QSaltLake December 2012

salt lake magazine

UTAH’S GAY, LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANSGENDER AND ALLY

December 2012 Issue 213 GaySaltLake.com

Holiday

GIFT GUIDE

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4 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

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6 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | FIRST PERSON

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

from the publisher

Thankful

by Michael Aaron

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that time of year again when we ponder over all of the things for which we are thankful. While the obvious things (to me) like family, friends and a roof over my head are, of course, at the top of the list, I also have a number of other, more recent, additions.

I am thankful the election is over. Yes, I am greatly thankful that President of the United States Barack Obama has retained his position.

Hugely thankful. But I am even more thankful that it is all over.

No more “if you like another candidate, unfriend me.” No more Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh rhetoric posted on my Facebook wall in response to my push for Obama. No more bald-faced lies, flip-flops and fake smiles.

No more Tagg Romney. He gets his own paragraph. I have yet to hear an utterance from Tagg Romney’s mouth that didn’t make me want to take a swing at him. “Obama’s recession,” indeed. Tagg Romney, who when he is supposedly smiling, still wears a frown.

I’m thankful also that I have hope. I truly believe that if M.R. had won the election, I’d have lost so much hope for the future that a vineyard of wine wouldn’t have salved.

I have hope that the “Defense of Marriage” Act will be history; that the 1,100+ benefits of marriage may be

enjoyed by those in same-sex relationships. Hope that binational couples, including my partner and I, may soon find they (we) can live together without fear of separation by the government. Hope that we can be on the best health insurance policy in the family.

Hope that the law will side with the chosen partner keeping the house and the savings over greedy family members when the other dies.

I’m thankful also that I have hope.

What I have limited hope in is that the chasm between the political parties will be bridged any time soon. While the GOP may no longer have “making Barak Obama a oneterm president” as its top priority, I’m sure their new stated priority won’t be too far from that. An 11 percent approval rating of Congress didn’t seem to fix the problem. I’m not sure what will.

Back to thankful. I’m thankful that QSaltLake is still publishing and that we have a community which embraces us and stands up to help when needed. I’m thankful to those who have contributed in any way to our success. And I’m thankful that we will continue to be a vital part of our community. Q

8 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

Supreme Court to conference DOMA, Prop. 8 cases The Supreme Court will conference the challenges to the so-called Defense of Marriage Act and Proposition 8 in a private meeting, Nov. 20. The judges will discuss the cases and either grant or deny review. If review is granted, lawyers for the case challenging Prop. 8, California’s constitutional ban on gay marriage, and representatives challenging DOMA will submit written briefs and present oral arguments by April 2013. In that case, a final decision on Prop. 8 and DOMA would be expected

by June 2013. If reviews of the cases are denied, the lower appeals court rulings would stand and Prop.8 and key provisions of DOMA would be declared unconstitutional. The Court has no obligation to set a timeline for making a decision on granting or denying review.

Iowa retains judge who ruled for marriage equality Iowa Justice David Wiggins survived strong efforts from marriage equality opponents for his removal after he and six other judges ruled in favor of gay marriage. Three of the other judges were ousted in 2010. But 54 percent of voters thought Wiggins should maintain his judgeship.

France continues push for marriage equality Same-sex marriage could be legal in France next year, following President Francois Hollande approval of the draft bill. The issue has been extremely divisive in the primarily Catholic nation. The bill would define marriage as a contract between two people.

It would also replace genderspecific pronouns with simply the term “parents.” Gay couples would also be allowed to adopt children. Currently in France, only married couples are allowed to adopt.

news

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

10 things you should know happened last month

parents are academically successful and enjoy a high quality of life. The study was conducted

by The Williams Institute. It found the children perform better in school and are happier with their lives than other children, on average. The study has followed children of lesbian parents for nearly three decades.

(Full stories at gaysaltlake.com.) community when she compared homosexuality to smoking cigarettes. Angry citizens gathered enough signatures on a petition to have a special election and she was recalled with 52 percent of voters asking her to leave.

Uganda’s anti-gay bill may pass this year Roseanne Barr goes on transphobic Twitter rant Roseanne Barr began a Twitter war with followers when one mentioned that Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein favors expanding transgender rights and working with local organizations for restroom facilities. Barr tweeted, “if she has a penis she is not allowed in,” and “Women do not want your penises forced in their faces or in our private bathrooms. Respect that FACT.” She then claimed to be “instrumental in forcing LGBTs to dis-include man-boy love as part of their program.”

Anti-gay Michigan mayor ousted A Troy, Mich. mayor who made controversial Facebook posts attacking New York for legalizing marriage equality has been recalled by voters. Mayor Janice Daniels posted on her Facebook page, “I think I am going to throw away my I Love New York carrying bag now that queers can get married there.” She then continued to endear herself to the LGBT

Uganda’s anti-gay bill may pass before the end of the year as a Christmas present for Christians. Speaker Rebecca Kadaga told The Associated Press the bill that mandates the death penalty for gay acts will become law this year. She said Ugandans are “demanding it” and said that gays and lesbians are a “serious threat” to the country’s safety.

She said Christian clerics asked her to pass the law as “a Christmas gift.”

Gay porn co. wins $3m in DOWNLOADING case A Miami-based gay-porn company won $3 million in damages from two men found guilty of downloading content and then illegally uploading it onto BitTorrent sites. Kywan Fisher of Virginia and Cormelian Brown of Delaware were each assigned a $1.5 million default judgment for using their paid memberships to take videos from Flava Works websites and uploading it to gaytorrents.net.

Study: lesbians make exceptional parents The longest-running study of lesbian families conducted found that kids of lesbian

Obama responds to letter from girl with two fathers A 10-year-old daughter of two gay fathers wrote President Barack Obama a letter that read. “I am so glad that you agree two men can love each other because I have two dads and they love each other, but at school kids think that it’s gross and weird, but it really hurts my heart and feelings.”

Obama answered, “In America, no two families look the same. We celebrate this diversity. And we recognize that whether you have two dads or one mom what matters above all is the love we show one another. You are very fortunate to have two parents who care deeply for you. They are lucky to have such an exceptional daughter in you.”

L.A. voters COMMAND condom use In porn Los Angeles County voters approved a measure requiring porn actors to wear condoms while filming sex scenes.

Adult-entertainment industry professionals are promising lawsuits to overturn the law.

The measure passed 56 to 44 percent. It will require all producers to apply for a permit before shooting sex scenes.

NEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 9

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

Salt Lake City to honor World AIDS Day With more than 1.2 million Americans, including thousands of Utahns, living with HIV and AIDS, Salt Lake City will turn red Thursday, Dec. 1. The city will honor World AIDS Day with an event at the Salt Lake City and County Building, which will be awash in red lights. Red ribbons will also be adorned on lamp posts and other city fixtures. A full list of activities and events is extensive each year and will be updated at gaysaltlake. com as details are announced.

World AIDS Day was started in 1988 as an opportunity for people around the world to unite in the fight against HIV/ AIDS, show their support for people living with HIV/AIDS and to commemorate those who have passed on. The Centers for Disease Control estimates more than one million people are living with HIV/ AIDS and approximately 20 percent do not know they are infected. Last year, more than 50,000 people were diagnosed with HIV. The eighth annual Red Party will be held Nov. 29, 5:15 p.m., at Hotel Monaco, 15 W. 200 South. The Red Party is part of a national fundraiser held by Kimptonowned properties on, or around, World AIDS Day for local charities, and Utah has consistently raised more money than any other area, said Shawn Jackson, entertainment guru at Hotel Monaco. In the last

three years, the event has raised more than $83,000 for the Utah AIDS Foundation.

“This really is it. The big party. The one we look forward to. It’s just a great time

and so much fun,” said Jackson. Admission to the event starts at $35. For tickets and information, go to utahaids.org or call 801-487-2323.

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10 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

Four gay Utahns vying for McAdams’ state senate seat

By Seth Bracken

Sen. Ben McAdams won the Salt Lake County mayoral race and four gay Utahns have announced plans to run for his soon-tobe-vacated state senate seat. Utah Democratic Party Chair Jim Dabakis, Rep. Brian Doughty, Will Carlson and Weston Clark have all announced plans to run for Senate District 2.

Currently, there are no openly gay Utah legislators who will be going to the 2013 session in January. Doughty, who is representing House District 30 until January, lost an intraparty race after his district was combined with a neighboring district. The replacement for Senate District 2 will be decided by Democratic delegates. No date for the election has been set and, as of press time, McAdams has not officially resigned. Other candidates include former Salt Lake County Councilwoman Jenny Wilson and outgoing Salt Lake County Mayor Peter Corroon.

All four gay men are experienced in Utah politics and they all agree it is important to have a representative of Utah’s gay community in the legislature.

Jim Dabakis is a well-known figure in Utah’s queer community. He helped launch the Utah Pride Center and Equality Utah. He made history when he became the first openly gay man to lead a major party in the state. He’s been a staunch defender of the Democratic Party and has spoken out against what he called the unfair redistricting of Utah’s congressional districts.

He said he decided to run to ensure there were role models for LGBT youth and to represent the many Democratic Utahns who struggle to find a voice and representation.

“I have lived most of my adult life in the area of the district. Senate District 2 is a sacred seat because it is one of the very few seats that is safe for Democrats. It carries with it a solemn duty to represent both the people of the district and the other 42 percent of the state that simply have no voice. I aspire to boldly be that voice,” Dabakis said.

“It is no secret to anyone that I am a proud member of the LGBT community. I see the senate as a place to make good policy and

give voice to all the people of the district, of course, including the LGBT community.

It is imperative that our young people have role models to look up to. For them to realize that for LGBT young people, no aspiration is too high nor dream out of reach.”

After losing the bid for Democratic nomination to continue in Utah’s House of Representatives, Brian Doughty hinted that he was not finished representing Utah. The business owner and entrepreneur sponsored important queerrights legislation last session, including a bill that would have allowed state employees to designate a domestic partner for employee health insurance. While the bill was not passed, Doughty represented the LGBT community in a very Republican legislature.

Doughty said he decided to run to continue the work he’s already started by serving on a committee implementing the Affordable Care Act, advancing a statewide nondiscrimination ordinance and pursuing more reasonable liquor regulations.

“I feel it is important to have someone from the LGBT community at the legislature when we are discussing non-discrimination policy, equitable health insurance policy and to be a voice for any legislation that comes up that could be detrimental to the LGBT community. I have been able to have discussions with my Republican colleagues over the past year and half about why nondiscrimination policy is important for the LGBT community and for our state from a business point of view,” Doughty said. “I would like to continue those back room discussions in hopes that we can pass a statewide policy of nondiscrimination in workplace and housing for the LGBT community.”

Will Carlson is no stranger to Utah politics and helped launch Equality Utah’s Common Ground Initiative in the wake of California’s Proposition 8. He’s championed causes such as non-

discrimination and preventing bullying in Utah’s schools.

Carlson said he’s running because of concerns over the environment, incarceration and crime reform and issues of equality.

“On issues of LGBT equality, I sought out the original sponsors of much of the legislation that has been considered on Capitol Hill, including adoption and nondiscrimination. If elected, I’ll focus not only on issues where LGBT Utahns experience discriminatory treatment, but also discriminatory impacts, such as health care, low income housing and an unfair tax code,” Carlson said. “As a gay man I think it’s vital that there be out LGBT people in the legislature.

We have some amazing allies, but anyone who is not LGBT cannot completely understand the isolation and risks of coming out in a hetero-centric cisgender world. This unifying experience gives LGBT people a deeper understanding and empathy for all of those in society who are marginalized and reviled. And our legislature could use a lot more empathy.”

Weston Clark is a former Democratic Party county chair and high school teacher. He was an adviser to the Ben McAdams for Mayor Campaign. He’s also a queer-rights activist. He is now a work-from-home dad where he and his partner are raising their son, Xander.

Clark said that if elected, he would work on public education, banning puppy mills and working toward LGBT equality.

“More than 70percent of Utahns are in favor of recognition of LGBT relationships, with a smaller but important segment favoring marriage rights. I’d like to sponsor legislation that would repeal the part of Amendment 3 which bans any recognition of same-sex relationships such as civil unions,” Clark said. “As we encourage members of the community to ‘come out’ to change minds and hearts on our issues, I think having a legislator from the LGBT community in that position amplifies the effect. That being said, I do not feel it is appropriate to vote for someone simply because of that issue. In this Senate District 2 race, I think we are lucky to have many qualified LGBT candidates running and all deserve consideration.”

Election dates and results will be announced on gaysaltlake.com. Q

NEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 11

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

Utah Legislature to tackle abortion, anti-bias bills and parental rights For the first time since 1999 there may not be an openly gay lawmaker when Utah’s legislative session kicks off early next year. However, there are still many strong allies and supporters.

Lawmakers are already filing potential bills for the pending session. We’ve collected a list of bills that may affect the queer community. This list is not definitive of the entire session and legislators have months to file bills.

Another attempt to pass a statewide nondiscrimination bill will be done with bipartisan support from Republicans and Democrats, along with Equality Utah. Recent polling shows that 77 percent of Utahns support the measure. Republicans have successfully blocked the bill from leaving committee.

Gender Selection Abortion Prohibition In a possible attempt to show off her conservative credentials, Sen. Margaret Dayton, R-Orem, is proposing a bill that would ban people from citing the gender of their child as the reason for the procedure.

Sen. Margaret Dayton Dayton’s bill is seeking to solve a problem that simply doesn’t exist and Utah Women’s Clinic spokesperson Miriam Staker told Salt Lake Tribune that women seeking abortions at the clinic do not wish to know the gender of the child. Furthermore, abortion doctors who are asked to perform an ultrasound to determine the gender almost always refuse to do so.

Dayton is virulently opposed to many equality measures and she was a heavy opponent of a statewide nondiscrimination bill that would’ve barred discrimination in housing and the workplace based on gender identity or sexual orientation.

“We should not be forced to suffer economic harm because of others’ certain actions,” Dayton said during last year’s committee hearing.

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Parental Responsibility for Sex Education Training After last year’s failed attempt to overhaul Utah’s sex-education policies, Republican lawmakers aren’t finished.

Sen. Stuart Reid, R-Ogden, is proposing a measure that would offer classes and online resources to parents for teaching about sex in the home. The bill would not replace existing sex-education policies and procedures. Q

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Restoration of Terminated Parental Rights and Rights of Parents and Children Amendments In a rehash of previous bills that were tabled or never made it to community, Rep. LaVar Christensen is sponsoring two bills about parental rights. The language of the bills is not released and he did not return repeated emails to learn more about the bills.

Christensen was the author of Utah’s Amendment 3, which banned the state from recognizing same-sex marriage performed elsewhere and defined marriage as a union between one man and one woman. He’s since made moves to attack gay couples’ ability to enter legal contracts and he is backed by the Utah Eagle Forum.

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12 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

Domestic violence among gay men on the rise

By Seth Bracken

Perhaps a lot of people don’t believe in love at first sight. But Ryan, 22, is not one of them. He’s a hopeless romantic who always wanted to be a princess for Halloween and is a veritable encyclopedia on romantic comedies.

“I always fantasized about my white knight coming to sweep me off my feet and take me away to live in his castle,” he said.

Nearly four years ago, Ryan believed his fantasy had come true.

“I was just out of high school and just out of the closet. It was my first real, gay party and I was so nervous,” Ryan said. “I noticed Phillip right away. I only saw him from behind, but I noticed his big, broad shoulders and toned back. I just about died. And when he turned around we made instant eye contact, I knew it right away; I was going to love this man.”

They started dating and everything was going well. Phillip was the perfect emotional and physical resource as Ryan’s family began dejecting him because of his sexuality.

After dating for three months, Ryan moved into Phillip’s downtown apartment.

Working part time at a local clothing

not as I do Anti-gay candidate arrested on antigay sex charges Delaware Republican State Senate candidate Eric Bodenweiser, who is a member of the Family Policy Council, has been arrested on suspicion of child molestation. The indictment includes 113 felony sex charges, including 39 counts of unlawful sexual intercourse. The indictment does not identify the gender of the victims; however, The Grape Gazette identified a man who was allegedly sexually abused

by Bodenweiser between 1987 and 1990. He was en-

store, Ryan brought in a meager salary and was emotionally and physically dependent on his boyfriend.

