Reader's Digest September 2012

* WHAT RESTAURATEURS WON'T TELL YOU—P108 * eACTS Why English spelling is so quirky

by David Cr tal Global 141(km—blind by dethy Birchall anti erftard Smith

10-PAGE SPECIAL

HAS= • DRIVING! • 21 must-know motoring tips • 5 breathtaking routes

"SURFING SAVED MY LIFE" Find out how on p42

COULD YOU LIVE WITHOUT POWER? We put our man to the test Britain's best WILDLIFE SPOTTING

Spur a take ci

PLUS Bettany Hughes Ian Hunter Tom Parker Bowles Your best-loved words t.

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FEATURES

SEPTEMBER 2012 Surfing back to sanity p42

Digergt

"James Brown has a wonderfully expressive face to draw, and enviable hair," says illustrator John Cuneo.

"Yet more reasons for him to be cheerful."

• "Evolution is all about blind chance operating in a hostile world," claims Oxford professor Julian Savulescu. "But we now have the power to rationally design our children."

32 Reasons to Be Cheerful, Stories featured on the Part 22 Your record collection cover are shown in red might be old and battered, says James Brown, but it's still part of what makes you you 36 Benedict Cumberbatch The Sherlock actor on why his new First World War drama is miles away from Downton Abbey 42 A Life Less Ordinary: Cresting the Waves For one ex-soldier, surfing became much more than a hobby 48 COMPETITION: Tell us your favourite word and you could win £100 and £100-worth of Chambers books 50 Log On for Therapy Could the digital revolution spell the end of face-to-face consultations?

56 Best of British: Wildlife You don't have to go on safari to experience some real wonders of nature

KIM TAYLOR/ NATUREPL.COM

66 Tolkien 'bout a Revolution From hobbits to hairy rockers, there's little the influence of Middle-earth hasn't touched

"Are computers, mobile phones and TV complicating our lives? And, more importantly, could we do without them?" asks Andy Hamilton, who tried living without power for a week.

74 Ian Hunter: "I Remember" The big-haired star of Mott the Hoople on his transition from holidays at Butlins to rocking out with Ringo Starr 80 The Maverick: "It's Our Duty to Have Designer Babies" says Professor Julian Savulescu 84 A Walk In the Dark Living without power may be part of our future, so Andy Hamilton tried it out 92 RD Driving Special Our pick of the best drives in Britain, plus motoring tips from the experts SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 1

WELCOME

REGULARS

"The past is a foreign country; they do things

...at the front 9 Over to You...

differently there." The

13 Radar: Your Guide to September

quote from L P Hartley's

19 You Couldn't Make It Up...

The Go-Between is

23 Word Power

certainly familiar, but is

26 In the Future...

it entirely true?

28 Instant Expert 30 If I Ruled the World: Bettany Hughes

...at the back 104 1,001 Things Everyone Should Know 110 Medicine: Max Pemberton 112 Health: Susannah Hickling 116 Beauty: Alice Hart-Davis 118 Consumer: Donal Maclntyre 120 Money: Jasmine Birtles 124 Food: Marco Pierre White 126 Drink: Nigel Barden 128 Gardening: Bob Flowerdew 130 Wildlife: Martin Hughes-Games 132 Online: Martha Lane Fox 134 Motoring: Conor McNicholas 137 Travel: Kate Pettifer 141 The Reader's Digest— our recommended reads of the month

Having read what CONSUMER MEDIA EDITOR OF THE YEAR 2011 WINNER OF THE MARK BOXER AWARD 2011

Bettany Hughes has to say (p30) about the continuing relevance of philosophers from as far back as the fifth-century BC, you

Want an easy way to get to our website? Grab your smartphone and go to the App Store or Android Market, then download the free Digital Space app.

Hold your phone about four inches away from the picture of Gill above, allowing the camera to focus, and you'll be taken straight to our site.

iq,cp 149 Books That Changed My Life: Tom Parker Bowles Ordain appY 154 Beat the Puzzleman!

156 Laugh! With Alun Cochrane

historian and broadcaster

begin to wonder whether we'd all be better off if we put some of that ancient wisdom into modern-day practice.

Follow that with cover star Benedict Cumberbatch's belief that Edwardian England has some striking parallels with our lives today (p36), and the case for spending more time looking to the past for inspiration, and rather less chasing the new and the novel, becomes increasingly compelling.

160 Beat the Cartoonist

On our cover:

Benedict Cumberbatch.

Photograph

by Mark Harrison 2

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OVER TO YOU...

EMAILS, LETTERS, TWEETS AND FACEBOOK £30 FOR EACH PUBLISHED LETTER, £15 FOR SHORTER EXTRACTS, £50 FOR THE LETTER OF THE MONTH! SEE P4 FOR MORE DETAILS

UNCHARITABLE FEELINGS I agree wholeheartedly with your Maverick feature on the issue of charities. There are far too many, and the ease with which they can be set up only leads to confusion.

The issue of sponsorship chimed with me as well. Isn't it easier just to hand over the cash without the collector having to perform a parachute jump or a ten-mile run? Surely it would be far better to produce something of intrinsic value—a show, a book or a CD, with the performers giving their time free of charge?

LETTER OF THE MONTH

Alec McGregor, Leicester

I really related to the story Max Pemberton tells in his Medicine column about the husband who felt guilty because his wife was suffering from dementia.

Three months after I lost my wife to cancer, my mother was admitted to hospital with "a water infection". After a few days, I was summoned by social services and told to get her into a "secure" nursing home. My daughter helped me to locate one and my mother was admitted, but I was shocked when she failed to recognise me on my first visit.

Since that time she's only got worse—I began to get more and more depressed, and started dreading each visit. A friend finally had to tell me I wasn't responsible for my mother's condition, and that I mustn't let it destroy the rest of my life.

I'm trying to take his advice—as a result, I've begun to enjoy myself for the first time in years. But I urge anyone with the same feelings not to bottle them up.

I definitely suffer from "giving fatigue"—charity bin bags, mail shots and constant requests to buy or sell raffle tickets. My daughter was even accosted in the street by representatives from a well-known homeless charity. One young man was full of sweet talk as he tried to engage her attention, but his tone changed when his efforts were politely rebuffed, and he resorted to shouting abusive comments after her.

Caroline Miles, Hampshire

John Al!port, West Midlands

While the Maverick made some good accountancy points, I'd suggest that motivation is 10.-

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

9

DARK MATTER

ORDINARY MATTER

1

4-z...-•-Ate .1

D.0 ESNI 'T M ATTER8 I gcfl

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C 0 CM 0 Lo GY MADE EASY. 4 also an important factor.

People find it easier to make an identifiable impact on smaller organisations; in larger ones, most supporters are small, insignificant cogs, and this can be demotivating for many—it was for me, anyway.

Brian Oseman, Manchester

SAFE TRAVEL Your item in Money about keeping cash safe abroad was a godsend! My son and his girlfriend are off travelling for 18 months, and one of their worries has been making sure their savings are accessible and safe—their trip will now be a lot less stressful.

We also loved your article "Call This a Hotel?" I thought the fuselage design in Costa Rica was the best, and we're booking to go there next year.

Imagine sending back home a picture postcard of your hotel —a jet plane on the beach!

Hannah Bryan, Liverpool

MISTREATED I was looking forward to reading "The Most Common Diseases You've (Probably) Never Heard Of", but it's a shame you didn't include diverticulitis, a digestive disease that's commonly misdiagnosed. I spent a year being wrongly treated for bladder infections until a CT scan found abscesses on my kidneys and bladder. Since then, I've tried to find out how to treat or manage this disease, but there's a lot of confusion. I wonder if other readers have had similar experiences to mine.

Anthea Downes, Wiltshire

10 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

"COME AGAIN?" • "...At a time when we are considering our relationship with Europe, it may be useful to reflect that Europa, the lady after whom our continent was named, was seduced by Zeus, in the form of a bull..."

• "...Her son and heir Charles is a / spiritual / man: who hath an all-inclusive / attitude to / ward re / ligion. It is his desire to be defender / of all / faiths: which, presumably, includes his belief in alternative medicine, and various other / uncon / ventional / practices..."

[Excerpt from a much longer "Psalm for the Diamond Jubilee"] • "..She may look and sound like an angel, but Katherine Jenkins has spooked my hi-fi system..."

• "...The dawn is a term for the early morning used by poets and other people who don't have to get up early..." [That was the whole email]

but not when I don't get paid for it. In fact, I'd prefer to live in mess—life's too short to spend time worrying about it!

Louise Jones, Clwyd

DRIVEN TO DISTRACTION James Brown's article on domestic chores ("Reasons to Be Cheerful, Part 20") could have been written by me. I'm typing this email on a Saturday —I'm all alone and I intended to have a "productive" time tidying, decluttering and doing paperwork. Instead, I've walked the dog, listened to the radio and enjoyed a nice breakfast.

Like James, I'm definitely not a "Completer-Finisher", but I agree that it feels liberating on those rare occasions when I do finally sort things out.

Sue Fung, Oxfordshire

Contrary to what James Brown says, no household task is fun.

It's not that I mind cleaning,

CEMZEM11111

BATTLE OF THE SEXES I was disappointed by Oily Mann's assertion in June's Radar that "you'd have to be a guy" to find the Parrot AR Drone the "coolest thing in the world".

These kinds of comments can affect girls, who start to believe that it's not OK for them to be into gadgets and technology.

And I know young people read your magazine because I've been reading my mum's copy for years (I'm now 25).

It might seem a small thing to you, but it all adds up.

Jen Gupta, Hampshire

CORRECTION: Ellie Masters' lovely 100-Word Story about a goldfish, first published in May (p67) accidentally found its way into August as well (p36). Apologies for our own goldfish-like memory span...

1111

shadi Shadi Hijazi Reading a)rdigest while waiting for the bus near Victoria station. Some classics are evergreen!

YOU'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT...

Entrepreneur Nigel Botterill's "If I Ruled the World" from May • I'd never heard of Nigel Botterill before, but he spoke some real sense. We need people like him who aren't afraid to challenge patterns of behaviour.

Cherry Weeks, Southampton • I loved the fact that Nigel would also like to nudge Britain 500 miles to the south. Just think of the glorious weather we'd have!

Shula Clarkson, Great Yarmouth • Although there's as yet no sign that entrepreneurship will be on the National Curriculum, as Nigel advocates, the Young Enterprise scheme at least encourages pupils to think about setting up their own businesses. Any school that doesn't offer this should be asked why not.

Tim Coles, Bedfordshire

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 11

WHITE & BLUE IS MY GOL Jeanette Kwakye Sprinter

WHEN COLOURS MEAN THIS MUCH YOU CAN ONLY TRUST THEM TO

AR/EL

PROUD KEEPER OF GREAT BRITAIN'S COLOU

YOUR SHORT, SHARP GUIDE TO SEPTEMBER

Wears Prada, this low-key, Hope Springs. Kay and Arnold

Author and BBC2 Review Show critic Natalie Haynes on the new releases

Soames have been married for 31 years and, for their last wedding anniversary, they bought a cable subscription.

One day, uptight Kay (Meryl Streep) realises that their marriage has become a sham, and books them into a week of intensive couples' counselling.

Arnold (Tommy Lee Jones), first disbelieving then furious, comes along because she won't back down. Their counsellor turns out to be Steve Carell.

Reuniting Streep with David Frankel, who directed The Devil

midlife-crisis rom-com is a cute, wry look at how we can rediscover intimacy when it seemed long gone.

Hysteria. In the late 19th century, a plague of "hysteria" gripped the basically neurotic women of Europe. Dr Robert

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 13

AR Dalrymple (Jonathan Pryce) is so busy using pelvic massage to alleviate their "symptoms" that he must hire another doctor, Mortimer Granville (a suitably adorable Hugh Dancy, pictured overleaf), to help.

This period comedy follows Granville as he struggles between his conscience and just taking the women's money.

The good news is that, en route, he invents the first vibrator. Medical progress at its most surprising.

The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

Aardman animates, Imelda Staunton, Brian Blessed and Hugh Grant provide voices. Win.

The Hunger Games. Jennifer Lawrence stars as Katniss, who must fight for her life in a gladiatorial dystopia.

14

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The simple refrain, "Daddy/ Mummy, can I play with your iPhone?" plunges parents into a distressing dilemma. Their heart says, "Well, there are some educational apps out there." Their head says, "Hell, no!

That phone's Technology worth more expert and than I earn Answer Me This! in a week." podcaster Enter the 011y Mann reveals Woogie 2, the latest must-haves a plush soft toy that encases your handset to make it as appealing as Tinky Winky's tubby screen, but protects it when your little darling gets bored and, inevitably, chucks it against the wall.

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FIFA V' Footballers aren't known for intelligence, but when it comes to artificial intelligence, their avatars get smarter every year. Start warming up those thumbs.

Packard Bell EasyNote Heading back to school? Leave the tablet behind and take this top-value notebook, featuring, you know, an actual keyboard for writing essays.

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

Orbitsound T9, £199.

There's something a bit naff about home-cinema systems.

Perhaps it's the massive multiple speakers that make your visitors assume you never leave the couch. The T9 is rather more discreet —yes, there's (one) reasonably substantial sub-woofer speaker, but most of the magic happens in a compact 30cm soundbar/iPod dock, which sits subtly alongside your TV, yet fills the room with spatial stereo.

BBC 6 Music's Stuart Maconie's pick of the recent releases

21 by Blur Think everything you could possibly want of the best band of their generation.

Politics, opera, cheese, breakdowns, era-defining music... the Blur story is so much more interesting than the workaday tale and fare of the Gallagher brothers. And here in this box set is their entire history, from saucer-eyed indie psychedelia to the finale of the Olympics —a story of modern Britain in microcosm. Songs like "There's No Other Way", "Parklife" and "Girls & Boys" make a kaleidoscopic soundtrack to our times.

Coexist by The xx Think if The Cure came from Shoreditch.

No one was surprised when The xx's debut album scooped the Mercury Music Prize two years ago.

Not so much because it swept all before it with its brilliance —rather, it was exactly the kind of record that often wins: hip, metropolitan, modishly dark.

Early signs (single "Angels", for instance) are that shadowy, late-night grooviness remains their stock-in-trade on this new outing.

Is Your Love Big Enough?

by Lianne La Havas. Think the missing link between Adele and P J Harvey. Once upon a time, the appearance of one new female singer/ songwriter was enough to send pop critics scurrying to dust off their "women in rock" feature.

These days, it's the boys who are at a premium. Adele and Florence are the giant stars and, just below them, are a strata of artists making interesting, saleable music without recourse to soft-core marketing. Ignore the "oo-err missus" title—this is a stylish, intelligent record that takes pop, folk and jazz and adds a chart-friendly sheen.

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 15

READER A AR

Grahame Jones, 59, compliance officer

The Ryder Cup, Medinah Country Club, Illinois, September 27-30. The biennial transatlantic golf-off between one of the world's most famous continents and its top celebrity nation tees off with the US seeking vengeance for its 2010 defeat at a soggy Celtic Manor.

The Ryder Cup remains the only time that Britain is fully committed to the idea of Europe, but the Americans can boast—and presumably do, on a daily basis—ten of the world's top 17 golfers.

They'll start as favourites.

ICC World Twenty20, Sri Lanka, September 18October 7. A festival of cricket's silliest format, with balls being hit far and/or high,

ALSO ON OUR RADAR 16

ESPNcricinfo cricket blogger, broadcaster and stand-up Andy Zaltzman previews the best of the month's action

the aesthetics of the game taking a thorough pounding and begging for mercy, and commentators using the word "unbelievable" in the way that ordinary people use commas.

England defend their title without the player who was instrumental in winning it in 2010, Kevin Pietersen. The man, who doesn't merely split opinion but slathers it in whipped cream and pops a glace cherry on top, has retired from limited-overs internationals. England could struggle without him.

The Tour of Britain cycling.

Great British Cheese Festival, Cardiff. September 27 New J K Rowling novel The Casual Vacancy released.

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

Bargain Hunt (BBC One). This game show based around buying and selling antiques is, frankly, bizarre—the winner can actually make a loss. But it's good, slightly camp fun.

LI5 Lex Hives by The Hives. The band are a sort of grungy Rolling Stonesstyle band—from Sweden. Very lively. pepysdiary.com Gives you a new diary entry from Samuel Pepys every day, from his interactions with royalty to amusing stuff about his wife.

The Fifth Woman

by Henning Mankell. Part of the Wallander series. Bleak, but a good read. •

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YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP...

1 My son had an old shirt that he was very attached to. Sadly, it was impossible to iron after he'd spun it too often in the machine, so I gave it to the local charity shop.

A week later, I noticed him wearing it again, nicely pressed. "They did a really good job of ironing it, so I've just bought it back," he explained.

Arnie Yardley, Cambridge 1 I was visiting an indoor market, and after about an hour of browsing, I stopped for a cup of tea. Standing in the area with the teaspoons and sugar, I looked around for somewhere to dump my tea bag.

"There's a bin for that," said a well-dressed lady standing next to me.

"Oh, thank you," I said, spotting a large paper bag next to her. I dropped in my tea bag with a smile.

"Er, that's my shopping," said the lady. It was only then I noticed that the bag was full of expensive items, including some rather posh clothing.

Sandy Nordbruch, Isle of Wight

"Excuse me, sir, I'm collecting on behalf of a company that gives employment to polite but slightly creepy girls"

1 I WAS ON MY WAY TO WORK ONE DAY WHEN I HEARD a pitiful squeaking noise. I followed the sound into a car park near the road, where a squirrel was stuck on the top branch of a tree with two crows menacing it.

I called up to scare the crows away, and perhaps to help the squirrel out of its precarious position. The crows saw me and fled, leaving me with arms outstretched to the poor creature. The squirrel took one look, squeaked again, then jumped off and away.

I carried on my way to work, happy that I'd done a good deed. But while chatting to a colleague at lunch, it turned out that he'd spotted me while passing in the bus.

"What on earth were you doing?" he asked.

Feeling rather embarrassed, I began, "Well, you see, there was this squirrel..."

Shaun Smith, London

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

19

I A well-known breakfast-cereal company held a competition recently, and my daughter was keen to enter. She had to submit her favourite fact, and she decided upon the following: "A litre of cow's milk sold for human consumption can legally contain 400 million pus cells."

She didn't win.

Cathryn Morrison, Cumbria I On a trip into town, I debated

whether I could face the long walk to the hairdressers. Deciding that my hair was in desperate need, I left my car in the car park and began the trek.

I eventually arrived at the hairdressers, only to find an Opening Times sign stating, "Closed on Mondays". I turned on my heel and retraced my steps, grumbling all the way.

It was only when I got home that I realised it was Tuesday.

"I don't care if you're the bank, or if the economy needs stimulating. The rules don't allow quantitative easing"

I Standing in a queue at a local restaurant, I overheard the couple behind me discussing the events of the previous night.

"Fancy offering me an olive branch," the girl was saying indignantly. "She must be daft!

She knows I live in a flat."

Her partner tried in vain to explain what this meant, but she was having none of it.

Hayley Wellock, Powys, Wales

WIN £70 FOR YOUR TRUE, FUNNY STORIES. EMAIL excerpts@ readers digest.co.uk OR GO TO facebook. com/readers digestuk

I MY GRAN HAD BEEN IN HOSPITAL for a short time. On the day she was discharged, she told me that, as I'd helped her so much, she was giving me an "expensive present".

A few weeks later, she

handed me a large brown envelope. I was madly curious. Could it be a holiday? Stocks and shares?

Premium bonds, maybe?

But I got a shock when I tore open the envelope— my gran had instead bought

20 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

Raymond Wheeler, Kent

me a funeral. She told me to fill in the hymns I wanted, but she'd decided the rest.

As she'd purchased it at the same time as her own, I did wonder if it was a twofor-one offer.

Peta Ann Brand, Bedford ■

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WORD POWER Harry Mount exchanges financial jargon to taxation, revenues and public debt 11 liquidity ratio n A zero inflation B ability to pay off short-term debts C the price of a barrel of oil 12 Mammon n A material wealth B counterfeit note C economic minister

Britain dropped out of the European Exchange Rate Mechanism 20 years ago this month. But can you separate your ERMs from your EMUS? Test yourself by answering A, B or C below.

1 derivative n A calculator B low-level trader C financial product 2 Big Bang n A deregulation of financial markets B noise made when stock exchange opens C successful deal 3 stockjobber n A desperate banker B foreign currency C dealer with restricted clients 4 bond n A daring business proposal B certificate of future payment C handshake

5 venture capital n A money for a new business B dangerous gamble C maximum you're prepared to lose

13 mint n A place where money is made B trader's tip C hiding place for money 14 monetarism n A obsession with money B economic control through money supply C money-free society

6 IPO n A international plutocratic opportunity B independent public official C initial public offering

15 bear market n A banker's office B a crooked deal C a falling stock exchange 10,

7 insolvent adj A very rich B unable to pay debts C financially incompetent

A word is born: Cash Mob

8 lucre n [loo-ker] A money B small debit C bag for coins 9 gold standard n A highest mark in accountancy exam B monetary system based on gold C Bank of England benchmark 10 fiscal adj A cautious in financial advice B criminal with public funds C related

Popularised in America over the last year, "cash mob" is a nicer expression than it sounds. It's the term used for the sudden appearance of a crowd who congregate at a popular local shop to buy its products en masse, in order to keep it in business.

RD Rating Useful? 6/10 Likeable? 7/10

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

23

WORD POWER ANSWERS 9-11 getting there 12-13 impressive 14-15 word-power wizard!

1 derivative—C financial product. "Using derivatives, you can make money out of the stock market going down." Latin rivus (stream).

2 Big Bang—A deregulation of the London financial market in 1986.

3 stockjobber—C dealer with restricted clients. "A stockjobber could only deal with other jobbers or brokers."

4 bond—B certificate of a future payment. "Bonds are usually redeemed with interest." Middle English bond (shackle).

5 venture capital—A money for a new business.

"Venture capital was crucial to the internet boom."

6 IPO—C initial public offering. "An IPO is when a company first offers public shares."

Our undergarments have grand origins. Pants is short for pantaloons, which could be tight-fitting trousers for men, or loose-fitting for women. Pantaloons were named after Pantaloon, a stock character in Italian commedia dell'arte plays, who wore tight trousers. Pantaloon is derived from the original Italian name Pantalone, itself derived from the patron saint of Venice, San Pantaleone.

9 gold standard—B monetary system based on gold. "Britain was on the gold standard until 1931."

12 Mammon—A material wealth. "Don't worship Mammon."

Latin mammona.

10 fiscal—C related to taxation, revenues and public debt. "Britain's fiscal policy has left a huge deficit." Latin fiscus (treasury).

13 mint—A place where money is made. Latin moneta (money).

7 insolvent—B unable to pay debts. "I knew he was insolvent when he pretended to lose his wallet."

11 liquidity ratio—B the ability of a company to pay off its short-term debts. "The company's poor liquidity ratio nearly caused its bankruptcy."

8 lucre—A money. "He'd do anything for filthy lucre." Latin lucrum (gain).

Play WP online: go to readersdigest. co.uk/wordpower

24 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

14 monetarism—B economic control through money supply.

"Monetarism has limited economic consequences."

15 bear market—C a falling stock exchange.

"There was a bear market in 2008." Thought to come from the proverb, "Selling the bearskin before catching the bear."

Enjoy the attractions of rural France

THE CHARMING DORDOGNE

ROCAMADOUR

GABARE BOAT

Our excursion rich tour, which is based in the town of Le Bugue, reveals the many charms of this enchanting region. With so much to see and do it is no surprise that the Dordogne is such a popular destination to visit.

DAY 1: London to Le Bugue We travel on the Eurostar from St Pancras to Paris, to join our train to Brive, where we transfer by coach to Le Bugue, our home for the next five nights.

picturesque town in the heart of the Dordogne. The medieval Old Town, with its labyrinth of alleyways and buildings built in warm honey-coloured stone, is virtually unchanged since the Middle Ages.

DAY 2: La Roque-Gageac cruise We enjoy an excursion to the Gouffre de Proumeyssac. There are a number of caves in the Dordogne and the Gouffre de Proumeyssac is among the most spectacular. Our visit here includes seeing the cave beautifully illuminated by a Son et Lumiere (sound and light) show. We then take to the water at the pretty village of La Roque Gageac in a traditional flat-bottomed gabare boat, a chance to experience the true charm of the Dordogne countryside.

DAY 5: Rocamadour and Martel This morning we travel to the village of Rocamadour, perched high above the meandering river below. Rocamadour is built into the craggy cliff-face, and has been a pilgrimage site for centuries. We then continue to the medieval village of Martel, distinctive due to its seven towers standing out against the sky.

After time to explore the village, we take a ride on the restored Truffadou Train, which offers superb views over the Dordogne valley.

