing eating habits' of students the matter must be l o o k e d into again.

M e a t in Linstead's meals is frequently visibly u n d e r c o o k e d - this is not only aesthetically offensive but also a danger to health. T h e r e have been several 'actual case(s) and r u m o u r s of food p o i s o n i n g ' * already this t e r m , and a l t h o u g h o b v i o u s l y t h e s o u r c e of t h e s e infections cannot be determined definitely, m a n y r e s i d e n t s are c o n v i n c e d that the Linstead meals were responsible. C u t l e r y is frequently coated with greasy fingerprints a n d sometimes carries visible remnants of the previous day's meal; plates a n d bowls are

T h e present service may fit the letter of the conditions attached to the don ation , but it c a n hardly be in the spirit of the benefactor's intention if the meals only serve to unite residents in their dissatisfaction with the food. (•sfe-Linstead H a l l C t t e e M e e t i n g m i n u t e s 17.11.81)

A

Christmas Tale

W i t h C h r i s t m a s approaching the thoughts of m o s t o r d i n a r y f o l k s t u r n t o f o o d a n d festivities (unless they've already been in the orientation for s o m e time already). H o w e v e r , s u c h things don't happen in the peculiar world of S c i e n c e a n d T e c h n o l o g y . I n s t e a d w e concentrate on that fine old institution, the C h r i s t m a s test. This reminds me of an o c c a s i o n some years ago when two aging Professors, both F R S , began at first contemplating, next discussing and finally arguing about the quality of their freshmen. H o w e v e r , preserving a sense of dignity they decided that the noble way to settle this was o n the results of the C h r i s t m a s test. It has long been accepted in the depts a n d indeed anywhere academics frequented that the C h r i s t m a s tests of eight years ago had both been comparable in difficulty and classics of their genre It w a s a g r e e d h o w e v e r for the s a k e of c h a n g e t h a t t h e a c t u a l f i g u r e s s h o u l d be changed as identical tests in different years is just not allowed. S o the Pr ofs went off to their r o o m s to locate the papers a n d m a k e the necessary alterations. H o w e v e r , one chap, being slightly more k e e n t h a n the o t h e r t o o k to p h r a s e 'the actual figures should be changed' to heart a n d c o n c o c t e d a devious plot by w h i c h he lowered the degree of accuracy required and generally manipulated many figures; including s u c h basics as pi so that they all cancelled out the answer fell out, so to speak. N a t u r a l l y his students r o m p e d h o m e in the test a n d the other Prof, like the gentleman he w a s , c o n c e d e d defeat. H o w e v e r , two students from the two different departments h appe n e d to c o m p a r e their papers and immediately realized the dastardly deed one of the Prof's had lowered himself to. Naturally the students r u s h ed to the R e c t o r , who has the last w o r d on s u c h matters, but being the R e c t o r a n d having the political k n o w how to keep all sides happy (and m a k e his o w n lot easier) the only c o m m e n t he offered was the sardonic ' O b v i o u s l y the constants were fixed'.

An Appeal A n organisation called A C T I V E , w h i c h helps disabled children and adults, has a s k ed us to help it by suggesting new toys, devices, aids or whatever for the severely disabled. U R O P is taking this under its wing a n d if y o u c a n think up a bright idea U R O P will find a supervisor to help y o u develop it. A C T I V E has funds both to pay for a limited a m o u n t of materials and to support a student w o r k i n g full-time on his idea d u r i n g the S u m m e r vacaction. T h e difference in A C T I V E ' s a p p r o a c h is that t h e y a i m to m a k e t h e i r e n d - p r o d u c t a ' W o r k s h e e t ' w h i c h gives full instructions for the disabled p e r s o n , or s o m e o n e helping h i m , to construct the device themselves. In this way one-off and special designs c a n be arrived at to meet a particular individual's needs. T h u s the w o r k is a double challenge—to think up the toy or whatever in the first place, and then to develop it in a f o r m that c a n be d u p l i c a t e d by r e l ati ve l y u n s k i l l e d people w o r k i n g in their homes. T h e need is for play, leisure a n d c o m m u n ication aids of all k i n d s — w e want y o u r ideas! F o r further details contact Professor J . C . A n d e r s o n , Electrical Engineering D e pt . FEUX, December

18,

1981

Page 9


I c o u l d w h i l e a w a y the hours, Conversing with L o r d The

FELIX

Staff

present

their

Christmas

Pantomime...

And All

Flowers,

c r a w l i n g i n the m a i n . the thoughts F d be thinking,

I c o u l d even give u p d r i n k i n g . If I only h a d a brain....

n

Student: W h y Nick

hello there. W h o

Scarecrow: O h ,

SCENE I

are

you?

I ' m just a s i m p l e s c a r e c r o w

evil counts

here about,

who

a n d to protect

h as b e e n

p u t u p to f r i g h t e n a w a y a l l t h e

the students o f the l a n d o f I m p e r i a . T h e

p r o b l e m is t h a t n o b o d y t a k e s a n y n o t i c e o f m e , b u t i f I h a d a b r a i n w h y . . . . w h y Curtains

often to reveal a small impoverished hovel in Ihe City of 11 'estminsler. It is 170 Qjieensgale, residence of

Ihe miserly Baron

Hardup:

How

Huron Hardup

a m 1 supposed

reveal startling some more,

and his wife Lady

to m a n a g e

Lady

Mary:

(Whispers

The Baron

o n t h i s sort o f m o n e y !

red. white and blue suit).

is reading page 34 of his wage

slip:

I tell y o u M a r y ,

asidei M v G o d

Wi.shee Washee

i t ' s h i m a g a i n . (Loudly)

if I don't

w o r k o u t a s c h e m e t o get

Lindley)

How

Washee:

Before

Baron

Hardup:

Don't

Washee: Well

Wishee

and

Voices:

(Two

muffled voices are heard from behind a large, expensive looking part il ion )G?in w c c o m e

Student

Mooney

I.adv

M a n

know!

I c a n look

it u p . h u t it w a s b e i n g p r e p a r e d

it w a s b e i n g d o n e p r o p e r l y mitt

I c a n tell

Widow

quivering)

Barnev

(To

Lady

bovine

a cook of some slalnrc.

bearing

enormous si/vei

Moonev: O h

yes it i s !

Oh

Wishee

Washee:

Baron

Hardup:

Baron Hardup:

Excuse m e sir, but m y friends a n d I have a few problems

N i c k Scarecrow: Baron Hardup:

Mary)

They'll

both

into disorder,

have to go y o u

curtain

B e quiet! W e have to finish o n a song w h i c h I just h a p p e n to have

Jails:

know.

On

On

Student: N e v e r S i r Jasper, I cannot! per week,

Have

for.

the second

d a y o f C h r i s t m a s , B a r o n H a r d u p said to h e ,

W h a t c a n w e lose? If w e a l l c h o o s e t o j o i n Q E C thethird dav of Christmas, N i c k Scarecrow

That's what we'll i n t o the d r i v i n g s n o w f o r y o u m y fine

beauty.

Student

lose.

twirls and leaves, slamming ihe door)

w o e is m e . W h a t c a n I d o n o w ? (After many verses)

straightens while leotard and tiara:

On

Hi

One

Lord

One

Captain piping

k i d s . S u p e r F a i r y here. G u a r a n t e e d t o r i g h t a l l w r o n g s a n d c u r e a l l ills.

(Sounds oj consternation) W h o ? ? ? ?

the e l e v e n t h d a y o f C h r i s t m a s . B a r o n H a r d u p s a i d t o m e ,

(Aside to audience) M y , d o e s n ' t h e l o o k l i k e m i l d m a n n e r e d M i c h a e l A r d o u r , t h a t n i c e m a n f r o m

O n e cook

S t u d e n t S e r v i c e s . (Loudly) O h S u p e r F a i r y , c a n y o u h e l p m e .

One

S i r Jasper wants ^23 per

week

a n d I just d o n ' t k n o w w h a t t o d o . I f o n l y I c o u l d see t h e B a r o n H a r d u p , F m s u r e he c o u l d h e l p ! Super Fairy:

said to m e ,

If w e a l l c h o o s e t o j o i n Q E C

Al this point a large figure falls from above with a thump, amidst falling plaster. The figure stands up.

All

said to m e ,

must w e join Q E C ?

