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BY ANNIE KEOUGH
A devoted father of 11 children, Jose Martinez worked tirelessly to build his own business and become the sole provider for his family. Then just like that, he was snatched away from that family.
For days following Martinez’s abrupt arrest at the hands of Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) in Charlotte on May 14, it seemed as if he had disappeared.
“The hours and days that followed [his detainment] were agonizing,” said his daughter Joanna. “We desperately tried to navigate a broken and unresponsive immigration system designed to make finding a loved one nearly impossible.”
Immigration arrests have been sweeping the nation since Donald Trump took office for the second time in January. A recent Department of Homeland Security report claimed the Trump administration has arrested more than 158,000 immigrants and exceeded 142,000 deportations in 2025 alone.
“This is just the beginning,” the report said.
And while the arrests have been made very public, with government agencies and even the White House producing boastful social media posts about deportations that have torn families apart across the country, what happens after those arrests has been covered by a shroud of secrecy, striking fear in a community that simply seeks stability in their lives.
Carolina Migrant Network (CMN) is a legal advocacy organization that works with immigrants who are locked in detention centers and/or undergoing deportation proceedings.
The organization held a press conference at its location inside the Charlotte Is Home Center off Shamrock Drive on May 19 to address the increased ICE presence in local communities.
East Charlotte neighbors had noticed a surge in ICE sightings starting not long after Donald Trump took office for his second term in January, but things escalated on May 12 when agents detained the father of a Charlotte East Language Academy (CELA) student in sight of the school’s drop-off line.
Though the detainment was not on school property, CELA PTA member Amy Hawn Nelson called the incident “deeply disturbing to our entire student body.”
”It was witnessed by many students, many families,” she said during the press conference. “It was sudden, it was public and just deeply disruptive.”
The CELA PTA released a statement on its Instagram page, urging the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools Board of Education to take a clear, public stance regarding ICE enforcement.
“No child should fear coming to school,” the statement read. “No family should feel invisible. Now is the time for leadership that reflects the values of our community.”
ICE originally claimed the man was a Mexican national with an extensive criminal history, but Nelson clarified that this was false.
“Misinformation like this is harmful and puts more families at risk,” Nelson said.
The agency later admitted that Noel Antonio Alfero Escobar, the man they arrested on Albemarle Road that day, was the victim of misidentification but was taken into custody anyway because he was
undocumented despite having no criminal history. They claimed to have also arrested a man with a long criminal history, the original target, nearby on the same day.
The Board of Education released a statement following Escobar’s arrest saying the district would be providing additional counseling at CELA for students and staff.
“Our commitment to the well-being of every student remains unwavering and we are dedicated to serving all students so that they can receive the best education possible for a promising future,” the statement read, adding that, to that point, no federal immigration agents had yet attempted enforcement on any CMS properties.
“However, the Board reiterates the legal requirements and processes in place to protect all of our students,” the statement continued, “including the landmark Supreme Court decision in Plyler v. Doe (1982).”
Plyler v. Doe ensured that every student is entitled to free, public education regardless of immigration status; that federal agents are not permitted in public schools without a court order or warrant signed by a judge and presented to The Office of General Council; and that, without federal intervention, public schools cannot be made to divulge the legal status of students.
The publicized actions of federal agents both locally and nationally during Trump’s second administration have justified Carolina Migrant Network’s decision to restore its ICE Hotline, allowing local residents to report ICE activity or detainments.
The hotline was created during Trump’s first presidential term. Arteaga said it was helpful for the community to have a reliable team available with resources for detainees’ families and a place to report ICE activity.
The hotline fell quiet during the Biden administration and was eventually deactivated, but CMN reinstated it on Jan. 20, Inauguration Day.
Before May 12, CMN staff fielded four calls per week at most. In the week following Escobar’s arrest, however, the organization received more than 148 calls, not including direct messages over the organization’s social media platforms and WhatsApp.
”The line … helps us keep a pulse on what’s happening in the community, which is why it’s been helpful in identifying the increase in ICE activity,” she said.
Arteaga asked that people who witness ICE activity in the Charlotte area contact CMN, which strives to better understand and document patterns of behavior from the agency including the people they target and the areas they frequent for enforcement activity.
If someone calls the hotline after a loved one is detained, CMN conducts an intake to understand how they were detained and discuss how to best connect them with available private or pro-bono attorneys.
“We want to make sure that the message is clear: What is currently happening is family separation,” Arteaga said at the press conference. “It is an attack on every Charlottean because it does not just impact immigrant community members; it impacts everyone.”
Arteaga said the latest actions are part of an aggressive ICE approach making its way across the region.
Earlier this month, more than 100 people were detained in Nashville in a joint operation between ICE and the Tennessee Highway Patrol. ICE’s Enforcement and Removal Operations also arrested 87 people in Georgia and 19 in South Carolina, according to the Department of Homeland Security.
“They’re just going through the geographies,” Arteaga said.
The majority of ICE activity in Charlotte has been reported along Central Avenue and Albemarle Road in east Charlotte and North Tryon Street in north Charlotte, though CMN has documented detentions along South Boulevard and in surrounding towns such as Pineville, Kannapolis, Concord and Monroe.
Aside from carrying out enforcement activity around schools, ICE has been seen arresting people at the Mecklenburg County courthouse and posting up outside of Central United Methodist Church during preschool pickup.
Arteaga said that 100% of the detainments CMN has documented this year have been men — though that could change as time goes on — and agents have been mostly targeting working vans and vehicles.
When someone is detained in the Charlotte area, they are often held at Alamance County Detention Center for a short period of time before being moved to the Stewart Detention Center in Lumpkin, Georgia.
If the Stewart Detention Center and Folkston ICE Processing Center in Folkston, Georgia are full, detainees may be moved to other states such as Louisiana or Mississippi.
Joanna Martinez’s difficult experience navigating the immigration system following her father’s May 14 arrest was not an isolated event. Arteaga said ICE is known to hold immigrants in field offices before moving them across state lines without even processing them first.
Without processing, a detainee does not show up on the ICE Detainee Locator, making it incredibly challenging to find detained loved ones.
On average, it takes a full day to find someone in the system after they’re detained, according to Arteaga.
After finding her father, Joanna drove six hours to Stewart Detention Center where he, his coworkers and some of her neighbors are being held. For years, Stewart has been subject to reports of abuse and neglect.
“Since his detention I have struggled to sleep, tormented by the thought that he was left unfed for days and is suffering while being detained,” she said. “For the first time in my life, I saw my father cry. The man who had always been our rock, our provider, was reduced to tears and shattered our hearts.”
Manolo Betancur, owner of Manolo’s Bakery on Central Avenue, has become familiar with the way ICE targets Latino men due to their looks alone. His wife has taken to carrying her American passport with her at all times.
”She’s so scared that she’s going to get pulled over because [of] myself, because I’m a target,” he said.
Betancur doesn’t carry his passport with him, saying that if he gets detained, ICE better bring a court order signed by a judge. If not, agents will need to kidnap him forcefully.
Despite his stubborn nature, Betancur still worries about what would happen to his family, his business, and the families his businesses support if he were to be detained.
He knows of some families in the community who have moved back to Colombia because they couldn’t sleep for fear of being sent to Cecot, El Salvador’s mega-prison, considered a concentration camp by many, where the Trump administration has been sending US detainees without due process.
”But I cannot be silenced and let the fear and intimidation shut us [down],” he said. “That’s not America, man. That’s not one country. That’s not one nation.”
Many Latinx families live in multi-generational, multi-status households. When the primary breadwinners are detained, that has an economic impact, Arteaga said.
One study showed that families lose an average of 70% of their income within six months of a parent’s detainment.
When families lose their main source of income, their ability to contribute to the larger economy is also affected.
Immigrants pay into Medicaid, Social Security and other tax-funded programs without receiving any of the benefits, Betancur pointed out.
In the Charlotte Metro area, immigrants hold $7.4 billion in spending power, paying $2.7 billion in taxes and accounting for 19,752 of the area’s entrepreneurs, according to a 2019 New American Economy report.
Betancur said that, since Jan. 20, immigrant businesses are struggling and in some cases shutting their doors.
“Any business that is grown and depends on immigrant [employees or customers] is having a hard time,” he said.
The spring is typically Betancur’s busy season. There are weddings, graduations, quinceñaras and Mother’s Day, all of which call for specialty cakes. This year, however, there have been no such orders.
Betancur is expecting a tough summer, not only because it’s traditionally the slowest season for bakeries, but because his business lies along Central Avenue, a recent ICE hotspot.
The immigrant community and allies alert each other of ICE activity over social media and WhatsApp groups, warning friends and neighbors to stay away from certain areas where ICE has been spotted.
Betancur understands people’s fear but still worries about what the lack of business will mean for his bakery.
Americans ask Betancur all the time: “What can we do?”
“Show up,” he replies; support local immigrant businesses and be mindful of where you spend your money.
He invites people to get out of their comfort zones and explore South Boulevard — farther down than just the popular South End spots. North Tryon Street, Central Avenue and many areas in east and west Charlotte have beautiful restaurants that are diverse and inexpensive, he said.
