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salt lake Issue 199 February 02, 2012
RUPAUL BARES IT ALL Did Your Love Send Us Anti-Discrimination Gay-supportive Group a Valentine to You? Bill Reintroduced Meeting at BYU
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18th Floor Capitol View Room One South Main Street The Utah Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce presents this expo and open house for you to showcase your products and services to gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and ally business owners. Open to the public, this expo will help participants stay on the competitive edge with networking, idea sharing, product introduction and service solutions attracting executives at every level. This expo is free to attend. Required registration at UtahGayChamber.org Exhibitor Registration at
EvEn bEttEr than flowErs and chocolatE RACHMANINOFF & BEETHOVEN
fEbrUarY 17–18, 2012 | 8 PM | abravanEl hall One Of the wOrld’s mOst pOpular cOncertOs, played by One Of its mOst celebrated pianists.
André Watts returns to Abravanel Hall to perform Rachmaninoff’s 2nd Piano Concerto, a lush and expansive work that highlights the abilities of both soloist and orchestra. The season-long Beethoven symphony cycle resumes with the lyrical 4th Symphony, a piece Schumann called “a slender Grecian maiden between two Nordic giants.” Stravinsky’s jazz-inspired Scherzo a la Russe completes the program and continues Maestro Fischer’s multi-season study of his music. fOr tickets call 801-355-arts (2787) Or visit utahsymphOny.Org. text ‘symphOny’ tO 53535 fOr special deals sent tO yOur phOne!
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4 NATIONAL NEWS
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Quips & Quotes ❝❝I think it’s a local issue. I
think each community should implement what’s best for their community. On an issue like this, I think mandating that La Verkin have a similar ordinance to Salt Lake when their community values may be diametrically opposite … I think that’s further than we ought to be.”
Judy Collins February 6-7
—Senate President Michael Waddoups about a statewide nondiscrimination ordinance
❝❝The institution of the family
is the key issue facing this great nation. It is the foundation, the bedrock, upon which every dimension of Western Civilization rests… Of all the Republican candidates who are vying for the presidency, former Sen. Santorum is the one who has spoken passionately in every debate about this concern. He has pleaded with the nation and its leaders to come to the aid of marriages, parents, and their children.” —Focus on the Family founder James Dobson
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protection of marriage — the union of one man and one woman as husband and wife—is a matter of the common good and serves the wellbeing of the couple, of children, of civil society and all people… It is bound up with the nature of the human person as male and female, and with the essential task of bearing and nurturing children… we encourage all people of good will to protect marriage as the union between one man and one woman, and to consider carefully the far-reaching consequences for the religious freedom of all Americans if marriage is redefined.” —A letter signed by LDS Presiding Bishop David Burton and other religious officials
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Washington State poised to legalize gay marriage Washington State has secured enough votes in the Senate to become the seventh state in the country to legalize same-sex marriage. Sen. Margaret Haugen, a Democrat, said she will be the 25th vote to push the gay marriage bill out of the state Senate. A house committee passed the bill 7–6 along party lines on Jan. 30, and Gov. Chris Gregoire has been very public about her support for gay marriage, promising to sign the bill. The bill should hit the state Senate on Feb. 1. Washington is set to join New York, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Iowa, Connecticut and Vermont. The District of Columbia also allows same-sex marriage. “I know this announcement makes me the so-called 25th vote, the vote that ensures passage,” Haugen said in a statement. Haugen said she had to take time “to reconcile my religious beliefs with my beliefs as an American, as a legislator, and as a wife and mother who cannot deny to others the joys and benefits I enjoy. This is the right vote and it is the vote I will cast when
this measure comes to the floor.” The bill was debated in a committee hearing on Jan. 23 and dozens of people attended to protest, and support, its passage. “I have waited 17 years to ask this body to consider marriage equality for gay and lesbian families,” said openly gay Democratic Sen. Ed Murray. “I realize the issue of marriage for our families is emotional and divisive. It touches what each of us holds most dear, our families.” The anti-gay National Organization for Marriage has pledged to use $250,000 to fight the measure and promised to fight to remove any legislator who supported the bill, especially the Republicans who crossed typical party lines and voiced their support. However, its resources are likely to be stretched thin as the Maryland and New Jersey legislatures are also considering similar bills. If the bill passes, couples could begin to marry in the state in June unless opponents gather over 120,000 signatures by June 6 to force a referendum.
Anti-gay Tenn. politician denied brunch at Knoxville restaurant The sign in front of the Bistro at the Bijou now reads, “Today’s Special: Fried Chicken. Crispy Chicken Livers. No Stacey.” Martha Boggs, owner of the bistro, said she ordered controversial Republican Sen. Stacey Campfield out of her restaurant on Jan. 29 in disgust over his recent remarks about the origin of AIDS. “He’s gone from being stupid to dangerous,” Boggs told the Associated Press. “It’s just my way of standing up to a bully.” Campfield made national headlines by sponsoring the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, which declares that only sexuality involv-
not as I do Gingrich called out In May, 2011, Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich said, “By definition, if you run for president, anything is on the table.” He’s a huge proponent of using the media to air the president’s dirty laundry: During the Monica Lewinsky scandal, Gingrich lead the fight to expose former President Bill Clinton’s infidelities. But apparently he forgot his principles during a recent Republican debate when he told CNN’s John King, “I think the destructive, vicious, negative nature of much of the news media makes it harder to govern this country, harder
to attract decent people to run for public office, and I am appalled that you would begin a presidential debate on a topic like that.” King was asking about an interview with Gingrich’s second wife who said he wanted to have an “open marriage.”
Clean up the books Republican Kansas Gov. Sam Brownback is highlighting 51 antiquated laws on the books and asking the state’s Legislature to repeal them. However, the “criminal sodomy” statute, which includes oral sex, was not on the list of out-of-date laws. Anti-sodomy laws were struck down in the Supreme Court case Lawrence v. Texas. Queer rights activists say
the laws are still used to intimidate gays and lesbians and need to be repealed, especially while the Legislature is working on other laws that have been ruled unconstitutional or are no longer applicable.
Erasing slavery The Tennessee Tea Party is requesting that all references to slavery be removed from history books because it makes early leaders look bad. The Tea Party wants to ignore the bad and focus on the good, rather than accepting faults and looking at the bigger picture. This is a group of political activists who claim to want less government intrusion.
Mormons say they face more bias than blacks
Members of the LDS Church say they are discriminated against more than black Americans, according to a new study by the Pew Research Center. Nearly half of the respondents to the survey said they face ing “natural human reproduction” can be discrimination on a regular basis while less discussed in classrooms. It still awaits a than a third of participants said blacks are House vote. subject to equal or greater discrimination. The comments on the origin of AIDS When asked to describe the discriminacame during a radio interview with Sirus tion that Mormons face today, 56 percent OutQ where he blamed the virus on men cited misperceptions about their faith and having sex with monkeys and called the the lack of acceptance in American society. disease “virtually impossible” to contract However, most Mormons, about 63 pervia heterosexual intercourse. cent, believe acceptance of their faith is Boggs said those remarks crossed the growing and 56 percent believe the nation line and she told Campfield he wasn’t wel- is ready for a Mormon president. come during Sunday brunch. The survey confirmed the conventional “He didn’t have much to say,” Boggs said. wisdom that Mormons are more conser“He left graciously.” vative on social issues and found that 65
percent say homosexuality should be discouraged by society. Among the general population, a majority, 58 percent, believe that homosexuality should be accepted and only 33 percent say it should be discouraged. The Pew Center surveyed 1,019 members of the Mormon faith and reported their findings in the most comprehensive survey about Mormons and their beliefs to be published. Mormons make up about 2 percent of U.S. population according to the Pew Forum’s 2007 U.S. Religious Landscape Survey. The survey was taken between Oct. 25 and Nov. 16, 2011. Interviews were conducted with respondents who currently describe their religion as “Mormon” and live in the United States.
Landis Salon is proud to recognize Alaina Edginton for 5 years of exceptional service. Alaina specializes in hair cutting, hair extensions and has many other talents. She has an infectious laugh and a beautiful 5 year old son. Thank You Alaina.
Richard Surber CEO - Landis Salons, Inc.
6 LOCAL NEWS
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
McAdams, Brown reintroduce nondiscrimination ordinances By Bob Henline
During the general session of the Utah State Legislature, which started Jan. 23, Sen. Ben McAdams, D-Salt Lake City, will reintroduce a measure he proposed last session that will prohibit housing and employment discrimination against people in Utah on the basis of gender identity or sexual orientation. This year’s bill has a few additions from last year, additions McAdams hopes will help secure passage during this session. The new bill also includes language that protects people from employment action for religious or political speech outside of the workplace and it includes a new sponsor: freshman Rep. Derek Brown, a Cottonwood Heights Republican. Brown is the first Republican to openly support such a measure, though recent polling has indicated that more than 70 percent of Utah’s citizens favor nondiscrimination ordinances. The measure seeks to consolidate the anti-discrimination measures that were first passed by Salt Lake City and then by 12 other municipal governments throughout the state over the past few years. The idea, said McAdams, is to consolidate nondiscrimination into a single statewide issue, utilizing the expertise that already exists under current statewide nondiscrimination law that applies to religion, race, creed, color, national origin, gender, family status, etc.
Currently, a business that employs people in different locations is accountable to each of the nondiscrimination ordinances that apply in those jurisdictions. Complaints could be filed and adjudicated differently in each jurisdiction, creating a difficult burden both for the employee and the business. By bringing all of this under the existing umbrella of the Utah Labor Commission, McAdams said he hopes to create a positive atmosphere for both business
Park City mayor joins marriage equality push Park City Mayor Dana Williams joined more than 75 other mayors from around the country in a drive to advocate marriage equality for gays and lesbians. Freedom to Marry, a campaign to win marriage nationwide, launched Mayors for the Freedom to Marry at a press conference during the U.S. Conference of Mayors meeting in Washington, D.C., on Jan. 20, and Williams pledged his support. By joining the group, mayors sign and pledge the expansion of public and political support to ending the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage. The broad-based coalition of mayors includes Rahm Emanuel of Chicago and Annise Parker of Houston, and is chaired by mayors Jerry Sanders of San Diego, Thomas Menino of Boston, Michael Bloomberg of New York and U.S. Conference of Mayors President Antonio Villaraigosa of Los Angeles. Williams was first elected to office in
and employees. “Discrimination isn’t just bad,” said McAdams. “it’s bad for business.” Last year, his bill didn’t even receive a hearing in the Senate, but with the added help of its new supporters, such as Rep. Brown, the Salt Lake Chamber of Commerce and the Log Cabin Republicans, the time may have come for this legislation.
Discrimination bill finds support from businesses By Bob Henline
2002 and has signed and supported other pro-queer initiatives, including ordinances protecting against bias in the workplace and housing based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Williams is the only Utah mayor who has signed the pledge.
Sen. Ben McAdams hosted a panel discussion Thursday, Jan. 26, at the Utah State Capitol to discuss his proposed law, which seeks to add gender identity and sexual orientation to Utah’s existing list of prohibited discrimination characteristics. The bill has received a wellspring of support from Utah’s business community, including the Salt Lake Chamber of Commerce. The panel was composed of McAdams, Tim Sullivan (CEO of Ancestry), Brandon Pace (general counsel for eBay), Jay Magure (VP of 1-800-Contacts) and Cliff Rosky (Professor of Law, University of Utah). The bottom line, according to the panelists, is that discrimination isn’t just wrong, it’s bad for business. Each panelist agreed that there is a perception problem outside of Utah, making it difficult for them to recruit and retain the best talent for their companies. That perception, said Magure, “is reality and it creates real harm.” Pace indicated that his company is
planning to add up to 3,000 workers this year and if they can’t bring workers to Utah because of the perception that Utah is intolerant of the LGBTQ community then they’ll be forced to fill those jobs in other places. McAdams was quick to point out that Utah is a very welcoming and tolerant community, with over 70 percent of citizens supporting statewide housing and employment protections for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals. The panelists agreed, urging the state Legislature to enact the proposed law in order to send a clear message to people and businesses around the country: Utah doesn’t tolerate discrimination. Currently there are 21 states and over 300 municipalities in the United States that include sexual orientation and gender identity as part of nondiscrimination protections. More than half of America’s Fortune 500 have such policies in place, including major Utah employers such as Adobe, American Express, Zions Bank, and the companies involved in the panel: eBay, 1-800-Contacts, and Ancestry.
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Harrisville, Utah passes nondiscrimination ordinance Harrisville, Utah, has become the 14th locality in Utah to pass an ordinance protecting people from being discriminated against because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. The city council voted unanimously to pass Ordinance 448, Employment and Housing Nondiscrimination, presented by Harrisville Human Resource Manager Pamela Crosbie. With Harrisville, a quarter of Utah’s population is now protected by such ordi-
nances at the city and county levels. A bill, co-sponsored by Rep. Derek Brown, R-Cottonwood Heights, and Sen. Ben McAdams, D-Salt Lake City, has been introduced in the Utah State Legislature to extend such protections statewide. Other localities which have passed similar ordinances are: Salt Lake City, Salt Lake County, West Valley City, Taylorsville, Logan, Moab, Park City, Summit County, Grand County, Midvale, Murray, Ogden and Alta.
Utah State’s LGBT center hires new program coordinator
The Utah State University LGBT Resource Center has a new program coordinator. Brooke Lambert took the helm, at the start of this academic semester, as faculty adnviser of one of the only resources for queers and their allies in Cache Valley. The former program coordinator, Maure Smith-Benanti, moved to the LGBT Resource Center at the University of Oregon at the beginning of the Fall 2011 semester. Hailing from Virginia, Lambert came to Utah to study health and physical education. After teaching at Box Elder High School for more than two years, she applied for the position at USU — her alma mater. “I just love Logan. There are so many great people and I love the campus,” Lambert said. “Everyone has been so great since I started. The students are terrific and all the faculty members have been so welcoming.” Lambert graduated from USU in 2008, where she was involved with programs and clubs, including the rugby club. She slowly started coming out as a lesbian in her later years in school and was introduced to the queer community in Logan. “The Center serves such a unique purpose in Logan. There just aren’t very many resources for queer students and community members,” Lambert said. The Center is open from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Monday through Friday and offers a welcoming and affirming environment for students and faculty. The Center also has a variety of books and magazines available to read in the office or to check out, just like the other libraries on campus. The student-run Love is For Everyone, which holds weekly meetings for its 25-30 members, also works closely with the Center to ensure students have a social outlet. “Logan is such a small town, it’s so important to build that social network for students. I think that’s why the Center is so important for students,” Lambert said. “I would say the one big issue I would like to work on is education — helping educate students and faculty about LGBT issues. We have student panels, the resource library and other tools to help us reach out to the community.” Along with the Center on campus, Lambert is involved in efforts to open a chapter of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. The group is meeting the first Thursday of each month at 7 p.m. at the Logan City Library. “We really want to help expand and offer programs and opportunities to the community at large and also, more specifically, to families, friends and allies through PFLAG,” she said.
Tracy Morgan collapses at Sundance party Comedian and 30 Rock star Tracy Morgan collapsed at the Creative Coalition Spotlight Awards held at Sundance and was taken to a Park City hospital on Sunday. TMZ reported Morgan appeared “heavily intoxicated” during a speech as he accepted an award at the event, but his publicist said no alcohol was in his system. Morgan is diabetic and had a kidney transplant in 2010. Last year, the comedian made headlines for anti-gay comments at a show in Nashville, for which he has since apologized. During the set, he called homosexuality “inherently bullshit,” and said, “Gays need
to quit being pussies and not be whining about something as insignificant as bullying,” and said if his son were gay, he’d better tell him to his face and ”better talk to me like a man and not in a gay voice or I’ll pull out a knife and stab that little n**ger to death.” Morgan apologized a week later in a statement to Gossip Cop. “I want to apologize to my fans and the gay & lesbian community for my choice of words at my recent stand-up act in Nashville,” Morgan wrote. “I’m not a hateful person and don’t condone any kind of violence against others.”
