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Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

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Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

from the publisher


So many

controversies are in the news about behavior people have done in their distant past. They are being vilified for doing and saying stupid things decades ago, while in college or high school or in their adult-formative 20s. Half of Virginian citizens are calling for Democratic Gov. Ralph Northam who was published in his law school yearbook either dressing in a Ku Klux Klan hood or painted up in blackface. He now says he is a changed man. “I have learned from this,” he said on CBS’s Face the Nation. “I have a lot more to learn.” Kevin Hart stepped down from hosting the Oscars after people balked at his past homophobic statements. He apologized

for his past remarks and worked to move on with his life. What struck me were his remarks in his apology. “If the fight from the LGBTQ community is equality … I’m riding with you. I understand it. But in the fight for equality, that means that there has to be an acceptance for change. If you don’t want to accept people for their change then where are you trying to get to the equal part?” Hart asked. If it is a change in people’s thoughts, feelings and behaviors, and someone shows that they have changed, is that not what the LGBT movement is all about? One of Equality Utah’s slogans is that they are here “giving the community and their allies the necessary tools to effectively change hearts and minds.” When

that happens, can we not celebrate it? For me, this came to my mind’s fore after my first reaction to “ex-gay” therapist and organizer David Matheson announced that he was leaving his wife and sought a relationship with another man. I even posted that he and others like him would likely end up in his religion’s version of Hell. But then I talked to a number of people who know the man. They say his intentions were always good, to which I balked. But they also said that he has slowly come to the place he is now: a (hopefully) healthy gay man. While I never would have done a “hit piece,” I think by talking to those around him, I was able to at least do a balanced piece. As a teller of the whole story, we can’t gloss over the damage he has done to those who sought his help. But, I have to give him the benefit of the doubt when he says he will work to make change in his former profession. And hope that he has, indeed, changed.   Q

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publisher/editor Michael Aaron

ASSISTANT editor Tony Hobday NATIONAL NEWS editor Craig Ogan designer  Christian Allred sales  Ken Stowe, 801-997-9763 x1 contributors Joshua Adamson Pickett, Diane Anderson-Minshall, Chris Azzopardi, Paul Berge, Jeff Berry, Paul Campbell, Laurie Bennett-Cook, Stephen Dark, Jennifer Dobner, Mikki Enoch, Jack Fertig, Greg Fox, Charles Lynn Frost, Oriol Gutierrez Jr., John Hales, Ryan Haymore, Tony Hobday, Joshua Jones, Christopher Katis, Rock Magen, Sam Mills, Craig Ogan, Mikey Rox, Terri Schlichenmeyer, Gregg Shapiro, Petunia Pap Smear, Steven Petrow, Ed Sikov, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben ­Williams, D’Anne ­Witkowski


A 24-DECADE HISTORY OF POPULAR MUSIC (ABRIDGED) Back by popular demand, the luminous Taylor Mac returns to Salt Lake decked and bedazzled in gloriously irreverent regalia for a night that is“startlingly unique…a must-see for anyone who wants to see a kinder, gentler society. ”

distribution Bradley Jay Crookston,

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[Complexions makes it] sensationally, jaw-droppingly clear that we live in the age of the super-dancer, at a time when technical virtuosity is being redefined as an expressive state. - Dance Magazine



news The top national and world news since last issue you should know BY CRAIG OGAN

TERF battle Two representatives of what’s heretofore been a British phenomenon — Trans-exclusionary radical feminist — invaded a Washington, D.C., conference and interrupted an HRC official fundraising pitch. The meeting was about the Equality Act bill in the United States Congress to amend the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to include sexual orientation and gender identity. A now-removed video of the two-minute demonstration was posted on organizer Posie Parker’s Facebook page showing the person from the HRC unresponsive to taunts like: “Why are you championing the rights of men to access women in women’s prisons? And rape and sexually assault them as recently happened in the United Kingdom?” and “Why don’t you care about lesbian girls at 14 having double mastectomies?” The group consistently rejects transgender women, calling them “men who call themselves women.”

Hart breaks, again Comedian and actor Kevin Hart should stop trying. He tweeted encouragement to Jussie Smollett, after the Empire actor was hospitalized after being assaulted at 2 a.m. in Chicago. He said two masked men shouted “racial and  | 

homophobic slurs,” punched him in the face, poured an unknown chemical on him, wrapped a rope around his neck, and shouted, “This is MAGA country.” Hart’s Twitter sympathy, “Stand strong brother,” was attacked by the Twitter wokemob. They referenced Hart’s revealed comments from 2011 and before, which have been denounced as “homophobic,” as disqualifying him from offering sympathy now. Hart responded to his critics by pointing to himself as “an example” of the type of “change” LGBTQ advocates advocated.

The mouse says yes to Pride month The Walt Disney Company announced an official theme park Pride event at Disneyland Paris in June. Paris “Magical Pride” will be the first Disney theme park to officially host a pride event. The Gay Days and other events in previous years in gay Paree and the US have been sponsored by private organizations, not the Walt Disney Company. The mouse invites park attendees to, “Dress like a dream, feel fabulous — loud, proud and alive with all the colors of the rainbow.”

A gay first couple? Pete Buttigieg, the mayor of South Bend, Ind., seems to have to answer a question in media interviews about whether the US is ready for a “gay first couple”. They are, of course, ignoring President James Buchanan and his livein Sen. Rufus King, or Aunt Fancy to his friends. The View’s Joy Behar and former political type, George Stephanopoulos, on This Week both felt the need to plumb the issue. Buttigieg’s answer, “There’s only one way to find out.” He said he coped with

Mike Pence as governor of Indiana and he got re-elected by 80 percent even after he acknowledged being gay. The stupid question, “which of you will be the First Lady?” awaits a Sean Hannity interview.

Butt crack gets photog banned Instagram and owner Facebook have ratcheted up their puritanical natures by banning Tom Bianchi from the site for posting a picture from his collection entitled “Fire Island Pines: Polaroids 1975–1983.” Bianchi is an HIV activist and noted photographer of the male form. The shot was of a naked man sitting with his back to the camera showing the top of his buttocks. Bianchi is not the first banned for gay pics. Queer Eye guy Antoni Porowski was banned for a pic of him in his underwear. A lesbian couple in bed cuddling their child was also struck from public view. The deletions follow the passage of Federal legislation, Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act and Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (SESTA/FOSTA).

Finally, Jake is queer again Earning honorary gay man icon status for his portrayal of a gay shepherd in Brokeback Mountain opposite the late Heath Ledger, Jake Gyllenhaal plays a queer art critic in Netflix’s upcoming satirical-thriller, Velvet Buzzsaw. This is his first straight-washing queer role since 2005. The cast also includes Rene Russo, John Malkovich, Toni Colette, Natalia Dyer, and Zawe Ashton. Netflix uses the word “queer” as Gyllenhaal’s character, Morf Vandewalt, is a conceited and pretentious art critic who begins the film in a relationship with a man but moves to other sexes and back again.

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Yes to Japanese marriage equality Can 60,000 respondents to an internet poll be wrong? Eighty percent of Japanese citizens, from their 10s to 50s, surveyed said yes to marriage equality with 88 percent of women and 69 percent of men saying yes. Not surprisingly, 87 percent of 20-somethings were positive, as well as 81.2 percent of 30- to 39-year-olds, and 77 percent of those in their 40s. Big surprise, 72.5 percent of respondents in their 50s were positive. Also of note was the increase of people identifying as being undefined “sexual minorities,” up 1.3 percentage points from a previous study to 9 percent.

‘Fun Home’ not fun in schools Parents of a 12th-grade student at a New Jersey high school protested the inclusion of Alison Bechdel’s graphic novel, Fun Home, on the high school English class reading list, so it was removed after 10 years in the library. The “graphic memoir” about growing up in a funeral home alongside her closeted father, was made into a play and has been performed by Salt Lake Acting Company and the Southern Utah University Theatre Department in Cedar City. The Comic Book Legal Defense Fund, a free-speech group for comics books, says the school didn’t follow the proper protocol for the removal. “The book was removed without a written complaint, committee meetings, or adhering to curriculum guidelines,” the group wrote in a complaint. New Jersey has an “opt-out policy” for students, apparently needing shielding from a comic book, but the school and parents decided on the

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removal of the offending volumes altogether. The New Jersey Legislature just passed a law requiring teaching LGBTQ history in high schools, just not through comic books, apparently.

who come from LGBTQ families. Arizona still does not ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity, and conversion therapy is still legal in the state.

Call Wharton O’Brien Law

Cory Booker, asking for a friend Neomi Rao, a second-generation Indian-American White House staffer and nominee for the U.S. Court of Appeals, was asked about her views on marriage equality and sodomy by Democratic New Jersey Sen. Cory Booker. He referenced her writing about the Lawrence v. Texas ruling, asking whether she thinks the courts should strike down laws that criminalize same-sex relationships. He also wanted to know if she thought gay relationships were immoral and if she ever had a self -proclaimed LGBT staff member. Her answers: “No, No, and I don’t know.” What else would she say but, “My response is that these personal views are ones that I would put to one sidea and follow the precedent of the Supreme Court.”

As Utah goes, so goes Arizona? Utah dropped the “No Homo Promo” regulations on school curriculum and now the new head of public schools in Arizona is wanting to get rid of the state’s ban on saying anything “promoting a homosexual lifestyle, portraying homosexuality as a positive alternative lifestyle,” and “suggesting that some methods of sex are safe methods of homosexual sex.” Kathy Hoffman, the new Arizona Superintendent of Public Instruction, said that schools need to create “an inclusive environment that supports children from all backgrounds,” including those


Notes from the 2019 State of the Union The president announced an initiative to end the HIV epidemic by 2030. Short on specifics and making no money pledges, insiders say the plan is to focus on at-risk populations in 20 states, an increase in CDC funding, and continue the international prevention and treatment program started in 2006. No talk of the transgender people serving in the armed forces in all the blather about the military. Congress invited four transgender service members as guests to the speech. No mention of the Equality Act. The speech gave a “hat tip” to the number of women now in Congress but nothing about the 11 “out” LGBT representatives and senators currently serving. Trump was also silent on the two or three “closeted” senators. Speaker Nancy Pelosi used the patented drag performer’s “fuck you clap back” in response to Trump saying, “We must reject the politics of revenge, resistance, and retribution and embrace the boundless potential of cooperation, compromise and the common good.”  Q

Wharton O’Brien, PLLC 165 S Main Street, Suite 200 Salt Lake City, Utah 84111


Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

First lesbian United Methodist Church bishop speaks in Salt Lake

Jenny Wilson elected Salt Lake County Mayor Delegates of the Salt Lake County Democratic Party met Saturday morning to elect a county mayor among four candidates to replace nowRep. Ben McAdams. Jenny Wilson received the most votes and was elected Salt Lake County Mayor. Wilson has a long history of working towards LGBT rights. In 2009, QSaltLake Magazine named her, along with then-Salt Lake City Council members Deeda Seed and Jill Remington Love, People of the Decade. Wilson worked tirelessly while on the Salt Lake County Council 20 years ago to provide benefits for partners of gay and transgender county employees. The County Council, freshly under Democratic majority, voted 6–3 for such benefits in February, 2009. She also was instrumental in securing protections for LGBT people in hiring and housing in the County, among the first few municipalities in the state to do so. Most recently, Wilson ran for the United States Senate against Mitt Romney.

Wilson faced former congressional candidate Shireen Ghorbani, County Council member Arlyn Bradshaw, and perennial candidate Stone Fonua for the seat.  Q

Karen P. Oliveto was elevated two years ago to bishop of the denomination’s Mountain Sky Area, which includes 400 congregations in Utah, Montana, Wyoming, and Colorado and became the first open lesbian to hold the title. On Jan. 13, Oliveto spoke for the first time in the state at the historic First United Methodist Church in downtown Salt Lake City. Next month, church delegates will meet in St. Louis in a special session to determine if

UofU LGBT Resource Center names new director BY TONY HOBDAY

Clare Lemke, the assistant director of the Center for LGBTQIA+ Student Success at Iowa State University, has been named the new director of the University of Utah LGBT Resource Center. Lemke is a Milwaukee, Wisconsin, native, who received a bachelor’s degree in English and women’s studies at the University of Iowa before joining the Center for

LGBTQIA+ Student Success in 2015. During her time there her main focuses were on transgender inclusion and gender equity. “Clare is extremely talented,” Brad Freihoefer, director of the Center for LGBTQIA+ Student Success, told the Iowa State Daily. “I think she has brought our team to a new level when it comes to not only executing programs with excellence from beginning to

a split will take place over the ordination of LGBT clergy.