RCS.

mercy!

o r it's out....out (Sir. Jasper

Woe,

w h a t I've c o m e

here.

large screen with words on and produces slick to point with)

t h e first d a y o f C h r i s t m a s , N i c k S c a r e c r o w

Why

On know

through.

N o w wait a minute....

(Unrolls

All: B o o o ! H i s s s !

Fairy

and....

O h , n e v e r m i n d a b o u t that. I've c o m e u p w i t h a n o t h e r b r i l l i a n t scheme. C a s h i n the b a n k f o r the taps on. T h a t shouldn't be too difficult to p u s h

S i r J a s p e r : (Tweaks moustache menacingly)Xou

Super

I s u p p o s e so.

s u r e . A l l w e h a v e t o d o is a g r e e t o a m e r g e r w i t h Q E C f r o m d o w n t h e r o a d a n d t h e U G C w i l l t u r n

Jasper- Monro wearing a tall black hat, cloak and obviously false moustache:

(Crying pitifully)

t h i n k t h e B a r o n c a n h e l p us?

W e l l , there are limits but

an ornate throne:

sipping tepid water from an old baked bean tin. A green spotlight falls on the door and in bursts the evil Sir

Student:

o f s p e n d i n g a l l the U n i o n ' s

coefficient".

murals, tapestries and carvings of the Baron in various poses. They pass into a room where the Baron is sitting on

from those of a a < / /

.Snore blankets Princes Gardens. A luxurious room in the Southside Halls of Residence where a female student is

i t ' s ffZ3

is a v a l u e l o r t h e " g o o d sense

We return to Queensgate where the intrepid foursome pass along a hallway containing busts, paintings,

S C E N E II

Sir Jasper: Look,

D o you

A l l I need

dears?

N o w c o m e o n y o u l o t . let's get t h i s s t r a i g h t . . . .

lo Lady

have the nerve.

SCENE IV

Student:

Ax scene falls (Aside

Student:

M y . t h a t does s m e l l g o o d !

n o it i s n ' t (etc, ele. ad nauseam)

(fillerfeeling)

i n p u b l i c , b u t I just d o n ' t

.Xick and Marco) Y o u t w o w o u l d toe t h e s t o r y l i n e w o u l d n ' t y o u ! T o h e l l w i t h i t .

itil.rt)

audience) O i l y e s it is n o it i s n ' t !

All:

Together:

quadruped)

Oh

All:

need?

to speak

They all link hands and skip off into the distance.

M a r y : It is larnb i s n ' t i t ?

M o o n e y : (To

I need

live minutes a g o

(11 idow Mooney lifts cover to reveal an enormous pasty with horns of a shape not dissimilar known

what d o you

Well.

you.

Mooney.

W h e r e d o y o u w a n t y o u r l a m b pasty then (Visibly

perspective....

s t a r t that a g a i n . W h e n w i l l d i n n e r h e s e r v e d ? I don't

Why

Marco

I ' v e just b e e n w o r k i n g o n a n o t h e r e q u a t i o n a n d I ' v e f o u n d a w a y

let's get t h i s i n t o

too?

(Enter Barney Tinman and Marco Lion)

money.

I s t a r t . I ' d just l i k e t o g e t a l e w t h i n g s s t r a i g h t . N o w

(Sound of cowbell nj/slagi.

Widow

I ' m g o i n g a l o n g t o see t h e B a r o n H a r d u p . D o y o u w a n t t o c o m e a l o n g t o o ?

n i c e t o see y o u .

B a r o n H a r d u p : G e t o n w i t h it m a n !

Widow

better.

Why,

W a s h e c : P e r m i s s i o n to speak y o u r L o r d s h i p .

Wisher

Widow

much Student:

(removes coronet and ermine robes lo

w e ' l l have to d i t c h the servants l o r sure. (Enter

Wisher

Mary.

only

I ' m sure I ' d d o

B u t m y c h i l d y o u ' v e a l w a y s h a d t h e p o w e r t o s e c him.(Points

to her feet) C l i c k t h o s e l i t t l e r e d

a-bleating

lamb

a-mooing

Montpelier Old

Street.

Chemistry.

plastic s a n d a l s t o g e t h e r a n d sec.

BAR-YE)

(Super Fairy uses gracelessly into Ihe air and crashes into Ihe scenery. Student taps her heel together three limes

Life

and disappears in a puff of smoke)

a-leaping

M.( AHI

Sciences.

RCS. That's what

S C E N E III We are transported lo ihe mysterious Beit (Jjiadrangle, a feared area where hundreds of planes, ships and beer

On

deliveries have disappeared without trace. Student happens upon Xick Scarecrow, an untidy figure who is holding

(Spoken)

a copy of The Times upside down and is singing lo himself:

we'll

lose.

II w e a l l c h o o s e t o j o i n the twelfth dav Well,

Q1,C

of Christmas. Nick Scarecrow

s a i d to m e ,

il v o n p u t it t h a t w a y , it l o o k s l i k e i t ' s c u r t a i n s .


Heavy Metal, Cert AA, directed by Gerald Pottertort, opens at Odeon Kensington and all over London tomorrow. This is a n animated film consisting of seven scenes linked by a green marble representing ultimate evil in the universe. It is based o n the w o r k of several artists from the well-known magazine of the same name. A l t h o u g h t h e title m a k e s m u c h of t h e s o u n d t r a c k it is n o t r e a l l y n o t i c e a b l e , especially if one hasn't heard it before (Devo's r e w o r k i n g of ' W o r k i n g in a C o a l m i n e ' being the most memorable track). T h e opening scene is of a futuristic and violence-ridden N e w Y o r k where super-cool taxi-driver H a r r y C a n y o n picks up the first of many big and beautiful w o m e n who are all too ready to r e m o v e their single layer of clothing. O t h e r story lines include D e n , a super-stud (almost) when in possession of the marble a n d ' S o Beautiful and S o D a n g e r o u s ' w h i c h includes a very funny scene where a c r e w of s p a c e m e n try to d o c k a spaceship. H o w e v e r , the best scene is called C a p t . S t e r n n ' where the evil C a p t a i n manages to acquit himself of m o r e charges than have been heard at the O l d Bailey this year. Generally good never c o n q u e r s evil, but usually maintains the u p p e r h a n d . Basically the film is very s o u n d , with the seven episodes maintaining the pace well.

Symphony Orchestra O n e ' s f i r st i m p r e s s i o n of t h e I m p e r i a l .College Symphony O r c h e s t ra concert on N o v e m b e r 25th was one of visual splendour. T h e o r c h e s t r a o c c u p i e d fully two thirds of the floor space of the G r e a t H a l l , a n d boasted a violin s e c t i o n large for a p r o f e s s i o n a l o r c h e s t r a . T h e question in the audience's collective m i n d as we waited for maestro R i c h a r d D i c k i n s was, c a n 1 C S O live up to its looks? T h e first piece o n the p r o g r a m m e was the A c a d e m i c Festival O v e r t u r e by B r a h m s , a n d the o r c h e s t r a r o m p e d cheerfully t h r o u g h this tuneful pastiche. E x c e p t for a few o c c a s i o n s w h e n the large first violin section s h o w e d less sensitivity to the melodic line than R i c h a r d D i c k i n s ' expansive gestures might have indicated, the playing, like the piece itself, was l o u d , happy, a n d convincing. T h e o r c h e s t r a was then joined by soloists K r z y s z t o f S m i e t a n a (violin), R i c h a r d Higgins (cello) a n d B a r r y D o u g l a s (piano) for the B e e t h o v e n t r i p l e c o n c e r t o . T h e l o n g f i r st m o v e m e n t is not one of Beethoven's finest efforts, a n d a g a i n , the o r c h e s t r a had o c c a s i o n a l difficulty following the c o n d u c t o r t h r o u g h the many tempo changes. In the s e c o n d movement things began t o p i c k u p . In the opening bars the I C S O strings, playing with a richness surely s e l d o m m a t c h e d by an amateur orchestra, provided a gorgeous b a c k g r o u n d for R i c h a r d H i g g i n s ' bewitching rst theme. T h i s set the tone for the rest of the Movement, in w h i c h the soloists made

Page 12

An alien spaceship hovers above the

Pentagon.

