Reader's Digest May 2012

"Knowing a hurricane is heading your way causes a drastic shift in priorities," says writer Lisa Loveday. "For the next few hours, it's all about staying safe."

"Meeting 100-wordstory winner Joshy Cunningham was a real delight," says photographer Gary Calton. "It's great that he intends to spend his prize money on an electric guitar!"

"It's a honour to write for Reader's Digest," says John Prescott. "When I was a seaman, I'd spend many a night reading it. My article looks at how social media is holding the press to account."

40 Queen of Diamonds How does Elizabeth II juggle her time? What's she like when the cameras are gone? And does she really feed her own corgis?

To mark the Diamond Jubilee, we've been trawling through our archives, and we've uncovered some fascinating reports about what life in the royal family is like—from the 1950s to the present day

36 Reasons to Be Cheerful, Part 18 James Brown justifies the hype behind Skype

54 Live Through This! What's it like to be attacked by a shark or struck by lightning? Survivors tell all...

62 100-Word Story Competition Meet the winners!

70 The Maverick: "Let Twitter Monitor the Press"

Sloppy journalists now have nowhere to hide, says former deputy prime minister John Prescott

Best of British: Festivals There are more than 5,000 in England alone—here are some of our favourites

82 A Life Less Ordinary: Strength in Numbers Twins

Michelle and Christine were born with cystic fibrosis, and are still here a record-breaking 48 years later

St How to Be Happier Scientifically proven tips for turning that frown upside down

94 Jim Broadbent: "I Remember"The actor reflects on how his father's death affected him

100 The Good, the Bad and the Unexpected

Why the internet has had society-shaking effects no one could have predicted

`Congratulations to SusannahMe Best Consumer Monthly Magazine Feature Health Writers awards

Want an easy way to get to our website? Grab your smartphone and go to the App Store or Android Market, then download the free Digital Space app. Hold your phone about four inches away from the picture of Gill above, allowing the camera to focus, and you'll be taken straight to our site. Reader's Digest the World's Biggest Magazine published in 50 editions in 21 languages

Given that Reader's Digest was first published in the UK back in 1938, it's no surprise that the royal family have made regular appearances in the magazine over the years. So as the Queen wrote to congratulate us on our 50th anniversary in 1988, it seemed only polite to return the favour for her Diamond Jubilee by revisiting some of the great royal stories in our archives. The result? A new Reader's Digest book, full of wonderfully evocative and insightful reports from our various royal correspondents—from the Queen's six-month world tour in 1954, to the story behind the portrait we commissioned of her in 1997. We've picked some cracking highlights from the book to whet your appetite—as you'll discover on p40.

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WRITE ON...

Send us your stories, jokes and letters— if they're published, we'll pay

WE PAY £50 for the star letter, £30 for normal letters and £15 for short extracts. Email readers letters@readersdigest. co.uk or write to Readers' Letters, Reader's Digest, 157 Edgware Road, London W2 2HR.

WE ALSO PAY £70 for the true stories, anecdotes, jokes in Laugh! and You Couldn't Make It Up..., and contributions to endof-article fillers, Travel and Gardening.

Email excerpts@ readersdigest.co.uk or write to Excerpts, Reader's Digest, 157 Edgware Road, London W2 2HR

THE SMALL PRINT

Ensure submissions are not previously published. Include your name, email, address and daytime phone number with all correspondence. We may edit letters and use them in all print and electronic media. Contributions used become world copyright of Vivat Direct Ltd (t/a Reader's Digest).

SORRY! We cannot acknowledge or return unpublished items or unsolicited articlelength manuscripts. Do not send SAES. Article-length stories, poetry and cartoons are not requested. Don't missour How to Be Happier feature on p88!

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Keep your Twitter suggestions coming!

rdigest

Is something nagging you? An issue you want looking into? A question for one of our columnists? Thanks to your tweets, we've already investigated how refugee camps are set up and looked at techniques to control anger (see our April issue).

Check out this month's Twitter-inspired items on pages 100,114,143, and tweet us @rdigest—you could see your idea turned into an article, too!

Swimming in water is greot. I just don't want my food swimming in it.

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Online this month...

Queen Bee? Queen Bear!

The odds are pretty high that this'll be the only royal Diamond Jubilee you'll witness during your lifetime, so don't let the event pass without splurging on some memorabilia to commemorate the occasion.

lbOur online shop has

a variety of mugs, plates, tea towels and jewellery to honour the anniversary, but our personal favourite is the Queen Elizabeth Bear, complete with crown and robe! Go to readersdigest.co.uk/queenbear

New eBooks available now!

Exciting news—our Reader's Digest books from the best-selling "Most Amazing" travel series are now available for the iPad at Apple's iBookstore, priced just £4.99. Choose from Amazing Places to Visit in Britain, Amazing Places to Visit on Britain's Coast, Amazing Places to Visit in London and Amazing Places of Folklore & Legend in Britain.

DON'T FORGET to check out our fabulous apps, too! Go to the iTunes music store to download our iPad app and our new walking app.

Visit our online shop, where we now have over 1,000 items available (plus p&p is free)

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OVER TO YOU...

EMAILS, LETTERS, TWEETS AND FACEBOOK

£30 FOR EACH PUBLISHED LETTER, £15 FOR SHORTER EXTRACTS, £50 FOR THE LETTER OF THE MONTH!

SEE P4 FOR MORE DETAILS

LETTER OF THE MONTH

In a country beset by cuts and disquiet, all credit to Reader's Digest for rising above this doom and gloom with its campaign to "Keep Britain Happy".

It's been a long-held view in the print media that good news doesn't sell, yet Reader's Digest has lifted the nation's spirits for decades now, with wonderful anecdotes and funny stories. The whole mix is perfect for making us feeling better about ourselves.

On the subject of happiness, I've been reading a guide that suggests people avoid news in the morning, because it starts the day in a negative way. Instead, I keep your magazine by my bed to flick through with my first cuppa-1 meet each new dawn enlivened, stimulated, amused and, yes, smiling.

Keep up the great work, Reader's Digest. You do our nation a great service!

Rob Lane, Derby

» What makes you happy? Please tell us at readers letters@readersdigest.co.uk

FAR-SIGHTED

After reading the section on laser-eye surgery in "Should You Have It Done?", I wanted to share my experience. Ten years ago, I chose to undergo the PRK laser treatment (now superseded by the more recent Lasik surgery), and although it was a very uncomfortable and quite painful operation, I don't regret it at all.

Yes, I might have to wear glasses when I'm older, but that would have happened anyway. Ten years of freedom from spectacles or contact lenses has been worth every penny I paid.

Donna Roskell, Southsea

BOILING OVER

I wish I'd seen your Consumer column before I took out a loan for a gas-boiler installation a few years ago. If I had, I'd have read the small print and been aware of the consequences. For a boiler that cost £3,500, I'm repaying the loan company just under £10,000. I don't know how I could have been so stupid.

But I suppose forewarned is forearmed—I'll heed your advice and never make the same mistake again.

Luke Jones, Clwyd

"Are you sure we're supposed to follow each other on Twister?"

DRUG MONITOR

Barbara Ann Clough says in Over to You" that people over 60 "should get regular reviews of the medication they're taking". But anyone on long-term medication for chronic medical conditions should already be offered reviews by their GP on a regular basis. They also have access to the Medicine Use Review service provided by their community pharmacy. Both of these exist as part of the management of those with chronic conditions.

I really hope this spurs people to ask about them if they're not already aware.

Manisha Patel, Essex

EASING THE BURDEN

I had my hours reduced at work recently, and was worrying about my finances.

Then I came across "Live for Free" and was delighted to find 16 ways to save on spending. These suggestions made me feel a lot less pessimistic about coping until my hours are increased again.

Leona Henman, North Wales

A MOVING APPEAL

Thank you for publishing the story of Sanjay Joshi's lung transplant in February's Health column. I couldn't help thinking about my brother-in-law, who died at the age of 28 because of kidney failure. He could be with us now if only there had been a donor available.

I'm a member of the Asian community and your article touched my heart. I signed up straightaway as a donor with the NHS, and posted your message on my Facebook

"COME AGAIN?"

• "..Who the hell owns an anvil? I do! I inherited it from my father, who was an apprentice blacksmith. I thought it might come in handy. Do I qualify for a prize?..."

• "...'Sharpeners are for sharpening pencils!' my mum shouted angrily at me. 'Not your sister's fingers!'..."

• "...The bungalow was called 'River View'. 'River' meant dry ditch. We christened it 'Ditch View'. No sale..."

• "...Gill, a lad in Hull is called George Hudson. I keep getting you two mixed up, but you are the best..."

• "...Policemen are younger, stairs are steeper and buttonholes are smaller than they used to be, and folk ring your doorbell to ask if you're alright when there's a quarter of an inch of snow on the ground..."

wall, which inspired many of my friends to sign up as well.

Punam Singh, West Midlands

RD: In case you missed the item, a quarter of patients awaiting organ transplants are from black and Asian communities, which in turn account for less than two per cent of those on the Organ Donor Register. Join up at organdonation.nhs.uk

TITANIC ERROR

"The Truth About Titanic" will have irritated every self-respecting ex-matelot in referring to the liner as "a boat carrying 2,224 passengers and crew".

A boat? The Titanic was a ship, for goodness sake!

A boat is a vessel with only one through deck above the waterline. The Royal Navy used to knock this into us raw recruits (sometimes literally).

Colin Gooch, Staffordshire

CAPTURING YOUNG MINDS

Our granddaughter Jessica loves reading, and spent a long time completely absorbed in your last edition, carefully turning the pages. Is she your youngest reader? She was a year old just one week before this photo was taken.

Chris Low, Bradford

RD: If you know of a younger fan than Jessica, please email readersletters@readersdigest. co.uk with a picture!

C=1En=11

NixMedalla

Happy 90th birthday* rdlge-;t thank you for giving me free knowledge. And keeping me entertained in your work features and laugh sections (my fav part).

YOU'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT...

"Staying Single Is Simply the Best", Joanna Cruddas's Maverick article.

• Thank you so much, Joanna! I'm also single and proud of it. It's about time we singles were better catered for.

Melanie Lodge, Aberystwyth

• My first reaction was, "How incredibly self-centred!" Love is about giving, and in giving we receive so much more back.

David Rawson, Herefordshire

• Surely being in a relationship doesn't stop you retaining friendships with people from earlier periods of your life?

Susannah Harrison, Brighton

• Choose the single life if that suits you, but why not look for someone who could be helped back to happiness with your love?

Derry Jones, North Yorkshire

YOUR FAVOURITE MAGAZINE IS NOW AVAILABLE ON THE MlitinC.1",A rik THE APPLE NEWSSTAND, THAT IS!

All you need is iOS 5 on your iPhone or iPad and away you go! You can buy either single issues of the magazine for £1.49 or—for just £11.99—you'll get a whole year's worth. What are you waiting for?

YOUR SHORT, SHARP GUIDE TO MAY

Author and BBC2 Review

Show critic Natalie Haynes on the new releases

CINEMAS

Cafe de Fiore. This FrenchCanadian film is an occasionally fantastical meditation on the nature of love—between childhood sweethearts, married couples, and parents and children.

Vanessa Paradis is startling as Jacqueline, the fierce mother of Laurent, a child with Down's syndrome. But, as her story plays out in Paris in the Sixties, we also follow Carole (Helene Florent) and Antoine (Kevin Parent) in modern-day Montreal. They grow from teenage lovers into parents (then betrayed spouses), and the two stories are linked by a song, "Café de Fiore", which both Laurent and Antoine listen to obsessively. A sophisticated and very moving film for grown-ups, but the soundtrack alone won points from me—The Cure and Cole Porter rarely appear in the same movie.

Beauty and the Beast 3D. This is probably my favourite Disney film of all time, and this is the first chance to

AR

see it on the big screen since its release in 1991—when it broke new ground for an animated film by being nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. The songs are glorious (who knew anyone could

find a rhyme for, "I use antlers in all of my decorating"?), and only a beast wouldn't cry a little at the end.

OUT ON DVD

War Horse.

Schmaltzy equine odyssey, with beautiful scenery.

Sherlock Holmes: a Game of Shadows. Your Victorian London crime fix with Robert Downey Jnr.

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(PS3, Xbox 360, PC Eight years since his last game, Max is back, ready to shoot baddies in slow-mo. Well 'ard.

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grog rock. Forty years ago, in a typically maverick move, Jethro

Tull's Ian Anderson wrote a hugely enjoyable concept album that claimed to be a setting of a controversial poem by the troubled teenage prodigy Gerald Bostock. It also spoofed the OTT stylings of the band's peers, such as Yes and Genesis, and the result was a number-one US album. Using the fictitious and now 50something Bostock as a device, Anderson updates his intricate folk rock to take on bankers, new politics and middle age.

King Con by Alex Winston

Think Bjork meets Taylor Swift. Alex Winston's singles to date—"Velvet Elvis" and "Sister Wife"—have been some of the most joyous moments in pop this past year or so. The Detroit multi-instrumentalist's gorgeous, comedy cutesy voice masks a wicked and dark sense

ALEX WINSTON of fun. The vibe is a quirkily indie one but the tunes really • IMO CON are to die for, and the production is up there with the big boys. In any sane world, she's going to be a star.

Thick Asa Brick 2 by Jethro

Tull/lan Anderson pray rock for people who don't like

How About I Be Me (And You Be You)? by

Sinead O'Connor

Think Marianne Fak tunes. It was 20 years ago that O'Connor tore up a picture of the Pope on prime-time US TV—and, since then, her lurid personal life and troubled antagonistic relationship with the Irish church has, sadly, defined her, rather than her music.

But this is a heartening comeback: a selection of tunes both whimsical and "finger pointing" as she puts it—all delivered in a voice more weathered, but still remarkably sparkling. ►

BBC 6 Music's Stuart Maconie's pick of the recent releases

Diving: European Championship, Eindhoven, The Olympic Countdown Clock is ticking like an enthusiastic teacher in a homework-marking race, and Tom Daley will be looking to find some form in the same competition where, in 2008, he won his first major gold medal, aged 13.

The Plymouth Plummeter has received some recent criticism for, among other things, not being as good as China's world champion Qiu Bo. So he'll be out to show the splash-minimisation-loving Eindhoven crowd that he remains a man who knows the most acrobatic way from A to B. Provided that A is ten metres above a pool of water, and B is a pool of water. ALSO ON OUR Brighton. relay.

ESPNcricinfo cricket blogger, broadcaster and stand-up Andy Zaltzman previews the best of the month's action

FA Cup Final, Wembley, Any English football club without access to mountainous piles of million-pound notes now has as much chance of winning the league as a baby zebra has of killing a hungry lion. But this piece of silverware remains a possibility, particularly with the big Manchester clubs knocked out.

AND DON'T MISS..

Heineken Cup Final, May 19. Monaco Grand Prix, May 27. England v West Indies: 1st npower Test, May 17-21.

AR The Great Escape music festival, Olympic torch RHS Chelsea Flower Show.

Diamond Jubilee Pageant, Windsor.

New Girl (Channel 4) I used to think Zooey Deschanel was unbearably twee. It turns out she's quite funny.

I'm the One, Annette Peacock. One of the first people to have a Moog synthesiser, which she weaves into these (recently reissued) awesomely soulful songs from 1972.

ONLINE: twitchr.co.uk. Built by artist Kathy Hinde to map homerecordings of birds via Google.

All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy. The first in a trilogy about a young cowboy crossing from Mexico to Texas.

Jennifer Allan, 26, journalist

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Damp is a creeping menace that affects thousands of homes across the UK.

It rots woodwork and carpets, peels wallpaper and causes fungus and mould growth on walls.

Damp can wreak havoc in your home at any time of the year, while the visible signs come and go with our changeable weather.

It is important to tackle damp because ignoring it can store up serious problems and also pose potential health risks * especially if you have a medical condition such as asthma or rheumatism.

YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP...

41 My disabled friend was very grateful when her stepson offered to do the supermarket run for her. But going through the purchases on his return, she was puzzled to find an oven-ready duck.

"Why did you buy that?" she asked.

"It was on your list," he pointed out.

She insisted that it wasn't. A long argument ensued, ending when her stepson found the list.

"There!" he shouted triumphantly. "Duck."

"I didn't mean a duck!" she replied. "I meant the loo cleaner."

1Browsing through some statistics, my eldest son said, "Did you know that four out of ten people suffer from diarrhoea?"

His younger brother piped up, "Does that mean the other ones don't mind having it?"

Jade Symonds. London

I While working in central Dublin a few years ago, I was queueing in a bakery

"It's taking him a while to adapt to working from home"

1 RETURNING HOME FROM WORK ONE EVENING, MY husband asked where my car was parked. "Outside in the drive, of course," I said. "No, it isn't," he replied.

I went to the door, and saw an empty space where my car should have been. "Call the police," I said in shocked tones. "It's been stolen." Shortly afterwards, an officer arrived to take a statement. The next morning I had to call work and take a few days off, as I'm a home carer and need a vehicle for work. I also phoned the insurance company and set the wheels in motion for a claim.

Three days later, my husband and I went out in his car to look at the price of a replacement. As we drove past a nearby side street, my husband turned to me and said, "I've just seen your car in that street."

"Don't be daft," I replied, as we went to have a look. Suddenly, I froze—a horrible memory had hit me of taking our dog in the car to the woods, then walking home.

I had a lot of explaining to do!

to buy some buns for the office coffee break. In front of me was a young mother having difficulty controlling her two children, one of whom was hitting the other. Eventually, she shouted in a broad Dublin accent, "Elvis, leave Elton John alone!"—much to the amusement of everyone.

As I walked down my street one day, I was delighted to notice a pretty lady waving at me from an upstairs window. Beaming widely, I waved back, thinking, I've still got it at my ripe old age!

It was only when I'd gone a few more yards that I realised she was cleaning the inside of her window with a duster. I carried on walking, rather deflated.

1 The morning after a night out, I spied one of my friends in the supermarket. Creeping up behind

1 MY HUSBAND ALWAYS left everything to the last minute—not great for a man whose job involved travelling everywhere by train. But this was in the days of carriages and doors that could be opened while the trains were moving.

WIN £70 FOR YOUR TRUE, FUNNY STORIES. EMAIL excerpts@ readers digest.co.uk OR GO TO facebook. com/readers digestuk

him, I declared, "I'm surprised to see you here so early, after what you got up to last night!" The result? A complete stranger turned round and stared at me blankly.

IWhile we were on holiday, there was an announcement: "Lifeboat drill in three minutes. Put on your life jackets and go to your muster station."

On arrival at the designated station, our seven-year-old daughter said, "Does everyone here want mustard?"

Nt.ir1( il!r!':VIOrth Rolw

One day he made his usual dash to the station as the train edged along the platform. He yanked open a door while running and shouting at people to get out of his way. He threw his suitcase into the carriage as startled passengers

looked on. Finally, taking a desperate leap, he missed his footing and landed spreadeagled at their feet.

At this point, the train— which had been arriving, not leaving—screeched to a halt. idy Ki!patrick, Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham •

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WORD OWER

It's all up in the air, says Harry Mount

It's chocks away for the centenary of the RAF this month! Originally called the Royal Flying Corps, it was founded on May 13, 1912—and, 100 years later, RAF aircraft will be among those taking part in the fly-past over Windsor Castle to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. Test your airborne vocabulary by answering A, B or C.

1 ack-ack n A antiaircraft fire B rear gunner

C trigger finger

2 aerofoil n A wing coating B cockpit housing

C structure that adds lift

3 fuselage n A burning engine B aeroplane body

C petrol tank

4 Mae West n A female pilot B life jacket C tail fin

5 goner n A doomed

person B minor injury

C call-up papers

6 drone n A small landing wheel B silent engine C pilotless plane

7 altimeter n A cloud disperser B instrument for showing height

C air sickness

8 undercarriage n

A wheeled structure under plane B tail fin

C aeroplane nose

9 shufti n A leather helmet B wartime rations

C glimpse

10 rudder n A guiding device B sea-landing

C overladen plane

ti Bernoulli's principle n

A theory on how to crashland B theory determining length of wings C theory behind flight

12 bail v A to climb

B jump out of a plane

C fly sideways

13 fly boy n A mess cook

B cockpit mascot C slang for a pilot

14 joystick n A steering column B sea rescue

C suicide pill

15 Mayday n A armistice

B radio distress signal

C battle orders t-

A word is born: nomophobia is the fear of being without your mobile phone or without a mobile signal. The term—popularised in North America—has widespread 11. application across the world as an international addiction to mobile phones has emerged. Sufferers often hear "phantom signals", when they think their phone has gone off even though it hasn't. Given the addiction, there are inevitable withdrawal symptoms—nomophobia.

RD Rating Useful? 8/10

Likeable? 6/10

WORD POWER ANSWERS

9-11 getting there 12-13 impressive 14-15 word-power wizard!

1 ack-ack—A anti-aircraft fire. "The ack-ack over Berlin was intense." Signallers' name for the letters AA.

2 aerofoil—C structure that adds lift. "The aerofoil on the back reduced the drag." Latin aer (air) and folium (leaf).

3 fuselage—B aeroplane body. "The fuselage was aerodynamic." French fuseler (cut into a spindle).

4 Mae West—B life jacket. "His Mae West saved him when he ditched over the Atlantic." From the American film star, noted for her good figure. goner—A doomed person. "Once his engine was on fire, he was a goner."

6 drone—C pilotless plane. "Drones cut the number of wartime casualties." Old English dran (the non-working male honeybee).

7 altimeter—B instrument for showing height. "In the fog, he depended on his altimeter." Latin altus (high).

8 undercarriage—A wheeled structure under

Jubilee originally comes from the Hebrew word yobhe/, meaning a ram's horn. In ancient Hebrew law, trumpets made of rams' horns were blown to announce a special year (also called a yobhe/) occurring every 50 years, devoted to the principles of restoration and emancipation.

Roman Popes adopted a similar practice, calling a jubllaeus annus every 25 years, during which an indulgence was granted to Catholics who carried out works of repentance. The Latin was later anglicised to jubilee—a celebration of a significant anniversary, particularly in a royal context.

plane. "The undercarriage retracted in mid-air."

9 shufti—C glimpse. "Fly over Bremen and take a shufti." Wartime slang, from Arabic saffa (try to see).

10 rudder—A guiding device. "The rudder determines horizontal movement." Old English rother (row).

11 Bernoulli's principle—C theory behind flight.

"Bernoulli's principle says that the higher the air

Play WP online: go to readersdigest. co.uk/wordpower

speed, the lower the air pressure." From Daniel Bernoulli (1700-82).

12 bail—B to jump out of a plane. "He bailed at 10,000 feet." French baille (bucket).

13 fly boy—C slang for a pilot. "The fly boys had a high casualty rate."

14 joystick—A steering column. "The joystick snapped off in his hands."

13 Mayday—B radio distress signal. "'Mayday!' he cried over the intercom." French m'aidez (help me). •

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IN THE FUTURE...

Tailored cells

Medicine has always had to treat us as if we were all identical. But now we're entering the age of personalised medicine, where treatments are aimed just at you. It's made possible by what are called induced pluripotent stem cells. Created from your blood, they can be induced to become any type of cell in the body—identical to the cells already in you.

It's hoped one day they might be used to create, for example, egg cells for the infertile, or neurons for the brain damaged. But, in the short term, they could be turned into heart cells or liver cells and, by 2015, used in a Petri-dish test to select which of a range of therapies should actually be used on you.

Global policing

From flash mobs to crowd sourcing, collective endeavour has thrived due to social networking and the internet. Now it's been suggested that the power of the crowd might be able to help police solve crimes,

0 Earthquake detected by sensor in house

Compressor pushes air from tank into gap

Not all shook up

O House "levitates" and is held by air above shaking ground

In the wake of the Japanese earthquake, one of the latest solutions is the house that levitates itself. When a sensor detects ground movement, compressors lift the house up to an inch off the ground in about a second—when the tremor subsides, the house settles back down.

Another innovation is a floating-house system that can reportedly withstand a tsunami wave ten feet high by lifting a home out of danger on a layer of buoyant foam— an instant house boat with an emergency power supply for over 48 hours. It'll take many years to re-engineer every building in Japan, but it's a job to be completed by 2030.