CMN holds Know Your Rights clinics to inform the public about what to do in the event of detainment, role playing ICE encounters to practice responses and spreading resources to the immigrant community.
In the event of a detainment, Arteaga advises people to state their constitutional rights, to remain silent, not allow warrantless searches, not consent to having their fingerprints taken, and not answer any questions without the presence of an attorney.
In one case, however, a man stated his constitutional rights during an encounter with ICE, saying he would not speak without an attorney present, Arteaga said. The agents threatened to break the man’s windows if he didn’t exit the vehicle.
“I think that that’s part of a broader conversation around the way that ICE is being allowed to operate within our communities without any guardrails or impunity,” she said.
Reports of people taking advantage of that impunity are spreading. A man in South Carolina was charged for kidnapping and impersonating a police officer after attempting to detain a group of Latino men. Authorities in at least two other states have arrested individuals on similar charges, according to CNN.
Arteaga suggests that people who see ICE detaining someone call the CMN ICE hotline (listed below) to report what they witnessed so the organization can document the incident.
CMN’s Immigrant Solidarity Fund helps provide financial support to families with loved ones in immigration detention.
CMN is the only organization in the Carolinas to provide free legal representation for people facing legal proceedings and/or being held in immigration detention facilities.
Betancur also urges folks to speak out, get informed and to not spread misinformation about immigrants. ICE touts its achievement at getting “criminals” off the streets, but many of the people detained have no criminal record, he said.
According to the American Civil Liberties Union, the act of being present in the United States in violation of immigration laws is not, standing alone, a crime. While federal immigration law does criminalize some actions that may be related to undocumented presence in the United States, undocumented presence alone is not a violation of federal criminal law but a civil violation.
“They keep saying that we are criminals and immigrants are criminals and immigration is a crime,” he said. “That’s just crazy.”
He added that, every time ICE or the White House posts about detained or deported immigrants with criminal histories, there were likely dozens who were detained just because they’re immigrants.
”[ICE] is picking [up] good people,” he said. “Tell the stories, share the stories, tell the truth and put pressure on our elected officials that they need to raise their voices as well.”
During the May 19 press conference, Arteaga and fellow community advocates echoed Betancur’s plea toward elected officials.
“ICE operations are acts of violence,” Joanna said. “We call out elected officials to denounce these actions and protect immigrant families to the best of their ability.”
Queen City Nerve reached out to Mayor Vi Lyles to ask if her office, city council or city staff had any plans to answer these calls and stand in solidarity with the immigrant community. A city of Charlotte spokesperson sent back a statement emphasizing that CMPD has no role in federal immigration enforcement.
Mecklenburg County Sheriff Garry McFadden has had a famously tumultuous relationship with ICE officials. Shortly after taking office in 2018, McFadden followed through on a campaign promise to end 287g, the infamous program that for 12 years allowed deputies in Mecklenburg
County jails to identify arrestees who were in the country illegally and enter their names into a national database used by federal authorities.
Since then, he has resisted continued attempts from the NC General Assembly to force him to collaborate with ICE, including House Bill 318, known as the Criminal Illegal Alien Enforcement Act, which has passed through the NC House and is sitting in a state senate committee at the time of this writing.
Other local elected officials such as NC House Rep. Jordan Lopez have spoken out against ICE’s actions.
During a May 20 meeting, Mecklenburg County commissioner Susan Rodriguez-McDowell addressed the aggression being shown by ICE agents in family-friendly locations, responding to reports of masked agents who were present in the parking lot of Central United Methodist Church during preschool pickup earlier that day.
“There has been a disturbing increase in intimidating and aggressive activity,” RodriguezMcDowell said. “Even today the agency descended upon a church preschool on Central Avenue with nearly a dozen vehicles. The fear that these tiny, innocent residents of our county are feeling is real and completely uncalled for … I call on ICE to find actual criminals who put the public at risk, not parents who are just trying to survive and provide for their families.”
The Carolina Migrant Network ICE Hotline can be reached at 704-740-7737.
AKEOUGH@QCNERVE.COM
May 28 • 7 p.m. • PNC Music Pavilion, 707 Pavilion Blvd. • $30 and up • pncmusicpavilion.com
“My funeral was canceled, so I’m taking the show on the road instead,” hitmaker Halsey says on social media promoting her For My Last Trick Tour. While recording her 2024 LP The Great Impersonator, the singer-songwriter grappled with postpartum depression, lupus and T-cell lymphoproliferative disorder. Those struggles seep into the LP, which pays tribute to artists who inspired the pop singer, ranging from Bowie to Bjork. Meanwhile, Halsey’s doing what she’s done ever since she emerged from the underground to top the charts with her Chainsmokers collaboration “Closer” — crafting cool, conceptual pop albums that you can dance to. At times her reach exceeds her grasp, but that’s the price of pushing the envelope.
May 29 • 8 p.m. • Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave. • $34 • petrasbar.com
Latin and blues-rock influences percolate through Bergenline’s impressive body of work, but the eclectic trio from Chile is stylistically all over the map while sounding like no one but themselves. “Stand Your Ground” is a defiant synth-driven rocker while the Spanish-language “Corazon” is a meditative electro samba. With crunchy guitars and cheery/cheesy Farfisa organ, “Get Weird” serves as North by North’s high spirited manifesto. The Chicago garage-pop duo answers the question, “What if Blondie and The Moldy Peaches had a baby midwifed by the B-52s?” Charlotte singer-songwriter Ma, which means “ghost” in Vietnamese, crafts impassioned indie-folk gems like the haunting, heartbreaking “Gaza Sunset.”
May 30 • 10 p.m. • Evening Muse, 3227 N Davidson St. • $17-$20 • eveningmuse.com
Heavy metal’s switchback dental drill guitars are present on The White Horse’s rampaging single “A Love Impossible,” but the Shelby power trio leavens its jackhammer assault with a funky, nagging bassline; smooth time-signature shifts; and melodic, prog-rock vocals. Launched as a solo project by singer-songwriter-guitarist Nate Joseph, The Abstratica has expanded to a four-piece that delivers Johnson’s moody, otherworldly rockers with hard psych power and a sense of the uncanny. Threading a path through ethereal predawn cemetery romps like “Velveteen Daydream” and spooky alien synth-driven rave ups like “Slave to the Siren,” True Lilith is every bit as alluring as its mythological namesake.
May 31 • 8 p.m. • Neighborhood Theatre, 511 E. 36th St. • $26-$140 • neighborhoodtheatre.com
Updating New Orleans’ traditional brass band sound with elements of funk, hip-hop, jazz and pop, Crescent City octet The Soul Rebels have lent their high-energy instrumental firepower to artists ranging from Rakim to Metallica. Called “the missing link between Public Enemy and Louis Armstrong” by The Village Voice, the band was launched by college marching band members and built a career around an eclectic live show that harnesses the power of horns and percussion to a close-knit party atmosphere. At the same time, shows like a recent 2024 NYC residency with Ghostface Killah highlighted the group’s breadth as they collaborated with one of hip-hop’s most illustrious wordsmiths.
June 1 • 7 p.m. • Independent Picture House, 4237 Raleigh St. • $18 • independentpicturehouse.org VHS tape transformed American culture. With a cheap, reusable recording format, anyone could tape whatever the hell they wanted, only to stuff it in a closet never to be seen again. Enter Joe Pickett (The Onion) and Nick Prueher (The Late Show). For 20 years, Pickett and Prueher have scoured thrift stores and garage sales for the VHS tapes never meant for public consumption — cringey exercise routines, fast-food training courses, surreal public access talk shows, and all sorts of flubs, outtakes and newscaster profanity that was meant to stay behind the scenes. Now Pickett and Prueher bring this coveted curated crap to viewers via a live touring comedy show. This 20thanniversary event is the culmination of their heroic quest.
June 5 • 7 p.m. • Amp Ballantyne, 11115 Upper Ave. • $50 and up • ampballantyne.com
Run the Jewels made such an indelible stamp on rap and music at large that it’s hard to believe the duo kicked off as a one-off side project from Brooklyn rapper/producer El-P and Atlanta emcee Killer Mike. The duo’s 2013 debut and 2014 follow-up coupled aggressive beats and rattling 808s-and-synths production to in-your-face, frequently funny rhymes that cut deeper than bone. Run the Jewels tackled topics from bullshit “values-based” politics to anger at our police state that are as fresh as a wound today. Subsequent LPs wrought a miracle by continuing to capture the power of the duo’s debut while experimenting and collaborating with alt rock, Latin music and even meowing cats.
June 5-13 • 8 p.m. • Charlotte’s Off-Broadway Black Box Theatre, 700 North Tryon St. • $28 • vapacenter.com
A gay Black man living in America from the McCarthyite 1950s through the Reaganite early ’80s, literary icon James Baldwin said this about the land of the free: “To be a Negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a rage almost all the time.” The author of Go Tell It on the Mountain and Notes of a Native Son is the subject of a new play written and directed by Brian Daye. The show documents Baldwin’s life through encounters with fictional and nonfictional characters. Baldwin continues to offer us pertinent advice today: “It is certain … that ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have.”