DAY 3: At leisure in Le Bugue The morning is free to explore the charming town of Le Bugue. This afternoon you have the opportunity to join an optional excursion to the Château de Puymartin, a wonderfully preserved fairytale French castle perched on a hilltop.

DAY 6: Le Buque to London We transfer by coach to Brive where we join our train to Paris and change to the Eurostar for St Pancras International.

DAY 4: Le Bugue market and Sarlat A leisurely morning gives you the chance to explore the fantastic market in Le Bugue. After time for lunch we move on to Sarlat, an incredibly

38 DEPARTURES between 1 Oct 2012 & 25 Sep 2013

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£598 Your Charming Dordogne holiday includes: 5 Return rail travel 5 5 nights' hotel accommodation with breakfast and 4-course dinner with wine Gouffre de Proumeyssac excursion 5 Boat trip along the Dordogne and a visit to La Roque-Gageac 5 Excursion to Sarlat

15 Trip to Rocamadour and Martel and trip on the Truffadou Train

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IN THE FUTURE... ...bad weather will "disappear", says Gary Rimmer Bubbling up

New car headlights will cut through even the heaviest rain

Raindrops keep falling up ahead Reduced visibility increases the danger of night driving, and it's compounded by reflected glare from falling raindrops. But by 2020, a smart headlight system being developed in Pittsburgh—combining a high-speed camera, fast processor and a modulated light source—may improve visibility in the wet and make night driving safer.

Research suggests the critical glare zone is 10-13ft in front of the headlights. In microseconds, the system detects and predicts the trajectory of falling water in this region and turns off the part of the beam that would reflect back from it, effectively making the glare disappear.

It's said to filter out about 70% of risky raindrops.

Electric dreams For campfire purists, there's a new stove that can burn wood as efficiently as propane.

It can also generate electricity—a real boon for hikers.

How to turn heat into electricity has been known for nearly two centuries. But now, thermoelectric power generation could change lives in the developing 26

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

Boston Children's Hospital researchers have developed injectable oxygen: bubbles suspended in lipid micro-particles that dissolve in the blood and can restore oxygen levels within seconds. A shot of this can substitute for inhaled oxygen for half an hour.

It's an emergency treatment due to the risk of fluid overload, but a gas embolism is unlikely, as the bubbles are only 3-4 micrometres in diameter. By 2025, when a child is pulled unconscious from an icy lake, a happier ending will be more likely.

world. Delivering electricity to remote areas is costly —current thinking revolves around expensive solarpowered microgrids that put people in thrall to utility providers.

But another new invention, a pot that generates electricity when water is boiled in it, might put power into developingworld homes everywhere by 2030. ■

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INSTANT EXPERT Harry Mount reveals the facts behind the news

No wonder the queue at passport control seems to grow longer every time you go on holiday—British airports are bursting at the seams. Last year, there were more than 2.1 million commercial flights, carrying more than 200 million passengers.

How many UK airports are there?

1,700 airfields have been built in Britain over the last century. They range from rudimentary grass strips to Gatwick, previously a Sussex racecourse. During the Second World War, 450 airfields were built—mostly in the south and east to face the enemy— with a ring of seven RAF fighter stations built around London. There are now 57 major commercial airports and two major heliports.

How important are UK airports to the Economy?

Despite the recession, more people are flying. In the first quarter of this year, 44.4 million people used UK airports, a 2.1% increase on the same quarter last year. Cargo trade with Europe and the US has remained much the same since 2000. But trade with the BRIC countries—Brazil, Russia, India and China—has been growing at an average 2.8% per annum over the last decade.

The BRIC countries have few of the environmental worries that affect our crowded island.

In June, the Chinese announced they were planning to build another 70 airports by 2015.

28

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

And the shopping?

Increasingly, Britain's airports are vast shopping centres, with a few runways stuck on the side. When the British Airports Authority was privatised under the Airports Act of 1986, Heathrow became more like a huge mall, with 70,000 staff manning the airport — and shops.

Airport Expansionil What about a third runway at Heathrow?

The most popular destinations for people flying from Heathrow are New York, Dubai and Dublin

Heathrow is the fourth busiest aiport in the world, with more than 69 million passengers last year; in 1946—Heathrow's first year-60,000 people passed through London Airport, as it was then called. It has five terminals, but only two runways. In the 1950s, it had six, but they were too short for modern passenger planes. It's now running at near capacity.

The Government has pretty much ruled out any expansion of existing airports in the South-East. The Conservatives have opposed a third runway at Heathrow, and the Liberal Democrats are against new runways at Gatwick or Stansted. The other option is to increase capacity on Heathrow's existing two runways.

If they were allowed to operate all night, they could accommodate another 1,000 flights a day.

Then again, the disruption to people's sleep in west London would be extreme.

How many have chapels?

What's Boris Island all about?

Five airports—Birmingham, Manchester, Heathrow, Stansted and Gatwick— have chaplaincies.

Heathrow alone has Christian chaplains of Anglican, Catholic, and Free Church denomination, along with representatives of the Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Sikh and Buddhist faiths.

Another option is a new airport, built on the edge of the Isle of Grain in the Thames Estuary, as backed by London mayor Boris Johnson, but a decision on it was postponed in July. A conclusion on expanded capacity is expected this autumn. •

--,04100111/10* An artist's impression of Boris Island

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 29

IF I RULED THE WORLD

Bettany Hughes Historian and broadcaster Bettany Hughes has written and presented TV shows including Helen of Troy, The Spartans and, most recently, Divine Women, which examines the historic relationship between women and religion. Bettany lectures throughout the world and has written two books.

I'd rule by consensus and dialogue rather than edict and dictatorship. I wouldn't be able just to tell people what they have to do.

I'd encourage mankind to fulfil its true potential. The origin of the word "man" comes from manu, which means mind.

It didn't mean a male person but rather recognised that all people were thinking beings. Back in Athens in the fifth-century BC, Socrates, with great vision and clarity, recognised that women weren't fulfilling their true potential and that was bad for society.

It's about time we finished what he started.

I'd inform people about the path to happiness. We started life as nomads and it's a scientific truth that our brain is most productive when we're walking.

So, not only are we naturally 30 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

geared up to walk, but the clarity of thought it induces is one of the reasons people find it so pleasurable. We also get endorphins (chemicals in our brain that make us feel happy) when we use our hands productively, such as when cooking or tackling DIY. Yet, in our modern, urbanised world, we're doing these things less and less.

It would be great for mental health if everyone walked and made things more.

I'd put pets to work.

Americans alone spent more than $50bn on their pets last year. I'd like people with animals to put something back into the community, however small. For instance, we've got tortoises, and I don't think any of our neighbours do. We ought to have a tortoise "open day", where people handle and learn about tortoises and their place in the evolutionary scheme.

No more freeloading pets!

I'd like to re-embrace the philosophy behind the word ghosti. During the Aryan civilisation—the very

start of society as we know it —ghosti was a philosophy for living in which one automatically received strangers across the threshold with the idea that there might be a mutually beneficial exchange of new ideas, food or experiences. It has given us both the words "guest" and "host", and the idea that the two were interchangeable is such a positive one; to be civilised required you to welcome rather than reject.

People would set aside one day a year to clean up their immediate environment.

When I was a child, my favourite fantasy was to imagine such a day (which is ironic, as I'm incredibly messy). People could use the day to improve the appearance of their local community, doing anything from cleaning up litter to polishing church doorknobs.

I'd put Plato in the playground. It's easy to be bad and hard to be good, so children need all the help they can get in choosing the right path. I'd like every child to be exposed to quotes from the greatest philosophers so that they absorb them and are inspired. Wouldn't it be wonderful to have on playground walls lines such as

tt It would be great for our mental health if everybody walked and made things more

Bettany's show Divine Women is out now on iTunes

Socrates' "Don't just think about living, but about living well," or Xenophon's, "And who is most blessed by the Gods than he who is happy?"

I'd sponsor wisdom merchants to be part of public life. I sit on a lot of committees that are often very limited in outlook, because although people ask what is going to happen, they very rarely ask why. Philosophers should be out in the public and political environment, encouraging people to think more deeply. Pure knowledge, which may not have an economically visible benefit, has been devalued in our society—but it's the most important type. Becoming a philosopher should be a vocation for many more people.

I'd ban children's party bags.

They're horrible little scrappy things full of plastic stuff that kids are always dissatisfied with anyway. More importantly, the production and disposal of plastic is one of the major toxic pollutants of our age.

If your child has been lucky enough to go to a party, then that should be enough. • As told to Caroline Hutton

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

31

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL

22. Air-guitar classics Our record collections define us, says James Brown. So don't let anyone mess with them Somewhere in your house I'll bet

you've got a stack of albums leaning against a record player, or a shelf of CDs. Even if you've embraced the era of iTunes and iPods, I know you've still got these. I have.

Right now, the kitchen table is covered with hundreds of CDs I've just carried down from the cupboard in the spare room. One of them— maybe Black Grape, Serge Gainsbourg, Sonny Boy Williamson, Kid Creole (I've listened to them all while writing this)—is spinning in what now looks like an ancient CD player. It seems so old-fashioned compared with selecting songs on the computer.

The table, though, is a scene to behold: an inner-city skyline of sharpedged plastic towers with brightly coloured sleeves inside. I was never as big a fan of CDs as vinyl—the plastic cases frequently cracked, and when I was very drunk and listening to Led Zeppelin with my windows open, I'd sometimes get carried away and frisbee discs out down the hill into the streets below.

But now, years after I last listened 32 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

to them, every case has a story, a moment in musical history—and my own lifetime. As I'm pulling CD after CD out from the piles, I can't believe how happy it makes me to see them all. My girlfriend turns to me as we start playing them and says, "Why the hell have you had so much great music locked away in that cupboard for so long?"

I don't know. And then I realise it happened at some point when I was married, and the size of the collection and the raucous joy it gave me was probably a problem for the person I was married to.

But that was then. Old relationships don't reappear in clear plastic cases, but great music does. For the last two Saturday afternoons I've been sorting them all out, having my own kitchen disco—and wondering whether, if I formed a band again, anyone would notice that I'm wider around the waist than I was 30 years ago.

Surely, if we all wore sunglasses, I could pretend I was a teenage Iggy Pop fan again?

As a teenager, music was my lifeline to a better place.

The songs reflected my feelings, fired my ambitions and let me block out feelings and experiences I didn't want any part of.

Ak. This passion for music and those who made it gave me a direction in life, a part-time job in a record shop, something to save my money for, and hours spent walking home from the centre of Leeds to Headingley where I grew up, soaking wet from dancing down at the front of concerts by The

IKtur!

Wotan happy

Jam, Stiff Little Fingers, The Jesus And Mary Chain and The Cramps, my ears ringing with what would later become tinnitus. Music was the most important thing in my life, so it's strange that later I would block it out.

My hobby turned into a job when

I was hired as a writer on the NME. But somewhere in my mid-30s, switched off. Maybe I didn't want to be reminded of great days gone by; maybe I took too much notice of the person I lived with. What's clear to me now is that you should never let anyone mess with your record collection. It doesn't matter what you do in your life but, for so many people, music is the soundtrack to the most important moments.

This CD hoard is like a sonic photo album—in fact, it's better. When I discover The Small Faces' "Lazy Sunday" I think of my mum, who died 20 years ago; Bob Dylan's "Mr Tambourine Man" reminds me of being a kid listening to my dad singing it round the house; The Clash's "White Riot" reminds me of when my son was a tiny baby shouting "Nee naw nee naw" to the police sirens on the track.

The challenge is what the

hell to do with them all now I selected 50 I don't want and they'll go to the charity shop. ► ILLUSTRATED BY JOHN CUNEO

33

44 This won't stop me marching around the house and pretending I'm on a nightclub dancefloor late at night Then I have to sort out all the ones I no longer need because I have them on my iPod. Then I'll have to burn or upload the tracks I want. (I haven't a clue what the difference is—is there any?) Finally, I'll take the best overall albums and leave them scattered near any available CD player in my house.

I don't hold any real nostalgia for the format, just the songs within. But this won't stop me marching around

the house and pretending I'm on a nightclub dancefloor late at night where it's very, very dark. We'll just have to hope to hell the cleaner doesn't walk in halfway through the Ramones. ■ James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: "We can't concentrate, why should you?" You can follow James on Twitter @jamesjamesbrown.

BUDDING AUTHORS, TAKE A BOW Many thousands of yarns were submitted for our 100-word-story contest, and this twisted revenge tale was one of them.

We'll be featuring a commended story in the magazine every month, and each day at readersdigest.co.uk/ magazine

Submitted by Richard Harris, Brampton, Cumbria

Come-uppance I had never got on with him. He was too full of himself, played loud music, and had a leylandii that blocked out my light. And I had long been suspicious of him and my wife. But when I found his car broken down, straddled across a level crossing, I felt obliged to help.

"No petrol," he said.

"It's all right—sit tight," I told him. "I'll push."

"But..."

"It's fine. There are no trains on Sundays now anyway."

I bent my back, pretending.

"Though now I come to think of it," I said quietly.

"It's Saturday."

Richard says: "The idea came to me in the bath, while I was mulling over the latest twists in a local scandal (fortunately not involving either me or my wife!). As a journalist, I've been writing for more than 40 years—my autobiography 'The Accidental Editor' (theaccidentaleditorcom) is just out."

Richard will receive a cheque for £70

34 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2 012

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"I was blown away by it " Benedict Cumberbatch sits in his trailer in full military uniform. We're parked just over the road from London's Turnham Green tube station, and he's cueing up some music on his iPod. But if the setting's a little incongruous, somehow the outfit makes perfect sense.

After his role as a stutBY BENJI WILSON tering cavalry major in Steven Spielberg's War Horse, and with his crisp vowels, sharp eyes and a surname that sounds like it was made for a roll call, there's something distinctly officer class about Benedict. He looks as natural wearing a woollen khaki tunic from the Great War as it's probably possible to look on a glum day in west London in 2012.

We meet on the set of Parade's End, the BBC's epic ►

Star of new BBC wartime epic Parade's End, Benedict Cumberbatch reveals why his latest project is in a different mould from "*******" Downton Abbey

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 37

4 new adaptation of Ford Madox Ford's forgotten First World War masterpiece (see box) by Sir Tom Stoppard. Benedict, 36, plays Christopher Tietjens, a brilliant government statistician trapped in a thankless marriage to a selfish socialite.

An unconsummated relationship with a suffragette brings him some happiness— until his world is overturned when he's called to the Front.

This is a role that demands a great actor and a committed bibliophile—Ford's novel is a dense, sometimes formidable read. But not only did Benedict, the star of BBC One's Sherlock, work through every one of its 900 pages, he also adored it. There's a dog-eared copy next to the fridge in his trailer when we meet.

"I was blown away by it. I still go back to it every day. Like most adaptations of books I've done—Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy, for example—the book is the best background and bedrock for characterisation. Of course, it's heartbreaking as well, because you read a character with as many subtle shifts as Christopher and you think, I can't play that. But then Tom is very good at getting to the nub of it."

Tietjens, Benedict says, is a classic stifled Edwardian. "He's hugely repressed, but also has a massive capacity for feeling. None of it is worn on the sleeve; it's all incredibly insular. But he has moments where he's known to let moisture flow from his eyes', as Ford calls it, when watching a soppy play or reading books."

It took some time for Benedict to

engage with Tietjens' stern surroundings, but once he did, he says, he "fell in love" with the period. He's not alone. The years before, during and after the First World 38 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

PARADE'S END: THE GREAT BRITISH MASTERPIECE YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF

I "A posh love triangle this isn't": Cumberbatch 1 and actress Adelaide Clemens

War have received renewed attention, with War Horse, the BBC's adaptation of Sebastian Faulks' Birdsong and, of course, ITV1's Downton Abbey all offering their own takes on the time. How does Benedict explain this newfound obsession with the period?

Part of the appeal, he says, is that "there was a social structure that had to be adhered to", from aristocrat to tenant and so on. But if that makes the former Harrow pupil sound like a raging right-winger, he's having none of it.

"Everyone was held in their place, but what was honourable about it was that there was a duty of care from the top down. That shouldn't be tied in with any sort of fat-faced, flatulent Cameron effort at what Toryism—horribly—is now"

Ford Madox Ford was a British novelist best known for his 1915 novel The Good Soldier. But in the years since his death in 1939, it's Parade's End, published 1924-8, that's increasingly seen as his best work. Philosopher John Gray called it, "Possibly the greatest 20thcentury novel in English."

So why is it so little known? Firstly, it's long. It was originally four separate novels, now combined as one volume.

Secondly, there's a vast array of characters.

Thirdly, it's written in knotty, experimental prose that's full of flashbacks and narrative disjuncts. For instance, the story follows the life of the aristocratic Christopher Tietjens through the First World War, but he's largely absent from the fourth volume, Last Post. Instead,

Benedict recognises that Downton itself has generated a lot of the interest in the period, too. "We're remembering that there was a world before the First World War. We're living in a culture now that's revering, or having a nostalgia trip with, the beginning of the 1900s. Although Downton traded a lot on the sentiment in the last series...but we won't talk about that series because it was, in my opinion, f*****g atrocious."

The worry is that Parade's End could be seen as just another drama in that mould: "There was that fear, yes. I thought, Are we pandering to a taste? But this is so much more sophisticated, so much more unusual. You rarely see a piece about this class of people that's this accurate, funny and pointed. We're not

the book, which focuses on him rebuilding his life after the armistice, is a series of inner monologues by those closest to him.

But the payback of committing to Parade's End is a novel with an up-to-date structure and sensibility that can also be very funny.

"The humour is incredibly subversive," says Benedict Cumberbatch. "And the book cuts from one scene to another in a very modern way. At first, I couldn't believe the sudden streams of consciousness.

But soon I was won over by the characters and Ford's amazing, tumbling brain."

making some cliched comment: 'Oh, isn't it awful the way there's this upstairsdownstairs divide.' This is about class and love, an elegy to a dying era. It's the final mad waltz of Edwardian society into this war-game idiocy." "[My character] sees all that's happening around him. He feels the unbearable pain of these interbred royal families, idiotic toffs and mind-blowingly selfish, stupid, pride-fuelled diplomats who worked on the principle that they could make treaties based on carving up lands that didn't even belong to them in order to maintain stability and power pacts in Europe. Then they just made a complete f*****g mess of it and sent almost two entire generations to their graves."

Christopher is also someone who's SEPTEMBER 2012 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 39

Not now, I'm on the phone: Lara Pulver, playing Sherlock's love interest, struggles to get the great man's attention

romantic for the passing of a less indus- piece of storytelling with a vast cast and trial era. "He believes that the pace of lofty ambitions. It'll require audiences modernity is going to trip us all up. That to pay attention. This in itself is a tacit we're saying goodbye to morality, to hand rebuke to accusations of dumbing down to mouth, and to an understanding of on TV, and Benedict, who in person is what nature and cultivating nature is. as bright and spry as his ever-brilliant "Back then, people made money from Sherlock, is more than happy with that.

"You don't just want to kowtow to a the land, because they had it tenanted and farmed," Benedict continues. He modern sensibility. It's very hard getting compares that period to the modern so- into the car in the morning and listening ciety that helped produce the credit to some radio station and thinking, This crunch. "It wasn't just about money beget- is the level that people are engaging at on ting money. England was its land. Some- quite a few conversations. This is the depth thing that produced energy, power." of analysis and the variety of topic...how are they going to take ['Parade's End']?

If that sounds like sermonising, it's But, actually, I'm a firm believer in auditrue that Benedict is a thinker. His big ences being so much more intelligent break came when he was cast as a young than the s**t they get fed."

Stephen Hawking in BBC Two's 2004 When Benedict gets animated he drama Hawking, and in roles from Stuart: stands up. It reminds you that he's tall a Life Backwards through to his standout and stick thin. In Ford's novel, Tietjens performance as Holmes, he's always is variously described as a "meal sack", brought intelligence to his characters. a "lump of wood" and "a plum duff". So And there's much to think about in Benedict had to fatten up for the role: Parade's End. It's a five-hour, intricate "When I first got asked to do it, I said, 40 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

`I'm not blowing my own trumpet here, but I'm quite thin in comparison to Christopher.' So at the beginning of filming I said, 'I want a fat suit, I want to have plumpers,' and I have got these prosthetics in my mouth to 'cheek me out' a little bit. But it's also been nice being able to thrust food into my mouth. It makes a sharp change from the Sherlock days of, you know, one bean sprout."

Parade's End is a world away from Sherlock in other ways, too. The former is co-financed by America's HBO network—it'll be a major mini-series in the US—and has been filmed all around the world with a cast of hundreds. The latter is done on a budget that's meagre by comparison, with a regular cast of two.

Benedict will, of course, not hear a word said against Sherlock—"You work to your [financial] limitations and you always feel the limits"—but he does say that Parade's End should look spectacular.

"Some of the set builds and set decorations on this have been to movie standard—the episodes will look like five films. There have been days when I've gone, 'Bloody hell, we've built a bit of the First World War.' There's an entire field in Belgium that now looks like Limousin, as it was."

Having worked on War Horse, Benedict

has two latter-day depictions of the trenches to compare and contrast.

"It's interesting. The trenches in War Horse were just huge: you could drive a car down the middle of them. But in reality, of course, they really weren't that big. In fact, most of the Front Line, especially the scene of the main action for the British, was pretty poorly built, pretty narrow. They made them uncomfortable so as not to discourage troops from going over the top. Can you believe that?"

You can tell by the depth of his research and his obvious engagement—he can come across like a hyper-caffeinated history don at times—that Benedict is animated by this project.

"I'm really excited. I don't know how it'll compare to other stuff I've done.

They showed us a little when we were filming in Belgium that was quite fun, and I just thought, Oh good, we're sort of on the right track. It's horrible when you see yourself for the first time and notice inconsistencies. I can't bring myself to watch Sherlock on my own at first. But a drama about a posh love triangle this isn't—it's much richer than that." ■ » Parade's End is on BBC Two this month.

TRIVIA TIME/

crunch

Arachnophobia and agoraphobia are fair enough, but some irrational fears are more puzzling: porphyrophobia (the colour purple); arachibutyrophobia (peanut butter sticking to the roof of one's mouth); sesquipedalophobia (long words); and pteronophobia (tickling by feathers).

SEPTEMBER 2 012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

41

A LIFE LESS ORDINARY 'WIMP

Cresting the

Waves Rich Emerson took to his surfboard to try to shake off the horrors of war.

Now he's helping other traumatised ex-soldiers let the ocean ease their minds

With his tattoos, rugged tan and spiky fair hair, Rich Emerson fits in

well with the regular surfing crowd at Hayle's breathtaking three-mile beach in Cornwall.

But, for the 46-year-old former soldier, surfing is much more than just a hobby. "Some people say it's a way of life," he says with a wry smile. "Well, 15 years ago, it actually saved my life!

"I had the rope in my bag and I was ►

BY DANNY SCOTT PHOTOGRAPHED BY STUART CONWAY

• ready to end it all. My marriage had fallen apart and I'd lost my kids. I just couldn't cope any more! But I stood on Porthmeor Beach in St Ives and saw a bunch of guys taking off on these huge waves. I'd never been surfing in my life, but I suddenly thought, 'That's where I want to be. Out there!' " Rich served with the Queen's Royal Irish Hussars during the first Gulf War, but left in 1993, aged 28. "I'd had enough," he says. "I did things and saw things... awful stuff. I was on the tanks. We'd take our positions and I'd see people come out of buildings on fire. Screaming. I saw my best mate get his legs blown off by an American missile."

Rich was married with three children, but his attempts to settle back into civilian life were ruined by the terrible memories of his army career.

"I was waking up at night in tears; p*****g myself in bed. The terrible thing was that there was nobody to help me. Mainstream counselling was about as much use as a chocolate fireguard. You were just left dangling...trying to blot out the pain."

He sank into depression and heavy drinking, and, despite the arrival of another child, his marriage broke up.

His wife and kids moved from the family home in Southampton—where Rich worked in the fitness industry— to Cornwall.

And so, three years after leaving the army, Rich found himself at Porthmeor

searching for them, with only a rough tip-off from a friend as to where they might be.

"That was my lowest point. I felt as if I'd lost everything that mattered. But, at that exact point, the ocean reached out to me. Call it a higher energy...God...but someone or something intervened."

He borrowed a board and took to the waves. "There was something magical about that connection with Mother Nature," he says, his bright-blue eyes wide with excitement. "When I was out there, I felt free from the nightmares."

A few days later, he found his family staying in a caravan park and persuaded his ex to move back to Southampton. Rich would stay in a nearby bedsit.

Things were looking up. Over the next couple of years, surfing grew into a passion that gave him a real purpose in life. Rich eventually found a new wife and moved to Cornwall, where he got a job managing a Penzance gym.

"Surfing had definitely given me strength, so why not other guys in the same situation?"

44 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2 012

But his problems were far from over.

"Every now and then, the nightmares would send me spiralling downwards.

