Being True To Yourself

Being True to Yourself 10 Steps to Creating a Better Relationship with Yourself

Rosita M. Johnson

Copyright

Copyright © 2022 by Rosita M. Johnson ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Table of Contents Introduction

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FUN

04 Self-Honesty

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Gratitude

06 Courage

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Dear Angel Letters

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Take Baby Steps

14 Intuition

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Epilogue

19 Self-Kiindness

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Resources

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Journaling

25 Silence

Introduction What does it mean to "be true to yourself?" Is it even possible when society, social media and other people tell you what you should eat and drink, what toothpaste or deodorant to use, clothes to wear, education to have, religious or political ideologies to believe -- the list is endless.

What if you are or were an abused child or teen --how can you be true to yourself, if you don't know who you really are? If you came out of a background of abuse, insanity, alcoholism or violence -- you lived in a universe of fear and pain.

Each day, your very survival depends on your ability to recognize and anticipate the words, moods, and behaviors of the ones who provide your livelihood.

You can't be true to yourself under those conditions Instead you develop a false you and keep your true self buried deep inside. You'll do and say whatever you need to to get through the day, sometimes, to make it through the next hour to stay alive and hopefully not be hurt too much.

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Introduction You endure the pain, the shame, the torment, the agony. The real you is crying -- often screaming inside. But, the fake you pretends to be compliant to survive the particular hell you're going through.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson Even coming from such a background, I believe you can learn to be your true self and rise to your highest potential. I did it and I want to share with you some of the ideas, concepts and practices that have helped me. Maybe they will help you too.

Benefits On the next page discover some of the wonderful benefits of learning to be true to yourself.

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Introduction

Benefits

Benefits

You develop a deeper sense of connection to yourself

Your sense of hope for the future grows

Your feelings of self-respect and self-worth increase

You begin to erase a history of self-abandonment

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Step 1: Self-Honesty Story Time

The little girl looked at the alarm clock, it read 4:00 a.m. The house was quiet. She took a clean sock and stuffed it in her mouth, so she wouldn't make a noise if she cried out in pain. Carefully, she got out of the bed she shared with her younger sister and tip-toed to the front indoor porch. Quietly, she went to her secret place behind the book case and took out her diary. Sitting on the cold, cement floor, she poured out all her hopes and dreams and her fear and pain. When she was finished writing, she bent over and cradling herself, she rocked back and forth letting her tears fall. Earlier that evening, her father had broken her arm. He said she was breathing too hard, and she was not going to be taken to the hospital. Her mother said, they didn't want to answer any questions so she would have to endure the pain. The child was given no care, not even aspirin. But, 10 year old Annie had learned how to patch up her many cuts, bruises and welts.

Crawling back into bed she heard her father snoring loudly and was relieved. The clock read 5:30 a.m. Annie, laid in bed wondering what lie she could tell the kids and the teachers tomorrow at school.

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Self-Honesty What is Self-Honesty The kind of honesty I'm talking about here is selfhonesty. One of the first thing an abused young person learns is that they have no choice. They have no rights.

They are basically a punching bag or sexual toy or the recipient of cutting, hurtful words or neglect, but most damaging they are shown that what they think, what they feel does not matter.

This is a lie. What we think and what we feel are the determining factors of our lives. It's what makes us human. So, we need to find something -- that we can pour our heart into. Not just a person or group of people but a belief system that takes into account that we are both human and divine. We are both human and spiritual beings.

Benefits Being true to oneself leads to "self-empowerment."

Self-Empowerment is a choice and a commitment. It is giving yourself the power and the permission to create the life that you feel and think is best for you. It often means that to stay true to yourself you have to go opposite of what others think is best for you.

