Purrfectly Pagan - January 2023

Letter from the Editor

Dear Reader --

As we begin our second year of publication, I am wishing you a year filled with hope, abundance, and joy.

This issue is our second one that features one of our writers, Michelle Pellin. (The first issue featured Holly Broderick, the Faerie Godsmother.) I love how it turned out, and I am looking forward to finding more people to grace our cover, bringing a more personal touch to the magazine. Do you know of someone who should be featured (maybe even yourself)? Send them my way! I can be reached at ladyshay@purrfectlypagan.com.

Wishing you Peace, Purpose, and Joy.

---Lady Shay Bygul

P.S. If you are enjoying this magazine, would you consider buying me a coffee? It's just $3, but it would help a lot and be very much appreciated https://ko-fi com/ladyshay

About Lady Shay Bygul

Lady Shay is a Unitarian Universalist Pagan and an eclectic witch. She feels her purpose is to serve the Pagan community.

Shay is the owner and Editor-InChief of Purrfectly Pagan Magazine. She started the magazine in January of 2022 to help her fellow Pagans.

Shay is a Mindful Paganism coach and practitioner. Mindful Paganism is the practice of connecting Mind, Body, & Spirit in order to relieve stress, find our purpose, and rediscover Joy. Shay can be reached via email at ladyshay@mindfulpaganism.com

Ouija: Take Caution

WRITTEN BY: NIKITA LE FEMME

This is a factual account of a time a friend got possessed by using a Ouija board. My friend, with a friend of hers, decided it would be fun to use a Ouija board. Neither of them knew the dangers of not correctly using one, but they played anyway. The thing about Ouija boards is they create an open portal but not always to a friendly spirit Sometimes malicious entities and demons can come thru. I will not touch a Ouija board to communicate with spirits as I don't need one, but I do warn those that do.

Back to my friend, they played at night and were just goofing around but when done they never closed the portal. As she slept spirits and demonic entities came thru the open portal and an evil entity decided to set up shop in my friend. She started becoming angry more quickly, even though she was not an angry person. She lashed out and threw things and then crazier things started happening.

Things started moving without her touching them Her eyes would go completely black She would start speaking in different languages, even though I knew she only spoke English. Then she would get random scratches out of nowhere, deep dark bloody claw marks. It was scary seeing this happen.

I then started the process of extracting the demonic entity, a process in her case that took 20 hours. I use lots of spells and incantations, blessed white sage I got from Salem from a coven. I was successful and she was very thankful for it. We are still friends to this day. She has never touched an ouija board since.

About Nikita Le Femme

Nikita is a psychic medium and demonologist from Worcester, Massachusetts, and a direct descendant of Reverend Ralph Wheelock who came from England on the Mayflower.

Nikita has studied witchcraft and spells to keep demons at bay and to protect self and loved ones.

She is also an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church and can perform hand fasting ceremonies.

To contact Nikita, please email her at Nikita.le.femme83@gmail.com

Interview

with Michelle Pellin

BY: LADY SHAY BYGUL

LSB: Michelle, thank you so much for taking a few minutes to chat with me today! Let's start off with my first question: what is it that you do and how did you get started?

MP: Well, that depends I have a couple of businesses I have my spiritual counseling business and my Tarot and mediumship business. I also do ghost work and Reiki.

Interview with Michelle Pellin

BY: LADY SHAY BYGUL (Continued)

LSB: What kind of therapy do you do?"

MP: Spiritual-based Psychotherapy, conventional psychotherapy, a little of both words.

LSB How did you make the shift from conventional to spiritual-based therapy?

MP: I still do both, but the spiritual therapy came about because of an awakening I had.

Interview

with Michelle Pellin

BY: LADY SHAY BYGUL (Continued)

LSB: What kind of awakening?

MP: In 2019 I had quit my full-time social work job of 7 years. I was a holistic healing center, and I had an awakening there. It quite the journey. I had been raised Roman Catholic. It was a hard thing to deal with.

LSB: What about the Tarot reading business?

