Hungappa Issue 7 by Rivcoll SRC

HUNGAPPA

FR EE

rivcollsrc

Made by students, for students.

ÂŠ2014

TERM 3, ISSUE 7

CONTENTS - Whst Is The Obsession With Fish? - ESA Club Profile

CREDITS 6

Graphic Designer Tyhe Reading

- SRC Election 10

Printery CSU Print

- Life In Degrees 12 - Creative Story by Leah Ellis

Editor in Chief Brandon Harry

Photographer Keelan Hogie

- Shining the light on Cervical Cancer

Website Hungappa.Rivcoll.com Email Hungappa@Rivcoll.com

CLASSIC HUNG - Crow Bar Photos 14

CONRTIBUTORS Kate Harcourt Leah Ellis Equine Students Association

- VOX Pop 26 - CSU Stalker Space 26 - Ask Patty 27 - Hungappa Fungappa 28 - Taste 30

Deadline for edition 8 All submissions for the next edition of the HUNGAPPA must be submitted to the Editor via the official email address of the magazine. All submissions must have been submitted by July 23rd 2014.

/RivcollSRC

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR Welcome back everybody! As much as I want to go back to uni, I also really would prefer to be asleep/ a drain on society for a smidge longer, and I’m so underprepared for this session it’s ridiculous. Good job to all of those students out there who are organised to the minute – I wish I could be like you. I’m pretty keen to see everyone at the SRC’s carnival early on in the session, they’ve booked some pretty awesome carnival rides and have some pretty cool events planned! Looks to be a cracker of an event that will put some smiles on those dials!

Once again I’m putting out the cool for submissions from everyone, if you have something you think is cool, funny or important chances are someone else will too – and you get paid for it! We’re always looking for unique, creative submissions to fill our pages so bring it on, we’ll make it rain. I don’t know what else to say, have a great first two weeks back, see you all at back to school. Brandon Harry Editor in Chief hungappa@rivcoll.com

STAFF PROFILE Student Support Officer (Financial) – Rachel Ayton and Zibet Szacsvay The SSO (Financial) role is SSAF funded and was created in 2013 to respond to the issue of financial stress among students. We support students to take control of their finances, so that they can successfully complete their studies and get the most from university life. Last year we ran the CSU Student Financial Wellbeing Survey which told us that almost all CSU students worry about money at least some of the time but more than half of you would hang back and wait for things to improve if confronted with a financial problem… uh-oh! Of course, we’re here to help when things get tough but there’s no need to wait for that to happen either – now is the time to get on top of your finances (before they get on top of you). Students can make appointments for one-on-one support with • Developing skills in budgeting and managing money • Applications for interest free loans and emergency loans • Liaising and advocating with other parts of the university regarding student circumstances • Referral to financial counselling and other services in the community We have also put together a great collection of useful money-related information and resources which can be found at http://student.csu.edu.au/support/financial-support For example, did you know that you might be entitled to a health care card, even if you’re not receiving income support from Centrelink? (Look here for more on that…) We are based in Albury-Wodonga and work across all campuses and distance education. Email us at finance.sso@csu.edu.au or make an appointment through Student Central. Currently, Zibet is available on Mondays and Wednesdays and Rachel is available on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays.

