Working together to do it yourself
Cheap and homemade pg2 gifts
Calendar Biodiesel for Bands Launch Party and Fundraiser
mbassador Wolf A irst Friday Gallery Walk F Fuzzy’s Snowrider Taco and Superheroes of Stoke
Dance Major Capstone Concert 2012 Lightbulb exchange
It’s the End of the World As We Know It
The pros and cons of a potential apocalypse if the world ends on December 21 Quiz: Which apocalypse is right for you? You may not know if the world will end, but which chaotic scenario would be best for you? Keep track of your answers. 1. If the need arose, what would you eat first? A: Your best friend B: A rock C: Some old Twinkies D: A whole bottle of Tabasco sauce E: Where the McDonald’s at? 2. Where would your secret hideout be located? A: The nearest mall B: The Batcave C: A space station (more Death Star than Interplanetary Circus Tent) D: Inside a volcano, like Ernst Blofeld from Bond E: The castle it took you months to make in Minecraft 3. What is your weapon of choice? A: A freshly sharpened blade or crossbow B: A rock to smash stuff with C: A lightsaber that only works half the time D: A book of matches E: The power of social commentary via Twitter
4. What is your favorite method of transportation? A: Jogging (or maybe it’s yogging?) B: A bulldozer C: Teleportation D: Yelling “Flame On!” as you fall from the nearest building E: Riding the bus back and forth to class 5. Who would you want to survive with? A: Your dog B: Anyone with a shovel or a pick axe C: Zaphod Beeblebrox (from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) D: A firefighter E: Jeff Probst (Survivor host) 6. How would you kill time while you were resting? A: Accounting for supplies and keeping watch B: Carving chess pieces out of rocks, then playing chess C: Identifying star constellations D: Making a fire with flint and steel E: Downloading the new season of Adventure Time
7. What is your major? A: Epidemiology or pathology B: Geology C: Astrophysics D: Forestry E: Communications 8. Who is your role model? A: The Highlander B: John Hammond (scientist who created Jurassic Park) C: Einstein D: Ray Bradbury (author of Fahrenheit 451) E: Kristen Stewart 9. What is your favorite color? A: Brain-matter grey B: Lava red C: Night-sky black D: Bunsen-burner blue E: Beer-bottle brown 10. And your favorite music genre? A: Punk rock B: World music C: Trance D: Metal E: Avant-garde jazz See answers on page 6!
By Marcus Moritz The Rocky Mountain Collegian Depending on how much you have been studying for your finals, the end of the world will either be a blessed reprieve or kind of a bummer. Regardless of whether the world will actually end or not, it never hurts to be prepared. Here we have a list of some of the most plausible end of the world scenarios that you should prepare for. Zombies By far the event most of us have the most practice surviving is a zombie virus outbreak. Thanks to the combined hundreds of video games, books, movies and TV shows on the subject, most people know to “aim for the head.” Grab your canned food, your large knife or projectile weapon of choice, and prepare for a realistic version of Left 4 Dead. The downside to this end of the world, however, would undoubtedly be the lack of humanity. Being human, we enjoy the company of others. After a week of being holed up, no matter how well you are doing, people get a little crazy. Watch your back; no matter how lonely you are, zombies don’t make for good conversation. Aliens Similar to zombies is the alien inva-
sion. Unlike zombies though, aliens will outnumber us, out-gun us, and catch us totally off guard. No matter how many Will Smiths there are, most of us regular Joes are going to be cannon fodder. To survive this situation, you are going to have to go down — into the ground. They will most likely wipe out our cities and towns and leave the boonies untouched. Be prepared to learn how to milk a cow and churn butter; we’re about to regress a few hundred years. That is, if you survive the initial annihilation.
Supervolcano Yellowstone Park is a place you can find nature, tourists and a super volcano. A volcano that has the power to out-blow (which probably isn't the technical term) Mt. Saint Helen's by a huge factor. There are supervolcanoes all over the world, and they will probably all explode at once, if movies are any indication. This is the end of the world. If you want to survive this situation, you will need oxygen and patience… months, maybe years of patience, and a good book series to read. The most dangerous part isn't the lava, but the ash. You will have to stay inside and keep your lungs intact. After the dust settles (literally) you are going See Apocalypse on Page 5
How to study, procrastinate and drink away the week By Emily Smith The Rocky Mountain Collegian
At last, it’s that time of the semester that every student dreads, yet looks forward to because it means a break is near: finals. We all know what this means — extended hours at the library, overcrowding at every coffee shop and the urge to consume large amounts of alcohol while setting fire to all of your lecture notes. While nothing can fully alleviate the pain of finals, read on for a guide to surviving this last week of the semester. Study tips Tailor the amount of time you study for each final to how hard each test is likely to be and how well you already
know the material from that class. Ask plenty of questions. Your professors are there to help (most of them, anyways) and should be available to tell you what is going to be covered on the final, how it will be formatted, etc. Study with a group… but only if it makes sense. If working with a group is going to help you learn the material better, do it. If you’re just studying with friends to catch up on each others’ weekends and play pranks in the library — probably not. Remember to make time for breaks and sleep. Staring at a textbook or computer screen for five hours straight is just going to turn your brain into mush. Go on a walk, take a 20-minute power nap or watch Gangnam Style on YouTube to break up your studying
every once in awhile. Always attend the review sessions. Period. Places to study The library, obviously. There are three whole floors (and a creepy basement) full of tables, study rooms and computers. The peace and quiet of a library environment really can’t be beat for studying purposes. It tends to get crowded though, so stake out a spot early or send friends in shifts. Coffee shops. During finals week especially, coffee joints like Starbucks, The Alley Cat, Mugs and Momo Lolo are bound to be buzzing with college students. Knowing that everyone around you is cramming too might just motivate you to study harder. Also, caffeine.
The Behavioral Sciences Building. This place has more study nooks and comfy chairs than you could fathom. Take your pick. The Skeller. Just kidding. Best ways to procrastinate If you feel like your head is going to explode if you write one more notecard, there are plenty of great options for procrastinating: Pinterest. There is no better way to waste time than logging on to Pinterest and discovering the virtual world of endless crafts, recipes, inspiring quotes and shirtless pictures of Ryan Gosling. Go hiking. One of the best ways to de-stress can be going out to enjoy nature. Plus, hiking usually takes at least a few hours.