MP I did my year and a day training with a witch in Brattleboro. I combine the Tarot and psychology. I do a live reading every morning. I also do Fairs and private readings.

LSB: What usually brings people to you?

MP: For mediumship, it's because they have lost a loved one. For Tarot, it's trying to find direction and guidance. For counseling it could be a lot of reasons: anxiety, depression, mental health, addiction, weight issues - pretty much anything. For witches and mediums, it is usually that they feel "stuck" and need some help with their gifts and to get back on track.

(continued on next page)

Interview with Michelle Pellin

BY: LADY SHAY BYGUL (Continued)

LSB: At the end of each day, what do you hope to accomplish?

MP: I want to help and guide people. I believe that people know the answers, but they need validation (for Tarot).

LSB: What about the Tarot reading business?

LSB: What makes your business unique?

MP: For the counseling, it's definitely the spiritual component. For Tarot, it's because I have the psychology angle. I'm able to teach tips and techniques.

Interview with Michelle Pellin

BY: LADY SHAY BYGUL (Continued)

LSB: Is there anything you wish you'd have done differently?

MP: I wish I had trusted myself sooner to add the spiritual component to my counseling. This is something that many people need. They need to know that I can understand and validate their experiences. I am a ghost worker. I believe you when you say you have had strange things happen!

LSB: What is the best way for people to reach out to you?

MP: My website and Facebook.

LSB: Thank you so much for speaking with me!

Wisdom from the Faerie Godsmother

First Footing and Blessings for All by Faerie Godsmother

I can see her smile, hear her laugh, and feel her presence with me as I write this article. There are people that come into our lives and take from us all that they need, leaving us depleted Then there are people that come into our lives who bless us continually and teach us lessons that we didn’t know we were starving for. The latter of the two is my second mom, Mama Maloney, and her whole family. They showed me what unconditional love is. I am forever grateful for that, and the many other blessings that they’ve given me over the years.

In college, when I met Erin, I had no idea that my friendship with her was going to lead to a lifelong relationship with her and her entire family. When I entered their home, I was made to feel like one of the pack. Erin’s mom, Mama Maloney, had a habit of becoming a parental figure to anyone who needed it, especially her daughters’ friends. We were her “wayward children.” I’m honored to be among the first of her “Wayward Children.”

The Maloneys never do any holiday small My favorite holiday at the Maloney house has always been New Year’s. Before meeting the Maloneys I never put much stock into New Year’s. I thought of it as just another excuse to party. My mind was changed by the joy and magic I experienced during my first Maloney New Year. I attribute so much of the magic to Mama Maloney’s love, planning, cooking, and gift of delegation. Dad Maloney’s love, support, and Tullamore Dew toasts also add quite a bit of magic to the holiday. Let me not forget Erin and her sisters singing, playing guitar and the piano. Everyone has their part to play in making the holiday magical in their own way.

Wisdom from the Faerie Godsmother

First Footing and Blessings for All by

Faerie Godsmother

(continued)

On my first New Year’s with the Maloneys, I watched as one of the cousins got booted from the home a few minutes before midnight, as people were starting to gather in the living room for the countdown. Being one of Mama Maloney’s non-Scottish “Wayward Children,” I was terribly confused and kept asking, “why is he out in the cold?” I wondered what he could have done that was so bad that he was kicked out just before midnight Why couldn’t he stay inside to watch the ball drop? People kept telling me, “He’s the first foot. He’s first footing the house.” As if I had any clue what that was.

As the clock stroked midnight we all hugged each other, and gave kisses to loved ones. We sang, “Auld Lang Syne,” or as I said when I was little, “Old Lane Sign.” I had no idea at the time that these traditions are very old, and are blessings for the new year. They’re blessings for your entire family. We had a sip of champagne and a piece of shortbread. I was 19, so Mom, if you’re reading this, I promise, it was only a sip for me… it’s a wonderful part of the celebration. It’s for toasting new beginnings, renewal, prosperity, and joy, and who doesn’t want those things?

The shortbread was baked in the shape of a wheel to represent the sun and the seasons. It represents the passing of time.

