NEWS & OPINION FEATURE
STORY
Cherokee County and has several leads for homes in the region around Charlotte, Norris said.
Expansion to the eastern part of the state will be through the new Bridging Families Institute and partner agencies there, she said.
Crossnore will provide coaching, training and consulting.
Norris said the plan is to have Bridging Families become an evidence-based model. The Bridging Families Institute will allow Crossnore to gather data from other organizations using the model.
“Maybe one day it could also be a program that is in other states as well,” she said.
Norris said they’ve gotten great feedback on the program. When they talk to people about it, they seem to understand, and say Bridging Families makes sense, she said.
“We’ll … spend a lot of time talking about the system, the crisis, and why that sort of led to the necessity that we … create this program,” she said.
Going solo
Maggie’s lawyer and social worker connected her with Bridging Families. She hadn’t heard of the program, but she was familiar with Crossnore; she spent time herself in one of the organization’s foster homes when she was a child.
“I wish they had [Bridging Families] with my parents, so they would have learned better,” she said, “because I’ve been learning every day from Leslie and Kirk.”
Maggie moved from Boone to Mitchell County to be closer to her sons, who are 6 and 4, and her 2-year-old daughter. They’ve been in foster care with the Ducloses since February.
Before that, the boys were with one foster family
and Maggie’s daughter was with another.
About two-thirds of children in foster care in the United States have at least one other sibling also in foster care, according to AdoptUSKids, a project funded through the U.S. Children’s Bureau.
Many of them end up separated, often because there aren’t enough foster families who can take in multiple children at a time. It’s one of the reasons Crossnore created Bridging Families.
“It’s definitely much better for all the children being together,” Kirk Duclos said.
The next step is to get the courts to approve unsupervised visitation for Maggie and the children. They’re hoping to get that done this month.
It will be great to have that time with her children, Maggie said. She appreciates what Bridging Families, and the Ducloses, have done for all of them.
“Every day I get help, and I learn things every day how to improve,” she said.
This story was originally published by North Carolina Health News, an independent, nonpartisan, not-for-profit, statewide news organization dedicated to covering all things health care in North Carolina. Visit NCHN at northcarolinahealthnews.org.
INFO@QCNERVE.COM
Photo by Jennifer Hernandez
The Crossnore Communities for Children campus in Winston-Salem.
PUNCH BROTHERS
May 14 • 7:30 p.m. • Carolina Theatre, 230 N. Tryon St. • $50-$80 • thecarolina.com Eclectic string band Punch Brothers entwine bluegrass virtuosity, jazz improvisation and classical complexity. Although the progressive-grass quintet has garnered critical acclaim for its six albums released to date, Punch Brothers truly excel in live performance, where precision and intricacy rub shoulders with spontaneity and intimacy. It’s a great pleasure to watch these telepathic players launch a tag team round-robin of elastic solos. Paul Kowert’s heartbeat bass throws to Chris Thile’s pointillist mandolin which passes the baton to Noam Pikelny’s pizzicato banjo. This, in turn, passes the hot potato to Chris Eldridge’s nimble guitar, which tosses to newest band member Brittany Haas’s cross-stitch fiddle.
REEL OUT CHARLOTTE
May 14-18 • times vary • Independent Picture House, 4237 Raleigh St. • Free-$60 • independentpicturehouse.org
Queer stories grace the big screen with Charlotte’s annual LGBTQ+ film festival. Opening night is free and features improv comedy by House of Yes! followed by an eclectic program of short films. A documentary on Canada’s esteemed architect titled Arthur Erickson: Beauty Between the Lines precedes a talkback featuring members of the Queer Design Collaborative. The unsolved murder of transgender performer Venus Xtravaganza is the basis for I’m Your Venus, followed by a miniballroom performance hosted by DJ Vanna Vanity. Light Up, a drama involving Black queer men and a Black transgender woman, paves the way for a Talkback discussion featuring director Ryan Lowery and members of Charlotte Black Pride.
LYNSEA, DHEMO, THE BLEUS
May 15 • 8 p.m. • Snug Harbor, 1228 Gordon St. • $12 • snugrock.com
With dramatic swelling synths, rat-a-tat beats and soaring vocals, Lynsea examines the accelerating risk of falling in love with her latest single “Caution Signs.” It’s just the latest of the singer-songwriter’s lyric-forward, storytelling tunes that made her Queen City Nerve’s pick for Charlotte’s 2024 Best Pop Artist. Richmond-based Dhemo runs the gamut from lo-fi dreampop ballads to indie-funk grooves. His 2025 LP Chasing Smiles features vocal-centric pop that is quirky and corkscrewing (“That Doubt”) as well as woozy (“Mirrors”). With lyrical acuity and smart songwriting chops, Charlotte’s The Bleus handily encompasses vulnerable yet indomitable hip-hop and melodic-hypnotic neo-soul jazz.
‘A WALK IN MY SHOES’
May 16-18 • various times • Armour Street Theatre, 307 Armour St., Davidson • $20 • davidsoncommunityplayers.org Davidson Community Players’ monthly Armour After Dark series converts the troupe’s Armour Street Theatre into a nightclub, this time hosting a production of urban musical A Walk in My Shoes, which follows four lifelong friends grappling with the challenges of being Black or brown and LGBTQ+ as young adults. The creative team behind the show is a brain trust of Black Charlotte creatives: songwriter/playwright/stage director Jermaine Nakia Lee, poet L’Monique King, musical director JR McQueen, and co-composer Tyrone Jefferson, who once worked as music director for James Brown. Presented as a concert with vocalists performing original R&B, hip-hop, jazz and gospel tunes, the show is staged and narrated as it would unfold in a fully staged production.
SOULED OUT DATES
May 17 • 3 p.m. • Camp North End, 300 Camp Road • $25 • camp.nc
Promising to be “loud and extremely fun,” Washington DC-based experiential events collective Souled Out Dates brings its massive traveling dance party to the Boileryard at Camp North End. The immersive, inclusive soiree strives to create a vibrant nightlife atmosphere. Hosted by That Boy Cortez, the generous bill features sets by DJ Unruely; DJ Ngenius; DJ Memville; DJ Lowkey; DJ Carolina X (official DJ for the Carolina Panthers), and DJ Fannie Mae with Charlotte FC and SAINTED Trap Choir, which will also perform at the party (SAINTED, not the soccer team).
LUCIUS, VICTORIA CANAL
May 19 • 8 p.m. • Neighborhood Theatre, 511 E. 36th St. • $33 and up • neighborhoodtheatre.com
For 15 years, Lucius has been working a doppelganger vibe with dual frontwomen Jess Wolfe and Holly Laessig sporting matching outfits and hair styles to visually complement their serpentine swarming harmonies. The two unrelated Berklee College of Music voice majors have perfected their exquisite blend of torch songs, lilting folk rock and sparkling indie pop, and they may no longer need the “are they or aren’t they twins?” image, but why begrudge them a flash of showmanship? The band’s self-titled 2025 LP finds Wolfe and Laessig focusing on direct, heartfelt songs delivered with their signature spellbinding, entwining harmonies. Spanish-American singer-songwriter Victoria Canal complements the headliner with her soulful intimate indie pop.