Zone out in front of the TV for a while. Before you know it, you’ll be hooked on shows you’ve never heard of, like “My Strange Addiction,” “Tattoo Nightmares,” and “Doomsday Preppers.” (Yes, I have seen episodes of all of these. Yes, as a result of procrastinating.) Dorms often have de-stressor activities, so if you come in at the right time you might get the opportunity to play with puppies or enjoy some free hot chocolate. Score.
Drink Specials See above-mentioned urge to consume large amounts of alcohol, though perhaps you should refrain from burning your notes until after your exams. See Finals on Page 5
2 Friday, December 7, 2012 | The Rocky Mountain Collegian
How to have happy homemade holidays
Celebrate the season of giving by giving gifts that are cheap without being stingy By Lianna Salva The Rocky Mountain Collegian Nothing beats the smile on your parents’ faces when you present them with a popsicle stick frame covered in macaroni and glitter. But since we’re not five years old and can’t get away with that anymore, try these homemade gift ideas for all the people on your list: Dessert mix Find a recipe for cookies, brownies (not the special kind), or cocoa. Fill a mason jar with the measured amounts of dry
ingredients in layers, not mixed together. Add a festive tag with the cooking instructions and any other ingredients needed. Cost: Under $5 per jar No-Sew Blanket Go to your local fabric store and get two colors of fleece fabric. The measurements vary for who you’re giving the blanket to, but for an average adult get two yards of each color. Lay both pieces of fabric down on the floor. Cut a four-by-four inch square from the corners. Along the edges, cut strips four inches long and one inch wide without separating
weekend excursion guide
Head on up to the Bobcat Ridge By Kevin Bartz The Rocky Mountain Collegian I was going to send you all up to Rocky Mountain National to maybe squeeze in one more long hike, but then I looked at the weather forecast. Snow is on the way. Well, it is December. Also, I considered that all of you good college students will probably spend most of your weekend studying. So, this week’s hike is much shorter and closer to Fort Collins. This weekend, if you don’t get snowed in or buried under a pile of notes and books, head up to Bobcat Ridge. It’s only about 20 minutes from campus and can give you an amazing break from thinking about finals. This public, natural area has a network of five trails that weave through Bobcat Gulch, the foothills on either side of it, and through a burned area from a fire back in 2000. I don’t have a specific trail recommendation for you, so check out the trail map when you get there and see what you are up for. There is the Valley Loop Trail, which makes an oval shaped loop along the base of Bobcat Gulch. On this trail, you’ll get a wide open view of the valley and the forest hugging the slope. If it’s sunny, the grass will glow a deep golden color. However, if it snows, you’ll be in for a completely different view.
The forest will be peppered with a dusty white. Maybe the tops of the hills will disappear into a fallen cloud, heavy with snow. The gold grass will poke up in contrast from the white. Wow, I might actually be hoping for snow on this hike. However, if you are looking for a longer escape from the approaching finals week, take the Ginny Trial. This one loops around the whole open space. It starts out skirting along the bottom of the gulch, then heads upwards into the hills. The trail pitches up and down through the whole thing. Over the crests of hills, you might see the snowy Front Range, or even the sprawl of town. Overall, this is a very relaxed hike. To get here, get on Harmony going west. Go all the way until you hit the foothills. You’ll curve left and start heading up the hill like you’re going to Horsetooth. Stay on this road, go around the reservoir, through some more hills. You’ll pass Horsetooth Mountain Park on the right. Keep going, and you’ll get to Masonville. Turn left on CR 27. Go about half of a mile and then veer right onto CR 32. Go another half mile and you are there. Don’t worry about a fee. It’s free! Collegian Writer Kevin Bartz can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
the strips from the rest of the fabric. Tie the strips together. Cost: $10-$12 CD Compilation No, it’s not cheesy. Your significant other will love a compilation of music that reminds you of them. The best part is, all you have to pay for is the CD. Use music from your iTunes or other music library. The best compilations have their favorite bands, but use the opportunity to introduce them to some new music as well. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Cost: $2
Coupon book This can work for just about anyone on your list. Make a coupon book with things you are willing to do for someone. For your parents, maybe it’s washing the dishes or listening to a story from their childhood without complaint. For your best friend, maybe it’s paying for a lunch date at their choice of restaurant. Cost: Free Framed Photograph If you went on a trip and got great pictures of a place your friend, parents, or S.O. has never been to, frame it and give it to
them. Or, pull out an old photo of you and the receiver. The photo is free; all you have to do is accesorize. Don’t forget to look at thrift stores for some ornate frames. Cost: Depends on the size and quality of the frame Farmer’s Market Don’t have the time or materials to make the gift yourself? Visit the farmer’s market to find handmade jewelry, candles, and other gifts. You still get the handmade charm without all the work, while supporting local businesses. The market will also usually have vendors that
sell wine, plants, spices and food spreads. Farmer’s markets and craft fairs usually offer better prices than the store. Whatever you decide, play to your strengths. If you know how to knit or crochet, the answer of what to give for the holidays is pretty simple. Also, remember to give a gift that will be memorable and personal to the person you’re giving it to. When in doubt, give your parents your transcript with your grades for this semester. Unless you got bad grades. UCA Beat Reporter Lianna Salva can be reached at email@example.com
“CSU professor Adumb Mantel, a specialist in the field of insects and an entrepreneur in the field of tiny leather goods, came across his astounding discovery while driving his Danish-made Vespa back from the Carmex convention.” Ram Talk ... The rest of the story
Catching bugs in your mouth By Davis English
The Rocky Mountain Collegian Based on the 11/30 Ramtalk — “I put on fresh chapstick and suddenly, my lips are a bug trap… Mother nature must be trolling me.” The Biological Sciences and Pest Control department at Colorado State University has recently made a scientific breakthrough rivaling the first functional robotic dog. For years, insect enthusiasts and pest control agencies have been searching for a new compound that can be used to trap and immobilize insects. Researchers tried compounds such as wood varnish (which