June 6-8 • various times • Uptown Charlotte, Tryon Street • Free • tasteofcharlotte.com
The Queen City’s largest food festival offers entertainment, shopping, live music, kids’ activities, a wide selection of beer and wine, and more than 100 menu items for sampling from Charlotte restaurants. Highlights include the Luzianne Tea Main Stage featuring bands playing pop, rock and country music; the Wine Cellar offering wines and wine slushies while live music plays on a nearby outdoor stage; an eclectic open-air market; and an interactive play area for kids. Admission is free and food samples and beverages can be purchased with festival coins, available on the Taste of Charlotte App and at coin booths along South Tryon Street.
June 7-8 • various times. • Parr Center, CPCC • $21-$59 • baran.dance
Founded by lead dancer/choreographer Audrey Baran in 2012, Baran Dance blends physicality and artistry to create inspiring, accessible and moving dance — not just for aficionados but for anyone seeking a striking visual experience. Queen City Nerve has been documenting much of Baran’s journey, from 2019 when UNC Charlotte alumnus/faculty Baran created a piece designed to help students process the trauma of the recent campus shooting that killed two students and injured four others to happier times when Baran Dance was chosen Best Dancer/Troupe in our 2024 Best in the Nest issue. Big Moves: Big Ideas is the culminating concert of the company’s crowdsourced season.
June 10-15 • various times • Belk Theater, 130 N. Tryon St. • $41 and up • blumenthalarts.org
The riveting “Proud Mary,” the indomitable “What’s Love Got To Do with It,” and the transcendent “River Deep-Mountain High.” Do we really need to convince you that Tina Turner was one of the greatest singers of all time? Tina: The Tina Turner Musical boasts great tunes but also becomes gripping drama when the titanic talent born as Anna Mae Bullock fights back against her sadistic Svengali-like husband Ike Turner. When the show focuses on the struggle between these two largerthan-life characters — and on Tina’s comeback after she finds the strength to abandon her abuser — this production transcends well-crafted jukebox musical and transforms into an inspiring tale of an icon who broke barriers.
BY MICHAELA CATOE
As a rising presence in Charlotte’s poetry and DJ scenes, Mia McCullough has emerged from her chrysalis, using her voice to shape spaces, uplift others and transform her trials into triumph.
Performing as Miss Mia Mac, McCullough has been testing the full wingspan of her creative voice for a full year, debuting in April 2024 at Release Therapy Open Mic and since then appearing as both a featured poet and DJ at multiple events throughout 2025, including her first spoken word contest.
While Miss Mia Mac’s presence has become a familiar force on open mic stages, stepping into the spotlight where her work would be judged against others was something entirely new to her. That opportunity came in February 2025 when she competed in Poetry in Motion, a high-energy spokenword competition hosted by Charlotte-based poet and community leader Frank Expression.
“I kept telling myself that nervousness and excitement release the same hormone,” McCullough said. “And after I performed, I felt like I released a weight I didn’t know I was carrying.”
Paul Frank Carter IV — the visionary behind Frank Expression — immediately saw McCullough’s potential the first time he heard her perform. Known for his powerful performances and intentionally curated spaces, Carter’s work in creating elevated platforms for poets to shine beyond open mics has made him a cornerstone of Charlotte’s artistic ecosystem.
It was Carter who encouraged McCullough to join The Expression Directory, a platform he founded to help poets secure bookings and gain visibility. The initiative aims to handle the business side of poetry — something far less familiar than industries like hip-hop or visual art — so artists can focus fully on their craft.
Carter believes platforms like these will play a crucial role in elevating the next generation of poets, including Miss Mia Mac.
“Now that we have constant opportunities and poets are getting booked more often, I can’t wait to see how that affects not only Mia but other poets as well,” Carter said.
Placing third, her experience at the competition marked a turning point for McCullough — both personally and within the broader landscape. It confirmed what many had already begun to see: Miss Mia Mac wasn’t just a name on the sign-up list, she was one to watch.
Cocooned between the Carolinas as a Rock Hill native who grew up in Charlotte and constantly bounced between the two states, 26-year-old McCullough remained on the edges of Charlotte’s arts community until she chose to step into the light. She began attending Release Therapy in 2020, drawn to the atmosphere but content to stay in the background.
“I was comfortable being invisible,” she said. “I think that was a reflection of where I was in my life.”
Though she’d long used writing as a form of personal therapy, McCullough never imagined sharing it publicly.
“I don’t even call myself a poet, for real; I call myself a yapper,” she said with a smile, capturing her unfiltered approach to the art form, which often involves working through problems aloud in verse.
“Initially crippled, unsure of how I would sustain/ Found poetry and it kept me from going insane…”
— “It was a Hell of a Way to Die” by Miss Mia Mac
After returning to Charlotte from a brief relocation, McCullough found herself in an uncertain headspace. That’s when A Poet Named Superman’s open mic at Red@28th became more than a creative outlet — it became her safe haven.
Release Therapy offered a grounding
environment for McCullough amid her return to the city, becoming a sanctuary on Wednesday nights.
“When I first started going, A Poet Named Superman would always ask if I was going to perform. I’d politely decline,” she recalled with a laugh. “The day I performed, I messaged him and said, ‘I think I want to go, but I’m nervous,’ and he said, ‘Yeaaa, let’s go!’”
She hasn’t missed a week since.
“These days, I can barely sit there and be a spectator,” McCullough said. “I’ve built friendships, found community and embraced the beauty of a space where people can feel fully. It’s a beautiful thing.”
Miss Mia Mac is more than a stage name, it’s a declaration of McCullough’s multifaceted identity.
Inspired by the “Miss Mary Mac” nursery rhyme, the name carries a playful cadence while embodying the power and growth she has come to embrace.
“It’s a representation of who I am. As a poet and a DJ, I branch off and am both things. And anything else I choose to do, that would be the name. It’s my brand,” she said.
To mark the moment when she fully embraced her voice in 2024, McCullough wrote “I Am,” a poem that reflects her constant evolution. It captures the delicate balance of boldness and vulnerability while painting a vivid self-portrait of her journey.
“I am a sculpture made to be off balance/ I am more than what meets the eye/ You could say I am a butterfly…”
The Charlotte poetry community thrives on mentorship, and McCullough’s creative ascent is a testament to that. At the heart of her growth is Greg Murray, aka A Poet Named Superman, host of Release Therapy and one of her most trusted mentors.
More than just the man behind the mic, Murray has been a guiding force, someone who saw McCullough’s potential long before she took the stage. Over the past year, he’s watched her transformation not only as a writer but a performer and voice in the community.
“To see the evolution of her poetry going from paper to stage through her voice is crazy,” Murray said. “She’s really molding her work and presenting it in a way that resonates.”
That growth, he says, didn’t happen by accident. He credits McCullough’s openness, her willingness to take feedback and her respect for the craft.
“She’s a sponge,” he said. “She takes it seriously but still has fun with it.”
That mindset made her an easy choice when Murray and fellow poet Frank Expression curated Wine About Release Therapy, a collaborative showcase between their two events.
“She’s been in a competition, she’s getting better every time I hear her and she’s embedded in the craft,” Murray said. “That’s the kind of person you give opportunities to — someone who respects the work and the space.”
Beyond the performances, Murray says McCullough’s consistency and gratitude offer something deeper: proof that the space matters.
“When she goes out of her way to express appreciation, it gives me a renewed sense of purpose, knowing someone is benefiting from this space every week,” he said, “especially when it sometimes just feels like work.”
McCullough’s creative journey has also been
shaped by her peers, fellow rising voices in Charlotte’s creative scene.
Bridgette “BPoetic” Alston was one of the first people to encourage McCullough to speak her truth on the microphone. She also credits Jaylon “Nolyajj” McKinsey, known for his vivid storytelling, with helping her tap into and name her own strength, becoming a friend in the process.
That same spirit of growth and experimentation led McCullough to the DJ booth, where she’s found a new way to command a room. What began as a simple curiosity has grown into another extension of her artistry.
Her journey as a DJ began under the mentorship of Onaje “OJ the DJ” Humbert at Red@28th, a founding member of Charlotte DJ collective Mix by 6. It quickly turned into another meaningful creative outlet.
“She came up to me and asked me ‘How do you do that?’” Humbert reflected about meeting McCullough. He showed her some skills and stepped out of the way for her to try on her own.
“From that point on, every time I was DJing, she would come over and learn something,” Humbert said. McCullough draws inspiration from talents like DJ Kmil, gravitating toward intimate lounge spaces where she can connect deeply with her audience.
“My poetry is for me, but my DJing is for other people,” McCullough said. “My ultimate goal is to make people feel with me.”
She describes her DJ style as “nostalgic,” the type to drop a song that immediately transports people back.
“I want the crowd to say, ‘I ain’t heard this in forever,’” McCullough said.
Music is more than just background sound for Miss Mia Mac, it’s an extension of voice — another way she connects, empowers and tells her story.
Like a caterpillar inching toward leaves it doesn’t know will sustain its transformation, McCullough moves through each season of her life with intention, quietly crafting wings the world has yet to see.