Step 1: Find the Suspect

heist. Collective creativity is one thing, but crowd too. A competition recently sourcing is only of use to launched in the US aims to the police if it produces discover if crowd power can actionable information. If catch a crew of fake jewel it does, by 2020 we might thieves, who have dispersed all be implored to saddle nationwide after a daring up and join the posse. ■

nne minute you're strolling on golden sands, the next you're Vexploring an ancient fort. That's what makes the stunning Channel Island of Guernsey so special — there's so much to explore, you never know what you're going to discover next. Everything about visiting Guernsey is easy. The language and currency are the same as the UK's (so no exchange rate worries), and you can fly here from nine" UK airports in as little as 30 minutes. Fast ferries also make the crossing in around two and a half hours from Poole and a traditional ferry sails from Portsmouth. To order your free brochure and DVD, freephone 0800 028 5353 quoting ref: 17/5 or go to visitguernsey.com

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INSTANT EXPERT

Harry Mount reveals the facts behind the news

The reputations of banks everywhere have taken a battering over the last few years. Here, we examine the daddy of them all:

What does the Bank of England do?

May 6 marks the 15th anniversary of the Bank of England being granted operational independence by the chancellor, Gordon Brown. That meant giving the Bank sole responsibility for setting interest rates. The annual inflation target is 3set by the chancellor of the exchequer.

. ' Decisions on interest rates are taken by the Bank's Monetary Policy Committee. Their aim is to ensure monetary stability through low inflation, and to achieve that low inflation by setting the appropriate interest rate. Since March 2009, the committee has also affected monetary stability through pouring money into the economy— "quantitative easing". Monetary policy is then dictated through a combination of the quantity of money in circulation, and the rate at which money is loaned.

£325bn the amount the Bank of England has pumped into the economy through quantitative easing 3 acres the space the Bank takes up in London's streets

How long has it been around?

The bank was set up in 1694, the second-oldest central bank in the world after Sweden's. Under King William and Queen Mary, the nation's finances were in a bad way, so a national bank was set up to grant a £1,200,000 loan to the government—the beginning of the national debt. In return for assuming the debt, the loan's subscribers were incorporated as the Governor and Company of the Bank of

England, which became the government's debt-manager and banker. In 1734, the Bank moved to Threadneedle Street, where it remains today, still called the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street (the name comes from an 18th-century cartoon caption). During the 18th century, the Bank expanded beyond its government role and also became the bankers' bank. In the 19th century, it became the lender of last resort—licensed to lend money when no other credit is available.

Bank of England

What was its role in the financial crisis?

As well as monetary stability, the Bank's second core aim is to achieve financial stability. Since 1997, the Bank has been responsible for the stability of the whole national financial system, while the Financial Services Authority is responsible for the behaviour of individual banks.

Who runs the bank?

What is the bank's connection to bank notes?

Since 1694, the Bank has been responsible for issuing banknotes in England and Wales. That's why each note is signed by the Chief Cashier of the Bank of England; Scotland and Northern Ireland's notes are issued by their own selected banks. The Queen's head has appeared on every Bank of England banknote since 1960—partly as a way of stopping forgeries.

Bank of England notes are produced by the De La Rue company, in Loughton, Essex. The notes are made from linen rag and cotton fibre, with a watermark incorporated during manufacture.

The Court of Directors, which consists of the Bank's Governor, two Deputy Governors and nine non-executive directors. The current Governor is Sir Mervyn King.

How much gold does the bank have?

In 1931, the UK left the gold standard, meaning our currency didn't have to be guaranteed in gold. But the Bank still has 312 tons of gold in its vaults.

Between 1999 and 2002, Gordon Brown sold 60 per cent of Britain's gold reserves. Anyone wanting to break into the vaults might have a difficult job faking the vault keys— they're each three foot long! ■

IF I RULED THE WORLD Nigel Botterill

In the last seven years, Nigel Botterill has built eight millionpound UK companies from scratch, including Explosive Marketing. He's also the founder of the Entrepreneur's Circle, which provides mentoring for small firms, and author of business guide The Botty Rules.

I'd make radical changes to the way the Government supports small businesses. For years after the war, all a business had to do to survive quite happily was to spread the word about its services by mouth and take an ad in the Yellow Pages. It was a simpler world, and you didn't need to know so much to be successful.

But how and what we buy has changed dramatically, and many firms, once at the heart of the community, are ill-equipped to cope. They find themselves clinging on by their fingernails to unprofitable models. Practical advice needs to be readily available on how to adapt to the huge changes in modern J technology of the last 20 years.

I'd make any business with an annual turnover of less

than a million pounds join my Entrepreneur's Circle. We've got a massive issue with youth unemployment—nearly 22 per cent of 16- to 24-year-olds are out of work in the UK. If we had more small businesses looking to expand, more jobs would be created.

I'd make whingeing and whining a criminal offence. A phrase I use a lot is, "You can make money or you can make excuses, but you can't do both." I'd put all the moaners in prison so they can complain to their hearts' content without inflicting their misery on the rest of us. I'm a plain-speaking Yorkshireman —if you don't like something, then aim to change it.

I'd ban all the sob stories on The X Factor. We shouldn't be glorifying them—it's turning us into a nation of wusses.

I'd put entrepreneurship on the National Curriculum. 5".1-1 " 1

• By the time kids are teenagers, they should be learning about the possibilities out there to do their own thing, and the critically important role that entrepreneurs

play in our society—creating demand and the jobs to meet it, paying tax and boosting the economy. I'd suggest that being an entrepreneur is as worthy a vocation as a nurse or doctor or member of the military.

A lot of the ills in Western society come about because people have allowed the Government and other organisations to assume responsibility for their lot in life. But it doesn't have to be that way—individuals should take responsibility and ownership of their lives, and it should start while they're at school.

I'd ban motorway closures. If there's an accident on a huge, important road, the priority of the police should be to move the accident to the side as fast as possible and keep the traffic moving. Untold damage is caused in terms of stress and frustration, relationships and commerce—not to mention our carbon footprint—when we're stuck for hours in traffic jams. I'd make people pass a test before they could vote. Nothing complex, but something to prove a basic understanding of

A phrase I use a lot is, `You can make money or you can make excuses, but you can't do both' For more

about Nigel's work, see nigel botterill.com

the issues facing the country or council or parish. Perhaps fewer people would go to the polls, but quality is more important than quantity—a vote cast from an informed perspective is better than one based on insufficient knowledge of the issues and choices at stake. It would raise the level of political debate and we'd get a better government.

I'd nudge Britain 500 miles to the south. I'm sure we'd all feel a lot better with more sunshine all year round!

I'd remind people that life is precious. Two things brought this home to me. First, I nearly died when I was nine from encephalitis, an inflammation of the brain. Then, of the 125 boys in my year who went on to do A levels, 26 of them died before they'd completed their exams. Car crashes, motorbike accidents, a suicide—it was a really terrible time. I'd left school at 16 and used to meet all my mates at funerals. It forced us to come to terms with our mortality. We should all make the most of our short lives, because every day is a gift. • As told to Caroline Hutton

High-tech treatments now more accessible for cancer patients

Fresh hope from Malaysia's cancer specialists

THE SCOURGE OF CANCER has long spurred efforts by scientists around the world to research its causes and cure. Malaysian researchers have contributed to the drive to understand the behaviour of cancer through centres such as the Cancer Research Initiatives Foundation.

technologies and therapies to give cancer patients fresh hope.

"Malaysian oncologists have among the best tools in the region at their disposal, such as image-guided radiotherapy, radio isotopes and PET/CT scanners," notes Dato' Dr. Mohamed Ibrahim A. Wahid, president of both the Malaysian Oncological Society and the Asia Pacific Federation of Organisations for Cancer Research and Control. "This has transformed the way we treat cancer, and produced measurably better results."

Many new treatment options are minimally invasive, according patients faster recovery times and fewer side effects. Several can also be performed as day procedures, saving patients the cost of hospital room and board.

Cancer treatment must be expertly managed

"We now know cancer is not a single disease but rather embraces a few hundred diseases," explains Prof. Dr. Teo Soo Hwang, the foundation's chief executive. "Even for cancers in the same location, such as breast cancer, we know that there are many subtypes. This means .40.. we need a multitude of treatment options to cater to patients with different cancers." III'

Thanks to extensive research, many stateof-the-art treatments are now available, even for well-developed and previously hard-to-treat tumours such as those near the brain, neck, prostate, heart or eyes. Doctors at Malaysia's private hospitals can call upon the latest

to reduce the risk of complications with co-existing conditions. "Many patients have other ailments in parallel with their cancer, such as heart or blood pressure issues, diabetes, kidney failure, or problems with the nervous system," says Dr. Ahmad Kamal Mohamed, consultant clinical

oncologist and radiotherapist at Sime Darby Medical Centre Subang Jaya.

Malaysian hospitals customarily have multidisciplinary expertise, meaning oncologists can readily draw on the advice of other in-house specialists to ensure optimal treatment courses.

The list of state-of-the-art treatments includes haematopoietic stem cell or bone marrow transplants, the use of monoclobal antibodies or engineered molecular drugs, robotic prostatectomy, and tomotherapy. The last two offer precision targeting of tumours to minimise damage to surrounding healthy tissue.

Higher survival rates

The application of high-tech treatments and careful procedure management have lifted overall cancer survival rates, with the highest rates seen

for cancers of the breast, bowel, lung and blood. Treatment is often a lengthy and expensive process, so patients must map their time and financial resources well in advance, guided by advice from their healthcare team, says Dr. Patricia Gomez, consultant breast surgeon at Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur. Healthcare fees

In 2011, some 578,000 foreign patients visited Malaysian hospitals for medical care. Most came for cardiac and orthopaedic treatments, plastic and dental surgery, fertility treatments and health screening. There are more than 60 private hospitals and healthcare facilities registered under the Malaysia Healthcare Travel Council (MHTC) to provide services to foreign patients.

in Malaysia are highly competitive, an important advantage for patients in other countries considering treatment abroad as an alternative to more expensive treatments at home.

Successful management of cancer also requires a high level of trust between patients and their doctors and caregivers, says Dr. Harjit Kaur, consultant breast surgeon and endocrine specialist at Prince Court Medical Centre. "The fact that medical professionals in Malaysia are wellversed in English, Mandarin, Chinese dialects and Malay helps immensely in building a patient's level of comfort. Patients must understand

thoroughly the potential adverse effects of their treatments and medications so that they can alert their healthcare providers if they experience any discomfort," she explains.

Many foreign patients bring family members with them during their stay in Malaysia, who can enjoy the country's superb and affordable tourism and shopping experiences when they are not visiting the patient in hospital.

If you know someone affected by cancer, encourage them to investigate the sophisticated and competitive procedures that Malaysia's hospitals and medical experts offer. The prospects for successful treatment have never been brighter.

For more information about Malaysia Healthcare, visit www.mhtcorg.nny

REASONS TO BE CHEERFUL 18.The Skype's the limit

James Brown extols the virtues of keeping in touch in a very modern, digital kind of way

So here I am, a 46-year-old man in central London, sounding like a high-pitched turkey, trying to replicate the sound Skype uses to alert you to an incoming call. You know Skypeyes? No? Either way, you should do because it's a superb way to keep in touch with your friends and loved ones scattered around the world. It's essentially a free video-telephone.

If you're unfamiliar with it, let me introduce you. You just look up "Skype" online, click and download the application to your computer, and you have access to free worldwide videomessaging to anyone else who has Skype, too. There aren't any charges. All you need is a computer with an inbuilt webcam—or a basic webcam to plug in—and you're off.

When Skype rings it sounds like my attempt at a digital turkey on helium. Presumably the noise is to make it stand out from the usual array of ringtones that fade into our digital backgrounds. There's a directory to the left of the screen that tells you which of your friends is online and, as with

phone numbers, you simply build up a collection of contacts.

When Skype calls, open your app, click on the video logo, and—wow! —there's my dad in his kitchen in Italy, my son at his mum's house, or my friend showing me a hotel swimming pool from his balcony in Miami. Sometimes it freezes, but a decent internet connection means you can get a guided tour of wherever your family or friends happen to be at the time of the call.

Like emalls, testing and Twitter, as an invention, Skype really does move communication forward. When I was on the edge of the Himalayas last autumn I was amazed to discover that internet cafes let you use their computers for Skype within the basic cost structure of hourly rental use. And the effect of actually being able to see my little boy each day was totally uplifting. Especially when I'd been trekking so high, and the temperature was so low I was using knee supports at night as extra socks.

OK, so I then had the issue of keeping his attention and stopping him messing around on his mum's computer, and sending me weird background images—but the feeling of seeing him healthy, and laughing and smiling, rather than just listening to

him on the phone, was great. So even though our families tend to spread out as we get older, there's really no excuse not to see each other any more.

Although I already refer to Skype as a verb ("to Skype” as in "to Hoover"), it's not long since we were still in the age of the licked stamp and envelope. And if, like me, you grew up hanging around phone boxes, pushing 2p and 10p coins into difficult slots while

writing Leeds United FC on the phone books, it beggars belief that it's as easy to make a 30-minute video call to India as it is to ring a girlfriend just down the road.

I distinctly remember the first time I even heard about the internet itself. It was at the world's biggest music gig, Rock in Rio, Brazil, 1991. I was interviewing the New York pop group Deee-lite, led by Lady Miss Kier in her harlequined catsuit. The night before, one of the trio had fallen off the 25-foot stage while videoing the 120,000-strong crowd and was still in hospital. So although the group were well known for their interest in new technology, their inability to understand gravity made me a little sceptical.

"So what you're telling me," I said to them, "is that soon someone on the top of a mountain in Africa with a computer will be able to write to someone in New York and get an instant reply?" Miss Kier and her chap nodded, delighted I'd understood. (I'm not sure whether they ever went on to read my article where my next line probably said something like: "They are clearly mental.") But they were, of course, right. o■

gg It's only a matter of time before we're driving hover-cars. I'm already wearing a tinfoil suit in preparation 99

I can't think of any better reason to be cheerful than being able to see your loved ones when you're far away from each other.

Long gone are the days when we needed to keep photos in our wallets (although I do still have them there). It's 2012, and we have the free face-toface video telephoning that sciencefiction programmes predicted 30 years

ago. It's only a matter of time before we're driving hover-cars. I'm already wearing a tinfoil suit in preparation. Now excuse me while I go outside and feed my electric sheep. ■

James, founder of Loaded magazine, now edits Sabotage Times—an online magazine with the motto: "We can't concentrate, why should you?" You can follow James on Twitter @jamesjamesbrown

FROM THE ARCHIVE: OVERSEXED, OVERPAID, OVER HERE

"What an English Girl Thinks of the Yanks", published in September 1943, tells the story of Dorothy Charles and her experience of American GIs based in Britain during the Second World War:

■ I'm fairly typical of the thousands that American boys are meeting in Britain. I'm 18 years old, blonde and reasonably pretty. Altogether, I've now met hundreds of them.

■ In some respects, Americans are even nicer than English boys; in others not so nice. But they certainly are different. There's the way they approach a girl. An Englishman insists on being introduced, and wouldn't dream of calling you by your first name until he's been out with you several times. The first time Americans meet you, they say, "Where did you get that sweet little face you're wearing tonight?"

■ The first one I encountered was called Eddie. "Let's get hot, Dot," he said, seizing my hand. "Let's show 'em how to cook with both burners." He led me to the dance floor. An Englishman dances in silence, with an expression of concentration on his face, so I wasn't prepared for the stream of conversation Eddie poured into my ear.

■ When he took me home, I got the biggest surprise of all. "Pucker up your lips, Gorgeous," he said. "I'm coming in on the beam." Then he grabbed me and gave me a kiss.

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Queen of namonuN

Her face is so familiar, yet she's never given a press interview and nobody's allowed to photograph her eating. So what do we really know about one of the world's most famous women? We opened the Reader's Digest archives—and uncovered some fascinating insights (1 into life with the Royal Family over the last 60 years... Ft

COMPILED BY ELLIE ROSE

At Wade

e al Routine

She wasn't expecting to become Queen so soon. But when her father George VI died in 1952, 25-year-old Elizabeth was plunged into a life of duties. Extracts from our October 1957 article, "Elizabeth II: The Commonwealth's Queen" give a sense of the lonely dedication required etk

Elizabeth is privy to state secrets that she may not disclose, even to her husband.

Under the Constitution, no law is valid until it bears the ancient words "La Reyne le veult," followed by her signature—and Elizabeth signs nothing she hasn't understood. Every important Foreign Office telegram must be read and filed in her memory, as it is her duty to assist Cabinet ministers, particularly the prime minister, with whom she meets once a week.

The Queen's engagements are made up a year ahead from some 2,500 requests for personal appearances—to lay foundation stones, unveil plaques, place wreaths, plant trees, visit hospitals, review troops and attend receptions.

THE MONARCH'S MAIL BAG

The Queen has usually read her private correspondence by 8am—letters from friends bear special markings. All other letters are read by Elizabeth or her staff the day they're received and forwarded to the correct department. The Queen takes no direct action, but letters bearing the words, "The Queen hopes..." tend to get results.

The Smile

"Sitting alone at her desk, something is missing from the Queens appearance as the world generally sees it: it is the Smile, target of millions of cameras, the catalyst that bestows on Elizabeth's fresh looks a quality of beauty. Without the Smile, the relationship between the girl-at-desk and the ancestors-on-wall is quickly apparent. To the Queen, the least moody member of the royal family, this stern-mouthed Hanoverian heritage has been a trial since childhood. To overcome it, she's forced to smile unremittingly every moment she's in public. If she relaxes, reporters write that 'the Queen appeared displeased', which can be disastrous for the organisation she's visiting. The strain of smiling for hours on end can only be understood by those who've tried it. The muscles of the face tremble with fatigue, the smile becomes a grimace. Elizabeth has mastered the difficulty."

Prince Philip does his best to keep the Queen amused. After her coronation, he asked her, "Where did you get that hat?"

Once she has committed to an appearance, nothing is too much trouble. To please the people gathered to see her in Ceylon as part of her 1954 Commonwealth tour, she wore her heavy coronation dress embroidered with gold thread. To complete the costume, she put on a massive diamond coronet, a diamond necklace, and long white gloves. Thus clad, she moved

for hours through thousands of people in blistering heat. Her aides were drenched with perspiration, but she finished the day smiling, her make-up unsmudged. The governor-general murmured a compliment on her performance. "Oh," she replied wryly, fingering the thick embroidery on her dress, "my only fear was that this gold thread would melt!"

Above: smiling through the decades, from the 1950s to the present day

A Tour of Du

Only five months after her coronation, Queen Elizabeth embarked on a six-month PR trip to set foot in parts of the Commonwealth that had never before seen a reigning monarch. We looked at the logistics...

"Comparable to a small war"

■ The Queen, along with the Duke of Edinburgh (the kids were back home) covered nearly 44,000 miles and visited 14 countries. They travelled by train, plane, ship, helicopter, jeep, car and horse carriage. The complete programme for the Royal tour filled a closely written book an inch thick.

■It took a year to schedule—even the Queen's walking time from the ship to the shore and from plane to car was worked out on a time sheet.

■ The tour involved a piece of logistics comparable to a small war. The Royal luggage weighed 12 tons, and the army, navy and air force were deployed to help. The Queen had a personal retinue of ten household servants, with admirals, majors, ladies-in-waiting dancing in perpetual attendance. But they were still living out of suitcases, and never stopped long enough to do the laundry!

■ The royal couple shook about 50,000 hands.

■ The couple attended 185 state functions, balls, luncheons and dinners. They saw plays, a music festival and 27 displays by children. At a performance in New Zealand, Elizabeth was symbolically attacked by a Maori warrior, before being given a ceremonial club with which to defend herself; and, in Tonga, she sat cross-legged with the mountainous Queen Salote, eating roast pig with her fingers.

And through it all, they never missed a serious engagement or fell ill (although, when the Queen returned home to London, observers noted she had lost some weight).

Keeping up appearances

■ Protocol demanded that every dress be new. It'd seem discourteous to appear in, say, Ceylon in a dress worn in Australia.

■ On tour, as many as five changes a day would be needed to allow for all conditions. Each dress required three to five fittings.

■ The Queen was continually getting out of cars in front of cameras, so the hems of her dresses were weighted.

■ Every hat needed a device to keep it clamped to the head, whatever the weather.

■ Elizabeth's dress designer Norman Hartnell (who made her coronation dress)

needed to ensure each garment photographed well—and they had to be light-toned, to stand out in a crowd.

■ Hartnell told us in 1957, "[I'm] always restricted by the Four Ws—Why, When, Where and by Whom a design should be worn. To overcome these, [I] must be a psychologist, an expert on protocol, and a geographer! In my case, the answer is that for years I've been reading Reader's Digest and found it rewarding as well as enjoyable, for it has helped me to solve that question of getting around the world while staying at home." You're welcome, Norman.

The itinerary

November 23

Depart from London

November 24 Bermuda

November 25 Jamaica

November 29 Panama

December 17 Fiji

December 19 Tonga

December 23

New Zealand

February 3 Australia

April 5 Cocos Islands

April 10 Ceylon

April 27 Aden

April 28 Uganda

May 1 Libya

May 3 Malta

May 10 Gibraltar

May 15 Arrive in London

The response

The sheer graft the Queen put into this tremendous gesture of goodwill was respected and returned in kind. When she arrived home on her yacht Britannia, she was stunned to find that thousands of her subjects had poured onto the streets to greet her. Many pitched up outside Buckingham Palace and didn't leave until 11pm.

FROM READER'S DIGEST, OCTOBER 1957

Ain

t midday, Elizabeth starts a series of 15-minute "audiences", granted to people in all walks of life who have some outstand' g achievement to their name. If you had an appointment with her, you would be received precisely on time. A secretary would have briefed the Queen on your business, your family, your hobbies; and as you were shown into her study, she would come forward, smiling, to shake hands. Women first make a brief "bob", men a slight bow. You would be asked to sit in one of the comfortable armchairs. No one else would be present. There would be no interruptions, you would address her as "Ma'am"—"Your Majesty" is used only at formal functions.

It is etiquette to let the Queen lead the conversation, partly because most visitors are too nervous to do so, and partly because she doesn't want to be trapped into some troublesome discussion. If she asks questions, she wants plain replies—her time is too crowded for circumlocution. But her manner would be relaxed, interested, friendly. Her light, pleasant voice would charm you, you would relax, too, but you would have no impulse to presume on her informality. Her inches may be few, but her stature as the Queen is unassailable.

After about 14 minutes she would rise casually. Years of practice enable her to terminate a visit so tactfully that visitors sometimes imagine that they have done it themselves. She would shake hands unhurriedly, leave you with the impression that she was sorry to see you go. You would bow, turn, walk away, grateful that Elizabeth's visitors, unlike Queen Victoria's, are not required to back out.

On One's I Own Time

It can't all be hand-shaking and sustained smiles. What's she like off-duty?

"SHE'S GENTLE WITH THE NERVOUS and tongue-tied, for she's shy herself," our correspondent wrote in October 1957. "She infinitely prefers a small house to a palace, the country to town, sports clothes to formal dresses. She has a lively sense of humour and, when anything amuses her, her hands go between her knees, back goes her head, and she laughs unrestrainedly."

"EVEN AT 26, she probably knew more about horses than any woman of her age. Once, when inspecting a horse she was thinking of buying, she watched him trotting for a minute, and then drew the vet's attention to a flaw in the animal's breathing. 'Many would envy Her Majesty's hearing,' the vet said afterwards. 'That sound would have meant nothing except to an expert.' "

"THE ROYAL COUPLE WERE REUNITED IN LISBON in February 1957 after spending Christmas apart because of formal duties. During this time, the Duke had grown a much-photographed beard. When he entered the aircraft that had borne his wife to Lisbon, he found that every single person on board, from the Queen to the most junior member of the household, was wearing a false beard."

"AT WINDSOR

one afternoon, a page came into the drawing room and said that there was a phone call for the Queen. Her Majesty excused herself and left the room, only to return seconds later. 'Sorry,' she said, smiling. 'Wrong Queen!' "

AND DOES ONE FEED ONE'S OWN CORGIS...?

Yes! Our February 1977 article said:

"Each evening, at about five o'clock, a footman brings into the Queen's sitting room a tray of three dishes and bowls of food. A white plastic sheet is placed on the carpet. With a silver fork and spoon, the Queen dishes out portions of gravy, meat and dog biscuits."

Young Ma'am

Unlike most 20-something parents, Her Majesty was also saddled with advising the Cabinet and maintaining international relations when her children were mere toddlers. How did she cope?

