Respect Matters – Public Forum on Consent Education

RESPECT MATTERS PUBLIC FORUM ON CONSENT EDUCATION

TUESDAY 20 APRIL 2021

RESPECT MATTERS Thank you for joining the Respect Matters public forum tonight at Pymble Ladies’ College.

Change starts with a conversation. We hope the advice provided tonight by leading experts will help you to start the conversation with your daughter

Kids Helpline

headspace

1800 55 1800 kidshelpline.com.au

1800 650 890 headspace.org.au/eheadspace

Lifeline

1800RESPECT

13 11 14 lifeline.org.au

1800 737 732 1800respect.org.au

Reachout.com

Mental Health Line

schools.au.reachout.com

1800 011 511

Beyond Blue

Mensline

1300 224 636 beyondblue.org.au

1300 78 99 78 mensline.org.au

Suicide Call Back Service

QLife

1300 659 467 suicidecallbackservice.org.au

1800 184 527 qlife.org.au

or son.

We appreciate these conversations are difficult and may stir up or trigger emotions related to your own personal experiences. Please reach out to an expert if you require support.

Special thanks to Dr Arne Rubinstein and our panellists for their time and energy to create this public forum. Each of our panellists has provided some useful takeaway points to support your family.

DR ARNE RUBINSTEIN FROM RITES OF PASSAGE Dr Arne Rubinstein is the CEO of the Rites of Passage Institute, with 30 years’ experience working in adolescent, preventative and emergency medicine. Arne established the Institute to address the issues affecting young people and their mental health and is the author of The Making of Men and How to Parent Teenagers.

ARNE’S TAKEAWAY POINTS:

Creating wellbeing, resilience and belonging

1.

Spend regular one-on-one time with your child. Turning off your mobile phone and doing something that you both enjoy is a great way to increase emotional attachment and build their sense of security.

2.

Acknowledge and encourage your child for their individual gifts and qualities and ensure they know you see them.

3.

Share stories with your children. Really listen to their stories and share stories of when you were their age.

4.

Connect privileges with responsibility. Create a list of tasks with your child that they are responsible for and decide on appropriate rewards for doing the tasks properly. This will encourage a teenager that understands personal responsibility.

5.

When discipline is required, separate the person from the behaviour. Be gentle on your child and firm on the behaviour. While certain behaviours are not acceptable, your child is always loved and can learn from the experience.

GOLDEN CHECK-IN G - How are you going overall?

O - What have you been occupied with?

L – What have you liked recently?

D – Has anything been difficult?

E – What are you excited about?

N – What support do you need?

www.ritesofpassageinstitute.org

MAREE CRABBE FROM IT’S TIME WE TALKED

Supporting young people in an era of explicit sexual imagery

Maree Crabbe is taking on pornography with It’s time we talked, equipping parents and educators with the tools they need to talk to their children about porn and its unrealistic and damaging impact on relationships and sexuality.

This violence-prevention project was established to promote understandings of gender and sex that are based on concepts such as mutual respect, equality, communication and consent. Maree is co-producer and co-director of the documentary films Love & Sex in an Age of Pornography and The Porn Factor.

MAREE’S TAKEAWAY POINTS 1.

Pornography has become a default sexuality educator for many young people.

2.

Pornography is shaping sexual norms. The messages that pornography conveys – about men, women, power, aggression, consent and pleasure – undermine equal, respectful gender relations. Pornography’s influence has serious implications for young people’s capacity to navigate relationships and sexuality in a safe, respectful and mutually consenting way.

3.

Pornography has become an issue we can’t afford to ignore. Parents and schools have key roles to play in supporting young people to navigate this new reality.

www.itstimewetalked.com

DAVID KOBLER FROM YOUR CHOICEZ David Kobler is a Director of Your Choicez and expert on teen issues. With his wife Katie, David develops and facilitates seminars on sex, dating, technology and relationships to students, parents and teachers around Australia and New Zealand.

DAVID’S TAKEAWAY POINTS:

Turning taboo topics into everyday conversations

(S.A.F.E.R) Start the conversations about relationships, respect, consent, and sex as early as possible.

