July 2014 laughs and lifts issuu

July 2014 Issue 72

A truly rich man is one whose children JULY 2014 run into his arms when his hands are empty‌.Unknown 334-379-7603

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FOR ALL YOUR HOME MEDICAL EQUIPMENT NEEDS… HOME HEALTH CARE SUPPLY E FRE Y VER I L DE

HOME MEDICAL EQUIPMENT & RESPIRATORY CARE NEEDS RENTALS, SALES, AND REPAIRS

Yes, we can provide electric wheelchairs to Medicaid patients.

Aabon Home Health Care Supply 136 E. Reynolds St. Ozark, AL. aabon@troycable.net

I went into the Stop n Go to get a cup of coffee. I asked how much? The clerk from India said “$1.39” I tasted the brew and declared to the clerk, “This coffee isn’t good.”

He answered without hesitation, “If it was good it would cost $5.00!”

FOR SALE BY OWNER

2103 MARLEY MILL RD. OZARK, AL

$95,000 NEW METAL ROOF, 3 BR, 2 NEWLY REMODELED BATHS, 2 DETACHED STORAGE BLDGS., 1/2 ACRE LOT, CLOSE TO FT RUCKER Call For Appointment 334-774-5688

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

DALE COUNTY RESCUE MISSION OZARK

Go Ye…...

Dale County Rescue Mission has provided Ministry to Women in need for over 20-Years and we will continue to do so in the future. Due to some very disappointing decisions made by the Representatives of the City of Ozark, we are unable to open a house which would have been able to provide a Women’s Ministry Cen ter. Now our costs for providing Ministry to Women will be substantially

higher than otherwise would have been the case. With that said, we are in need of financial support to cover the substantial rising costs of providing Ministry to meet the Women’s Caption describing picture or graphic. needs.

We need your help and donation in order for us to continue providing Ministry to Women in need. All donations are IRS taxdeductible and can be sent To: Dale County Rescue Mission PO Box 1153 Ozark, AL 36361

Your kind and gracious financial donation is greatly appreciated and will assuredly help us to meet the needs of keeping this Ministry for Women alive and ongoing; and making our community a better place.

WE NEED YOUR HELP!

2013 U.S Census Bureau Statistics for the State of Alabama · 4, 8333,722 Population · 18.1% Homeless or living in Poverty · 16% of these reside in Dale County

Daily Assistance Costs Motel (per night)

$40

Food (per day)

$15

Clothes

$20

Bus Fare

TBD

Total excludes Bus Fare

$75

Dale County Rescue Mission Ozark Donation/Pledge Request

JULY 2014 Secure online donations are now available at our website:334-379-7603 www.dcrmozark.org

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MILITARY ITEMS AND COLLECTABLE GUNS

A positive attitude may not solve every problem but it makes solving any problem a more pleasant experience. ~ Grant Fairley

Open ½ Day on Saturdays 774-8051 Brakes Starters Alternators

Batteries Oil Changes Tune-ups

Active Duty & Veteran Military 10% Discount Ladies Day 10% Discount Wednesdays Brandon Morris, Mgr. 1157 Andrews Ave Ozark, AL

EXPANDED HOURS TO BETTER SERVE YOU

Wash, Wax & Detail Shop On The Premise JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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The recipe for perpetual ignorance is: Be satisfied with your opinions and content with your knowledge.

Call me today to discuss your options.

Some people think Allstate only protects your car.

Truth is, Allstate can also protect your home or apartment, your boat, motorcycle - even your retirement and your life. And the more of your world you put in Good Hands®, the more you can save.

Mark Goodson (334) 347-3333 804 Bollweevil Circle Enterprise, Alabama a049146@allstate.

Putting our community in Good Hands® for over 30 years.

Insurance subject to terms, qualifications and availability. Allstate Property and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Insurance Company, Allstate Vehicle and Property Insurance Company. Life insurance and annuities issued by Lincoln Benefit Life Company, Lincoln, NE, Allstate Life Insurance Company,Northbrook, IL, and American Heritage Life Insurance Company, Jacksonville, FL. In New York, Allstate Life Insurance Company of New York, Hauppauge, NY. Northbrook, IL. © 2010 Allstate Insurance Company.

SORRY IS NOT ENOUGH. SOMETIMES YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO CHANGE.

Abbeville, Al IN ABBY PLAZA

CALL or BETTER yet Come Visit Kim Today!

334-585-5757 TITLE ~ PAYDAY LOANS ~ TAX SERVICE Kim,LOANS Manager .

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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W

hile flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn’t help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, “Now remember — run to Dad first, then the dog.”

You are invited to our next event

On July 7th, 2014, at 6:00 p.m.

At The Flowers Center 312 E. College St. Ozark, AL No charge, but please R.S.V.P. Call 445-1172 or 774-4874

Do dads always snore?… No, only when they are asleep!

My Dad thinks he wears the trousers in our house, but it’s always Mom who tells him which pair to put on!