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FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Gaysupportive group meeting at BYU
By Michael Aaron
speed dating. Admission is just $10 per
A group of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and ally students and friends meeting at Brigham Young University has become so large that they are looking for a larger space to gather. Currently, the Understanding Same Gender Attraction group is meeting at 7 p.m. on Thursdays at the Talmage Math Sciences/Computer Building, Rm. 111, but they have outgrown the space. A January meeting had 72 attendees and group leaders believe that number will only grow. The group, formed in July 2010, is not officially part of BYU, though sociology instructors use the group as extra credit in their classes. Its stated purpose is, “USGA is an unofficial group of Brigham Young University students, faculty and friends who wish to strengthen families and the BYU community by providing a place for open, respectful discussions on the topic of same-gender attraction. USGA is not an appropriate forum for angry, vulgar, or profane remarks of any kind, nor for expressions of antagonism against any person or organization. In order to foster an environment of respect and understanding, we ask all participants to be respectful of BYU, the Church, and the beliefs and experiences of others.” In the 1970s and ’80s, BYU security would travel to Salt Lake City gay bars and record license plate numbers of suspected students and bring them up on honor code violations or subject them to electroshock aversion therapy experiments. But recent changes to the honor code may have paved the way for a gay-affirmative group to meet on campus. The changes to code now target only gay behavior rather than feelings. Currect code reads: “Brigham Young University will respond to homosexual behavior rather than to feelings or attraction and welcomes as full members of the university community all whose behavior meets university standards ... One’s stated same-gender attraction is not an Honor Code issue.” Some students wonder aloud what behavior would trigger a violation. “I am wondering where the lines really are drawn. It’s still so fuzzy,” wrote Nathan Cunliffe in a blog posting. “The honor code follows the church’s law of chastity. This, in so many words, states that you can’t have sex outside of the bonds of marriage. So where do I fit in? Can I hold hands? Can I kiss? Can I date? What can I do?”
person or $15 per couple. Raffle tickets
Valentine Fundraiser Join the City of Hope in a fundraiser for the Homeless Youth Outreach Program at the Salt Lake Junior League building. There will be dancing, refreshments and
for fabulous prizes and other activities will make this an event you won’t want to
This, Cunliffe says, makes him feel uncomfortable to speak freely in the group, especially while non-gay students are recording their answers for class. Recent group activities, however, encourage discussions like this. January meetings included a spirituality panel, a discussion on bisexuality and a “1 Girl, 5 Gays” Question Night activity, similar to the LOGO-TV show by the same name. The group also recorded footage for a forthcoming “It Gets Better Project” video. February meetings will discuss such topics as, “What got me through the hard times,” asexuality and a night to Skype with parents. Organizer Bridey Jensen told Affirmation.org that the group helps educate the campus community about gay-related is-
sues and provides a safe space where lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender students can overcome the sense of despair and isolation they often experience. “We have all sorts of different people,” Jensen said. “We even have people that really don’t have anything to do with being gay, but feel that we are different and accepting. And we have all different levels of people being out all over the spectrum of LGBTQ, and a lot of straight allies too — more than we really expected at first.” “You’re not alone,” Jensen said. “We are here. I’ve been there, I’ve been alone, and I don’t want anyone else to go through that.” Q More information on the group can be found at tinyurl.com/usga-byu
Weber State Queer Resource Center in the works Weber State University soon may have its first Queer Resource Center on campus. While the university currently has both a gay-straight alliance and an LGBT initiative, there is still no space for queer students and their allies to call their own. But Harrison Spendlove, Weber State LGBT Initiatives diversity advocate, has been working on a proposal for several months that would open a permanent office space for the resource center which will be staffed by a faculty member. While the LGBT Initiatives already has a faculty adviser, Erik Ashby, he is not a full-time staff member dedicated to the program. “We want to show the student senate how important it is for the students and the community at large to have this center,” Spendlove said. He is asking for both students and members of the community to write letters asking the senate to approve the proposal for the opening of a permanent office. Emails and questions can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org. Both Utah State University and the University of Utah have a resource center for queer students and the proposed WSU facility would serve a similar purpose.
“I like to use my own story as an example when people ask me why we need a center,” Spendlove said. “If there had been a place for me to go when I was first coming out, I would have avoided a lot of trouble and problems. There was no place for me to use as a resource for help. I didn’t know where to turn or what to do. I didn’t know where to meet people and associate with other gay people in a healthy way.” The Center’s funding would come from the school. However, private donations are also being sought for startup expenses. A fundraiser, the Black and White Ball, is in the works for this spring and neighboring QSAs from other schools will be invited. Also, a survey is about to be circulated on the WSU campus asking students what they need or expect from the LGBT Initiatives. The results of the survey will be presented to the student senate to illustrate empirical data about the need for a center in the community. “We want to show the school that it’s not just important for students, but also for the community at large,” Spendlove said. “We need everyone’s help. Whether you’re a student or not, if you could just take a few minutes to write a note and email it in, we can really make a difference.”
miss. Donations of gently-used clothing and canned food will also be accepted. WHEN: Saturday, Feb. 7, 7 p.m. WHERE: Salt Lake Junior League building, 526 E. 300 South INFO: cohslc.org
Big Gay Fun Bus This seasonal event features QSaltLake‘s politically-incorrect Ruby Ridge and a rowdy busload of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and friendly straight gamblers looking for a great time. Take a shot every time someone says, “I can’t believe she just said that!” and you’ll be ready to hit the slots in West Wendover. We’ll throw $5, a complimentary two-for-one drink ticket and a free buffet at you when you get there to get you started. This charity fundraiser has become a favorite event for gay and straight passengers alike. This month’s theme, “Tardi Mardi Gras,” is sure to inspire some outrageous prizes and games. WHEN: Feb. 25, 12-9 p.m. WHERE: Meet at Club Try-Angles parking lot, 251 W. 900 South INFO: BigGayFunBus.com
Utah JYNX Recruitment Attention all women athletes don’t miss out on a chance to compete with “Utah’s premier women’s football team” in the 2012 season. There are positions available on their roster, recruit year round, and have new athletes signing at every practice, workouts and events. No experience necessary, 18 years and older. INFO: UtahJynx.com EMAIL: email@example.com
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Mitch Hare, Broadview Entertainment Arts University Dean of Programs
Broadview Entertainment Arts University By Seth Bracken
inding a job in this economy can be downright difficult. Finding a job in the creative arts field can be nearly impossible. It’s the proper education and training that can make the difference, said Bob Trewartha, community relations specialist at Broadview Entertainment Arts University, a division of Broadview University. “At Broadview University we focus on career-driven experiences,” he said. “From the first academic advising appointment, to the small class sizes, and through every step we offer a personalized experience that is focused entirely on helping the student get the training he or she needs to succeed and find employment.” BEAU opened a couple of years ago and is already expanding its audio and video departments to offer students a more comprehensive education and increase the number of majors and emphases that can be offered. “The vision of this school is to bring something new and exciting to Salt Lake,” said Mitch Hare, BEAU’s network dean of programs. “It’s a school that creates a community where young people can pursue their creative passions and work closely with experienced instructors who are connected to the area’s lively arts scene.” Along with small class sizes and personal instruction, BEAU works closely with local arts programs, theaters and video production studios and a large portion of the education experience is to build a portfolio and a resume. Along with giving back to the community, BEAU connects students with professionals for networking and further education, said Mike McAllister.
Students will graduate from BEAU with a competitive edge due to the extensive portfolio that they can build while attending school and internships are even required for some courses, he said. All course work is reviewed by a board of industry professionals and all techniques, software and technology are kept up to date to ensure that students have a smooth and simple transition from school to the job field, McAllister said. “When students finish their program we make sure they have the tools to find employment and our career services department will help make that process even easier and that’s a service students can use for the rest of their lives,” McAllister said. BEAU offers programs with emphasis on entertainment design, game art, graphic design, sequential imaging, digital video and media production, entertainment design, media business, music business and sequential imaging. The programs are specific and are designed for students who have a general idea of what industry they want to work in, Trewartha said. With competitive pricing and financial aid available, BEAU occupies a unique position in Utah to offer an accredited program and the job training necessary for Utah artists to pursue their goals and find a way to get paid for doing what they love most. Broadview University is a nationally accredited school that provides students with hands-on learning and skills targeted specifically toward careers. It was established in 1977 and offers more than 35 programs on four campuses and an average of 10 to 1 student-teacher ratio. The age ranges from recent high school graduates to adults continuing their education. Q
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FEBRUARY 2, 2012
snaps & slaps SNAP: Fortune 100 welcomes gays The ‘100 Best Companies to Work For,’ compiled by Fortune magazine, all have sexual orientation-inclusive nondiscrimination policies in effect - for the first time in history. In 2008, 95 of the top companies had policies in place to improve the work environment for gays and lesbians, but in 2012, all 100 had enacted some sort of company-wide policy. Topping the list is Google, which also offers comprehensive health-care benefits to employees and domestic partners.
SNAP: Major firms endorse same-sex marriage Six large employers and firms in Washington state, including Microsoft, have issued a statement endorsing the marriage equality bill proposed by Gov.
from the editor Playing the victim By Seth Bracken
n yet another utterly pathetic move, LDS Inc. joined other religious groups in an attempt to be labeled victims of discrimination. The irony was stifling as the leaders signed a letter, addressing to all Americans that queer rights activists are trying to infringe on their religious beliefs by legalizing gay marriage. The letter claims “grave consequences of altering the definition” of marriage. It continues with assertions that gay-rights groups have attacked churches and somehow tried to infiltrate their ranks. One of the examples of this supposed subversion is the Methodist-run pavilion that is owned by the Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association. The organization’s tax-exempt status was revoked after the group refused to rent the pavilion to a gay couple. Clear case of religious discrimination and a threat to the Mormon Church, right? Wrong. What the letter doesn’t point out is that the organization’s religious tax-exempt status was never threatened or in question.
The OGCMA applied for a Green Acres realestate tax exemption, which is a government subsidy on property that is, “open for public use on an equal basis.” The judge ruled that in order to qualify for that grant, gays and lesbians would have to be treated equally. The logic is clear. If your church wants to use programs and property that benefits from taxes paid by everyone, including gays and lesbians, you have to allow us equal access. If you want to continue to bar gays and lesbians from your pavilion, then don’t take the Green Acres tax exemption. Very simple. The lack of ethical explanation and the touting of scare tactics show that LDS Inc. is in its last throws of despair fighting against marriage equality. Poll after consistent poll indicates a rising support for the legalization of gay marriage and with Washington, Maryland and New Jersey poised to legalize same-sex marriage, the resources of the Church are running thin. Still licking wounds after the public rela-
Christine Gregoire. Advocates hope the tions disaster of Proposition 8, the Mormon Church is changing tactics. A recent Pew Research Center poll found that nearly half of Mormons believe they face routine discrimination and only one-third said blacks face more bias than they do. The role of underdog has become a familiar, culture-infused state of mind in the Mormon Church. You’ve got a major presidential candidate raising hundreds of millions of dollars for a real shot at the Oval Office and the majority leader of the Senate, and you’re one of the fastest growing religions in the world. Stop with the victim card, please, it’s a little pathetic. When you have laws outlawing your marriages; when it’s legal to fire you for being Mormon; when your youth are committing suicide or ending up on the streets at an alarming rate due to bullying and a lack of family acceptance, then you can talk about facing more discrimination than other marginalized groups. Until then, please spare us the theatrics. Q
show of support from businesses push other Republican senators over to the side of marriage equality. Other companies endorsing the drive include Nike, Group Health and Real Networks. The Washington Senate is on the verge of winning the votes to pass the marriage equality bill, but still is looking for at least one more co-sponsor.
SLAP: Cutbacks at GLAAD The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation has laid off nearly 25 percent of its staff. The cuts are because of a difficult economy that has not fully recovered, leaving GLAAD and other non-profits struggling to find donors. Employees said they didn’t see the changes coming. There were 11 people laid off on Jan. 23 from its staff of 45. A statement from the
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intact and running at full steam. GLAAD faced problems last year when former president Jarret Barrios resigned amid
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
the straight line Nondiscrimination, revisited By Bob Henline
his year Sen. Ben McAdams is at it again. I mean really, the nerve of this guy to think that all Utahns should be treated equally and with respect; how does he justify such ridiculous positions? Forget the fact that more than 70 percent of Utahns agree with passing a statewide nondiscrimination bill, what do ‘We the People’ know, anyway? In all seriousness, McAdams, along with freshman Rep. Derek Brown (a ... gasp ... Republican) are set to reintroduce the nondiscrimination bill originally proposed by McAdams last year, which died before it even saw the light of a committee hearing in the Utah Senate. This year there are a couple of new twists that should, hopefully, help move the bill through the process. The first twist is noted above; there is a Republican House sponsor. It’s fair to say that Utah’s GOP has been less than supportive of such measures in the past, even going so far as to threaten a statewide repeal of the municipal ordinances. Given this, Brown deserves more than a few kudos for his willingness to buck the bigotry inherent in his party to do, as he put it, “the right thing.” The next twist in the bill is that it extends employment protections to citizens for their political and religious speech outside the workplace. This is partly a response to allegations that people were discriminated against at work due to their support of, or opposition to, California’s Proposition 8, which outlawed gay marriage. The bill would preclude someone from workplace sanctions for their outside-of-work political and religious activities. The next wrinkle comes from another angle — support. The Salt Lake Chamber of Commerce has openly backed this legislation, citing its pro-business advantages. In addition to promoting a positive and welcoming image of Utah to the rest of the country (and the world), this bill consolidates the various municipal ordinances and gives both employees and businesses one central set of guidelines to follow, as well as one central agency to deal with complaints and their adjudication. This
will serve to reduce the administrative burden on businesses with relation to compliance, as well as make it easier for employees to file and manage their complaints. As McAdams has stated, “discrimination isn’t just bad, it’s bad for business.” In the time since this bill has gone public, there have been numerous voices raised in opposition as well. Paul Mero and his band of bigots are again beating their chests and warning that this is the first step toward legalizing gay marriage in Utah. Personally, I still don’t understand how allowing two people who love each other to express that through legal commitment is bad, but even so, the jump from employment and housing protections to marriage eludes me. The Utah Constitution is pretty clear on that point. Even with this new support, however, passage of this bill will be an uphill fight. If you read the last issue of QSaltLake, there was an exceptional guide to citizen lobbying and activism — use it. Get yourself involved in the process by attending committee meetings, arrange to testify, or write letters and emails to your senator and representative. The Utah Legislature has repeatedly ignored these issues in the past, but as we saw last year with HB477, if the people get behind something they have no choice but to follow that lead. So lead them. This is one of those issues where every voice can make a difference. If supporters of this legislation aren’t active and involved, it will die. Utah’s GOP-controlled legislature has repeatedly demonstrated its unwillingness to act in the public interest unless, and until, that public rises up and forces them to do so. If you want to see change, then you need to make that change happen. Don’t assume that enough is being done to bring this issue to bear on the Legislature, because it’s not. It’s going to require you, it’s going to require me, it’s going to require all of us. Take the necessary stand and do what is required to ensure that our Legislature enact this legislation in support of the common values of all Utah citizens. Q
I still don’t understand how allowing two people who love each other to express that through legal commitment is bad
sanctity of marriage Gingrich talks the talk GOP presidential candidate and current frontrunner Newt Gingrich is hitting headlines because his second wife told ABC News he wanted an open marriage. Gingrich refuted the claims and attacked anyone who asked about the allegations. But Gingrich doesn’t want an open marriage, he wants a mistress, as activist and author Dan Savage said, “Newt Gingrich wants us to know that he did not ask his second ex-wife for an open marriage. An honest, open relationship was never on the table. Newt and Callista’s
six-year adulterous relationship was grounded in deceit and betrayal from the start, and Newt and Callista never wavered from the path of deceit and betrayal.”