Oliveto preached that people of all walks are part of the church. “All, by God’s abundant grace, are a part of Christ’s body.  Q end but doing so by working on a deep level with students.” Lemke will take over as director of the UofU LGBT Resource Center early next month, replacing Kai Medina-Martinez (and the interim director Gabriella “Bri” Blanchard). Medina-Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker, became the LGBT Resource Center’s director in June of 2007. During their tenure they received the Pete Suazo Community Service Award in 2010; secured the Alliance House as the first gender-neutral student housing on campus; launched the first LGBT Alumni Association, a network of UofU graduates and those who attended the university to help guide new students. Their staff were pivotal in getting the UofU ranked as the second most LGBT-inclusive school in 2018. With big shoes to fill, Lemke’s determination for further transgender inclusion and gender equity may just be a great fit.  Q

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Utah bill seeks to narrowly define gender, forbid birth certificate changes BY MICHAEL AARON

Rep. Merrill Nelson, R-Grantsville, introduced a bill to the Utah State Legislature that would narrowly define the term “sex” in Utah law and disallow the changing of a birth certificate except under very limited circumstances. House Bill 153 would define gender to mean: “‘Sex’ means male or female, the innate and immutable characteristics established at conception and that can be confirmed before or at birth. “ Further, the bill says, “‘Female’ means an individual with ovaries who is confirmed before or at birth to have external anatomical characteristics that appear to have the purpose of performing the natural reproductive function of providing eggs and receiving sperm from a male donor.” And, “Male” means an individual with testes who is confirmed before or at birth to have external anatomical characteristics that appear to have the purpose of performing the natural reproductive function of providing and delivering sperm to a female recipient.” At birth, doctors would be required to determine, using the criteria in the bill, “the sex of the child as male or female or, if the sex cannot be factually determined at birth, undetermined,” on the birth certificate. Such certificate could then only change the individual’s name or, “any other information to correct a mistake of fact that occurred at the time the birth certificate was completed or issued, as determined by the court.” The bill strikes any mention of “sex change” in existing law. Such a law would very likely make it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for a transgender person to seek a new birth certificate reflecting a transition after birth. “H.B. 153 is based on the scientific and medical fact that an individual’s sex is determined at conception by chromosomal make-up and is not subject to change or self-determination later in life,” Nelson wrote in a statement. Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, who last year sponsored a different bill that

addresses birth certificate changes in a very different way, tweeted his confusion with Nelson’s bill. “I question Rep. Nelson’s logic. We change birth certificates every day in Utah. After a successful adoption, the state issues a new birth certificate showing the adopted parents as the birth parents — even though they weren’t even there.” Transgender Education Advocates of Utah Chair Sue Robbins sees the bill as an attack on the transgender community. “On a day where the transgender community has received a vicious attack nationally with the lifting of injunctions against the transgender military ban, I am appalled at the legislation being introduced to the Utah House this session,” she said. “HB0153 is a clear and direct attack upon the transgender and intersex communities of Utah.” “By clearly defining male and female as requiring specific genitalia and declaring it immutable for the purposes of a birth certificate, Rep. Nelson is attempting to erase the ability of transgender individuals to change their birth certificate to match their true gender,” she continued. Robbins and TEA of Utah plan to work with community partners to stop the bill. “The damage this bill can do to the Utah community is immeasurable,” she said. The Utah Supreme Court has several cases before it regarding inconsistencies in rulings depending on the judges assigned. Judges said during the hearing that they would like legislation to rule on, rather than creating law by a ruling. Nelson is no stranger to being on opposite sides of the LGBT community. in 1992, during the first session the Utah Legislature debated hate crime legislation, Nelson was a chief opponent, saying, “homosexuals should not be given special status under the new bill, considering that sodomy is against the law in Utah.” He further argued that “homosexuals have a political and social agenda that they want to force on the rest of America. Part of that agenda is, through whatever means, to force churches, schools, government, landlords, and others to accept

Rep. Merrill Nelson

them and their lifestyles without regard to what that may mean.” In 2014, Nelson sponsored HB48 that would create a check-off on tax forms for a “Marriage Defense Fund” and provide money to market the bill to state taxpayers. He said the bill was a way to “placate proponents of same-sex marriage who have complained about the cost” to taxpayers for the state’s ongoing appeals to defend Amendment 3. In the 2016 Legislative Session, he fought hard against Rep. Angela Romero’s bill seeking to ensure all married couples are treated equally in adoption and foster placements. “States are required to give gay couples marriage licenses. They are not required to give gay couples children either through foster placements or adoptive placements,” Nelson said in the Judiciary Committee hearing, or which he was vice chairman. He further said the state isn’t barring gay parents from adopting or fostering, but should be free to express a preference for man-woman marriages in child placements. The bill was ultimately rejected that year. On Nelson’s campaign website, he still puts up arguments against “homosexual relationships” and the “homosexual agenda.” The legislative session began January 28.  Q


Gov. Herbert talks LGBTQ inclusion in Utah hate crime law, transgender birth certificate changes At Utah Gov. Gary Herbert’s monthly press conference Thursday, several reporters kicked off their questioning with LGBTQ inclusion in hate crime legislation and the ability of transgender people to change their birth certificates to reflect their true gender. Lindsay Whitehurst of the Associate Press kicked off questioning by asking about the hate crime legislation being sponsored again by Sen. Daniel Thatcher, R-West Valley City, noting that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released a statement saying it doesn’t oppose hate crime legislation. While the governor stated he hasn’t yet read this year’s bill that attempts to pass a workable hate crime law, he did say, “I think most of us would agree that we need to have enhanced penalties [for hate crimes]. There is a benefit there for stopping crime and bad acting by people out there, enhanced penalties for anything that would fall under a definition of a hate crime.” “I think it’s very worthy of discussion and debate,” the governor continued. “The fact that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints evidently has weighed in on this and said they are not opposed to it can’t hurt the possibilities. I don’t know that changes everybody’s mind, but I think that is a discussion we ought to have and I welcome the debate.” Asked by Fox 13 News’ Ben Winslow whether the governor thinks LGBTQ people should be included in the bill, Herbert said, “Yeah, I think the message we want to put out there is that members of the gay community, LGBTQ, are loved and welcomed and appreciated for who they are. They ought to feel safe. They ought to feel loved. So, anything we can do to enhance that, we ought to do.” Bob Bernick of Utah Policy asked

Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

about a bill by Rep. Merrill Nelson, R-Grantsville, that would restrict transgender people from changing ther gender on their birth certificate, saying such a bill goes against what the governor “just said.” Herbert said again that he hadn’t read the bill and didn’t know the motivation behind it. “I certainly, again, agree that if people want to be identified as whatever it is they want to be identified, if that’s a gender issue, if it’s a sexual orientation, they ought to be able to do that,” the governor

work on this issue if it starts and comes up. Nobody has talked to me about it yet, except for you guys today. But, we will work proactively to get good policy in place on all legislation.” Glen Mills of ABC4 News brought up a bill by Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, that would allow for transgender people to change their birth certificates, and asked why the governor thinks it failed in the past. Herbert said it was a simple lack of votes. “Maybe that’s the lack of awareness, lack of understanding. Who knows why people vote the way they do or why they don’t?” Herbert said. “Many times legislation comes up two, three, four times in a row until it finally, in fact, germinates and has the support, and probably the

stated. “If they want to have the ability to put that on a public record, there ought to be a process to have that happen. I think most people would welcome that and that there’s no reason why we should stop it.” Winslow then asked if the governor would, then, veto a bill that would prohibit changing their gender marker on their birth certificate or driver license. “Without seeing the bill, I don’t like to use the ‘V’ word often,” the governor answered. “I try to work and shape things as they go through the process so we work together in a collaborative fashion. So I’d expect that that’s how we would

clarity, necessary to get the votes and pass. That’s the legislative process. It’s not usually one and done, it usually is a thought, an idea, maybe germinates into some legislation, maybe doesn’t get out of committee, then we come back the next year and we have broader support and maybe it passes, basically based on what the public wants to have happen, which is what you’d expect out of a representative form of government.” The 2019 Utah Legislative Session begins Monday. The press conference is is aired live by KUED Television and streamed on radio stations across the state.  Q

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Wyoming Legislature kills LGBT nondiscrimination bill A Wyoming bill that would have added gender identity and sexual orientation to a workplace protections law died Monday night in the Wyoming House. The “Enhancing Quality Employment Law” sponsored by Rep. Dan Zwonitzer, R-Laramie County, House Bill 230 would have updated language in the state’s employment laws to offer recourse for employees and job applicants to lodge complaints with the state if they were discriminated against for their gender identity or sexual orientation. The law already includes protections for one’s political affiliation, race, color, sex, religious beliefs or age. The bill narrowly passed out of committee last week after intense testimony where LGBTQ community members shared stories of their own experiences living in Wyoming. They also said LGBT people are leaving Wyoming because of the state’s attitudes against them. Religious groups were exempted from the law, but that was not enough to appeal to conservative and Christian opponents of the bill. Monday was the last day that the Wyoming House would hear a first reading of a bill, and HB230 was not among those heard. Republi-

can leaders said that the bill, a priority of the Democratic party in part because this year is the 20th anniversary of Matthew Shepard’s murder, was simply not important enough to prioritize. “As a citizen legislature, we have a finite amount of time during the legislative session

to consider bills,” House Majority Floor Leader Eric Barlow said in a joint statement. “As Majority Floor Leaders, we work hard to ensure every lawmaker has the chance to bring to light the issues they feel are important while prioritizing bills reflective of the shared priorities of lawmakers. This includes financial stability for our General Fund and school obligations, efficient government operations, fortifying economic opportunities with education for our children and job training

for our workforce, healthcare options that improve access and affordability and, finally, clearing the way for our core industries to thrive.” A letter from the Wyoming Republican Party said that their second-highest priority this session was “against crafting new protections for people based on their sexual orientation and gender identity.” Wyoming remains among the minority of states without an LGBT-specific nondiscrimination law.  Q

HIV/AIDS programs in the past. Millions of dollars were shifted away from HIV/AIDS prevention programs last year. Stan Penfold, executive Director of the Utah AIDS Foundation sent an email statement to the group’s followers” “A wise friend of mine liked to observe that, ‘The best indicator of future performance, is past performance.’ While we at the Utah AIDS Foundation appreciate the mention of new HIV/AIDS initiatives at the State of the Union ad-

dress last night, we have been down this road before. And as they say, the devil is in the details. There was no mention of any additional funding for HIV prevention or care. And in fact, this current administration has cut HIV spending over the past two years. “So, while we applaud any new efforts to prevent and treat HIV/AIDS, we do not hold out much hope for any new significant action by this current administration. I sincerely hope we are wrong.”  Q

Utah AIDS Foundation responds to Trump’s promise to end HIV infection In this year’s State of the Union address, President Donald Trump promised to fund the elimination of HIV transmissions in the United States by 2030. “In recent years we have made remarkable progress in the fight against HIV and AIDS. Scientific breakthroughs have brought a once-distant dream within reach,” Trump said in his speech. “My budget will ask Democrats and Republicans to make the needed commitment to eliminate the HIV epidemic in the United States within 10 years. Together, we will defeat AIDS in America,” Trump said. Some have criticized the Trump for cutting funding for



Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

us both and I don’t regret it. But things started to change a few years ago. Our personality differences became very pronounced. The relationship dynamic became strained and difficult. Things gradually turned painful. “Toward the end of this decline, I also realized that being in an intimate relationship with a man was no longer something I wanted to avoid. It had become a non-negotiable need.”


