QSaltLake Magazine | Issue 358 | April, 2024

Page 1

‘A LongWay From Heaven’

‘I hope this film changes minds. I hope it causes people to question how things are at BYU, in Utah, maybe even the LDS church. I hope it’s one step closer to achieving a more equitable world’

hope

UTAH PRIDE, SLC PRIDE, DAVIS PRIDE • GAY COUPLE LIVING WITH STOMACH CANCER
staffbox publisher/editor Michael Aaron designer Christian Allred sales Michael Aaron, 801-997-9763 x1 sales@qsaltlake.com Meda Thompson, 208-576-1444 meda@qsaltlake.com Rivendell Media, 908-232-2021 ext 200 sales@rivendellmedia.com national neWs editor Craig Ogan contributors Joshua Adamson Pickett, Diane Anderson-Minshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Paul Campbell, Laurie BennettCook, Roger Cox, Stephen Dark, Jennifer Dobner, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., Tony Hobday, Blake Howell, Ashley Hoyle, Joshua Jones, Christopher Katis, Alpha Mercury, Sam Kelly-Mills, Craig Ogan, Peter Reynolds, Mikey Rox, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben Williams, D’Anne Witkowski distribution Roger Cox publisher Q Media Group 222 S Main St, Ste 500 (by appt. only) Salt Lake City, Utah 84101 tel: 801-997-9763 CONTACT EMAILS: general: info@qsaltlake.com editorial: editor@qsaltlake.com arts: arts@qsaltlake.com sales: sales@qsaltlake.com Check us out online at: QSALTLAKE.COM FACEBOOK.COM/QSALTLAKE INSTAGRAM.COM/QSALTLAKE TWITTER @QSALTLAKE QSaltLake Magazine is a trademark of Salt Lick Publishing, LLC., Q Media Group Copyright © 2023, Salt Lick Publishing, LLC. All rights reserved. No material may be reprinted or reproduced without written permission from the publisher. 8–18,000 copies are distributed free of charge at over 300 locations across the state. Free copies are limited to one per person. For additional copies, call 801-997-9763. It is a crime to dispose of current issues or otherwise interfere with the distribution of this magazine. Printed locally in the USA on recycled paper. Please recycle this copy when done. Qsaltlake.com | issue 358 | april, 2024
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The top national and world news since last issue you should know

Drag and Democracy

TEXAS : On most Saturday nights, RuPaul’s Drag Race alum Cynthia Lee Fontaine hits the high spots of gay nightlife in Austin, Texas, getting out the vote. Fontaine is one of 300 drag queens trained by “Drag Out the Vote,” a national movement founded In 2019 to encourage voting in the LGBTQ+ agglomeration of voters. “From the moment you start to put on your eyelashes and transform yourself, it’s political,” Fontaine told LGBTQ Nation. “You put on a wig and tell society, ‘This is me, and I won’t back down from that right.’”

ANTI DRAG : Drag performers have become a lightning rod for political opposition. Legislatures, city councils, school boards, and political groups have sought to regulate drag performance, at least in public. To date, two states — Florida and Montana — have passed laws explicitly restricting drag performances. Courts are reviewing those laws. In 2023, lawmakers in at least 16 states introduced some version of a drag ban in front of children or public spaces, with six becoming law. Again, the courts are blocking enforcement while the laws are under review. In Utah, St. George City and the legislature have considered regulation, but no action has been finalized.

‘Don’t Say Gay’ settlement

The Florida law, officially the “Parental Rights in Education Act” but known as “Don’t Say Gay,” has been modified by a settlement arrived at during a lawsuit heard by the U. S. Eleventh Circuit Court of Appeals. The law had created confusion about whether teachers could identify themselves as LGBTQ+ or have pictures of spouses within eyeshot of students. The rainbow flag or stickers were thought to be prohibited in classrooms. The suit for students and teachers was brought by lesbian activist Roberta Kaplan, the attorney noted for winning a libel suit against the 45th president. The settlement allows students and teachers to speak freely about sexual orientation and gender identity, provided it is not part of instruction. The Florida governor’s office made lemonade out of lemons by hailing the settlement a “major win” with the law remaining intact. The settlement has national implications as seven other states have used the Florida law as a model.

Puberty blockers out in Great Britain

Great Britain’s National Health Service will no longer provide puberty-blocking pharmaceuticals for transgender minors. The NHS says there was “not enough evidence” that the hormone treatments are safe or effective. The drugs, a precursor to some of the drugs used to chemically castrate British scientist Alan Turning in the gay scare of the 1950s, will still be available through private clinics and hospitals; the government will not pay for it. The drugs will still be available for research. The NHS Foundation Trust’s

Gender Identity Development

Service said referrals for transgender therapies have grown from an average of 250 per year to over 5,000 in 2022. Transgender advocates decry the decision. British LGBTQ+ rights group Stonewall emphasized the new policy will put trans kids already in care at risk, “All trans young people deserve access to high quality, timely healthcare,” a spokesperson said.

Calif. city bans Pride flag

A referendum in Huntington Beach, California, amended the city charter to allow only the “American flag, the POW/ MIA flag, the State of California flag, the Huntington Beach City flag, the County of Orange flag, or any of the flags of the six branches of service” to fly from city flag poles. The measure is “nearly identical to current law” except for the exemptions for the “Olympic” flags and those approved unanimously by the city council. Huntington Beach is home to the annual U.S. Open of Surfing, the largest surfing competition in the world, earning it the title of Surf City USA. The city hopes to host surfing events for the 2028 Summer Olympic Games.

Oscars not so gay this year

Viewers used to be able to count on the Oscars to telecast LGBTQ+-affirming videos. At the recent Academy Awards, nominees touting the acronym were few and far between. Singer Billie Eilish, who dates men but says she is attracted to women, is the only out performer to take home an Oscar. Not out as straight, Cillian Murphy won Best Actor instead of “Rustin” star Colman Domingo, who is avowedly gay. Everyone’s favorite lesbian cousin, Jody

Foster, did not win for “Nyad.” Native American Lily Gladston, who uses she/they pronouns, did not win for a riveting performance in “Killers of the Flower Moon.” There was gay-esque action from host Jimmy Kimmel coming on to “Barbie” nominee Ryan Gosling and Gosling getting a kiss on the (buccal) cheek from Barbie co-star Scott Evans. John Cena provided a thrill to gay men everywhere by appearing almost naked. Cena’s bit broke the internet.

Okla. teen death ruled a suicide

A 16-year-old high school sophomore, who family say identified as nonbinary and used they/them pronouns at an Oklahoma high school, died the day after an altercation with three other students in a school bathroom. The family said Nex Benedict said he had been bullied by the three other students because of their gender identity. Investigating police withheld comment on the case but investigated the crime scene as a homicide. After an autopsy, the Oklahoma State Medical Examiner’s office ruled Benedict’s death a suicide. The preliminary report listed the probable cause of death as “combined toxicity” from diphenhydramine and fluoxetine.

Rhode Island judge is trailblazer

After a contentious committee hearing, the U.S. Senate confirmed Melissa DuBose, a Black lesbian, to a federal judgeship in Rhode Island. She is the first woman of color and first out LGBTQ+ person to serve on the U.S. District Court in the state. She was a school teacher before law school, corporate legal counsel, then assistant attor-

news Qsaltlake.com | issue 358 | april, 2024 4 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

ney general before becoming a state court judge in 2019. Trailblazing runs in the family. Her uncle, Alton Wiley, became the first Black state-level judge in Rhode Island in 1980.

Feds inquiring into student death

The U. S. Department of Education responded to widespread outcry from LGBTQ+ groups with a promise to investigate Nex Benedict’s death. The Feds will inquire whether the school district “failed to appropriately respond to alleged harassment of students” in accordance with Title IX of the Education Amendments of 1972, which forbids sex-based discrimination, and Title II of the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, which forbids discrimination based on gender dysphoria, including

trans and nonbinary identity. ” Freedom Oklahoma told LGBTQ Nation, “Benedict’s death highlights the stakes for trans and gender-nonconforming students in schools with 2STGNC+ students at risk.” Seems “L and B ” are not at risk. The current U.S. president commented after the autopsy, “Every young person deserves to have the fundamental right and freedom to be who they are and feel safe and supported at school and in their communities.”

Texas drag cancellation stands

The president of West Texas A&M University canceled a drag performance at the University in 2023. He called drag “derisive, divisive, and demoralizing misogyny” and compared it to “blackface minstrel shows.” Spectrum

WT, sponsors of the show, which was to be a fundraiser for suicide prevention, sued in federal court. The group claimed the president’s action was arbitrary and violated the constitutional rights of freedom of speech and due process. The case was appealed to the Supreme Court of the United States, who declined to hear the case. As SCOTUS did so without comment, many observers say it’s the Court’s practice to wait for more cases to be in the system before ruling on the constitutional protections for drag performances.

GLAAD honors Oprah

Oprah Winfrey joined past winners Beyonce and Madonna as a winner of the Vanguard Award at the 35th GLAAD Media Awards presentation. GLAAD was formerly known as Gay &

Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, but has adopted the acronym GLAAD as its official name to better represent the acronym LGBTQIA2S+. The Advocate beat QSaltLake, again for Outstanding Magazine — Overall Coverage. Other winners were, actors Niecy Nash-Betts and Reneé Rapp. Series “Fellow Travelers” and “RuPaul’s Drag Race” won for “inclusive and affirming” depictions of some LGBTQ+ people. Other winners from the night included “Fellow Travelers” winning Outstanding Limited or Anthology. Two series, “Ted Lasso” and “Yellowjackets” were honored. The movie, “Bottoms” won an award. Musicians Renee’ Rap, Kate Hudson and Chloe won, as well. David Archuleta, a former Mormon, was recognized as Outstanding Breakout Music Artist. Q

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Trans Day of Visibility March 30 in Salt Lake City

With hate crimes against the LGBTQ+ community rising across the country in recent years, and members of the trans community being singled out and attacked both locally and nationally, organizers say Transgender Day of Visibility 2024 is an important moment to gather in support of the trans community.

“This is an opportunity to focus on the positive and what trans folks have accomplished, along with the changes that have come about from our activism,” said the Glitter Foundation co-founder Dallas Rivas, who is organizing the event. “My entire life was a challenge, and this challenge to the trans community needs to end. Our youth do not deserve to be treated as second-class citizens. We need equality.”

The event will be held Saturday, March 30 and will include a rally, march and an evening party, with a comedy show, performances, and dancing.

The event starts with a RALLY at the Utah State Capitol building at 4 p.m. Attendees will then march down State Street to City Creek Park for an OPEN MIC event from 5 to 7 p.m. “where everyone is encouraged to make some noise!”

At 8 p.m., an AFTER-PARTY will take place at Club Verse with a trans comedy show, performances, and drink specials through closing.

“I look forward to seeing my trans community come out of their shells and mingle with the entire community,” Rivas said. “I want to see my gay and lesbian community embrace trans people and try to meet us halfway to understand and accept us. We must learn to lift each other up.”

There are an estimated 2.5 million people who identify as transgender in the United States, according to reports. 82 percent of those who were out or perceived as transgender at some point between kindergarten and grade 12 experienced some form of mistreatment, such as being verbally harassed, prohibited from dressing according to their gender identity, disciplined more harshly, or physically/sexually assaulted because people thought they were transgender.

“We are excited to continue to create an inclusive and safe environment for the entire queer community to enjoy — even more to protect — and give to one of the most marginalized and abused communities within in our queer label,” said Club Verse co-owner Micheal Repp. “We welcome you home.”

The Club Verse after-party will be hosted by DJ Naomi and Toni Negroni and

emceed by Madazon Can-Can. Entertainment will include comedy by Judas Rose and Kendoll Clitzone with a performance by LeoLezzi, Treasure Barbiee & the Doll Haus, Omni, Billy the King, and Avery

There will also be pole and aerial dancers, a photo booth, and drink specials by sponsor Five Husbands Vodka.

Club Verse is at 609 S. State St., Salt Lake City

A sign-making event for the rally will be held Thursday, March 21, at the Utah Pride Center from 5 to 8 p.m.

“Transgender Day of Visibility is a global celebration of the lives and contributions of transgender and non-binary people,” Rivas said. “It was created in 2010 by trans advocate Rachel Crandall, TDOV provides a platform for empowering transgender individuals to live authentically and to highlight the challenges they encounter due to discrimination.”