An American horror story A 41-year-old Wisconsin man was charged with domestic abuse after he told police a ghost attacked his wife and was responsible for her injuries. Michael West was arrested for battery, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest. Police found West’s wife, Rebecca, bloody and crying when they responded to a domestic-violence call. She told officers that he punched and kicked her repeatedly.
A fire-hot union A New Delhi man is being held by police after his wife told them that he lit her on fire, burning more than half of her body. The 23-year-old man came home inebriated and accused her of having an affair with his cousin, according to police. She denied the claims but the husband proceeded to beat her until she was unconscious, after which he poured kerosene on her and lit her on fire. Neighbors heard the commotion and rushed to save her.
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When asked about bruises on her body, Michael told police he was not responsible, but that a ghost had entered the house and attacked her.
RD A C
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
thinking out loud Joel Osteen and feelgood homophobia
By Abby Dees
hen the Michele Bachmanns, or Glenn Becks, of the world do public rants about rampant homosexual perversion and the decay of American values, I’m happy to let them talk. As painful as it is to keep the free flow of ideas going, it is important to let people wave their colors. This way you know where they stand and you get to wave your own big neon flag in response. When activists called to have the Mormon Church’s tax-exempt status yanked for its role in California’s Prop 8, I took the church’s side — not because I approved of their bully tac-
As painful as it is to keep the free flow of ideas going, it is important to let people wave their colors.
conclusion that the Bible is unambiguous about it. He’s quick to add that he does love gay people, welcomes them in his church, doesn’t judge, that there are worse things to be, etc. The message that it’s still a sin to be gay is quickly obscured by smiley faces and glittered glue for hope. Curiously, Osteen is rarely willing to take a stand on any other issue. He’s been critifree speech and religion. And yet I shrieked cized by the religious right for staying out out loud when I read his email. of politics and unwilling to talk about sin The reason Fox News gets a pass, but as much as he talks about positivity. It’s all Osteen has incurred my wrath, is because about being “the best you can be” — God’s his message is so insidious. It’s feel-good plan for you. homophobia, so couched in God-loves-you When Mike Wallace asked Osteen if he talk that Osteen avoids all responsibility thought Mormons were true Christians, he for the fact that real people take his words humbly responded, “I haven’t really studto heart. Not everyone can “leave the rest,” ied them or thought about them ... I just as my friend does. try to let God be the judge of that. I mean, I Whenever Osteen answers a question don’t know and I’m not one to judge the litabout homosexuality, he hems and haws, tle details of it.” Hmm. Why so vague about but always comes to the apparently painful the folks who have an entirely different set
guest editorial Why do drag balls matter?
By Mikki Whitworth
s I sat reading comments about Salt Lake City being named the “Gayest City in America” by The Advocate, I wondered whether our history has been forgotten or if this community actively chooses to ignore important parts of it. As an umbrella group, we tics, but because I didn’t want to see other are extremely diverse with equally diverse churches lose their right to fight for us one needs and wants. For many, we want to day. be left alone. For others, we want to have So you’d think I’d be OK with Mega- our relationships treated as equal. For a Pastor Joel Osteen’s remarks last week to portion, we just want to be allowed to be Oprah Winfrey: “I believe that homosexu- ourselves. The lesbian, gay, bisexual and ality is shown as a sin in the Scripture. I transgender community is too diverse to do.” I’m so not OK with this that I almost have a single agenda. I want to share some foam at the mouth whenever I think about highlights from our collective history. that nuclear-white Osteen smile. EARLY GAY RIGHTS MOVEMENT Prior to True, Osteen was sick about having to June, 1969, lesbians and gay men worked say that we’re sinners, and almost apoloto find a place in society. In the early 1950s, gized for it. He went out of his way to opine the Mattachine Society and The Daughters that Christians make too big a deal about of Bilitis were born. They worked to be rechomosexuality and that it’s about as sinful ognized as equal parts of the greater comas being prideful or fibbing. I’m glad that munity. Even while acting as gay-rights my marriage only offends God somewhat. groups, they still believed that they were I’ve heard that Osteen has a big gay folsexual deviants. They acknowledged that lowing, and I know one of those fans well. non-heterosexual people faced discriminaOnce I emailed him to report that Osteen tion in every part of their lives. The groups called homosexuality “not God’s best” on presented themselves as conservative and Larry King. My friend wrote back, “Well, non-confrontational and were met with nobody’s perfect. You take what’s good and limited success. leave the rest.” He continues to be inspired. This all sounds reasonable, and you BIRTH OF THE MODERN GAY RIGHTS On the could argue that my friend was reminding night of June 28, 1969, everything changed me of my own professed philosophy about for the Gay Rights Movement. The po-
lice raided a bar primarily patronized by drag queens, transsexuals and homeless youth, as was a normal part of their routine discrimination against homosexuals and transgender people. On this night, however, the patrons of the Stonewall Inn
Drag queens and their allies stepped in front of a problem and addressed it head-on revolted in what would be called the Stonewall Riots. We continue to celebrate these events each summer at Pride celebrations around the world. Over the next decade, several things changed. Homosexuality was removed as a mental illness. Gay men and lesbians began to be accepted as part of the mainstream, but met some backlash from multiple sources.
of scriptures, but so damned clear on the disappointing truth about homosexuality? Perhaps some serious reexamination is in order. Another pastor whose language and selective choice of issues is spookily similar to Osteen’s is the purpose-driven Rick Warren. Also a proclaimed political abstainer, he encouraged his flock to vote against same-sex marriage and has disturbing ties to the recent wave of anti-gay policies in Africa. Warren still insists that he loves gay people and works closely with “a number of gay organizations,” though no one ever asks which ones. These men are entitled to their opinions, but it’s time to call out the hypocrisy of this new breed of influential pastors who want us all to bathe in the light of God’s forgiving love. Except that LGBT people must still deny how God made them if they want “God’s best” for themselves. Q
and California. This reversed much of the progress gay men had made. Religious conservatives blamed this community for the disease and the countless deaths. Over the next four years, the disease spread to cities large and small throughout the United States and the rest of the world. In Salt Lake City, the Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire responded to the threat. Emperor X Scott Stites, and the Court began raising funds and awareness about AIDS, as it was now called. Another moment in gay history when drag queens and their allies stepped in front of a problem and addressed it head-on.
IN OUR DAY AND AGE The Employment Non-Discrimination Act stalled when gender identity and expression were included. In 2011, gay men and lesbians began for the first time in U.S. history to serve openly in the military, but transgender people continue to be excluded. However, throughout this era, the transgender community made several important advances, such as the Department of Veteran Affairs making all veteran medical care available to transgender vets, with the exception of sex reassignment surgery, and the Department of State allowing transgender citizens to alter their sex markers easier.
The LGBT community has benefited from the action of many fine people, but when the discussion turns to those who are gender variant, there is a loud murmur about the value of these people. Some question, “Why do drag balls matter?” The answer is simple, “Because they do.” Q
Mikki Whitworth is a junior at Westminster College. She is a disabled veteran and president BIRTH OF AIDS, DEATH OF MILLIONS In of Westminster’s LGBT and Allies club, Alpha1980, a new disease appeared in New York bet Soup.
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
who’s your daddy? Get the gun, George! By Christopher Katis
y ’ve never been much for Valentine’s t Day — at least not as an adult, anyway. But when I was a kid, it was a ton of fun. It was all about jumping onto a porch, dropping a card, ringing the bell and ehigh-tailing it out of there before the door opened. One year, to aid in our already legendary stealth, my best friend and I donned . dark clothes and black stocking caps — our moms drew the line at putting shoe polish on our faces. (And once, my brothers, sister and I even had a gun pulled on us!) After placing a card on the porch and ringing the doorbell a couple of times at the house of the old Serbian couple across the street, we heard the words, “Geeet da gon, George!” — and he did! See, back then, Valentine’s wasn’t about romance; it was about being a ninja! So, I guess it’s no surprise that I can’t remember what Kelly and I did last year on Feb. 14 or for that matter on any Valentine’s Day in the past 24 years. Then again, neither can he. Kelly hasn’t ever been the traditionally romantic type. Yes, we’ll buy each other a little box of chocolates — and he’ll eat both boxes — but I learned long ago he doesn’t go for the sap. The cards I would send with those sweets, in which I had written heartfelt sentiments like, “You are the dream I’ll go on dreaming forever,” and “One lifetime with you will never be enough,” would make all of the women he worked with swoon in envy, but did absolutely nothing for him. And since kids unfortunately don’t do the ring-and-run thing anymore, and our boys aren’t about to see their parents lavish long-stem roses and imported chocolates on each other, what Valentine’s Day lessons are they going to learn from us? Well, hopefully, they’ll pick up that every day is an opportunity to tell your loved one that, well, that you love them. You don’t need a Hallmark holiday and forced romance; every day can be Valentine’s Day. One of my New Year’s resolutions for 2012 is to be more appreciative of Kelly for all the things he does for me and our kids;
to simply recognize everything he does for us. That’s my daily Valentine’s gift to him. And I know he’ll enjoy it much more than he would an expensive dinner in an ambiance-filled restaurant. As I sat down to write this month’s column, I thought about what he’s done for me just this week alone: Sunday — We had dinner at my parents’ house like we do almost every week, and he didn’t complain when I stayed chatting for longer than I know he wanted to be there. Monday — He loaded us all into the car and we took the dog to the park. Tuesday — He stayed home with the kids while I went to one of my Greek clubs’ monthly dinner meetings (where, incidentally, I was elected president…) Wednesday — He took Gus to Cub Scouts. Thursday — He did the laundry. Friday — He went grocery shopping, and bought me potato chips! Saturday — He got up, closed the bedroom door, and let me sleep in. I know, to most people reading this, nothing on this list says romance. But man, to me, they’re way better than all the Belgian chocolates, long-stemmed red roses and dinners at La Caille in the world. These seemingly mundane actions tell me every single day that he loves me. And I want to remember to tell him I love him too. These actions show our kids that love doesn’t come in a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolate-covered strawberries. Love comes in the everyday humdrum that is life. Actually, I think that’s a much better expectation about Valentine’s Day to set for our kids than heart-shaped balloons and silky underwear. Just being grateful for, and acknowledging, the love they receive every day is the best lesson I can teach the boys. Of course, if Kelly wants to surprise me with a trip to the Caribbean, I could handle that too! No matter how you observe it, have a Happy Valentine’s Day! Q
Yes, we’ll buy each other a little box of chocolates — and he’ll eat both boxes — but I learned long ago he doesn’t go for the sap
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living in QUtah Tear down this wall By John Hales
r. Waddoups, tear down this wall. Please do not misinterpret. In using the same language Ronald Reagan used to encourage Mikhail Gorbachev to bring down the Berlin Wall, I by no means intend to imply, Senator Waddoups, that you are an “evil” leader, as some might have considered Gorbachev. Quite the contrary, I appeal to the fact that in the case of the Berlin Wall, Gorbachev performed nobly and promoted a change for the better. A similar opportunity is now before you, the president of the Utah State Senate. By referencing the Berlin Wall, I use it metaphorically for the Utah Legislature’s consideration of nondiscrimination legislation. The divisive, destructive wall of discrimination in Utah indeed does exist. Roughly 50 percent of LGBT people surveyed last year in Utah said they had experienced discrimination. One-third said they experienced it weekly or even daily. Given a conservative estimate of 55,000 LGBT people in the state, that would mean more than 25,000 of our fellow Utahns have been discriminated against, some of them on an ongoing basis, and many without recourse or remedy. The cold statistics are troubling. The real stories behind them are sad. Discrimination hurts everyone — those who experience it; their loved ones; those who commit it; and society. When I ask you to tear down the wall, I echo your fellow senator, Ben McAdams, the Senate sponsor of the nondiscrimination bill, who recently said to FOX13 News, “It’s time for Utah to adopt this.” Actually, it is past the time. But we have something now that we didn’t have before — the right climate. When Reagan issued his challenge to Gorbachev, the two men had created a productive, constructive climate. They had set aside differences, to some degree, to discuss, compromise and even become friends. Their relationship allowed Reagan to make his direct and forceful request, but from a place of mutual respect, not mere rivalry or confrontation. So, the time is now with regard to nondiscrimination legislation, which faces a much different climate than it did just two years ago. In 2009-10, the strife between Utah’s LGBT community and perceived anti-LGBT alliances reached fever pitch, having continuously risen during the previous six or seven years. There was unfortunate rhetoric and action from both sides. The LDS Church cooled things down considerably when it supported Salt Lake City’s nondiscrimination measures, officially calling them “fair and reasonable.” In the 2010 Legislature, a truce was called
when dueling legislation and heated passion led to a moratorium on LGBT-related bills. It was a compromise orchestrated primarily between former Rep. Christine Johnson and yourself, Pres. Waddoups. Things have improved in the two years since. Perhaps you, yourself, have changed. Johnson told me a couple of weeks ago, “I can tell you that I know some of those meetings shifted the way Senator Waddoups thinks about LGBT issues.” I hope that’s true. The fact that you’re encouraging this year’s bill be sent out of the Senate Rules Committee is a sign that it is. Other things have changed. Statewide nondiscrimination measures are gaining bi-partisan support. House sponsorship of the bill is coming from a Republican, House Rep. Derek Brown, who told The Salt Lake Tribune, “It’s the right thing to do.” The Salt Lake Chamber of Commerce, along with a growing number of major business interests, has strongly endorsed it. Today, 81 percent of Utahns assume discrimination against LGBT people is already illegal, and 73 percent of them agree it should be. While some claim the law would infringe on religious liberty, the proposed legislation makes allowances for religious and “expressive” institutions. When it comes to individuals, I can think of no legitimate or official religious mandate or doctrine that requires discrimination from the religion’s adherents. Prejudice should not be allowed to masquerade as religion. Some say nondiscrimination laws should be left to local governments, that each community should decide for itself what’s best for that community. Here, too, proposed legislation would allow governments to decide such things themselves. But more fundamentally and ethically, when is discrimination ever the best thing for a community? Finally, while some say we don’t need the law because Utah is already accepting, a 50-percent discrimination rate suggests otherwise. And almost 70 percent of Utahns think the state is perceived as unfair, disrespectful and discriminatory toward LGBT people. Changing that perception, creating an even better climate of acceptance, requires bringing down the wall of discrimination legally, as well as morally. Gorbachev didn’t build the Berlin Wall, nor did he have unilateral power to tear it down. But he had influence, and he used it to promote human dignity. President Waddoups, will you support nondiscrimination legislation and use your influence as Senate president to encourage others to do likewise? Q
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Don R. Austin, LCSW • INDIVIDUALS • COUPLES • CHRONIC DISEASE • GAY ISSUES • HIV/AIDS • ADULT MALE SURVIVORS OF SEXUAL ABUSE
By Ben Williams
o, here it is time for the Utah Legislature to once again inflict their moralistic views on the residents of Utah, whether we like it or not. Hopefully they will not do any ill toward the gay community, however, it’s unlikely they will do us any good. No matter how awful this year’s 45-day session may be, it will never compare to the mother of all gay bashing that occurred on Capitol Hill in the 1990s. In 1996 Mormon legislators, much to their chagrin, found that a U.S. Supreme Court ruling had declared that Senator Orrin Hatch’s Equal Access Act of 1984, to protect religious liberties of school children, also applies to gay kids. Holy crap! And holy or not, it hit the fan when Kelli Peterson and other hearty souls dared form the first gay student club at East High School in 1995. Much of the focus on the 1996 state legislators was to stop the tide of moral decay that was sweeping across the land. It’s being orchestrated by the adult homosexual organizations,” said Sen. Craig Taylor, RKaysville. “Since they can’t reproduce, they have basically said, ‘We will seduce and sodomize your children.’” If there was ever a Mormon terrorist, it was Craig Taylor. His prime aim was to terrorize the gay communities of Utah. Taylor believed there was a “moral crisis’’ in Utah’s society, characterized by “homosexuality, pornography” and a general lack of people behaving themselves. He proudly acknowledged that his belief in the Mormon Church shaped his opinions and legislation and motivated his struggle with “evil versus right