Prominent Utah Mormon ‘ex-gay’ therapist affirms he is gay BY MICHAEL AARON

A Mormon Utah man known to the world for his work in the “ex-gay” movement, also known as conversion therapy or reparative therapy, has announced to the world that he is ending his marriage to a woman and seeking a relationship with a man. David Matheson announced on Facebook that he is gay after Truth Wins Out founder Wayne Besen posted it on their site, which focuses on ‘ex-gay’ therapy. “A year ago I realized I had to make substantial changes in my life. I realized I couldn’t stay in my marriage any longer. And I realized that it was time for me to affirm myself as gay,” Matheson wrote. He has deep roots in the reparative therapy movement, including being the author of Becoming a Whole Man: Principles & Archetypes, founder of the Center for Gender Wellness, co-creator of People

Can Change and the Journey Into Manhood, and executive director of Evergreen International (now North Star.) He has been a go-to therapist for gay men who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He did, however, stop practicing therapy for the past few years. He now says he renounces efforts to change one’s sexual orientation.

MARRIAGE TO A WOMAN “I enjoyed a happy and fulfilling marriage with my wife for many years,” Matheson wrote. “Overall, it was a beautiful relationship and being ‘straight’ became a core part of my identity. But I also experienced attractions to men. Much of the time these were in the background. But sometimes they were very intense and led to pain and struggle in my marriage. “Still, the marriage truly did work for

While many people supported his announcement, many other people called him to task. “Of course each individual should be free to make their own choices. And I am happy for you and your growth and realizations. And I appreciate your apologies,” wrote Kendall Wilcox of OUT in ZION podcast and former project lead at Utah Commission on LGBTQ Suicide Prevention. “But will you take proactive steps to heal the ‘harm your own homophobia and narrow mindedness have surely caused some people?’ Will you work with a fervor equal to your previous zeal to heal ‘the confusion and pain’ your choices may have caused others?” Matheson posted on his Facebook wall a very critical video of someone who not only went through his counseling, but participated as an organizer. Roger Webb spoke about the pain he has carried for decades since his involvement with Matheson’s programs, especially since someone he helped mentor committed suicide toward the end of one of the retreats he was involved in. He said, after watching Boy Erased, he wanted to make it his life’s goal to establish a foundation in James Edward’s name that will “help and support people who are lost and alone because they love someone of the same sex.” “That foundation will do a lot of work to stop those horrible people who teach others that they’re not enough because they love someone.” “I can tell [Matheson] that myself and a whole bunch of other men love and respect you as our brother, and are grateful that you finally found your peace, but that’s empty without some words of you

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 


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to say I’m sorry to those people that I hurt.” “It took about 10 years to heal the wounds that you made in my soul with the work that you did,” Webb continued. “There wasn’t a day that went by during that time that I didn’t go to bed hating myself. Feeling broken. Feeling that I was the biggest disappointment to the universe, to God, to my family, to everybody because of what you guys taught me.” Matheson, in response to the video, said that Webb gave him “credit/responsibility for things that I actually wasn’t involved in or decisions that weren’t mine,” but he goes on to say, “I was involved in that world and must take responsibility for my part. There are still systems in our culture that cause harm. There are people like Roger who have experienced pain, and we need to work together to correct this.”

CENTER FOR GENDER WHOLENESS Matheson created the Center for Gender Wholeness to complement his book, Becoming a Whole Man. He allowed the state registration to expire in November of 2016 and its website stopped being updated about that time. But the site remained largely active with some harmful information being presented even just a few months ago. “You didn’t choose it. But you can choose what you do with it,” was the main promise of the site. “It is possible to stop unwanted behavior, shift sexual desires, and resolve other issues related to unwanted same-sex attraction. Ours is a compassionate approach for men who won’t accept a homosexual life due to conflicting values or life goals. Whether you are simply curious about change, desperate for help, or almost out of hope, we invite you to explore what we have to offer. It’s your life.” The site, throughout, used the term preferred by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, “Same-sex Attraction,” or SSA. Even in Matheson’s recent comments, he still uses the term. On the site, Matheson pointed to eight “causes” of male homosexuality (the organization said it didn’t “have expertise

in working with female homosexuality”): Unhealthy childhood relationships with females; distorted concepts of gender; feeling incongruent with one’s gender; problems in relationships with other males; sexual conditioning, including sexual abuse and early exposure to male pornography; biological and physical issues such as being over- or under-weight, having high or low intelligence or being concerned about penis size; and emotional and psychological problems, such as perfectionism and OCD. The site said that the media and gay rights organizations were to blame for the discouragement of reparative therapy. “As a whole, gay advocacy groups are well funded,” the site read. “By the end of

“About a year ago I realized I couldn’t stay in my marriage I also knew I needed to be in a relationship with a man.”

2012, LGBTQ causes will have spent well over one billion dollars.” “Throughout this website, we speak of change as a process of growth toward wholeness,” the site read. “It means reclaiming and integrating all of the strengths and capacities that became lost to us through the soul-splintering effects of abuse and trauma.” “The change process will be life-long. None of us will ever become entirely whole in this life no matter how long we live. But we believe it is a worthy goal to spend our lives in that pursuit.”

PEOPLE CAN CHANGE — JOURNEY INTO MANHOOD, A HEALING WEEKEND. Matheson was the co-creator of Journey into Manhood, now called Brothers Road, “a 48-hour immersion in intensive emo-

tional-healing work, designed specifically for men who are self-motivated and serious about resolving unwanted homosexual attractions,” according to its website. “All of the exercises are designed to help you identify and process the underlying issues that may be alienating you from your authentic heterosexual masculinity.” The brochure read that the group was made up of, “Men who have resolved unwanted same-sex attractions supporting others seeking similar change.” It promised that, of those who attended, “about 75 percent report a decrease in homosexual feelings and behaviors.” It also said the large majority felt “more masculine, more confident and powerful.” It went on to say that those men who aren’t successful in changing their sexual orientation simply aren’t sincere. “Many men seeking to overcome same– sex attraction become frustrated and discouraged when they find that their feelings and attractions don’t change as quickly or substantially as they had hoped. We believe these men are getting stuck because they aren’t following the laws, or principles, that allow growth out of same-sex attraction to happen. These men may be very sincere and even committed to the idea of change, but if they don’t follow the right principles, change won’t happen.” Matheson said there were four principles of “growth”: masculinity, authenticity, need fulfillment, and surrender. He used the acronym MANS to “make them easy to remember.” The event is still running as “Brothers Road,” with another event happening in Utah in May. Matheson’s name was scrubbed from the site last December.

EVOLVING BELIEFS In 2013, Matheson joined a group of seemingly disparate mental health professionals whose goal was to find a set of “clear rules and guidelines to govern the ethics of any treatment protocol.” The Reconciliation and Growth Project is a Utah group made up of LGBT-affirming psychotherapists and those


or gender identity and fosters their ability to thrive.” The group also agreed on self-determination and to do no harm. “We call upon society to move beyond adversarial strategies and focus on fostering respectful dialogue and a shared commitment to facilitate individual self-determination and to do no harm,” their statement reads. “The ethical principle of self-determination requires that each individual be seen as a whole person and be supported in their right to explore, define, articulate, and live out their own identity.”

who worked to resolve issues between homosexuality and their religion. It was started by the LGBTQ-Affirmative Psychotherapist Guild of Utah which sponsored a workshop on respecting religious and sexual/gender identity differences seeking to create a safe space for dialogue about the distress some clients had trying to resolve issues of sexuality and non-traditional gender. “Current governance of therapies addressing sexual orientation and non-traditional gender is vague and polarized. Therefore, we seek to define a set of standards and practices that are ethical and fair in order to provide guidance for individual mental health providers, provide a framework of ethical practices to guide professional and licensing boards in regulating the work of mental health providers, and de-escalate the polarized battles around legislation and litigation regarding these matters,” the group’s guide reads. One of the first guidelines to come out of the group was around the terms used in the field that promise “change” in sexual orientation. “The continued use of terminologies such as ‘reparative,’ ‘conversion,’ ‘sexual orientation change efforts,’ and ‘affirmative’ therapies fuels adversarial tensions among people with different perspectives about sexual orientation and gender identity. This obscures the substantial common ground between diverse perspectives. We advocate leaving such language behind in favor of language that focuses on resolving the individual’s distress with their sexual attractions and/

I am an advocate of the proposed legislation to make it illegal to do that kind of therapy to minors.

Though Matheson signed on to the statement, he did not work to change the title of his book, Becoming a Whole Man, which some say alludes to gay and bisexual men being “not whole.” Matheson became immersed with the group and began moderating panels on interpersonal violence.

TODAY In an interview with Jeremy Harris of KUTV News, Matheson explained how he got to this point today, and answers some of the criticism levied against him. “About a year ago I realized I couldn’t stay in my marriage,” Matheson told Harris. “I also knew I needed to be in a relationship with a man.” “I have been bisexual since my teen years. But since I was bisexual, I could make a relationship with a woman work, and work very, very well. It was a beautiful, authentic relationship for so long. Not always easy, but what relationship is easy all the time. It was difficult at some

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times, and some of it was because of my same-sex attraction. I just realized that it is time in my life now that I’m not going to be married to a woman, I cannot be alone. That just could not work for me. What I hope for is a solid, monogamous relationship with a man.” He said that a few years ago, he could not see himself saying such a thing. He acknowledged his involvement with at least one group of men that sought to minimize their sexual attraction to other men and worried that some of them may feel betrayed by his announcement. “I am sad for those who feel betrayed, and I guess what I want to say is that the person who I was, the man of faith I was, is still the man of faith I am today. But there is a piece of my life I have to adjust because the discord inside me is just too great. That doesn’t mean that all those things I said over the years were not true, particularly things about my faith.” Harris asked if he will remain a member of the LDS Church. “I will stay with the LDS Church. I don’t know if I can remain a member of the LDS Church, which is tremendously sad to me. But even if I am not a member, I know what I feel and what God has manifest in me, and I can’t turn against that. “I’ll stay with the church even if the church doesn’t stay with me.” Matheson explained that conversion therapy is therapy that defines being gay as a disorder and it is wrong, and sometimes sinful and that is also based on the idea that it can and should be changed. “When I started as a therapist 20 years ago, I believed that, because that was the world I grew up in as being a Mormon in Utah. “I long ago repudiated that whole concept. The idea that it is a disorder, that it is wrong and bad, the idea that it can change, because for some people there are some changes that happen, but for most people, no. And the idea that it must change is absolutely reprehensible to me. “Most of the therapy I have done [recently] is just standard therapy, but it is done under the rubric of ‘reparative therapy,’ which is what gave it such a bad

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reputation.” He said that he is now very opposed to reparative therapy. “I am an advocate of the proposed legislation to make it illegal to do that kind of therapy to minors,” emphasizing the “to minors” part of the statement. “But I do think there needs to be a therapeutic approach that helps a person with a religious background who is LGBTQ to somehow come to a reconciliation within themselves about the conflict that that ideology or religion places in them. Because that is a very painful, difficult thing for them.” Of the Brother’s Road program, he said he is firmly against what they are doing today. “Over the years I’ve become disengaged with them. I have some pretty substantial disagreements with them. I, at one point, encouraged them to involve some gay-affirming therapists to help make their weekend safer,” he said. “They have not taken me up on that. I definitely have some concerns about the program.” “I have been a part of a system, and as I look back on that I see my part in it and what I perpetuated — the homophobia and the shame that my words perpetuated. And for some people it was tremendously healing and for others not,” he told KUTV. But he also said he has changed in recent years. “I’ve been involved for at least six years with people who are trying to eliminate as much harm from [reparative therapy] as possible, trying to make it safe for people of faith who are LGBTQ to receive help.” Harris asked if he apologized for some of the work he’s done, to which he said, “Absolutely. I can think of things that I said, I can think of people I said things to, and I can think of specific cases where I can look back and say I really regret having written that, said that, perpetuated that idea. “I mean, I grew up in the 70s in Utah and the way church leaders sometimes spoke about gay people was unthinkable. I mean, it was inhumane; it was bullying. And I swallowed that stuff, and so that’s the kind of stuff that came out earlier in my career, and for that I’m very sad. I’m

really remorseful about that.” He said that, out of all of this, his coming out, he hopes that conservative religions “can think about how we look at LGBTQ people and do we give them a place? Do we communicate to them that God has a place in this world for them? Or do we want to continue to say that traditional families is what it’s all about, marriage between a man and a woman is what it’s all about, and if you don’t fit that, we don’t even see you. That is a gospel for

the 99 and not a gospel for the one.” “I recognize that I’ve had a part in perpetuating homophobia in others and in myself,” Matheson wrote in a statement. “And while reconciliation will take years, I accept that I have a role in that process. As a next step toward that, I have taken my book, Becoming A Whole Man, off the virtual bookshelves until I can review and remove content I no longer agree with.”  Q


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Utah Jazz and Stallions to host ‘Pride Nights’ BY TONY HOBDAY

Utah Jazz Local LGBT organizations have teamed up with the Utah Jazz to celebrate the LGBTQ community. For some this is not a concert, but rather a basketball game (although the term “swish” is often used). Pride Night on February 23 encourages rainbow colors while roping the unbranded Dallas Mavericks. Now, with that being said, it’s highly possible those Texans may rope us into submission. Of course, on our knee (during the National Anthem) we also will be encouraged to eat cotton candy … and maybe Skittles. Anyhoo, the Facebook event page says Utah Pride organizations will be recognized on the court before the game. And

Qmmunity High times to be had at the Bear Summit The Utah Bears group’s Bear Summit is a weekend-long event, March 1–3, 2019, hosted in part by Club Try-Angles that includes skiing, parties, swag, a bear/ cub contest, and more to be announced in the coming weeks. Attendees are required to register and the cost is $35 (not including the ski day). Below is a current list of the summit events. FRIDAY, MARCH 1

5–8pm – Bear Summit Vendor Fair (Registration Pickup) at Club Try-Angles 9:30pm – Meet & Greet at Club Try-Angles SATURDAY, MARCH 2

Ski with Jack – Park City Mountain Resort (Not included in registration). Skiing schedule: Departing the host hotel, the Hotel Hampton Inn & Suites,

tickets also include VIP Early Entry Passes and court-side photo opportunities. Also a Skybox Suite is being hosted, with a number provided for those who want to reserve a seat. Hurry to purchase the remaining tickets at utahpride.