“It’s an opportunity to recognize the achievements and resilience of transgender, nonbinary, and gender non-conforming persons around the world. It is also a time to combat disinformation, discrimination, and hate impacting the transgender community.” Q

More information on TDoV and the Glitter Foundation can be found at instagram.com/glitterfoundationutah

Qsaltlake.com | issue 358 | april, 2024 6 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
Logan Hill and Dallas Rivas, co-founders of the Glitter Foundation and organizers of Transgender Day of Visibility
PHOTO: CAT PALMER
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Early details on Utah Pride 2024

Utah Pride announced the dates of the Utah Pride Festival for 2024, but are still working on such details as the theme and parade route.

The event will take place June 1 through 2 at Washington Square in downtown Salt Lake City, with the parade happening the morning of Sunday, June 2.

Committee

Chad Call, last year’s Pride Parade director, is the overall Pride director this year. Call works at Fusion Imaging as an events and special projects manager.

Utah Pride executive director Ryan Newcomb is also acting as sponsorship director. The marketing director is Lissette Aliaga, who was a retail communications manager at Bed Bath and Beyond and has been with the Utah Pride Center for the past two years, starting in the VolunQUEER Squad.

Kevin Randall, director of strategic communication for Westminster Univeristy, returns as Public Relations Director. Singer and adjunct professor Esera Mose is the volunteer and staffing director.

Ryan Bott is entertainment director, Mike McLeroy is festival logistics director, Patricia Kremers is festival vendor director. Shelby Stephens is festival food vendor director, Samuel Tew is parade entry director, Karynne Aliaga is beverage director. Cheryl Sneddon is accessibility director. Spencer Hess is the ticketing director.

The committee is taking applications for additional committee members and organizers through volunteers.utahpride@gmail.com.

Entertainers

Pride is taking applications from those who wish to participate onstage at the event through April 15.

Vendors & Food Trucks

Those who wish to have a booth at the festival can apply now. Applications close on April 29th and will be reviewed on a first-come, first-served basis. Acceptance status notifications will be sent weekly. Applications received after April 29th may be placed on a waitlist and will be subject to a non-refundable late application fee.

Vendor fees are completely rehauled this year, following anger from artists, clubs, and small businesses last year.

Local markets, social groups and smaller nonprofits can exhibit for $400 to $450 if reserved before the end of March.

Small businesses, large nonprofits and governmental groups will pay $700 before the end of March. Medium and large businesses pay $800 and $900 respectively until March 30.

Food vendors will pay between

$1,400 and $1,800 to participate and applications are due by April 1.

Parade Applications

To participate in the parade, social groups will pay $100 and small nonprofits will pay $150 if they reserve by the end of March. A small business will pay $850.

Sponsors

There are three types of sponsorships available for this year’s Pride — Community (businesses with under $5 million in annual revenue), Local (businesses and organizations with annual revenue between $5 million and $100 million), and Corporate (over $100 million in annual revenue).

A brochure for sponsors is available here

Volunteers

Hundreds of volunteers are needed to help run the festival, plus to help run peer-to-peer programs at the Center. Applications will open soon here

Applications for performers, sponsors, vendors, and volunteers are at the new utahpride.org website.

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Chad Call, Utah Pride Director
New end-of-June Pride Festival promises to counter ‘corporate pride’ and ‘give people their Pride back’

Calling it a “local Pride Festival just for you,” organizers of the new SLC Pride announced their festival will be at The Gateway on the weekend of June 27–30.

The festival is largely being put together by former Utah Pride organizers.

Former Utah Pride Parade director Bonnie O’Brien is calling SLC Pride “a new, independent, Pride Festival focused on marginalized community, full accessibility physically and financially. Our goal is not to make money, our goal is to provide full access,” she

said in an interview with Fox 13 News.

O’Brien said this community needs a Pride Festival that is unique to Salt Lake City, free from big corporations. She said the group’s goal is to “counter” the corporate nature of the Utah Pride Festival, and “to give people their Pride back.”

O’Brien, who ran the Utah Pride Parade for 13 years, is the festival director. Roberto Lopez, who has loudly advocated for the QTBiPOC and queer communities and worked for or been on the boards of Project Rainbow, Utah Pride Center,

Redrox music Festival, and Unidxs SLC, is the development director. Kyle Schons is the volunteer direct, Quinn Winter is the vendor director, and Sammee Jackan is the entertainment director. Over two dozen other organizers are listed on their website at slc-pride.org.

O’Brien and Rusk were declared QSaltLake Magazine Person(s) of the Year in 2020, the first year a Pride Parade hadn’t happened in decades, for their work during the pandemic gathering and repairing bicycles for Rose Park area kids and adults. They also held a “mini Pride Parade” with a few friends and fellow organizers at the time the parade would have happened. In the rain.

The group announced their plans in November as the “Pride Festival our community has been asking for. Local artists, local entertainers, local vendors. Accessible and inclusive spaces for all, eco-friendly, zero waste, minimal carbon footprint, safety plan with limited badges, full financial transparency, and pay what you’re able admission fees.”

Other stated goals include being transparent about leadership and partnerships, focusing on local community artists, performers, organizations, activists, and politicians, and allowing all 18 and under to enter free.

Vendor booths will cost $150 for local artists, nonprofits, clubs, and organizations. Local businesses, politicians, and government entities will pay $250.

Those under 18 will be allowed in for free, and others will pay a $5 entrance.

Sponsorships start at $500 and go up to $20,000 for corporate sponsors. They have a goal of $100,000 in sponsorships to cover costs and will offer signage on “bridges, walls, stages, porta-potties, zones, areas, [and] a fountain.”

For those who wish to participate, applications are on their website for volunteers, sponsors, community collaborators, exhibitors, and youth volunteers. Entertainer applications closed March 17. Q More information can be found at slc-pride.org

issue 358 | april, 2024 8 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Davis County Pride May 4 in Layton

Davis County Pride will be held May 4 from noon to 6 p.m. at Layton Commons Park, with the theme “Out of this World.” Organizers expect around 1,200 people to participate in this third annual event.

The event will include food trucks, vendors with homemade goods and services, organizational booths, GSAs, a play area for youth, live family-friendly entertainent and speakers.

Vendors can sign up before March 31 for $80 or before April 19 for $120. Nonprofits are $20 for a limited number of spots, and GSAs are free.

MATCHING DONATION CAMPAIGN

Davis County Pride announced a matching donation campaign in partnership with Project Rainbow Utah to help fund such things as park rental, advertising,

entertainment, and insurance. Each donation made to Davis County Pride through April 15th, will be matched by Project Rainbow, up to $3000

“Your generous contribution will directly add to the festival’s success, enabling us to enhance the program, provide more resources to our community, and make the ‘Out of this World’ festival a truly unforgettable experience,” organizers said in a statement.

Other items the funding will impact are decor, photography, cleanup, and the group’s ongoing effort to become an IRS-recognized charity organization.

Donations can be made at gofundme.com/f/makeour-2024-pride-festivalout-of-this-world Q

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More information about Davis County Pride can be found at daviscountypride.org
Qsaltlake.com |  IssUe 358 |   aPRIl, 2024 10 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

The Sun Trapp surrenders liquor license

Bar had been closed for over 70 days

Months of rumors and speculation have swirled around the status of The Sun Trapp, as they posted on January 7 that they were “Temporarily Closed” due to a “plumbing issue” and would reopen the next day. They opened on the 8th, but shut down again on the 18th and never reopened.

In that time, their phone number was disconnected, no social media was updated, and there was rumor of their return of alcohol stock to vendors.

Today, Utah Department of Beverage Services Communications Director Michelle Schmitt told QSaltLake that the bar “surrendered their license this morning.” Schitt said DABS staff were researching the extended closure as a breach of

rules relating to keeping a bar license. They said the closure was not because of any violations administered by them. The license will likely be granted to a business at their monthly meeting this Thursday.

The Salt Lake Tribune reported the Utah Tax Commission filed three tax liens on Feb. 19 against the company that owns The Sun Trapp, totaling $10,161.60.

The Trapp was opened in 1991 by Joe Redburn, who had sold the Sun Tavern that he owned since the 70s. The bar was bought by Rob Goulding, renamed the Sun Trapp in 2000 and, along with business partners Riley Richter and Dennis Rowley Gwyther, ran it until

Goulding’s death of pancreatic cancer in 2018. In 2019, Gwyther was killed in a freak shooting on I-84 in northern Utah. Goulding’s brother, Michael Goulding, exerted control over the bar, ousting Richter and bar manager Micheal Repp. Richter and Repp now own Club Verse. Patrons of the bar, under the new management, became less and less LGBTQ-related, and many of the regulars scattered to other LGBTQ-related bars that have opened up over the past few years.

The owners and staff have not responded to numerous attempts to contact them for comment since they closed in January. Q

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Holistic group and podcast for gay, bisexual, transgender men in Utah

A new initiative has launched in Utah dedicated to fostering community, connection, and holistic approaches to life among gay, bisexual, and transgender men. Called Mindfully Gay, its aim is to “create a safe and inclusive space where individuals within the GBTQ+ community can come together to explore mindfulness practices, holistic wellness, and personal growth,” according to leaders.

The group also unveiled its premier podcast, “Mindfully Gay Guys,” which they say will contain engaging discussions, informative content, and a supportive network to empower members to enhance their mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being.

“The centerpiece of Mindfully Gay’s offerings is their captivating podcast, ‘Mindfully Gay Guys,’” said organizer Jerry Buie. “This insightful series delves into a range of topics relevant to the experiences and aspirations shared by members of the gay, bisexual, and transgender

1

communities. From mindfulness and self-acceptance to relationships, spirituality, and personal fulfillment, the podcast features critical conversations and raw honesty as Jerry, John, and Nick unpack and explore issues relevant to gay men.”

The group was founded by Jerry Buie, John Cottrell, and Nick Walton, who also serve as the podcast’s hosts.

“We are excited to launch Mindfully Gay as a platform for gay, bisexual, and transgender men to come together in a supportive community rooted in holistic living. Our goal is to provide valuable resources, foster meaningful connections, and empower individuals on their personal growth journey. The ‘Mindfully Gay Guys’ podcast will serve as a powerful medium to share stories, wisdom, and strategies for living authentically and thriving in all aspects of life,” Buie said.

The group welcomes men from all walks of life who may be at various stages of their journeys. By embracing diversi-

ty and celebrating the beautiful complexity of the GBTQ+ community, the initiative advocates for self-acceptance, mindfulness, and overall well-being.

Upcoming events include: game nights, a book club, meditation, yoga and mindfulness, movie nights, a sweat lodge ceremony, discussion groups and retreats in April and September.

For more information about Mindfully Gay, and to join the community or tune into the podcast, visit mindfullygay.com. Follow Mindfully Gay at Instagram.com/ Mindfully_gay and on Facebook at Mindfully Gay Guys for updates, inspirational content, and engaging discussions. You can also email info@mindfullygay.com.

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Matrons of Mayhem with representatives of The Christmas Box International of Utah after raising over $2,600 during one night of Third Friday Bingo. The group has raised over a half million dollars in the past 16 or so years for charities ranging from animal groups to childen’s cancer charities to LGBTQ+ community groups. Bingo on Friday, April 19 will raise funds for the First Baptist Church Child Development Center. Seats fill up fast, so get there early. The March event was full by 6:12pm — over 45 minutes before bingo starts. Doors at 6 p.m., Bingo at 7 p.m. at First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 East.

the greater the risk. Warning signs are associated with suicide but may not be what causes a suicide

WHAT TO DO

If someone you know exhibits warning signs of suicide:

• Do not leave the person alone

• Remove any firearms, alcohol, drugs or sharp objects that could be used in a suicide attempt

• Call the U.S National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 9-8-8 or 800-273-8255

• Take the person to an emergency room or seek help from a medical or mental health professional

THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE

9-8-8

A free, 24/7 service that can provide suicidal persons or those around them with support, information and local resources.

april, 2024 | issue 358 | Qsaltlake.com NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 13
PHOTO BY BRAD MONTGOMERY
‘A Long Way from Heaven’ is a film of hope for future

BYU LGBTQ+ students

Doing a documentary about LGBTQ+ life at Brigham Young University is a tremendous uphill battle. Who will participate openly? How do you get relevant footage? What about the threats you know you’ll get from the Deznats and other LDS uber-apologists?

Former BYU student David Sant may not have participated in the upheaval when BYU removed a paragraph about homosexual behavior on campus, but with his film “A Long Way from Heaven,” he can move forward in life knowing he has, indeed, made a difference. The film recollects the infamous lighting of the Y on the mountain, the kiss-ins on the campus quad, and the subsequent protests after the seeming reversal of policy.