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for the betterment of the human soul.” Taylor’s crusade “to root out” included homosexuality. “I have strong feelings about ultimately the gay and lesbian agenda,” said Taylor. “They are promoters and have come right out and said we will seduce and sodomize your children.” In Taylor’s delusional view, “homosexuality is a sickness and an abomination.” His opposition to gay student clubs was based on the assumption that “if somebody is an alcoholic, you don’t get a group of alcoholics together and take them out to the bar.” Carol Gnade, executive director of the Utah chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union, said of the ultraconservative moralist, “He’s kind of carrying the flag for rightwing extremists in Utah and that’s about all you can say about Craig Taylor. Every single one of his bills is heavy on moral conduct and light on meaningful legislation.” Taylor must have been absolutely gleeful when, on Jan. 30, 1996, many of his fellow senators held a secret illegal meeting to discuss the Lavender Menace. Senate Majority Leader, Craig Peterson, R-Orem, had deceptively announced on the Senate floor that there would be a special meeting to discuss the topic of the state’s Uniform School Fund, a fund devoted to public education. Boring! However that all changed “once doors swung shut.” Discussed instead was the insidious gay students club that had been organized at East High. Sen. Charles Stewart, R-Provo, was so incensed that he threatened to close down all the school’s clubs rather than let the queer activities continue. To alert his esteemed colleagues to the Lavender Menace, he showed them an anti-homosexual video preaching against giving “special rights” to gay residents. Stewart claimed, “It is common knowledge that there is an element in our society who would form a homosexual sensitivities or lifestyles club at East High School, under the guise of helping homosexual students. My concern is that it is not helping them, as much as it is promoting a homosexual lifestyle.” In this closed meeting, accusations that Utah’s schools were “undermining family values and promoting homosexual acts” were thrown at the state’s top public and higher-education officials. Sen. Howard Stephenson, R-Draper, even claimed “teachers were instructing students on how to have anal intercourse.” He was misinformed. After the illegitimate meeting ended, the 20 or so participants were sworn to secrecy. However, information was leaked by some big-mouth Democrats and milquetoast Republicans. “It was the worst experience I’ve ever had in my time with the Legislature,” said a trembling Capitol Hill old hand who
requested anonymity, “fearing retaliation from senate leaders.” The 90-minute meeting was almost immediately criticized as violating the Utah Open Meetings Act by those in the know. “No minutes were recorded, nor was a vote taken in public on whether the meeting should be closed, though both are required by state law.” Senators, while embarrassed by the leaked reports about their secret illegal meeting where school officials were questioned about promoting homosexual activities in classroom, they protested they did nothing wrong. Sen. Peterson defended the public’s exclusion from the meeting. He claimed the meeting dealt with “potentially pending litigation.” This was a lame excuse. Even if such litigation was imminent, “by law, the meeting closure required a vote conducted in public and support from two-thirds of those in attendance.” This same law required detailed minutes or a tape recording. None of these actions occurred. So Peterson said, “We just made a mistake. You have to remember, we’re lay legislators.” Taylor, sensing the bloodletting mood of his fellow senators, crafted a bill to deny teachers their constitutional rights of freedom of speech. His SB246 was aimed at “preventing teachers and public-school employees from promoting illegal activities, either in their professional capacity or, in some circumstances, their private lives.” This was a veiled attack on teachers who dared sponsored Gay/Straight Alliances at their schools. His fellow senators, after a “75-minute exchange that ranged from evocations of the U.S. Constitution and tales of teen suicide to quotations from the Nuremberg trials,” passed the bill to the House. In the final hours of the 1996 Legislative Session the controversial bill that prohibited teachers from condoning or supporting illegal behavior, even in their private lives, passed. The Democrats fared almost as poorly in the session. Oh yes in public, they defended the civil rights of queers and other minorities, but in private they were trying to distance themselves from the gays. Political hacks had for several years been telling the Democrats they had to reverse their declining electability in Utah by appealing to the Mormon bloc. Democratic boss Mike Zuhl thus summoned David Nelson and other officials of the Gay and Lesbian Utah Democrats to a closed-door meeting and “demanded the group remove the party tag from its name.” Nelson protested, saying it was like being taken to the shed for a whipping. However. we queers have the last laugh with Zuhl’s position being held by an openly gay man, James Dabakis. Retired University of Utah political scientist J.D. Williams, a lifelong Democrat, described the 1996 Legislative Session as one long “morality play.” “All of a sudden, they have put themselves in the kind of business — regulating private conduct — that you would think conservatives would be the last ones to interfere with.” Q
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
creep of the week Pope Benedict XVI By D’Anne Witkowski
ou know, whenever I’m in the market for marriage advice, the only person I trust is an unmarried guy in a dress. It also helps if he was once a Hitler Youth. So you can imagine that whenever Pope Benedict XVI starts dishing out the marriage talk, I’m all ears. In a New Year address to a bunch of folks at the Vatican, the pope made it clear that 2012 is still the ‘Year of the Queer’ — at least if we’re categorizing each year by whatever the Catholic Church considers to be the most pressing issue. This means it’s been the ‘Year of the Queer’ for over a decade now. Past pressing issues have included poverty, world hunger, abortion and better education; all of which have yet to be resolved. In reference to the best place for children to be educated, the pope said that “pride of place goes to the family, based on the marriage of a man and a woman.” In other words, one penis + one vagina = happy, well-adjusted kids.
“This is not a simple social convention, but rather the fundamental cell of every society. Consequently, policies which undermine the family threaten human dignity and the future of humanity itself,” he said. Oh, my. “Humanity itself,” eh? Somebody loves himself a little melodrama. In case it’s not clear what exactly the pope means by “policies which undermine the family,” he’s talking about gays being allowed to marry. Each other. Granted, from what I understand, that whole gayman-marrying-a-straight-woman or lesbian-marrying-a-hetero-dude thing doesn’t work out very well. But at least it doesn’t threaten all of humanity. I love how the pope makes clear that marriage isn’t a “simple social convention,” as if anyone were saying otherwise. As if gays and lesbians just want equal marriage rights because marriage is such an inconsequential institution and wouldn’t it be fun and ironic to walk down the aisle and said, “I do.”
Inspired. 801.288.ARTS beau.broadviewuniversity.edu
Nor are gay and lesbian families with kids taking that responsibility lightly. Don’t tell the pope, but there is just no evidence that kids with same-sex parents are in any way being harmed by their family structure. In fact, one week after the pope made his remarks Live Science’s top story was, “Why Gay Parents May Be the Best Parents.” Granted, where the pope gets the balls to even talk about what’s best for children is beyond me. As John Aravosis put it, “(W)hy should we care about the moral pronouncements of people who aid and abet the rape of small children?” Ha. That Aravosis, he’s such a kidder! I mean, that whole child abuse scandal is so 2002, right? Um, not so much, actually. Child sexual abuse in the Catholic Church has by no means gone away and anyone who claims otherwise either hasn’t done their research or is lying. So, yeah, I think gays and lesbians are more than entitled to be outright disgusted with the pope’s continued gay bashing and homophobia. Let’s face it, if a man with as much power and influence as the pope uses his voice to tell an audience, representing countries worldwide, that homosexuals are destroying humanity, then this is not a man who actually cares about human beings, gay or straight. Q
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FEBRUARY 2, 2012
ABOVE AND COVER PHOTOS: MATHU ANDERSEN
RuPaul bares all From shoe size to economic advice, the drag superstar shares words of wisdom
By Mike Siler
uPaul, “Supermodel of the World,” has been in show business for two decades. He has been a recording artist, television personality, spokesperson, author and yes, even a movie star. His latest project, RuPaul’s Drag Race is in its fourth season and is on Monday nights on the LOGO Network.
wear them for about 10 minutes (laughs) and then they go off. They are only worn for about 10 minutes. But I also designed a line of shoes for Iron Fist, which is now available. So I have a lot of shoes that I’ve designed myself. It’s called the RuPaul’s Drag Race shoe. They are for sale now. They go up to a size 14.
How is this season’s Drag Race going? It’s fabulous. The kids are dangerous and crunchy and they are risk-takers and not afraid to get ugly and ugly in the sense of looks, not in personality. They’re not afraid to get nasty.
You’re the inspiration to many drag queens. Who were your drag inspirations? It’s been documented that I grew up idolizing David Bowie, Cher and Diana Ross. I love the visual artists. I love a beautiful silhouette. My drag inspirations are the designer Valentino, Grace Jones and the films from the ’30s and ’40s.
How do you get your contestants? Well, people audition without understanding that we are looking for motherfucking show girls, OK? We’re not looking for someone in a pussy-cat wig and high heels. That’s not what we’re doing. We’re looking for people who understand what it takes to be a producer, a spokesperson or a visionary. If you’re a show girl who’s done shows in a club, you’ve done all of those things. You’ve had to be a promoter, you’ve had to be a designer, and you’ve had to be a travel agent, even. This is just a small world of drag. You would think with the show being in its fourth season, there would be people saying, “Oh, I’m the next big thing.” It’s not happening as fast as I think it would. I would think our show would have turned out hundreds of new recruits. On Drag Race you do both drag and appear as a guy. How do you go from drag and back again. Is that a fake mustache? The mustache you’re talking about is on Untucked. And it is filmed a long time after Drag Race. So that’s why. I have the mustache on Untucked and Drag U. Is Drag U going to be on again? I hope so. Who styles your wigs? Matthew Anderson. Do you have a style in mind, or do you collaborate? And do you collaborate on the outfits you wear? Zaldi does the outfits and Matthew does the hair and makeup. And I do whatever he wants. And he knows my face. He knows what I can do and what my face can handle. There’s a small collaboration, but I trust him after 20 years of him doing it. What’s your shoe size? I’m a 12 in men’s. Where do you find your shoes? Over the years I have collected a lot of shoes and I end up not having to buy a lot because I
Finish this sentence: I make a mean ... I make a mean game night. I don’t cook but I know how to be a fabulous host. I make a mean-ass event at my house and usually it’s a game night. Who are your celebrity crushes? I can’t remember his name. But he’s the black guy from Lost (Harold Perrineau). I think he’s got three names and each name starts with an ‘A,’ or something. He was on Lost and Oz. I don’t know who his agent or manager is, but I don’t know why they didn’t tell him, “Change your fucking name because no one can pronounce it.” It’s crazy that ... That people refuse to wake up from their dreams. I’m not into ... Being unconscious. Coke or Pepsi? Coke. My mother used to buy Pepsi because she knew we wouldn’t drink it and she could save it for herself. Speaking of your mother, what’s the best advice she ever gave you? She said, “Pay them bitches no mind. Unless they’re going to pay your bills, pay them bitches no mind.” Where’s your favorite place to be? San Francisco. Because it’s so beautiful. It’s such a mixture of cultures and people. I think it’s the most beautiful city in the United States. What celebrity do you think would make a good president? Judge Judy because she’s smart and doesn’t put up with bullshit. What’s your favorite television show of all time? That would be very simple, Judge Judy. What’s your favorite RuPaul song? “Jealous of my Boogie.” What’s your favorite dessert? Tiramisu
What’s your greatest success to date? Allowing a very special man to love me for the past 18 years.
How would you fix the economy? I think it’s much deeper than just spending money. It has more to do with our relationship to money and to others. I know that sounds so abstract. But our relationship to things is at the core of our economic problems. Who is your favorite musical artist of all time? Barry Gibbs. I was listening to Barry Gibbs yesterday and it just brings tears to my eyes. Oh my God, his musicality, and the choices he makes. I could cry thinking about him. I love him so much. What’s on your iPod right now? It’s an Olivia Newton-John song called “Carried Away.” It’s on the Physical album. Barry Gibbs wrote it for Barbra Streisand’s album, Guilty. She passed on it and ended up on the 1981 album, Physical. And I am obsessed with that song. I am absolutely obsessed. I wish I weren’t. I wish I could get it out of my head. Why don’t you do a cover of it? I wish I could. But I will only cover a song if it speaks to the image I have of the musical artist. This song doesn’t speak to my musical image. Debbie Gibson or Tiffany? Debbie Gibson. Just the other day I added “Only in my Dreams” to my cardio playlist. I forgot that the (beats per minute) were so fast. And I need fast BPMs. Boxers or briefs? Briefs. Madonna or Lady Gaga? Madonna, because she has depth. What’s your next career move? I’m going on tour. I haven’t done it in two years because of the TV show. So I’m going around the world on tour. Do you think you’ll stop in Salt Lake? There’s just not that many clubs to perform in. There’s some great clubs here. Do you remember performing here? Yeah, I performed twice there, once for this kid’s birthday party and once at a club. I don’t remember the name of it, but it was a large upstairs and downstairs. And it was just outside of town. Salt Lake City was recently named the Gayest City in America by The Advocate. What do you think about that? I think, right on, Mormons! Is there salt in that lake? Yes. And nothing lives in it? Brine shrimp. And with all the salt in it, there’s more salt than the ocean. And you can’t really swim in it, but you can float. Everybody floats. Oh it’s like the dead sea. Yes. Oh, wow. The last question I have is, what would you like your tombstone to say? You’re born naked and the rest is drag. Q
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Reader Valent ines
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
20 VALENTINES FEATURE
To Lindi, Nine years ago today (Valentine’s Day) you asked me to marry you. Nine years ago, I did. Through every twist and turn of life, you have been there. In every harebrained idea or crazy project, you have supported me. In crisis and tragedy, you have been my rock. I couldn’t ask for anything more, except another 90 years together. I love you to the moon and back again, around the world and home again. XO, Connie ❦❦❦
Two Loves Ann and Jameson True, Happy Valentine’s Day to my two loves – Ann and Jameson True. You make my heart super happy and I love you very much. Gina ❦❦❦
Nani, Like a soul mate, you’re my penguin and you have my heart forever. I love you always. Happy Valentine’s Day, baby. Tami ❦❦❦
Two Beautiful Years
Ana, Thank you for two beautiful years! We have accomplished so much together and I know we will continue to do great things. Words can never express how blessed I am to have you in my life. I am eternally grateful for everything you do for our family. Colton, Peluchin, Kitty, Barry, Adam and I love you until the end of time. With love all things are possible, big and small. I love you! Dana ❦❦❦
Close to My Heart My dearest husband, Danny, Whether we are in the same city or across the country, I think of you constantly and you are always close to my heart. Happy Valentine’s Day! Love, Joseph ❦❦❦
All of My Heart Joni, my Valentine, I love you with all of my heart. Happy Valentine’s Day. Always, Jonica ❦❦❦
More Every Day
My Moon and Stars, 14.5 years later I still find myself loving you more and more every day. Te amo siempre, KC ❦❦❦
Happy vday lil one!! THANK U for dancin’ into my life in nodak!! THANK U for creatin’ a duet that will last a lifetime!! i am excited for the future of our friendship, your dance career and i am sooooo DAMN proud to call u a love of my life!! <3 always and forever. gpajo ❦❦❦
Joseph, As we live miles apart the love is ever-growing. The past 18 years have been a blessing in my life and I love you so much. You are truly my best friend and I love calling you my husband. I do miss you a lot. But one day we will be together again as husband and husband in Florida. Have a great day! Danny Thomas ❦❦❦
Shand, Love is the reason we exist. Everybody knows it, it’s a fact. Kiss, Kiss! You’re still my favorite coconut. I guess I can be tamed. Love you, Jasper ❦❦❦
To my love Clyde Peck, Your LOVE Your love is with me always, It’s burnt into my skin, As soft and warm as sun rays When a summer day sets in. Your soft voice never silent, It’s forever in my ears, Serenading every moment And calming all my fears. Your arms always enfold me, The strength of angels wings, They support and protect me wholly With the safety a true love bring. While I can never repay you, For the wonders you bring to my life, I can forever be true, And forever be a true husband, friend And lover for 15 years, Your love is with me forever my dear. Sincerely, Stan Trujillo ❦❦❦
One and Only
I love you, John...my one and only! — Tony ❦❦❦
Happy Valentine’s Day Honey Badger!