S o m e of the stories are a little weak a n d the animation doesn't always w o r k , but it is a bold attempt at something new a n d is o n the whole enjoyable. D o n ' t be put off by the title either, as the music isn't the most important thing. beautiful c h a m b e r m u s i c , firmly s u p p o r t e d by the I C S O at its most sensitive. T h e third m o v e m e n t b e l o n g e d to the s o l o i s t s , w h o d a z z l e d the audience with their virtuosity, providing a r o u s i n g finish to the first half of the programme. But it was in the s e c o n d half that the I C S O was truly outstanding. R i m s k y - K o r s a k o v ' s S c h e h e r a z a d e makes huge demands o n an o r c h e s t r a : there are technically difficult solos for many individual players, a n d treacherous e n s e m b l e p a s s a g e s , a l l of w h i c h m u s t be played with an air of effortlessness to be convincing. T h e s e difficulties were surm o u n t e d with truly impressive skill. T h i s time, the o r c h e s t r a followed the c o n d u c t o r ' s sensitive direction flawlessly, and the lushness a n d o p u l e n c e of t h e s o u n d m o r e t h a n adequately reflected the subject. L e a d e r D a v i d Bogle e n c o u n t e r e d s o m e intonation problems in his first solo statement of the theme, but subsequently found his t o u c h , a n d played the difficult violin solos with laudable style. T h e wind solos were uniformly excellent, with special credit going to a superb o b o e section. In the slow m o v e m e n t , the strings managed to be m u t e d without sounding scratchy, as the o r c h e s t r a o n c e again d e m o n s t r a t e d the beauty of its s o u n d . In all, I C S O performed a daring pr ogr amm e with professional aplomb. C h a r l e s Bailyn

FELIX needs space fillers! FELIX,

December

18,

1981

Prince of the City. Directed by Sidney Lumet, X, 167 mins. Opens at Warner West End, ABC Shaftesbury Ave and 17. ABC Fulham Rd on December Prince of the City concerns Detective Daniel Ciello, w h o is the head of a special narcotics d i v i s i o n of t h e N e w Y o r k C i t y P o l i c e D e p a r t m e n t w h i c h has been given city-wide jurisdiction and the ability to put together cases anyway they see fit, and his break with t h e r u l e s of c o r r u p t i o n t h a t h a v e b e e n established in the dealings between cops and c r o o k s a n d between c o p s themselves. A s the film progresses a n d D a n n y goes undercover for a crime c o m m i s s i o n he is caught between the dispassionate truth of the law and the truth of his friendship with other member s of his unit w h i c h is founded on action that transverses legal boundaries. It is the divide between impersonal political power that generates, to D a n n y , an arbitary legal framework a n d the personalised, corrupt nature of his unit's police w o r k and Danny's attempt to be judged as ' g o o d ' by one yet salvage the other, that provides the tension w h i c h t h r e a t e n s to d e s t r o y the c e n t r a l character. T h e p l o t is f i e r c e l y u n r a v e l l e d , t e a r i n g through skillfully portrayed scenes of stark intensity or ritual violence, violence being, in this almost totally male film, the major way the characters express themselves or relate to each other. T h e simple plot, boldly embellished, is for all its energy finally unable to sustain the duration of this film, close on three hours, and the fluid structure ossifies into a series of scenes where well-heeled lawyers, w h o y e i l d the p o w e r to w h i c h D a n n y is subservient, decide his future. T h e rigidity of these few final scenes traps the characters and invalidates their expression during t h e m . H o w e v e r , Prince of the City, directed by S i d n e y L u m e t w h o is t r e a d i n g g r o u n d superficially similar to that w h i c h he did with S e r p i c p , is not crippled by its length and m u c h of the life of this film abides in the barely s k e t c h e d characters of N e w Y o r k ' s seiper underworld.


CLUBS AND SOCIETIES

Go G o is potentially the most successful of the i n t e l l e c t u a l g a m e s , i n c l u d i n g c h e s s , bridge or bird watching. T h i s may be p r o v e d at S o u t h Side or a b r o a d . It is a strategic b o a r d game for two players, a war game with art, if y o u like. Regarding its origins, go is an oriental game. It is thousands of years old. It is not too difficult to experiment a n d see that go is simpler and m o r e interesting than any otber board or c a r d game. T h e matchless simplicity of the rules makes it easy to learn quickly, but it can take a lifetime to get the most from the game. It is enjoyable not only to experienced players but also to beginners and tbey can play each other, because the differences c a n be levelled by a very natural handicap system. T h e game is played by placing black and white m e n , astonishingly called stones, one by o n e i n t u r n o n t h e go b o a r d , o v e r t h e intersection of the lines. T h e aim is to share the territory w h i c h is given by the 181 points available o n the board (19 by 19 intersections). T h e r e is no way of ending in a draw. T h e winner is the player, who after the ending arrangements has formed group of stones in s u c h a way that they are s u r r o u n d i n g larger n u mber of u n o c c u p i e d positions that that achieved by the opponent. T h e stones positioned in the beginning are just laying claim for areas. S o o n e r or later the local situation can s h a r p e n into a dispute and farther on into a fight for life. T h e actual playing ends w h e n there is an agreement about it, that is w h e n it b e c o m e s clear that there is no c h a n c e or possibility of increasing territory either in a peaceful way or by m a k i n g stones prison or killing them. It may look a bloody game a n d that is it for nasty people. T o reactivate the go club this year again in the College there is a n e e d of 20 signatures for start of people interested in playing the game a n d c o n c e r n e d w i t h f o r m i n g the c l u b . Meetings will be held as usual o n c e or twice a week in Stan's (South Side over the running pints). If interested, please contact the people y o u can find in small ads.

Angling If a l l w e n t a c c o r d i n g to p l a n , I . C . A n g l i n g C l u b b e c a m e t h e n e w e s t c l u b in R . C . C . last n i g h t . W e w i l l be g e t t i n g h e a d e d n o t e p a p e r s o o n ! M a l c o l m B r a i n w o u l d be p r o u d of us. A c t i v i t i e s h a v e b e e n low k e y r e c e n t l y , with a t i d d l e r - s n a t c h i n g s e s s i o n on the G r a n d U n i o n C a n a l a n d a n o n - e v e n t at W a l t h a m s t o n r e s e r v o i r s . T h e last t r i p for t h i s t e r m is t h i s w e e k e n d ( c o n t a c t D a v e K e l s a l l , C h e m . E n g . P G , i n t . 2594 f o r details). N e x t t e r m we s h a l l be f i s h i n g o n the following weekends: 16/17th J a n . 30/31st J a n . 13/14th F e b . 27/28th F e b . 1 3 / 1 4 t h M a r c h ( e n d of s e a s o n s p e c i a l event) O n e of t h o s e w e e k e n d s c o u l d be a s e a f i s h i n g t r i p , but we n e e d a s e a c o m m o d o r e to h e l p o r g a n i s e it - an y offers? O n a f i n a l n o t e , we w i l l be off to I r e l a n d next s u m m e r . P l a c e s w i l l be s t r i c t l y l i m i t e d . If y o u are i n t e r e s t e d i n v i s i t i n g t h e a n g l i n g m e c c a , y o u r first s t e p c o u l d be c o m i n g a l o n g to o n e of o u r i n f o r m a l T h u r s d a y e v e n i n g m e e t i n g s at 5 . 4 5 p m i n S o u t h s i d e bar.

United Nations Bookshop News I f i n d it very s a d (to say t h e least) that at a t i m e w h e n w o r l d p o v e r t y is at a n a l l t i m e h i g h a n d c o n t i n u e s to be a n i n s u l t to h u m a n i t y , w h e n the U K G o v e r n m e n t ' s i n d i f f e r e n c e to m a j o r i n t e r n a t i o n a l i s s u e s r e s u l t s in s a v a g e c u t s in f o r e i g n a i d . b i g c u t s in u n i v e r s i t y e d u c a t i o n a n d the t r a i n i n g of o v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s , a n d t h e b l a t a n t d i s r e g a r d of m u c h of t h e U N ' s w o r k , nearly e v e r y o n e in the c o l l e g e c h o o s e s to sit back and forget about it all. T h e U N s o c i e t y is s t r i v i n g to e n l i g h t e n m e m b e r s of c o l l e g e o n t h e s e m a t t e r s a n d to c a m p a i g n o n t h e m , but b e c a u s e of a very p o o r r e s p o n s e to a r e q u e s t for v a c a n t c o m m i t t e e p o s t s t o b e f i l l e d at the_ b e g i n n i n g of t e r m , very little h a s b e e n d o n e . I w o u l d u r g e a n y o n e w h o has t h e s l i g h t e s t interest or c o n c e r n a b o u t w o r l d poverty and development, multilateral disarmament, a n d university education in the international and national context ( a r e a s not c o v e r e d by o t h e r s o c i e t i e s i n the c o l l e g e ) to c o m e to a brief m e e t i n g o n T h u r s d a y D e c e m b e r 17 ( t o m o r r o w ) at 1.00pm in t h e U n i o n U p p e r L o u n g e a n d v o l u n t e e r to c o n t r i b u t e i n the r u n n i n g of t h e s o c i e t y . If a g o o d s t r o n g c o m m i t t e e is f o r m e d o n l y a m o d e s t c o n t r i b u t i o n is required from each committee member.