Just after the ball dropped Erin’s cousin knocked on the door and was welcomed back into the home. Mama Maloney welcomed him in and gave him champagne, and a piece of shortbread. He gave her bread, wine, and a dollar that he pulled from his pocket. I asked him what that was all about and he said, “I first footed the house.” I still had no idea what that meant but I just nodded and Mama Maloney, put a pot and a wooden spoon in my hands and told me to get the hell outside. She said, “Make some noise,” and that she would explain what was going on the next day when there was time enough to explain My sarcastic self took that to mean, “when someone, anyone, is sober enough.”

Wisdom from the Faerie Godsmother

First Footing and Blessings for All by Faerie Godsmother (continued)

We rang in the new year, chased evil spirits away, chased away negativity, and likely annoyed a neighbor or two, by banging pots and pans like crazy in the front yard for what seemed like one second and an eternity. This is a tradition, I was already familiar with because it’s something we Irish folks do too. We send the negativity away with the sound of bells, pots, pans, spoons, and anything that rings.

Upon coming inside, Dad Maloney gathered us all up and told us it was time for Tullamore Dew. Being a good American Irish lass, I knew what that meant. It’s time to do shots! Well, that’s not exactly what that means in the Maloney house. In the Maloney house, Dad Maloney gives a beautiful and meaningful toast, blessing everyone there and their families, for the new year and years to come. When someone put a shot in my hand I had no idea what to expect really, but my 19-year-old self wasn’t about to turn down a shot, even though I was not of age. It could have been Mama or Dad Maloney who gave it to me, but I’m going to say it was some random cousin. Either way, I found out that night that Tullamore Dew has some serious kick and is great for clearing sinuses.

Shortly after the shot people started clearing out of the house. Mama and Dad Maloney ducked off to bed. Erin’s sisters and their friends fell asleep downstairs on the couches in the basement. Meanwhile, Erin and I stayed up all night gabbing at the table in the kitchen. At the crack of dawn, Mama Maloney came down cursing under her breath asking what the hell we were doing up and demanding coffee. Coffee appeared as if by magic in her hands. (Read that as, Erin anticipated that she would want coffee, and had already made her a pot, and poured it when hearing her mom come downstairs )

Wisdom from the Faerie Godsmother

First Footing and Blessings for All by Faerie Godsmother (continued)

Mama Maloney looked at me and told me it was too early to talk but that she would try to explain what first footing is. She told me that first footing is a way of blessing the house and that in the Scottish tradition, the first guest to walk into the home after the stroke of midnight on the new year is the first footer. They should be a dark-haired man or woman, preferably with brown eyes, who brings in bread, wine, and money. The bread brings blessings of food. The wine brings blessings of drink, and the money brings blessings of wealth. You always feed the first footer and give them something to drink when they come in because it could be Odin.

I still occasionally need reminders about how they do first footing I called Erin twice while writing this article to be sure that I remember everything correctly. I’ve been to New Year’s many times, but, I’ve found that unless I am the one who is organizing things, I often forget how things go. And even when I am organizing things, I still forget details sometimes. But the feeling.

I will never forget the feeling of being there. Hopefully, I will be there again next year, celebrating a modern version of ancient pagan New Year’s rituals with Christian people. Things are not the same without the heart of the family, Mama Maloney. There is a saying in my family, “No one dies until the memory of them is gone.” Because of the way Mama Maloney lived and the thousands of lives that she’s touched over the years, she’s likely never to truly die.

I hope that the first person to walk into your home first after the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve was Odin bringing you blessings and that you have a family, like the Maloneys, who are full of love, hope, acceptance, and joy.