LETTER TO THE EDITOR Finding the right thing to discuss is hard. This is my first submission to a magazine and before I started writing I spent half an hour on Reddit, Imgur and Facebook looking for some form of issue to discuss and came up dry. Sure we could beat the dead horse that is the budget, but I for one am getting pretty sick of hearing about it anyway, we’re the uni students here, if we could do something about it we wouldn’t be getting screwed, we’d push it off on the rich people that can afford to bend over for once. But I digress. The point is it’s awfully difficult to find something to write about. There’s a post here about the Good Samaritan clause which protects first aid qualified people from being sued if they try to help someone, but it’s an American post, and while we’re definitely protected by it, I don’t know enough about American state law to be able to effectively argue. I could discuss this week in the lesser known world of E-sports? LOL had its EU and NA opening super weeks and Samsung Galaxy Blue finished up first in the OGN Hot6ix spring, Hearthstone had its first invitational and MLG Anaheim wrapped up over the weekend, but as I understand it no one wants to hear about that stuff but me and our brilliant editor-in-chief isn’t going to put up with my shit every week. I’m sure if we had stuff going on that we thought was relevant to those around us we wouldn’t have to put up with all the calls for new content coming out of Rivcoll, but we hear about the Momentum activities every week anyway, and the Wednesday night fun time activities are so widely advertised that there’s actually nothing to say about them. What happened to the Days of Jervis Tetch (yes I’m aware this is a pseudonym for the mad hatter, chill out nerds)? For the newer kids Jervis was a writer for the Hunguppa for the years that he was here, but I’m pretty sure he’s already graduated. Doesn’t anyone else here have any writing ability? Heck I’m a science student and I’m crunching out what will probably be a full page essay, where the F*** are you art’s kids? What’s your degree for if you’re not using it to be creative? Sure as hell not going to be useful for a job for 50% of you, what with the new retirement age (Look at that, we’ve come full circle). Jervis, whoever he may have been, wrote humorous but touching pieces, he was basically a genius as far as article writing went, but no one has really stepped up to replace him and I feel that’s a good reason for the recent decline in Hunguppa quality. That plus the loss of the woman who’s name I can’t remember (Samara maybe?) who used to write recipes and talk about her life as a student coming over from India has kinda left us with a lack of substance around the magazine. Sure it’s great to hear from all the clubs around to find what they’ve been up to but week after week becomes a little unnecessary. If I cared about the week to week I’d be a member of the freaking club. By no means let that raging endorsement stop you if you are writing for a club, I’m probably in the minority here, who really cares what I have to say… I’m sure my mother loves me anyway, but if we could get some art students in here with some actual talent (other than the amazing and beautiful Leah Ellis whose writing is both poetic and magical) that’d be great. (billlumbergh.jpeg) Sincerely yours, Edward Nygma (pseudonym) 4

What Is The Obsession With Fish?

Okay, so I understand that as university students living on campus pets are banned. And I appreciate the fact that, yes, fish are permitted. Yet, I struggle with the why. Not why they are allowed (that is fairly obvious), but why bother? To me, people who buy fish are like the Hogwarts students who choose toads. Remember Neville’s pet toad Trevor? Let’s be honest, Trevor was a pain in all of our arses from book One until book whatever-the-hell-itgot-up-to. Hell, if Neville had spent more time socialising and less time on bloody Trevor then maybe he would have made some real friends instead of sympathy friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an animal or a pet hater. Actually, I love most animals. It’s really just fish that confuse me. Comparatively, for example, dogs provide comfort and affection. They respond to your calls and demands, 6

they accept pats, hugs and kisses and they are loyal. They even show you that they enjoy your company by wagging their tails. (Or growl at you if they don’t!) I have a friend who once owned snakes. For me, even snakes are a more agreeable option than fish. You can interact with them, watch them, collect their old skin. (You could. If you’re into that kind of thing…) This friend even argued that they too show affection by “flicking out their little tongues.” “Um… Isn’t that their way of smelling or something?” I replied. She shrugged, but maintained that that wasn’t the point. So I ask you: How do fish show affection? You can’t even touch them! Unless they try to end their miserable lives by jumping out of the tank, in which case you have the privilege of scooping up their slimy bodies and placing them back in their watery graves or in the bin. Bonding time fishstyle.

Alright, so I’m being harsh. I know many of you enjoy watching them swim in circles. You may thrive on having some responsibility. You may love the “I need to feed the fish” excuse to avoid situations. Or the “I need to walk my fish”. However, I have two important questions for you to consider. One: when you use the old “I’m a poor uni student” justification, consider how much you’ve spent on Mr. Fishy. Food, plants, tanks, decorations (that little castle for Fishy to swim through), pebbles and Mr. Fishy himself. Two: Are you using Mr. Fishy as a form of procrastination? A friend recently confessed that she walked into her boyfriend’s room to find him staring at the fish. “Who knows how long he had been sitting there,” she said. “He can watch them for hours.” Consider this – are you watching Mr. Fishy swim for hours instead of completing that assignment? Is Mr. Fishy distracting you from your study? Then again, I suppose this proves that people actually do enjoy watching their fish for hours. Or at least that they watch them regardless. And while I will never understand the whole fish devotion, I do respect each person’s decision. Hey, sometimes people just want to know there’s something or someone there to listen. I mean, isn’t that the very reason that I’m ranting right now?