Salt Lake Stallions The Salt Lake Stallions are a professional American football team based in Salt Lake City and are charter members of the Alliance of American Football. Set to be coached by Dennis Erickson, 2019 marks the inaugural season. On this special Pride night, Saturday March 30, they will be playing the San Diego Fleet. Grrrr... Use “STALLIONPRIDE” as your code for discounted tickets and a portion of each ticket will go directly back to supporting the LGBTQ community, this is a win-win! And with the Stallions on the field, that’ll be another win! Tickets at  Q

1345 S. Foothill Dr., at 8:15 a.m. Or meet at Park City Mountain Village at 9 a.m. 1pm – (For those not skiing) Mountain West Cider Tour / Tasting included (21+) 7pm – Aprés Aprés Ski meal at Club Try-Angles 8pm – Bear/Cub Contest at Club Try-Angles SUNDAY, MARCH 3

11am Brunch @ Fiddlers Elbow (Not included in registration 21+ only) 2–4pm – Bowling – Olympus Hills Bowling Lanes (Not included in registration) Evening – Farewell Party – Club Try-Angles

UAF Red Carpet Gala: Murder on the Orient Express The Utah AIDS Foundation celebrates its 29th annual Red Carpet Gala. The typically sold-out event brings together hundreds of people who put on their finest black tie attire and watch the Academy

Awards celebration. The theme is ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ or 1930s attire. The extravaganza takes place Feb. 24, 6p.m., at The Grand Hall at The Gateway. As a fundraising gala, the night includes a catered dinner and a silent auction. All of the funds raised stay in Utah to help UAF offer a better quality of life for people living with HIV/ AIDS, and stop new infections through education and targeted outreach. Tickets available at

a swim meet Saturday, Feb. 16, 9 am at the Fairmont Aquatic Center, 1044 Sugarmont Dr., in Sugar House, followed by a catered dinner that evening and an after-party at Club Try-Angles. Sunday is spent skiing the slopes of Snowbird resort in Little Cottonwood Canyon, and then relaxing in the hot tubs and spa afterward. For more info, visit

QUAC Ski-n-Swim

The February charity for Third Friday Bingo is the Rocky Mountain Great Dane Rescue. This is one of the largest bingo nights of the year, as those rescuing great danes are a passionate bunch. Friday, Feb. 15, First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East. Admission: $6 for one card or two for $10. Party Foul Insurance $5. Flamingo Hat of Shame $5. for a contribution of $50 they will give the person of your choosing a drag makeover.

The Queer Utah Aquatic Club’s annual Ski-n-Swim returns Feb. 15–17 for QUAC members, supporters and friends to ski, swim and socialize. The goal is to strengthen the LGBT community by strengthening the relationships among us. Starting the weekend is an opening social Friday, Feb. 15 at the Utah Pride Center, 1380 S. Main St., at 7 pm. Then on to

Third Friday Bingo rescues great danes

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Leonard Cancel SEPT. 20, 1962 – JAN. 19, 2019

Lenny’s light filled every space he occupied, and that light was suddenly extinguished by unexplained heart failure on a snowy Friday morning, January 19, 2019. Leonard Cancel was born in Manhattan, New York on September 20, 1962. He was a local track star in high school. He attended Rutgers University on a track scholarship, and went on to complete a Masters in Psychology from the University of Utah. Lenny was working as the Director of Product Support for Optum. Lenny maintained himself in amazing physical condition throughout his life—he had just finished a mile an a half on the treadmill before he sat down and passed quickly. He is survived by his parents, Leonardo and Awilda Cancel of Toms River, N.J.; sister and brother-in-law Maritza & Albin Goetze and their daughters, Brittany and Devon, of Mays Landing, N.J.; and brother Edward Cancel & partner, Sean Dempsey, of Worcester, Mass. Lenny is also survived by devoted “family” members from New York, New Jersey and Salt Lake City, including Andy Borden, Michael and Chris Benson, Keith Stout, Steve Koerner, Dave Maroukis, Raymond King, Ron Godwin, Alan Hebertson & Dieter Sellmair, Bonnie Coburn, Michele Corigliano, Billy Stern and far too many more to mention. While Lenny loved flowers, he would be far more interested in seeing donations made in his name to Equality Utah, whose mission is to secure equal rights for LGBTQ Utahns and their families. Lenny was honored to be a host for the 2018 Allies Banquet. Private services will be held for family and friends after which his remains will return to New Jersey with his parents to be placed MillcreekGardens2018.pdf 1 2/12/2018 2:26:01 PM in a family mausoleum. A public Celebration of Lenny’s Life will be announced. Our hearts are broken...


Archie Archuleta JULY 22, 1930 – JAN. 25, 2019

On January 25, Robert “Archie” Archuleta, humble civil warrior, poet, gentle grandpa, adoring husband and father, laid down his sword. Archie died of a series of complications from an acute illness and surgery. He was 88 years old. Archie was one of those who understood and supported the LGBT movement, even back in the ’90s when Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats was first organized and faced great pushback from the powers that were. We last saw him at the opening of Harvey Milk Blvd., where he said: “The naming of Harvey Milk Blvd. is another thread in the fabric for the struggle for social justice and equality in Salt Lake City, Utah and the U.S.A. — nay, in the world. The thread joins and strengthens the other threads that were begun by many different groups and movements, starting with the abolitionists. Going on, with the suffragette movement, and going on to the battle for liberation by blacks, Chicanos, Native Americans, and Asians. And, of course, this big one, LGBTQ. “You have suffered the indignities and the sting of racism, ethnocentrism, as well as the ugly one — homophobia. We fought it together and we will continue to fight it.” Salt Lake Mayor Jackie Biskupski presented Archuleta with the “Key to the City” last Fall for his work on behalf of homeless, Latinos and other communities of color, LGBTQ individuals and women.


views  | 

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quotes “The most important thing is love. It doesn’t matter in the slightest whether that love is for someone of your own sex or not… It must be understood that love comes first.” —Stephen Fry

“I would say to any young person… who’s being bullied for their sexuality: don’t put up with it – speak to a trusted adult, a friend, a teacher, Childline, Diana Award or some other service and get the help you need. You should be proud of the person you are and you have nothing to be ashamed of.” —Prince William

“Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.” —Bruce Lee

“I’m making it all right here, but I miss you, your arms & nakedness & holding each other – life seems emptier without you, the soul warmth isn’t around…” —Allen Ginsberg to Peter Orlovsky

“Whenever I am weary and sick with longing for you I can always go back and recapture that afternoon out at Bedford Hills this spring, when your kisses were rained down on my face, and that memory ends always in peace, beloved.” —Margaret Mead to Ruth Benedict

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who’s your daddy


The best a man can be

Gay owned and operated. Filing individual, business, estate and trust returns



started a media firestorm with an ad it recently aired called “The Best a Man Can Be.” In it, the razor company challenges men to stand up against sexual harassment, bullying and other forms of so-called “toxic masculinity” and to reject the notion that such behavior is just “boys being boys.” Predictably, the ad has driven a wedge between those who feel men need to stand up and take responsibility and those who deem it male bashing. The latter group has even called for a boycott of Gillette, tossing their shaving cream and razors into the trash.

Personally, I don’t think that masculinity is a bad attribute to have. Nor do I think it is inherently toxic. There is a level of duplicity in the ad, too. As my friend Sheri noted, where’s the ad showing a bunch of women robotically repeating, “girls will be girls” intercut with images of “mean girls” making other girls’ lives hell because of their hair, clothes, or other attributes. Isn’t that a form of “toxic femininity”? Where I think the ad hits the mark is when it reminds us that the boys of today are the men of tomorrow, and they will emulate the behavior and attitudes of the men in their lives. So how do two gay men teach their straight sons about masculinity and being men? Before I could figure that out, I had to remember how a straight man taught his gay son about what it means to be a man. Not long ago, Gus and I were sharing memories of my dad. With a smile so full

of love, he mentioned that his grandfather was a “really manly guy.” And it’s true, my dad was what is commonly known as a “man’s man.” I didn’t inherit his near-obsession with watching sports on television nor his savant-like gift to fix absolutely anything. But for me, those attributes had nothing to do with his masculinity. He taught me to put my family first. He taught me to lead my life with integrity. He taught me to work hard and to respect other people. He taught me to defend those who cannot defend themselves. Nevertheless, in my opinion, the most admirable aspect of what I perceive to be my dad’s masculinity was his acceptance. He was secure enough in himself to raise me to be myself and to accept myself. That wasn’t always easy. I can be, well, a lot to deal with. But it’s through this acceptance that Kelly and I can best teach the boys to be men and to embrace their own version of masculinity. Even if it’s not always easy. After all, we’re the gay dads of a teenager who plays hockey and wants to join the Marines. He’s a man’s man like his papou. Does that mean that we shouldn’t correct and redirect? Absolutely not. Gillette is right: it’s the duty of every man to take responsibility and demand the best out of each other. Those offensive actions the ad highlights have nothing to do with masculinity, and everything to do with jerks being jerks. Several weeks ago, coming back from hockey, I asked Gus what he’d do if he asked a girl out and she said no. Without hesitation, he said, “I’d say OK, thanks and move on. Well, probably not ‘thanks’ but I’d move on. What am I supposed to do, be a dick about it?” In that moment, I knew that we gay dads did our job of guiding him to be the best a man can be.  Q If you haven’t seen it, you can watch the Gillette ad here:

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Trump is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad president. This is something that has been clear to the majority of Americans from the get-go. Trump’s white evangelical Christian base, however, is largely sticking with him, though poll numbers show he is slipping with them, too. Grinding the government to a halt while he stomped his feet demanding his “Great Wall of Racism” be built, which tossed billions of dollars into the toilet was not a popular move it turns out. Not that his base really blamed him for the shutdown. The media did a fantastic job of both-siding the story as if Trump, asking for something completely unreasonable, and Democrats, saying NOPE, were equally to blame. Still, his base won’t quit him because Trump is always throwing them a bouquet blooming with bigotry. After all, when it comes to keeping the base happy, it’s all about hurting the right people. Which is why it feels right to acknowledge the one-year anniversary of the Conscience and Religious Freedom Division of the Department of Health and Human Services. If you don’t remember, the division was created to protect health care providers who have a religious objection to participating in sin-care like abortion or gender-affirmation procedures.