killed the insects) and industrial strength glues (which got the insects really high). For decades, nothing worked until an intelligent and hairy entomologist experienced a breakthrough. CSU professor Adumb Mantel, a specialist in the field of insects and an entrepreneur in the field of tiny leather goods, came across his astounding discovery while driving his Danish-made Vespa back from the Carmex convention. “Yeah, I had just picked up the new Carmex Slippery Goo when my lips began to feel chapped,” Mantel said. “This being the case, I obviously applied the Carmex to my dry lips.” What happened next would
go down in history — the Carmex began attracting insects and other small arthropods. The six-legged creatures became stuck to Mantel’s lips without a hope for escape. He had created the trap, and bug lovers everywhere rejoiced. Local insect collector Jayke Adoms was ecstatic about the discovery. “Finally, I can rid myself of this bulky collecting net,” Adoms said. “The new Carmex bug trap is exactly what I was looking for. Plus I get to kiss bugs. Win-win? That’s a yes!” The new lip balms work by luring the bugs in with a sweet compound known as supersweetstuff found only in lip moisturizers and keeping them
there with a sticky compound known as glueorsomething. This discovery is monumental to say the least, and the lip balm industry is reaping great benefits. It is estimated that insect collecting will increase by over 300 percent in the next five years, and Carmex has even begun producing honey and jam flavored lip balms to increase the effectiveness of the bug trap balms. To purchase Carmex Bugs Be Trippin’ Bug Trappin’ Lip Balm, a person can visit their local lip balm retailer, or order online. Collegian Writer Davis English can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
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COLLEGIAN Lory Student Center Box 13 Fort Collins, CO 80523
This publication is not an official publication of Colorado State University, but is published by an independent corporation using the name ‘The Rocky Mountain Collegian’ pursuant to a license granted by CSU. The Rocky Mountain Collegian is a 10,000-circulation student-run newspaper intended as a public forum. It publishes five days a week during the regular fall and spring semesters. During the last eight weeks of summer Collegian distribution drops to 4,500 and is published weekly on Wednesdays. During the first four weeks of summer the Collegian does not publish. Corrections may be submitted to the editor in chief and will be printed as necessary on page 2. The Collegian is a complimentary publication for the Fort Collins community. The first copy is free. Additional copies are 25 cents each. Letters to the editor should be sent to email@example.com.
EDITORIAL STAFF | 491-7513 Allison Sylte | Editor in Chief firstname.lastname@example.org Nic Turiciano | Content Managing Editor email@example.com Hunter Thompson | Visual Managing Editor firstname.lastname@example.org Andrew Carrera | News Editor email@example.com Elisabeth Willner | News Editor firstname.lastname@example.org Kevin Jensen | Editorial Editor & Copy Chief email@example.com firstname.lastname@example.org Emily Kribs | Entertainment Editor email@example.com Cris Tiller | Sports Editor firstname.lastname@example.org
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Editor’s Note: News Editor Andrew Carrera interned with the Democratic National Committee in Washington, D.C. this summer. He has removed himself from all political coverage including writing, editing and discussions – this include’s the paper’s daily editorial “Our View.”
What’s up this weekend in FoCo? Biodiesel for Bands Launch Party and Fundraiser Where: Hodi’s Half Note When: Friday, Dec. 7 Times: 8 p.m. - 1:30 a.m. Cost: $5 - $10 suggested donation Biodiesel for Bands is an organization dedicated to reducing the carbon footprint of touring bands and allowing them to travel more economically and efficiently. They do this by supplying bands with high-quality biodiesel. That stuff isn’t free, so they’re having a launch party and fundraiser at Hodi’s Half Note, featuring Post Paradise, Mosey West, the Mason Howlings, and Wasabi. Save the environment and enjoy good music for a donation of $5 to $10. Learn more at www.facebook.com/pages/Biodiesel-for-Bands
The Rocky Mountain Collegian | Friday, December 7, 2012
Compiled by Emily Kribs, Design by Corinne Winthrop Check in with the Collegian’s Weekender every Friday to see what’s going on in Fort Collins over the weekend.
Ambassador Wolf Where: Bar SS in Laporte When: Friday, Dec. 7 Time: 9 p.m. Cost: $5 Remember Ambassador Wolf from Tuesday’s Collegian cover? They’re playing this Friday at Barr SS in Laporte. Where else are you going to get the opportunity to see grown men — and employed engineers, no less — wear wolf heads and howl at a bar full of people? It’s $5, so head on over and party like an animal. Learn more at www.facebook.com/ambassadorwolf
Dance Major Capstone Concert 2012 Where: University Dance Theater, UCA When: Friday, Dec. 7; Saturday, Dec. 8 Times: 8 p.m. both nights, 2 p.m. Saturday afternoon Cost: $14 for adults, $10 for students, $9 for youth under 17 Many seniors are moving quickly toward the end of their college careers, and dance majors are no exception. While they, like many, write a thesis paper, they also put on a performance to conclude their studies. The page on Central says, “With over thirty CSU dancers, musicians, designers and technicians contributing, this innovative program promises an exciting look at our up-andcoming performing artists.” Show support for your fellow students and have a good time while doing it. Learn more at www.central.colostate.edu
First Friday Gallery Walk Where: Downtown Art Galleries When: Friday, Dec. 7 Times: 6-9 p.m. Cost: Free It’s First Friday again! This only happens once a month, so make sure you don’t miss it. Take a self-guided tour of the Fort Collins art scene, grabbing some free refreshments on the way. Most galleries will change up their exhibits around this time, so there’ll be plenty to see.
Fuzzy's Snowrider Taco and Superheroes of Stoke Where: Fuzzy’s Taco Shop When: Saturday, Dec. 8 Times: 7 p.m., movie starts at 8 p.m. Cost: Free Who doesn’t love tacos? If you said you don’t, you are a liar. This Saturday, head over to Fuzzy’s on Elizabeth and watch a free Match Stick Productions movie premiere, “Superheroes of Stoke.” Hosted by Snowriders, this movie features the progression of skiing and snowboarding over the last 20 years, as well as some serious stunts in the snow. There will also be raffles and giveaways. Show up early to get a good spot and a taco. The tacos are not free, but they’re totally worth it, not to mention some of the proceeds will go to the Snowriders Club! Plus: drink specials. What else do you want?