Ents Tonight is, of c o u r s e - y o u r last c h a n c e to enjoy yourself before heading b a c k to the provinces. I refer to the ' X m a s ... at last' party with ' A Blue Z o o ' a n d ' W a pa c h a ' both bands achieving g o o d reactions at recent L o n d o n dates and both highly danceable. A l s o , c a r t o o n s starring T o m , J e r r y a n d P i n k P a n t h e r - w h o have just returned from a w o r l d wide tour, C r i m b o disco a n d bars, w h i c h go without saying really! W h a t more can £1 buy you? T o m o r r o w is the last film of t e r m - Smokey and the Bandit Ride Again and next t e r m sees s u c h f i l m s as Star Trek, McVicar, Flash Being There, China Gordon, Airplane, Syndrome, Any Which Way You Can and The Great Rock'n'Roll Swindle. C a n you afford to miss even one of these? Special thanks must go to I.C. U n i o n , G u i l d s for the use of their G e s t e t n e r and our many helpers. Finally - ' M e r r y X m a s ... at last!'

Chemistry

Christmas

E v e r y year at the F r a n k f u r t B o o k f a i r , price is given for the oddest title. B e l o w are listed s o m e of this year's contenders: ' P h y s i c a l properties of slags' ' C h i l d S p a c i n g in T r o p i c a l A f r i c a ' ' A Pictorial B o o k of T o n g u e C o a t i n g s ' 'Biochemists' songbook' 'The G r a y s ' A n a t o m y C o l o u r i n g B o o k ' ' A Frog's B l i m p ' 'New G u i n ea Tapeworms and Jewish Grandmother' 'Waterproofing Y o u r Child' 'Last C h a n c e at L o v e - T e r m i n a l R o m a n c e s ' CHRISTMAS SELECTION Short W a l k in the H i n d u k u s h - Eric N e w b y P i c a d o r - £1.95 A S m a l l B o o k of G r a v e H u m o u r - Fritz Spiegl P a n - £1.25 M e m e d by H a w k - Y a s h a r K e m a l - W r i t e r s & Readers - £3.95 Introducing Bridge to a Beginner - B a r b a r a O r c h a r d - £2.25 Chinese Horoscopes - Hans Wilhelm - Pan £1.50 Not Another Cube Book P a n - £0.95 Cube Games Penguin - £1.75 Flying C o l o u r s - L a d d i e L u c a s - H u t c h i n s o n £8.95 Halliwells F i l m G u i d e 3rd ed. - G r a n a d a £17.50 Four Seasons Cookery Book - Margaret Costa - C o o k e r y B o o k c l u b - £6.50 T e x a s B o o t s - S h a r o n Delano - Penguin - £6.95 Life in the English C o u n t r y H o u s e - M a r k G i r o v a r d - P e n g u i n - £5.95 D o o m s d a y 1999 A D - C h a r l e s B e r l i t z S o u v e n i r - £6.95 H i s t o r i c a l A t l a s of Britain - M a l c o l m F a l k u s G r a n a d a - £15.00 F o r readers of F E L I X 596, unfortunately, one of the titles has n o w gone out of print, however, I have found an excellent alternative ' H o u s e and C a r e e r M a n a g e m e n t in P r o s titution' or ' M a d a m as E n t r e p p e n e u r ' - P u b l . T r a n s a c t i o n B o o k s £10.50. A s before, this can be supplied in a plain w r a p p i n g ! WARNING C e r t a i n r e c o m m e n d e d b o o k s for the c o m i n g T e r m have had quite large price increases. It is as y o u k n o w the publisher w h o decides o n the price, not the booksellers. T h i n k before y o u buy as we c a n n o t refund m o n e y . Better still, c h e c k there are not an y of the old price still in stock. Rest a s s u r e d they will be in the front so do not disrupt the whole shelf my staff spend a large amount of time trying to keep the s h o p tidy.

Party

T h u r s d a y , D e c e m b e r 17 Union Concert Hall Revue

starts at 9 p m ,

followed

by

a b u f f e t w i t h c h e a p b o o z e . D i s c o 'till

T i c k e t s f r o m R C S U Office, only

FELIX,

December

18,

1981

2am

£1-50

Page

13


T h a n k s to...Oliv o M i o t t o , D r J o h n C o n w a y , and G r e y Spider. G o o d luck, M e r r y Christmas, and i-o i-o i-o!

W e l c o m e to the C h r i s t m a s special! F o r those of y o u w h o are new t o the end-of-term puzzle p a g e , t h e p u z z l e s a r e of t w o t y p e s . T h e u n m a r k e d puzzles are for amusement only, and tend to be less than serious in nature. T h e sworded puzzles, o n the other hand, each carry a £5 prize in the usual way, a n d there is also a £10 voucher (redeemable at M e n d - a Bike) for the person w h o answers the most sworded puzzles correctly. A n s w e r s t o me at the F E L I X Office by 1:00pm o n the first W e d n e s d a y of next term. If y o u submit answers t o more than one puzzle, there is n o need t o write the answers o n separate slips of paper.

Solution

L a s t Week's

Blanche had just castled o n the queen's side. So W o d g e was able to deduce that her King's rook was unable to escape from his original corner, a n d so the rook o n Q 3 must be a p r o m o t e d pawn. B u t White c a n only have made such a promotion if Black has moved her king. (This c a n be deduced from the pawn structure.) S o Black cannot castle. W i t h this deduction made, White must castle (as indeed she did) a n d it is then a simple matter to force mate in the required number of moves. A s many of y o u pointed out, the solution to the p r e v i o u s w e e k ' s p u z z l e w a s w r o n g l y printed in last week's F E L I X . T h e (unique) correct solution is shown in the diagram.

t Taking Notes Barney McCabe has put so much time and effort into discovering the most irresponsible method for disposing £3000 of Union money that he is naturally quite keen to protect the piano in question, and to this end he has put it at the back of the music store for the duration of tonight's party. Unfortunately he hasn't yet worked out how to get it out again... The difficulty arises on two counts. Firstly, there's no room to turn any of the objects round without damaging them, so he will have to get the piano out by sliding things backwards and forwards without turning them round. And secondly, there's an officious security regulation which prohibits him from moving anything out of the cupboard (i.e. off the shaded area) unless he is going to remove it, and the only thing he needs to remove i s the grand piano. Any offers of help?

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I Splinter had a nightmare. He dreamt that he ! was playing Wodge at the chess club, and for I the first time in his life he was winning. The ] game had reached a point where he was about ' to give checkmate in one move, but to his I horror he played another move entirely, giving ' the position shown in diagram 1.

t Ch 9htmare

At this point he woke up in a cold sweat, '"but soon he settled down to an uneasy sle'ep once more. Astonishingly he h a d '• exactly the same dream, except that this time the position after his blunder was that of ' diagram 2. 1

Twice more the dream was repeated, and on each repetition Splinter's mistake left the pieces one square further down the board ' (diagrams 3 and 4.) And now Splinter can't get back to sleep I because he's pondering the four positions, \ wondering in each case what move he played, and what move he should have played to give checkmate. Can you help him? In each case Splinter is white, and playing up the board. All four problems have unique solutions.

Coll My Bluff —JJ Which Which of the following words would be permissible in a game of Scrabble, and which are bluffs? The dictionary of reference is Chambers 20th C e n t u r y D i c t i o n a r y (1972 edition) and I've given the meanings of the supposed words to help you. angekkok — an eskimo conjuror posteeen — an Afghan greatcoat monotroch — a wheelbarrow monostich — a poem of one line paneity — the state of being bread nunatakkr — points of rock appearing above the surface of land-ice swede — a garden vegetable akin to the turnip giaour — an infidel st — interjection requesting silence gju — a violin used in the Shetland Islands euoi — interjection expressing Bacchic frenzy

results? pi yed a

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done to it, do not w a r m it up too quickly nor too m u c h . O f the finer red B o r d e a u x wines, the vintages of 1973 and 1976 are drinking very well now and will of course last for many more years. M a n y on the list are C h a t e a u bottled (CB). T h e C h . de Pez (1976) is very good value for a lovely wine. T h e 1978 C h . Rausan Segla is strickly for laying d o w n for enjoyment in the future and a good investment. Clarets should be served at r o o m temperature and the cork drawn several hours beforehand.