“It was probably the second night that I moved in he came home drunk and angry.

I didn’t know what I had done wrong. But he was so furious. But still, it never occurred to me that he would be dangerous or that I should be scared,” Ryan said. “This was my first relationship and I didn’t know how to act or to recognize the problems that started to escalate.”

The abuse started as verbal and emotional. It escalated quickly; Phillip eventually turned violent.

“I didn’t know what to do. I lost my family and friends when I came out and here I was stuck in the house with a violent and dangerous man that I foolishly thought loved me,” Ryan said. “He didn’t love me.

He loved using me as an excuse for all the problems in his own life.”

Ryan, however, isn’t alone. Intimate partner violence in the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community rose steeply in 2011, according to a new report commissioned by the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs. It reported

dorsed by the Family Policy Council, but has since been removed from their online voter guide.

peatedly blocked attempts to ban discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity.

Utah lawmaker DEFENDS intern convicted of sexual abuse

Prime Minister Says Red is Gay

Republican Utah Rep. Wayne Harper asked a judge to show leniency on a former intern who has been convicted of sexually abusing a teenage girl. Prideinutah.com first reported Eric Ray, who was convicted of sexual abuse in a 2010 case, is receiving backing in the form of a letter of recommendation from Harper. The letter calls Ray “dependable and reliable.”

Harper is part of a Republican coalition that has re-

New Zealand Prime Minister John Key is under fire for mocking a radio host’s red jacket, suggesting he’s a weak golfer because the jacket’s color is “gay.” His comments came shortly after he called soccer player and gay ally David Beckham “thick as bat shit.” Key defended his use of the word “gay” in that context by later saying, “A hell of a lot of people would use it and the common use of it is in the Oxford dictionary.” He said the word also means, “weird.”

19 partner homicides in 2011. This is the highest ever documented, and is more than three times the six documented homicides in 2010. A majority, 63 percent, of the victims were men.

The report found that LGBT people under 30 are twice as likely to experience physical violence, and those of color and under 30 are nearly four times as likely.

Resources for gay men in particular can be difficult to find because most shelters and programs are designed for women, said Jennifer Campbell, the South Valley Sanctuary associate director of development.

The sanctuary is one of the few shelters in Utah that houses male victims of domestic violence. Last year, SVS served more than 280 individuals and eight of those were men, she said.

“There’s a huge myth that only women can be victims of domestic violence,” Campbell said. “But when men are victims it can be very hard for them to come forward because there is so much stigma associated with it.”

The SVS also offers various avenues of support and knowledge for victims of domestic violence and even those that aren’t looking for shelter can call the 24-hour hotline at 801-255-1095.

“Our focus is on safety. We recognize that many will return to their abusers, so we try to help them minimize the risks and protect themselves and any children that might also be present,” she said.

For Ryan, it was a new group of friends that helped him recognize the signs of abuse; Ryan avoiding social situations and sudden mood changes to being very quiet and subdued. After friends reached out to him and helped him realize the situation wasn’t healthy, Ryan moved out of Phillip’s apartment and moved to Salt Lake City.

“Moving out was the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. I didn’t know what he would do to me if I got caught or if I’d end up on the streets. But here I am. And I’m doing better than ever,” Ryan said. “If I can get out, I just know anyone can do it. Find help. Do whatever it takes. You don’t have to live like that.”

He hasn’t been on a date with anyone since Phillip and he’s not sure when, if ever, he’ll be ready to date again.

“I just can’t fall back into that scenario.

And I guess I no longer trust myself or anyone else,” he said. Q To seek help or to help a loved one that may be a victim of abuse, go to southvalleysanctuary.com or call 801-255-1095.

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

NEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 13

Quips&Quotes

“

Homosexuality is highly promiscuous… The basis of homosexuality is centered around anonymous sexual encounters.

Long-term relationships are very rare. But another social problem is that it is largely predatory. Part of the thrill, part of the challenge, is having sex with the inexperienced, the uninitiated and to dare say that out loud, even though it is true, is to risk being called ‘intolerant,’ ‘homophobic,’ or worse. The dark secret of homosexual society is how many homosexuals first entered into that world through a disturbing seduction or rape or molestation or abuse, and how many of them yearn to get out of the homosexual community and live normally.”

“

—Ed Allebest, writing for Preserve Marriage Maine

I wish my moderate Republican friends would simply be honest. They all say they’re voting for Romney because of his economic policies (tenuous and ill-formed as they are), and that they disagree with him on gay rights. Fine. Then look me in the eye, speak with a level clear voice, and say, ‘My taxes and take-home pay mean more than your fundamental civil rights, the sanctity of your marriage, your right to visit an ailing spouse in the hospital, your dignity as a citizen of this country, your healthcare, your right to inherit, the mental welfare and emotional well-being of your youth, and your very personhood.’

It’s like voting for George Wallace during the Civil Rights movements, and apologizing for his racism. You’re still complicit.

You’re still perpetuating anti-gay legislation and cultural homophobia. You don’t get to walk away clean, because you say you ‘disagree’ with your candidate on these issues.”

“

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As for anti-gay crusaders’ fixation with indoctrination, I’d like them to explain how so many of us turned out gay or lesbian despite having straight parents and, in my day, being exposed to movies, TV shows and Top 40 songs that portrayed an almost exclusively heterosexual world.”

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Qmmunity Fundraiser for homeless youth A Salt Lake City Homeless Youth Shelter, operated by the Volunteers of America, fundraiser will include: appetizers provided

by Cannella’s, sexy burlesque dancers, drag queens, raffles, a silent auction and much more. Raffle prizes include gift certificates to local restaurants, arts organizations and tattoo parlors. You won’t want to miss the Utah Stealth football players participating in a whipped cream auction.

WHEN: Nov. 23, 7 p.m.

WHERE: Club JAM, 751 N. 300 West

International Transgender Day of Remembrance This event is designed to unify people from various backgrounds and beliefs while re-

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

membering those killed and harmed because of their gender identity and expression. The event will be held at the United Methodist Church, 200 S. 200 East. It’s hosted by the Transgender Education Advocates of Utah and is part of a month-long Transgender Awareness Month.

WHEN: Nov. 20, 6:30 p.m.

WHERE: United Methodist Church, 200 S. 200 East INFO: teaofutah.org

Utah AIDS Foundation Season’s Givings Help families and individuals living with HIV by supporting the Season’s Givings program.

Make a new holiday tradition with your family, friends, neighbors, co-workers or church group. The UAF is looking for food baskets, personal care stockings, turkeys and hams, and financial or other donations.

WHEN: November–December WHERE: 1408 S. 1100 East INFO: utahaids.org

Big Gay Fun Bus The Saturday after Thanksgiving is a perfect time to get away with a rowdy busload of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and friendly straight gamblers looking for a great time.

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NEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 15

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

salt lake

2012 Annual Gender Conference

Would Like to Thank Our Community & Friends for Their Support a program of Utah pride

www.UtahPrideCenter.org

16 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | NEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

Mormons Burning Bridges?

Allied Mormon group alienates some in support of ‘ex-gay’ therapy

By Seth Bracken

Many Utah Pride Parade attendees may recall watching a group of Mormon faithful in white shirts, ties and flower print dresses at the head of this year’s parade.

It appeared that, for the first time, an olive branch had been extended between two communities sharing so much history and bad blood. The attendance of Mormons Building Bridges made national headlines and seemed it was all the local media wanted to report about the parade.

Shortly after, the MBB participation in other parades around the nation grew. From California to New York, there were Mormons spreading a message of acceptance for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.

In September, four members of the group were featured at Utah’s second annual Pink Dot celebration — bringing together family, friends and allies of the LGBT community.

The unofficial and unregistered group blossomed into a community force and gathered thousands of members to its official Facebook group. Each member has his or her own reason for joining. However, the group is monitored by four to five administrators who moderate posts and try to guide discussions, said MBB spokesperson Erika Munson.

Mormons Reaching Out “Mormons Building Bridges is a support group for active, committed Mormons to reach out to LGBT people and make our congregations welcoming to them and safe for them,” Munson said. “Up to now there has been no place for people who want to stay active in the church who are supporting the brethren. There’s been no way for them to reach out.”

As the group is in its infancy stage and while there are administrators for the Facebook group, there are no full-time or

paid staff, she said. There are no official responses to questions and most posts are organic, allowing for community interaction. But, she said, the group is to remain apolitical and to

avoid all opinion on marriage equality.

When a young, gay Mormon enters the group and asks for advice or guidance, there are no set guidelines for responses, and users and administrators are allowed to help him as they see fit, Munson said.

And while the Facebook group still serves as a community board, it is monitored heavily and any posts that are deemed too political, angry, attacking or disrespectful are removed. The group’s page is a conversation outlet for many Mormons who are just now exploring their options, and posts or comments

deemed too offensive are removed and users can be banned, she said.

“We’re trying to catch church membership up to where the church leadership is now,” Munson said.

Currently, the Mormon Church’s official stance is that gay members may remain in good standing, provided they refrain from any sexual acts and thoughts.

Marriage Equality Bad, Ex-Gay Therapy Good It was with great surprise after seeing MBB at the head of the parade and heavily involved in other community events that Sara Long found posts on the group’s Facebook page that advocated a well-known, so-called “reparative therapist,” and his private practice. After pointing out the problems with advocating for “reparative therapies” and the damages of mixed-orientation marriage, Long said she was told to be more respectful.

Posts about marriage equality are banned, but posts advertising for Evergreen International, North Star and similar groups are allowed. Evergreen International is one of the leading groups in Utah that encourages gay Mormons to remain celibate or “diminish” their “same-gender attraction.”

Every major medical organization decries the use of “reparative therapy,” and in 2007 the American Psychological Association issued a report saying not only is it ineffective, but potentially very damaging. Beyond studies focused solely on reparative therapy, broader research clearly demonstrates the significant harm these groups can cause, particularly LGBT youth. There is also significant anecdotal evidence of harm to LGBT people resulting from attempts to change their sexual orientation.

“So why are we supporting a group at Pink Dot and at the Pride Parade that doesn’t allow open discussion and advocates for these terrible groups?” Long said.

“They invited all these gay people who’ve been so heavily persecuted come to the forum. But when we started talking and asking questions, we get banned left and right.

NEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 17

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

We thought there was finally a group of affirming Mormons, and we were devastated to learn they’re not.”

Despite having repeated posts advocating for “reparative therapy,” Munson pointed out there is more to the page than just posts about Evergreen — other, more affirming events are also posted.

“We feel like this is our niche. We’re going to stick to it. It’s unpleasant when we hurt people’s feelings and we don’t mean to do that. But it’s understandable,” Munson said.

“Nobody is going to be encouraged or discouraged from anything in particular [including Evergreen International]. We want to hear people’s stories. ... We’re trying to do a balance.

We’re really, really trying to not judge.”

When asked about the Utah Pride Center’s involvement with MBB, UPC Executive Director Valarie Larabee said

she was unaware of its support for Evergreen International and other similar groups.

“I can honestly say that if I had known this in June [for Pride] or September [for Pink Dot] that I would never have hosted them at any UPC event,” Larabee said in an email. “I take great responsibility for doing the right things to support our community and this is shocking to me.”

Munson said event postings for Evergreen and other so-called “reparative therapy” groups would continue on the page to encourage “open dialogue.”

However, the Pride Center is still discussing its future with MBB, Larabee said.

“The Utah Pride Center is in a wait-and-see mode with MBB,” she said. “However, I am not in any way concerned that we gave them audience that we shouldn’t have.”

Same Old Policies MBB’s Facebook page is reaching nearly 2,500 members and many are encountering attitudes and policies that are all too familiar with their time in the Mormon Church.

Amy Larsen joined MBB last summer and began to feel disillusioned after she saw multiple posts promoting Josh Weed, a well-known advocate for mixed-orientation marriage as an option for gay Mormons.

“I thought this group was going to be different, but instead we saw the same old policies that caused many of us to leave the church in the first place,” she said.

Each post Larsen made received more criticism and attack from the Facebook administrators, she said. The dialogue on the page was contained by administrators to very specific topics and deterred questioning language such as “samegender attraction,” Larsen said.

Larsen said the attacks in the group became so vicious that she chose to leave and start her own Facebook page for those insulted and hurt by MBB. The group has more than two dozen members.

“We have MBB placed in front of our community and it is supposed to help and affirm. But what we encounter in their day-to-day operations is much different,” she said.

“If even one person ends up returning to Evergreen or Josh Weed then we’ve done a disservice. There’s no difference in their approach to young gay Mormons than before. The pressure to change or suppress your sexual orientation is still there.”

While MBB is a young group still defining its purpose, it will continue as is, Munson said. And Larabee added that no decisions about future involvement with the group are ready to be released. Q

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18 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

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views

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

QSaltLake Magazine welcomes your letters to the editor.

10 things we heard last month

“

—Matthew Andrus

“

—Carlos Blanco

Please send your letter of 300 words or less to letters@ gaysaltlake.com.

We reserve the right to edit for length or libel if a letter is chosen for publication.

How are we to question God’s creations when he made people with their own specific sexuality.

We really need to make a distinction between Gods’ laws and mans laws. The nature versus nurture conversation needs to be embraced and not ignored as it usually is in all churches.”

It’s so interesting how many members of all these modern Christian religions have so many ways to deprive someone of his or her own freedoms and hide it under the guise of doctrine. Damn, I’m sure glad I’m not a Christian!”

“

“ “ “

—Paul Lortz

People are leaving religion because they need more in their lives than hatred.”

—Jim Platt

Few remember that Coming Out Day sprung from the 1987 March on Washington.”

“ “

—Ben Williams

Progress is now being made by the voters for our Marriage Equality.”

—Mark Swonson

I am so proud to have family in Maine.”

—Debora Hammond

Marriage is not ‘natural’ it has been created by humans.”

“

—Sacha Brombosz

Since NOM and the LDS Church were not broadcasting the screeching fear campaigns this year, the people had a chance to think rationally.”

—John Schild

If NOM should’ve learned anything, it’s that love always wins. It won in not just one state, but in three. America has seen and heard our voice and it’s only going to get louder.”

—Randy Bodily

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 19

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

from the editor

Mormons Building Bridges falls flat

By Seth Bracken

I guess

I am a cynic.

I’m not sure if it comes with the job description or it’s a personality trait, but while others were lauding the praise of a group of Mormons in the Pride Parade last summer, I wasn’t fully convinced. I appreciated the sentiment of this group of people walking in a parade full of homos, drag queens and other societal rejects, I just wasn’t convinced.

The attitudes and doctrine of the Mormon leadership are severely lacking and should not be seen as a goal for the queer movement.

No one was able to answer my question about what had changed. Sure, the members talked about acceptance, love and all the other necessary requirements for mainstream Christianity.

But what exactly was Mormons Building Bridges advocating?

They weren’t asking their church with a storied past of horrific abuses to apologize.

They weren’t encouraging young gay members to live fully realized and affirming lives. The platitudes were abounding and the substance seemed to be lacking.

QSaltLake’s float was near the end of the parade, so I wasn’t able to witness the tears of many who were so touched

by MBB’s participation, and in no way would I mean to diminish their feelings. But other than walking down 200 South on a Sunday morning in June, what changed?

I recently sat down with one of the founding members of the group who told me MBB was simply trying to catch up church membership with church leadership. Erika Munson is a very sincere and genuine person who is trying to do what she feels is best, all while working within the regulations of her faith.

But catching up to church leadership isn’t nearly enough.

Leadership still encourages gay members to remain celibate and eschew all gay thoughts and feelings. The attitudes and doctrine of the Mormon leadership are severely lacking and should not be seen as a goal for the queer movement.

And when I started to see advertisements for Evergreen International, a detestable group that tries to convince gay men and women to somehow become straight, on MBB’s Facebook page I started to grow suspicious. Any post talking about true acceptance and taking steps toward equality were banned and ridiculed.

The posts advocating celibacy groups and “reparative therapy” groups continued.

Conferences and events hosted by therapists who are known for advocating mixed-orientation marriage were lauded with the utmost praises.

These posts were different than others and came from administrators who urged followers to keep an open

mind about the groups. The group managers neglected to post that every major medical organization has lambasted “reparative therapy” and said it is not only ineffective, but extremely dangerous.