About Faerie Godsmother

Owner of Holly Be Healing, a business dedicated to energetic and spiritual healing. While the business, Holly Be Healing, is only a few years old, Holly’s dedication to helping people has been a lifelong mission and her talent for intuitively knowing what people are feeling and how to help them heal is as skill that Holly has honed over the years Holly taught Shaolin Chuan Fa for 10 years and Yang Style Tai Chi for 5 years. While doing and teaching the martial arts she discovered her love of energy work and started focusing a lot on meditation. She became a certified Chakra Meditation Specialist and certified health coach in order to help people clear their chakras and heal physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Holly has been reading Oracle Cards, and tarot for 26 years privately and just recently added it to the services that she provides through Holly Be Healing. Holly Be healing offers Chakra Meditation sessions, Moving Meditation sessions, and Oracle Reading sessions to clients of all types. Holly has read for all types of people, schoolteachers, massage therapists, stay at home moms, jewelry designers, and even radio stars. She has lead meditation sessions with black belts, teachers, local artists, IT specialists, world renowned artists, and countless others.

Holly is also the co-creator of a unique and fun podcast, "Psychics and Swears," where she and her cohost enjoy doing 5-minute fun readings and interviewing our favorite intuitives. Holly and her partner John Shäden are also the creators of the amazing fragrance, "Moon Owl Moon Water."

To learn more, please reach out to Holly: 475-329-8997

Hollybhealthy@gmail.com

Purrfectly Pagan Marketplace

Make Love

The Melody of Fulfilled Soul

WRITTEN BY: LILY MAYA

I woke up this morning and my brain already started playing a song in a loop. '...You're the sun who makes me shine...' Does this happen to you? Waking up with a song in your head following you all day?

What I love to do then is pour my morning black tea & listen to it first thing. I believe that must be the Universe sending me a message through the song. So I listen carefully. Thanks Universe, if nothing else, I would enjoy your playlist from the start of the day! So far the choices were so good!

(continued on next page)

Make Love

The Melody of Fulfilled Soul

WRITTEN

BY: LILY MAYA (continued)

'

Her voice the melody plain lyrics All so simple, all so pleasing to the ears & mind.

I sit with it, let the feeling surround me... flow through me and puts me in the energy for the day.

Some days it's enough to just wash our face in the morning and we're there, kicking the vibe. But there are also days when it's great to let mystical things open some new doors, and inspire us.

Here comes the message that was revealed to me; The funny thing we all, as humans do is complicate everything!

Nature works by simple principles.

The cup of tea can always teach us that

We tend to dismiss all the pleasure that's hiding in simplicity. It never feels enough. So we complicate to make up for what we can't see.

A few days ago, a wonderful woman said to me: 'I'm blown away by all the ideas that you come up with!' It took me a minute to feel gratitude for such an amazing thing, but then I realized, Hey! I wasn't brainstorming for that, it just came TO me. Just came... meaning... I let myself BE.

...I close my eyes and see you before me...'

Make Love

The Melody of Fulfilled Soul

WRITTEN

BY: LILY MAYA

(continued)

This is the practice that I learned not that long ago, and I wish I knew it sooner. Creating a space where it's ok to just dwell, through mind and soul. Magical things start to happen. My business took off because of this thing right here. Because I let the magic rise and spread

We really, really, really tend to complicate everything...

Here's my New Year's wish to you - make it simple for yourself as much as possible.

Be in the energy, be the energy, let it flow. Watch the stars in a late-night sky.

Play some music and enjoy the moments of your life.

Dance, with your precious soul

Light the inner fire.

... because nothing less matters. Wishing you Calm & Magic

About Lily Maya

Lily discovered her desire for writing at an early age. She asked her granny to buy her a notebook and waiting for no teacher, she start waving words on paper, with passion and in awe.

In her 20's she gathered some pieces of her work and publish them, becoming an author of the 'Ruthless Silence' poetry book. She then continues to feed her soul through various art forms. Today, as a founder of the Black Rabbit Tea brand, she runs a successful soul-led business and mentors others on their way to building this dream for themselves.

An Invisibility Cloak of Your Own

WRITTEN BY: MICHELLE PELLIN

For many years now, even before I became a witch, I have had the ability to become invisible. No, not in the literal sense. As much as most of us would love to be in the wizarding world of “Harry Potter”, and be able to sneak around Hogwarts without being detected, I just don’t see this as a thing anytime soon.