A revised W I N E L I S T has been put together just in time for members of the College, staff and students alike, to purchase wines direct from the cellar. T h e prices quoted on the list a r e f o r w i n e s s e r v e d at f u n c t i o n s ; a n y c o m p a r i s o n should thus be with prices in restaurants and in wine bars (£1 per glass!!). R e m e m b e r , that w h e n buying for private use a discount of 7.5% is given for purchases of six bottles or m o r e , made up m i x e d as required, but c a s h or c h e q u e on c o l l e c t i o n please. O r d e r s c a n be placed with the Refectory Office, g r o u n d floor Sherfield, r o o m 104. H o c k s and Moselles will go well with any fish and can be drunk as an aperitif; the middle and upper quality H o c k s will also have the body to enhance most poultry and cheeses. The nomenclature of G e r m a n wines is lengthy but v e r y s y s t e m a t i c - the t e r m s S p a t l e s e a n d Auslese denote increasing deqrees of original grape-sugar content. A reliable guide to quality is of course price. A relatively inexpensive H o c k , based on the Riesling grape, is the Rudesheimer Rosengarten 1979, and a greater,

but more expensive wine is the Schlossbockelheimer Felsenberg 1977. T h e Moselle wines are generally lighter and finer. A good introduction is the Piesporter Michelsberg 1977 and a delicious but more expensive one is the A v e l s b a c k e r Altenberg 1979. T h e Alsace wines o n the list c a n be highly r e c o m m e n d e d and some connoisseurs prefer them above all else. The C o m m o n R o o m C u v e e (Claret to all of us but not in the E E C ) is good value, only £2.10 for a 75 c l b o t t l e a n d r e m e m b e r i n g the discount for 6 or more bottles, the price is £1.94. T h e wine is reputed to c o m e from the r e g i o n s a r o u n d B o r d e a u x a n d is b o t t l e d specially for I.C. A fresh shipment came in a b o u t a m o n t h ago. It is well w o r t h w h i l e putting away for six months or longer as it improves in bottle. The C o m m o n R o o m C u v e e is robust and c a n withstand a good deal of mishandling such as being shaken about in the boot of a car o n C h r i s t m a s Eve for drinking over the holiday period. It would be a sacrilege to do this to the finer C l a r e t s . But whatever is

W e h a v e s e v e r a l i n t e r e s t i n g but n e v e r theless inexpensive wines from the Loire and Rhone Valleys, from Provence and some good Riojas from Spain. W h y not experiment by buying some of each? Regrettably, we cannot s t o c k the great n a m e s from B u r g u n d y although there are some reasonably priced wines on the list. There is also the C o m m o n R o o m B u r g u n d y , red and white. T h e 1978 Beaujolais Villages is a good buy and the other t w o B e a u j o l a i s are b e a u t i f u l w i n e s a l b e i t somewhat more expensive. A s an alternative and perhaps with tongue in cheek, try some of the Californian wines which were bought when the dollar was at a low. T h e red Californian wines are big, full bodied and with lots of alcohol; they will stay for a long time and may turn out to be the bargain for the 1980's. T h e Firestone Merlot (1977) is quite exquisite and anyone who had not tasted a wine made from the famous M e r l o t grape should take the opportunity. T h e white wines are also typical and good value. T o finish a meal, what about some Port? W e h a v e a v i n t a g e p o r t (not l i s t e d ) , a 1967 C o c k b u r n at £7.50 a bottle. O r 'have some M a d e i r a , my or as a very special treat have the J a n n e a u A r m a g n a c . H a v e a good C h r i s t m a s . P. G r o o t e n h u i s Chairman, Wine Committee

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16

FELIX,

December

18,

1981


FELIX

Feeding time to change T h e President p r o m i s e d changes i n the refectories by C h r i s t m a s , w h i c h have indeed surfaced ( m a i n l y due to financial reasons). 1. C h a n g e s i n H o u r s a) Daytime S h e r l i e l d m a i n 12 noon — 2:00pm U n i o n 11:30am — 2:30pm Southside D i n i n g R o o m 12 noon — 2:00pm Buttery 10:15 — 11:30am, 12 noon — 2 : 0 0 p m . 3:00 — 4:30pm. S h e r l i e l d S D R / H o r s e s h o e B a r 12 noon — 2 : 0 0 p m 170 Q u e e n ' s G a t e 12:30 — 2:00pm b) Evening Southside D i n i n g R o o m 4:00 — 6:30pm c) II 'eekends Southside D i n i n g R o o m 12:30 — 6:30pm.

Imperial

Dear Santa H a v i n g been good a l l year, I thought I ' d w r i t e to tell y o u what a few people a r o u n d here should get for C h r i s t m a s . Please try to d o y o u r best this year a n d b r i n g the following: F o r Q E C — 14 M o n t p e l i e r S t . J o h n S m i t h ( C o l l e g e S e c r e t a r y ) — " H o w to W r i t e L e t t e r s W h i c h get R e s u l t s " b y J o h n S m i t h O B E . D r D o n M o n r o — " 1 0 1 ways to use a D e a d C a t " . N i c k M o r t o n — knee pads a n d a jar of vaseline. B a r n e y M c C a b e — music lessons a n d a n a l a r m clock. C a p t a i n L i n d l e y — a set of detailed instructions so that he c a n open last year's bottle of M a t e y B u b b l e B a t h . D a v e T h o m p s o n — " D e b r e t t ' s E t i q u e t t e " (urgent!) a n d for the stall' of F E L I X

2. Services to D i s c o n t i n u e i) Breakfast service ii) H o l l a n d C l u b b a r a n d refectory

Lesley H o r r o c k s (Sports E d i t o r ) — a b i g black m a n . Peter R o d g e r s — a n a u t o g r a p h e d photo of Ian Paisley. J a m e s D e e n y — deed p o l l f o r m. J . M a r t i n T a y l o r — a n interesting speech to read. S c a r a m o u c h e — G r a n d b a b y causes a n n o y a n c e (anag?). M a r k S m i t h — a b u l l w h i p to encourage the stall.

3. B a r s T h e r e w i l l be a m a j o r redecoration o f the b a r counter area i n Southside. This w i l l i n c l u d e provisions for a greater range of food. 4. Style o f Service C u r r e n t l y u n d e r review by Suggestions a n d C o m p l a i n t s C o m m i t t e e . W e want to m a k e changes i n the style whilst the other changes take place. T h i s ' w i l l be resolved by S & C C o m m i t t e e next week. See m e or M a r c o to get results of that meeting. W e also hope to press tor i m p r o v e m e n t s i n things like counter presentation a n d k e e pi n g food hot.

Office College

.1 Well Wisher

The Name Game S c a r a m o u c h e s Anagrams

Response to the a n a g r a m c o m p e t i t i o n was pretty d i s m a l ; o n l y six people 5. L o c a t i o n bothered to enter, b u t nevertheless the entries s u p p l i e d i n q u a l i t y what T h e Southsidc D i n i n g R o o m w i l l be m o v i n g downstairs (closing they lacked i n q u a n t i t y . upstairs) over C h r i s t m a s or early next t e r m . R e d e c o r a t i o n lor this has C h r i s H u m p h r i e s o f Physics offered T H E R E S T I N G L E P E R as an started. a n a g r a m of P H I L G R E E N S T R E E T . H e also p o i n t e d out that G R E E N L E P E R S H I T is o n l y one letter out. A r a t h e r more a p p r o p r i a t e (and tasteful) a n a g r a m for the same g e n t l e m a n was suppled by ' E r i c ' J a r v i s : HELEN'S PERT TIGER. W . G e a l , a t e c h n i c i a n from C h e m E n g , s u p p l i e d over sixty assorted scramblings (so that's w h a t technicians d o a l l d a y ) the best of w h i c h i n c l u d e d J . S . O a k l e y — A S L Y J O K E ( M r O a k l e y is D e p a r t m e n t a l S u p e r i n t e n d e n t of C h e m E n g ) a n d V I C T O R M O O N E Y — T O Y MICRO OVEN. S i n c e no one s u b m i t t e d a n y t h i n g decent lor C A P T A I N L I N D L E Y , I h a d a go a n d m a n a g e d to find C A P ' N : T D E N Y I T A L L ' a n d also I, C A P T A I N w h i c h a n a g r a m s to P A I N A T I C . But the p r i z e w i n n e r s are in a class of their o w n . A f t e r several hours o f d e l i b e r a t i o n , M a r k S m i t h a n d I d e c i d e d to a w a r d second prize to S e a n O ' B o y l e for I M P E R I A L C O L L E G E O F S C I E N C E A N D T E C H N O L O G Y a n a g r a m m i n g into O N E P L A C E O F M I N C E D L O G I C T H E Y A L L R E C O G N I S E . But first prize goes to J o h n o f S e l k i r k w h o c a n c l a i m his C h r i s t m a s p u d as soon as he tells me his s u r n a m e . H i s entry a n a g r a m s V I C T O R Y M O O N E Y i n a h i g h l y t o p i c a l reference to that a w f u l l y e m b a r r a s s i n g refectory k n o c k i n g shop: V I C E R O O M ? Y N O T !