The false hope of being able to fit in with traditional Mormon society is a major contributing factor to depression and even suicide among gay youth. Simply put, we cannot continue to promote a group that wants young gay Mormons to even entertain the idea that there’s something wrong with them or that they need to change anything about their sexuality.

The final straw came at the annual Pink Dot celebration where a young man from Brigham Young University was promoted by the Utah Pride Center. When he took the stage

he spoke of love, acceptance and other vague attributes, but he also mentioned his involvement with Evergreen.

Any group promoting Evergreen International and other deplorable organizations does not belong in the front of our Pride Parade or on the stage at our community events.

The risk that even one young person enters into “reparative therapy” as a result is not worth the possible positive press the Pride Center may receive or the good feelings parade attendees may feel.

MBB is free to run their Facebook page as they see fit.

But after speaking with more than a dozen people who have had extremely negative interactions with MBB administrators, I think it’s time we question community involvement with the group. Q

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20 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

thinking out loud

Grassroots to Lawsuits: How Pride died and an army of lovers became a gaggle of lawyers

By Abby Dees

Last weekend

I was the MC at my local Pride festivities. It had been a while since I’d done anything Pride-y, so I didn’t know what to expect. Historically, Suburban Pride has been more about strollers and soy frappuccinos than leather chaps and $15 beer, like its metropolitan version.

But I didn’t anticipate a moribund party whose biggest draw was a mobile free clinic courtesy of the health department.

As I stood on stage looking out, about to announce a demonstration by an LGBT square-dancing club, I wanted to call out, “Is anyone here not a volunteer or vendor?”

But that would have been bitchy.

I thought even hinterlands Pride was supposed to be an occasion.

It made me think about the great lesbian activist Ivy Bottini (famously drummed out of NOW in the ’60s by the lesbian impaired Betty Friedan), who expressed a keen sense of loss to me recently: As we assimilate, we lose our passion, our sense of specialness, and in particular, our anger — things that empower us, as a community, to fight for our very survival. Pride

meant, “We’re alive, damn it!” Or at least you could hook up.

I’m not sure what it means now. I don’t know anyone who went to Pride this year who wasn’t trying to promote something.

It’s been a long time since Pride was an LGBT High Holy Day, or just fun, at least in my neck of the woods.

Sure, there’s still plenty to be angry about, like gay bashing, reparative therapy, and powerful groups pouring millions into ending same-sex marriage — but something has quietly changed over the years.

Ivy is right. We’re talking about same-sex marriage and partner benefits, not our simple right to exist in the daylight. If you’re on the same mailing lists I’m on, you’re getting solicitations for $250-aplate awards dinners, to celebrate some gay celebrity who’s also the face of M.A.C. cosmetics.

Not knocking any of this, but I miss the days when I truly believed the slogan, “An army of lovers cannot fail.” Hell, I miss the word “lover.” I mourn that rush of freedom that made Pride a profoundly meaningful counterpoint to daily life.

sanctity of marriage An Army affair A former subordinate to an Army general facing sex-crimes charges testified that the general started an affair with her and later threatened to kill her and her family if she told anyone.

The woman said she was honored by the attention from Brig. Gen. Jeffrey Sinclair. They first had sex in 2008 at a forward operating base in Iraq, she said. Sinclair rolled his eyes and scoffed at the woman during her testimony.

An after school affair A 36-year-old Texas substitute teacher and mother of two was arrested after she admitted to having a sexual relationship with a 14-yearold student. Amanda Sotelo is now expecting her third child. She met the student after her daughter brought him home to visit and Sotelo said the relationship involved weekly liaisons at the school where she often taught.

Sotelo has been booked on charges of indecency with a child and her bond has been set at $75,000.

An ugly affair A Chinese man sued his now ex-wife because he believes their daughter is too ugly.

Feng Jian was awarded a $120,000 settlement because he said his wife never told him she had plastic surgery to alter her appearance. The local judge said the marriage happened under false pretenses and ordered her to pay due compensation.

Jian originally denied he was the father and sued for a paternity test. After winning the case and finding out he was, indeed, the father, his wife divulged that she had undergone $100,000 worth of plastic surgery.

I know there are LGBT warriors nowadays with more passion for justice than I could ever muster, but they are one-offs compared to a generation ago.

This is partly because they aren’t facing the cruelty of AIDS at a time when the president refused to say “AIDS” out loud (Reagan, if you’re apt to remember him fondly). Mostly, though, it’s because many of us have become complacent about the gains we’ve made. We’re fine-tuning now, not over-turning.

So that’s my lament about what we’ve lost. Now please follow me. ...

Things are happening this very moment that will take our community where we could only have imagined even 10 years ago.

Nothing sexy, no fuchsia banners or megaphones. Actually, it has to do with tax law.

This week, the 2nd Circuit Court of Appeal struck down part of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), in favor of lesbian widow Edie Windsor, 83. When her partner of 42 years died in 2009, Windsor owed $363,000 in estate taxes, taxes she would not have been required to pay if her partner were a man. Despite a vigorous fight by House Republicans (who I thought were supposed to be against taxes), the Circuit Court not only struck down a key part of DOMA, but announced that discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation is entitled to the same heightened legal scrutiny as is discrimination based on gender.

This is the second time this year that a federal appeals court ruled DOMA unconstitutional, which tells me that Windsor’s win is no fluke. Several more LGBT-rights cases have won in the lower federal courts, making their way, inevitably, to the Supreme Court, perhaps as soon as next year.

Our movement has officially entered its next phase. This is our battlefield today; the warriors are wearing suits. I’m thrilled, but I hope there will always be room in the movement for some pissed off and gorgeous drag queens to march up the steps of ... anything ... for the sake of pride. Q

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 21

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

the straight line

How’d that work out for ya?

By Bob Henline

Author’s note: this column deals in generalities regarding statewide Democratic candidates.

There were a number of candidates in “lower” ballot positions that fought, and won, on Democratic values.

The 2012

election is now a thing of the past and the whining is already fully underway.

Utah Democrats are blaming the “Romney Bump” for their electoral woes this year, conveniently ignoring the fact that we haven’t managed to elect a Democratic candidate statewide since 1996. Was Mitt on all of those ballots and I just missed it?

Over the course of the past several months (and years, even) I’ve had numerous conversations with Democratic strategists, party players and pundits about Democratic strategy in Utah. One consistent theme has emerged: An unwavering belief that the only way to win an election in Utah (outside of Salt Lake County) is to act like a Republican and call yourself a Democrat. To those people, I have to ask this question: How’s that working out for you?

Take a look at the top of Utah’s Democratic ticket. Peter Cooke, candidate for governor, felt the need to call a press conference earlier in the summer to explain that his position on LGBT equality is the same as not only the LDS Church, but also that of the GOP presidential nominee, Mitt Romney. Ignore for a moment the disgusting level of bigotry demonstrated by this move and look at the politics. There was absolutely no upside to this spectacle.

It’s not like he was actually going to sway any of the hardcore gay-bashing Republican voters out there to vote for him. The fact that he put a “D” after his name had already cost him their votes. All he did was alienate the base of Utah Democratic activists that could have been there for financial and volunteer support.

Move down a notch to the race between Senator Orrin Hatch and challenger Scott Howell. On June 26, Hatch clobbered his intra-party rival Dan Liljenquist.

It was Hatch’s first primary challenge

since he was first elected in 1976. So what did Howell do? He spent the entire election season harping on the same message that didn’t work for Liljenquist. “Retire Hatch” didn’t convince Republicans to switch to a different Republican, what could possibly have made the Howell camp think that message would convince them to switch to someone who calls himself a Democrat, while acting like just another bigoted Republican.

He then ran around the state touting his conservative credentials, using phrases like, “Just as conservative, twice as competent.”

He frequently told the story of how he was tempted to switch to the Republican Party, but was “convinced” by former Mormon President Gordon B. Hinckley to stay with the Democratic Party. He also decided to kick sand in the face of the LGBT community by declaring his support for the Defense of Marriage Act in an interview with Provo’s Daily Herald.

With candidates like this and Utah’s perennial non-Democrat Jim Matheson on the ticket, is it any wonder that Utah Democrats are disenchanted?

I, for one, am tired of the excuses. One year it’s the Mormon vote, the next time around it’s because conservatives don’t like John Kerry, then it’s Mitt Romney. Utah Democrats have one reason for electoral failure: Utah Democrats.

The Democratic Party used to be the party of ideas and ideals. Over the past three decades (in Utah) we’ve developed a collective case of battered-wife syndrome.

We have become so afraid of irritating perceived Republican ire that we refuse (for the most part) to stand up and fight.

Every time the discussion turns to social policy, Democrats run for cover. Our top ticket candidates have repeatedly attempted to distance themselves from the party and to position themselves as “Republicanlite.” While this has been effective for Matheson historically, it hasn’t worked for other Democrats who don’t have the advantage of that particular lineage. Yet it continues, to the detriment of party-build-

ing and governmental balance in Utah.

Voters are sick and tired of politics as usual, a lesson we should have learned from the Tea Party rise of 2010. While many want to attribute the election of Senator Mike Lee to some form of collective temporary insanity, the answer is actually quite simple: he took a stand. It was a crazy, nutty stand, but he took it and he stood his ground. Voters respected that, responded to it and gave him a shot.

If we, as Democrats, are to rise to anything resembling relevance in Utah, we need to learn from that lesson. We need to stand and fight for our principles, for equality, for choice, for education, for the protection of our environment, and for good government. We need to not only talk about these issues constantly, but we also need to practice them. We can’t complain about the evils of Citizens United while taking money from “super PACs.” We can’t talk about equality for all citizens and then limit that to housing and employment discrimination. Equality is equality, there aren’t levels or layers.

We can’t talk about choice and then set the circumstances under which women can make reproductive health decisions.

This is not an easy road we have to walk, and it won’t be a short one. The path back to political relevance will be long and hard-fought. But, when we continue to stand on our values, people will respond.

We will earn the respect of the voters, and we will earn their votes.

We will need to do this by shifting our focus away from the more “prominent” races and developing our communities.

We will need to support our school board, municipal office and legislative candidates as they grow into higher offices. We will make the greatest difference in the smallest places and the tightest races.

If the past few election cycles have taught us anything, it should be that our status quo formula isn’t working. We’ve been going backward and that needs to change. Q

22 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

guest editorial

The problem with the moderate Mormon

By Jonathan Adamson

I am a

27-year-old gay ex-Mormon. I came out when I was 24 at Brigham Young University and left the church earlier this year. For the bulk of those first 24 years of my life I believed there was a part of me that was evil and distorted. Proposition 8 brought the gay issue to the forefront of Mormonism and reinforced the already solid belief that I was somehow broken and devilish. In spite of the fact that I had served a mission, studied at BYU and never acted on my feelings, I felt alone and despised.

Prop. 8 brought a lot of heat and criticism down on the church. There was a lot of pressure both within and outside the church to stop the political agenda by church leadership. This kind of press and pressure caused leadership to look to their public relations department to fix the situation. Over the years following Prop. 8, the church has grown quieter on the issue of homosexuality. Unfortunately, silence is not the same as change.

The church’s silence has been rewarded by groups like Mormons Building Bridges.

This group began as a beacon of hope to the LGBT community in Utah as well as LGBT-friendly Mormons nationwide.

It gained support and recognition from LGBT advocacy groups throughout Utah and the country as they were seen participating in parades. The message: “We are Mormon, we are sorry, and we support and love LGBT people.” They became the new voice for the many advocacy groups that responded to their request to join them.

It looked like it could be a new leaf in Mormon history when members across the nation would apologize for the actions of their church and work to fight for LGBT acceptance.

Soon after the media attention and praise however, MBB’s true face began to show. Voices from the LGBT community that spoke of hope and efforts to gain full

equality were silenced. Talks of politics and policy were forbidden. Experiences that were being shared, shedding light on the abuse experienced at the hands of the church and its leaders were shunned. At one point I asked a question, “How can a person claim to love, understand and support an LGBT individual and at the same time not stand by that person in their quest to achieve full equality? How do we talk about love and understanding and support without also talking about gaining equal standing under government and within our smaller communities?”

My question was met with criticism.

I was condemned for suggesting we talk about equality, especially marriage equality. I was messaged by an administrator of the group who let me know that there was no room for comments like mine on MBB and that I should find some other group to express my views.

Now, it is fully acceptable for a group to decide what its purposes are. What is unacceptable is to rally together LGBT advocacy groups to march with you under the guise of Mormons supporting the LGBT community when, in fact, the purposes and intentions have nothing to do with the LGBT community and their pursuit of real equality. What is most offensive is what this group has done for the Mormon Church which has not changed a single thing since before Prop. 8. By marching as Mormons who support LGBT people, they have given the nation a reason to believe that the church has changed. Now, it would be one thing if this group actually was apologizing for the church and seeking change in church policy and practices regarding homosexuals.

But clearly, the group has no interest in any such activities. They are no threat to the church because they do not request anything of the church or its leadership.

The church hides in the shadows doing

nothing and they are receiving positive press as a result of MBB which, in reality, is saying nothing different than what has already been said by church spokespeople.

So why is this bad? Well, let’s start with Utahns. The state of Utah is heavily influenced by the Mormon church. Our government, policies and our communities are all connected to church headquarters. The attitudes of church leadership are reflected in almost every area of our lives from our employment and laws to our schools and communities. Regardless of your affiliation to the church, it still has an affect on your life, especially as an LGBT person.

The doctrine of your religion writes inequality into it policies and practices,

How do we talk about love and understanding and support without also talking about gaining equal standing under government and within our smaller communities?” how can you feel loved by fellow believers in the doctrine of inequality, let alone by God, the supposed author of such doctrine? The answer is simple: You don’t. This is why the blanket of complacency that MBB has spread over the church and its followers is so dangerous. It has replaced the pressure on the church with smiles.

The cost is more LGBT youth that will grow up in a church that continues to promote the same doctrine of inequality that it always has. Sitting next to a smiling person who has their arm around you does not change the message that is coming from the pulpit. It only causes more conflict and pain to youth who won’t under-

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 23

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

stand why this person who claims to love, understand and support them continues to pay tithing to, sustain, support and defend the church and it’s leaders as they continue to promote anti-gay teachings.

In April of 1963, Martin Luther King Jr. wrote a letter from a Birmingham jail to his fellow clergymen. What he had to say about the “white moderate” is what I have to say to MBB and the people that share its philosophy — the “Mormon moderate” who believes they are doing good: “I must make two honest confessions to you, my Christian and Jewish brothers.

First, I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Councilor or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says, ‘I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action’; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man’s freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the negro the wait for a ‘more convenient season.’

Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating that absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.”

We cannot accept any timetable that is not now. Lives are at stake. People’s senses of worth and dignity are hanging in the balance. We cannot and will not excuse anyone who continues to perpetuate the status quo. The cost is too great. Q

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24 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

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By D’’Anne Witkowski

Frankly,

gays should have seen it coming. It was only a matter of time before it happened. I’m not talking about hurricane Sandy herself, but the inevitable parade of idiots claiming that she never would have happened if it weren’t for all of those homos in New York taunting God with their gayness.

It takes a certain kind of person to make a natural disaster into an anti-gay event, but my guess is a lot of these folks need something to blame this kind of destruction on since global warming isn’t “real” and certainly God wouldn’t do shit like this for no reason, right?

Obviously the Westboro Baptist Church of Idiots praised God for the storm. No surprise there. Every time something terrible happens to the United States, whether it’s a storm or a soldier dying, these loons say, “God made that happen to you for loving fags so much.”

But I think the Westboro Baptist Klan gets too much attention for this kind of thing, really, stealing the spotlight, making it seem as if such anti-gay animosity is limited to them. In reality, there are many other anti-gay fanatics preaching some of the same crazy shit under the guise of religion.

Take Rabbi Noson Leiter of Torah Jews for Decency, who said on Oct. 30, “We believe the Great Flood in the time of Noah was triggered by the recognition of same-gender marriages” and that he and other “leading” rabbis “believe that there are messages in this particular storm for us.” A message such as: “The Lord will not bring another flood to destroy the entire world but He could punish particular areas with a flood, and if we look at the samegender marriage recognition movement that’s occurring, that certainly is a message for us to learn,” he said. “We, not just the bad people but the good people, we have to learn that the Lord does watch what we do and if we don’t shape up He will deliver divine justice.”