An Invisibility Cloak of Your Own

WRITTEN BY: MICHELLE PELLIN

Let me give you an example of what I mean. A few months after Covid hit, I found myself in a vaccination clinic with many others. The place was stuffy, loud, and frankly, militant. I don’t do well in places that treat you like a number Trying to make idle chit chat with the nurse giving me the injection in order to calm myself down was useless, as they were polite, but only focused on the task at hand. Being super sensitive, I was also anxiety riddled because the vaccine was so new and didn’t know what effect it would have on me. Would I get lightheaded? Vomit? Pass out in front of everyone? Who knows.

After receiving my vaccine, I took my seat with the thirty other individuals that had to wait the required 15 minutes before leaving the building, “just in case you have an adverse reaction”. Oh boy…a watch and wait party! Maybe someone will actually hit the floor! Better not be me!

A very nice nurse was monitoring all the “watch and wait” people, asking them how they’re doing, making pleasant conversation, and instructing them when they’re time was up As I sat there with my slip of paper that had the time of my release on it, I just wanted to be left alone. This lady was kind, however I wasn’t in the mood for kind. I was in the mood to take off charging towards the door. I didn’t want to be monitored. I waited my turn, but not with much patience.

A strange thing happened that day. Everyone was greeted by this woman at least once (by some, multiple times), except me. For fun, I counted how many times she walked by my chair-three times. When the time on my paper matched the time on the wall clock, I got up from my chair, tapped her on the shoulder, and told her I was leaving She literally jumped, as if startled by my presence, looked at my paper and said “Oh, OK..”. She didn’t see me! How can this be?

An Invisibility Cloak of Your Own

WRITTEN BY: MICHELLE PELLIN

I have also had this happen in many retail stores. When I know that I will be “attacked” just by going into the store with a pulse, I tend to be guarded. Once again, the woman working on the floor will greet everyone else coming through the door, except me Unless I have a question, it's like I’m NOT EVEN THERE!

Am I putting a spell on them unintentionally? Perhaps. It was a talent that I knew I had, however I didn't give it much thought. A few months ago, I asked my mentor about this.

She promptly stated that what I was innately performing was called “glamour magick”, or “visceral magick” (dubbed by the late great witch and author, Peter Paddon). My eyes grew big, and my heart skipped a beat. It had a name?

Glamour comes from the old Scottish word for “gramayre”, which simply means the occult or witchcraft Glamour spells are performed with imbuing intentions into something in order to achieve a desired outcome, and have been around for over 6000 years. This something is usually an object. For example, the Egyptians and Sumerians used to use kohl around their eyes as a form of protection magic. Although it was good as a preventative for the glare of the sun, it was also believed to keep away the evil eye. People often applied makeup to feel powerful and strong, and often used carved power animals on their applicators to give the user the energy needed. Glamour magic can also work well with jewelry, infusing your energy of your choice into the piece with the intention that you want.

So therefore, was it the black protection crystals I usually wear out of the house that kept me “protected” from sales ladies and chatty nurses? Or did I charge my aura to be the invisibility cloak? Or perhaps it was a combination of both?

An Invisibility Cloak of Your Own

WRITTEN BY: MICHELLE PELLIN

Since having this experience, I have had many others come to me with stories of being invisible-at parties, at the office, and even one man when he was a teen described he was hiding in a closet as to not be discovered by his girlfriend’s father, when the father opened the door and “looked right through me” after wishing himself invisible!

Does this mean we all have the ability to be invisible? I believe we do. If you’re having a hard time with all of this “woo woo”, try it for yourself. The next time a naggy store salesman is about to “attack” you with their overbearing energy, infuse yourself with the intention of being invisible before walking in the door. You too may be surprisingly “invisible”.

About Michelle Pellin

Michelle began her spiritual journey when she was a child after a family trip at age 6 to Salem, MA. After being introduced to the world of the occult, Michelle became obsessed with witches and ghosts, using tarot and ouija to communicate with the spirit world, performing magic for friends and family, reading endless books about the witch trials and ghost encounters, watching endless hours of “Bewitched” and “Charmed”, and even writing her high school senior thesis on poltergeists. Halloween did not go by without Michelle dressing up as a witch, except for the year she was Casper the friendly ghost!

