12 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS
gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012
Domestic violence among gay men on the rise By Seth Bracken
Perhaps a lot of people don’t believe in love at first sight. But Ryan, 22, is not one of them. He’s a hopeless romantic who always wanted to be a princess for Halloween and is a veritable encyclopedia on romantic comedies. “I always fantasized about my white knight coming to sweep me off my feet and take me away to live in his castle,” he said. Nearly four years ago, Ryan believed his fantasy had come true. “I was just out of high school and just out of the closet. It was my first real, gay party and I was so nervous,” Ryan said. “I noticed Phillip right away. I only saw him from behind, but I noticed his big, broad shoulders and toned back. I just about died. And when he turned around we made instant eye contact, I knew it right away; I was going to love this man.” They started dating and everything was going well. Phillip was the perfect emotional and physical resource as Ryan’s family began dejecting him because of his sexuality. After dating for three months, Ryan moved into Phillip’s downtown apartment. Working part time at a local clothing
not as I do Anti-gay candidate arrested on antigay sex charges Delaware Republican State Senate candidate Eric Bodenweiser, who is a member of the Family Policy Council, has been arrested on suspicion of child molestation. The indictment includes 113 felony sex charges, including 39 counts of unlawful sexual intercourse. The indictment does not identify the gender of the victims; however, The Grape Gazette identified a man who was allegedly sexually abused by Bodenweiser between 1987 and 1990. He was en-
store, Ryan brought in a meager salary and was emotionally and physically dependent on his boyfriend. “It was probably the second night that I moved in he came home drunk and angry. I didn’t know what I had done wrong. But he was so furious. But still, it never occurred to me that he would be dangerous or that I should be scared,” Ryan said. “This was my first relationship and I didn’t know how to act or to recognize the problems that started to escalate.” The abuse started as verbal and emotional. It escalated quickly; Phillip eventually turned violent. “I didn’t know what to do. I lost my family and friends when I came out and here I was stuck in the house with a violent and dangerous man that I foolishly thought loved me,” Ryan said. “He didn’t love me. He loved using me as an excuse for all the problems in his own life.” Ryan, however, isn’t alone. Intimate partner violence in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community rose steeply in 2011, according to a new report commissioned by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs. It reported
dorsed by the Family Policy Council, but has since been removed from their online voter guide.
peatedly blocked attempts to ban discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.
Utah lawmaker DEFENDS intern convicted of sexual abuse
Prime Minister Says Red is Gay
Republican Utah Rep. Wayne Harper asked a judge to show leniency on a former intern who has been convicted of sexually abusing a teenage girl. Prideinutah.com first reported Eric Ray, who was convicted of sexual abuse in a 2010 case, is receiving backing in the form of a letter of recommendation from Harper. The letter calls Ray “dependable and reliable.” Harper is part of a Republican coalition that has re-
New Zealand Prime Minister John Key is under fire for mocking a radio host’s red jacket, suggesting he’s a weak golfer because the jacket’s color is “gay.” His comments came shortly after he called soccer player and gay ally David Beckham “thick as bat shit.” Key defended his use of the word “gay” in that context by later saying, “A hell of a lot of people would use it and the common use of it is in the Oxford dictionary.” He said the word also means, “weird.”
19 partner homicides in 2011. This is the highest ever documented, and is more than three times the six documented homicides in 2010. A majority, 63 percent, of the victims were men. The report found that LGBT people under 30 are twice as likely to experience physical violence, and those of color and under 30 are nearly four times as likely. Resources for gay men in particular can be difficult to find because most shelters and programs are designed for women, said Jennifer Campbell, the South Valley Sanctuary associate director of development. The sanctuary is one of the few shelters in Utah that houses male victims of domestic violence. Last year, SVS served more than 280 individuals and eight of those were men, she said. “There’s a huge myth that only women can be victims of domestic violence,” Campbell said. “But when men are victims it can be very hard for them to come forward because there is so much stigma associated with it.” The SVS also offers various avenues of support and knowledge for victims of domestic violence and even those that aren’t looking for shelter can call the 24-hour hotline at 801-255-1095. “Our focus is on safety. We recognize that many will return to their abusers, so we try to help them minimize the risks and protect themselves and any children that might also be present,” she said. For Ryan, it was a new group of friends that helped him recognize the signs of abuse; Ryan avoiding social situations and sudden mood changes to being very quiet and subdued. After friends reached out to him and helped him realize the situation wasn’t healthy, Ryan moved out of Phillip’s apartment and moved to Salt Lake City. “Moving out was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t know what he would do to me if I got caught or if I’d end up on the streets. But here I am. And I’m doing better than ever,” Ryan said. “If I can get out, I just know anyone can do it. Find help. Do whatever it takes. You don’t have to live like that.” He hasn’t been on a date with anyone since Phillip and he’s not sure when, if ever, he’ll be ready to date again. “I just can’t fall back into that scenario. And I guess I no longer trust myself or anyone else,” he said. Q To seek help or to help a loved one that may be a victim of abuse, go to southvalleysanctuary.com or call 801-255-1095.