And where else would the Lord deliver

such justice than in Lower Manhattan, “one of the national centers of homosexuality,” according to Leiter. He also, and I shit you not, pointed to the fact that a double rainbow appeared in the sky after the storm hit as “evidence.”

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo called Leiter’s comments “as offensive as they are ignorant.”

Then there’s Kevin Swanson of Generations with Vision Ministry in Colorado who said, “The two worst storms, materialwise, in the history of America has happened in just the last five years and here’s the interesting thing about this storm, it hit New York City,” which he describes, along with New Orleans and San Francisco, “We believe the as “the top three most Great Flood in the pro-homotime of Noah was sexual, protriggered by the liberal cities in America.” recognition of sameHe contingender marriages” ued, “There is a God in the heavens and in the past, sins like homosexuality ... have really irritated Him.” Right wing preacher John McTernan declared on his blog, “Hurricane Sandy hit New York six-days after the state highest court sealed homosexual ‘marriage.’ The nation is paying an incredible price making sin an ordinance. This is not the end but the beginning unless the church acts to repent and cry out for an outpouring of God’s Holy Spirit. There is not much time left. America has turned its back on God and is now offending His holiness.”

And when God gets upset, He throws a hissy fit and destroys stuff, much like a toddler. Either somebody needs to call Super Deity Nanny, or these so called “believers” are full of hot air. Q

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 25

a mom’s view

The color of your eyes

Mom's View

By Leesa Myers

I love

metaphors. They help me to understand and remember things; I use them a lot with my clients as well to express a point. Here is one I like: When you were born, you were born with a certain color of eyes — let’s use green. The problem is, all of your family members’ eyes are blue. Your parents say how much they love your green eyes, that God gave them to Moms! Our you, it is not your children are not fault they throwaways and are green, are not broken, sick and there or have a malady is nothing that needs to be wrong with you. But changed. your siblings tease you because you are different. Neighbors ask how you got green eyes when your entire family has blue eyes. You are confused and hurt because you want to have blue eyes just like your family.

You go to family reunions and you hear the whispers of family asking how you got those green eyes and someone pipes up, “I know cousin Nick also had green eyes, that must be it.” You hear on the news that they are now making different colored contacts for eyes and you now have the answer to your dreams; you can have blue eyes like the rest of your family. People will not see you as different, life will be happy because you now have blue eyes.

You wear your blue eyes for a while.

Life is great, no one knows you have green eyes. The problem is that each night you have to take out your contacts and let your green eyes have a rest. Each day it becomes harder and harder to put the contacts back in your eyes. You become angry at God and the world for having green eyes and not letting it be OK. The Mormon Church says it’s OK to be gay as long as you do not participate in gay activities. You have to “act” normal by

• Mom’s, when your children came to you and said;

societal standards (blue eyes). We love you I am gay, I am lesbian, I am transgender, I am and it is like any addiction, you just have bi-sexual. to say, “No.” I received a story from an incredible • What was your first thought? man, who is Mormon, did everything right; • Where did you go for help or answers? he went on a mission, married, has children • Who was your support? and was living a life of “blue eyes” to the world. He doesn’t want to hurt his wife’s feelings but he’s not physically attracted Mom’s View is being launched as a BlogTalkRadio to her. At the end of his story, he wrote podcast, along with a web-site full of the most powerful paragraph I will never resources and answers. forget; “Hetero women need to know they are married to hetero men, and hetero men need to know they are married to hetero women. The wrong match is bondage. The right match is freedom.”

Moms! Our children are not throwaways and are not broken, sick or have a malady that needs to be changed. They have the most amazing colored eyes that express God’s love perfectly. This world is starting to make changes, but not fast enough.

We, as mothers, need to stand side by side or even in front of our children and tell our families, friends and the world that we are proud of our children no matter the color of their eyes, or sexual orientation.

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26 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

queer shift

Abundance shift

By Charles Lynn Frost

With the

election behind us, the television and radio advertisements over, the Facebook posts decreasing and the next four years transforming — perhaps we can have a short period of time with less polarization, partisanship and prepossessed opinion. I am elated with the multifaceted results and civil-rights advances; however the Brechtian theater lover part of me was twistedly interested to have seen us violently hurled backward to the 1950s with the GOP, and Romney and Ryan’s platform and plan. I would’ve loved to live through the second American civil war! The huge transformation that is occurring in the world really boils down to scarcity versus abundance thinking. Those who once held all the power were terrified of the shift toward equality. And when you think of these two very different types of thinking, abundance or scarcity and how we go about life, perceiving and behaving, I truly believe that being more abundant can be one of the greatest shifts we can grasp.

That’s the country; but now let’s downshift to the state, the city, the community, specifically our queer subculture; where the same scarcity patterns tend to exist and thrive.

I’m a truth teller for as far back as I can remember. At times, I get my ass into some not-so-pretty situations because I can be too candid. It’s who I am, and when you are my friend, my coaching client, my team member, my fellow actor, hell — even my dear partner — you pick up both ends of the stick. On one end you get what I’ve been told is sensitivity, valuable wisdom from life experiences, a wicked sense of humor and honesty; on the other end of the stick — the complete truth about any situation that you’re asking my opinion. What I’m trying to say it that it can be a good and a bad thing at times.

A few lead-in questions.

1. Why do we in the queer community devour one another?

2. Whose role is it to define community?

To grow the community?

3. Where does self-esteem come into the totality of success in our community?

4. Is drama a required component of our community?

5. What perpetuates genuine caring and concern in our community?

It all comes down to mindsets or what some old-timers call paradigms. The way we see things, perceive life, people, the way we process information and formulate our opinion about everything! In particular, our mindset or life outlook of abundance versus scarcity in our thinking, behaviors and relationships whether they be personal, volunteer, civic or professional.

So get to the fucking point. So many times I see members of the LGBT community consciously or subconsciously hurting one another. Why? Aren’t we all in this together; the same queer community shifting together, doing our best to make sense of our collective lives and improve our queer community in the process? Why is there so much divisiveness, suspicion, meanness, gossip and downright destruction of one person, group or organization toward another? I have seen and heard it within all groups, and I find it to be the biggest hurdle we still have to overcome to obtain full and wonderful acceptance by the society outside of the LGBT world! If we cannot listen to each other, learn from one another, seek first to understand one another, without bitterness, cattiness and demeaning comments and machinations, then how are we to expect others to act toward us in better and more respectful ways?

Over my years of living out and loud in the LGBT culture, I have come up with what I call the four cancers and the four cures. The four cancers infect and spread within entire communities, organizations, teams and most importantly in individual LGBT relationships unless we are prudently on the lookout for them and combat them by being abundant in our behaviors, words and mindsets before they become destructively entrenched and even deadly.

The four cancers are: competing, criticizing, complaining and comparing. We’ve all participated in them. That’s human. The challenge for behavioral change, which leads to individual happiness, relationship effectiveness and organizational success, is recognizing when we engage in the cancers, check ourselves immediately to be more abundant and gravitate toward the four

cures. If left unchecked, the cancers can easily become habitual — a lifestyle and ever so difficult to delete from one’s day-to-day conversations, thoughts and life.

I am advocating that all of us in the queer community take some time to recognize how frequently we fall back into conversation that includes one or more of these four cancers. I know I have to check myself every single day to make sure that I don’t fall into the trap. It’s damned tricky and difficult to do.

I’d be sententious if I only yammered about the four cancers and ended there.

So in my sincere desire to honestly shift our queer community toward abundance I unpretentiously offer four cures.

The four cures are: communicating, collaborating, cooperating and celebrating.

Now, I didn’t expound on the four cancers, but I do wish to do so a bit more with the four cures. I don’t desire to define them for you, for that is a personal and individual matter. Nevertheless, I have personally discovered and observed that actively participating in these four behaviors a person, team or organization can promote and advance an abundance mindset. I would like to implore the LGBT culture to give them a try. They do work, and they do provide a solid platform for progress for all the positive things we are collectively working toward. There’s a huge transformation taking place, of which the 2012 election outcomes are manifest evidence. How we get to our next successes, victories, societal change, is just as important as when we get there.

So the next queer community gathering, work-related meeting, volunteer situation, or intimate conversation, please go for the four cures instead of a debilitating cancer.

To borrow on my heritage I can bear testimony that they work, and they take effort and exertion. They are founded in tremendous abundance. Let’s remove drama from our community, let’s work together intergenerationally, let’s check our egos and turbo charge our collective queer self-esteem, and truly care, show concern and take 100 percent responsibility for being abundant. The changes we most desire are found within that number.

“As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world — that is the myth — as in being able to remake ourselves.”

— Gandhi Best and bless from this big mouth, striving every day. Q Charles Lynn Frost is SAGE Utah Program Director. More info at tinyurl.com/sageutah

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 27

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

who’s your daddy?

My dinner with Dallin

By Christopher Katis christopher@qsaltlake.com

I don’t

Dallin Oaks, nor do I know what position in the Mormon Church he holds. I do know that his comments made at the last LDS General Conference were so appalling that he should apologize.

Oaks thinks my kids are victims because they have two dads.

He thinks that I’m being selfish because I am a gay man and a father. Here’s what’s really bothers me about Oaks’ comments: I’ll bet he’s never spent time with a family like mine. It’s very possible he’s never even met a family with two dads or two moms. But that hasn’t stopped him from judging gay and lesbian parents.

So here’s the deal: Mr. Oaks, I’m officially inviting you to our house for dinner.

Here’s what you’ll find, sir: two little boys who are anything but victims. You’ll meet two kids, who are self-confident, self-assured, smart, funny, athletic, happy and most of all, loved unconditionally.

As far as their parents being selfish? Well, Kelly can be a blanket hog. However, I don’t think that’s what you’re talking about.

I can’t imagine that you’re suggesting gay parents ignore their kids’ best interests in pursuit of their own good times. But just in case that’s exactly what you’re implying, if you come by for dinner, I’ll let you take a peek at my calendar.

You’ll see it’s pretty full with self-indulgent extravagances like taking the boys to school, lugging Gus and his equipment to hockey practice, attending church with them, getting snacks for Niko’s Sunday school class, schlepping them to art class, doing homework with them and reading with them.

Dude, I would love to be selfish every now and then, but I just don’t have the time.

And just as I’ve had plenty of devout Mormon friends tell me you don’t speak for them, I wouldn’t presume to speak for every gay parent in the world, but I’d wager they’d like to be selfish every now and then too.

I suppose maybe what you really meant was that Kelly and I are being selfish by becoming parents, that we put our own desires to be fathers over allowing our boys to have a mom and a dad.

Yeah, about that, why don’t you stroll over to the local state adoption agency and check out the list of kids waiting for parents?

It’s supply and demand, man, and there’s a hell of a lot more supply.

Of course, I also don’t subscribe to the argument that two dads are only better than no parents at all. Every type of family is legitimate and deserves respect.

There’s the rub, you don’t respect my family. You don’t know a thing about us, you’ve never met us, you’ve probably never even seen us interact together, but you have judged us. Actually, you have judged a lot of families you don’t know.

I don’t know a whole lot about the tenets of your faith, Mr. Oaks, but I’m pretty sure judging anyone flies in the face of them, let alone judging families you know absolutely nothing about.

So here’s my offer to you: why don’t you come to our house for dinner? Bring your wife. Bring your kids. I’ll even make homemade Greek food. It will give you all an opportunity to meet a family headed by two gay men.

But be prepared, I suspect you’ll find us extraordinarily boring and astonishingly void of victims.

Oh, and to make you all more comfortable, for dessert I’ll even whip up Jell-O. But no shredded carrots in it, I draw the line at shredded carrots. Q

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28 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | VIEWS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

guest editorial

Domestic violence: A gay man’s journey

By Rob Darke

Although

the relationship ended in 2001, I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone about what I had experienced until last year. Part of it was that we had mutual friends, which he has abandoned, to become an anti-gay street preacher in Seattle. Most of them were his friends first, so I felt like I shouldn’t “taint” their memory of their old friend because, as fucked up as it sounds, I loved the guy. I spent a great deal of time defending him to everyone in my life.

As always, it started out as verbal abuse.

I also went through periods when I blamed myself (cliche in action). But there were certainly occasions when I knew what was going on was not OK. I was living a Lifetime storyline that Lifetime movies are made of. When he punched me on my 21st birthday for making a joke in front of friends, I laughed it off. They were quick to pull me aside and say, “Rob, what the fuck?” I brushed it off. There was also the matter of machismo. He was a lot bigger than me. He won the Washington State wrestling championship in high school.

In my experience, so many straight

people like to question, “OK, so if it’s two guys, then it’s pretty much no holds barred, right?” Almost like they equate our everyday fights to a mixed martial arts event. I even had one friend who remarked that I was lucky that I could hit my significant other since he couldn’t.

When it first happened, I was stunned.

I remember my thought process clearly. It was something along the lines of, “Wait, he is supposed to protect me from the big bad world and he’s making me feel like I need protection from him!”

That night will always stick with me.

We got in an argument over something stupid, like washing the dishes or doing the laundry. He threw a bunch of CDs at me and then punched me. My parents picked us up to go to a play just 30 minutes later. After it happened, I cried on our bed for a good 10 minutes and then got myself ready. My parents arrived, and we went to the play like nothing had happened. I felt like I had to keep my brave face on in front of my parents, lest I face any, “maybe you shouldn’t have moved in with him” comments.

I think the biggest factor for my silence while it was happening was my own pride.

DecideToDrive.org

news_3column.indd 3

2/23/11 9:17 AM

I had moved out of my parents’ house when I was 17 to live with this guy who was 26 at the time. I didn’t want to hear, “I told you so.” My parents still don’t know the extent of the abuse. But, even more than that, I felt that gay relationships were so looked down upon by society, that if I had told anyone that my boyfriend was hitting me they would interpret that as all gay couples are unhealthy and abnormal.

I thought that it would harm the community at large. So I didn’t say anything.

This was also a major factor in my decision not to call 911 when he tried to rape me one night. Given the way the laws work, I could have gone to jail for domestic violence. While I couldn’t prove that he had tried to rape me, he could certainly show the cops the chunk of his arm I bit off to escape.

Ironically, he developed a cocaine addiction in the last 18 months of our relationship, and became a much more pleasant individual.

The biggest and stupidest irony of those four years was he left me. I was the consummate Lifetime housewife. Luckily, I managed to pay off the $27,000 in debt that we ran up in my name (mostly for him).

As is tradition, his abuse started verbally.

In fact he once said something to me that was so severe, I have never been able to repeat it. Needless to say, he managed to string together my greatest fears and all of my insecurities into one sentence. It still haunts me. My last boyfriend once said he doesn’t believe I’m over him. It kind of strikes me because my romantic feelings toward the guy have long since dissipated, but I’m probably not over the abuse. It’s quite possible that I never will be.

On the upside, from my perspective, things have changed so much since then (the late ’90s). Having gone through a lot more life experiences — he was my first relationship — I think that people would feel that gay couples are just like straight couples if they heard about the abuse some of us have gone through. Q

VIEWS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 29

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

wtf?!

‘Ex-gay’ pastor charged with sexual abuse A Minnesota pastor who specialized in so-called “exgay” therapy has been charged with assaulting two men while counseling them about their “homosexual tendencies.” Ryan Jay Muehlhauser, 55, was arrested and charged on eight counts of felony sex abuse. Investigators told NBC2 that one victim claims he met Muehlhauser two years ago at an event held by Outpost Ministries, an “ex-gay” group. The victim told police Muehlhauser “blessed” him by cupping his genitals several times. He asked the victim to arouse himself and said it was

like Colorado elects gay speaker Democrats took control of Colorado’s State House of Representatives and have elected an openly gay man as House speaker. Democratic lawmakers will choose Denver Rep. Mark Ferrandino as speaker when they reconvene in January and Republicans ratify the choice.

Last spring, Democrats tried to pass a civil unions bill, but were blocked by Republicans in the House. Ferrandino co-sponsored the bill and vowed to bring it back when the session resumes.

for “spiritual strength.” The victim also claims Muehlhauser would have him strip naked and masturbate while the pastor prayed.