“No longer a caterpillar but still forced to be cocooned...”
Her growth is stitched into every verse, every beat, every silent pause between. She’s learned to embrace the unspoken moments, those seemingly quiet inbetweens where the most profound shifts take place.
As she steps fully into her creative voice, traces of her metamorphic transformation are visible in the way she connects with the crowd, the authenticity in her sound and the clarity of her presence. Every layer of her art reflects a deliberate process of becoming, of weaving together the stories she’s learned to tell — quietly, confidently and with purpose.
“If only I knew what I was being prepared for in this room/ Rest in peace to my caterpillar, your colors are now in bloom…”
She is not finished but unfolding, ready to embrace what comes next with intention. Aware of life’s ebbs and flows, she is no longer carried by the wind. She moves with purpose, approaching her goals as a butterfly whose world has expanded beyond what she could have imagined as a caterpillar.
“You never really know what metamorphosis brings/ So yes, caterpillar, it’s a hell of a way to die/ but oh, to be a butterfly...” INFO@QCNERVE.COM
BY PAT MORAN
When Maurel Nichols enters the Embassy Suites hotel in downtown Raleigh, he steps into the spotlight — metaphorically speaking, anyway.
His entrance marks the opening shot of the video that accompanies “Love My Southern Soul,” the February 21 release by Nichols, the singersongwriter who performs as Catt Daddy.
Catt is a rising star in the Southern soul genre, a danceable vocal-driven blend of gospel, blues, R&B and funk. One sign that Catt has arrived on the scene is the man striding beside him in the hotel shot: singer-songwriter Jeter Jones, a giant of the genre.
In the video, Catt and Jones hang and dance with friends to ringing bluesy guitars, bouncing beats and assertive busts of brass.
With a confident easy swing and call-andresponse gospel vocals, the tune is catchy, but Catt’s vocals put it over.
The vocalist’s voice is a river — rich, rolling and gravelly at the bottom with a hint of a bluesman’s rasp.
The lyrics are a tribute to Southern soul music, its roots and traditions, its present and future, containing shoutouts to blues, R&B and gospel greats like Johnnie Taylor, Z.Z. Hill and B.B. King. “I like a little bit of country/ I like rock ‘n roll/ I like a little bit of rap/ But I love my Southern soul…” Southern soul music is growing fast. Multi-act
bills are booking venues like the 6,800-seat Craig Ranch Regional Park Amphitheatre in Las Vegas.
Breakout Southern soul artist 803 Fresh premiered his viral debut single “Boots On The Ground” on BET Soul before it shot to No. 3 on the R&B US radio chart. Since debuting on YouTube in February, Catt’s “Love My Southern Soul” has earned over 144,000 views.
After teaming with Charlotte’s CrownTown Records, Catt’s ascent in the scene has been swift. His official debut single “2 Wrongs,” produced by CrownTown Records CEO and founder Duane Dyer, dropped on Valentine’s Day 2024. The tune shot to the top of the Southern soul blues charts, reaching No. 4 on the Urban Influencer Southern Soul chart.
With Dyer as his producer, manager and videographer/editor, Catt signed to Urban Influencer Music Group in March, making him the marketing and promotion firm’s first Southern soul artist.
“[Urban Influencer] helps us reach places we would be struggling to reach or would probably take five to 10 years to reach,” Dyer says. “They have that network in place; it’s something that we are able to tap into now.”
In a statement, Catt calls joining Urban Influencer a game-changer.
“With their powerhouse team, I’m ready to take Southern soul to the next level,” Catt says.
Catt’s newest single, “Well Run Dry,” drops May 30. Then on June 13, he headlines the Queen City Soul and R&B Block Party at Victoria Yards in Uptown Charlotte.
Born into a military family, Catt moved around before settling down in York, South Carolina. He got into music at an early age, singing in church and playing keyboards for a gospel group, but Catt’s first love was rap.
Initially introduced to the genre by the music of Nas and Tupac Shakur, Catt dug further into rap’s past to discover Run-DMC and The Fat Boys.
“Every song had a storyline,” says Catt about the influential 1980s icons.
Now 45, Catt started performing at rap and hiphop shows in Charlotte and Gastonia when he was in his early 30s. Soon he was gigging further afield, playing shows in Virginia, New York, and Alabama, performing alongside artists like Lil Scrappy, Ace Hood and Rick Ross.
Having been told by several colleagues and fans that his voice resembled Dana Dane’s, he checked out the Brooklyn rapper only to draw further inspiration from Dane’s autobiographical tracks
like “Cinderfella Dana Dane.”
“[Dane] made me see that it wasn’t about trying to be a [great] lyricist; it was about writing a story you can relate to it,” Catt says. “That’s what made me fall in love with rap.”
Over time, however, Catt grew disenchanted with the genre. He says audiences began to prefer explicit lyrics and subject matter that include murder and drug use.
“I didn’t want to be that,” Catt maintains. “I wanted to be a rapper that influenced the younger generation [positively].”
Recalling that people had often complimented his singing voice, Catt started looking into Southern soul and realized that he was a songwriter at heart.
“I love writing songs,” Catt says. “I always have.”
Encouraged by music industry friends like Tony Lelo, former member of Charlotte R&B legend Anthony Hamilton’s backup vocal group The Hamiltones, Catt wrote, sang and recorded a song called “Carolina My Home.”
The stage was set for Catt to find his closest collaborator, a Charlotte-based producer, engineer and independent record label founder from the Caribbean islands.
Duane Dyer got into music at the age 12 while attending Presentation College San Fernando, a
Roman Catholic secondary school in the Caribbean island nation of Trinidad and Tobago where he was born and raised. After a school assembly, he discovered a drum kit that was left backstage.
“I tried it and realized I had the coordination to play a kit,” Dyer recalls.
He learned from older drummers and progressed to playing school assemblies, Christmas shows and steel pan competitions. At age 19, Dyer started gigging with restaurant bands and doing DJ gigs.
In 1990, Dyer left his home country after earning a soccer scholarship to Davis and Elkins College in West Virginia. At school, Dyer took an audio recording class that introduced him to the rudiments of the mixing board.
produced, mixed and mastered music, commercials and podcasts for clients both local and as far afield as Nigeria. He has distributed music online and in brick-and-mortar outlets.
After 15 years in Charlotte, Dyer moved his home and business to Lake Wylie, South Carolina.
In early 2019, Catt and Dyer met through a mutual friend, jazz saxophonist Gregory Currance. Dyer looked at some songs Catt had posted on YouTube and “Carolina My Home,” a rap-and-soul ode to Charlotte and its surrounding region, piqued his interest. The pair decided to rerecord and rebuild the track with Dyer as producer.
Released in 2020, the video for the reworked iteration of “Carolina My Home” features Catt in
After graduating with a degree in graphic design, Dyer moved to New Jersey, where he resumed his DJ career and honed his expertise with recording and production gear. He drummed briefly for local reggae band Random Test before switching to running live sound for the group.
When Random Test went to Shorefire Recording Studio to cut a CD, Dyer befriended studio owner Joe DeMaio, whose clientele includes Bruce Springsteen and Blondie. Though he has no formal music production/recording training, Dyer went through intensive, hands-on recording and engineering sessions with his mentor DeMaio.
Dyer’s experience as a musician and sound tech, as well as his informal training with DeMaio, proved invaluable when Dyer moved to Charlotte in 2004 and launched his home studio and production company the following year.
“I realized I could put out music under my own brand,” Dyer says. “Because I was in Charlotte, the Queen City, I came up with Crowntown Records.”
An independent music production studio and company based in Dyer’s home, Crowntown has
well-known Charlotte locations such as Spectrum Center and Bank of America Stadium.
Along with Catt’s follow-up single and video, a collaboration with R&B artist Horace Brown called “Keep Doing It,” “Carolina My Home,” catches Catt in transition from rapper to Southern soul man. Both tunes are hybrids, balanced between the two genres.
“Keep Doing It,” interlaces layered samples from Brown’s melodic 1996 R&B tune “One for the Money” with Catt’s supple, syncopated rapping. The video, which dropped in August 2021, features Catt and Brown boating with two women, hanging out and hitting the beach at Lake Wylie.
It’s a chill, good-looking video, but Catt’s subsequent release “2 Wrongs” is his milestone. Here, artist Catt and producer Dyer fully commit to Southern soul. Except for some judicious hip-hop beats and a spoken-word opening, the song leaves rap behind.
Starting with “2 Wrongs,” Catt says he’s had to adjust his lyrics and vocals from a rap flow to soulful singing. It meant he needed fewer words to express a thought or emotion. It was like reducing a sonnet
to a stanza in order to allow Catt’s mellifluous yet weathered voice to tell the full tale.
Catt says the inspiration for the tune, his first official release as a Southern soul artist, came from life experiences with friendships and other relationships.
“When you fall out with somebody, [often] both of y’all are wrong. Somebody’s got to be the bigger person,” he says, adding, “Every song that I write comes from experience, either from me, or something I have heard from somebody else.”