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Step 2: Courage Story Time

The mother called the cab company and instructed the little girl to go pick up her drunken father from the liquor store. The little girl replied, that she was just a kid and the mother was his wife. This remark was followed by a backhand to the face and a cut lip which immediately began to bleed. Some money was pushed into her little hands and she was shoved out the front door. When she and the cab arrived at the store, her father was sitting outside on the curb. The little girl gave the cab driver the address back to the apartment. As they pulled away from the curb, the father told the driver to pull over as he was going to vomit. The cabbie quickly pulled over and let the little girl's father puke his alcohol and other stuff all over the street The little girl balled her fists and said in her mind -- that will never be me. I will not be a drunk vomiting into a gutter - ever. She glanced at the cab driver, who had a look of disgust on his face. She was 6 years old.

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Step 2: Courage "Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness." -- Desmond Tutu What is Courage?

Is courage what superheroes have with their superpowers? Or the brave men and women who risk their lives rushing into burning buildings and pulling out people to safety?

Yes, I believe courage is those things. But I also think it's something more. I feel it's a choice that you make deep inside of yourself. It's the inner strength to say "no" especially to those things, people or situations that are not good for you.

Benefit of courage: when you make a commitment to yourself and keep it, you build resilience and begin to treat yourself better.

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Step 3: Journaling Story Time

Eva was a 14 year old teenager and the oldest of five children. As far back as she could remember all she ever wanted was to be a writer. But, Eva had a deep, dark secret. She and her brothers were physically abused by their father and emotionally abused by their mother. She couldn't tell anyone about what was happening in her home.

To survive her daily torment, she wrote in her notebooks. In her story notebooks she wrote wonderful stories of hope. In other notebooks she wrote letters to God where she poured out her heart and soul. Then she made sure to hide them. No one must ever know the truth.

To the outside world her parents appeared loving and good. But, no one saw what they became behind closed doors.

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Step 3: Journaling Story Time continued

One day Eva came home from school and found one of her hidden notebooks lying open on the kitchen table. This was the notebook in which she wrote letters to God. She stood perfectly still, but her heart was beating like a triphammer.

Her mother took a slow drag on her cigarette and stared at Eva for a long moment. She told Eva, "don't move." As her mother walked into her room, Eva felt despair. She silently asked God to give her the strength to endure her mother's punishment and not cry out, to keep her little brothers from running into the kitchen to help her. It would only be worse for them. Her mother came back into the kitchen carrying an old, worn cardboard box. She gestured for Eva to open it. Eva had no idea what was in the box but did as instructed.

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Step 3: Journaling Story Time continued

She tentatively opened the box and found old photos of her mother as a teen. She looked so young and happy.

As she drew out more papers, she saw poems, and stories and letters to God. The papers were her mothers! Eva glanced up at her mother in shock.

"See you're not the only one who wrote letters to God in secret. It's too late for me Eva, but not for you. You are strong inside. You are only 14, but you have always been strong even as a little girl. I don't dream anymore. I am too tired and afraid."

Eva stammered, "I-I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything, just listen. You still have a chance" her mother said, "keep writing your letters to God, keep writing your stories and make your dreams come true."

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Step 3: Journaling Story Time continued

Eva's mother grabbed her hands and pulled her close, "this will be our secret. Now go, find a better hiding place. Hurry, we must have dinner ready before your father comes home." Eva ran off, clutching her notebook with her heart feeling much lighter.

3 Great Reasons to Journal

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Step 3: Journaling Why Journal?

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If you have ever felt unloved, misunderstood, angry, upset, had a problem you were trying to solve, writing provides a safe and positive technique to release painful and negative emotions.

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There's a sort of magic in writing. Writing down ideas, plans, lists and goals -- makes them real. Then a person is more likely to take the actions needed to accomplish the tasks.

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Step 3: Journaling cont'd Why Journal?

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Not everyone on this planet has someone they can safely talk to, let alone trust. Yet there is a divine energy, an invisible intelligence flowing through every thing and every one. It hears our hopes and dreams and fears. And truly wants only the best for each of us.

When writing a letter to this invisible presence whether you call it universe, God or angels -- does not matter. What does count is that you are aligning yourself to this universal energy.

One of the best benefits of writing a journal is you get to discover and hear your own inner voice.

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Step 4: Intuition What Is Intuition?

Have you ever had a moment when you felt as though something wasn't right? Or walked into a place and you felt uneasy, and you didn't know why?