When Michelle entered college, got married, had a full-time job, had children, did foster care and had multiple pets (and somehow kept her sanity in check through it all), things came to a halt for over 30 years. During this time, Michelle continued to use her gifts of clairsentience and claircognizance without realizing it, as she was often labeled “too sensitive”, and was told “you seem to have someone looking out for you”. In 2014, Michelle gained her professional mental health counseling license, and in 2018, she was led by spirit to a holistic healing center in Durham CT called “The Red Barn in Durham”, where she left her full time social work job to have her own holistic private practice. This led Michelle to have a spiritual “breakdown” of her ego, also known as a spiritual awakening!

Michelle’s world was turned upside down, as she was raised Roman Catholic, as she was taught that they were the one “true” religion. Michelle began to question everything, obsessively research, and challenge herself to let go of the guilt, shame and limiting beliefs that attaches itself to anyone who follows this religious path. Michelle felt terrified and exhilarated all at the same time while she was pulling away from a belief system layered in fear, and at times, thought she might be going crazy…

Michelle then joined a spiritual support group, which helped her connect with others who were going through the same process, and also helped her connect to a community of like minded individuals. Relief was on its way, as Michelle learned that others were having the same experiences as her! Michelle’s first mentors were Stephanie Rosally-Kaplan, Reiki Master/teacher/psychic medium, and Jennifer Gaylord, psychic medium, the leaders of the support group. Stephanie and Jennifer helped Michelle connect with her gifts, her ancestry, and her healing abilities. Within a few months, Michelle became a Reiki Master, and was able to use this ability to help others heal on a physical and emotional level.

In 2019, Michelle then met Paul Rice, psychic ghost worker (NOT hunter-Michelle does not believe in hunting people, or animals for that matter!), who would be her next mentor. Paul was teaching a class on how to tap into your psychic abilities in order to help ghosts move onto the light. Paul believed that there were many reasons why souls didn’t move on, and it was up to us to guide them, facilitate healing, and move them on to their version of heaven. Michelle developed her gifts, and realized that she could add clairvoyance to her spiritual resume! Paul was also teaching Michelle how to psychically protect herself, which is absolutely necessary for this type of work (although Michelle believes that humans are MUCH more scary than ghosts!). In 2021, Paul gave the group a formal name entitled “SHONE-spirit healers of New England” in order to continue his legacy (on FB and IG). When Paul retires and moves out of the country in 2023, Michelle will co lead the group, as her passion for rescue mediumship has soared.

In 2020, the pandemic hit, and doing things online suddenly exploded. Many famous mediums who were inaccessible suddenly were available at the request of a Zoom link. During this time, Michelle connected with mediums all over the world, and started doing practice circles and gallery readings that challenged her abilities (and scared her to death!). Michelle’s next mentor would be Kay Reynolds, an Arthur Findley college trained medium who was previously an elementary school teacher, and can work with others in a gentle and encouraging way (which is what Michelle needed!). Kay taught Michelle to develop her gifts even further, and the gift of clairaudience began to develop. Michelle continues to challenge herself, and will be working with more talented mediums in order to gain professionalism, and to learn how to perform trance mediumship.

In 2021, Michelle decided that the witchcraft had been put on a shelf for much too long! Michelle then began her year and a day training with Stacy Salpietro-Babb, an animist village witch who showed Michelle how to forage, craft spells, create sigils, perform tarot readings, read astrology, create self care items, perform rituals, tap into familiars, honor deities, and more! Most importantly though, Stacy showed Michelle how to be proud of who she was, and how to stand in her own truth. Michelle had finally come full circle!

Today, Michelle spends most of her days running her fully remote holistic telehealth practice from her home, encouraging people to be their true authentic selves. Michelle also runs ghost field trips that are open to the public, attends her mediumship and year and a day training classes, performs tarot and mediumship readings in private and at events, and spends time with her family, friends and her cat Loki. Michelle has her own blog entitled “Ghost and Spiritual Musings” on Facebook, where she shares her extraordinary experiences within the ghost and mediumship world. Michelle has also written for various publishings, such as CWPN (CT wiccan and pagan network), and writes ritual and spellwork for her groups.