Lightbulb exchange Where: Johnson Hall, room 108 When: Friday, Dec. 7 Times: 2-3 p.m. Cost: Free We’re a green campus, but living green isn’t always convenient. Saving the environment can be expensive, time-consuming, or just plain annoying. That’s no excuse now to have power-sucking incandescent light bulbs though; you can exchange them for free CFL bulbs at Johnson Hall. Another suggestion is turning your bad bulbs into ornate ornaments. ‘Tis the season!
OPINION Friday, December 7, 2012 | Page 4
your two cents
Yesterday’s Question: What kind of animal would you perfer as a pet?
Yay I’m graduating (YOLO, I suppose)
46% Dog 31% Campus Squirrel 14% Cat 6% Parrot 3% Pig
Today’s question: What day do you have the most finals the next week? *36 people voted in this poll.
Log on to http://collegian.com to give us your two cents.
This is an unscientific poll conducted at Collegian.com and reflects the opinions of the Internet users who have chosen to participate.
Ode to the old and ornery Eddy Hall
By quinn scahill
Everybody knows that Willard O. Eddy Hall is one of the most poorly maintained buildings on campus. Just the other day I walked into the men’s restroom on the ground floor, and when I looked up - there was no ceiling. Another gentleman walked in behind me looked up at the ceiling-less room in confusion, looked at me, and then walked out. I was a little confused too, but I just went ahead and finished my business as I stared up into Eddy’s ugly concrete foundation. Obviously he didn’t realize that something like this was pretty normal at Eddy. If this happened to me at any other building on campus, I would have left and found another restroom. However, it was Eddy Hall, and almost nothing about that place surprises me anymore. It’s not air-conditioned. The hallways are infuriatingly small and cramped during passing periods. The “renovations” made to the building a few years ago were a nice gesture toward the College of Liberal Arts, but they didn’t fool anybody. New chairs, carpets, dryerase boards and stylistic wooden cutouts on the walls cannot take away from the horrendous structure that is Eddy Hall. As a senior and a student who spends a good amount of time in the building, it’s fair to say that I’ve seen both the good and the bad. Besides going to class, the printing lab on the third floor is my primary reason for strutting around Eddy. If there is one redeeming factor to the Eddy building at all, it has got to be the free printing lab for liberal arts majors and minors. Although the trek up to the third floor is quite arduous for a guy like me — always breaking a sweat as I walk into the lab — I have to say I do cherish the place. I feel quite at home amongst my fellow plebeians, printing out documents that we’ll probably forget to read and typing papers due in the next hour. I thought everything was going well at the lab up until a few months ago. That’s when somebody had the great idea to make everyone who prints at Eddy sign a sheet stating your name (printed), the time, your
CSU ID# (which I’m not sure should be publicly stated), your major/minor, the date and finally: your signature. Once you’ve completed signing this gauntlet, you can take a seat and print, or creep on Facebook, or whatever it is you do at Eddy. At first I was incredibly irritated by this new procedure because every time before you print, you also have to enter your Eid and password. If you aren’t enrolled in a liberal arts class you can’t print. To me, that system seems pretty foolproof, but apparently somebody thought that an extra layer of security would help. After becoming annoyed while waiting in line at the front, I promptly took matters into my own hands when it was my turn to sign in. Pretty soon, the likes of Eminem, Skrillex, Ron Paul, Kevin Spacey, Barack Obama, and even Tony Frank were showing up to print. Things went smoothly after I learned how to waltz my way around the pesky sign-in sheet, but Eddy had one final surprise waiting for me. I rushed into the lab one day, needing to print one single page, but alas: my printing credits had run dry. I quickly learned there was no way to replenish my printing quota. For a few hours I wandered campus, shellshocked at my sudden and disheartening exile from the Eddy lab. I sulked for a day or two, but eventually discovered another lab where I can print for free. I’m not going to name the lab in the interest that I continue printing for free there, but I will say pretty much everything about it is better than Eddy. The building is nicer, the computers, the printers, and even the women are better. But it just doesn’t feel right. I’m a total stranger at this new lab. Eddy’s characteristic scent of coffee and urine is gone, and I no longer see any cute hipster girls. I can’t walk around like I own the place, and I hate to say it, but I miss the sign-in sheet that so valiantly guards the Eddy lab. I like to think of Eddy as a really old, ugly dog that just keeps wagging its tail. No matter how many times it’s peed on your bed, you have to smile and give it a pat on the back. Quinn Scahill is a senior English major. His columns appear Fridays in the Collegian. Letters and feedback can be sent to email@example.com.
By Nic Turiciano
I was going to write about the Grammy nominations, how they’re interesting in the context of intended demographics and whether my generation will ever care about a once-yearly award show. It’s hard to imagine that we will, considering there’s that Internet thing, lots of constant communication, a news cycle that relies on immediacy, the ability for ANYONE to air their opinion to a large audience, etc. An award show presented once a year that somewhat arbitrarily declares the best, implies the worst through omission and celebrates itself for existence just doesn’t seem relevant in the audience-edited universe of Reddit, Twitter and Facebook. Tl;dr, there are a lot of good ar-
guments for why the Grammys are a waste of time. I just boiled my entire column into four paragraphs, and that’s because I’ve had trouble focussing for the last few days long enough to construct a coherent argument. The reason? My college career is finally at its end, and my mind has become untethered. So long as I don’t fail a certain class, I will accept my diploma and graduate on Dec. 15. While thinking about writing about the Grammys, I realized that approaching the stage, accepting my sheet of paper and promptly walking into the real world will be, in some ways, similar to a once-yearly awards ceremony. There will possibly be a carpet colored vaguely red, an audience will be in attendance and those of us accepting awards will commence in a congratulatory circlejerk. But it’s similar to the Grammys in another, more important way: it’s useless. Don’t get me wrong, college itself is a pretty worthwhile commitment. Certain rigidities of it though, such as grades, attendance, pop quizzes, finals … they’re not going to help any of us in a capacity other than graduate school admissions. What I’ve learned during my four and a half years at CSU is that it’s more important how you spend your time outside the classroom than inside the
classroom. I don’t have a job lined up post-graduation, and it’s true that I’m a bit freaked. I will likely spend months searching for something and will have to move to another area. It is a frightening prospect, but I know that the skills I’ve amassed through internships, independent work, student media and diligence make me a competitive applicant in my field. Notice that coursework is absent from that list. Our classes can provide us with a limited knowledge of our field of study. They provide us with building blocks, but we will never truly learn about our field until we apply that knowledge in a real world setting. I find it odd that it took 17 years of schooling for me to realize that school isn’t very important, but maybe that’s just how long it takes for some of us. As I leave CSU, I’m not going to look back on my courses as the most meaningful and useful aspect of my schooling. An obligatory note for my professors: many of you were and are great teachers. I mean no disrespect, but it’s the real world that has prepared me for the real world. I’m terrified and excited to enter it. Content Managing Editor Nic Turiciano can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Whats wrong with this sentence?