Hate-group leader promises ‘revolution’ If the Supreme Court strikes down the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act, one hate-group leader is promising a revolution. Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins said not only would the decision “break this nation apart,” but that it would spark a revolution. Perkins was responding to an article in the Chicago Times that said the recent electoral victories for marriage equality could affect the Supreme Court’s decision.

DOMA is being appealed to the nation’s high court after being struck down by several federal courts.

In the 1992 election, Colorado citizens passed an amendment to their constitution banning any protections for, “homosexual, lesbian, or bisexual orientation, conduct, or relationships.” It was struck down as unconstitutional.

Philadelphia gets queer-friendly seniorliving complex Philadelphia will be home to a $19.5 million, six-story apartment complex of 56 one-bedroom units that will house queer seniors. The building will be in the heart of the city’s “gayborhood” and will provide a location for queer and queer-friendly seniors. It will also feature a courtyard and retail space.

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30 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

Holiday

GIFT GUIDE

The snow is already falling and the sights, smells and sounds of the holidays are sinking into the valley.

We’ve compiled a list of some of our favorite gift stores to help you shop local and gay this season.

Cover photo and other photos taken at The Vault bar in the Hotel Monaco by Erik Olson.

The models: Princess Nika Minaj and Zach Curry

HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 31

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

Cabin Fever 552 S. 602 East (Trolley Square)

32 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE

CaHOOTS 878 E. 900 South (9th & 9th)

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 33

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34 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY SHOPPING GUIDE

HUDDART FLORAL 156 E. 900 South

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

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36 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | HOLDAY SHOPPING GUIDE

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

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38 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

arts

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

16 things you should do this month (More events at gaysaltlake.com.)

by TONY HOBDAY

My birthday is a few weeks

off

and

my

friend Jake, who lives in Boston, told me to book a ticket to Montreal — that that’s where we’re going to spend a fabulous New Year’s Eve.

I

thought,

how

unusual and rural, and excitedly said, “OK, is it near Fargo, cause that movie

was

awesome?”

He replied, “In Canada, you tallywacker!” (Of course, he used a much more

colorful

word,

but I’ve been bettering myself

through

Mr.

Manners.) I laughed it off, but then reminded him that I don’t speak German. Abruptly, our phone conversation was cut off; I attributed it to the aftermath of Hurricane call

him

Sandy. back

I’ll

later.

1saturday

SB Dance Company’s annual “fund-rager,” WTF 2012, includes food from more than five top restaurants, including fine beverages; as live performance, up-close and personal; silent auction; and a humongous party with a set by Cleopatra and DJ Tidy. You’ll have a helluva good time while support the cause.

7pm, Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $75 or 2 for $125, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

The Utah Cultural Celebration Center is ending the year with a magical, holiday tree exhibit that overflows from the art gallery throughout the entire facility. The Trees of Diversity exhibit showcases not only more than 25 decorated trees by different ethnic arts groups, but also gingerbread houses, wreaths, nativities and “window-shopping” style holiday scenes. Plus, today only, the center is hosting a Winter Market, with 30 artist booths showcasing handcrafted arts and ethnic products.

9am–6pm, Mon–Thurs, through Dec.29, Utah Cultural Celebration Center, 1355 W. 3100 S., WVC. Free, 801-965-5100 or culturalcelebration.org.

Written by openly gay Tony Kushner (Angels in America), the film Lincoln should likely be a nominee for an Oscar. As the Civil War rages, America’s president struggles with continuing carnage on the battlefield and

as he fights with many inside his own cabinet on the decision to emancipate the slaves. Starring a favorite among gays, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Sally Field, and Tommy Lee Jones.

Now playing. Check your local area theaters for times or at fandango.com.

Academy award-winning director for Brokeback Mountain, Ang Lee, directs Life of Pi, based on the unusual and inspiring fantasy novel by Yann Martel.

A young man who survives a disaster at sea is hurtled into an epic journey of adventure and discovery. While cast away, he forms an unexpected connection with another survivor ... a fearsome Bengal tiger. I have high hopes for at least one Oscar for this film, if not several.

Now playing. Check your local area theaters for times or at fandango.com.

6thursday

Calling all Bat-Boiz and BatGurrrls ... Don’t miss a night with costume-clad crime fighters The Aquabats when they bring their super power synth, aquabeat music and zany antics once again to the Utah stage.

7pm, The Depot, 400 W. South Temple.

Tickets $17 adv/$20 day of show, 801467-8499 or smithstix.com.

7friday

Now as campy as the choir can usually be, this holiday concert, We Wish You Christmas, will surely feature them wearing

plastic elf ears and little redlighted noses and fishnet stockings. But that’s OK, because the Salt Lake Men’s Choir is spilling over with talent, beauty and mid-life crises. Hot!!

7:30pm, tonight & Sat, 4pm on Sun, First Baptist Church, 777 S. 1300 E. Tickets $20 plus canned food donations please, saltlakemenschoir.org.

8saturday

Get ready for a night of fast melodic riffs when West Coast punk band NoFX hits the stage in Utah. This somewhat controversial band is LGBT friendly if you don’t take them to seriously. Really, all they want is more inclusion — so get your punk on and support the BDSM community. Frontman Fat Mike said in an interview, “I’m a punk rocker, and I’m an S&M-er. We won’t be added to LGBTQIA because our lifestyle isn’t considered genetic. It’s more of a choice.” Awwww!

7pm, The Grand at The Complex, 536 W. 100 S. Tickets $22 adv/$32 day of show, 804-467-8499 or smithtix.com.

9sunday

Join Prince and Princess Royale 37 at the RCGSE Castle for Home for the Holidays Snowball 2012. The money raised on this eventful evening benefits the People With AIDS Christmas Fund and will help ensure that as many individuals as possible living with HIV/ AIDS in the state of Utah will

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december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com LIFE OF PI December 1

25tuesday

Barbra Streisand returns to the silver screen this Christmas in Anne Fletcher’s (The Proposal ) The Guilt Trip. Andy Brewster (Seth Rogen) is about to embark on the road trip of a lifetime, and who better to accompany him than his overbearing mother Joyce (Streisand). Across 3,000 miles, he is constantly aggravated by her antics, but over time he comes to realize their lives have more in common than he originally thought. Will Babs be showered with gold a third time? Hmmm...that’s sounds oddly titillating! be honored and supported this Christmas season.

humor, Bestor creates an intimate rapport with concertgoers.

lead singer Becky Jean Williams.

Sounds kinda hot!

5pm, Metro Bar, 540 W. 200 S. Donations $20 at the door.

Hours vary through Dec. 15, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $17.50–33.50, 801-355-ARTS, arttix.org.

9:30pm, The Depot, 400 W. South Temple. Tickets $20, 801-467-8499 or smithstix.com.

14friday

18tuesday

10monday

The Utah Symphony presents The Florencia Festival, a threepart symphonic montage of styles and sounds that inspire such works as Florencia en el Amazonas. In this first “act,” pianists Jason Hardink and Heather Connor, cellist Walter Haman, and violinist Claude Halter are doing The Music of Piazzolla, who was an Argentine tango composer and who inspired the nuevo tango, incorporating elements from jazz and classical music.

7pm, Abravanel Hall, 123 W. South Temple. Tickets $10, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

13thursday

The beloved Utah holiday concert A Kurt Bestor Christmas returns for its historic 25th anniversary. The boisterous LGBT-allied singer draws more than 20,000 delighted fans every year. Featuring an all-star band, a world-class chamber orchestra, and special guests, combined with storytelling and

In the trilogy prequel to Lord of the Rings, Oscar-winning director Peter Jackson returns us to the fantastical realm of Dodo and Precious (that one African-American chick, right?)

Anyhoo, in The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, Bilbo Baggins, journeys to the Lonely Mountain with a group of dwarfs (Sleepy and Dopey included) to reclaim a treasure stolen by the dragon Smaug.

BTW, you know what they say about hobbits with huge, furry feet, don’t ya?

Opens today. Check your local area theaters for times or at fandango.com.

15saturday

Many of us know and love the deejay Kaskade, but some on the other hand may not realize he’s also part of a house group called Late Night Alumni.

They are primarily known for mixing dance music with strings and soft trance-like vocals from

Plan-B Theatre Company’s “Radio Hour” returns with a holiday whodunnit. Sherlock Holmes and the Blue Carbuncle is an adaption,

by Matthew Ivan Bennett, of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s short story and is performed as a radio drama. In it, the brilliant British investigator uses deductive reasoning to find the source of a Christmas goose etherized by a stolen rare gemstone. Obviously, Holmes is going to cook someone’s goose!

7pm & 8:30pm, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway.

Tickets $20, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.

22saturday

In this edgy potpourri of dance, live music, aerialist acrobatics, visual effects and fashion is pure, sensory mayhem. Fusing movement, sound and technology, Quixotic Fusion harnesses light, rhythm and expressive emotion.

7:30pm, Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City. Tickets $20–67, 435655-3114 or ecclescenter.org.

Opens today. Check your local area theaters for times or at fandango.com.

31monday

The Broadway, film and television diva Kristin ­Chenoweth (Wicked, Glee, GCB) takes the stage in Park City this New Year’s Eve, sharing her dazzling soprano and enchanting style. Opera-trained, Chenoweth, 44, draws from her extensive Broadway repertoire, her latest country-tinged album (Some Lessons Learned ) — and virtually any genre in between.

She sings. She dances. She mesmerizes.

8pm, Eccles Center, 1750 Kearns Blvd., Park City. Tickets $30–160, 435-6553114 or ecclescenter.org.

upcoming events Jan. 12 Big Gay Fun Bus @West Wendover Mar. 9 Joan Rivers @Kingsbury Hall Mar. 28 KMFDM @The Depot

40 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

Gurrrl Talk with Kathy Griffin

by Chris Azzopardi

For a

good chunk of Kathy Griffin’s run, the spitfire comedian’s touted herself as a washed-up celebrity who nobody really cares about.

Her career says otherwise.

Griffin’s rips on the Hollywood elite — and Snooki — have opened up a world of opportunities: My Life on the D-List, her Bravo talk show, a book deal, sold-out concerts and a relationship with Anderson Cooper that we could only dream of.

The woman who likes to take on everyone else takes on herself in our completely ridiculous interview. Griffin gives tips on making fun of her, presents her plan for running this country if she were president and admits that she sometimes forgets how funny she is.

Who’s your favorite person to make fun of at the moment? I’m gonna go with Demi Lovato because she seems to have no sense of humor about herself and she has a rather checkered past, and that is a great combination. And she changes the color of her ponytail almost daily.

Sometimes it’s blue, sometimes it’s pink — I like that stuff.

Who’s in your ideal threesome? I’m like that straight girl that wants my gay friends to experiment with heterosexuality for the first time with me, so my threesome is gonna be two gay guys I know I could never have: Jonathan Knight from “New Kids” and Lance Bass.

PHOTO: COURTESY OF BRAVO

No Anderson Cooper? Would that be weird? Not for me!

Which women are in your binder? My binder is chock-full of women.

It’s overflowing with women. My binder is filled with Gloria Steinem, Jane Fonda, Suze Orman, Marlo Thomas and a lot of young, smart, aspiring chicks: Olivia Munn, Scarlett Johansson, Rosario Dawson, Kerry Washington — the girls that seem to have a few brain cells working. You know what’s weird? Somehow I also found room for Oprah. She was in the final flap.

Go-to karaoke song? “No Scrubs” by TLC. It’s always a crowd-pleaser. And “Waterfalls” can be so pensive.

Say you have a magical power, what would it be and how would you use it? That’s easy. It would be to make people more open-minded, because of course, this being election year, I feel like we’re somehow turning back the clock. As far as LGBT rights are concerned, we’re sort of going forward, but as far as women’s rights and a lot of issues that are on the ticket, we’re kind of living out a bad episode of Mad Men. So, it would just be the power to say to the United States of America, “Calm down, girl.” And I would spell it g-u-r-r-r-l. Because I feel like when people get upset about whether gay people should be able to get married or women should make equal wages, they have these nonsensical and illogical reasons for why they are opposed to these things, so I would just like to collectively say, “Calm down, gurrrl.

We’re all gonna be fine. It’s OK to have a little progress.”

We already know everyone in Hollywood is scared of you. Good.

How could someone be successful at making fun of you? Oh god. It’s so easy. I mean, obviously things have rolled off my tongue and fallen out of my mouth that are cringe-worthy, so things I’ve said. You could make fun of

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

me for ... god, a myriad of things. I’m, like, neurotic. You can always make fun of my mom — that’s throwing her under the bus a bit, but I never get tired of it. You could make fun of my Catholic upbringing and how it went so horribly wrong. My love life is usually in shambles, too. It’s open season on my life.

What’s your favorite cuss word? Fuck, for sure. I love fuck. I love everything about it. I love that it can be a noun or a verb. I love that you can be getting fucked and it can be a bad thing or a good thing. I love that “what the fuck?” is now a part of the lexicon, even on a news channel. I love everything about fucking, unless it leads to any physical discomfort or any chaffing.

Or a baby? No thanks. I’m not in favor of that.

How does your mother, Maggie, feel about your use of that word? My mother says this thing. This is so ridiculous. She says “feck,” and that’s an Irish thing. It’s an old Irish-Catholic thing where they think if you say “feck” it’s like a clean way of saying fuck. My mother also says “whoo-re” because she thinks she’s fooling you, so if she’s going to call one of the Kardashians a whore, which she might if she has enough wine in her, she will say, “Look at those whoores,” and think she’s fooling you. And maybe if you’re from a suburb of Dublin you’ll get that reference; my mom is not afraid to make a reference from the turn of the century — the last one.

If you were president, what would you promise the people of the United States? I would promise ... well, actually, I don’t know how I would promise it because good luck with Congress. But I would fire them. I would fire Congress and hire all Lady Gaga backup dancers; if they can get through that show, they can run a country.

I would run the country in a way that makes sense. I feel like we’re all waiting for that politician to say something that makes sense and they’re all so scared to say something like, “Yes, we should all have equal civil rights. Yes, men and women are equal. Yes, LGBT people are equal. We shouldn’t practice tolerance; we should practice actual kindness.” How about that, fuckers? That would be my campaign slogan: How about that, fuckers? It would be the Hey Gurrrl campaign of 2016.

I would actually resign and I would appoint Suze Orman as president, which has never happened before. You’ve never actually had someone say, “Well, thank you for electing me,” but the more I think about it there is someone a little better for the job and her name is Suze Orman.

Please describe, in detail, Anderson Cooper naked. He’s creamy and dreamy. He’s as pale as I am, muscular and his eyes are just as blue naked as they are with clothes on.

What makes you cry? Honestly, I can cry at a fucking commercial. It takes almost nothing to make me cry. Like, if I see those frickin’ ASPCA PSA commercials for the dog shelters, I don’t even need to hear the Sarah McLachlan song; even if I just see the images, I will start sobbing and I will then grab my own rescue dogs, who, by the way, have zero appreciation for the fact that they are fucking rich.

I’ll cry at Olympic commercials, too.

And I love a slow clap. I don’t even like sports, but I will cry if there’s a sports movie and the guy with one leg gets a touchdown or a basket.

If you could turn back time like Cher, what experience would you want to relive all over again? You know what’s funny, I was actually thinking of turning back time and going back to the ship with Cher and putting her back in the outfit from the “Turn Back Time” video.

There’s so many I would relive again.

My great times with the divas: time I actually got to spend with Bette Midler, Joan Rivers, Cher, Jane Fonda, Gloria Steinem and Gloria Vanderbilt (Anderson Cooper’s mom). I just love those gals, and I know you guys do too, and you get them and you love them and you support them. It’s something that’s the most important thing to me.

Big spoon, little spoon? Little spoon.

Author, TV host, singer, public pap smearing — what’s left? Look, I am so excited about the Kathy talk show on Bravo. We’re coming back on Jan. 10. I hope we stay on; I think we’ll stay on. I am so looking forward to the guests. Last year I did a show with Jimmy Kimmel and two gays; I did a show with Jane Fonda, Lisa Ling and Sharon Osbourne. I love the combinations of people and mixing them with the topics that we’re talking about

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around the water cooler — that is really what I’m looking forward to most. I’m still kind of working on the Kathy show, seeing what works about it and what you respond to, so that’s still a work in progress that I’m really excited about.