Each of us is born with an internal guidance system. It goes beyond our five senses. This internal knowing gives us ideas, feelings, images and hunches to take action on.

When we do follow up, we are led to positive outcomes.

This wonderful gift can be harnessed in so many ways: you can use it in everyday life for tiny, simple choices or for those seemingly "impossible" dreams The secret to making your intuition strong is to be willing to follow (act upon) the ideas and thoughts that come.

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Step 4: Intuition cont'd

Our internal guide Because I work each day with my angels and archangels, I am constantly getting thoughts, images, ideas, and feelings. So, I'll give two examples. In one example I listened to my intuition and had a positive outcome. In the second example, I did not listen listen to my intuition.

I let fear and desperation take over and things turned out badly. But, it taught me a valuable lesson about listening to my inner voice.

Example 1: Listening to My Intuiton A few years ago, I found myself so busy, that I literally had no time to exercise. And when I did have time, I was too tired or stressed out. Little by little the weight crept up. I told myself I didn't look too bad. The clothes got tighter and tighter and were becoming uncomfortable.

Finally I made myself go on the scale. I had gained 34 lbs! I was upset and felt bad about myself.

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Step 4: Intuition cont'd

Our internal guide In meditation I asked the angels what could I do? They immediately gave me the idea to dance! I said, I can't dance. But, through a series of synchronistic events I was led to purchase a particular dance dvd that actually reshaped my body. And I had so much fun even though I felt silly, I lost the weight and kept it off! This all happen after I stopped resisting their suggestions.

Example 2: Not Listening to My Intuiton The interview for the executive assistant position was going very well. Both, the CEO and COO were affable men. The building was beautiful and the salary was just right. The work I'd be doing sounded innovative, interesting and challenging.

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Step 4: Intuition cont'd

Our internal guide Yet as I sat there and listened to them and felt the energy of the place, I began to feel uneasy. On the surface, things seemed good, yet my intuition was giving me strong "no" signals.

As a single parent and head of my household, I needed the money. So, I overrode my intuitive feelings. Three months later, I came to work and there were chains and padlocks on the door. A huge notice posted on the doors read "seized by the federal government, under investigation by the FBI." I and my other co-workers looked at each other in shock.

We had no warning, no clue. This was a national corporation and thousands of people across the U.S. lost their jobs. It became a huge scandal and made the news.

One of the men I had interviewed with had allegedly embezzled $50 million dollars and fled the state.

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Step 4: Intuition cont'd I felt physically ill inside. There were a lot of wonderful people in that office who had families. Things did not go well for many of them including me.

I was very upset with myself because I did not honor my "inner voice." I let my fear and insecurity take over my intuition --- which was trying to warn me.

From that moment on, I made a decision to myself that I would learn from that experience.

I made a promise to honor, respect and listen to my "intuition."

A Final Thought...

Always remember, that your intuition is trying to lead you to your highest good. Learning to listen to and act on your intutition --even if it seems silly or embarassing or people think you're weird -- can build self-trust and selfrespect.

It leads to a deeper understanding of yourself and a connection to the divine.

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Step 5: Self-Kindness The way we think, feel and act towards ourselves, determines our entire life.

--Rosita

Have you ever encountered the following scenarios...what do you do when things aren't going right? When you try and try and try and nothing seems to get better? When you attempt to express your feelings especially to the ones close to you -- but they are not interested in what you feel or think. They just want to make sure you get with their program. Be available for their needs and wants and put yours aside. Also, they want you to be a 'walking piggy bank.' What about someone speaking to you any way they want too, mostly screaming verbal abuse and making excuses for their rotten behavior.

Now you're tired, worn down and worn out. You want out. Out of this hateful and painful situation. But, due to circumstances beyond your control, you are unable to leave --just yet. So, how do you practice self-kindness in these types of situations?

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Step 5: Self-Kindness What Is Self-Kindness?

I believe and feel that self-kindness is the willingness to allow yourself to be a human being, with all of your faults, flaws, and imperfections and yet behave toward yourself with gentleness, with softness and with acceptance. It's reassuring that scared, hurt, lonely inner child -- that it's okay to feel whatever they're feeling. It's okay to mess up. That that child inside is still good and worthwhile and most of all very much loved.