Under George W. Bush, health care workers were given pretty broad protections for refusing to do something if they claimed God told them not to, but President Obama rolled back those protections because they were discriminatory and harmful. But discriminatory and harmful are totally Trump’s wheelhouse, so the Department of Health and Human Services made “religious freedom” its top priority, protecting objectors and punishing places that aren’t totes cool with: say, a pharmacist refusing to fill a birth control prescription; a doctor who refuses to treat AIDS cases; or a nurse who won’t help transgender patients. This was “a significant shift for the office,” reported Politico, “which currently focuses on enforcing federal civil rights and health care privacy laws.” In other words, a department that is supposed to protect people from discrimination instead protects the people who want to do the discriminating. So long as the discrimination is God-approved, of course. “This is the use of religion to hurt people because you disapprove of who they are,” Harper Jean Tobin of the National Center for Transgender Equality said in 2018, according to Politico. “Any rule that grants a license to discriminate would be a disgrace and a mockery of the

principal of religious freedom we all cherish.” Tobin was on the money, though disgrace and mockery are also Trump strong suits, so I suspect there was never a chance he would be moved. Now you might be asking yourself, “Does this really matter? Our health care system is free market based! If a doctor doesn’t want to treat you then just go to another one! Vote with your feet.” If this is possible for you, then congratulations on your privilege. But this is, of course, not possible for a lot of people. For one thing, if you’re seeking emergency care for, say, a burst appendix, you can’t really shop around. Nor do you have much choice if you’re in a small town with only one pharmacy or if you’re having a miscarriage in an area of the country that is served only by Catholic hospital systems (Full Frontal with Samantha Bee did an amazing segment on this issue in 2016. Google it). The new and improved religious freedom rule was unveiled right before the annual March for Life in Washington, D.C., where abortion opponents gather to protest abortion. This is not to be confused with March for Our Lives at which actual

living children marched to protest being gunned down at their schools. Trump’s religious right supporters see him as an instrument of God who will finally, by packing the Supreme Court with far-right extremists, undo legal abortion in the United States and give every child a chance to be shot at school. Like God intended. These same supporters would also like to see marriage equality undone. And we’ve already seen the constant battering transgender and gender nonconforming folks have received at the hands of this president and his administration. The creation of the Conscience and Religious Freedom Division of HHS is one of the reasons I can’t watch the second season of The Handmaid’s Tale. Mike Pence is another. It feels too much like a documentary. A lot of damage has been done since 2016. And there’s a lot more to come. A rightwing nosedive into fascism is not inevitable. It doesn’t have to be like this. Keep fighting.  Q D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for over a decade. Follow her on Twitter @ MamaDWitkowski.

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 

sex and salt lake city

The problem with good intentions BY DR. LAURIE BENNETT-COOK

I broke


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my toe a few weeks ago. I was giving a workshop at a conference out of state. When I was done with my talk and while walking down the stairs, a very foxy woman (which I had been flirting with all weekend) made a positive remark about me shaking my ass. So, I exaggerated the swishing and shaking as we continued down the stairs. Mind you I’m not a very graceful person. In fact, most people would consider me downright clumsy. But regardless I swished and with that came a fall that landed me at the bottom of the stairs and my big toe broken in three places. Needless to say — flirting is not always harmless. As I landed, a man rushed up to me and offered to hum with me as a means to help me “ground.” All I could reply was a quick, “no thank you.” Much to my dismay, he knowingly looked at me, as a parent who knows what’s best for their child, and proceeded to hum anyway. A trip to the hospital, good medication, a friend’s company, and a drive back to the lodge where I was staying put me in the mood for — nothing. With assistance, I made it to the couch where a couple of the retreat attendees helped prop up my foot. I asked one of them if they could bring me a cup of hot tea. For me, this would be the ultimate comfort. They replied with a chipper “of course” and soon returned with … a glass

of water. I was grateful, but questioned “Are we out of tea?” “Oh no, I just think this would be better for you” was the reply. So, stuck on the couch, with no real way to get to the other end of the house while on loopy medication, holding a glass, and managing crutches, I drank the water. Shortly after that, another attendee came and sat next to me and stated they really appreciated my talk earlier and wanted to share a few insights they’d had from it. I said thank you for their kindness, but I’m just not feeling well and the medication has me foggy. Another time would be better. Their reply: “It’s okay, I understand. I’ll just talk and you can listen.” So they talked, and trapped as I was, foggy brained and in pain, I listened. When they were done saying all they needed to say, they gave me a smile and said they hoped I feel better soon and how nice it is that I’ve been able to just rest. As they walked away, I leaned toward the person next to me and stated, “I am exhausted from dealing with all of these good intentions.” Kindly, they helped me to my room. There is a lot of focus these days on major violations and assaults that take place — which are many times incredibly traumatic. But micro violations are often overlooked even though the collection of them over time can also be damaging. Too often, we have the best of intentions and really believe there is a necessity

for us to help another person. We think we see a void that needs to be filled, and because of context, mitigate the fact that the other person still has a right to object to what we are offering. Regardless of how pure we may believe our intentions to be, if the person at the other end of our plan objects, we must step back. Consent must take place at every level of our interaction with others. Too often the voice of the one intending to help is heard louder than the voice of the one who doesn’t want help. Tremendous damage can result from forcing another person to receive unwanted care in the name of “I know what’s best for you.” Micro violations can wear down a person’s agency and create a segue for greater violations. In

this age of constant awareness it is more important than ever that we each check ourselves and make certain we are honoring the ‘no’ of other people at every level of their being. So how would I have wanted the people who insisted on being their version of kind to me react when I said no thank you to their offers? I would’ve liked them to say: “Thank you for taking care of yourself.” And mean it. Because acknowledging how another person desires to care for themselves, and support their way of doing so, that is the kindest way to assist anyone.  Q Dr. Laurie Bennett-Cook is a Clinical Sexologist, Director of Sex Positive Utah (find us on meetup), and maintains a private practice in both LA and SLC. She can be reached at Dr.LaurieBennettCook@

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Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

lambda lore

Utah’s ‘Army of Israel’ skinheads confronted Utah gays in the 90’s BY BEN WILLIAMS

In 1991

some of the Army of Israel skinheads, followers of 20-year-old Johnny Bangerter, came to Utah to make their presence known. Johnny formed the Army of Israel after moving to Southern Utah, to the great embarrassment of Utah’s then governor, Norm Bangerter – first cousin of Johnny’s father. Johnny wanted to form a militia that would one day take over Zion National Park. While in Utah the Army of Israel organized several small skinhead rallies in Salt Lake City to disrupt gay events. David Nelson, of the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats said of the skinheads’ appearances at these events, “Everything and everyone seemed rehearsed, as if they were going through the minimal motions to guarantee news reports.” He added “If that was the muscle of Utah white supremacy, I was left unimpressed.” Then the Army of Israel caught wind of Queer Nation Utah’s intention to protest April LDS General Conference outside of Temple Square. The skinheads showed up as a counter protest and I wrote in my journal about the confrontation that took place on April 6, 1991. “Church security was out in full force and about eight plain clothes cops were present also but they were not there to harass Queer Nation but rather to keep about ten skinheads from attacking members of Queer Nation. The skinheads shouted and screamed their hatred and had held up their Nazi posters with their anti-gay slogans. Cameras were in evidence everywhere, from our sides and from theirs. Every time someone took a picture of us, we took one of them. One real positive aspect of the activity is that we now have photographs of some of the most dangerous skinheads in Utah and we can track them now.” A Queer Nation member, Devin Hanson, wrote; “Later a few neo-Nazi skinheads showed up to put in their less than 2 cents worth. The Skinheads tried to argue with the queers and began preaching from the Bible, (while others grabbed their crotches, screaming suck this) but for the most part

were ignored by the queers.” An article in The Salt Lake Tribune also mention this initial confrontation between the Army of Israel and Queer Nation Utah. “Nearly two dozen Salt Lake Police officers and church security personnel looked on as the protesters pressed near the gate. Police briefly stepped in after a handful of self-described “neo-nazi skinheads” got into a shouting match with the protesters”. The Army of Israel made another appearance at Gay Pride Day which was held at the Salt Lake County Fairgrounds at Murray Park. On June 23 I wrote, “Kevin Hillman and Debbie Rosenberg picked a great location and had a great line up of performers. I think everyone generally had a wonderful time even if about nine Nazi skinheads marched into the event from State Street with their Nazi Battle flags aloft. The police responded quickly and no incident actually occurred. However people were ready to mob them if the punks pulled any crap so they goose stepped back out and went on their merry way.” Brenda Voisard, who was chair of the Gay and Lesbian Community Council of Utah at the time, was a witness. She said that about three hundred Pride Day participants surrounded the skinheads and then turned their backs to them, preventing them from entering further into the park. This was a way as not to give them any attention until the police came and escorted them out of the park. The Army of Israel continued to harass when they showed up at the second Gay and Lesbian Pride March organized by Connell O’Donovan who at the time was going by the name Rocky. The march was held on June 27 to commemorate the Stonewall Riots. I wrote in my journal of that event: “I wasn’t even sure whether I was going to join the Pride March today but decided to at the last moment. I joined Gary Boren and we ran up to Second North behind the Deseret Gym to join the other participants who were already parading down Main Street from the Capitol. I’d say between five and six hundred people were at this march. We

went down Main Street to Fourth South and finished in front of the City-County Building at Washington Square. “At the City-County Building, about ten skinheads were there with their Nazi Battle Flags, ready to hassle us on the east steps where we were supposed to congregate at the end of the march. I marched with Maureen Davies and Brenda Voisard at the head of the procession carrying the Gay and Lesbian Community Council Flag and since we were at the front of the march when we reached the steps of the building, we now found ourselves closest to the Skinheads. “Rocky O’Donovan, through his bullhorn, shouted to the crowd to turn our backs on them, which we did. I did not like having my back to the Nazis thinking that one of them might knock me in the head. The police however stood between us and the Nazis. The cops had their batons out. I am sure several wanted to do a number on the Nazis but there were no violence just verbal confrontation with the skinheads taunting us. “I couldn’t hear any of the speeches being made as we were way in the back. We were constantly being heckled by the skinheads. I heard more of the Nazi’s angry tirade directed at us than I did our speeches. “The Nazis were chanting ‘Out of the Closet into the Grave’ and several had the same dreary signs commenting ‘Thank God for AIDS’. David Sharpton, who came to the front of the steps, where we were, was livid and if not for the police would have charged into the skinheads. He is a pistol.” The Army of Israel’s ruckus on the steps of the City-County Building made the news in both the Deseret News and The Salt Lake Tribune. The Tribune wrote up a short blurb: “Supporters at the Second Annual Gay and Lesbian Pride March encountered some antagonists Thursday afternoon in the form of about a dozen skinheads. They tried to disrupt the rally and had signs that read `Thank God for AIDS’,” said Ben Barr, executive director of the Utah AIDS Foundation. “More than 300 marchers ran into the skinheads at the Salt Lake City-County Building, 400 S. State, at the end of the route but it was ‘a peaceable rally’,” Barr added. Surprisingly the Deseret News article was lengthier. The headline was Gay Pride Day March, White Supremacists Shout at Gays

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 


Issue 294  |

During Pride Day Parade in S.L. “Hundreds of members of Utah’s gay and lesbian community marched through downtown Salt Lake City Thursday to conclude their 10th annual Pride Day. People who identified themselves as white supremacists shouted at the group and waved a Nazi flag during the march, but no physical confrontations erupted. Gays, lesbians, family members and friends carried signs and chanted as they walked from the State Capitol down Main Street and east on 400 South to the City-County Building. More than a dozen police officers escorted the group and stood between them and 14 white supremacists during a rally at the building. The march and rally culminated a week-long celebration that began June 16 in Ogden and included a day of speeches, fundraising activities and music at the Salt Lake County Fairgrounds.” The last mention of the Army of Israel was over Labor Day 1991 when they were harassing gay people gathered in Memory Grove. The Deseret News contained an article on what the skinheads were up to on that day. `SKINHEAD’ REPORTS BEING STRUCK BY CAR read the headline. “A 20-year-old ‘skinhead’ told police that his leg was broken over the weekend when he was struck by a car whose driver he had insulted in Memory Grove. Police said a group of ‘skinheads’ apparently called the motorist a derogatory name when he refused to answer their questions. The motorist made a U-turn, struck the victim with his car and drove away, according to reports. “The victim, whom officers described as uncooperative, re-

fused emergency medical treatment but was advised to go to a hospital, according to a police report issued Sunday. Investigators said the victim admitted that he and another ‘skinhead’ had gone to the park early Saturday to confront homosexuals. He also told police that he hadn’t thought the motorist would actually hit him.”