Who do you most want on your talk show when it returns for a second season? You know, it’s not about most; it’s more about who’s going to have fun doing it. We’re talking to everybody on the planet and all these unusual combos of people and seeing who’s going to be in Los Angeles. I joke that I am bored with anybody under 80, because my dream talk show would be my mom, Gloria Vanderbilt and, you know, Jackie Collins. (Laughs) I guess there are some people under 75 who are interesting; I’m just looking for them. Of course I’d love to have Cher on the show. I’d love to have Anderson on again; he’s so much fun. I’ve also been talking to (Kristin) Chenoweth and Megan Mullally and her husband Nick Offerman (who plays Ron Swanson on the NBC comedy Parks and Recreation). All these people are just great.

The type of person who’s just game for anything is my dream guest.

Who should play you in your biopic? The vain part of me wants Christina Hendricks, but it could end up being Andy Dick.

Song you love most on Taylor Swift’s new album? Well, obviously the break-up song (“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”) because there’s something so hilarious to me that she’s writing a really silly, fun, insipid song about Jake Gyllenhaal while he’s promoting his shaved-head, gritty, South-Central L.A. crime movie.

There’s something funny about a split screen of a clip from that movie and then a split screen of Taylor singing, “Never, ever, ever, like I am never going out with you, like never. Don’t even call Jake Gyllenhaal.

I’m serious this time. It’s me, Taylor.” Look, if she didn’t get crabs from John Mayer, then she’s gonna live a long, safe life.

Finish this: When I see myself on TV, I… I watch myself saying a joke that I forgot I said. There’s so much material that sometimes when I watch the special later I’ll say something and I’ll think, “Oh, I forgot I said this. That’s kind of a funny joke.” So there: When I watch myself on TV, I think, “She’s funny!” Q

interview

42 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

Hallelujah!

It’s Martha Wash

By Chris Azzopardi

If you’ve

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

been feeling cloudy with a chance of man-rain, have we got news for you. Martha Wash, the former lead singer of The Weather Girls, releases her first album in 20 years this December — and she’s bringing out the sun.

Known for leaving a mark on the disco era, the early ’80s girl group’s biggest hit, “It’s Raining Men,” is still as much a part of gay culture now as it was then. The theme of empowerment — one that the 58-year-old can relate to, especially after witnessing the toll Hurricane Sandy took on her New York neighborhood — endures on Wash’s latest solo album, Destiny, an adultcontemporary showcase for her powerhouse vocals.

Just hours after her power was restored, Wash called us to talk about what the new songs mean to her, how she fought for gay rights when few people in the ’80s did and being surrounded by hot hunks for the 30th anniversary shoot of “It’s Raining Men.”

Twenty years: Do you know how grueling this wait has been for your gay fans? (Laughs) Well, I’ve tried to give them a little bit off and on, but I’m glad this is finally coming out.

Why the 20-year wait? Well, what can I tell you? Life. No one particular thing, but I thought it was time to put out a whole new CD and hope that the fans would accept it.

Was it easy getting back in the studio? Yes and no. Some of the songs are a bit harder for me to do, but it was something I needed to do — to stretch out on things I had not done in a long time. I’m just really hoping that the fans will appreciate the work and love the music.

The album takes a very inspiring and faith-focused approach. How does Destiny represent you at this point in your life? I think it’s more so for the masses. There are so many people that are going through something, and sometimes they feel like they’re the only ones going through it.

I think that everybody needs a bit of uplifting, and the songs kind of sound like anthems. For some people, those are the things they’ll take away from the songs — songs of empowerment, just being uplifted. I think that’s what people need right along through here.

Obviously you’re known for anthems; “It’s Raining Men” is still a staple in the gay community 30 years later. Which songs on the album could be remixed for the gay clubs? Everybody wants a remix!

Can’t you accept it just the way it is?

(Laughs) You know how the gays are: They want something to shake their butt to. Have you considered remixes? Nope, no. We have not. I don’t think it’ll happen. That’s not to say never, because somebody is always going to find a way.

This album can stand on its own. That’s what we want it to do.

How can you relate to these songs? (Laughs) Oh, I can relate to just about every song, to something in there.

PHOTO: Project Publicity

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

Anything in particular? Good grief.

Put me on the spot here. I think as far as Destiny is concerned, having gone through love and loss and thinking, “If it’s supposed to be, then it will be; that would be the destiny for us. But if it’s not, then I gotta let it go.”

How much of a hand did you have in writing these songs? Just the one song, “Destiny.” I’m slowly getting into songwriting; that was a song Zach Adam already had the music and lyrics for, and we decided to just scrap the lyrics, keep the music and start all over again. So we wrote that one again.

For the 30th anniversary shoot of “It’s Raining Men” with celebrity photographer Mike Ruiz, how difficult was it being surrounded by all those hot men? (Laughs) Oh, that was fun! And the shoot went great.

The song is played everywhere: at weddings, gay clubs, even at my Zumba class. Look, it’s played everywhere, OK! The gay community snatched it up and made it their anthem, but like you just said, you hear it at wedding receptions, you hear it at bar mitzvahs, you hear it at parties, you hear it at clubs, at your Zumba class — you hear it everywhere. Even though it’s a campy song, everybody likes it. I think that’s why it’s lasted so long, because for 30 years you’ve got the kids and then you’ve got the grandkids who like the song. It’s one of those pop songs that’s a classic now.

Are you glad “It’s Raining Men” is the song you became known for, or is there another that you wished became your staple? I think for that particular time, when it came out in 1982, that was the song that was supposed to be for us, because other people had turned the song down. We were the ones that recorded the song and (co-writer) Paul Jabara was the one who really took the song around to clubs and asked the DJs to play the song in the clubs way before mainstream music picked up on it.

You know, 1982 was also the year I was born. Should I blame it for turning me gay? (Laughs) Uh huh! There are a lot of people who say, “I came out when that song came out.” And I say, “Well, cool!”

When did you know you had a big gay following? It was actually before “It’s Raining Men,” when I was singing background for Sylvester. I started singing

with Sylvester in the mid-’70s, and so he had a large gay following and it followed us when we started recording under the name Two Tons o’ Fun and then into The Weather Girls, and so forth and so on.

And how about all the Weather Girls drag queens? There have been over the years, because they’ve come up to me and told me, “We sing your songs in our show!”

Do you get a kick out of seeing them? At times, yes. (Laughs) Which men would you want it to rain?

For me, I’d put George Clooney in the sky. Mmm, sure. Let’s see: George is a nice-looking guy, but I’m leaning more toward Matthew McConaughey or Idris Elba. And Terrence Howard is cute. Russell Crowe’s not bad. So yeah, there are a few out there.

You’ll be given the Lifetime Achievement Award by the AIDS Emergency Fund on World AIDS Day at the 30th anniversary dinner gala — in the heart of the National AIDS Memorial Grove in Golden Gate Park – to honor your friend Sylvester, who passed away from AIDS back in 1988, and for years of raising money and awareness of HIV/AIDS. Why were you so outspoken about gay issues when so many people in the ’80s were not? Yeah, we were going around doing all these fundraisers for these grassroots organizations in different cities and we were asked to come and do shows to raise money for different organizations that were trying to set up hospices. I always say I wish I didn’t have to do this, but it’s been over 25 years (of AIDS/HIV) and I’m still going out, doing shows and trying to help people raise money.

How do you reflect on that time? And why was it important for you to stand up for the gay community? Because at that time I was losing so many people in the industry: artists, DJs, agents, managers.

People just leaving out of here in droves. It was a really scary time for a lot of people, and at that time nobody could really figure out what was causing this AIDS epidemic and the blame was always on the gay community — which I don’t believe was true, because I was hearing of straight people who were dying of AIDS. They couldn’t figure out how they contracted it. At the time, the gay community was really getting slammed for bringing this AIDS epidemic to the world, and it was wrong because at the time nobody knew how it was

A&E | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 43

contracted. But you always have to put the blame on somebody, so why not the gay community? That’s the easy thing to do.

So you were defending them. Yeah, I couldn’t understand why would you blame the gay community but not know how it’s contracted. Again, there were straight people (getting AIDS). I remember an older woman who died, she was in her 50s or 60s, from what they said was AIDS. So now how did she contract it? Was she with somebody who was gay? Use a little bit of common sense, but people weren’t. And they were scared. They were saying, “Don’t be around somebody who is gay, because you don’t know if they might give you the AIDS virus.”

I remember this one time there was a celebrity who had this big dinner party and she had all her silverware washed in bleach. Seriously. This was kind of a gossip report. And I’m saying to myself, “You don’t know how this is being contracted, so why would you bleach all your silverware?” It was just crazy.

Is that celebrity still a celebrity? Yeah.

Can we talk about who it is? I’m not gonna talk about who it is. She is famous and she was married to a very famous man.

But it was just the mentality at that time.

What do you miss most about Sylvester? I guess his craziness. (Laughs) Yeah, he was crazy at times, but you had to love him. He was way before his time and really just kind of on the cusp of going mainstream when he passed. I think if he had come out now, it would be no problem — him being a gay singer. There are more people who are coming out every day, period. But I think he was way before his time. Great singer, great entertainer. I think if he had lived longer, if he had come along in this generation, it wouldn’t have been a problem.

Where do you stand on gay issues like marriage? I’m for it. Look, from my perspective, there have been more gay couples who’ve stayed together longer than straight couples. My feeling is, if you are a citizen of the United States, you should have all rights and liberties of everybody else. If you’re paying taxes like everybody else, why can’t you have the full commitment from the United States government, from marriage on down? Q Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chris-azzopardi.com.

44 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | A&E

ROCK OF AGES It’s far from perfect. It’s not even great. But following his first musical, Hairspray, out director Adam Shankman’s take on this Broadway hit – which, by the way, basically only exists so history (and shoulder pads) doesn’t repeat itself – is such a kitschy good time that even Tom Cruise lets his hair down. His role as a seedy rocker who’s gone a little cuckoo is Oscar-caliber.

Also, Catherine Zeta-Jones moves to “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” like she’s ready to start a dance craze, Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand open their hearts to each other in a silly super-gay montage, and Mary J. Blige sings like this ain’t no family affair but an MJB concert. (Queen of hip-hop soul, people). Only newcomer Diego Boneta and especially Julianne Hough bore as lovebirds who fall for each other over music, which is too bad – the movie is built around their characters. The rest of it, though, kind of rocks if you surrender to the ridiculousness of the era’s soundtrack set to some of the cheesiest scenes in cinema history. And Alec Baldwin in a Bret Michaels wig. You know you want more, and the Blu-ray has it: a look at ’80s style, interviews with Sunset Strip legends and an MJB music video – the only one, because she’s Mary J. Blige.

MOONRISE KINGDOM No offense to Wes Anderson, but his offbeat, star-studded comedy about young love is as dainty, whimsical and lovable as hearing Taylor Swift sing about being a princess. This is a compliment, for Anderson’s Moonrise Kingdom, his best film ever, packs just as much nostalgic magic in its narrative: Two precocious misfits (first-timers Jared Gilman as orphan Boy Scout Sam Shakusky and Kara Hayward as 12-year-old Suzy Bishop) leave their everyday lives and run away into the wilderness, where they think they’ll find their happily ever after.

No more adults, either. Those grownups have their own problems, anyway: Frances McDormand and Bill Murray star as Suzy’s bickering parents, and Bruce Willis makes

screen queen

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

an endearing sheriff. If you’re not moved by the innocent charm of Moonrise Kingdom – which profoundly speaks to anyone who’s been forbidden to love somebody and loved them anyway – then check yourself for a beating heart. Special features are scarce, with only a few short making-of featurettes, but word is there will be a more expansive release for people who heart this movie like I do.

THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN In Marc Webb’s adaptation of the famous comic-book story, Peter Parker is a bullied highschool student transformed into a superhero by a spider bite. He web-blasts villains, crawls ups buildings and gets the confidence to woo Gwen Stacy (a blond Emma Stone being her adorably cute self). Gee, it really does get better. The reboot, released just five years after Sam Raimi’s third and final installment in the Tobey Maguire trilogy, is the most sensitive entry in Spidey’s web. Every scene featuring Stone and Andrew Garfield, with their awkward getting-to-know-yous, is especially likable, and recent Human Rights Campaign honoree Sally Field as Peter’s aunt is so awesomely emotional she’ll make you miss Brothers & Sisters. The Amazing SpiderMan also benefits from Webb’s indie touch: The first hour is as beguiling as a lot of his last feature, (500) Days of Summer. And hey, admit it, there are few things in life better than Andrew Garfield Ziploc’ed in spandex.

Unless, of course, he’s doing a catwalk in spandex, a short bit among extras like cast interviews and a long look into firing up the franchise again.

YOUR SISTER’S SISTER How do you deal with the death of a brother you lost a year ago? If you look to Your Sister’s Sister for advice, you go to your friend’s quiet cabin and sleep with her drunk

lesbian sister. The setup for Lynn Shelton’s little-seen indie almost sounds like a Tale Lesbians Love To Hate, but nothing’s objectionable in this drama about empathy, forgiveness and unconditional love. After taking a dare to go gay with a buddy in Humpday, Mark Duplass makes an even greater mark in his role as Jack, who’s ordered by Iris (Emily Blunt) to bike out to her dad’s getaway home where her sister, who’s wallowing after a breakup with her girlfriend, is also staying.

A few whiskey shots later and they’re doing it, and then things get awkward when Iris pops in. This is Blunt’s best role ever, and Rosemarie DeWitt is, once again, a revelation. All three are so fully committed in this little big-hearted film, one of this year’s most unexpected charmers. Extras are lean, but the director commentary gives an insightful explanation of the lesbian sex scene that’s caused a fuss.

BRAVE Pixar’s given us leading men, some adorable fish and even a robot, but what about a woman?

We finally got our pretty princess in Brave, a medieval fable about Merida and the path she takes to be her own person. That’s great and all, but it’s that curly red mane – every strand perfectly drawn and flowy and beautiful – that really had me in awe. It says a lot about Brave: animated up to usual brilliant Pixar standards, but lacking the studio’s inventive storytelling. Be yourself.

Go your own way. Shoot a bow and arrow even if you’re a girl. We get it, and we’ve seen it all before. Recently, in fact, with How to Train Your Dragon, an ancient story of standing up for what you believe in. Part of the problem is Pixar’s own greatness: The franchise has set the bar so high with Up, Finding Nemo and Wall-E that this installment just can’t compete with a tender tale of an old man and his air balloon or a cute android couple. The special features – a full disc of them! – focus on the animation, from complications of creating cloth (seriously) to discussions of smelly Scottish people.

Reviews by Chris Azzopardi

A&E | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 45

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

‘Keep the Lights On’ comes to Tower Openly gay Ira Sachs co-writes and directs a bittersweet love-to-hate-to-love story in Keep the Lights On. Based loosely on his own experiences, Sachs recounts a decade-long, but bound-to-fail, relationship between two gay men in New York City. Erik (Thure Lindhardt, in a sensational performance) is a documentary filmmaker longing for a real connection to another man, using phone sex as an outlet; that is, until he meets Paul (Zachary Booth), a closeted homosexual and drug addict. (Sidebar: I get that drug use runs rampant within the homosexual-male lifestyle, but the constant documentation of it in films as an ice-breaker to gay sex is becoming offensive.)

Other than my momentary rant about drugs being synonymous with gay sex, Keep the Lights On, is a low-key drama that seeps quietly into the many gray areas of gay relationships. At times, it’s unsettling, and at others, it’s sobering. Plus, the music of Arthur Russell helps propel the weathered nuances of the film.

Keep the Lights On opens Nov. 16, Tower Theatre, 876 E. 900 S.

Fantabulous Holiday Fête

The

A Festive Fund-raiser for Ogden OUTreach

floorshow • Saturday

15 Dec 2012 • 8:00-9:30 pm Ballroom • WSU Shepherd Union

$20/$10 students 801-626-7000 or weberstatetickets.com pre-show party for adults includes the floorshow 6:00-7:30 pm • Kimball Visual Arts Bldg. Atrium $100/single • $150/couple only available through the Browning Center at 801-626-7404 ogdenoutreach.org

World’s Ultimate Elvis Christmas Show!