E THE SRC...

NOUC WE ARE PROUD TO AN

FREE ENTRY & FREE RIDES! Clubs Stalls, Sumo Wrestling, Touch Football, Fun Run, Eating Competitions, Ice Cream Truck, Coffee Cart Huge Prizes & Much More! 8

www.facebook.com/rivcollsrc

EQUINE STUDENTS ASSOCIATION The ESA isn’t just for the equine kids- it’s for anybody to be social and get involved around horses. No horse? No stress! We aim to run events throughout the year that both involve being around horses and not. We currently have the equine and animal student’s association ball up and coming, which is guaranteed to be a fantastic night! We’ve put on horse events down at the equine centre and are currently planning more for those who wish to get out and compete with their horse; in a relaxed and chilled out environment where there’s no pressure at all.

GENERAL ELECTION for Rivcoll Student Representative Committee Will be open from

10am Wednesday 13th August, 2014 And closes

10am Thursday 14th August, 2014 Via

Online Electronic Ballot Nomination will open on Wednesday 16 July 2014 for the 12 vacant positions on the Rivcoll SRC board. Nominations close at 5pm Wednesday 30 July 2014. You can down load a copy of the Rivcoll SRC nomination form at the Student Representation webpage https://student.csu.edu.au/support/studentreps/nominations

For further information see the Returning Officer: Roger Ansell, Student Services, Building 20 Phone: (02) 693 32041 Email: ransell@csu.edu.au

LIFE IN DEGREES By Kate Harcourt Last night your sister called you and said, Her partner had broken her trust, and her heart, (oh, and maybe her new coffee maker) -

So you can expound on it, because that’s the only way you know how to talk anymore. That’s the problem with being well-educated.

And you told her not to worry because under the Australian Consumer Law,

Your mouth is a Google results box:

She had options.

Pot Plant? Can I suggest: Apotheosis?

That’s the problem with being well-educated.

Decanter? Did you mean: Descarte? By ‘hello’ did you mean: Heliostatic motion?

Last week you spent six hours in the public library, Skulking around stacks of obscure 18th Century titles, Muttering ‘literary burlesque’ at intervals on the off-chance Somebody would start up a conversation with you about Voltaire Before the police came to remove you. That’s the problem with being well-educated. Yesterday you sent the first in a series of txts to your grandfather about The new black girlfriend / boyfriend that you don’t even have, Just so that when you see him at Christmas, you can use Every last piece of next semester’s political history class to explain to him Exactly how rascist he is. That’s the problem with being well-educated. You think you know so many things now. There are these Tetris blocks of information falling around you, and all you want to do Is make them all fit SOMEWHERE; anywhere, It really doesn’t matter what you have to do to make that happen. I mean, you’re paying all this money, spending all this time learning ALL THIS STUFF and Why would you keep that to yourself? (You’re not a hoarder; you’ve seen those shows.) No, instead you’re wandering around the place like an idiot savant; Hoping at parties that someone will drop a word or idea from a class you have taken,

(I mean, I don’t know what that is yet, but I’m thinking of taking a science elective next session and I will learn.) -But the problem is... The problem is... The problem with being well-educated is, I don’t think I actually know how to be... Out there. Outside these walls, outside sessions and timetables; I haven’t been taught what to do beyond my nest of papers and books; Beyond groups of people that are just like high school but so much more... Well-educated. They don’t teach that course. I’ve checked. What happens the day after graduation? Remember all the times after a final exam where you immediately forgot everything you had ever learned in a class, because, When would you ever need that information again? WHAT IF IT IS EXACTLY LIKE THAT? The problem with being well-educated, is That I have failed enough classes to know that actually, I know nothing; Yet I have passed enough classes that one day, someone will expect me to know everything. These things are both terrifying. And the only solution I can think of, is... Is... ...? How difficult is it to become a university lecturer?