I haven’t been able to locate anymore confrontations between the Army of Israel and the gay Community in Salt Lake City for the rest of the year as that after this time most of the young kids returned to Southern Utah, especially to La Verkin to create a White Nationalist Homeland. Ironically, today Johnny Ban-

gerter is a grandfather trying to live down his racist past. Bangerter says he has reformed as that he has a gay son and a Latino grandson. He also has a niece who is black and another who is Hispanic. Bangerter admits now what he never admitted during his white-supremacy days, that he is part Jewish on his father’s side.  Q

ask mr. manners

Obstacles to change BY ROCK MAGEN


unfortunate aspect of life is that we often create our own obstacles that may serve some sort of immediate purpose but end up being long-term liabilities. These barriers are driven by our most basic need to feel competent, to be accepted, and to feel in control. If not recognized early, these obstacles have the ability to shift from being beneficial to burdensome and end up preventing us from changing (or even attempting to change). But that doesn’t have to be the case. I want to talk about four unique obstacles that we can recognize and consciously work toward changing. BAGGAGE All of us bring a combination of good and not-so-good things into adulthood from childhood – what is commonly called your “baggage.” The most frequent types of baggage include low self-esteem, perfectionism, fear, need for control, anger, and need to please. This baggage causes us to think, feel, and behave based on who we were

as a child rather than the very different person we have grown into as an adult. This baggage, if not properly recognized, can cause us to react to the world in an unproductive way which can sabotage our efforts to achieve positive life change. EMOTIONS Negative emotions, such as fear, anger, sadness, frustration, and hopelessness, can act as a road block to life change. Many people don’t change out of the fear of failure. These negative emotions become substantial barriers to change by being triggered whenever you feel uncomfortable or unsupported. And the readiest relief is to retreat to the way you have been. HABITS When you experience thoughts, emotions, and behavior that are driven by your baggage with enough frequency, they become habits which dictate how you act and react to the world. These habits are much like athletes who practice bad technique. This poor technique becomes familiar to their “muscle memory” and

hinders performance in competition. Similarly, when your baggage becomes ingrained as habits, it produces seemingly reflexive responses even when they are neither healthy or adaptive. The challenge is that, once habits are ingrained, it is difficult to retrain them. ENVIRONMENT We create an environment that helps us best manage our baggage, habits, and emotions. Over time, we surround ourselves with people who are supportive of the way we are and make us feel comfortable and safe. We are drawn to activities that play to our strengths and help us either mask or mitigate those obstacles. Unfortunately, this environment reinforces who we are and can cause us to continue down a path that interferes with overall happiness. When we allow these obstacles to control our lives, they have the effect of sabotaging efforts at changing life in a positive way. Even worse, we experience feelings of being stuck, frustrated, and helpless to change. While change is not instant, it is possible. It takes time, but nothing that was worth it comes without some practice. Remember, we decide what the destination will be and what we carry along the way!  Q


Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019


from Elaine Jarvik’s new play, An Evening with Two Awful Men, references (at least in Jarvik’s mind) to the original The MATRONS OF MAYHEM have entertained thouworst-President-ever (and possibly gay) James Buchanan sands during their decades-long Third Friday Bingo fundand actor-assassin John Wilkes Booth defend their (in) raisers. Well, I only say decades-long because I’m going actions before a live studio audience. off of how much pancake mix they use on their faces. In the production by PLAN-B THEATRE COMPANY, This month, the Matrons will surely raise bundles for Buchanan is played by Jason Bowcutt. Aaron Adams The ROCKY MOUNTAIN GREAT DANE RESCUE. plays John Wilkes Booth, the swashbuckling, rash assasAnd from what I hear, Petunia Pap Smear will enter the sin of Abraham Lincoln. Harriet Tubman (played by Deechurch riding on one such Great Dane. Correct me if I’m Dee Darby-Duffin) also shows up. And there is a woman wrong, but doesn’t that sound wrong? named Emily (played by Emilie Starr) in this dark comedy FRIDAY — THIRD FRIDAY BINGO about race, privilege, and legacy. First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 East, 7 p.m. Bingo cards PYGMALION PRODUCTIONS and Julie Jensen pres$6 and additional cash fines for shamefulness ent Wait, a summer-sizzling new play in the wintertime. In it, Wendy Burger stands on the edge of a summer that will change her life forever. Park City’s EGYPTIAN THEATRE It’s the summer she moves hosts a four-night performance out of her father’s house (and concert by Shawn Colvin. Now into a UPS truck). The summer some of the younger gens may she starts a theatre with the guy ask “who dat?” Well, she is a she used to date (no one else three-decade recording artist of would have them). The summer Americana/Folk music … and a she performs her first acting Grammy winner … and her chops role (Lisa in Hamlet — with a will make your ears bleed honey. flickering blue light playing the THURSDAY — SHAWN lead, à la Tinkerbell). The sumCOLVIN mer when she gets tips from the Eygptian Theatre, 328 Main St., actress, Floating Piñata Head. Park City, times vary through Sunday. But most of all it’s the summer Ticket prices vary by performance, when she meets O Vixen My Vixen, who is both beautiful and oh-so-deep. It’s the summer BRIGHAM CITY MUSEUM OF ART & HISTORY UTAH SYMPHONY welcomes that changes everything in Ukrainian-born Israeli violinist Vadim Gluzman, an exWendy’s life. traordinary artist whose performances have been heard Kicking off its 2019 season, THE ZIEGFELD THEaround the world. Gluzman will play Brahms’ Violin ConATER is thrilled to bring ABBA’s glittering musical, certo on the legendary 1690 ‘ex-Leopold Auer’ Stradivari. Mamma Mia!, to Northern Utah. Brahms’s only violin concerto at the time, pushed If your a clueless homo, here’s the synopsis: The winthe envelope of musical and violin technique and was ner takes it all. A young girl’s search for her birth father not initially welcomed. Come hear why it soon became takes an hilarious turn as it brings three men from her a high point of violin repertoire as the piece spans the mother’s past back to the Greek Island they last visited scope of flaming ferocity and peaceful introspection. 20 years ago. This charming trip-down-the-aisle tale is chock full of explosive dance numbers, ABBA’s best hits FRIDAY — BRAHMS’ VIOLIN CONCERTO Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple, 7:30 p.m., through and non-stop laughs. An Opening Night Gala on Feb. 22, Saturday. Tickets $15-84, and Feb. 23 is $5 Student Night. THURSDAY — FIRST DATE






For Valentine’s Day (and a couple weeks longer), The GRAND THEATRE COMPANY invites all couples … and “SAD” singles to First Date. When blind date newbie Aaron is set up with serial-dater Casey, a casual drink turns into a hilarious high-stakes dinner. In a delightful and unexpected twist, restaurant patrons transform into Casey and Aaron’s inner critics like supportive best friends, manipulative exes and protective parents who sing and dance them through ice-breakers, appetizers, and potential conversational land mines. “I guarantee you there will come a time when your name won’t ring a bell among the living.” This teaser line

14 21 22

Grand Theatre, Salt Lake Community College, 1575 S. State St., times vary through March 2. Tickets $10-20, grandtheatrecompany.coma

THURSDAY — AN EVENING WITH TWO OLD MEN Studio Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. 300 South, times vary through March 3. Tickets $22, FRIDAY — WAIT

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Ziegfeld Theater, 3934 S. Washington Blvd., Ogden, times vary through March 14. Tickets $17-19,

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 


Issue 294  |

‘Hedwig and the Angry Inch’ to be staged in Utah County for first time Opening February 22 and running weekends through March 23, An Other Theater Company presents the queer rock-musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch for the first time in Utah County. The musical, which takes place at the opening night of gender-queer rocker Hedwig’s tour, has been a massively successful surprise hit since

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its debut off-Broadway and throughout its Broadway revival which starred Neil Patrick Harris and Lena Hall. Ash Knowles, who designed the production’s costumes finds profound meaning in the play. “Through Hedwig’s story we explore the suffering experienced by those who live on the borders of socially created binaries, and also the healing that can be found for all when we embrace the contradictions and in betweens,” they said. “By exploring the

gray area we are able to find the whole spectrum of color, and in doing so, turn walls into bridges.” The show is bound to pack a punch, using a live rock band in the small, 48 seat theater. “It’s an adrenaline shot!” says Kacey Spadafora, who is directing the production. “Both of our Hedwigs have found ways to really take ownership of the space and bring this intense role to life with raw emotion.” The role of Hedwig will be played alternately by Cleveland McKay Nicoll (Fridays), and Jordan Kramer (Saturdays), both with selected Sunday performances. Every performance will feature Laura Chapman in the role of Yitzhak, with Robert Ikey Starks, Scott Robinson, Celeste Fay, and Brooks Hiatt in the live band, known as “The Angry Inch.” The play runs Fridays and Saturdays February 22 through March 23 at 8:45 p.m., and Sundays through March 17 at 5:45 p.m., in the An Other Theater Company Blackbox Theater at the Provo Towne Centre. Tickets are $15 ($13 for students and seniors) and $3 more at the door. An Other Theater Company seeks to provide a voice to many who are overlooked in the mainstream local theatre scene, including stipulations in its season selection process to highlight works by and about women and the LGBT community.  Q


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Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

SLAC presents ‘The Cake’: will a gay marriage get a piece of the American pie? Salt Lake Acting Company, a leading Utah destination for brave, contemporary theater, presents the Utah premiere of The Cake by Bekah Brunstetter (writer/ producer on NBC’s This is Us). The timely socio-political dramedy, ripped from the headlines, opens at SLAC after successful runs throughout the country, and concurrent with a run Off-Broadway in New York. The premise of The Cake regards Della, a woman who is the best baker in her politically red North Carolina town, who is faced with a decision that pits her Christian faith against family. Will she bake a wedding cake for two women – one of whom is as close as a daughter? A refreshing examination of both sides of a passionate debate, The Cake has already charmed theatergoers around the country. In a recent review on, “Brunstetter builds relatable characters whose pasts inform their present decisions so that audiences can


ARIES March 20–April 19

There is not much activity going on and boredom has a way of creating false problems to worry about. Avoid creating conflict with others and keep perceptions in check. Not everyone is out to get you, so take a moment to enjoy the lack of drama. Alone time works when imagination is used.

TAURUS Apr 20–May 20

Someone you work with is feeling down. Do something to help perk them up. Your capacity to satisfy is abundant. Be cautious of providing too much help to someone you don’t like much. They may develop excessive expectations. It helps to be good at what you do, but don’t compromise.

GEMINI May 21–June 20

How you react to an intense person can have a long lasting effect. Don’t fear taking action but be careful. A fight may cause pain and

comprehend why the characters react in their manner.” In a July 2018 interview, Brunstetter explained her inspiration for writing The Cake. “I see both sides of this issue and couldn’t have written the play if I couldn’t see both sides. My parents share the same beliefs as this baker, so I can’t turn my back on it. And I can’t turn off my empathy, so I’m stuck trying to figure out what to do.” The production continues SLAC’s commitment to bringing cutting-edge new plays, many of which have explored queer issues and how they relate to religion, to Utah audiences. “When I first read The Cake, I was charmed by its quirky writing and the incredible love I felt for these characters,” said SLAC’s Executive Artistic Director Cynthia Fleming. “This is Us turned the network family drama format on its head. Bekah’s writing in The Cake does the same for contemporary stage drama.

pain can spread. A personal matter should keep it close to home. There is confusion regarding a family matter. By sorting things out, gratitude will come.

CANCER June 21–July 22

It is a happy time. Passions rise and so do you. Don’t let others snow on your parade. It might become necessary to put someone in check, so stay calm and do so. An important person will ask for some help regarding an issue that makes you uneasy. Smile, nod, but move them right along.

LEO July 23–August 22

An abundance of opportunity can open doors but remember to prove your worth. There is always someone to compete with. Balance modesty and pride to look your best. Cheer and satisfaction can come in the form of non-verbal communication, leading to some very pleasing associations.