By Emily Kribs
I’m fluent in English. I work for a newspaper. Given I edit a fair number of articles every night, I really hope my grasp of the English language is up to scratch. I’d like to think writing is one of my stronger skills, though I know that just invites others with similar skills to point out my errors. I know the differences between you’re and your; it’s and its; their, there and they’re. I know increasingly useless stuff too, like the uses of “who” and “whom,” and already useless information such as “thou” versus “you.” What I don’t know is why anyone would ever seek out an opportunity to correct someone else’s grammar. Did you know American English is a modern language? That means it’s a language that is presently in use and therefore mutable. Compare this to, say, Latin and Gaulish, which are dead. These are incapable of change because no one uses them in conversation. Merriam-Webster states that the
way to get a word into the dictionary is through usage. If everyone started saying “crappy mappy” as an exclamation of discontent, it would eventually be put into the dictionary and incorporated as part of the English language. It’d be defined as slang, sure, but it’d be in there. As a modern language, English is perfectly capable of, and susceptible to, evolution. If you think about it, it’s completely feasible that, one day, it will be grammatically correct to write, “Its snowing outside,” (assuming it still snows by then) or “Their waiting for us over they’re.” Maybe people will even use “are” instead of “our.” Crazy, right? In all honestly, I hope not. But it’s not the worst thing that can happen. I’m sure there were people who lived in the 16th century who would be unable to suppress their rage at the falling out between modern English speakers and the informal you, “thou.” Imagine addressing a small child with the same level of respect as the queen! What do you mean she’s just a figurehead? Of course she still rules over the colonies...! (It’s for the sake of everyone involved that I don’t butcher an attempt to “Shakespearize” those last few sentences.) Things have changed since then, and I don’t think there’s anything to be gained from, say, France’s idea of strictly maintaining linguistic integrity. That doesn’t even work; words and phrases like “liker” (to like, in the Facebook sense), “sharer” (to share, also Facebook) and “c’est thug,” (that’s gangsta) have crept in through the inter-
net, something I’m sure the Académie française did not approve. And that’s not a bad thing! Personally, I love languages. Moreover, I love the concept of language. But, to bring us back to my original point, I don’t love unsolicited corrections. I think that, unless someone either asked you to proofread something or is so utterly incomprehensible that you can’t have a conversation with them, there’s no need to correct them. We’re in college, and if someone’s native language is English and they still haven’t figured out that you can’t use apostrophes for plurals, they’re not going to learn it because you got snarky at them on Facebook. This isn’t meant to be a response to Lauren Stieritz’ column last week. I agree that spell check isn’t sufficient to cover all possible mistakes. This is a response to all the self-appointed grammar freaks on Facebook who don’t know how to prioritize. If it bugs you that much, you can hide them from your feed. Or, if this is really important to you, you can download an extension on Google Chrome called Ponify. Invented for fans of “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” to change words like “everyone” to “everypony” for some inscrutable reason, you can fiddle with the settings to change “its” to “it’s” or vice versa. Given both are commonly used, I doubt this is a permanent solution, but maybe it can make you feel a little bit better. Entertainment Editor Emily Kribs can be reached at email@example.com.
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The Rocky Mountain Collegian | Friday, December 7, 2012
Why stretch when you can reach? Most people think of yoga as a kind of stretch for rich people, but that’s not the case. “Yoga is more than you typically think of. It’s not just a stretch or an exercise, it’s a lifestyle,” said CSU Yoga Club officer Katie Earixon. “One of the tenets of yoga is to respect others and do good. It comes from Buddhism.” That explains why the CSU Yoga Club is teaming up with Off the Mat, Into the World, a non-profit program that stresses the concept of seva. Club President Claire Heywood said, “‘Seva’ is a Sanskrit word meaning selfless service.” In accordance with seva, the CSU Yoga Club is putting on a benefit concert at Avogadro’s Number. “The money goes to Off the Mat, Into the World and the Global Seva Challenge, which is a relief effort for human trafficking in India,” Heywood said. This isn’t the first time the CSU Yoga Club has raised money. Last year, the club put together Rock the Plaza to raise money for an orphanage in Uganda.
“Every person deserves to have a good life. When you look at it from a global perspective, even people in Colorado should help. It’s a good opportunity to give back,” said Yoga Club officer Logan Maxwell. “It’s a chance for the CSU yoga community to work together and put on a philanthropy event.” At the event, Heywood said, “It’s a $5 donation to get in, and we’ll be selling yoga clothes and jewelry. The clothes are donated by a yoga studio in Denver, Bliss Yoga, and the art is made by local people.” “100 percent of proceeds go to efforts — we’re very careful to work with pre-existing organizations,” she added. But of course, there’s more reasons to attend than to buy clothing and jewelry. The Hot Coal and the Marshall Brothers will be performing as well. “We’re helping our friends to make a more exciting event,” Eli Hennessey, a member of Hot Coal, said. The Marshall Brothers’ Tobias Bank said they’ll be playing at the event because “Claire approached asking if I would like performing for good causes and to collaborate with local agencies.”