For his day job, Catt drives a bus for the Clover School District, noting that sometimes snatches of lyrics come to him while he works.
“God gives it to me,” Catt maintains.
Dyer became Catt’s manager before “2 Wrongs” was recorded. In that role, Dyer says he draws on his experiences as a producer and band member. He deals with promoters and negotiates for Catt in financial deals.
With the “2 Wrongs” video, Dyer also took over production for Catt’s videos, shooting on his iPhone and editing the footage at CrownTown. The resulting videos have a more homegrown, accessible feel.
Not usually one to take on so many different jobs for one act, Dyer said he took the hybrid role of producer and manager because Catt has prodigious talent and a great attitude.
“He’s willing to learn and doesn’t sit around waiting for something to happen,” Dyer says.
The release of “2 Wrongs,” both song and video, makes Catt and Dyer’s shift to soul seem effortless, but the genre presented a learning curve for the longtime producer. With Southern soul not yet receiving airplay, he wasn’t familiar with the sound.
Catt showed Dyer videos of South Carolina native King George, one of the artists who convinced Catt to tackle the genre. With hits like “Keep On Rollin’,” King George is noted for his smooth blend of singalong soul and classic R&B.
“[King George] put a twist to Southern soul that made the younger generation want to get into it,” Catt says.
Dyer soon learned that Southern soul is more than a music genre; it’s also a lifestyle, with accompanying clothing, dances and attitudes.
Concert halls aside, venues tend to be rustic, Dyer says, off the beaten path and peppered with picnic tables and log cabins. (One such venue appears in the video for Catt’s single “Faces.”) The food includes soul staples like greens, corn bread and barbecue. Fans dress in cowboy hats, boots and Daisy Dukes shorts.
“Dance troupes wear distinct colors and branded apparel,” Dyer adds. “Bikers roll in with the most decorated and lit-up bikes, wearing their club affiliate gear.”
Dancers eschew individual moves for countrystyle line dances. Shows are often accompanied with “trail rides” where fans ride horses and fourwheelers and off-road vehicles side by side before the set begins.
Despite the bucolic scene, Catt says public and media focus on Southern soul seems to be following a trajectory similar to classic 1990s rap. Like rap, the first stars of Southern soul were the
DJs spinning the songs, then focus shifted to the footwork — breakdancers for rap and line dancers for Southern soul.
The time has finally come, Catt says, where eyes and ears will turn to the main event: the artists like himself that are writing and performing the tunes.
Catt and Dyer have been working steadily to stake Catt’s claim in the spotlight, releasing a string of soulful singles accompanied by down-toearth and relatable videos. Dyer says the videos are essential for appealing to prospective fans because they offer a full and immersive sound and vision package. To that end, the manager and artist also post videos of the recording process to Facebook Live.
“It’s so fans can see Catt in the studio and listen to the [song] idea coming to life,” Dyer says.
In addition to accompanying Catt’s songs, the music videos document the organic, homegrown Southern soul scene.
The video for “Faces,” the follow-up to “2 Wrongs,” was shot at a wooded outdoors Southern soul gig. It’s a bouncy, syncopated yet cautionary tale about folks with hidden agendas.
The limpid, soaring “Dangerous Love,” a duet with R&B artist Jalesa McRae, generously spotlights McRae’s gospel-inflected vocals. It manages to be sexy and conflicted yet still feels like a warm hug.
The swaying, call-and-response tune “Shakey Ground” dropped in August 2024. It is the only one of Catt’s Southern soul singles released without an accompanying video.
The video for Catt’s jaunty good-time romp “Party,” released in tandem with the single in December 2024, features a glimpse of Southern soul style bikers in their colors and neon-lit bikes. It was followed by the single/video for the scene’s unofficial manifesto, “Love My Southern Soul.”
“Because Jeter Jones is on [‘Love My Southern Soul,’] people are going to be pushing it much more,” Catt says. He’s reaped an even bigger benefit, however, from getting Jones on board for the song and video.
A few months after “Love My Southern Soul” debuted, Jones signed on as vice president of southern soul & blues at Urban Influencer, the same marketing and promotion firm that now reps Catt Daddy.
Dyer thinks the timing is no coincidence. He suspects Catt’s collaboration with Jones was a kind of audition for both Jones and Urban Influencer.
“We were on our best behavior, and we didn’t even know it,” Dyer says.
Moving forward, Catt wants to continue telling stories based on his experiences.
“I take every song personally,” he says “I try to put a message in it.”
Southern soul is growing in popularity because it hits a sweet spot where listening to music becomes much more than consuming a product. Hearing an evocative tune is often a communal experience to be shared, but a truly impactful, relatable song can also connect with a listener on a one-on-one basis.
That is the secret sauce to Catt Daddy’s deep storytelling Southern soul — an artist having a heart-to-heart with individual listeners everywhere, a soul reaching out to other souls.
PMORAN@QCNERVE.COM
WEDNESDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Emery w/ ’68 and FLAKE (Amos’ Southend)
EXTC (Snug Harbor)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
SiR (The Fillmore)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Blake Anthony (Comet Grill)
Josh Daniel, Jim Brock & Kerry Brooks (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
JAZZ/BLUES
DJAM Collective (Camp North End)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Halsey (PNC Music Pavilion)
OPEN MIC
Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)*
THURSDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Bay Street Beatdown w/ Forfeiture, Divinicide, January Knife (The Milestone)
Bergenline w/ North By North, Ma (Petra’s)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Woodpile (Comet Grill)
FUNK/JAM BAND/REGGAE
Dark Star Orchestra (The Amp Ballantyne)
Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
COVER BANDS
Gump Fiction w/ Rod Fiske (Goldie’s)
Tony Tatum Experience: Tribute to Jodeci & Usher (Middle C Jazz)
FRIDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
The White Horse w/ The Abstratica, True Lilith (Evening Muse)
JAZZ/BLUES
JAN. 22
JAZZ/BLUES
Julian Vaughn (Middle C Jazz)
Emmet Cohen Trio (Stage Door Theater)
The Soul Rebels (Neighborhood Theatre)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Yheti & Toadface (Blackbox Theater)
Emo Night (The Rooster)
COVER BANDS
Bring Out Yer Dead (Grateful Dead tribute) (Amos’ Southend)
Spiderwebs w/ Black Fly Chardonnay, Square Roots (Goldie’s)
SUNDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Visitant w/ Alukah, The Reticent, Celaris (The Milestone)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Hazy Sunday (Petra’s)
Soul Sundays (Starlight on 22nd) FUNK/JAM BAND/REGGAE
The Nobles (Petra’s) COVER BANDS
Justin Varnes (Herbie Hancock tribute) (Middle C Jazz)
MONDAY
JAZZ/BLUES
The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) OPEN MIC
Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Sarrenna Johnson (Evening Muse)
TUESDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)*
Sound Mind w/ Messy Stains, Skiway, Many Minds (The Rooster)
Emmet Cohen Trio (Stage Door Theater)
Julian Vaughn (Middle C Jazz)
EXPERIMENTAL/MIXED-GENRE/FESTIVAL
An Evening Extreme feat. Benji Hughes & Jon Lindsay (Evening Muse)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Braxton Keith (Coyote Joe’s)
Keith Urban (PNC Music Pavilion)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Red Leather (Amos’ Southend)
Hex Cassette w/ Saintlogic, Solemn Shapes, Bocanegra (The Milestone)
Ultraviolet Sapphic Dance Party (Petra’s)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Brock Butler & Adam Perry (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)
Songs From the Road Band w/ Eternally Grateful (Visulite Theatre)
COVER BANDS
Crystal Aria w/ Scoot Pittman (Goldie’s)
SATURDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Metallica (Bank of America Stadium)
MAY 28 MAY 29 MAY 31
JAZZ/BLUES
Willie Walker & Conversation Piece (Middle C Jazz)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Folk Night (The Rooster)
FRIDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)*
Wastoid w/ Generation of Vipers, Kenmujo, The Last Scene in Every Movie, Bog Loaf, YRDSLE (The Milestone) Casket Robbery (The Rooster)
Six Foot Blonde w/ Monsoon, The Coyotes (Snug Harbor)
Greer w/ Chinese American Bear (Visulite Theatre)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Eric Roberson (Knight Theater) FAMILY
Charlotte Symphony: Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets in Concert (Belk Theater)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Bou (Blackbox Theater)
Pleasurekraft B2B Shay De Castro (CUE @ Blackbox Theater)
Small Records w/ J Overcash (Salud Cerveceria) Club 1BD (The Underground)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Queen City Awards Hip Hop Concert (Heist Brewery & Barrel Arts)
FUNK/JAM BAND/REGGAE
Bus for Gus Fundraiser Concert (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Singer/Songwriter Shuffle (The Rooster)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Soul Sundays (Starlight on 22nd)
CHRISTIAN/GOSPEL/RELIGIOUS
Gospel Sunday: Isaiah Bell w/ Lejeune Thompson (Middle C Jazz)
FAMILY
Ballantyne School of Music Summer Jam ‘25 (Visulite Theatre)
MONDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
JAZZ/BLUES
FUNK/JAM BAND/REGGAE
Snorkeler w/ Kelsey Blackstone (Evening Muse)
Keller Williams (Neighborhood Theatre)
Dispatch w/ John Butler (Skyla Amphitheatre)