Son: For $20, I’ll be good…

Dad: Oh, yeah? When I was your age, my Dad said I was good for nothing.

I just finished a 3.5 mile run our local Trail. I almost waited too late and got caught by darkness. It was well worth it, there were hundreds of lightning bugs flashing along the trail after dark. At least I think that's what they were, it might have been PAPARAZZI!! …Gary Purvis

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View our gallery online at www.DecksUnlimitedofAlabama.com JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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Rlavender320@gmail.com

Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and I just do what I’m told.

Interviewer: "We want to hire responsible people."

Me:"Great! When things go wrong people always say I'm "responsible".

MAILING ADDRESS PARRISH PUBLISHING P.O. BOX. 681 • OZARK, AL 36361

334.379.7603 Roger@laughsandlifts.com www.LaughsandLifts.com Laughs&Lifts is an outreach ministry to inspire, inform and entertain the reader. Any resemblance contained within this publication to some one or some thing is purely coincidental and not intended to bring harm or

Confidence is the result of hours and days and weeks and years of constant work and dedication.

Roger Staubach

AND WE DO VEHICLE LETTERING

Auto Repair Facility

171 North Union Ave. Ozark, Alabama

insult to anyone. Information, stories, helpful hints, jokes, studies and all other miscellaneous writings, drawings, and pictures are published without malice, but with the intent to inspire and entertain, not to cause disillusionment or confusion to anyone; person, party affiliation, company, denomination or other named or unnamed entity. The writings contained within Laughs&Lifts do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the publisher.

Laughs&Lifts is published on or near the first of every month and is distributed throughout the

Wiregrass area of Alabama and mailed to subscribers anywhere in the world.

Subscriptions are $30/year.

Send a $30 check made out to Laughs&Lifts to P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al 36361 While Laughs&Lifts tries very hard to ensure the accuracy of the information in our clients advertisements and our publication in general, we are not responsible for vendor availability, typographic errors or omissions.

“Where Business Begins & Industry Grows.”

Call 334-774-4952 • E-mail: info@odedc.com 3269 Hwy 231 S. Ozark, AL 36360

The trouble with politician jokes is that politicians don't think they're funny, & nobody else thinks they're jokes.

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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Manufacturer’s Lifetime Warranty & 5 Years Workmanship/Labor

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Making dreams Come True In The Wiregrass For Over 10 Years.

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Rlavender320@gmail.com

Sudoku

Logan Webb Shop: 334-774-2886 Fax: 334-774-2891 OzarkCollisionCenter.com 493 S. Union Ave. Ozark, AL 36360 OzarkCollisionCenter@gmail.com

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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It’s amazing how fast you can wake up when you realize you’ve overslept.

Walter J. Lawrence, M.D. Family Practice & Aviation Medicine ● ● ● ●

Accepting new and transfer patients Full laboratory services collected on site FAA Physicals (Class 1, 2, & 3) Most major insurances accepted

Shopping around for car insurance?

Auto-Owners Insurance offers broad, flexible protection for your car and you! Choose from a variety of programs designed to fit your needs. We also have many discounts available such as multi-policy, multi-car and good student discount.

WALTER J. LAWRENCE, M.D., P.C. 442 GLOVER AVENUE ENTERPRISE, AL 36330 334-475-2058 Appointments and Walk-ins Accepted Monday to Friday 8:00am to 5:00pm www.LawrenceMedicine.com

A man sees his wife busy in the kitchen and says: “Can I Help?”

She says, “Sure take this bag of potatoes, peel half of them and put them in a pot to boil.”

No matter what men do, somehow, we Still get yelled at.

Call or visit us today!

ircle Insurance Agency 863 Andrews Ave. Ozark, Al. 36360

Sammy Judah

334-774-7177 Donna Shuman

T

he minister of a city church enjoyed a drink now and then, but his passion was for peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual Christmas present, he was not disappointed, but his friend told him that he had to thank him for the peach brandy from the pulpit the next Sunday.

In his haste to get the bottle, the minister hurriedly agreed and left. So the next Sunday the minister suddenly remembered that he had to make a public announcement that he was being supplied alcohol from a member of the church. That morning, his friend sat in the church with a grin on his face, waiting to see the minister's embarrassment.

The minister climbed into the pulpit and said, "Before we begin, I have an announcement. I would very much like to thank my friend, Joe, for his kind gift of peaches ... and for the spirit in which they were given!"

A lot of people say I’m indifferent, but I don’t care.

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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LET GILLAND CHEVROLET GMC PREP YOUR CAR FOR VACATION 1. Gilland Chevrolet GMC can check to see whether fluid levels under the hood are adequate: oil, coolant, brake, windshieldwiper, transmission, and battery fluids.

2. Gilland Chevrolet GMC can replace worn wiper blades and make sure that all tires (including the spare) are properly inflated.