THIRD YEAR PHOTOGRPHY FUNDRAISER

TIGHT & BRIGHT

FINAL FLING

TIGHT & BRIGHT

FINAL FLING

TIGHT & BRIGHT

FINAL FLING

TIGHT & BRIGHT

Fashion Feature: Beards

The internet told me: Beards can make a man look very masculine and distinguished…or they can make a guy look like a lumberjack gone wrong. While beards are becoming the latest trend for men these days, especially in Hollywood circles, not all men can pull this hairy look off. But is that really so? If anything the past year has taught us that the beard is for everyone and anyone. But most importantly, that not only are they for everyone but anyone can rock it!

• Hiding of facial features

Beards have come in and our of fashion for as long as fashion has existed. Some men rock them, some men hate them, some just can’t bring themselves to commit the time to grow one. But if Eurovision didn’t cement the beard trend, I don’t know what will. Conchita, who won Eurovision 2014, showed that anyone can rock a beard and supported this as the star of Jean Paul Gaultier Paris Fashion Week. Although there are bigger issues at stake when it comes to Conchita’s appearance, let us just focus on this beartastic trend!

• Gives a manly appearance

Now, there are a large list of cons that come with the beard: • Maintenance • Style choices • Cleanliness • Eating • Pash rash (in a variety of places)

• People always touching it • Mother’s telling there children not to go near bearded men • Scaring babies But there are also so many pros: • Hides facial features • Less time shaving • Looking naturally majestic • All the style options • Beards look wise • No more baby face • Instant hipster credentials • A higher chance of being a wizard Obviously If the pros for anything involve the words wizard, hipster, wise and majestic you just have to do it. Get over the scratchiness, or the fact you’re more likely to get strip searched in an airport, or that women might not be as attracted to you, or that you can’t be bothered maintaining it. Man up, and then man up with a beard. I hope mine grows in soon.

CONTRIBUTION RATES Article of 500 words or Poem - $20 Feature Article/ Cover - $50 Full page Graphic Art or Design - $40 Email submissions to Brandon Harry - hungappa@rivcoll.com

CREATIVE STORY By Leah Ellis

Dark, as we stood there taking for granted this planet that sustained our needs. As we waited for their first move, for the move that became our undoing. Light, the flicker that became a glowing mass spreading too quickly. The green flames racing towards me, bringing with it an end. The sympathetic glances from those running past screaming as I stood frozen and stiff. Two figures, familiar, wrapping their arms around me and kicking out from under me the feet that had been planted to the ground. Then, I don’t remember the first time I saw them. As an observer I see hundreds of people in hundreds of roles. Performing for the world around them, for their colleagues, friends, for the applause but hardly ever for themselves. They could not have been more opposite, the girl with fire for hair and passion burning in her eyes and the woman who appeared to be even tempered and calm, but who you would never win a debate against. They would sit for hours, arguing over politics, over boys, over celebrities, the best brands, the economic state. I would sit listening and marvelling how two such opposites forces were so drawn together. It was never an official decision, but it became regular. We would sit, I would listen while the girls leapt into another world of talking in circles. Others would come and go, but they never stayed. Maybe they couldn’t keep up with the conversation or the sporadic intervals of arguing and laughing drove them mad, either way we were content. Now, there was moss growing on the wall. An emerald forest seeking refuge like the rest of us. The girls were too busy arguing to notice that there was more than just the three of us hiding here. It was so natural, an element we had all begun to miss. A figure with wild red hair and a stern face blocked my view. Her face held the worries of the world but her body betrayed that she was only a girl. Xanthe wanted to go, there were talks of havens, safe places spread sporadically throughout the world. But these were the days when so much of what we thought was fact had turned out to be fiction. We had once believed that we were alone in the universe, but the harsh reality of the destruction that lay outside had proved otherwise. I already knew I couldn’t leave, this was the city where I had grown up. Mary and Xanthe had dragged me this far from the inner suburbs, to this abandoned haven on the edge of the city. Once unwanted, it had faced demolition, now it was