"EVERYONE LIKES TO SEE THEIR CHILDREN before they go to bed," our royal correspondent pointed out in February 1977. "But not everyone has had to ask the Prime Minister to delay coming round for half an hour or so to do so."

When Charles and Anne were small, the young Queen scheduled in a slot of time after breakfast, described by our royal correspondent in October 1957 as "a high spot with which nothing is allowed to interfere". She then enjoyed more "children time" between 5pm and 6.30pm, "another period sacred to the children's romp, supper, baths and bed-time stories. If the Queen has an early evening engagement, she dresses first

to avoid cutting the children short."

Then, on Saturdays, "if they're lucky, Philip, Elizabeth and the two children will pile into Philip's Lagonda sports car and drive to Windsor Castle for the weekend —but still pursued by the boxes (dispatches from parliament)".

And, we reported, "To prevent Charles and Anne becoming over-impressed with their surroundings, they had a limited number of toys. Their clothes were let down and the seams let out to make them last longer. Charles once lost a new dog lead at Sandringham. No one bothered about it until the

PRI A

A keen equestrian, Anne is the only member of the British Royal family to have competed in the Olympic Games (she took part in 1976, riding the Queen's horse Goodwill)

The Queen and family snapped at Balmoral during their August break in 1972

PRINCE CHARLES Although his parents tried to give him a "normal" upbringing, some gaps appeared when he was sent to boarding school in Cheam, Berkshire. When trying to write a letter home, he sought advice: "I know my mother is the Queen, but how do I put that on the envelope?"

PRINCE EDWARD Like his older brothers, Edward went to boarding school at Gordonstoun in Scotland, becoming head boy in his final year. Edward is the only one of Elizabeth's children not to have had a divorce, and his wife is Sophie Rhys-Jones

Queen found out. 'He must go back tomorrow and find it,' she said. And he did."

Elizabeth and Philip tried, by all accounts, to be normal parents. "When Charles walked into a room leaving the door open, his father stopped a footman from closing it. 'He's got hands,'

PRINCE PHILIP

Philip is a trained sailor and pilot, but also, more bizarrely, an experienced ship's stoker. During a walkout on a troop ship in the war, he worked shifts on coals ing duty

PRINCE ANDREW By the time Andrew was born, a decade after his elder sister, the Queen was able to rely on her cousins Prince Edward, Duke of Kent, and Princess Alexandra to take the pressure off her Royal duties while she cared for him

said Philip. 'Let him do it himself.' And while a Sandringham policeman, helmet knocked askew, was pondering the proper procedure for an officer snowballed by the heir to the throne, Philip called out, 'Don't just stand there —throw some back!'"

Royal Oils

Reader's Digest has commissioned two portraits of the Queen—one a popular painting known as "Corgi and Bess", the other a double portrait with the Duke of Edinburgh. Our articles from the time give a flavour of the occasions

"MICHAEL LEONARD TOOK NO SKETCHBOOK or paintbrush to Buckingham Palace. For his sittings with the Queen in the Yellow Drawing Room last summer, he equipped

:ltOfil:!kr:T!*1°' sealer's Digeec.

Thank you for your message of 10Ye1 frost which You have sent on the o ccasion Of the 50th annivereary of the first publication of the British edition of Reedeen giseet. Please convey my were appreciation to Your recces. Your colleagues and I congratulate You on heft century of ro.Oon. inie . end eucce..ful entertaining journelinm, which has won moat Your magezine its place as one of the Place roil(' journals in the United X ingdom. I?

himself only with a camera. 'Photographs provide all the information I need. I have to take them myself, though.'

"During the 25-minute sittings, Leonard took more than 100 pictures as the Queen, relaxed and friendly, sat on the sofa with her eight-year-old corgi Spark. Later, he chose six to amalgamate into his painting.

"The 30-inch-high portrait is in acrylic paint on canvas, a technique Leonard has used often in a career that has established him, at 52, in the forefront of Britain's figurative artists. After National Service in the Royal Tank Regiment, he studied at St Martin's College of Art, London, then became an awardwinning illustrator.

"Art critic John Russell IP,

Inset: the Queen's letter to Reader's Digest on our SOth anniversary In 1988, two years after Michael Leonard painted his portrait of Elizabeth II (right) for her 60th birthday

There's more in our new book Reader's Digest & the Royals, out this month at £9.99. See readersdigest. co.uk/royals

ISUCOUNGHAM PALACK

Best of the rest

There are more than 150 official portraits of the Queen, but these ones stand out.

• Taylor praises Leonard's preoccupation with 'the convincing rendering of three dimensions in two' and his 'apt disclosure of character in portrait'. Leonard, who composes his pictures with infinite care, thinks of himself as 'a realist in the classical tradition'.

"His use of photographs heightens the realism and immediacy of his royal portrait. Leonard says: 'I want to give the viewer the feeling of having a conversation with the Queen, to convey royalty combined with human warmth.'

"This commissioned Reader's Digest portrait is published on our cover as a tribute to Her Majesty the Queen on her 60th birthday on April 21 [1986]. It's been presented to the National Portrait Gallery, where it's now on display."

IN 1995, THEN-EDITOR

RUSSELL TWISK asked artist Tai-Shan Schierenberg to paint the Queen and Prince Philip's portrait. Twisk wrote: "When I asked him to my office... his curiosity was replaced by stunned silence when I told him that Reader's Digest wanted him to paint a portrait of the Queen and Prince Philip to celebrate the couple's Golden Wedding anniversary on November 20 this year [1997].

"The Queen was 'delighted' with the idea. She asked if this new portrait—only the second time she and the Duke had posed together—could be painted at Windsor.

"Schierenberg arrived there a year later for the initial photo session, and arranged the furniture in the Oak Room so the couple could be I seen with the Round Tower U in the background. 0

Variations of Arnold Machin's effigy (left) have graced our stamps for nearly 50 years, while the Queen was so pleased with Pietro Annigoni's portrait (first right) that she purchased the original study. Lucien Freud's 2001 work (centre) was more controversial, with royal photographer Arthur Edwards suggesting, "They should hang it in the khazi." In contrast, the reaction to Rolf Harris's 2008 study (right) was generally affectionate, despite the artist admitting, "I was in a panic!"

Right: the Royal portrait of Elizabeth with Prince Philip; (below) its painter Tai-Shan Schierenberg

"The Duke arrived and suggested that it would be far better if he sat on the windowseat rather than the sofa. The Queen then pitched in to help Schierenberg move the lighting and furniture around for the composition.

"

'I drove my wife mad, coming back after each sitting and telling her how charming the Queen was,' he recalls.

"Back in his small studio, above an office in Notting Hill Gate, and surrounded by hundreds of photos and sketches, Schierenberg began four months' work on his huge canvas, which measured six feet by five.

"He explains: `The light coming in from behind them makes us, the viewers, the observed ones, rather than them.'

"Some may find the couple's hands disconcerting. 'I always seem to paint hands larger than they are,' Schierenberg admits. 'It makes the painting more monumental.' " ■

LIVE THROUGH THIS■

We had such a great response to our last "Live Through This" feature that we've tracked down a new set of nail-biters. Here's what it's really like to...

...CAPSIZE AT SEA ALONE

Colchester fisherman

Kevin Hughes, 32, has worked off the Essex coast all his life. But on August 29 last year, while out catching sea bass, a tiny mistake almost cost him his life.

"I'D GONE OUT AT 2.30AM TO HAUL IN A NET I'D LEFT ABOUT TWO MILES off West Mersea island. It was low tide, and sandbanks in the area meant the water was no more than five foot deep. But it was pretty windy and choppy—perfect for attracting bass. They like it when the seabed churns up and they can get a good meal.

"My net was marked by a buoy with a light on top, but, as I approached it in my 20-foot boat, the batteries ran out. I couldn't really see what I was doing, so rather than risk getting the net

tangled up with my propeller, I decided to drop anchor and wait until first light, which would be at about 4.30am.

"But the tide started coming in and, as the sun rose and I started hauling in the net, the sea was more than ten-foot deep in parts and the wind was almost at gale force, with waves chucking my vessel all over the place. The net was also bringing up huge clumps of oysters, so the port side of the boat was sinking lower into the water.

"It came into my head,Am I going to die? What a stupid way to go!"

"I should have cut the net free and gone back for it later, but I thought I was in charge of the situation. Then,

suddenly, a couple of really big waves hit the boat. It filled with water, capsized, and sank without trace in about a minute.

"I SORT OF SPLASHED AROUND FOR A BIT, wondering what to do. I wasn't scared. The main thing I felt was embarrassment: What am I going to tell my mates? Then it dawned on me—I might not be telling my mates anything. There were no other boats around, and it was still basically night. Images of my pregnant wife Natasha and my five-year-old Eve came into my head.

Am I going to die? What a stupid way to go!

"I was cold and the waves were really battering me. The noise of the water was so loud and close. Apart from the wind, it was the only thing I could hear. When you're floating alone in a big expanse of water, you find out what isolation means.

"But I knew the tide was still going in, and I'm a pretty good swimmer. Rather

...GET CAUGHT IN A HURRICANE

Lisa Loveday, 42, from Clapham, south London, was visiting a friend at Cape Ann, Massachusetts, on August 28 last year when Hurricane Irene struck.

"IT WAS ABOUT NOON AS I DROVE ALONG

THE ROAD to my friend Ann's house. I knew the storm was coming—it had already claimed dozens of lives over the past few days as it swept up America's east coast from the West Indies. But although the property was on a hill overlooking the Atlantic, it was granite and seemed as safe a place as any.

"The eye of the hurricane was still about an hour away, but the marshlands around the road were already flooded and the wind was topping 65mph. When I arrived at the house, I put my head down and made a dash for the front door. The sound was like nothing I'd heard before. Rustling

Force of nature: Hurricane Irene slams into Asbury Park, New Jeksey

than just panic, I decided to try to make it to shore. As I set off, I carried on thinking about Natasha and Eve, knowing they'd still be asleep, unaware of what had happened to me. I kept focused on that to drive me on, stroke after stroke.

"AFTER A WHILE, I LOST TRACK OF TIME and the cold started getting to me. I couldn't stop shivering and the water was pulling me down, making my arms heavier until I could hardly move them. But I kept going, telling myself, Don't fall asleep! and picturing getting to the shore.

"People ask if I thought about random things such as going to the pub for a pint or if I'd locked the garage door. I can't remember. But I somehow convinced myself I was going to make it home. Maybe we always think things will be OK when we're in those situations—a defence mechanism to stop you losing it. I was fighting for

breath, but I carried on slapping my hands into the water again and again.

"I don't remember when I reached the beach [Kevin swam for more than two hours]. I just remember lying there, shivering. That was strange—the relief of getting to dry land, but knowing that I was so cold I was probably going to pass out. Suddenly I heard this voice—it was a woman walking her dog. She called an ambulance, and a group of people from a nearby youth camp brought me some dry clothes. When they took my top off, my body was blue. Another ten minutes and hypothermia would have got me.

"Did the incident scare me? Yes! Did it put me off fishing? Nah! I did realise how silly we can be, though. One minute you're doing your job, the next you're fighting for your life. I thought I was in control, but you're never in control of the sea."

As told to Danny Scott

-1trees were amplified to almost deafening levels, telegraph wires whistled, and the wind really shrieked.

"Inside the house, I looked through the front windows with Ann's family and saw huge waves surging up the beach some 40 feet below.

'I'm frightened,' said Ann's young niece Leila. 'What do we do?'

'Let's just keep calm and sit away from the windows in case they shatter,' replied Ann. And, for the next three hours, that's all we could do. As the full force of the storm arrived, the driving rain sounded like thousands of small stones being thrown at the windows, and branches banged on the glass as if the trees outside were alive and trying to break in. Winds of 75mph made the doors and roof judder, as if they'd blow apart at any minute, and the whole house shook and creaked like an aircraft in heavy turbulence.

"Branches banged on the glass, as if the trees were alive and trying to get in"

"We felt like sitting ducks, trapped until the hurricane decided what to do with us. We just sat there drinking hot soup, watching as debris and vegetation blew by outside. Our world shrank to the four walls keeping the storm at bay, and we felt extremely grateful for basic things such as warmth and shelter— as if the elements were taking us back to more primitive times, thousands of years ago.

"FINALLY, THE STORM SEEMED TO DIE DOWN and we ventured outside. But, though the rain had eased, the wind still slammed into our faces. I was able to lean forward at a gravity-defying angle—the gale keeping me from falling over.

"The heavy rain soon started again, and the storm didn't really abate until around 5pm. When it eventually petered out over Canada, it had caused almost £5bn of damage and claimed 56 lives. Although no one died in Massachusetts and the only real effect on the house was a power cut, it was surreal when the sun shone next day as if nothing had happened.

"Seeing what Mother Nature is capable of was exhilarating, but terrifying, and these days I'm more appreciative of Britain's grey, damp, reassuringly dull weather."

IAN THOMAS PHOTOGRAPHED BY SAM FROST

...SURVIVE A LIGHTNING STRIKE

Ian Thomas, the 65-year-old mayor of Redruth, was hit near his home at Wheal Mary, Cornwall, on October 17 last year.

"MY DOG MONTY AND I HAD GOT UP AT 6AM AS USUAL, to go and feed the donkeys and chickens. I was carrying a metal dog dish full of yesterday's leftovers, and got about 100 yards towards my fields when I felt what I can only describe as an explosion in my head.

"I recall being thrown about six feet into the air, seeing my arms and feet flying out in front of me and hearing a small scream from Monty. And that

was it. When I came to, I was curled up in a ball, clutching my head and chest and crying in pain. I had no idea what had happened. I didn't know where I was or what day it was. All I knew was Monty, a Giant Schnauzer, was standing over me, so I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and used him as a prop to stagger home.

"I collapsed inside the doorway and my wife Sharen came running from the kitchen. She reckons it was just after seven, so I'd been gone 20 minutes—and was probably unconscious for much of that. Sharen's a qualified first-aider and was asking me lots of questions—she thought I'd had a heart attack—but all I could say was that it felt as if a charge had gone off inside me, a bit like a bad electric shock I'd had when I was younger, but a thousand times worse.

"It felt as if a charge had gone off inside me, like an electric shock"

"SHAREN DROVE me to the Royal Cornwall Hospital in Truro. They thought it was a heart attack as well, and ran all sorts of tests. They came back clear, so they tested for stroke or brain haemorrhage. Again, nothing. But I had a small wound on my head, a crimson bruise on my hip, and the tread on the soles of one of my green wellies looked like it'd exploded. One of the consultants thought for a bit and said, 'Ian, you've been struck by lightning'

"I honestly didn't believe him. I'm a sensible bloke. People don't get hit by lightning in their backyard. But two more consultants came to see me and they both

...GET ATTACKED BY A SHARK

On November 25, 1976, Al Brenneka, now 54, was surfing with friends at Delray Beach, Florida, when a lemon shark grabbed his arm.

"WE'D FOUND A STRETCH OF BEACH where the waves were kicking up around three or four feet. I knew sharks could be a problem in the area, but I was 19 and just looking for good waves, so I spent a couple of hours surfing with a group of guys about 200 feet from shore.

"After a short break, I was paddling out again when my right arm seemed to hit something. I tried to jerk my limb out of the water, but I was pulled off the board and under the waves. I didn't have a clue what was happening. All I could see was the sand below me and my board. I pushed at the seabed with my feet, trying to get back on the board— and that's when I saw it. An 18-inch-wide yellow head, holding on to my arm. A lemon shark. Maybe eight feet long and about a foot from my face!

"This thing started thrashing like you see on TV. Trying to rip its food apart, which happened to be me. I started kicking and screaming for help, but said the same thing. Soon it became a bit of a story in the hospital, and I had doctors and medical students coming to see me, wanting to know what it felt like.

"They kept me in for four days. I thought I was compos mentis, but Sharen said that I seemed confused. I was repeating myself. All I could feel was...it was as if the left-hand side of my head was blurred. Half of my brain felt foggy.

This time, Al won the other surfers got scared and high-tailed it back to shore. Even my buddies!

"I felt the shark tugging and saw its upper jaw extend so that most of my arm was down its throat. It went mad, going for more and more, trying to get a better grip.

"I decided to fight back and wrapped my legs around it. I must have closed off its gills, and it seemed to realise this was going to be a tough battle. As quickly as it'd struck, it opened its mouth and disappeared. The incident had lasted maybe 30 seconds.

"So far I'd felt no pain, just adrenalin, but as I lay floating in a mass of bloodstained water, I started thinking, Please, God, let me live. And I was annoyed that no one was coming to help me. I'llkick some butt if I make it in!

"I climbed onto the board and started paddling, but my arm wouldn't work. I picked it out of the sea and placed it next to me. Oh, my God! Strips of flesh, some of them eight inches long, right down to the

"After I got out, I still didn't feel 100 per cent. A memory test came back fine, but an eye test revealed that the lightning, which had tried to reach the metal bowl through the left-hand side of my head and body, had changed the shape of my eye and caused a cataract. The doctors said it was similar to 'arc eye', which welders get from years of looking at intense light. But it'd happened to me in a millisecond!

bone. I was losing a lot of blood and didn't have the strength to make it to shore, so I shouted, 'Someone better come and get me or I'm going to die right here!' I gave up at that moment. I was ready to go.

"TWO GUYS GOT ME OUT OF THE WATER.

I lost consciousness and woke up in hospital three days later. I saw my arm next to me and thought, This didn't turn out too bad. But the doctors later realised that there was no blood going to it and had to amputate.

"It's more than 35 years since the attack and I don't mind talking about it, but there are things I like to keep buried. The sound of the water being sucked into the shark's mouth, for example. They say that shark eyes are dead, but not the ones I saw! We had a real close look at each other. I stared into those eyes and they stared back at me. That still gives me the willies." DS

» Al runs the support and information website sharkattacksurvivors.com

"Obviously, I started reading up on the internet about lightning strikes. There are all sorts of figures on there, from hundreds of thousands to millions of volts. I'll never know how much power whacked through my head, but it made a right mess of those wellies. The doctors said they earthed me, so if it hadn't been raining I wouldn't be here. I normally just wear flip-flops." DS ■

Take a sensational tour of our wonderful surroundings.

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Yours for just £19.99 plus £4.99 p&h Dige Your r) passport to the great outdoors!

100-Word Story Competition: THE WINNERS

Who took the prizes in our very-short-story competition?

It was tough. Very tough. There were so many good entries to our second 100-word story competition—launched last October—that we had to get ruthless. Was that a cliché we spotted? Out. Bit of a lame ending? In the bin with it. As before, there were a few too many and she fell to her doom" endings, and ones that, even within the strict limits of just 100 words, couldn't quite find enough to say. But overall, the gods of creativity obviously shine brightly on Digest readers: we can but doff our caps to you and your wonderful imaginations. Here, after much deliberation, are our winners.

THE JUDGES

We'll be running more of your 100-word stories throughout the year in the magazine. If yours is one of them, we'll pay you £70! We'll also feature a commended story every day on our website. Lynne

ADULT CATEGORY WINNER

SUSANNAH HARRISON, 35

Our £1,000 prize goes to Susannah, a doctor from Brighton

(UNTITLED)

She reads The Sunday Times, but not the sections on Money, Business and Appointments. Last week she did the sudoku, but only half the crossword. She buys Sainsbury's frozen pizza, but not takeaways from Domino's. Last week she drank a bottle of Merlot and her cat ate ten cans of Whiskas. She carries a large plastic box to the bottom of her driveway. She doesn't see me collect the contents. She's done better on the crossword this week; she's only missed 5 down and 23 across. They're obvious to me. I'll finish it off for her, like I used to.

THE JUDGES SAID:This pulled off an unexpected twist, moving from an expectation of something rather sinister to an extremely poignant resolution capturing heartache and desolation in the most mundane of details. Beautifully written and acutely observed.

SUSANNAH: I'm really thrilled to have won. I used to be part of a writing group. A while ago some of us set ourselves the challenge of writing about a box. It had occurred to me how hard it is to retain any anonymity when you're throwing things out. Going through someone's rubbish could potentially tell you a lot about a person—like which sections of the newspaper haven't been read—so I wrote my story about a recycling box.

SUSANNAH HARRISON PHOTOGRAPHED 'v. BY STUART CONWAY

ADULT CATEGORY

RUNNER-UP

MONIQUE MUNROE, 54

£100-worth of book tokens go to Monique, a tutor, from Poole, Dorset CROOKED

They were such nice young men. Noticed my chimney was crooked and said it could fall through my roof any minute! Luckily, they said they could repair it immediately and it would only cost £30,000. They offered me a discount for cash and said I needn't get a taxi to the bank. They'd take me. So while I got my coat I asked them to look at the damp in the cellar. I locked the door to stop the draughts and put the key somewhere safe. It's been a few months now. Wish I could remember where I put it.

ADULT CATEGORY RUNNER-UP

LYDIA COCKERHAM, 19

£100-worth of book tokens go to Lydia, a student, from Kirby Muxloe, Leicester (UNTITLED)

At the bottom of the stairs she cradles the flat desert of her belly, wondering who he might have been. He might have played on these steps, might have crept up with girlfriends or thundered down in teenage rebellion. He might have been tall or short, an actor or a lawyer; might have married at 20 or travelled to the moon, or lived his entire life a hermit. He would have been a wonderful person to meet. When she gets up her body feels dreadfully light. She thinks that, of all the men she's never met, she loved him most.

THE JUDGES SAID: A lovely humorous touch, that initially suggests a vulnerable elderly woman, but which later shows her mischievously turning the tables and triumphing over her would-be swindlers. A very efficiently told story within the 100-word limit that left us all cheering her on!

MONIQUE: I feel very strongly about how older people get hoodwinked—so

I liked the idea of an old lady who'd apparently lost her marbles, using both her astuteness and her forgetfulness to create an unexpected ending.

I enjoy writing very short stories—you have to get straight to the point and make every word count. I didn't expect to be placed in a competition of this size, so finding out I was a runner-up was a great present.

THE JUDGES SAID: Another very poignant piece of writing, capturing a whole life of love and loss and mighthave-beens in one small snapshot in time. That last line is perfectly judged.

LYDIA: I wanted to choose a subject that was very emotional, and would have a big impact in a small space. Although I thought it'd be hard to write about a miscarriage in just 100 words, I decided to give it a go.

Since I started an English and philosophy degree I haven't had much free time to do creative writing—though I'm part of a society at university. Being a writer is "the dream", so coming runner-up feels like a big step in the right direction.

EMMA BESSENT

PHOTOGRAPHED BY SAM FROST

12-18 CATEGORY WINNER

EMMA BESSENT, 15

£500-worth of high-street vouchers go to Emma, plus £500 to her school: Bradon Forest School, Wiltshire (UNTITLED)

My mother used to cut my hair.

I would sit, bolt upright and stock still, on the rusty barstool which stood in the corner of our tiny kitchen for such purposes, surreptitiously watching my mother in the grease-stained mirror borrowed from our neighbour, cigarettesmoking Auntie Pat.

I remember thinking that my mother was beautiful. Perhaps she did not wear elegant, expensive clothes, or spend hours arranging her long, almost black, hair, but when she met my eyes in Auntie Pat's mirror, her smile lit up her tired blue eyes, and she would become the most exquisite thing in the world.

THE JUDGES SAID: While most of the stories that made the shortlist had some sort of narrative twist to them, just occasionally an entry succeeded simply because it was beautifully descriptive of a moment or an emotion—like this one.

EMMA: There's a haircutting passage in Divergent, the teen thriller by Veronica Roth, that I wanted to recreate, but with my own twist. So I thought about what was important to me and introduced a role for my mother as a nod to everything she does for me.

12-18 CATEGORY SPECIAL COMMENDATION AND £75 TO:

SOPHIE VAN DEN BROEK, 13

Thornden School, Hampshire

PERFECTION

I walked in. The music was blaring out of the speakers so loud it almost deafened me. At that moment, I saw him. Perfection. His face was like an angel's, his hair like silk. A dream. I only wish he was mine. The festival was so crowded that all I could see of him was his face. I stood at the entrance staring at him. He turned and caught my eye. I blushed like strawberries. He waved and I waved back. He gave me a weird look and looked to my left. I turned around. Then I saw her. Perfection.