3. Gilland Chevrolet GMC can replace tires that show uneven tread wear and bulges.

Most roadside emergencies result from blowouts.

4. Gilland Chevrolet GMC can rotate and balance your tires. If you have not done so for more than a year, have the alignment checked by Gilland Chevrolet GMC 5. Gilland Chevrolet GMC can check for visible cracks or bulges in engine belts and hoses, and can replace any that look suspicious and tap the horn a few times to make sure it is working and is loud enough.

1801 US Hwy. 231 South, Ozark

A Letter from Your Daughter A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was simply addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands.

Dear Mom, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with John and he is so nice. Even with all his piercing, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion mom, I'm pregnant and John said that he will take care of me and we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. John taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so John can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren. Your daughter, Susan PS: None of the above is true. I'm next door. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card which is in my desk drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.

Furnished & Unfurnished

305 Newton Avenue Ozark, AL 36360 JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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I just honked at a red light. That doesn’t work.

On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere." .. Written just below A Good Shave it:"I do not!"

A fellow got up one morning and decided he no longer was going to shave himself, he was instead going to the barber for his morning shave.

The town barber also happened to be the local pastor in town. When the guy walked into the barber shop the barber/pastor was not there, he was out on a pastoral call but his wife Grace was in the shop.

The man said to Grace, "I want a shave." Grace told him to climb up in the chair and she gave him a shave. When Grace was finished he asked her how much for the shave and Grace said, "Twenty dollars."

"Twenty dollars, that seems a little steep," the guy replied.

Grace said: "That's my charge."

So the guy gave her $20 bill and went on his way.

The next morning when he got up he went to the mirror and looked and his face was as smooth as when he was shaved the day before. He checked the following the day, same thing, a week went by, two weeks and his face stayed as smooth as a baby's face.

Finally after the third week he stopped back in the barber shop and Grace happened to be there. The guy said to her: "Grace, I can't believe I still don't need another shave. You did some kind of magnificent job."

And Grace replied, "Well, you have been shaved by Grace and once shaved always shaved!"

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FREE In Home Estimates by Dan Barefield

Cell 334.726.3459 Office 334.774.9579 Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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BBQ SAUCES ALABAMA WHITE BARBECUE SAUCE From Big Bob Gibson’s BBQ Book Ingredients 2 cups mayonnaise 1 cup apple cider vinegar 1/2 cup apple juice 2 teaspoons prepared horseradish 2 teaspoons freshly ground black pepper 2 teaspoons freshly squeezed juice from 1 lemon 1 teaspoon Kosher salt 1/2 teaspoon mustard powder 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Directions Place mayonnaise, vinegar, apple juice, horseradish, black pepper, lemon juice, salt, mustard powder, and cayenne pepper in a medium bowl and whisk to combine. Let sit for 30 minutes, then use immediately or transfer to a jar and store in refrigerator for up to 2 weeks.

CAROLINA BBQ SAUCE Ingredients: 1 1/2 cups prepared yellow mustard

3/4 cup cider vinegar 3/4 cup beer 1 tablespoon chili powder 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper 1 teaspoon freshly ground white pepper 1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper 1 1/2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce 2 tablespoons butter, room temperature 1 1/2 teaspoons liquid smoke flavoring 1 teaspoon Louisiana-style hot sauce, or to taste

Directions: 1. In a heavy non-reactive saucepan, stir together the mustard, brown sugar, vinegar, and beer.

Season with chili powder and black, white, and cayenne peppers. Bring to a simmer over mediumlow heat, and cook for about 20 minutes. DO NOT BOIL, or you will scorch the sugar and peppers.

2. Mix in the Worcestershire sauce, butter, and liquid smoke. Simmer for another 15 to 20 minutes. Taste, and season with hot sauce to your liking. Pour into an airtight jar, and refrigerate for overnight to allow flavors to blend. The vinegar taste may be a little strong until the sauce completely cools.

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

482 S. Union Ave. OZARK 774-9345 5200 Boll Weevil Cir. ENTERPRISE 393-0503 270 Ross Clark Cir. DOTHAN 794-8521 2606 Ross Clark Cir, DOTHAN 792-1195 177 Hwy. 231 N. TROY 566-3413

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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Life is the biggest bargain. We get it for nothing.

BBQ SAUCES Steven Raichlen's

Nashville Sweet Barbecue Sauce

HONEY BARBEQUE SAUCE Ingredients:

Ingredients 2 cups ketchup 1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar 6 -8 tablespoons fresh lemon juice 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest 2 tablespoons molasses 1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce 1 1/2 teaspoons liquid smoke 2 teaspoons dry mustard 1 teaspoon onion powder 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper

Directions Combine ketchup, brown sugar, lemon juice, zest, molasses, Worcestershire sauce, liquid smoke, mustard, onion powder, and pepper in a non reactive saucepan. Whisk to mix.

Let the sauce gradually come to a simmer over medium heat and simmer until thick and flavorful, 8 to 10 minutes.