“I (hi, I’m David, the director) was a queer student at BYU from 2017–2021, during the majority of the events of this film. When the school erupted in protests in 2020 after its infamous Honor Code changes, I sat on the lawn and watched hundreds of students shouting and marching for change. But I never joined,” Sant wrote. “I was too confused at the time, and definitely too scared. I was a terrified queer kid who wasn’t even ready to tell my family and friends who I was, let alone the school’s administration. I think about those students constantly, and to this day I wish I had joined them. So, I guess this project is my late, but whole-hearted attempt to march with them there in the Quad.”

“I can’t take credit for all of this, though,” he continued. “Everyone on this project has taken tremendous risk and sacrifice to make this documentary happen. Our producer, Tayler, was a lead organizer for the original lighting of the Y. He’s been an advocate in the community for years. Our director of photography, Jason, was asked not to

return to BYU after coming out as gay. Many current and past BYU students have contributed anonymously out of fear of the school’s repercussions. Multiple BYU faculty members have risked their jobs to contribute to this project.”

The project was all done as a labor of love. No one got paid.

“This is a grass-roots effort to get a vital message out to the world that we need help here at BYU,” Sant wrote. “We don’t hate the school. But we need it to change if our queer friends have any chance of staying alive there.”

In the upheaval of 2020, Brigham Young University’s Provo campus became a focal point of controversy when rainbow-colored protests erupted following the school’s quiet removal — and subsequent reinstatement — of its ban on “homosexual behavior.” Sant’s groundbreaking documentary, “A Long Way From Heaven,” sheds light on the experiences of LGBTQ individuals at BYU, where adherence to the honor code, deeply rooted in LDS principles, intersects with personal identity.

Sant said the concept for the film

originated when his longtime friend Tayler Pace, who was enrolled at Utah Valley University but had friends at BYU, invited him to document the second rainbow lighting of the “Y.” Initially, their intention was to film footage for a short promotional video. The footage was so good, they decided it was more than a five-minute story.

Pace became the film’s producer.

“The goal of this film is to shed light on what queer students have gone through for decades in hopes that we can do better,” Pace said.

In December 2021, BYU banned any form of demonstrations on the “Y” going so far as to fence it in that March. In August 2023, BYU reinstated its ban on same-sex romantic behavior in its honor code.

BYU’s reputation for academic excellence is matched only by the stringency of its honor code, which extends beyond academic conduct to encompass various aspects of students’ personal lives, including relationships and sexual behavior. For LGBTQ students, this environment poses unique challenges, as expressions

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APRIL, 2024 | ISSUE 358 | QSALtLAkE.com NEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 15

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of same-sex romantic affection can lead to disciplinary action. Sant embarked on a project to document these experiences shortly after student activists made national headlines by illuminating the iconic “Y” overlooking BYU’s campus in rainbow hues. Despite the risks involved, Sant was driven by a desire to give voice to those who felt compelled to conceal their identities in the pursuit of education.

Over the course of three years, Sant and his team worked diligently to capture the multifaceted stories of LGBTQ individuals at BYU. Their documentary not only highlights the struggles faced by queer students but also delves into the complexities of identity and belonging within the LDS community. Through interviews with prominent figures such as Matt Easton, who publicly came out during his valedictorian speech, and Jillian Orr, whose graduation gown concealed a rainbow flag, the film paints a vivid portrait of resilience in the face of adversity.

Bradley Talbot, the BYU alumnus who founded Color the Campus, the group behind the rainbow “Y” lightings is also interviewed, expressing why he continues to work toward acceptance on the campus.

“I get discouraged quite often about the future of BYU. Is it ever going to change? Is it ever going to get better? Some days, I feel like, no, it never is,” Talbot said. “But that doesn’t change my mission or my focus. Because what’s also never going to change is queer students existing at BYU. They need to feel like they are not alone.”

Central to the documentary are the narratives of LGBTQ students who found themselves caught between the conflicting demands of personal authenticity and institutional conformity. The sudden changes in BYU’s honor code, which initially appeared to signal a more inclusive stance, only served to exacerbate tensions within the LGBTQ community. Students grappled with the uncertainty surrounding their rights and freedoms.

One of the film’s most poignant mo-

ments comes from the story of Jesse Gibbons, a former BYU student who faced expulsion after questioning the church’s teachings on sexuality and identity, who is the director of photography on the film.

After Gibbons expressed doubts about church doctrine, their bishop refused to grant the annual “ecclesiastical endorsement” necessary for all BYU students, ultimately resulting in their expulsion in the spring of 2023.

“Especially following my expulsion, working on the documentary gave me a sense of purpose amidst the turmoil,” Gibbons said. “It has provided validation for the journey I’ve been through, making it feel like it wasn’t in vain.”

Gibbons’ journey of self-discovery and advocacy mirrors that of many LGBTQ individuals at BYU, who find themselves at odds with an institution that demands conformity at the expense of personal expression. Despite the challenges they faced, Gibbons and others like them remained steadfast in their commitment to authenticity, refusing to be silenced or marginalized.

“A Long Way From Heaven” premiered to a sold-out audience, culminating years of hard work but also beginning a new chapter in the ongoing struggle for LGBTQ rights and visibility. Sant, Pace, and their team have given voice to those who have long been silenced, empowering them to share their stories and advocate for change. In doing so, they have taken a significant step toward creating a more inclusive and compassionate future for LGBTQ individuals at BYU and beyond.

“I hope this film changes minds. I hope it causes people to question how things are at BYU, in Utah, maybe even the LDS church. I hope it’s one step closer to achieving a more equitable world,” said Pace. “A better future for queer kids exists. We just gotta believe in that enough to make moves toward the future.” Q

The documentary is available to stream for free on Vimeo, with a 4K version coming soon. https:// vimeo.com/919863314/eb0b98b4d7

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views

quotes

Suggested signs at the infamous SLC Airport jaunt to the B Terminal, per SLTrib

“Please return your handcart at the end of the journey.”

“This is your punishment for not flying Delta.”

“Salt Lake City — weeding out the wimps since 1847.”

“The bosses wanted to make this 10 miles. We told them they’d gone too far.”

“This indoor track is provided free of charge.”

“Wait. Was there supposed to be a train here?”

“Try walking a mile in my shoes - and then bring them back to the TSA checkpoint.”

“Pretend it’s a catwalk. Work it!”

“Don’t worry — there’s a restroom at the end of this journey — unless you’re trans, then you’ll have to wait until you land in another state.”

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EveryRight-wing lawmakers using TikTok falsehoods to target LGBT nonprofits’ federal funding

LGBTQ+ nonprofit in the nation should take note of something that happened last week, as it very likely will put them under the microscope when applying for federal funding.

Simply put, the Republicans have found a new way to go after our community; they are targeting our community by taking away funding from your local community center, your LGBTQ health clinic, your HIV/AIDS service organization, your LGBTQ youth programs and even LGBTQ affordable senior housing.

Any one of them could be next on the Republicans’ hit list.

To do that, conservatives have used fake information, and Democratic Senators fell into their trap, defunding a $1 million grant for renovations to a community center that, since the 1970s, has provided meals to HIV/AIDS patients, counseled homeless youth and provided senior programs, job training, and other services to low-income individuals. It has also served as a meeting place for scores of community organizations.

Does this sound like your community center?

I’m not sure how many millions of our tax dollars go to LGBTQ nonprofits, but what I can tell you, as a comparison, is that the largest federal nonprofit funding goes to the Catholic Church and its affiliates. The Associated Press puts the number at $1.4 billion and $3.4 billion — and that was for COVID alone.

We get a drop in the bucket, comparatively speaking, and they are attempting to take that away. Here’s how it happened already and can happen in your city:

A grant from the federal government to an LGBTQ community center was withdrawn from the funding system of the federal government because a conservative TikTok site suggested that the community center was allowing an independent organization to rent space from the community center for kinky sex parties. That was false; no sex took place, only

discussions of sexuality. The community center rents space to outside organizations that abide by the center’s rules — rules that include “No sex in the building.”

What those right-wing trolls didn’t say was that the group that rented the space wasn’t an LGBTQ organization; it had many heterosexual members.

Here’s the point: If your organization is renting space to third-party organizations, the Republicans might use those programs to defund you. They might go after a safe sex lecture, for example. The right wing has a fascination with our sexuality, and they like to paint us with that brush only.

Maybe that is why there is a need for sex-positive seminars in our community?

After the TikTok went viral, it was just like an old Keystone Cops movie. After all, this did take place in Pennsylvania, the Keystone State.

First, Pennsylvania’s junior senator, John Fetterman, the most progressive U.S. senator, wrote the committee rescinding his support. When his rescinding letter was posted, he said he had nothing to do with it and that his staff did it without his knowledge.

Then the senior senator, Bob Casey, also withdrew his support, stating, “Consenting adults have the right to do whatever they want in their free time, but these types of appropriations projects warrant the highest level of scrutiny on behalf of taxpayers.”

And that caused it to die in a Senate committee.

These are two senators who support same-sex marriage and marriage equality and have been endorsed by LGBTQ political organizations. Here’s the clincher: Sen. Bob Casey is up for re-election, and it’s the one seat Republicans believe they can pick up.

So I wasn’t surprised when, less than 24 hours later, I received a text from a major supporter of Casey’s Republican opponent. It asked me, “Are you signed up for McCormick now?”

That’s David McCormick, the Republican candidate running against Casey. And that Republican candidate is seeking LGBTQ support; he even signed onto an amicus brief supporting marriage equality.

My reply was — and I know you know this before I type it out — “Is he willing to commit to funding the community center?”

This happened in a state with two Democratic senators, one progressive, the other centrist. Will Republicans do this in your state with your funding request? You’d better hope not.

But if they do, you’d better hope that you have the backing of your senators and that they’ll support and defend you to the end and stand up to the homophobes who treat our lives like a game.

Otherwise, you can kiss that funding goodbye. Q

Mark Segal is an American journalist. He is the founder and publisher of Philadelphia Gay News and has won numerous journalism awards for his column “Mark My Words,” including best column by The National Newspaper Association, Suburban Newspaper Association and The Society of Professional Journalists.

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Children of a lesser god

In February,

my ancestral home, Greece, became the first Orthodox Christian country to legalize same-gender marriage. The new law affords LGBTQ+ gay couples the same rights as straight married couples — including the ability to adopt children.

It passed in spite of stiff opposition from the Greek Orthodox Church, whose high-ranking officials made personal calls to members of Parliament urging them to vote against the law. They argued that it would wound the family unit, ultimately

leading to the end of civilization. However, Prime Minister Kyriakos Mitsotakis countered that it was already the law in 15 European Union states and over 30 other countries around the world, and none of those horrors have yet materialized.

Meanwhile, in the United States, LGBTQ+ rights are under constant threat. In fact, according to the ACLU, in 2023, a record 510 anti-queer laws were proposed in the country. Already, in the first two months of 2024, we’ve seen over 460 of these bills.

But marriage rights are solid, right? I mean, the Respect for Marriage Act is the law of the

land. Well, a key component to marriage equality in this country is based on the SCOTUS ruling in a case called Obergfell v. Hodges, in which the justices ruled that the 14th Amendment requires every state to license same-gender marriages and to recognize those performed in other states. That wasn’t part of RMFA.

As I mentioned in my December 2022 column about RFMA, Justice Clarence Thomas has been suggesting “revisiting” Obergfell since the court overturned Roe v. Wade. (Or, you know, now there’s an activist conservative majority.) He’s not alone.

As recently as last month, Justice Samuel Alito reiterated his opinion that SCOTUS should take a second look. This time, he alluded to it in a statement he penned commenting on a case that the court declined to hear.

In that case, a lesbian woman sued her employer, the Missouri Department of Corrections, for discrimination. During the jury selection, her attorneys asked if any of the potential jurors had grown up in a religion in which they were taught that homosexuals should not have equal rights to other people. Several individuals did say that had been their experience but that it would not prevent them from being impartial. Nevertheless, they were dismissed with prejudice.

Alito saw the case very differently. About the lower court’s ruling, he wrote, “[T] he danger I anticipated in Obergefell, namely, that Americans who do not hide their adherence to traditional religious beliefs about homosexual conduct will be ‘labeled as bigots and treated as such’ by the government.”