Pagan Groups

Pioneer Valley Witches and Pagans group is for Pagans and Witches in the Pioneer Valley, Western Mass, and nearby areas to get together, chat, network, and socialize.

We have Meetups every two weeks. I'm trying to plan some more interesting outings and activities, set stay tuned! You can find us at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/pioneerwitchesandpagans/?ref=share and for those not on Facebook: https://meetingplace.io/PVW

Merry Meet! This group is for Pagans of all types (wiccan, neopagan, Celtic, etc.) in or near Fitchburg, MA, to meet and socialize. It's also a welcoming place for those who are curious about paganism. We have online gatherings for those who are not local. Join here: https://www.meetup.com/fitchburg-pagan-meetup-group

Fitchburg Pagan Group in Fitchburg, MA

Pioneer Valley Witches & Pagans - Western Massachusetts

The Devil's Advocate

Destroying Something Beautiful

by John Shaden

“Tears are the silent language of grief. ” - Voltaire

(Writer’s note: certain names have been altered for privacy concerns. This is a true story.)

I was at a local dive bar, Chas’ Place, getting p!ss drunk with a couple of buddies. The date was New Year's Day, January 1, 2012. It was 9:30 at night. We decided to say, “F$ck new years eve, ain't worth catching a ‘dewie’” (streetscum slang for a DUI). We decided with our big brains to party the next night Get slobbering drunk, snort a few lines, get in a fistfight, laid, or both. Needless to say that I was not at a high point in my life. The sh!tty little burner phone I owned started buzzing a hole through the beer pocket of my leather jacket (streetscum slang invented by yours truly as a nickname for the internal pocket of a jacket). I was outside having a smoke, cracking jokes, breaking balls, not a godd@mn care in the world. I looked at my phone. It was my friend Allie. “How dare you step on my punchline with your f$cking stupid phone call!!!” I yelled obnoxiously into the burner phone. “What the f$ck you want?!?!?”

“Johnny, are you sitting down?” she answered.

“Is this a prank call?” I was laughing my whiskey-soaked grin like a mad hyena.

“John, I need you to listen ” (continued on next page)

The Devil's Advocate

Destroying Something Beautiful by John Shaden

(continued)

“Ok, what's up?” I said, finally registering the tension in her usually jovial voice.

“Mary is dead.”

“What? Mary who? My Mary?”

“Mary N. is dead….. She killed herself.”

It was my Mary…. Ever have the wind knocked out of your lungs?

My blood went frigid and flat. “You gotta be fucking kidding me…”

“I’m so f$cking sorry, John.”

“Yeah…thanks for calling me.” I hung up. I was shell-shocked.

on next page)

The Devil's Advocate

Destroying Something Beautiful

by John Shaden

(continued)

Very few things prepare you for a friend or loved one dying. Having that cause be suicide is a whole other animal. It is predatory and an ambush hunter. I didn't say a word to my friends, I just walked into the bar, dazed like that soldier in Saving Private Ryan, the one who picks up his own mutilated arm and calmly walks away into the fog of warfare. I sat at the bar and ordered a shot of Maker’s Mark and a Pabst. No way, I thought. Bad information. It has to be a mixup of some sort…. Hell, I’d even accept a sick prank... Please. Please don't be dead. I knocked my shot back and pounded my beer. My friend Max walked up to me. “What's wrong?” he asked, concerned.

“Mary’s dead.”

“What?!?!” He couldn’t believe it either “Allie called She told me Mary killed herself ” “Holy sh!t”. You said it, buddy. The truth sank into our bones, and as we ordered a few more shots, I felt hot tears run down my face. They didn't stop. (continued on next page)

The Devil's Advocate

Destroying Something Beautiful

by John Shaden

(continued)

I broke the news to a few close friends, all of whom were devastated. I went to the wake, and you can imagine the shit show of agony it was. Sadness so physical and real you could taste it on your tongue. That moment is seared into my soul like few moments would or could.