If not serving the sauce immediately, let cool to room temperature, transfer to air tight jars, and refrigerate until serving.

301 N. EAST AVE.

1 cup honey 1/4 cup molasses 3 tablespoons ketchup 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon paprika 1/8 teaspoon ground ginger 1 tablespoon seasoned salt 1 tablespoon meat tenderizer 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/8 teaspoon dried oregano 1/4 teaspoon minced garlic 1/4 cup steak sauce 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce 1 tablespoon prepared mustard 1 1/2 cups brown sugar

Directions: 1. In a medium bowl, stir together the honey, molasses, ketchup, cinnamon, paprika, ginger, seasoned salt, meat tenderizer, ground black pepper, salt, oregano, garlic, steak sauce, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, and brown sugar until well blended.

2. Cover, and refrigerate until ready to use.

OZARK, AL

334-774-5151 MON-FRI 7 - 5:30

SAT 7 - NOON

Take risks: If you win, you will be happy; if you lose, you will be wise.

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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For A Meal

I

It is the impurities in gemstones which give them their color. have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and The area’s only homemade ice cream shop! realized that other people must have Homemade Ice Cream done the same thing, and that it was Freshly Baked Waffle Cones worth going back to look by the side of Sandwiches & Wraps the road since even if he couldn't find Soups & Salads his own gas cap, he might be able to Ice Cream Cakes find one that fit. Sure enough, he Specialty Cowffees hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it To See our Menu 158 E. Broad St. went into place with a satisfying click. & Flavors Visit Ozark 443-0222 milkymooicecream.com "Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits.

1665 Hwy 231 S. Troy 770-1094 Milky Moo’s Too And this one's even better because it Candy & Gift Baskets locks..."

113 E. College St 111 E. College St. (I hope he also found the key!)

A Treat

Or A Party!

Enterprise 348-2202

Out With A Bang!

A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.

The grandson did this religiously and he lived to the age of 93.

When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great grandchildren and a fifteen foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Enterprise 475-2128

A

t a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear.

The judge asks the baby bear; “do you want to live with papa bear?” The baby bear replied; "No he beats me. " The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"

DOTHAN NEW & USED TIRES, TIRE BALANCING, OIL CHANGES & BRAKES

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JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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220 W. Malvern Hwy Malvern, Alabama

334-793-6690

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong."

By: Jim McClellan

outdoorsdownsouth.com

F

or those of us who grew up watching Red Holland on Dothan’s WTVY, today’s fishing shows just can’t compare. Certainly not the tournament bass fishing programs that are popular now. I have nothing against the pro bass circuit, but in terms of good television, Red could beat them all with one hand tied behind his back.

For one thing, you never knew what was going to happen on Red’s show because he didn’t know either. Best I can tell, they usually just turned him loose with a boat and a cameraman and made a show out of whatever came next.

I ran across Fishing with Red Holland on YouTube recently and it made me miss the old programs. So as a tribute to him and all the entertainment he provided through the years, I’ve compiled a list of my top five problems with today’s fishing shows:

Somewhere down there is a well armed famous catfish!

Red wasn’t for his fashion sense.

5. Sponsor Overload: I work in marketing so I understand why pro tournament fishermen need sponsors and why sponsors want to be seen on television. But for crying out loud, it’s getting hard to tell bass fishermen from NASCAR drivers these days. And the boats are starting to look like my son’s guitar case. Why not have fewer sponsors who pay more? Is anyone really going to buy a different fishing line because it’s on some guy’s shirt? Red fished in a baseball cap and blue jeans, the same uniform most of his audience was wearing.

4. Speed Fishing: When fishing becomes a job instead of a sport, the focus shifts from fun to profit. As a result, bass fishing is becoming more race than relaxation. (Maybe, it’s that NASCAR influence again.) They use thick line, big hooks and stiff rods to yank the fish back to the boat as quickly as possible. With thousands of dollars at stake, I’m sure it’s exciting for the fishermen but it bores me to tears. I’d much rather hear Red’s booming preacher voice narrating each catch like it was a title fight. He might not catch as many fish, but you got a lot more entertainment.

3. No Variety: Speaking of boring, after about the second or third 2-lb. bass, I get the point. And since all the tournaments now are catch-and-release, these same bass are probably getting caught week after week (which makes me wonder if some are biting just for the publicity.) I’ve always thought it would be cool to add a blackfish or gar category to break up the monotony and make it more relatable for us amateurs. And just for the heck of it, I’d like to see one day set aside for fishing with only a bream buster and 8-lb. test line.

2. Clean Hands: When I come in from fishing, Mary makes me leave my clothes in the laundry room and head straight for the shower. If I go on a Saturday, it’s usually about noon on Tuesday before the fish and bait smell wears off. And I’ve probably still got worm dirt under my fingernails from a trip to Blountstown two months ago. Keep that in mind the next time you watch a tournament. Most of those guys could go straight from their boat to church without missing a beat. Not ol’ Red, though. Red wasn’t afraid of an earthworm or cricket and you had a pretty good idea that at least a few of his fish went in the ice chest when the camera wasn’t rolling.