There once was a Badger named Honey. Who made my life exciting and funny. The day she walked in, Is the day I started to grin. She’s made my life beautiful and sunny. I Love You HB!
First 11 Years
To the boy that took my breath, I’ve been watching you from the sidelines for quite some time now, unable to let my feelings known because I know you like another person. I can remember every smile you had, every word you spoke, and everything you did. I can remember the way you look in the dark, the way you smell when we embrace each other. I love it when we embrace each other, because I know at that moment I was the only one on your mind. I just want to wish you luck, wish you happiness, and wish you love... —the boy with his heart on his sleeve.— ❦❦❦
Ronald Wayne Folsom— Here is to our first 11 years and to the rest of our eternity! Happy Valentines Day! I love you, Blair Taylor ❦❦❦
More Each Day
Simply Social History
Seven months ago, I walked into the student union at the U. In the arms of another man and I spotted the most “obnoxious” person in Simply Social history and for some “odd” reason, no matter how much I tried, I could not take my eyes off of him and I haven’t been able to ever since. I love you, Roger; will you be my Valentine? —Babybear ❦❦❦
Most Perfect Tyana! I love you so much and I am so grateful to be able to spend this Valentine’s Day and many more with you. You are incredible and the best, most perfect girlfriend anyone could ever ask for. Happy Valentine’s love bug, I love you!! <3 —Tiff ❦❦❦
Better Than Chocolate Bradley, Thank you for choosing to be my valentine for the past 10 years. You truly are better than chocolate. —Kelly ❦❦❦
Three Squeezes Sexy Happy V-Day my Chadrick! I love you so much, and your sexy ass ;) —Colt ❦❦❦
Dear French Toast, My life is a forever blessing because you are in it. I love our happy little family. Three squeezes forever! <3 ❦❦❦
4ever bby To Jeff Karsch, Happy valentines bby , my hubby, my love, my life, my world ! — love, ur angel face (aka tiff ) 4 ever and always bby ! not 1 day less ! ❦❦❦
Alec, You are absolutely perfect! Everything you do has so much talent and passion, it’s extraordinary. I love you so much, you are my Everything. I would live a dull life without you. Always and Forever <3 Moose ❦❦❦
Vibrant & Rich
Happy Valentine’s Day to my William for 10 years of unconditional love, support, and more happiness than this boy could ever dream of! I love you! —Eddie ❦❦❦
Shand, Love is the reason we exist. Everybody knows it, it’s a fact. Kiss, Kiss! You’re still my favorite Coconut. I guess I can be tamed. Love you, Jasper. ❦❦❦
Baby Badger ❦❦❦ To Tad Happy Valentine’s Day Honey. Love you more and more each day! From Jason ❦❦❦
Sweet Jules: Adventure, Laughter, Kindness, Patience and Love. You make life vibrant and rich and you make me a better human being. Thank you for being my girl. —Beck ❦❦❦
The story of Jay & Ludo We met in the streets of Paris in July at a time we thought we were destined to be single. Almost a year has passed and the thought of not having each other just doesn’t make sense. ❦❦❦
Band Full of Love To The Vision: Thank you for being the best musical family yet. Happy Love Day to a band full of love!! <3 Miss S. ❦❦❦
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Rainbow Connection Stephen— We found the Rainbow Connection, Now we get to live THAT Rainbow Connection, I love you more than all the Apples in your Orchard, Love, Bob ❦❦❦
Who’s Your Daddy’s Christopher Katis with Valentine of 24 years, Kelly Huntington. ❦❦❦
Love Has Chosen You
If two can love each other in bright times and in dark, and never let the burn of love Extinguish from their hearts. If two can let their love be free to venture and to grow Without complaint of jealous words no love should ever know. If two can grow together As lovers and best friends, and let no mortal come between them until this world ends, If two can give commitment and not be torn apart from lies, mistrust or anger that may creep Into their heart, if you find that you are one but would be half of two, then today’s the day my Friend true love has chosen you! Happy valetines to all those lovers out there and throughout this lovely state! ❦❦❦
Filled With Music To the men of the Salt Lake Men’s Choir: You are my Valentine. You fill my life with music, joy, friendship and happiness. Dennis ❦❦❦
The Fire Still Burns
To Scott Hrubes) There once was this guy named Scott. He was so so, so, so, so, so hot That when we both lusted I spontaneously combusted. I still love you, I love you a lot! — John ❦❦❦
Glad You’re In My Life
Happy valentines to Cody Blake. Thanks for being there for me babe. I’m glad you’re in my life =) from kyle munoz ❦❦❦
Happiest Two Weeks Darrell, at this point it’s only been two weeks, and I know that’s not much to go on, but it’s been the happiest two weeks I can remember, and I’m hoping for many more! Happy Valentine’s! —Scott ❦❦❦
Proud to be Queer Queer isn’t just for same sex couples ❦❦❦
Part of a Great Couple Boo, Happy Valentines, I love you more with each passing day. You are an amazing person that has taught me so much what it means to be a part of a great couple. I look forward to many more years with you! Love, Pizzle ❦❦❦
My Life in 3 Words Mandy — my lobster, Thank you for loving me. I can’t wait until 02.23.13! I love you. Those three words have my life in them. Britt ❦❦❦
To My Q I look forward to you every fortnight, you make my day so bright. Don’t ever go dim on me.
Happy When Skies Are Gray
My honey: It has been completely magical and miraculous being with you. You make me happy when skies are gray. I love you! Love, Johnny B. ❦❦❦
Don’t Let Lines Give Away Your Age
Stronger as Two
To my G: While 19 months isn’t 19 years, it is where 19 years begins. We will stand together no matter what the world throws at us — stronger as two, united as one. I love so much about you I don’t know where to start. Thanks for putting up with me. —your M ❦❦❦
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Love and Kindness I want to wish a Happy Valentines Day to all my friends and family who are helping me move through this difficult, emotional and exciting time. The love and kindness of my family and friends are the most important things in life. I wish you all the best of success and happiness in 2012. Specifically, Tori, Mom & Dad, Leanne, Johnny, Atlas & Orion, Gaby & Jason, Trish, Cathy and Nick & Bethlyn.
To My Stinkass
If I say Aloha Au Ia ‘Oe Respond ‘Oku Ou ‘Ofa ‘Ia Koe One little Wǒ Ài Nǐ Valentine’s wish To say three words, Ich Liebe Dich Nihon go ga Aishiteru Yo Digo Te Amo en Español Everyday Mahal Kita more Yes I know Je T’adore One more time, Ja Teb’a L’ubl’u Always, all ways, I Love You. —Shaun ❦❦❦
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FEBRUARY 2, 2012
22 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
THE ADDING MACHINE See Feb. 3
Muchachos guapo and other tasty dishes By Tony Hobday
My lesbian friends, Chelle and Donna, recently acquired a cute-ass dachshund puppy; they named her Frankie (lesbians are so incredibly creative). Frankie is now around 13 weeks old, and she has a great personality and healthy stool — hey, that’s important for pups! Anyhoo, we as juvenile adults continue to make jokes like: “Let me hold your
hard-working cowboy hero, and a devas-
wiener,” and “Ouch, your wiener just bit me!” Once, my mild- tatingly beautiful English reporter. ly unstable friend Jake said, “Watch me put the entire head of your wiener in my mouth.” And he proceeded to do so.
7:30pm, through Saturday, Jeanne Wagner Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $14.75–18, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
On the other hand, it’s encouraging that lesbians actually QQ In the new flick Shame, starring the
intriguing Michael Fassbender, a New York
can like wieners and that they will use baby-talk with them. man’s carefully-cultivated private life, based
friday — Ririe-Woodbury Dance Company presents
Kaleidoscope, a fascinating celebration of the magical choreography of Alwin Nikolais. Giant elastic bands that define space give form to the piece “Tensile Involvement”; “Noumenon” fascinates as dancers move in strict unison, creating dynamic forms while completely enshrouded in silver bags; Frolicking, garish clowns set the stage in excerpts from “Gallery”; “Kaleidoscope” brings dancers balancing on discs and poles, and men hanging precariously in space; and “Clothes,” a statement on fashion, features outlandish costumes changed on a whim by the characters on stage.
7pm, through Saturday, Capitol Theatre, 50 W. 200 South. Tickets $30, 801355-ARTS or arttix.org.
UPCOMING EVENTS Mar. 20 Kelly Clarkson Maverik Ctr
Apr. 19 Ingrid Michaelson In The Venue
Jul. 5 Foster The People Saltair
Aug. 4-5 “8” The Play (reading) Rose Wagner Center
QQ In case you’re not aware ... but I can’t see how you wouldn’t be — he wears his homosexuality like a sandwich board on his shoulders — Jerry Rapier, producing director of Plan-B Theatre, directs the University of Utah’s gripping production of Elmer Rice’s The Adding Machine. Mr. Zero, a neurotic, numbercrunching accountant, works every day at a monotonous job where he’s exploited. When the company he’s faithfully worked at for 25 years gives him the boot, replacing him with a machine, Mr. Zero goes berserk and kills his boss. He is hanged for his crime, but the afterlife proves to be something better and unexpected. (BTW, I love Jerry as a person, and I have boundless respect for his work.) 7:30pm, through Feb. 12, Babcock Theatre, 300 S. 1400 East, UofU, Tickets $7.50–20, 801-581-7100 or kingtix.com.
QQ The fourth play in the Bandito series by Cache Valley, Utah native T.J. Davis is Who Shot Juanito Bandito?, presented by Bear Lake’s Pickleville Playhouse. Bandito, the self-proclaimed “most guapo villain in the world,” is only one heist away from completing his quest to rob every bank in the U.S. and cementing his reputation as the baddest bad guy in history. Standing in his way is a self-absorbed Lawman, a
around his compulsive sex addiction (ooooo! Sounds like my hubby David Duchovny, whom I finally met for the first time a few days ago at the Sundance Film Festival), begins to unravel after his younger sister moves in with him.
tuesday — On this special sweetheart day, take him or her to see the fabulous group, Lady Antebellum. The six-time Grammy-winning, country-pop trio returns to Salt Lake on their Own The Night Tour. I’m sure you’ll hear such lovelorn songs as “I Run To You” and “Need You Now.” Happy Valentine’s Day, and I hope you all get that long overdue piece of ass tonight! 7pm, Energy Solutions Arena, 301 W. South Temple. Tickets $25–76.50, 801-467-8499 or smithstix.com.
wednesday — Salt Lake Acting Company proudly welcomes to its stage Sister Dottie S. Dixon for the monDAY — Last October the world premiere of Dottie indie, alt-pop band Parachute — The Sister Lives On! In this new play played to a sold-out crowd. So, here directed by Robin Wilks-Dunn, Sister Dottie is another chance to check them out weaves in and out of direct contact with the if you missed them last time. This audience and her BFF, Dartsey, exchanging quintet of sexy guys, and longtime friends hilarious stories and touching life lessons. from Virginia, have such hits as “Kiss Me With the use of multimedia and human Slowly” and “She Is Love.” contact, Sister Dottie will take audiences on 7:30pm, In The Venue at Club Sound, 219 S. 600 an unforgettable journey. West. Tickets $16 adv/$18 day of show, 801-467Opens today, times vary, Broadway Centre Cinemas, 111 E. Broadway, Tickets $6.25–8.75, saltlakefilmsociety.org
8499 or smithstix.com.
thursdaY — Before a show
gets a million-dollar set, a full orchestra pit and souvenir T-shirts, it starts with dialogue, songs and movement on a bare stage with minimal costumes. The Salty Cricket Composers Collective presents Broadway Bound?, an intimate setting for new opera and musical theatre scenes. The evening consists of fully memorized and blocked scenes from new and in-progress musicals and operas by Utah composers, and performed by a company of five local actor/ singer/dancers and pianist. 7:30pm Black Box Theatre, Rose Wagner Center, 138 W. Broadway. Tickets $15, 801-355-ARTS or arttix.org.
Hours vary, through Mar. 4, Salt Lake Acting Company, 168 W. 500 North. Tickets $23–41, 801-3637522 or saltlakeactingcompany.org.
QQ There are few things sexier than a “guapo” Spaniard in a mask, wielding his sword ... yes, that’s a euphemism. Anyhoo, Hale Centre Theatre presents Zorro The Musical. Written as a prequel to the original story, the musical is set in California and Spain. Years after being shipped off to Spain by his father, Don Diego (Zorro), a gypsy, returns to California at the insistence of his childhood love Luisa to end the tyranny of Ramon, captain of the Spanish army. During this show, you certainly won’t be getting any zzzz! Get it? Ha! 7:30pm, through Apr. 11, Hale Centre Theatre, 3333 S. Decker Lake Dr. Tickets $15–28, 801-984-9000 or halecentretheatre.org.
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Mat Kearney shares inspiration and his love for Utah
February 11, 2012 | 7:30 pm
By Seth Bracken
rom beat-driven and catchy tunes, to honest and soul-baring love songs, few artists have the same brutal individuality as Mat Kearney. His third album, Young Love, blends some of the best aspects of an indie sound with more pop, radio-ready hits. Kearney spoke with QSaltLake about his inspirations for writing, his previous visits to Utah and a music video he’s shooting in Salt Lake. He’ll be at In The Venue on Feb. 13, 8 p.m. Tickets are $18 and available through SmithsTix.com. You’ve been to Salt Lake City before. What do you remember about your visits? I really enjoyed Salt Lake. It’s so beautiful. I don’t know that there are many towns that are as beautiful as Salt Lake. Was there anything different about Utah crowds? They’re unique in their own way. I think they’re a very encouraging crowd. Everyone there is very beautiful. I remember that about the show, there are so many beautiful people in Utah. Your latest album, Young Love, is very similar to your first album, Nothing Left to Lose. Was that a conscience decision? To get back to your roots? I think it was a blend between a lot of what made Nothing Left to Lose unique and some of the more story-driven, singer-songwriter techniques of my second album. As an artist I always want to do the opposite of what I was doing before. The first record was more beat-driven. So after it I wanted to make more of an adult, singer-songwriter type of record with City of Black & White. But when it came time to do Young Love I was ready to play with the real beatdriven storyteller and blend the two. How have your fans responded to the shift back? Very well, actually. It kind of surprised me how well people took to Young Love. It’s been remarkable how well people have responded to it. By far my favorite song from Young Love is “Rochester.” Is there any truth to that song? I mean, was it based on a true story? It’s 100 percent true. It’s actually my father’s story. My grandfather ran an illegal gambling ring in Rochester. When the mob came to town in the ’50s they wanted a piece of his business. He wouldn’t give it to them so he was arrested. My father took to the road and it’s about his journey finding my mother. She worked as a mermaid for a touring company that had glass-bottom boats. She would swim under the boat and show the tourists where things were. They were married six weeks later and they moved to Oregon. It was one of those songs that took a lot of emotional energy to write. I think in today’s pop age, it’s rare to find an artist who really puts himself out there like you do. I’ve listened to your albums and now I feel like I know you already. Is that difficult
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
for you? It’s difficult, but I thrive doing that. Being vulnerable is how we’re meant to be. God created people to be vulnerable. But it’s also incredibly difficult. I remember someone told me that the songs that seem too personal, those are the ones you need to write. And that’s what I was going for on this record.