Answer questions openly and honestly. Don’t shut down questions as inappropriate; be the safe place your child can get answers.

Frame conversations around relationships and sex from the perspective of what they should be: healthy, positive, respectful and pleasurable.

Equip your child with knowledge, language and awareness of these topics so they are empowered to know what is appropriate and what is not.

Regular conversations are key. Young people need consistent conversations and opportunities to explore their perspectives, thoughts and experiences as they grow up.

www.yourchoicez.com.au

DR JUDITH LOCKE FROM CONFIDENT AND CAPABLE Dr Judith Locke is a clinical psychologist, former teacher and author who founded Confident and Capable, which delivers training to parents, teachers and students at schools and workplaces. Dr Locke specialises in wellbeing, parenting and youth psychology.

JUDITH’S TAKEAWAY POINTS

Clinical psychologist focusing on student wellbeing

1.

True equality starts in the home environment • Equality of parents. Both parents should be viewed as equal in the eyes of children in two-parent homes, with equal status, responsibilities and respect.

• Equality of siblings. Chores should be equal – too often girls do more than boys (and the lower-status tasks).

• Manage the parent-child hierarchy. Children should never be of higher status than parents – particularly their mothers.

• Avoid inadvertently suggesting certain qualities ‘go’ with certain genders (e.g., strength, looks, niceness).

2.

Truly prepare them for risky activities • Build their maturity before allowing them to have or do mature things. Have them earn the right to do these through taking on more responsibilities.

• Prepare sons as much as daughters about the potential risks in these activities and have good conversations both before and after.

3.

Practise self-care after these topics (for parents who may be working through their own past experiences) • Be kind to yourself.

• Get good help if you need it to assist you to move forward.

www.confidentandcapable.com

DR MICHAEL SALTER FROM SCHOOL OF SOCIAL SCIENCES AT UNSW

Expert in child sexual exploitation and gendered violence

Dr Michael Salter is the Scientia Associate Professor of Criminology at the School of Social Sciences at UNSW and an expert in child sexual exploitation and gendered violence. Michael applies critical and feminist theory to the study of complex trauma, with a focus on intersections with technology.

MICHAEL’S TAKEAWAY POINTS: 1.

Many sexual assaults by boys/young men are occurring due to individual and peer-to-peer pressure to “prove” oneself sexually.

2.

Girls and women are socialised to say ‘yes’ and to be agreeable and polite.

We need to support girls to say ‘no’ when they feel like it.

3.

Some parents focus on the safety of their daughters so intensely that they destroy trust with their child. Trust is crucial – your child needs to know that she/he can come to you when something goes wrong.

www.organisedabuse.com

ANGIE WAN FROM CONSENT LABS Angie Wan (2014) is Pymble alumni and Co-Founder of Consent Labs, a collective of youth speakers delivering bespoke workshops on sexual consent, and how consent intersects with healthy relationships, technology, alcohol and other drugs.

Consent Labs tailors programs to suit all young people, ensuring an inclusive and diverse lens so that everyone feels welcome in these important conversations.

Youth-led workshops on sexual consent, empowering young people to know their rights around sexual harassment and assault

CONSENT LABS’ TAKEAWAY POINTS: 1.

Young people are an important part of this conversation. They deserve evidence-based consent education that is proactive, focused on respect, diverse and relatable.

2.

Teaching young people about relationships, sex and consent does not make them more likely to engage in risky behaviour. We should be taking a “harmminimisation” approach, so they know what their rights are, and have the tools to know their options if something goes wrong.

3.

Robust education about sex and consent should be taught in schools but needs to be reinforced in all levels of society. All parents care about their children and their safety. We aim to show parents, that even if they are uncomfortable with the topic of ‘sex’, they can still have meaningful conversations around everyday consent, boundaries and healthy relationships.

www.consentlabs.com.au

www.pymblelc.nsw.edu.au Avon Road, Pymble NSW 2073 |

PO Box 136, North Ryde BC NSW 1670

|

+61 2 9855 7799

A school of the Uniting Church in Australia for girls from Kindergarten to Year 12, with boarding available from Year 7. CRICOS 03288K.