Let’s be honest, bigotry

has been couched under the guise of religious fidelity for millennia. Racism, antisemitism, and even misogyny are all deeply rooted in religion. Bigots are removed (rightfully) from juries all the time. But Alito doesn’t seem concerned about the rights of those who may believe Black people are untrustworthy because their faith says they bear the sin of Cain. No, he’s only interested in protecting the

homophobes — all part of his quiet war against LGBTQ+ people and our families.

The efforts of the Greek Orthodox Church did have some effect – 40 percent of parliament either voted against marriage equality, abstained, or were absent. In the end, the bill passed thanks to votes from other parties, including Syriza, the official opposition — led by Stefanos Kasselakis, a gay man.

For Mitsotakis it was a matter of equality for all Greeks. He argued that a democracy should not, “have two classes of citizens and certainly not have children of a lesser God.” Frighteningly, that seems to be exactly what Alito would like to see. Q

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your daddy
who’s
Stefanos Kasselakis

IOklahoma

wish I did not know the name Nex Benedict. At least, I wish I didn’t know the name for the reason that so many of us now do.

On Feb. 7, Benedict was beaten by three students in a bathroom at Owasso High School in Owasso, Oklahoma. The next day, Benedict died. [The Ohio state medical examiner ruled the death was by suicide.]

“This incident has shed light on the harsh realities faced by transgender, nonbinary, gay, and otherwise queer students in Oklahoma, particularly against the backdrop of anti-transgender rhetoric and legislation by state officials,” reports The Advocate. “A law enacted in 2022 mandating students to use restrooms corresponding to their birth certificate sex and a proposed bill aiming to ban discussions of gender identity and sexuality in schools contribute to a hostile atmosphere for students in the state.”

And if all of that wasn’t enough, do you know who the Oklahoma Department of Education appointed to the Oklahoma State Department of Education’s Library Media Advisory Committee? Chaya Raichik, the person behind the anti-LGBTQ+ social media account Libs of TikTok. As The Advocate points out, Raichik does not live in Oklahoma and does not have a background in education or children’s development.

Truly, she’s the worst person you could possibly have making decisions about what your kids can and can’t read.

Ryan Walters, the state’s superintendent of public instruction, posted on X, “No one has done more to expose what the radical left is all about than Chaya Raichik and Libs of TikTok. Her’s is a powerful voice to protect Oklahoma kids from porn in schools and woke indoctrination. I’m proud to have her on our team.”

This is the environment in which 16-year-old Benedict was beaten in a bathroom for the crime of being nonbinary or transgender (media accounts

differ on how Benedict identified, with some reporting that Benedict was a two-spirit person of indigenous Choctaw descent). It was a disaster in the making for LGBTQ+ kids, as people had warned.

One of those people is Sean Cummings, identified by The Advocate as an Oklahoma City business owner and local politician. He attended a February Oklahoma Department of Education meeting and did not shy away from his anger. A video of Cummings was posted to X on Feb. 22 by user @TizzyEnt.

“Three older girls don’t just jump a 16-year-old in the bathroom for no apparent reason, especially when they are of the alphabet community, who you personally have attacked ever since you ran for office. And you brought in the chief attacker of this, Chaya Raichik. Ok? It’s on you,” Cummings says.

Gotta say, I’m not wild about the term “alphabet community,” but his heart is in the right place.

“I think what you’re looking at now is a federal lawsuit for each one of you personally. I hope it happens because it’ll bankrupt you,” Cummings continues. He says that the board has “legal culpability” for its pattern of anti-LGBTQ+ rhetoric. “You have actual blood on your hands.”

Regarding Benedict’s death, Cummings says, “We’ll see who gets charged and how many families lose their children to prison,” highlighting the fact that there are no winners when the flames of anti-trans hatred are fanned. Everybody loses. Some more than others, mind you.

The Department of Education

Secretary Education Miguel A. Cardona has opened an investigation into Benedict’s death in response to a letter from the Human Rights Campaign.

“All people — including transgender and gender-expansive youth like Nex — deserve to be accepted, seen, and safe, particularly in our nation’s schools,” wrote HRC President Kelley Robinson in a letter to Cardona. “However, efforts to stoke hate and discrim-

ination across the country are having a direct, negative impact on the lives of trans and gender-expansive students. This includes young students like Nex, who face harsh social and public environments largely influenced by this discourse that undermines their lives.”

And kids in Oklahoma have it worse than in a lot of other states.

“Oklahoma has considered more than 85 anti-LGBTQ+ pieces of legislation since 2015, passing seven into law,” outlined Robinson. “This gives it the dubious distinction of being one of the nation’s top five promulgators of anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination following Texas, Missouri, Tennessee, and Iowa.”

Not great company to be in. Not at all.

Reach out to the transgender people in your life and let them know you stand with them, especially the young people who are no doubt feeling this tragedy so acutely. This is a scary time and no one should have to go through it alone.

If you are in crisis and need someone to talk to, visit The Trevor Project at thetrevorproject.org/get-help to connect to a crisis counselor 24/7, 365 days a year, from anywhere in the U.S via text, chat or phone. The Trevor Project is 100% confidential and 100% free.

D’Anne Witkowski is a writer living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBTQ+ politics for nearly two decades. Follow her on Twitter @ MamaDWitkowski. This story was updated to include the coroner’s ruling on Benedict’s death.

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PHOTO BY OWASSO POLICE DEPARTMENT BODYCAM

Dr. Leo Moore is more than the ‘Ultimate Health Guy’

Born in Mobile, Alabama, and raised in Atlanta, Dr. Leo Moore says he’s “a Southerner through and through.” Then, a decade ago, he relocated to Los Angeles. “Apparently, once you’ve lived in L.A. for at least five to 10 years, you can consider yourself an ‘Angeleno’ — so I guess that makes me a ‘Southern Angeleno,” he adds with a laugh.

Dr. Moore says his passion for health and medicine came early. “I wanted to become a doctor since I was five years old,” he told Plus. “I come from a family of servant leaders — nurses and ministers. I decided early on that I wanted to become the first doctor in our family in order to be able to serve both my family and community.”

At age 25, Moore’s goal became a reality. “I went to medical school at Morehouse School of Medicine, completed Internal Medicine-Primary Care residency at Yale University School of Medicine, and then completed the Robert Wood Johnson Clinic Scholars Program, a fellowship in community research and health policy, at UCLA.”

After completing the fellowship, he began working in public health and has continued in this field for the past eight years.

“In my current role, as a medical director for clinic services at the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health, I oversee multiple clinics focused on sexual health, tuberculosis, and refugee health,” Moore explains. “As I encounter many people who have developed unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as poor diet and lack of exercise, I recently completed a board certification in lifestyle medicine to help my patients and community adopt more healthy habits and prevent or reverse chronic medical conditions such as diabetes and high blood pressure.”

Dr. Moore has become known as a leading specialist in HIV and STI prevention and was recently named 2024’s Ultimate Men’s Health Guy by Men’s

Health magazine. Moore shared much of his personal journey in the feature, including a life-changing medical event that occurred in January of 2023. During a routine surgery, Moore’s heart stopped beating. After he was resuscitated, he says he woke with a renewed sense of purpose.

epidemic for the majority and leaving the marginalized communities behind.”

To de-stress and stay happy and healthy in his own life, Dr. Moore says he enjoys “lifting weights and listening to music” after work. “It helps me decompress from the day. When the weather

In his current role as a medical director for the L.A. County Department of Public Health, Moore is working harder than ever to end the stigma associated with HIV and is always emphasizing the importance of testing and treatment.

“We cannot end the HIV epidemic once and for all without ending HIV stigma,” Moore says. “HIV stigma affects every aspect of care, from a person’s decision to get tested, to starting PrEP, or starting HIV treatment when newly diagnosed. Additional effort is needed in regards to educating people at all levels about HIV — and also ensuring that lawmakers, attorney generals, and others involved in establishing laws and policies are aware of the advances in HIV testing, treatment, and prevention so that we can end HIV criminalization in this country. Without ending HIV stigma as well as eliminating other inequities, we run the risk of only ending the HIV

is nice, I also love to go for hikes in the mountains. I also enjoy reading some evenings or catching up on a TV show.”

If you’re feeling inspired to make some new healthy habits, visit his Facebook group — Dr. Leo Moore’s Fit150 Community. “The term ‘Fit150 comes from research that has shown that completing at least 150 minutes of moderate-intensity cardio, like brisk walking, and two resistance training workouts per week has been associated with better weight management and decreased risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, depression, and anxiety. Everyone is welcome, so join us!”

He’s also starting a new Instagram Live series called Longevity with Dr. Leo, where he’ll discuss topics with colleagues “to help people living longer, healthier lives.” Follow him on Instagram @drleomoore. Q

This column is a project of TheBody, Plus, Positively Aware, POZ, Q Syndicate, and QSaltLake Magazine

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Navigating university married to a seahorse

Born to a first-generation family from Iran as the eldest son, I had high expectations set for me. By the first grade, my parents already had my life planned out for me, as stated in a letter they wrote to me in the first grade that was put in a time capsule, which I was not to read until graduation day of my senior year.

The letter read in broken English, but the message was clear: “We want you to be an athlete, on the honor roll, who will be the first to graduate college in our family and become a doctor. Afterward, you will marry a beautiful Persian woman and give us many grandbabies.”

When I came out of the closet in 2007, I was disowned. I dropped out of college and began my journey on the grueling path to adulthood with nothing to my name at 19 years old.

A decade passed by, and after years of heartbreak, lost friendships and a struggle with addiction, I had given up on the “American dream.” Content with being alone, it was just my dog Jasper and me against the world.

My life changed when I met a man in December 2017. Having met on Tinder, a dating app I used to pass the time meeting other flawed individuals such as myself, I had no expectations. However, our first date eventually led to several more dates, and one year later, we were married.

He is four years younger than me, but his wisdom and thirst for life extended far beyond mine. This was due to his mother, who had been diagnosed with breast cancer a year prior to our first date. The breast cancer she developed was caused by a rare gene mutation known as CDH1.

According to the Huntsman Cancer Institute, the CDH1 gene mutation is passed down through families and

increases the risk for HLBC — Hereditary Lobular Breast Cancer — or HDGC — Hereditary Diffuse Gastric Cancer. The risk for this cancer is 7-8 in 10 people with the gene mutation, with an average age of 37 years old for stomach cancer and 53 years old for breast cancer.

His mother’s diagnosis of this aggressive type of cancer led him to get gene-tested, and he tested positive for the CDH1 gene mutation. Diffuse stomach cancer is hard to detect as it grows in the lining of the stomach where scans can’t see it. Due to this, my spouse would undergo yearly endoscopies; his doctor would scrape layers of his stomach lining and perform tests looking for cancer cells.

Watching his mother battle cancer, coupled with the knowledge that he too may face the same fate, my spouse developed an appreciation for the life that he passed down to me and my cold-withered heart.

With a newfound appreciation for life, in 2019, I decided to go back to college and finish what I started over a decade prior. I was doing it for me this

time and not because of expectations. As a Weber State alumnus, my spouse naturally led me to start my academic career at Weber State University.

Due to the pandemic, I could only take online classes during my first semester at Weber State, but I was enthusiastic and worked hard. I discovered how much easier school is when you are in your 30s, wanting to learn rather than being forced to be there because society tells us that is what you do after high school.

My enthusiasm was short-lived; it ended in October 2020 after my spouse’s endoscopy test results came back positive for stomach cancer. A friend once asked me, “Why were you surprised when you knew he was at high risk for cancer?”

People do many things knowing the risks, but no one actually believes it will happen to them. One lesson I hope you take from reading this opinion piece is the naiveté in the concept that “it will never happen to me.” Always be prepared for the worst outcome, but never lose faith in the best result.

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COURTESY PHOTOS VIA INSTAGRAM

In the days following my spouse’s diagnosis, I grieved for him, not knowing that what I was really grieving for was myself. The thoughts in my head selfishly shouted, “How could this happen to me?” or “I finally meet the love of my life, and of course, he gets cancer.” These thoughts don’t last long; you mature rather quickly when the only option given to you and your spouse by a team of surgeons and the oncologist is to either live without a stomach or die from stomach cancer.

My spouse transformed into a metaphorical “seahorse.” The term seahorse is used by many people who have received a total gastrectomy. A seahorse has no stomach and must eat constantly to obtain sufficient nutrition. This is similar to what my spouse has to do for the rest of his life.

Knowing what I know now, It is acceptable to grieve for your spouse and for yourself because their cancer journey becomes your journey. Your life changes as much as theirs, and sacrifice is a term you will become accustomed to.