Rose Wagner Performing Arts Center 138 West 300 South, SLC UT
What is your writing process like? There’s a lot of different ways to approach it, really. Sometimes you sit down and start writing until it’s done. With “Rochester,” I sat down and started writing and at three in the morning, I had a song. Sometimes I create a beat and I wait a couple of weeks for a song to fit it. Sometimes I just sit down with a guitar and write. I am not the normal writer in the way I craft songs. With “Hey Mama,” I sat down and programmed this old school, kick drum and started with the beat. I had a paper and pen and I came up with the lyrics on the spot. So, I do a lot of writing in a lot of different ways. What do you hope people take from your music? I think I have different messages for every song. I feel like there are moments in your life that you just want to have music while you’re having fun with friends. And then there’s times when you want to drive late at night singing along to your music at the top of your lungs with all your windows rolled down. Then there’s a song like, “Rochester,” and it has a very specific purpose. I think overall there’s a sense of redemptive ideas in all my music. I hope that is what comes through. Will you be playing only songs from your latest album at the show, or will you be doing some of your earlier work? I do a lot of everything. I feel like this tour is going to be better than ever because I have three albums to play from. I guess you could say I have a lot of arrows in my quiver. I’ve got all kinds of tools to use. I love playing my older songs, and I’d say about half my show is my earlier stuff. There are moments in my show where you’ll laugh, and then there are more serious moments. I used to get bored at singer-songwriter shows so I try to keep it really interesting. When you think you know the direction the show’s going I try to switch directions on you. It’s a journey that you can go on. What can we expect from you in the future? I have no idea. All my attention is set on this tour. But my song, “Ships in the Night,” is a really great song and we’ll be shooting a music video for it. We’re doing something unique. I’m really excited to see if we can pull it off. There might even be a little of Salt Lake City in it. It’s an ambitious idea for a music video so be sure to watch for that. Q
RDT’s Annual FUNdraiser & Choreographer Competition A night of delectable desserts & drinks, silent auction, raucous bribing, and witty choreography hosted by KUED’s Ken Verdoia. www.RDTutah.org 801-355-ARTS www.ArtTix.org
Tickets $30* | Couples $50* *Tickets will go up $5 on day of show
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
24 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
The iron ladies
Out filmmaker directs Meryl Streep, who talks gay icon status — of both herself and Margaret Thatcher By Chris Azzopardi
othing can stand in the way of the almighty Meryl Streep — except on this particular afternoon. At a New York City hotel, in front of a room full of journalists from mainstream press, she braces herself for what could be the ultimate career challenge. The mission? Answer a “gay” question. With mock surprise, Streep dramatically throws her arms up and whips back in her chair, pretending it’s something she — Oscar winner, recent Kennedy Center honoree, the “devil” herself — isn’t sure she can pull off. “OK,” she says, sarcastically, “let me get ready. All right, go.” And so we do, citing mentions of the fierce Margaret Thatcher, whom Streep doesn’t just play but becomes in The Iron Lady, as a gay icon. So, is she? Streep deliberates, working out the answer in her head before she lets go of it: “You know, I ... I don’t know. I just recently found out that I am a gay icon. It’s flattering, of course,” she says, noting the all-male tribute Streep Tease in West Hollywood (of which she says, “I haven’t gotten the nerve to go”). “But I think (Margaret) stirs very strong feelings even today, 20 years after leaving power. And she remains divisive. The film will enter a landscape of a world where she continues to cause controversy. I can’t answer the question about whether she’s a gay icon. That’s a difficult one for me.” Look at that: something Meryl Streep can’t do. The recent Golden Globe winner for Best Actress in a Drama, for The Iron Lady, is supposed to be the Queen of Can, the thespian superwoman who can effortlessly slip into character: head-turner in Death Becomes Her, doubtful nun, Julia Child (she’s so remarkable, in fact, that she can work those chameleon skills within just one movie, as she did with 2003’s Angels in America). She’s such a persona-transcendent pro that when she’s sitting right in front of you, you’re asking yourself: Is that really Meryl Streep? At this point, even Meryl Streep doesn’t look like Meryl Streep. Heck, after being so outside herself, does Meryl Streep even know Meryl Streep? She’s the rare actress who never plays herself in a movie. The Iron Lady, then, is a made-for-Meryl movie, from the prosthetics that afford an uncanny transformation into Britain’s first female prime minister to the heart that she finds among all that ... well, iron. “The biggest challenge for me was accomplishing the long lines of thought that she would launch into without taking a breath,” Streep recalls. “Even with all the drama school that I’ve had, I had a lot of trouble managing that. Just the galvanizing energy and the drive and the capacity to follow through with a conviction all the way to the end of your breath until you can’t go any further,” she says, breathlessly in character, “and not to let anybody interrupt! It was masterful the way she could manage these interviews.” She lets out a hearty laugh. “I’m taking notes on that.” Thatcher was a strident figure of polarizing effect, a loved-and-
hated political icon admired not necessarily for her ideas, but for the way she was able to execute them — in the face of class and gender prejudice. “The array of obstacles that stood before her in England at that time were enormous,” Streep notes, “and I think she did a service for our team (women) by getting there — even though you might not agree with the politics. Her determination, her stamina, her courage to take it on. Anybody that stands up and is willing to be a leader, who is as prepared as she was and as smart as she was, is admirable on a certain level, because you really sacrifice a great deal. All of our public figures do.” The film spans three days in Thatcher’s post prime, well into her 80s, after dementia wipes out her memories and she tries to capture whichever ones she has left. For as political-minded as she was, the film isn’t very political at all. And it wasn’t meant to be. “All of us understood what we were wanting from this piece,” Streep says. “It was not going to be chronicling Margaret Thatcher’s political life; it would be a particular look back through her own eyes at selected memories — not in chronological order, but in a jumble of memory, regret, glory days. It would all be a part of a reckoning.”
and, to me, this did have some of the elements of a tragic opera. The movie is a combination of the political world and pure imagination. It’s two very distinctive worlds.” This isn’t the first time Streep and Lloyd have bridged two worlds. 2008’s Mamma Mia! united the actress’ singing and dancing, with Lloyd’s directing. “I think it’s always easier the second time working together,” the filmmaker admits. “In fact, you should start with the second time.” Looking at her, pretending to be offended, Streep laughs: “What do you mean?” “I loved working with her ... the first time,” the actress razzes. “We had shorthand (on The Iron Lady), and we had to because we had $14 million to shoot a movie that takes place over the course of six decades. And that’s basically no money. That’s less than a tenth of what Hugo cost.” She hands it to Lloyd for strongly conveying her vision prior to shooting, which allowed Streep a sense of security in knowing just how to find Thatcher’s mind, body and spirit. “I’m playing a Margaret Thatcher no one has seen or really knows, and we can’t know — it’s an imagined journey that we were taking — so I felt a lot of freedom. I did,” Streep says. “I felt
The film is facing intense scrutiny for breezing past the political turmoil that Thatcher stirred and, instead, focusing on her personal life. “We have come under criticism for portraying someone who is frail and in delicate health,” Streep admits. “Some people have said it’s shameful to portray this part of a life, but if you think that debility, delicacy and dementia are shameful, if you think that the ebbing end of life is something that should be shut away — if you think that people need to be defended from that, from those images — then yes, it is a shameful thing. But I don’t think that. We are naturally interested in our leaders, and we tell stories about ourselves through the stories of important people.” Out director Phyllida Lloyd elaborates: “We thought of the film as something of a King Lear for girls, a Shakespearean story — not a political story. So, in that sense, we spoke to a number of Margaret Thatcher’s closest associates, who described her story in Shakespearean and operatic terms. I’d worked in opera a lot
completely free, and that’s a testament to the director.” But it wasn’t all Lloyd. Though she’s never met Margaret Thatcher, Streep wore the prime minister’s many hats, learning that the woman wasn’t a slacker and that her father saw Thatcher as the man of the house. “He discovered, of his two daughters, that one was uncommonly bright and uncommonly curious, and maybe this could be his boy,” she says. “That’s what I think. She fulfills a promise, and he infused in her the courage to get up and out. She had a lot of promise, and she wanted to live up to it.” When did Streep realize the same for herself? “I never really decided. I’m still ambivalent.” She laughs at the notion. “But no, being an actor lets me be a million different things, so I don’t have to decide.” Q
Chris Azzopardi is the editor of Q Syndicate, the international LGBT wire service. Reach him via his website at www.chrisazzopardi.com. PHOTO: The Weinstein Co.
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
book review Local author articulates fraud case against LDS Church By Seth Bracken
n a familiar, but stunning and beautifully spun story, An American Fraud: One Lawyer’s case against Mormonism is part memoir and part sharp, well-researched criticism of the LDS Church. Author Kay Burningham opens the book with her personal journey and documents the mistreatment, sexism and misogynistic management she faced being raised Mormon and living the standards of the Church. “I had always kept notes about my life and story, but it wasn’t until I was representing a client in a fraud case in front of the Utah Supreme Court that it hit me,” Burningham said. “This Church is not just silly or bizarre, the leaders have committed a tort against the people who are in the Church. Legitimately, there is a case to be made to sue the Church. I think it will happen. They committed fraud, and should have to face the consequences.” An American Fraud is a methodical approach to the case against the Mormon Church and the chapters detailing the specifics of the falsity of the religion are simple to read and easy to understand, even for those that have no legal training. “There is overwhelming evidence that the Church has misrepresented the true source of Joseph Smith’s writing, collectively the origin. All extant evidence proves that Smith dictated The Book of Mormon with his head in a hat containing a seer stone — no plates were used,” the book states. “Over time, the evidence to prove most facts disappears — it is destroyed, lost or altered.” The detail with which she explores the exact specifics of fraud and falsity is impressive and it becomes immediately apparent that hours and hours of exhaustive and meticulous research were performed. And even if that’s all the book contained, it would be a remarkable feat and a very interesting read. But Burningham doesn’t just leave her comprehensive research on the blank pages and walk away. The most compelling part isn’t the portions discussing how intellectuals were excommunicated from Brigham Young University or Joseph Smith’s apparent sex addiction. The most l gripping and page-turning aspects were her own struggle with identity and personal involvement
with her Mormon beliefs. When giving up her Mormon faith, Burningham wasn’t just doing a 180 on everything she knew to be true as a child, but she’s rejecting a way of life. “The Church is kind of like the creature from that old movie, The Blob. It’s just a bunch of amorphous souls combined into one mass,” she said. “When we become adults we need to learn to become discreet individuals, but that’s impossible in the Church. The Church is that blob where everyone is just stuck.” The captivating chronicles of her life tell the story of an intelligent and driven woman who joins the military, goes to law school and pursues a successful career, despite the constant pressure to be a subservient wife. The experiences are especially relevant to women who struggle to find their identity in the Mormon Church, but it also applies to those that are seeking some form of validation regarding their sexual identity. “There is so much repression of sexuality in the Church. I was so repressed until my 30s. It took me so long to figure out that I was supposed to enjoy sex, that it wasn’t a bad thing,” she said. “The Church controls so much of everyday life; from who you love to what underwear you’re allowed to have.” The book is especially relevant this year, with two Mormons in the race for president and one likely to land the Republican nomination; it’s vital that the country be aware of the true nature of the Mormon faith, she said. “I am not entirely sure how a Romney administration would play out, should there be one. But I have wondered about the logistics, like how would he go to the temple, like a good, faithful Mormon?” she said. “I think that Mormons can be categorized into two groups, the duped and the duper. Romney was a leader in the Church and while I suspect he is more of the one doing the duping, I don’t want either type to run the country.” An American Fraud is a lightning-fast and surprisingly smooth read that explores the relationship of one woman with the faith she was taught to love while documenting her methodical and pragmatic approach to the unraveling of a great lie. Q
9ÃįıÀ ÃµįPŎįĽçįĽĥįıî GĤĲįGæíŉğį,F Join QSaltLake’s irreverent Ruby Ridge on the most raucous bus to West Wendover, Nevada
BIGGAYFUNBUS.COM, 1-800-838-3006 or the QSaltLake Office 1055 E 2100 S Ste. 206
:PıĽğPŎįdğĽPğŎįĻ±įĻřāā We leave the Club Try-Angles parking lot at NOON sharp and get back by 9pm For more information, visit
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FEBRUARY 2, 2012
26 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
what should we do this weekend?
i dunno. where should we look?
she culture Püre at Club Sound By Annalisa Millo
or the few years I’ve been legally allowed to patronize bars and clubs, the Friday night queer-friendly Club Sound has always been a good go-to. Once called Gossip at Club Sound, then Püre at The Rail, and now Püre at Club Sound, Nova Starr has quite the following in Salt Lake City and, let’s be honest, we go where Nova Starr goes. As recently as a few years ago the interior of Club Sound was a bit grimy, but the main factor that’s impressed me the most beyond most bars and clubs of its kind in Salt Lake City is simply that over time some very obvious improvements are being made to the building. These improvements are happening somewhat slowly, but are still vastly significant to the overall experience. The renovated bathrooms were long overdue, and we’re glad they were taken care of among the first of the projects. Beyond that, they’ve installed a new sound system, a stunning LED curtain behind the stage, and new lasers and lights throughout. Needless to say, it’s reassuring to know that the cover charge we pay every Friday night is being put to good use — the DJ, the entertainment, improvements to the building. We can’t ask for much more. The usually excellent turnout is due, in part, by the accessibility to those who aren’t quite yet of drinking age. The 18+ crowd brings energy and spunk to the dance floor like only young blood can. These old bones just don’t move as well as they used to. Not to mention, it’s a place for the youngsters (I don’t even know if I’m allowed to be using the term “youngsters” at all yet) to enjoy themselves and put their dance pants on, an appreciated alternative to house parties or movies and bowling on the weekends. Another favorite element is the more balanced mix of genders than most queer nights or queer bars, which are usually very male-dominated. If I had to estimate, the men outnumber the women, maybe 70 percent male to 30 percent female, as opposed to probably 90 percent male at The Metro’s queer nights, JAM on the weekends, or Try-Angles. 70/30 is not fantastic, but until lesbians and bi-girls can stop cuddling with each other and decide to have a night on the town more often (trust me, I’m guilty of this too sometimes), those numbers won’t be changing. Drink prices are fair, though the lines for the bar can require some patience at times, especially on a holiday, and I rarely encounter a rude bartender. One must be careful about the drinks though — one AMF or long island, served in basically a bucket-sized glass, is typically more
than enough for me, but I’m pleased to know I’m getting my money’s worth. The upstairs patio is one of my favorites in the city. Lounge furniture with a few good-sized fire pits are great for accommodating the smokers in the colder months, and the two patio bars add extra convenience on the occasion that they’re open. A pair of promotors, “Lance ‘n’ Stratten,” with their “chiseled abs and stunning features” can often be seen bouncing around the club in their undies, sometimes with their signature suspenders, happily greeting the patrons or leading the way to invite people to dance on stage. Brek Joos and the rest of the Icon Noci team have always been a staple at documenting the parts of the night that maybe sometimes can’t be remembered. Brek’s photos have been good souvenirs of many successful nights that I have trouble remembering. The music is mostly danceable. I personally prefer their usual selection of hip hop and top 40 over some other clubs’ house/techno music if I’m to get my dance on. A particular favorite was a more dance-friendly remix of Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing — a classic, but Püre’s DJ gets some extra points for originality and variation from the same songs we already hear on the radio daily, and at every other dance club in the city. Now, let’s get superficial. The décor, the fashion of most of the the club-goers, and general behavior of the patrons is lagging a tad behind JAM. For a laid back, I-don’t-care-if-anyone-seesme-in-sweatpants-in-public, or even just casual jeans and T-shirt sort of night, Püre is a good spot. But if the mood to dress to impress strikes you, you’ll definitely stand out from the crowd. As for conduct, typically, I see more shirtless (or otherwise bare) club-goers, both male and female, at Püre than most spots, but I suppose the silver lining is that it probably means that Püre is a place where people can feel comfortable doing so? I guess. In any case, I’ve never had any major complaints about Püre/Gossip at Club Sound/The Rail. There’s always a substantial crowd after 11 p.m. or so, and one usually runs into friends and acquaintances, whether that’s a good thing or not. Their continuous improvements are launching them even further into a category of bars and clubs that don’t seem to be disappearing anytime soon. Go with a friend or go with a group, and you’ll most likely have a good time either way. For a good default bar on Friday nights, Püre at Club Sound is your spot. Q
I don’t even know if I’m allowed to be using the term ‘youngsters’ yet
oh, oh, oh! there’s that new gaysaltlake.com!