JAZZ/BLUES
Alex Bugnon (Middle C Jazz)
COVER BANDS
Bullet the Blue Sky (Amos’ Southend) Groove Machine w/ Rod Fiske (Goldie’s)
SATURDAY
Taking November w/Dinos, Mechanical Blvd, Tourniquet (The Rooster)
Rick Springfield (Skyla Amphitheatre) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Suroor w/ Shawn Garlic, ASHLEY!, YRDSLE (Snug Harbor)
OPEN MIC
Tosco Music Open Mic (Evening Muse) Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
WEDNESDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Oh! You Pretty Things w/ Leisure Hour, Fifth Floor, Cinema Stare, Between Two Trees (The Milestone)
Melodramatic w/ Haha Laughing (Snug Harbor)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Josh Daniel, Jim Brock & Kerry Brooks (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Eem Triplin (The Underground)
JAZZ/BLUES
DJAM Collective (Camp North End)
Lovell Bradford Trio (VisArt Video)
OPEN MIC
Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)*
Open Hearts Open Mic (Starlight on 22nd)
THURSDAY
Max Muscato Band w/ ZG Smith (Evening Muse)
My Epic w/ Old Suns, Slothh, Distracted Eyes, Outward Conversation (The Milestone)
Lady Die w/ Camisole, Madisinn (Snug Harbor)
25 Years of 10MM Omega & Friends (Starlight on 22nd)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Zac Robbins (Comet Grill)
David Lowery (Evening Muse)
MAY 30 JAN. 25 JUN. 2 JUN. 3
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Tiny City w/ Creatures Of The Sun, Saint Logic (Petra’s)
Stigmata Flex w/Shelf Life, Regence, 6 Story Pyramid, Digital Dolls (The Rooster)
Barenaked Ladies (Skyla Amphitheatre)
Fo Daniels w/ Gooseberry, Ali Forrest (Snug Harbor)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
The Beach Boys (The Amp Ballantyne) Michael BM (Blackbox Theater)
Bedroom Division w/ briZB (Evening Muse)
JUN. 4
JAZZ/BLUES
Alex Bugnon (Middle C Jazz) FAMILY
Charlotte Symphony: Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets in Concert (Belk Theater) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Cliff B. Worsham w/ Bob Fleming Duo, Jacob DanielsenMoore, Ryan Lockhart (The Milestone) Mountain Grass Unit (Visulite Theatre)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Emily June w/ Kris Hitchcock, Miriam Moore (Starlight on 22nd)
COVER BANDS
New Sensation (INXS tribute) (Amos’ Southend)
Jam Garden w/ Bald Brothers (Goldie’s)
OPEN MIC
Bold Music Gig Night (Heist Brewery & Barrel Arts)
TUESDAY JUN. 1 JUN. 5 JUN. 6 JUN. 7 JUN. 8
SUNDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Yesterday’s Clothes w/ Willingdon (Evening Muse)
Process//Sleep w/ Hands of Valencia, Laurence Hope, Doshinthegiant, Sunshower (The Milestone)
FUNK/JAM BAND/REGGAE
The Disco Biscuits (Neighborhood Theatre)
Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Run the Jewels (The Amp Ballantyne)
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Thus Spok Zarathrusta w/ Backslide, Lilith’s Demise, Rectoplasm, Alpha Strain (The Milestone)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
The 4411 w/ Juniper (Evening Muse)
American Aquarium w/ Justin Wells (Neighborhood Theatre)
CLASSICAL/INSTRUMENTAL
Charlotte Symphony: Summer Pops (Symphony Park)
Overturn w/ Officer Down, A Kiss Before Dying, Chained, Marked for Death (The Milestone)
The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)
OPEN MIC
Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. John Brewster (Evening Muse)
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)*
Jack’s Mannequin (The Fillmore)
9 JUN. 10
Mannequin Pussy w/ Deux Visages (Neighborhood Theatre)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Adeem the Artist (Evening Muse)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Ghost Cop w/ Holy Wire, Dead Cool, DJ Spider (Snug Harbor)
OPEN MIC
Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
*WEEKLY EVENTS THAT MAY BE SUBJECT TO CHANGE. VISIT QCNERVE.COM FOR THE FULL SOUNDWAVE LISTING
The Soundwave is Queen City Nerve’s comprehensive guide to live music happening in Charlotte every night of the week. This list is pulled together by our editorial team every other week from combing through Charlotte music venue calendars and separated by genre. None of these listings are paid advertisements. We understand that many non-traditional music venues offer live music like coffee shops, breweries, art galleries, community events and more.
This list may not have every event listed. To have a venue included in the editorial compilation of this list, please send an email to info@qcnerve.com with the subject “Soundwave.”
BY DEZANII LEWIS
Sometimes loss can inspire the creation of something beautiful.
Felicia Cordray and her husband Manuel founded CORE K-9 in November 2023, inspired by the loss of their 11-year-old Cane Corso, Duchess, who had been diagnosed late with lung cancer.
Though the Cordrays had kept up with Duchess’ health, the tumor went unnoticed during checkups, and to this day they didn’t know how long she had it by the time the vet caught it. Once diagnosed, it was too late to do chemotherapy treatments.
The loss devastated Felicia.
“It was a pain that you never forget,” she said. “It’s just like losing one of your kids, especially when you have them [as] part of your life for so long.”
She wondered if there was anything she could have done differently to prevent Duchess’ plight. Her first consideration was diet.
The Cordrays had been feeding their dog kibble for most of her life and thought there might be a correlation there. They had changed Duchess’ diet just before she passed and noticed a huge difference externally.
“I grew up and I had pets in the country where I grew up with my grandmother,” Felicia said. “The dogs will get what was left over from your dinner and there really wasn’t any kibble back then.”
Felicia and Manuel began gently cooking meals of chicken and rice for Duchess, often using unused ingredients from their company, Catering by Cordrè. They noticed a transformation in the dog’s fur, how much she shed, how she smelled, and other changes.
“Within the last year of her life, we just noticed that there was a difference with her fur. It was a difference with how much she shed. It was a difference in how she smelled. It was just a lot of little things there that were pretty different once we switched her diet over.”
When the couple took in two maltipoos, they decided to feed them a more enriching diet from the start, repurposing unused ingredients and food scraps from their catering company into gently cooked dog food.
That led to the launch of CORE K-9, a dog food brand that does the same at scale, reducing waste from the catering company while providing their canine companions with the best possible diet they could provide.
We talked to Felicia Cordray about the idea and the benefits of gently cooked dog food.
Queen City Nerve: Why is gently cooked food better for dogs than kibble?
Felicia Cordray: A lot of people don’t really know about gently cooked dog food. There are some people that are aware of it and then some people that just know that there’s a kibble for them. Then quite a few more people know that there is an option to do a raw diet. But I just would like to let everyone know that there is an alternative to those two, and that is the gently cooked dog food.
Kibble can sometimes not be the healthiest option, and some people are afraid of the pathogens and the salmonella and the possibilities of using the wrong food when it comes to the raw
diet. When it’s gently cooked, it’s cooked at low temperatures to maintain those nutrients that are needed for our fur babies, and it’s a better option. It’s there for them, and it’s a new option. And I would just like to make it known that it’s a lot better to feed them gently cooked than to feed a kibble.
I will say that I wish that I had this option when my dog was still around. His story is similar to yours. He was 11, and one day, I noticed that he was having trouble going to the bathroom, and I took him to the vet, and they found a lump, and it was really aggressive. He was gone probably two weeks after he got that diagnosis. I sometimes wonder if there was anything I could have done differently.
We don’t know what we don’t know. I felt the same way you did. I felt awful, especially after we lost Duchess. I started doing the research and you see a lot of videos and you hear about the processing of kibble and how it’s made. You get a lot of people that talk about allergies and whatnot, and they typically want to say that it’s chicken, which I’m not saying that it’s not, [but] it’s rarely chicken.
A lot of times you’ve got these pet parents that think that their dog is allergic to chicken when really, in reality, if you look at the ingredients on the back of the kibble bags, there’s so many different things that are mixed in those ingredients that you really don’t know what it is that’s causing the allergy or that’s causing the licking or the ear infections. It’s hard to narrow it down.
With CORE K-9, with our product, I’m very proud; you look at the back of our ingredient list and you know exactly what it is. It’s in every batch of food that you get. And then the bottom of it is nothing but vitamins to help them with what they wouldn’t be getting in their protein or the vegetables that are included in the recipe.
What led to this decision to repurpose the ingredients you used for humans into dog food?
We’ve always worried about ways to make sure that you don’t have as much waste … utilizing most of the products [we need]. I like to tell a lot of people the example is when we’re in the kitchen and our chef [Manuel] is training his team, he will tell them to mix something like one of our dressings. When they mix all the ingredients together, you mix it in the container and then you pour it into whatever it is that needs to be poured into. A lot of people will take that dish, and they just take it back to the sink and rinse the remaining residual ingredients from the dishwasher or down the drain.