Eventually, the strain got too much and my marriage fell apart. Again! I'd use anything to help me get through—drugs, drink. I even dabbled with religion. But the end result was the same: periods of contentment, followed by depression. I believed I didn't deserve to be happy because I'd killed all those people."

But, about six years ago, he had a

breakthrough. Up until that point, no one had ever mentioned post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) to him. But his new girlfriend, Emma Wilson, a charity worker, started piecing it all together, and Rich was diagnosed with PTSD soon after.

"I'd thought I was going properly mad, but now I had a name for what was wrong with me, and something to work with."

Rich set up Surf Action, a not-for-profit scheme that would introduce servicemen to the sport. Initially, the men who came to Rich's surfing courses were people he'd met at PTSD support groups or were recommended by friends.

"It was difficult to get our voice heard," he says. "There are a lot of established veterans' charities out there." But, with Rich and his Surf Action class on a beach at St Ives Bay, Cornwall

He got in touch with veterans' mentalhealth charity Combat Stress and began a combination of various therapies, including counselling and hypnotherapy.

But surfing remained his best way of coping with his problems. In September 2009, he organised a successful exservicemen's surfing get-together at Hayle—and realised that surfing could help other combat veterans too.

"Hawaiian warriors have talked about the healing power of the ocean for thousands of years," Rich explains. "Surfing had definitely given me strength, so why not other guys in the same situation?"

the help of Cornish entrepreneur and founder of Surfers Against Sewage Chris Hines, Rich was able to spread the word about Surf Action. With organisations like Combat Stress and the Royal British Legion starting to refer people to the charity, it began to grow.

Rich secured Lottery and other charitable funding, and began offering residential courses, as well as regular get-togethers with 20 or so local surfers.

Over the last three years, he's worked with some 200 former and serving members of the armed forces—from amputees to homeless drug users to exprisoners—all of whom have PTSD. ► SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 45

t Surf Action, which now has a budget of around £100,000 a year, has also branched into counselling for families and helping veterans find homes, jobs and places in rehab. It even offers hypnotherapy, art therapy and cognitive behavioural therapy. But, at its core, it provides friendship and hope.

"Every Friday morning, I take a group of guys surfing at Hayle," says Rich, who lives in nearby Sennen. "There are teenagers just back from Afghanistan and guys in their fifties who were out in Northern Ireland. Surfing isn't a cure-all, but the ocean breaks down mental barriers. Guys often come to us in a terrible state, but, time after time, they jump on a board and start laughing. It gives them a glimpse of the light at the end of that dark tunnel."

Thanks to the organisation, dozens of men have been able to manage their PTSD enough to get regular jobs, be reconciled with their family or just feel more at ease with themselves.

I pop along to the Friday surf session

to meet some of the regulars. Mike, 44, left the navy in 1995 disturbed by what he'd seen during special-forces work in Northern Ireland. Struggling to cope with civvy life, he became a jobless alcoholic. He first encountered Surf Action in April 2011.

"Somebody at my rehab group told me

about it. To be honest, it sounded like a load of hippy b*****ks. But the surfing had a real impact. For the first time in years, I wasn't dwelling on my problems.

I saw the bigger picture.

"Me and some of the other lads have since got involved on the operational side. We give talks to schools and community groups, and help out with presentations to charity bodies and the like.

I'm also the area military-liaison officer for Alcoholics Anonymous. It feels good to be working with guys who've been through what I've been through. There's a lot of shame attached to being in the

"To be honest, it sounded like a load of hippy b*****ks"

armed forces and not being able to cope, but one of the first things Rich said was, `We've all been in the same boat.' " Others told similar tales, and almost all finished their story in the same way.

"Rich is an inspiration. Without him, I probably wouldn't be here."

When I tell Rich this in the pub later, he looks away as his eyes begin to well up. "Sorry, bruv. I get really emotional when I hear stories like that," he says.

"Look, I did some terrible things in Iraq. I killed people—and lots of the guys who come to Surf Action have been through exactly the same s**t. Guilt, man!

It's a terrible burden. I suppose the keyword for me—and them—is forgiveness.

We're all trying to learn how to forgive ourselves for things we think we're responsible for."

Asked if he finds his own peace in the work, Rich struggles for an answer. "I still have problems—I split up from Emma for a while. But I think she can see that I'm in a much better place these days.

I've got wonderful kids—now aged 18 to 25—two grandkids and a great relationship with all of them.

"But forget about me! This is about those guys who come to see us. The only thing that matters is getting them off the streets or the booze. Or meeting their kids and seeing them smile because Dad's back to his old self.

"Recycling is all the rage, these days.

Well, I often say that what we're doing at Surf Action is recycling. We're taking people who've been chucked on the rubbish heap and helping them find their way back." ■ » For more, visit surfaction.co.uk.

WIN! ENTER THIS GREAT COMPETITION FROM READER'S DIGEST IN ASSOCIATION WITH CHAMBERS

What's Your

Favourite Word?

The winner will receive a luso cash prize plus £ioo-worth of Chambers products, including the new fourth edition of the Chambers Thesaurus.

There are also 5o runnerup prizes of Chambers books up for grabs!

To mark the launch of the new fourth edition of the Chambers Thesaurus, we're looking for the UK's favourite English-language words—both old and new Perhaps there's a word that holds a special meaning for you; one that always cheers you up; or maybe a word you love just because of the way it sounds.

If so, now's the time to share it with the rest of the country!

h

Chambers

Thesaurus

How to enter.

Please submityour "word"—entries can be written or recorded as a video—explaining why it should win (maximum loo words) to: ChambersEnquiries@hoddereducation.co. uk. Please put Chambers and Reader's Digest Best Word in the subject line. Oryou can post your word to Abigail Coften, Marketing, 338 Euston Road, London NWi 3BH. Videos should be no longer than two minutes, called Chambers and Reader's Digest Best Word, and uploaded to YouTube.

Send the url to ChambersEnquiries@ hoddereducation.co.uk. You can also enter via the Chambers Facebook page: facebook. com/wordlovers. Simply "like" the page and email the inbox withyour entry. Entrants must supply contact details includingemail address and phone number. The winner will be announced on the Chambers and Reader's Digest Facebook pages on Friday, January 11, 2013. The winners will also be contacted personally.

The competition closes on December 14, 2012, at spm.

FOR FULL TERMS AND CONDITIONS, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UKIMAGAZINE

JUICE IMAGES/ALAMY; CORBIS CUSP/ALAMY

Therapy

If you need to talk things through but can't face the therapist's couch, there's a newer ,-atternative—online 60 ME -13 URNE

Martha hurries along the hall, keen

not to be late for her appointment with her therapist. But she hasn't had any of the usual delays on the way, such as getting stuck in traffic or failing to find a place to park. She's also not bothered by the fact that she lives in Kent and her therapist is in Manchester. In fact, she hasn't actually left her flat. She's just overslept.

Martha is one of the pioneers of a radical new approach to counselling and therapy. Rather than travelling to an appointment, sitting or lying on a couch and talking to a therapist, both sides stay at home and connect over the internet.

Settling down on her own sofa, Martha has a sip of coffee, curls up, picks up her laptop and logs on to Skype, the videochat program. Her face and that of her therapist both appear. "How are you feeling?" he asks.

The therapist's consulting room has b' SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 51

"It's surprising It hasn't happened sooner," says Joanna Bawa, a psycholo-

gist working in Herefordshire who studies internet-therapy links. "There have always been other ways of offering psychological help, such as phone helplines, and Skype has been around for a number of years. But the whole move to the web has only taken off recently."

It could soon be available on the NHS through your GP, thanks to the campaigning of clinical psychologist Nadine Field, who set up PsychologyOnline.co.uk several years ago to speed up access to therapists, a service that can still be painfully slow "We've now got the evidence to show what we offer is actually more effective than face-to-face, and we can get someone an appointment within 36 hours," she says.

The magic of the internet abolishes the constraints of geography. "You may be in Bradford, but your therapist could be in Bognor or Brisbane," Nadine continues. "We have several hundred on our books, and we can get more as demand grows." What's more, by tapping in to global demand, therapists will be able to narrowly specialise and become really skilled at treating very specific problems 52 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

such as claustrophobia or obsessive compulsive disorder.

Surprisingly, the site doesn't use anything more sophisticated than a web version of text messaging. You sign up to the site, give your doctor's details, and then a window comes up where the therapist types a greeting such as, "Hello, what's happening?" and you can hit the keyboard and tell them. "It works like a diary, only there's someone there who can ask questions about your beliefs, or how the problem is affecting your daily life, and suggest other ways of looking at it," explains Nadine.

"The fact that you can't see the other person can be very liberating—people become very focused and can get to the heart of their problem quickly. A trial [of 300 people published in The Lancet] found that people with serious depression were much better after seven or eight sessions. These patients would normally need 15-20 face-to-face sessions on the NHS to reach that point."

Unfortunately, that's still In the future.

Right now, you can only access PsychologyOnline through your GP if you're in Oxfordshire, Buckinghamshire or Southampton, although they're hoping Peterborough and Cambridge will sign up soon.

But much speedier delivery and greater specialisation are just a few of the benefits of therapy's move to a new realm.

As well as getting better service, patients could also get more power as therapists will be in the unfamiliar position of having to sell themselves. Everyone agrees that a rapport between you and your therapist is key to a positive result

SOMOS IMAGES/ALAMY

long been a staple of books and films —a place where unpleasant truths are revealed and neuroses soothed, or a stage for couples to exchange witticisms. The clichés are well known: the interesting bits start emerging just when time's up; wanting to leave is a sign that uncomfortable progress is being made. But as more and more patients get off the couch and into the cloud, the practice and image of therapy is going to change drastically.

but, at the moment, you pretty well have to take what you're offered on the NHS, and rely on word of mouth if you're going private. But at a relatively new site called Mootu—which Martha now uses—the situation has become closer to Internet dating.

Set up by successful entrepreneur John Witney, who made his money with the recruitment website JobServe, Mootu has a database of over 70 therapists and counsellors who will see you through Skype for between £40--£60. Its unique feature is that each therapist sells themself with a promotional video, so you can flip through to see who you'd feel comfortable with Then, once you've selected a few—there's a button to store potential ones—you can book a free15-minute trial

to see which one you click with.

It's a great idea if the videos give you a sense of what's on offer, but when I trawled through it was painfully clear that few of the therapists—however skilled they might be at judging others by their appearance—had ever thought much about how to create a positive impression of themselves.

Some were so poorly lit that only a single eye was visible; others had chosen unfortunate camera angles such as right up the nostrils. I wanted to get some idea of them from the way their consulting room looked, but some only had a blank wall behind them, as if they were in a police line-up. Another was half in and half out of a doorway. For professionals supposedly sensitive to

"The fact that you can't see the other person

can be very liberating"

54 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

111■1111=1151111.1.1

"What happens if a client who's talking to me on Skype suddenly starts becoming really distressed or suicidal?"

Martin Pollecoff, psychotherapist

sort of comeback is there if things go wrong? Here in the UK, therapists aren't licensed—anyone can put up a sign and start seeing clients.

"Moving onto the internet could make it even more difficult to ensure that you're getting someone who's properly trained," says Nisha Makan, policy and campaigns officer of the mental-health charity Mind.

"But there are undoubtedly benefits. The anonymity it offers means that people who are very shy or who have 'shame issues' such as sexual problems, or many men who are depressed or anxious, will find it easier to get help."

Others, however, fear that the anonymity could backfire.

"What happens if a client who's talking to me on Skype suddenly starts becoming really distressed or suicidal, and he's on the other side of the country or even in a different country?" asks psychotherapist

ORDE EL

-4 symbolism and hidden meaning, many appeared unaware of the messages they were broadcasting.

It seems the move off the couch will be a learning experience for both sides of the therapeutic encounter—as Joanna Bawa, an advocate of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), explains.

"Old-style psychotherapy, where you recline on a couch, sometimes silent for a long time, is a very unstructured process. A leisurely rummage around in the subconscious has become unsustainable in an age of evidence-based medicine. It's very difficult to assess its benefits. CBT, which involves changing the beliefs you have about negative feelings, is increasingly being used, and it's a much more systematic approach.

There's good evidence not only that it's effective but also that it can be successfully delivered online with just a computer program."

Bawa believes greater use of the internet will tailor therapy to people's needs.

"Some do better with seeing someone on Skype; some obviously prefer just exchanging messages; for others, telephone support may be better," she says.

There will be a bigger choice of therapists and, increasingly, you'll be able to "try before you buy". The fact that sites such as Mootu seem like computer dating is no accident. Expect to see some of the other features we've come to expect from online shopping and social networking, such as a wider range of choices, ability to compare products, and even some sort of punter rating system.

A long-running worry about therapy in general has been regulation. How well is a therapist qualified, and what

Martin Pollecoff. He says he appreciates Skype as a valuable tool, but insists on a face-to-face meeting first to gather basic information. "I have a lot of City clients who are cash-rich and time-poor. They can't come in regularly and are often away travelling. Skype is a marvellous way of letting us stay in touch."

Any new technology generates new

opportunities and new fears. Perhaps the fears are greater in therapy because its basic structure—two people in a room seeking understanding—has not changed in a century. What's certain is that its transformation by the web has only just begun. The interne has long been a place where elements of therapy are taken to

new heights, such as role playing and multiple identities.

Writing in the popular science magazine Scientific American recently, psychology professor Robert Epstein points out that among the 90 million people who inhabit the online virtual world Second Life, there are at least two real-life psychotherapists who, in their imagined avatar form, are treating other people's avatars in digital consulting rooms. Along with artificial-intelligence software powering robots who provide non-human support for autistic children, this is the sci-fi world that the virtual couch could be heading towards.

Even Woody Allen's Sleeper never envisioned anything like that. ■

EE RKIASCHUL /CATERSNEWS; ALISTAIR LAMING/ALAMY

NATURAL WONDERS/ Orchids are among the oldest plant families, dating back to the dinosaurs. Their long history—and the fact that they rely on insects for pollination—has made them masters of deception. Lots of orchids give off false scents: in a few cases, the smell of rotting flesh to suggest

a tasty meal; in others, the scent of female pheromones to lure in frisky male insects. Some go even further—the bee orchid (above) looks so much like a female bee that males are tricked into attempting to mate with it. There are also orchids that resemble caterpillars and frogs: both potential food for insects.

The aim is always the same—smear the

poor dupes with pollen, which will hopefully be transported to another plant.

But while these miracles of evolution are easy to explain, others are less so. The most amazing example is the so-called monkey orchid (left) from Ecuador and Peru, which bears an uncanny resemblance to a tiny primate. We're pretty sure they're not pollinated by monkeys, though, so it must be considered a spooky coincidence...

SEPTEMBER 2 012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 55

There's no need to head off to exotic destinations for spectacular wildlife=.• there are plenty of places here in the UK, even in the depths of our inner t . cities. And now is the perfect time to go looking ►

BY LOLA BORG

-

-

-

BOTTLENOSE DOLPHINS Cardigan Bay, Wales According to marine charity Sea Watch, Cardigan Bay is the most reliable stretch of water in the UK to see bottlenose dolphins— that's the cute, common type with the smiley face.

There's a semi-resident pod of just under 300— the largest in the UK—and numbers swell in summer with visiting dolphins that use the waters as a safe calving area.

"You don't have to go abroad to see whales, dolphins and porpoises," says Danielle Gibas, sightings officer from Sea Watch. "We have an amazing diversity of species around the UK." The best time to see them is when conditions are fine and calm—look for splashes as they break the water to leap.

Use binoculars or take a boat, but use a registered vessel that follows the Marine Code of Conduct (visit seawatchfoundation. org.uk). Dolphins are protected in the UK—it's illegal to touch or feed them, or swim too close.

Also try Chanonry Point, Scotland; Cornwall; and the Isle of Man 58

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

The majestic sea eagle in full flight—a big draw for tourists

SEA EAGLES

Isle of Mull White-tailed or sea eagles are the really huge birds of prey known as the "flying barn door" because of their whopping size and square wingspan (nine feet).

Persecuted to extinction

PETER CAIRNS/2020VISION/NATUREPL.COM

in mainland UK, in Mull they've successfully bred over the last 40 years.

"These birds have a magnetic pulling power," says James Reynolds of RSPB Scotland, and they add an estimated £5m to the local economy. At the

end of the summer, white-tailed eagles are still roosting with their large, fledged young, and can sometimes be seen teaching them to hunt.

"But people don't realise that birds of prey are inherently lazy," says

Reynolds. "Once they've eaten, they can kick back, relax and sit on a post all day."

Also try other parts of western Scotland, including the Isle of Skye, Wester Ross, Gairloch and Loch Maree

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

59

GREY SEAL PUPS Farne Islands, Northumberland Grey seals give birth—or "pup"—over late summer and early autumn, starting further south in the Scilly Isles and Cornwall in August, then moving northwards later. We have two types of seal in the UK, the grey and the common, and half the world's population of both are

BADGERS Slad Valley, Cotswolds The one thing that surprises people about badgers? Their size. They can easily match a big corgi, but with shorter legs. With badgers, as with all wildlife, it's about the next meal—in their case, this means worms, which is why they prefer rich, moist soil. As a result, they can be found more or less all over the

UK, but the unspoiled Slad Valley (the setting for Cider With Rosie) is about as good as it gets.

That said, seeing a badger isn't a breeze. Shy and nocturnal, they rarely appear the first night you go badgering. "The public tend to leap to the conclusion that all they have to do is find a badger hole," says Jack Reedy of The Badger Trust. "But if they catch your scent, they simply won't come out." Badgers have pin-sharp hearing and an acute sense of smell, and The Badger Trust gives tips in order to see them (don't wear perfume, stand downwind, etc). But persevere and you may see a family of up to five, with half-grown cubs, rolling near the sett. The location of badger setts isn't made public as badgers are hunted illegally.

To find out about watching badgers and for local groups, go to badger.org.uk r

AR KINSON/NATU RE PLCO

around the British coast.

Awkwardly, grey seals tend to pup in coves below cliffs (difficult places to gawk at), but at the Farne Islands there are boats to see them lolling about with their babies, weather permitting. Baby grey seals are tiny, impossibly sweet and balloon-shaped. Their mothers' milk is rocket-high in calories, so they acquire their layer of blubber quickly and can double their weight in a week.

Also try South Wales; the Western Isles of Scotland; and Blakeney Point in Norfolk

w cc O

A grey seal pup looking as though it's had one too many

04r

'GEBROKER/FLPA

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

61

RED DEER RED KITES Around the M40 Wildlife forums are full of postings from bewildered motorists who can't quite believe what they're seeing— some 10-20 red kites wheeling overhead. Huge and graceful, as early as Shakespearean times kites were regarded as vermin, becoming almost extinct in the early part of the century.

A doddle to identify, with distinctive red-brown plumage, a fan-shaped tail and a distinctive mewing cry rather like an upset cat, they can been seen all over the Chilterns. On still, warm nights, they circle high in the air in large family groups. Far more entertaining than a Little Chef stop.

Also try central Wales and central Scotland. At Argaty, Perthshire, there's a red-kite viewing scheme (argatyredkites.co.uk) 62

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

Dunkery Beacon, Exmoor, Somerset In late summer we're getting into red-deer season. "They're not rutting yet," says Matthew Oates of the National Trust. "But some of them are thinking about it, and they get worked up." Cue much male grunting and posturing.

The rutting season starts this month, and involves the largest stag of the herd defending his place for his "harem" of hinds against pesky young male upstarts. Most of this argy-bargy takes place at dawn and dusk. Of course, there are loads of places to see them in the UK, but Dunkery Beacon, the highest point on Exmoor, is an excellent vantage point.

Also try the Scottish highlands such as Galloway Forest Park; Suffolk heathland; the Lake District; and Richmond Park, London HELEN OLIVE/REDKITES.NET

red deer makes his presence felt (best to avoid those antlers)

Inner cities BUTTERFLIES Love them or hate them, foxes are now as Your back garden much a part of urban life as annoying No need to hang about in broadleaf forests neighbours. For inner-city children, they're in August and September—these are prime the one wild mammal they're guaranteed months for garden butterflies. You also get to see, if only fleetingly. to see the gaudy, showy, high-end glamour Some estimated 30,000 foxes live in ones: the painted lady (which makes it our cities, one third of those in London way from southern Europe); the iconic red alone, and each has a territory stretching over some 80 gardens. The best chance of admiral; the small tortoiseshell; and the comma (because that's what the white seeing one is on city streets or waste ground (country foxes are much more markings on its underside resemble). shy). Just after dark is the best—at this "It's all about nectar for butterflies at this time of year, the young teenagers are time of year," says Adrian Thomas of the exploring their local manor (pretty much RSPB. So certain plants will lure them into as human teenagers do) and your space—late buddleias, verbena European screaming and yelping, too. bonariensis, dahlias, michaelmas import: the painted Life can be grim for daisies and ivy blossom. lady butterfly them, though—mostly Look on the RSPB website killed on our roads, under Homes for Wildlife very few urban foxes (rspb/hfw) for Adrian's tips make it past their on how to attract wildlife second birthday. to your garden 64

LEAPING SALMON River Bann, Northern Ireland Of course, we all know salmon jump, but seeing it for yourself is something entirely different. "The salmon has travelled thousands of miles from Greenland to be in this spot, and you're witnessing one moment in its momentous journey," says Nick Fisher, journalist and co-author of The River Cottage Fish Book (£20). "A salmon can navigate better than any satnay. And they've been doing it for millions of years."

The River Bann runs nearly 40 miles in Northern Ireland, and now's the time to spot salmon hurling themselves upstream. They jump, says Nick, whether water levels are high or low. "If low they'll jump out of frustration, and if high they jump with excitement." Any weir is always a good bet as they stop to get their bearings. All you do is stand and watch in amazement.

MIKEPOTTS/NATU REPLCO M

Also try the north and west of the UK. In Scotland, the Perthshire waterfalls, Pitlochry, and the River Spey are prime locations. At Ettrick Weir on the River Ettrick, there's also a webcam (salmonviewingcentre.com) ■

With thanks to: Matthew Oates of the National Trust; The Wildlife Trust; Adrian Thomas, RSPB; James Reynolds, RSPB Scotland; Paul Yoxon, International Otter Survival Fund; Nick Fisher, journalist and author of River Cottage Fish Book and River Cottage Sea Fishing; Wendy Necar and Danielle Gibas, Sea Watch Foundation; The London Wildfowl & Wetland Trust; and Jack Reedy, The Badger Trust.

If you have a favourite animal or wildlife spot, we'd love to hear about it. Send us an email—with a picture if possible—to theeditorcpreaders digest.co.uk

NEXT MONTH: STATELY HOMES SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 65

Tolkien 'bout a revolution How J R R and his merry band of hobbits changed our world

BY DANNY SCOTT THIS MONTH MARKS THE 75TH BIRTHDAY OF THE HOBB/T—just 36 years short of Bilbo Baggins' fabled eleventy-first birthday! The anniversary will, of course, be celebrated by Tolkien fans all over the world, and will culminate in the release of the first of director Peter Jackson's three £320m Hobbit films at Christmas. It's a remarkable achievement for a book that was written for the literature professor's personal amusement and sneerily dismissed by many of his Oxford University colleagues.

With total sales of his novels estimated at around 300 million, Tolkien remains a publishing powerhouse, but his influence stretches far beyond the world of books.

From music to green politics, he's had a surprisingly broad impact on our lives...

66 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

THE GODFATHER OF FILM EPICS Most experts agree that the movie blockbuster was born with Jaws in 1975. But Tom Craig, senior lecturer in film at Derby University, argues that Tolkien's books pre-empted most modern blockbuster conventions years before they made it to the big screen.

"Concepts like an emphasis on action, set-piece battles, variety of locations and clearly defined heroes/villains still provide the principal structure of such films," says Craig.

George Lucas, the man behind Star Wars, has said Tolkien was an influence.

"Both stories feature an evil overlord, a saviour and a ■

.

universe in peril," explains Craig. "But what Lucas and Tolkien also share is a depth of detail and mythology. Most cinema is very superficial, but Lucas created intricate worlds with their own language, customs and history. I'm not sure he'd have done that without Tolkien."

ROCKING ALL OVER MIDDLE-EARTH

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Led Zeppelin's Tolkien-inspired runes to pay artistic homage to Tolkien. In 1968, they approached director Stanley Kubrick with the idea for a film version of The Lord of the Rings. But Tolkien wasn't keen on Fab Four Hobbits, and killed it.

The lads were lined up for the roles of Gandalf, Frodo, Samwise and Gollum...but can you guess which Beatle was linked to

Geddy Lee (right), lead singer of Rush, and Tolkien fan -1/07,4v

GETTYIMAGES; RADI ITZ

Though originally published in the mid1950s, the success of the Rings trilogy built slowly through the 1960s. By 1968, sales of The Lord of the Rings had reached three million, and its mixture of magic and morality appealed to the pot-smoking rockers of the Summer of Love. Tolkien references soon appeared in songs by the likes of Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath and Uriah Heep.

