Features A Tale of Two Dreams: The Story of CDR Emily “Hawking” Shilling and the Power of Authenticity By LT Becca “Blink” Modiano, USN
A
s graduation loomed on the University of Colorado, Boulder Campus in 2005, a young student was at a crossroads of pursuing two paths: one of dreams, and one of authenticity. One consisted of attending Officer Candidate School (OCS) to become a Naval Aviator in the footsteps of her father, and ultimately maybe even an astronaut. The other meant accepting her true self and coming out as transgender. This student, on the precipice of post-grad life, deeply considered whether being a pilot or transitioning in the early 2000s would be more realistically attainable, and which would take the least significant toll on her well-being. Choosing to defer one dream for the other, Officer Candidate Shilling joined the 03-06 OCS Class in Pensacola, FL, prepared to live her life on parallel tracks. Fast-forward to an early January afternoon in Patuxent River, Maryland. CDR Emily “Hawking” Shilling is no longer a student, but a successful Naval Aviator and Test Pilot with over 1700 hours in 21 aircraft. She is also the senior trans-identifying Naval Aviator and Line Officer in the U.S. Navy. As she sat in her PMA-268 NAVAIR office, she shared her story of how her dreams and true identity eventually came together as one. Choose Your Own Adventure “Pilot or nothing.” That’s what Shilling confidently said to the Navy recruiters while applying to OCS. Shilling is someone who has known since childhood who she was and what she wanted to do. In many ways, Shilling’s calling for flight seems preordained. Shilling began her career in Naval Aviation long before her time at OCS. As the child of a Vietnam-era Huey pilot, Shilling spent her childhood surrounded by the aviation community. From eating lunch in elementary school while watching Blue Angel flyovers, to trying on her dad’s flight suits, she was hooked. Any flight student can attest to hearing the deafening sound of the Blue Angels during their time on NAS Pensacola, but growing up with it is quite another experience. “Being raised in Pensacola with the Blue Angels right where you’re going to school – that’s badass,” said Shilling. “What do you think is going to happen to a young kid watching that all the time?” Rotor Review #163 Winter '24
When her father was stationed in Iceland during the Reykjavik Summit of 1986, Shilling had a front row seat to Cold War history. If you looked closely into the crowd, you’d even find a small Shilling waving an American flag, proud to represent her country with her family. As her family ultimately settled in Evergreen, Colorado, Shilling’s adolescent years were further consumed with exposure to aviation and a passion for science fiction. She learned to fly her father’s M20K Mooney, a mid-century propeller-driven aircraft, in which she attained her private pilot’s license as a teenager in the Colorado sky. Growing accustomed to interacting with the surrounding aircraft, one approach was especially memorable. “I was on short final at Jefferson County Airfield, and this MiG comes up alongside on their own approach.” Mesmerized, she said, “I was so distracted watching them land – I wanted to do that!” Her two interests collided in the hero arcs of science fiction archetypes. “I grew up watching [Star Wars’] Luke Skywalker and Han Solo and [Star Trek’s] Geordi La Forge, thinking that these are awesome people, and I want to be like them.” Charting a course inspired by these protagonists’ penchants for interweaving flying, science, and adventure, Shilling decided to pursue a degree in Aerospace Engineering Sciences to bolster her budding aviation career. Shilling finally returned to Pensacola as a Student Naval Aviator (SNA) in her own right, interested in the helicopter pipeline so she could help protect others through its search and rescue (SAR) mission. When it came time to select a platform out of VT-2 at NAS Whiting Field, however, her grades qualified her for the jet pipeline. “Sh*t,” she recalled, “I have to choose my own adventure, choose my own fate.”
50