C o m i n g next t e r m ! Don't miss January February and (with luck) March T h e U n i o n President M r / M r s / M i s s N i c k M o r t o n , doing h i s / h e r / i t s b i t t o i m p r o v e t h e i m a g e o f t h e R e f e c t o r y staff.

FELIX, December

18, 1981

Page

17


Crisis at Xmas Christmas is a time to remember the homeless, being turned away from one place after another because there is no room? F o r the homeless of L o n d o n , there is a shelter each year during Christmas week in a C h u r c h Hall in Whitechapel. If you have any old clothes, or any food that you don't want to take home (and which will keep until Christmas!) please give it to any I C C A G member, or bring it to the I C C A G room o n Monday lunchtime. If y o u c a n s p a r e a n y t i m e d u r i n g Christmas week to help at the shelter, please contact F i o n a Sinclair, internal 2847, for further details. If y o u think that y o u are badly off, come and find out what it is really like to be poor (remember that the homeless can't get social security). We served 700 dinners on Christmas Day last year, so y o u can see we need a lot of help.

A n d t h e n the c e n t e n a r y was g o n e . Culminating in the Ball, a marvelous event, possibly the best seen in college, certainly the best within the last ten years. If you missed it, bad luck but you've only yourself to blame, and its your loss. Hopefully we will keep up the standards with the annual dinner in the spring term and the Silwood Ball in the summer, so there's something to look forward to. Have a nice time, don't worry Rag is in hand, see you around, Merry Xmas, Where's by birthday present?

It's the R S M Bar Night tonight - Union Bar 7pm. Make sure you come along and sing a few songs with our foreign student visitors. The R S M U G M is tomorrow, in G20 at 12.45pm This U G M is specially for the foreign students week, and will include presentations and songs from all (or most) of the 8 countries represented. So come along and say hello you never know, you might meet them again if you go on their foreign students week!!! Today, (5.00pm) is the last day to get your Mines Ball ticket - post dated cheques until early next term are accepted!

City 0? Guilds Apologies for the lack of Guilds article last week - it was due to severe inefficiency on my part - sorry. This week there's nothing much to mention except the theatre trip tonight, so if you want to see 'Caught in the Act' at the Garrick theatre there may still be some tickets left - (Steve says it's a really good play) - come to the Guilds office as soon as poss! There are no more 'Official' Guilds events so have a wonderful Christmas, don't work too hard (!!!) Be good. Lots of love. Neil

Page 18

Rowing The A l l o m C u p Regatta T h e A l l o m C u p regatta (organized by the U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n Boat C l u b s for U L clubs) is r o w e d at C h i s w i c k . I . C . B . C . entered eight crews a n d two scullers a n d the results were as follows: 1 s t VIII entered ' o p e n eights' a n d beat G u y s H o s p i t a l i n the first r o u n d a n d then lost by 1/2 l e n g t h to K i n g s C o l l e g e i n the final. 2 n d VIII entered senior ' C eights, just w o n the 1st r o u n d against St. M a r y ' s a n d K i n g s a n d w o n the final easily b e a t i n g ?? S e n i o r ' C I V , a scratch c r e w w h o h a d never r o w e d together m a n a g e d to beat L o n d o n H o s p i t a l i n the first r o u n d . T h e n i n the final they beat U . C . H . easily a n d forced a d e a d heat w i t h Q . M . C . I n the r e - r o w they beat Q . M . C . by 2 lengths. N o v i c e VIII's W e h a d two entrys to the N o v i c e V I I I d i v i s i o n . These crews consisted of people w h o h a d not r o w e d before this t e r m . D u e to the b a d c o n d i t i o n s the ' A ' c r e w m a n a g e d to p u t a sizable hole i n t h e ir boat before r e a c h i n g the start. T h e y h a d to r o w t h e i r race i n the ' B ' crew's boat. T h i s was possible since the ' B ' c r e w lost their first race the ' A ' c r e w w e n t o n to do the same. W o m e n s ' ' A ' I V entered W o m e n s O p e n 4s, a n d got a bye to the final then lost to L o n d o n H o s p i t a l a n d C h a r i n g Cross. W o m e n s ' ' B ' I V entered W o m e n s N o v i c e I V ' s , beat Q . M . C . a n d St. M a r y s i n the 1st r o u n d a n d n a r r o w l y lost i n the second r o u n d . S c u l l s B . B r a d b u r y lost in O p e n Sculls event but w o n the S e n i o r ' C sculls. A . M c C o n n e l l w o n N o v i c e Sculls. A l l i n a l l the d a y was a m i x t u r e of disaster and success f o l l o w e d by a session of u n p a r a l l e d g o u r m a n d i s i n g i n the West Centre Hotel Carvery. Crews 1 s t VIII A. McConnell G. Harding V. McKee M . Alloway J. U r r y A. Clarke J. O'Brien A. Rowe Cox D. Keen

2 n d VIII S. C o l l i e r G . Mendes J . Thorpe S. R o c k u l l W . Steen C. Adams N . Greaves P. A l l e n R. Doo

Sen; ' C I V A. Haines P. M c D o w e l l - H o o k J . Goodall N. Watkins C o x S. B o w e n

Novice IV I. C h a p m a n R. Doo W. Trewhella N. Moon D. Keen

Womens ' A ' IV A. Doyle J . Parke H . Johnstone D. Turner Cox D. Harrell

'B' I V H. V. H. B. P.

Measures Snewin Bramnell Walden Burrows

R e a d i n g Novice Regatta T h i s e v e n t is o r g a n i z e d b y R e a d i n g U n i v e r s i t y Boat C l u b for crews of o a r s m e n a n d o a r s w o m e n w h o have not r o w e d before

FELIX, December

18, 1981

this t e r m . T w o mens V I I I ' s were entered. W e set off at 8 a m f r o m P a d d i n g t o n S t a t i o n a n d w h e n we got to R . U . B . C . at about 9 o ' c l o c k the boats h a d not a r r i v e d . T h i s caused m i n o r c o n s t e r n a t i o n as the first race was at 10am a n d the boats h a d to be put together. H o w e v e r they soon t u r n e d u p a n d the r o w i n g got u n d e r w a y . T h e ' A ' crew lost first to C l a r e C o l l e g e (the e v e n t u a l winners). T h e ' B ' crew q u i c k l y followed suit losing to Fitzwilliam and Churchill. In the repercharge event the ' A ' crew came back f r o m 3 r d position to w i n by a reasonable m a r g i n f r o m Jesus C o l l e g e a n d O x f o r d P o l y . In the second r o u n d the crew h a d a good 1st h a l f a n d then due to the s u pe r i or fitness of the o p p o s i t i o n , they lost. T h e ' B ' crew h a d a 'not so hot' start in their race a n d lost. T h e d a y was not quite the r e s o u n d i n g success that it c o u l d have been but e v e r y b o d y enjoyed themselves a n d the boats c a m e back in one piece (for a change?).

ft

Hockey Firsts

A t last we found a n o t h e r college that p l a y o n W e d n e s d a y s ! B e d f o r d c a m e to H a r l i n g t o n w i t h visions of b e a t i n g the i n v i c i b l e I . C . side. Before the game their c a p t a i n was o v e r h e a r d s a y i n g that B e d f o r d h a d not lost for 6 weeks a n d were top of the league. A n d y soon shut h i m u p w i t h 4 goals a n d Geoff a d d e d 2 more. J o n at last f o u n d the net f r o m a short-corner a n d to a d d to Bedfords' misery finally scored w i t h a p e n a l t y that o n l y just reached the line. T e a m : Stutter, Clarke, Riley, Franklin, Parker, Bell, Ayers, Rao, Baleson, Garms, Galley, Coalesworlh.