The Canadian band Rush even wrote a song called "Rivendell". "Back then, almost every young musician I met was reading The Lord of the Rings," remembers lead singer Geddy Lee. "A lot of us were hippies and believed we were going to change the world. We wanted peace and love, an end to the Vietnam war. No wonder we found solace in a place of beauty like Rivendell."

Even The Beatles wanted

•■■

ELVISH TAKES ON ENGLISH "Having an effect on an entire language is an awful lot to ask of any writer," says Peter Gilliver, an associate editor of the Oxford English Dictionary and co-author of

The Ring of Words: Tolkien and the Oxford English Dictionary. "But I've counted 44 words or meanings of words on the OED

which character? Answers at the bottom of the page.* Tolkien's influence on music remains strong today, with hundreds of artists having recorded Middle-earth-themed tunes. They include everyone from numerous mythology-obsessed metal bands to Annie Lennox, who sings two songs on the 2003 Return of the King film soundtrack.

In 1968, the Beatles talked to Stanley Kubrick about making a film version of The Lord of the Rings

database for which Tolkien is given as the first authority. One of the most obvious ones is 'hobbit'. If you describe someone as 'hobbit-like', people know what you mean. There was a semantic gap for that type of person, and Tolkien filled it."

"Elf" is another example of Tolkien's philological influence. "Not that many years ago, an elf was a rather twee creature that lived at the bottom of your garden, but Tolkien changed all that, and we now think of them as being a bit like humans, but higher, nobler."

Other words and phrases Tolkien

DAVE MYERS, HAIRY BIKER TV CHEF "I first read The Hobbit when I was about 15, that strange age betwixt boy, man and, well, hobbit.

It was more than a book to me—I lived it!

"MY Brought up near the Lake District, BEDROOM Grizedale Forest became my Mirkwood.

TURNED I turned my bedroom into a HobbitINTO A hole, and I even took to smoking a HOBBITchurchwarden pipe—though, try as I HOLE" might, I never could blow a smoke ring.

Obviously, I could identify with the hobbits... having several meals a day and spending lots of time sleeping. Oh, and my feet were hairy! Even when I went to art school, I still wore red Kickers and green velvet cord trousers. The book so fired my imagination that I began The Lord of the Rings with almost religious reverence. I never finished it. Maybe my passion stayed at home...in Hobbiton." » The Hairy Bikers: Larger Than Live tour starts this month. See hairybikers.com

3SIMNVS :001,118 '3 -1VONVO :302i030 'OGOdd :111Vd 'wn-noo :NHO1

69

invented include "sunshy", "orc", "overweight", "tree-people" and "slagmound". "He was famously obsessive about language," says Gilliver. "I'm sure it would put a smile on his face to know that all these words are still being used."

Tolkien also, of course, had a huge impact on literature. "There were fantasy novels before him, but nothing that reached that global success," says Waterstones spokesman Jon Howells. "He transformed the genre from something that occupied dark corners in bookshops into big business. The Hobbit's soldout first publishing run of 1,500 copies was considered a success. Last year, George R R Martin's A Dance With Dragons sold 298,000 copies...in one day!"

FAN MALE ALICE COOPER, ROCK LEGEND "Of course I read the books...loved 'em! However, if I'm being totally honest, I've always been an orc sympathiser. Even when I was a kid, I was always drawn to the bad guys.

"I'VE Which is probably why I ended ACTUALLY up singing songs like 'Killer' and HIRED A MOB 'Street Fight'.

OF ORCS FOR MY UK "Granted, the orcs' personal TOUR" hygiene wasn't always great, and some of their eating habits left a little to be desired, but I still feel they got a raw PR deal. Plus, you gotta admit that, if you were in a war with full-on, hand-to-claw combat, you'd want them on your side.

"To show my support for them, I've actually hired a murderous mob of orcs for my UK tour this year. Well, you might call them orcs—we call them the road crew." » Alice Cooper's Halloween Night of Fear III nationwide tour starts on October 24

about Tolkien, he certainly believed in local governance and, as a devout Catholic, he would also have been aware of the faith's David Cameron's notion that local groups social teaching—the importance of craft, and communities, not politicians, should guilds and class collaboration; take control of community the value of community and affairs and good causes is an The Sh ire localised, family-run businesses. idea that Tolkien would have The Shire seems to operate by been very familiar with, says seems to doing things at the most basic Alison Milbank, associate operat e by and local level possible. And the professor of literature and doing things Rings trilogy concludes with theology at the University of Nottingham, and author at the most different races and different classes banding together for the of Chesterton and Tolkien basic a nd as Theologians. common good—which in their local I evel "From what we know case was the defeat of tyranny."

BILBO'S BIG SOCIETY

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Tolkien's original 1937 cover for The Hobbit

NATURE BOY There was no such thing as "green politics" when Tolkien began creating Middle-earth in the 1930s.

But his vision of a bucolic, pre-industrial world— where giant trees fought back against the evils of mankind—provided impetus and ammunition

for the nascent environmental movement of the 1960s.

"The Lord of the Rings

has industrial overtones, and what shines

FAN FEMALE: FEMALE: SHELAGH FOGARTY, BBC RADIO 5 LIVE PRESENTER "The Hobbit was the first prize I got at grammar school, and I still

"BILBO FACES ALL KINDS OF CHALLENGES. DON'T WE ALL!"

have that book. The certificate glued to the inside front page says, 'Awarded to Shelagh for consistent effort' I received it at the school's annual prize-giving at Liverpool's Philharmonic Hall, and the sense of occasion meant the book has always felt like something special to me.

"As a child, the story was just a great adventure full of fantasy characters and scary imaginary worlds. I read it again quite recently, and it had a whole new meaning. Bilbo leaves / home to find treasure and faces all kinds of challenges. Don't we all! The choices he has to make, and the characters that i help or hinder him, chime with the myriad people any of us come across in life. I loved it all over again."

ilik

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 71

through in the travels of Bilbo, Gandalf and the dwarves in The Hobbit is Tolkien's affinity with the British landscape," says Tim Atkinson, network developer at Friends of the Earth.

"His world is full of creatures that cherish nature, from the elves' connection to their woodland home, to Bilbo's adventures through aweinspiring scenery.

"The Hobbit certainly played its part in inspiring my environmental action.

It's everyday heroism like Bilbo's that we encounter in people finding their voice for the first time by supporting wind farms or opposing airport expansion."

FAN MALE: DANIEL SLOSS, COMEDIAN "When I was a kid, being a nerd was a big problem.

If you played Warhammer and read sci-fi books, you had to be careful about who "WHEN you told, or your classmates could I WAS A make your life a living hell.

KID, BEING "All that changed in 2001, when A NERD WAS A BIG I was 11, with the release of the first PROBLEM" Lord of the Rings film. I thought, Hang on...wizards, dwarves and magic?

This is a nerd's film. Afterwards,

Thanks to Shaun Gunner and The Tolkien Society for their help with this feature.

Visit tolkiensociety.org

Just recently, Edvard Munch's "The Scream", one of four he produced, sold for £74m, making it the most expensive painting ever sold.

I must say, 72

I went up to a couple of cool kids in PE and said, 'Have you seen The Lord of the Rings?', fully expecting to get punched in the face. But no! To my surprise, everyone loved it! Tolkien undoubtedly changed the lives of millions of people like me. For the first time in my life, I could say, 'I'm proud to be a nerd.' " • » Daniel is on tour from October 15. See danielsloss.com

it looked familiar. Then I realised I'd been living with my own version in a pine cupboard door—and that had cost less than £10!

Submitted ti

by Jan Johnstone, Telford, 1 Shropshire

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2 012

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21227985 06/12

'114 IanHunter ...MY GRANDMOTHER. My very first memory is of being taken for a walk by my dad's mum Peggy [with baby Ian, left]. I remember it so vividly because she caught a bird; she plucked this creature from mid-air and put it in her pocket.

I was desperate to see the bird but, as soon as she took her hand out of her pocket, it flew away.

I suppose you'd call Peggy a character. She was married four times and into anything theatrical. She was a poet, too, and had stuff published in the local paper. Her house in Hamilton, Scotland, was always full of people, and there were instruments everywhere—guitar, piano, accordion.

Neither of my parents were the least bit musical, so I guess I must have got those genes from her. ...MY FATHER, WALTER WALKER PATTERSON. My dad (left) had been quite a wild kid. He worked on fairgrounds up and down the country—that's how he met my mother—and a lot of his mates thought he was a Communist. By the time the Second World War started, he'd joined the Scots Guards, and his whole world view changed. Luckily, he survived the war and became a sergeant in the police force.

For him, life was about doing as you were told, looking smart and getting a decent job. You can imagine what happened when I was 15 and suddenly discovered rock'n'roll.

I wanted to grease back my hair and listen to Jerry Lee Lewis, but Dad was having none of it! He (Bottom left) thought that kind of music was for slobs. with mum Freda in Ayr, Scotland,1942

...LIVING WITH MY AUNT NETTIE. During the war, my mum was away t■ 2010 FUTURE PUBLISHING/GETTY IMAGES

The golden age of rock'n'roll?

Mott the Hoople's Ian Hunter is still playing today, aged 73

working in Glasgow, so my dad's sister looked after me in this tiny, two-room flat in Hamilton. What made living with Nettie so much fun was my uncle Willie. He was a shy wee fella—very good at sneaking around. Every night, he'd creep towards the front door, hoping to get down the pub for a pint. I'd shout, "Nettie! Willie's going to the pub."

She'd run in and say, "And where do you think you're goin'?"

He'd reply, "Oot." She'd say, "Where oot?"

He'd give me a wink and say, "Just oot." ...WRITING MY FIRST SONG. After the war ended, the family moved back down to Shropshire—I'd been born in Oswestry, but me and my mum had been sent up to Scotland to avoid the bombs.

Dad was posted to various police stations in Shropshire, which meant I went to lots of different schools. Academically, I wasn't

76 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

great, although I was good at English and music. When I was 11, I wrote my first song.

Sadly I've lost it, and can't remember what it was about, but it was called "The Floods Roll On". My teacher at the time was incensed because he thought I'd nicked it from a book. In a way, his anger was a backhanded compliment. ...GOING TO BUTLINS IN PWLLHELI FOR A FAMILY HOLIDAY, AGED 16.

From the neighbouring chalet, I could hear the sound of guitars. I knocked on the door and there were these two guys, Colin York and Colin Broom, both from Northampton. I played a bit of guitar by then—my uncle Jack had given me one, but my dad wouldn't even let me keep it in the house (I had to stash it in the garden shed!). So I asked if I Ian (right) could join them. We sang with Colins "Blue Moon" and won the York (left) Butlins talent contest! and Broom

David Bowie and Mark Bolan could pull off the glitter, but wejust looked like a

PICTOR IALPRESS LTD/ALAMY

My life changed that day.

They asked me to move to Northampton to join their band The Apex Group. We played local clubs, but also did a season in Great Yarmouth with Charlie Chester. Every night, he went back to the hotel with two of his dancing girls and we thought, Now that's showbiz! ...DISCOVERING THE SECRETS OF A ROCK 'N' ROLL MARRIAGE. Making a living as a musician wasn't easy. I got married [to Diane Coles] in the early 1960s and had two kids; it was a very hand-tomouth existence. In 1967, I moved to London. You look back now and it seems like this wild, exciting time, but I was working at a factory in Archway, playing pubs at the weekends and struggling to make ends meet. Swinging London wasn't really swinging for me!

There was a lot of pressure on us both, and sadly the marriage didn't last. Rock marriages can be hard. Somehow, me and

my present wife Trudi have managed to last for 40 years. The secret?

Loyalty and respect. We grew into each other, and became a unit. ...JOINING MOTT THE HOOPLE. By 1969, I was beginning to wonder whether it would ever happen for me. I'd played in all sorts of bands, done odd jobs to make ends meet...but never seemed to get a break. Then I got asked to audition for a band who my mate described as "a bit weird"—that was Mott the Hoople! After all the hippy rubbish, we decided we'd have a flashy stage show, and that coincided with the start of the whole glam-rock thing in the early 1970s. Some of the guys back then—David Bowie and Marc Bolan—could pull off the glitter, but we just looked like a bunch of bricklayers in drag! ...MOVING TO THE US IN 1975.

Because I grew up with rock'n'roll, America had always been this magical place to 0SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

77

...MEETING BOB DYLAN IN THE LATE 1970S. Apparently, Bob rated me as a songwriter, so I got invited to this big showbiz party thrown by his record company. Being told that Dylan likes your songs is...well, he's the guv'nor! I felt 78

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

incredibly proud that he even knew who I was.

Meeting your heroes can be strange, but Bob never lets you down.

He's a genius and an enigma—a man of few words. I guess when you've written as much great music as he has, you don't need to say much else.

With his mate Mick Ronson (right) in happier times and (below) with wife Trudi

...LOSING MY FRIEND, MICK RONSON. Mick played with David Bowie in the Spiders from Mars, but he briefly joined Mott the Hoople and we ended up working together many times before his death in 1993. He wasn't just a band mate, he was my mate. Our wives and kids were mates.

He knew he had cancer about two years before he died, and it was a horrible 1

MIC HAEL PUTLAND/ RETNA UK/ RETNA LTD. USA

me. Mott the Hoople had some success in the States so, after we split up, I decided to move there. Me and Trudi lived in upstate New York, on Manhattan's Lower East Side, and then settled in rural Connecticut. When you're young, you enjoy the buzz of a city, but there comes a time when you think, "F**k that! I don't need the hassle." I look out of my window and I see blue skies, horses and lots of green. When I breathe, it feels like real oxygen, not pollution. It's like Surrey, but a lot bigger and a damn sight cheaper!

time. He was just 46 and had so much life ahead of him...and then that happens. But Mick was amazingly positive. He'd come back from the hospital and say, "There are seven-year-old kids with it. What right do I have to complain?" Miss him? 'Course I do. ...GETTING A VOICEMAIL MESSAGE FROM A BEATLE. In 2001, I come home, play the answer machine and I hear, "Hello, Ian. It's Ringo." He wanted me to join his All-Starr Band for a tour of the US. When a Beatle asks you to join forces, you just say yes! He was completely down to earth and would talk about anything. I once asked about the Beatles and drugs, and he told me what it was like on the heavy stuff. It didn't sound very nice!

Fortunately, I've never been one for drugs. I've dabbled—and certainly drank plenty of beer in the 1960s and 70s—but I never had that addictive personality. For all the problems me and my dad had, it

was probably his disciplined attitude to life that saved me. If ever I was going off the rails, I'd hear his voice in my ear saying, "Everything in moderation, son." It kept me on the straight and narrow...sort of! ...FINISHING MY LATEST RECORD. I was 73 this year and it's my 20th album...

Jesus! I thought I'd maybe get four or five years at most, then go back to a regular day job. I did walk away from music back in the 80s and it felt awful. I missed it: it's my life. When I first heard Jerry Lee Lewis and Elvis, everything made sense. It gave me a reason to be here. It gave me a personality. I suppose I'll have to stop one day, but it's not really down to me, is it?

The music keeps coming...and I have to keep getting it out there! • As told to Danny Scott » Ian's new album When I'm President is out on September 3. He tours in October.

DO SCIENCE - FICTION SCENARIOS EVER COME TRUE? In some cases, yes.

H G Wells himself would have been fascinated by one case 80 years ago involving midges, which strongly resembled his story "The Country of the Blind".

Of course, most people who encounter dense clouds of midges end up with red blobs on their skin.

But this

took a far more uestions that midges had sinister turn in the laid eggs inside from Mexican village of these lumps. history Tiltepac in 1931—a answered, Fortunately, Dr Max Weihmann . part 3 surgeons removed discovered that the eggs and sight thousands of children was restored—a happier were going blind before scenario than in Wells' the end of their first year story (he had all the blind of life. It was a complete dominated by a tyrant). mystery—until Still, in a way, the tiny Weihmann found midge was a worse horror that they all in real life, thoroughly had swellings disproving the notion that on their small is beautiful. heads, and Stephen Wade

PHYSICAL THEATRE COMPANY, ST MARY'S UNIVERSITY COLLEGE, TWICKENHAM

79

THE MAVERICK "IT'S OUR DUTY TO HAVE DESIGNER BABIES" Genetic selection to determine how our children look, think and act isn't recklessly playing God, argues Professor Julian Savulescu.

It's a gift to future generations If you were having a baby, would you prefer a boy or a girl? How about a child who's cold and unemotional or

warm and empathetic? Intelligent or average? Musically gifted or tone deaf? Extroverted or introverted? Kind or selfish?

We're in the middle of a genetic revolution. We now know that most psychological characteristics are significantly determined by certain genes, and it's quickly becoming possible to test for more and more of these genes in embryos. Potentially, if couples—such as those going through IVFwanted to determine several aspects of their child's personality and talents, they could.

Fancy a child who's likely to be altruistic? Then look for a version of the COMT gene. Want them to be faithful and enjoy stable relationships? Avoid a variant of AVPRIA. Steer clear of a certain type of the MAOA gene, too—it's linked to higher levels of violence in children who often suffer abuse or deprivation.

Screening embryos like this is illegal at present, ►

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POLLY BOX

Thinking differently!

)TO-ILLUSTRATION BY ALEXANDER KENT

81

4 but isn't rational design something we should welcome? If we have the power to intervene in the nature of our offspring—rather than consigning them to the natural lottery—then we should.

Surely trying to ensure that your children have the best, or a good enough, opportunity for a great life is responsible parenting?

Some people believe that babies are a gift, of God or nature, and that we shouldn't mess with their genetic makeup. But most of us already implicitly reject this view. We're routinely screening embryos and foetuses for conditions such as cystic fibrosis and Down's syndrome, and there's little public outcry. What's more, few people protested at the decisions in the mid2000s to allow couples to test embryos for inherited bowel and breast cancer genes, and this pushes us a lot closer to creating designer humans. Children with these genes are healthy. They don't develop cancer until later in life and it's often preventable.

A critical question to ask when considering whether to screen for some gene is: will it benefit the unborn child? It may not be entirely clear-cut as to whether it's better to be lazy or hardworking, say, or monogamous or polygamous. But there are certain

capacities that are good to have no matter what one wants to do in life— an excellent memory, for instance, or greater empathy with other people.

A hot temper can land you in prison and destroy a life forever. If it were possible to genetically select good impulse control, we should do so.

Much of the unease about designer babies comes from the work of the 20th-century eugenics movement.

It tried to use selective breeding to weed out criminals, the insane and the poor, based on the false belief that such conditions were caused only by genetic disorders. It reached its inglorious climax when the Nazis moved beyond sterilisation to exterminate the "genetically unfit".

But what was especially objectionable about this movement was the coercive imposition of a state vision for a healthy population. Modern eugenics, from testing for diseases to deciding whether you want a girl or boy, is voluntary. So where genetic selection aims to bring out a trait that clearly benefits an individual and society, we should allow parents the choice. To do otherwise is to consign those who come after us to the ball and chain of our squeamishness and irrationality.

Indeed, when it comes to screening out personality flaws, such as potential

"The future of humanity is in our hands now. Rather than fearing genetics, we should embrace it"

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alcoholism, psychopathy and disposi- within the next five years we may be able to screen for every gene that tions to violence, you could argue that determines who we are physipeople have a moral obligation cally and psychologically. to select ethically better chilWhether we like it Qr not, dren. They are, after all, less the future of humanity is likely to harm themselves • Join the and others. That doesn't debate at fa cebook.com/ in our hands now Rather readersd igestuk or than fearing genetics, we necessarily imply that peorea dersietters should embrace it. We can ple should be coerced into a reade rsdigest. do better than chance. • making a choice, but we co.uk should encourage them. >> Julian Savulescu is Uehiro The announcement this summer of the very first whole-genome Professor in practical ethics at sequencing of a foetus means that Oxford University.

WELL, The acting appearance of the singer Rhianna (below) as a hard-bitten sailor in this year's action film "Battleship" probably annoyed some professional thespians, but it's part of a long tradition of frankly weird casting decisions:

David Bowie in The Last Temptation of Christ We're guessing that Pontius Pilate didn't look (or sound) like the Seventies glam legend, but this ten-minute cameo still overshadows everything else in Martin Scorsese's controversial film.

Sean Connery in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves The real Richard the Lionheart only spoke French dialects.

Connery's version speaks English—in a Scottish accent.

(Richard was also portrayed in the 1935 movie The Crusades, which contained the dialogue, "You gotta save Christianity, Richard! You gotta!")

Spike Milligan in Life Bruce Springsteen in High of Brian Filming in Fidelity A fantasy sequence Tunisia, the Monty Python involving The Boss singing a gang found out that song about exMilligan was visiting nearby WWII battlefields.

• girlfriends was put in the script He can be seen as a to impress the disciple in just one scene studio. But, to everyone's (he ran off before anything surprise, he agreed to do it. else could be shot).

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

83

What if the doomsayers are right about the potential for blackouts across Britain?

We asked writer Andy Hamilton to see if he could live without power for a week...

Unrest in the Middle East,

dwindling gas and petrol resources, ageing electrical infrastructure causing a 33 per cent rise in supply failures last year...it's no wonder that Ofgem, the UK's energy regulator, has warned of possible domestic power cuts in the next decade.

There were electricity blackouts in the 1970s and people got by, of course, but I was in flared Babygros at the time. So how would a 21st-century man like me— living in a suburban Bristol terraced house—cope with no email, no car, no mobile and no microwave? I decided to take up the RD challenge and go without gas or electricity, or anything that relies on petrol, for seven days to see if I could adapt.

84

PHOTOGRAPHED

BY SAM FROST

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Day One

1.15PM More cold meat for lunch. I need

8AM I wake half an hour later than usual

something better to cook from than a kettle, so I nip next door and beg them for their barbecue. I have to refuse the offer of tea and an extension lead.

I spend the afternoon working. I'm writing a book, but I'm having to use notebooks and a pen rather than the PC. Still, it takes my mind off food.

—no mobile-phone alarm to rouse me.

Usually, I'd flick on Chris Evans, put the kettle on for some tea, the gas on for my porridge and slowly ease myself into the day. Today, my tea is made with hot water I "banked" in a Thermos before turning the power off at midnight, and I'm eating leftover chicken.

I seem to recall that cold meat was a traditional breakfast before the fry-up.

But without the internet, finding out would mean walking to the library and leafing through numerous books, and I'm not doing that in this rain.

10.30AM It's taken all morning to wash

and shave. I tried to use the rest of the flask's contents, but they were woefully inadequate. And I couldn't build a fire to boil water because my lawn clings to the side of a near-vertical hill, and most of the rest of the garden is decking. So I had to use my Kelly Kettle—a container that sits on a metal bowl, which you fill with wood, then set alight. It took ages. I also singed my decking, and I already need more wood. First, though, I have to cycle to a local farm to buy vegetables.

12PM I've spent an hour collecting

sticks and making myself another cup of tea (which is OK to drink, by the way— I know most is flown over from the Indian subcontinent, but it can be grown in Cornwall, and I cycled there once).

Yet sitting on the patio watching the clouds, I realise I'm very relaxed. Normally, a cuppa is half drunk before I rush back to the computer. This tea I'm sipping slowly. I've earned it.

86

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

9.20PM I'm writing this by candlelight

(homemade from beeswax; shop ones often contain petrol). It took three hours to cook a jacket spud on the barbecue.

The candlelight is good, though—my girlfriend Emma (who's returned home from her publishing job) and I play backgammon, then sit chatting for ages. The evening is one of those simple little times that are often so memorable.

Emma is off to stay with her family tomorrow. She's four months pregnant, and asking a hormonal woman to give up life's essentials for a week wasn't an easy sell.

Day Two 8.15AM Every Wednesday, I cook a fried

breakfast for a group of friends—a bunch of writers, artists, cameramen and academics—and we go for a walk. It's a chance to bounce ideas off each other. I was up at 7am to get the barbecue going, then cycled two miles to the butcher. No fridge means I'm relying on fresh meat.

When my friends arrive, I manage to rustle up sausages, bacon, black pudding, toast, mushrooms and boiled eggs.

5PM Our hike took us 15 miles from my

house around the edges of ring roads and across fields, but it had to start and end

8.30PM I'm out collecting more wood.

The dog walkers I see are all very polite and do their best to ignore me. I was concerned by a few funny looks yesterday, but I'm caring less and less. My needs are greater than my embarrassment.

9PM Bedtime—already. But it's dark and,

to be honest, I'm exhausted.

THE HOUSE IS A STATE-TWIGS ALL OVER THE FLOOR, HALF-DEFROSTED FREEZER, THE FRIDGE STINKING at my door to avoid using transport.

During the walk, I bought more (local) food from a large greengrocer's. I refused the cashier's offers of a plastic bag (also made with petrol), but I could feel the queue watching me as I wrapped parsnips in newspaper, stuffed apples in my pockets and put the rest of the food in with the twigs sticking out of my rucksack.