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22

Priorities are good to have, don’t allow them to trap you in a method that isn’t working. Adapt and do what the moment requires. A relationship is in trouble. Take time

“It’s a play with incredible heart, and a successful new work in that it holds a mirror up to an extremely timely issue in a well-balanced manner.When looking for plays for our 48th season, my goal was to find uplifting works that wouldn’t leave our audiences feeling isolated in their own viewpoints, and most importantly, to encourage empathy for the world around us.” The Cake runs through March 10 at Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North, Salt Lake City. Tickets available via, in person at the SLAC box office, or by calling 801-363-7522.  Q

to simply enjoy this person, and make them enjoy you too! If fun is not the main focus, there is not much point in continuing.

LIBRA Sept 23–October 22

It is possible to fall and get up, but the pain of doing so should be avoided. There seems to be some confusion over what is really important. Step back from a situation and revisit when the dust has settled. Personal matters suck, but sucking can become amazing if you try hard enough.

SCORPIO Oct. 23–Nov. 21

What makes sense to you baffles someone else. Don’t let this discrepancy become an issue. Agree to disagree. Much can be learned from alternate perspectives. Get behind this person and see life from their point of view. But don’t spend too much time back there. You risk losing yourself.


Nov. 22–December 20.

A vital task feels like pushing a hard rock uphill. Break up a burden and tackle it a little bit at a time. Consider whether it is worth the effort. Examine a clear goal and make changes. The heart may break but it is better to

get priorities figured out now and not half way up the hill.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–Jan 19

There is never a perfect situation, no matter how amazing a change may seem at the time. Don’t be quick to go back to an old way of doing something. There is always a reason for your actions, even if you don’t understand the choice at the time. It can take time for things to feel right.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20–Feb. 18

Romantic feelings could develop with a co-worker or casual friend. Not much has changed, but a little change in the heart can create a big difference. Put faith in feelings and don’t fear exploring a new outlook. Life is about change, even when the routines seem to be the same.

PISCES Feb 19–Mar 19

It could be hard learning skills needed to overcome a problem. Don’t fear asking for help from a buddy. Learn new ways to accomplish goals. A financial situation takes a toll. Spend wisely during this time. Luckily, your wish list is on the light side, so hold off on big purchases until later.Q

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 

Issue 294  |

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Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 


Issue 294  |

Goodbye, Dolly Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 square. Qdoku

Q doku Medium

8 9 6 7


3 9




4 7 9

9 8 4 5 6

9 4 2 3

4 9 8


9 2 4

2 8

3 1 9 7 6 8

9 1


2 3

8 9 3

7 9 1 6


3 5 4 1 5


1 6 7 4 1 8

6 3 2 4




6 9 8 8 1 3 2

4 1 7

2 9 8 7

8 6 4 1

4 5 9 6 9 7 5 8 6

4 9 8 4

1 6 9 6

2 4

2 4 3 9

2 8




5 8

3 9 6

8 6 4 7

9 1 8 8


7 6 3

24 Casa part 25 Out partner 26 Works under Edith ACROSS Head, perhaps 1 28 Chewy candy and 29 Sappho’s B 5 Gig for Michael 31 Comment about Carbonaro watching gay porn? 13 He cruised for 40 33 Christmas poem days straight opener 14 Without dissent 34 Word before ass 15 Beloved Dolly por35 Wilde country trayer (1921-2019) DOWN 36 Throw in the trash 17 “...farewell, auf 1 Opens bottles Wiedersehen, __” 2 Worker under Ricky 37 Disney dog Old ___ 41 Virtual reality stand18 JFK predictions Martin in 19 Zadora in Hairspray 3 Rope to catch a long 42 Computer whiz 20 Annie Get Your ___ little dogie 44 Oust, as a ho22 Trunks of Map4 Where a cobbler mophobic incumplethorpe’s photos puts the tongue bent 27 Heated arguments 5 Britten’s raincoat 45 Nap for Lorca 29 Make grief-stricken 6 Visibly shocked 46 Judy Garland’s 30 Clark of fashion 7 Whipping boy parade day 32 Killed, to King James 8 Present from birth 48 Remembers some 33 Start of a quote by 9 L-word bleeper, S&M 15-Across perhaps 38 Street urchin 10 Friend of Rimbaud 51 Oscar ___ Renta 53 Totals 39 Supporter for Cas- 11 Pink-slip 54 Jackie O.’s second satt 12 Star Trek sequel, husband 40 Tinged with gold briefly 55 Kevin Bacon in 43 Treat badly 16 Landau’s Ed Wood Footloose 47 Type of arm tattoo role 56 Truncation abbrevi48 Guns N’ Roses 21 R. Nureyev’s land, ation frontman Rose once 57 Ending for a fruity 23 Hawk at a flea 49 Long of If These market drink Walls Could Talk 2 50 Current band of the past? 52 Lets up 54 End of the quote 58 Worked at Barneys, e.g. 59 Mr. Right-now, e.g. 60 Use Viagra successfully 61 Sex and the City creator Darren






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Equality Utah  * 175 W 200 S, Ste 1004 801-355-3479 Utah Libertarian Party 6885 S State St #200 888-957-8824 Utah Log Cabin Republicans  801-657-9611 Utah Stonewall Democrats   utahstonewalldems  | 


First Baptist Church  * 11a Sundays 777 S 1300 E 801-582-4921 Sacred Light of Christ  823 S 600 E 801-595-0052 11a Sundays Wasatch Metropolitan Community Church  801-889-8764 Sundays except the 2nd Sunday, 11:15a at Crone’s Hollow, 3834 S. Main SOCIAL

1 to 5 Club (bisexual)   1to5club@

Alternative Garden Club  * blackBOARD Men’s Kink/Sex/BDSM education, 1st, 3rd Mons.  blackBOOTS Kink/BDSM Men’s leather/kink/ fetish/BDSM 4th Sats.  Gay Writes writing group, DiverseCity 6:30 pm Mondays Community Writing Ctr, 210 E 400 S Ste 8

Men Who Move  OUTreach Utah Ogden  OWLS of Utah (Older, Wiser, Lesbian. Sisters)  Queer Friends  qVinum Wine Tasting   /QVinum/ Sage Utah, Seniors   sageutah@ 801-557-9203 Temple Squares Square Dance Club  801-449-1293 Utah Bears     Weds 6pm Raw Bean Coffee, 611 W Temple Utah Male Naturists    Utah Pride Center   1380 S Main St 801-539-8800 Venture OUT Utah  SPORTS

Pride Community Softball League  softballleague  Q Kickball League  kickball Sundays, 10:30, 11:30, Sunnyside Park QUAC — Queer Utah Aquatic Club    questions@ Salt Lake Goodtime Bowling League   Stonewall Sports of Salt Lake City   stonewallsaltlakecity. 385-243-1828

Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

Venture Out Utah  Venture.OUT.Utah SUPPORT

Alcoholics Anonymous 801-484-7871  LGBT meetings: Sun. 3p Acceptance Group, UPC,1380 S Main Tues. 8:15p Live & Let Live, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Wed. 7p Sober Today, 375 Harrison Blvd, Ogden Fri. 8p Stonewall Group, Mt Tabor Lutheran, 175 S 700 E Crystal Meth Anon  Sun. 1:30pm Clean, Sober & Proud LGBTQIA+Straight USARA, 180 E 2100 S LifeRing Secular Recovery 801-608-8146  Sun. 10am Univ. Neuropsychiatric Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #1566 Wed. noon, 2319 Foothill Dr, #120 Weds. 6:30 pm, Univ Neuropsych Institute, 501 Chipeta Way #2705 Thurs. 7pm, USARA, 180 E 2100 S, #100 Sat. 11am, First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E Men’s Support Group  utahpridecenter. org/programs/lgbtqadults/  joshuabravo@ Survivors of Suicide Attempt  programs/lgbtq-adults/  sosa@ Trans Adult Support  programs/lgbtq-adults/  lanegardinier@

Women’s Support Group  programs/lgbtq-adults/  mariananibley@ Youth Support Gro ages 10-14, 14-20  utahpridecenter. org/programs/youthfamily-programs/

Youth Survivors of Suicide Attempt  programs/youth-familyprograms/  youthsosa@ YOUTH/COLLEGE

Encircle LGBTQ Family and Youth Resource Ctr  91 W 200 S, Provo, Gay-Straight Alliance Network  Kids Like Me (ages 2-10)  programs/youth-familyprograms/ Salt Lake Community College LGBTQ+ 8 University of Utah LGBT Resource Center 8 200 S Central Campus Dr Rm 409 801-587-7973 USGA at BYU   Utah State Univ. Access & Diversity Ctr  accesscenter/lgbtqa Utah Valley Univ Spectrum  groups/uvuspectrum Weber State University LGBT Resource Center  lgbtresourcecenter 801-626-7271 Youth Activity Night ages 10-14, 14-20  programs/youth-familyprograms/

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 

Issue 294  |

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Utah Gay Weddings Romance

is in the air this month, along with a lot of snow! And as same-sex marriage is more commonly accepted across the US, Utah’s bank of LGBT-owned and allied businesses and entrepreneurs is exponential. So, if you’ve recently popped the question (hopefully with the intended result), here is a slew of wonderful choices to make your special day completely memorable. Due to space restraints, we highlight only a few of LGBT-friendly businesses offering services for your big day. Many more are at ­UTAHGAYWEDDINGS.COM.

The Photos DAV.D PHOTOGRAPHY Most photographers learn to take photos and then editing them is somewhat of an afterthought. While editing is important to some photographers, it definitely takes a back seat to the art of taking the photo. For David Daniels, his photography emerges from his extensive background in photo editing and design.


Located in Ogden, Hardison Peek is a full service portrait studio specializing in LGBT weddings, family, children and senior high photography.

The Food LUX CATERING & EVENTS With Lux Catering and Events, you are in the hands of culinary, floral and design experts. Experienced and a true love of weddings, they will help you choose romantic florals, gorgeous linens, and incorporate familiar details with a flawless execution.

MAGLEBY’S UTAH CATERING Magleby’s offers Wedding Reception Sweet & Savory Packages designed by experienced chefs and coordinators to give your buffet a colorful and delicious variety.

The Flowers TWIGS FLOWER COMPANY For decades, Raymond King has been creating outstanding floral arrangements for every occasion imaginable. He started Twigs Flower Company and has

focused on delivering only the highest-quality products to his customers.

Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

backdrop to your special day with breathtaking mountain, city, and garden views in any season.



For that last minute need, special request, custom design just that extra-special human touch, The Art Floral just can’t be beat. The Salt Lake City floral company is full-service with same-day deliveries. For weddings, birthdays, special occasions or just to have that extra pizzazz, The Art Floral is a full palette of brilliance.

The well-known local brew pub offers a private event space for wedding receptions, rehearsal dinners and parties of all sizes and sexual orientations.

The Place PIERPONT PLACE Stylish and upscale Pierpont Place can be rented for weddings, corporate events, parties or any other occasion. However, if the customer does not want to hold the event at Pierpont Place, the Premier Corporate Events offers catering, planning and bar services.

RED BUTTE GARDEN Red Butte Garden is a beautiful setting for weddings, receptions, wedding photos, engagement photos, and parties. From casual to elegant and any style in between, we provide the gorgeous

The Hair JESSE DOLCE HAIR DESIGN Visit Dolce Hair before the big day to make it the most fabulous event possible. You’ll find queer-friendly stylists in an urban-chic atmosphere.

FRIAR TUCK’S A pay-it-forward barbershop that offers traditional cuts, straight-razor shaves, beard trims and scalp treatments donates a portion of each service to the VOA Homeless Youth Resource Center.

The Dance LADY MARASUKI Since 2011, Lady Marasuki has been spreading its’ unique sound spanning from jazz, pop, blues to lounge in SLC’s favorite music venues and events.

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 

Issue 294  |


OTTER CREEK DUO Mary and Peter Danzig are a folk duo with 10 instruments and 53 strings between them. They’ve been called “a duo that is both a technical marvel and tastefully perfect”.

SOUNDSWRITE LLC Roger Cox’s business offers DJ and other emcee and hosting services for weddings, events, parties and dances. While music is his passion, being involved with the community is also very important to him.

DJ PAULY For Paul Helms, being a disc jockey is much more than a hobby. The St. Louis native has been honing his craft since 1989 when he began working as a professional deejay. He touts: “We don’t


Time to celeeate!

do cookie-cutter receptions. We help create a great experience, not just for the couple, but for everyone there that night.”