ELLIE MASTERS, 13

Bancroft's School, Woodford Green, Essex

THE WRECK

Oh! What is that? A shipwreck? I had better take a closer look. I swim down uncharted waters to the discovery of a magnificent shipwreck. The colours of the wreck are beautiful, rusty red and brown. The life form surrounding it is a completely different spectrum of greens. This must have lain on the bed for hundreds of years, undiscovered. What an amazing find for a small goldfish like me. How had I not discovered it before? I thought I had swum to every corner of this rectangular world. I will never forget this. Oh! What is that? A shipwreck?

WINNER

JOSHY CUNNINGHAM, 9

£500 of high-street vouchers go to Joshy, plus £500 to his school: Moss Park Junior school, Manchester

MY LUCKY DAY

One day I was about to put some pocket money into my bank account when something truly incredible happened. Suddenly, my bank account was swapped with the Queen's! I couldn't believe how much money was in the account.

I had a luxurious day riding in limos, buying loads of cool toys and eating 30-course meals. At the end of the day my account got swapped back. Hang on a minute, I thought. I was shocked to realise that she had spent almost all of my money too. There was only 2p left out of my £18.55. What a cheek!

THE JUDGES SAID: What a lovely, unexpected attitude applied to a theme that's usually treated rather reverentially. Joshy absolutely nails how most children would imagine royal life ("30-course meals"), and the chatty tone of voice made us all laugh. That pay-off line works a treat!

JOSHY: My mum reads the magazine, and when she heard about the competition she suggested that I had a go at writing a story. I was looking at the money in my money box and thinking about what to write while the queen was on TV, so I put the two together.

My school announced that I'd won in assembly, and my teachers were really proud. I'm going to buy an electric guitar with the prize money. I've been learning chords on the acoustic guitar, so I'm really excited. My dad's been clearing out the garage so that I can practise without annoying my parents too much.

JOSHY CUNNINGHAM

PHOTOGRAPHED BY GARY

CALTON

SPECIAL COMMENDATION AND £75 TO:

NATHANIE THOMAS, 10

Bancroft's School, Woodford Green, Essex

PARROT TROUBLE!

Aunt Mabel got Jamie a parrot he named Lucifer. His eyes shone like diamonds but with a wicked glint. His gorgeous radiant colours were extremely attractive and he charmed all that saw him. One day he bit Jamie's finger, which turned white, then red and then green. Mum said it was just a bruise but became worried when his voice became squawky and his nose hard and pointy. When Aunt Mabel heard this she felt awful and returned Lucifer to the pet shop. Only then did she see the sign hanging outside the shop that read "Vampire Parrots for sale".

HANNAH DRURY, 11

Bishop of Hereford's Bluecoat School, Hereford SUMMER STRIKES

Great. Summer. To the beach in my gorgeous-porgeous lamby suit and teeny-weeny bootie-wooties. Pur-lease...

No, we're here! All my relatives, set to coo at my cuteness. Here she comes. "Oo's a booful bosie-wosie! Would ickle-wickle baby wike a wick of my ice-cream?" She puts it up to my face. I grab it and whack her. She staggers, arms waving madly. She tumbles over a log and into the sea. I chuckle as the waves engulf her. She floats away and my spoil-sport parents pull her back. She lies there, dripping and gasping like a dying whale. Right. Who's next?

ULYSSES EKHATOR, 11

Home-schooled, London

THE PHARAOH

He did not know why he decided to make this journey into the future. Maybe it was simply because his curiosity got the better of him, or maybe because, as Pharaoh, ruler and god, he could do as he very well pleased. Finally, the future...AD2012. He wondered which of his descendants would be the mighty Pharaoh, divine ruler, lord of the living and of the dead. Then he saw the poster with the words "The Pharaohs" and twelve men in similar clothing clutching a football. "Oh no!" he gasped. "My descendants have divided my kingdom into twelve parts!" ■

THE MAVERICK

"LET TWITTER MONITOR THE PRESS"

The recent hacking scandal has exposed newspapers' sharp practices. But, says former deputy prime minister John Prescott, social media will tame the industry

Back in 1996, when the Internet was still in its infancy, I went to a do with Pauline. A photographer took a picture of us at our table. Nothing strange about that. But the following day the Evening Standard ran a picture with the caption "champagne socialist".

There was no bottle of champagne at our table; the paper had cropped the picture to make a bottle of Beck's look like a bottle of Moet. Another beer near my hand was airbrushed out. I complained to the editor of the Standard, but, after a few days, I'd heard nothing—I had to release a statement that was published in The Independent before I received an apology. This process took weeks, and people with less clout than me (or no access to expensive lawyers) would have had far less chance of getting any kind of climbdown.

Fast forward to June last year, and The Sunday Times wrongly reported that I'd told "friends" that my party's new leader had not made "a good start" to his stewardship. The headline read "Labour Big Beasts Maul Ed Miliband".

So I tweeted, "I see there's a quote purporting to r

41 be from me in The Sunday Times. It's completely made up. An absolute lie."

Within an hour, the paper replied, "Due to a prod error a quote was wrongly attributed to @johnprescott. We apologise for the confusion & are happy to set the record straight."

These stories are a good illustration of how power in the

media has shifted dramatically in recent years. Internet tools such as Twitter and Facebook have created a speedy check and balance on our newspapers—a role the Press Complaints Commission has often failed miserably to fulfil—and finally made a handful of hugely influential, but until now largely untouchable, press barons accountable to the people.

officers. Alternatively, the papers have just based stories on speculation or printed outrageous, untrue things. These tactics worked for a while but, thanks to social media, the hacks increasingly can't get away with it.

A prime example was the Daily Mail's piece on the death of Boyzone singer Stephen Gately by its

If a paper with a 168-year history can be brought down in under a week by social media, any title can

But how did we get here? Newspaper sales have been falling for more than a decade—by more than 50 per cent in some cases—with 24-hour TV news and the internet undermining the printed press's ability to be first with the facts or to run exclusive stories. To maintain sales, the tabloids in particular have had to rely more and more on stories based on salacious gossip or very personal information. The only way to access much of this material has been to hack phones, illegally blag information and bribe public officials, including police

columnist Jan Moir in November 2009. The day before his funeral, she described events leading up to his death as "sleazy", adding, "Whatever the cause of death is, it is not, by any yardstick, a natural one."

There was a storm on Twitter, with people denouncing her insensitive remarks.

Thousands of tweeters, myself included, posted the link to complain officially to the Press Complaints Commission. A record 25,000 did, and Moir was forced to apologise to Gately's family and friends for the timing of the column.

Similarly, internet users bombarded the News of the World's advertisers after accusations that it had hacked Milly Dowler's phone. Boots, Dixons, 02, Halifax, Sainsbury's, the Co-op, npower and Ford all faced huge damage to their brands, so they withdrew their advertising and made the paper nonviable overnight.

Social media also helped force the Leveson Inquiry. While very few media

outlets covered The Guardian's original phone-hacking investigations in 2009 in any detail, it was kept alive on Facebook, Twitter and blogs as new details emerged. The establishment still wanted to brush things under the carpet, and the Press Complaints Commission—which lacks any meaningful powers to investigate such things— continued to accept false claims from the industry and police that such practices were limited to one rogue reporter. But the public wouldn't let it lie, and the mainstream media were ultimately compelled to investigate the story, leading to a critical mass of public anger and official action.

Can Twitter help keep newspapers in line?

Join the debate at facebook.com/readers digestuk or email readersletters@ readersdigest. co.uk

be breaking news on Sky or the BBC. When Peter Mandelson was attacked with green custard by a protester in March 2009, it looked like the police weren't going to press charges. So I filmed a video saying they should, uploaded it to YouTube, and it was soon running on all major news channels.

Hours later, the protester was charged. Once, journalists would print their stories without contacting me. Now, one Sunday tabloid writer recently told a colleague, "We have to check it with John, otherwise he'll go on Twitter and kill us."

A judicial review this February, which I pushed for on social media, established the failure of the Metropolitan Police to inform people—including me—that they'd been hacked. And Twitter and Facebook also helped inspire 100,000 people to email Ofcom to stop Rupert Murdoch's takeover of BSkyB.

So we're all influential publishers and media watchdogs now I can tweet a comment or clarification about an ongoing story and, within minutes, it can

So what happens next? I think we'll see a less salacious print media—one that realises the perils of falling foul of people power and invading privacy. If a paper with a 168-year history can be brought down in under a week by social media, any title can. Prepare to see an industry more mindful of its own mortality, more conscientious of the risks, and finally checking the facts.

A certain paper once bragged it was "The Sun Wot Won It". But it's Twitter that will make it better. ■

READER spar: TEA AND NO SYMPATHY

An extract from my local paper, the Co/ne Times: "Age UK's Trawden Family group invite the over-50s to come along to the village hall from 11am to noon for good company, light resentments, and a talk by the local fire office." Submitted by Angela Anslow, Lancashire

What's happened to us? Each summer, more and more festivals spring up all over the country. What's more, they display an amazing level of diversity and originality. We've picked out some of the best—but it was a shockingly hard job

BEST FOR HORSE LOVERS

Appleby Horse Fair, Appleby-in-Westmorland, Cumbria

"Organised chaos—except it's not even that organised," is one description of Appleby Horse Fair. It's unlike any other festival in the UK, though probably now familiar to viewers of My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. The origins of the fair go back to the 13th century, some say. Every year, gypsy and traveller communities congregate here, although it's estimated that most of the 50,000 or so visitors are ordinary members of the public. Horses are the stars: they clop up and down main streets, are raced with carts and—something of a tradition—are washed in the town's river (see opening spread).

Besides the nags, caravans and chaos, there are fortune-tellers and palm readers, as well as the usual stalls. Great for a day trip.

From June 7-13

For all your creature conitott : the Magic Loungeabout offers an "enticing programme of mtiA and arts" in true botitique stygr,

BEST FOR LOUNGING

The Magic Loungeabout, Skipton, North Yorkshire

This upmarket festival experience is set in the grounds of the magnificent Broughton Hall. One of the new breed of small "boutique" events, it promises an experience for the discerning festival-goer that includes decent loos, no queues, and even papers and breakfast delivered straight to your tent.

BEST FOR VALUE

Brighton Festival, Sussex

It's the third biggest arts festival in the world after Edinburgh and Adelaide, and the unusual aspect of this one is the guest director. Last year it was Aung San Suu Kyi (who admittedly couldn't be that hands-on because she was under house arrest in Burma at the time). This summer it's thesp Vanessa Redgrave, so the festival won't just have an actorly feel but a very right-on one, too. She's taking as her theme a poem by Seamus Heaney, "Republic of Conscience", about those who don't have a voice.

But that shouldn't spoil the fun. Three weeks of arts, film, comedy, music and street events are on the cards. Brighton commission really innovative artistic works—sound sculptures, for example—and prices for ticketed events are kept low. Look out this year for the huge street sculpture Waterlitz by Generic Vapeur, a "massive, massive, massive spectacle" (they say) on the seafront. Let's hope the sun shines. From May 5-27. Many events are free, but see brightonfestival.org for individual ticketed events (most are kept at £10 or under)

BEST FOR CREATIVES

HowTheLightGetsln, Hay-on-Wye, Wales

"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in," warbled Leonard Cohen in his song "Anthem", the inspiration for the title. Nailing the myth that the UK has irretrievably dumbed down, this is ten days and 350-odd events for those who want creative thinking, debates and highbrow ideas ("cerebral stuff by day and partying by night," they say). Running alongside the Hay Literary Festival and ten minutes away in the town centre, it's organised by charity The Institute of Art and Ideas. Speakers this year include director Richard Eyre and MPs Diane Abbott and David Blunkett, but they also feature unknowns who have "something interesting to say".

The ultimate aim, say organisers, is to "make sure you leave with something more than just a hangover". We'll drink to that. From May 31-June 10. Individual events start from around £4

Bob Dylan, Suede and Peter Gabriel headline at this year's festival

BEST FOR (AHEM) MATURE AUDIENCES

Hop Farm, Tonbridge, Kent There are too many music festivals to choose from— last year the Daily Telegraph gave their line-up of "The 100 Best". So how to pick? Well, it helps if it's on your doorstep, of course. If not, the quirky angle on this one is that there's no branding, no sponsorship and no VIPs, so every festival-goer has the same experience. And it's run by Vince Power, ex-owner of the Mean Fiddler music venues, who has no bother luring in the class acts. So expect to see hoary old rock giants —and what's wrong with that? Last year, Prince played for hours on end, and previous artists have included The Eagles, Morrissey, Lou Reed and Bryan Ferry. People you've heard of, in other words. And it's all set in 400 acres of lovely, rolling countryside. From June 29July 1

You can bring your own tent to Latitude, or pay more for the pre-pitched "glamping" option

Latitude, Benham Park, Suffolk

Yes, a multi-arts festival for those who don't get off on muddy fields. Festival organiser Melvin Benn conceived this as "a live version of the review section of your Sunday broadsheet paper— but all in one place," and regulars murmur that it's the "Radio 4 of festivals". This year, there are 18 stages devoted to literature, poetry, dance and theatre, as well as film and comedy.

Expect big names tempted by the proximity to London and the laid-back, unpretentious vibe (Bon Iver, Elbow and Paul Weller have confirmed). It's got bigger over the last few years, so the younger crowd tend to head to the End of the Road festival in Dorset, but it's always good for older types or families with moody teenagers. From July 12-15. Weekend camping £177, day camping £77

BEST FOR COMEDY

Buxton Festival Fringe, Derbyshire

Always fantasised about giving up the day job in the tax office to do stand up? Like Edinburgh, this is an "un-juried" event, which means anyone can take part, however potentially diabolical the act. It's kept cheap enough to encourage all comers (though it gets big names, too). Most interesting is what Festival Chair Stephanie Billen describes as the "wonderful catch-all of 'Other Events', which can be almost anything"— and this year includes close-up magic, a flower festival and the Buxton Military Tattoo.

Cultural and buzzy, it's been described as "Edinburgh as it was 50 years ago," and is now one of the acknowledged stops in the run-up to its more famous uncle. On Fringe Sunday (July 8) performers give tasters of future performances. From July 4-22

BEST FOR BOOKISH TYPES

Edinburgh International Book Festival

OK, so the city is more famous for its International Festival or the Fringe, but the book festival is a calm, cerebral oasis in the midst of the hoopla that is Edinburgh in August. Set around lovely Charlotte Square with its deckchairs and cafes, it's a literary conflab with the lure of top names—everyone from Edna O'Brien and Caitlin Moran to our very own A N Wilson, by way of any Booker Prize winner you care to name. For the first time this year, within the book festival is the Edinburgh Writers' Conference—five days with Scotland's leading scribblers. From August 11-27. Many events are free (see edbookfest.co.uk for individual ticketed events)

•

BEST FOR FOODIES

Abergavenny Food Festival, Monmouthshire, South Wales

Described as both the "Cannes" and the "Glastonbury" of food festivals, so take your pick. Either way, this is the one for those who like their nosh. For one weekend in September,

this little Welsh town swells its population to 30,000 and bursts with some 200 stalls selling everything from sushi to salami, alongside regional specialities. There are lectures and masterclasses—names from previous years have included Anthony Bourdain and Clarissa Dickson Wright—and it has a reputation for catching rising foodie stars. Added to the mix are lots of tables for impromptu food sampling, and a "chillaxing" area set near the battered remains of Abergavenney's 12th-century castle. What's not to love?

From September 15-16 ■

With thanks to: Mark Ellen, editor of Word Magazine; Kim Hart of the British Arts Festival Association; and Tom Price.

Do you have a favourite festival?

Perhaps a local event you want to tell everyone about? Then please let us know. Send us an email—with a picture if possible —to theeditora, readersdigest.co.uk

There's much more in our Best of British series —including lots more festivals— at readersdigest. co.uk/magazine. NEXT MONTH: GARDENS

BY EUGENE COSTELLO

Unbreakable bond: twins Michelle (left) and Christine

PHOTOGRAPHED BY LAURA STEVENS

Lives Less Ordinary Strength in Num ers

The doctors said they'd be dead by the age of five, but mutual support has turned Christine and Michelle into long-living record-breakers

/

• As Christine Mumford and Michelle Martin drive me through their hometown of Horsham, West Sussex, the rows of modern, pleasant houses and the happy chattering of the two vivacious blondes create kstene that couldn't be more normal and wholesome. But tee identical twins' lives are far from mundane. The 48-yeah-olds are thought to be the world's oldest living twins with cystic fibrosis-L-a condition with a median life expectancy of barely 40. ■

'4 I first met them on a rainy day last September.rdrecently interviewed Jenny Agutter, the patron of the Cystic Fibrosis (CF) Trust and she'd said to me, "You simply have to meet them. They're inspirational."

Then, as now, they collected me from the railway station and we went to a country inn to discuss the possibility of a future interview. But this second visit

chatty, funny enthusiasm of these two women, whom doctors thought wouldn't live past the age of five, soon makes me feel better—just as it's made them feel better all their lives.

"We are extra close because

one else seemed to understand for such a long time"

is about to become more poignant. Michelle feels too weak for the pub and, during the short journey to her sister's house, she drops the bombshell: "I'm sorry we haven't been in touch for a while. I've been in hospital a lot. I'm afraid they can't do anything more for me. I just have to make the most of every day..."

The news upsets me, and yet the

The twins were born at Romford Old Church Hospital in 1964, and though Christine seemed fine, Michelle had a blockage in her intestines—a frequent sign of cystic fibrosis in newborns. She immediately had to have part of her bowel removed. "Very attractive; we call her semi-colon," snorts Christine. Then, a few weeks later, Christine also developed digestive problems. Tests revealed that she, too, had the condition.

Cystic fibrosis is a mutation of the gene that regulates production of the protective mucus that surrounds our internal organs. Sufferers produce too much, and it gradually clogs up their organs, particularly the lungs and pancreas, causing breathing and digestive problems. The

A life shared: (from left) aged four months with their parents and brother Nigel; three years later, at home in Upminster, Essex; aged 11 on the beach in Croyde Bay, Devon, where they spent many summer holidays; and celebrating their 21st birthdays in 1985

sticky, moist mucus is also a fertile breeding ground for bacteria, and lung infection is a frequent cause of death for CF patients.

"And we're salty!" adds Christine, explaining that the mutation also creates excess sweating. "In the summer, when my ten-year-old [adopted] daughter kisses me, she always says, 'Ugh! Mummy!' When we were kids, dogs constantly licked our legs. If we go somewhere hot we have to take tablets, because we get dehydrated and can become ill."

Throughout their adult lives, the twins have had to put up with a constant round of infections, being connected to a bottle to breathe pure oxygen for between an hour and the 24 hours a day Michelle currently endures, and a quite staggering

number of pills. "I need 48 different medications each day now," says Michelle, passing me a double-sided sheet of A4 that lists them all next to the precise time of day they must be taken.

When the twins were born, knowledge and treatment of CF was very limited, with patients rarely making it past their teens. The girls' parents weren't even told to pat them regularly on the back, which became a well-known method to help clear mucus from the lungs.

"We were just given pills for our digestive problems, and we'd have to go to hospital for a check-up every six months," says Christine. "But there were always loads of medical students who'd have to guess what was wrong with us. They'd be staring and prodding, and we hated it."

Their current consultant Tim Ho was amazed when they told him how little help they'd got in their early years —they didn't even go to a specialist CF unit until they were 21—but the twins believe that it's their mutual support

04 and togetherness that's kept them going so long.

"We are twins, but we're extra close because we have this illness that no one else seemed to understand for such a long time," says Christine. Both have always made sure that their sister has kept to her treatment and not given in during low moments. "We've known people who are no longer with us because they've lost heart and got into smoking or drugs," she observes. And this support has extended to the sort of incredibly sensitive issues that can leave patients who don't have someone to share them with feeling isolated and humiliated.

'All the digestive enzymes we were taking as kids gave us very upset tummies every day," says Christine. "It was very noisy and smelly, and we were worried about people finding out at school. So we made it our little secret. At lunchtimes, we'd disappear to an annex where

we knew hardly anyone else used the toilet, and one of us would stand guard while the other went. If anyone ever came, we'd have a special warning code. Medication makes that side of things much better now, but we were convinced we'd never find anyone else because of it. Little did we know that men are much worse, particularly after a beer!"

The twins, who both worked in insurance, have grown so close that they've developed almost a sixth sense for each other's emotional and physical state. Very often, Christine will ring Michelle to check that she's OK and find the phone engaged because her twin is trying to phone her. The most dramatic example of this came the day before Michelle's wedding last summer.

"I was in bed in the early hours, and I had an image of Michelle coughing up loads of blood. Jeremy, Michelle's fiancé, phoned, and told me she was coughing

Wedding bells: Michelle ties the knot with Jeremy on July 22 last year

up blood due to a lung infection. I rushed straight round there.

"I went upstairs, and it looked like a film about a serial killer—blood all over the sheets. I cleaned up before her teenage daughter could see anything, then I went downstairs, started on a pile of ironing, and sobbed my eyes out."

But, with her sister already married (to Paul), Michelle was determined not to miss her own big day. So she discharged herself from hospital and—carrying her usual canister of oxygen in a pouch designed to match her dress—was carried up the aisle by her dad.

"We've known our share of hardship," she says, "but we've had lots of happy times, such as adopting our beautiful daughters and having wonderful parents. Yes, the doctors are saying

things are bleak for me, but they've said that many times before! We'll see you at our 50th..."

Our interview draws to a close, and the twins drop me back at the station. Birds trill in the warm spring weather; I'm the only passenger waiting for the 4.03pm to London. Suddenly, the peace is shattered by hoots from a car horn. It's the twins driving over the level crossing on their way to pick up their girls from school, waving at me, their tinkling laughter carried on the air as they speed off. "Don't feel sorry for us," their vitality seems to be saying. "Celebrate our achievements." ■

Cystic Fibrosis Week runs from April 29 to May 5. For more information, visit cfweek.org.uk

IN THE LIGH OF CLAUDE

HOW TORE • Happier

Feeling

uown?

Then get science on your side with one of these clever tricks for boosting your mood

Sing and you're winning

"Belting out a tune at the top of your voice leaves you grinning and positive,"says Caroline Redman Lusher, founder of Rock Choir, the world's largest pop and gospel singing group, which has more than 130 choirs nationwide.

Like exercise, singing releases endorphins—the "natural happy drug", as Caroline puts it. It's also an aerobic activity that gets more oxygen into the blood, which tends to boost mood, while the controlled breathing helps reduce anxiety.

The social side of being in a choir can further boost your spirits. Caroline has seen depressed people transformed by the singing: "They've told me the experience should be available on the NHS." ,

BY SUSANNAH HICKLING

The chippy makes you chipper

It may not make your heart particularly happy, but a good portion of fatty, greasy food such as fish and chips could give your morale a boost. A study published last August, led by Dr Lukas Van Oudenhove of the University of Leuven, Belgium, found that giving people a saturated-fat solution countered the depressing effects of sad music, possibly because such heavy food causes the stomach to send reassuring hormones to the brain, telling it the body's eaten well.

Though a burger or deepfried doughnut may do the trick, a fish-and-chip supper

is a particularly effective way to feel good, as the carbohydrates in potatoes help the brain control levels of serotonin, a chemical that enhances mood. And a 2002 New Zealand Institute for Crop & Food Research study found that fisheaters report feeling happier than other people. Fish contains high levels of polyunsaturated fatty acids, which may also help regulate our emotions.

Have a drink (ofwater)

A 2002 survey by charity MIND discovered that 80 per cent of a small sample of mental-health patients felt consuming more water improved their emotional health.

"It's really important for our general well-being that we remain hydrated," says Laura Clark of the British Dietetic Association. Even the smallest shortage of water—experts recommend six to eight glasses a day—can make us irritable, though it's unclear why. Some scientists believe that, when neurons in the brain detect minor dehydration, they alert the brain's mood-regulating areas to make us feel that something may be wrong, so we don't let the situation get any worse.

Feel young again

No, don't squeeze into your teenager's clothes and go out clubbing with people a third of your age. Instead, invite a friend from a particularly memorable period in your life around, get out your old photos and CDs, and have a good reminisce. According to social psychologist Dr Tim Wildschut of the University of Southampton, nostalgia strengthens our sense of social connectedness and purpose, and bolsters our ego. "It shines an endearing light on the self, our abilities, talents and achievements," he explains.

Bake a cake, then give it away

Cath Webb (left) from Hale in Cheshire hit the headlines in January with her resolution to make a Victoria sponge every day for a year and give it to a friend, family member or stranger—just to make them smile.