MAYOR’S INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY AWARDS
May 21 • 6 p.m. • Booth Playhouse, 130 N. Tryon St • $34 • blumenthalarts.org
Anyone doubting the Queen City’s international footprint should check out The Mayor’s International Community Awards. The MICA honors foreign-owned firms in the Charlotte region for their outstanding contributions to philanthropy, plus three individuals or organizations who have displayed strong leadership and contributed to the development of Charlotte’s international community. Past individual honorees include Colombia-born journalist and cultural activist Rafael Prieto Zartha and Ziaulhaq “Booyah” Ghafoori, co-founder of Interpreting Freedom Foundation, a nonprofit that supports America’s Afghan interpreters and allies.
AGH! A VARIETY SHOW FOR A CAUSE
May 22 • 8 p.m. • Petra’s, 1919 Commonwealth Ave. • $34 • petrasbar.com
Queen City Nerve’s 2024 Best New Singer-Songwriter Ali Forrest and California-based Winthrop alumnus, actor, singer and dancer Anna Goldstein are mistresses of ceremonies for this alternative entertainment cornucopia featuring the pair’s favorite musicians, comedians, puppets and general weirdos. All are gathered in congeniality to raise money for LGBTQ+ youth-supporting nonprofit Time Out Youth. Forrest will perform along with guitarist Ben Burrows and singer-songwriter-guitarist Eric Maust — all three are members of Forrest’s crack band when not playing solo. The bill also features Girl! podcast co-host, improv performer and songwriter Avery Powers and Pip the Puppet, who is animated by Goldstein and Charlotte theatre artist Katie Kinser.
NIKIAS, LAMAJ, KASHMIIR, JOEY ZEN
May 24 • 7:30 p.m. • Evening Muse, 3227 N. Davidson St. • $20 • eveningmuse.com
On Nikias’ Splendid EP, the North Carolina rapper delivers short elliptical tracks where his drawled vocals weave through deep bass beats. Tracks like the seesawing “Nosedive” slide by as fragments of a dream. Charlotte rapper Lamaj conjoins the offbeat intonations of intentional rap and the story-driven lyricism and complex rhymes of the genre’s 2000-2010 blog era. Seeming to freefall through genres and eras, Charlotte-by-way-of-Brooklyn rapper Kashmiir’s 2025 LP Turn the Wrld Slut fuses fragments of house, trap and Britain’s first-wave punk (Sex Pistols, The Clash). As his name suggests, NC rapper Joey Zen conjoins his meditative state with sweeping cinematic soundscapes on his 2025 LP God’s Instructions.
SHUCKED COOKOUT
May 25 • 4 p.m. • Blume Studios, 904 Post St. • Free • blumenthalarts.org
To celebrate Belk Theater’s upcoming late-May run of the corny, pun-laden hit musical Shucked, Blume Studios hosts a free cookout featuring an afternoon of adult fun. Operating as Blume Studios’ official Minister of Play, Sally Stokes of Play More Charlotte, a group that organizes and hosts playful events for adults in the Charlotte area, curates a selection of interactive games designed to make participants feel like a kid again. Activities also include live drawings by a chalk artist, and Double Dutch jump rope performances with audience participation encouraged. It’s a rare chance for Charlotteans to embrace play as a right, a physiological need and a launchpad for community healing.
Souled Out Dates
Courtesy of Souled Out Dates 5/17
Lynsea
Photo by Madison Leigh King 5/15
THE ART OF HEALING
Novant launches new initiative to capitalize on the power of creativity
BY ANNIE KEOUGH
Pablo Picasso once said, “Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” One new local art exhibit, however, is challenging that very notion.
In A Slice of Life: The Art of Everyday, local artists draw from the everyday moments and mementos that one may brush off as the dust, debris or detritus of monotony and instead focus in on its beauty and grace.
Fittingly, the exhibit is not showing in a flashy gallery in South End or a lounge in Uptown but on the walls of a cafeteria inside Novant Health Presbyterian Medical Center in the Elizabeth neighborhood, the Charlotte area’s second largest hospital.
Being a patient in care or watching someone you love go through care can become incredibly stressful, said Kristen Howard, VP of corporate affairs at Novant.
”By having these pieces [bring] life and interest and a break from what is happening in your clinical room when you come down to the cafeteria, it’s just an opportunity to step back, take a deep reach and increase that opportunity for healing,” she told Queen City Nerve.
Curated in partnership with nonprofit arts organization Charlotte is Creative, A Slice of Life is just one of many projects underway as part of Novant’s new Art of Remarkable Care initiative. The health care company announced the initiative’s launch in April with a $500,000 investment to explore the connection between art and healing. With partnerships already in the works with The Bechtler Museum of Modern Art, the Harvey B.
Gantt Center for African American Arts + Culture, Charlotte Ballet and the Charlotte Symphony, Novant also plans to expand its focus on arts in its facilities, as with A Slice of Life.
The not-for-profit health care system will partner with Charlotte Is Creative to activate arts programming at seven facilities in the coming months, including hospitals and health centers in Ballantyne, Huntersville, Matthews, Mint Hill and Rowan County.
“Our goal is to create a healthier future for Charlotte, and we recognize that well-being requires more than traditional medicine,” stated Dr. Sid Fletcher, senior vice president and president of Novant Health’s Charlotte region, in announcing the new initiative. “We have seen firsthand the remarkable impact art can have on our patients and their loved ones, and we’re proud to extend the reach of our local artists to create spaces of comfort and connection.
“Art is powerful; it can inspire healing, and when paired with the incredible expertise of our doctors and nurses, it can be transformative,” Fletcher continued. “This initiative, as well as our partnerships with the Charlotte Symphony and others, is part of our larger commitment to ensure our patients thrive.”
Curating A Slice of Life
Studies have shown exposure to and participation in the arts can play a role in lessening the severity of chronic pain, stress and anxiety.
According to the American Journal of Public Health, consistent interaction with art, including intentionally listening to music, has been shown to increase immune system responsiveness.
Shana Templin, art support coordinator with Novant and an artist herself, first suggested that her employer offer local artists the chance to display their work for free in Novant Presbyterian’s cafeteria.
As an inevitable hub for hospital patients, family members and staff, Templin wanted to tap into a communal theme for the art, something that engaged a shared human experience, explained Tim Miner, co-founder of Charlotte Is Creative (CIC).
CIC has operated in the Charlotte arts market for almost 10 years providing programs, resources, training, connections and opportunities to emerging artists and creative entrepreneurs. The nonprofit also deals in project management, assisting companies and organizations to support the artistic community, which is how Miner came to be working with Templin.
“When we look at what our lives are in the everyday, that’s something that she was hoping was relational and could be a uniting factor for people while at the same time recognizing that everybody has a different vantage point and comes from a different background,” Miner said of Templin.
CIC helped Novant put out a call for art that lasted from April 23-May 7, inviting artists to submit up to two 2D artworks that celebrate the art of everyday life.