Continued on page 21 Character is the result of two things: Mental attitude and the way we spend our time.

It looks like he got two bass for winning Talladega.

(Credit: FLWOutdoors.com)

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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Dr. L.D. McLaughlin Memorial Fund

F E AT U R I N G

SECOND ANNUAL BENEFIT

PAULA DEEN Friday, August 29, 2014 at the Ozark Civic Center Doors open at 5:15 p.m. Program starts at 6:00 p.m.

General Admission: $30

Sponsorship information available at

334-774-2601 ext 1251 Tickets may be purchased at: Or 334-618-4410 Ozark Civic Center Proceeds from the event will benefit Or The Bag Lady Foundation and JULY 2014 334-379-7603 The Dr. L.D. McLaughlin Fund Dale Medical Center Business Office 16

Take Charge of Your Life!

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334-443-0210 Or toll free: 800-939-2273 New Vision is a medically supervised, hospital based service for adults who experience acute withdrawal symptoms due to alcohol, and/or drug abuse. Only a licensed physician can determine those who qualify. SpecialCare Hospital Management administers New Vision for the hospital, and has a financial interest in this service.

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Dale Medical Center

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17

B

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Eye Exams, Laser Surgery Evaluations, Diagnosis of Eye Disease, Retail Optical Center, Glasses, Sunglasses, Contacts Most Insurances accepted

ob had finally made it to the last round of the $50,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the host MC that he desired a question on American History.

The big night arrived. Bob made his way onstage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The MC stepped up to the mike.

"Bob, you have chosen American History as your final question. You know that if you correctly answer this question, you will walk away $50,000 dollars richer. Are you ready?"

Bob nodded with a cocky confidence -- the crowd went nuts. He hadn't missed a question all week.

CONTINUED ON NEXT PAGE

HAVE You Considered Applying for YOUR Social Security?

Are you confused about the process or have you already

BEEN DENIED YOUR BENEFITS?

Rose Clark Hallford Has been Representing Clients in Disability Claims FOR MORE THAN 30 YEARS FREE CONSULTATION 334-443-3000 FaithworkzDisability@gmail.com

JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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406 Ben St. • Suite 100 Near the Ft. Rucker gate Ozark, Alabama 36360

Your greatest test is when you are able to bless someone else while you are going through your own storm.

"Bob, yours is a two-part question. As you know, you may answer either part first. As a rule, the second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like to take a stab at first?"

Bob was becoming more noticeably nervous. He couldn't believe it, but he was not sure, but American History was his easiest subject, and he played it safe.

"I'll try the easier part first."

The MC nodded approvingly. "Here we go Bob. I will ask you the second half first, then the first half."

The audience grew silent with gross anticipation...

"Bob, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"

INGRAM MEMORIAL Headstones, Vaults & Any Type of Cemetery Work

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1280 E. Andrews Ave. Ozark, AL

This elegant, custom built home is full of amenities & extras, including 1/15th interest in the Pinebrook lake. Cherry cabinets in kitchen, bathrooms & family room built-ins. Formal LR could also be library or study. Be sure to notice "knock down" ceiling/wall finishes & elegant celetex ceiling in 2 rooms. Salt water pool & 14x20 pool house/shop w/half bath added 2006. Master bdrm has vaulted ceiling, 2 walk-in closets, deck & a magnificent bathroom.

Beautiful property in beautiful subdivision.

Always Open Online At www.ShopHealthConcepts.com Minding your business eliminates half the problems in your life!

RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL LOTS/LAND • MULTI-FAMILY JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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INTERSECTION OF HWY 84 & 123 S. WICKSBURG, ALABAMA

By Wallace Kennedy, Jr.

334-726-3278 OR 334-726-3277

Don’t be Afraid to Move Forward!

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:6-8. Fear is an emotional feeling, it’s not real, and it only appears real in our thoughts. Don’t allow this spirit to cripple your progress in life for the Lord, self and family.

Many times in life when called upon to do something out of our comfort zone this spirit tries to attack our thought life.

Patio Sets

Gas Grills

FEAR: Believe it or not, there are some folk who sabotage their ability to succeed because they FEAR success. Thus, failure becomes their ‘silent partner’. After all, if one in this mindset does NOT achieve, it is no big loss to them.

They have pre-programmed themselves to fail, and are quite content to remain in the ‘misery pit’ at a time in their lives when they could be climbing out and making a positive impact on their life and those around them! Failure become like one’s favorite pair of shoes. Comfortable to wear, but not designed to take you in a real direction.

Joshua 1:8-9 Study this Book (Bible) of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Some people say fear is: False Emotions Appearing Real

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NEW LOCATION

SALE

You really got to hand it us short people because we usually can’t reach it.