Stand up straight

Changing your body to change your mood needn't involve plastic surgery. A 2004 study by researchers at York University, Toronto, revealed that 92 per cent of participants found it easier to have positive thoughts when they stood up properly, possibly because a confident-looking stance, rather than slouching, boosts self-esteem.

"It's been a really incredible, uplifting experience, and I'll be very sad when it comes to an end," said the teacher and mother of three, who was inspired to start her project when one of her cakes cheered up a friend who'd been diagnosed with breast cancer.

Of course, you don't have to create baked goods to get a boost—any kind of good turn will do. In 2005, Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California Riverside and author of The How of Happiness (£9.99), asked a group of students to carry out five random acts of kindness every week for six weeks. They reported feeling much happier than a control group who'd gone about their normal business. Professor Lyubomirsky theorised that this may be because the noble acts gave them a sense of doing something that mattered, and made others appreciate them more. ►

Smile at people in the street

They may think you're a tad unhinged, but smiling signals to others that you're happy, and you may also be able to convince yourself that you're feeling good, says psychologist Dr Michael Lewis from Cardiff University.

In 2009, he illustrated this by asking 12 people who'd been injected with Botox two weeks earlier, and 13 people who'd had other kinds of anti-wrinkle treatment, to fill out a

questionnaire screening them for depression and anxiety. The Botox group scored much better in the tests, and Lewis reckons this is because they'd spent 14 days unable to frown. He adds, however, that more

Have a heavy discussion

It's hard to believe that talking about global warming or recessions can be a bundle of laughs. But people who get stuck into weighty debates are jollier than those who indulge in small talk, according to a 2010 study by psychologists at the University of Arizona. The reason, they believe, is that we need to connect with other humans and find meaning in our lives. In other words, "Don't Worry, Be Happy", that irritating song by Bobby McFerrin, is a load of old tosh.

research is needed to find out if the movement of facial muscles directly influences the brain, or whether it's factors such as the positive reaction you get when looking cheery, that boost your mood.

Take a hike, but only a short one

A study by the Green Exercise Research Team at the University of Essex found, last spring, that as little as five minutes' exercise in a green environment—rural or urban—was beneficial to mood, particularly if it was near a river, the sea or a lake. Gulping deep breaths of oxygen has a calming effect, says Dr Jo Barton, lecturer in sports and exercise science at the university.

"It may be that we also have some genetic predisposition to prefer such natural settings, as they signal the presence of food and water," she adds. "So don't eat lunch over your computer —go outside to a park and watch the world. It's also worth getting into the habit of parking your car half a mile from where you want to go, and walking the rest of the way."

Get lost in a book

In tests on volunteers in 2009 at the University of Sussex, researchers found that reading reduced stress levels by 67 per cent—more than listening to music (61 per cent) or having a cup of tea (54 per cent).

"The right book at the right time can take you to another world that reflects your own existence back to you and helps you understand it better," says Debbie Hicks, director of research for independent charity The Reading Agency, which runs the Mood-Boosting Books campaign (readinggroups.org).

Treat yourself just not yet

"Anticipation is a source of free happiness,"according to a paper by a variety of Canadian and US academics, published last year in the Journal of Consumer Psychology. It argued that delaying consumption gives you both the pleasure of owning or experiencing something, and the pleasure of looking forward to it. So arrange to take in a film, have a facial or go on holiday— but schedule it in for a month's time. The study also advised that, while buying things can bring pleasure, it's better to indulge in lots of little luxuries, rather than saving up for a big one. After all, the posh car you buy today will be the same tomorrow, so the pleasure you derive from it will become less, but going out for a meal with friends will be slightly different every time.

Participants in the agency's scheme report that Wild Swans by Jung Chang, about three generations of women living through turbulent times in 20th-century China, and Michael Rosen's Sad Book, about the death of his 18-year-old son, are particularly effective happiness-enhancers (suggesting that your chosen tome doesn't have to be a glee-fest to cheer you up, merely absorbing). •

MAKING A SMALL AREA LOOK BIG

Understanding how different colours influence our perception of space can be useful when planning a small garden.

• In normal light conditions, purples and blues appear to be more distant, so using those colours in planting on the far side of a small space will make it seem bigger.

• You can increase the sense of depth by planting reds, oranges and yellows in the foreground. These hot colours tend to come to the fore, and appear larger and closer.

» There's more advice in 1001 Gardening Boosters (Reader's Digest, E27.99). Visit our online shop at readersdigest.co.uk

Gardening BOOSTERS

Jim Broadbent

...THE ABSOLUTE JOY OF GROWING UP IN THE LINCOLNSHIRE COUNTRYSIDE IN THE FIFTIES: the farms and harvests, the fields and brooks, and the total freedom to run wild without a care in the world.

...OUR HOUSE WAS FILLED WITH MY PARENTS' FRIENDS and their laughter and cigarette smoke. Amazing how much everyone smoked in those days. They were all part of a group of conscientious objectors who'd set up a community in Holton-cum-Beckering in Lincolnshire during the war. Many of them had stayed on and remained close to each other, sharing pacifist views.

...I WAS SURROUNDED BY LOVE OF THE ARTS. My parents were instrumental in setting up the local amateur theatre group, and held regular play readings at our house. I'd listen from upstairs after I was meant to have gone to bed. They always seemed to be having a good time! My mother had been a sculptor and my father was a furniture designer. It wasn't until I was much older that I realised how privileged I was to have grown up in that artistic environment.

...WATCHING MY PARENTS IN THE PLAYS, GOING BACKSTAGE AND THE SMELL OF GREASEPAINT. Aged four, I had my first part, in lbsen's play A Doll's House. It was so exciting to go on stage—I even had a line! The theatre only seated about 80 people and it was always full. Some years later, the building burned down and my father, who'd trained as an architect, helped to convert a nearby former Methodist chapel into the Broadbent Theatre. It's still going strong.

...BEING TAKEN TO ALL SORTS OF UNSUITABLE PRODUCTIONS. The Theatre Royal in Lincoln was a big part of our lives and, rather than organising a babysitter, my parents would simply bring me along with them to see plays by Tennessee Williams and Terence Rattigan. But best of all were the pantomimes. Whenever the dame asked if there were any little children who'd like to join the cast on stage, I was always the first up, jumping up and down in my seat to be noticed. Once, I found myself on stage but desperate to go to the loo. The audience started to laugh at me as I wriggled around. My older sister was hideously embarrassed.

Jim Broadbent as seen through his passport photos, clockwise from top left, in 1957, 1965, 1971 and 1981; and now (opposite), aged 62

...BEING TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED WHEN AN USHER STOPPED ME GOING ON STAGE.

There was an occasion when I'd got out of my chair and halfway down the aisle to join Al Read when the usher stepped in front of me and told me to sit down. I was usurped by the four-foot-three comedian Jimmy Clitheroe, who'd been planted in the audience as part of the variety show!

...MAKING MY MOTHER LAUGH. She was a wonderful mother and housewife. She'd been a star pupil at the Royal Academy Schools, but never got back into sculpting after my brother, sister and I were born, as she gave so much to us.

... MY NEED TO BE FUNNY SOMETIMES VEERED INTO THE UNKIND.

1;

ONE OF THE MOST TALENTED AMATEURS

LIVING in • beautiful old hours next Our to the clpach, we Pod fantods llnoolmidre soul/tar and soli/rim designer, Ur Noy BroodOwl who is his nmater/y portrayal or Imie M ',:llisser° at Jim's father Ray in a local press cutting about his theatre

At primary school I was simply naughty but, when I became a teenager, I'd make jokes at the expense of others for the sake of getting that all-important laugh. I deeply regret that behaviour.

...I SPENT A LOT OF TIME IN THE ART ROOM AT SCHOOL.

I wasn't academic or sporty, and drama wasn't a

big thing in schools then, but I excelled at art. I was rude to Mr Watkins, our teacher, but I realise now he was very good.

I went to a private Quaker school outside Reading, but I spent more than we were allowed to in the town, going to the cinema. I was caught drinking in a pub there in my last term and, although I was allowed to sit my exams, they expelled me. My father thought it was ridiculous. I recently came across a letter he wrote to the headmaster, saying it was iniquitous that a person who was legally allowed to drink should be expelled for it. I felt rather proud of him.

...THE SIXTIES AND EARLY SEVENTIES WERE AN EXCITING TIME TO BE YOUNG. When the Beatles hit the scene, we all knew it was a turning point for music and society. Comparing school photos of my older brother and I, with six years between us, revealed how much had changed. He and his contemporaries wore tweed jackets and

With Patrick Barlow in the National Theatre of Brent; with Daniel Radcliffe in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince; and with Meryl Streep in The Iron Lady tried to look like their fathers; my friends and I all had long, floppy hair and tried very hard to be different.

...REALISING THAT WHAT MADE ME HAPPY WAS ACTING. After a year spent travelling and working in a rep theatre in Liverpool, I did an art foundation course in London. But I didn't spend my weekends in galleries—I spent them at the theatre or cinema. One day, my father took me out for a meal and we sat next to some drama students who were talking very loudly. My father rather pointedly said, "Perhaps you'd be suited to drama school." With the help of a wonderful woman, Anna Middleton, who was at art school with me, I set my heart on getting into LAMDA. She'd been an actress and coached me.

...IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST EXCITING MOMENTS OF MY LIFE when, sitting in my flat in Paddington, I opened a letter and learned I'd won a place at LAMDA. When I got there, I knew

it was the right place for me. Having a clever, structured way to play the make-believe games I wanted to play was wonderful.

...ALL THOSE YEARS AT BOARDING SCHOOL HADN'T GIVEN ME MUCH CONFIDENCE WITH GIRLS. But there were a lot of things to enjoy in London, such as music and theatre.

Meanwhile, I was patient with acting. I gave myself ten years and said, "If I haven't made it by then, I'll give up." There were a lot of very good actors at LAMDA who, once they got into the profession, didn't like not knowing where the next job was coming from. To succeed, you need the attitude to cope with the uncertainty.

...MY FATHER BECAME VERY ILL WITH CANCER DURING MY FIRST JOB. I was on tour with the Regent's Park Open Air Theatre Company, working up in the North. Every Saturday night, after the show, I'd drive back home to see him.

They were difficult journeys, in my old Morris Minor in the dark, tears in my eyes as I made my way across the Midlands. I said to my company manager, "My father is likely to die imminently. Would it be OK if I went home?" He said, "No, this is the profession you've chosen. The show must go on." Nowadays, I'd have told him where to go, but it goes to show the unsentimental attitude of that time.

...BEING WITH MY FATHER WHEN HE DIED. The whole family was there. He was 57. I was 23 and only just getting to that stage of life when I was mature enough to appreciate how good he'd been to me. I'd had my childhood with him, but was never to have the adult friendship.

...WEEPING WITH LAUGHTER WHEN I WORKED WITH PATRICK BARLOW in the National Theatre of Brent. They were the most hilarious times I ever had. He once suggested he start one of the shows dressed as a bird, announcing, "I am the Bird of Time". Our humourless stage manager wrote down, "One bird costume required," as we lay helpless on the floor.

...THE EXCITEMENT OF HAVING WOODY ALLEN CALL ME. My agent said, "Woody's going to ring you up—he wants a word about a part in his next film, Bullets over Broadway [1994]." That was way up there, high on the list of "Things You Dream About as an Actor" —though it was complicated by the fact that I was working with Mia Farrow at the time. She'd come straight from the US law courts with the judge's transcript of her and Woody's custody battle practically under her arm. I had to tell her I was going to work with him. She said, "Oh my, that's surprising news."

...NOT TAKING SO MANY JOBS ON LATELY! One of the more recent ones I've done was for only four days, as Horace Slughorn on the final Harry Potter film. I only do things that really appeal. Yet I still remember getting my first part and thinking, I've got a job! There's a chance I might make it in this profession! ■ As told to Caroline Hutton

» Jim Broadbent plays Denis Thatcher in The Iron Lady, out on DVD on April 30

NATURAL WONDERS: BOX JELLYFISH

Mostly found roaming the Indian Ocean, the pale-blue box jellyfish looks more alien than animal. But the curious should steer well clear—it's responsible for more human fatalities per year than any other marine creature (albeit usually in areas with limited medical facilities). Sporting ten-foot tentacles loaded with deadly venom, it instantly stuns and kills its prey. More alarmingly—unlike most of its cousins—it actively hunts for food rather than passively gliding around, moving at speeds of up to four knots. Weird but true Jellyfish is considered a delicacy in many parts of Asia—dried jellyfish with cucumber (Goi Sua Tom Thit), for example, is a classic Vietnamese dish.

The internet has changed society in ways we could never have predicted—and that many of us might not even have noticed

The Good the Bad anc the Unexoectec

BY JONATHAN MARGOLIS

THE SLOW DEATH OF GENERAL KNOWLEDGE

The web gives us access to virtually everything we could possibly want to know in an instant, so the need to cram our heads with facts to be able to do our jobs—or just impress people at dinner parties—has become less important. We don't even need to learn second languages any more. The voice-translating technology only previously seen (and laughed at) in sci-fi films and TV programmes such as Star Trek: the Next Generation has arrived. With the Google Translate app, for instance, you speak into your phone and, with the help of online databases, it'll repeat the phrase back in any one of 60 languages. Such devices are really taking off in China, which has 54 local languages, and in many places

1!tTHIS ARTICLE WAS INSPIRED BY THE FOLLOWING TWEET

Isabelle !sabede from Londoi, rdigest What do your experts predict for the future of the Internet? #RDTwissue

SO WHERE WILL WE BE BY 2022?

MARTHA LANE

FOX Online entrepreneur, UK digital champion and RD columnist. The web could have a big impact on our health. Apps and technology will make it much easier for us to gather information for ourselves about how our bodies are working. For the chronically ill, that will mean less time spent in hospital and the ability to live more independently.

4 no one will raise an eyebrow if you use your phone to ask for your restaurant bill or directions to the loo. Some experts have argued that, if the internet undermines our general knowledge, it'll deprive us of a framework for really understanding subjects—if we spend all our time surfing, we'll have less time for deep thinking. But Professor Andrew Burn of the University of London's Centre for the Study of Children, Youth and Media thinks it could actually make us more clever. "Having ready and rapid sources of information enables us to spend our time being creative rather than on rote learning," he argues.

DAVID NAYLOR

Owner of Leedsbased web-design agency Bronco.

Google harvests so much information

THE REBIRTH OF THE VILLAGE

As we became more mobile in the 20th century, the number of us who spent our lives in the same small community, where everyone knows each other and regularly shares personal gossip, declined rapidly. But social-networking sites have provided the virtual equivalent.

The average Facebook user has 150 friends and can keep in touch with everyone from the little boy who used to live at the end of their road, to primary-school friends and distant relatives—people we'd almost certainly have lost touch with in the past.

"When I turn on my computer, I get news from friends all over the world," says my 33-year-old daughter Ruth, a Facebook enthusiast. "It's as if we all meet up every day in the local shop."

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS WITH THE STARS

Thanks to Twitter and Facebook, famous names now chat directly with their fans—and the private celebrity who the riff-raff never get near is an endangered species.

Lady Gaga's recent mundane musings to her 14 million Twitter followers include, "Really wanna get a new tattoo. Can't decide where. Was thinking on inside of my forearm under the peace sign. Whatcha think?"

Similarly, Wayne Rooney is more than happy to share his dubious TV viewing habits:"American Idol just started ITV2. Yes. Love that show."

Stars like Twitter, according to William Dutton, a professor of intemet studies at Oxford University, because it allows them to control their own publicity "They can connect with the world—or hide online," he says.

But it's a tool that can undermine a star's mystique, too. Katy Perry's tweeted argument with musician Calvin Harris in March last year about a cancelled support slot is something that their agents might have preferred to keep out of the public domain. And Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's constant posting on Twitter of photos from their daily lives made them seem too normal—and became embarrassing when the couple eventually split.

One 38-year-old journalist I know even found himself on Facebook advising the guitarist from a Nineties indie band where to buy a house in his part of south-west London. "My 19-year-old self would have been blown away just by speaking to her, but now she seems very ordinary," he says.

HISTORY MADE VERY SIMPLE

If academics want to find out more about the causes of the Boer War, they may have to spend years squeezing as much meaning as they can from a few faded documents. But, thanks to email and websites, everyone ►

about our interests and who we know. If it decided to buy a small island, this knowledge, along with its control of search engines, could give it enough influence to start its own country. In terms of technology, we'll have computers embedded in our clothes. If you go to a pub, everyone's computers will connect with each other, so you'll be able to order your drink remotely or find out what your fellow drinkers' interests are, and who would be best to speak to.

CHRIS SKINNER

Producer of The Bugle satirical podcast, starring our own columnist Andy Zaltzman and John Oliver. A show such as East Enders needs a wide range of ►

-4 characters to appeal to the broad audience that tunes in to BBC1 at 7,30pm. But if you use the Internet tc market shows to much more specific groups who can watch them when they like, you can tailor them—a soap opera with more adult content, say, or one full of Dot Cottons aimed at an older audience.

We could also see major sports events watched by millions online, but with the crowd— and atmosphere —added digitally. Why do we need £400m stadiums when the real money's to be made by people watching remotely?

PAUL STOKES

Publisher or satirical website

The Daily Mash.

In our experience, the Internet is a

*4 from politicians to postmen is combining to create more public and social records in an hour than we used to create in several centuries. Anyone compiling the history of the 21st century will be able to access almost any source they need with just a few clicks.

This might not be entirely positive, according to Viktor Mayer-Schonberger, professor of internet governance and regulation at Oxford. He believes that material that isn't online—such as letters, spoken conversations and nondigital photos—may one day end up being ignored.

"Memories will be skewed in favour of what's been digitised," he says. "Future historians might think the evidence in front of them is comprehensive, but they would be terribly wrong."

SO MUCH FOR APATHETIC YOUTH

It's well known that social networking played a vital role in galvanising the recent Arab Spring uprisings in places such as Tunisia and Egypt. But, where British youngsters in the Nineties were criticised for not being interested in politics, the web has also rallied them and other Western countries' younger generations around myriad causes.

Thanks to viral emails, websites and forums, many of us are now involved in everything from campaigning to stop a local housing development to Occupy London Stock Exchange, whose infamous protest outside St Paul's Cathedral was largely organised through a Facebook page.

DIGITAL GRAVEYARDS

When the New Scientist's web editor Sumit Paul-Choudhury lost his wife Kathryn to cancer seven years ago, he pondered how best to fulfil her wish to be remembered as she was before she became ill.

"To me, the internet seemed to offer an obvious [solution] —certainly more so than a dramatic headstone," he wrote for his magazine last May. "So I built a website to celebrate her life through carefully selected pictures and text."

The decision, he says, was unorthodox at the time, and he suspects that many people thought it tasteless. But today, there are numerous online "cemeteries" where our accumulated writings, photos and videos are preserved forever—in return for a small annual fee. Similarly, the family and friends of the quarter of a million Facebook users who die each year can now preserve their profiles as "memorialised" sites.

"The idea of creating a personal archive for your descendants is very evocative," says Dr Jeremy Leighton John, a curator of digital material at the British Library. Nokia's head of social services Hans-Peter Brondmo goes even further: "It's our digital soul," he says. ■

collection of idiots. We use some robust language on our site, but I'm shocked by the discourse on some forums—people hiding behind anonymity to hurl insults and threaten each other. I'd hope that, in ten years' time, this is a phase that will have passed. But we'll see. Large parts of the world still aren't online, so there's a limitless supply of idiots. As told to Simon Hemelryk

WHAT'S WITH THOSE WEIRD BAND NAMES?

...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead The group says this derives from an ancient Mayan chant (probably a joke), but one writer observed—rather strangely—that if Hansel and Gretel joined, they could change their name to ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Bread.

Half Man Half Biscuit The bizarre genius of the moniker is also reflected in their lyrics (sample: "There's nothing better in life/Than writing on the sole of your slipper with a Biro/On a Saturday night instead of going to a pub").

Spandau Ballet (pictured) Fans of the archetypal Eighties pop group—"Thatcherism on vinyl," as one critic put it—may be alarmed that their name, some say, was once a descriptive term for the death throes of prisoners executed at Spandau Prison in Berlin.

Pop Will Eat Itself This one is taken from an NME feature that suggested the perfect pop song could be constructed entirely from lyrics and melodies already out there, a concept that later inspired the "mashup" craze (see YouTube for loads of examples).

Daisy Chainsaw It's a nice play on words, but this obscure combo didn't get too far.

Congratulations to Jean Larrington, from Peterborough (pictured with husband, Malcolm), our 106th Grand Prize winner.

Jean was delighted to receive a cheque for £100,000. 'We couldn't believe the news about the win, never mind about the huge amount ... our family are as thrilled as we are.'

Jean isn't the only one better off with Reader's Digest. Every month there are more and more winners in our many Prize Draws and Contests.

We're already looking forward to drawing our next £100,000 prize winner in the 107th Grand Prize Draw

We've paid out over £24.5 million in prizes to 364,480 winners

-446

... that's the equivalent of £50,000 every monthsince the launch of the Reader's Digest Prize Draw in 1971.

In every draw, someone is guaranteed to win. YOU could be next.

And out more today . www.readersdigest.co.uk/prize-draw

HOW TO...

BY LINDA GRAY

1,001 THINGS

dRYONE SHOUL. KNOW

Welcome to the pages that help make life simpler, easier and— we hope—more fun!

How to RUN A BOUTIQUE B&B

Throw open your home to strangers, fund a lifestyle you might not otherwise afford, and make new friends along the way. That's the dream—and, for some, it does come true. "Running a destination b&b is perfect for me," says Brenda Haywood, who runs Westhill House in Highworth, Wiltshire. "When I'm at home, I love entertaining. If I want to go away, I simply say I'm full."

Not so fast, say other weary owners. After cooking a full English, you'll have to clean rooms, change beds, wash (and iron) the sheets, then dash to the shops before the next guests arrive. As you're at their beck and call from 4pm to 11am, April to October, you really need to like having house guests. And what about their dogs? Expect to find both sprawling

on your sofa unless you write "Private" on the door.

Still interested? Then suss out the market. Tourists flock to historic cities and pretty villages, but in a so-so town you may struggle to attract them. Even in hotspots competition is high, and so are guests' expectations—which, by the way, are for luxury linen and organic food, not candlewick and catering sausages. As most visitors only stay a few nights, you're unlikely to make a fortune. To maximise income, discourage single nighters and charge by the room (from around £70 a night for a double) rather than occupancy.

A website is essential to make yourself known, and ads in guides such as Special Places to Stay and tourist-information centres can kick-start business. So will a spectacular star rating—but, as one star is almost a warning, many owners only apply if they're certain of at least three stars. Find the criteria by clicking on "guest accommodation" at qualityin tourism.com.

Red tape is minimal if you're catering for no more than six people (VisitBritain's definition of a b&b), though you'll need to register with the local authority and have a fire-risk assessment. And once your home is a business, you can't be choosy about guests (as one b&b found when they showed a gay couple the door).

How to RESCUE GARDEN FURNITURE

Time to dust off the sunlounger, which is looking the worse for wear after months in the shed. Scrubbing with soapy water will refresh most garden furniture, but if it doesn't, try these restoration tips.

WOOD Teak weathers to silver, so don't bother to oil it unless you like it tanned. The same applies to other hardwoods (oak, iroko and eucalyptus), says the Royal Horticultural Society. Softwoods such as pine need protection, so treat them with wood stain or paint containing preservative every few years.

METAL Touch in chips with car paint or smooth Hammerite (or the kit provided, if you can find it), and repaint entirely every few years. Freshen stainless steel with a specialist cleaner, removing surface rust with a nylon scourer.

PLASTIC Hose down all-weather wicker with a pressure washer and it should look as good as new. But if those budget chairs are brittle, chuck them out.

FABRIC Some cushions and parasols are washable, but wipe with upholstery cleaner if you're unsure.

MOSAICS Give tabletops a coating i of hard beeswax to bring out the shine.

How to DISCOVER LOST MONEY

If fishing a forgotten tenner out of your jeans pocket is satisfying, just think how glorious it would be to find thousands. Over £15bn is hidden away in dormant accounts, unclaimed life policies and shares, which could belong to you (or

How to HANG ON TO YOUR JOB

your gran). There's no need to pay heir hunters, who charge up to 40 per cent. Free services include mylostaccount. org.uk, which traces savings in banks, building societies and National Savings, including Premium Bonds. For lost pensions, contact the Pension Tracing Service (0845 6002 537), and to see if a relative has left you a fortune, try

SPbonavacantia.gov.uk, which issues lists of unclaimed estates from 1997 onwards.