Normally, after the hike I slob out in front of the TV. Tonight, I've nothing to do but contemplate the fact that my wood supplies are getting drenched by the rain.

Dinner cheers me up a bit—it's baked carrots and a chop!

6PM I miss texting, particularly Emma.

The baby might start kicking soon, and I want to hear Emma's reaction when it does. We've been together ten years, and in that time I don't think we've gone more than a day or two without contact.

Day Three 8.30AM I wake up feeling like I'm in

someone else's house. There's normally some noise—from hot water in the pipes to the whirr of the fan in my computer— but now there's just a strange silence.

But I still feel very chilled, more than I have in a long time. Usually, I'm always composing texts in my head or talking on the phone. A break is sheer bliss. Being self-employed makes you feel you need to be contactable all the time. Maybe I don't. The world will carry on.

12.30PM It's raining again. Trying to light

wet wood is like trying to put on socks that are just too small for you—it looks promising but, ultimately, it's impossible.

I'd like to grill some fish, but I'm stuck with salad. I move the wood inside to dry it out. The house is a state—twigs all over the floor, half-defrosted freezer, the fridge stinking. But I go out and chance upon some Japanese knotweed. This hated garden invader is, in fact, great stuff that burns quickly, even when wet. I'll soon get the barbecue going.

3PM My mate Marco has just "popped

round". He's the third person to do this.

It never happens normally, and it's great.

It reminds me of 15 years ago before ► SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 87

• we all had mobiles and used to just call for each other. Marco sees the freezer wide open, piles of branches in the living room, washing-up piled in the sink and muddy footprints all over the carpets. "It looks like you're having a breakdown," he says. "Well, no. A divorce!"

I know what he means. Despite having more time to think, the constant battle to do even simple things in all this rain is starting to make me feel a bit low.

4PM (I THINK) I've been taking off my

motion-winding watch too much, so it's stopped working. I hunt for something to tell me the time, but realise that everything I have with a clock is electric: radio, burglar alarm, oven, TV, MP3 player. But I can stand at the back of my house and look through binoculars at the church clock. I just hope it's right.

10PM Found myself staring at the gas

ring this evening. Today has been tough.

But as I get ready to go to sleep, I notice Bristol's lights from my bedroom window. The view is breathtaking— so bright and glittery. I normally take it for granted.

Day Four 6.40AM Grey clouds above, but the

barometer hints at better weather. This changes my mood completely—I start singing to myself and dancing round the house. But I've three work meetings today, so I need to boil water to make sure I'm presentable.

9.15AM Next door came round. I've seen a lot more of Matthew in the last few days. Like me, he works from 88

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2 012

home, as an e-commerce adviser. We've only lived here for six months, so my mad experiment's really forging neighbourly bonds.

3PM A fairly bright sky now, but two of

my three appointments were no-shows.

I don't know what happened to them, because I don't have my phone. It seems that we've got so used to reconfirming using email or text that people just can't turn up on time.

I even rushed to one of the meetings realising that I was running late. Normally, I'd text in advance and take my time—a rude habit I've got myself into. The final meeting probably only happened because it was at someone's house.

6PM Another friend pops by. I tell him

that it feels like all I do is collect wood.

Despite the park and 40-acre wooded graveyard, we'd be doomed to cold food pretty quickly if there were power cuts in our area—there just aren't enough trees to go round. Fences would soon go and furniture, too, probably.

9.30PM I need to get to a literary festival

in Cowbridge in Wales in two days to give a talk about my new book Booze for Free. I'll have to set off by bike early tomorrow—it's 77 miles away. I asked on the hike if anyone wanted to join me, and my friend Sarah Eagle has just turned up.

"I've wanted to do a ride like this for years," she says.

With all my friends rallying round, the Dunkirk spirit is in the air. I'm so grateful for the company—a bike ride is always better with two. If there were fuel

\lit

E DEVELOPED A HABIT OF ETTING UP AND GOING TO BED WITH THE SUN. IT " FEELS MORE IN TUNE WITH MY NATURAL RHYTHM

shortages, it might bring people closer together. Building a fire is so much effort that I'm sure we'd all rather cook on one big one than ten little ones.

Day Five 6.10AM I'm daunted at the prospect of the long journey to Wales, but the sun is out and soon Sarah and I are cheering with delight as we whizz through the traffic and out into the countryside.

The Severn Bridge is shut to cars today, so the roar of the M4 is replaced by birdsong and the footsteps of a jogger as we make our way across. For communities to work, people need regular contact, and cars, which whisk you from your front door to work and create noisy barriers across streets, prevent that.

9PM We reach Cowbridge and set up camp in some woods. I can't say the journey was easy, and our spirits sagged at times. But a train or car journey would have meant whizzing through the landscape and looking at it through glass.

Instead, we really felt part of it.

Day Six 1PM Although I spent the night with an

insect that was intent on biting me in as many places as possible, the talk went well. It ended up being partly about this challenge. Everyone was very interested in how I'd survived. I felt a bit heroic.

The cycle home takes until lOpm. It's knackering, but still very satisfying.

Day Seven 7.06AM I've developed a habit of getting up and going to bed with the sun. It feels more in tune with my natural rhythm, and makes me really refreshed and alive.

It's also been nice to sit in the garden for hours and just "be".

I'm really missing music today—just putting the radio on. And I've been spending so much energy doing mundane things that I'm tired now. But there's a smelly elephant in the room—in the shape of all of my dirty clothes. The kitchen and the carpets also need cleaning before Emma gets back. I'm going to start a fire and boil water. ■ SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 89

II 1.30PM Scrubbed the clothes clean by

hand. It was very much like hard work, and the water is black with dirt. I can see why washing machines were so loved when they first appeared.

5.50PM The kitchen is gleaming, and I

even managed to sweep the carpets with a stiff brush—taking ten times longer than my Dyson would have.

But I've worked out that I only spent about £20 this week—an amount I can easily spend in a day. I think I've lost weight and got fitter, too, and I have a nice tan. It feels like I've had a really good holiday, albeit an activity holiday!

9.30PM Emma is home. We're playing

backgammon by candlelight and chatting again. It's lovely to have her back.

12.03AM Just turned the power back on.

The hall lights beamed into my face and I immediately switched them off again.

They just seemed so bright—my eyes aren't used to it. Going off to bed, Emma and I still use candles. I'm not ready to rejoin the modern world just yet.

THE ULTIMATE

What happened next...

I had 80 emails waiting for me the next day and the phone didn't stop ringing. I felt stressed immediately. But turning the hot tap on was marvellous—so much so that I kept washing up anything that came anywhere near the sink.

On reflection, I missed the radio but not the television—a month later, it's still off most of the time. I enjoyed working with a pen and paper, too. In fact, I did much more writing during the week, despite all my other tasks, without emails or Facebook to put me off. Technology can help our lives, but it can also enslave us. So I'm still using pen and paper, and I turn off the internet at 6pm.

What I learned most of all, though, was how good it was to have all my friends around; the way adversity creates camaraderie. A Britain plagued by blackouts would be tough. There'd be big adjustments, like having to rely on local food sources—and I don't know what we'd all do for wood. But for a little while, at least, it might be a happier place. ■

CONTENT

Inspired by our 100-Word Story competition, reader Derry Jones has upped the ante and tackled a new format—the ten-word story..

"Moses? Mount Sinai? Ten stones, unbroken. Sign up here, squire" Guilty. Out in the rain. Where to stay? Heartbreak Hotel.

"Bond. James Bond." "The usual? Fish 'n' chips to takeaway?"

Garden. Dreaming. Girl, snake, apple. Got kicked out. Bad news!

Wrote for years, no joy, then Imagined Harry Potter. Wow! Want to have a go? Email your very short story to excerpts@readersdigest 90

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

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DRIVIN PECIA Pack a picnic and fire up the engine! We bring you some of Britain's most beautiful drives, plus expert advice on how to navigate them safely

DRIVE ONE: FOLLOW IN THE OOTSTEPS OF WORDSWORTH LE

More than 150 years ago, William Wordsworth would walk from his home in the country into Ambleside. If he made the same journey today, it would bring him few surprises. The little town still features grey-stone Victorian villas on the banks of Lake Windermere and older cottages huddled

Blencathra together 66 DRIVE TWO: AT HOME ON THE BROADS on the hillside.

Keswick Climb 1,500ft Aira to the Kirkstone Pass, the highest • °Glenridding in the Lake Thatched churches, busy villages District, past and waterways—all under seemingly Glenridding on the enormous skies—feature on this journey shore of Ullswater, around the Norfolk Broads, the network and on to Aira *Grasmere of shallow lakes created from flooded Force, a spectacular Amblesidei medieval peat diggings. woodland waterfall The little flint and red-tiled town of close to the spot that Aylsham has been a royal manor since inspired Wordsworth's before the Norman conquest, and its "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud". mainly Georgian marketplace is home to Follow the A66 to Keswick, passing the Black Boys Inn, in whose assembly below the overhanging, rocky brow of room Lord Nelson once danced.

2,848ft Blencathra, and stop off at the Follow the A140 to Lamas, which has 3,500-year-old Castlerigg stone circle. a beautiful wooden mill house and the Pass through Keswick and follow the lake shore route around Thirlmere.

Descend the A591 into Grasmere, which Wordsworth described as "the loveliest spot that man hath ever found". Just outside the village is Dove Cottage, where he spent many years as a young man— it's now a museum and art gallery. Take in the stunning Rydal Water, just off the road, before heading back to Ambleside.

EXPERT TOP TIPS Nicholas Daines Hollywood stuntman who's appeared in three Harry Potter films, Clash of the Titans and Batman Begins

When filming car chases, I make cars skid and swing by pulling the handbrake. But

I stay in control of a skid by steering away from it. This creates traction and stops the back of the car swinging out too much. It helps concentration if you look in the direction you want to go.

94

MAPS BY ACUTE GRAPHICS

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Old Quaker Chapel, final • Aylsham 1 MILE resting place of Black Beauty's author Anna Sewell.

All) • Lamas Continue to Coltishall, on S Potter the River Bure, where cabin ,Coltishal I Heigham cruisers moor in front of elegant A7062 18th-century houses and antique THE Spixworth shops. Nearby Potter Heigham J BROADS Ranworth is a thriving holiday resort and • Aviation boating centre with a medieval Museum ••••\ bridge and the thatched St 'Ade Nicholas church.

Cross increasingly fen-like terrain to Acle, then Reedham, which has a delightful river frontage with two pubs and a railway line that takes you to Berney Arms, a remote village in the middle of Halvergate marshes, inaccessible by road.

• Reedham Ranworth has a nature reserve that supports a wide variety of birds, including common terns and great crested grebes. For flight of a less bucolic kind, take the B1140 to Spixworth, where the City of Norwich Aviation Museum's aircraft collection includes a massive Vulcan bomber. b'

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DRIVE THREE: WHERE THE SE MEETS THE SKY

Even by Scottish standards, Gairloch has a stunning setting. The sea loch, warmed by the Gulf Stream, stretches away to a horizon punctuated by the darker shapes of Skye and Lewis. Behind the town, the rock-and-lake country of Wester Ross rolls up to the domes of the Torridons, dotted with the ruins of crofts abandoned during the Highland clearances.

EXPERT TOP TIPS Andy Smith AA Patrol of the Year, 2012 Driving through floodwater isn't worth the risk. Even an egg cup's worth of water in an engine cylinder can stop it compressing properly, breaking the pistons and connecting rods. If there's no alternative but to go through the water, apply the handbrake as you drive slowly out of the flood and keep it on for 100 yards. This creates heat to dry the brake linings and ensure they don't stick.

96 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2 012

The A832 takes you through the brooding pines of Slattadale Forest, all the way to the shores of Loch Maree.

Across the water lie a group of more than 50 islands, including Isle Maree, where you'll see the remains of a chapel built by the seventh-century Saint Maelrubha.

Head back to Gairloch, then up the A832 towards Poolewe, through a landscape of moorland and scattered stone. Half a mile beyond Poolewe is Inverewe Garden, where the area's microclimate allows the cultivation of sub-tropical flowers.

Do one more U-turn and follow the A832 and B8056 towards the coastal village of Redpoint. You'll pass Badachro, the model of a remote west-coast Scottish settlement, with its small harbour and peat cuttings. The road also climbs to a lay-by with more wonderful views across to the Western Isles.

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EXPERT TOP TIPS Vicki Butler-Henderson Racing driver, presenter of the Discovery Channel's Fifth Gear and author of 100 Sexir,,' r Racing drivers feel their car and the track conditions through their hands—both of them. So if Lewis Hamilton can keep both his paws on the wheel for the best part of a two-hour Fl race, so should you.

In a car park, use a space that has a pillar or wall on one side. This halves the risk of your car being hit or scratched by the vehicle next to you

Richard McCann Racer, collector and restorer of classic cars, and columnist for MoneyMaker magazine An egg cracked into a leaking radiator will get you home. The heat will cook the egg and the pressure in the radiator will force the white into the hole. A pressure flush will clear out the mess later.

Gill Balshaw Head of instructor training at the AA Driving School Ensure you're the correct distance behind the car in front by picking a point ahead of you, such as a bridge. When that car goes under it, say, "Only a fool breaks the two-second rule." If you finish the phrase before you reach the bridge, you're fine.

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Green Flag patrolmen Make sure your tyres are cool when you check their pressure. Warm air inside (which can be caused by just three miles of motorway driving) will give a pressure reading that's way too high.

Fill your oil to just below the maximum mark on the dip stick. Overfilling can make the engine smoke, causing damage and obscuring other motorists' view.

• Modern antifreeze mixtures combine antifreeze and coolant, so it's just as important to top up in the summer to stop your engine overheating.

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 97

EXPERT TOP TIPS Tiff Needell Racing driver and TV presenter.

His biography Tiff Gear (£19.99) is out now My best tip to keep drivers out of trouble is to focus on the one thing they're supposed to be doing —driving. Racing drivers survive on 100 per cent concentration. When things go wrong, they're thinking about nothing but minimising the effect. When they crash, there's no "shock" because they're constantly expecting the unexpected Hands-free phones, operating radios and looking at passing scenery all take your brain somewhere else. So keep your hands on the wheel, your eyes on the road, and concentrate.

Garry Sowerby Four-time longdistance driving world-record holder and author of Sowerby's Road: Adventures of a Driven Mind (£11.99) If you think you're tired, you are. Pull over, have a power snooze, do some roadside jumping jacks, stretch or look at the stars. And always pack an egg sandwich—the smell will keep you awake.

98

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

ki* 4A4116A4A44A,4*-4—tit A 4 DRIVE FOUR: THE MOUNTAIN SEAT OF GIANTS OWDON

Snowdonia is a realm of rock, raging river and tide. This route amply demonstrates its timeless appeal.

Just outside the slate-grey but stylish town of Dolgellau, on the B4416, the awe-inspiring sight of the Afon Clywedog river thundering down a deep wooded gorge sets the tone for your journey.

The A487 then leads you across a mountain pass and onto the B4405, where a waymarked track leads to a beautiful woodland torrent at the base of the precipitous Cadair Idrismountain home of a mythical giant.

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Peter James Best-selling crime author and racing driver. His new book Not Dead Yet (£18.99) is out this month A police-pursuit driving instructor taught me the Vanishing Point technique when I was researching a novel. During a cross-country chase, officers have to drive very quickly along unfamiliar country roads, trying to judge the best speed for approaching bends. But when a road bounded by hedgerows curves, there's a point where the two hedges appear to intersect. So the police drivers keep an eye on it. If it keeps getting further and further away as they approach, they'll get around the bend at their current speed. If it's not moving, they brake until it does.

EXPERT TOP TIPS Andrew Weltch Motorsports enthusiast and PR consultant (weitchmedia.com) One of the best rush-hour cars is an old but cute one.

You probably won't be waved out of a side road if you're in a pricey coupe or boring hatchback, but you'll have more luck in a VW Beetle or Morris Minor. I know this because people always let me out when I'm in my rare (and dinky) Nissan Pao! Stuck in mud? Let some air out of the driving tyres.

This increases their contact area with the ground, giving you more grip. Put the air back in afterwards, though!

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As you drive towards Llanegryn, Craig yr Aderyn (Birds' Rock) is an unmistakable landmark—a dizzyingly high inland cliff surrounded by wheeling cormorants.

Beyond Llwyngwril, the road climbs over a headland to reveal the great sweep of Cardigan Bay. It then drops to the coast at Friog before sweeping inland to follow the Mawddach valley.

Stay on the A493 and turn left at the T-junction with the A470, just past Penmaenpool. Take the A496 towards Barmouth until you reach the Fiddler's Elbow picnic area. A steep footpath leads to RSPB-managed forest and heathland, a haven for butterflies and birds that's carpeted with bluebells in spring.

Drive back towards Dolgellau, taking in the ruins of the 12th-century Cymer Abbey and old Mawddach bridge (closed to traffic). 00 SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

99

EXPERT TOP TIPS

DRIVE FIVE: CLINGING TO THE EDGE OF A CLIFF

Lisa Kelly American lorry driver and star of History channel reality series Ice Road Truckers (Season 5 is out now on DVD) If there's ice on the roads, keep in control by driving as if there's an egg under the pedals that you must not break. Increase your braking distance by at least double and pull away gently to minimise wheel spin.

Mike Frisby Chief examiner at the Driving Instructors Association Save fuel by reversing into parking spaces.

Manoeuvring a car out of the space with a cold engine is less fuel efficient than driving straight out. Most drivers could save 10 per cent of their fuel bills by making small changes like this, or taking unnecessary items out of their boot, or not accelerating or braking too hard.

Jamie Boggs Environmental and road-safety manager for energy firm Mark Group Close your windows and switch on the air con when driving at more than 55mph. At speed, the interior of your car acts like a windsock, reducing fuel efficiency by 20 per cent. The air con cuts efficiency by just ten per cent. * Keeping your car washed and waxed improves aerodynamics. US engineer Tom Wagner Jr reported a seven per cent improvement in fuel economy during a 1,600-mile road trip in his clean truck.

• Switch off your engine when stuck in traffic. For every hour your car is idling, it's using the same amount of fuel it takes to go three and a half miles.

• It's a myth that a modern car needs to warm up before you set off. Put on your seat belt and sort out the radio before switching on the ignition. The less time with the engine on, the better.

100 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

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Rocky coves, steep drops to the ocean, windswept moors and a rich literary past characterise this route around the north Devon coast.

The wild hamlet of Lynton is your starting point. Perched high above the sea, it attracted the romantic poets Wordsworth, Shelley and Coleridge, 200 years ago. It then became a Victorian seaside resort, and the cliff railway is still in use.

From there, take the 83234 down to Lynmouth, whose picturesque harbour and thatched cottages belie its tragic past—an infamous 1952 flood killed 34 people. Climb the A391,000 feet to the top of Countisbury Hill and on to County Gate, for superb views across Exmoor.

Further on, just over the Somerset border, you'll find Oare. The 15thcentury church was the "setting" for the shooting of R D Blackmore's Lorna Doone during her wedding ceremony lb' COLIN BAIN/ALAMY

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When braking counts. www.continental-tyres.co.uk

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Valley of

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EXPERT TOP TIPS

Lynmouth Rocks Countisbury Martinhoe.4r,,,, Lynton • • • A39 Hunter's Oare Inn • Parracombe

4-1 9 Diane Hall. Driving instructor and

author of L of a way 2 Pass (£11.95, lofaway2pass.com) If you're upset or angry, ask yourself, "Am I focusing more on how I'm feeling than the road?" If so, pull over and use the Thought Field Therapy technique. Firstly, think of what's upset you.

Then, tap two fingers five or six times on the bony bit under your eye socket, then about four inches below your armpit, then on your collarbone. Repeat for two minutes.

This is used to help troops returning from Afghanistan cope with post-traumatic stress disorder.

(Blackmore's grandfather was church rector).

Continue along the wooded East Lyn river valley. Stop at Parracombe and visit St Petrock's Church, its Georgian interior almost unchanged for two centuries.

Continue to Combe Martin, where the Pack o' Cards inn has 52 windows, arranged over four storeys, each with 13 doors. Turn right back towards Lynton, along narrow, tortuous and very steep lanes. After two miles, turn left to Hunter's Inn, a lodge set in the Heddon Valley—one of the deepest in England.

Wind past Martinhoe, along a series of hairpin bends, through woods high above the sea and on to the Valley of Rocks, whose extraordinary jagged formations were created during the most recent Ice Age. Beyond the car park, the road returns to Lynton. • » All these drives he can be most found in amazing The Most scenic Amazing journeys Scenic in Journeys Britain in Britain (Reader's Digest), available at readersdigest.co.uk/shop

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 103

HOW TO... BY LINDA GRAY

1,001 THINGS Welcome to the pages that help make life simpler, easier and—we hope—more fun!

How to TO LOVE OPERA 104 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

OVERBLOWN, OVER-PRICED, AND NOT OVER TILL THE FAT LADY SINGS. It's a perception of opera that's outdated and wrong, says Alexandra Wilson, author of Opera: A Beginner's Guide (£9.99). "Opera is about love, death, jealousy and power—aspects

ENODES IG N TE A

The Magic Flute: great for opera beginners

-J

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z 17cc

of life everyone can relate to," she says.

Today, operas are performed in pubs as well as opera houses, and audiences are as likely to wear jeans as evening dress. As for fat ladies, the modern prima donna is typically a size 12, who can convincingly die of consumption or simulate sex while trilling a top C. As opera brings together drama, spectacle and soaring voices, there's no substitute for the live experience. No musical knowledge is required, but it's worth knowing the plot so you're not glued to the surtitles, and buying decent seats so you can see the singers' faces.

You'll also need to book tickets well in advance because there are only a few performances in a run. "Opera is harder on the voice than a musical because the singers aren't miked," says Wilson. If you miss out, you can see live opera at cinemas from £15. And if music alone is enough, just switch on Radio 3.

But what are the best operas for novices? Alexandra Wilson recommends...

• The Magic Flute by Mozart. Pantomime meets fairytale at the English National Opera in London from September 13, tickets from £12.

• La Boheme by Puccini. Who hasn't been young, poor and in love? This one has universal appeal and big tunes, too. Welsh National Opera, Cardiff, from September 8, tickets from £5.

• Rigoletto by Verdi.

You'll have to go to the Teatro La Fenice in Venice to see the dramatic revenge tragedy this month, from £56. Or buy WWII PAMIR! 611111FRCVA the DVD starring Pavarotti for just £15.

How to FORCE FLOWERS FOR CHRISTMAS IT'S TIME TO GET GOING if you want a few crocuses, hyacinths or paper-whites to scent the air on Christmas Day. For foolproof results, buy prepared bulbs and plant them in wetted bulb fibre so the tips just show.

Then take them to a shed or garage and cover with black plastic sacks. "Most bulbs need 10-15 weeks in the cold to flower well so they think it's winter. When you bring them into the warm, above 15C, they'll quickly bloom because they think spring has arrived," explains garden writer Sarah Raven, author of Sarah

Raven's Complete Christmas (sarahraven.com).

Keep the fibre moist until the shoots are about two inches high, then move them to a cool site indoors.

Once the buds appear, bring them into the warm (but away from radiators and direct sun) and they'll burst into life.

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 105

1,001 THINGS

How to USE THE fil

THE TEMPERATURE'S RISING—at least in the kitchen. Four out of ten of us reach for chilli or hot sauce once a week, and 10% daily, according to research

by Walkers. And there are plenty of home-grown spices to give meals a kick.

• Mustard can be searing, so opt for a wholegrain mix of brown and yellow seeds in vinegar if you find powder too hot—try it with stir-fried cabbage and green-bean salad, says Guy Tullberg of Tracklements, the first UK company to make wholegrain. He also adds it to stews, dumplings and cheese sauce.

• Horseradish is mixed with water and vinegar or mayo

and cream to suit your taste. Serve it with beetroot or mackerel as well as beef, and try a dollop in pasta.

• Chilli is easy to grow on a windowsill. Habaneros come high on the pungency charts, but jalapenos are tamer, averaging a mere 5,000 heat units; both are excellent in salsa with grilled meats. Use bird's eye (Thai) chilli in stews and sauces, and serve chilli jam —a Tracklements bestseller—with chicken, grilled halloumi and monkfish.

GIVE FOR CHILDREN IN HOSPITAL! instead of the charity number, which Donate your clothes and help our heroes! must be shown on an ID badge.

Profits. "Ltd" means it's a business, out You'd need a heart of stone to resist, but often the only cause that's helped to make money. when we chuck a pound in the collecting Cold calls. Responding to phone or email bucket or leave out cast-offs is organised requests for donations could empty your crime. According to the National Fraud bank account if it's a scam. Check the Office, real charities are losing £1.3bn a name with the Charity Commission year to cons, so it's vital to watch out (0845 300 0218, charity-commission. for these scams.