Outdoors Down South Continued from page 15 1. Ridiculous Gear: I was watching the FLW series one day when Mary happened to walk by.

She said, “Wow, they’re really catching a lot of fish,” followed quickly by “What are they doing that you don’t?”

Through clinched teeth I pointed out that they are driving boats that cost more than our house, using military-grade electronics and fishing with all the latest and greatest tackle that money can buy.

I added that they probably pre-fished the lake the day before and spoke to dozens of locals about tactics.

“If I had that much equipment, time and support, I’d catch a bunch of fish too.”

With that, Mary just smiled and said, “Now you know how women feel when Martha Stewart comes on.”

I thought about that for a minute and it made me miss Red’s show even more.

I'm Jim McClellan, a native of Calhoun County in Northwest Florida. I grew up hunting, fishing and hanging out in the same Apalachicola River swamp that five generations of my family have enjoyed -- and I still do so as much as I can. I also enjoy running, swimming, biking and backpacking.

You can read more stories on my blog. www.outdoorsdoorsouth.com

WEDDING GOWNS & FORMALS CLEANING AND PRESERVING Boots • Belts • Hats • Caps • Gloves • Shoes

COMFORTERS AND QUILTS

Monday-Friday 6 Saturday 6-12 618 S. Union Ave. Ozark, Al.

A preacher was standing at the pulpit giving his Sunday sermon when a note was passed to him. The only word written on the sheet was IDIOT. Looking up at the congregation, the preacher smiled and said: I have heard of men who write letters and forget to sign their names but this is the first time I have seen a man sign his name and forget to write the letters.

Your marketing plan needs to include the magazine you are reading right now.. Their popularity is undeniable.

Give Laughs&Lifts a call today.

334-379-7603

HEATING & COOLING

Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire?

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To realize the value of

Laughs and Lifts

One year, ask a student who failed a grade.

One month, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.

One week, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.

One hour, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.

One minute, ask a person who missed the train.

One second, ask a person who just avoided an accident.

One millisecond, ask the person who won an Olympic silver medal.

Value every moment you have, and count it a gift from God. Treasure it by sharing it with someone special-especially your spouse and children. Remember that time waits for no one. 'Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.' - Psalm 90:12

FIND The 9 DIFFERENCES IN THESE PHOTOS Answers on page 30

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I may not be perfect but at least I’m not fake.

I

Sedation Dentistry

never called you stupid dear. But, when I asked you how you spelled Mississippi, and you asked if I was talking about the river or the state, it just kind of caught me off guard.

Sedation Dentistry is a revolutionary way to accomplish your dental treatments without fear or anxiety. You dream…we work. Sedation Dentistry is often used during procedures that require an extensive amount of time in the treatment chair, and sedation is ideal for patients who exhibit dental phobia.

Sedation Dentistry offers anxiety-free dental procedures as the patient is in a deeply relaxed state. though fully responsive. It means something even more important, a comfortable experience, so that little is felt or remembered from the dentistry procedure. When you awake, you are well rested, and your smile is healthier and more beautiful.

A

lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire.

The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a earthquake, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a earthquake?" he asked.

Dothan Cosmetic Dentistry Advanced Technology

Geoff M. Gaunt, DMD Aesthetic General Dentistry 2431 West Main Street, Dothan, AL 334-673-7440 DothanCosmeticDentistry.com

My First Cousin and her husband just celebrated their 60th Wedding Anniversary. Her Husband said after 60 years they would have to stay together ...there’s no trade in value left.

Industrial Lubricants Automotive Lubricants Non Ethanol Gasoline Kerosene Hwy & Off Hwy Diesel

MILLS PRODUCE Highway 52 West ~ Malvern, AL 36349

334-712-0700 martinenergyservices.com

Red Piper Sales Representative red.piper@martinmlp.com

Office: (334) 774-7035 Fax: (334) 774-1446 Cell: (334) 618-1652 2937 N. US Hwy 231 Ozark, AL. 36360

Owners MICHAEL & DAISY MILLS

Life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never received…R. Brault

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There are some things money can’t buy‌ like manners, morals and integrity.

Where do you find a Laughs&Lifts are distributed every month in over 300 locations in the Wiregrass Area.

Distributed in restaurants, offices, hair salons, auto repair shops, motels, medical and dental waiting rooms, hospitals, grocery stores and other high traffic businesses. Where ever people wait , eat out or shop‌it is our goal to have a Laughs&Lifts there for them with entertainment and encouragement strategically placed all around your advertisement to keep the reader on the page for up to 10 times longer for maximum exposure to your ad!

NOW IN 50 TROY LOCATIONS Family Magazine

CLUES ACROSS

CLUES DOWN

1. Iowa State town 5. Dip lightly into water 8. Doctors' group 11. AKA red spinel 13. Actress Lupino 14. Camel or goat fabrics 15. TV delivery system 16. Chronicles (abbr.)