There's a coolness in the office that's nothing to do with the heating, and your manager's looking grim. Should you worry, or will it blow over? Trust your instincts, says Michelle Chance, employment partner at law firm Kingsley Napley. Being sidelined, finding that key decisions are taken while you're away, and a reduction in your workload are signs that your job's under threat.

It's a feeling more of us are likely to sense now that the law has changed. Anyone employed after April 6 now has to work two years before they have job security. Until then, the only reasons for challenging unfair dismissal are discrimination (on the grounds of age, religion, disability, gender, sexuality or race) or whistleblowing.

On the upside, there are steps you can take to protect yourself. First, read every clause in your contract and staff handbook. "Gross misconduct", which means instant dismissal, can cover more than theft and violence. It may also include bringing the company into disrepute.

Then disengage from office politics, gossip, and above all, affairs. Get known for your can-do attitude (and make sure no one else takes the credit), but don't work crazy hours. "You risk being seen as a yes person, lacking in leadership," says Chance.

Anyone in danger of unfair dismissal should collect evidence by keeping a diary. If you raise a grievance, a data-protection request for emails involving you can trigger a pay-off. And see if your home insurance or credit card covers legal costs, just in case.

111

PAPPARDELLE comes from "to gobble". The luscious ribbons of egg-based dough are best with a gamey sauce—think hare or wild boar.

LINGUINE (little tongues), which look like flat noodles. Perfect with seafood and tomato sauce —the classic is vongole (clams).

PENNE (quills) are chunky tubes, sometimes ridged to absorb more sauce. Made for one that's hot and spicy, HEof as arabiatta. of s'A

STELLINE (little

How to 400. •1000 0000• in soup.

ILK I tit q•• ••• ,,so ll o 0° JO° stars) are delicious

RIGHT PASTA 01111-'.

There are 80 types of pasta, according • to The Geometry of Pasta (£11.99), < 2c and new ones are constantly appearing, < from radiatori (radiators) to gomiti 42, (crankshafts). But the shapes are 2 functional as well as fun because 2 they're designed for different sauces, u says co-author Caz Hildebrand, who lists her top five.

TORTELLINI were reputedly inspired by Lucrezia Borgia's navel. Presumably she didn't eat them because they're best stuffed with Italian sausage, pork, Parmesan and egg, and served in cream or broth.

How to AVOID GAFFES

"Most bloopers come down to the fact that you've tried to make the conversation too intimate too soon," says Catherine Blyth, author of The Art of Conversation (£8.99). Avoidable errors include:

• Saying bitchy things about people to somebody you don't know well (that "fool" is invariably their partner)

• Offering unwarranted sympathy (who wants to feel pitied?)

• Teasing (a sense-of-humour clash?)

• Boasting (just been promoted? Lucky you—but is the listener unemployed?)

• Invading their privacy (don't go there unless they indicate that their sex/religious/ digestive life is up for discussion).

Should you foul up, don't give an abject apology. If they don't react, quickly change the subject and lob in a compliment. If your inadvertent insult hits the mark, take the blame in an amusing way—"I'm sorry, ignore me, my brain's on holiday!"

Accept pauses instead of spewing out words to keep the discussion flowing. The harder we try not to say something, the more likely we are to slip, says psychologist Daniel Wegner, especially when we're stressed. So when conversation dries up, the blooper pops out.

The solution? Learn to love silence—and let the other person get a word in, too.

WHAT YOUR TRAFFIC WARDEN WON'T TELL YOU

Well that's your first mistake.

I'm now a Civil Enforcement Officer—no jokes, please. If you think I'm impolite, imagine the abuse I receive: 45 of us are physically attacked every month, which is why we're issued with a Code Red alert to summon help if needed. Don't mention targets. They were banned in 2008 to stop me harassing motorists. But as councils demand a steady income from contractors, I feel under pressure to issue at least ten tickets a day.

• If the car park's private, you're safe from me. Their PCN sneakily stands for parking

charge notice, but it's an invoice, not an official penalty charge notice like mine. It can only be issued to the driver, so in most cases you can safely ignore it. But watch out for clampers. Clamping on private land should soon be banned—but until that happens, it's a nice and not-solittle earner.

• The parking sign can be streets away. So there wasn't anything to say you couldn't park? Shame you didn't notice the controlled-zone sign you passed five minutes ago. If you don't spot it, the council will be better off by £50.

• I'd hate you to appeal. Sixty-five per cent are upheld, and a success for you means a black mark for me.

I don't need to ticket your car ...so don't think you're safe if you

drive away. In fact, many councils are using CCTV to nab motorists, and the first thing you'll know about it is when a PCN arrives in the post.

• All single yellow lines are not the same. What made you think you could park after 6.30pm? In my manor, restrictions are in force until 8pm.

• I love bank holidays. You may have a day off, but

Monday-Friday rules still apply.

I'm fond of weekends, too, when you're likely to zoom into your usual bay, ignoring the fact that it's now for residents only.

• Keep a tape measure in the glovebox. If there are parking signs on yellow lines, they should be at least every 60 metres, while parking bays should have signs every 30 metres and within five metres of the end of the run. Bays also need to be at least

1.62 metres wide, so if they're not, don't worry if your wheels are over the line.

• You can't park further down. If a sign says, "No return within one hour", it refers to all the parking bays, not just the one you used earlier. So here's a tip: park on the other side of the road. That doesn't count. Beware blips. Those marks on the kerb are loading restrictions. If it's allowed, I'll give you up to 20 minutes, but I'm watching. And remember, unloading doesn't mean popping into the bank.

Three excuses

I never accept. You went to get change, the parking meter was broken, or you're disabled and have a blue badge so you can park anywhere. (Oh no, you can't—and if you leave your badge upside down, I'll fine you anyway.)

If it's your car, you have to pay. Don't bother with the Chris Huhne defence— when it comes to parking fines, it doesn't matter who's driving. Unless a car's been stolen, the owner has to pay. ■

BABY BOOMER

When it comes to giving birth, it might be smart to have a plan B ready

"It's all there in my birth plan," said Mrs Jacobs, smiling. Her husband smiled back warmly. "We're doing this naturally, aren't we?" he said, with a soppy expression. I looked at the plan that had been carefully typed and filed in a red leather folder that made it look like a menu.

"So you're not having painkillers?" I asked in amazement. "No, we didn't want any interventions. We're just using hypnosis and aromatherapy," Mr Jacobs explained. I looked at Mrs Jacobs for any sign of hesitation, but

"What about the birth plan?" I asked. "It's usually best to think of it as a wish list," the midwife said

she seemed adamant—although she was in the birthing centre, she didn't want any medical intervention. "It's their first child," said the midwife, with a wry, knowing smile. Mrs Jacobs had just gone into labour. She was an architect and her husband worked in advertising. They lived in a fashionable part of town, surrounded by other middle-class couples. It all sounded rather lovely to me—at the time I was a young medical student in obstetrics. Mrs Jacobs had been in labour for a few hours, and I was hoping things would be done and dusted by teatime. How wrong I was. For the first few hours I busied myself by talking to both of them and making tea. "We brought our own organic camomile," said her husband as he handed over the box. "It's all in the baby plan!"

The midwife rolled her eyes. Just as the best-laid plans often go awry, we might also add those of first-time mothers. As the afternoon turned to evening and the evening to night, it became apparent that things weren't going to go as planned.

In increasing pain, Mrs Jacobs eventually agreed to use gas and air. Then she conceded that perhaps she should be in the obstetric ward. There, she was induced, and the staff started monitoring the baby and giving

Mrs Jacobs more painkillers. It was eventually decided she should have a Caesarean.

"What about the birth plan?" I asked. The midwife put her arm around my shoulder. "It's usually best to think of it as a wish list," she said. I just couldn't believe how badly things had gone. From a touchy-feely, herbs-and-flowers birth, Mrs Jacobs had been rushed into major surgery, and I thought she'd be devastated.

I went to see her, but instead of being upset, she was cradling her new baby, beaming. "Look at him," she said, clearly besotted. The midwife smiled at me, "That's the miracle of childbirth."

Max Pemberton is a hospital doctor, and the Mind Journalist of the Year 2010. Thanks to (althiannonDoyle for the tweet that inspired this column.

WHAT DO THEY DO? Treat and manage "angina" chest pain, which is usually caused by the arteries that supply the heart becoming furred up.

HOW DO THEY WORK? There are two main types of medication, which work in different ways. The first makes the blood vessels that supply the heart muscle open up, thus increasing the amount of blood that can flow through them. Some of these work quickly—such as glyceryl trinitrate (GTN), known as a "short-acting nitrate"—to provide immediate relief from the pain. The second type of medication, which includes beta blockers, is used to slow the heart rate down, so the muscle isn't working as hard and doesn't need so much oxygenated blood.

WHO TAKES THEM? Anyone who has had an angina attack or chest pain when exercising.

They're also sometimes given to people who have had heart attacks to improve the blood flow to the heart.

HOW DO YOU TAKE THEM?Short-acting nitrates are available in tablet form, which you dissolve under your tongue, or as a spray, which gets into the blood stream quickly. One dose usually eases the pain within two to three minutes. If the first dose doesn't work, a second can be taken after five minutes and a third after a further five minutes. Beta blockers and other longeracting angina medications are tablets that should be swallowed whole with plenty of water.

SIDE EFFECTS?

The main one is lightheadedness. Some people also complain of facial flushing, tiredness and skin rashes. To minimise possible side effects, you should avoid alcohol.

COMMON TYPES

Glyceryl trinitrate, isosorbide mononitrate, propranolol ■

NEXT MONTH: thyroid tablets

HEALTH WITH SUSANNAH HICKLING

DIY REHAB!

Reader David Llewelyn Jones on how he helped himself recover from a stroke

My stroke on April 21 last year affected all of my right side. I got depressed at the idea of being disabled. Then I realised I could try to put my RAF physiotherapy background to good use. I'd also been a head teacher of a school for pupils with physical and associated learning difficulties, where the ethos was "try, try and try again".

I decided to improvise. To regain my hand function my wife made me an open "nosebag" about 12 inches wide and 15 inches tall, and filled it with wheat. I made a fist—or as much as I could—in the wheat. Then I opened it as far as possible against the resistance of the wheat.

A wet facecloth helped, too. I used my left hand to hold up my affected right hand and re-educate it to practise a circular motion over my face. I then used both hands to wring the cloth out. My efforts were poor at first, but slowly my hand improved.

As my grip was slow and weak, I used a steel hammer, holding the head with the handle pointing up while resting my arm on the arm of

David used everyday objects—including' an RD dictionary!— to rebuild his strength

my chair. Then I'd move it from 12 o'clock to 10 o'clock and back, going further as I got stronger. Soon I was knocking in nails! Then to hone my finger movements I made a "lacing board", threading a trainer lace in and out, moving on to a needle and thread.

HOW TO GET REHAB

A recent report from The Chartered Society of Physiotherapy found that stroke survivors can wait up to six months for physio. It's vital to begin rehabilitation quickly, so press your GP, consider private treatment, and visit stroke.org.uk

My wife bought me a Swing Ball for my 72nd birthday last June. This was wonderful, if exhausting; using the bat stimulated my gripping action, while stepping into the forehand stroke with my left foot and into the backhand with my right helped my balance. I spent hours doing this-20 minutes at a time—often

followed by a sleep.

I bought some dumbbells and worked with them for up to six hours a day, progressing from the lightest to the heaviest. But I couldn't fully extend my elbow—I couldn't do even one press up. So I went to my home gym—aka the stairs—and put my feet at the bottom and hands on the fourth step. I then did seven. When I could do 30, I managed a full one on the floor.

I already knew from my time as a physio that getting better is a full-time job. There are different types of stroke, but the harder the patient works, the better the recovery.

BLOOMIN' MARVELLOUS

...that's the verdict of the experts on the impact of gardening on health. Do it right and you'll:

1.Make your hands stronger Mixing soil and filling pots help improve hand strength and "pinch force", according to a University of Kansas study.

2. Increase upper body strength Clear leaves with a rake, cut grass with a pushalong lawnmower or dig beds for an ace workout. Leaning onto your hands as you weed will develop muscles in your arms, shoulders and upper back, while yanking weeds out will give you an extra arm-building boost.

3. Build bones University of Arkansas scientists found that hard graft in the garden improved women's bone density, which can guard against osteoporosis. Try

WHAT WORRIES YOU MOST ABOUT HOSPITAL?

pushing a mower, lifting a wheelbarrow of mulch (protect your back) and pulling weeds.

4. Lower blood pressure and cholesterol Moderate physical activity—and that includes gardening—for 30 minutes a day can help cut these risk factors for heart disease, say Danish researchers.

5. Improve your diet Research shows that a spin-off from growing fruit and veg is that you eat them, thereby boosting your health. In spades!

Dirty wards? Hospital superbugs? Or perhaps not waking up from the anaesthetic. According to thrombosis charity Lifeblood you should be far more bothered about blood clots. Each year more than 25,000 people in England die as a result of a clot acquired in hospital, usually in the form of deep vein thrombosis (DVT), which often occurs in the legs. This figure—incredible as it may seem—is more than the combined total of deaths from breast cancer, Aids and traffic accidents, and more than 25 times the number who die from MRSA. Prevent DVT by staying mobile or, if you can't, wear compression stockings until you're on the move again properly.

THE DIET DOCTOR

Dr David Ashton of Healthier Weight on why you should look before you eat

In 1865 Joseph 411) Delboeuf, a Belgian psychologist, described an interesting perceptual illusion with which most of you will be familiar. The two circles above are the same size, although the one on the left looks larger. It's this optical illusion that appears to explain the findings of a recent study on plate size and food consumption.

The average dinner plate has increased in size by about 23% since 1900 and researchers wanted to know whether this change could be influencing portion sizes.

In one experiment 225 study subjects were asked to pour a specified amount of tomato soup into several different-sized bowls. As expected, participants consistently poured less into the smaller bowls and much more into the larger bowls. In fact, using large bowls led people to over-serve by up to 31%.

Interestingly, even telling subjects ahead of the experiment failed to prevent over-serving. It seems the illusion is so deeply embedded in our brains it's almost impossible to override.

The scientists also looked at how the colour of the plate and the tablecloth influences portion sizes. If a white plate was placed on a black tablecloth, portions tended to be 10% larger, whereas a white plate on a white cloth eliminated this bias. Again, the explanation is to do with the Delboeuf illusion.

HERE'S HOW BIG YOUR PORTIONS SHOULD BE

So it seems clear that we are preprogrammed to over-serve on larger plates and under-serve on smaller ones, and these differences are due to our perception of the relative gap between the edge of the food and the edge of dinnerware. While the differences may be small, over time they could amount to a significant calorie gain. If the differences in plate size encouraged a person to eat just 50 calories more a day, this would result in a gain of around Sibs a year. ■

If, like 90% of UK adults, you have ever had chickenpox, there

is a 1

in 4 chance you will develop shingles at some point in your lifetime.

Shingles (also known as herpes zoster) is a condition that is caused by the reactivation of the chickenpox virus. Once you've had chickenpox, the virus stays dormant in your body until it is reactivated, causing shingles. It is not fully known what causes the virus to reactivate, but anyone who has had chickenpox could develop shingles in later life, often many years after the original chickenpox infection. It tends to occur more frequently in people aged 50 years or older. It usually causes a rash on one side of the body.

The symptoms of shingles are usually mild but can be very unpleasant for some. Shingles usually starts with a headache, fever, and tiredness, and you are likely to feel unwell. It's very common to feel a burning pain somewhere on the body, which may become extreme, Within a few days to three weeks this area of pain will start to develop a red rash, which will turn into fluid-filled blisters. When these painful blisters burst they will then turn into sores that will eventually crust over and heal. Most people recover but some people continue to feel extreme pain in the area of the rash that can remain for many months; or in extreme cases even years. This is kni,,,,,.,,, nnst-herpetic neuralgia 0 0

(PHN). PHN can prevent sufferers from living a normal life, and for some even a slight breeze against the skin can be painful and distressing.

Shingles varies from person to person and some people will require treatment. See your GP as soon as possible, ideally within 72 hours of the rash occurring.

Most people do not have any long-term effects, but for some shingles can cause complications. If shingles develops in the eye it can lead to decreased vision or even permanent blindness in the affected eye.

It is possible to prevent shingles. See your GP who can give you more information.

Other sources of information include www.shinglesaware.co.uk or the Shingles Support Society, 41 North Road, London N7 9DP who have a helpline (0845 123 2305) and a website (www.shinglessupportorg)

Scan the QR code with your smartphone to access www.shinglesaware.co.uk

BE WITH JAN MASTERS

GOOD HATTITUDE

Work a wide brim or pose in a Panama and use hats to your advantage

A hat has the potential to be a brilliant beauty booster. It can draw attention to your eyes and lips, balance your features, and enhance your skin tone with a flattering shade, and diffuse light, softening the appearance of wrinkles. It's also useful for bad-hair days. And once you feel comfortable wearing one, it can give you a confidence boost, too.

"It's as if a hat can change the personality of the wearer, making you stand and walk differently," agrees heavenly-hat designer Philip Treacy, who designed 36 of the hats at the wedding of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. "The head is a very potent part of the body to

decorate because when you meet people for the first time, you aren't meeting their foot or their hand or their hip...you're meeting their face, so it makes sense that adornment should enhance your features," he continues.

The Duchess of Cambridge has certainly boosted positive "hattitude"—she's been crowned "Hat Person of the Year" for 2011 by the Headwear Association. As the wedding season is nigh, more of us will be considering something to sit on top of our heads. But I think it's also worth embracing hats on a more everyday basis too, not least because they can help protect your skin in the sun.

For superior shading, consider one with a UPF 50+ (Ultraviolet Protection Factor, which measures the protection offered by fabrics). And don't forget that you need a wide brim that angles downwards or is "shapeable". A flat brim is at its most protective when the sun

• It's important to see just the right amount of hair, whether it be up or down. Too much can overwhelm. Too little can appear severe.

• Avoid a serious "do" under a hat—it can look matronly. If you pull hair back, ensure the styling is soft.

• Hair dressed asymmetrically often works best.

• Don't buy a hat that's too tight—it will leave a tramline on your forehead.

is overhead. But as the sun moves, so do the angles of the rays, and a brim that dips extends the period of protection.

As for stepping out in head-turning style, Treacy has the following advice to help you find your true match:

• Oval face. You can try almost any design—large brims in particular.

• Round face. Look for broad or angled brims with a wide crown (avoid low crowns). And go for a jaunty tilt.

• Square face. Check out curvaceous shapes with circular or floppy brims. For a lengthening effect, try tall, rounded crowns.

• Oblong face. A low crown and wide or sweeping brims help soften this shape.

• Heart-shaped face. Don't drown your features in a large hat. Try a small, perching hat such as a cloche.

BEAUTY PRODUCTS FOR WHEN YOU'RE... FIR

...CASH RICH

Sisley Black Rose Cream Mask, £88, a scented oasis of anti-ageing, skinplumping loveliness with plenty of applications in the tube.

...TIME POOR

Champneys Spa Facial Illuminating Beauty Balm, £13, from Boots, for dewiness-on-demand and an instant complexion pep-up.

...PALE (but not interesting)

New (out this month) Dior Bronze Self-Tanning Oil Natural Glow, £28. A dry oil for a silky feel and a satiny faux tan.

...FLUSHED (but not flattered)

First Aid Beauty AntiRedness Serum, £20 —very useful "calm down, dear" skincare.

...STRESSED OUT

Aromatherapy Associates

De-Stress Mind Bath & Shower Oil, £37, with wild camomile, petitgrain and frankincense. "Aaahh" in a bottle.

nuTutown ...READY FOR A NIGHT IN Cowshed Cow Slip

Manicure Maintenance Kit, £19.50 (cowshedonline.com) has everything from cuticle oil to cotton moisture gloves for sleepover hydration. rail) WA

There are heaps of hot nail colours for summer, from neons to sea greens. But are they a tad too funky-teen? Uber-manicurist Marian Newman has this neat tip to assess their suitability when you're shopping. Take a roll of clear sticky tape with you.

If there are testers available but no remover, wrap a piece of the tape over your nail. Paint. Decide yay or nay, and then peel away. If you feel the colour is too "out there" for your hands, but you still love it, wear it on your toes instead— usually, feet can walk a wilder line. •

CONSUMER WITH DONAL MAcINTYRE

DISCONNECTED

In this digital world, ditching your mobile feels weird—but also liberating

Since mobile phones slimmed down from the size of bricks, I've had one pressed to my ear. It's evolved into my PA, best friend and conduit to the outside world. I even go to bed with it! We've become addicted to our mobiles—and I, as a journalist and a natural talker, suffer more than most.

So I decided to go cold turkey for two weeks, to see if I could keep the bills down (I once clocked up £4,500 in a month when working abroad for Channel 5) and survive without a mobile.

The feeling is one of freedom, escape and calm. You can have a coffee without 25 messages, and read the newspaper without interference. I went old-school and started to organise appointments using email and phone boxes (if I could find one). But I soon realised that, much as I was coping without my mobile, others were incapable of the most basic practicalities without one.

It's near impossible to arrange to meet someone at a particular time without live communications right down to the wire. Punctuality is no longer a necessity because you can always phone to say you're running late. People don't arrive at restaurants and spy their friend over a crowd any more. Now, we must be talked into the location like a stricken airliner

flown by a passenger being guided onto the landing strip.

I enjoyed my time without my phone, but taxi companies couldn't find me, my wife got annoyed because she needed me to pick up the kids, and colleagues thought I'd died because the phone didn't ring. But I re-engaged with the art of observation. I saw the world around me instead of texting or playing with some new app. It was the old me circa 1990, and I quite liked it—but no one else did. So the mobile is back, but the bills are lower, and I now turn it off once a week and leave the world of my pocket behind. Try it!

IF YOU DON'T ASK...

Donal answers your questions. Please email queries to excerpts @readers digest. co.uk

Donal MacIntyre is an investigative journalist and a former presenter of ITV's London

Tonight

et What liability VII do I have if my rental car is stolen?

AThe key to this lies with the keys. If you can hand the keys back to the rental company, then you should be able to avail yourself of the usual fulltheft waiver that's common to most rental policies. If, however, you're carjacked and have the keys and the car taken off you, you could be held responsible for the full cost of the car.

A surprising number of major rental contracts stipulate that, if the driver cannot provide the keys to the company, liability for the stolen car is left with them.

Please check out exclusions and

waivers on all rental policies—or live to regret it.

ft Can I sue my Vit fortune-teller?

AWell, in a world where you can lay a writ on a rabbit —as they say in the country—people have naturally tried. In 1996, a Virginian man sued his fortune-teller for the return of $65,000 because his lottery numbers didn't deliver the promised $3m jackpot. A court ordered restitution, but some have suggested the victim could have been counter-sued for stupidity.

Within the EU, fortune-tellers must advise clients that their readings are for entertainment only, or face heavy fines. Trading Standards review these practices, but it's possible to sue if someone is defrauded of cash or wittingly taken advantage of—in which case it'd be more a matter for the police than for individual lawsuits.

CONSUMER POWER!

When Californian kids in the 1940s wanted to surf the streets as much as the sea, they placed a plank of wood on roller skates and the skateboard was born. The backstreet kids weren't to know it, but they demonstrated the art of consumer innovation, a force now more powerful than previously thought—"consumer innovators" engage in three times more product research and development than big business. What you and I thought was just tinkering around turns out to be the bedrock of future product revolutions.

Continuing research in the UK, Portugal and Germany suggests that customers modifying products is the future of industrial creativity. Forget Silicon Valley—the shed is where it's at! •

MONEY WITH JASMINE BIRTLES

HOME HELP

Your house is your most valuable asset, so make sure you keep its value up

Increasing the worth of your home is always a good idea, but be careful— some so-called improvements can actually bring the price down. Here's a handy selection of dos and don'ts:

DO... ✓

Builda garage or off-street parking area. Many families have more than one car, so any extra space to park is a real advantage. Garages are especially attractive as they have multiple uses.

"It's not the sort of garage I had in mind..."