gaysaltlake.com bar events, arts, restaurants, salt lake scene, fun pics BROUGHT TO YOU BY Q
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Q nightlife DJ Harry Cross Jr. spins signature beats at JAM By Seth Bracken
riday and Saturday nights at JAM are high-energy experiences with resident disc jockey Harry Cross Jr. The sexy 27-year-old Westminster student is a staple in the queer club scene and has been spinning at JAM for over a year. Starting as an opener on weekends, Cross developed a style that he calls “high-energy familiarity.” Working as the DJ at JAM, Cross focuses on the top hits in the country, but occasionally tosses in a way-back throwback. “Finding the right sound, the right track, the right mix for the right time can be so challenging,” Cross said. “Utah crowds, and JAM crowds, can be so distinct ... I would say reading a crowd is one of the biggest challenges of being a DJ, no matter where you are.” Cross spends hours prepping for his weekend sets at the club, but no matter how much time goes into the preparation, the crowd determines how each set will play out. His experience with motion pictures and television, including American Pastime and the Sunday morning broadcasts of Music and the Spoken Word, has helped Cross understand production and other artistic endeavors. And his two years of experience as lighting director at Club Sound has given him the opportunity to work side-by-side with some of the most wellknown deejays in the gay club scene. “I learned so much from some great talent, and being the lighting director got me interested in being a DJ and helped me learn some of the skills needed,” Cross said. “(DJ) Naomi Watts was one of the biggest influences on me and she is such an awesome DJ.” Although he doesn’t have as much experience as some other deejays, Cross’ intuitive command of the room and a self-analyzing and critiquing nature helped make him the weekend resident DJ at the Fabby Award-winning club after just months of practice. “I’ve done my best to follow what other
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save the date
Bill of Rights Celebration
Gay Day at Hogle Zoo
SAGE Garden Party utahpridecenter.org
Pride Center Golf Classic
Elevation Park City Gay Ski Week
Utah Pride Festival utahpridefestival.org
Utah Arts Festival
Big Gay Fun Bus to Wendover
Pink Dot Utah
Damn These Heels Film Festival
EU Allies Dinner
UAF Oscar Night LGBTQ Youth Summit
QSaltLake Lagoon Day
deejays have taught me. I’ve had the great privilege to work with great talent and learn from them,” Cross said. “People like DJ Mike Babbitt and Sergio \V/ helped me so much and now I’m starting to really develop my own sound and signature style.” A part of Cross’ research includes listening to other nationally recognized DJs and going to clubs whenever he can throughout the week. Some of his biggest influences include DJ Chuckie, Dave Audé, Bimbo Jones, Skrillex, Dead Mouse and Porter Robinson. Q
Catch Cross and his signature style at JAM, 751 N. 300 West, every Friday and Saturday nights and check out his website, harrycrossjr.com for examples of his work.
more nightlife at gaysaltlake.com
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
28 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Who’s That Girl Crush?
43 “Eeew!” 44 They could come from Uranus 45 Completely faithful Across 46 What livers do 1 Inedible Apple 48 Spacey’s The ___ 5 Thailand neighbor Suspects 9 He gives gifts in stock50 She admitted a crush ing on Angelina Jolie 14 “Safe!” or “Out!” 55 Frock wearer 15 Heterogeneous mixture 58 Susan Feniger prepara16 George, who was Mary tion Ann 59 Barbra’s Funny Girl co17 The African Queen star author 60 One of Ours novelist 18 Middle of Caesar’s Cather boast 61 Like a virgin 19 Drummer managed by 62 The number of people Brian Epstein who like it hot 20 She admitted a crush 63 Raggedy Ann and othon Sophia Loren ers 23 Gay city 64 Went lickety-split 24 What male imperson65 Slant unfairly ators do? Down 28 Augusten Burroughs’ 1 Optimist’s phrase works 2 Three guys who went to 31 LBJ’s veep see Mary 32 Bullring bravo 3 ___ Baldwin Doesn’t 33 Boston ball handlers, Love Me briefly 4 Elizabeth Taylor movie 34 She admitted a crush on Christina Hendricks 5 Brooks and Barney, for two 37 Bear’s den 6 Quite similar 38 Spit that didn’t get 7 Nostalgic song swallowed 39 Porter’s regretful miss 8 Came out with 40 She admitted a crush 9 Top angels on Charlize Theron 10 Dress with a flared bot42 Trial figure tom
11 Henry and June’s Anais 12 Dress (up) 13 From ___ Z (completely) 21 One-night-stand partners 22 Taj ___ 25 Made purely academic 26 Current event? 27 Liam of Kinsey 28 Cream-filled pastry 29 Medium meeting 30 Moves like Mae West 31 Med. care groups 34 Screws up 35 François Ozon, to himself 36 Huge flop 38 Mr. Right-now 41 Felt around the head? 42 One that plays with balls at the circus 45 Crossed swords 47 Darn extension 48 Finish off 49 You might pick one up in an alley 51 Little fairies 52 Welcome response after an SM session 53 Zami: A New Spelling of My ___ 54 Shot up 55 WNBA position 56 Carnaval locale 57 Will descriptor PUZZLE SOLUTIONS ARE ON PAGE 32
anagram An anagram is a word or phrase that can be made using the letters from another word or phrase. Rearrange the letters below to answer:
name the director of the film adaptation of ‘Normal Heart’
my harpy urn ____
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
Q doku doku Q
sex life are the best care. Efforts to improve the work process will likely irritate colleagues. What Level: Hard Level: Medium do they want improved, and how?
Don’t hold back, Aquarius By Jack Fertig
Venus is entering Aries, good for sports and trashy fun, not so much for emotional and financial investments. But then she aspects Uranus and Jupiter, so be open for some very fun surprises.
ARIES (March 20–April 19) A new you is set to break into the open. It could be a daring new look or a talent that refuses to be hidden any longer. If you worry about that disrupting your relationships, holding it in will be even worse.
LIBRA (September 23–October 22) New efforts to start or refresh a relationship will open surprises that take you in directions you’re not ready for. Being a control queen will backfire horribly. Just roll with it and see where it goes. The adventure will do you good.
SCORPIO (October 23–November 21) Nobody can be right all the time, but you can always correct your own mistakes. Did your friends really screw up, or were your expectations unfair? _What’s_ right is always more important than _who’s_ right.
TAURUS (April 20–May 20) Trust those instincts and intuitions. That little voice deep inside has some very important messages, and perhaps some lucrative ones. Friends will disappoint you. They’re only human, but are they really friends? Keep a shrewd eye on their motives.
CAPRICORN (December 21–January 19) A little confusion is good for the soul, provoking you to examine yourself deeper and to improve your orientation. Changes at home should feel uncomfortable if they are to provoke real opportunities; and yes, the opportunities are there! Stay focused on the long haul.
GEMINI (May 21–June 20) Showing off your intellectual brilliance can cause more trouble than it solves. If you want to shake things up, you could be very effective, but the only way you can make peace is to stay quiet.
CANCER (June 21–July 22) In the struggle between body and soul remember the soul is eternal. Attend to material realities. Success could pull you away from home and family, but is that so bad? A little separation there doesn’t need to be a complete break.
LEO (July 23–August 22) Whatever you say could sound more serious and heartless than you intend. Winning arguments by intimidation will cost you. Gaining allies takes lots of conscious effort and attentive listening. You can change your mind about strategy and details without sacrificing principles.
VIRGO (August 23–September 22) Be very careful of nervous inflammations, especially as they may impact the bowels. Cleanliness, relaxation and a healthy
SAGITTARIUS (November 22–Dec. 20) You can’t hold back your rebellious streak, but if you can channel it creatively it can help boost your standing at work and invigorate your partnership (or chances for one!). Go ahead and take a chance!
AQUARIUS (January 20–February 18) Your dazzling brilliance may offend some people. Don’t hold back, not much anyway. Just try to be sensitive and ready to apologize where necessary, or just politic. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but arguing will make it one.
PISCES (February 19–March 19) It’s too easy to say too much and give away the store. Rather than spouting off, letting people wonder how much you do know makes you look wiser. Set aside some money for an impulse purchase.
Jack Fertig, a professional astrologer since 1977, is available for personal and business consultations in person in San Francisco, or online everywhere. He can be reached at 415-864-8302, starjack.com, and email at QScopes@qsaltlake.com.
cryptogram A cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! Has the solution: CRYPTOGRAMS ARE CHALLENGING AND FUN! In the above example Es are all replaced by Cs. The puzzle is solved by recognizing letter patterns in words and successively substituting letters until the solution is reached.
This week’s hint: E = V Theme: A quote by psychologist Abbie Goldberg on gay parenting.
Vxc sxfmzaq amzr ad km jdfm jdahexamr, jdfm idjjhaamr auxz umamfdqmlgxo sxfmzaq dz xemfxvm, kmixgqm aumc iudqm ad km sxfmzaq. ___
____________ _______ __ _______, _______ ____ _____ __ __ _______.
Each Sudoku puzzle has a unique solution which can be reached logically without Enter digits through 9 intologically the Each Sudoku puzzle has a guessing. unique solution which1can be reached withoutblank guessing. Enter digits 9 intoone theofblank spaces. Every row1 through must contain eachspaces. digit, asEvery must row must contain one of each digit, as must each column and each 3x3 each column and each 3x3 square. is actually five square. Qdoku is actually five separate, but Qdoku connected, Sudoku puzzles. separate, but connected, Sudoku puzzles.
2 7 3 8 4 6 8 7 5 7 7 4 8 1 2 8 9 4 2 3 2 5 1 3 2 7 8 4 7 9 1 6 2 3 6 5 2 5 4 3 2 5 9 4 7 6 8 4 7 1 6 2 4 8 7 3 5 3 9 6 8 4 3 4 7
Cryptogram honor roll
7 8 9 3 5 1 8 2 3 9 4 4 6 9 6 3 8 7 9 7 4 3 2 6 2 9 3 8 7 2 9 1 8 6 1 6 5 2 7 3 1 4 2 1 8 5 8 3 2 4 7 2 8 5 6 5 3 8 8 6 7 9 4
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Omar’s Rawtopia. .An . . .anagram . . . . . . . .is . .a .word . 801-486-0332 A Cryptogram is a puzzle where one letter in the puzzle is substituted with another. or phrase that
These businesses brought you this issue
For example: ECOLVGNCYXW YCR EQYIIRZNBZN YZU PSZ! can be made using the letters from Has of the solution: C R Y P Tsure O G R Ato M Sthank A R E C H Athem L L E N G I N Planned G A N D F UParenthood N! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ppau.org QSaltLake. Make another word or phrase. Rearrange In the above example e’s are all replaced by c’s. The puzzle is solved by recognizing with your patronage. answer: letter patterns in a word or words and successively substituting lettersPride until Counseling. the .the . . .letters . . . . . . below . . . . . .to801-595-0666 Who’s turning five? solution is reached. This week’s hint: D=I Theme: Gene’s saying
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QSaltLake Wedding Giveaway
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
30 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Q wedding couple
Clive Owen and Russell Snider
hile both were being raised in Tooele County, and only a few years apart in school, Owen Cluff and Russell Snider seemed destined to be together — when the time was right. Before Cluff left to serve a two-year mission for the LDS Church, he and Snider worked at the same local eatery. One was the morning, the other the evening, manager. “We would see each other as I left and he arrived,” Cluff said. It was an instant attraction for Snider who said after his first encounter, “I knew that one day I would marry him. Everyone was quick to inform me he was straight, but I knew.” Cluff returned home from his mission and soon began to explore his sexuality to discover more about who he really was. After a couple of failed attempts at a relationship, he expressed his concerns to a close friend.
“She told me I should look up this guy named Russ. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it was him,” Cluff said. “We started dating and immediately hit it off.” One of the first discussions about the relationship involved children; Cluff was relieved to hear that Snider wanted a traditional family life. After nearly two years of dating, the couple decided it was time for children. The first attempt at a surrogate pregnancy was made in December 2011 and much to everyone’s surprise, the mother became pregnant. To prepare for their first child, Cluff and Snider decided, independently, to propose to each other on Christmas day, without knowledge of the other’s proposal. Each bought a ring, and Snider asked for permission from Cluff’s parents. “That was part of the reason we were so excited when we saw the QSaltLake giveaway. We wanted to be married before our first child, but all our resources are going into planning for the new addition to the family,” Cluff said. “We are so grateful for the chance to show our commitment to each other before our child is born. We want so badly to have that traditional family, it’s what we’ve always wanted.” The couple is planning an elegant and minimalist approach to their wedding. The classy, intimate affair will highlight the importance of family in its many forms. Q
Dea r My QSal yea fir tLa k “On rs ol st me e, e m d or . tha d t’s ay I’ My o y ha lde vin m Y n cow ears ot w goin r si g to h g t ste do qui orker later at m y w o mar r wa wit ck w a s g h a hen nd an ry to H dat e lef inf knew I w ted t a pr etti wed di ng orm as o t in in i me nstan 16 y hear ce j marr ng is Aft g. W on a . e u ie tly ear ele er st w co mis he lik d and hen I cid d man a yea nnec sion was s that s old e wa I t ed y p r o ted , b my ut raig one and th f at i sis told s abo W day wor t rin ithou e ti hs t dati nstan afte ht, er. my p ut f b m I w king n r ” O i a kne gs an t eit e wa ying g we tly a r ret ut I o a u f c rents ve s j urn kne ld m t a dec nd to on w all d ma her o u urs , w st arr loc ado ide des ing of de th a , h . i e y h al Aro e sa long plan us k not r pt a d we red e im. eat , b s t now sta und me igh nd d wan the loo Eve ery d ut i o t o f ted sam ked wou rt ou the ay. ryo I m kep prop ng of . ost e t me a l s r e ne t o d am chi er hin up to the se f it was t a l c a g sta take amil e ti t d a a n s o o r d t me y. t e, sec i rt h e ti M but ogeth n li we s ret ach o er’s fir uch t try me a We t a la tar f e i p t n w a t o s f lke yer o n r so e. rom her lans ted bab t tr our ng f d a d o y a y s us. on C , bo to gave ava we t del or a few n o th I hr t a a d il. rav i We tha woul our now ght child ries maz us th bot istma Owen We all and d t b e i d h a s e n r desti n a whi jus f i g eam p d n d o d s o rop ay. d I re fri ea wed ur mo urpri get bef ll h le w t lo o s o e sed bo Th ave ve e d ney se, mar he w nd a f us or to e fam ught rie to ing oul ing nd tra are Ple e ha t a h h n e d h a d a as e d ach ily d a the ase vin bee time proc whil beco doct a sur g k itio “dif ve a oth c a n e f m lov r o or m n ed i al w e e h er e. azin nside ds. who ogate val rent eddin push as g ure we wa pre g gna ed one wor —Ru ues ” t i g t t wed r he t old o sse din lpi int ked ed f nt. and ype to sh back us ll of We g w ng . o h the or o w w Sni ere it fam dec it e w us avi our der t i oul hav n mar o w ided l g o e d rie y we child ork ur d .