“This exhibit explores the extraordinary within the ordinary, showcasing works that highlight the charm, complexity and significance of everyday experiences,” the call read.
When we spoke to Howard on the last day of the call, there were about 230 submissions vying for 30 spots. Because the selected pieces in the exhibit will be for sale, with each artist maintaining 100% of any proceeds — Howard’s team is considering each work as its sold until the exhibit runs its course over six months.
A win-win for the arts community
As the fifth-largest employer in the Charlotte metro area, leadership is aware of the company’s responsibility to lead by example in a rapidly growing city, explained Howard.
“We understand that our commitment to health has to go beyond our clinic walls and we try to invest in the community as a whole,” she said.
Art of Remarkable Care is about more than just beautification for the sake of a more wraparound approach to health and healing; it’s also about funding an arts scene that is growing with the city around it but often doing so under financial constraints.
The new initiative not only allows Novant to support local artists and the economy by investing in works of art and paying performers to share their talents in its facilities, but to support more widespread arts programming around the city.
In collaboration with Charlotte Is Creative, Novant plans to offer many points of connection for local artists in the coming months including visual and performance art, art therapy, murals and wall art installations, and community-based arts events for vulnerable populations.
This is the aspect that got Miner and his team excited.
”There’s a true opportunity here to take [groups of artists] and present them opportunities inside of an unexpected place — in this case, a hospital facility — to do creative work, show off what they do, but also maybe interact with the various audiences that are in the facilities,” he said.
On top of working with individual artists to establish foundational skills, funding, social networks and promotional training, CIC hosts a wide array of innovative arts-centered events and programming.
That includes its monthly Creative Mornings gatherings; its Creative Entrepreneurs Initiative cohort, which provides business training and grant writing advice to local creatives; Charlotte Reciprocity Circles, which are billed as live, facilitated social capital exchange events; and the self-explanatory Coffee with Creatives.
Since 2017, CIC has distributed nearly 500 $250 grants from its HUG micro-grant program.
CIC’s mission is to broaden the opportunities and experiences that emerging creative entrepreneurs have, Miner said. The organization also provides artists with space to create by purchasing studio space at the McColl Center in four increments.
Working in multiple Novant facilities, including the 590-bed hospital where A Slice of Life is set to open, allows CIC a chance to help connect local artists with what is likely a larger audience than all of those opportunities combined.
“When people need to go into a hospital, they have trepidation or they’re dealing with something that’s very potentially traumatic or upsetting,” Miner said. “To be able to provide a work of art — be it a performance, or a piece of visual art or even a hands-on experience that lets them feel more at ease and feel more comfortable and repair their soul to a certain degree — that’s powerful.”
AKEOUGH@QCNERVE.COM
Photo courtesy of Novant Health
Attendees engage at a launch party for Art of Remarkable Care.
Photo courtesy of Novant Health Launch performance.
HOLLER FOR Y’ALL’RE
Shelby punk group does it for the love of music
BY PAT MORAN
Riding a roaring Ramones-fueled guitar-andbass riff and splashy, zipper-tight drums, Shelby foursome Y’All’Re kicks off its 2024 debut EP First Edition with Galaxy Lineberger’s high-spirited, smart-ass vocals.
“I’m tired of playing with the newbs/ Their games are dumber than gelatinous cubes/ We best the big, bad evil guy/ Because our guitars are plus five...
”
The joyous tune entwines riot grrrl attitude, roleplaying game Dungeons and Dragons (D&D) and a title/chorus that’s the cherry atop a punk-rock sundae: “I Really Wanna Play D&D with Your Dad.”
It’s also a slice of Galaxy’s life, insists the band’s lead singer, primary lyricist and rhythm guitarist.
“The song’s inspiration is my dad [Jason Lineberger], who is in the band and also a D&D dungeon master,” Galaxy says. “Our saxophone player [Zach Wheeler] said, ‘I really want to play D&D with your dad.’ I looked at him, and said, ‘That’s a chorus — that’s a song.’”
Wheeler has since left the band amicably and Jason Lineberger, when he’s not toiling as a consummate dungeon master, is Y’All’Re’s lead guitarist.
The sharp, smart and funny foursome plays The Milestone on May 17 as part of Femme Fest, a benefit raising funds and awareness for women’s and femme-presenting artists’ rights in the music industry.
As for Y’All’Re’s name, it’s a contraction of “You all are” — as in “Y’all’re crazy to launch a punk rock band!”
Shelby native Galaxy, 27, couldn’t agree more. A theatre kid who performed in school plays, she shares a love for music with her father, who
taught at Shelby High School and currently works as a senior digital learning specialist for the North Carolina Center for the Advancement of Teaching.
“[Our] shared love of consuming music turned into a shared love of creating it,” Galaxy says.
But Galaxy and Jason’s first band was far from a punk-rock project.
When she was 14, Galaxy and her father bought a pair of ukuleles on a whim and joined the Shelby Ukulele Club. Father and daughter started playing with the ukulele club at a local burger joint. Soon the Linebergers’ interests and ambitions outstripped the club, so they launched what would become the popular ukulele group The Dancing Fleas.
The seven-piece band, which takes its name from the Hawaiian translation of “ukulele,” performs a mix of originals and covers at venues including The Rooster in Gastonia. The Dancing Fleas’ conceit is that “every great song you ever heard was originally written on a ukulele by [the band] under a different moniker,” Galaxy notes. Thus, Kiss’ “Rock and Roll All Nite,” was originally “Uke and Roll All Nite,” written when the band called itself Hug (instead of Kiss).
“It’s goofy and silly, but people love it,” Galaxy offers. The Linebergers continue to gig with the Fleas as far afield as the Outer Banks and England. The father/daughter duo also perform as Spaceport Floozies, an outlet for Galaxy’s sweet, sad original songs that are too soft for punk and too risque for the Fleas.
The Linebergers got their chance to launch a punk-rock band in 2022 when Marcos Encinias, the booker for Barley’s Taproom in Spindale, asked them if they had were in one.
Though no such group existed, Jason promptly
said yes and agreed to play a New Year’s Eve show at Barley’s. Tasked with forming a band in a few months, Jason befriended and recruited Kim Ware, a singer-songwriter who’s made her name with indie-folk songs of heartbreak and hope but has a little-known past as a punk-rock drummer. Conveniently, Ware’s husband, Mark Nanna, plays bass.
“Mark comes up with some of the catchiest bass lines,” said Michael Carpenter, owner of The Rooster. An avowed fan of Y’A’ll’Re, Carpenter continued, “I don’t know what pedals Mark is using, but he has such a unique sound.”
Baby Jesus, bad poetry and Cybertrucks
Launching with a set of primarily covers at Barley’s, Y’All’Re got to work on writing original material.
“Usually, Mark or my dad has a riff,” Galaxy says. “Then the other [player] adds something to that riff and Kim comes in with a drum part.”
Galaxy writes down the chords everyone is playing on a large mirror in the band’s rehearsal room with a dry-erase marker. Then she fits the pieces together, fleshes out a melody and jots down lyrics.