Build a GOOD extel

If you extend you can increase the square-footage of your home and, therefore, the price, but a bad extension can bring down the value of your home. Make sure you get planning permission from your local council, if necessary, or you may be forced to take it down and lose all your investment.

Loft conversion. If you haven't done it already, getting your loft converted will add both space and value to your property. Check with your local planning office before you start the conversion-

you'll have to get building-regulations approval and conform to fire regulations (which might include installing a fire door and alarms). Again, make sure it's done well, as a bad conversion could harm.

Sort out the garden. Don't neglect any outdoor areas; a great garden will really add value. If your garden's big enough, consider putting a summer house in it.

Do it yourself. If you're on a tight budget, the best way to save is to do some of the work yourself, then get the professionals to finish it. For example, if you want to re-tile your bathroom, but you're not confident enough, you could remove the old tiles and prepare the surface for

the new ones. Then you'll only have to pay someone to fit them.

Sylvia Marshall from bubsydogdiy. corn says there's a lot that householders can do themselves with just a bit of training—her website provides easy, step-by-step instructions.

DON'T... X

pool. This actually lowers the value of a property! People tend to see a pool as a highmaintenance addition that will drain them of time and money.

Install decking. Very popular a few years ago, this is now seen as old hat and those who don't like it may not want the hassle or expense of ripping it up and replacingit.

Stone cladding. Quite simply, this is very unpopular. Just don't do it.

"`PAID-FOR"

ACCOUNTS

Your bank might have asked you recently if you want to upgrade your account to start payingfor an account with "extras". These accounts, often called premium accounts, carry a monthly fee ranging from £6.50 to as much as £40, although the typical account charges about £15 per month. For this, you get various benefits including, perhaps, travel insurance and motor-breakdown assistance.

If you use such extras these accounts can be good value, but far too many people pay each month and use nothing. For example, if you have a new iPhone, an account with mobile-phone insurance is going to be of benefit, but if you have a cheap pay-asyou-go phone, this kind of account will see you payingfor a service you don't need.

To help you, I've looked into a few of the best paid-for accounts available just now: Barclays Current Account Plus has a £6.50 fee a month, but includes benefits such as phone insurance and an interest-free overdraft of up to £300 (although you have to pay 18.3% interest if your overdraft goes over £300). So if you're regularly in the red, this could help.

Halifax Ultimate Reward Current Account costs £15 a month, with annual benefits includingAA motor cover and worldwide multi-trip family travel insurance. If you have a family and you are out and about a lot this can be worth the money.

JARGON BUSTER

Named after the Italian fraudster Charles Ponzi, this is an enterprise where funds from new investors— instead of genuine profits—are used to pay high returns to current investors. It works like a pyramid scheme so that the original investors do well, but the last investors lose all their money. Ponzi schemes are destined to collapse as soon as new investment tails off or significant numbers of investors simultaneously try to withdraw funds.

THE ONE THING THIS MONTH...

...rent out a spare room, or even your home, for the Olympics, or for summer tourists or business travellers. It's easy to do now, thanks to websites such as airbnb.com and wimdu.com.

These sites let homeowners rent a room, flat or house per night to visitors. You set the rate (you'll have to pay tax on any income

MAKE

you make above £4,250), put a photo and details of your place on the sites, and the would-be visitors book you for one or more nights.

WORK FOR YOU

Banks and shops encourage us to be loyal by issuing reward cards and points. You can get free travel, in-store discounts, spa trips and all kind of freebies without spending any more than usual. Just make sure you pick the best ones and use them wherever possible.

THE BEST REWARDS CREDIT CARDS

Best for cashback. The Capital One World MasterCard offers 5% cashback up to £100 for the first three months. After this, rates vary from 0.5-1.25%.

Best for travel. Lloyds TSB Avios Duo gives you two credit cards—a MasterCard and an American Express card. With the American Express card, you earn one Avios for every £1 you spend and one Avios for every £5 you spend with your MasterCard. Swap them for flights, Eurostar trips and hotel stays.

Best for shopaholics. The John Lewis and Waitrose partnership MasterCard gives you one

point per £1 spent in John Lewis, Waitrose or Ocado. You also earn one point per £2 when you spend anywhere else. Every 500 points are worth £5, which you get as vouchers to spend in John Lewis, Waitrose or Ocado.

THE BEST LOYALTY CARDS

Tesco Clubcard. With this card you'll get one point for each £1 spent in store. Once you've reached 150 points, Tesco will send you vouchers equivalent to the number of points you've collected. If you're collecting Avios then you can get 600 Avios for every £2.50 worth of Tesco points. For best value, spend your Clubcard points in the Tesco catalogue.

Nectar card. With this card, you can exchange your points for money off in stores such as Sainsbury's and Argos. 500 points can be exchanged for £2.50 off your shopping. You can also spend your Nectar

points on free travel all over the world with ebookers and Eurostar. You get double points at Legoland, Alton Towers and Thorpe Park, so for 500 points you get £5 off.

Boots Advantage card. This offers four points for every £1 spent. Each point is worth ip, so for £1 you get 4p back. You also get special offers just for owning the card, including a free magazine. Sadly, you can't combine your points with cash to act as a discount, so you have to wait until you can pay for your item with your points alone.

Shell Drivers' Club. With Shell's scheme you get one point for every litre of fuel you buy. Once you've got 500 points you receive a £2.50 voucher for Shell.

MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR CARDS

1.Use several at the same time, if you can. So if you're in Tesco doing your usual shop, buy your goods with your American Express Lloyds TSB Avios Duo card and hand over your Tesco loyalty card as well to get the points. That way, you get Tesco points and part of a free holiday at the same time.

2. Always remember to use your loyalty card when filling up at the supermarket petrol station. Considering how much we spend on fuel, it's important to get a bit back.

3. If you can find something cheaper elsewhere, buy it there. Realistically, the amount of reward points you get is never going to make up for spending more than you have to. If you'd buy it anyway, go ahead; otherwise don't bother.

"Having a loyalty card is one thing, but it's a bit much having to salute their flag, too!"

THIS MONTH'S BARGAIN

Get 50% off the price of my Mystery Shopping eBook and find out how you can get free meals in restaurants and free stays in hotels just for giving your opinion. Usually £7, get it for £3.49 using the code "MAG10" at moneymagpie. com/ebooks/ mysteryshopping-ebook DID YOU KNOW?

Of the 17 trillion frequent-flyer miles in global circulation, an estimated 39 billion go unused every year. These could get you from London to Sydney and back again a staggering 1,847,115 times. ■

Jasmine Birtles is a personal finance writer and the founder of moneymagpie.com

FOOD WITH MARCO PIERRE WHITE

dit,a CRUNCH POINT

Texture is the key to this colourful, bittersweet plate

This month's recipe makes for a great nearly-summer starter or light supper— especially when served with a chilled bottle of rosé. We have it on our menu at the Pear Tree in Wiltshire and I have to admit that my head chef Chris Warwick makes it almost as well as I do!

No one will struggle with this dish. And the joy is that you'll feel like an artist as you assemble it, using the plate as a canvas. But there's something I want to point out: a lot of cooks have no idea about contrasting flavours and often they don't see the importance of food's consistency.

Eating is a sensual experience. So many different things come into play: taste, texture, colour, smell. And this dish, done properly, is the perfect example of everything working together and balancing each other beautifully. The sweetness of the pear contrasts with the bitterness of the cheese. You can use Roquefort instead of Gorgonzola—though I far prefer the latter. Personally, I'd go for Cornice pears, but use your favourite variety so you feel this is your salad.

All I have to add is that you must make sure the fruit is perfectly ripe, and when mixing the salad with your fingers, gentleness is crucial. The ingredients have done no harm, so don't rough them up.

Marco Pierre White, the "godfather" of modern British cooking, is a restaurateur and TV personality

ENDIVE AND PEAR SALAD (SERVES 4)

3 red endives

3 yellow endives

1 pear, thinly sliced

4 dessert spoons of walnut oil

4 dessert spoons of sherry vinegar

Maldon sea salt

160g Gorgonzola cheese cut into cubes (40g per portion)

100g walnuts, roasted and chopped into small pieces

Chives, chopped Parsley

1. Clean and wash the red and yellow endives. Pick off

MARCO'S

the individual leaves and pat dry, paying attention not to break them.

2. Put the thinly sliced pear into a bowl with the endives, walnut oil and sherry vinegar, and then sprinkle with sea salt

3. Use your fingers to gently mix, so the endives and pear are coated in the sherry vinegar and walnut oil.

4. Build up the salad on the plate —first the endives, then the cubes of Gorgonzola.

Sprinkle the walnuts around the plate, than garnish with the chives and parsley. ■

Season the walnuts with salt and sugar after roasting to give a candy-like flavour, taking you back to evenings at the fairground

WITH NIGEL BARDEN

AU NATUREL

If choosing wine is a bit of a headache, try the back-to-basics approach

Natural wines were the earliest ever made—and a renewed interest in them, starting in the Seventies in the French regions of Beaujolais, Loire and the Languedoc, has since spread worldwide. Natural wines are made with minimum intervention—no added sugar, artificial yeasts, or sulphur dioxide (used in many wines to kill bacteria and prevent oxidation).

They're mainly made by artisan producers from low-yielding vineyards and, being unfiltered, are often cloudy. At their best they provide simple-butpowerful flavours, often reflecting the region they're from. So a Languedoc red, made from the Minervois grape, might offer up black olives and herbs; a Chablis, a rich mouthful, underpinned with citrus.

Ii

Elisabetta Foradori "punching down" the grapes

What's more, if you've ever had a problem with wine giving you headaches (and not just from an excess of it...) or migraines, natural wines could be just the thing.

Les Caves de Pyrene are British-based merchants set up by a Frenchman in 1988, and champions of natural wines. They're heavily involved with the Real Wine Fair at Victoria House in London, May 20-22, so you can try some out for yourself (therealwinefair.com).

BREWING UNDERGROUNL#

It's one thing to brew awardwinning ale, but quite another to do so using a modern, partially underground eco-cellar built with clay blocks and a grass roof, saving £30,000 annually on electricity!

David and Mary Ann McCaig's Devonshire Otter Brewery takes advantage of the naturally lower temperature below ground to chill 5,000 casks of ale; they use a series of willowbeds to treat waste water before returning it to the River Otter; and feed spent yeast and grain to local pigs and cows.

The result is their dark brown, yeasty Otter Head (5.8%), which was a three-star gold medal winner at the Great Taste Awards, and is sold at their pub, The Holt, in Honiton (otterbrewery.com). ■

Nigel Barden is the food and drink presenter on Simon Mayo's show on BBC Radio2, and chairman of the Great Taste Awards

Celebrated Italian winemaker

GARDENING WITH BOB FLOWERDEW

GROWING PAINS

The easiest way to make sure your plants thrive? Treat them as individuals

Is it true that the majority of plants need to rest? If so, when should this happen? I just keep feeding and watering mine. A Native plants rest in winter when they go partially dormant. Indeed, warmer winters are depriving them of the two months or so of continuous cold they need, so we may soon find it harder to grow some of them. (Mild winters are the main reason why it's hard to grow pears, peaches, cherries and other stone fruits in westerly counties.) Plants in the tropics never get winter, but I may respond instead to wet and dry seasons.

Some

like to dry off in the summer

But I suspect you're concerned with house plants —many have "sub-tropical" origins, and so expect wetter and drier periods. As growth is slower in low winter light, reduce feeding and watering to a minimum at that time. However, some cyclamen and bulbous plants prefer drying off during summer.

I'd advise checking each specimen with a specialist house-plant book.

DISHING THE DIRT

ilk I live in a large town with ‘ar no easy source of manure. I find the pelleted manures and organic fertilisers at the local garden centre are expensive, and even chemical fertilisers are pricey. What's a cheap way to feed my shrubs and vegetables?

AFirst add more water—it's cheap and easy to apply, and dryness is more often the limit to growth than low fertility. Next, make more compost. Ensure all

cyclamen

A PRETTY SCREEN

I want some quick-growing shrubs that will block the view at the end of my garden but won't grow more than about seven feet.

AUnfortunately, most quick-growing shrubs that get tall enough to block a view won't stop there. Bamboos are an exception, but you must get clump forming rather than a runnering sort, or it'll be invasive. Kerria japonica (pictured below) is a bit like a bamboo in habit, with lovely yellow flowers, and it stops at about seven feet. Leycestria formosa is also a good choice, with sea-green leaves, fantastic flowers and berries.

Submitted by Philip Olivant, Berkshire • compostable household wastes are utilised —including your urine!—then scavenge other people's wastes (maybe tidy old folks' gardens for them in exchange for the gleanings). Then sow green manures for composting, particularly Claytonia perfoliata whenever you have bare ground, such as on the vegetable bed through winter. Grow more leguminous plants, especially peas and beans, sweet peas, lupins and clovers (red—pictured—white and crimson), as these create fertility.

If you only need screening for summer, then a near-instant alternative is Jerusalem artichokes. Plant these a foot each way in three rows and it'll be a thicket—in winter, you can eat the surplus tubers. Bob Flowerdew is an organic gardener and a regular on BBC Radio 4's Gardeners' Question Time. Send your gardening questions to Bob at excerpts(cureadersdigest.co.uk

This is a time called the Ice for planting out Saints' days). all those tender Protect plants plants, from with cloches bedding to (cut-down plastic tomatoes and bottles will do), pumpkins, and or support wet hanging out the newspapers or baskets. But an old sheet on don't rush—mid- sticks over the May often sees plants on cold sudden hard frosts nights. And weed, (these were once mow and water.

READER'S TIP

Place an upturned basket frame inside the chains of your hanging baskets if they're pestered by squirrels—it stops them burying food in the soil, but still allows young plants light and space. The frame can be taken off once the plants

have grown enough to cover the soil.

» Email your gardening tips and ideas— with photos, if possible—to excerpts@ readersdigest.co.uk. We'll pay £70 if we use them on this page.

WITH MARTIN HUGHES-GAMES

LICKING GOOD

If you spy a baby hedgehog, look out for a truly odd ritual

Right now, in a pile of leaves near you, the first baby hedgehogs of the year are being born. To begin with they have "pimples", but within hours the spines appear, making them look like animated pink gooseberries.

Tongue

One of the extraordinary things hedgehogs do is "self-anoint". When a hedgehog encounters a new scent, it will often lick and chew it (hand creams and soap usually trigger a session). Then, masticating furiously, it produces copious amounts of frothy saliva that it smears all over its spines with its tongue. It's remarkable to watch—they seem to have

RUNNING WITH

a rubber spine and a shockingly long tongue.

But what are they up to? The most popular theories are that anointing covers their own scent; it acts as a mild venom, making pricks from their spines a bit more irritating; or they just like to smell delicious!

One great initiative is "Hedgehog Street" (hedgehogstreet.org), which encourages people to cut hedgehogsized holes in their garden fences, thus creating a large, linked, hedgehogfriendly habitat—simple and brilliant!

I've just had a life-changing event—getting a puppy. But when did our relationship with dogs begin? In a grave around 12,000 years old in a place called Ain Mallaha (now northern Israel), a woman has a small puppy buried with her, while in the UK, a dog's skull some 5,000 years old was excavated from the Star Carr archaelogical site in Yorkshire.

The most likely explanation is that wolves lived near settlements where they could scavenge food. Those who did better around humans got more food and became part of the settlement—the ancestors of domestic dogs. There are now some 400 million of these, massively outnumbering wolves. Joining forces with humans has been a good strategy for the dog!

Pip the pup —Martin's pride and joy

tied: the purpose of "self-anomtin •" is still a mystery

Can't tell one blue tit from another?

That's because, unlike them, we can't see the ultraviolet end of the spectrum. Different parts of the bird's plumage reflect UV light and glow, especially the blue "cap", which to other tits is a dazzling crown—very attractive to the ladies! The yellow colour of their chest comes largely from the food they eat. The brighter yellow the male's chest is, the more attractive he is to a female because he's clearly good at finding food, so probably a good father.

This month, blue tits will have chicks—each needs around 100 caterpillars a day, so a clutch of ten chicks means around 1,000 hunting trips every day (exhausting!)

Every year, blue tits time their nest building so that, four weeks later, they'll have chicks in the nest coinciding with the peak of caterpillar numbers. But, as this peak varies from year to year, how do they know when to start? ■

Martin HughesGames is a host of BBC2's Springwatch and Autumnwatch

DIGITAL WITH MARTHA LANE FOX

RADICAL SURFERS

Lots of whizzy ideas can be found online, if you know where to look lq)CP, 0111111111

tlIPM

Recently, I helped judge the New Radicals awards, run by the Observer and innovations experts NESTA, to find the top 50 people and organisations in the UK with innovative and creative solutions to today's problems.

We're living through very challenging times, and it's never been more urgent that we find fresh ways of tackling some of our thorniest issues. That means brave thinking and innovation— often underpinned by technology. Here are my favourites:

• One man's trash is another man's treasure. Accessspace.org is a web-learning centre in Sheffield kitted out entirely for free. Anyone can use and take away a computer without charge, on one condition—that they repair, reconfigure and renew it themselves.

• Apps for Good (appsforgood.org) is a brilliant programme teaching young people to change their world by creating mobile and Facebook apps.

• Adil Abrar co-founded The Amazings (theamazings.org), a marketplace for retired people to sell their experiences, skills and passions to their local community. His latest project, Sidekick School (sidekickschool.org), is helping

large charities and social organisations think like start-ups by teaching them all about radical social change.

• Livity (livity.co.uk) is working directly with young people to improve their lives while producing co-created campaigns and content for brands, broadcasters, charities and government.

• PatientsLikeMe.com, a health-datasharing platform with more than 125,000 patients with over 1,000 life-changing illnesses, is challenging the way industry conducts research to improve patient care.

NETWORK WITH A PURPOSE

Clever old NESTA has just run another competition to find new ways to help us give more time and money. Its Innovation in Giving fund is supporting great ideas with a social mission. Round-one winners are already doing good with their dosh, and there were heaps of stand-outs—but, for me, social network with a difference Tyze (tyze. com) really struck a chord. It makes managing your health simpler by creating a private group for you, your loved ones, and trusted care professionals. Unlike normal

A RIGHT ROYAL KNEES-UP!

Give an hour of your time to help an internet beginner. Go to go-on.co.uk for more. Or to find a taster session near you, call freephone 0800 77 1234

social networks, it's invitation-only and even lets you create your own special online "vault" to store those all-important docs, such as your will.

I also think the Good Gym (thegoodgym. org) is a project with real legs. Giving people a meaningful reason to exercise away from the stuffy old gym, it's a matching service that brings together people who want to get fit with those who need stuff done, or are lonely. It could be walking, running or cycling to visit an older person, or helping with all those

niggling physical tasks that just need to get done. Getting fit while doing something good— now that's a reason to get your trainers on!

Martha Lane Fox is the UK's digital champion and founder of RaceOnline2012.org

Hang out the bunting; the Diamond Jubilee weekend looks set to be the biggest national party for decades. Tesco alone sold 120 miles of the stuff for the Royal Wedding, and planned road closures for street parties have smashed those for last year's nuptials.

The Big Jubilee Lunch is the place to go to find out how to throw the perfect street party. Eighty-nine per cent of the two million who've had a big lunch so far say that it really brings generations together, so go to biglunch.com for loads of free info on how to organise a bash and get to know your neighbours.

The crowning jewels of it all? The Queen was the first state leader to send an email back in 1976, and Wills and Harry bought her an iPad last year, at the tender age of 85. Happy coronation to your Maj, and happy street parties to the rest of you! •

MOTORING WITH CONOR McNICHOLAS

HI-TECH TRAVEL

Just when thought you'd seen it all, along comes another brilliant idea

After almost 100 years of mass-market motor vehicles you'd be forgiven for thinking that cars had been refined to the point where we'd pretty much perfected them. But a wave of new technology looks set to fundamentally change our relationship with the car.

You might drive your car now, but web-search leviathan Google is already running a car that drives itself and has been doing just that around the streets of San Francisco using GPS positioning technology and Google Maps information. The test car has only crashed once...and that was because there was a human behind the wheel at the time. Volvo predict that we'll have cars that can follow each other in an automated convoy in just eight years—hit the motorway and you can pretty much switch off.

Volvo are also debuting a new safety tech on their forthcoming V40 car this summer: pedf = 'n air

If you do make contact with someone, the bonnet pops open and an air cushion bursts out in a: r^ .4 front of the windscreen to protect the pedestrian's head. It's a world first :AVOW • -•••••• and looks set to make driving safer than ever.

In the future, you'll be protected behind the wheel more, too. Toyota are developing technology that detects your heartbeat through your grip on the steering wheel. It can determine if you're having a heart attack and will automatically slow the car so you can pull over easily. That's one bad commute. But my current favourite new bit of technology is one that's available very soon and is so obvious you'll wonder why no one thought of it before. Have you ever approached your car while juggling shopping and keys and your phone and maybe kids, and all you want to do is just get the boot open? Then you'll love Ford's forthcoming new Kuga SUV with a new kick-open tail-gate. When your hands are full, you can use your foot to kick the bumper. The car knows it's you thanks to a proximity key and a special motiondetection system, the boot opens automatically—and you can dump everything inside in one go, kids and all.

ONE TO BUY

(£9,550) Unlike its animal namesake, this Panda's a survivor. Starting life as a brilliantly low-tech tin box stuffed with Lego in 1980, the essence of the "practical little car" has remained through the years. This new-gen Panda is still brilliant—though with a lot more kit now—and will be loved by the family like a new pet. Time to stock up on bamboo.

ONE TO SPOT

VW CC 1.8 TSI (£24,200) Time was when you knew the difference between a saloon and a coupe—four doors vs two, boxy vs swoopy. But no more. With the Mercedes CLS and Audi A5 Sportback regular sights, this VW CC no longer seems as weird as it did when it first arrived as a Passat CC back in 2008. The best of both worlds? Certainly a welcome dash of glamour for the VW brand.

ONE TO DREAM ABOUT

Bentley EX (about £150,000) This is only a concept, but it's already making big waves—not surprising, as it's about the size of an ocean liner. This is Bentley's first stab at a super-luxury SUV. It's been criticised for being ugly, but I love its drama. Yes, it's too big, too powerful and fantastically garish, but when was excess ever supposed to be tasteful? The real version of this car should go on sale in 2014.

KID COMFORT

Another great invention: the Bubble Bum, an inflatable child's car seat. It's a fully functioning booster for kids aged 4-11 but, crucially, after use you can squeeze it down and pack it into a handy little carrying bag. It's perfect for taxis, hire cars, or just travelling safely with kids without having to lug a bulky car seat around.

The Bubble Bum is very easy to use and incredibly robust. Highly recommended; it's great to celebrate another bit of smart British innovation (bubblebum.co.uk £29.99 + £3 p&p),II

Conor McNicholas is the former editor of BBC Top Gear Magazine

TRAV WITH KATE PETTIFER

MY GREAT ESCAPE

Thirteen-year-old Bharati Pillai says she'll never forget a family trip to India

I could go on about our astounding holiday in India forever: a month of pure happiness and enjoyment. Unsurprisingly, we went to the Taj Mahal in Agra. It was absolutely stunning-1 couldn't believe I was standing in front of it and not admiring a Google image! As we approached, the vast stretch of marble increased; it was huge. I could feel the warmth underneath my feet and the scorching sun on my back while I admired the moonstone detailing.

It's marble-ous! Bharati (left) with her parents and sister

We had gone through the Golden Triangle—this consists of Agra, Jaipur and Delhi. Another highlight was the Akshardham Temple—featured in the "Seven Wonders of the 21st Century" in Reader's Digest (July 2011)! The wait to see it was definitely worth it.

I was awed by the intricate carving and especially the huge temple shrine. Each detail was encrusted with glimmering sparkly stones: it was like being captured inside a precious diamond. And at the end of the tour there was a fun boat ride which took you through the ages

of India, and an IMAX screening of the story behind the swami [religious leaders] of the temple.

We went to lots of places in Jaipur, such as the Jantar Mantar—an enormous series of astronomical geometric structures and observatories used to measure and predict positions of planets and eclipses. We also

GOLDEN GETAWAY

Real Holidays (020 7359 3938, realholidays. co.uk) has a ten-night trip taking in the "Golden Triangle"—Delhi, Agra (for the Tai Mahal) and Jaipur, followed by time in the countryside and Udaipur from £2,250pp, including flights and transport.

saw lots of forts and fortresses and Mahatma Gandhi's cremation site.