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
Q wedding couple
Segna Batty and Elecia Hardy
hen Segna Batty emailed a proclamation to the QSaltLake Wedding Giveaway, she didn’t tell her girlfriend. Then, when she was called in for an interview, she still didn’t tell her. It wasn’t until Batty heard the good news that she finally told her girlfriend, Elecia Hardy, that they were going to get married. “I couldn’t believe it. Of course we were both crying, but I couldn’t believe it. It was just too good to be true,” Hardy said. “The couch was literally shaking when I told her. She was so excited, she just couldn’t stand it,” Batty added. The couple met in high school through participation on sports teams, but they never were involved in the same social circle. It wasn’t until years later, when they ran into each other at a local club, that they started dating. Three years later they are still completely and utterly in love. They spend their free time
fishing, hunting, snowboarding, hiking, camping and enjoying all the outdoors activities this beautiful state has to offer. “We love each other so much. We have such a normal relationship, and we really want to use this as an opportunity to show our families, and everyone else, that we’re just like everybody else,” Batty said. “We hope the day is just a lot of fun for us, our close friends and our family. We want it to be a celebration of our lives and relationship.” The couple is planning a small, elegant and classic ceremony to exchange vows. Q
urto s e l b e a me. ob o ve t rtner t er high tarted o l d a l ft ss p u A wo t and ther. friend amaz I . r t o 1 ppo e) s v 3 e h a b c . su w ea Our till h an s n J ing e r. , ac ry o amaz ally kn othe (and eet u a s w r h s d an ive r re d eac nd ha the es yo day ann uch eve e d to t mak every re ird een s we n ember ately a n h a t tha ing e su life edi as b but em our on eople spend o mak ut ng she h apart, e we r f imm i k t o p a t er of lo e, d pb y br us se ar out towar parabl and tr ’t hel er aft cele becau ne ye g beca hit it e e v n h ose r i e e a o t a e ec n r. W g m ins h i i s t t s n I m i k i i s h l o t t r and l wedd her, ju ted ta of he er p agne een n fo se w life w sed ke, ia, to h ng m have b woma becau f my expres ltLa r, Elec nderfu l toget d star more d a e o o s r S t t e t t n c c d r it an see rQ ne oo wo ttra his s g, w erfe frien e res soo ake othe Dea y part ith a h sch al club se to so a has t datin the p our nd th en she o m to an s; u ig loc M er w s t c h a s d e m e x i h n e m w p e I ts. Sh start ee old dow ty, he ief fro to s rld w ta t to eh an but r d er s as s e d i o e ve s pris e wen met a e me nev for w ps an Lake C son she me ince w I belie ot of g wante the w v W , we r a n e u g a d p l I c n t l f S e . i l l h e e r a o o t k . c a i o S or an bu et tifu yon her ds l th the new sch ng wh try. ow ny I w all kin ove to t al aid eau s ever know n toge . We g e. I k st wom n h b s i i t g s r b a a y r a t i e d chem uch ou af ea comp ough our m t to ved ppi trea y da t to oy h, b was r. r h ing he is s y she tely ge n mo r ever mean the ha earc y but ounge We n tw en the me th hroug s o e a t S g wa dia e s o h e h r f s t t h f ju mad ab ch y ﬁne. me and ore rs w ive o and love ere tin ab u ns o e pcep t to im other uch I we w d was or m 10 yea upport se to d to o have was m ould b the a f i d n g t o n m l n ost s t e e e i w c e h d d wa each how s tha ther a n W h d s y g ed er ma at s lm u ar. tha h nte en hin wit knows obvio s toge ur w b of a more was v t ye ys wa ad wh everyt en we out th o s a t I l h o h y wa he h hat d she e it so mont me. bou reat j been r who was e t g! W oun s bab d al ga r d w it and w e a cia ha s that red us d tryin n we f mak a few ngs fo talkin t my g me an mothe o v n a k n h e s y tI t o know nd or. El h issue d assu starte d whe onl e feeli been y. I lo ck by grand n e l , bu wen n e e ts a t sue avely and I thing ren rm do heal ying a fter w crush sam e hav ancial has stu of my eet. s a i p o t r e W ﬁn ia loss my f to be s a spe due to tart tr oon a e were t th he b r me ve n s n pen Elec the s t bou ore. S e eve uld lo a hap pany. ent, back o anted urselve egnan us to gnant kups w e v o w m r itiv anym n I ha n. I w com mploy et me at we und o get p leared as pre l chec e pos a o be rry m perso perso o une g to g ded th and f ble to who c t she w prenat t o g er w d n n i a r i e s t i a i ’ tr uldn t, lov a bett . try e dec ’ book ot be docto ut th aving e h e s e o o W ing i h w w fe we d n ing a und tart ob nd oul ect s e d a so she zing, s yday t as my fo e t a ‘exp she w ted se n we tor to ast show t ama e ever e her r t e v s dev r tha he sta ed wh er doc ely ld eve he mo ires m to ha h l S t l i e h r l t t insp and u h i p t s o w i m e w wer tment rried. ere co n she s. She e. She th her i s n w poi misca e we er the succe my lif ing w s h d had f cour er on ith no her in g wed , O e d w ion n har g but o hav amazi erat d h i c t s n mu tryin I am re an r co t you atty kep lucky to sha r o f B how e than you Segna r nk mo Tha
Engagement Photo by Dav.d Daniels Segna and Elicia chose Dav.d Daniels to shoot their engagement photos. “The photo shoot was awesome,” Segna said. “Dav.d immediately made us feel comfortable, even though we were a little nervous to start with and we were all frozen. He made the whole thing fun for us and let us tell him about our style and what we wanted. He was really creative with location, his lighting and the shots he took.” Daniels sent the couple about 100 shots, including the one above.
Dav.d can be found at daviddanielsphotography.com
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
32 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
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Anagram: ryan murphy
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puzzle solutions 5 2 1 9 3 7 6 4 8
point of stating directly. As I near the end of my second season as “Cocktail Chatter” columnist, it’s time to set the record straight (so to speak): Except for the recipes, “Cocktail Chatter” is pure fiction. I make this stuff up, people. There is no Kyle, no Robbie, no Craig, no Jack Fogg. There’s sort of a Dan, but that’s not his real name, and he doesn’t work for a pharmaceutical company. Some of the characters were originally based on people I know, and some are purely my own creation. But their origins are irrelevant because they all grew into different, fully formed (albeit fictional) people the more I wrote about them. These nonexistent folks don’t let me put words in their mouths that they don’t think they’d really say. It’s like I’m channeling them, and when I add a word they don’t like they make me delete it. A novelist friend of mine was not at all surprised when I mentioned this bizarre situation to him. He can’t force his characters to do or say what he wants them to do or say either. They, too, have their own voices and personalities, and he can’t control them either.
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rom the mailbag comes this gemlike nugget: “You’re a really great writer, Ed. You’re also a mess.” I say true on both counts! I don’t think I’m bragging when I agree with the first part. I’m sure most of you have something you know you’re good at, whether it’s managing staff, making ceramic bowls, salesmanship or cooking. It’s good for your state of mind; it builds confidence to have confidence. As for the second point, I acknowledge that, too. I used to be more of a mess than I am now, but I’m still neurotic. Hey, I’m a gay Jew from a cruddy little town in western Pennsylvania. I was called vicious names every damned day until I escaped to college. What do you expect? The message writer was referring to a specific column – the “Yankee Mint Julep,” in which I respond to Kyle and Robbie’s acoustically vibrant and (to me) demoralizing sex romp at the beach house by swigging from a magnum of Jack Daniels. It was a pretty good column, I think, but the response brought up a fact I’ve not made a
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By Ed Sikov
In that spirit, or perhaps in those spirits — or maybe even in the spirit of those spirits who drink spirits — I created an original cocktail: The Faux de Vie. As you may know, Eau de Vie is a clear, double-distilled brandy that has the flavor of the fruit from which it is distilled. Varieties include pear, raspberry, plum and peach. Eau de Vie translates to Water of Life, but a fine Eau de Vie is pricier than even the most expensive bottled water. It can run $120 or more. So forget the real stuff and make yourself a Faux de Vie! Get yourself a copy of the extraordinarily gorgeous and superbly entertaining
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cocktail chatter Imitation of Life: ‘The Faux de Vie’
Imitation of Life, the 1959 tearjerker directed by the great Douglas Sirk and starring the inimitable Lana Turner, and you’ve got yourself a perfectly “faux” evening.
Faux de Vie 1 jigger Absolut vodka A couple drops of your choice liqueur In a small glass carefully pour a few drops of Chambord, Cointreau, or any fruit liqueur into it. Add vodka. Sip. Don’t overwhelm the vodka with liqueur; the drink should have just a hint of fruit to it. Q
Cryptogram: Gay parents tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexual parents on average, because they chose to be parents.
Carrying all sports packages for College and NFL
31 E 400 S – SLC, UT
Feb. 03 –
Feb. 04 –
Terrence Hansen Trio
Feb. 05 –
Super Bowl Party – Noon until it's over, Free Raffle, Great Giveaways, Food Specials, Same Great Drink Prices, Come Party Like a Pig
Feb. 06 –
Open Blues Jam
Feb. 07 –
Free Texas Hold'Em Poker @ 7 PM
Feb. 08 –
Trivia Factory @ 7 PM, DJ @ 9 PM
Feb. 09 –
Feb. 10 –
Feb. 11 –
Feb. 12 –
Sunday Funday, $10 Breakfast Buffet, $2 Bloody Mary's & Mimosas
Feb. 13 –
Open Blues Jam
Feb. 14 –
Free Texas Hold'Em Poker @ 7 PM
Coldest, Cheapest and Biggest Drafts
OPEN DAILY AT 2PM 251 W 900 S • 801-364-3203 WWW.CLUBTRY-ANGLES.COM 1/2 BLOCK FROM 9th S TRAX STATION
SUNDAY, Feb 5
Super Bowl Food Party & fun!!! SATURDAY, FEB 18
UNDERWEAR NIGHT TUESDAY, FEB 21
MARDI GRAS PARTY
Jambalaya will be served
SUNDAY, FEB 26
OSCAR NIGHT PARTY Come watch it on the big screen
Come watch RuPaul’s Drag Race, 7pm After the bar, the party continues next door at
259 W 900 S • OFFTRAXSLC.COM
Big Gay Fun Bus Feb 25 trip to West Wendover tickets sold here!
Come watch GLEE, 7pm
WEDNESDAYS: Thigh-High Sci-Fi Theater Feb 8: Tron Feb 15: Barbarella Fri & Sat:
SUNDAYS KARAOKE ▼ MONDAYS WEENIES ▼ WEDNESDAYS POOL TOURNAMENT ▼ THURSDAYS KARAOKE ▼ FRIDAYS DJ BOY TOY ▼ SATURDAYS DANCE-DANCE-DANCE ALL NIGHT SHY? TEXT HIM ON OUR SCREENS THROUGHOUT THE BAR
24oz cans of PBR only $3
FEBRUARY 2, 2012
34 ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
the perils of petunia pap smear The tale of a glass act By Petunia Pap Smear
he road to a trick’s bathroom is fraught with danger and excitement. Sex: The final frontier. This is a voyage of the land yacht, Queertanic. Its ongoing mission: to explore strange new theaters, to seek out new bathhouses and fresh porn shops, to boldly go where this queen has not gone before. Every Wednesday night during January and February, the Matrons of Mayhem and I are hosting the Thigh High Sci-Fi Theater at Club Try-Angles. Few things get my motor running more than the delightfully geeky Dr. Who. Last week we watched Flash Gordon and shirtless Sam J. Jones really got my juices flowing, or it could have been all those “Sonic Screwdrivers” the bartender kept sending my way. Sitting in my lawn chair in front of the big screen TV I felt just like Captain Kirk - but with a much better wardrobe - in the captain’s chair on the bridge of the Enterprise. This communal movie experience caused me to remember back to my pre-troll days, during the Paleozoic era when I was a freshly out-of-the-closet newbie. I was attending a showing of “Star Trek III, The Search For Cock” at the old XXX Studio Theater on State Street. I tried to resist the urge to explore the porno palace, but ultimately, the gravitational force was
greater than that of a black hole. After “My neural pathways had become accustomed to the sensory input patterns of the porn on the big screen,” I cruised into the auditorium at one quarter impulse power, fully intending to obey my “Prime Directive,” to score with some North American Homosexual Males in their natural habitat. The “phaser” in my shorts set itself on stun, and began straining against the fabric for release. I sat near the center of the seats and my sensors were all set on maximum. Soon, a Ferengi type began to invade my neutral zone, so I raised shields and engaged in evasive maneuvers. Relocating to the rear quadrant of the auditorium I spotted a scantily clad Adonis Class stud, just the type that you would invent for yourself in the Halo-Deck. I immediately lowered my shields and opened all body language hailing frequencies. He entered into a standard orbit of my position and landed in the seat next to me. I held my breath. The space-time continuum seemed to freeze. After what seemed like hours, his naked knee ever so slightly brushed against my naked knee. My “phaser” reached setting five, and began to peek out of my shorts. When I did not withdraw my knee, he then proceeded to press his knee
against mine with purposeful force. Again, with heart beating wildly in my chest, I returned the knee play as if being held by a tractor beam. His arm came to share the narrow armrest with mine. Ever so slowly, as if it belonged to a shape shifter, his hand oozed into my lap and began probing for my “phaser.” He found his target which had reached the self destruct level and I nearly passed out. He had a firm grasp of things and whispered into my ear, “Resistance is futile, you will be ass-mounted, do you want to go with me to my house which is nearby, and continue this exploration?” I squeeked out a “make it so” that was so high-pitched it could only be heard in sub-space, so I nodded yes. As we were leaving the theater, I walked bent slightly over, trying desperately to hide the very prominent bulge in my shorts. This hunk must have been an interior designer or something, because his apartment was a showcase of ultra-modern architecture and art, with copious amounts of gleaming chrome and glass actually resembling a star ship. He led me to the bedroom where he set course and engaged, reaching my “Undiscovered Country” by the light of a single vanilla-scented candle on a clear glass table. His shuttle found my shuttle bay and began docking maneuvers. After a prolonged period of thrusters powerfully thrusting, he fired his “phaser” which spewed an immense “plasma” stream all over me, causing my dilithium crystal balls to melt, causing me to eject my core. Following the usual amount of “afterglow,” he excused himself to go and clean up in the bathroom.
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For a few minutes, I remained lying on the faux fur bedspread, feeling ever so much like Barbarella. Finally, in the dim candle light I set course for the bathroom. Unbeknownst to me, there was a room partition of clear glass directly in my path. I slammed into the glass at full impulse speed. With a loud and thundering thunk, it stopped my forward inertia like a force field. It felt like the “Wrath of Kahn” as I bounced off the glass partition falling back spread eagle on the floor. I looked up and I had left a body outline of “plasma” on the glass as if it marked the location of a murder victim. My host stepped out of the bathroom to investigate. Embarrassed at having walked into a wall, I lied and pretended that it was thunder from outside, hoping that he would not notice the dirty glass, or my crossed eyes until after I had made the “Voyage Home.” And now I bid you farewell with my traditional Vulcan salute: “Love long ones and prosper!” Like always these events leave us with several eternal questions: 1. Is this incident the reason my last name is Pap Smear? 2. Are Gene Roddenberry’s ashes leaving Earth’s Orbit and entering a collision course with the sun because of this? 3. Will Star Trek uniforms ever include Crinoline? 4. Does this story give new meaning to the term, smear the queer? 5. Does Windex work on “Plasma?” 6. If left on the glass, would the “plasma” eventually form a halogram? These and other important questions to be answered in future chapters of: The Perils of Petunia Pap Smear. Q
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