our home. A metal monster had engulfed what used to be the city, standing where so many had fallen. The few survivors had been pushed to the few dark corners that had yet to be touched by the alien’s destruction, that day was coming. Whether I was here or half way around the world, they would come. I think Mary felt much the same, she wasn’t hiding any more, she was waiting, waiting for an end. The lines covering her once young face became more prominent as she began to frown. ‘There’s no point running half way around the world on a wild goose chase. There is no haven, it doesn’t exist, they never do.’ She removed herself as her voice began to climb leaving Xanthe with tears in her eyes. ‘We at least have to try don’t we?’ she asked, holding onto a red and white badge that had once read ‘this is our home’. She seemed to draw energy from it as her fingers traced its outline, energy and hope. We’d been in the park, huddled, when it was still safe to be out in the open. A young man named Kevin with wild hair and bright blue eyes had handed them out with the intention of starting a rebel alliance, like he was Jed Eckert and this was an invasion from the north. But these weren’t terrorists or rebels, these were aliens. Living, breathing aliens. Assuming aliens breathed. We didn’t know much about them but everyone had a theory, they had been discussing what the aliens looked like and how they had gotten here, hyperspace using alternate realities, black holes, teleporting. Nobody noticed that Kevin had slipped away, probably to find more comrades to fight. We never saw him again. The badge had aged with her, but Xanthe had worn it everyday without fail. She was staring into space, hoping for some form of reassurance. The moss didn’t provide any solace, it just hugged the wall observing, waiting. I didn’t answer. Leaving this house would almost certainly result in death and that staying would most likely end the same. So we waited, for Mary to return, for the aliens to find us, for rescue. The waiting became all I knew. The world I left outside now a mosaic of alien steel. My family and friends stamped out by the monsters who had tore down and burnt everything that made this planet what it was, we were no longer on Earth, we were no longer home. Only small fractions of the world we once knew had yet to be touched by destruction. Grass, trees, bushes, birds that used to fill the skies, pets that used to adventure through backyards till their loving owner

CREATIVE STORY By Leah Ellis

was home, and bugs that used to cop a swat or the bottom of a shoe were all gone. Mother nature had been killed and her creations replaced with a cold, metal jungle. Even the word jungle suggested a remaining natural element that the aliens had eradicated. The moss and I proved inadequate company for Xanthe. As the sun moved from east to west we sat alone, in a silence that neither the moss or I were keen to break. Outside silence was a luxury, from the moment the sky had filled with large metal spheres we had been plagued with the roar of destruction. It had been like any other day. And in the blink of an eye it turned into a scene from V. They looked like plain Jane, b-grade movie ufos. But from them emerged hundreds of smaller flying machines that roared and breathed fire. In a matter of weeks the world had been reduced to smoke and ash, people hiding out in bunkers and untouched areas. From the destruction rose buildings that were not of this world. Twisted metal that looked like hives placed throughout the city. That had been months ago now, maybe a year, my sense of time had been lost. There was not day and night any more, no minutes or hours. Only dark, light, then and now.

denser by the second. Xanthe removed the clothe she’d tied around her face ‘But Mary he’s probably the last one’. Mary knew they didn’t have any time to spare, grabbing Xanthe’s arm she pulled her away from me, her voice breaking as she screeched ‘leave him, we can’t save everything, it’s only a fucking tree.’ The flames dancing around their feet as they ran out the door. Mary chanced a glace backwards as the flames roared up my trunk and even as the flames swallowed me whole her words echoed in my head ‘I’m Sorry.’

Dark, the suffocating aroma of burning plastic, burning wood, burning moss. Light, the green glow that had become too familiar to this planet, bringing with it destruction and pain. Then, a time and race almost long lost. A time of inventors and entrepreneurs, 1000 years after the industrial revolution the human race was pushing past the boundaries set by its forefathers. The time of dazzling heights led to frightening lows. The working class man became extinct as machine upon machine was stacked, each to do the work of a hundred. We were the superior race in a world of resource. Now, You think you’d feel the heat first, but it was the smoke that first clawed at our throats, choking our breath. Muffled screams and choked down sounds came from beside me as the girls ran into sight. The day we’d been waiting for had come. The timber screamed as it was engulfed by unnatural green flames. Whether they knew we were here or not, their reign of destruction was upon us. The girls were packing up anything that had not yet been eaten by the flames. Xanthe wrapped her arms around me as Mary strapped on a loaded back pack ‘leave him’ she shouted, choking on the toxic air that was becoming

Pap Smears

can be embarrassing but can save your life and can save the life of your mum, sister, daughter or gran