Seconds T h e d a y started n o r m a l l y e n o u g h , about 20 minutes late! T h i s was to have serious consequences as further delays l e d to us a r r i v i n g late at the H a r r o w g r o u n d . O n c e the m a t c h started it was obvious that the team had neglected to change f r o m G r e e n w i c h M e a n T i m e to H a r r o w M e a n T i m e w i t h the result that H a r r o w started p l a y i n g a l the a p p o i n t e d t i m e a n d we h a d just about w o k e n u p by h a l f t i m e . H o w e v e r , despite intense pressure a n d some rather overzealous u m p i r i n g , H a r r o w were o n l y 1-0 u p at h a l l time. T h i s c o u l d have been w i p e d out early in the second h a l f i f P h i l W e b b h a d not tried to engage his b r a i n w h e n faced w i t h a clear shot, the r e s u l t i ng p a n i c - s t r i c k e n pirouette sent a c l o d of t u r f g o a l w a r d w h i l e the b a l l r e m a i n e d u n d i s t u r b e d ! F u r t h e r efforts f r o m P h i l a n d M a n g a t B a n s a l failed to p r o d u c e a n equaliser a n d the g a m e was put out of our reach by a line H a r r o w goal late in the second h a l f T h i s followed a save f r o m P a u l Butler that w o u l d have been thought p h y s i c a l l y i m p o s s i b l e by a n y n o r m a l standards! W h i l e f a l l i n g over one w a y he m a n a g e d to p r o d u c e a foot f l y i n g in the o p p o s i t e d i r e c t i o n to c l e a r the b a l l . T h e r e a f t e r , the m a t c h d e g e n e r a t e d , especially w h e n we discovered that their goalkeeper was b a r secretary. T e a m : Butler, Rampton, Roessink, Widdlehead, Pilhketley, Gray, Bansal, Wylie, FAdridge, Stroomer.

Bird, Webb,


Sports E d i t o r i a l A h well, i t ' s time to be fill erf with C h r i s t m a s c h e e r o n c e m o r e a n d a t e r m s w o r t h of sport is already over. A s y o u m a y n o t i c e , t h e r e i s n o results table this w e e k . T h i s is m a i n l y b e c a u s e the results are m o s t l y well h i d d e n d e e p in the m a s s e s of p r o s e a n d are v e r y difficult t o find. T o m a k e m y task a little easier c o u l d all sports w r i t e r s please put the s c o r e , date p l a y e d a n d o p p o s i t i o n clearly on the l o p of r e p o r t s i n future.

^Badminton

S o m e i d e a s for C h r i s t m a s p r e s e n t s : F r a n k B o g e y - R o l l a — several i n j e c t i o n s of penicillin Phil N i c c o l l s — large tin ol A l k a S e l t z e r L a d i e s H o c k e y — s o m e u n b r o k e n sticks a n d a b o o k " C r e a t i v e E n g l i s h for Begginners"

Rugby

^

Firsts

Seconds 'Twas a grand old match on Wensdy 'gainst Bedford C o l l e g e . Backs were magic but t' forwards were a load o' Hankers. In t' first ' a l l there was no score but T e d O ' C o n n o r ' u r t 'is p o o r little ' a n d . J i m m y from ' o w a r t h (up N o r t h ) flew t h r o u g h t h ' a i r like a n a n g e l , cos' it were 'is last m a t c h afore Xmas. I n t' 2 n d ' a l l , after some good pressure from I . C . , Bedford conceded a penalty a n d G a r y P i k e (Gapt.) shouted, ' S h i t face!' w h i c h t u r n e d out to be a penalty move a n ' A n d y R a l p h trotted t h r o u g h a weak defence to score a try. ( T h a t r e m i n d s me I owe G a r y a pint!) Bedford fought back but were nowt c o m p a r e d w i ' t' fluent r u n n i n g of t h ' I . C . backs a n d soon W i l l C h a p m a n weaved 'is way t h r o u g h a sturdy defence to score u n d e r t' posts. W h a t a p l a y e r ! (Bet y o u c a n ' t guess w h o wrote this twoddle) (Love-bite) W i n s o r converted both tries a n d k i c k e d N i c k the l l y - h a l l i n t h ' ' e a d . N o d d y was just a n o t h e r ex-lirst t e a m w i n g e r a n d M i l e s d i d n ' t score. T h e final score was a stupendous 12-0 to I . C . T e a m : fairly diffrunl like.

similar

to usual

Hockey

'sept a bit

I . C . 1 s t X I B . G . M . (Bi-weekly G e n e r a l Meeting) 1. M i n u t e s 35 each w a y . Proposed by M r . U m p i r e . M o t i o n carried. 2. A p o l o g i e s f o r absence R e c e i v e d from M r . P a r k e r . N o t received from M r . Slatter. ( T h a n k s to M r . Jones for d e p u t i s i n g for M r . Slatter) 3. 1 s t X I R e p o r t U s 0; T h e m 0 ( V e r y boring!) 4. F i x t u r e s S e c r e t a r y R e p o r t W h a t a load of r u b b i s h ! I wish o u r forwards c o u l d stop the b a l l ! S e c o n d d i v i s i o n a g a i n next year! 5. T r e a s u r e r ' s R e p o r t T h e r e ' s 9 0 p left i n the beer k i t t y - l e t ' s have a whip-round. 6. E l e c t i o n o f O f f i c e r s Beer kitty collector - M r . B e l l President of O f f i c i a l S u p p o r t s C l u b - M i s s Bundy Vice-Presidents - Miss. W a l l a n d M r s . Riley 7. A . O . B . R e m i n d e r of W e d n e s d a y ' s c u p - g a m e H o m e against M i d d l e s e x . M e e t i n g a d j o u r n e d to the u n i o n - b a r at 6 o'clock.

Thirds

Squash A f t e r a fairly stolid season, both the 1st a n d 2 n d teams look set to r e m a i n i n the 1st a n d 3 r d divisions respectively. T h e 3rds however (ably s u p p o r t e d throughout) look set for p r o m o t i o n from d i v i s i o n 4 to d i v i s i o n 3, a n d therefore presenting 1 C w i t h yet a n o t h e r h o m e d e r b y next t e r m . T h e 4 t h team is s t i c k i n g it out i n d i v i s i o n 5, a n d alter settling d o w n a n d s o r t i n g their team out, look set for greater success i n the future. Last weeks results: 1C1 1C1 1C3 1C4

vs vs vs vs

use QMC 1 StGH 3 BSO

2-3 1-4 5-0 0-5

E d s note: T h e first h a l f of this report consisted o f some H o c k e y C l u b back b i t i n g a n d I do not consider that these pages s h o u l d be used to air p a r t i c u l a r grievances against ones c l u b , try w r i t i n g to the letters page! N o w read o n : A n y w a y , the h i l a r i o u s points i n the m a t c h : the statistical p r o b a b i l i t y of M a r t i n T a y l o r a c t u a l l y h i t t i n g a 16, C r a i g C a t t e l l ' s b r i l l i a n t save w h i l e he was l o o k i n g the other w a y to protect his face from the b a l l . T h e goal c a m e after a d y n a m i c d r i b b l e u p the p i t c h by a n u n k n o w n report w r i t e r a n d W i t t e r y a h o o e d it past the goalkeeper from the edge of the D . T i m S., E r i c , D a n i e l deserve a m e n t i o n for their c o n t r i b u t i o n s t h r o u g h o u t the t e r m . 5-1 brings the terms' results to w o n 2, d r a w n 2, lost 4. H e a p s of Congrats. M e r r y Xmas. T e a m : Taylor, Shindler, Allan, Stocking, Called. Benham, Witter, McGuire, Makers,