Ends of the world
By EMILY KRIBS The Rocky Mountain Collegian
Continued from Page 1 to have to know how to farm, assuming you saved some seeds since all the plants will be dead. The landscape will be nothing but a foot of dust. Meteorite Low-flying rocks doesn't sound like an apocalyptic situation, but if one of those rocks was
larger than a mile and flying low enough to collide with Earth, it sure would be. Most believe a meteorite is what obliterated the dinosaurs; what’s to stop one from driving humanity into extinction? There really isn't a way to survive an asteroid collision. Luckily for us, science has our back. If something was going to collide with Earth, we would know in advance. Now the only
FINALS | Surviving Continued from Page 1 Monday: $10 buckets all day at Beach House Grill. Buckets of alcohol, people. All day. Tuesday: $2.50 microbrews, $1.50 domestic beers, plus $1 off wine and well drinks at Bondi Beach Bar from 3-7
RAISE THE VIBRATOIN What: Raise the Vibration, feat. the Hot Coal and the Marshall Brothers Where: Avogadro’s Number When: Sunday, Nov. 9 Times: 7:30-9:30 p.m.
He supports the event, as well as where the money is going. He said, “It’s not U.S. groups saying this is how things are, this is how it should be. It’s people who are already there and already making a difference.” He summed up, “It feels good to do good things.” “It’s a way to give back,” Maxwell agreed. Heywood admitted, “It was a challenge to find a local place to have the event for free. Most venues wanted to charge us lots of money, which is why Avogadro’s is so great.” She continued, “My favorite part is connecting with the community, having an event off campus to connect with folks who live in town.” Earixon said, “We have no idea how many people will show, but hopefully a lot!” To learn more, go to www.facebook.com/pages/ CSU-Yoga-Club
problem is getting off the planet... No matter how much you love the R.E.M. song, the world may not end over break. If it does, make sure you say goodbye to your loved ones and finish that bucket list of yours; only 14 days to go. Entertainment Writer Marcus Moritz can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org
the last week
Wednesday: $2 drafts and $2.50 Jager shots at Steak Out Saloon for your drinking pleasure. Thursday: Fuzzy’s is the place to be from 9 p.m. to close. $2 frozen margaritas, $2 domestic beers, $3 microbrews and $1
jello shots. Friday: Head over to Lucky Joe’s for an all-day happy hour from 11 a.m.-7 p.m. to celebrate the end of finals week — you made it! Collegian Writer Emily Smith can be reached at entertainment@ collegian.com.
“She isn’t going to take any crap from anybody, and it’s been that way her whole life.” Gary Varsho | Taylor Varsho’s father
Chooses to focus on basketball over other sports VARSHO |
Continued from Page 8 ultimately landing on her decision to play basketball. “I was a little worried to tell my dad that I wanted to play basketball at first, because we have always been a huge baseball family,” Taylor said. “I think he was pretty heartbroken at first, but now he supports it.” So Taylor, a once threesport varsity athlete in her early high school career, spent her senior year competing in one sport. She strived to take it to the next level — and that’s exactly what she did.
After making the decision to chase playing Division I basketball, Taylor left her home state of Wisconsin and landed in Fort Collins. She has wasted no time making her mark on the CSU hardwood. She was the first Ram on the scoreboard this season and has started every game. “The things we’re asking from Taylor Varsho, as a freshman, are unbelievable,” CSU coach Ryun Williams said. “She’s been brought up the right way in a competitive teaching environment. I think that’s why you see her play as
hard as she plays.” But what may be news to some is only recurring information to the people who surrounded her over the years. The people who aren’t surprised by her ability are the ones who have been keen to it all along. “The thing about Taylor, in this family, is that she’s the middle child,” Gary said. “She isn’t going to take any crap from anybody, and it’s been that way her whole life.” Women’s Basketball Beat Reporter Quentin Sickafoose can be reached at email@example.com.
EUSTACHY | Talks
about the loss to CU, improvements going forward Continued from Page 8 everything did go right. Give them all the credit in the world, the past staff and the players. I asked the Wyoming coach, Larry Shyatt, a long time ago in the summer, “Would you be shocked if this team didn’t go to the NCAA Tournament?” and he said, “No.” It’s such a fine line in this league and I agree. To get to 68 teams out of 344, it’s very difficult. Expectations are what they are. I can only control the things I can control, and that’s practice and trying to get the team to play the right way. G: What did the team do well during its 6-0 start; and what broke down Wednesday night against CU? E: I think what hap-
pened in Boulder was we got in the environment. It was a record-breaking crowd. I’ve been in a lot of places and that was one of the top five places I’ve played as far as noise and enthusiasm. I’m talking about Fogg Allen. I’ve been to Rupp Arena. That was not us, and Colorado had everything to do with it along with their fans. We’ve had success because we’ve defended and rebounded, taken care of the ball, taken good shots, gotten to the foul line and made them, been physical and like I said, sometimes you can’t explain situations. You cannot create that situation in practice, but it was great for us because that’s what we’ll see in several league games.
G: How do you learn from the loss and improve in the next stretch of games? E: I told the team we’ll find out about us really when it goes bad. This is our toughest non-conference stretch. I would rather play Colorado and have what happened to us than play Chadron State and have a false sense about us. We don’t have a false sense about us. We know who we are and what we’ve got to do better at. We saw the film; they get it, and now we have to take it from the film room to the practice court and over to Chicago. It’s a learning experience. Assistant Sports Editor Kyle Grabowski can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
6 Friday, December 7, 2012 | The Rocky Mountain Collegian
This week’s top 2 albums: By Alex Hall 90.5 KCSU Fort Collins
Elin Ruth– “Bang” Released Nov. 27
I read somewhere that Norwegian is the easiest language to learn for English speakers and that 80 percent of Swedish is spoken like Norwegian. Maybe that’s why Swedish musician Elin Ruth sounds almost identical to an American singer, and why her interest in American rock seems that much more authentic. “Bang,” Ruth’s newest EP, starts loud with the title track and then diminishes to almost nothing by the closer, “Hymn about a Tree.” It’s always pretty, though, and is a refreshing exception to the bored rehashings of roots rock we get in the station occasionally. Precedes the release of her first US LP Ruth is now touring in the US and has offered the EP for free on her Facebook page The paid version of the album comes with a cover of Hank Williams’ “I’ll Never Get Out of This World Alive”
Various Artists – “Minnesota Beatle Project Vol. 4” Released Dec. 4
When I think about Minnesota, I think about lakes, Target and marching bands. Actually, one of those stereotypes holds true on this latest compilation of Minnesotans covering Beatles songs, as Bloomington, Minn.’s Jefferson High School Marching Band does “She Loves You” justice. But there is plenty more to like (and I doubt there is a Target reference anywhere on this record), as Minnesota bands from Trampled by Turtles to Caroline Smith and the Good Night Sleeps come together for one of the most enjoyable Beatles compilations to date. Colorado band DeVotchKa also makes an appearance, amping up the Eastern European flavor on “Girl.” Most importantly, all the proceeds from the record go to music programs in Minnesota public schools, allowing the stereotype of the Minnesota marching band to live on for a few years longer. Features Astronautalis, Haley Bonar, and Chastity Brown Across four volumes, no song has been covered twice Past volumes have included Dark Dark Dark and Cory Chisel
DJ Profile: Davis English aka
Major/Year: Journalism and Technical Communication, sophomore Show: Keats Collective Radio — 2 hours of Home Improvement, 7-9 p.m. on Sunday nights Description: Future Funk Space Jams and the like Odd Fact: I can speak braille.