Though I am a first-generation student who also happens to be LGBTQ, I had to take semesters off. Due to the financial restraints of his continued longterm care, I was forced to step down to part-time student. That made me ineligible for scholarships, as those are afforded only to full-time students. To complete my degree in the same amount of time, I would have as a full-time student, I took classes every summer semester I have been at Weber.

along with all the plans and dreams you had together, all hanging on the actions and decisions of the medical team who is ordering you to leave the room.

I would like to say I never take anything for granted after an experience like that, but I’m sure I still do, except I know it is less often. Something as simple as eating when you are hungry is an afterthought for most, while I have to remind myself to eat despite his protests

by the situation, the current state of the world, and exhaustion, I decided to drop out of school. Our health insurance doesn’t cover the costs, and student loans were piling up. To my surprise, an email was waiting for me from the scholarships department. I was awarded the Catapult Scholarship. Despite being a part-time student, the scholarship, according to Weber’s website, is “intended to provide an energetic, upward burst of momentum for students who are nearing graduation but without the means to continue.”

“This is what it takes to survive. #stomachcancer - After a total gastrectomy, most can begin eating after several months, Kermani explained on Instagram. “Our situation did not play out that way.” The large bag of fluid provides everything he needs to survive — 1500 calories, nutrients, vitamins. “They are heavy, and he carries it around in a backpack for 10–12 hours a day. Without these bags, he would die.”

Shortly after the first surgery, we found ourselves back at the hospital twice in 2021 for a combined total of sixteen weeks due to complications. One of which caused him to go into septic shock and a ventilator because he almost died. You will never feel more helpless and insignificant in the face of death. Watching the person you plan on spending your life with pass away,

that “it is okay.” So much of what we do involves food; it is almost impossible to avoid it entirely. Dates, going out with friends, holidays, birthdays and a visit to your parent’s house all involve food, and I never realized it until I tried to make plans not involving food for his sake. Most who undergo a total gastrectomy can eat after a year post-surgery. Due to his many complications, three years postopt, he is not there yet and may never be.

At the beginning of 2023, overwhelmed

Having my last three semesters of school paid for, I continued to push even though I had decided to give up. I am now only a few weeks away from something I didn’t see happening for myself just five years ago. Both my parents are now back in my life, and while they would have preferred I graduated before I was 25, they couldn’t be more excited to see me be the first to graduate in our family, even at 35. I’m grateful to the professors who understood my situation and pushed me to continue. The advisors who refused to let me quit when I was at my lowest point, and my supportive spouse who still works eight-hour days despite the fact it makes him so exhausted that he gets sick every day, just so that I could have something that would make me proud of myself, something to help me believe in myself again. Take advantage of every opportunity, even in the face of adversity, and keep pushing forward when in doubt; it is okay if you don’t meet someone else’s expectations. Sometimes, the right path is taking the long way around rather than the short one. Getting your degree is only part of the journey; the other part is how you do it, the lessons you learn, and the relationships you forge along the way. Q

Per Kermani is a columnist at The Signpost at Weber State University, where this column first ran as an and is used with permission.

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COURTESY PHOTOS VIA INSTAGRAM
april, 2024 | issue 358 | Qsaltlake.com VIEWS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 27 Reach Utah’s Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender and ally community online and in print in one location salt lake MAGAZINE pagesDIRECTORY gaysaltlake.com info@qmedia.group Q event group 801-997-9763 Big Gay Fun Bus Q Day at Lagoon Q Day at the Bees Fabby Awards Utah Gay & Lesbian Wedding Expo group .com

‘BITTER LEMON’ GIVES LADY MACDUFF HER SAY

I have never loved MACBETH. Can I say that aloud, as a theatre person? Is it allowed? Too late, Mel. Too late.

I can appreciate the writing, sure, but the characters are not my favorite. Lord and Lady Macbeth are horrible people. Sure, they get what’s coming to them (sorry, #spoilers) but you have to wait through all their scheming and murdering before their comeuppance finally arrives.

I have always wondered why MACBETH is labeled a tragedy. Is it tragic? I mean, sure, Macbeth is overwhelmed by his ambition. But he is a villain; don’t we want him to be defeated by someone less terrible? Audiences, though, seem to love a good anti-hero — a troubled protagonist who does terrible things yet asks us to empathize with their humanity.

Does BITTER LEMON count as fan fiction? It’s an interesting question. A lot of fan fiction comes from a place of love. We get attached to characters we care about, and we want to see more stories about them.

The problem is that I’m not really a fan of the character Macbeth. But here I am, writing a play about him that some might call fan fiction. Is it fan fiction if you’re not a fan? Is there such a thing as enemy fiction? Macbeth makes me angry. I disagree with his actions and his motives. I don’t want him to succeed. Those feelings led me to write a play in which Macbeth has to face his crimes and can’t escape them. So yes — I guess BITTER LEMON

counts as enemy fiction.

THE SCOTTISH PLAY

(see, I am a theatre person) is loosely based in history. And as is often the case when it comes to major historical figures, I’m much more interested in the smaller, lesser-known folk who litter the background.

Lady Macduff is one such character. She speaks a total of 19 times in the play. That’s it. But unlike Macbeth, she has my total sympathy. Why? Despite her stage time being severely limited, Shakespeare gives Lady Macduff fire. She is angry at her husband for leaving her behind, she is angry at Macbeth

for causing her husband to flee, and she is desperate to protect her children. Her single scene is packed with energy and tension, and it would be correctly labeled a tragedy. If you did not believe Macbeth was horrible before, you will after Lady Macduff leaves the stage.

I have always wondered, “What would happen if Lady Macduff had her say?”

In early 2019, my friend Jordan Long had an idea. He had started a summer theatre festival in Cedar Hills, the

Creekside Theatre Fest, and wanted to do new work alongside Shakespeare. Jordan asked me to write a play that the actors could discover alongside the audience. Two actors were handed the script before they went on stage. There was no rehearsal, no explanation, no direction except for a brief character description. Each performance was a different experience. Some pairings knew each other, while others met on stage for the first time. It was a theatrical adventure.

Creekside’s main stage that summer was THE SCOTTISH PLAY, so I decided to write a play that could serve as a companion piece. I saw my opportunity to give Lady Macduff center stage. BITTER LEMON was the result.

Now, thanks to my friends at Plan-B, we are trying a new experiment with BITTER LEMON: What happens if we rehearse it? Anticipating a full production, I made adjustments to the script; for example, because our actors (the lovely Yolanda Stange and Bobby Cody) are informed of what the story is this time around and will perform every evening, exposition needs to be shared in different ways. While previous iterations have been blank in terms of design — no set, no costumes, just scripts in hand — the Plan-B production has a fantastic group of designers on board. Director Jerry Rapier will shepherd this story on its journey from an odd little play to a (sort of) world premiere.

Will the experiment succeed? I hope you’ll join us to find out. Q

Playwright Melissa Leilani Larson has previously premiered five plays at Plan-B Theatre. Her latest, BITTER LEMON, receives its (sort of) world premiere at Plan-B April 11–28. More info and tickets are available at planbtheatre.org/bitterlemon.

Qsaltlake.com |  IssUe 358 |   aPRIl, 2024 28 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
Actors Yolanda Stange and Bobby Cody Playwright Melissa Leilani Larson

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Eccles audiences are thrilled at the tremendous ‘Encore: A Musical Review’

There are concerts with a lowercase “c.” And there are also Concerts, uppercase C. “Encore: A Musical Review,” staged by Live! at the Eccles was most certainly a Concert.

Beautiful singing, friendly banter, and humorous stories made the one-night-only concert endearing.

Let’s start with the performing guest artists. Three (not one, not two) Broadway stars traveled to Salt Lake, arriving in the morning, returning to New York City that evening.

 Jeremey Jordan, who has become a household name with his TV and film roles also created the lead roles in “Newsies” and “Bonnie and Clyde” on Broadway.

He treated the enthusiastic audience to a welcome preview, singing “For Her.” After premiering at the Papermill Playhouse, “The Great Gatsby” is preparing for a Broadway opening, and Jeremy missed a day of rehearsals to travel to Salt Lake.

Another highlight was “Santa Fe,” his ballad from Newsies, which had concertgoers wildly applauding — and standing in awe — at the song’s conclusion. There were similar reactions to the other two soloists.

 Kara Lindsay originated the role of Katherine Plumber in Newsies, alongside Jeremy. Their “Something to Believe In” duet electrified.

Kara’s last performance as Glinda in a Wicked tour was on the Eccles stage, and “Popular” was a popular solo from the long-running (and popular) musical.

 Jessica Vosk is acclaimed for her unprecedented two-year run as Elphaba in Wicked. She also played the role of Narrator in Lincoln Center’s 50th anniversary of Joseph … Dreamcoat.

In her solo of “Heart of Stone,” she playfully asked the audience to sing along, and Jessica was surprised that so many knew all the words from the sole ballad in Six, a show running on Broadway that came through Salt Lake City in January.

Two of Jessica’s duets were additional high points: with Kara, “I Will Never Leave You” from Side Show, and with Jer-

emy, “You Matter to Me” from Waitress. The most amusing story came from Jeremy, explaining that his 5-year-old son calls him “Jeremy Jordan” rather than “Dad.”

When Jessica played the role of the nagging dead grandmother in the Fiddler on the Roof-imagined dream sequence — which comically closes Act One — she completely shocked the Tevye actor (along with theatergoers) at the top of Act Two when, unbeknownst to him and with no public announcement, she took on the role of his loving wife Golda, when the original actress fell ill during intermission.

At the risk of employing a superlative, the concert was magnificent.

Also, wow! Music director Ross Boothe, who had little rehearsal that morning before the matinee and evening performances, wowed everyone with his flawless, flashy piano accompaniment.

happened were it not for the brainchild of producer Tanner J. Christensen, who assembled the performers and arranged all necessities to premiere this Encore.

“We have had numerous reviews pour in about what a great time everyone had,” remarked Christensen. “The energy was undeniable electric. I sat and watched

The major surprise was an odd omission. Despite clamors, the concert — titled “Encores” — ended without an encore! It would have been a comical finale if the three returned to the stage in street clothes, toting their packed luggage as they hurried to catch the final flight back to New York City.

“Encores” remarkably was the first concert the three soloists had performed together, and with their expertise as Broadway stars, they were very comfortable performing together — and had great fun on stage with each other.

And the concert would not have

both shows, and each time I had people sobbing next to me out of excitement for seeing some of their favorite people on stage sing their favorite songs.”

He also explained that Broadway is recognizing the great fondness Utah has for musical theater.

“Performers and producers seem to always be surprised at how receptive the audiences are here and how many successful theaters are in operation,” he said. “The three performers each noted how electric and responsive the audience was and are hopeful to visit again soon.” Q

 Artsaltlake.org or call 801-355ARTS (2787) for tickets to future Encore, Live! at the Eccles, and Broadway Across America events

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‘How to Live Free in a Dangerous World: A Decolonial Memoir’

Do you really need three pairs of shoes?

The answer is probably yes: you can’t dance in hikers, you can’t shop in stilettos, you can’t hike in clogs. So, what else do you overpack on this long-awaited trip?

Extra shorts, extra tees, you can’t have enough things to wear. And in the new book “How to Live Free in a Dangerous World” by Shayla Lawson, you’ll need to bring your curiosity.

Minneapolis has always been one of their favorite cities, perhaps because Shayla Lawson was at one of Prince’s first concerts. They weren’t born yet; they were there in their mother’s womb, and it was the first of many concerts.

In all their travels, Lawson has noticed that “being a Black American” has its

q scopes

ARIES March 20—April 19

A failure to communicate with a friend can cause problems. Remember that we are all human, and the failings of others are mistakes, not assaults. More likely than not, a friend’s carefree attitude is simply their way of dealing with their problems. Take a moment to do the same and chill out for a bit.

TAURUS Apr 20—May 20

Constant nagging from someone is getting on your nerves. While it may not actually be so bad, the constant pressure is getting you down. Take some time to simply get away and find a sense of normal again. Rest in a place where the mind can reset. Your personal matters and career can wait. Work on yourself now.

GEMINI May 21—June 20

The beauty of nature will be a great inspirational source during this time period. With ever-changing weather and a hot-andcold dynamic occurring, much of your duality is represented by the world itself. This could be a good time to

the bookworm sez

benefits. People in other countries seem to hold Black Americans in higher esteem than do people in America. Still, there’s racism – for instance, their husband’s family celebrates Christmas in blackface.