A lot of times what my husband will do is scrape the sides of the walls of the container and then pour it into another container and let them see how much could have been wasted if they had just thrown it down the drain and washed it. We’ve always been cautious about our waste. So, when we were able to come up with this idea for dog food, it was a nobrainer.
Where do you sell your product?
We started out selling e-commerce online, and we still do. Customers can go to the website and look at all the different options that we have. Now
we have partnerships with Pet in the City on Monroe Road, Earthwise Pets in Matthews, McCoy’s Feed & Supply, Earthwise Pets in Simpsonville, South Carolina, and Woof ‘n Hoof in Mint Hill. Berrybrook Farms is our most recent store, and that’s not a pet store, that’s more of a health food store. And so now we are looking to work with more local, independently owned pet stores to partner with them to spread the word and get the product in their stores so they can offer it to their customers as well.
Are there any plans to expand to serve other pets?
I’m almost always asked at least once if we have anything for cats. I have not started just yet with coming up with the recipe because it’s a long, lengthy process. I like to do my research to find out what ingredients are healthy for cats and what’s the best for them and just what they can eat and what they cannot eat. Then I work with a good nutritionist to find out what else is missing from those ingredients that need to be added. Then it must go through the Department of Agriculture and everything. I plan to start working on that and I would like to have a cat food line by maybe the year 2026.
Visit corek-9.com to learn more about the Cordrays’ business.
DLEWIS@QCNERVE.COM
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) You might not like some people’s ideas of surprises. But you could be in for a pleasant shock when someone finally sends a reply to a request you made so long ago that you almost forgot about it.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) It’s a time to expect the unexpected. So, don’t be surprised if a decision that just recently seemed final suddenly opens up and leaves you with another chance to make an important choice.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Taking a different tack on a work project might rankle some colleagues. But the positive results of your innovative course soon speak for themselves. Celebrate with a fun-filled weekend!
CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Meeting new associates can be awkward, even if you’re in a high, positive phase right now. Best advice: Make them feel comfortable, and you’ll soon forget your own discomfort.
LEO (July 23 to August 22) It’s a good time for you social Lions to blow-dry your manes, polish your claws, and look like the Fabulous Felines you are as you make new friends and influence the influential!
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Expectations run especially high this week, and you should feel confident in your abilities to take advantage of what might be offered. Meanwhile, a colleague has some advice you might find helpful.
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) A recent flurry of activity leaves you in need of a little breathing space, and you’d be wise to take it. In other news, close family members should have an explanation about an emergency situation that just passed.
SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) An insensitive act makes a difficult situation more so. But try not to waste either your physical or emotional energies in anger. Move on and let others fill the clod in on the facts of life.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) It’s a good time to look into a training program or college course you’ve been considering. You might have a good place to use these sharpened skills sooner rather than later.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Education dominates much of your aspect during this week. You might want to start checking out summer session courses that could help advance your career plans.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Making progress often comes by fits and starts. But at least you’re moving straight ahead with no backsliding! You should soon be able to pick up the pace and reach your goals in due time.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Be wary of a deal that gives confusing answers to your questions. Remember, it’s always risky swimming in unknown waters, so you need all the help you can get to stay on course.
BORN THIS WEEK: You have a way of bringing people together and creating close friendships wherever you go. You’re considered to be the rock in many of your relationships.
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Lots of possibilities begin to open up by midweek. Some seem more appealing than others, but wait for more facts to emerge later on before you consider which to choose.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Bravo to the determined Bovine! While others might give up, you continue to search for answers. Expect your Taurean tenacity to begin paying off by week’s end.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) You might want to consider stepping back from the task at hand for a while. This could help you get a better perspective on what you’ve done and what still needs to be done.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Your keen Cancerian insight should help you determine whether a new offer is solid or just more fluff ‘n’ stuff. The clues are all there, waiting for you to find them.
LEO (July 23 to August 22) Being ignored is difficult for any proud Leo or Leona, but pushing yourself back into the spotlight might be unwise. Instead, let things work themselves out at their own pace.
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Trying to uncover a colleague’s secret under the pretext of showing concern is ill-advised. Control your curiosity in order to avoid raising resentment in the workplace.
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Expect to hear good news about a loved one. Also, be prepared for some changes in several family relationships that could develop from this lucky turn of events.
SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) surprises are expected to accompany a number of changes that will continue through part of next week. At least one could involve a romantic situation.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) might be upset by some of your critics. But most of your associates continue to have faith in your ability to get the job done and done well.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) workplace goal that suddenly seems out of reach is no problem for the sure-footed Goat, who moves steadily forward despite any obstacles placed in their way.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) Uncertainty about who is right and who isn’t might keep you from making a clear-cut decision. Wait until you know more about what you’re being asked to decide.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) Be careful to keep your emotions in check when dealing with a demanding personal situation. You need to set an example of strength for others to follow.
BORN THIS WEEK: You have an extraordinary ability to rally people to do their best. You would be a treasure as a teacher.
1. ACRONYMS: What do the acronyms “AM” and “PM” stand for?
2. TELEVISION: What is the name of the Jack Russell Terrier in the sitcom “Frasier”?
3. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which vice president went on to win a Nobel Peace Prize in 2007?
4. MOVIES: How many Infinity Stones are in “Avengers: Endgame”?
5. U.S. STATES: In which state would you find the Craters of the Moon National Monument and Preserve?
6. GEOGRAPHY: What is Scotland’s official national animal?
7. LITERATURE: Which cities are the settings for Charles Dickens’ novel “A Tale of Two Cities”?
8. SCIENCE: Which two planets in our solar system have no moons?
9. HISTORY: Who was the first woman Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives?
10. GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Which branch of the U.S. military uses the recruiting slogan, “It’s not just a job; it’s an adventure”?
PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.
BY MEGHAN TALBOTT
I hope that you never experience the pain of losing a child to suicide. And I hope that no other parent has to go through something like that twice. Unfortunately, that’s what happened to our family.
My boys meant the world to me. Jackson loved animals, especially dogs, and he enjoyed being creative and inventive. Lucas had a big smile. He liked watching cartoons with his little brothers. He loved to read and he even tried to take up surfing as a hobby. Both of them were loved.
They also both dealt with mental health issues in the form of anxiety, depression and substance use. Lucas suffered from bouts of paranoia and psychosis while Jackson was diagnosed with ADD and ODD. Neither received the kind of help they needed, and each of their lives ended way too soon.
In December 2017 we were living a comfortable life in a nice home in a beautifully wooded Northern California neighborhood. I had spent much of the day Christmas shopping and then came home to find that my oldest son Jackson was not in the house. I assumed that he was out visiting friends, which he said he might do, but then he didn’t come home that night.
We called the police. They told us to be patient. We woke up and he still wasn’t there. The police came by. There wasn’t much they could do. It was later that morning when I heard my husband scream from the backyard that I knew Jackson was gone.
That nightmare repeated itself three and a half years later when I got a text from Lucas’ best friend that he had sent an image of the Golden Gate Bridge with a goodbye. It was hours before it was confirmed that he had jumped. They have yet to recover his body.
How do you begin to deal with such loss as a parent, especially when you have other children to raise? How do you even begin to heal, especially when it happens not once, but twice?
Our family needed a fresh start; we needed to find a home where the memories weren’t so thick and where every sports field we passed or school event we attended didn’t immediately make us think of them.
So, we decided to move across the country to Davidson, North Carolina. We found friends and neighbors. We got settled and I began volunteering with NAMI Charlotte, a mental health advocacy nonprofit. Volunteering helped me to find community
and purpose while learning to live with the grief.
Suicide is the third leading cause of death for youth ages 10-18, and it affects families more than we realize. According to the NC Department of Health and Human Services, for every youth suicide in 2022 there were 11 hospitalizations and 59 emergency room visits for self-harm.
According to the nonprofit NC Child, over 9% of high school students in North Carolina attempted suicide in 2023.
The issue is complicated and every story is unique. But we know enough to try and make a difference, save lives and keep other families from becoming a statistic.
The place to start is through early detection, diagnosis and then treatment of mental health conditions. We should pay attention to warning signs and make treatment more accessible. We should make mental health care a required part of any health insurance coverage.
We should treat mental health the same as any other condition. And we should meet teenagers where they are.
That’s why I support the Jason Flatt Act in North Carolina, which would provide suicide prevention training to school personnel, who can often be on the front lines in recognizing the symptoms of mental illness and/or suicidal ideation.
The bill is named after a young man who died from suicide and whose story is similar to Jackson and Lucas. We owe it to them and to so many others who died so tragically.
I used to think that my story was just sad, but I have come to realize there’s hope in it. I am still a wife and a mother to my three wonderful, surviving children, and there is a lot of work for me to do.
That’s why I will continue to share about Jackson and Lucas — their lives and their struggles — so that we can try to prevent the tragedy of youth suicide from happening to someone else.
Meghan Talbott is a secretary and volunteer coordinator with NAMI Charlotte, the local chapter of an organization of families, friends and individuals whose lives have been affected by mental illness.