“We’ll record a … demo that day,” Galaxy notes. “Then I’ll go home and flesh out the lyrics.”
The approach yields engaging, surreal and inventive gems like “Thrift Store Nativity Jesus,” where hissing rain, tolling church bells and rolling gospel organ gives way to a machine-gun spray of drums, snake-charmer-on-speed saxophone, and Galaxie’s snarky, rapid-fire recitative:
“He’s got beady little eyes/ He’s a beady little guy/ That loincloth is just his size...”
The tune was spurred by a life-sized baby Jesus doll swaddled in a loincloth that Galaxy found at Value Village in Gastonia. The creepy doll with a piercing gaze currently mans Y’All’Re’s merch table at gigs.
Another song, “502 Bad Gateway,” starts out like rampaging Black Flag-style hardcore punk before plunging into a thicket of atonal free jazz. The song’s freestyle section serves as a backdrop for audience participation.
“Before the show, I walk up to people and I hand them my phone,” Galaxy says. “My Notes app says, ‘This is a bad poem. Write the next line.’”
When “502 Bad Gateway” hits its breakout section, Galaxy reads the haphazard audiencecomposed poem aloud.
“There have been some really bad poems, some almost good ones [and] many horribly inappropriate ones,” she says.
Once Galaxy collects enough bad poems, she self-publishes them in a zine.
Y’All’Re’s innovation and crowd rapport have made the band a favorite at The Rooster, Carpenter says.
“Over the last couple of years, they’ve captured a devoted audience,” he recalls. “Their energy and enthusiasm on stage is completely infectious.”
Despite the love the band receives from audiences, Galaxy admits she had reservations about the band’s latest, yet-to-be-released tune, “Malicious Compliance.” The song is openly
political, explicitly calling for an end to Elon Musk’s and Donald Trump’s antidemocratic rampage. When the tune debuted live at The Rooster, Galaxy wasn’t sure how it would play before a Gastonia crowd.
“I’ll smash into your Cybertruck/ I really do not give a fuck/ He posts his memes on X dot com/ Defund schools, build more bombs/ I hope you fucking DEI/ I hope you die...”
Galaxy notes with pride that the tune went down like gangbusters with the venue’s punk-rock audience.
“I want to be part of what punk is about — about trying to make the world see the problems within it,” she says.
That said, Galaxy also wants Y’All’Re to provide people with a safe space within the punk-rock community.
“I love that people see us having a good time and that we genuinely like playing music with one another,” she says. “I want other musicians to know that they don’t have to take themselves so seriously, that it is about having fun.”
Y’All’Re inspires people seeking to focus the anger, defiance, hope and humor that animates punk rock to raise awareness and to effect change. It’s something w’all’re capable of doing, too.
PMORAN@QCNERVE.COM
Photo by Jesse Peeler
Y’All’Re (from left): Mark Nanna, Kim Ware, Galaxy and Jason Lineburger, Zach Wheeler.
Photo by Blanton Leigh Galaxy Lineberger performs.
PLAY: THE SHOWCASE
FROM THE STAGE: Apr.-May 2025 Submit your photos to info@qcnerve.com
REWIND: NEW MUSIC RELEASES
LP PETROV, ‘PETROV’
PAUSE: PROJECT SPOTLIGHT
Gene Brown’s Beatdowns
An icon in the Charlotte music scene, Gene Brown has built himself up to be a foundational part of hip-hop history — not as an emcee, producer, or b-boy (though he was once adept at all three), but as a record dealer.
A virtually constant presence in Charlotte’s scene since the 1990s, Brown has served as the careful ear that provided records to worldwide cultural icons like Questlove, Q-Tip, Just Blaze, and 9th Wonder. Through his encyclopedic knowledge of records, wrought through countless hours digging in record crates, he has quietly and carefully influenced generations of artists since his childhood in Greenville, NC.
Inspired by similar parties he once curated in NYC, Brown hosted his first Gene Brown Beatdown, a producer showcase event featuring Just Blaze and Jake One, at the old Event Masterz space on May 14, 2022. The venue was packed wall to wall with hip-hop fans.
“The feeling in the magic of that night was outrageous,” Brown told Queen City Nerve. “It was incredible.”
By Tyler Bunzey
Since then, Brown’s Beatdowns have featured producers like Diamond D, Buckwild, Lord Finesse, Nottz, Bink and many more in venues ranging from the Booth Playhouse to the QC Soundstage to CAM Raleigh during Dreamville weekend.
A three-night, three-year anniversary event is scheduled for May 17 in the new Event Masterz space on Remount Road. The itinerary includes a performance from Royal Flush with guest DJ BINK! on Friday, May 16; a slate of producers set to take the spotlight on Saturday night including Bangladesh (“A Milli”) and DJ L.E.S. (“Life’s a Bitch); then a panel discussion/ Q&A on Saturday afternoon with NYC A&R exec and record producer Kyambo ‘Hip Hop’ Joshua.
Visit genebrownbeatdown.com to get tickets and find Tyler Bunzey’s full story on Gene Brown’s impact on hip-hop both local and beyond at qcnerve.com.