Yes, Lawson was married to a Dutch man they met in Harlem. “Not Haarlem,” Lawson is quick to point out, and after the wedding, they became a housewife, learned the language of their husband, and fell in love with his grandmother. Alas, he cheated on them and the marriage didn’t last. He gave them a dog, which loved them more than the man ever did.

They’ve been to Spain, and saw a tagline in which a dark-skinned Earth Mother was created. Said Lawson, “I find it ironic to be ordained a deity when it’s been a … journey to be treated like a person.”

They’ve fallen in love with “middle-American drag: it’s the glitteriest because our mothers are the prettiest.” They changed their pronouns after a struggle “to define my identity,” pointing out that in many languages, pronouns are “genderless.” They looked upon Frieda Kahlo in Mexico and thought about their own disability. And they wish you a good trip wherever you’re going.

“No matter where you are,” says

be involved with the creative process and share what you see with others.

CANCER June 21—July 22

Feeling that things could be going better right now? This feeling likely comes from boredom rather than failure. There is always a higher conquest and a goal to accomplish, but only because you want more than you have. Look for some new adventures, but don’t lose sight of how good things are right now, either.

LEO July 23—August 22

There’s nothing totally wrong with switching up the orders of operations. The more tasks pile up, the more boredom tends to set in. Keep things interesting by having dessert first, playing before work, and taking different positions than normal. It’s a good time to break the norms and alter perceptions for the better.

VIRGO August 23—Sep 2

The need to flex the muscle of authority could be a turn-off to others. Don’t be so impressed by your accomplishments that it undermines your efforts to gain respect. A friend or lover is finding an obsession rather weary, but don’t let this get you down. Find satisfaction through casual fun and lay off the need to prove yourself.

Lawson, “may you always be certain who you are. And when you are, get everything you deserve.”

Crack open the front cover of “How to Live Free in a Dangerous World” and you might wonder what the heck you just got yourself into. The first chapter is artsy, painted with watercolors, and difficult to peg. Stick around, though. It gets better.

Past that opening, author Shayna Lawson takes readers on a not-so-little trip, both worldwide and with observant eyes — although it seems, at times, that the former is secondary to that which Lawson sees. Readers won’t mind that so much; the observations on race, beauty, love, the attitudes of others toward America, and finding one’s best life are really what takes the wheel in this memoir anyhow. Reading this book, therefore, is not so much a vacation as it is a journey of discovery and joy.

Just be willing to keep reading; that’s all you need to know to get the most out of this book. Stick around, and “How to Live Free in a Dangerous World” is what to pack. Q

Terri Schlichenmeyer has been reading since she was three years old and she never goes anywhere without a book. She lives on a prairie in Wisconsin with two dogs, one man, and 17,000 books. Her new book, The Book of Facts and Trivia: American History, is available through KingsEnglish.com

LIBRA Sept 23—October 22

Follow through on tasks that have fallen behind. The saying “better late than never” can be applied in many ways, whether in business or the bedroom. Communication has fallen by the wayside, and there is a lot of confusion surrounding your recent actions. Rest assured, others will listen, so explain.

SCORPIO

Oct 23—Nov 21

It’s getting warmer, and so is your temperature, Scorpio! It may seem like a prime time to get out there and look for adventure. Stay out of danger by staying close to those you know and not traveling far from home. Your ability to control emotional responses may be compromised, especially regarding personal interactions.

SAGITTARIUS

Nov 22—December 20

No one is going to desert you at this time, despite a few moments of despair. Stay focused on working on yourself and become your own pleaser. Fate has a way of bringing tragedy in threes, and you’ve already received two in a row. While this may not be quite obvious to some of you, rest assured, some letdown is possible.

CAPRICORN

Dec 21—Jan 19

A fellowship of friends and lovers will lead to nice times. Enjoy what you can and do your best to stay safe. There could be drama, but that is to be expected. No one is trying to bring you down despite some suggestions. Allow good feelings to be channeled into the work you are doing. It never hurts to feel inspired.

AQUARIUS

Jan 20—Feb 18

Whatever is troubling you will likely affect others if not kept in check. The worst thing you can do is spread negativity, which has a tendency to bounce back. The best course of action is to take a submissive role and allow others to show what it really means to be happy. Realize that sometimes the best action is no action.

PISCES

Feb 19—Mar 19

During what is turning out to be a lull period, spend time gaining focus. Get involved with projects and meet with people you’ve been putting off for a while. Someone may challenge your opinions in a seemingly offensive manner, but don’t take it too hard. It has more to do with a competitive need than discrediting your ideas.

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APRIL

How

Julio Torres used imagination to tell a touching story about immigration The queer comedian wants to show ‘people as people’ as he takes on a hot-button issue that has personally affected him

WhenI

think

of Julio Torres, I think of someone who gave life to Ferrero Rocher. It’s a wild detail to recall about someone, but indicative of Torres as a comedian who has the sharp wit and stone-faced delivery to make a comedy bit about a beloved chocolate and hazelnut confection more memorable than it has any right to be. During his HBO special “My Favorite Shapes,” which debuted in 2019, Torres, who is queer, hilariously acts like he’s doing us a favor by showing us what a square is, what a rectangle is and, of course, what the prized sphere is — “who you may recognize for her current role as a Ferrero Rocher chocolate,” he says. He brings out another Ferrero Rocher chocolate, this time without the additional wrapper it sits in.

“Originally, we had booked a different chocolate to play this part but then I was backstage and I was like ‘places, places’ and I was like, ‘I’m sorry, but where’s your little skirt?’”

Torres, a hyper-aware observational humorist, has built a career on his very special way of seeing the world and translating that into bone-dry comedy. He’s obviously a standout in “Los Espookys,” the Spanish-language horror-comedy from Fred Armisen that ran for two seasons on HBO, but even when he shows up as Patti Harrison’s co-worker at a coffee shop in “Together Together” for just a

few scenes, you’re always wishing he could be the lead confection in a skirt.

He gets that starring role in “Problemista,” which the former “SNL” writer also wrote, and directed. Alongside Tilda Swinton, Torres plays Alejandro, an aspiring toy designer; the two create something otherworldly that is still very much grounded in our world — it is the tale of a person who needs a visa sponsorship to stay in the U.S. rather than return to El Salvador. The story, inspired by Torres’ own journey as a Salvadoran, he told NBC News, is, at its heart, one about outsiders — “people who feel that they are on the fringes.”

When I connected with Torres recently on Zoom, he talked about bringing his vision to life (minus the spaceships), a very specific element in Disney films that inspired the film visually and how he hopes his work can engender empathy for the experiences of those like Alejandro.

I’m interested in knowing how you get to the places you get to artistically, and with “Problemista,” how did you land where you landed? You started writing it during the pandemic, and I’m wondering if that experience took you to what we’re seeing on the screen now. I think with me, it’s always a matter of reigning it in. I mean, the first version of the script would’ve amounted to a three and a half hour movie with three times the budget. We’re talking spaceships… And real spaceships too, not CGI? Real

spaceships, not Hollywood spaceships, yeah. So with me, it’s about starting big and then eliminating the Xs and bringing in cohesion and remaining true to the vision. So that is usually the process, and I think that I consider myself to be an optimist and to be a very hopeful person. So, it wasn’t difficult for me to get to that place writing this movie when I did.

There is social commentary about immigration that’s really impactful and based on your own experience. Do you start with the social commentary or do you start with the spaceships? I think I start with emotion. I definitely don’t start with social commentary. I think the social commentary comes as a byproduct of being honest and as a byproduct of showing truth, and truth comes from trying to accurately depict an emotion. So, I was not out to make some grand thesis statement about anything; I just really wanted to show how that process felt, and it is in the audience’s empathy that a commentary comes. The Bank of America scene, for example, is very cathartic because it shows you how those exchanges feel. And I set out to showcase that more than making any kind of statement.

How do you think a film like “Problemista,” and comedy itself, can help make issues like immigration more accessible to a broader swath of people and generate empathy? I think that it’s [through] being very honest and being very specific and showing real people going through real problems and seeing characters not as vessels for ideas — seeing characters not as two-dimensional case studies that have no lives beyond the problems that they’re going through, but seeing them as fully fleshed beings that we can access real empathy. And that is the difference between consuming a work of fiction or getting to know someone and seeing a chart about any of these problems, right? It’s [about] people not as case numbers, but people as people.

How much overlap is there between you and Alejandro and his story? There’s a lot of overlap. I think Alejandro is a part of me. He exists within me, so the process of acting here was more like putting a microscope on that and letting that part of me drive [the story].

When you’re dealing with something as fraught as immigration in your own experience, does your imagination allow you to access your optimism? Maybe, yeah.

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Maybe because I enjoy creation so much and I enjoy being able to create things, and I create things for the joy of creating them, not for a greater agenda, not to please anyone. I don’t do something to get something else. I don’t do something to impress anyone. I do it because I feel that it’s fun and I feel compelled to, and I’m very, very, very lucky that I get to do that.

The opening scene features Alejandro with his mother who does what she can to protect her son. Was that scene inspired by your own life? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A very, very loved, very protected person who was sort of in an incubator for the longest time. And yeah, no, it’s very true. And how that’s such a double-edged sword because you grew up with so much love, but you also grew up with no flaws. And this is the story of Alejandro knowing that he does have those flaws and that those don’t necessarily have to be for aggression, but they can be tools.

You recently said that, directing this, you brought together your visual and spatial interests, humor writing, story writing and world building. How did all those aspects of your work come together to create this

film? Everything is in conversation with each other, and everything is in service of everything else. And I am a very visual person, so I think visually. Even if it ends up being different, I do think about what people are wearing, what the environments look like, what the camera movements are like. And so, directing afforded me the opportunity to make those things happen and bring in other people to collaborate with, who have their own genius ideas and finding the best answers from all the options. And I don’t cook. I’ve never cooked. I’m a bad cook, but it sounds like cooking is a little bit like this. About the visual references in “Problemista” — I was getting some “Alice in Wonderland” vibes from the beginning of the film. Fairy tales are definitely influencing and informing this movie. I was a child in the ’90s, so I was watching a lot of the Disney animated stuff, and there was something that they would always do, which is they would have this huge orchestral music, and then you’d have this long pan into whatever the main architectural structure of the story was going to be. That was very important to just glide down until we got to the cave. And that’s the castle.

How did that detail about how you wanted to do that camera pan stick with you for so long? Because they all follow the same recipe. I’m assuming that they thought it worked one time and then they did it over and over and over again. We glide on the jungle and then we end up in the rock where Simba is baptized or whatever that ritual is, and then we glide on Paris, and we find Notre Dame. We glide on Agrabah, and we find Aladdin’s castle; it’s all the same.

One of my favorite pieces of yours is “My Favorite Shapes.” Do you see a relationship between a project like that and a project like “Problemista”? Yeah, they’re all coming from the same well. It just so happened that, at that point, I was in a time where what I wanted to say was best explained by showing little objects and, here, what I wanted to tell was best explained in this way. But all those worlds are connected. Q

Chris Azzopardi is the editorial director of Pride Source Media Group and Q Syndicate. He has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

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After ‘Drive-Away Dolls,’ Geraldine Viswanathan Is Ready for Her Next Lesbian Movie

It’s quite

the compliment to her time filming “DriveAway Dolls” that Geraldine Viswanathan, after playing her first onscreen queer role, would “do anything” to make it happen again. “If I can weasel my way in there, honey, I’m going to. I’ll hold the boom. I’ll do catering,” says Viswanathan, an Australian actress who is part Swiss and Indian and earned recognition for her breakout role in 2018’s teen sex comedy “Blockers.”

She might be in luck, considering the filmmaking team behind “DriveAway Dolls.” Ethan Coen, of the Coen brothers, and longtime film editor Tricia Cooke, who is Coen’s wife and also an out lesbian (they’ve been in an open marriage for over 20 years) told me recently that they are just getting started.

The film is the creators’ first lesbian B-movie in a planned trilogy of sorts, and stars Viswanathan as Marian, who’s yet to be laid, much to the dismay of her freewheeling best friend, Jamie (Margaret Qualley), who has recently gone through a nasty breakup with her girlfriend Sukie (Beanie Feldstein). Together, Marian and Jamie head out on a road trip down to Florida, where it may be the ’90s but “don’t say gay” is still implied when they have a run-in with government officials for reasons that definitely seem like something Florida political figures would waste their time prosecuting.

During our recent chat, Viswanathan

spoke about the first time she played a queer character,” the “quietly revolutionary” tone of the film and how it honors lesbian bars as the safe spaces they’ve always been.