INFO@QCNERVE.COM
By Dan Savage
I recently came home from a short meeting to find my husband in the bathroom with the door locked — locked to keep the kids out — meaning that he was secretly jerking off to porn while I was out. This has happened a few times before while I was home or out briefly and I’ve tried to explain how hurtful it feels to me. If he’s that interested in sex while I’m away briefly, I would rather he ask me to have sex, include me in watching porn, or even tell me his plan so it doesn’t feel like a secret. I have nothing against him watching porn and we sometimes do so together. It’s the idea of him doing it at home secretly when I’m out briefly that upsets me. It makes me feel like he is waiting for an opportunity alone and jumping on it as soon as he can, and that he prefers this to sex with me. And though he insists that watching porn doesn’t mean he isn’t also attracted to me, the secret nature of this makes me feel unattractive. He says that the secret nature is not part of the desire for him. Rather, jerking off is more akin to boredom/enjoyment, like deciding to “eat a bowl of ice cream.” He travels a good bit for work, and I’ve encouraged him to watch porn freely when he’s away. He insists that he’s satisfied with our sex life, including how frequently we have sex. He says that his interest in porn is just something fun that he — like most men — likes to do, and that it’s an entirely different category than our sex life. But there’s something about looking at women with perfect/ fake bodies while I’m out briefly that feeds into my insecurities as a middle-aged woman and makes me extremely angry. Am I being unfair in asking him to stop jerking off to porn secretly when I could walk in on him easily? What else could we do to solve this problem?
Porn Over Reality Needles Offended Spouse
“Any time porn use is causing problems in a relationship, it is important to assess whether it’s actually the porn use that’s the problem or the masturbation,” said Dr. Sprankle, a professor of clinical psychology at Minnesota State University and the author of DIY: The Wonderfully Weird History of Science and Masturbation. “How would PORNOS feel if her husband wasn’t watching porn and was just masturbating to a fantasy while in the bathroom? Would there still be concerns that he’s dissatisfied in the relationship? Would there still be feelings of insecurity and anger over the thought of him fantasizing about other women?”
Dr. Sprankle noticed that you used “secret/ secretly” a half-dozen times in your question.
“A secret would be you suspecting him
masturbating in the locked bathroom, but when confronted, he lies and just says he has IBS,” said Dr. Sprankle. “But PORNOS is aware that her husband masturbates, and he’s admitting to it, so the issue isn’t secrecy. Often for couples, the true objection is not to porn in and of itself, but the fact a partner has a solo sex life, and it doesn’t make a difference what they’re using to reach orgasm alone, whether we’re talking about porn, their own fantasies, or Chris Isaak music videos.”
Focusing on the real issue — which, again, isn’t porn but your husband having orgasms on his own once in a while — could help you work through this conflict.
“PORNOS and her husband need to figure out what role masturbation has — and should have — in their marriage and ensure they’re on the same page about it,” said Dr. Sprankle. “Our solo sexuality exists whether or not we are in a relationship and masturbation does not have to compete with partnered sex. Even though an orgasm is an orgasm, there are different motivations for masturbation compared to partnered sex and each one can meet unique needs the other isn’t equipped to meet.”
While your husband needs to be considerate of your feelings, PORNOS, you need to accept that your husband has a solo sexuality and is entitled — as we all are — to a zone of erotic autonomy. Meaning, he’s allowed to have fantasies that don’t revolve around you, just as you’re allowed to have fantasies that don’t revolve around him. So long as his fantasies don’t consume all of his erotic energy, i.e. so long as he’s not neglecting your needs and so long as he can indulge them without neglecting or endangering your kids, attempting to police your husband’s solo sexuality is unnecessary and unwise, as doing so creates conflict.
After answering your question, PORNOS, Dr. Sprankle wanted to put one to you.
“PORNOS said that her husband is satisfied with their sex life,” said Dr. Sprankle, “but is she satisfied? Is he meeting her sexual needs? Is she able to masturbate as often as she would like? Is she having sex as often as she would like? Have there been instances in which you tried to initiate sex, but he turned you down because he masturbated earlier that day? That would suggest his masturbation frequency is interfering with PORNOS’ sexual satisfaction, and that would definitely be a problem. If she communicated this to him, along with her feelings of insecurity and anger, and he continued to lock himself in the bathroom, essentially dismissing her needs and feelings, that would be an even bigger problem.”
But if you’re generally satisfied — if you’re
satisfied enough (really, the best any of us can hope for!) and your husband isn’t neglecting you or the kids and he’s making a good-faith effort to masturbate when you’re less likely to “catch” him (not to keep secrets, but to be considerate) — you’re going to need to shrug it off when you realize the bathroom door is locked for that reason.
“They’re both still individuals in this partnership,” said Dr. Sprankle, “and individual needs require a certain amount of space and alone time. And that alone time may include occasionally locking yourself in the bathroom, and it shouldn’t matter whether the person in there is masturbating to porn videos on their phone or taking a dump.”
Follow Dr. Eric Sprankle on BlueSky and Threads and Instagram @DrSprankle. For more about his work, visit his website www.drsprankle.com.
I’m a cis female in my late thirties and my partner is a cis male in his forties. We have been married for 10 years, together for 15, and have school-aged children. I actually met my husband when I started dating his then-wife. This situation was not a trio, but I was around him a lot, so we became friends, and eventually the three of us talked about all moving in together. Ultimately, I got scared and ended the relationship with his wife. It was a confusing time in my life and I made the decision that I did not want to be with a woman long-term. Things happened, he and his wife split, and he and I fell madly in love. In the beginning of our relationship, we had a LOT of conversations about commitment, about my sexuality and about my past (I had significantly more experience), and I explained to him that I could not be happy “going without” being with a woman ever again. He knew I was bisexual and that I needed openness.
For many years we were open in this way — mostly threesomes or foursomes together, but there were a couple times where I had sex with another woman without him. He also had sex with other women without me. Over time, I began wanting to explore sex with other men, but this has been a hard “no” on his end. He says that’s not what he agreed to, which is true. We have had many discussions about this over the last five years, but I eventually gave up. It’s definitely caused some resentment on my end, and because of what I perceive to be an unfair dynamic, I closed our relationship completely a few years ago. It wasn’t out of spite; I just no longer felt good seeing him enjoy a freedom born out of MY sexuality and MY needs in the beginning. Our sex life has gone downhill since. I don’t know how to move past this resentment. I feel misunderstood and I feel locked in a cage over this issue. I think we are at an impasse and I don’t know how to get back to a happy, healthy place together. How do we fix this?
Bi Lady And Annoyingly Het Spouse
You have two shit options here, BLAAHS: You can live with a deeply frustrating status quo — no fucking other people and no desire to fuck each other — or you can issue an explosive ultimatum. And while it’s tempting to say, “What do you have to lose?” (since your sex life is a wreck and resentment is a cancer),
it’s not just your marriage that’s at stake. You have kids. If your kids are still young and/or you can’t afford to divorce, it may be in their best interest for mom and dad to suck up a few sexless-or-nearlysexless years before mom attempts to impose terms. (You did sign up to be parents, BLAAHS, and parenting sometimes means doing what’s best for the little shits.)
Zooming out for a second…
You hammered out an asymmetrical agreement at the start of your marriage: To accommodate your bisexuality, you were allowed to sleep with other women and so was your husband. Your husband had the freedom to pursue anyone he might be interested in while you could only pursue half the people you might be interested in. Now, I think you deserve a lot of credit; I’ve gotten countless letters from married bi women over the years who felt entitled to a get-out-of-monogamy-free card that allowed them fuck other people (with vaginas) because their husbands couldn’t meet that need … but who didn’t think their husbands should be allowed to fuck other people. Sorry, but if you get to sleep with other people, your partner gets to sleep with other people. It’s only fair.
Also only fair: If your spouse can pursue 100% of the people they’re into … you should be able to pursue 100% of the people you’re into. Still, when your husband says, “This isn’t what I signed up for,” he’s not lying, BLAAHS, which, also to your credit, you’re able to acknowledge. You agreed to a “one penis policy” back when you weren’t interested in other penises, BLAAHS, but that’s changed — you’ve changed — and that change has already changed your marriage.
You went from seeing each other as the reason you could (you could have a loving commitment and crazy sexual adventures) to seeing each other as the reason you can’t (you can’t sleep with other men; he can’t sleep with other women). When he refused to grant you complete freedom you longed for, BLAAHS, you took back the complete freedom he’d always enjoyed. So, you didn’t go from an open relationship to a closed one, you went from an open relationship to a hostage situation … and hostage situations aren’t sexy.
Getting your marriage back to a happy, healthy and horny place is gonna involve risk. (I’m supposed to pay lip service to compromise here, but there’s no compromise position between “you’re allowed to fuck other men” and “you’re not allowed to fuck other men.”) Maybe a hostage negotiator could help you hammer out a truce — sorry, maybe a couples counselor could help you navigate these issues — but a serious conflict is unavoidable. If divorce (as opposed to sexlessness) is your worstcase scenario, BLAAHS, you may have to learn to live in that cage for a while.
Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love; or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage. love/askdan; podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love.