Launched in 2018, Charlotte five-piece Petrov has burned an indelible afterimage on the city’s music scene with twin corkscrewing guitars, percolating post-punk bass, galloping drums and Mary Grace McKusick’s fierce and fearlessly vulnerable vocals. So, it’s surprising that the indie-rock powerhouse’s self-titled album that dropped May 2 is its debut full-length release. The album seems to split into two sides, with outward-looking opening tracks rocking with the feral precision of an emo-math rock hybrid followed by a latter half that embraces wisps of introspective chamber-pop melodies. Stream on Spotify
EP
SEPH DOT, ‘WAVES ‘N ROCKS’
Seph Dot adopts a hissing lo-fi aesthetic on this EP, pulling the listener into an internal journey shaped by hip-hop, heartbreak, healing and triumph. Warm and squiggly soul-jazz keys snake through fractured boombap beats on “Kinshasa,” while “Odessa” interpolates space invaders sound effects into the track’s haunted trip-hop vibe. With every track imparting a vital piece of self-knowledge, Waves ‘n Rocks leads to more than just a port in a psychic storm. Stream on sephdot.bandcamp.com
EP
CASSETTIQUETTE, ‘DISINTEGRATE’
Cassettiquette’s Disintegrate opens with the bittersweet “Just a Dream,” where singer, lyricist and guitarist Connor Hausman laces the optimistic pop cliche of hitting the road with a sense of doubt, musing on the unreliability of memories and dreams. Over the course of four more tunes, like the shimmering “Bloom,” or the percolating “Devil,” rippling, crossstitch keyboards and guitars enfold Connor Hausman’s
lilting husky vocals. Throughout, the band that sounds hopeful yet haunted. Disintegrate seems to say that whatever starts in high spirits can end in heartbreak. Stream on Spotify
EP
JULIAN CALENDAR - ‘MORE SONGS ABOUT CLASS RESENTMENT AND SURVEILLANCE CAPITALISM’
With artwork that references one Talking Heads LP (Remain in Light) and a title that nods to another (More Songs About Buildings and Food), Julian Calendar requisitions and recombines elements of The Heads’ oeuvre — new wave, punk and polyrhymic electro-pop — for the band’s new three-track EP. The band’s followup EP, Softer than Bombs, will be released on May 30. Stream on juliancalendar.bandcamp.com
EP
THE MYSTERY PLAN,
‘SLINKY
MINX’
This five-piece, formed by 10mm Omega Recordings founder Justin Herring, has always evoked an oneiric vibe and still do, but the Mystery Plan’s new EP trades in David Lynch’s eerie roadhouse for a soul-jazz club perched on the edge of eternity. Welcome to a discombobulated dreamscape you can dance to. Stream on themysteryplan.bandcamp.com
SINGLE
SOPHIA, “DAYS LIKE THIS”/“NIHILIST”
It’s not until the one-minute mark that “Days Like This,” Sophia’s latest single, releases the tension built up through a reverie of lost love and kicks into rocking syncopated overdrive. That track from the WinstonSalem indie-rock five-piece Sophia is paired with spiky dynamic rocker “Nihilist,” which recalls early Arctic Monkeys and The Strokes. Sophia’s sophomore EP, Wandering, drops June 8. Stream on Spotify
Kendrick Lamar at Bank of America Stadium, 5/3/25 (Photo by Greg Noire)
Petrov at Snug Harbor, 5/2/25 (Photo by Dan Russell-Pinson)
Future Islands at The Fillmore, 5/1/25 (Photo by Jeff Hahne)
Mudlotus at Snug Harbor, 5/2/25 (Photo by Dan Russell-Pinson)
Japanese Breakfast at Fillmore, 4/27/25 (Jeff Hahne)
Moving Boxes at Snug Harbor, 5/2/25 (Photo by Dan Russell-Pinson)
SOUNDWAVE
WEDNESDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Fred Heinz (Comet Grill)
The Crane Wives (The Fillmore)
Memphis May Fire (The Underground)
Ramona w/ Twin Seas (Snug Harbor)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Peter w/ Brendan Mayer (Evening Muse)
Josh Daniel, Jim Brock & Kerry Brooks (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
COVER BANDS
Yacht Rock Revue (The Amp Ballantyne) ‘70s Kid Solid Tribute (Middle C Jazz)
OPEN MIC
Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)*
THURSDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Dollar $igns w/ blankstate., American Theory, Rosary (Amos’ Southend)
Wilco (The Amp Ballantyne)
Auroras Hope w/ Cumshot Wound, Decay, South Side Punx (The Milestone)
King 810 w/ Screwed Ends, Haymaker, Return to Sender, Cleansing of the Temple (The Rooster)
Pop Evil (The Underground)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Béla Fleck w/ Edmar Castaneda, Antonio Sanchez Trio (Carolina Theatre)
FUNK/JAM BAND/REGGAE
Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Eliot Bronson (Evening Muse)
Brett Dennen w/ River Whyless (Visulite Theatre)
JAZZ/BLUES
Ray Singleton’s Soul Revival (Middle C Jazz)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
The Rhythm & The Groove: 80’s V 90’s R&B (Petra’s)
Teddy Swims (Skyla Ampitheatre) Lynsea w/ The Bleus, Dhemo (Snug Harbor)
FRIDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)
Femme Fest (The Milestone)
Billy Idol (PNC Pavilion)
JAN. 22 MAY 16
Duck w/ Florencia & The Feeling (Snug Harbor)
JAZZ/BLUES
Bernstein & Copland (Knight Theater)
Marion Meadows (Middle C Jazz)
FUNK/JAM BAND/Reggae
Joe May’s Month of Mondays (Visulite Theatre)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Randall King w/ Caden Gillard (Coyote Joe’s)
Blue Cactus w/ Carolina Down Boys (Petra’s)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Mha Iri (Blackbox Theater)
bodie w/ Gracie Binion (Evening Muse)
Marilyn Manson (The Fillmore) COVER BANDS
Ride the Lightning (Metallica tribute) w/ Peace Sells (Megadeath tribute) (Amos’ Southend)
Sunset Revival w/ Brad Kriebel (Goldie’s)
SATURDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Leah Darling (Comet Grill)
JAZZ/BLUES
Bernstein & Copland (Knight Theater)
Marion Meadows (Middle C Jazz)
Classical/INSTRUMENTAL
Charlotte Symphony Youth Orchestra Finale (Knight Theater)
Live: From the Darkness 3 Roast Battle Comedy Championship (Evening Muse)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Kim Richey (Evening Muse)
FUNK/JAM BAND/REGGAE
The String Cheese Incident (The Amp Ballantyne)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Barely Alive (Blackbox Theater) COVER BANDS
Sweet Leaf w/ Riverstone (Goldie’s)
SUNDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
THURSDAY
TUESDAY MAY 18
The Absratica w/ Slow Degrade, Velvet Edge, Rock for Lizards, Pilothead (The Milestone)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Avi Kaplan w/ Guthrie Brown (Amos’ Southend)
Hunter Root (Neighborhood Theatre)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Central Cee (TheFillmore)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Hazy Sunday (Petra’s)
JAZZ/BLUES
Bernstein & Copland (Knight Theater)
Marion Meadows (Middle C Jazz) COVER BANDS
40 Ounces to Freedom (Sublime tribute) (The Rooster)
MONDAY
JAZZ/BLUES
The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Durand Bernarr (The Fillmore)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Lucius (Neighborhood Theatre)
OPEN MIC
Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Frank Viele (Evening Muse)
TUESDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)*
MJ Lenderman (The Fillmore)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Jordan Davis (Coyote Joe’s)
Richard Shindell w/ Laurelyn Dossett (Evening Muse)
OPEN MIC
JAN. 25
Driveways w/ Seneca Burns (Amos’ Southend) Femme Fest (The Milestone)
The Menders w/ Sinners & Saints, The Cambria Iron Co., Ali Forrest (Petra’s)
Bullet for my Valentine w/ Trivium (Sklya Ampitheatre)
Dreamhouse w/ DJ Extraa, Summy, Angelia Word (Snug Harbor)
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Two Sides of Me w/ A Sense of Purpose, The Phantom Friends, This Island Earth (The Milestone)
Radian w/ King Cackle, Fireblood (Snug Harbor)
FUNK/JAM BANDS/REGGAE
Shana Blake’s Musical Menagerie (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Smino (The Fillmore)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Gareth Asher (Evening Muse) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Bailey Marie w/ Darren Deese, Greg Parrish (Amos’ Southend)
Hunters Travesty (Comet Grill) COVER BANDS
The Voltage Brothers (Middle C Jazz) FRIDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
The Lenny Federal Band (Comet Grill)*
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Red Rocking Chair (Comet Grill)*