TAO; gov.uk) and if it's reputable, get Soundalikes. Air Ambulance in touch direct.

Recycling and Children's Bogus bags. There are seven Support Society are unknown scams involving charity bags to the Charity Commission alone, according to Trading but have names only a whisker Standards. Many bags are away from genuine UK charities. simply swiped, so use recycling Just as confusing are feel-good banks or take your rejects to titles (Island of Hope) and those charity shops. claiming to be "in support of" Er, dunno. Can-rattlers and a genuine cause. chuggers must provide details Wrong numbers. Rogues often of the cause they represent. use VAT or company registrations If they can't, don't give.

106 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2 012

ISTOCKPHOTO

How to SPOT A FAKE CHARITY

GODDARD AUTOMOTIVE/AL AM Y

How to PASS THE NEW MOT

DRAT, ITS FAILED. THAT'S £40 TO FIND FOR A RETEST, PLUS THE COST OF REPAIRS—as increasing numbers of motorists are discovering. Almost a million more cars are failing the MOT than in 2010, and getting them through is costing owners twice what it did, say Halfords.

The figure is set to rise, because the test is getting harder. Since January, new rules apply. Doors that don't close smoothly, a driver's seat that can't adjust fully, and a missing catalytic converter are all now reasons to fail. And we're about to be hit with more, which will affect the electronic gizmos you may (wrongly) think of as extras. At the time of going to press these new regulations were still advisory, but they're expected to come into force any moment, so be warned. As a rule of thumb, any safety feature your car had when new should be in full working order if it's to pass the test.

Unless you can tick the boxes for effective dashboard warning lights, ESC (electronic stability control), power-steering fluid, electronic park brake and headlight-levelling devices, the car will fail.

But don't neglect the obvious. Almost one in five cars fail because a light's not working, one in ten because the handbrake's sloppy, and one in 12 because the tyres are worn or the pressure is wrong. So check your car over before you take it in, because a DIY MOT costs nothing. 0SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 107

1,001 THINGS

WHAT YOUR RESTAURANT OWNER WON'T TELL YOU

How to COPE WITH OPEN-PLAN

AT LEAST YOU'RE SURE OF A SEAT, but sometimes there's little

more space in the office than on your commute. Keen to cut costs, companies are cramming more staff into less space, say property consultants DTZ. And with just eight square metres each including corridors, even City bankers are squeezed.

"Overcrowding often leads to aggressive behaviour," says Anne Simpson of Loretto Training, an expert in office survival, so try these ways to regain control.

Pretend you're in Starbucks It's just as noisy and crowded, but for many it's an office substitute. So grab a coffee, log on and feel positive, wherever you work.

Sit down to talk to stop your voice carrying. "Seeing people makes it easier to hear them," says Simpson.

Use a headset or wear headphones. They send out a "do not disturb" message.

Go out for lunch "Smelly food is a major cause of complaint," says Simpson.

Find a phone buddy A reciprocal agreement to answer a colleague's phone can make life easier for both of you.

Otherwise, let calls go to voicemail.

Leave on time Don't feel awkward when others are still working. "Many think that being seen will guarantee their future," says Simpson. "But businesses focus on results."

108 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

SOURCE: THE ART OF THE RESTAURATEUR (E24.95) BY NICHOLAS LANDER, RESTAURANT CRITIC AND FORMER OWNER OF L'ESCAR GOT IN LONDON

• Fun is more important than a Michelin star.

Great chefs don't necessarily make great restaurants because going out to eat is all about having a good time. The atmosphere needs to be vibrant and welcoming—if it's downbeat, the experience will be as well, however good your meal. « I make property prices rise. If you want to see where the next hot spot will be, look for a restaurant opening in a down-at-heel place. The police love it because it's occupied for 20 hours a day, and if it takes off, an unsafe area soon becomes a tourist magnet • I can fit you in after 9pm. It's often easier to get a table late rather than early, especially on weekdays. People increasingly like to eat by 7pm and finish by 9pm, so they can get a good night's sleep before their breakfast meeting the next day.

The best test of a restaurant's cooking is... its soup. If that's good, chances are the rest will be, too. And look for a short menu that changes weekly or daily, with plenty of seasonal produce. It shows that food is fresh —and freshly cooked.

Wine by the glass isn't naff. I offer decent wines by the glass because I make just as much selling it that way. But I can't afford to offer the full range because wine goes off when opened and I'd be left with half-empty bottles.

'Skip the side.

At £4 or more for a saucer of spinach or a few chips, the price can add up to as much as the main course. Save your money for pudding.

• And the sushi.

Japanese food is expensive, so if you're on a budget,

try nimoni instead.

These home-cooked taster dishes are lovely and a quarter of the price.

• A table is for a meal, not all night. If you're not eating, I'm not earning, so I aim to have three sittings a night: pre-, during, and post-theatre.

But you should always be warned about timings so it doesn't come as an unpleasant surprise.

• Be nice to receptionists.

They don't just tick your name off the list and take your coat. They can fit you in if you arrive early or late, offer you a drink if you're kept waiting, and find a table if we're fully

booked, because there's always a cancellation.

• Regulars are the true stars. They're more valuable to me than the celebs who come to the launch or the big spenders who turn up once a year.

If you want to become one, order a quick bar lunch and introduce yourself to the manager. Say you live or work locally and establish a rapport so we remember you when you ring to make a reservation.

• Pour the wine yourself.

Waiters replenish your glass because I make more money on wine than on food. If you think I'm being greedy, check out wine-searcher.com, which shows the sale price for wines worldwide.

• Cancelling's fine, but no-shows are outrageous. It's the worst thing you can do to a restaurant, leaving me with an empty table and a hole in my profits.

Too many can put me out of business, so please pick up the phone. ■

109

MEDICINE WITH MAX PEMBERTON

ALL IN GOOD TIME As a doctor I have, simply speaking, three courses of action available when faced with sick patients: surgery, medication or wait and see.

For the junior doctor there's also the fourth option of hiding in the toilets, but the nurses quickly become wise to this one.

Waiting to see if the problem spontaneously resolves itself, or can be managed with lifestyle changes, is not always popular with patients. Understandably, Many of the they'd rather something tablets we was done. Similarly, doctors like to feel they're dish out cause consultant explained that, for doing something to justify many of these patients, it as many all those years of studying. would have been better if their But the fact is that, doctor had just waited to see if problems as sometimes, waiting to see things resolved themselves, they solve what happens can be the rather than prescribing pills. best course of action.

This was vividly illustrated by one lady I remember my first ward round as a who, about a year earlier, had gone to her junior doctor working in geriatric medicine. doctor because she was having trouble At nearly every patient's bed, the sleeping. She was in her eighties, in good consultant took out his pen and crossed health and had never taken regular off the medication they'd been taking prior medication. Little did she know how this to admission. I thought he must be mad. would change over the next 12 months Surely doctors prescribed drugs, not following that one appointment. stopped them? But I came to realise that The GP prescribed a sedative to help many of the tablets we dish out cause her sleep. The side effects included urinary as many problems as they solve. The incontinence, constipation and blurred vision. Many times over the next few months, she returned to her doctor Max Pemberton is a hospital doctor, and the Mind Journalist of the Year 2010 complaining of these symptoms. So she 110 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

PETERDAZEL EY/ PHOTOG RAPHERSCHOI CE/G ETTY IM AGES

Sometimes the best thing to do is ditch the pills and wait and see

ILLUSTRATED BY DAVID HUMPHRI ES/ MONSTER

was prescribed two types of laxative, a drug to help her urinary problems and drops for her eyes. One morning, while over-sedated from the initial sleeping pill, she fell and fractured her hip. After it was fixed, she was given medication to strengthen her bones, which caused her heartburn—for which she was given more drugs.

From one simple complaint, she ended up on seven medicines!

The consultant reviewed the story, took his pen and crossed off every tablet. "If you can't sleep, listen to the World Service. It's a lot safer," he said.

See MAX PEMBERTON in action answering some of your health questions at readersdigest. co.uk/magazine

ANTIDEPRESSANTS WHAT DO THEY DO? They treat depression and other mental illnesses. But remember that while antidepressants can treat the symptoms of depression, they can't change the circumstances that might be underlying a person's low mood.

HOW DO THEY WORK? They change the amount of chemicals called neurotransmitters, including serotonin and norepinephrine, in the brain. These chemicals are partly responsible for making us feel happy.

There are several types of antidepressants that work in slightly different ways. SSRIs (serotonin-selective reuptake inhibitors) are the most commonly prescribed type.

WHO TAKES THEM? Those diagnosed with depression. They're also used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. Some antidepressants, such as

amitriptyline, are used in low doses to manage chronic pain.

HOW DO YOU TAKE THEM? The time can be important.

Some pills, such as mirtazapine, can make you very sleepy—indeed they're often used to help people with depression get to sleep.

It's important that they're taken at night. Antidepressants can take up to six weeks to work, and you shouldn't suddenly stop taking them.

SIDE EFFECTS? They include dry mouth, nausea and dizziness. These usually improve as the body gets used to the new medication. Men sometimes complain of sexual side effects such as impotence.

COMMON TYPES Citalopram, fluoxetine, paroxetine (SSRIs); venlafaxine (an SNRI—serotoninnorepinephrine reuptake inhibitor). ■ NEXT MONTH: painkillers

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 111

▪

WITH SUSANNAH HICKLING

FOREVER YOUNG How to keep healthy through the years? Try these tips from the experts

"Say yes": former surgeon, Roger Allsopp Roger Allsopp, 71, retired breast surgeon and the world's oldest Channel swimmer.

Being a doctor you get a ringside seat to see the strategies and lifestyle patterns that work and those that don't. So much illness and suffering is preventable.

Bad habits acquired early can have devastating effects on quality of life later.

My father was overweight and developed Type 2 diabetes, almost completely losing his sight. It's not a path I wish to follow, so I eat sensibly and take plenty of exercise.

I do a 25-minute workout every morning, concentrating on stretches to keep a full range of movement for as many joints as possible, along with core-muscle exercises such as sit-ups and press-ups. I also believe in the power of Healthspan's Super Strength Omega 3 to oil joints.

I cycle, swim, walk, play the occasional game of golf, and try to say yes rather than no to new things and ideas, as long as 112

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

they're not too immoral, expensive or illegal! It's also better to look forward than waste time with reminiscences.

Dr Chris Steele, 67, doctor on ITV's This Morning.

I'd offer just six simple tips: don't smoke; drink moderately; avoid being overweight; walk for 30 minutes a day every day, come rain or shine; always have breakfast; and eat three meals a day—no snacking!

CC Dr Thomas Stuttaford, 81, retired GP and D I— LU former medical columnist for The Times. < < I believe a keen interest in family, LL z X Z local and national affairs, and ce 0 ' moderation in nearly every as 5 aspect of life help me stay active 0 and healthy. I'd recommend six to eight z hours' sleep, keeping blood pressure and w VI . tfl UJ cholesterol down, and having all the D a O regular routine checks you can. > Ann Walker, 67, medical herbalist ± u and nutritionist.

Many of my patients need to eat < LLJ more fruit, veg and oily fish. Low ILT, intakes increase inflammation LL 0 —I and the risk of a range of ailments. For > LL/ myself, good diet and exercise, with the CC w use of herbs as appropriate, nip health D 0 41 0 problems in the bud.

The suicide rate in men aged 45-74 has PUTTING been creeping up in recent years, and now middle-aged men are more likely to THE MEN themselves than younger guys.

IN MENTAL killBut there are plenty of ways to treat HEALTH male depression, if only men could be persuaded to seek help. The advice is clear. If you're feeling down, tell your GP. The solution may be simple. It's not just women's moods that are affected by hormonal fluctuations; men's are, too. Easily treated conditions such as low levels of testosterone or an underactive thyroid can both lead to depression. So can poor diet, drinking too much or not getting enough exercise. But these can be easily treated.

It's doubly worth getting drug treatment, therapy or counselling if you need it, because according to a new study published this summer, the first of its kind, depression in middle age is associated with dementia in later years...

• More on men's health from the Men's Health Forum at malehealth.co.uk

UNEXPECTED WAYS

ISTOCKPHOTO; ITANISTOCK/ALAMY

TO CURE HICCUPS 1. Cover your ears. The theory is that even a stray hair touching your eardrum might trigger hiccups, so covering nerve endings could help.

2 Suck on a lemon wedge soaked in non-alcoholic bitters. In one study this cured 14 out of 16 sufferers.

3. Keep it sweet. Eat a teaspoon of sugar or honey, or a tablespoon of peanut butter.

4111111e°

The sticky sweetness might change the rhythm of your breathing and bring some relief.

4. Breathe into a paper bag.

It increases the CO2 in your system, which could stop those pesky spasms.

5. Down a glass of warm water in one. The warmth could soothe the diaphragm, which contracts when you have hiccups.

THE MAGIC NUMBER )-i wo tes.

41,eirM *ITT ist**7 That's the number of 80g portions of fruit and veg we need to eat daily to stay healthy.

(By the way, the Japanese are expected to munch 13 portions of veg and four of fruit every day!)

Yet according to a recent survey from the Health Food Manufacturers' Association, 20% of women and 25% of men don't know what the Government's 5-a-day campaign stands for. Eight per cent of those surveyed thought you could count foods like tomato ketchup, Terry's Chocolate Orange or strawberry ice cream!

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

113

HEALTH just a warehouse for energy supplies. They are intimately involved in sophisticated signalling to the brain, muscle and other body tissues via a family of chemical/ hormonal messengers. These various pathways represent a complex regulatory system that controls body-fat stores and appetite.

DOCTOR, CTOR

The fat cell is an amazingly efficient energy store. If you take in more energy (ie, eat more calories) than you need, your body keeps the excess for use later. It has two main mechanisms for doing this. One is to store some calories as glycogen, a form of glucose, in the muscles and liver. The other is to store the extra calories as fat (after the glycogen stores are full). Each pound of fat equals an impressive 3.500 calories. So if you are 50Ibs overweight, you have around 175,000 calories available to "spend". This would provide enough energy for 20 days of nonstop walking.

But some fascinating scientific studies over the past two decades show that fat cells are more than

This is important from a practical standpoint. I say to my patients that if feel hungry, they don't need to eat. This remark is often met with a look of incredulity. One patient said to me recently, "But if I don't eat, where am I going to get all the energy I need to survive?"

I pointed out that on a conservative estimate he had around 250,000 stored calories for whatever energy-demanding tasks he had in mind; missing the occasional meal would be unlikely to result in lasting damage. I'm not advocating this as a method of dieting— absolutely not—but merely to illustrate that people seem not to see fat as an energy store to be used up—but that's exactly what it is.

Dr David Ashton of Healthier Weight

UK BLUUD TYPES Inc Olympics are likely to have left Britain's blood A+ 35% 07°„

stocks at a low level, as people have been distracted 0+ 37% from donating. But now's your chance to help top stocks up. As shown here, 0+ is the most common UK blood type, but did you know that 0- is the most precious because it can be given to anyone? • AB+ 7% 8% B- AB+ ABa 2% 3% 1% SOURCE: NATIONAL BLOOD SERVICE

114

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PHARMACEUTICALS.

BEAUTY WITH ALICE HART-DAVIS

GLAD TO BE GREY Throw out your Spanx! Ageing gracefully looks set to become "normal" again all going to look like in the not-tooBrowsing through a cosmetics-industry distant future—such as the trend for report on future trends (I'm afraid I peruse male make-up, which she flagged up this sort of thing for fun), I came across years ago—are often spot on. something that stopped me in my tracks.

So if she says "old" will "'Cool to Be Old' will be an be "cool"—well, is it so important trend," it impossible? We've been announced. "Young is fixated with youth since special, which is why the 1950s, so it's time the old want to for a change. I can't be young. But it's be the only person changing—there will fed up with seeing be a time when a the "fixed" faces woman of 55 will of celebs, and have no problem wondering if they looking her age." really think the Wow. There's a Botoxed-to-thethought!

Antoinette van hilt look counts as You might dismiss -• den Berg: "Cool to Be Old" ,uccessful ageing". these views as wishful It would mean an aboutthinking—except that they come from Antoinette van den turn in the zeitgeist. It would make it fashionable to grow old gracefully—to Berg, a future-forecaster of some note, who is fast becoming my new girl crush. feel respect, rather than revulsion, for age.

With her colourful hair—sometimes blue, Wouldn't it be wonderful? It would sometimes purple—and outré dress sense, also mean an end to the veil of invisibility she cuts a striking figure, and her forthright that can drape itself over those who pronouncements about what we're are 50-plus. Sales assistants would be

'9CT OF THE MONTH 116

Clarins Limited Edition 3-dot liner, £20, clarins.co.uk.

With its cunning trident-style brush that delivers three dots of liner at a time, this innovative eyeliner takes a bit of getting used to—but once you get the knack of working slowly along the roots of your lashes, it makes a lovely job of thickening your lash line.

attentive, not condescending, and new make-up would be designed with not just the young in mind.

Certainly, what you might call the grey market in women's beauty is poised to expand.

Another recent report, from Imogen Matthews, a beauty-industry expert who follows trends in premium products, flags up the fact that older women— who she terms "the forgotten demographic"— have a combined spending power of E2bn yet are largely ignored by the beauty industry.

Will the tide turn? Right now, cool-to-be-old seems rather a stretch, like the concept of larger models becoming the norm. But isn't it a nice idea?

Alice Hart-Davis is an award-winning beauty journalist who writes regularly for the national press, and is creator of Good Things skincare.

FAST FIX Fans of Frownies—the brilliant little patches of sticky brown paper that you fix across your frown lines to help you learn to relax them overnight—may be interested to know that the company has produced skincare products to go with them. The Immune Shield Serum costs £30 from frownies.co.uk; 0113 281 7711 It's not just wash-and-go any more. Today's newest shampoos and conditioners add in extra benefits such as exfoliating and scalp-revitalising to their repertoire of tricks. Aveda's Invati range (from £18.50), which is designed to combat thinning hair and has been shown to reduce hair loss by 33%, does both these things—and during September, if you pop into an Aveda salon, they will show you how to do a five-minute scalp-stimulating massage with a paddle brush. It really will make the most of your hair. To find your nearest salon, call 0870 034 2380 or visit aveda.com.

FAST FIX .

Doreen Parkington, 65, from Bury in Lancashire, is a huge fan of Karin Herzog's Oxygen Body 3, a cream that contains stabilised oxygen and helps damaged skin to heal. "When I started using Karin Herzog facial

creams, I saw such a difference, even on my psoriasis, that I was encouraged to try them on my body.

Since then, I've used them to reduce and heal scarring, transform my facial skin and anti-age my hands, too!" Oxygen 3% Body, £36 for 150m1; karinherzog. co.uk; 0800 056 2428 ■ 117

CONSUMER WITH DONAL MAcINTYRE

MINDS SUSPICIOUS Is It final-checkout time for supermarket self-scanning?

It makes life much easier for supermarkets and consumers, but the days of scanning your own items could soon be numbered.

Why's this? Well, every so often a member of staff will re-scan your trolley to ensure you've accounted for all the items. It's a bit of a hassle, but customers have been told that it's all random and casts no aspersions on anyone's integrity. But it turns out that stores who do this could be breaking the law—spurred on by an RD reader, one major store has admitted that re-scanning is not quite as random as we've been told. And the Information Commissioner says that if it's not random then we must be told first.

21582 583563 7535

It seems that customers who have failed to scan items properly in previous trips are highlighted for more re-scans, which suggests that the stores are operating some sort of honesty index, stopping those they feel are more likely to shoplift or make mistakes. That can have legal implications because if other shoppers see you having a re-scan, they may well think less of you—because the store apparently does.

In essence, by stopping you, the store is divulging private information between the shop and you to everyone else in the supermarket. revealing either that you've 118 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

a greater propensity for making mistakes or that you're more likely to steal. A simple re-scan could give a disgruntled shopper a claim for slander, so rather than risk this, stores may have to stop all re-scans or stop all self-scanning.

Sainsbury's told us: "If a customer has made mistakes in the past, the chance of them receiving a re-scan does increase slightly, as we're keen to ensure they can use the system easily and correctly...the last thing we would want is for customers to scan an item twice and pay extra."

The problem is that you can't be halfrandom (any more than half-pregnant).

The supermarkets are seemingly in breach of the Data Protection Act, which is why, following our intervention, the Information Commissioner is investigating.

IF YOU DON'T ASK...

Donal answers your questions.

Please email queries to excerpts a readers digest. co.uk

Donal Macintyre Is an investigative journalist and a former presenter of ITV's London Tonight

tv% I put petrol instead of diesel into my car because the pumps weren't colour coded and I got confused.

Can I charge the garage for any costs incurred?

Even though Pi it's industry standard, colour coding is not a legal requirement—so, unfortunately, this mistake is yours to pay for. Pumps legally have to be labelled with the fuel they supply, and if they aren't then report it to your local trading standards office.

Of course, if the pumps were mislabelled and it was clearly the garage's fault, you'd have a strong case for damages, including

A

full reimbursement for all losses arising.

BOLT FROM THE BLUE

My daughter says she's heard of a scholarship that helps with student finances in return for a refundable fee. It sounds dodgy to me.

You're right.

AP% The latest scam to cross the Pond takes advantage of the increase in tuition fees by offering scholarships and financial aid in return for an upfront fee.

It's all nonsense, of course, but hard-up students can often be suckered in. The key warning signs are "money-back guarantees" to secure student aid, or advice on funding. Beware, too, of requests for bank details to confirm eligibility for awards or hardship funds, and always ignore unsolicited offers of grants and funding opportunities.

In these straitened times, there's no money for nothing, and offers too good to be true usually are.

This is just a classic opportunistic scam.

When Usain Bolt false-started in the world championships and was disqualified, he flexed his muscles and walked off without complaint, despite his obvious frustration. So when I heard of a parent complaining to the authorities that her seven-year-old son was disadvantaged by a false start by an "intimidating" boy on sports day, I wonder if people are taking my advice to complain a bit too far.

Complain to the big chains and stores by all means —we all benefit if they improve service as a result.

But when we start complaining at this level, my advice is clearly misplaced.

I'd tell her and her son to "do a Bolt" and leave the field with a shrug, but without a whimper.

The Olympic Gold for complaining goes to.... •

Q A

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

119

MONEY WITH JASMINE BIRTLES

PEOPLE POWER

Sick to the back teeth with banks? You could always try a credit union

What are credit unions? They're like building societies were before they started to think of themselves as banks.

They're generally run by local people for local people—the money locals put into current and savings accounts is used to loan to other locals.

Some credit unions might also offer more services, including "For goodness' sake, Alf. When do you open?

I need money for the bingo!" mortgages.

There are also unions for specific professions, such as nurses, savings rates. They're also willing to give teachers and police officers, small loans to members, which banks so ask your trade union if there's one generally won't do. They also help you can join. members to budget, and encourage them Credit unions have been around for to pay off their loans as quickly and decades and are huge in many other cheaply as possible. countries, including the US, France and Money put into a savings account with Mexico. However, in this country they were a credit union not only attracts decent held back for years because governments interest rates, but is also used to help the in the Eighties and Nineties feared they'd community by stopping people taking out present serious competition to the City. payday loans or, worse, borrowing from loan sharks.

Why should I use one? Unlike banks In fact, the unions have worked out that and building societies, credit unions are every £1 put into a savings account with non-profit, so any surplus they make gets a credit union does £10 worth of good in ploughed back into the operation. the community.

Credit unions often offer competitive Credit unions are also covered by 120

READERSD1GEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

the Financial Services Authority's compensation scheme, which can cover up to £85,000 deposited if they go bust.

What are the downsides? Credit unions vary greatly across the country. Some offer a wide range of services and can rival banks. Others offer very few services and are only open at certain hours of the week. This is changing as the last Labour government and the current Coalition have strongly encouraged credit unions, and helped them to grow.

Most credit unions still don't have online banking services, so you may need to go into your local branch to do transactions.

How do I join a credit union? Find a union in your area by going to findyourcreditunion.co.uk and entering your postcode.

When you go to the credit union they will need to see proof of your identity and they will want you to deposit a small amount of money—say, £25.

Once you've been a member for at least ten weeks you should be able to start borrowing.

Get tips on how to find—and make money on—collectors' items by listening to JASMINE E PODCAST at readersdigest.co.uk/ magazine

If you're worried about paying the energy bills this autumn, here's where to get help.

COMBAT ENERGY INEFFICIENCY Low-energy-efficient homes are a major cause of fuel poverty. The more energy you waste, the more you're paying for.

Government plans are in place to tackle fuel poverty, so take advantage of them.

Warm Front is a government scheme in England that offers up to £3,500 (or £6,000 if you have oil central heating) to increase the energy efficiency of your home. It offers everything from power-saving lightbulbs to insulation. Apply by calling 0800 316 2805. Similar schemes exist for the rest of the UK (Scotland: Energy Assistance Package; Wales: Nest; N. Ireland: Warm Homes).