How have you been describing this movie to your friends? I describe it as a Coen movie, first and foremost, and I say it’s a wacky lesbian screwball road trip comedy caper where we’re driving down South and we have a package that some people really want.

Is it too much of a spoiler to say what’s in the package? When I’m talking to my friends, I do. And I think there’s no surprises at this point. I’ve done so many movies in this vein, so I think it’s not a shock.

What are your thoughts on this film being released during a politically precarious time for queer people? I think “DriveAway Dolls” is very quietly revolutionary. Initially, when reading it and while making it, it was just: Let’s make the most outrageous, funniest, wildest, queerest comedy that we can. Now, as the movie’s releasing, it does feel like there’s this added significance in this moment that we’re in where I feel like it’s a really great time actually for queer movies, and it’s rare that the three leading characters in a big theatrically released movie are queer women. The way that sex and sexuality are treated in this movie, it’s something that I wish that I could have seen on screen growing up, where it’s shameless and approached with lightness and silliness and authentic-

ity. It really feels like the male gaze is not present in this movie. That’s a testament to the way that Ethan made space for Tricia’s vision and experience and what she has to say. It’s one of the best things that a movie can do that I think is within our power.

You mentioned we don’t see many lesbian women on screen, but then, of course, you are Indian, so that kind of intersectionality is even more rare. Can you talk about the importance of that representation? I feel like my first movie being “Blockers,” it felt significant to be the most outrageous and most sexual character in that movie. And then to be a South Asian young woman talking about how she wants to get laid — historically, South Asians are very desexualized and not really in those roles. I know that Ethan and Trish wrote this movie in the ’90s, and I feel like the fact that we’re making this movie now… maybe that’s one of the benefits of making this movie now? I don’t know if I would’ve been in this movie in the ’90s. So I think it’s really cool and that is not lost on me.

You said you worked closely with Tricia on developing the character’s queerness. What was that collaboration like for you? There were a lot of references to queer history in the movie that are quite subtle, but there and awesome, nonetheless. So Tricia gave us this pamphlet, a rundown of some references and queer history. And I met Trish’s friend who I think Jamie is sort of based off of. Then I sort of realized,

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“OK, I think Trish is Marian, mostly.” And so just hanging out with Trish and Trish’s partner, this amazing activist, and I just tried to soak it all up and I was just all ears to anything that Trish had to say and was really grateful for her perspective in making the movie and just to have her on set. Her and Ethan were very equal in presence on set, which was really nice. Is Marian your first queer character? I’m trying to think. Oh, I just remembered I did

a play in Sydney that was a lesbian love story; that was the bell ringing in my head. But that’s theater. It’s a different world. It was like a lesbian rom-com with two girls. Super cute. It was set in high school and it was called “Ellie and Abbie” and this queer writer, Monica Zanetti, wrote it in Australia, and we did it at a local theater, and then they turned it into a movie, actually. There’s actually no men at all, which I don’t know if I’ve seen. But yeah, this is my first time on screen.

With a film about young queer people, what is it like to be the one sharing that narrative with kids who might be looking to see versions of themselves on screen? It’s super meaningful. I think if there’s any throughline in my career, it’s just liberation and freedom and self-acceptance, and it just feels like this is a part of that. And I love just working with women. I don’t need to play a straight love story ever again. No shade to straight men, but I’m good. I

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don’t need that. I can really live without it. So I think just getting to work with Margaret, just to have all my scenes with Margaret, was such a dream. I love that, not having to deal with too many male egos. Did you draw from any personal experience or research to authentically capture the essence of Marian’s queer identity? I definitely did. I think it’s all invisible work. It’s all work that I did for myself to help me understand Marian, but I thought about my sexual awakenings and relationships and even people that I’ve been friends with and then been like, “Wait a minute.” Yeah, there was plenty that I related to with Marian, even though on the surface I thought I didn’t. But upon deeper reflection, I was like, “Wait, no, I totally relate to her” in that she’s kind of specific and has a big, easily bruised heart and runs deep and is sort of an old soul and would rather skip all the frivolousness of dating and sleeping around and just wants to be cozy and wifed up and go to rallies. This movie is a love letter to lesbian bars. Was part of the research for this movie to go to any lesbian bars? Yeah, that’s what’s so cool. We did a press junket yesterday in this lesbian bar, Henrietta Hudson in New York, and it’s one of two lesbian bars in the city left, and we found out that there’s only 23 lesbian bars in America, and that just broke my heart. I can’t believe it. That’s so sad. So to have a love letter to those safe spaces is, again, so quietly revolutionary. Q Chris Azzopardi is the editorial director of Pride Source Media Group and Q Syndicate. He has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé. His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard. Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

Qsaltlake.com | issue 358 | april, 2024
PHOTO: FOCUS FEATURES
ACROSS 1 They won’t pose for nude photos 6 Perfect serves from Mauresmo 10 “Why, ___ delighted!” 14 “Lesbians ignite!” e.g. 15 Hiker’s snack 16 Kahlo’s cross 17 Word after “pinky” 18 Diva’s piece 19 BrontÎ woman 20 Start of a Cyndi Lauper quote 23 Get hard 24 Floor coverings 25 The 411 28 Chemist’s workplace 31 Accusations of pedophilia, e.g. 34 Swiss town with a bear mascot 35 Gave a pink slip to 37 Nancy Clue creator Maney 38 It may come before long 39 More of the quote 41 Breeder need 42 “Do” equivalent for the von Trapps 44 Roman deity identified with Diana 45 Carpenter’s connector 46 Lili Taylor’s “___ Pizza” 48 Get dressed, with “up” 49 Goes out with 50 Part of UTEP 51 Blind rage 53 End of the quote 61 Wilde country 62 Quartet after a desertion 63 Sal of “Rebel Without a Cause” 64 Begin to wake up 65 Fairy tale bad guy 66 Kind of bear 67 Jodie Foster’s “Little Man ___” 68 Naysayers’ words 69 What “Queer Eye” gives to straight guys DOWN 1 Schoolyard retort 2 Like recently cut leaves of grass 3 Ted Casablanca bit 4 Decides not to go 5 Throng of people 6 Tutti-frutti ingredient 7 Stick it in your bunghole 8 Lake of Ohio ferries 9 Orgasms, e.g. 10 Brewed drink for teetotallers 11 Like a member needing lube? 12 Hide well 13 Former lovers 21 Words on a shingle 22 Representative Baldwin 25 Erection supporter 26 Socially challenged 27 Allen Ginsberg, for example 29 Doug Mattis leap 30 Humdinger 32 Stage show 33 Supporters in the bedroom 36 Bond foe 39 Like Emma Donoghue 40 Harry Potter’s field 43 Place for trinkets 45 His poems inspired “Cats” 47 “___ Blossom” (“Show Boat” song) 52 Easy wins 53 Top 54 First name among lesbian writers 55 And so 56 k.d. lang record label 57 Coral hanky fetish 58 Etheridge’s “I’m the ___ One” 59 Kind of time 60 Needing BenGay Qsaltlake.com | issue 358 | april, 2024 38 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ON PAGE 37
What Cyndi Does

Q doku

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku Level: Easy

april, 2024 | issue 358 | Qsaltlake.com COMICS | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 39
6 3 3 2 4 8 9 2 7 9 8 4 5 9 9 6 8 1 8 7 7 3 6 7 3 5 4 2 1 7 2 1 6 1 7 5 5 8 8 7 1 5 8 4 3 6 6 8 4 1 8 4 5 2 1 7 6 5 7 7 2 4 2 2 7 9 5 2 5 3 5 3 1 9 6 3 4 8 9 8 7 4 1 8 6 1 7 7 2 6 3 1 4 6 5 1 3 2 8 3 4 4 7 3 2 9 6 8 9 8 9 6 4 8 3 1 8 5 2 4 7 7 1 5 1 1 6 9 1 1 5 3 3 3 9 8 8 9 2 9

Q mmunity groups

BUSINESS LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapists Guild

 lgbtqtherapists.com

* jim@lgbtqtherapists.com

Utah LGBTQ+ Chamber of Commerce

 utahlgbtqchamber.com

* info@utahgaychamber.com

Utah Independent Business Coalition

 utahindependentbusiness.org

801-879-4928

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

National Domestic Violence Hotline

1-800-799-7233

YWCA of Salt Lake

 ywca.org/saltlakecity

322 E 300 S

801-537-8600

HEALTH & HIV

Planned Parenthood

 bit.ly/ppauslchiv

654 S 900 E

801-322-5571

Salt Lake County Health

Dept HIV/STD Clinic

610 S 200 E, 2nd Floor

Walk-ins M—F 8a—5p

Appts 385-468-4242

UAF Legacy Health

 utahaids.org

150 S 1000 E

801-487-2323

Weber-Morgan Health

Mon., Weds 1-4:30p

477 23rd St, Ogden

Appt 801-399-7250

HOMELESS SVCS

VOA Homeless Youth Resource Ctr, ages 15—21

880 S 400 W

801-364-0744

LEGAL

Rainbow Law Free Clinic

2nd Weds 6—7:30pm

Utah Pride Ctr

probono@law.utah.edu

POLITICAL Equality Utah

 equalityutah.org

* info@equalityutah.org

376 E 400 S 801-355-3479

Utah Libertarian Party

129 E 13800 S #B2-364 libertarianutah.org

866-511-UTLP

Utah Stonewall Democrats

 utahstonewalldemocrats.org

 fb.me/ utahstonewalldems

RELIGIOUS

First Baptist Church

 firstbaptist-slc.org

11a Sundays

777 S 1300 E

801-582-4921

Mt. Tabor Lutheran Church

10:30a Sunday worship

175 S 700 E

801-328-0521

 mttaborslc.org

Sacred Light of Christ

 slcchurch.org

823 S 600 E

801-595-0052

11a Sundays

SOCIAL

Alternative Garden Club

 utahagc.org/clubs/ altgardenclub/

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)

 facebook.com/ groups/1to5clubutah

blackBOARD

Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackbootsslc.org

blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM

Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.

 blackbootsslc.org

OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian Sisters)

 bit.ly/owlsutah

qVinum Wine Tasting

 qvinum.com

Seniors Out and Proud

 fb.me/soaputah

* info@soaputah.org

801-856-4255

Temple Squares Square Dance Club

 templesquares.org

801-449-1293

Utah Bears

 utahbears.com

 fb.me/utahbears

* info@utahbears.com

6pm Weds Beans & Brews

906 S 500 E

Utah Male Naturists

 umen.org

 fb.me/utahmalenaturists

* info@umen.org

Utah Pride Center

 utahpridecenter.org

* info@utahpridecenter.org

1380 S Main St

801-539-8800

Venture OUT Utah

 bit.ly/GetOutsideUtah

SPORTS

QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club

 quacquac.org

* questions@ quacquac.org

Salt Lake Goodtime

Bowling League

 bit.ly/slgoodtime

Stonewall Sports SLC

 fb.me/SLCStonewall

 stonewallsaltlakecity. leagueapps.com

385-243-1828

Utah Gay Football League

 fb.me/UtahGayFootballLeague

Venture Out Utah

 facebook.com/groups/ Venture.OUT.Utah

SUPPORT

Alcoholics Anonymous

801-484-7871

 utahaa.org

LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance

Group, All Saints

Episcopal Church, 1710 Foothill Dr

Tues. 7p Live & Let Live, Mt Tabor

Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Wed. 7p Sober Today, 1159 30th St , Ogden

Wed. 7p Bountiful

Men’s Group, Am. Baptist Btfl Church, 1915 Orchard Dr, Btfl

Fri. 7p Stonewall

Group, Mt Tabor

Lutheran, 175 S 700 E

Crystal Meth Anon

 crystalmeth.org

USARA, 180 E 2100 S

Clean, Sober & Proud

Sun. 1:30pm

Leather Fetish & Kink

Fri. 8:30pm

Genderbands

 genderbands.org

fb.me/genderbands

LifeRing Secular Recovery

801-608-8146

 liferingutah.org

Weds. 7pm, How was your week? First Baptist Church, 777

S 1300 E

Sat. 11am, How was your week? First Baptist Church, 777

S 1300 E

LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapists Guild

 lgbtqtherapists.com

* robin@lgbtqtherapists.com

YOUTH/COLLEGE

Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Ctr

 encircletogether.org

fb.me/encircletogether

91 W 200 S, Provo, 190 S 100 E, St. George 331 S 600 E, SLC

Recent events: Snowshoeing, Bingo, Valentines Pot Luck & Dance, Movie Night, Walking Groups, Theater groups umen.org

Gay-Straight Alliance Network

 gsanetwork.org

OUT Foundation BYU

 theout.foundation

 fb.me/theOUTfoundation

Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+

 slcc.edu/lgbtq/

University of Utah LGBT Resource Center

 lgbt.utah.edu

200 S Central Campus

Dr Rm 409, M-F, 8a-5p

801-587-7973

USGA at BYU

 usgabyu.com

 fb.me/UsgaAtByu

Utah State Univ. Inclusion Ctr

 usu.edu/inclusion/

Utah Valley Univ

Spectrum

 linktr.ee/spectrumqsa

 uvu.edu/lgbtq/

* lgbt@uvu.edu

801-863-8885

Liberal Arts, Rm 126

Weber State University

LGBT Resource Center

 weber.edu/ lgbtresourcecenter

Shepherd Union Suite 323 Dept. 2117

801-626-7271

Westminster Student Diversity Center

Bassis 105, M-F 8a-5p

 bit.ly/westdiversity

JOIN OUR GROUP OF ACTIVE OUT SENIORS

Our Vision is to reduce social isolation and loneliness, improve the health and well-being of older adults and to empower them to lead meaningful and connected lives in which they are engaged and participating in the community.