Self-kindness is you loving you. Especially during moments of fear, hurt, anxiety, anger or any other strong negative emotion. It's you giving yourself that "inner validation" and the right to be human.

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Step 5: Self-Kindness

Story Time

About 11+ years ago, I made a huge mistake. It happened on April 1st, 2011. It was no joke. I clearly saw the situation I had walked into and felt the unease deep in my gut. All kinds of alarm bells were going off inside of me and I knew, I had messed up -- big time.

My body reacted first and I felt sick to my stomach. Emotionally I couldn't deal with it. Mentally, I couldn't believe I had done that to myself. The self-hate (old programming) kicked in like a tsunami and I shut down. All of this turmoil occurred in a matter of seconds. I didn't talk to God or communicate with my angels for two years.

But, I have found that in spite of how it looks, this is a loving universe, intelligent and clever. The angelic realm found creative ways to reach me in my darkness.

The 1st way was through bringing my attention to the following chant: Nam-Myo-Renge-Kyo and the 2nd way - "kindness mettas."

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Step 5: Self-Kindness Nam-Myo-Renge-Kyo This is the chant Tina Turner used to release herself from the abusive-relationship she had with Ike Turner.

It is part of Nichiren Buddhism Is considered the mystic law of "Cause and Effect" There is way too much information for me to go into here, but if you go on YouTube -- you will various versions of this chant and even Tina's too Because I was in so much emotional pain, I was willing to try it.

It was new and different, but from the first moment I started using it, there was some type of improvement

How did using this chant benefit me?

My energy improved and It calmed me It increased my clarity -- I began to think more clearly It improved my ability to discern the energy of people or situations quickly I used it for years, when pushing my baby granddaughter through busy streets; sometimes not in the best neighborhoods to go back and forth to daycare and VPK I walked through heavy rain and fierce thunderstorms and lightening -- but we were never harmed. It was as if we were in a protective bubble.

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Step 5: Self-Kindness Kindness Mettas The word "metta" is often translated as loving-kindness or friendliness

It is a Buddhist meditation where you first send kindness and good-will to yourself, then extend it to those close to you, out to a neutral person and expand your well wishes to your enemies and every single person on the planet.

Examples of Kindness Mettas phrases

This is very simple type of meditation, that you can do by yourself and especially with children.

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Step 5: Self-Kindness Kindness Mettas A lot of times when we're in a tough situation, we roll up our sleeves and push hard and strive and strive and grit our teeth and tell ourselves that we are going to do this or that -- no matter what.

But, life has an ebb and flow to it. Often we have to determine when to push and when to flow. All of us are guilty of trying to change people and situations that we cannot change.

One of the hardest lessons for me to learn was - what was my responsibility and what wasn't. Other people threw their stuff onto me and expected me to carry it even as a young child. I did carry it that unhealthy programming until it became too heavy and I began to question what didn't feel right for me. This made the people around me very upset. Not only did I question, but then took actions to find out and do those things that were better for me.

The practice of self-kindness will not make you a walking doormat. It will make you emotionally stronger and unwilling to put up with people or situations that are not good for you. Because you are wishing yourself well and others too. You will no longer tolerate anything less.

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Step 6: Silence "All profound things and emotions of things are preceded and attended by silence."

--Herman Melville

Story Time

Maria was a lively, cheerful 7-year-old who loved nature.

But today she was sad and in pain. She was glad it was Saturday, and going to one of her favorite places, the lovely park by the water. If she rode her bike, it would only take an hour -- one way. But today because her father had broken her arm last night, she had to walk. It was important to be home before dinner.

She just had to get to the park today. It was her 'sanctuary.'

She'd looked up the definition of the word and yes, the park was her safe place. A place that gave her safety from danger or a difficult situation. Maria loved the park. In those peaceful, beautiful surroundings she could talk to God and feel Him too.