Before going back to our base in Kerala, we also went to Bangalore, where we saw Tipu Sultan's Palace and the Mysore Palace. I couldn't resist popping into amazing shops along the way— and the aroma of freshly made food and sweets lured us in pretty much everywhere. I was surprised by the amount I ate.

I don't think I will ever forget this holiday. I'm sure there'll never be another one like it. Send us a photo of your favourite holiday, tell us briefly what made it so special, and if we include it on this page we'll pay you £70. See address on page 4.

TRAVEL WEBSITE

Better-known for Caribbean holidays, longhaul operator Tropical Sky has launched into Latin America. Their Treasures of Brazil itinerary, now at its lowest price, combines a stay in Rio de Janeiro with five nights on the beach at Buzios. The Brazilian autumn is low season, but temperatures are still around the mid-20s. From £1,599pp, including nine nights' b&b, return flights and some excursions (0844 332 9349; tropicalsky.co.uk).

Drum roll for Wales this month, please, with the unveiling of the Wales Coastal Path. At last, all stretches of this stunning coastline, from the golden beaches of Pembrokeshire to the wild cliffs of Menai, LISin and Meirionnydd, have been linked to create 870 miles of coastal walking trails. The Ramblers walking group is marking the official opening with a weekend of events on May 5-6. See visitwales.co.uk and ramblers.org.uk/wales

Imagine flying to your Turkish getaway from the private-jet terminal at London Stansted—checking in only 30 minutes beforehand, and enjoying free food and drink on the plane—at an affordable price? Exclusive Escapes has chartered just such a service with Titan Airways, every Saturday during the summer. Seven nights at Dionysos Estate starts at £750pp, including return flights and transfers (020 8605 3500; exclusiveescapes.co.uk).

living-architecture.co.uk With its sell-out boat-to-let on top of the Queen Elizabeth Hall on London's South Bank, Living Architecture has certainly caused a stir. The website promotes world-class architecture for rent, with just six (UK-only so far) properties. From the brilliant Balancing Barn in Suffolk to the forthcoming concrete dens at Devon's Secular Retreat, grab your chance to stay in a work of art. From £2Opp per night. ■

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MAY FICTION REVIEWED BY A N WILSON EXTRACTS FROM OUR FAVOURITE NEW RELEASES BRITISH NEIGHBOLim. THROUGH THE CENTURIES AND THE MYTHS OF SHOPPING EXPOSED BOOKS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE: JAMES HOLLAND

May fiction

The Red House

by Mark Haddon (Jonathan Cape, £16.99)

When their mother dies, Angela lets her estranged brother Richard take her on holiday to Wales with her husband and three children. A successful surgeon, Richard has recently remarried, and has a terrifying ice-maiden step-daughter. So we have four children and four grown-ups in an isolated cottage, all having to confront their pasts and

4,61-3Prog

461 mARK .142 p,Dpo

_ega RTL, "01. 1k-oust.gr.:*

their various relationships. It's a rich brew, but in the hands of Mark Haddon— best-known for The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time—it's also beautifully put together, magically well-observed and by turns funny and moving. (In particular, Haddon pulls off the difficult trick of writing plausibly about adolescents without being patronising.) I loved this book.

Skios by Michael Frayn (Faber, £15.99)

As we know from his classic comedy Noises Off, Michael Frayn is a master of theatrical farce—and his new novel has all the taut brilliance of a perfectly constructed play. On the Greek island of Skios, a rich American woman, Mrs Fred

A N Wilson prefers British humour to American wordiness

Toppler, prepares to host a grand cultural occasion, starring the world-class scientist Dr Norman Wilfred. Meanwhile, elsewhere on the island, a good-time girl called Georgie awaits her latest lover, Oliver, knowing he's a chancer, but hoping for a happy fortnight of sex and retsina. But then there's a mix-up at the airport... Sure enough, the muddled fiftysomething scientist gets bundled off to Georgie, and handsome

TWITTER CHOICE OF HIDDEN LITERARY GEMS

Tim Tim Robie, (a)timrobie. in Berlin by Hans Fallada. Only translated into English recently, it's a gripping tale of resistance in Berlin. Fab!

Jan Uzzell, @ssiriennas_mask. Family Bites by Lisa Williams. Just PLEASE ignore the cover. NOT what she had in mind.

Toby Young, @toadmeister.

Kolynsky Heights by Lionel Davison. Philip Pullman said it was the best thriller he'd ever read.

Oliver turns up at the conference—where he passes himself off as the professor and wows Mrs Toppler. Merry hell duly breaks out, rescued only by a pyrotechnic conclusion to the whole, wonderfully funny story.

Gone Girl

by Gillian Flynn (Weidenfeld, £12.99)

Nick and Amy Dunne, a pair of semi-successful New York journalists, are made redundant after the credit crunch and move to his boring hometown in Missouri. They've apparently had an idyllic marriage, yet will it survive when sophisticated Amy is forced by an increasingly brutal and drunken Nick to... But hang on. Has their marriage really been so idyllic after all? On their fifth wedding anniversary, when Nick comes home and finds evidence of a struggle—and no wife—we realise that something is

badly wrong, and maybe always was.

Gone Girl is superbly constructed, ingeniously paced and absolutely terrifying. You begin by thinking that all marriages are a bit like this: they start with high hopes and get bogged down in nagging and money worries. But then the psycho-drama creeps up on you with chilling power. A five-star suspense mystery.

In One Person

by John Irving (Doubleday, £18.99)

The latest novel by John Irving (A Prayer for Owen Meany, The World According to Garp) takes

CLASSICS CORNER: DRACULA

the form of a huge and rambling memoir from a bisexual novelist, looking back on a lifetime of erotic ambivalence. The individual vignettes of the many characters, from his mother and teachers to his adult lovers are all vividly drawn. The overall result gives us the extraordinary, worldchanging sexual history of America in the second half of the 20th century,

including the devastation caused by Aids.

Readers be warned, though. This book also has that American wordiness, and could, with no loss of effect, have been two-thirds the length. ;

May 10 sees the launch of The Penguin English Library, new editions of 100 classics to be published throughout the year at £5.99 each. Of the 30 launch titles, the centenary of Bram Stoker's death might make it a good time to try the book that launched a thousand clichés: almost all the Hammer-horror stuff is there in the original. And no less an authority than Arthur Conan Doyle once told Stoker that Dracula is the very best story of diablerie I have read for many years."

Nearest, but no longer dearest?

A new book suggests that, after centuries at the heart of national life, the golden age of British neighbourliness may now have disappeared

Ever since they featured in 20 per cent of the Ten Commandments, neighbours have been a central part of most human lives. The twist, of course, is that we don't even get to choose who they are.

Emily Cockayne's brisk but impressively comprehensive survey of British neighbourliness starts in 1200, and travels deftly through the centuries—right up to the era of leylandii disputes and sneakily logging on to next door's Wi-Fi connection. Along the way, she finds tales of love, sex, betrayal, status-anxiety, violence and kindness from every age.

Cheek by Jowl also confirms that the history of anything is, in the end, the history of everything. Even such apparently minor developments as the 19th-century rise in piano ownership had its impact on British neighbourliness, as the sound of children practising pounded through the walls. None the less, the biggest changes have come from the biggest historical events. The industrial revolution, for example, meant that for the first time, neighbours tended to be people with similar income and status.

Many, needless to say, didn't have much of either, so neighbours helped out with everything from your birth to your funeral—and even beyond. (In most poor areas, the neighbours would take in any orphaned children left behind.)

But Cockayne is never sentimental about downtrodden folk pulling together. For one thing, by no means everybody did. For another, a key reason that people relied on each other was because they had to. Once the state began to provide the type of welfare traditionally supplied by neighbours, the networks of mutual support gradually broke down.

The book, in fact, firmly suggests that the golden age of neighbourliness has gone forever: a victim not just of the welfare state, but of increasing affluence, of the coming of the car and of

RD EXCLUSIVE EMILY

COCKAYNE'S TOP FIVE NEIGHBOURS IN LITERATURE

Lark Rise to Candleford Trilogy by Flora Thompson Country neighbours— caring, sharing and taking tea at the end of the 19th century.

Far from the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy Bathsheba Everdene receives marriage proposals from two of her neighbours. After many a tragic Hardy twist, she

virtually every other social development since 1945. In 2000, faced with the question, "Are there any elderly people in your neighbourhood you keep an eye on, to see if they need help?" two-thirds of Britons replied no. According to Cockayne, "had this question been asked 300, 200, or even 100 years ago, a much more positive response would have come back".

And yet, we still love the idea of neighbours, which is why they dominate soap operas and sitcoms—and why this passage, from near the end of the book, may make melancholy reading...

((These days our • neighbours' lives are more detached from our own than at any time in history. Gossiping over the garden fence is an endangered pastime. In the tight communities of the past, neighbours often had a multi-faceted knowledge of each other that extended beyond the home to workplaces and social and religious settings. This encouraged more acceptance and understanding. Those who became crabby killjoys in their old age had, as one writer put it, 'been known for most of their life-time, and neighbours could explain how their idiosyncrasies arose'. With neighbours increasingly unable to identify each other, spending more time at distant workplaces, or enjoying leisure time away from home, the fear 'What'll the neighbours think?' has diminished and will continue to. Today our creditworthiness is not judged by the neighbours and local reputation, but by faceless businesses and algorithms in computers. We do not have to spend time cultivating goodwill.

Our moral outlook has also changed. Looking at the early modern period, [historian] Laura Gowing found that women's reputations were 'filtered through the lens of sexual propriety',

Neighbours in Southend, 1941: sadly, Cheek by Jowl explains that this celebrated photograph was faked to encourage the wartime spirit Cheek by Jowl: a History of Neighbours by Emily Cockayne is published by The Bodley Head at £20

`1 as judged by the neighbours. Today, despite the tough-love meddling we watch on EastEnders, if we suspect a neighbour to be acting in a morally inappropriate fashion—maybe having an affair—we are unlikely to do anything about it.

Since the creation of the National Health Service, healthcare has been freely available, diminishing the value of neighbours as carers. They may still offer lifts or do shopping, but will not generally sit at the bedside of an ill neighbour. Neighbours used to be essential at the beginning and the end of life; to help babies

Emily Cockayne (centre), a celebrates the Queen's Silver Jubilee in 1977. Back then, she says, she knew more of her neighbours than she does now

out and to lay out the dead. Before the mid-20th century a baby was more likely to be born at home in the presence of a female neighbour than of the baby's father. Now that the reverse is true, we invest less emotion in the lives of our neighbours' children and we are therefore less forgiving of their nuisances.

Welfare gradually spread a safety net under struggling households. Philanthropy and social work have added to neighbours' redundancy. People once read letters to their illiterate neighbours, and sometimes drafted their wills and petitions. They kept an eye on the nippers next door because day care was not an option for most working mothers until after the Second World War. In contrast, we are now only superficially aware of the problems our neighbours face. We may hear them shouting, or see them dumping a mattress in their garden, but our anger q90 is not tempered by empathy, because we do not know them.

eventually picks Gabriel Oak for her husband.

If Nobody Speaks of Remarkable Things

by Jon McGregor

A day in the lives of neighbours on a suburban street. Many are known only by their house number. Then a tragic accident happens.

Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf

In this stream-ofconsciousness novel, Clarissa Dalloway watches a nameless old lady who has lived opposite "for ever so many years" and personifies metropolitan anomie in the 1920s.

Brick Lane by Monica All

In the middle of the multicultural melting pot, Nazneen, the Bangladeshi main character, overhears "her unknown intimates" next door and wonders what they know about her.

Nobody knows anything

How one of Britain's best-loved leisure activities is a lot more mysterious than you might think

Siemon Scamell-Katz started in retail when he was 18. The more his career progressed, though, the more he noticed something strange. Retailers had little idea of how people actually shopped. The main way of finding out was simply to ask them—which may sound fair enough, apart from one thing. Shopping is a far less rational process than either customers or retailers like to think.

The An ofShopping

Since moving on to market research, Scamell-Katz has been applying science to the whole mysterious business, filming shoppers in action and using eye-tracking devices to establish where they're really looking. What he's discovered has confirmed how flawed the old question-and-answer method is. In practice, our shopping relies heavily on long-standing habits that we may not even know we have. Yet, when asked, we'll often feed retailers the sort of shopping myths that came from them in the first place. We all "know", for instance, that if milk is kept at the back of the supermarket, shoppers who want only milk will inevitably buy other things as they cross the store. Except, it turns out, that they won't. They'll either buy just the milk—or, more likely, do their "top-up" shopping somewhere smaller.

The result is an eye-opening book that makes us think afresh (or even for the first time) about an activity that takes up quite a lot of our lives. There's also the somehow reassuring realisation that big shopping chains often don't know what they're doing.

In this extract, Scamell-Katz applies his methods to one of the most enduring high-street myths of them all: the importance of a good window display:

dr, When we started to analyse the footage, several surprising facts were revealed. We found that windows were rarely viewed 'square on' as shopkeepers expected, because of the angle of approach. Moreover, the majority of shoppers ignored the windows entirely, concentrating their attention on the

After working for Laura Ashley and Next, Siemon Scamell-Katz founded a marker research agency in the early 1990s He lectures all over the world on consumer behaviour

how we shop and why we our

Simon Scar,r11 gil

doorway. From our exit interviews, most shoppers did not recall a single detail of the window displays. This seemed to challenge all the long-held wisdom about the role of windows in driving traffic into the store. In fact, no relationship could be established between looking at the window and entering the store.

Incredibly, despite the fact that very few shoppers were looking at the window before they entered, when they were interviewed upon leaving, one third claimed that they had spent time looking at the window first—even though this was false!

This is a behaviour we have seen many times. When people are asked about their shopping behaviour, they post-rationalise their experience, and say what they expect they have done. This is the source of many of the myths of retailing. Shopping, like many things we do in life, is done unconsciously; so when an interviewer asks us to explain what we have done, we report an expected behaviour, not an actual one.

When asked about theirshopping behaviour, people say what they expect they have done

For example, we know retailers use shop windows to entice us in. The phrase 'window shopping' is part of the lexicon, describing what people do when they go shopping, therefore windows must be used. In fact, in most high streets and shopping malls, fewer than five per cent of people window-shop. Retailers simply listen to this claimed behaviour and the whole thing becomes a self-fulfilling fantasy, and serious money is spent on these fantasies.

And what about the fascia, the board that advertises the shop name? From working in store design, I recall that communicating a corporate identity was seen as absolutely vital. So much so, it would typically cost thousands of pounds to design and install. Yet the study highlighted that shoppers never look at it! Despite all the resources devoted to fascias and windows they play xp little or no role in attracting shoppers into the store.

"Look at me, everybody— please!" But, according to Siemon Scamell-Katz, window displays are a waste of time and money

Books that Changed my Life

James Holland is a historian, journalist and novelist. He presented Battle of Britain— the Real Story on BBC2 in 2010. His new non-fiction book Dam Busters is out on May 10.

Brideshead Revisited

by Evelyn Waugh

I read this when I was 17, impressionable and romantic. It fired my interest in that period between the wars, while the mix of love story and tragedy moved A me profoundly.

But I'm also now aware of just how good Waugh's writing is—his descriptive prose, dialogue and characterisation are all superb. My first book The Burning Blue was an unashamed tribute to him— a Second World War epic of love and loss, evoking a world that's now largely gone. If I could have only one book on my shelf, it would be this. DESERT

Desert War: The North African Campaign, 1940-1943

by Alan Moorehead

Moorehead was a pioneering foreign correspondent who, while reporting for the Daily Express on the North African campaign, brought the war down to a human level.

Instead of writing about regimental divisions or brigade numbers, he told the stories of individuals. The very particular details that infuse this book—

The World At Night

by Alan Furst

Another book with a style that's inspired me. This spy thriller, set in the early 1940s, has passages that I return to whenever I get stuck with my writing. One scene, in which the reluctant hero is on a train heading towards the Spanish border when German sentries come on board to check passengers' papers, is a masterpiece of the old adage, "Show, don't tell". You sense his terror through how he reacts and responds, not because the author explains how he's feeling. That creates a very powerful atmosphere.

the look on a Tommy's face above the tank, the smell of cigarette smoke—make it a compelling read. You get a sense of what it felt like to be there.

In my own non-fiction books, I also try to write in an exciting, informative way. Following the experiences of a private, pilot or journalist in order to illustrate a bigger picture is something I've learned from this fantastically vivid book. •

Beat the Puzzleman!

The Puzzleman is confident that his record of 20 minutes answering these five questions cannot be beaten. Will you prove him wrong?

1 Clock A was correct at midnight. From that moment, it began to lose three minutes per hour. The clock stopped two and a half hours ago showing clock B. What's the correct time now? The clock runs for less than 24 hours.

L00:00 17:06

2 Rearrange the letters of RULES TO TORMENT YOB to give three varieties of mushroom. What are they?

3 What number should replace the question mark in the grid?

4 What letter should replace the question mark? 0

5 Find words to fit the clues. Each group of crosses should be replaced by the same three-letter word. What are the words? X

So how did you score? A point for every correct answer Here's the Puzzleman's verdict:

"A

of lumpy, cold porridge."

-4 "A solid two-course meal."

5 "A feast fit for a king!"

The first correct answer we pick on May 4 wins £50!* Email excerpts@ readersdigest.co.uk

Can you find both a six-letter word and a 12-letter word that begin in NO and end in ON but do not contain any other Ns or Os?

1 A policeman approached me and said, "Could you accompany me to the station please, sir?"

I said, "Why? I've done nothing wrong."

"I know," he replied, "but it's really scary around here." Seen on the internet

I Still no apology from donkey on hill. Wish the farmer would drag his sorry ass down here. Comedian Milton Jones, by Twitter

1 Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies. Steve Womack, Bawtry, South Yorkshire

malersommonmmill1111116

"Unfortunately, our house was designed on `Take Your Child to Work Day' at the architects' office"

1 I've just bought my friends a new boiler and complete central heating system, as a house-warming present. Online comedian Moose Main, E>y

I was driving this morning when I saw a RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself, That chap is heading for a breakdown. Gloria Wilding, Prescot, Merseyside

1 I was involved in a game in which people sitting in a circle handed each other ravioli. It was called pasta parcel. Peter Bac,1; Stoke-on-Trent

1 I'm having a bit of trouble with a loan shark at the moment. In hindsight, I never

Did you hear about the judge with no fingers? Justice Thumbs

Seen at guardian.co.uk

should have borrowed it in the first place... Comedian Bec Hill

I Two tips for you on your birthday. One, forget the past—you can't change it. Two, forget the present1 didn't get you anything. Seen aticanhas cheezburger.com ►

Fascinating: did you know you can just rip up a to-do list?

US comedi,

LITTLE EPIPHANIES

#13:

Comedian Alun Cochrane inhabits a daydreamy world of surreal realisations and whimsy. This is his monthly moment of revelation

I recently travelled to Bermuda to flog my comedy wares, and took the quaint step of purchasing postcards. I like it when someone begins one in big, bouncy writing, then realises they have something important to convey and ends up putting spidery scribbles right round the address and up the edge. I wonder if anyone's received 15 postcards from the same person who'd got started on a long story. And do posties deliver the ones that slag off their country? They must read them—I would. It's public and personal data, like a Facebook of the seaside.

Anyway, I never got round to buying stamps on my trip because, predictably, the postcard shop didn't sell them. But they assured me that my hotel would, and that they'd also have a postbox. So I wrote them, put them in my bag, forgot them, and brought them all the way home. Yes, they stayed unstamped on a 3,000-mile trip.

In the digital age, why am I even sending a picture card of some bridge? I had a smartphone in my pocket that could have sent a photograph selected from my own tourist snaps and pinged it across the world faster than I can lick a stamp, let alone buy one and stick it on and find a postbox. With that system, a bit of the message wouldn't overlap the address or be read by a postman...but a healthy sense of nostalgia—and my roaming tariff—prevented it.

THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK CREATIVE EXCUSES FROM CUSTOM-WRITING.ORG

These lame fibs were invented by naughty freelance journalists who'd missed deadlines (no, really).

M"Before I go to bed, I always have a glass of warm milk. Last night I left it half-full on my chest of drawers. I must have moved the glass with my hand while sleeping, because it fell, spilling the milk all over my laptop..."

I "I left my flat to grab lunch. When I came back, the walls of my flat were charred and my laptop looked like it'd been baked in an oven. The fireman told me it was probably ball lightning..."

And these, seen at HRmorning.com, were made by late-arriving employees:

I "My cat had the hiccups."

I "A fox stole my car keys."

1 "I had a job interview with another business." 11 hurt my back chasing a beaver."

"My angry housemate cut the cord to my phone charger, so it didn't charge and my alarm didn't go off."

I "Some bats got caught in my hair."

I "My child stuck a mint up my nose and I had to go to A&E to have it removed."

1 "I stopped to get a bagel, the shop was robbed and the police required everyone to stay for questioning."

1 "A bee flew into my car and attacked me, so I had to pull over."

PLAYING WITH FOOD Mundane to some, plain old vegetables like butternut squash, carrots and broccoli become intricate sculptures in the hands of Bristol-based chef KaiMin Zhao. For more, see his book (yes, a whole book), Great Carving for Great Occasions (Xlibris, £24.99).

1 Q: How do you leave Las Vegas with a small fortune?

A: Go in with a large one.

Tracy Davidson, Stratford-upon-Avon

1 They're going to ban smoking in private vehicles. That's left smokers fuming. But not in their cars.

Comedian Jimmy Carr, by Twitter

1 It's an absolutely beautifully sunny day out there— so I'll have to draw one of the curtains if I want to see the telly properly.

Comedian Chris Addison, by Twitter

1 Twelve Corby bus drivers won the £38,034,639.70

Euromillions jackpot. Payment was delayed as they insisted on the exact change.

Comedian Boothby Graffoe, by Twitter

60-Second Stand-Up

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome US comedian Dave Fulton

FAVOURITE JOKE?

I really love a bit by the late Canadian comic Eric Tunney. It went: "My grandfather was in World War Two, and he kept making up stories about the fights he got into, so we finally had to call him on it. We said, 'C'mon Grandpa, a fist fight with Hitler? That didn't happen.' "

BEST JOKE YOU'VE EVER WRITTEN?

is at the Soho Theatre this month. For details, see sohotheatre.com

"I've been living in the UK for 12 years now, and it's very clear in my mind that the British would have defeated the Nazis on their own, without our help. They probably would have wrapped that up about a week ago."

FUNNIEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU?

I did the BBC Breakfast show in February. When I showed up, they were talking about remaking Only Fools and Horses in America. They asked if I thought you could say "lovely jubbly" in a US accent, and I said, "You wouldn't, because that's like me trying to say `w*****'." [The W-word is not so offensive in the US]. The walls caved in—everybody freaked out!

FINALLY, WHO'S YOUR COMEDY INSPIRATION?

I miss Mitch Hedberg [a US comic who died in 2005, aged 37]. I blame him for me coming to the UK—he gave me the number of an agent who helped me get work papers. But I admire other comedians in the same way I admire Colin Chapman for being the engineer behind Lotus Cars, or Buckminster Fuller for his creativity working with geodesic domes—I respect them, but I don't try to replicate them. ■

Beat the Cartoonist!

WIN £100 AND A SIGNED ILLUSTRATION

MARCH'S WINNER

Think of a witty caption for this picture and you could beat the experts at their own game. The three best suggestions will be posted on our website in mid-May alongside an anonymous caption from our professional cartoonist. Visitors can choose their favourite—and if your entry gets the most votes, you'll receive £100 and a framed copy of the drawing. Submit to captions readersdigest.co.uk or the address on page 4 by May 14. Enter and vote online at readersdigest.co.uk/caption. We'll announce the winner in our July issue. ■

COMING NEXT MONTH ...

Don't miss our great summer food extra, packed with ideas for everything from quick snacks to outdoor entertaining. It's simply delicious!

For what could be the first time (because we're not going to check), the cartoonists have won two in a row! Gerard Whyman "We might make real progress if you lose the desk next week, Jeff." -Iciaeniy, the ;+ iii at sea!

SCORE£", ARD READERS

CARTOONISTS 2

PLUS

• Gary Lineker on Euro 2012

• Britain's best gardens

James Nesbitt's "I Remember"

• The future for smoking

• What your local planning department won't tell you

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