Johnny Manchild & The Poor Bastards w/ Fake Shark (Evening Muse)
JAZZ/BLUES
The Bill Hanna Legacy Jazz Session (Petra’s) OPEN MIC
Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
23
Pollyanna w/ Peach Rings, Weymouth, Elder Bright (The Milestone)
COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
Goons Tour (Blackbox Theater)
Seth Walker w/ Ed Jurdi (Evening Muse)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Lil Poppa (The Fillmore)
Raveena (The Underground) JAZZ/BLUES
Brandon Stevens (Middle C Jazz)
Aneesa Strings (Neighborhood Theatre)
COVER BANDS
Gump Fiction (Amos’ Southend)
with the subject
Open Mic Night feat. The Smokin J’s (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
WEDNESDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Of Mice & Men (The Underground)
SINGER-SONGWRITER/ACOUSTIC
Timothy Chandler (Comet Grill)
MAY 19 MAY 20 MAY 21
Josh Daniel, Jim Brock & Kerry Brooks (Smokey Joe’s Cafe & Bar)*
Cannon Rogers w/ Pleasure House, Homemade
Haircuts (Snug Harbor)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Sam on Someday (Evening Muse)
Insane Clown Posse (The Fillmore)
JAZZ/BLUES
Charles Craig Quartet w/ Ramsey Louis (Middle C Jazz)
OPEN MIC
Singer/Songwriter Open Mic (The Rooster)*
Black Peark w/ Caleb Davis (Goldie’s)
SATURDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Alternative Champs (Comet Grill)
Squawk w/ Revelry (Evening Muse)
Five Door Sedan w/ The Groove Skeletons, Hillmouse (Petra’s)
POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Buzz City Breaks (Blackbox Theater)
Shrek Rave (The Fillmore)
Digital Noir feat. DJ Spider (The Milestone) JAZZ/BLUES
Noel & Maria (Middle C Jazz)
HIP-HOP/SOUL/R&B
Nikias w/ Lamaj, Kashmiir, Joey Zen (Evening Muse)
SUNDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Worlds Greatest Dad w/ Stress Fractures, Te’Jani, Knifebloom, Nervous Surface (The Milestone) POP/DANCE/ELECTRONIC/DJ
Nordista Freeze (Evening Muse) LATIN/WORLD
UltimaNota (Middle C Jazz) COVER BANDS
Big ’80s Tribute Band (Goldie’s)
MONDAY
ROCK/PUNK/METAL
Pretty Baby w/ Lastima, Flora in Silence, Jesus is the Path to Heaven (The Milestone) COUNTRY/FOLK/AMERICANA
West 22nd w/ Pretty Jane (Neighborhood Theatre) OPEN MIC
Find Your Muse Open Mic feat. Trey Calloway (Evening Muse)
MAY 14 - MAY 20 MAY 21 - MAY 27
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Untangling personal problems might take more time than the impatient Lamb expected. But it’s important to hang in there until all those knotty situations are straightened out.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) You still need to work out last-minute snags in your dealings with a rival. Hold your ground despite a perceived lack of support. Things should turn around before you know it.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) It’s best not to delay preparing for an upcoming family event. The sooner you get things started, the better chance you have of finding potential problems and making needed changes.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22) The romantic Moon Child might be reluctant to see the reality behind an “ideal” situation. But by midweek, the practical Crab emerges to help clear away the moonbeams.
LEO (July 23 to August 22) Although the Big Cat might be receptive to more “purr-suasion” to get you to agree to a workplace change, make sure that you can distinguish the fine line between facts and flattery.
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Your positive attitude in the workplace helps to get you noticed by the right people. Now go ahead and use some of this new self-confidence to help shore up a personal relationship.
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Although you might still have to work out some problems with a business partner, things go more smoothly on the home front. Meanwhile, an investment opportunity might need more study.
SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Don’t be reluctant to act on your suspicions. Even if others see nothing wrong, the astute Scorpio could sense an underlying problem that isn’t always obvious on the surface.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) A new opportunity presents some obstacles that need to be dealt with as soon as possible. Delaying action in hopes that the problems will go away could be counterproductive.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) A friend or family member’s request might carry some hidden factors that could later create problems. Be sure you know all the facts before you make your decision.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) A setback in implementing a plan could turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Use the downtime to rework your original concepts and see where changes could be made.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) You might not be consciously fishing for compliments, but admit it — won’t you feel great when your efforts are noticed? Accept the praise gracefully. You’ve earned it!
BORN THIS WEEK: Your love of beauty in your personal life extends to your efforts to protect and preserve the natural world around you.
ARIES (March 21 to April 19) Although you might prefer to move forward at a steady pace, it might be a good idea to stop and reassess your plans. You could find a good reason to make a change at this time.
TAURUS (April 20 to May 20) Just when you thought you had everything planned to the smallest detail, you get some news that could unsettle things. But a timely explanation helps put it all back on track.
GEMINI (May 21 to June 20) Home and work continue to compete for your attention, but you handle it well by giving each its proper due. Meanwhile, someone you trust offers valuable advice. Listen to it.
CANCER (June 21 to July 22) Unsettling news creates a difficult but not impossible situation. Continue to follow your planned routine, but keep your mind open to a possible change down the line.
LEO (July 23 to August 22) Lick your wounded pride if you like, but it’s a better idea to find out why your suggestions were rejected. What you learn could help you deal with an upcoming situation.
VIRGO (August 23 to September 22) Feeling a bit listless? No wonder! You might be pushing too hard to finish everything on your to-do list. Cutting it down could help get your energy levels up.
LIBRA (September 23 to October 22) Taking time out of your busy schedule might be the best way to handle a sensitive private matter. It will help reassure everyone involved about your priorities.
SCORPIO (October 23 to November 21) Insist on full disclosure by all parties before agreeing to be part of a “great deal.” What you learn should help you decide whether or not to go with it.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 to December 21) decision to protect the secret that was entrusted to you might irk some people. But it also wins you the admiration of those who value trust and loyalty.
CAPRICORN (December 22 to January 19) Creative activities take on a practical approach as you realize you might be able to market your work. Ask for advice from someone experienced in this area.
AQUARIUS (January 20 to February 18) If you’re suddenly a bit unsure about a decision, ask trusted colleagues and/or friends or family members for suggestions that could help resolve your doubts.
PISCES (February 19 to March 20) A workplace situation could get stormy. But stay on course until there’s a solution that meets with everyone’s approval, and things can finally calm down.
BORN THIS WEEK: You keep an open mind on most matters, making you the confidante of choice for people who need your honest counsel.
1. MOVIES: What is the name of Han Solo’s ship in the “Star Wars” series?
2. TELEVISION: What is Ray Barone’s job on the sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond”?
3. U.S. STATES: The Baltimore Ravens’ name is a nod to which past famous resident?
4. PSYCHOLOGY: What fear is represented in the condition called “alliumphobia”?
5. LITERATURE: Who created the fictional detective Lord Peter Wimsey?
6. GAMES: Which chess piece can’t move in a straight line?
7. ANIMAL KINGDOM: What is a baby mouse called?
8. SCIENCE: What does the acronym RNA stand for?
9. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which president was the first to wear contact lenses?