Dec 14-16

A rockin’ Christmas show featuring Justin Shandor, named the World’s Ultimate Elvis by Elvis Presley Enterprises.

Dec. 19-22 Starring Fred C. Adams as Scrooge!

Dec. 23-25 Kurt Bestor’s Christmas Spectacular!

ParkCityShows.com • 435.649.9371

46 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD&DRINK

The Watermelon

By Ed Sikov

We were

closing down the beach house for the winter. I was in a piss-poor mood and so was Dan, and neither of us was behaving with any degree of marital civility.

We’d already fought over such terribly important issues as what kind of garbage bag to buy (I favored the kind with built-in drawstrings; Dan immediately reached for Brand X to save a buck; I prevailed), whether or not it would be OK if I spiced up the day’s dull tasks by puffing some herb (it would not be OK, Dan snapped, and I withdrew the suggestion), and whose iPod would reign on the sound system while we worked. Dan loves Mozart. I detest Mozart. “I won’t play Twisted Sister if you won’t play Mozart,” I generously offered.

“It’s a deal,” Dan said. Poor Dan. I don’t have Twisted Sister on my iPod. I put on my favorite playlist, “Fountains of Wayne’s Best,” and we fell into an uneasy truce.

It didn’t last long. Dan opened the liquor cabinet and began emptying it out. “This is going down the drain!” he stated, and before I had a chance to screech “no!” he’d dumped half a bottle of Midori into the sink.

“Stop!” I yelled.

“Why?” he calmly asked with an evil smile on his face as he kept pouring.

“You’re wasting perfectly good liquor!” I roared as I sped around the kitchen island and grabbed the bottle out of his hands

food& drink

before he emptied it entirely.

“This stuff bites,” he said. “Nobody drinks it.”

“I do.”

“You do not. It’s been here for three years.”

I couldn’t argue with him. Truth be told, the violently green Japanese melon liqueur was one of those items that had sat untouched on the shelf for several seasons.

“OK, OK. I’ll make you something good with it before dinner.” He shot me one of those cockeyed looks of radical skepticism he produces at times like this, and I instantly knew all over again why I adored him.

I’d planned a simple meal: burgers and salad. There was a bottle of ketchup left in the refrigerator and not much more, except a half empty bottle of cranberry juice. I much prefer the 100-percent juice variety to the market leading cranberry, water and sweetener brand, but I didn’t have a choice; we had to use up what a housemate had left in the fridge. Naturally, we had Absolut. We always have Absolut.

I mixed our cocktails and served them in the living room. Dan had finished his tasks and was reading The Economist. “Cheers!” I said brightly. Dan took his glass and examined it with the same wariness and vague distaste that a nurse practitioner would inspect an especially cloudy urine sample. “What’s in this?” he interrogated. “Drink it,” I said. “If I can taste that wretched Midori I’ll spew,” he threatened. “Drink it,” I repeated. He took a

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

ALL PROCEEDS BENEFIT THE PEOPLE WITH AIDS COALITION OF UTAH

sip, then a gulp. “This tastes just like watermelon! It’s…!” Then he caught himself. “It’s OK. But it’s more of a summer drink.”

“Put that glass down. Put it down now,” I commanded. He did as he was told. Then I dove onto his welcoming belly, yanked his shirt up and began kissing his navel mercilessly. I didn’t stop until he had apologized in several highly pleasurable ways.

The Watermelon 1 part Absolut premium vodka 1 part Midori Cranberry juice to taste.

Mix the vodka and the Midori in a tall glass filled with ice. Pour in cranberry juice to taste; stir and serve.

save the date

December 7–9

Salt Lake Men’s Choir Christmas Concert saltlakemenschoir.org december 16

Email arts@qsaltlake.com

PWACU Annual Holiday Party

November 17

pwacu.org

TransAction Gender Conference utahpridecenter.org NOVEMBER 24

january 9–13

Utah Gay & Lesbian Ski Week communityvisions.org

Big Gay Fun Bus to West Wendover

January 17–27

biggayfunbus.com

sundance.org/festival

December 1

may 31–june 2

Sundance Film Festival

World AIDS Day

Utah Pride Festival

utahpridecenter.org

utahpridefestival.org

FOOD&DRINK | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 47

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

Baby it’s cold outside — time for hot cocoa at Hatch’s

The holiday season is the perfect time to head over to Hatch Family Chocolates at 376 8th Avenue near LDS Hospital for their famous hot chocolate, which is not to be missed.

Hatch’s doesn’t use powder mix. Their secret recipe is steamed to perfection using a blend of solid chocolates.

You can choose milk or dark chocolate. They will even prepare your drink vegan. This rich, velvety, chocolate drink is fit for a king. People have come from all over the globe to experience their hot chocolate, which has been featured on many local news outlets.

Choco’s Mocha – This mocha is the real deal. An intense blend of chocolate

For people of all ages to hang out, play pool, get on the internet, play music COFFEE BURGERS SANDWICHES SOUPS SALADS APPETIZERS BREAKFAST BRUNCH POOL TABLE VIDEO GAMES JUKE BOX FREE WIFI OPEN Mon-Thur 7a–7p Friday 7a-3p AND After Bar Closing Fridays and Saturdays

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and espresso prepared using Hatch’s famous Hot Chocolate.

If you love coffee and you love chocolate this drink is for you.

Frozen Hot Chocolate – The Hatch’s concocted this one day as they took a rare day off to go shred it up on one of Utah’s ski slopes. Their wonderful recipe returned from the slopes with the same flavor as it’s original hot version, but with a lot cooler attitude and a little bit of frostbite. They don’t use fancy machines to prepare this refreshing drink.

They start with a frozen chocolare base and blend in a scoop of hand-dipped vanilla ice cream.

What are you craving?

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48 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | FOOD & DRINK

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

food&drink

Holiday Cocktails Here’s Live Organic Vegetarian Gluten Free Food

a couple of our favorite seasonal drinks. Try spicing up standard Champagne with tequila and triple sec. We’ve also got the perfect addition for eggnog to make any Yuletide gay.

White Christmas 4 ounces eggnog ½ ounce chocolate liqueur 1 ounce Southern Comfort Fill a glass with all the ingredients and top with chocolate flakes for a decadent finishing touch.

Feliz Navidad 1 ounce silver tequila ½ ounce triple sec ½ ounce pomegranate juice Champagne Pomegranate seeds

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Pour the tequila, triple sec and pomegranate juice in a chilled Champagne flute. Fill with Champagne and garnish with pomegranate seeds.

FOOD & DRINK | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 49

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

Cebicheria Peruana

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50 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | FASHION

fashion

‘Tis the season to re-stock the underwear drawer

From jocks

to soccer briefs, Timoteo has an impressive selection of sexy, stylish and comfortable underwear. We spoke with Timeoteo spokesperson Joel Johnston about underwear trends and how to best fit style to body size and type. Timoteo is distributed at Spark/Cockers, 602 E. 500 South, and Mischievous, 559 S. 300 West.

Also available online at timoteo.net.

Are there any new or interesting trends this season in men’s underwear? Fit and color is the trend. Guys want to know their underwear fits well. If it doesn’t fit well, it’s thrown in the trash. We fit guys all over the world and constantly hear back how great our fit feels. Color, color, color! Guys want color in their underwear drawer. From pink to purple to fuchsia, guys love color this season. Bright blue and electric green colors are king.

Are there any styles (box cut, bikini cut, etc.) that are more popular this season?

Our Super Low Brief, our Athlete Jock

PHOTO: Universal Studios

Brief and our Scout Brief are hands-down the best styles for 2012 and already preordered in new colors for 2013.

Do you have any advice for our larger, more full-figured men on underwear shopping? Any particular styles or colors? Guys of any size can pull off any style of underwear. If they feel comfortable wearing it and they like the way they look, then we support their choice to wear it proud. Our boxer brief tends to sell to a guy with a larger frame.

What would be a good Timoteo option for our readers that would like to emphasize their asses? Any particular styles or cuts? Timoteo has two styles that are the very best way to show off your “ass-ets.”

The Athlete Jock Brief is a very comfortable jock brief that frames your backside in the most flattering way. The body is a traditional low-rise brief and the back is cut out to give the body the feel and structure of a jock.

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

A&E | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 51

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

Q Q doku doku

Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached Eachlogically Sudoku puzzle a unique Enter solution which can be 9 reached withouthasguessing. digits 1 through into thelogically without guessing. Enter digits 1 through 9 into the blank spaces. Every blankcontain spaces.one Every each digit, must row must of row eachmust digit,contain as mustone eachofcolumn and as each 3x3 square.

Qdoku is actually five3x3 separate, connected, Sudoku each column and each square.but Qdoku is actually five puzzles. separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.

Level: Medium Level: Medium

5 3 1 7 6 3

1

2 9 1 7 4 5 7 4 1 8 2 7 4 6 8

6 9 8

7 8 9 4

6

1 9 5 4 6 9 5 2 1

9 7 1 6 4 9 5 3 6 1 8 2 5 1 3 7 5 2 3 6 7 8

Cryptogram

3 5 9 6 1 4 8 1 5

5 6 1 9 6 1 8

3 7 6 8

5 2 4 1 7 5 1 4 3

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9 5 4 2 6 1 3 1 6 1 5 4 3 2 6 7

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7 2 5 3 5 7 6 8 3 4 9 2 6 4 9 3 8 3 5 9 1 6 5 1 3 4

Anagram

Also Wills, Trusts & Estate Planning

people's market

6th annual holiday market of truly handmade Two Saturdays in December

December 8th & 15th 12:00 noon 8:00 p.m.

Trolley Square (south entrance)

unique products from local artisans

S U P P O R T O U R PA R T N E R S

We support the UCCC Winter Market on December 1st (1355 W. 3100 S.)

52 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | HEALTH

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

health

In honor of World AIDS Day

By Lynn Beltran

December

1 will mark the 24th anniversary of World AIDS Day, a day of observation established in 1988 to honor the victims of AIDS and to raise awareness about this serious public health issue. World AIDS Day events are held throughout the world in order to provide the public with an opportunity to present a united front and a fighting spirit in in eliminating HIV. A lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same in the fight against HIV and AIDS, even since I wrote on this topic for last year’s event. Rates of new HIV diagnosis continue to remain steady in Salt Lake County, and at times appear to

be increasing. HIV has made a resurgence in the minds of public health officials, all of whom would like to see public health efforts eliminate this disease. It has become clear to everyone that HIV is a preventable disease. Eliminating HIV and promoting gay men’s health have become priority goals for Healthy People 2020 and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

There is also renewed hope that we may find a cure for HIV in the near future, or, if not a cure, a vaccine. We continue to spend millions of dollars each year in research.

HIV medications continue to improve; the side effects are much better now than for HIV patients diagnosed early on in the epi-

Fight the holiday flab

you head out. This will help you avoid attacking the buffet table or dish up an extra-large helping of potatoes and gravy.

Make one trip to the food table.

Choose only the foods you really want to eat and focus on portion size. Remember, a simple taste can satisfy a craving or curiosity. Also, move the socializing and chit-chat away from the tables with food to stop unconscious eating.

For sit-down dinner parties, cut the first helping in half. That way, you’ll be able to enjoy seconds and the total amount of food will be the same as a normal-size portion. Time-saving exercise: X Press Q

Here are few tips to help keep off the holiday pounds and some time-saving workout tips from certified personal trainer Blake Robinson. To contact Robinson and schedule an appointment, go to evolvefitnessllc. com or email evolve3fit@gmail.com.

Take a bite out of your hunger before the party. Feeling hungry can sabotage even the most dedicated dieter. Eat a lowfat snack such as fruit or yogurt before

demic. We have developed new strategies for preventing transmission of HIV in our high-risk populations that come in the form of presumptive HIV medications for men who are HIV negative and have an HIVpositive sexual partner. Two of the strategies are ensuring that all positive patients enroll and stay in HIV-related health care and are minimizing patients viral loads with medications; the theory is that if a patient’s viral load is lower, they have a statistically lower risk of transmitting the virus to their sexual partners. Both of these strategies are incredibly controversial and expensive, but indicate a shift in the prevention paradigm set forth by public health.

In some ways, I find that attitudes have shifted in the past year particularly within the gay community. There continues to be fear about HIV within the community, but the fear has shifted. Many men don’t seem to fear getting HIV as much as they fear being found out that they are positive.

Many fear being rejected by their families or employers. Many are convinced that no one will date them or love them if it’s discovered they are HIV positive.

The message here is that we still need to be vigilant and united in the fight against AIDS. More than ever, we need events such as on World AIDS Day to remind us that this epidemic still exists, and to let us know that although so much has changed, we still have to fight. In honor of the day, the Salt Lake Valley Health Department will be hosting a week of public events around HIV at the downtown City Library.

The theme of this year’s event is World AIDS Day: HIV Still Among Us. Beginning Monday, Nov. 26, the library will display personal stories of those whose lives have been impacted by HIV. A portion of the AIDS quilt will also be displayed. On Saturday Dec. 1, there will be a viewing of the movie, The Announcement at the City Library, 10 a.m. The film is a documentary on the life of Magic Johnson and his journey as an HIV-positive athlete and public figure. The Salt Lake Men’s choir will also be performing at the library on Dec. 1 at 1 p.m. The Tower Theatre will hold a second showing of the The Announcement on Tuesday, Dec. 4, 7 p.m.

This epidemic needs support and awareness. Please join the Salt Lake Valley Health Department in celebrating World AIDS Day 2012. To find out more about our events, contact Monique Melnychuk at 385-468-4191 or email mmelnychuk@slco.org. Q

SCENE | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 53

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

scene

Editor Seth Bracken boogied his way to Club JAM, 751 N. 300 West, which hosts some of the most fabulous parties in the scene.

From Halloween to New Year’s Eve, it’s always a place to see and be seen.

54 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | COMICS

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer:

Name the diva performing NYE in Park City

hot skin tire wench _______ _________

cryptogram Jane’s World

A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced

by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.

This week’s hint: E = B

Theme: A quote from Washington Post columnist Jonathan Capehartabout the lack of discussion of LGBT issues in the presidential election

Giqdv rdgvb mi cgrb edakc ybdj ak eacmqdj fgrb gb fdjcdb ak Gsdvaogk zmhaqaob er Jdsmovgqb gkj Vdzyehaogkb, qpd bahdkod ab g ehdbbdj vdhadi. _____ _____ __ ____ _____ ____ __ _______ ____ __ ______ __ ________ ________ __ _________ ___ ___________, ___ _______ __ _ _______ ______.

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

COMICS | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 55

56 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | FUN

Sexy Sorcerers Across 1 Nice Nellie 5 Head for 9 Petty squabbles 14 Actress Skye 15 Spartacus or Ben-Hur 16 Is het up 17 He played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter films 20 Gets a smile out of 21 Gung-ho 22 Q, and others, in Scrabble 23 With 51-across, he played Jareth the Goblin King in Labyrinth 24 Pink-slip 27 Comics cry 28 Org. in many spy movies 30 Working in the theater 32 The Celluloid Closet author Vito 34 Just managed, with “out” 35 He played Merlin in Camelot 40 Griffin of game shows 41 Inundate

42 They may lie in bed with patients 46 Neighbor of Leb. 47 U-turn from NNE 50 Son of Prince Valiant 51 See 23-Across 53 Word before organ 55 Strolls leisurely 57 Hugh of Life with Judy Garland 58 He played Harry Potter 61 In doubt 62 Got in the game 63 Harden 64 I Dream of Jeannie’s Barbara, and others 65 Maker of some fruity flavors 66 Xena deity

Down 1 Peter Pan opponent 2 Bert, to Ernie 3 Low-cost way to buy things 4 They go down south for the winter 5 Catches on to 6 Like straight to gay (abbr.)

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gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012 9 Ford classics, familiarly 10 Island of Barrie’s land 11 Seafood dessert?

12 Alice and Vera’s coworker 13 Digits used when the IRS gets its hand in your pocket 18 Save from going to the bottom at sea, e.g.