Rewind to Christmas Eve. I have a voicemail from Mary. She said that she was sorry for the argument we had a few weeks back, that she loved me, and that she wanted me and my family to have a wonderful holiday I told myself “I’ll call her after New Year’s We will have a nice fresh start.” I should have called her immediately. I will never forgive myself for not making that call. Nowadays, I call instantly.

Mary was a beautiful, bright, soft-spoken individual. An honest philosopher and deep thinker.a rebel for its own sake, which is admirable in my book. She was also unbelievably selfdestructive. Tortured by past trauma she would only talk about with a few close friends, suffering from anxiety and major depression. She also had a habit of self-medicating with alcohol and pills I'm not passing judgment; I was and still am very much like that as well The thing I loved about her the most is that she saw the beauty in the micro. The small, unnoticeable details that others take for granted. She was also a practicing witch with a library that was second to none. She was well-read on eastern mysticism, traditional western magick, Jewish mysticism, and all things Crowley. That was one of the lynchpins in our friendship. She was also the only woman who could make vegan food that didn't absolutely suck sludge out of a rusty can. It was also in her apartment I had a straight-up paranormal encounter. I was living with her for a while and it freaked me out so bad that I repressed it for years.

The Devil's Advocate

Destroying Something Beautiful

by John Shaden

(continued)

As a young man, it was very easy to blow off great big red flags. Cleaning pools of blood in the bathroom from a self-slashing episode was one of many. I should have gotten her to a psyche unit, a doctor, and fucking anything. But I didn't. I was 23 and a fucking trainwreck of a human. I couldn't save myself let alone a person so beautiful inside and out yet so deeply flawed. I used to call her the unsinkable Mary because she had a tendency to get banged up when drunk yet keep going Now it's a cruel irony A sick joke She sometimes comes to me in dreams, and I hold her and weep, begging her to forgive me, but she doesn't say a word and she just smiles, at peace. At least, I hope so.

For the record, she was only 22… a f$cking kid. I could sit here and say that I did everything I could, but that's a lie. The truth is that I should have been a better friend. There is no closure. The pain of her loss is an agony I live with and will go to my grave feeling, and I deserve it. It's been over a decade, my dive bar is gone, just a f$cking CVS now. My friends are all doing their thing, and every New Year’s I just sit around I sit and I just hurt, thinking about a damn phone call I should've made so long ago…. I know this is different than what most of you guys and girls expect, and some of you may just scratch your heads and say, “What does this have to do with Paganism?” Maybe nothing, or maybe everything. Honestly, this is me paying tribute to a friend I miss dearly, and make no mistake, Mary was one of us. Make the most of the time you have, live like your life depends on it, or if you don't give a sh!t about yourself, live like someone else’s life does.

About John Shraden

John Shaden was born on a leap year in 1988. He is a musician, black magickian, and a chaos gnostic satanist John has had a keen interest in the occult and left hand path since as early as he can remember. He was born and raise Catholic, John found himself spiritually crippled and in his late teens decided to look into the darkness for answers and he found them. Through ritual magick and in communion with the divine, John has been able to sharpen his skills as a psychic and practitioner of the black work.

John founded an occult order known as the, “Order of the Oblivion,” in which he and his fraternal brother work with other occult organizations in forwarding their goals of gnosis, strength, and apotheosis in 2018. Along with his spiritual path, John has been the front man for the black metal band, “CARNIVOROUS STORM,” since 2018.

John has been a writer since he was a young boy, taking inspiration from authors such as Hunter S Thompson, E A Koetting, Michael W Ford, Charles Bukowski, and Sun Tzu. He has been published on many online forums and websites along with publishing his own work on Brilliantbias.com and various other websites over the course of the last 15 years.

Holly Broderick and John Shaden have teamed up to create an amazing psychic duo, in 2022. They call themselves, “Psychics and Swears,” and have helped numerous people with all kinds of issues They have assisted several families get closure in 4 different cases of murder. They work very hard to be sure that their clients know that they are cared for, treat them with dignity and are important to their work all the while using cheeky language and humor.