Arrange for your pap smear now, with your GP or womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s health nurse Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t put it off any longer! 23

www.mmll.org.au

National Cervical Screening Program Early detection is the best protection. The good news is that cervical cancer is one of the most preventable of all cancers. Why do I need to have a Pap smear every two years? It can prevent the most common form of cervical cancer in up to 90% of cases. The Pap smear is a screening test, not a diagnostic test. This means that women without any symptoms are tested at regular intervals (every two years) to check for changes in the cells of the cervix. If changes are found early, they can be monitored by more frequent Pap smears. If needed, changes can be further investigated and treated well before cancer develops. Since the National Cervical Screening Program started, on average, deaths from cervical cancer have been declining by 5.7% each year. Cervical cancer has fallen from 8th to the 18th most common cause of cancer death in Australian women during this time. The important thing about screening is to make it a regular part of your life and to continue to screen routinely until you are 70 years old. Should I have a Pap smear? If you are over 18 and have ever had sex, you should have regular Pap smears, even if you no longer have sex. This includes male to female and female to female sex. Lesbians need Pap smears too. Who is at risk of cervical cancer? All women with a cervix who have ever had sex are at risk of cervical cancer. Women over age of 50 years are less likely to have regular Pap smears. More of these women die from cervical cancer because their cancer is diagnosed at a later stage, when treatment is less effective.

What are the symptoms of cervical cancer? In the early stages of cervical cancer, there are usually no symptoms at all. The only way you will know is to have a Pap smear. How effective are Pap smears? A Pap smear every two years can prevent the most common form of cervical cancer in up to 90% of cases and is your best protection against cervical cancer. Does an abnormal result mean that I have cancer? No! Over 90% of Pap smears are normal. Only a small number show changes in the cells of the cervix. When detected early by a Pap smear, these changes can be treated and cured. I don’t remember when I last had a Pap smear. Your doctor or health clinic may have a system to remind you. You will also be sent a reminder from the Pap rest register when your Pap smear is overdue. All Australian States and Territories have registers, which keep a confidential record of your Pap smear results and provide a valuable, confidential backup system. If you do not want information recorded on the register you should tell your doctor. Where can I go for a Pap smear? As well as your local doctor, you can have your Pap smear taken by specially trained nurses, health workers or at a well women’s clinic, community health centre or family planning clinics. For more information on having a Pap smear phone 131556. If you have difficulty communicating in English, phone Translating and Interpreting Service for assistance on 131450. www.cancerscreening.gov.au

It’s important for you to have a Pap smear every two years. Don’t make excuses, make an appointment with your doctor or health centre.

CSU Stalker Space To that person or place that you want to creep on or whinge about!

VOX POP If you could achieve one thing this session what would it be?

To the Bidge girl who lives in every block with the long blonde hair, full fringe, big ribbon and twin sisterâ&#x20AC;Ś You need to stop looking so good everyday

Nathan Falkner: Have hungappa give me a free computer

- Itsnotfair To the short girl (who gets around with the full fringe girl) in red block with brown hair, you know to party, I think we should do it sometime - showmetheropes Teagan Payne: To get drunk at least 3 times a week!

Alison Chekaluk: Get a damn credit in just ONE subject.

Brett Slessor: Not fail a subject!

Submit your creepy thoughts to us on Facebook or email. xoxo

I’m having trouble… I’m just not doing very well. I need to know if it is the size of the boat or the motion in the ocean? If you get my drift… - #1sailor Hello Hashtag One Sailor, I guess it ultimately depends where you want to sail, my dear. If you just want to whip around Lake Albert a small boat will do you just fine. But if you want to tackle the Atlantic, Pacific or Indian, you’ll need something built for penetrating those unpredictable waves. All this talk of boats and oceans reminds me of the days I dated a man from the Navy. Oh, wasn’t he a catch! Muscular, tall, handsome, fit and well established in all the most important circles. He did work on such a big ship, which always helped in the deeper seas. But they also performed rescue operations in small vessels and relied on the ocean’s cooperation to make it work. I really am not an expert on boats, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be more help. But remember, when it comes to wooing women it won’t matter how big your boat is, but how much you’re hiding in your pants. All my love, Patty x Patty! Okay, I have to admit something to you, I am geographically challenged… My friends and I were talking about doing a Contiki at the end of the year, and everyone was thinking a cool European get away (I know where Europe is, don’t worry) and a friend said he really wanted to visit Madrid… and I 100% believed it was in China. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. -Ashamedofmyself Ashamedofmyself, Unless you are under the age of 10, you could not possibly think Madrid was in China. Even the name Madrid, if you have no previous