17. Bolivian river 18. Like a moss capsule stalk 20. Short 1st name for actor Bacon 21. Br. boarding school 22. Gorges 25. Guileless 30. More obstinate 31. Pair 32. Ablaze 33. Muffled 38. No seats available 41. More blackened 43. Proficiently skilled 45. Flat highlands 47. Hillside (Scot.)

49. Stricken 50. MN 55121 55. Sutter Cnty. City seat 56. In no way 57. V. Woolf playwright 59. Nev. Sen. Harry 60. Ingested 61. Nobel Prize winner Fritz 62. Make a mistake 63. Sirius Satellite Radio (abbr.)

64. Mama's partner

1. Disney network 2. Oldest river (alt. sp.)

3. Dresden River 4. Preservative 5. Bargain 6. Stuck fast 7. Nouveau-riche 8. Plural of 14 down 9. Hand (Spanish) 10. 7th Hindu month 12. A large body of water 14. Assist in some wrongdoing 19. Run with a long stride 23. Volt-ampere 24. Oppenheimer's bomb 25. Don't know when yet 26. British Air Aces 27. C. Clay's new surname 28. Norwegian monetary unit (abbr.)

29. Afternoon nap 34. Actress Thurman 35. '__ death do us part 36. Snakelike fish 37. Not wet 39. Eye membranes 40. Spotted wildcats 41. Wildebeest 42. Ascend 44. Headgear for a horse 45. Bura 46. Foremost position 47. Cowbarn (British) 48. One who feels regret 51. Express pleasure 52. Pleased 53. Swedish rock group 54. Requisite 58. Geological time

CALL ROGER 334-379-7603 TO ADVERTISE OR FOR DISTRIBUTION LOCATIONS Know your limits, but never stop trying to exceed them.

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ASK DR. GAUNT “Your Hometown Dentist” Hello Readers, In Honor of our patriotic month of July, I've got a trivia question!

DO you Know?

This famous Revolutionary War hero made a midnight ride just before the battles of Concord and Lexington to warn people that, “The British are coming! The British are coming!” If he were advertising his day job, he might just as easily called out, “The dentist is coming! The dentist is coming!” He was a skilled silversmith who also advertised his services as a dentist and was known for making false teeth for his patients.( Play Jeopardy theme music here....)

If you guessed that I'm talking about the one and only Paul Revere, then you guessed correctly!!

Everyone please remember ALL the service men and women who have, and are defending our freedom to live in this great country of the United States of America! Sadly, I had the honor to be at one of my patient's funeral yesterday. He was a B-17 tail gunner for the U.S. Army Air Forces in World War II, having flown in 32 missions over enemy-occupied areas of Europe. There are very few WW II heroes remaining. SO thank those you know or meet. Our hero, Mr. Ritchie, was always a joy to see in the office, and he will be truly missed.

Health and Happiness AND God Bless America!

Geoff Gaunt,DMD dothancosmeticdentistry.com

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People are like stained-glass windows.

They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. ~ Elizabeth Kubler Ross ~

FIND THE BASS We have hidden this bass in 6 ads in this month’s edition of Laughs&Lifts.

TO WIN A PRIZE PACKAGE FROM AREA BUSINESS’. Find the 6 ads with the hidden Bass & Follow these instructions: Mail the names of the 6 business’ (Do NOT cut out ads)in which you found the Bass along with your name, address and phone # To: Parrish Publishing PO Box 681 Ozark, AL 36361 OR: Email to LaughsandLifts@live.com with subject line:

NO PHONE CALLS Drawing held on the 20th of the month

Obviously medicine companies don’t know what fruit taste like.

Family Magazine is the most unique magazine in the Wiregrass… distributed Free in over 300 locations in 7 area counties, providing laughter in clean jokes & cartoons, & encouragement through uplifting articles based firmly in God’s Word, plus Crosswords, Sudoku, Recipes, Puzzles & More A one of a kind advertising venue for your business!

P.O. Box 681 Ozark, AL 36361 To Advertise call 334-379-7603 "When business is good, it pays to advertise; When business is bad, you've got to advertise."

- Henry Ford (1863-1947) Good Times or Bad, We Are Your Best Advert Value.

Call Laughs and Lifts Today.

334-379-7603

FLOORING

"Son,' he said, I had hoped you wouldn't run into anything like this till you were older, but maybe it's just as well. There are only two kinds of men in this world: Honest men and dishonest men. There are black men and white men and yellow men and red men, but nothing counts except whether they're honest men or dishonest men.

Some men work almost entirely with their brains; some almost entirely with their hands; though most of us have to use both. But we all fall into one of the two classes - honest and dishonest.

Any man who says the world owes him a living is dishonest. The same God that made you and me made this earth. And He planned it so that it would yield every single thing that the people on it need.

But He was careful to plan it so that it would only yield up its wealth in exchange for the labor of man. Any man who tries to share in that wealth without contributing the work of his brain or his hands is dishonest.