The Community Energy-Saving Programme is provided by local councils, voluntary groups and energy companies. It targets some of the UK's most deprived areas, carrying out house-to-house calls to offer help. Call 0800 512 012 to find out if you're eligible for this scheme.

GET A ONE-OFF PAYMENT Increased home energy efficiency is a good longterm solution to reduce fuel bills, but the Government also offers direct assistance via two annual lump-sum payments. ► SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

121

MONEY • The Winter Fuel Payment is for the over-60s—depending on your circumstances you'll be entitled to anything from £100-E300. The Cold Weather Payment is a one-off £25 made if the temperature is recorded/predicted to be an average of 0°C or below for seven consecutive days between November land March 31. If you qualify, you should receive payment automatically. Go to direct.gov.uk for more details about eligibility for both payments.

HELP FROM YOUR ENERGY PROVIDER

If you or your offspring are finding house prices just too unaffordable, how about getting a home for free? Here are a few ways to do it:

Most energy companies run schemes to

• Take a hotel job A range of agencies assist people who may not be eligible for specialise in hotel work (see, for example, government grants.

The E.ON Caring Energy Fund offers caterer.com). Larger hotels often require a payments to its customers to help with the variety of staff to live in. Typical jobs cost of insulation and repairing or installing include manager, restaurant manager, heating systems. You must be receiving receptionist, housekeeper, waiter and chef. means-tested benefits or have a household Not all jobs come with accom-modation, income of less than E16,190, plus savings of but most full-time ones do.

• Be a charity fundraiser... with free less than £8,000. Call 0800 0511480.

British Gas and Scottish Gas customers accommodation thrown in. Wesser.co.uk is can get help with their gas and electricity a charity fundraising organisation that costs as well as other household debts needs fundraisers to visit members of the from the British Gas Energy Trust. public in their homes, create an awareness If your application is unsuccessful, you can try again in six months. Go to britishgasenergytrust.org. uk for details and to apply.

The EDF Energy Trust Fund offers a grant to those having trouble paying their gas, electricity and other household debts.

Successful applicants can expect a payment for gas or electricity to be made directly to EDF. Submit your application online at "We're afraid your application for free edfenergytrust.org.uk. accommodation has been unsuccessful..."

122

RE ADERSDIGEST CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2 012

of charities such as the World Wildlife Fund, and ask them to donate. Wesser provides all its fundraisers with shared accommodation, a decent commission-based pay packet, a shared car for the household, and team events and incentives throughout the year.

• Be a live-in nanny If you're experienced or qualified in childcare, you could get a well-paid nannying job with accommodation thrown in.

Claire Dunton from top London agency topnotchnannies.co.uk says that live-in nannies earn upwards of E350 net per week plus their own room (sometimes their own flat), and often use of the family car or their own car. The more qualifications and experience you have, the better the job. Some nannies also get gym membership and health insurance.

• Be an activity instructor Activity centres all over the UK are looking for fun, energetic people to join their teams. Try acorntravelgroup. co.uk or kingswood.co.uk for application forms.

• Be a boarding-school matron A matron's duties can include organising the cleaning staff, taking children to medical appointments, communicating with parents, doing pupils' laundry and ordering cleaning, medical and domestic supplies.

Residential schools often offer accommodation and meals for their staff. You'll receive a salary based on your experience—it's helpful to have experience in childcare or nursing—and you'll be CRB-checked.

Jobs are often advertised in the Times Educational Supplement.

HE ONE T.3.

HIS MONTH... ...is get Christmas sorted. That way you'll be ahead and you won't have a debt hangover in January. Do it the easy way: 1. Give everyone gift vouchers— Amazon ones are always acceptable, or you can get giftcards at a discount by buying those that others don't want at giftcardconverter. co.uk.

2. Order and pay for food and drink online at your local supermarket (pick a delivery date near the Christmas holiday) or gather all the seasonal non-perishables you need during your normal shop this month.

3. Schedule ecards to go out on the day—jacquie lawson.com does lovely ones for just over £7 for a yearly subscription.

FOR MORE ON MONEY, GO TO READERSDIGEST.00 .UK/FINANCIALSERVICES

THIS MONTH'S BARGAIN Get 50% off all garden furniture at Walton Garden Buildings by putting in the code "FURN50" at the checkout when you go to waltons.co. uk. Offer lasts until November 18, 2012.

KNOW Last year, 82,860 Americans (and counting) pledged to move their account on Move Your Money day.

Many moved their money from high street banks to mutual societies, ethical banks and credit unions. ■

Jasmine Birtles is a personal finance writer and the founder of moneymagpie.com 123

FOOD WITH MARCO PIERRE WHITE

PEPPER IT UP

Add a touch of Spain to this fish dish and your tastebuds will thank you

Piperade is a typical Basque dish—and is perfect on a sunny day.

As it happens, my prediction is that September will do us proud on the weather front. It's one of my favourite months because you have to savour each day before the light goes. It's also a good month to be creative in the kitchen.

This dish is easy and full of flavour, but a word of advice. If possible, buy the fish in a proper fish shop and ask for four sea bream fillets without pin bones and with no scales and then you'll have good clean fish ready to steam. I'm one of those who believes we should eat more fish and less meat—although it's something I never thought I would hear myself saying. Too much meat makes me aggressive, but this recipe transports me to a little, sundrenched square in Spain with the promise of a siesta to follow. Heaven.

MARCO'S — Add a few dollops of mayonnaise to some saffron and a touch of chopped garlic, and serve on the side This is Marco's last column for Reader's Digest—thanks for all the delicious recipes! Check out our new-look food pages next month.

STEAMED SEA BREAM WITH PIPERADE STEW AND PARSLEY SALAD (SERVES 4)

300m1 olive oil 6 onions, finely sliced 2 cloves of garlic 3 bay leaves 3 sprigs of thyme 6 red peppers, finely sliced 200m1 balsamic vinegar Sea salt and pepper 4 fillets of sea bream, approximately 400-500g each 1 large bunch of flat leaf parsley (sprigs picked and washed) 1. To make the piperade, heat the olive oil in a pan, then add the sliced onions, garlic, bay leaves and sprigs of thyme.

Allow the onions to caramelise until golden brown. Add the red peppers and allow the mixture to cook on a moderate heat until the peppers

124 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

are soft and the mixture looks like an onion and red pepper stew. Add a good splash of the balsamic vinegar, and season.

Put to one side.

2. Take the fish fillets and place them on a piece of greaseproof paper lightly brushed with olive oil. Also brush the skin of the fish with olive oil.

Steam for approx 8-9 minutes, then season with salt.

3. Reheat the piperade and place a mound on each plate with a piece of fish on top.

4. Lightly dress the parsley with olive oil and scatter generously all over the fish and stew.

5. Drizzle a little balsamic over the dish for an acidic kick. ■

EATS & DRINKS WITH NIGEL BARDEN It's always better to serve a wine cooler STAG CHILL than you'd like and allow it to warm up OUT in the glass. Reds heated by a fire or near NIGHT an oven become "cooked", and the alcohol gets too concentrated. Also, you now see fewer high-strength wines (15%-ish) as they're too alcoholic and onedimensional. Winemakers can now control the strength, so fruitier, more accessible bottles are produced.

WANT PERFECT

and muntjac. Wild or farmed, they are lean, low in cholesterol and ever so tasty. A rack looks magnificent on

with a tea towel and chill overnight. It'll dry out nicely and crisp up a treat during cooking.

announced—have a peep at greattasteawards.co.uk/ top50 to find out where to buy the products.

There's a French-style saucisson made with free-range pork, cinnamon cloves and nutmeg, cured in Gloucestershire; a brilliantly

for a variety of different species of deer, such as red, roe (the only two native species), fallow, sika

Use a knife to slice the skin 3/4s of the way down in 3cm widths both ways to create diamond shapes. Rub with salt, blast for 5-10 minutes with a hairdryer, then cover

) The Top 50 Great Taste Award winners have just been

Venison is the collective term

versatile raspberry vinegar from Womersley Foods, Yorkshire; and, for a tasty pud, dive into M'Hencha, a North African Berber cake made from almonds, rosewater, orange and lemon zest wrapped in brick pastry,

by Sophie's Baked Delights in the West Country.

the table and makes for excellent finger food, as it's cut into tasty chops. Great with lightly pan-fried slices of blackberry and caramelised golden beetroot.

» Rack of wild Northumberland roe deer, Three-Star Gold Medal Great Taste Award winner from ridleysfishand game.co.uk •

I LOW 6044,1.0 S.Ath

COOKING

Don't cook with a wine you wouldn't be happy to drink—it'll taste worse once warmed, and the bad flavours become more concentrated (an "off" bottle opened weeks ago will taste far worse when cooked in a stew). As a rule. dry wines are the best bet, as after cooking, weet offerings will taste even more so.

126

Nigel Barden is the food and drink presenter on Simon Mayo's show on BBC Radio 2, and chairman of the Great Taste Awards

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(=AorIPNINr. WITH BOB FLOWERDEW

FITTEST FRUITS How can you ensure a good crop of fruit when the going gets dry?

I live in a dry area and want to grow easy, low-waterdemanding fruits for dessert, juice and jam. Which are best?

If wellmulched and well-thinned, apples can still perform well.

But the smallestgrowing bush varieties have small root systems, so aren't good in dry conditions —a stronger-growing rootstock and o larger tree is able to root deeper and wider, so does better.

Sadly, pears, cherries and peaches don't fare well unwatered in droughts.

Apricot and plum bushes might crop, but fruits must be early and heavily thinned. Currants might do well as they crop so early in the year, but they require good pruning and mulching.

Berries don't succeed when forced to grow in dry soil. Grapevines do well, but aren't low maintenance by any stretch of the imagination. Figs, however, will do magnificently.

A

128

DEFENDING THE CROP My allotment is plagued by wood pigeons! What can we do?

They've become a huge pest recently as their numbers have multiplied. They're not easily deterred by scarecrows, fake fur cats, fake snakes, spiders, glitter bangs and the rest, which work for smaller birds.

I've resorted to constructing a cage just to grow my brassicas and peas in. But I still have to protect most other sowings from unearthing,

A

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and seedlings from being plucked off, so I grow many crops under fleece or fine net.

Some plants can be protected with tubes cut from plastic bottles, and others with wire-netting tubes and wire baskets, bent-wire fridge shelves and so on. Of course, other than a continual human presence, the best cure is to find someone prepared to catch the problem!

IN FROM THE COLD I have a wonderful display of dahlias this autumn from the new bulbs I put in. Will I need to dig them up soon and replant them after winter? I've heard you can just leave them in like other hardy herbaceous perennials.

This depends on many things.

First, if your soil is light and freedraining, and you live in a dry region or the bed is in a dryish spot (say, next to a wall or building), then you can probably expect them to survive just left in place. Second, tougher ones such as the "old whites" survive a dryish, not-too-cold winter, though more highly bred, tenderer sorts may fail. Improve their chances by keeping them drier and warmer—put a cloche or similar over them, or a pile of loose bracken or a thick, coarse mulch.

If they're very expensive, it may pay to dig every other one to store indoors once the leaves have withered—hang them upside down in a dark (not damp) and frost-free place.

A

Bob Flowerdew is an organic gardener and a regular on BBC Radio 4's Gardeners' Question Time. Send your gardening questions to Bob at excerpts a readersdigest.co.uk

BOB'S' JOBS: SEPTEMBER

Dig up any potatoes still in the ground and harvest any crops—tomatoes, peppers, haricot beans, etc—that the frosts and wet will spoil. Likewise, save seeds before the weather turns.

Gather autumn fruits, and juice, jam, jelly, freeze or dry

them before the birds and weather get to them.

Sow salad-leaf crops now for use in the winter, preferably with a cloche. Bring pelargoniums, citrus and other tender plants under cover.

And keep cutting grass, deadheading and weeding.

READER'S TIP If you have trouble with creatures digging up and eating your bulbs, dip the bulbs in hot curry powder when planting, and sprinkle a little on the earth. The raiders will only come once..

Submitted by Natalia Colthurst, by email • » Email your gardening tips and ideas— with photos, if possible—to excerpts'a readersdigest.co.uk. We'll pay £70 if we use them on this page.

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

WITH MARTIN HUGHES-GAMES

THE GOLD RUSH

I

MOTH MAYHEM

ISO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

VISUALS UN

and so the legend of the At first I thought I was seeing "woodcock pilot" arose— a wren flitting about in the birders noticed goldcrest garden—a rush indoors tr arrival always seemed to get my binoculars was Weathering the storm: to coincide with that of rewarded with a view goldcrests are the woodcock, so they of a tiny little bird with a amazing travellers, speculated that the little striking golden "crown". despite their size bird was hitching a ride with It was a goldcrest, our the larger one. This story has smallest bird—at 5g, around still not completely disappeared, half the weight of a wren (so and it's possible goldcrests do occasionally small, in fact, that there are reports of them getting caught in big spiders' webs!). hitch rides with other birds—hunters This month, migrant goldcrests will start have reported them flying out from the to arrive from eastern Europe. Amazingly, feathers of ducks they've brought down. this tiny speck is capable of crossing the Goldcrests love fir trees, so if you North Sea to escape the northern winters. have one in your garden or in a park In earlier times, no one could believe this nearby, be sure to keep an eye out for minute bird could manage such a journey, this entrancing little bird.

•* * It's time to get out the Maria Callas: jumpers. But what's did moths get this? My best woollen to her dress? sweater, full of holes?

Clothes moths can be a nightmare, and s4. they're increasing (no one is sure why). It's not the adults but the larvae that do the damage, because they have the ability to turn keratin in natural fibres into food.

At the Royal Opera House, with around 750,000 costumes—some of them, like the red dress worn by Maria Callas, priceless—they're using a novel deterrent. "Exosex", not widely available yet, takes advantage of the clothes moth's biology. A small tablet is impregnated with female pheromones—the males are attracted to the tablet and get covered in female pheromones, overpowering their ability to detect the real thing. As they fly about, these males leave a trail of female pheromones confusing other males, resulting in "inappropriate mating attempts" and no eggs.

UREPL. COM. KEYSTO N /GET TY IMAGES; ANDYSANDS/NATUREPL.COM

How do these tiny birds make the journey from Europe to our shores?

Who's this? It's a "British" wallaby—and there are more of them here than you'd think

SEPTEMBER IS THE PEAK MONTH FOR RED-NEC K E D WALLABY BIRTHS. So .•., that got to do war Surprisingly, there are small groups of wallabies living wild right across the UK from Scotland to Cornwall—either escapees from wildlife parks or introduced on purpose in the past. But ho...■ wallabies survive in the cold, wet UK? It's because "British" wallabies are dr from the Tasmanian variety, and Tasmania's climate is not that dissimilarto Curiously, the Isle of Man has perhaps the biggest population of wild wa in the UK—as many as 100 bouncing around. I always gOand look for them whenever I'm over there, and if I do see one, I'll be reporting it to The Mammal Society's National Mammal Atlas Project (NMAP). Unlike the detailed recd ds kept our of our birds and butterflies, shockingly little is known about the state 1 commonest British mammals. It's a wing state of affairs, and the NMAP aims to help with this. The project runs until 2015, so if you Martin Hughes-Garnesh a would like to help by recording any mammal you see, host of BBC2's Springy.Wch and Autumnwatch go to mammal.org.uk •

IN THE UK

ONLINE WITH MARTHA LANE FOX

FUTURE SKILLS If we want to compete, we need better tech training British kids no longer have the skills to work at the forefront of technology, let alone get a decent job. We need a whopping half a million extra IT pros in the next three years.

98% of Google software engineers were coding at secondary school, yet last year only 4,000 students in this country took computing at A level.

I'm not quite mad enough to suggest that computing qualifications are a prerequisite for getting the best from computers, but I have to agree with Google's executive chairman Eric Schmidt: "Let's get the whole world coding."

In April, education minister Michael Gove swept aside an archaic software-based syllabus in favour of an open-source approach. With freedom to form their own curriculum, many top tech companies are lending a hand with free tools for schools.

This is cheering stuff, especially considering that our internet economy will hit £225bn by 2016 (12% of GDP). Rough times call for tough measures, and change is crucial for putting the excitement and talent back into programming, and boosting innovation and skills.

Coding's not just for kids either. Learn the basics, hone new talents, recharge old ones, or share your skills with heaps of programming projects.

132 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

TRY THESE

• The Raspberry Pi (raspberrypi.org) has game-changing potential even to rival the fabled BBC Micro. At just £22, this 4 credit-card-sized gadget plugs into a TV or touchscreen 0 0I to create a computer. On z launch, it sold out in minutes, 0 and Google searchesmomentarily—outstripped those for Lady Gaga. o • Fed up with tired tools

and teaching techniques, New York startup Code Academy.com makes coding super-simple.

Stuffed with gaming ideas, compete with friends and get prizes for completed projects such as building a blackjack or dice game.

Over 400,000 have signed up to its Code Year weekly JavaScript programming lessons. With more programming languages coming soon, join them at codeyear.com

Each is run by a volunteer

who teaches from Code Club lesson plans, and the aim is for 25% of primary schools to have one in the next two years. Competing against Tim Berners-Lee, YouTube founder Chad Hurley and Prince Andrew, I was grilled by a panel of cheeky Code Clubbers to inspire volunteers. Catch the film and get involved at codeclub.org.uk • Next Gen Skills campaign to make the • Youngrewiredstate.

UK the world's talent hub org was started by my for high-tech industries. friend Emma Mulqueeny Bringing together big to find and foster young hitters from our digital, coders, and help them creative and hi-tech make meaningful industries with skills and connections. It runs a educational bodies, it yearly "Summer promotes the vital Give an hour Festival of Code" role of maths, of your time to help to change the physics, art an interne t beginner. world, one line and computer Go to go- on.co.uk for of code at a science. more. Or to find a taster time. Kids get Check it out session near you, call brainy advice at NextGen freephone 0800 Skills.com and support, 77 1234 while using open• E-Skills UK (e-skills.com) works government data to build digital projects. Top on behalf of employers to develop software, ideas last year included internet, computer gaming, UniMatch, which helps pick a university based on IT services and business expertise. Its "Behind distance, fees, Ucas points the Screen" project is and nightlife; and Where's developing a brand-new my Train, which plots your IT curriculum, including train on Google maps. rigorously assessed GCSEs • Code Club wants coding and A-levels. for kids to be cool and fun.

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WHAT'S A WEB BROWSER? It's the place you go to view a website.

Heard of Internet Explorer, Safari, Mozilla Firefox or Google Chrome?

They're all browsers, and I let you access id and view web pages, including pits, videos and sound.

Try a few to find your favourite Flrefox

—they're all free. Just click your current one to open, type a name into the search box—maybe one of the ones mentioned here—open the link and hit download. • Martha Lane Fox Is the UK's digital champion and chairs Go ON UK (go-on-uk.org)

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

133

MOTORING WITH CONOR McNICHOLAS

SIGNOR STYLE Car supremo Sergio Pininfarina made our world a far more beautiful place Ve I

Om

134 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

PININFARINA/ANSA/CO RBIS

MOO Heft Oa

In 1946, as Europe recovered from the Second World War, nerves were raw and Italy's car companies were still banned from exhibiting at Sergio the Paris Motor Show. Despite Pininfarina the nation's reputation for (left) and automotive excellence, all a drawing Italian car makers had to sit of the 1965 Ferrari Dino on their hands and watch the Berlinetta rest of Europe rediscover Speciale the pleasure of (below) motoring.

440111111111 Battista Well, almost all Farina. The tenth of 11 of them.

The children, he _,„....i),,,.,12_,,,. , ,J_,',. was given day before the nickname the show opened, "baby", or pinin, Battista Farina and his son and named his carSergio climbed into an Alfa design company Romeo 6C 2500 S and a Lancia Pininfarina. In Aprilia cabriolet, and headed to 1961 his son Sergio Paris. On the opening morning took the reins, 2002 Ferrari Enzo of the Motor Show, as the official and as Europe delegates tucked into their breakfast started to swing, Sergio's flair gave the croissants, Sergio and his father parked scene its automotive kick. From Rollstheir cars outside the entrance and Royce to Peugeot, Cadillac to Honda, waited. The effect was electric—people Jaguar to Volvo, Sergio went on to lead attending the event talked of nothing a design revolution that changed dowdy else. The Farinas stole the show, and three-box cars into sleek, shimmering Italy's automotive design reputation spaceships from the future and influenced was assured. an entire industry. But it was with Ferrari It was a classic act of chutzpah by that Sergio created his greatest work. Car

after car made jaws drop. His swoopy 1965 Dino Berlinetta Speciale has influenced every supercar on sale today.

So influential was Sergio's company that the Italian president issued a decree that the family should change their name from Farina to Pininfarina to match their company.

Sergio went on to be a senator for life in Italian politics in 2005, and remained honorary chairman of his company until the end of his days.

Sadly, he died in July aged 85, but what a life!

He was a true icon of the Sixties revolution, and his work was radical even into this century—he designed the Ferrari Enzo in 2002.

Few designers can ever have had so much influence on our visible world. Even fewer have done it with such panache.

Subaru BRZ/Toyot GT86 (£24,670) Wf two names? Because they're essentially the same car. I wouldn't normally put a true sports car in the One To Buy slot, but this one is motoring purity and joy at its best. Designed by Subaru for Toyota and released by both companies, this car has had motoring specialists drooling. A zippy, corner-loving sports car of the old school, if you've ever promised yourself something special to drive then forget the classic option, this is the car for you. At this price and at this quality, why wouldn't you?

ONE TO BUY

TO Eternal Attprni,, (£210,000) It's a measure of how concentrated money has become in our world that you can rebadge a Porsche Cayenne SUV, fettle the engine and interior, and charge north of £200K for it. Eterniti plan to launch as a new luxury brand, and this is their first blinged-up offering. Oil-rich Arabs and Russian oligarchs rejoice!

ONE AVOID

CAR INSURANCE LOWERED

BY SEX Steady oil—it's all about the gender gap.

Here's the news: from December, thanks to a European ruling, car insurance companies will no longer be able to discriminate between men and women when it comes to charging for car insurance. That means women's traditionally lower premiums are about to disappear.

(These things never get revised down, do they?)

But a couple can play it smart. Research from Confused.com suggests that just by nominating a woman driver, a man can make savings of up to 50%—she just needs to persuade him to hand over the savings afterwards to even things up. Good luck with that! • Conor McNicholas is the former editor of BBC Top Gear Magazine

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

135

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MY GREAT ESCAPE Michael Kelly from Birmingham enjoys a special Spanish pilgrimage Santiago Composte Cathedral in Galicia; and (inset)^∎ Michael

M.

y;;fl, I had always wanted to visit Santiago de Compostela in Galicia, so on my retirement I finally decided to go. I'm a Catholic—from Ireland originally— and, after Jerusalem, the cathedral of Saint James in Santiago de Compostela is one of the most important sites for our religion, where the remains of the apostle Saint James are said to be buried.

I was 64 when I went, and a chronic asthmatic, so I couldn't walk as far as some of the other peregrinos, or pilgrims I met. I did manage the final ten miles, but I encountered dozens of others who'd

travelled on foot for several weeks—there were scouts from Italy, students from other parts of Spain, and I met several younger peregrinos from Ireland. Many of them are so tired that they can be found outside the cathedral, sleeping in the Praza do Obradoiro or slumped together in groups, footsore from the trail.

• 'ffeas The cathedral marks the end !retail of the pilgrimage route—there are many different routes, some through France, a few from _ Portugal and Spain. And what ivt. II a reward! I was enthralled by i44 ' this building. It was amazing to — think how, centuries ago, with no mechanical aids, workers hoisted those massive blocks to the top of the spires.

The crypt of Saint James lies behind the main altar, and the queues to pass by his cask last all day long. It's a touching sight—many of the pilgrims bring their ►

PILGRIM'S PROGRESS Corona Holidays (0800 567 7688; corona holidays.co.uk) has short breaks to Santiago de Compostela from 6292pp, including four nights' Mb at the AC Palacio del Carmen hotel and return Stansted flights; private transfers from 636pp return.

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK

117

• prayers, hoping for illnesses to be cured or suffering relieved. The museum attached to the cathedral provides an insight into the church's long history.

There are plenty of other attractions around the city, too. The seafood, for example, is delicious. Local specialities include fish empanadas and an incredible, slow-cooked fish stew, or "cocido", containing hake, prawns, lobster and octopus. And for a further taste of the seaside, the bustling city and beaches of Cortela are an hour away.

THINGS TO DO THIS MONTH

GO NOW

STAY NOW

MONTH 138

September is the month to munch your

way around market stalls—it's food festival season all over the UK. A few highlights include the calorie fest at Shropshire's Ludlow, September 7-9 (foodfestival. co.uk); Brighton's biannual gourmet fair, September 7-16 (brightonfoodfestival. corn); and the quaffing and scoffing at Aldeburgh in Suffolk, September 29-30 (aldeburghfoodanddrink.co.uk).