FELIX, December 18, 1981

L S E c a m e to see, If they c o u l d better I C , But y o u see, It was not be be. 7-4 was the score, a n d w i t h the score at 5-4, the c r o w d c r i e d for more, we needed one to m a k e sure. A n d r e e ' s singles was the key, W h i l s t Steve a n d Lesley W e r e left to sew it u p , and into the semis of the K O C u p . C a s t : Andree Mitchell, Lesley Morrocks, Barbara Ions, Jan Mcllrath, lan Bull, Gordon Adamson, Steve Willis, Lee Tap.

fljfi Rugby Seconds S a t u r d a y saw I C 2nds, (severely depleted after the loss of s i n g i n g loose head p r o p J i m H u t t o n ) faced w i t h the prospect o f p l a y i n g against 13 players of the team that was supposed to have p l a y e d the thirds, w i t h the other t w o players nowhere to be seen. A s a result the game generally went I C ' s w a y w i t h tries by W i l l C h a p m a n , M i c k W i n s o r a n d a h a t t r i c k f r o m J i m A u s t i n , the t h i r d o n e converted with devastating accuracy by c a p t a i n Steve B e l l , l o o k i n g for his place in the 1st X V as r e g u l a r g o a l k i c k e r perhaps? Despite some good r u n n i n g , f u l l b a c k M y l e s T h o m p s o n m a n a g e d to r e t a i n his t r y scoring v i r g i n i t y by p u l l i n g a h a m s t r i n g a n d f a l l i n g flat inches from the line, a n d h a d to leave the p i t c h . D u r i n g the last 10 m i n u t e s play became verv fluid, w i t h M i c k W i n s o r m a k i n g some d a z z l i n g cross-pitch breaks before the referee ended the game at 24-0. P.S. M a r k Pearce d i d not w i n the Sweepstake. T e a m : Chalken, Bell (cap/.J, Cole, Cotton, Can, Ralph, Pearce, Austin, I'aixao, Winsor, Simmons, Chapman, Pike, Hudson, 'Thompson.

Thirds I C p l a y e d a fast e x c i t i n g game t h r o u g h o u t , despite being 2 players short. F u l l credit to the t e a m w h o p r o v i d e d great entertainment for the s p e c t a t o r a n d c a p t a i n w h o were s t a n d i n g o n the side line. T h i s was a n unexpected w i n for the thirds, s n a t c h i n g v i c t o r y from the jaws of b o r e d o m . T o be qu i t e fair to the opposition, the m a t c h was easy c o m p a r e d w i t h getting into the tube w h e n C h e l s e a were p l a y i n g at home, a n d that was easily c o m p a r e d w i t h the b a r session later. Jeremy Hobday, A n d y Timmins and Bill (Bunker) H i n m e r s owe one j u g each. T e a m : M. Munroe, S. (Drop'em) Poultney, J. Squires, M . Weiman, G. Pritchard, M. Graham, D. O'Doherty, B. (Bunker) Hinmers, I. Mounlandon, P. Hughes-.Varborough, AL Patterson, A Timmins, 'Shandy' Kirhy, Santa . Clause, Terry Wogan.

Page 19


rEdttouol

N o t m u c h to say this week really, except I nope that you enjoy this special C h r i s t m a s and sixhundredth issue. P r o d u c t i o n difficulties have once more raised their ugly head. Having decided to spend a week and a half producing a bigger, special issue everything seemed to be set for a s m o o t h r u n . H o w e v e r the typesetter operator fell ill a n d two days were lost before a temporary operator was employed to replace her for the last three days of last week. T h i s meant that we have to w o r k through the weekend a n d have had the n or mal measure of late nights a n d two m o r e days w o r k to boot. S u c h is life.

p r o p o s e d you should turn u p to that meeting and let y o u r views be k n o w n . T h e year so far It hardly seems like a term is over already. F r o m the security of my office it is sometimes difficult to gauge feeling at College, but I think it's b e e n a r e a l l y d u l l p e r i o d , w i t h little happening to fire the imagination apart from the R C S C e n t e n a r y celebrations. R a g W e e k c o n t a i n e d the u s u a l m a d n e s s , but the lack of any new ideas was disappointing. A s far as IC U n i o n goes, it seems that things are ticking over o n c e more with the President soft soaping College and generally being so diplomatic that they're going to trample all over h i m (and us!) if he's not careful. It's all very well trying to be " r e a s o n a b l e " but we have to c o n s i d e r the interests of the students. H i s sluggish response over the Q E C merger and (barely) token opposition to the mid-sessional rent rise for next term is worrying. B a r n ey M c C a b e seems to be fulfilling the worst of my expectations, but at least he's exhibiting some -ort of c h a r a d e - and isn't half as boring as the other two.

December

P a r t y , Methodist

16

Society,

12.40pm,

9G

P r i n c e s G a r d e n s . 50p for lunch. B r i n g y o u r o w n fun. •Wargames

Club Meeting,

1.00pm, U n i o n S C R . At

this meeting a replay of the Battle of Austerlitz (1806) will take place. S p e c t a t o r s

and additional participants

welcome. •Xmas

... A t

Last

admission. B a n d s A

P a r t y , 8.00

pm, Concert

Hall,£l

B l u e Z o o a n d W a P a C h a . Films

T o m & J e r r y a n d Pink Panther C a r t o o n s . • D a n c i n g C l u b , Alternative Beginners C l a s s , 7.30pm, JCR. •IC Trampoline S o c , QEC,

Campenden

meet 5.30pm. C o u r t a u l d H a l l .

Hill R d . C o n t a c t

Kristen

Hansen.

C h e m 2 for further details.

Thursday, •United

Nations

Decemk-r

Society,

open

17 meeting,

1.00pm,

Union Upper Lounge. •Chemistry

Christmas

U n i o n C o n c e r t Hall

P a r t y , 8.30pm for 9 0 0 p m .

A d m i s s i o n £1.50. P r i c e to include

revue (some very amusing sketches). Buffet a n d D i s c o 'til 2.00am with c h e a p

booze.

• C h r i s t m a s B i b l e s t u d y , M e t h o d i s t S o c i e t y , 12.40pm, 9 A Linst ea d Hall. L u n c h 50p. •ENTS

Film,

Smokey

- 6.30pm, M E 220.

and

Admission

the

Bandit

Ride A g a i n ,

50p.

• F i s h i n g C l u b M e e t i n g , 6.00pm, S t a n s B a r . • G l i d i n g C l u b M e e t i n g , 5.30pm, A e r o •Dept

of H u m a n i t i e s

254.

presents

1. F i l m : T h e W o r l d a t W a r ( T h a m e s

A s lor me, ! m tired again. I C - Q E C Merger Following last W e d n e s d a y ' s B o a r d of Studies meeting (the College's highest academic c o m m i ttee) it seems that the R e c t o r has c o m e up with an a m e n d e d draft proposal which is m u c h more acceptable. T h i s will be discussed by another B o a r d of Studies meeting today. T h u s we will k n o w the final draft proposal which will be put to G o v e r n i n g B o d y in time for the Emergency U G M o n T h u r s d a y (at l p m in M e c h E n g 220). S o if y o u want to find out exactly what is now

Wednesday, •Christmas

TV)

Part 9 H o m e F i r e s . 1.15pm. G r e a t Hall.

Credits A special thank y o u to all the people w h o have contributed to this issue: Peter Rodgers, J a m e s D e e n y , M a r t i n S. T a y l o r , J . M a r t i n Taylor, Lesley H o r r o c k s (star), J a n e Williams, Paul Bailey, A d r i a n J a m e s , the ever reliable S t e p h e n G o u l d e r for ideas, Pallab G h o s h , Alistair K i r k , M i k e Sullivan, A l e x (the temp) for saving the whole thing, all the collators, M a z and Ian.

2. L u n c h - h o u r C o n c e r t J o n a t h a n Blackledge (violin) & C a r o l i n e A t k i n s (pianol. M u s i c R m , 53 P r i n c e s G a t e . • S T O I C p r o g r a m m e •Newsbreak',

1.00pm a n d 6.00pm

C h r i s t m a s Special • C h r i s t i a n S c i e n c e G r o u p m e e t i n g , 1.00pm S e m i n a r R m . L e v e l 2S

Botany

Friday, December

18

• A n t i - A p a r t h e i d P i c k e t , 10 0 0 a m 12 30pm outside • I C C A G

Soup

R u n , meet

10.30pm,

170.

Falmouth

Kitchens.

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (589-5111 ext 1048 int2881) Copyright FELIX

1981. Editor: M A Smith, Advertising

Manager:

S M Giblin.

http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1981/1981_0600_A  

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