19 Watered down 23 Bit of salt, for Stephen Pyles 25 What Dorian Gray never does 26 Beatty of Roseanne 29 AOL, e.g.

31 Take care of 32 Say whether or not you’re coming 33 On vacation 35 Raspberry that isn’t a fruit 36 What military guys may shoot off 37 Former netman 43 Where people Nastase don’t sleep with the 38 Shooter in Bruce Weber’s field opposite sex 39 Tom Wilkinson film 44 Longtime NFL coach about a transsexual Chuck 40 Degree for Andrew Tobias 45 Turn sharply

47 Gay porn site visitor, e.g.

48 Sit on, in a way 49 Potters’ tools 52 “Let me repeat...”

54 Telepathic board that inspired James Merrill

56 Bearing 57 Some watch faces 58 JFK preceder 59 Hand job?

60 Laurie Partridge portrayer Susan ANSWERS ON PAGE 58

Industry night Every Tuesday

Trivia Factory

Every Wednesday @ 7 pm

december, 2012 | issue 213

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Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 57

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58 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | HOROSCOPE

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

q scopes

LEO July 23–August 22 In planning a quiet weekend with your loved-one, be sure at least one person knows where to reach you in case of emergency. Keep your social life to a minimum for a while and get some needed rest.

Compromise, Aquarius

1 6 2 8 3 7 5 4 9

7 9 8 5 4 1 6 3 2

4 5 3 6 9 2 7 8 1

5 3 9 7 1 4 2 6 8

6 4 1 2 8 3 9 7 5

2 8 7 9 5 6 4 1 3

9 6 1 8 7 3 2 4 5

7 4 8 2 5 6 3 9 1

5 3 2 9 1 4 7 6 8

4 3 5 6 7 8 2 1 9 5 3 8 6 7 4 1 5 3 8 2 9

2 8 6 1 9 5 4 7 3 1 6 9 5 8 2 6 9 4 3 1 7

7 9 1 3 4 2 6 8 5 4 2 7 9 1 3 7 2 8 4 6 5

3 2 9 8 1 7 5 4 6 6 4 7 9 8 1 3 5 2

1 4 8 5 6 2 9 7 3 3 2 9 5 6 7 1 4 8

7 5 6 3 4 9 1 8 2 5 1 8 4 2 3 7 9 6

2 6 1 9 8 5 7 3 4 9 5 4 2 1 6 8 3 7

8 3 5 4 7 6 2 9 1 8 6 3 7 5 4 9 2 1

4 9 7 2 3 1 6 5 8 1 7 2 8 3 9 5 6 4

Cryptogram: After years of gays being used in bigoted ways as wedges in American politics by Democrats and Republicans, the silence is a blessed relief.

3 1 5 4 6 9 8 2 7 3 9 1 4 5 6 2 3 8 1 7 9

Anagram: KRISTIN CHENOWETH

9 2 4 3 7 8 1 5 6 7 4 2 8 3 9 1 7 4 6 5 2

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CANCER June 21–July 22 Maintain your self-respect by refusing unearned money, even when thrust upon you. Home life could be more pleasant if you get rid of the idea that you are the boss.

3 9 1 6 5 7 8 2 4

TAROT

SCORPIO October 23–November 21 Give serious thought to changing your lifestyle to make room for a loving and gentle Leo. This could be a very serious affair. Avoid self-indulgence and overdoing things in general for your health’s sake.

GEMINI May 21–June 20 Steer away from romance with a Gemini. They can often be good friends, but seldom make happy lovers. Speak your piece, especially with family. A chance for you to shine brightly in your community is near.

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7 8 2 4 9 1 3 6 5

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LIBRA Sept 23–October 22 Go wild for a day or two. Indulge a few whims and spend some mad money. But don’t let it become a habit. You need a fling now and then, but you should strive to buckle down hard in between them.

9 6 4 3 8 5 2 1 7

Hypnosis

TAURUS April 20–May 20 A long vacation involving water could be on the horizon for you. Take people at their word, then make sure that they live up to it. Look for correspondence from a long-time sweetheart, but be cautious in reacting to what seems like a sure thing.

5 1 3 7 4 2 9 8 6

Consulting

VIRGO August 23–Sep. 22 Get off your duff and quit wasting time. Your creativity has never been sharper, but you have gotten lazy. Don’t get too involved romanticly with a married person. A close friend may call on you for help.

2 7 8 9 1 6 5 4 3

Ceremonies

ARIES March 20–April 19 Stick to your gay guns if you believe in a cause and don’t let yourself be swayed. Be cautious signing your name or giving the go-ahead until you know all the facts. Romance with a Leo could prove exciting and involve a very long-term relationship.

don’t depend on it lasting.

CAPRICORN Dec 21–January 19 Good times are in store for you, both at the office and in your romantic life. Keep a smile on your face and avoid being cross or testy for no particular reason. In dealing with colleagues on a touchy situation, allow others to contribute, but try to keep your own hand in, as your experience may be needed. Check on a health problem without delay.

AQUARIUS January 20–February 18 Accept what can’t be avoided, but try to do it with a smile. Compromise is not always a dirty word and you might profit by adding it to your vocabulary. Exercise and improved health habits could solve a major problem for you. Keep your head down and your voice low when it involves office politics.

PISCES Feb 19–March 19 The good deeds of a friend may prove much more helpful to you in the long run than the flattering words of one who has his own axe to grind. Operate out in the open in romantic affairs as much as possible, because there are those who would like to have information about your affairs that could benefit them at a later time.

A relative may need help.

advice | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 59

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

ask mr. manners

Surviving the season

By Rock Magen

As we

prepare to enter the holiday season, I am sure that each of us has made a list (and is checking it twice) of the parties, family events and traditions we are accustomed to attending. The dread in all of this may be the looming idea of being with relatives with whom you struggle to remain civil, or to quote a term I have heard in Utah, being “frenemies.”

This was explained to me as a hybrid friend and enemy. Now,

When presented with frustration or anger or discontentment with a situation or person, don’t reduce yourself to that level by no means do I endorse this term, but whatever your dilemma, the solution in life and this holiday season is to take the high road.

At first your thoughts may lead to visions of tossing your head back, and taking a Scarlet O’Hara approach to your suffering, but I can guarantee that the times in life when we have to give our Gone With the Wind impressions are few and far between. When presented with frustration or anger or discontentment with a situation or person, don’t reduce yourself to that level. Don’t get into a conflict in that moment. You’ll feel better about yourself for it.

Ghandi was quoted as saying, “Be the change you wish

to see in the world.” This goes hand-in-hand with taking the high road. Picking and choosing your battles is what defines you.

So, are you willing to take the high road?

One of the greatest lessons to be learned in life is knowing when we are required to shine in the spotlight and when we are best served sparkling in the background.

There are times for protest and for civil disobedience, but on a day-to-day basis, it’s best to avoid bringing out the big guns. Especially during the holidays, it’s best to breathe before reacting. It’s also been said that the best defense is a strong offense.

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You came to fix my Internet. There was something about you that really got me excited as you were crawling around on the floor and I was sitting at my desk. There were so many hot thoughts that I would have like to have played out. Let me know if you would consider a return appointment. Tell me what you fixed and what you helped yourself to on your way out.

Young guy at City Creek Gym — M4M I’ve seen you a lot at the gym, mostly working out, but one day I did see you undress (Wow!). Today you

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What’s your game plan?

Try getting dressed up and looking your best (which includes a shirt that has sleeves.)

Put more emphasis on enjoying your company than having the company enjoy you. If you give them nothing to find fault in and put your best foot forward, the results will be stunning.

So, deck the halls, put out the holly and don’t neglect the mistletoe. Make sure bring out your best manners. This holiday season enjoy your friends and family, taking a little extra time for yourself. Remember the high road when a conflict arises. And on a final note, from one gentleman to another, happy holidays y’all! Q Do you have a question for Mr. Manners?

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60 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | SEX

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

the dating diet

Let’s get physical

by Anthony Paull

I’m an

awful friend because I’m not in support of Doug and his less-than-sexy fling with a doctor even though it’s not technically a fling. It’s more of a professional relationship that morphed into a one-sided date the instant the doctor’s finger made contact with Doug’s butt.

“I know. I shouldn’t read into it,” Doug shares over a drink. “But he smiled when he tickled my prostate. That has to mean something, right?”

I shed him a peculiar look.

“He’s a professional. He probably fingers buttholes all day long.”

“Yes. But he felt me up four times this year. Isn’t that special?”

“Not when you’re the one setting up the appointments.”

He flinches, hand to his heart. “I have a reoccurring itch down there. OK?” The itch is due to lack of sex. That’s why Doug’s been feigning illnesses since the beginning of the year. He has an offshoot of Munchausen Syndrome, but is on the market for sex rather than attention.

He says it beats online dating and jacking off at a computer screen. Plus, he has great insurance, so why not?

Sacred Sexuality

“It just seems wrong to get off on having a doctor grope you,” I later admit. At the mall he combs the H&M underwear section, telling me he needs to trim ‘down there’ for his next appointment. “Is the bald eagle still in?”

I wince. “What?”

“My bush. Do you think I should shave? What about a Mohawk?”

“No. No Mohawk. You don’t want your dick looking like some boy band from the ’80s.”

He laughs, getting excited. “I have a testicle exam scheduled and I’m not going to make it easy. That way, we have time for small talk.” A few days later he phones to state things didn’t go as planned. The doctor was curt, bordering on rude. He failed to exhibit proper bedside manner, telling Doug to focus on the testicle pain when Doug began to talk about his favorite restaurants. “I thought he might take the hint and ask me out. But he was all business,

saying ‘does this hurt, does this hurt.’ I was like, get a new line, you dirty masochist.”

“He was doing his job.”

“Whatever. If he’s going to grab my balls he can engage in mindless chitchat. It’s the little things.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about it. It’s over.” I haven’t the heart to add it actually never began. Two weeks later, Doug confesses he’s doctor shopping again. Some clients desire a doctor willing to distribute pain pills. Doug wants one with a ‘ready, willing and able’ penis. He feels karma’s on his side because he only signs up for single doctors. He doesn’t want to break up families. He wants to start off on the right foot. That’s why he’s keeping his pants on this time.

“I’m going to wait until the second date before I undress,” he says, calling me before the initial visit with a new doctor.

The doctor came recom-

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SEX | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | 61

december, 2012 | issue 213 | gaysaltlake.com

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(801) 595.0005 mended because of the special attention he gives to individual clients. “He’s known to actually hold your hand if he has something bad to say,” Doug boasts. After the visit, he calls me upset because the doctor asked about his sexual history.

“It was a little presumptuous, if you ask me,” he says. “You’re not supposed to talk about past relationships on a first date.

Everyone knows that.”

“But you weren’t on a date.”

“Really? Then what would you call it?”

“A physical.”

“Pfft,” he says. “Call it what you want. He wants to see me again. That’s more than I can say about other guys.” Growing upset he says he’s going to drown his pain in a vat of coffee ice cream.

“I’m really concerned about you,” I say. “This isn’t healthy.”

“Please. Would you rather have me date men who insult my pic on Grindr? Or should I go on Manhunt and talk to insecure guys who want someone straight and manly? What is healthy? I’m running out of

options so I’m getting creative.

So what?” He hangs up the phone, and I wonder if I’m overreacting. He’s not hurting anybody. He’s going after what he wants, finding new avenues to locate a man. It may be a tad outside the box, but he’s not harming anyone. Is it different from joining a gym or a social club in hope of bumping into a potential partner? Sometimes loneliness makes the looniest notions noteworthy. I once had a friend tell me his mother would linger in the aisles of Walmart, praying someone would say hello. It prompts me to consider what other measures people have begun to take in order to meet someone or simply have someone listen.

“Are you there?” Doug asks, phoning the next day.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hung up on you. I’m just so frustrated with trying to meet someone. You think I’m crazy?”

“No. I think ... I forgot how hard it is to be alone and have no one to talk to. So talk. Go on. Talk.” Q

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62 | Q SALT LAKE MAGAZINE | final word

gaysaltlake.com | issue 213 | december, 2012

the perils of petunia pap smear A tale of the pit and the pendulum The road to China is fraught with danger and excitement.

by Petunia Pap Smear

Recently,

I had the opportunity to make a work delivery to the Kennecott Copper Mine.

As my little truck approached the guard shack, through the obscured vision caused by my beaded eyelash extensions, my eyes were accosted by a barrage of red flashing lights on the closed gates. I slowly brought the truck to a stop. My innermost Crouching Tiger, Hidden Drag Queen senses awakened, preparing me for instantaneous fight or flight. I rolled down the window and took a deep calming breath, channeling my inner Laura Croft in preparation for the upcoming interrogation. I was taken aback when a stunningly handsome uniformed guard emerged from the gate house. How cunning of them to use attractiveness to lower the defenses of unsuspecting queens.

Breathless, I glanced at his name tag.

Rick, in a sonorous, angelic voice, asked me for my papers. I experienced a deep, hot burning in my bosom as I watched Rick’s tight, firm buns retreat into the guard house to get approval for my entry. It was impossible to determine whether the batteries that light my boobs had shorted out and had begun giving my heart unnecessary defibrillation, or whether I was receiving a revelation from God that Rick was the one and only true and living guard, and I was destined to bare his progeny.

After an extremely short session of fasting and praying, less than 60 seconds,

I received a testimony that subsequent to performing a mandatory cavity search on me, Rick and I were destined to ride off into the sunset. This was confirmed when Rick returned to my window, telling me to pull forward and wait for an escort, and added with a positively gleaming smile, “I’ll see you back here in a few minutes.”

My dreams were rudely interrupted when a little man best described as a scruffy, mud-covered troll knocked on my window and said in a low, growling voice, “Follow my truck.” I put my truck into gear and both vehicles climbed the side of the mountain, offering a clear view of the Salt Lake Valley. From one vantage point near the top, I calculated that in clear weather and with a small telescope, I would be able to see nine temples. This was further confirmation to me that truly, Rick and I were destined to live a blessed life together.

All wonderful thoughts of Rick were sent screaming from my consciousness as we crested the rim of the vast, cavernous pit of the largest man-made excavation on the planet. I sensed the troll had it in for me as he led me to the haul road that is traversed by the huge dump trucks that haul the ore up and out of this gigantic pit.

We merged into the line of slowly laboring mechanical beasts. The top of my truck didn’t even reach their hub caps. Since I felt as if I could be crushed like a defenseless ladybug at any moment, I turned the blinking lights on my boobs to their brightest setting, removed them from my chest and placed them on top of the hood as flashing beacons, trying to ensure that the drivers of the big trucks would be able to see me.

I began to experience vertigo, during the slow laborious decent of one vertical mile from where the top of the mountain used to be to the bottom of the pit. We passed an enormous shovel swinging its immense arm like a perilous pendulum Timoteo has a wide selection of over the road that could have picked cuts and styles that emphasize up my whole truck in one super some of the best assets.

trunk of the month

duper pooper scooper, and still had room for a five bedroom house in the cavernous jaws, as it dropped loads of rock into trucks. Down, down, down we went. My ears popped three times during the decent.

Upon arriving at the bottom, I craned my neck looking heavenward out of the pit. I noticed that we were so deep that the sun had set at about 1 p.m. and the bottom area was in a near constant shadow. I was actually surprised that the workers at the bottom were not speaking Mandarin, since I calculated that we were closer to Beijing than Salt Lake at that point. I also noticed two portals that led to underground tunnels that went even deeper into the mountain. I could swear that I heard the mysterious strains of, “The Hall of The Mountain King” wafting from the tunnels.

I am a size queen and the expression “drill deeper” is no stranger to me. Therefore, the exploration and filling of holes of any size should be of no real consequence.

Nevertheless, I was unaccustomed to having gone down so far and I was experiencing some claustrophobic anxiety. As quickly as possible, I unloaded my load and retraced the perilous path out of the pit. Giddy as a school girl, I advanced to the guard shack, ready to profess my unending love to Rick. You can imagine my shock when a rather homely woman emerged to check me through. I asked where Rick was, and was informed that his shift ended 10 minutes earlier and he had gone home. I did likewise.

Like always these events leave us with several eternal questions: 1. Could a menopausal hot flash have been the cause of the burning in my bosom?

2. Because of the vertigo, should people begin referring to me as a dizzy queen?

3 Could wearing heavier earrings have prevented my ears from popping?

4. Should I begin marketing flashing boobs as standard mining safety equipment?

5. If I had been faster, would Rick and I be on our honeymoon now?

These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear.

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