Top 10 albums for the week of Dec. 2 1. Social Studies — Developer 2. Soft Pack — Strapped 3. Freelance Whales — Diluvia 4. Bad Books — Bad Books Ii 5. Vaccines — Come Of Age
6. Hercules And Love Affair — Dj-Kicks 7. Flume — Flume 8. Bat For Lashes — the Haunted Man 9. Mean Creek — Youth Companion 10. Diamond Rings — Free Dimensional
Answers to which apocalypse is right for you? If you answered mostly A: You have the Zombie Survival Guide in your backpack now, and you won’t hesitate to kill your friends should they fall behind and get bitten. That’s great for an apocalypse, but you probably don’t have many friends. If you answered mostly B: You have a strange affinity for rocks. You also aren’t afraid of an asteroid smashing into Earth at 55,000 miles per hour. Good on you. If you answered mostly C: You know all the alien lore. You are not
afraid of a little experimentation. You also know of every plot hole in E.T. and know who you would pick for the new galactic council. If you answered mostly D: You like fire. Nothing excites you more than the idea of fire pouring out the pores of Mother Earth to smother the unbelievers. Which is, uh. Hm. If you answered mostly E: Chances are you would die if you got lost in the woods. Forget the apocalypse, you need to stay inside if it starts to snow too hard.
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“Our role, whether DIY spaces realize they are doing it or not, is to provide communities a mirror to reflect possible avenues for larger scale positive change. We’re like little laboratories for societal imagination.” Brandton Manshel | co-owner of GNU
DIY turns into Do It Together
Do it yourself venue GNU turns to The Venus Project By Bailey Constas The Rocky Mountain Collegian While some are fretting about the world ending, others are fretting about the unsure future that awaits us when it doesn’t. A documentary called “Paradise or Oblivion,” made by The Venus Project, will be shown at GNU: Experience Gallery Tuesday night at 7:30 p.m., which will introduce the attendees to the progressive ideas of Jacque Fresco. The Venus Project is a movement that was started by a French structural engineer, industrial designer and futurist Jaques Fresco. The movement is based on a future that doesn’t focus on a monetary-based economy but a resource-based economy. “We're not just about art and music. Ultimately, as a theme underlying most of the efforts we put into life, [we] are philosophically what you might call Utopians,” said Brandton Manshel, co-owner of GNU. “We think that everyone should be exposed to the VP ideas for the betterment of humanity, and those ideas should be put into action as soon as possible.” Tomas Herrera, also co-owner of GNU, sees the gallery as a community group and wants to reach out to said community about different ideas. “I think being able to open up a dialogue and ... look at different models of existence [we could find] a more effective way of interacting with each other,” Herrera said. Being a DIY (do it yourself) venue, a product of a culture that inspires a more personal and self-sufficient approach, Marshall sees the importance of expanding the typical music and art that is displayed by a more socially aware entity. “DIY is not limited to music or art or crafts or whatever. DIY is a response to general aggression from higher powers that are abusing us,” Manshel said. “Our role, whether DIY spaces realize they are doing it or not, is to provide communities a mirror to reflect possible avenues for larger scale positive change. We're like little laboratories for societal imagination.” Connecting back to the Venus Project, the movement can be seen as DIY charged as well.
“The Venus Project is DIY too. Nobody else is doing what they do. Thus, they do it themselves,” Manshel said. The documentary claims that it solves the global debt problem in 48 minutes, a large feat to claim. However, Manshel said that the movie is hard to argue with. “I feel a mixture of hope for the future and nagging irritation that we haven't done what they suggest already when I watch it,” Manshel said. Local musician, WhiteCatPink is planning on making an appearance at the screening because he believes GNU always has a cutting edge line up. “Coming from Saturn and seeing the human race in near total disarray and separation, taking a more worldly view of what is going on will help humans to realize the necessity of banding together. Chaos only breeds more of the same,” WhiteCatPink said. Chris Westin, with Rhinoceropolis, a Denver DIY venue, saw the documentary and has made life changes because of it. “I saw the world much differently after spending sometime with the movement. It's definitely forced me to look in the mirror and ask myself how I could help make the world transition into a more sustainable system,” Westin said. When it comes to the DIY scene however, Westin disagrees that it is personally concerned with sustainability. “[I’m] not saying that there aren't any groups or ‘scenes’ concerned, or even working towards goals similar to the Venus Project. The music and arts community seems split on ‘important’ issues, either split politically or just plain apathetic,” Westin said. Herrera pointed out that perhaps the next step in preparing for the future is to work as a group rather than by oneself. “I guess the DIY culture feels and recognizes that you have to change and take some personal responsibility for what you want in life and just get [stuff] done,” Herrera said. “We’re not really interested in DIY but into ‘DIT’ — Do It Together.” Entertainment and Diversity Beat Reporter Bailey Constas (@ BaileyLiza) can be reached at email@example.com
The Rocky Mountain Collegian | Friday, December 7, 2012
Nancy Black and Stephanie Clement
Today’s Birthday (12/07/12). Carve out alone time this year. Review diet, exercise and balance practices, and prioritize vitality. Family and loved ones have your attention and care; put your oxygen mask on first. Romance and partnerships advance before June. After that, career and finances heat up.