10. ASTRONOMY: Which constellation contains Polaris, the North Star?
PLACE A NUMBER IN THE EMPTY BOXES IN SUCH A WAY THAT EACH ROW ACROSS, EACH COLUMN DOWN AND EACH SMALL 9-BOX SQUARE CONTAINS ALL OF THE NUMBERS ONE TO NINE.
AERIN IT OUT
MOVERS & SHAKERS
Everybody’s popping up these days
BY AERIN SPRUILL
A month of Sundays ago, my internal debate hit a fever pitch as I dragged my feet while getting ready for a baby shower in Uptown. This introvert had all the excuses — social anxiety, awkward games, forced small talk.
“No one will miss us, right?” I asked in a doomed hypothetical tone.
The impulsive empath, the reluctant extrovert, shot back, “You’re not getting out of this one. At least there will be snacks, rooftop cocktails and a 75% chance for minimal social interaction.”
Meanwhile, the personality that’s wildly uncomfortable with sibling-style conflict, who will flee the scene with the first excuse, found her voice: “Y’all always do this. We all know that whether we show up on time or ‘Black people time’ (Google it), this self-proclaimed ‘(A)Untie’ won’t miss the celebration of the latest addition to my chosen family circle.”
The argument now over, The Hoard begrudgingly set off for Novelty House. Naturally, the Uber would pull up just in time for a quick round of hellos right after the awkwardness peaked and just before my “Irish exit.”
Little did we know, the “day drinker” would rear her ugly head as soon as she squeezed a few familiar faces, grabbed a Pinot Grigio and overheard whispers of a Mover & Shaker Co. popup event happening in South End at a new bar.
“Hey y’all! It ain’t that bad. But also, we do need more nightlife tea … We gotta check this out!”
Of course, the day drinker was having such a good time at the baby shower that not only did she film the entire baby bottle chug contest — complete with louder-than-everyone-else cheering — she was now dragging us on yet another adventure to a popup at Blue Door that would thwart any plans for the “early night” I’d promised the boyfriend.
I’m not going to lie, I hadn’t planned on visiting Blue Door, located in the Gold District of South End. The sting of saying goodbye to Bardo, the former tenant, combined with several other QC closures, has left a grudge that’s been hard to shake.
But as soon as I stepped through the famed blue door to see a skeleton with pirate flags and its “booty” sprinkled on a table, “Oh, this may actually be worth my time” spidey senses started tingling. I scanned the room to discern the theme, “Holy shit, it’s The Goonies!”
But that was just the beginning. I went to the bar for a drink, wild-eyed and hungry to know more. I searched for the cocktail menu and little did I know Head Shaker in Charge Nick Hogan was behind the
bar mixing up bevvies.
He handed me a VHS case with a custom, retroinspired logo that took cues from Blockbuster’s iconic design that also doubled as the drink menu dripping with Goonies references — each cocktail a movie moment brought to life.
Oh, the nostalgia. I settled on “Goonies Never Say Die” — a Swedish Fish Paper Plane featuring Dickel bourbon, Aperol, lemon, housemade mango, guava and ginger syrup — and it actually came with a toothpicked Swedish Fish!
At this point, there was no way I could hide my childlike excitement. I probably gave Nick the ick by peppering him with questions, practically bouncing in my seat as I tried to soak in every little detail. I immediately scoured Google for anything and everything related to Mover & Shaker.
“At the intersection of pop culture and cocktail culture, where the world’s greatest bartenders conspire – that’s where you’ll find Mover & Shaker, a Jacksonville, FL-based boutique creative agency (of sorts) with its proverbial finger ever on the pulse of what’s happening in the hospitality industry.”
And then Instagram, which was playfully chaotic and equally mysterious — hints of spirited barware, cheeky cocktail pins, and ever-evolving themes that were as cool as they were clever.
Basically, Nick and the crew decided to take their craft, creativity and networking on the road, coordinating pop-up events that are seemingly anything but ordinary, injecting an inspiring and fresh take on cocktail culture and nightlife. It was serendipitous that the road brought them to six stops in North and South Cack.
Now, where are these cheeky pins? I wondered, as my girlfriend led us through a hidden nook past the bar, where we could sift through bins of eclectic pins, cop some swag and even pop a custom M&S coin into a bubblegum machine for a prize — all while The Goonies plays in the background on a vintage Emerson VHS TV.
It was a respite for those of us bored with QC nightlife and a haven for those who still cherish the magic of childhood, with a touch more sophistication and a lot more liquor.
Needless to say, I left with an embarrassing amount of unnecessary trinkets and one cocktail too many.
So, Mover & Shaker, you left me on read ... but the people need to know: Will you be back soon? Because I’m ready for Round Two!
INFO@QCNERVE.COM
SAVAGE LOVE
18 PUMPS
Quickies
BY DAN SAVAGE
I’m a heterosexual woman married to a heterosexual man, and we’ve been together 14 years. We have two kids. We met in our late 20s, we’re now in our early 40s, and needless to say we are wildly different people from who we used to be — and from each other, frankly. After having two kids, I only just got my libido back at the age of 41. But my husband and I have also been going through marriage therapy and working on a number of issues. My point is, I really want to open a discussion with him about being non-monogamous but I’m terrified and nervous about how to bring this up with him. I need some help!
Just say it — but say it in the presence of (and with the assistance of) a sex-positive couples counselor. Figuring out how to tell him you’re ready to start fucking again … just not him or not just him (which he’s likely to hear as ‘just not you’) … is going to be tricky and you’re gonna need a professional assist.
My partner and I were traveling in Thailand. She got a vaginal discharge and asked me if I had slept with anyone else since I last saw her. I lied out of fear she would break up with me and said, “No.” I’ve now lost her. I apologized, sent flowers and offered to go to counseling with her and she is giving me the silent treatment. Is there anything I can do to retrieve the relationship?
Nope.
I’m a queer woman in her senior year of college who’s still a virgin. On one hand, I know people are ready for sex at different times and I didn’t come out of the closet until college, so I feel like I should be more patient with myself. On the other hand, I want to get it over with. But I don’t even know how to go about hooking up with someone. I have a hard time talking to people. I’m insecure about my body, I worry I’ll say or do something stupid, and I worry I’ll fuck up any relationship I enter. What do I do?
Everyone is insecure about something related to their bodies, everyone worries about saying or doing something stupid, and everyone worries that they’re going to fuck up their relationship. The only thing that separates you from people who aren’t still virgins is a willingness to take “yes” for an answer when people find you attractive. Also helpful: Accept that you’re going to do and/or say something stupid — more than once. In most cases, the person you’re seeing will laugh off the stupid things you say and do, just as you’ll laugh it off when the person you’re seeing says or does something stupid. Now, saying or doing something seriously stupid will definitely fuck up your relationship, of course, but not all fuck ups are fatal. Get on the apps (breaking the ice over DM is easier than face-to-face), be honest about your inexperience, and don’t settle for someone who isn’t giving off generous, patient and kind vibes.
I love having my tits groped but how do I communicate this to guys I hook up with in a
way that is sexy? I feel so much shame around communicating my inner slutty desires.