There are discounts of up to £500pp until the end of September when you book a Voyage to Switzerland river cruise with Viking. It departs from Amsterdam (various dates in 2013), sailing the Rhine through Holland and Germany—including stops in Cologne, Strasbourg and the Black Forest —and ending up in the pretty Swiss city of Lucerne. From £2,644pp, all-inclusive (020 8780 7995; vikingrivercruises.co.uk).

Send us a photo of your favourite holiday, tell us briefly what made it so special, and if we include it on this page we'll pay you E70. See address on page 4.

TRAVEL WEBSIT

Its grape-harvesting time all over Europe —make this your excuse to head to the outpost of Madeira for some late-summer sunshine. Stay at a vineyard in the north of the island, where guests are invited to relieve the vines of their bounty. Quinta do Furao in Santana is new to Sunvil's collection this year; stay there from £777pp, including seven nights' b&b, Gatwick flights and car hire (020 8758 4747; sunvil.co.uk).

tripit.com TripIt is a virtual desk tidy for your holiday plans.

Useful for stints of travelling or longer trips, this easy-to-navigate website (and mobile app) allows you to collate all your bookings and travel arrangements into one neat online itinerary, just by forwarding your confirmation emails to a designated address.

Membership is free, and you can share your itinerary with friends and family, making it easy for loved ones to keep track. ■

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

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Readers Digest

SEPTEMBER FICTION REVIEWED BY A N WILSON EXTRACTS FROM OUR FAVOURITE NEW RELEASES A BLIND WOMAN TAKES ON THE WORLD-BY MOTORBIKE AND HOW ENGLISH SPELLING GOT SO TRICKY BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: TOM PARKER BOWLES

EDITED BY RD BOOKS

JAPES WALTON

LI

September fiction

N Zadie Smith (Hamish Hamilton, £18.99) Zadie Smith's astonishing new novel returns to the north London setting of White Teeth for the tale of four people who grew up together on a council estate. Despite being relatively short, the book packs in an endless series of brilliant nuggets about social contrasts, love affairs, marital rows and shifting friendships. Really—without

A N Wilson makes an early prediction for novel of the decade

exaggeration—not since Dickens wrote Sketches by Boz has there been a better observer of London scenes.

Not since Kingsley Amis died has there been a novelist with a more exact ear for human voices. The narrative zigzags forward through a dazzling range of techniques, but there's also a proper, fast-paced and deeply felt plot.

Zadie Smith is a genius, and here she's at the height of her powers. It's hard to imagine a better novel this year—or this decade.

A Possible Life

by Sebastian Faulks

(Hutchinson, £18.99) This is not an easy book to summarise: concerning, as it does, several lives— across two centuries and many countries—that

SEBASTIAN

FAULKS

f might or might not be linked. Central to it is an Italian neuroscientist who discovers that human consciousness is "not an cr entity, but a connection". a Meanwhile, her adopted brother is writing a story 0 based on an idea of George z Orwell's that a minor character in one narrative LL z might be the main character in another.

If that all sounds a bit abstract, the novel engages you from page one, when a British prep-school master

CLASSICS CORNER: THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA For anybody slightly intimidated by Ernest Hemingway's reputation, The Old Man and the Sea—published 60 years ago this month—is a perfect place to start. Beautifully simple (and very short), it tells of an ageing Cuban fisherman determined to show that he's not finished yet.

And the same, in a way, went for Hemingway (right) himself. By 1952, he was widely regarded as washed up. Two years later he won the Nobel Prize for Literature—with the committee citing this book in particular as proof of his "narrative mastery".

142 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

joins the French Resistance.

Other lives which form (or don't) the connections of "a possible life" include a hippy American singer and a girl in a Victorian workhouse. Each is evoked with such heart-stopping immediacy that the result is extremely moving as well as fascinating.

Zoo Time

by Howard Jacobson (Bloomsbury, £18.99) You might think that a man whose last novel, The Finkler Question, won the Man Booker prize and sold more than 700,000 copies wouldn't be able to write a

fable about the Death of the Book. But Howard Jacobson is nothing if not imaginative—and Guy Ableman, his latest anti-hero, is an unsuccessful novelist who watches publishers commit suicide and bookshops close down all around him.

He also fancies his motherin-law something rotten...

Jacobson could easily have been a great stand-up comedian—indeed, in many ways, he is one—and there were many moments when I roared with laughter.

I won't spoil the story for you, but watch out for Guy's brother in Wilmslow.

The Vanishing Point

by Val McDermid (Little, Brown, £16.99) Two things in particular give Val McDermid's stories their terrible appeal: the deft plotting, and an air of hideous menace that makes you feel that

absolutely any horror could befall the characters.

This one starts at Chicago airport, Stephanie, a young British woman, is taking a five-year-old boy on the holiday of a lifetime, when the metal pin in her leg sets off the security alarms. Then, while she's being frisked in a Perspex chamber, she sees the boy being kidnapped. The rest of the book is taken up with discovering how she came to be travelling with him in the first place—and with her increasingly desperate attempts to find him. Once you start, it will be totally impossible to put this down. ►

QUICK QUIZ Can you name the fictional character from these clues? (And, of course, the fewer you need, the better) 1 For many years, the Abbey National employed a secretary to answer his mail.

2 His first words were: "How are you? You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive."

3 He's the main character in The House of Silk, out in paperback this month. Answer on p146

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSD1GEST.CO.UK 143

RD RECOMMENDED READ: 1

The motorcycle diaries From Warrington to Peru—and beyond: the amazing story of the first blind woman to circle the entire globe on a motorbike As a young girl, Cathy Birchall had no idea that other people could see more than blurry shadows. Only gradually did she realise that a degenerative eye condition would one day leave her completely blind.

By the time it did, Cathy was married to Peter, who died of leukaemia when she was 41. At which point, many of us might have given up. Cathy, though, qualified as a teacher instead. A few years later, she married Bernard—a man who'd long dreamed of going round the world on a motorbike. But could a blind woman possibly join him?

The answer, as we learn from this extraordinary book, was a triumphant "yes". In 2008, the couple, by now in their early fifties, set off from Warrington on the faithful "Bertha" (a 1990 BMW R1000RT, for the mechanically minded). Their trip took them through Europe, Asia, Australia and the Americas, with Cathy on the back, relying Hr information on Bernard's commentary (see left) through the speakers in her helmet.

And Bernard was clearly a great narrator—because Cathy's account is by turns funny, rueful, irreverent, sometimes • xasperated, but always incredibly vivid. its also unfailingly honest. Of course, one of her aims (gloriously accomplished) is to show what blind people can achieve. At the same time, she never hides the problems involved.

Meanwhile, as the adventures pile up—from an inadvertent night in a Kosovan brothel to requiring an armed guard through Pakistan—the book also becomes a powerful love story. Again, Cathy doesn't hide Bernard's moments of middle-aged grumpiness, especially when he's deprived of his beloved cigarettes. Even so, the man emerges as a genuine hero.

But in a book crammed with astonishing achievements, here's 144 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

WHAT'S THE POINT?

answers the question that not everybody dares ask...

"Other backpackers ask the inevitable questions about travelling when you're blind. It seems so hard for sighted people to realise that seeing is only one of the myriad ways we experience the world—so focused are they on those two little squidgy things called eyes. Their understanding of the world is

perhaps the most astonishing of the lot—when the two climb Wayna Picchu in Peru, the mountain that overlooks the Inca city of Machu Picchu.

As the ascent begins, I realise why Bernard had urged caution about wanting to complete 1,000-1,200 feet of winding path going straight up. There are few grab rails, and the steps are worn and slippery. In many ways it's akin to climbing a 100-storey building, but with far steeper steps, and the distance between any two never the same. Imagine knowing there are sheer drops of hundreds and, eventually, thousands of feet just a step away. Now imagine doing the climb with your eyes closed.

Sometimes it's so steep that Bernard leads, my hand holding onto his backpack. For other sections it's a matter of grabbing each other's wrists and heaving. When we stop for breaks, my face is plastered with sweat and breathing is difficult. Most people take 40-60 minutes to climb the mountain. After an hour we're nowhere near halfway, and I begin to have doubts.

Can I do this?

It is so, so hard.

Voicing my doubts, Bernard tells me it's OK to go back if I want to-1 have nothing to prove. Then he waits, giving me time to think. After a few moments, he speaks again: 'It would be a shame ►

On top of the world: Cathy and Bernard high above Macchu Picchu

iv

Touching the Void: a Blind Woman, Two Wheels, 25,000 Miles by Cathy Birchall and Bernard Smith is published by Panther on September 17 at 02.99.

For visually impaired readers, an ebook and audio book are also available

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSOIGEST.CO.UK 141

4 to stop now, however, as it's not so much further, really.'

I want to do it. He knows I do. Then the little girl in me, hesitatingly, asks: 'Is it possible?'

A cheery voice responds. 'Come on girl, you can do this. We're going to the top. You and me. Together.'

We set off. Muscles ache in every part of my body as my whole mental world becomes wrapped up in taking each step.

I will not give up.

Two hours later the first plateau is reached. It's here that people often take the famous 'overlooking Machu Picchu' picture.

We rest for 15 minutes, and my muscles protest when I'm asked to stand as Bernard comments on how I can't come this far without going to the very top, Is it possible?" which is 'not far'. In fairness, it isn't— Cathy climbing although it involves a crawl through a Wayna Picchu slightly flooded grotto, scaling more rocks, and climbing a log ladder. Finally, we stand on the summit, and it truly feels like I'm on top of the world...

Then the time of the descent comes and it's as bad as I'd feared.

Anybody who understands blindness will know that going down stairs is more difficult than going up. Now amplify the problem with near vertical steps varying in depth. Every time your foot descends, you have no idea how far down it's going to go: it's a matter of stepping into thin air, and then hoping. Complete trust in what you're being told is the only way; your life is in the hands of your guide.

People pass us saying words of encouragement. A group of American teenagers stop to tell me: 'In all our time travelling through South America, a blind woman climbing Wayne Picchu is the most amazing thing any of us has ever seen.'

I treasure the comment, and I always will.

...AND THE QUICK QUIZ? The answer was Sherlock Holmes. (Until 2002, the Abbey National was based at 221 Baker Street, and so received thousands of letters addressed to him.)

The House of Silk, written by Anthony Horowitz .vith the permission of the Arthur Conan Doyle state, is published by Orion at £7.99.

146 it

t_ spiGE ST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

completely dominated, and even, dare I say, constrained by it.

Sometimes they're brave enough to phrase the question they really want to: 'What's the point of doing this when you're blind?'

Perhaps you will never understand how you operate like me in so many ways. Your world, too, is constructed from words, and it happens whenever you read. You create the people, events and landscapes of your imagination. It never matters if they're different from your friend's who reads the same text. They are real to you.

As we travel, my helmet speakers receive a constant stream of words from my narrator sitting before me.

They build images in my mind, pictures of what might be." caching the World

RD RECOMMENDED READ: 2

Four awl ewe knead two no UUtitITONGU

UC,H QM.% SPELL

GI

IT OUT

`A headline, of course, that would pass any spellcheck. So how did our written language get so tricky?

By his own admission, David Crystal— perhaps the greatest living historian of Story of the English language—has for years Inghsh H been putting off one of the biggest DAVID 50 challenges of them all: a history of CRYSTAL JG spelling for the general reader. But now 3I.,1.1i..1 r.LOU that he's finally done it, the result is as ROUGH THUMB F I spectacular as you'd expect, tracing the ! story from the Anglo-Saxons to the abbreviations of texting (which, incidentally, he stoutly defends: "You have to have learned a great deal about spelling to text well").

Crystal's central argument is that, looked at historically, English spelling is by no means as mad and illogical as its critics claim.

There are, it turns out, good solid reasons for such things as the h in ghost, the b at the end of bomb and even the notorious variety of pronunciations for ough—and the book explains them all with infectious gusto.

The trouble, you see, is that English has 44 separate sounds, but only 26 letters. The attempts to solve the many problems this causes have generally made perfect sense. Unfortunately, clearing up one problem has often led directly to another.

Take, for example, the decision in the Middle Ages—quite a neat one on the face of it—to show that a vowel is short by doubling the consonant after it. On the one hand, this makes perfectly clear the difference between say, riding (with a long i) and ridding (with a short i). But on the other...

)U ['I r

I

If a consonant sound was already being spelled with two letters, to double it to show a short vowel would mean that there would be four. This would result in spelling moth as mothth, fishing as fishshing, and so on. Nobody liked that. And so another strategy was established: don't double if a sound is already spelled with two letters.

But the story of doubling isn't over yet. A joined letter w (what had earlier been written as uu) had arrived with the Norman scribes, and at the same time they were also making more •

David Crystal is honorary professor of linguistics at the University of Wales, Bangor.

His many books include The Story of English in 100 Words and The Stories of English, now a Penguin Classic

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK 147

use of the letter v. The problem quickly became evident. If people started spelling words like loving and having as lovving and hawing, there was a real risk of confusion.

In handwriting, lovving could be mistaken for lowing. Solution? Make v another exception. And ever since, the language has avoided double v spellings. We see double v today in just a handful of modern colloquialisms, such as divvy (dividend), navvy (labourer) and revving (an engine), and in representations of local dialect, such as bower ('bother').

Avoiding a double v seems like a good solution, but—as so often with spelling—a decision made for one part of the lexicon introduces complications for another part.

TIIII SPREAD OF EDUCATION The scribes also had to solve the problem COI. and 'Ave a look, Mario,. They've been and put a clock on a Iidy'n 'at, and they dual know 'ow to of distinguishing u and v, which looked spell it " identical in handwriting. Faced with a spelling that Spelling wasn't easy then looked like /ou, how were you to read it? either: a Punch With a v they decided to add a final e, cartoon of 1900 which they thought would help to show that the v is a consonant. It didn't seem to bother them that a final e was already being used to mark a long vowel [as in fine as opposed to fin]. So words like give and above ended up in their modern form. Only a very few words, mainly recent foreign loans, are spelled with a final v, as in Slav, Molotov and Kalashnikov.

We can now see the origins of one of the modern spelling irritations. The adjective live (as in live animals) has a long vowel, following the regular spelling rule. The verb live (as in to live) has a short vowel, following the exceptional marking of letter v.

Spell It Out: the Singular Similarly, Americans have to cope with the short vowel of dove Story of English the bird coexisting with the long vowel in the past tense of dive (I Spelling by dove into the pool). Words ending in ve with a short vowel are not David Crystal a big problem, as very few words are affected. But they are a is published nuisance, nonetheless, as some of the exceptional cases are

by Profile on frequently used in the language (have, especially), and so jpjp September 5 the exception is often before our eyes. at £12.99 n

So we can now see the origins of one of the modern spelling hritations...

141 READERSCOGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

The Life and pinions % Changed my Life f Tristram Shandy iom Parker bowies is a culinary writer and Books that

ALP

broadcaster. He is food editor of Esquire magazine and has a weekly column in the Mail on Sunday. He is also the author of four books. His latest, Let's Eat: Recipes from My Kitchen Notebook, is out now.

Boy

by Roald Dahl Growing up, my sister and I enjoyed a very bookish childhood. My mother [Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall] would let us choose whatever we wanted from Waterstones—apart from the time that I put something on the counter by notorious sexual libertine the Marquis de Sade. That was promptly vetoed. Dahl was one of my favourite authors, and Boy, his autobiography, is written in the same unpatronising, clean and sparse prose as his other books. It was so exciting to see where the inspiration for all his ideas came from. From that point on, I started to be interested in the person behind everything I read, rather than just taking a story for granted.

by Laurence Sterne Of everything I read for my English degree.

I thought this the most brilliant. It exploded the myth that books have to follow a certain narrative form. Sterne experimented with literary expression in the 1700s in a way that modernist writers would years later. By the very contract of opening a book, you think you should be able to trust the narrator, but Sterne is wonderfully obtuse and bawdy. He goes off at tangents, lying and ranting—he can't explain anything simply. I loved the literary ride this style took me on.

The Tummy Trilogy by Calvin Trillin There are lots of pompous food writers, but Trillin isn't one of them. His Hemingway-esque prose made me believe for the first time that food writing could be a noble calling. This trilogy is about the pleasure to be had from "serious eating"; seeking out the real food of America, whether it be Southern chicken wings or pot stickers in Chinatown. Like him, I'd rather enjoy the authentic tastes of the culture I'm in than sit in fancy restaurants with thick, starched napkins. • As told to Caroline Hutton

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSD1GEST.CO.UK 141I

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131

Postcode Answer to 17,000 puzzle is

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154 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

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in the October Issuer Noughts 8 Crosses Put a

word—and move from the word at the top of the ladder to the word at the

nought (0) or a cross (X) in each cell so that there are no lines of three (000s or XXXs) in any direction.

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bottom using the exact number of rungs provided.

2. Suko Place the

numbers 1 to 9 in the spaces, so that the number in each circle is equal to the sum of the four surrounding spaces, and each colour total is correct.

3. Pathfinder

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And the £50 goes to...

Jamie Ambrose from West Sussex The small print • Entry is open only to residents of the UK. Channel Islands. Isle of Man and Republic of Ireland aged 18 or over. It is not open to employees of Vivat Direct Limited (t/a Readers Digest). Its subsidiary COMPN885 and all other persons associated with the competition

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WIN £70 FOR EVERY READER'S JOKE WE PUBLISH. EMAIL EXCERPTS(6 READERSDIGEST.CO.UK OR GO TO FACEBOOK.COM/READERSDIGESTUK

uppy

•

1 I said to my girlfriend, "Can you fetch me the paper, sweetheart?"

She replied, "A newspaper? It's the 21st century. Why don't you just borrow my iPad?" That fly didn't know what had hit it, Seen on the Internet Mother to teenage daughter: "How come you're all dressed up?

Where are you off to?"

Daughter: "Oh, just to the bathroom. I need a new Facebook profile picture."

Seen on Twitter 1 I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

US comedian Wendy Liebman

"Guess that answers that one, then!"

1 A WOMAN IS TELLING HER FRIEND ABOUT HER system for labelling the home-made meals she keeps in her freezer.

"Forget calling them 'boeuf bourgignon', 'chicken casserole' or 'spag bol'. If you look in my freezer, you'll see 'whatever', 'anything', 'I don't know' and—my favourite—'food.'

"That way, when I ask my husband what he wants for dinner, I'm certain to have what he wants."

Mrs J Dann, Great Barrow, Cheshire I "Where do you want this huge roll of bubble wrap?"

I asked my boss.

"Just pop it in the corner," he replied.

It took me three hours.

Seen on the Internet

The Person in the Room 156

READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

I Guns don't kill people. People who say, "Guns don't kill people," kill people. With guns.

US comedian Rob Delaney

1 Joining the gym is amazing—such an invigorating way to start the day! Waking up at 7am and deciding not to go is a great feeling.

Comedian Nat Luurtsema

I Just saw an ad for an "improvised Shakespeare company". Good idea. The problem with Shakespeare was always the writing. us comedian Ritch Duncan

Support bacteria!

They're the only culture some people have...

Dr Syed Khizar Ali, Manchester

1 The wife left me a note on the fridge-freezer saying, "It's no good—it's not working. I'm staying at Mum's for a while."

I opened the door, the light came on and the beer was chilled. Goodness knows what she was on about!

Stuart Collinson, Edinburgh If a tortoise doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?

Seen on the Internet

A book fell on my head today. I've only got my shelf to blame James Baines, London

LITTLE EPIPHANIES # 17:

I AND A MARK OF DISTINCTION

BY ALUN COCHRANE

Comedian Alun Cochrane inhabits a daydreamy world of surreal realisations and whimsy. This is his monthly moment of revelation I've recently noticed something about Prince Harry. The last few times he's been in the media, he's had strips of fabric tied around his wrist, like many trendy young people (and some rather misguided older people) do.

On a royal, it struck me as odd—a bit jarring, and perhaps a misguided attempt to look "street". Then I remembered that he's unimaginably wealthy, and will spend his entire life never wanting for anything. At the click of his fingers, he can have whatever he likes, be it a boiled egg or a supercar.

So then it dawned on me—those strips around his arm must be his "all-inclusive" wristbands! When a normal person goes on a package holiday all-inclusive and feels a bit naughty ordering a cooling gin and tonic by the pool at 12.30 in the afternoon (different rules apply on holiday, don't they?)...

Harry must have the same thing when, in Africa, he can just say, "I fancy a shepherds pie," and, with a quick lift of his wrist, people jump to attention and serve. But being a royal is like a whole life of all-inclusive—and he has the wristbands to prove it.

SEPTEMBER 2012 READERSDIGEST.00 UK

157

OFFBEAT HUMOUR FROM ADAM HESS Adam was winner of comedy website Chortle's student comedy award last year, and has been putting up hundreds of strange musings on his Twitter feed ( a adamhessl) ever since.

■ I met my girlfriend speeddating. I was furious.

■ Whenever someone says, "And don't worry, there are no wrong answers here today," I see that as a challenge.

■ Why do people say "my

■ Do twins get each other pet cat" instead of just "my birthday cards? cat"? It's obviously your pet.

■ I think a technicolour It's not like we thought it dreamcoat is possibly the was your dad. worst thing anybody's ever ■ My pets follow me to thought about murdering work, which is nice—like their brother over.

Snow White, but they're ■ Instead of wasting rats and flies, which really money on paperweights, scares the children.

I've just invested in far ■ Halifax, you better heavier paper. improve your customer ■ My last girlfriend had service pretty soon, or a really symmetrical face, I'll take my years of which was good—but debt elsewhere.

PITHY PROTESTS Holding up signs for hours on end, probably in the rain?

Sounds a bit dull. So these protestors spiced it up a bit...

ISO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK SEPTEMBER 2012

the line of symmetry was horizontal, which was bad.

■ Whenever one of my close friends suddenly dies, I cant help but wonder whether or not they considered me self-obsessed.

■ Agoraphobes are in at the moment.

Adam has shows this month in Northamptonshire and London. Details can be seen at chortle.co.uk

I've entered the Iron Man challenge.

But I'm not sure I'll be able to get one completely flat.

Comedian Milton Jones, by Twitter I My girlfriend is a vegetarian. She said that I'm not a real animal lover, because I eat meat, and that if I really loved animals, I'd only eat lettuce, vegetables and grains. I said, "If you really loved animals, you'd stop eating all their food."

US comedian Dustin Chafin Why did my wife buy me a faulty calculator? It just doesn't add up.

Comedian Tony Cowards, by Twitter

60-Second Stand-Up Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome FAVOURITE U

iNER?

I don't know what my favourite is, but I do know that Lee Mack told it.

IP

BEST HECKLE YOU'VE RECEIVED? A couple of weeks ago, I did a show in a rural community in Australia. A couple came in 20 minutes late; I asked them why. The guy said, "I've been milking." Instinctively, his wife—and I don't know why she felt the need to clarify this—said, "Not me, the cows!"

Danny Bhoy is on tour from September 9.

For details, see dannybhoy.com

FUNNIEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? About a year ago, I'd only just made the train from Edinburgh to London. A girl in the carriage looked at me and smiled, and I smiled back. She was giggling and I thought, She obviously knows who I am. Maybe / should move in with a conversation...?

But a lot of other people in the carriage were also laughing. I realised it was because a pair of underpants was sticking out of my trouser leg...and had flopped orto my shop

I Life is so unfair.

99 per cent of bankers give the others a bad name!

J Stronach, Selby, North Yorkshire

FAVOURITE TV SHOW „4411, In my darkest moments, I stick on some Alan Partridge.

1,0.0.004"M■ 1 I just got the audiobook, which is one of the funniest things I've ever listened to.

It's been a long time since a ope, character was created who's quite so funny; he has these self-righteous and indignant views that we know are wroi

I Being able to remember when it was called Oil of Ulay is one of the seven signs of ageing.

Comedian Nick Doody

FINALLY, WHO'S YOUR COMEDY INSPIRATION? Billy Connolly. We were quite a fractured family—always off in different places. The one thing that brought us all together was watching Connolly at Christmas. We all found it funny, from me at eight to my gran at 88. I met him once in Montreal, and he was just as funny and charming as he is on stage. ■

vairibv.t.

SEPTEMBER 2012 RE ADERSDIGEST.CO.UK Ise

Beat the Cartoonist!

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While we liked cartoonist Lon Havvkfr.<' clotfnr "Oh, don't hurt it. Can't you trap it under glass or something?", .,ur voters disagri it came last, some distance behind

Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-September alongside an anonymous caption from our professional cartoonist.

Visitors can choose their favourite—and if your entry gets the most votes, you'll receive E100 and a framed copy of the drawing. Submit to captionsrci)readersdigest.co.uk or the address on page 4 by September 7. Enter and vote online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption. We'll announce the winner in our November issue. •

IN NEXTi, MONTI-PS Behind the scenes with Fiona Bruce and

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