To get the advantage, check the day’s rating: 10 is the easiest day, 0 the most challenging.
Aries (March 21-April 19) ––7–– A great idea regarding money comes from afar. Review instructions. Friends connect you to a new associate who could become a valuable partner. It’s getting romantic. Taurus (April 20-May 20) ––6–– Focus on work today and tomorrow, including paperwork. It’s getting busy, so stick to practical basics. Express your thoughts freely at home. Friends speak well of you. Gemini (May 21-June 20) ––9–– Romance blossoms for a while, with a few hurdles. Set long-term goals with your sweetheart. Be sure you have all the information. Take notes. You’re gaining support. Cancer (June 21-July 22) ––9–– Get the opinions of close family before proceeding. You’re entering a more domestic phase. Gather information. Keep your financial situation confidential. Invest in success and gain respect. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) ––8–– Use the secret sauce. Put in the extra effort, study and ask questions. Believe you can. Accept the coaching. Don’t push yourself too hard. Any forward momentum counts. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) ––7–– Work hard and make lots of money. Talk over ideas with co-workers. Provide leadership. Finish an old task and profit. Gather resources together. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) ––8–– Prepare mentally, and then adapt as needed. Use your power responsibly. They’ve been waiting for you to say the word. Check your course with friends, then full speed ahead. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) ––5–– Deadlines are looming; better get back to work. Slow down and think it over. It’s getting introspective. Friends help you go farther. Use your imagination. Repay a favor. Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) ––9–– Use your powers of observation. Work with close associates today and tomorrow. A loved one offers excellent advice. Listen closely, and hold your comments until asked. Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) ––7–– Begin to develop the necessary resources. Get current accounting data, and ask for strategy updates from your teammates. Advance your career while you’re at it. Angels guide your actions. Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) ––8–– You’re making a good impression. Don’t get presumptuous. Concentrate on studies, and conditions are better for travel now, too. Ask provocative questions. Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20) ––8–– Attend to financial matters for the next two days, and turn your plan into the perfect thing. A co-worker and a loved one are your best allies.
Compiled by Kris Lawan
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Los Angeles Times Daily Crossword
You know that feeling when just as you crawl into your sheets you realize you have a paper due at 8am?
To the guy/girl who posted it’s Dec. not April. Doesn’t matter, pot’s legal. Every 20 is 4/20.
To the guy in my psych class that came in wearing a bronco poncho, we should make babies.
We may have lost to CU in basketball, but the girl peeing in the parking garage made sure to leave her mark in Boulder.
Text your rants to 970-430-5547. Want more?
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Friday, December 7, 2012 | Page 8
SITTING DOWN WITH
Interviewed by Kyle Grabowski
Grabowski: How has your fall semester been as far as adjusting to Fort Collins and coaching a new team? Eustachy: I think we all have learned and continued to learn, and by all, I mean our staff and the players. I’ve learned outside of the basketball program that this is the greatest place I’ve ever lived and the greatest people I’ve ever worked for. That makes your job nice when you’re comfortable EUSTACHY where you’re living and who you’re around. I’m still learning a lot about this team. Still not sure who fits where, but like I tell our players, give me a little time and I’ll figure it out. G: Has it been difficult installing the system you want to run and the attitude you want them to play with? E: Not at all. It’s all about “will the player cooperate?” and its proven to them time and time again, when we play the way that we should play, and the way basketball really should be played, we’re successful; and when we get away from it, like at Colorado, they beat us at our own game. They were more physical, they took better shots, they got the loose balls, they stayed composed. It’s the only way to play. It’s the hardest way to play, but it’s also the most enjoyable way to play. We play the whole court. We play every inch of it. G: How have you handled all of the outside expectations on this team? E: As a head coach it’s unique because usually I’ve come into programs coming off poor years, particularly my last three jobs. They had basically a miracle year last year. They had to have everything go right for them to find the tournament, and See EUSTACHY on Page 5
NICK LYON | COLLEGIAN
Freshman Taylor Varsho smiles after practice Thursday in Moby Arena. Varsho, a native of Wisconsin, averages 5.3 points this season.
Taylor Varsho’s future set before birth By QUENTIN SICKAFOOSE The Rocky Mountain Collegian
Before the morning of April 12, 1994, Gary and Kay Varsho may not have known every detail about their second child. Who knew if the baby would have his eyes or hers, what hair color or if the child would be a boy or girl? The most important, and only certain thing, was that the baby would be an athlete. Taylor Varsho was born into a family consumed by sports. Her mother ran cross country, and her father is a former Major League Baseball player and coach who has experience with some of the biggest names and organizations in baseball. The two made it a point early on to share their desire for athleticism with all three of their children.
Class: Freshman Position: Guard Height: 5’6” Hometown: Chili, Wisc. Major: Elementary Education
“Athletics has always played a huge part in our livelihood,” Gary said. “All the kids grew up in a pretty competitive atmosphere. We would play hoops in the yard or some sort of stickball game. It was always competitive around the house, no matter what you did.” Taylor first got involved with sports at the age of four when she took after her old man and began playing baseball.
MEN’S BASKETBALL PREVIEW
Saturday, 2 p.m. Chicago, Ill.
7-1 Flames 63.9
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See VARSHO on Page 5
WOMEN’S BASKETBALL PREVIEW
Points per game
However, Taylor got an early baseball experience a bit more impressive than the little league, recreational team most kids lived. She spent her early years traveling with the family to spring training in Florida and interacting with the families of professional athletes like Jimmy Rollins. “I was in about the first grade when I first got my head around the idea of my dad being in the majors,” Taylor said. “Looking back, it was an awesome experience I can say I’ve lived that others haven’t.” As Taylor got older, she acquired more athletic experience. She continued to pick up more sports including softball, tennis and gymnastics, before
2-5 Rams 53.7 62.0
Saturday, 1:30 p.m. Tulsa, Okla.
University of Tulsa
Points per game
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Field goal percentage
Field goal percentage
Field goal defense
Look for the Fall 2012 Graduation Edition honoring You in Monday’s Collegian