I
the straight line The Cost of Bullying by Bob Henline
MAGINE YOURSELF IN A SMALL, dark space. The walls around you constrict; you feel suffocated, smothered, like you’re running out of air. You want to move, but you can’t. You reach out, but no one is there. You try to cry out, but your voice disappears into thin air. You see the world around you in distorted, shadowy images, but it doesn’t see you. What options do you have? Every breath you take is a struggle, every moment filled with mental and emotional anguish. You feel lost and abandoned, hopeless. You see death as the only escape, the only way to end the pain. Most of us, fortunately, never experience that level of pain and fear. However, the number of children who do is increasing, especially in the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community. It seems that almost daily we hear about another suicide, happening mostly among teens and young adults. As a result of these tragedies, more and more people are paying attention to the issue of bullying. The media, the public and even law enforcement are starting to investigate the people who are (allegedly) pushing these vulnerable youth over the edge of despair. While I agree that the bullies should certainly be investigated and punished, I think that we are unfortunately focused on the symptom and not the real disease. We, as a society, need to ask ourselves what makes these people so vulnerable to bullies. What happens to make these people feel so isolated, and what makes them believe that there is no hope? While this may be an overly simplistic suggestion to deal with a complex psychological issue, the fact still remains: Our society has marginalized this segment of the population, and that marginalization is the real fuel behind these suicides. I’m not a psychologist, but it’s easy to see that the majority of these youth suicides are based upon acceptance. For the most part (unless a mental illness is involved), people who are accepted and who have a healthy network of emotional support don’t take their own lives. As an example, take a look at the Salt Lake City community at large. We live
in the shadow of a predominant religion that openly condemns homosexuality. The LDS Church has helped to fund and drive a number of anti-gay measures both in Utah and around the nation. Just last weekend one of the LDS Church’s general authorities gave an inflammatory talk at LDS General Conference, referencing homosexuality as a treatable condition, an evil choice that is made. Now imagine yourself as a teenager in this environment. Perhaps you are growing up in an LDS household, perhaps not. Either way, due to your location and environment, you feel the social pressures of Mormonism. It’s a fact of life in Utah. Imagine further that your “secret” comes out at school. Other students start harassing you. You can’t turn to your teachers, because you don’t want them to know. You don’t want them to judge you. You can’t turn to your parents, because you’re afraid that they won’t understand, won’t accept you. So where do you turn? There are some support groups and institutions that exist — like the Utah Pride Center — but going there creates a risk of discovery and even more public humiliation and harassment. So the bullying continues. And more lives are lost. It’s an unfortunate fact of life that we can’t legislate change of attitude. We can’t pass a law that will magically make our society more accepting and supportive of queer people. What we can do, however, is continue to shine light on the problem that exists. We can continue to investigate instances of bullying and harassment and bring those guilty to justice. In doing so, perhaps we can even demonstrate to the vulnerable that they aren’t alone. That there are those of us who not only accept them for who they are, but who embrace them for those differences. We also need to continue to focus not only on the bullies at the end of the chain, but the bigots who create the atmosphere that allows bullying to flourish. Q
We can’t pass a law that will magically make our society more accepting of queer people
Bob Henline is a straight man. Don’t hold that against him — he was born that way. He is also a professional author and editor. His blog can be read at nonpart.org.
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