If you can’t bring yourself to use your words — if you can’t bring yourself to ask for what you want — take the hands of the guy you’re hooking up with and place them on your breasts. Put your own hands over his hands and show him exactly how you how much pressure you enjoy — show him how you like to be groped — by applying that same pressure to your breasts using his hands.
Is there a way to tell a partner what you want in the moment while keeping it sexy?
If it’s something that’s easily incorporated into the action — you want your partner to call you something specific or you your partner to hold you down or spit in your mouth — confidentially asking your partner to do that thing is sexy. (“Spit in my mouth, please.”) If it’s something that can’t easily be incorporated into the action — you want your partner to tie you up in an elaborate way or fuck you in front of a room full of strangers or experiment with fisting you — initiate a little dirty talk with your partner about this hot-butcomplicated thing you wanna do with them at some point down the road.
Middle-aged trans woman from Denmark here. So, when will you be talking about the show Dying for Sex? I have been ugly crying my way through all eight episodes and it’s still working its way around my subconscious. It’s a show about reclaiming sexuality, working through sexual trauma, sexual incompatibility (and compatibility), how to talk about boundaries and desires, D/s dynamics and, well, facing death. I cannot recommend this show highly enough, and I have been looking forward to hearing you talk about it since it came out.
Love this show — Jenny Slate and Michelle Williams are both brilliant. Four stars.
So, Kanye West and his cousin — thoughts?
Hate this show.
My partner’s wife treats him like shit. How can I support him without just saying “leave?”
Be the greener pasture.
P.S. You’re allowed to say, “leave,” of course, and that may the message he needs to hear — but you may not be the best messenger. Also, have you seen your partner’s wife treat him like shit with your own eyes or do you only have his word to go on?
I’m a cis woman in her forties who fantasizes about having a dick. Does that mean I’m trans?
There’s nothing stopping you, a cis woman, from having a dick whenever you want one. And the existence of so many trans men (who are men) who love their pussies indicates that transition, for many
trans men, wasn’t motivated solely by fantasies about having male genitalia. And while trans men are relatively rare, cis women who fantasize about having a dick — cis women who are curious about what it feels like to have one (which you can, again, whenever you want) — are fairly common. So, unless there are other things about being a man that feel right in a way that encompasses and transcends dick at the same time, odds are good you’re experiencing something that affirms your cisness, not something that points to transness.
Which is worse: bad sex with someone you love or great sex with someone you can’t stand?
Bad sex with someone you love is worse … because if you love someone and the sex is bad that either means the relationship isn’t going anywhere (because you’re not gonna settle for bad sex) or it means you’re gonna be having bad sex for the rest of your life (because you already settled for bad sex). If you had great sex with someone you can’t stand, on the other hand, you’ can walk away without feeling regret … and circle back whenever you’re feeling weak.
How long do you wait at the end of a BJ before removing the D from your mouth?
If you’re giving a BJ, you’re free to remove the D from your mouth whenever you’re done — and you may finish before he does. But if someone is fucking your face — with your enthusiastic consent — then guy who’s fucking your face removes the D until he’s done with your face/throat and not a moment before … unless something goes wrong and/or you’re not feeling it anymore and you withdraw your consent, the D should be immediately removed.
Should bathroom hookups become normalized outside of bar/club settings?
Part of the thrill of hooking up someplace you’re not supposed to — like a toilet at a bar or a club (no one is taking baths at bars and clubs) — is that you’re not supposed to be hooking up there. And while normalizing toilet hook ups at bars and clubs and airports and locker rooms and hotel lobbies and university libraries might lead to a spike in people hooking up in the toilets of bars and clubs and airports, etc., normalizing toilet hook ups would effectively eliminate a big part of what makes those hook ups a thrill in the first place, and people would quickly tire of them. So, if you wanna keep toilet hook ups hot, you should fight against their normalization, not for their normalization — tell your friends that people who hook up toilets are disgusting, complain to the bartender about people hooking up the toilet right after you’re finished hooking up in the toilet, etc.
Is there a term that encompasses all the types of non-monogamy in the same way “queer” encompasses everything that’s not straight? “Nonmonogamy” is kind of unsatisfying, both because it sounds negative and is only defining what it is not. You’re good with terms. Got one for me?
I like “multiamory,” which isn’t a term I coined. Credit goes to Emily Matlack, Dedeker Winston and Jase Lindgren, the hosts of the Multiamory podcast.
Should you tell your partner if their dirty talk is actively turning you off?
You could attempt to steer the dirty talk in a direction that works for you to spare your partner’s feelings, reward their efforts and satisfy their desire for
some sort of dirty talk. But if they don’t take the hint, tell them whatever they’re saying isn’t working before your go soft or dry up.
Can someone discover a cuck kink from being cheated on or was that there already?
Once the anger subsides — once the betrayal has been processed — cheating could reveal a kink that was already lurking in the erotic subconscious of the person who was cheated on. But while, “I was cheated on and then realized I was a cuck,” is a popular cuck origin story in porn, it’s pretty rare in real life. Most cucks have to beg their partners to cheat on them.
If a guy says he’s into bondage and owns a ton of bondage gear and you show up at his place and he says that he prefers vanilla the first time and if the vanilla is good, he’ll get his bondage gear out next time … he doesn’t really own any bondage gear, does he?
He does not.
I heard about cuckolding (probably on your show) in high school and the second I got to college I started reaching out to couples who were looking for bulls and I loved it maybe a little too much. I’ve only had one “real” girlfriend my age in the last six years. The rest of my sexual experiences have been with married women, most of whom (but not all) have been older. I now have three married women I get to see and service regularly, women I actually really like. (I even enjoy their husbands’ company.) I don’t want to give this up. Have I ruined myself for real relationships?
No, you’ve perfected yourself for an open-fromthe-start relationship with a woman — perhaps a cuckquean — who wants you to have adventures of her own while you enjoy yours. And those married women you get see and service regularly? Those women you like? And their husbands? Those are real relationships — they’re not primary relationships, they’re not nesting relationships, but they’re very real.
Some years ago, I found a story on the internet about a woman who tricked her boyfriend into attending a women’s college as a girl, where she secretly intended to feminize him. She gave him several Viagra pills and he had erections, but when she came in and found him masturbating, she forced a penis gag on him to prevent further masturbation from him. Do you happen to know the title of this story?
Pumping a man full of Viagra doesn’t sound like a very effective “forced feminization” technique, seeing as those pills are going to give him tell-male erections. Likewise, forcing a penis gag into a man’s mouth is an ineffective anti-masturbation technique, seeing as gags only prevent extremely flexible armless men from masturbating. (Maybe you meant a cock cage?) But I know the story you’re talking: Caught in the Cheerleader’s Terrible Trap: Part 2, which I mentioned in an intro to an episode of the Lovecast five or six years ago. The premise is a little outlandish — to prevent his girlfriend from releasing a photo of him in a cheerleader skirt, the main character has no choice (blackmail!) but to live as a girl 24/7 — but it’s an entertaining-if-problematic read.
Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@savage.love; or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/ askdan; podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love.