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Step 6: Silence Story Time

After an hour, she finally arrived at the park. Her arm was throbbing, her parents told her she just had to endure the pain. She carefully sat down next to a large tree and leaned back. It was still early morning, so there were not a lot of people around. She let out a deep sigh. The sunlight sparkled on the water making it shimmer.

As Maria, gazed at the water she settled into a place of great calm and peace inside her. Watching the light play on the water, she sank into her still, quiet place and felt God's Presence. She did not speak any words. No words were needed. This Light already knew what she thought and felt.

It filled her with peace and love. It spoke to her, not in words but through her thoughts and unto her understanding. The Light showed Maria how she was part of a great whole that stretched beyond the stars.

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Step 6: Silence Story Time

The Light was part of and flowed through everything and everyone. She closed her eyes, and the Light sparkled and glowed. It danced and changed colors. It was constant movement.

It spoke to her of a destiny and a purpose. When she got home, she would look up the meanings of those words.

Though she was only 7, she was already reading books on philosophy, mythology and science.

Most of all the Light assured her that she was loved and that the pain would pass. Then the Light dimmed and Maria opened her eyes. And smiled. She always felt God with her, but here in this park, she felt Him the strongest. That's why she came as often as she could. Glancing down at her watch she observed it was time to go. Walking out of the park she noticed the throbbing in her arm was almost gone.

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Step 6: Silence The Practice of Silence Every day a young person's heart and mind and body is being damaged. This is what is seen. But, what is not seen -- are the invisible wounds of the heart and spirit. Whatever, it is that makes us human.

Pain takes something away from a person.

Persistent and sustained pain can twist and thwart a person. Enough emotional, mental and physical pain can break a person. Millions of children experience this pain on a daily basis.

Young children and teens can be taught how to create a place of sanctuary within themselves.

The practice of stillness, of just sitting quietly is soothing to a bruised spirit and allows inner healing to occur. It also makes the mind and inner self -stronger.

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Step 6: Silence The Practice of Silence Sitting quietly each day does not have to be difficult. it can be done in 10 minutes segments just sit quietly, hands in your lap and close your eyes breathe slowly in and out and just focus on your breathing However, it is important to turn off all electronic devices

Benefits of Silence We are constantly being bombarded by noise, other people's stuff, dictates from society, 24 hour news. We need a daily break from this. Bringing silence into your day helps to: quiet the mind down bring solutions to the conscious mind creative ideas can pop in stress levels lower as we take ourselves off the hamster wheel begin to come into balnce

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Step 7: FUN - Who Needs It?

just for you take time to play ART

BALLOONS

ICE CREAM

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Step 8: Gratitude What are you thankful for?

Take the time today, to list 3 things that are "blessings" or "wins" and you're grateful for.

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Step 9: Dear Angel Letters

My Dearest Angels, Writing a letter to your angels can and will open up a whole new dimension for you. It's writing a letter from yourself to someone who loves you unconditionally. Who sees only your goodness and the beauty within you. It's like talking to your best friend. A companion that is always by your side and wants only the best for you. You will come to realize that you are not alone in this world. And no matter what -- you are always guided, cared for and loved. Try this simple exercise for yourself.

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Step 9: Dear Angel Letters

My Dearest Angels,

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Step 10: Take Baby Steps In the quietness of your own being, ask yourself -- what would I like?

Start out small. Ask yourself, what would I like to do today? Whatever it is -- do it! If it is something big, break it down into smaller steps.

Then go for it.

just be you

Your goal is not the activity itself, it's to listen to your own wants and needs and then do a small thing for yourself. You will need to take baby steps in the beginning because it will feel uncomfortable.

When you have taken the action, then give yourself a reward. This will send a message to you that you are important to you! This teaches you to "honor and respect" yourself. Then if you have to face a crisis or make a tough decision you will do so from a strong inner foundation.

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Epilogue

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Helpful Resources

Nam-Myo-Renge-Kyo chant

This chant can be found on YouTube in several different versions. Choose the one that resonates with you.

Jack Kornfield's Self-Forgiveness meditation and Kindness Mettas

The meditation and Kindness Mettas can also be found on YouTube

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