Our Mission is to reimagine aging by empowering older adults to live life to the fullest potential guided by these five pillars:

• Cherish the Journey

• Encourage the Body

• Inspire the Mind

• Nurture the Spirit

• Empower the Future

Find us at SeniorsOutAndProudUtah.org and Facebook.com/SOAPUtah

Qsaltlake.com | issue 358 | april, 2024 40 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | QMMUNITY
april, 2024 | issue 358 | Qsaltlake.com QMMUNITY | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 41 JOIN US You know you want to sing with the Salt Lake Men’s Choir Join us Thursday nights starting Jan. 12. Show up at 6:45pm at First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E. Give us a try. We are a non-auditioned choir. More info at SaltLakeMensChoir.org IS OPEN FOR LIMITED PROGRAMMING See UtahPrideCenter.org for a list and schedule COMMUNITY Get Connected to Health Insurance Tuesdays, 4–6pm The Pastor is In 1st and 3rd Tuesday, 6–8pm UPC Drop-In Hours Tues, Weds, Thurs, 4–8pm ADULT & SENIOR PROGRAMS Gay Men’s Peer Support Group Tuesdays, 6:30–8:30pm Pride In Recovery (LGBTQ+ Narcotics Anonymous) Tuesdays 7–8pm OPEN FOR LIMITED PROGRAMMING
marketplace Qsaltlake.com | issue 358 | april, 2024 42 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | MARKETPLACE BARBER B ARBER AND B ODY G ROOMING GEORGE MICHAEL DUVEN 1140 E B RICKYARD R D #33 STE 108 BY APPT G OD S HAVE T HE Q UEEN.CO 801-330-5055 COUNSELORS Embracing the health & resilience of our community COUNSELORS COUNSELING ADVANCED awareness advancedawarenesscounseling.com 9140 S State St Ste 202 408-375-3311 Proudly gender affirming and supporting HAIR SALON hair 801- 688-3118 HOUSE & PET SITTING Pet & House Sitting Melinda Nevarez 801.407. 9477 minijbird@gmail.com www.booj-whaa.com HOUSE CLEANING LASER COSMETICS Molly Mears, MD 801-294-9999 enlightenlaser .com 1560 S Renaissance Town Dr Bountiful, Utah Botox • Coolsculpting® Laser Hair Removal MASSAGE
marketplace METAPHYSICAL NATURIST ORGANIZATION NAKED JUST DO IT UMEN.ORG SKIN & HAIR SPANISH CLASSES www.SpanishNOW.net 801·609·4332 ONE-ON-ONE or TWO Private classes, your place or mine. Learn at your own pace. VOICE LESSONS BEGINNERS TO ADVANCED SINGING LESSONS ROGER COX 801.609.4332 UtahVocalStudio.com WEDDING SERVICES TYING THE KNOT? Know who WANTS your business and will treat you with the DIGNITY and RESPECT you deserve 2 9 6 6 3 5 5 1 7 9 1 8 8 1 4 7 1 6 4 4 7 9 1 5 1 6 8 2 2 3 3 6 9 6 9 3 5 5 6 2 4 3 7 7 1 2 7 5 4 7 2 5 9 3 5 7 4 8 2 8 9 8 8 3 7 6 8 1 9 3 6 4 5 4 2 8 1 9 2 3 4 2 5 3 5 6 5 4 2 3 7 7 5 5 7 3 8 1 2 4 5 9 3 4 6 1 8 6 4 2 9 8 8 2 4 5 6 7 6 1 5 3 9 6 3 8 7 4 7 9 2 3 3 8 2 4 1 9 4 2 6 8 7 7 8 1 1 1 6 1 9 9 9 7 4 5 6 2 1 4 7 4 8 6 9 2 9 9 6 2 2 8 6 3 9 2 3 5 5 3 6 9 5 7 1 5 7 4 3 1 7 3 9 8 7 2 6 7 1 9 4 1 8 4 5 2 5 1 8 2 5 6 4 7 3 1 9 8 1 3 8 8 4 6 3 6 2 1 9 7 7 4 3 7 2 1 8 3 7 3 9 4 6 9 6 4 1 8 6 9 5 2 8 8 5 5 9 5 2 7 4 6 7 8 2 2 1 5 3 1 3 8 3 9 1 6 5 6 4 3 7 5 1 4 6 8 8 5 9 2 1 4 2 7 3 4 9 3 1 6 3 6 5 3 2 1 9 5 8 2 9 2 6 9 9 5 1 7 3 7 2 7 7 5 3 4 4 3 7 4 8 6 1 5 9 4 4 8 6 4 2 6 8 5 9 3 9 5 2 1 3 6 8 1 4 2 6 8 9 1 8 5 7 1 7 2 7 4 8 Puzzle Solutions april, 2024 | issue 358 | Qsaltlake.com MARKETPLACE | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | 43 GREEN Making customers happy since 1984! 801 595 0666 Of fice 801 557 9203 Cell 1174 E Graystone Way, Suite 20 -E JerryBuie@mac.com W W W.PRIDECOUNSELING.T V

‘Bewitched’ wants to recreate the magic

Real talk: they’ve tried to make “Bewitched” remakes happen before and failed. The classic sitcom that aired from 1964 to 1972, about a suburban witch and her hapless mortal husband, is the stuff of LGBT-TV legend. Its very premise echoed ideas about the closet, and in front of the camera it boasted supporting roles filled by a collection of lesbian and gay actors who imbued their characters with a very between-thelines brand of self-conscious queerness. Spinoffs and adaptations in other countries followed through the years, including a disastrous 2005 film starring Will Ferrell and Nicole Kidman, and direct references to it are embedded in popular series like “WandaVision.” Now another take is brewing. Writer-producer Judalina Neira (“The Boys,” “Daisy Jones and the Six”) is developing a new series — title unknown — that promises to be an “irreverent, hour-long reimagining.” We’re guessing from that description something along the lines of “River-

dale”: dark and for grown-ups. And this could be exactly what’s needed to make the magic happen all over again. Watch this space for updates.

Wanda Sykes makes leap from comedy to drama

The filmmaker’s name is Tamika Miller, a writing and directing veteran of episodic TV and commercials. She’s already got one indie feature, the critically well-regarded “Honor Student,” under her belt, and now she’s in pre-production on her next feature she’s writing and directing, “Undercard.” A boxing drama, it’s got its lead in Emmy-winning comedian Wanda Sykes, who’ll be taking on her first dramatic role. She’ll star as a boxing coach who abandoned her own son, returning years later to coach him in the ring. It’s all still in its early stages, so there’s no other casting news yet, but this is a great step for Sykes, who’ll no doubt join a long history of actors who began in comedy (Jim Carrey, Emma Thompson countless others) and won acclaim for their dramatic talents. More on this one as it develops. Q Romeo San Vicente is always Team Endora

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the perils of petunia pap smear

A tale of wizards, witches, and wands

The road to Hogwarts is fraught with danger and excitement.

Ever since I was first able to get my Lee Press-On fingernail talons gripping my copy of “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” I have been impatiently waiting for my letter from Hogwarts for lo these many years. Since I was no longer a child but well into my adultery, I felt like I was a little bit late to the party.

A couple of years ago, my patience finally ran out, and I bought tickets for a 3-day Harry Potter movie marathon at the Valley Fair Mall. I thought, how magical it would be to see all eight of the movies on an I-Max screen? It would be the next best thing to being in Hogwarts itself. On the first day of the marathon, since I did not own a magic wand and did not want to feel left out in the theater full of fans, I brought a lightsaber to substitute for a wand. I arrived early so as to be able to secure a good seat in what I expected to be a crowded theater. I excitedly entered the building and sashayed up to the snack counter. I was a touch perturbed that they did not offer pumpkin juice, chocolate frogs, and licorice wands, but what’s a Potter-loving queen to do? So, making do with what was available, I bought the minimum number of supplies needed to sustain me through a 90-minute movie: a gigantic barrel of popcorn, about a gallon of Diet Mtn. Dew, and two pounds of chocolate. My hands were full, so the pizza, hot dog, and nachos would have to wait until intermission.

Clutching my snacks firmly, I entered the auditorium. I was a little taken aback when I realized that I was the only person present. Sure, this was on a Thursday afternoon, but I had expected throngs of fans to skip work like I did to celebrate with my fellow Potterheads. As the lights went down when the movie began, I was feeling a tad embarrassed that other adult-er-

ers or even kids for that matter, had not joined me to revel in the Potterverse.

As the movie progressed, I was captivated by the Potterverse and all the magical spells and charms Harry, Ron, and Hermione were learning, so much so that I got over feeling embarrassed and began reveling in the fact that I was important enough to have a private screening all to myself. I was especially enthralled by the wingardium leviosa spell for levitating things. Since I was all alone, I decided to make the most of this experience, and I whipped out my lightsaber and copied the swishand-flick wand moves in the movie.

On the second day of the marathon, I stopped at the Dollar Tree store near my house before going to the theater to pick up some more glitter and glue. A girl can never have too much glitter and glue! Then, on to the theater again. At the snack counter, when I went to pay for my popcorn, I realized that my wallet was not in my purse. Drat, I must have left it at the Dollar Tree store. So, I ran out of the theater, jumped back into Queertanic, and drove like a maniac (where is a flying broomstick when you need one?) across the valley, retracing my route to the Dollar Tree. I inquired if they had found a wallet, and the clerk just gave me a blank look, almost as if she had the confundus charm cast upon her. So, taking matters into my own hands, I quickly tried the summoning charm, “accio wallet!” I held out my hand, expecting to receive the wallet, but alas, this action was met with stony silence, blank stares, and my empty hand.

I felt extremely foolish for having left my wallet in the store. And to make matters worse, the wallet contained more than a hundred dollars. CRAP! Dejectedly, I returned home, ready to skip the next movie and start canceling my credit cards. When I got to the

front porch of Chateaux Pap Smear, I habitually checked the mailbox for mail, and I was shocked to find that my wallet had been stuffed into the mailbox. All the cash was gone but my credit cards and driver license were still there. How considerate of the thief to return these items. Well, at least I wouldn’t have to cancel all my cards, etc. I felt so lucky to have been robbed by one of the few honest thieves in Salt Lake.

With wallet back in purse, sans cash, I decided that since I had already paid for the movie tickets, I should get my ass back to the theater. So, driving like a fanatic again, I returned to the theater, having missed only the first twenty minutes of the third movie.

Long story short, after three days, eight movies, eating about 20 pounds of popcorn, and losing over a hundred dollars, I was at last all Pottered out! UNTIL NEXT TIME!

This story leaves us with several important questions:

1. Does drinking diet soda cancel out calories from the chocolate and popcorn?

2. Just how far must I swish and flick my breasticles to perform this spell?

3. Do they need to swish in opposite directions?

4. Should I install a retractable magic wand inside my right breasticle so that I can always be prepared?

5. If the wand was in the left breasticle, would I then be sorted into Slytherin House?

6. Could I use the levitation spell wingardium leviosa to lift my stomachus maximus when I step on the bathroom scale?

7. Should I open a school for honest thieves?

These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear.

Qsaltlake.com | issue 358 | april, 2024 46 | QSALTLAKE MAGAZINE | FINAL WORD
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