knowledge, secretes exotic flavours. It’s an exotic name. I’ll be honest, you haven’t asked me anything. So unless you’ve written in for me to scold you, which I am happy to do considering your global ignorance, I suggest you study the atlas. Perhaps until you’ve done that you should stay in your room. Definitely don’t go on Contiki as you’ll probably insult them by asking if France is the capitol of Paris. Best of luck, you sound like you need it, Patty x Pat, I love my boyfriend and I think I’m ready to take it to the next level. How do I know if I’m ready to have sex with him? -AntsInMyPants Dearest AntsInMyPants, Dear An, I assume I can call you that for short. Have you hear of the phrase coined by the goddess Beyonce-Z ‘if you like it then you should have put a ring on it, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh ohohoh’? Now, I don’t often listen to these hip-hopping modern pop star people, but I think we can all learn a thing or two from Queen B. You should demand what you want, a stable relationship, a strong income, marriage and a family – then if he agrees get him to sign a contract that says something like: if he does not comply he will be castrated. After this you then may continue to pleasure him and yourself however you see fit. My more ‘free wheeling’ cousin Beryl who is visiting says you should just ‘jump on and go for it’, although I have no idea what she means. I was married for 20 years and never once had to jump anywhere. But I do hope you make it work. Love, Pat and Beryl 27

HUNGAPPA FUNGAPPA

TASTE Homemade Vegetable Spring Rolls

INGREDIENTS

METHOD

100g packet vermicelli noodles

Step 1

1 tablespoon peanut oil 3 green onions, sliced 2 garlic cloves, crushed 1 large carrot, peeled, coarsely grated

Step 2

227g can water chestnuts, drained, roughly chopped

Heat a wok over high heat until hot. Add peanut oil. Swirl to coat. Add onion, garlic, carrot and cabbage. Stir-fry for 2 to 3 minutes or until soft. Add noodles, water chestnuts, soy and pepper. Transfer to a bowl. Set aside to cool. Wipe wok clean.

1 tablespoon soy sauce

Step 3

1/4 teaspoon white pepper

board with a corner pointing towards you. Brush edges with cornflour mixture (keep remaining wrappers covered with damp tea towel). Spoon 1 tablespoon vegetable mixture into corner of wrapper. Fold corner over filling then roll up from corner to corner, folding edges in to enclose filling. Repeat with remaining wrappers, cornflour mixture and filling.

1 1/2 cups shrewwdded Chinese cabbage

2 teaspoons cornflour 20 frozen spring roll wrappers (21.5cm square), thawed vegetable oil, for frying sweet chilli sauce, to serve

Preheat oven to 150째C. Place noodles in a large, heatproof bowl. Cover with boiling water. Stand for 5 minutes or until soft. Drain. Using scissors, cut noodles into 3cm lengths.

Step 4 Pour vegetable oil into wok until one-third full. Heat until a small piece of bread dropped into oil sizzles. Cook spring rolls, in batches, for 3 to 4 minutes or until golden. Remove to a wire rack over a baking tray. Keep warm in oven while cooking remaining spring rolls. Allow oil to reheat after cooking each batch. Serve hot with sweet chilli sauce.

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ARE YOU LOOKING FOR G N I T N I R P T R E EXP L A N O I S S E F O R AND P GRAPHIC DESIGN N A T A S E C I V R E S ? E T A R E M O S AWE ! P L E H N A C T N I R CSU P WE CAN DESIGN AND PRINT • Logos and complete branding • Booklets • Brochures • Business Cards • Envelopes • Flyers • Annual Reports • Large Format • Letterheads

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• Magnets • Notepads • Packaging • Posters • Promotional Cards • Stickers • Tent cards • With Compliments + Heaps more!

print@csu.edu.au Bathurst: 6338 4152 Wagga: 6933 2091

NOUCE THE SRC...

WE ARE PROUD TO AN

FREE ENTRY & FREE RIDES! Clubs Stalls, Sumo Wrestling, Touch Football, Fun Run, Eating Competitions, Ice Cream Truck, Coffee Cart Huge Prizes & Much More!