The Honeymoon DREAMKATCHERS LAKE POWELL B&B Lake Powell’s only gay owned and operated bed and breakfast offers themed guest rooms starting at $179 per night, private bathrooms, free Wi-Fi, full gourmet breakfasts and 8-person spa.

THREE DOGS & A MOOSE COTTAGES Nestled in the heart of Moab, Three Dogs & a Moose offers four unique cottages for your leisure and romance.  Q

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Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

the frivolist


Things you need to ‘cleanse’ when entering a new relationship



relationships are the universe’s way of giving us yet another chance to get it right in the love department — and since none of us are getting younger, it’s wise not to squander it by making the same mistakes over and over. This time around, along with changing toxic behaviors that may have sent your significant other running for the nearest therapist or liquor store, consider cleansing a few areas of your life, tangible and otherwise. Here are a few places to start.

1 Gifts

You don’t have to burn all the cards and gifts your ex ever gave you — that relationship is still part of your “story,” and you’ll regret expunging those things in the long run (I’ve been there myself) — but it’s important to close that chapter and put the literal lid on those memories. Store them in a weatherproof bin in the basement or attic (or the back of a closet) as a future reminder of what once was instead of a constant reminder of what went wrong.

2 Bed sheets

This may seem like an insignificant place to concentrate your cleansing energy, but you and your ex spent a lot of time on your bed sheets. They hold memories (among other things, like your ex’s DNA), and your new partner deserves to make new memories on sanitary cotton that’s not a graveyard of ghosts of relationships past.

3 Yourself

One of my best strategies to shake off a particularly bad breakup is to get a new ’do. A fresh hairstyle (or even just a shapeup) has the uncanny ability to change your physical appearance and mental and emotional outlook by providing a sense of satisfaction and confidence. But don’t stop there. Schedule a few self-care

appointments, like a massage, fitness class and a gripe-and-get-over-it brunch with your besties before moving on.

4 Your Car

Maybe you don’t have anything in your car that reminds you of your ex, but it’s still an area that you’ll want to cleanse before picking up a romantic prospect for a date. Nobody with any self-respect wants to date a slob, and a dirty vehicle is the first warning that you might have cat skeletons buried under stacks of newspapers at home.

5 Underwear drawer

8 Nightstand

6 Closets

9 Media accounts

My boyfriend and I enjoy buying each other sexy underwear for special occasions, but if we ever break up those skivs are going straight to the dumpster. They’re an intimate part of our relationship, and I wouldn’t carry them over into a new one. I’d think about him every time I put them on, which is hardly fair for the new guy I’m trying to entice. It’s sad to see them go, I know — they represent many satisfying experiences — but you’re here to make new ones, however that may work out in the future.

Did your partner leave clothing in your closet? Return them. Are there items they bought you in there? Put ’em in that bin in the attic. You’re not alone here. According to a Nectar Sleep survey, 59 percent of respondents said they do a “fall refresh” to their wardrobes when starting a committed relationship to get rid of previous partners’ favorite sweaters and t-shirts.

7 Medicine cabinet

Toss the toothbrushes, colognes and any other grooming products your ex might have left behind. Keep the expensive skin creams, though; dumpster divers don’t need $90 worth of retinol, son.

There are several life rules I stand by, and one of them is that drawer dildos don’t enter my ass; I don’t know where it’s been, but I know it’s been somewhere, and that’s enough nope for me. If you’re starting a new relationship, clean out your sex drawer so A) you don’t look like a fucc boi with your 27 condoms and half-empty bottles of Gun Oil, and B) you don’t get called out for being a dirtball while your dick is in your hand.

If your breakup wasn’t amicable and you two are prone to agitating each other on social media, take the high road and block your ex for the time being. New dates deserve a fighting chance to connect with you, and that can’t happen if your diverting energy to a toxic situation. Maybe you can ease into being friends after time has passed, maybe not, but a clean break is best if you intend to truly move on.  Q Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox

FEBRUARY 14, 2019  | 


Issue 294  |


“An Indefinite Sentence: A Personal History of Outlawed Love and Sex” BY SIDDHARTH DUBE, C. 2015, 2019, ATRIA BOOKS, $28, 376 PAGES

Coming out was difficult enough. Even if everyone supported you and very little changed, you changed; still, though you had doubts and fears, it was something you had to do. Now read the new book An Indefinite Sentence: A Personal History of Outlawed Love and Sex by Siddharth Dube and imagine what it might’ve been like coming out but knowing that it’s dangerous. When Dube was 10 years old, he saw a dancer who was lovely, curvy, and sultry, and who pulled off her skirt with a flourish at the end, revealing herself as a man. The memory, the surprise, stuck with him – in part, perhaps, because he had known for two years that he “was a girly-boy…” No one much cared about that while he was young and growing up in relative affluence near the formerly-named city of Calcutta, India. He was “a carefree child,” unashamed of his “undefined gender,” but that disappeared: As a preteen, he was enrolled in a private academy and was bullied for being “sissy,” despite a school culture that allowed boys to demand sex from other boys. At that time, and for most of Dube’s youth, there was nothing available in India “to help a young man… deal with his… homosexuality.” He felt “hatred” from his peers and neighbors

and from his own father, who strongly urged Dube to leave India to attend college in America. In the US though, Dube found that “hatred for homosexuality was many magnitudes greater than in India.” And yet seeing gay life in a more permissive country was liberating. Dube patronized a gay bar for the first time; finally found the love he sought; and, discovered his passion for journalism and activism on the subject of AIDS, the people affected by the disease, and the world’s attitude toward it. That began a journey that ultimately took him back to his home country, where he settled in with “one of the greatest loves of my adult life” although, because gay sex was illegal in India, doing so was dangerous. Months after they moved, Dube discovered just how dangerous… Take this as a warning: that little bombshell arrives all too early inside An Indefinite Sentence. By the time it does, you’ll be lulled into a veil of serenity. That is due completely to the prose with which Dube tells his story: it’s soft and formal but with elegant slang and an exceptionally surprising willingness to use profanity in a matter-of-fact way that still feels like a slap. Dube shares his life and his travels by mixing shades of his faith along with tales of platonic love and otherwise with men, female sex workers who bore the most blame on the spread of disease, and the politics of and attitudes toward AIDS around the world. This, too, is told with outraged mindfulness that feels like a burning torch wrapped up in tranquility. Readers searching for something different can end their search with this book. It’s stirring and calming, funny and sad; start An Indefinite Sentence, and you’ll have no difficulty enjoying it.  Q


the bookworm sez



Coming up DOWNTOWN 2.15-16 LERNER & LOEWE'S MY FAIR LADY WITH THE UTAH SYMPHONY @ Abravanel Hall 2.15 SALT LAKE GALLERY STROLL 2.16 90-SECOND NEWBERY FILM FESTIVAL @ SLC Library 2.16 MONET EXCHANGE @ Metro Music Hall 2.17 12 MINUTES MAX @ SLC Library 2.20 JOSHY SOUL & THE COOL @ Gallivan Center 2.21-3.3 PLAN B THEATRE presents AN EVENING WITH TWO AWFUL MEN @ Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center 2.21-3.9 PYGMALION THEATRE COMPANY presents WAIT! @ Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center 3.3 ACTION BRONSON @ The Depot 3.1-3.3 TUMBLEWEEDS FILM FESTIVAL @ SLC Library



Issue 294  |  FEBRUARY 14, 2019

the perils of petunia pap smear

The tale of a Sundance BY PETUNIA PAP SMEAR

The road

to Sundance is fraught with danger

and excitement. Last week as I was lying on the couch eating a freshly caught plate of Twinkies, I felt a deeply primal urge. Lest you have unclean thoughts as to the nature of my primordial needs, let me assure you my deepest desires are exactly the same as all little princesses the world over. To grow up to be beautiful, fabulous, rich and famous. So, while choking on a particularly uncooperative Twinkie, I came to the realization that to accomplish my dreams, as any queen worth her sequins is wont to do, I needed to rub shoulder pads with the rich and famous. Where better to accomplish this than at the Sundance Film Festival? Feeling the need to have some partners in crime, I called an emergency assembly of the Matrons of Mayhem to inquire if they wished to accompany me to Park City and attempt to photo-bomb some Hollywood stars. Due to the extreme gravity of the question, I escorted them all into the basement of Chateau Pap Smear, and locked them in that most Holy of Holy’s, my glitter and sequin draped dressing room, to conduct this important conclave. I excused myself and stepped outside to the patio where the temperature was much cooler, so as to prevent me from perspiring (true queens of quality do not sweat, we glisten) and causing my glitter mustache to depart from my face, while I waited as the Matrons treated this question with all the gravitas that it so richly deserved. Not

7pm, Jan. 18, Feb. 15, Mar. 15 First Baptist Church, 777 S 1300 E

five seconds after I parked my buttockus rotundus in a chair, white smoke began to emanate from the dryer vent signaling their desire to become paparazzi, so off we went to Park City. We were all ecstatic that we would be climbing above the temperature inversion and would be in direct sunlight for the first time in days. Alas, by the time we got to Main Street, it was already in early evening shadow and becoming colder than a brass toilet seat in Evanston. As soon as we arrived on the street, we quickly became the center of attention, and were mobbed for photo requests. A mob soon formed and began to block the street. A stunningly handsome security guard wearing an ever-so-flattering, tight-fitting uniform asked us to please move so that we did not clog the thoroughfare. Thusly, we positioned ourselves by The Bear Bench which was a little bit out of the way and the paparazzi continued. Due to my advancing age, I was mostly seated on the bench. I was having a gay-ole-time as the multitude (peppered with many swoon-worthy beefcake types) swarmed around us. As groups advanced to pose for a photo, I sought every opportunity to discretely grab onto the hunky men and guide them to my side, (within bun groping distance) or better yet, get them to sit with their firm buttocks and muscular thighs on my lap for the snapshots. Of course, it was necessary for me to put my arms around them to steady their precarious perch. Wink wink! All was going splendidly according to my nefarious plan until Sparkles Del Tassel and Moesha Montana realized what I was doing and started complaining. Luckily for me, at that very moment, Melissa McCarthy drove by in a stretch limo yelling and waving at us, thereby diverting their attention away from me. A few minutes later Aqua Man provided a similar decoy. The coup de grace was when my favorite security guard from the TV show Scream Queens, Niecy Nash sashayed over and asked to pose with us. She took one look at

my beehive hair and said, “If I had known it was going to be a wig day, I would have worn mine.” Finally, it was time to shuttle back down to Kimball Junction where Queertanic was parked. I was amazed to note that the bus was totally electric, just like my flashing breasticles. I sat just inside the door and to my delight, a most handsome dude wearing eye-catching, well-packed tight jeans was standing in the aisle, and his Grabthar’s Hammer was staring me directly in the face. Suddenly, the bus lights went out, and the vehicle lurched to a sudden stop. Oh Dear! In all the commotion, the hunk and I both lost our balance. As I was thrown forward, my left breasticle poked him right in his bulging Beastus Maximus. To my amazement, he didn’t immediately pull away but rather continued to grind against my boob for a few extra seconds. Hmmmm? The light shining from my breasticles was the only illumination in the bus, casting a heavenly glow upon his Pompadoodle. The driver then handed me a set of jumper cables and asked me to give the bus a jump. My sense of civic duty overpowered my lust and I pried myself away from the hunk to save us all from certain destruction in the frozen night. Upon safely arriving in the parking lot, and walking to Queertanic, I needed to make a methane contribution to global warming, so I let one rip. Unbeknownst to me, Sparkles was following closely behind me and passed out from oxygen deprivation. My scout training kicked in and I immediately used the jumper cables as a defibrillator to restart Sparkles’ heart. This story leaves us with several important questions: 1. Did my natural gas eruption counteract all the environmental benefits of the electric bus? 2. Was the hunk impressed with my technical prowess and civic duty? 3. Will the hunk ever call me? 4. Does the bus’s battery pack experience size envy against my breasticle battery packs? 5. Do my breasticles need a medical or a mechanics license? These and other eternal questions will be answered in future chapters of The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear.  Q

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QSaltLake Magazine - 294 - Feb. 14, 2019