Son, this is a long sermon for a boy of your age, but I want so much for you to be an honest man that I had to explain it to you.'"

“Little Britches” by Ralph Moody

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. BUT SOMETIMES THE REASON IS THAT YOU’RE STUPID & MAKE BAD DECISIONS.

Great Gift for Soldiers, Prisoners, Your Pastor, Out of Area Friends or Yourself! $30 for 1 year (12 issues) $50 ($25 ea.) For 2 or more years Or 2 or more subscriptions Send name(s) address & check to Parrish Publishing P.O. Box 681 Ozark, Al 36361

Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. - Thomas Fuller

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AIR CONDITIONING

ATTORNEY

B U

HEATING & COOLING

ALTERATIONS Logan’s Cleaners Alterations Take it up or Let it out!

Buttons, Hems, Zippers, Mending Quality Work at Fair Prices

774-8012

S I N E

618 S, Union Ave Ozark

S

ANTIQUES

S

AUTO REPAIR

D I APPLIANCE REPAIR & SALES

R

BEAUTY SALONS

E C

ARMY-NAVY STORE

T CLEANERS & LAUNDRY LOGAN’S O DRY CLEANERS & LAUNDRY

R Y JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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“CLEANING IS OUR BUSINESS” M-F 6-5 SAT 6-12

774-8012 618 S. Union Ave. Ozark, AL

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect, but that you've decided to see beyond the imperfections

DAYCARE CENTER B Noah’s Ark Daycare & Learning Center

774-4447 1962 Skipperville Road Ozark, AL

ELECTRICIANS Tyre

Electrical & Plumbing “Specializing In Service Calls of All Types” Over 30 Years Experience!

Licensed, Insured & Bonded

FLOORING FLOORING LLC WOOD - CERAMIC- CARPET

334-445-2866

936 Andrews Ave. • Ozark, AL 36360

HANDYMAN 334-774-2448 334-379-4831

No Job Too Small

U

A&A HANDYMAN SERVICE

S

CHRIS AND EDDIE ADKINS

I

Licensed and Insured

INSURANCE

N

Sammy Judah ~ Donna Shuman Call or visit us today!

E

ircle Insurance Agency 863 Andrews Ave. ~ Ozark, Al. 36360

S

334-774-7177

S HEALTH & 334-774-1727 Merrick Ave. D 345 N. Ozark

I

FITNESS CLUB Cardio Area & 24/7 Access Free Weights Weight Assisted Machines Personal Trainers Tanning Beds & Sauna

Join Today!

Feel Better & Look Better!

R E WE HAVE SAVED YOU C A SPOT. T

O R

Put Your Message In This Size Business Directory Ad For 4 Months For Only

Y Dreams without goals remain dreams......

$200

TOP DOLLAR PAID

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Find The Differences Answers B 1. Construction sign is different 2. Pennants are different 3. No Hiring is different 4. @ and at are different 5. Speed Limit sign is Missing 6. Black cat is missing 7. I left this one for you to find.

8. One Cone is missing 9. Flag is missing

LAWNMOWER REPAIR

U S I

TIRES & SERVICE

Ozark

Tire & service New & Used Tires ● Oil Changes ● Road Side Service

774-1416

453 South Union Ave. Ozark, AL

TREE SERVICE

N E S

PRINTING

ZOO

S

D

PROPANE

I R E C

Along life’s way, be careful what you say. Make your choice of words soft and sweet.

Because you'll never know which ones you will have to eat.

SWIMMING POOLS T O R Y JULY 2014 334-379-7603

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THIS SIZE AD ALPHABETIZED

BY BUSINESS CATEGORIES 4 MONTHS FOR $200 $60/Month LESS THAN 4 MOS.

Hold that pose ..My camera is ringing.

Phone: (334) 774-

“Willpower” is nothing more than desire.

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KATE TAYLOR REALTY

See These Homes and all our listing at www.TaylorRealtyOnline.com

106 South Main Street • Brundidge, Alabama 334-735-9500 • 1-800-735-3395

103 South Main St. Brundidge has been used as an Antique Mall, Retail clothing store, Florist and could be used again as all of the above or numerous other venues. This beautiful building is air conditioned, refinished hardwood floors, half bath, and space on the lower level for another half bath. Lots of storage area on the top floor and the lower floor. This is a great buy at only $89,900. or Make an Offer.

CALL Kate Today!.

435 Lawson St., Brundidge is priced for quick sale. This home would be great for a college student. It's in town but has lots of trees and sits up away from the street level. The front porch is across the front of the home and has a good view of the neighborhood. It has 2Br, 1Ba, or can be master bedroom with an office. Living/dining combo that open to kitchen. Kitchen has gas stove, lots of cabinets. The home has floors (that looks like) wide plank hardwood floors.

Central heat and air. It's a must see for only $49,000.

Call Kate for an appointment.

The SPA at Deer Run

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